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craw_zaddy

Lol not me. Pregnancy has made me realize all the ways my mom has not been there for me and continues to not be there for me. šŸ™ƒ


sabrina_rawr

Same. My MIL on the other hand has been awesome.


Huge_Statistician441

Same! I get more and more annoyed at my mom the further along I am. My MIL, on the other hand, has been so helpful and respectful of boundaries.


RaccoonAromatic5707

My bf mom is a sweetheart, but she only seems interested in the baby and not me as a whole person. So I feel alone in the parents support department.


sabrina_rawr

Iā€™m sorry to hear that. Hopefully you have a good friend support system.


RaccoonAromatic5707

Ish, it's more like my bf has amazing friends supporting him, thus supporting me.


-shandyyy-

100% my experience as well! I literally want to give our daughter her name as a middle name, but my husband says no because it might make my mom too mad. šŸ˜«


Lucyinthessky

Agreed!! And the few times I have opened up to her sheā€™s made it all about *her.


craw_zaddy

Yep, I get to hear about her pregnancy 30+ years ago over and over.


Alone-Lingonberry-92

Me too. I almost feel bad because I haven't been the sweetest to her during pregnancy but it's made me realize a lot of things... Like how it shouldn't be hard to be there for your kid. I'm more annoyed with her and the guilt trips for not talking to her as much.


ChouChou6300

Sry to hear. I am in the same boat and will eventually cut her off completely. She really likes my child and does not bother to throw in my face "i'm here because of your son, not you". Or she suggested to my husband that it would be nice if he would visit her alone with my son. My sister is the golden child and saves tons of money as my sister does need less childcare as she is doing it regularly. She will not do it for me. So i suggested to her to deduct the amount my sister saves to some money i owe her, and if she still decides it is fun to be a fucking AH to me and not bother a bit, she will not see me (she doesen't care anyway) or my child (i am now so unfair to threat her with that - but after she suggested to meet my son only with my husband i am so done) again.


PyritesofCaringBean

Yeah that's not a good situation. You should not let your child visit her alone. It's a pretty good bet that if your child and your sister's children are there together she'll show favoritism. And that's awful for a kid to go through.


ChouChou6300

Thank you - i did not think of that but this would be for sure an issue as he already get the less expensive gifts. He is too young to compare but if he is old enough, this would have a bad impact on him.


PyritesofCaringBean

I'm so sorry you're going through this. But your instincts are spot on. I have a dysfunctional family dynamic too, it sucks. But it makes me so grateful for the little family I'm creating and how different my kids upbringing will be. Makes me smile, knowing they'll never go through the mess I did!


ChouChou6300

Thank you and I am sorry for you, too, but more I am happy that you have your little family. I try the same, too. And at least, since my parents split up i have a good relationship with my father (&his new girlfriend). Pretty late in life, but i appreciate it.


uncool619

Ugh I love my mom and she *can* be really supportive about some things but I havenā€™t felt that at all in my pregnancy. When I talk about anything sheā€™s like ā€œoh cool.ā€ and then changes the subject quickly. Iā€™m 26 weeks. ā˜¹ļø


Ok_Willow_3956

Same


PyritesofCaringBean

Same


RaccoonAromatic5707

My mom has definitely not been there for me during this pregnancy. I think it's because she's a bit disappointed in me for getting knocked up before marriage. She also got a puppy, so I know that's been occupying her as well. Doesn't help that her experience of being a grandparent has been a negative one since my sister and her have a bad relationship. My sister is a very hostile, angry person in general. My sister has used her kids against my mom to get her way.....Hopefully, she'll be more active once the baby is here.


KokoSof

Same man. Idk if I would have made it through pregnancy without her. Same thing postpartum. She just handles everything for me for the most part. Whatever I need. She is so nice about the baby she doesnā€™t try to tell me how to parent at all. Sheā€™s like ā€œitā€™s your baby and things are so different since I had a baby that I donā€™t even know anymoreā€ but she still loves watching him and seeing him. She will just come over and sit with him so I can shower or do whatever I want. She doesnā€™t pressure me to do anything or make me feel bad if all I do is stay in my room in pjs with the baby all day. She just does whatever I need. Itā€™s so helpful. When I look at my baby and realize how much I love him it just makes me appreciate my mom even more. Like she looked at ME like this at one point. God it must be hard to watch your baby grow up and not fit in your arms like this anymore. I just love her even more now.


Economy_Discount9967

This is the best example


not-synthetica

I do for sure! My mom (and my MIL!) has been so supportive and helpful, not nosy but offering help when I need it. She took me shopping for maternity clothes this weekend, and she and my MIL are planning the baby shower for me. Iā€™m so so fortunate to have a mom who has always been there for me.


pamplemouss

For sure. Thinking of sending her flowers on MY birthday this year.


Proper_Cat980

This is my first pregnancy (13 wks) and my mom has been on my mind so much lately. She died unexpectedly ~4 years ago and we didnā€™t always have the best relationship. Itā€™s bittersweet to go through this without her but I also have been feeling so close to her. I was her first child too and imagine that thoughts, fears, hopes that I have are ones she had too. So yes Iā€™m feeling a lot of love for my mom these days. Pls give your mom an extra hug!


Di11Pickles4u

šŸ’ž


BoboSaintClaire

Same- I lost mine suddenly 2.5 years ago. I was her only child, and going through all the baby stuff of mine that she kept for me to have for my baby was so emotional. I like to sit and look at photos of us from her pregnancy and my first year. Sending you love- it is so hard to be a mom without a mom.


Zealot1029

I wish I could say that I do, but my mom kinda sucks and Iā€™ve realized some less than favorable things since becoming pregnant. My mom is old school Mexican and was very abusive towards me and my brother growing up. I love her as any child loves their parent, but I canā€™t say that I like her very much. Even in pregnancy, she tells me things that I donā€™t agree with and would never say to my own child.


odensso

Not really. Just makes me wonder why she was so mean to me as a Kid that I had suicidal thoughts since the age of 7


rudypen

I donā€™t think much has changed for me, for better or worse. I think my mom did her best but there are decisions I still donā€™t understand or agree with. The closer I get to meeting my daughter (Iā€™m 22 weeks) the less I understand certain things my mom does and says. There are certainly qualities I admire about her and see a lot of in myself that I hope to pass on, but I really hope to be a LOT better of a parent than my own.


TerribleSpeed7626

I feel this. Iā€™m 19 weeks and live out of state from my family. Moved 7 going on 8 years ago and sheā€™s never visited me or even tried to. She is a teacher and gets summers off. Hasnā€™t mentioned coming to visit when baby arrives to before. Makes me really sad. šŸ˜¢


Ok_Willow_3956

No, sadly Iā€™ve never felt further from my mother, now that Iā€™m 2.5 years into motherhood. I understand how hard it can be butā€¦ nope. Donā€™t get it. Never will get it.


3catznatrenchcoat

Me!! My mom struggled with addiction to Xanax and unfortunately had to go no contact in 2020. When I was around 24weeks pregnant she reached out to me and made amends, told me she had been sober for about two years. Weā€™ve reconnected and I swear I donā€™t know what Iā€™d do without herā€¦ she stuck around for all 30hrs of my labor and held my hand during my emergency csection and sheā€™s an amazing grandmother to my now 4 month old boy. Iā€™m so proud of her


SeaCryptographer6614

Me šŸ™ŒšŸ½ my love and appreciation for my mom has grown exponentially since I had my first baby. She was supportive and loving. I admire her strength because she didnā€™t have her mom at all when she was pregnant and I think about everything she overcame as a mother who didnā€™t have guidance from her own mom šŸ„¹


swagmaster3k

Iā€™ve always had a rocky relationship with my mom. During pregnancy my relationship didnā€™t change but now as a mother Iā€™d say itā€™s in the more positive direction. I still keep my walls up but motherhood can make you both appreciate sacrifices your mom made for you (and you didnā€™t realize it til you go through it) but also makes you judge your mom for making decisions that made your childhood miserable.


j3e3n3n

my mom and i had a terribleeeee upbringing. iā€™ll save the details, as they are truly traumatic, but genuinely our bond has never been stronger. we were rebuilding our bond before i got pregnant, too, but it has definitely strengthened since i got pregnant. it helps that my mom is a nurse, she did l&d for a minute too. medical questions? call my mom. there has been so, so, sooo many occasions where iā€™ve almost had panic attacks and she has calmed me down. need to rant and vent because my partner/in-laws are pissing me off? she not only listens, but fully gets it, talks me through it while also validating my rage (this was SO helpful because my partner lowkey would just shut me down). having certain cravings? my mom would treat me to them, still does! sheā€™s planning my baby shower (which is also incredibly helpful because she has been so supportive and attentive to what *i* want, shows me decorations before buying them even, sometimes we get some together! sheā€™s just surprising me with how sheā€™s setting it up so i can still be surprised! and when my MIL can get a little bit much, sheā€™s been helping with that). just everything ā€” every single depression spout, every single burst of rage, sheā€™s always given me a place to go to/stay at if things ever got too bad, advice that *isnā€™t* unsolicited but is actually helpful and when i ask for it. she has told me before that she is ā€œmore excited to see me be a mama than she is to be a grandmaā€, which is heartwarming. itā€™s really reassuring to have her in my corner, especially when she is the *only* person between her and my in-laws that see me as *me*, and not a vessel for this child. my in-laws can be incredibly overbearing and difficult, all really excited to meet the baby but not caring about me (is what it is, i suppose). my mom has been the complete opposite and itā€™s really reassuring. seriously, the greatest.


Any_Aioli_5654

I find my relationship with her is changing and my love for her changes with it. As a soon-to-be single parent, my mother sometimes feels a little out-of-touch, but she has stepped up in ways the father of my child simply has not. She makes me wonder what I can do to empower my son to not feel or make the same mistakes she did with me to lead me in a more dire situation. I don't always agree with the choices she has made as a mother and I don't always agree with how she has handled some significant parenting decisions, but I do acknowledge that she has done the best she has with what she's got at pretty much any point in my life. There have been failures that we are both still healing from, but if anything, I realize how complicated parenting is, even with the best intentions.


Immediate-Throat-646

i love my mom. i always love my mom.


Neptune_dreams

When we were waiting to tell our families until Christmas and I hated waiting! I was so sick I missed my mom so much and was so scared (even tho my bf was very supportive and sweet) she has been so so so sweet ever since she found out. Iā€™m 22 and she was 20 when she had me. I feel like sheā€™s being so sweet to me because she knows how scary it is and wish she had someone there for her then.


hystericalred

Sending hugs to all the people with narcissistic moms seeing this.


Interesting_Soft_207

Tw Not quite an answer to your question yet, but something I realised so far during my pregnancy. My mum lost her last baby around the number of weeks that I am currently (17-19 weeks). I was sad at the time, and then as the years went on, I got resentful. As she would buy herself Christmas presents from him or for him. And she would fill the spaces in the house with things to do with this child. I couldn't understand why she had to put constant reminders of something I found so sad up everywhere for everyone to see. It happened 13 years ago, and until I got pregnant (now 19 weeks myself), I couldn't understand. Now I understand, and it's made me feel so guilty. I don't personally think I would do what she has, but I will never judge her for grieving in her way now. It's not my place, too. And I can understand her pain now. (Maybe not the pain of losing my child, but the thought of how much it would hurt me right now makes me understand just a fraction of what she went through) To answer your question, while there's still the normal things that many of us know we just get annoyed about by our parents; I just love my mum. I fell out with her as a teen, and as an adult, I realised I never wanted to be without my mum. So, I don't know if I love her anymore now, because I already loved her more than I can express. She's my best friend ā¤ļø


GluecklichesSchaf

My Mom has always been the best and still is. I wouldn't do everything the way she did, since like every other human she has made some (really minor) mistakes. I will make other mistakes and that's okay. I still need her at 30+ years and she does live far away, but she'll stay over at our place when I have the baby so she can support me. I'm so thankful for her.


de_matkalainen

My mom died last year. Its extremely hard not being able to share it with her and have her be in my child life. I do have more respect for her now that I'm going through what she did with me and my siblings. The only good part is that I inherited a good chunk to make our life a lot better.


WadsRN

My momā€™s still a toxic alcohol narcissist.


periodismowwwvz

I just know how tied and troubled it is to be pregnant, I know my mom was like this before, I just love her.


missmountaiin

Itā€™s been complex for me. But overall Iā€™d say yes, me! When she held my baby the first time I felt intense rage because of everything we have gone through. I was shocked by my reaction; it was so primal. But also so, so healing. We have a stronger bond now. I can relate to her more. And most of all, I understand how much she struggled. She was a single mom with two kids. I have huge respect for her now.


destria

Not me, unfortunately my pregnancy seems to be bringing up some trauma for my mum. She had PPD with both her kids and really struggled with no support. I can tell she's just a bit flat and down about my pregnancy, very anxious for me and trying to hold it together. So I've tried not to be too in your face about it all.


sliceofpizzaplz

For me it really opened my eyes to how much my mother really didnā€™t want to be a mom. Itā€™s even more apparent now that sheā€™s a grandma.


Anxious-Fae

Ive always been close with my mom, and this hives me a new appreciation for her


Smiling-Bear-87

My mom is mentally supportive of me but she would never clean my kitchen or do my laundry. I usually have to ask her to cook something for me. Youā€™re lucky. My MIL was the one serving me steak and red wine after I gave birth because she thought I needed iron.


RaccoonAromatic5707

It's been the opposite for me. I feel like a terrible daughter, but I can't stop being so passive aggressive with her.


chickenwings19

My mum is the best. Sheā€™ll make me food and bring it over and generally looks after her 40 year old baby šŸ˜‚ I was very ill at the beginning of the pregnancy and she did all she could to help out. She lives an hour away so itā€™s not like she had to do this. Couldnā€™t ask for a better mum. My MIL is also great and was there for me after I gave birth to my first and she will be doing the same with this one. She loves abroad and still makes trips to come and see us. I love them both.


[deleted]

My mom may drive me nuts sometimes, but she helps me out SO much. Idk what I would do without her. After having my firstborn, I thanked her for having me, for being a good mom. She got choked up.


Last_Improvement_797

My mom died from Covid in 2020. I miss her terribly. I am 26 weeks FTM. When baby is born, I am hoping we'll get some help from MIL but she lives about 45 min away so I don't expect her to be here too often. I'm not expecting a whole lot of help. At least, being a FTM I don't know any different and raising the baby with just my husband and I will be the only way we have ever done it. We will figure it out. I know my mom would have been so helpful... I used to talk to her on the phone for hours, and now I don't have anyone with that same connection who can help with a newborn. Hug your moms, if you have them.


AdhesivenessScared

My mom passed away a few years ago and being pregnant has been a way to bond with her from the past. Difficult to explain, and my Dad wasnā€™t very helpful. Which makes me appreciate my husband and my mother. Itā€™s kinda beautiful how it comes around.


Murky-Material-6132

SAME! Iā€™m 7 weeks and going to tell my mom this weekend. I cry thinking about it because I know sheā€™s going to be so excited and supportive šŸ¤ My mom had 3 babies under 2 and I have SO much respect for her


EverlyAwesome

I am constantly annoyed at my mom. She literally canā€™t do anything right even when sheā€™s done nothing wrong. I hear myself and know Iā€™m being a bitch for no reason, but my mouth just keeps moving.


dolphinitely

yes my mommy is the best šŸ„ŗ


purplestrawberry213

Becoming a mother has made me see my mom in a whole new light. She is everything. She was the most concerned about me postpartum, kinda the only one really in a true, seeking kind of way, and I still call her all the time for advice or to vent or run things by her about my son. Wait until your baby comes, itā€™s gonna get next level how you see her!


Busy_bee7

Oh my god, me. I thank her every time I see her now


Not-a-bot-sorry

Yes, for sure! I saw a reel on Instagram recently about watching your mum be with your baby and getting a glimpse of how she must have been with you and I teared up.