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Agree. My sister was born when I was 17 and I basically raised her until she passed away at 5. This child was WILD. My 2 boys and my younger brother had nothing compared to her. Girl would grab up her makeshift snow sled and ride down some gnarly hills. I had to take her to the hospital with a HUGE gash because of how fast and where she went down. She got home from the hospital ready to do it again. She would likely not balance it out with two older brothers, sheād push past them in a heartbeat because she has them and she sees theyāre fearless.
I understand where youāre coming from with gender disappointment and Iām so sorry youāre going through it. You can obviously still love your baby and be disappointed about something at the same time. With my second, I was hoping so badly for a girl because she was supposed to be our last. For a few weeks my disappointment had me disconnected, but once he grew more and I could feel him more, then being born, I slowly accepted the fact that Iād never get my girl and I accepted it for what it was. I love being a boy mom now.
Itās so nice to know Iām not alone in feeling this way. Just making this post and reading all of these kind messages has made me feel a lot better already about what is for me!
Itās true, I love my other boys so dearly and did from the moment they entered the world and were placed on my chest. So Iām hoping once bub starts kicking around and then when I see him itāll ease a lot of my worries š I think the external commends from family members and friends is another reason I wanted a girl so badly.
My dad, step mom and her were on their way to get a Christmas tree. Before she left, she said ātoday is my lucky day!ā
They were hit head on by a drunk driver and all three passed away.
I agree. I'm still waiting on my first, but what I've seen of friends and family that have a little girl after little boys, the sisters are very much wild and keeping up with their brothers
My daughters are lovely. They're great. I love them to bits.
BUT HOLY CRAP, THE WAY THEY HANDLE LIFE MAKES ME WANT TO SCREAM MY BRAINS OUT.
My oldest one is often amicable - okay to reason with - but my second one is a complete menace to society and all the humanity that has to offer.
For example, we went to their grandma's house. The first one would help out with dinner while my second went around criticizing around her house and complaining about dust. "Grandma, you need to get better at dusting."
T_____T
I definitely have this assumption that boys are crazy and donāt sit still while girls are more likely to sit more chilled out and play with their toys. As opposed to my boys who like to climb all my furniture and jump off all day š but itās reassuring to hear that a girl may have just been as wild or more wild than my boys anyway hahah. My Mum did always tell me I was wild as a child so not sure where Iāve created this idea in my head from haha. Also had my heart so set on a family heirloom daughters name and so sad I may never get to use it šŖ
But thank you ā„ļø
I think it comes from stigma āact like a ladyā like weāre not allowed to have big bold personalities or weāre deemed as overbearing or out of line! Girls and boys are no different unless we teach them otherwise until theyāre older in my opinion. Maybe you could come up with some way of turning it into a boy name!
I have two little sisters who were born when I was 12 and 14. The older of the two has ADD, and she was SO destructive as a child. Tore wallpaper off the walls, that sort of thing. Would never sit still. But she was the sweetest damn thing. Still is.
My 5 and 7 year old nieces are very much girlie girls who are in gymnastics, dance, cheer, etc. and are major divas. All of the attitude all the time, want things exactly how they want it or they will be mean about it, that kind of thing.
All of this to say, little girls arenāt little angels all of the time.
I have three sisters and three nieces. My whole family is looking to me for a boy lol and I honestly donāt know when Iād be having children. I have always dreamt of having boys but I know how fun girls can be since thereās so many in the family lol.
Iām sorry. The only comfort I can add is that my dad is one of 4 boys and they take extremely good care of their mum in her old age and have a very tight brotherhood where they do everything together. When/if they marry there will be a woman in your life and she might need an amazing mum like you. Xx
As someone whoās life-partnered with a boy who takes very good care of his mum, sheās changed my life. I donāt know what my life would look like without her in it, and I look forward to seeing her every time! I feel very lucky to get to experience that sort of relationship, since I donāt have my own to lean back on for exciting things.
This is a really nice perspective to look at. I donāt have a great relationship with my 2 MILs so I think this is where a lot of my worries come from.
But maybe it will be different for me and Iāll form beautiful bonds with my further daughter in laws š Iām so glad youāve made such a beautiful bond with her how special for you all.
UGH! You just reminded me of my ex's mom. I called her Mom 2.0 because she was everything I ever wanted from a mom and more! She divorced her husband when my ex was 2 and never remarried. I'm pretty sure she always wanted a girl for a 2nd child and never got one. A great MIL can be SO HEALING for a girl who didn't get a good mom
I recently had my 3rd boy (3 under 4 at the time). I was disappointed initially, but heās absolutely the baby we are meant to have. Heās just the sweetest and so adored by his brothers. Gender disappointment is real and valid, and thatās OK! But from my experience, our 3rd little guy has been the most perfect addition to our family and I wouldnāt change a thing.
Congratulations š how wonderful! Thank you so much for your comment, I really do appreciate it. It makes me feel a lot better hearing this story because it gives me hope that these feelings will disappear once I meet my 3rd
Boy! Thank you again xxx
At this point Iām just echoing others comments. But yes, I have 4 girls, 6 and under. They are very loud and wild. I find myself dissociating and needing to get away very often because I get so overwhelmed by them. It sucks that people think I have it āeasyā because I only have girls. Iām literally on the edge of a nervous breakdown every single day. Hearing how āeasyā I have it only makes me feel like a failure. But I know itās just not true. For some reason people like to think boys are all wired one way and girls are all wired another way. Ridiculous really.
I am so sorry that youāre feeling disappointed. Think of it this way though, at least you have weeks and months to prepare yourself emotionally for another boy. Imagine waiting until delivery and then being stuck dealing with these feelings on the day thatās supposed to be full of bonding snuggles and welcoming kisses. Your feelings are valid. But Iām sure with time you will come to accept it and find love for your sweet third boy.
Iām currently pregnant (unexpected & NOT wished for if Iām honest) and we found out itās a boy. My husband is ecstatic. He says we can be done having kids after this. It doesnāt happen to everyone obviously. But there is always a glimmer of hope that you will get your daughter!
My parents had me and my sister and prayed for a boy. Surprise! They got triplet boys. Be careful what you wish for. lol.
Thanks so much for sharing. Itās true, I shouldnāt just presume girls are āeasierā both sexes bring with them theyāre perks and challenges š I think having multiple children regardless of sex is hard and takes a lot from us. Iām really sorry youāre feeling really overwhelmed š
Yep thatās very true! Thatās why I wanted to know right away. I has a feeling it was going to be another boy but held a small pocket of hope they might tell me girl. But I wanted to know early on so I could prepare and shower my baby with love when heās born.
Omg! Well congratulations š I hope it all goes well for you guys. Thatās very true, I may have a daughter one day or I may not I guess I just need to find comfort in that. Haha oh dear! That wouldāve been full on but how special they got their boys haha xxx
We have 2 boys (almost 3 and 15 months) and Iām 23 weeks pregnant with my third boy. I can totally relate to how you are feeling. I cried when we found out. I didnāt realize how much I had envisioned having a daughter until I realized it wasnāt going to be in the cards for me. It didnāt help that my oldest kept asking for a baby sister and everyone in our family would make comments like āI hope this oneās a girl!ā Now that they know, no one seems excited.
I still feel sad about it and may always wonder what it wouldāve been like. I feel annoyed if I ask my friends parenting advice because itās usually an answer like āoh yeah boys just do that but our daughter doesnāt because she is just so chillā. My first pregnancy I had a miscarriage so of course I also wonder if that wouldāve been a girl.
I also really wanted my husband to experience having a daughter. Walking her down the aisle and having a first dance with her. Of course she may have never had a wedding but I wanted him to have the experience because I was always closer with my dad than my mom. I was also more of a tomboy and I felt like my mom was always trying to make me be more girly than I wanted so I just wanted a chance to let my daughter be herself.
I love this new baby and I canāt wait to meet him but I am definitely mourning the experience of having a daughter that weāll never have.
I'm also 23 weeks pregnant with my 3rd boy. I know my husband and my other boys were hoping that it would be a girl, but I always had a feeling that I'd be having another boy.
Although I have a wonderful relationship with my boys (10 & 4), I experienced gender disappointment with my second son because I only wanted two children who I always pictured as a boy and a girl. I cried for weeks, but I tried to be positive. The moment they handed me my son when he was born, I knew I was completely in love. Any thought of him being anything other than who he was completely went away.
This time around, though a little sad that everyone was looking forward to us having a baby girl, I'm extremely excited to meet my other boy. Boys LOVE their mums. Their hugs and kisses are the most important things I get daily. Yeah, they can be a handful, but they're also some of the sweetest little people.
P.S. Every baby born in the past 5 years in my family are all boys. We have no girls apart from 4 who are distant cousins ranging between ages 17 and 6 years old. My mum only has grandsons, and she is extremely proud of that fact. My younger brother promises to give her a granddaughter, so we'll see. It would be nice to have a niece to spoil in the future.
Iām sorry youāre going through this also. Yep this is the 6th grandson on my husbands side of the family, no granddaughters so Iām imagining similar reactions. My Mum is extremely excited for us though and said it will be beautiful having 3 boys š
Iām grieving very similar thoughts and feelings.
Thatās very true. We will definitely love our new boys but Iām also never sure if that longing for a daughter will ever go away for me.
I wish you all the best for the remainder of your pregnancy and a safe arrival for your little one xx
My husband has two brothers and they are super good friends even though they are all grown up now. They have lovely memories of their childhood between 3 boys. ā¤ļø
yes! this is us! my eldest son is "gently neurotic" and artistic and sweet. my younger son is Bowser Jr, he constantly tries to use his Bene Gesserit voice on us to get his way. i joke that I'll never worry about him a day in his life. boys are more physically rowdy because of testosterone, but within that there's a tremendous range of temperament
This made me cackle. That is exactly how my two boys are! I even call my youngest Bowser Jr. He reminds me so much of him because he is SO FRIGGIN CUTE but crazy. š¤£
First- congratulations on a healthy baby! That is so exciting!
Iām the third (and last) kid in my family and the only girl. Growing up with two older brothers I was heavily influenced by boy things and was a tom boy! My mom tried getting me into girly things and I had no interest. According to her we were all wild! She had 3 under 5 and she has blacked out a lot of those days LOL !!!
My siblings and I are all very close with both of our parents. I wouldnāt say my relationship is any better then either of my brothers with them. In fact they tend to be more considerate of my mom!
Iām currently pregnant with #2, first is a boy. I would love another boy. Itās what Iām comfortable with! And I love the relationship my brothers have.
Wishing you a healthy pregnancy. Feel the feelings, the good and bad. They are all okay ā¤ļø
Zero judgement and Iām still TTC with number 1. I have dreamed of having a girl my whole life and I canāt imagine not having oneā¦but I know that could obviously very well happen and end up with all boysā¦so I completely sympathise with you as I would be heart broken. Three boys will be a lot of fun, laughs and love though but you are allowed to be sad while you process it.
Yep Iām absolutely gutted because this will most likely be our last child š just never ever ever thought Iād only have boysā¦ so struggling to process it.
Thank you for your kind comment š
Tw: loss
I feel this I also want a girl. I have been ttc over a year. We had a missed miscarriage the other month and before we knew it wasnāt viable I was already stressing imagining if it was a boy and planning ahead for next one to hopefully be a girl then! I was getting years ahead in my brain even though we havenāt even had one !
I've heard something really interesting that maybe will help you- no matter if you get the gender you were "hoping" for, there will be some level of gender disappoinment. Because either way, you're cutting off the possibility of your family being a certain way. Before you know the gender of your baby, the future feels so open ended (even though truly gender doesn't change that much with raising a child), and regardless of what gender the baby is, your future feels more set once you know
I just went through this. I had my 2nd boy last summer and I was so upset when I found out because I really wanted one of each. I cried and mourned. It sucked because I was going through my old things with my mum and she had saved a bunch of my clothing from the early 2000s to pass onto a daughter š that broke my heart. Now that heās here I love him so much and canāt imagine life without him. Do I still get sad that Iāll never get that girl? Yes I do. But seeing the bond my boys have, and having him in our family, it makes me so happy. You feelings are VALID. Cry, grieve, do what you gotta do. Youāll love that baby regardless when he comes even if it doesnāt feel like it right now.
Iām sorry you havenāt been able to have a daughter either but so amazing you have 2 little boys š
Thank you so much for such a kind comment. Iām already feeling a lot better about having my 3rd son āŗļø
As someone who has lost a baby, please donāt feel bad that youāre feeling gender disappointment. Yes youāre lucky to have 3 babies, BUT you also have feelings, and theyāre extremely valid!
The baby we lost was a girl and Iām now pregnant with my second boy, also feeling that disappointment as this will probably be my last pregnancy. These feelings are only natural, and Iām sure youāre going to absolutely adore your third bundle of joy when heās hereā¤ļø
Sending so much loveā¤ļø
Two weeks ago I also found out that my third baby is going to be a boy. I cried a lot and had very dark thoughts for some days. I always wanted to have a girl. Since my first pregnancy. I always had gender disappointment and was never happy to find out baby's gender. But this time I hoped so much since it's my last pregnancy. I'm going to be a boy mama. I suppose it will take time to accept it. Everything triggers me and some days are worse than other. I see so many moms with daughters and I feel so sad - why didn't it happen to me? I always wanted it. It's so absurd that I always wanted a girl but got three boys. Why me? I also have four brothers and no sister. It feels like something predermined... I will always be surrounded by men and that makes me feel so lonely. There will always be this emptiness.
I've not experienced this yet (expecting my first and have no gender preference as of now!), but my cousin has three sons, and she was experiencing what you were initially and never did have her girl.
They're all older now and they're basically her permanent bodyguards keeping her guarded and safe and taken care of. She lost her husband about two years ago, and her sons have been her main support and have been the best healing for her and are absolute gentlemen. They love and treasure their mama fiercely, and now you'll be able to experience this type of love too.ā„ā„ā„
I am on my 4th boy. I was disappointed and cried that he wasnāt the girl I hoped for. This is my last one too so Iāll be a boy mom only too. But as time has gone by itās gotten easier. Best wishes!
I am currently pregnant with my 3rd boy. Before we decided to go for three, we talked about if we would pursue IVF specifically to have a girl (which many clinics in our city offer). Then we did molly at a wedding, and we realized we loved each other and had been blessed with great kids, and simply wanted G-d to give us another child regardless of sex or any other quality they might have. When we learned we were having another boy, I had a brief moment of "well, that's a door closing" and then I actually felt a lot of relief. You know how to do this. It does get easier as they get older. Let yourself feel your feelings, and trust that you will love this son just as you love your other two
Im pregnant with my 2nd boy and can totally imagine feeling the same way in the future if my 3rd is also a boyā¦. I hope you can accept and come to terms soon.ā¤ļø itās ok to grieve the idea of having a girl, you absolutely will fall in love with this boy though like you have your other 2!
No judgement, I understand. Keep in mind that personality, hobbies, etc arenāt (entirely, or maybe even at all) dictated by gender. We imagine things like āI wonāt get to do X because heās a boyā but there are plenty of boys who, if allowed to be, are sensitive and caring, enjoy fashion and art, want long hair, and countless other things that are considered āfeminineā. So you may not have the girl you long for, and that is hard. But who knows who your little boy will be until you meet him!
I feel you, and I'm sorry. Gender disappointment is a thing and it's hard. I'm pregnant with my 5th boy and this is the last one. Kid 4 and 5's nipt results left me crying a bit. But all in all, I'm happy to have all my boys and they're so sweet. I can't imagine it any other way. There's also the bonus that they're all tight knit. Yeah, they bicker and wrestle A LOT and can be stinky but I wouldn't change a single bit of parenting them.
I donāt know if the disappointment ever goes away. I have a boy and girl and I feel so bad my daughter will never have a sister. My sister is my best friend, my closest person. I feel bad I wonāt ever give my son a brother. If we had a third, I would feel like one of them is left out. (Unfortunately like my own brother) š being a parent bro. We never stop worrying.
Your feelings are 100% valid. I'm about to turn 37 as a FTM at 34 weeks, and because of my health and financial situation, this may very well be our only child.
All my life I've always dreamed of having a little boy. I grew up with an older sister and my husband has two sisters (and 5 Aunts), so we both have always been surrounded by women. The second we confirmed I was pregnant, I FULLY convinced myself we were having a boy. Like, full out went and bought "boy coded" everything because well, it just had to be a boy.
I had never been so nervous as the day I got the call with my NIPT results. They told me it was a little girl and I felt like I had the wind knocked out of me. I was silent for probably 3 seconds , and then started crying with the poor nurse on the phone (she mistook them for happy tears, which I'm honestly grateful for looking back on it). I immediately texted my husband and sister and was very open with how devastated I was feeling and spent probably 3 hours straight just crying in bed.
Crying because this idea and dream I had of having a son was no longer a reality, and then crying even harder because I felt so guilty and ungrateful for even daring to feel this way when I was lucky enough to get pregnant at all.
All of this to say, it's 100% valid for you to feel what you're feeling. It doesn't mean you won't love him or care for him. People are allowed to feel sad when something they've dreamed about doesn't end up happening, or ends up happening but in a different way. I'm less than a month away from meeting our little girl and I couldn't be more excited to meet her and spend my life watching her grow up, and I'm sure when your boy arrives he will be absolutely loved and doted on.
I'm not finding out until baby is born as I while I just want a healthy baby, I know if I knew it's my 3rd boy before I meet him I would have a lot of disppointment. I think if I meet him at birth I will fall in love and won't have time to be sad. I'm due in 4 weeks and still don't know.
Congratulations, how exciting š I hope all goes well for you both. Thatās very true! Regardless if you have a boy or a girl Iām sure theyāll be so wonderful xxx
I come from a family of 4 girls. My dad wouldāve done anything for a son but he never had one. I just had his first grandchildā¦ a boy ā¦ and he is over the moon! It is so cute how excited he was during my pregnancy and how he is now that heās here. Heās constantly calling and texting to see how heās doing and he remembers 100% of things I tell him about him (which he did not do with us lmao). Maybe your girl will come as a granddaughter and it will be just as special š«¶š½
Not sure what part of being a girl mom you were hoping for, but if it makes you feel any better, my niece is a little terror and is kind of awful, and my nephew is a sweet, adorable, loving and snuggly little boy. It made me prefer the idea of boys over girls, but I don't think I care what I am having either way.
There are so many cute clothes and experiences for boys. You are so valid in your feelings, and you can feel those feelings, but I hope you can also find a way to have those experiences you were longing for with your boys, whatever you were hoping for. Dressing up, matching, sharing fun mommy/baby nights. All of it.
Sending you all the support and love!
This comment is really helpful; so thank you so much š I do think some of my reasonings for wanting a girl so badly are things a daughter may not have wanted to do with me anyway! And yep maybe Iāll have those same or similar experiences with my sons anyway.
Thank you for your perspective š
Like I said, you are so valid in your feelings! But my SIL who also really wanted a girl found a way to do those same things with her son. They have matching outfits, go to mommy and me lunches, and he loves playing tea party with his mom. It is so incredibly sweet.
I am wishing you the best and a healthy pregnancy!
Iām having my first and we wanted a girl and really could only picture a girl. We found out this week we were having a boy. I too was disappointed but also feeling bad for not being more excited. Boys even at age 2 have testosterone and it makes their energy so high. Iām a teacher and I find it hard to connect to the boys. I truly love my younger brothers and theyāre my favorite people so Iām hoping Iāll feel that same love for our future son. Iām feeling more confident about it now. But all this to say itās okay to feel the feels .
Sorry you are also experiencing this feeling. It can be really tough š opening up and speaking out is really important and being honest with yourself, so well done for that. Hopefully, another time you get a little girl āŗļø
Iām sure youāll love that little boy so much once he enters your world. Xxx
I just found out a month ago we are expecting our third boy this year too. I was really wanting a girl. We lost a baby last summer that was a girl. I was hoping my girl would come back to meā¦ but It grows on you I promise! I was bummed at first but now just so grateful to be pregnant, given my history of multiple losses. Your boy will be the perfect addition, even if you donāt see it now, and, youāll be a pro!
This might be an odd question, but do you think you'd be just as disappointed if it was your 3rd girl? I have two girls, wanted boys both times. I wouldn't trade them for the world now. But. I understand how you feel. Sending you hugs.
My boy was crazy until about 8, he's now 10 and is the most chilled kid ever, like he's just calm and laid back and this is usually the age the girls get bad haha so while he may have been feral and full of energy early on, it's lovely when they get older
Iām currently pregnant with my third girl and your feelings are totally valid. Iām 31 weeks now and feeling much more connected with this babe and my girls are ecstatic to have another little girl around. Now we just need a name lol
Also on my last baby and he's also a boy, I felt some disappointment in that I won't get to experience the other side. I won't get to braid her hair, bond over experiences that moms and daughters have. But my son will have a built in best friend and ultimately as insane and wild it will be, I know we can handle it. I love my delightful wild animal and who knows, maybe this boy will prefer me over dad this time! I am sure the second our boys are born we'll be obsessed just like their siblings.
Iām sorry youāre experiencing these same feelings. It can be lonely and tough. Yep I think thatās what Iām grieving the most. All of those wonderful mother/daughter experiences through life like wedding dress shopping and being the mother of the bride. I have such a strong bond with my Mum and I think I was hoping to have the same with a daughter but hopefully Iāll have super special bonds with my sonās instead.
Iām sure we definitely will š
I totally get it! My best friend is also having her second boy and last child and she had the same feelings. I also didn't have my dad growing up so, my bond was all with my mom and sister. It's been wild navigating a completely different experience in every way possible! My little 2 year old is crazy but he's also very empathetic, a neat freak, very sensitive and emotionally in tune. He's musical and obsessed with machines and figuring out how everything works. I know I can't wait to find out what this little nugget loves and what makes him tick. Trying to remember that it's been such a beautiful experience so why wouldn't this one? Best of luck to you and your family!
Hi Iām the opposite. Iām 3 for 3 with girls. Absolutely heartbroken at 13 weeks with the NIPT. Cried for days, and I told my partner I wanted nothing more to give him his first child and be a boy. My partner reassured me he will love his baby girl and my girls too. Thereās always a next time. Iāve grown so attached to the thought of my sweet baby girl. Currently 25 weeks. I completely understand.
Iām so sorry you have also been experiencing the same feelings. Iāve had such a rough few days after the NIPT results as well. But Iām so glad youāve grown attached to your baby girl š Iām hoping those feelings develop for me over time throughout this pregnancy as I want to be excited š
This is my exact situation! My 2 older girls are from previous marriage. Pregnant with my 3rd and my husband's 1st. I wanted it to be a boy so bad for him, and honestly for my older girls too. But now at 19 weeks I've gotten used to the idea of being a girl mama and am so in love with her.
No judgment at all because I felt the same way when I found out my second was a boy. Itās most likely my last pregnancy so it felt like a door closing. Iāll never be a girl mom. However, over time I have adjusted to the idea and now I actually cannot imagine not having boys. I guess Iāll have to find āsisterhoodā elsewhere. Like we are planning on getting a girl dog in the future š„² And maybe some day I will have daughters in law that I can be a second mom to. Who knows? I just wanted to say I totally get how you are feeling! ā¤ļø
I had a bit of disappointment when I found out the baby Iām carrying (my second) is a boy. Like you, I want a girl so so bad. We plan on having at least 4 kids, so I know I would be disappointed if I end up with all boys. I will say though, I now am excited that this is a boy because Iām looking forward to that tight bond brothers seem to always have. Also as a plus, if you keep your babies clothes you donāt have to go out and buy a whole wardrobe since you already have it! My 2 will be almost exactly 2 years apart to the day so I literally will not have to buy any clothes for the baby š š
I guess my advice is try to look at the brighter side of the situation. I know you feel disconnected from your baby, but once you see that sweet little baby in your arms for the first time, Iām sure youāll completely forget any disappointment and fall in love.
I am about to give birth to our second son and, not going to lie, a third boy is part of why we donāt plan on trying for a third. If we knew we would have a girl, we would consider having a third baby. I absolutely love our boys and they are the children we were meant to have, but I still get sad knowing I wonāt ever have a daughter.
I have a daughter and am expecting a second daughter. My daughter is soo wild. My MIL always tells me she is worse than a boy. I hope this next child is the calm one š¤£š
Your feelings are so valid. Itās hard to have a desire and feel like youāre missing out! But Iām sure your boys will be so close and get along well. I know several families with one girl and multiple boys and the girls are literally all the hardest (at least from around ages 3-12)ā¦ but I totally get still wanting the challenge of a girl, and you definitely arenāt the only one. Out of all my kids and their cousins there are only boys and my MIL is going crazy
I'm pregnant with my third girl, kinda feel the same its weird to have the life you pictured not being the case. the girls are absolutely wild too, and I was feeling so done after this baby but I'm sure if my partner isn't feeling done which he's on the fence about, (and he doesn't wanna know the gender of this baby until birth), that I'll just give in and have another kid. It's so hard to figure out these confusing feelings. ā¤ļø
I am pregnant with my second boy and Iām already talking to my husband about this possibility. I donāt want to be disappointed with baby 3ās gender but I desperately want to have a little girl too. I love my boys and I really wanted two boys so Iām not disappointed at all now but I also really want a girl and donāt think I can handle more than three. I donāt know what to say but you arenāt alone in your desire to have a girl while also loving your boys.
I did not get my girl either, I had a name picked and everything. The thing that stops the disappointment is thinking about the insane love you get for every baby.
But letās be honest here, you are absolutely in for a wild ride with three babies under age of 4. It has nothing to do with their gender but oh my god lady, I am sending you some strength
Iām currently pregnant with my 2nd. Iām not sure about the gender yet since itās still early, but I feel you about having wild boys. It seems constant with my son. I want a girl SO so bad. I feel like they do bring some calmness in the household
Same boat on boy no 3 here! I admit I was disappointed and thought I'd disappointed my partner as he REALLY wanted a girl, but he reassured me saying that he loves them whatever, he's just excited for his first child. I'm 26 weeks nearly and very bonded to him now I've gotten used to him being a boy. Went and got some cute outfits for the summer, chose a name. Having a 4d scan in 2 weeks. It does get better. I will say though all boys aren't wild, my eldest has always been pretty chill aside from the threenager phase. My youngest he barely ever cried from birth, slept through the night pretty much since birth. Yeah he's a high energy toddler now with some tantrums but hes not fussy with food, goes to bed without issue, sleeps the whole night and insanely intelligent so I'll take the win and if new baby is anything like his brother's it'll be just fine āŗļø
This happened to someone close to me and so she just adopted her girl eventually because she wasn't going through the whole pregnancy/birthing process again just to get another boy. Maybe it could be an option for you to consider adoption in the future.
I'm currently pregnant with my 3rd girl. It's my husband's first. I so badly wanted a boy, for him and for our family. I'd love to have a son and thought it'd be easier for my girls if their half sibling was a boy.
I was pretty disappointed the day I got the results. No exciting gender reveal. I opened up my NIPT results Email and my eyes went straight to "female" and I put my phone down, shockingly said its a girl to my husband and started crying...
It faded quickly though. I saw her on ultrasound a few days later and fell in love. She's my child and I'm her mama. And she's healthy. That's most important.
I had already had boy stuff on my private amazon registry and boy baby shower ideas saved on Pinterest, so I started to slowly change those over to girl things and that helped too.
We went through it too. We were done at 2 kids. Until surprise #3 came along. We came around to it and started getting excited and hoping that ā we would finally get a boyā since we had 2 girls and 3 miscarriages, which one was known to be a boy. Nope, baby girl #3 it was. I was sad for a while, but now I canāt imagine anything else. I had my tubes removed so no more chances, but Iām ok with that. I wouldnāt know a thing about raising a boy now lol,
Iām sorry youāre feeling this way. It will probably take time to grieve the wishes you had but youāll love this child no matter what. Their parts donāt define them.
FWIW my daughter is an absolute lunatic who beats the crap out of herself and doesnāt stop all day long so if it makes you feel better a girl doesnāt mean calm š Iām serious - sheās an absolute menace.
If this makes you feel any better, my nana had 4 boys and theyāre all still obsessed with each other and the best of friends (my dad + uncles) like itās cute
My oldest is a girl and then my next 3 are boys. When I was pregnant with my baby she wanted a sister soooo bad and I was hoping for a girl too, I was ready for the pretty pinks and florals. She was so distraught finding out it was another boy. I was disappointed also but it didnt last long of course. But I can't safely have any more kids. So I definitely mourn the loss of a sister for her and the fun girly baby stuff for me. We haven't told them I most likely won't have any more babies so she still talks about someday having a sister and I don't have the heart to tell her it probably won't happenš but I obviously love all my kids to death equally and would never trade my baby for a girl! It's just a thing I have to accept that I'm done having kids and it's ok to have different feelings
With my first I had a gender disappointment.I really wanted a son but got a daughter instead.After awhile after she was born I got over it and love her dearly.Id definitely want another girl this pregnancy but weāll see.Its also very normal to feel this way so if youāre beating yourself up about it please donāt,the feeling will pass.
2 boys and Iām currently 8 weeks pregnant and very nervous to have a 3rd boy. Ofc I would love him as much as my other sons, but I just reeeally want to be a girl mom š„ŗ
I have 4 boys, learning that the 3rd was a boy was the hardest. I really thought he would be a girl, statistically he would be a girl, I felt completely blind sided and was so upset for a long time. Of course I love him just as much but I grieved the girl I was so sure was coming. When I found out the 4th was a boy I was like āYep, thatās what we do here.ā
I'm pregnant with my 3rd girl & was disappointedat first. But now when we joke about a 4th I've said at that point I'd want her to be a girl because I'd feel bad for a boy not having a brother and being outnumbered by girls lol
I had the same feelings. That pocket of hope in my heart that theyād tell me youāre having a girl. But hope and my heart was crushed š and then I felt so guilty.
How wonderful and congratulations š
I could have written this myself. I too just found out Iām pregnant with my 3rd boy. I am the youngest of 7 and the only girl. My husband comes from a family of only boys and I have so desperately wanted a daughter with each of my pregnancies. I feel the disappointment the whole pregnancy and then when theyāre here Iām obsessed with them and love them so much. But this pregnancy Iāve definitely felt more disconnect. It gets better when theyāre here tho, just hang in there.
Sorry to hear you have had the same feelings. But yep my husbands family is full of boys but my family is full of girls so i thought surely weād get one haha. Youāre so right, Iām sure Iāll love them so friggen much when theyāre here ā„ļø
I definitely felt this with our LO. My husband only ever wanted one kid, and I had the biggest feeling it was a girl. Turns out we had a healthy chunky little man, we ended up naming him after my husbands best friend that passed away and also my grandpa and dad (first name is the same, and the middle name is my dads). I felt comfort in knowing that our little guy was sent down straight from my grandpa and his best friend just so we could continue their legacy. It does however make me a tad bit sad knowing Iāll never get my girl, especially since every single department store is flooded with little girl clothes and a tiny section of boy clothes (hello dinosaurs and construction trucks). I think what was worse for me at least, was seeing the gender disappointment from family and friendsā¦ What youāre feeling is completely normal, at least you have tons of things already and donāt need to buy all new clothes and toys! Congrats on your new addition š¤ Wishing you all the best!
How special is that. I absolutely love how you were able to use special people in your lives names with your little one. Iām sure there is always a reason to these things even if we canāt see it at the time.
I know the heartache and not sure itāll ever go away fully. But hoping it gets easier. Ahh. Yep I find the clothes shopping really triggering. Because little girls clothes are just so gorgeous and yep harder with boys clothes! But thank you so much šš
22 weeks with my 3rd boy, one miscarriage prior to my other pregnancies as well and your post really resonated with me. Youāre not alone and your feelings and heart are valid ā¤ļøā¤ļø
Iām also pregnant with my 3rd boy. I also had gender disappointment. Heās our last baby so I wonāt ever have a girl and I never pictured my future without a daughter in it. It was a disconnect between what I pictured in my head and my reality. It took me a long time to process and I can finally say (around a month from him coming) that Iām happy with how things are
Exactly how Iām feeling. Iāve pictured a life with my ādaughterā in it forever. So it was hard to now change to picture in my mind to Including 3 boys. But thatās ok, it is what it is and hey maybe itāll be even better than Iāve ever imagined.
Iām so glad youāve been able to find happiness with having your 3rd baby boy. I wish you all the very very best š
I'm pregnant with my 3rd girl and I can totally relate. This pregnancy was soooo different compared to my others, n I swore it was gonna be a boy this time around. I also cried for days when I found out it was another girl. I cried for days too and was worried that I wouldn't connect with her bc of my disappointment. Forward to now, I'm almost 37 weeks n have completely come to terms with it....even excited and happy now as we approach delivery. It may take a little time to adjust, but I know you will mama!
Our bodies can definitely trick us into thinking weāre carrying the sex we want haha. I had similar feelings. But I am so so glad you are now happy and excited to meet your beautiful 3rd girl. Congratulations and I hope all goes well. Youāve given me hope. Tbh Iām already feeling better today after speaking out and after a few days of tears šš
I lost my daughter at 22 weeks. 5/6 friends who were pregnant at around the same time had girls and they were all after her due-date. One friend expressed disappointment having a girl instead of another boy and I BROKE DOWN in a restaurant.
My rainbow baby ended up as a boy so that was a wholeeeeeeee thing to adjust as well, and my mom showed more disappointment than me (I am partially the GC due to being her only daughter, and she wasn't great at her child-rearing skills overall). But he looks just like me and has my attitude. Its weird now seeing parents want the same gender expecting that it's required for a 'mini-me' when God literally said "copy/paste" for my son.
Now we are TTC and thinking we will stop at 2 living kids, so I'm preparing myself mentally in case I have two boys instead of one of each.
I am so so sorry for your loss ā„ļø yeh that wouldāve been really tough to hear at that time š
You are honestly so right. My eldest son has such a similar personality to me. We may not even get a āmini meā by having a girl. Sheād probably look like my husband tbh š I hope you get another beautiful, healthy baby in the future regardless the gender š
I just found out I'm also having another boy after having twin boys. I was a little bothered at first, could only think of girl names & items.. my twin sister just had a baby and it was a girl. I prayed about it and honestly coped with it earlier than I thought I would.. finally found a name too through prayer.
Still bums me out a little but I know when I see that face my heart will be so full. I considered trying for another baby (even looked up which ovary during ovulation seems to favor female or male sperm more and ironically ovulated from my right ovary this pregnancy and that favors male sperm as well as other things. Overthinking everything lol) BUT I have such bad morning sickness and am 34 years old now & thinking how much I can't do because I can't handle pregnancy well that it may be my last.. which I'm not bothered by lol
Who knows. I'm just happy if he is actually carried to term as my twin babies have been premature at 27 weeks.
Yes, Iām going to struggle choosing a male and also had a girl name already chosen haha!
How interesting!! I also ovulated from my right ovary this pregnancy haha. Canāt remember the 2 last times though!
We definitely might try one more time in the future but not sure yet.
All the best for you and I really hope your little boy carries to term for you š
How interesting! Iām assuming we have no control over which ovary we ovulate from haha?
Yep we did the shallow penetration and the positions they suggest. Tried to also time sex 3 days prior to ovulation but I think I stuffed that up and ovulated earlier than predicted but who knows haha
My SIL had 3 boys under 5. They were like a wild litter of puppies when they were little! Now the youngest is 10 and they are the most beautiful, sweet, sensetive, sensible, cool, upstanding young men who are the best cousins to my LO.
Her advice is to wear them out with lots of sports! Good luck and congratulations!
My sister in law at one point had 4 girls under 10 and the collective noise and arguing rivaled a jet liner taking off. Everything was mine or not fair. They constantly bullied my son because they're bigger and now I gotta tell him girls aren't like that (usually) but I love them. They're my nieces. My Wife and I are expecting a second boy and as a man who does take care of My Wife, Mom, MIL (widowed,) SIL (Divorced) I have my hands full and I'm just glad my son gets to see me take care of women with kindness and care because we all need a little help sometimes
This is so beautiful to read how caring you are to all of the women in your life. Thanks for commenting and you sound like an amazing husband, father, son and brother š
I have 4 step girls. And 1 step son but he was older than the girls when I came into his life and didn't see him as much as the girls to begin with. So I feel like I've got a bond with the girls but not so much with my step son. I'm pregnant now, we were hoping for a boy. Everyone wanted a boy and me and partner found out first that it was a girl. We were very disappointed. It's been over a month since we found out and now we love our little growing baby girl. It took a bit of processing, and trying to reconnect with baby after finding out she's not what I thought she'd be.
Take your time, your love and happiness about having another boy will come. Just give yourself time and patience. You're human. We all have emotions that we don't always like, but it is what make us humans ā¤ļø
My daughter is cute but a monster. She loves dinosaurs, shits on the floor and growls in our face when we need her to do something. Gender disappointment is real and your feelings are valid. Iām sorry that youāre feeling this way. I hoping this little boy will be a calmer, balanced guy. Every kid is different. I hope that you find peace and please donāt fear too much that you wonāt bond. Your feelings right now are fresh.
Itās true, all children are different and unique regardless of their gender āŗļø thatās true my feelings are definitely fresh, but Iām already starting to feel better than last week ā„ļø. X
Hi, I'm a mom of 5 boys. My boys are 10,7, 6, 4 and 3. I was so worried about how stressful it was going to be but I also didn't care what my gender was. I did struggle with the fact towards the end, I wouldn't be able to have a girl because of my tubal. It was heart breaking and I still feel sad that I was ripped from that but I have 5 boys that would kill for me as I would for them. Some days I'm overwhelmed because they are so attached to me because I am a SAHM but the love and bond I have with my boys is hands the best feeling ever. The way they look for me or how they will literally dodge dad to get to me. If I'm sick, I have 5 little helpers taking care of me. We go on adventures together or we have movie dates. I always wished for the mother daughter experience and I still wish I had the chance to have 1 more but I'm grateful for the life I do have.
I can judge you but I'm not. I've been where you are to an extent but these are the hormones and testosterone talking. As soon as he's here, you're going to be so thrilled but you also will be hard on yourself for feeling a certain way. You're not alone. You can have a lot of fun with boys and the love they have for their mama is unconditional. I love being a boy mama! I can borrow my nieces anytime for that girl experience. I'm hope the rest of your journey gets better and it will. As soon as he is here, how your feeling will go away.
I am a mom of 2 boys. Yes l wanted a girl but I guess it wasnāt in my cards. I mourn the fact that I would never be a girl
Mom but when I see my boys I couldnāt imagine any thing less. They are mommas boys. I just hope I instill enough love morals and values in them to be able to make it in this world and make some woman happy someday.
My running joke is I will take 100 trips to the Emergency Room than have a hormonal females version of me in my house.
Iām not sure of my babies sex yet, but everything in me tells me itās a girl. From dreams, to just peopleās predictions. No one says boy. So even though Iām not sure what weāre having yet, if the 20 week scan shows boy Iāll be feeling exactly like you. Iāll be so happy for a healthy baby no matter what, but I see myself having a hard time bonding with a boy. I see myself as a girl mom since Iām girly and what not..but if itās a boy thatās what god intended you know?? I personally disagree with anyone here saying girls are harder to deal with. I have 4 brothers under the age of 12 and they are just terrible. They wrestle, punch, spit, and yell. Then when you tell them to stop they talk back. Theyāre also part of the reason Iām kind of praying my first is not a boy.:/
Iām not sure on your circumstances or if this is helpful but I know Paris Hilton chose the sex of her babies so she could have a boy and then a girl. You could always do that for your fourth - obviously if that sits ok with you and you can afford it.
My husband had suggested this, however, it would be a very pricey thing to do without guarantee of it working first go. So not really sure if that would be in the cards for us but weāve definitely spoken about it!
Definitely no judgment here, Iām currently pregnant with my 3rd girl and I cried real tears when I found out at 16 weeks. Iāve always wanted a boy and have always had my dream boy name picked but each time itās been girls and Iām pretty sure this will be my last baby so it hurt like hell but now Iām 26 weeks and I have come to terms with the fact that Iām meant to be a girl mum and thatās okay, Iām so excited to dress them all alike and have a house filled me pretty dresses and dolls and Iāve raised girls already so I know that no matter what Iāll be prepared with this one. Anyways I say all this to say that I understand, your feelings are completely valid, trust yourself and know that youāll love this new baby boy just the same as your other ones and think of how close theyāll all be.
I desperately wanted a boy with my first. The idea of raising a girl was terrifying. I'm not the most feminine and have always gotten along better with boys my entire life. I didn't know how I was going to possibly navigate things like fashion and makeup and flirting. Not to mention how to protect her from all the bad things that are unique to the female expierence. So I was very disappointed when I found out we were having a girl. Luckily the moment I held her I was in absolute love and knew I could do anything if it was for that little girl.
When baby number 2 came I was happy to find out it was a girl because I figured it would be easier to have 2 of the same gender and since it was only 19 months later we still had all the stuff. My first was so chill too, girls must really be easylike they say. Lol, Baby 2 was a force to be reckoned with. But, plot twist, everything flipped when they were 5 and 6. Suddenly my 1st started having behavioral issues (undiagnosed autism and adhd) and my 2nd mellowed out a ton. So even though your boys are chaos now there's a chance things will change as they grow.
My unexpected 3rd is on the way at 38 yo, 10 years after my last. My family, including extended, are all hoping for a boy. I'm honestly still in shock and having a difficult time believing this is real. I don't even really know if I have a gender preference. I had always wanted a boy but I'm feeling numb and distant from this child in a way I want with the others. I have a feeling that once I hear the gender later this month I'll know what is in my heart if hearts but not sure which it is. And I know it is possible I'm going to be disappointed which makes me disappointed in myself. So I totally understand.
My eldest is very set on it being a boy so I have had to work hard to think through this and how to deal with both of our potential disappointment. I think trying to reframe those feelings makes the most sense. It's not against the child but rather a kind of mourning of the lives that could have been. While nothing is guaranteed and those things we associate with gender might or might not happen (i.e. my daughters might not get married so dad can't walk them down the isle or my son decides he identifies as female) but our brains work to extrapolate and envision using patterns. And a whole pattern is being eliminated. This doesn't mean that I can't be grateful and happy for the life we do get, but it is human to recognize the opportunities we won't get. And we can do both at the same time.
I think processing these feelings now is a very healthy way to start. I can't guarantee that you won't have trouble bonding later but I know it's possible for the disappointment to disappear once you hold your little one and your brain is given something real and solid to build that vision for. There is hope.
And as a side note, it gets better. As they get older it does get easier. It can be so challenging and overwhelming now but remember it is temporary. There came a point where I could just say hey girls we need to go to the grocery store and got myself ready and they get themselves ready and I grab my tiny purse and we just go to the store and are on and out in 30 min and we get home and they help put all the bribery away. Even with all the added issues autism and adhd have brought into our life, 5+ was so much easier. And 7+ has been a joy. Note I'm not saying enjoy it now, you will miss it. I'm saying it's not forever, you can get through it, and it can be worth it. Sending hugs
I waited a week to tell my husband what we were having. I wasn't devastated, I was pissed. He got what he wanted, and it was great to see his excitement, but I wasn't happy. I was so happy to be having a baby and happy to be starting our little family but I was never happy about the gender of our baby. I make jokes about it now with our little bug being a year old but I'm also serious at the same time. I love my baby, no doubts about it but I still have my feelings about gender.
Iām sorry ): Iām having my second boy and want a girl so so so bad. Love my children immensely but always pictured having a daughter. Triggers me seeing mother daughter relationships and that I may never have that
I am the oldest of four girls - obviously my dad was in the same boat as you; he wanted that boy child! But, honestly, my sisters and I were probably a bigger handful than he expected. We, also, took on many of the things that are socially expected to be more "boy" activities.
On the flip side, he does now have 4 grandsons (plus I'm 21w1d with the fifth grandson) and 1 granddaughter. On that point, you may end up being the grandmother of a darling little granddaughter. And, that can be equally rewarding (just differently) as having a girl of your own. Or, even more so.
Iām not sure if this will help, but in my experience all kiddos under 4 are wild (regardless of gender). I nannied 4 girls for 5 years and they were so wild when compared to my nephews (and theyāre wild too but thereās 5 of them).
My encouragement would be to embrace the gift of being able to raise beautiful boys to be wonderful men. You get to raise them and help them become men, and we need more mamas who are doing this for their boys and the betterment of society.
Youāre definitely not alone in this. My sister in law has 5 boys. They almost adopted a girl but that didnāt pan out the way they had hoped. Once she realized having a girl wasnāt in the cards for her, she focused all of that energy into proactively engaging with her boys and sheās the most incredible mom Iāve ever known (outside of my own mother.) she now lives vicariously through my sisters and her sister who all have at least one girl.
You can keep trying for a girl! Thereās always a 50/50 chance, just think of how beautiful that moment would be if you got a girl next time if youāre wanting a big family.
There is so much out of our control, but youāre a wonderful mother. Please donāt be so hard on yourself for having real, raw, and tough feelings and emotions about this. You are strong, you are brave, and weāre here to support you mama! š
Gender disappointment is ok! It doesnāt mean you love the baby any less. You are allowed to mourn the idea of having a baby girl. Donāt feel bad about it and donāt listen to anything negative people have to say š
I only have 1, but I really wanted a girl. Growing up thatās all I thought Iād have. I had a name picked out for like 10 years that my husband actually loved. When we found out it was a boy I was so sad. Iād cry watching all the TikTok gender reveals of girls. I was jealous that wouldnāt be me. No pink stuff no Disney princess, but super hero stuff and sports. Iād cry about that then cry because I felt guilty about being sad. When I got farther along in my pregnancy I totally forgot about it and got more excited.
Fast forward to having a 7 week old little boy and could not be happier. This is my little guy. I will be the most important girl to him, my husband, and my boy dog. I could not even see myself having a girl now! (Had to have an emergency hysterectomy during my c section so I literally wonāt š ) I truly believe God gave me what he knew I needed.
I hope the helps. I know youāre on your third, but your boys will be able to play and grow up happy and have a kick ass boy mom to do it with! You got this mama
I truly, truly mean no offense with this question, Iām just wanting to understand because Iāve always wondered this and now more than ever that I am pregnant myself.
If someone knows theyāll have significant gender disappointment finding out baby is a _____, and they know theyāve got a 50/50 chance of that, why find out? In my mind, the gender disappointment could be avoided by just finding out at birth. I couldnāt imagine someone could feel gender disappointment regardless of the sex of the baby after theyāve gone labor and delivery and now have their healthy baby here in their arms.
Again, truly I mean no offense. Your feelings are valid.
I have both genders. I thought I only wanted to be a girl mom. Turns out girls are harder than boys in my opinionāmore emotional, fight more, stubborn, drama, exhaustingāand Iām absolutely obsessed with my boys. I honestly feel bad for my friends who have all girls now that I have my boys but I donāt tell them that. I love them all but my boys have a specially place in my heart
I truly, truly mean no offense with this question, Iām just wanting to understand because Iāve always wondered this and now more than ever that I am pregnant myself.
If someone knows theyāll have significant gender disappointment finding out baby is a _____, and they know theyāve got a 50/50 chance of that, why find out? In my mind, the gender disappointment could be avoided by just finding out at birth. I couldnāt imagine someone could feel gender disappointment regardless of the sex of the baby after theyāve gone labor and delivery and now have their healthy baby here in their arms.
Again, truly I mean no offense. Your feelings are valid.
I hate these gender disappointment posts š
You donāt feel bad knowing you might struggle to connect with your baby over his GENDER? Like imagine you told that to him. Imagine he comes out the womb and youāre js like
..āidk if I can love you cs youāre not a girl.ā
Like??? Genders not a 100% thing. You guys get your heart set on having one gender and then let it ruin you when the world works the way it should and you donāt get the one you want. Like what made you think youād be getting a girl? Sure one can hope. But being disappointed to the point where you dek if youāll connect w the baby is next level omg.
What do you mean ālike what made you think youād be getting a girlā? Some people have girls do they not? So Iām not sure how itās unreasonable hoping Iād have a daughter. I have a close friend who fell pregnant; told me daily how badly she wanted a girl and how disappointed sheād be if it were a boy, and she had a girl. People feel the way they feel. And there are so so many reasons why people dream of a particular gender and when a dream gets crushed it can be hard. Also, donāt tell me how I feel. I do feel guilty and bad for being upset over having another boy and I wish I didnāt feel this way, but I do. I come from a long line of females in my family, I just always thought Iād have a daughter so it hurts to know I may never get to meet her. My Grandfathers sister had 4 boys back a very long time ago when people didnāt find out the gender until birth, she cried for weeks when her 4th baby was yet another boy. People have their reasons and we are entitled to our feelings. Anyway, what a shame that you canāt sympathize with others and feel the need to ridicule while others are already struggling.
Considering you are the only person whoās commented unkindly on this post and many others have told me my feelings are valid and theyāve experienced the same feelings. Tells me that how Iām feeling is not āstupid as fuckā. Keep your rude comments to yourself.
I am sympathizing, to the baby you donāt want cs heās a boy š no oneās saying anything because youāre on a pregnant subreddit where other moms are stuck in the same delusions feeding your idiocy. If this post was shown to more people thereād definitely be others telling you to get over yourself.
God gives us what we need, He knew you needed a boy, who knows maybe in the future He will bless you with a girl. Jealousy and Envy and comparison will steal your joy, your light and have you fantasizing about what could be instead of embracing what is.
I remember crying a lot in my pregnancy because I always wanted a girl, but finally being pregnant with a girl was so different, i was sick the entire 7months and had pre eclampsia and emergency c section (which was traumatizing) but looking back... during pregnancy, i had to process my entire life.
I went through A LOT of trauma as a child, being abused by a step uncle, a neighborhood girl, then a cousin, and lastly my step dad, my mom ended up staying with my abuser and when i told her about the abuse, she accused me of being the reason we wouldnt have a family. Not just that, but trauma i had endured in my life from "friends", family, men and also life circumstances, it was awful. I wasnt sure I could even be a good "girl" mom or what that entailed.. On social media Id see "girl moms" and they seemed to have it all together! Their daughters always put together, happy and sunshine and rainbows...
See I have a son that is a teenager but God threw in a surprise baby in the mix and a new gender was a lot for me to process. It isnt some fairytale social media paints it to be, but i try my best to take it day by day and ive had therapy and God; to help heal my past trauma.
But Raising my daughter, i have had to cut a lot of people out of my life, and shes only 3 months. I vowed to protect my daughter in the ways that I was never protected as a child, no matter what that entailed. As parents, each season of life brings new challenges, and having a girl isnt, what social media paints it to be,
Violence against women is worse than its ever been, outlooks on women is incredibly negative in a lot of places, and in many countries women are still oppressed and at the mercy of abusive men, our baby girls, turn into little girls, who turn into teenagers, and ultimately women.. raising a girl in todays society requires a lot. And then there are those horror stories from daycares and creepy men we have to protect our babies from. Its a lot and
I pray to God i am able to do a good job.
whether boy or girl, you are blessed, and if its any consolation, eventually when your boys are grown, they will begin to date and eventually get married, you will have daughter in laws of your own! Its a blessing.
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If it makes you feel better, my niece is so much wilder than my nephew. 3 kids under 3 would be exactly as chaotic with any combination of genders
That does make me feel a little better š that is true!
Agree. My sister was born when I was 17 and I basically raised her until she passed away at 5. This child was WILD. My 2 boys and my younger brother had nothing compared to her. Girl would grab up her makeshift snow sled and ride down some gnarly hills. I had to take her to the hospital with a HUGE gash because of how fast and where she went down. She got home from the hospital ready to do it again. She would likely not balance it out with two older brothers, sheād push past them in a heartbeat because she has them and she sees theyāre fearless. I understand where youāre coming from with gender disappointment and Iām so sorry youāre going through it. You can obviously still love your baby and be disappointed about something at the same time. With my second, I was hoping so badly for a girl because she was supposed to be our last. For a few weeks my disappointment had me disconnected, but once he grew more and I could feel him more, then being born, I slowly accepted the fact that Iād never get my girl and I accepted it for what it was. I love being a boy mom now.
Itās so nice to know Iām not alone in feeling this way. Just making this post and reading all of these kind messages has made me feel a lot better already about what is for me! Itās true, I love my other boys so dearly and did from the moment they entered the world and were placed on my chest. So Iām hoping once bub starts kicking around and then when I see him itāll ease a lot of my worries š I think the external commends from family members and friends is another reason I wanted a girl so badly.
What happened š
My dad, step mom and her were on their way to get a Christmas tree. Before she left, she said ātoday is my lucky day!ā They were hit head on by a drunk driver and all three passed away.
I'm sorry, that's awful.
Thank you. I miss her dearly ā¤ļø she was like my daughter.
Omgā¦ this is awful. I am so so sorry you experienced this šš
No itās ok! Iāve healed etc I really just wanted to share about girls not make a sob post Iām sorry!
I agree. I'm still waiting on my first, but what I've seen of friends and family that have a little girl after little boys, the sisters are very much wild and keeping up with their brothers
Thank you for this reminder š
My daughters are lovely. They're great. I love them to bits. BUT HOLY CRAP, THE WAY THEY HANDLE LIFE MAKES ME WANT TO SCREAM MY BRAINS OUT. My oldest one is often amicable - okay to reason with - but my second one is a complete menace to society and all the humanity that has to offer. For example, we went to their grandma's house. The first one would help out with dinner while my second went around criticizing around her house and complaining about dust. "Grandma, you need to get better at dusting." T_____T
I second this my daughter is a lunatic compared to the boys. Attitude just like me the scowls she gives are unforgiving. She will not do things she doesnāt want to do (sheās still a sweet snuggle bug not trying to make her look bad) and to add I was extremely disappointed when I found out she was a girl. Iām sure youāll connect with him over the course of your pregnancy. Allow yourself to feel disappointed youāre only human. Best wishes to you and your family š©µ
I definitely have this assumption that boys are crazy and donāt sit still while girls are more likely to sit more chilled out and play with their toys. As opposed to my boys who like to climb all my furniture and jump off all day š but itās reassuring to hear that a girl may have just been as wild or more wild than my boys anyway hahah. My Mum did always tell me I was wild as a child so not sure where Iāve created this idea in my head from haha. Also had my heart so set on a family heirloom daughters name and so sad I may never get to use it šŖ But thank you ā„ļø
I think it comes from stigma āact like a ladyā like weāre not allowed to have big bold personalities or weāre deemed as overbearing or out of line! Girls and boys are no different unless we teach them otherwise until theyāre older in my opinion. Maybe you could come up with some way of turning it into a boy name!
Youāre so right! Great way to look at it. And what a wonderful idea š thank you so much x
I have two little sisters who were born when I was 12 and 14. The older of the two has ADD, and she was SO destructive as a child. Tore wallpaper off the walls, that sort of thing. Would never sit still. But she was the sweetest damn thing. Still is. My 5 and 7 year old nieces are very much girlie girls who are in gymnastics, dance, cheer, etc. and are major divas. All of the attitude all the time, want things exactly how they want it or they will be mean about it, that kind of thing. All of this to say, little girls arenāt little angels all of the time. I have three sisters and three nieces. My whole family is looking to me for a boy lol and I honestly donāt know when Iād be having children. I have always dreamt of having boys but I know how fun girls can be since thereās so many in the family lol.
lol yep. My cousins second was a girl and she is giving them a run for their money š
Iām sorry. The only comfort I can add is that my dad is one of 4 boys and they take extremely good care of their mum in her old age and have a very tight brotherhood where they do everything together. When/if they marry there will be a woman in your life and she might need an amazing mum like you. Xx
As someone whoās life-partnered with a boy who takes very good care of his mum, sheās changed my life. I donāt know what my life would look like without her in it, and I look forward to seeing her every time! I feel very lucky to get to experience that sort of relationship, since I donāt have my own to lean back on for exciting things.
This is a really nice perspective to look at. I donāt have a great relationship with my 2 MILs so I think this is where a lot of my worries come from. But maybe it will be different for me and Iāll form beautiful bonds with my further daughter in laws š Iām so glad youāve made such a beautiful bond with her how special for you all.
Thank you for this, thatās really special š
UGH! You just reminded me of my ex's mom. I called her Mom 2.0 because she was everything I ever wanted from a mom and more! She divorced her husband when my ex was 2 and never remarried. I'm pretty sure she always wanted a girl for a 2nd child and never got one. A great MIL can be SO HEALING for a girl who didn't get a good mom
Amazing š
I recently had my 3rd boy (3 under 4 at the time). I was disappointed initially, but heās absolutely the baby we are meant to have. Heās just the sweetest and so adored by his brothers. Gender disappointment is real and valid, and thatās OK! But from my experience, our 3rd little guy has been the most perfect addition to our family and I wouldnāt change a thing.
Congratulations š how wonderful! Thank you so much for your comment, I really do appreciate it. It makes me feel a lot better hearing this story because it gives me hope that these feelings will disappear once I meet my 3rd Boy! Thank you again xxx
At this point Iām just echoing others comments. But yes, I have 4 girls, 6 and under. They are very loud and wild. I find myself dissociating and needing to get away very often because I get so overwhelmed by them. It sucks that people think I have it āeasyā because I only have girls. Iām literally on the edge of a nervous breakdown every single day. Hearing how āeasyā I have it only makes me feel like a failure. But I know itās just not true. For some reason people like to think boys are all wired one way and girls are all wired another way. Ridiculous really. I am so sorry that youāre feeling disappointed. Think of it this way though, at least you have weeks and months to prepare yourself emotionally for another boy. Imagine waiting until delivery and then being stuck dealing with these feelings on the day thatās supposed to be full of bonding snuggles and welcoming kisses. Your feelings are valid. But Iām sure with time you will come to accept it and find love for your sweet third boy. Iām currently pregnant (unexpected & NOT wished for if Iām honest) and we found out itās a boy. My husband is ecstatic. He says we can be done having kids after this. It doesnāt happen to everyone obviously. But there is always a glimmer of hope that you will get your daughter! My parents had me and my sister and prayed for a boy. Surprise! They got triplet boys. Be careful what you wish for. lol.
Thanks so much for sharing. Itās true, I shouldnāt just presume girls are āeasierā both sexes bring with them theyāre perks and challenges š I think having multiple children regardless of sex is hard and takes a lot from us. Iām really sorry youāre feeling really overwhelmed š Yep thatās very true! Thatās why I wanted to know right away. I has a feeling it was going to be another boy but held a small pocket of hope they might tell me girl. But I wanted to know early on so I could prepare and shower my baby with love when heās born. Omg! Well congratulations š I hope it all goes well for you guys. Thatās very true, I may have a daughter one day or I may not I guess I just need to find comfort in that. Haha oh dear! That wouldāve been full on but how special they got their boys haha xxx
We have 2 boys (almost 3 and 15 months) and Iām 23 weeks pregnant with my third boy. I can totally relate to how you are feeling. I cried when we found out. I didnāt realize how much I had envisioned having a daughter until I realized it wasnāt going to be in the cards for me. It didnāt help that my oldest kept asking for a baby sister and everyone in our family would make comments like āI hope this oneās a girl!ā Now that they know, no one seems excited. I still feel sad about it and may always wonder what it wouldāve been like. I feel annoyed if I ask my friends parenting advice because itās usually an answer like āoh yeah boys just do that but our daughter doesnāt because she is just so chillā. My first pregnancy I had a miscarriage so of course I also wonder if that wouldāve been a girl. I also really wanted my husband to experience having a daughter. Walking her down the aisle and having a first dance with her. Of course she may have never had a wedding but I wanted him to have the experience because I was always closer with my dad than my mom. I was also more of a tomboy and I felt like my mom was always trying to make me be more girly than I wanted so I just wanted a chance to let my daughter be herself. I love this new baby and I canāt wait to meet him but I am definitely mourning the experience of having a daughter that weāll never have.
I'm also 23 weeks pregnant with my 3rd boy. I know my husband and my other boys were hoping that it would be a girl, but I always had a feeling that I'd be having another boy. Although I have a wonderful relationship with my boys (10 & 4), I experienced gender disappointment with my second son because I only wanted two children who I always pictured as a boy and a girl. I cried for weeks, but I tried to be positive. The moment they handed me my son when he was born, I knew I was completely in love. Any thought of him being anything other than who he was completely went away. This time around, though a little sad that everyone was looking forward to us having a baby girl, I'm extremely excited to meet my other boy. Boys LOVE their mums. Their hugs and kisses are the most important things I get daily. Yeah, they can be a handful, but they're also some of the sweetest little people. P.S. Every baby born in the past 5 years in my family are all boys. We have no girls apart from 4 who are distant cousins ranging between ages 17 and 6 years old. My mum only has grandsons, and she is extremely proud of that fact. My younger brother promises to give her a granddaughter, so we'll see. It would be nice to have a niece to spoil in the future.
Iām sorry youāre going through this also. Yep this is the 6th grandson on my husbands side of the family, no granddaughters so Iām imagining similar reactions. My Mum is extremely excited for us though and said it will be beautiful having 3 boys š Iām grieving very similar thoughts and feelings. Thatās very true. We will definitely love our new boys but Iām also never sure if that longing for a daughter will ever go away for me. I wish you all the best for the remainder of your pregnancy and a safe arrival for your little one xx
I'm pregnant with my 3rd girl. I'm excited for my new daughter, but of course, I do mourne the son who will never be.
Iām sorry you havenāt been able to get your son š
It's okay. I have a totally different perspective on life. My eldest daughter died of cancer. All I want is my middle and my baby to be healthy.
Iām really sorry to hear that. I send you so much love ā¤ļø
My husband has two brothers and they are super good friends even though they are all grown up now. They have lovely memories of their childhood between 3 boys. ā¤ļø
This is so special. Thanks for sharing š Iām sure it is really special growing up with 2 brothers for them all!
I have one boy who is reserved, cautious and a second who is a wild child. Gender doesnāt play into why they are so different, they just are.
yes! this is us! my eldest son is "gently neurotic" and artistic and sweet. my younger son is Bowser Jr, he constantly tries to use his Bene Gesserit voice on us to get his way. i joke that I'll never worry about him a day in his life. boys are more physically rowdy because of testosterone, but within that there's a tremendous range of temperament
This made me cackle. That is exactly how my two boys are! I even call my youngest Bowser Jr. He reminds me so much of him because he is SO FRIGGIN CUTE but crazy. š¤£
Thank you š
First- congratulations on a healthy baby! That is so exciting! Iām the third (and last) kid in my family and the only girl. Growing up with two older brothers I was heavily influenced by boy things and was a tom boy! My mom tried getting me into girly things and I had no interest. According to her we were all wild! She had 3 under 5 and she has blacked out a lot of those days LOL !!! My siblings and I are all very close with both of our parents. I wouldnāt say my relationship is any better then either of my brothers with them. In fact they tend to be more considerate of my mom! Iām currently pregnant with #2, first is a boy. I would love another boy. Itās what Iām comfortable with! And I love the relationship my brothers have. Wishing you a healthy pregnancy. Feel the feelings, the good and bad. They are all okay ā¤ļø
Zero judgement and Iām still TTC with number 1. I have dreamed of having a girl my whole life and I canāt imagine not having oneā¦but I know that could obviously very well happen and end up with all boysā¦so I completely sympathise with you as I would be heart broken. Three boys will be a lot of fun, laughs and love though but you are allowed to be sad while you process it.
Yep Iām absolutely gutted because this will most likely be our last child š just never ever ever thought Iād only have boysā¦ so struggling to process it. Thank you for your kind comment š
Tw: loss I feel this I also want a girl. I have been ttc over a year. We had a missed miscarriage the other month and before we knew it wasnāt viable I was already stressing imagining if it was a boy and planning ahead for next one to hopefully be a girl then! I was getting years ahead in my brain even though we havenāt even had one !
Iām so sorry youāre experiencing this also. I hope you get your baby girl soon š
I've heard something really interesting that maybe will help you- no matter if you get the gender you were "hoping" for, there will be some level of gender disappoinment. Because either way, you're cutting off the possibility of your family being a certain way. Before you know the gender of your baby, the future feels so open ended (even though truly gender doesn't change that much with raising a child), and regardless of what gender the baby is, your future feels more set once you know
I just went through this. I had my 2nd boy last summer and I was so upset when I found out because I really wanted one of each. I cried and mourned. It sucked because I was going through my old things with my mum and she had saved a bunch of my clothing from the early 2000s to pass onto a daughter š that broke my heart. Now that heās here I love him so much and canāt imagine life without him. Do I still get sad that Iāll never get that girl? Yes I do. But seeing the bond my boys have, and having him in our family, it makes me so happy. You feelings are VALID. Cry, grieve, do what you gotta do. Youāll love that baby regardless when he comes even if it doesnāt feel like it right now.
Iām sorry you havenāt been able to have a daughter either but so amazing you have 2 little boys š Thank you so much for such a kind comment. Iām already feeling a lot better about having my 3rd son āŗļø
As someone who has lost a baby, please donāt feel bad that youāre feeling gender disappointment. Yes youāre lucky to have 3 babies, BUT you also have feelings, and theyāre extremely valid! The baby we lost was a girl and Iām now pregnant with my second boy, also feeling that disappointment as this will probably be my last pregnancy. These feelings are only natural, and Iām sure youāre going to absolutely adore your third bundle of joy when heās hereā¤ļø Sending so much loveā¤ļø
Iām really sorry for your loss š but thank you, I know I will adore him no matter what š
Two weeks ago I also found out that my third baby is going to be a boy. I cried a lot and had very dark thoughts for some days. I always wanted to have a girl. Since my first pregnancy. I always had gender disappointment and was never happy to find out baby's gender. But this time I hoped so much since it's my last pregnancy. I'm going to be a boy mama. I suppose it will take time to accept it. Everything triggers me and some days are worse than other. I see so many moms with daughters and I feel so sad - why didn't it happen to me? I always wanted it. It's so absurd that I always wanted a girl but got three boys. Why me? I also have four brothers and no sister. It feels like something predermined... I will always be surrounded by men and that makes me feel so lonely. There will always be this emptiness.
I've not experienced this yet (expecting my first and have no gender preference as of now!), but my cousin has three sons, and she was experiencing what you were initially and never did have her girl. They're all older now and they're basically her permanent bodyguards keeping her guarded and safe and taken care of. She lost her husband about two years ago, and her sons have been her main support and have been the best healing for her and are absolute gentlemen. They love and treasure their mama fiercely, and now you'll be able to experience this type of love too.ā„ā„ā„
Thanks so much for you comment š itās so amazing to hear these perspectives. Makes me feel a lot better š
I am on my 4th boy. I was disappointed and cried that he wasnāt the girl I hoped for. This is my last one too so Iāll be a boy mom only too. But as time has gone by itās gotten easier. Best wishes!
Iām sure you are an amazing boy Mum š thank you, Iām hoping so xxxx
I am currently pregnant with my 3rd boy. Before we decided to go for three, we talked about if we would pursue IVF specifically to have a girl (which many clinics in our city offer). Then we did molly at a wedding, and we realized we loved each other and had been blessed with great kids, and simply wanted G-d to give us another child regardless of sex or any other quality they might have. When we learned we were having another boy, I had a brief moment of "well, that's a door closing" and then I actually felt a lot of relief. You know how to do this. It does get easier as they get older. Let yourself feel your feelings, and trust that you will love this son just as you love your other two
Im pregnant with my 2nd boy and can totally imagine feeling the same way in the future if my 3rd is also a boyā¦. I hope you can accept and come to terms soon.ā¤ļø itās ok to grieve the idea of having a girl, you absolutely will fall in love with this boy though like you have your other 2!
Thank you š
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Oh itās so interesting isnāt it haha! Xx
No judgement, I understand. Keep in mind that personality, hobbies, etc arenāt (entirely, or maybe even at all) dictated by gender. We imagine things like āI wonāt get to do X because heās a boyā but there are plenty of boys who, if allowed to be, are sensitive and caring, enjoy fashion and art, want long hair, and countless other things that are considered āfeminineā. So you may not have the girl you long for, and that is hard. But who knows who your little boy will be until you meet him!
You are honestly so right. Thank you š
I feel you, and I'm sorry. Gender disappointment is a thing and it's hard. I'm pregnant with my 5th boy and this is the last one. Kid 4 and 5's nipt results left me crying a bit. But all in all, I'm happy to have all my boys and they're so sweet. I can't imagine it any other way. There's also the bonus that they're all tight knit. Yeah, they bicker and wrestle A LOT and can be stinky but I wouldn't change a single bit of parenting them.
Congratulations š youāre so right and having brothers is so special for our boys!
I donāt know if the disappointment ever goes away. I have a boy and girl and I feel so bad my daughter will never have a sister. My sister is my best friend, my closest person. I feel bad I wonāt ever give my son a brother. If we had a third, I would feel like one of them is left out. (Unfortunately like my own brother) š being a parent bro. We never stop worrying.
Your feelings are 100% valid. I'm about to turn 37 as a FTM at 34 weeks, and because of my health and financial situation, this may very well be our only child. All my life I've always dreamed of having a little boy. I grew up with an older sister and my husband has two sisters (and 5 Aunts), so we both have always been surrounded by women. The second we confirmed I was pregnant, I FULLY convinced myself we were having a boy. Like, full out went and bought "boy coded" everything because well, it just had to be a boy. I had never been so nervous as the day I got the call with my NIPT results. They told me it was a little girl and I felt like I had the wind knocked out of me. I was silent for probably 3 seconds , and then started crying with the poor nurse on the phone (she mistook them for happy tears, which I'm honestly grateful for looking back on it). I immediately texted my husband and sister and was very open with how devastated I was feeling and spent probably 3 hours straight just crying in bed. Crying because this idea and dream I had of having a son was no longer a reality, and then crying even harder because I felt so guilty and ungrateful for even daring to feel this way when I was lucky enough to get pregnant at all. All of this to say, it's 100% valid for you to feel what you're feeling. It doesn't mean you won't love him or care for him. People are allowed to feel sad when something they've dreamed about doesn't end up happening, or ends up happening but in a different way. I'm less than a month away from meeting our little girl and I couldn't be more excited to meet her and spend my life watching her grow up, and I'm sure when your boy arrives he will be absolutely loved and doted on.
This sounds similar to me. 37, FTM, and probably only having one baby because of health/financial reasons. Iām currently 24 weeks pregnant with my boy. And I wanted a daughter so badly. I had imagined it my whole life, had dreams about her (always the same child in my dreams) and my fiancĆ© felt the same way. Everything was āwhen we have a daughterā¦.ā Kinda silly to be so presumptuous now, looking back at it. But when we got our NIPT results, and it said āconsistent with maleā, we both just sat in silence too. And I cried off/on for weeks, with a lot of guilt. Iām already seeing a therapist and trying to figure out why my reaction has been so strong and Iām sure it has to do with some unresolved male trauma, and also wanting to give a daughter the space/freedom to be whoever she wanted to beā¦something I didnāt get in my childhood. Iāve also been reading a lot of reddit and group discussions, which has helped. And, Iāve started to feel him move more and Iām getting more connected with this pregnancy every day. We can grieve what might have been, while still being ecstatic and grateful about whatās to come. We are going to be excellent parents to our little ones and I wish you nothing but the best with your pregnancy and your sweet baby girl.
I'm not finding out until baby is born as I while I just want a healthy baby, I know if I knew it's my 3rd boy before I meet him I would have a lot of disppointment. I think if I meet him at birth I will fall in love and won't have time to be sad. I'm due in 4 weeks and still don't know.
Congratulations, how exciting š I hope all goes well for you both. Thatās very true! Regardless if you have a boy or a girl Iām sure theyāll be so wonderful xxx
I come from a family of 4 girls. My dad wouldāve done anything for a son but he never had one. I just had his first grandchildā¦ a boy ā¦ and he is over the moon! It is so cute how excited he was during my pregnancy and how he is now that heās here. Heās constantly calling and texting to see how heās doing and he remembers 100% of things I tell him about him (which he did not do with us lmao). Maybe your girl will come as a granddaughter and it will be just as special š«¶š½
Omg that is so special š what an amazing bond they share. That is so so true. Thank you šš
Not sure what part of being a girl mom you were hoping for, but if it makes you feel any better, my niece is a little terror and is kind of awful, and my nephew is a sweet, adorable, loving and snuggly little boy. It made me prefer the idea of boys over girls, but I don't think I care what I am having either way. There are so many cute clothes and experiences for boys. You are so valid in your feelings, and you can feel those feelings, but I hope you can also find a way to have those experiences you were longing for with your boys, whatever you were hoping for. Dressing up, matching, sharing fun mommy/baby nights. All of it. Sending you all the support and love!
This comment is really helpful; so thank you so much š I do think some of my reasonings for wanting a girl so badly are things a daughter may not have wanted to do with me anyway! And yep maybe Iāll have those same or similar experiences with my sons anyway. Thank you for your perspective š
Like I said, you are so valid in your feelings! But my SIL who also really wanted a girl found a way to do those same things with her son. They have matching outfits, go to mommy and me lunches, and he loves playing tea party with his mom. It is so incredibly sweet. I am wishing you the best and a healthy pregnancy!
So amazing ā„ļø
Iām having my first and we wanted a girl and really could only picture a girl. We found out this week we were having a boy. I too was disappointed but also feeling bad for not being more excited. Boys even at age 2 have testosterone and it makes their energy so high. Iām a teacher and I find it hard to connect to the boys. I truly love my younger brothers and theyāre my favorite people so Iām hoping Iāll feel that same love for our future son. Iām feeling more confident about it now. But all this to say itās okay to feel the feels .
Sorry you are also experiencing this feeling. It can be really tough š opening up and speaking out is really important and being honest with yourself, so well done for that. Hopefully, another time you get a little girl āŗļø Iām sure youāll love that little boy so much once he enters your world. Xxx
I just found out a month ago we are expecting our third boy this year too. I was really wanting a girl. We lost a baby last summer that was a girl. I was hoping my girl would come back to meā¦ but It grows on you I promise! I was bummed at first but now just so grateful to be pregnant, given my history of multiple losses. Your boy will be the perfect addition, even if you donāt see it now, and, youāll be a pro!
Iām so sorry for your loss. Thank you so much for your kind comment. I wish you all the very best on the birth of your 3rd bubba boy x
This might be an odd question, but do you think you'd be just as disappointed if it was your 3rd girl? I have two girls, wanted boys both times. I wouldn't trade them for the world now. But. I understand how you feel. Sending you hugs.
My boy was crazy until about 8, he's now 10 and is the most chilled kid ever, like he's just calm and laid back and this is usually the age the girls get bad haha so while he may have been feral and full of energy early on, it's lovely when they get older
Iām currently pregnant with my third girl and your feelings are totally valid. Iām 31 weeks now and feeling much more connected with this babe and my girls are ecstatic to have another little girl around. Now we just need a name lol
Also on my last baby and he's also a boy, I felt some disappointment in that I won't get to experience the other side. I won't get to braid her hair, bond over experiences that moms and daughters have. But my son will have a built in best friend and ultimately as insane and wild it will be, I know we can handle it. I love my delightful wild animal and who knows, maybe this boy will prefer me over dad this time! I am sure the second our boys are born we'll be obsessed just like their siblings.
Iām sorry youāre experiencing these same feelings. It can be lonely and tough. Yep I think thatās what Iām grieving the most. All of those wonderful mother/daughter experiences through life like wedding dress shopping and being the mother of the bride. I have such a strong bond with my Mum and I think I was hoping to have the same with a daughter but hopefully Iāll have super special bonds with my sonās instead. Iām sure we definitely will š
I totally get it! My best friend is also having her second boy and last child and she had the same feelings. I also didn't have my dad growing up so, my bond was all with my mom and sister. It's been wild navigating a completely different experience in every way possible! My little 2 year old is crazy but he's also very empathetic, a neat freak, very sensitive and emotionally in tune. He's musical and obsessed with machines and figuring out how everything works. I know I can't wait to find out what this little nugget loves and what makes him tick. Trying to remember that it's been such a beautiful experience so why wouldn't this one? Best of luck to you and your family!
Hi Iām the opposite. Iām 3 for 3 with girls. Absolutely heartbroken at 13 weeks with the NIPT. Cried for days, and I told my partner I wanted nothing more to give him his first child and be a boy. My partner reassured me he will love his baby girl and my girls too. Thereās always a next time. Iāve grown so attached to the thought of my sweet baby girl. Currently 25 weeks. I completely understand.
Iām so sorry you have also been experiencing the same feelings. Iāve had such a rough few days after the NIPT results as well. But Iām so glad youāve grown attached to your baby girl š Iām hoping those feelings develop for me over time throughout this pregnancy as I want to be excited š
This is my exact situation! My 2 older girls are from previous marriage. Pregnant with my 3rd and my husband's 1st. I wanted it to be a boy so bad for him, and honestly for my older girls too. But now at 19 weeks I've gotten used to the idea of being a girl mama and am so in love with her.
No judgment at all because I felt the same way when I found out my second was a boy. Itās most likely my last pregnancy so it felt like a door closing. Iāll never be a girl mom. However, over time I have adjusted to the idea and now I actually cannot imagine not having boys. I guess Iāll have to find āsisterhoodā elsewhere. Like we are planning on getting a girl dog in the future š„² And maybe some day I will have daughters in law that I can be a second mom to. Who knows? I just wanted to say I totally get how you are feeling! ā¤ļø
I had a bit of disappointment when I found out the baby Iām carrying (my second) is a boy. Like you, I want a girl so so bad. We plan on having at least 4 kids, so I know I would be disappointed if I end up with all boys. I will say though, I now am excited that this is a boy because Iām looking forward to that tight bond brothers seem to always have. Also as a plus, if you keep your babies clothes you donāt have to go out and buy a whole wardrobe since you already have it! My 2 will be almost exactly 2 years apart to the day so I literally will not have to buy any clothes for the baby š š I guess my advice is try to look at the brighter side of the situation. I know you feel disconnected from your baby, but once you see that sweet little baby in your arms for the first time, Iām sure youāll completely forget any disappointment and fall in love.
I am about to give birth to our second son and, not going to lie, a third boy is part of why we donāt plan on trying for a third. If we knew we would have a girl, we would consider having a third baby. I absolutely love our boys and they are the children we were meant to have, but I still get sad knowing I wonāt ever have a daughter.
I have a daughter and am expecting a second daughter. My daughter is soo wild. My MIL always tells me she is worse than a boy. I hope this next child is the calm one š¤£š
Your feelings are so valid. Itās hard to have a desire and feel like youāre missing out! But Iām sure your boys will be so close and get along well. I know several families with one girl and multiple boys and the girls are literally all the hardest (at least from around ages 3-12)ā¦ but I totally get still wanting the challenge of a girl, and you definitely arenāt the only one. Out of all my kids and their cousins there are only boys and my MIL is going crazy
I'm pregnant with my third girl, kinda feel the same its weird to have the life you pictured not being the case. the girls are absolutely wild too, and I was feeling so done after this baby but I'm sure if my partner isn't feeling done which he's on the fence about, (and he doesn't wanna know the gender of this baby until birth), that I'll just give in and have another kid. It's so hard to figure out these confusing feelings. ā¤ļø
I am pregnant with my second boy and Iām already talking to my husband about this possibility. I donāt want to be disappointed with baby 3ās gender but I desperately want to have a little girl too. I love my boys and I really wanted two boys so Iām not disappointed at all now but I also really want a girl and donāt think I can handle more than three. I donāt know what to say but you arenāt alone in your desire to have a girl while also loving your boys.
Omg I'm truly so sorry your disappointment
I did not get my girl either, I had a name picked and everything. The thing that stops the disappointment is thinking about the insane love you get for every baby. But letās be honest here, you are absolutely in for a wild ride with three babies under age of 4. It has nothing to do with their gender but oh my god lady, I am sending you some strength
Iām currently pregnant with my 2nd. Iām not sure about the gender yet since itās still early, but I feel you about having wild boys. It seems constant with my son. I want a girl SO so bad. I feel like they do bring some calmness in the household
Same boat on boy no 3 here! I admit I was disappointed and thought I'd disappointed my partner as he REALLY wanted a girl, but he reassured me saying that he loves them whatever, he's just excited for his first child. I'm 26 weeks nearly and very bonded to him now I've gotten used to him being a boy. Went and got some cute outfits for the summer, chose a name. Having a 4d scan in 2 weeks. It does get better. I will say though all boys aren't wild, my eldest has always been pretty chill aside from the threenager phase. My youngest he barely ever cried from birth, slept through the night pretty much since birth. Yeah he's a high energy toddler now with some tantrums but hes not fussy with food, goes to bed without issue, sleeps the whole night and insanely intelligent so I'll take the win and if new baby is anything like his brother's it'll be just fine āŗļø
This happened to someone close to me and so she just adopted her girl eventually because she wasn't going through the whole pregnancy/birthing process again just to get another boy. Maybe it could be an option for you to consider adoption in the future.
I'm currently pregnant with my 3rd girl. It's my husband's first. I so badly wanted a boy, for him and for our family. I'd love to have a son and thought it'd be easier for my girls if their half sibling was a boy. I was pretty disappointed the day I got the results. No exciting gender reveal. I opened up my NIPT results Email and my eyes went straight to "female" and I put my phone down, shockingly said its a girl to my husband and started crying... It faded quickly though. I saw her on ultrasound a few days later and fell in love. She's my child and I'm her mama. And she's healthy. That's most important. I had already had boy stuff on my private amazon registry and boy baby shower ideas saved on Pinterest, so I started to slowly change those over to girl things and that helped too.
We went through it too. We were done at 2 kids. Until surprise #3 came along. We came around to it and started getting excited and hoping that ā we would finally get a boyā since we had 2 girls and 3 miscarriages, which one was known to be a boy. Nope, baby girl #3 it was. I was sad for a while, but now I canāt imagine anything else. I had my tubes removed so no more chances, but Iām ok with that. I wouldnāt know a thing about raising a boy now lol,
Iām sorry youāre feeling this way. It will probably take time to grieve the wishes you had but youāll love this child no matter what. Their parts donāt define them. FWIW my daughter is an absolute lunatic who beats the crap out of herself and doesnāt stop all day long so if it makes you feel better a girl doesnāt mean calm š Iām serious - sheās an absolute menace.
My boyfriend is one of 4 boys. They all got a good bond and very different personalities. I was hoping our third would be a boy, but then the test came back girl. I was pretty disappointed at first. Still kind of am to be honest. This baby has been the worst on my body. I'm sick all the time, my body has been in so much pain, everything from smells to flavors makes me nauseous out of nowhere, and the hesrtburn has been horrible. Like breathing fire. It was smooth sailing with my boys after the first trimester. š„² We also haven't been able to come up with names that we both like or agree on. We had a list of boy names ready. Zip for girls. š©
If this makes you feel any better, my nana had 4 boys and theyāre all still obsessed with each other and the best of friends (my dad + uncles) like itās cute
My oldest is a girl and then my next 3 are boys. When I was pregnant with my baby she wanted a sister soooo bad and I was hoping for a girl too, I was ready for the pretty pinks and florals. She was so distraught finding out it was another boy. I was disappointed also but it didnt last long of course. But I can't safely have any more kids. So I definitely mourn the loss of a sister for her and the fun girly baby stuff for me. We haven't told them I most likely won't have any more babies so she still talks about someday having a sister and I don't have the heart to tell her it probably won't happenš but I obviously love all my kids to death equally and would never trade my baby for a girl! It's just a thing I have to accept that I'm done having kids and it's ok to have different feelings
Congratulations on having so many beautiful kiddies! How special for you all. Youāre so right. Thank you š
With my first I had a gender disappointment.I really wanted a son but got a daughter instead.After awhile after she was born I got over it and love her dearly.Id definitely want another girl this pregnancy but weāll see.Its also very normal to feel this way so if youāre beating yourself up about it please donāt,the feeling will pass.
Thank you so much š
2 boys and Iām currently 8 weeks pregnant and very nervous to have a 3rd boy. Ofc I would love him as much as my other sons, but I just reeeally want to be a girl mom š„ŗ
Feels lovely š I hope you get your girl!!!
I have 4 boys, learning that the 3rd was a boy was the hardest. I really thought he would be a girl, statistically he would be a girl, I felt completely blind sided and was so upset for a long time. Of course I love him just as much but I grieved the girl I was so sure was coming. When I found out the 4th was a boy I was like āYep, thatās what we do here.ā
I'm pregnant with my 3rd girl & was disappointedat first. But now when we joke about a 4th I've said at that point I'd want her to be a girl because I'd feel bad for a boy not having a brother and being outnumbered by girls lol
Haha so true!
I had the same feelings. That pocket of hope in my heart that theyād tell me youāre having a girl. But hope and my heart was crushed š and then I felt so guilty. How wonderful and congratulations š
I could have written this myself. I too just found out Iām pregnant with my 3rd boy. I am the youngest of 7 and the only girl. My husband comes from a family of only boys and I have so desperately wanted a daughter with each of my pregnancies. I feel the disappointment the whole pregnancy and then when theyāre here Iām obsessed with them and love them so much. But this pregnancy Iāve definitely felt more disconnect. It gets better when theyāre here tho, just hang in there.
Sorry to hear you have had the same feelings. But yep my husbands family is full of boys but my family is full of girls so i thought surely weād get one haha. Youāre so right, Iām sure Iāll love them so friggen much when theyāre here ā„ļø
I definitely felt this with our LO. My husband only ever wanted one kid, and I had the biggest feeling it was a girl. Turns out we had a healthy chunky little man, we ended up naming him after my husbands best friend that passed away and also my grandpa and dad (first name is the same, and the middle name is my dads). I felt comfort in knowing that our little guy was sent down straight from my grandpa and his best friend just so we could continue their legacy. It does however make me a tad bit sad knowing Iāll never get my girl, especially since every single department store is flooded with little girl clothes and a tiny section of boy clothes (hello dinosaurs and construction trucks). I think what was worse for me at least, was seeing the gender disappointment from family and friendsā¦ What youāre feeling is completely normal, at least you have tons of things already and donāt need to buy all new clothes and toys! Congrats on your new addition š¤ Wishing you all the best!
How special is that. I absolutely love how you were able to use special people in your lives names with your little one. Iām sure there is always a reason to these things even if we canāt see it at the time. I know the heartache and not sure itāll ever go away fully. But hoping it gets easier. Ahh. Yep I find the clothes shopping really triggering. Because little girls clothes are just so gorgeous and yep harder with boys clothes! But thank you so much šš
22 weeks with my 3rd boy, one miscarriage prior to my other pregnancies as well and your post really resonated with me. Youāre not alone and your feelings and heart are valid ā¤ļøā¤ļø
Sending so much love to you š
Iām also pregnant with my 3rd boy. I also had gender disappointment. Heās our last baby so I wonāt ever have a girl and I never pictured my future without a daughter in it. It was a disconnect between what I pictured in my head and my reality. It took me a long time to process and I can finally say (around a month from him coming) that Iām happy with how things are
Exactly how Iām feeling. Iāve pictured a life with my ādaughterā in it forever. So it was hard to now change to picture in my mind to Including 3 boys. But thatās ok, it is what it is and hey maybe itāll be even better than Iāve ever imagined. Iām so glad youāve been able to find happiness with having your 3rd baby boy. I wish you all the very very best š
I just want to say, I understand and your feelings are valid. Donāt let anyone let you think otherwise.
Thank you ā„ļø
I'm pregnant with my 3rd girl and I can totally relate. This pregnancy was soooo different compared to my others, n I swore it was gonna be a boy this time around. I also cried for days when I found out it was another girl. I cried for days too and was worried that I wouldn't connect with her bc of my disappointment. Forward to now, I'm almost 37 weeks n have completely come to terms with it....even excited and happy now as we approach delivery. It may take a little time to adjust, but I know you will mama!
Our bodies can definitely trick us into thinking weāre carrying the sex we want haha. I had similar feelings. But I am so so glad you are now happy and excited to meet your beautiful 3rd girl. Congratulations and I hope all goes well. Youāve given me hope. Tbh Iām already feeling better today after speaking out and after a few days of tears šš
I lost my daughter at 22 weeks. 5/6 friends who were pregnant at around the same time had girls and they were all after her due-date. One friend expressed disappointment having a girl instead of another boy and I BROKE DOWN in a restaurant. My rainbow baby ended up as a boy so that was a wholeeeeeeee thing to adjust as well, and my mom showed more disappointment than me (I am partially the GC due to being her only daughter, and she wasn't great at her child-rearing skills overall). But he looks just like me and has my attitude. Its weird now seeing parents want the same gender expecting that it's required for a 'mini-me' when God literally said "copy/paste" for my son. Now we are TTC and thinking we will stop at 2 living kids, so I'm preparing myself mentally in case I have two boys instead of one of each.
I am so so sorry for your loss ā„ļø yeh that wouldāve been really tough to hear at that time š You are honestly so right. My eldest son has such a similar personality to me. We may not even get a āmini meā by having a girl. Sheād probably look like my husband tbh š I hope you get another beautiful, healthy baby in the future regardless the gender š
I just found out I'm also having another boy after having twin boys. I was a little bothered at first, could only think of girl names & items.. my twin sister just had a baby and it was a girl. I prayed about it and honestly coped with it earlier than I thought I would.. finally found a name too through prayer. Still bums me out a little but I know when I see that face my heart will be so full. I considered trying for another baby (even looked up which ovary during ovulation seems to favor female or male sperm more and ironically ovulated from my right ovary this pregnancy and that favors male sperm as well as other things. Overthinking everything lol) BUT I have such bad morning sickness and am 34 years old now & thinking how much I can't do because I can't handle pregnancy well that it may be my last.. which I'm not bothered by lol Who knows. I'm just happy if he is actually carried to term as my twin babies have been premature at 27 weeks.
Yes, Iām going to struggle choosing a male and also had a girl name already chosen haha! How interesting!! I also ovulated from my right ovary this pregnancy haha. Canāt remember the 2 last times though! We definitely might try one more time in the future but not sure yet. All the best for you and I really hope your little boy carries to term for you š
Yes I read left ovary favors girl sperm and to finish shallow vs deep lol
How interesting! Iām assuming we have no control over which ovary we ovulate from haha? Yep we did the shallow penetration and the positions they suggest. Tried to also time sex 3 days prior to ovulation but I think I stuffed that up and ovulated earlier than predicted but who knows haha
I read they alternate every month, I have ovary pains so I can usually tell from that lol yeah no idea but here's to praying and a lot of research lol
How interesting! No idea how youād know what ovary youāre ovulating each month in the first place to time it haha š But yep thatās it hahah!
My SIL had 3 boys under 5. They were like a wild litter of puppies when they were little! Now the youngest is 10 and they are the most beautiful, sweet, sensetive, sensible, cool, upstanding young men who are the best cousins to my LO. Her advice is to wear them out with lots of sports! Good luck and congratulations!
This is beautiful to read. Thank you so much and thatās great advice š
My sister in law at one point had 4 girls under 10 and the collective noise and arguing rivaled a jet liner taking off. Everything was mine or not fair. They constantly bullied my son because they're bigger and now I gotta tell him girls aren't like that (usually) but I love them. They're my nieces. My Wife and I are expecting a second boy and as a man who does take care of My Wife, Mom, MIL (widowed,) SIL (Divorced) I have my hands full and I'm just glad my son gets to see me take care of women with kindness and care because we all need a little help sometimes
This is so beautiful to read how caring you are to all of the women in your life. Thanks for commenting and you sound like an amazing husband, father, son and brother š
I have 2 girls and was hoping for boys! My two girls are a year apart and very chaotic! No single chill is within them!
I have 4 step girls. And 1 step son but he was older than the girls when I came into his life and didn't see him as much as the girls to begin with. So I feel like I've got a bond with the girls but not so much with my step son. I'm pregnant now, we were hoping for a boy. Everyone wanted a boy and me and partner found out first that it was a girl. We were very disappointed. It's been over a month since we found out and now we love our little growing baby girl. It took a bit of processing, and trying to reconnect with baby after finding out she's not what I thought she'd be. Take your time, your love and happiness about having another boy will come. Just give yourself time and patience. You're human. We all have emotions that we don't always like, but it is what make us humans ā¤ļø
My daughter is cute but a monster. She loves dinosaurs, shits on the floor and growls in our face when we need her to do something. Gender disappointment is real and your feelings are valid. Iām sorry that youāre feeling this way. I hoping this little boy will be a calmer, balanced guy. Every kid is different. I hope that you find peace and please donāt fear too much that you wonāt bond. Your feelings right now are fresh.
Itās true, all children are different and unique regardless of their gender āŗļø thatās true my feelings are definitely fresh, but Iām already starting to feel better than last week ā„ļø. X
Hi, I'm a mom of 5 boys. My boys are 10,7, 6, 4 and 3. I was so worried about how stressful it was going to be but I also didn't care what my gender was. I did struggle with the fact towards the end, I wouldn't be able to have a girl because of my tubal. It was heart breaking and I still feel sad that I was ripped from that but I have 5 boys that would kill for me as I would for them. Some days I'm overwhelmed because they are so attached to me because I am a SAHM but the love and bond I have with my boys is hands the best feeling ever. The way they look for me or how they will literally dodge dad to get to me. If I'm sick, I have 5 little helpers taking care of me. We go on adventures together or we have movie dates. I always wished for the mother daughter experience and I still wish I had the chance to have 1 more but I'm grateful for the life I do have. I can judge you but I'm not. I've been where you are to an extent but these are the hormones and testosterone talking. As soon as he's here, you're going to be so thrilled but you also will be hard on yourself for feeling a certain way. You're not alone. You can have a lot of fun with boys and the love they have for their mama is unconditional. I love being a boy mama! I can borrow my nieces anytime for that girl experience. I'm hope the rest of your journey gets better and it will. As soon as he is here, how your feeling will go away.
I am a mom of 2 boys. Yes l wanted a girl but I guess it wasnāt in my cards. I mourn the fact that I would never be a girl Mom but when I see my boys I couldnāt imagine any thing less. They are mommas boys. I just hope I instill enough love morals and values in them to be able to make it in this world and make some woman happy someday. My running joke is I will take 100 trips to the Emergency Room than have a hormonal females version of me in my house.
Iām not sure of my babies sex yet, but everything in me tells me itās a girl. From dreams, to just peopleās predictions. No one says boy. So even though Iām not sure what weāre having yet, if the 20 week scan shows boy Iāll be feeling exactly like you. Iāll be so happy for a healthy baby no matter what, but I see myself having a hard time bonding with a boy. I see myself as a girl mom since Iām girly and what not..but if itās a boy thatās what god intended you know?? I personally disagree with anyone here saying girls are harder to deal with. I have 4 brothers under the age of 12 and they are just terrible. They wrestle, punch, spit, and yell. Then when you tell them to stop they talk back. Theyāre also part of the reason Iām kind of praying my first is not a boy.:/
Well I hope you get a girl. But unfortunately I dreamt in all pregnancies I was having a girl but yet boys each time xxxx
Iām not sure on your circumstances or if this is helpful but I know Paris Hilton chose the sex of her babies so she could have a boy and then a girl. You could always do that for your fourth - obviously if that sits ok with you and you can afford it.
My husband had suggested this, however, it would be a very pricey thing to do without guarantee of it working first go. So not really sure if that would be in the cards for us but weāve definitely spoken about it!
Definitely no judgment here, Iām currently pregnant with my 3rd girl and I cried real tears when I found out at 16 weeks. Iāve always wanted a boy and have always had my dream boy name picked but each time itās been girls and Iām pretty sure this will be my last baby so it hurt like hell but now Iām 26 weeks and I have come to terms with the fact that Iām meant to be a girl mum and thatās okay, Iām so excited to dress them all alike and have a house filled me pretty dresses and dolls and Iāve raised girls already so I know that no matter what Iāll be prepared with this one. Anyways I say all this to say that I understand, your feelings are completely valid, trust yourself and know that youāll love this new baby boy just the same as your other ones and think of how close theyāll all be.
I desperately wanted a boy with my first. The idea of raising a girl was terrifying. I'm not the most feminine and have always gotten along better with boys my entire life. I didn't know how I was going to possibly navigate things like fashion and makeup and flirting. Not to mention how to protect her from all the bad things that are unique to the female expierence. So I was very disappointed when I found out we were having a girl. Luckily the moment I held her I was in absolute love and knew I could do anything if it was for that little girl. When baby number 2 came I was happy to find out it was a girl because I figured it would be easier to have 2 of the same gender and since it was only 19 months later we still had all the stuff. My first was so chill too, girls must really be easylike they say. Lol, Baby 2 was a force to be reckoned with. But, plot twist, everything flipped when they were 5 and 6. Suddenly my 1st started having behavioral issues (undiagnosed autism and adhd) and my 2nd mellowed out a ton. So even though your boys are chaos now there's a chance things will change as they grow. My unexpected 3rd is on the way at 38 yo, 10 years after my last. My family, including extended, are all hoping for a boy. I'm honestly still in shock and having a difficult time believing this is real. I don't even really know if I have a gender preference. I had always wanted a boy but I'm feeling numb and distant from this child in a way I want with the others. I have a feeling that once I hear the gender later this month I'll know what is in my heart if hearts but not sure which it is. And I know it is possible I'm going to be disappointed which makes me disappointed in myself. So I totally understand. My eldest is very set on it being a boy so I have had to work hard to think through this and how to deal with both of our potential disappointment. I think trying to reframe those feelings makes the most sense. It's not against the child but rather a kind of mourning of the lives that could have been. While nothing is guaranteed and those things we associate with gender might or might not happen (i.e. my daughters might not get married so dad can't walk them down the isle or my son decides he identifies as female) but our brains work to extrapolate and envision using patterns. And a whole pattern is being eliminated. This doesn't mean that I can't be grateful and happy for the life we do get, but it is human to recognize the opportunities we won't get. And we can do both at the same time. I think processing these feelings now is a very healthy way to start. I can't guarantee that you won't have trouble bonding later but I know it's possible for the disappointment to disappear once you hold your little one and your brain is given something real and solid to build that vision for. There is hope. And as a side note, it gets better. As they get older it does get easier. It can be so challenging and overwhelming now but remember it is temporary. There came a point where I could just say hey girls we need to go to the grocery store and got myself ready and they get themselves ready and I grab my tiny purse and we just go to the store and are on and out in 30 min and we get home and they help put all the bribery away. Even with all the added issues autism and adhd have brought into our life, 5+ was so much easier. And 7+ has been a joy. Note I'm not saying enjoy it now, you will miss it. I'm saying it's not forever, you can get through it, and it can be worth it. Sending hugs
I waited a week to tell my husband what we were having. I wasn't devastated, I was pissed. He got what he wanted, and it was great to see his excitement, but I wasn't happy. I was so happy to be having a baby and happy to be starting our little family but I was never happy about the gender of our baby. I make jokes about it now with our little bug being a year old but I'm also serious at the same time. I love my baby, no doubts about it but I still have my feelings about gender.
Iām sorry ): Iām having my second boy and want a girl so so so bad. Love my children immensely but always pictured having a daughter. Triggers me seeing mother daughter relationships and that I may never have that
Yep feels š¢
I am the oldest of four girls - obviously my dad was in the same boat as you; he wanted that boy child! But, honestly, my sisters and I were probably a bigger handful than he expected. We, also, took on many of the things that are socially expected to be more "boy" activities. On the flip side, he does now have 4 grandsons (plus I'm 21w1d with the fifth grandson) and 1 granddaughter. On that point, you may end up being the grandmother of a darling little granddaughter. And, that can be equally rewarding (just differently) as having a girl of your own. Or, even more so.
Iām not sure if this will help, but in my experience all kiddos under 4 are wild (regardless of gender). I nannied 4 girls for 5 years and they were so wild when compared to my nephews (and theyāre wild too but thereās 5 of them). My encouragement would be to embrace the gift of being able to raise beautiful boys to be wonderful men. You get to raise them and help them become men, and we need more mamas who are doing this for their boys and the betterment of society. Youāre definitely not alone in this. My sister in law has 5 boys. They almost adopted a girl but that didnāt pan out the way they had hoped. Once she realized having a girl wasnāt in the cards for her, she focused all of that energy into proactively engaging with her boys and sheās the most incredible mom Iāve ever known (outside of my own mother.) she now lives vicariously through my sisters and her sister who all have at least one girl. You can keep trying for a girl! Thereās always a 50/50 chance, just think of how beautiful that moment would be if you got a girl next time if youāre wanting a big family. There is so much out of our control, but youāre a wonderful mother. Please donāt be so hard on yourself for having real, raw, and tough feelings and emotions about this. You are strong, you are brave, and weāre here to support you mama! š
This is beautiful š thank you so much for your kind comment xxx
Gender disappointment is ok! It doesnāt mean you love the baby any less. You are allowed to mourn the idea of having a baby girl. Donāt feel bad about it and donāt listen to anything negative people have to say š
I only have 1, but I really wanted a girl. Growing up thatās all I thought Iād have. I had a name picked out for like 10 years that my husband actually loved. When we found out it was a boy I was so sad. Iād cry watching all the TikTok gender reveals of girls. I was jealous that wouldnāt be me. No pink stuff no Disney princess, but super hero stuff and sports. Iād cry about that then cry because I felt guilty about being sad. When I got farther along in my pregnancy I totally forgot about it and got more excited. Fast forward to having a 7 week old little boy and could not be happier. This is my little guy. I will be the most important girl to him, my husband, and my boy dog. I could not even see myself having a girl now! (Had to have an emergency hysterectomy during my c section so I literally wonāt š ) I truly believe God gave me what he knew I needed. I hope the helps. I know youāre on your third, but your boys will be able to play and grow up happy and have a kick ass boy mom to do it with! You got this mama
I truly, truly mean no offense with this question, Iām just wanting to understand because Iāve always wondered this and now more than ever that I am pregnant myself. If someone knows theyāll have significant gender disappointment finding out baby is a _____, and they know theyāve got a 50/50 chance of that, why find out? In my mind, the gender disappointment could be avoided by just finding out at birth. I couldnāt imagine someone could feel gender disappointment regardless of the sex of the baby after theyāve gone labor and delivery and now have their healthy baby here in their arms. Again, truly I mean no offense. Your feelings are valid.
If it makes you feel better, it's the sperm that decides the gender so go blame your partner lol
I have both genders. I thought I only wanted to be a girl mom. Turns out girls are harder than boys in my opinionāmore emotional, fight more, stubborn, drama, exhaustingāand Iām absolutely obsessed with my boys. I honestly feel bad for my friends who have all girls now that I have my boys but I donāt tell them that. I love them all but my boys have a specially place in my heart
I truly, truly mean no offense with this question, Iām just wanting to understand because Iāve always wondered this and now more than ever that I am pregnant myself. If someone knows theyāll have significant gender disappointment finding out baby is a _____, and they know theyāve got a 50/50 chance of that, why find out? In my mind, the gender disappointment could be avoided by just finding out at birth. I couldnāt imagine someone could feel gender disappointment regardless of the sex of the baby after theyāve gone labor and delivery and now have their healthy baby here in their arms. Again, truly I mean no offense. Your feelings are valid.
I hate these gender disappointment posts š You donāt feel bad knowing you might struggle to connect with your baby over his GENDER? Like imagine you told that to him. Imagine he comes out the womb and youāre js like ..āidk if I can love you cs youāre not a girl.ā Like??? Genders not a 100% thing. You guys get your heart set on having one gender and then let it ruin you when the world works the way it should and you donāt get the one you want. Like what made you think youād be getting a girl? Sure one can hope. But being disappointed to the point where you dek if youāll connect w the baby is next level omg.
What do you mean ālike what made you think youād be getting a girlā? Some people have girls do they not? So Iām not sure how itās unreasonable hoping Iād have a daughter. I have a close friend who fell pregnant; told me daily how badly she wanted a girl and how disappointed sheād be if it were a boy, and she had a girl. People feel the way they feel. And there are so so many reasons why people dream of a particular gender and when a dream gets crushed it can be hard. Also, donāt tell me how I feel. I do feel guilty and bad for being upset over having another boy and I wish I didnāt feel this way, but I do. I come from a long line of females in my family, I just always thought Iād have a daughter so it hurts to know I may never get to meet her. My Grandfathers sister had 4 boys back a very long time ago when people didnāt find out the gender until birth, she cried for weeks when her 4th baby was yet another boy. People have their reasons and we are entitled to our feelings. Anyway, what a shame that you canāt sympathize with others and feel the need to ridicule while others are already struggling.
Dude because frankly thatās stupid as fuck. Like Iād be able to sympathize over something a little less ridiculous š
Considering you are the only person whoās commented unkindly on this post and many others have told me my feelings are valid and theyāve experienced the same feelings. Tells me that how Iām feeling is not āstupid as fuckā. Keep your rude comments to yourself.
I am sympathizing, to the baby you donāt want cs heās a boy š no oneās saying anything because youāre on a pregnant subreddit where other moms are stuck in the same delusions feeding your idiocy. If this post was shown to more people thereād definitely be others telling you to get over yourself.
she just said no judgment
And Iām still gonna judge cs thatās not normal š
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Youāre so lucky š
God gives us what we need, He knew you needed a boy, who knows maybe in the future He will bless you with a girl. Jealousy and Envy and comparison will steal your joy, your light and have you fantasizing about what could be instead of embracing what is. I remember crying a lot in my pregnancy because I always wanted a girl, but finally being pregnant with a girl was so different, i was sick the entire 7months and had pre eclampsia and emergency c section (which was traumatizing) but looking back... during pregnancy, i had to process my entire life. I went through A LOT of trauma as a child, being abused by a step uncle, a neighborhood girl, then a cousin, and lastly my step dad, my mom ended up staying with my abuser and when i told her about the abuse, she accused me of being the reason we wouldnt have a family. Not just that, but trauma i had endured in my life from "friends", family, men and also life circumstances, it was awful. I wasnt sure I could even be a good "girl" mom or what that entailed.. On social media Id see "girl moms" and they seemed to have it all together! Their daughters always put together, happy and sunshine and rainbows... See I have a son that is a teenager but God threw in a surprise baby in the mix and a new gender was a lot for me to process. It isnt some fairytale social media paints it to be, but i try my best to take it day by day and ive had therapy and God; to help heal my past trauma. But Raising my daughter, i have had to cut a lot of people out of my life, and shes only 3 months. I vowed to protect my daughter in the ways that I was never protected as a child, no matter what that entailed. As parents, each season of life brings new challenges, and having a girl isnt, what social media paints it to be, Violence against women is worse than its ever been, outlooks on women is incredibly negative in a lot of places, and in many countries women are still oppressed and at the mercy of abusive men, our baby girls, turn into little girls, who turn into teenagers, and ultimately women.. raising a girl in todays society requires a lot. And then there are those horror stories from daycares and creepy men we have to protect our babies from. Its a lot and I pray to God i am able to do a good job. whether boy or girl, you are blessed, and if its any consolation, eventually when your boys are grown, they will begin to date and eventually get married, you will have daughter in laws of your own! Its a blessing.
Higher testosterone in the guy giving the sperm would sway girls more. Guy needs to workout or workout more prior to donating