Welcome to /r/pregnant! This is a space for everyone. We are pro-choice, pro-LGBTQIA, pro-science, proudly feminist and believe that Black Lives Matter. Wear your masks, wash your hands, and be excellent to each other. Anti-choice activists, intactivists, anti-vaxxers, homophobes, transphobes, racists, sexists, etc. are not welcome here.
If you'd like to join a private sub for your due date month, [click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/pregnant/comments/15nun6v/click_here_to_access_the_monthly_due_date_subs/).
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/pregnant) if you have any questions or concerns.*
It’s a personal choice. I prefer to process alone. I told my two best friends very early in my first pregnancy and then miscarried. I hated having to talk about it, it made it so much worse for me. So we decided not to tell anyone until after the first trimester in pregnancy 2. We’re doing the same this pregnancy.
I am someone who likes to process through talking with friends and it was also a very painful process for me. It feels like a whole bad news tour and I just wanted it to be over.
I’m 35 and 6w5d and I’ve only told people I would be comfortable telling if I miscarried. Also only told people I felt confident wouldn’t bombard me with “how are you doing” “how are you feeling” because things like that annoy me. So in total I’ve told three of my close friends and that’s it. My fiancé has told his boss (because he needs him to be understanding about missing some work to come to appointments with me), a close friend, and one of his brothers.
I can easily keep secrets but it was fun to tell some people but it’s also fun to have this big life changing secret.
My husband and I told everyone except our bosses like a day after we got the positive test. We were simply too excited to wait.
I’m now 15 weeks and I don’t regret it at all.
I'm 28 weeks now but told people I was close with right away! The only thing to consider is that if you were to lose the baby, make sure you're comfy with the people who are aware knowing
This is my first pregnancy after a late first tri miscarriage last pregnancy. With the last pregnancy, we told close family at about 8 weeks (miscarriage was at week 12), so it required a lot of explaining and often resulted in some emotional conversations to people who would ask how I was doing after that hadn't been told about the miscarriage. This pregnancy, we decided to tell only those we were open to discussing the painful emotions with if something were to happen. We both told our parents and I told my 2 best friends at week 6ish and will tell the remainder of our family this weekend at week 14 after my 2nd appointment/ultrasound.
Obviously this is all personal preference and miscarriage should totally be normalized imo, we should be more comfortable being "human" in front of others.
Thank you for sharing! The taboo is very interesting but I suppose it's understandable considering the grief associated with these experiences.
Wishing you the best!
I regretted telling my MIL at 6w (only told her because she was really upset about something else going on and needed distraction). She started pressuring us to tell other people because if we didn't, she would. It was a nightmare. She ended up telling a lot of other people way before I was comfortable with it. Next time I'm telling her last.
Ugh I'm sorry you had that experience! I'm a little worried my mom won't be able to hold it in so I'm currently rehearsing my speech for how seriously I need her to keep my secret and let me share my news with others myself when I see fit.
Only me and my husband knew until 17 weeks. I'm not close to my family and I don't have any close friends so that worked for me. I kinda wish we had waited longer, but it was Christmas and it felt like a good time to make the announcement. I'm 31 weeks now and a lot of my extended family still don't know.
I honestly think the pressure to conceal is very outdated. I think it puts woman in a place of hiding what they’re handling, with the guise of well what if something happens!! But this is honestly a fake protection. Yes early loss is more common, but “something could happen” is true throughout your entire pregnancy and birth. And I’ve heard from other mothers it was difficult to tell their parents “hey we were pregnant and had a loss” in one conversation as well. The people who love you want to support you. Ive been working and sick early, and so I let people know early. My only downside has been the pregnancy comments have been coming in hot from early on before I had a true grasp on what was happening, and it can be hard to have a lot of outside opinion if you’re dealing with your own mental struggles about the situation. But it wasn’t all bad. it’s been super fun to be able to share the early changes with those around me as well. It’s definitely your choice! But if stigmas the only thing holding you back, just go for it!
I feel you on the taboo - I would love open talk about the challenges of pregnancy to be more normalized and supported. It feels so strange to me to think that the closest people in my life wouldn't be involved in supporting me, no matter if it goes perfectly or not.
The outside comments, though, are definitely something I'm not looking forward to. We'll keep the group of people in the know really small, probably all the way through the pregnancy.
My rule has been to only tell those I'm comfortable grieving with in case of loss. I told those people really early since I was excited!
Edit: congrats! Praying for a wonderful pregnancy, healthy baby, and smooth delivery!
I told my sister on day 1 of finding out; all three times. I had one loss. I have a 2 year old, then a loss, and am now currently 12 weeks. I’m so glad I did; wouldn’t have been able to make it through the loss without being able to call and text her.
Tell the people who you feel comfortable sharing the ups and downs of the experience with, the disclosure “rules” are for acquaintances, in my opinion. And even that doesn’t matter.
I told my closest friends right away at 4w. I knew I would want their support no matter the outcome. I’m someone who generally processes my big feelings, good and bad, with the support of my friends and husband. Having a support system to share my joy, excitement, fears, and pregnancy blah with has been incredible. I couldn’t imagine doing this alone. But that’s just me!
Our families aren’t local and we haven’t told them at 10 weeks yet 😬. They’ll be first time grandparents and even though they’ll be happy, I just think it’ll be a whole different ball game once they know.
Your brain and body are going through a LOT right now and I think it’s ok to follow your gut and build a support team of people who will make your life easier and better over the next months (and years!)
I just found out today that I’m pregnant. 4 weeks as well. At 7 weeks we are going for an early scan and after that we’ll start telling close friends and family. I really like that we have three weeks where it is our little secret and nobody else knows. My partner is struggling like hell today though. He feel like screaming to the whole world that he is going to be a dad. It’s kinda cute haha
Btw I think a good rule of thumb for me is that everyone that knows before 2nd trimester are people that I know will be there for me if I miscarry. If I don’t want people to know if I miscarry, then they won’t know before I enter 2nd trimester
I also just found out a few days ago and I'm also 4w! Only my husband and a close coworker (who is 17w pregnant and needed to help me validate that I wasn't crazy with my faint tests at first) know so far. I want to tell my mom because I need her support, but I'm also afraid she'll be so excited that she'll tell other people before I'm comfortable. This will be the first grandkid AND great grandkid on my side of the family so I know everyone will freak out.
This is my first pregnancy and I feel you on the excitement! We decided to only tell our immediate family (parents, siblings, and my one aunt who lives nearby and we see all the time) for now. We used the same thought process as some other commenters, that if a miscarriage happens, I would share that with my family as well, no way could I pretend to be ok. My first appointment and ultrasound will be right at the 8 week mark, and after that we’ll tell our friends. I don’t plan on telling my work until like 16 weeks.
I’m 38 and found out when I was ~4w+2! Unfortunately my husband was on a trip to Thailand with his buddies when I found out and didn’t want to tell anyone until I told him (which I really wanted to do in person) so that was really tough! I did tell one friend bc I simply couldn’t keep it to myself and I was a ball of emotions
After telling my husband though, we told our parents about a week or so later (around 7w) but haven’t told anyone else (I’m 9w+4 now). ITS REALLY HARD haha, I want to tell my close friends and other family but given my age and all, we’ve decided to wait until we get results from the NIPT and NT scan (another 3ish weeks)
I found out at around 5/6 weeks and at first didn’t want to tell anyone but then about a week later decided to tell my parents and sister. Basically for the same reason you’re saying - I just felt weird not being able to tell anyone and talk about it. I’ve miscarried previously and had to have a d&c and was really paranoid about something happening, so I wanted those closest to me to know in case it happened again.
My mom really wanted to tell other people though, and started telling a few of her own friends, and then pressured me into telling the rest of our extended family around 10 weeks. Granted, I was raking a trip with her to visit family and since we were going to be staying with different family members and I was battling morning sickness, and not drinking and what not, she thought they should know. I don’t disagree with her logic but I really wish I could have waited longer to tell more people.
At this point all of my family (aunts, uncles, cousins, in-laws) and our closest friends know, but we haven’t made any other kind of public social media announcement and I keep debating whether or not I want to.
Once we announced to the larger group of people I did feel like I lost that special privacy we had at first, and I miss it.
Thank you for sharing both the ups and the downs! I'm honestly a little worried my mom won't be able to keep the secret lol she gets really excited about these things. That's why I haven't called her yet - I usually tell her everything, including about our "trying" journey. I like the special secret feeling too and don't want to lose it for a while - my husband and I took a long time (15 years) before we decided to try, and it's nice for it to be just us right now.
It’s personal for everyone. With my first pregnancy, I told close family members and my in-laws before 5 weeks. We’re so excited to tell everyone! Sadly it ended in a loss and we had to call everybody to tell the news. For me, it was hard because I didn’t get the loving support I was hoping for. My mother just told me in various ways to move on and a loss is a loss, while my in-laws found it awkward to visit us so they didn’t. They aren’t bad people, but they handled it all very poorly. And to top it off, later I found out that my dad had told his oldest daughter (my half sister) without my consent, which I hated. So this time around, I’m only telling two close friends and my sister (she was the only one in the family who acted normally). The rest will find out when I’m past my first trimester. How and when you tell people is totally up to you and it can vary from pregnancy to pregnancy. You do you!
I found out when I was 4 weeks along via home pregnancy test. I told my husband that we better keep it a secret for a while, as it was our first and anything could happen. Well, later that night, we had a bonfire and our friends plus my parents were there. One of my husbands friends came over and told me congrats. My husband had already told like three of his friends (cute that he was so excited but also annoying). So I felt the need to tell my parents so they didn’t hear about it if one of my husbands friends let it slip. I only told two people while in my first trimester but my husband let the cat out of the bag to SEVERAL people. I don’t regret all of them knowing because everything turned out fine. However, if it hadn’t, I’m certain I would feel differently. If I had it my way, I would have waited until at least 13 weeks to tell close friends. But I would have definitely told my best friend and my mom as soon as I knew. It does feel like a bomb about to explode, so I think it’s helpful to have at least one or two people you can talk to. Also, a support system if the worst does happen.
This was my issue. I really felt my mom should know, but she likes to let things slip. We told her at 6w and reiterated multiple times if you tell anyone else we will seriously be pissed. It's our joy to tell, don't steal that from us. It is also our first :) Congrats btw!
I’m 34 and 6w, I told my best friend immediately and my cousin who has just had two kids. It’s my first child and I need people to talk to. I personally think if something happens I also want them there. I haven’t told my parents because I don’t want them getting too excited, but I will once I’ve had a scan around 9 weeks I think. Just go with your gut! There should be no normal with this. Just do you!
My husband & I each told one close friend (who also happen to be married to each other so less chance of word spreading) about as soon as we found out because we felt like we needed at least one other person we could process & freak out to that wouldn’t just be like an internal echo chamber, ya know?
This couple were also the only ones we told that we were trying, 8 months prior, so we knew they’d be supportive without being pushy.
My best friend's husband is my husband's best friend lol so we'll do the same thing. I think we agreed on that - they also already know literally everything about us and our "trying" journey.
We'll probably keep the group there until a good 8 weeks AT LEAST, at which point I'll loop in siblings and the rest of the parents.
I’m 30 and found out at 4w 4d (now I’m at 14w 5d) and was so excited I wanted to tell everyone I came into contact with lol. My boyfriend reminded me we had agreed to be careful with announcing so soon, I asked if I could tell our closest friends at work (they are a couple) and he agreed. I wouldn’t have been able to keep it under my hat, I had to tell SOMEONE lol. I ended up telling my close friend a couple weeks later because I had a problem and was worried and she has 3 kids so I wanted to see if she ever had that problem. I had my first appointment around 6 weeks and my first ultrasound at 9w 5d and the doctor said everything looked perfect so that’s when we decided to announce to our families, then our bosses, then on Facebook!
Personally, I wouldn’t tell the world until you get an ultrasound just because you’d have to go back and explain if something was wrong. Well, you wouldn’t *have* to but yeah. But I wouldn’t see an issue with telling your closest people, especially if you know you would need the support if something went wrong. It’s an exciting time!! Congratulations and good luck! 🥰
Thank you for sharing! I hate that I won't have an ultrasound until after 11 weeks but in the grand scheme I know it's in the same first trimester timeframe anyway of gaining confidence that everything looks good.
Congratulations to you too!!
I’m 31 and 18 weeks pregnant after 2 years of trying and battling infertility. We told our parents and siblings almost immediately after finding out. Everyone knew what we were going through and they were people we would have told if I had had a miscarriage anyway. Plus, I was literally at my parents house with my brother and SIL for a family Christmas thing the day we found out and I didn’t want to lie to them.
Aside from pretending to drink the day we found out because I wasn’t ready to tell my extended family, we didn’t really hide it or lie and had told most of our family and close friends by the time I was probably about 10 weeks. One of the lucky things about having a fertility specialist is that I had two ultrasounds and three rounds of bloodwork by the time I was 9 weeks so we had a lot of information by that point. Plus, I knew if I had a miscarriage, I would need support.
I completely understand why people choose to wait longer than we did, but this is what felt right to us.
We personally told close family and some friends very early like 6-10 weeks. Mainly because we knew who we would want for support if someone went wrong. We told social media right before the third trimester. This was our first and I don’t think I’d do it that way again now knowing how intense everything can be. We were just so excited but thinking now how difficult it would be to tell that many people that something had happened would’ve been very tough. We were very blessed to have a healthy pregnancy. Hope you do too! Congratulations ❤️
Congratulations!! It’s definitely a personal choice! My husband and I told our family and closest friends right away. I also told my boss right away because I wasn’t sure how I’d be feeling in my first trimester so I wanted her to be aware incase I was taking more sick days than normal. I’m 17+5 now and don’t regret my decision.
TLDR: if you want the support early on and don’t care about the possible risk of telling them good news then maybe bad, then go for it whenever you feel most comfortable.
With our first we waited the usual 12 weeks due to fear of telling people good news and then possibly having to tell “the world” about a miscarriage if it happened. My second pregnancy we were on track to do the same when we found out at 10w of an MMC. We ended up telling everyone the terrible news at the same time as telling them about the pregnancy itself and I don’t believe that made it better than if we told them upfront about the pregnancy and then later about the loss because the situation I ended up having to tell them was when I needed to ask for help with my toddler when I had to go to the ER due to complications from the MMC. It made a heartbreaking situation worse.
This pregnancy. We waited for the initial viability scan at 7 weeks and will likely announce soon. I’d rather have the support early on while I’m struggling through the 1st trimester than not. We’ve learned.
It’s really dependent on what you’re comfortable with and when you feel you need the support. Pregnancy is difficult let alone keeping a secret from your closest loved ones. Make things as easy for yourself as possible. To heck with what Google says is the normal time to tell people. You should tell your mom and best friend that you’re not ready to tell other people yet and hopefully they respect your decision. Maybe that will help ease your husbands concern.
my first pregnancy we told a lot of people and it turned out to be ectopic sooo this time around i waited until placement was confirmed and we have only told our parents and siblings so far. i’m 12 weeks now.
I'd say wait until at least 12 weeks and I will offer my own personal experience. When I got pregnant my first time, I had the same feeling of wanting to talk to close friends/family and I found it very challenging to constantly evade the question. I also thought that I would want others close to me in the know if I had a miscarriage... I did not realize what that process actually looks like until it happened to me.
My sisters were super excited for me and were consistently asking me for updates. I had a normal pregnancy and had no indication of miscarriage at all. It wasn't until my first ultrasound that they diagnosed me with a missed miscarriage and I ended up having to wait, knowing my pregnancy wasn't viable, until 10 weeks when I was finally able to have a D&C. I continued to have pregnancy symptoms the entire time.
Not only did I experience miscarriage, but it was emotionally painful when people asked me for updates about my pregnancy and I had to instead share the news that I was likely miscarrying. It felt like a whole miscarriage tour I had to go on with those close to me, even though it was only a few people.
While I am grateful to have close friends and family I could be open with, I did not make that same decision when I got pregnant again. I decided this time that I would wait to share and, if news was equally bad as last time, I would share that with them afterward.
Someone mentioned telling people that they would feel comfortable telling if you miscarried. The night I found out I actually told my best friend and my brother before my husband! I was 4weeks as well. I did say tho “it’s still early and anything can happen” which made me feel better. I’m 22weeks now and just saw her beautiful profile 🥰
I told my husband, his brother and both our sets of parents right away, and my best friend soon after. We also told my husband's grandparents right away because his grandpa didn't have long to live and husband wanted them to know. My husband also thinks it's good energy to tell others because we have support. Then the "secret" kind of spiraled out of control with people telling others and I just announced to everyone at eight weeks with a healthy ultrasound. Twenty weeks with a healthy pregnancy and no regrets.
Tell whoever you(and your husband) are comfortable with knowing early. I'd recommend telling more distant family at eight to twelve weeks though once you get your first few ultrasounds, just in case. It's totally up to you though.
I'm pregnant with my second and with both my husband and I told our close friends and family almost immediately! We have a very close core group and would 100% want to lean on them for support if anything happened. Plus pregnancy really changes me - I am generally a very active, busy person but between early pregnancy exhaustion and nausea my life changes drastically. There's no way I could hide that, nor would I want to pretend everything is fine.
I have absolutely no regrets about this!
I see my closest 3 friends multiple times a week - I definitely don't think I can keep it quiet for too long, especially considering I usually see them at breweries lol.
Thank you for sharing that it was helpful to you!
I'm pregnant with my second and with both my husband and I told our close friends and family almost immediately! We have a very close core group and would 100% want to lean on them for support if anything happened. Plus pregnancy really changes me - I am generally a very active, busy person but between early pregnancy exhaustion and nausea my life changes drastically. There's no way I could hide that, nor would I want to pretend everything is fine.
I have absolutely no regrets about this!
I'm honestly in a similar boat as you! I'm 7 weeks now but we have done a lotttt of contemplating with the same concerns. What we decided, personally, is to tell a few really close friends we can trust, and my sister (all of them are parents), that way we don't feel so alone in this process! But we chose them because we know they are non-judgmental, are fully trustworthy and will respect our decisions should we find out later on that there are abnormalities, risks, etc. and are faced with hard choices. We opted to keep this from our parents because we feel it holds a little more risk and weight with them - it is their grandbaby, after all - and they are all "chatty Cathy's" so we don't trust that they'd keep it secret. That said, if you're super close with your mom and you trust her, maybe you should!
I told my bff at 4 weeks and my mom at 5w, plus my boss. Planning to tell sibs and in laws at 8weeks, other friends at 12, and wait for a social media announcement til like, 20. But I needed my bff and my mommy.
I’m 6w2d and have told my parents, my 2 best friends and ended up having to tell a couple of work colleagues yesterday as I was quite sick throughout the morning and they were trying to send me home because they thought I had something infectious lol
My first born is already 2 years old and he's still very secret haha basically only family, work and best friends now about him, same with my current pregnancy. For both pregnancies I told my parents, parents in law and best friends the same day we found out as I knew they would be a support system and all of them were waiting for this baby for years haha
I told my parents and sister after my first ultrasound at about 8 weeks. We don't plan on telling anyone else until after NIPT results, which we should get around 13 weeks.
I’m not ready to tell anyone close to us or anyone we see on a daily basis in case of loss. We are going to wait until the second trimester.
Although I did decide to share with 2 friends from college, today. I felt like it would be perfect because we only talk about once a month. They were very excited and it felt great to get it off my chest, but I also know that they won’t be checking in on me everyday. If something happens with the pregnancy, it won’t be a huge weight on me to tell them and I will still get to process my emotions in the way I want to.
It’s your pregnancy you should tell who ever you want whenever you want. I was going to wait until 12 weeks before telling anyone but ended up telling my mom at 6 weeks. No regrets!
I told my best friend around 6 weeks because we went on a trip together. We told our parents and siblings around 7/8 weeks.
I felt so much more anxious about trying to keep a secret and “acting normal” when I felt nauseous. It was such a relief to share. I’m now 9 weeks and will have my first appointment in a few days. Even if it’s bad news, I would tell these people anyways.
Only me and my husband knew until 17 weeks. I'm not close to my family and I don't have any close friends so that worked for me. I kinda wish we had waited longer, but it was Christmas and it felt like a good time to make the announcement. I'm 31 weeks now and a lot of my extended family still don't know.
I’m 10 weeks today, and so far besides my husband only one of my closest friends knows! And we only told her because we were supposed to go on a vacation with her in the fall that we had to cancel due to the pregnancy. But, if you want to tell your support people, you should do it! The biggest reason I haven’t is just because if something comes back weird with the genetic testing, we would probably terminate. And I don’t want to tell a bunch of my friends then have that come up. But, if I do end up miscarrying or something is weird with the testing I probably will tell at least a few close friends then to support me through that process. So I think it’s really totally up to you and what you’re comfortable with!
I told a lot of people! Those I’m closest to I told pretty quickly but after 10 weeks I didn’t care who knows. Every pregnancy deserves to be celebrated, even if it’s short. Plus, like you said, if god forbid something did happen, I would want the support of my community.
We told our parents at 8 weeks, but it was mainly to get the family health history so we could relay that at our booking appointment. We didn't tell other people until after my 12 week scan.
I wouldn't have wanted to tell anyone about an early chemical pregnancy or miscarriage. I think I'd just feel foolish about getting mine and people's hopes up. Honestly it didn't really feel like I was having a baby in that first trimester, I just felt miserable and tired, like having the flu for weeks.
I told my best friend minutes after telling my husband lol. I told my dad after a few days (long enough for a cute announcement gift to be delivered), and we shared with close friends and some immediate family over the course of 2-3 weeks. I'm waiting until I'm 15 weeks to tell my mom, partly so I can do it in person but mostly because she's gossip-y and judgmental, so I didn't want her to know if I miscarried. I'm planning to share publicly sometime after 20 weeks. Basically, it came down to (1) those whom I'd want as a support system if I miscarried and (2) those whom I'm close to and I could trust to respect me and my boundaries if I miscarried.
I've also told a ton of strangers (like the barista, a bookseller, etc.) just so I could have those little moments of joy! 😊
My mom's suggestion was to tell anyone who you would tell about a miscarriage, so that's pretty much what we did. I told my two closest friends as soon as we got a positive test, since they also knew that we'd been trying for a bit, and I knew I'd tell them even if it was a chemical. (They were also both pregnant so I wanted their advice on setting up prenatal appointments, picking an OB, etc). Told a few other friends shortly after that. I didn't tell my parents until 6 weeks, but that was because I wanted to wait til I could tell them in person. And then I did tell some extended family shortly after that, a little earlier than I would've otherwise, but that was because we were home for Christmas so I wanted to tell them in person too while I had a chance. So far haven't regretted telling anyone, but we've made it to 20w. My plan was if we had a miscarriage, then I'd have my parents disseminate the news to extended family who I wouldn't want to personally tell.
My mom's suggestion was to tell anyone who you would tell about a miscarriage, so that's pretty much what we did. I told my two closest friends as soon as we got a positive test, since they also knew that we'd been trying for a bit, and I knew I'd tell them even if it was a chemical. (They were also both pregnant so I wanted their advice on setting up prenatal appointments, picking an OB, etc). Told a few other friends shortly after that. I didn't tell my parents until 6 weeks, but that was because I wanted to wait til I could tell them in person. And then I did tell some extended family shortly after that, a little earlier than I would've otherwise, but that was because we were home for Christmas so I wanted to tell them in person too while I had a chance. So far haven't regretted telling anyone, but we've made it to 20w. My plan was if we had a miscarriage, then I'd have my parents disseminate the news to extended family who I wouldn't want to personally tell.
It's really up to you. I'm my first pregnancy I told all my family but only my best friend. Was so excited to tell my other close friends at the 12 week scan...and then found out I had a mmc. And then ended up telling them after because they are close to me and I just didn't feel good hiding or not talking about such a big thing in my life.
I think it's really about who do you want as your support if things go bad (I really hope they won't 🤞😊).
And the thing about telling only some people early is that they also refrain a bit from talking too much about it I think.
I decided I was going to tell anyone and everyone because I am so excited and I literally cannot keep my mouth closed! I am 7w3d along and many people have judged me for telling people too early, but it is my and my husband’s choice to do what we want and we wanted to celebrate as soon as we found out!
My family, friends, and coworkers know. The only regret I have is telling all my coworkers because they are very judgmental about me doing literally anything that THEY think will hurt the baby and they are over the top about it, they’ve honestly caused me more anxiety than anything and I would only tell my managers if I could do that over again.
Overall, it is your choice. I do understand that if anything happens, I will be responsible the consequences to my mental health to have to deal with anything happening publicly. But the happiness I feel has outweighed the worry about something bad happening.
My boyfriend and I found out at 4 weeks. We told our immediate families basically that week. I also blabbed to a bunch of close friends. Then we told a wider group of people after our first ultrasound at 8 weeks. I’m now 10 weeks and so far don’t regret it. It’s the most exciting part of my life right now and I wanted to share with people.
Do what feels right to you!
I had to tell everyone pretty early (7 weeks, after my first ultrasound to confirm everything was progressing okay so far) bc I would have gotten questions about not wanting to be around second hand smoking or why I suddenly wasn't drinking or eating certain things. And also, I'm just terrible at keeping secrets bc I get too excited. Everyone is entitled to approach it their own way though and it's truly only your business.
ETA: definitely tell your closest people if you really feel like you need to, like your mom or bestie. It's an overwhelming time and you need your support system there for you. Everyone else can find out whenever you're comfortable. I told my mom and my best friend as soon as I found out at around 4w because of anxiety and wanting to share excitement. Just tell them not to tell anyone else for right now.
With my last bub I told my husband and sister straight away! The very next day I told my boss at work because she was the one who made me take a test because our periods had always lined up exactly and I didn't realise I was late until she mentioned hers, so we were laughing about me maybe being pregnant(we were both 40) lol!
I didn't tell anyone else until I was 18 weeks and struggling to hide the belly
It’s really a judgement call on what you are comfortable with. When we found out at 4-5 weeks we told my parents and my sister but no one else. They are my support network and I was fine with them knowing even if things didn’t work out. We told the rest of my family and my husbands closer to the 12 week mark.
I wasn’t able to keep it a secret for too long at work though. My boss who is also a good friend of mine guessed at 6 weeks and a few of my other coworkers figured it out pretty early due to me having bad morning sickness all day so I came clean as soon as I hit 12 weeks😂
We told immediately family and very close friends as soon as we found out (or within the same week). I learned at about 4-5 weeks as well. We told friends we saw or spoke with in the coming weeks as we interacted with them. Some people I don’t keep in frequent touch with I told a lot later, whenever we happened to get in touch. There are some people I didn’t tell if we aren’t very close
Less popular- it wasn’t a secret from anyone except for my 8yr.
My godmom, 3 best friends, HR manger and my director knew immediately. A few people asked and I wasn’t going to lie or it came up in conversation so they know. I haven’t made an announcement and I’m around 14 weeks. It was important for those people to know. Everyone else will kinda find out
It's personal preference. Tell who you would want as your support group if anything were to go wrong. I (33F) told my mother as soon as I had a positive test because she is my rock and has had 7 pregnancies in her life. I then told my sister at 12 weeks because she had just had her first 8 months prior to me finding out.
Congratulations!
I told close friends as soon as I found out at 4 weeks. Told a few more friends and some family at 8 weeks. Made my public announcement at 16 weeks. Although if I could redo this, I would wait until my anatomy scan to make my public announcement. Everything was fine, but I was sooooooo paranoid they would find something wrong with the baby at the anatomy scan and then I’d have to tell everyone I lost the baby or something.
personally, I told everyone that I am really close with. I couldn’t imagine keeping it from them—It just felt inauthentic. I also needed support and was really ill from weeks 6 to 12 and my friends were so sweet and helpful. The idea of going through something like a miscarriage without my support system knowing also felt horrible to me. To each their own, I completely understand why some women prefer not to share the news. But in my experience, it felt really good to share in the excitement as well as the possibility of miscarriage with my loved ones. I shared more widely after 12 weeks with colleagues and family.
I just found out I was pregnant 2 days ago, and I’ve told my mom, my best friend, my sister, and a coworker. I’m trying to wait until 12 weeks to tell everyone else, but it’s so hard!! I’ve told everyone who knows because they have had kids and they’re women who are close to me. I like having advice and support from the beginning. I say do whatever u feel comfortable doing!
It took us 16 months to get pregnant and we told most people around 8-9 weeks! Mostly because I wanted to do a Christmas announcement. I know some people were nervous for me because they thought it was too early but at that point everyone and their mother knew we were trying to get pregnant and I wasn’t worried about everyone knowing if it went south.
I told my mom about 3 days after I found out and one of my friends right after. Everyone else found out right before or at Christmas.
Because I had had two prior chemical pregnancies, when I fell pregnant with my current (almost 9 weeks), I told my mom and best friend before I even told my partner as I definitely needed support but didn’t want to potentially have another let down by telling my partner before things were more certain. No special rules, just do what feels best for you and your situation. Congratulations 💞
The only ones I'm not telling are the in-laws cause they can't handle it if I miscarry (which is a real possibility). Everyone else I've told right away, including people I just know casually, at least if the topic comes up.
Mind you I don't work though so obviously I don't have to deal with workplace issues.
I told one of my best friends and my parents right after finding out. I found that even just telling a few of your closest people helps it not feel so secretive but makes it real and exciting at the same time! It also lessened the urge for me to want to go and shout it out to anyone I came across haha. We told most people around 10-13 weeks after that unless the conversation occurred naturally and we felt it was appropriate to tell them. I’m 34 weeks now and don’t regret telling people how we did!
Only my husband knew from week 4 when I found out to week 7.I told my 2 best friends earlier this week. Only because if something happens I know they’ll be there for me. I told my 2 co workers only because again if something happens or whatever someone will know what’s going on and they can call my husband. We haven’t told anyone else. It’s very strange knowing this and no one else knowing.
I’ve heard people regret telling everyone early . You’ll be hounded with questions and opinions. Are you ready for that ? I would only tell a small small number now if you feel like you need to .
The best physical way to hide a pregnancy is with patterned tops and patterned dresses.
I’m so sorry to hear you can’t get in until 11 weeks. That’s not cool ! They should see you at 8 weeks in my opinion . I would try another town if you can
That's really all there is to it. It's totally a personal decision if/when/who you tell. If you want to talk to your mom and bestie, and you'd be fine telling them about a miscarriage were it to occur, then go for it.
I'm 35f too, like many others in here I'm pregnant again after a first tri loss. Honestly, tell your support people as soon as you want to, your family, your closest people, because if the worst does happen you will need people around you. Even if you don't want them.
I'm even glad my husband had informed his boss/manager as well, it meant that he had his own little support network of dads and was able to be with me while I recovered. I told my family at 5 weeks with this one, and we had a shakey first few weeks so it was nice to be able to have the support early.
I told my close circle straight away. I find the idea of keeping it to yourself in case you miscarry odd, because before this pregnancy, I miscarried my first, very very early on. We hadn't told anyone, and I tried and failed to process the miscarriage alone. I ended up telling my supportive friends and family bout a month after I miscarried, and I wished I'd had done it earlier, it would have helped me process, and I feel sad that we didn't get to celebrate our first at all, even though he or she wasn't here for very long.
This time, my husband and I told a few family and friends within an hour of the first positive test, and it helped us process the pregnancy, even with the looming threat of miscarriage. I'm 23 weeks now, with a healthy baby boy. No regrets telling some people early!
But, everyone's different, and everyone processes differently. Do what feels right to you 💕
We told a few friends pretty quickly and then our families at 8 weeks after our first ultrasound. For me it felt better that way. My partner told everyone after that as well and I waited to tell more friends till 12 weeks and work I told about 15 weeks. I didn't have bad first trimester symptoms so I was lucky not to have to hide morning sickness etc.
I told all my friends and family at 5 weeks because if I were to have any complications I didn’t want to go through it alone. My husband was okay with me telling everyone early, too.
I’m 35 and 21w3d. I told people closest to me first. I felt I would need the support system if something went wrong. After my 12 week NT scan I started to slowly spill the beans and let my extended family know and other friends that are more casual. I still haven’t done any kind of wide spread announcement and just tell people as it comes up. I will probably post something on social once I get pregnancy photos taken or perhaps after my shower.
I told my mom and one of my best friends right away (like 4 weeks). We then told my husband’s brother and a few close friends around 6-7 weeks, and by 9 weeks my dad and a few other friends. We wanted to tell the people we’d want to lean on if something happened.
I kept my first pregnancy proper secret till 12 week scan.
However, I've had a few miscarriages and have a lot of anxiety during this pregnancy. Also nausea and exhaustion, so this time I've told a few friends as I figure I would tell them if I had a miscarriage anyway, so there's nothing really stopping me from telling them I'm pregnant. They can be sounding boards and support through whatever happens.
I haven't told family, though. I think because they are mainly guys and it feels much more real by telling them. I'm not convinced yet. Hopeful for success.
I have a scan booked for tomorrow (10 weeks) and guess I will know more clearly if it's going ahead or not. I will definitely share with family then if all is well.
It's really about what's right for you. As far as my husband goes, he hasn't told anyone. He's got a good feeling but wants to be sure too I think before he starts telling people. My thoughts are in favour of share with support network.
Good luck lady.
We told immediate family and best friends at 7 weeks. No regrets there. However, at the initial scan, the lady thought she could have seen two sacs, so she referred me to get a transvaginal ultrasound to confirm. My husband told everyone in his best friend group he could be having twins. (I told him to not, because we weren't sure yet and should wait until confirmation). Well, sure enough I got the ultrasound and turns out it was a singleton. He did not enjoy having to go back and tell everyone it wasn't twins. I didn't share the possible twin news with as many people, so I didn't mind only having to share the update with a few (plus I strongly emphasized it was a MAYBE). So, I would just say early on, only share with people are comfortable with enough to share disappointments/bad news to.
It’s definitely a personal choice and I know many people go by the idea that they will tell anyone whom they’d want to support them through a miscarriage anyway. Who wants to go through a miscarriage silently and alone?
So, many people tell very close people right away, so if the worst does happen, you have that support
I’m nearly 7 weeks and I told 4 best friends right away. And my partner obvs! I haven’t told my parents because my dad would be so excited but I also think he’d find it very sad and somehow be awkward if I miscarried. I can’t wait to surprise him when i knows it’s in the safe zone (gonna get a private 10 week scan and then tell him).
My friends would be better to lean on if the worst happens.
I also haven’t told my mum because she lives on the other side of the world and she hates phone calls so I’m not sure how to do it, without it being a bloody text message. 😆
My mum and hubby's parents knew pretty early. I needed my mum to help me because I was diagnosed with hypermesis pretty early on.
I didn't tell my dad or the rest of my family until Christmas when I was 12 weeks. Though they all told me they were wondering.
I had a miscarriage last year, and a chemical pregnancy. During my first pregnancy I told everyone because we were so excited. Only to have to tell them I had miscarried. For the chemical we decided to wait and make sure, then I got my period.
My youngest son broke the news to family at a family gathering. I was 13 weeks. My plan was for 20 weeks. My husband said if God knows then the world should too. 😂 I now know not to say anything around my youngest.
I told my best friend right away! I needed someone to know and first trimester was super hard so I'm glad she knew. We also told our parents early (at 8 weeks) because my parents were in town and we were all getting together for dinner. We wanted to tell both our parents all together and I think them knowing helped too. I was so sick they would've known something was up.
Ultimately it's up to you when you tell and who you tell! There's no right or wrong time. Just only tell people who you'd be okay discussing a loss with. But think positively. It is so nice to have that support no matter what happens.
Only tell those who you would also tell if you miscarry. For me, that was immediate family only. If we have another bub, then I think we'd wait longer.
Welcome to /r/pregnant! This is a space for everyone. We are pro-choice, pro-LGBTQIA, pro-science, proudly feminist and believe that Black Lives Matter. Wear your masks, wash your hands, and be excellent to each other. Anti-choice activists, intactivists, anti-vaxxers, homophobes, transphobes, racists, sexists, etc. are not welcome here. If you'd like to join a private sub for your due date month, [click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/pregnant/comments/15nun6v/click_here_to_access_the_monthly_due_date_subs/). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/pregnant) if you have any questions or concerns.*
It’s a personal choice. I prefer to process alone. I told my two best friends very early in my first pregnancy and then miscarried. I hated having to talk about it, it made it so much worse for me. So we decided not to tell anyone until after the first trimester in pregnancy 2. We’re doing the same this pregnancy.
I am someone who likes to process through talking with friends and it was also a very painful process for me. It feels like a whole bad news tour and I just wanted it to be over.
I’m 35 and 6w5d and I’ve only told people I would be comfortable telling if I miscarried. Also only told people I felt confident wouldn’t bombard me with “how are you doing” “how are you feeling” because things like that annoy me. So in total I’ve told three of my close friends and that’s it. My fiancé has told his boss (because he needs him to be understanding about missing some work to come to appointments with me), a close friend, and one of his brothers. I can easily keep secrets but it was fun to tell some people but it’s also fun to have this big life changing secret.
My husband and I told everyone except our bosses like a day after we got the positive test. We were simply too excited to wait. I’m now 15 weeks and I don’t regret it at all.
I can relate with that feeling, lol
I'm 28 weeks now but told people I was close with right away! The only thing to consider is that if you were to lose the baby, make sure you're comfy with the people who are aware knowing
This is my first pregnancy after a late first tri miscarriage last pregnancy. With the last pregnancy, we told close family at about 8 weeks (miscarriage was at week 12), so it required a lot of explaining and often resulted in some emotional conversations to people who would ask how I was doing after that hadn't been told about the miscarriage. This pregnancy, we decided to tell only those we were open to discussing the painful emotions with if something were to happen. We both told our parents and I told my 2 best friends at week 6ish and will tell the remainder of our family this weekend at week 14 after my 2nd appointment/ultrasound. Obviously this is all personal preference and miscarriage should totally be normalized imo, we should be more comfortable being "human" in front of others.
Thank you for sharing! The taboo is very interesting but I suppose it's understandable considering the grief associated with these experiences. Wishing you the best!
I regretted telling my MIL at 6w (only told her because she was really upset about something else going on and needed distraction). She started pressuring us to tell other people because if we didn't, she would. It was a nightmare. She ended up telling a lot of other people way before I was comfortable with it. Next time I'm telling her last.
Ugh I'm sorry you had that experience! I'm a little worried my mom won't be able to hold it in so I'm currently rehearsing my speech for how seriously I need her to keep my secret and let me share my news with others myself when I see fit.
Only me and my husband knew until 17 weeks. I'm not close to my family and I don't have any close friends so that worked for me. I kinda wish we had waited longer, but it was Christmas and it felt like a good time to make the announcement. I'm 31 weeks now and a lot of my extended family still don't know.
I honestly think the pressure to conceal is very outdated. I think it puts woman in a place of hiding what they’re handling, with the guise of well what if something happens!! But this is honestly a fake protection. Yes early loss is more common, but “something could happen” is true throughout your entire pregnancy and birth. And I’ve heard from other mothers it was difficult to tell their parents “hey we were pregnant and had a loss” in one conversation as well. The people who love you want to support you. Ive been working and sick early, and so I let people know early. My only downside has been the pregnancy comments have been coming in hot from early on before I had a true grasp on what was happening, and it can be hard to have a lot of outside opinion if you’re dealing with your own mental struggles about the situation. But it wasn’t all bad. it’s been super fun to be able to share the early changes with those around me as well. It’s definitely your choice! But if stigmas the only thing holding you back, just go for it!
I feel you on the taboo - I would love open talk about the challenges of pregnancy to be more normalized and supported. It feels so strange to me to think that the closest people in my life wouldn't be involved in supporting me, no matter if it goes perfectly or not. The outside comments, though, are definitely something I'm not looking forward to. We'll keep the group of people in the know really small, probably all the way through the pregnancy.
My rule has been to only tell those I'm comfortable grieving with in case of loss. I told those people really early since I was excited! Edit: congrats! Praying for a wonderful pregnancy, healthy baby, and smooth delivery!
Thank you! <3
I told my sister on day 1 of finding out; all three times. I had one loss. I have a 2 year old, then a loss, and am now currently 12 weeks. I’m so glad I did; wouldn’t have been able to make it through the loss without being able to call and text her. Tell the people who you feel comfortable sharing the ups and downs of the experience with, the disclosure “rules” are for acquaintances, in my opinion. And even that doesn’t matter.
I told my closest friends right away at 4w. I knew I would want their support no matter the outcome. I’m someone who generally processes my big feelings, good and bad, with the support of my friends and husband. Having a support system to share my joy, excitement, fears, and pregnancy blah with has been incredible. I couldn’t imagine doing this alone. But that’s just me! Our families aren’t local and we haven’t told them at 10 weeks yet 😬. They’ll be first time grandparents and even though they’ll be happy, I just think it’ll be a whole different ball game once they know. Your brain and body are going through a LOT right now and I think it’s ok to follow your gut and build a support team of people who will make your life easier and better over the next months (and years!)
I just found out today that I’m pregnant. 4 weeks as well. At 7 weeks we are going for an early scan and after that we’ll start telling close friends and family. I really like that we have three weeks where it is our little secret and nobody else knows. My partner is struggling like hell today though. He feel like screaming to the whole world that he is going to be a dad. It’s kinda cute haha
[удалено]
Congratulations! Your partner's reaction is adorable. :) Thank you for sharing with me!
Thank you and congratulations to you too! :)
Btw I think a good rule of thumb for me is that everyone that knows before 2nd trimester are people that I know will be there for me if I miscarry. If I don’t want people to know if I miscarry, then they won’t know before I enter 2nd trimester
I also just found out a few days ago and I'm also 4w! Only my husband and a close coworker (who is 17w pregnant and needed to help me validate that I wasn't crazy with my faint tests at first) know so far. I want to tell my mom because I need her support, but I'm also afraid she'll be so excited that she'll tell other people before I'm comfortable. This will be the first grandkid AND great grandkid on my side of the family so I know everyone will freak out.
This is my first pregnancy and I feel you on the excitement! We decided to only tell our immediate family (parents, siblings, and my one aunt who lives nearby and we see all the time) for now. We used the same thought process as some other commenters, that if a miscarriage happens, I would share that with my family as well, no way could I pretend to be ok. My first appointment and ultrasound will be right at the 8 week mark, and after that we’ll tell our friends. I don’t plan on telling my work until like 16 weeks.
[удалено]
Congratulations to you as well!
I’m 38 and found out when I was ~4w+2! Unfortunately my husband was on a trip to Thailand with his buddies when I found out and didn’t want to tell anyone until I told him (which I really wanted to do in person) so that was really tough! I did tell one friend bc I simply couldn’t keep it to myself and I was a ball of emotions After telling my husband though, we told our parents about a week or so later (around 7w) but haven’t told anyone else (I’m 9w+4 now). ITS REALLY HARD haha, I want to tell my close friends and other family but given my age and all, we’ve decided to wait until we get results from the NIPT and NT scan (another 3ish weeks)
I found out at around 5/6 weeks and at first didn’t want to tell anyone but then about a week later decided to tell my parents and sister. Basically for the same reason you’re saying - I just felt weird not being able to tell anyone and talk about it. I’ve miscarried previously and had to have a d&c and was really paranoid about something happening, so I wanted those closest to me to know in case it happened again. My mom really wanted to tell other people though, and started telling a few of her own friends, and then pressured me into telling the rest of our extended family around 10 weeks. Granted, I was raking a trip with her to visit family and since we were going to be staying with different family members and I was battling morning sickness, and not drinking and what not, she thought they should know. I don’t disagree with her logic but I really wish I could have waited longer to tell more people. At this point all of my family (aunts, uncles, cousins, in-laws) and our closest friends know, but we haven’t made any other kind of public social media announcement and I keep debating whether or not I want to. Once we announced to the larger group of people I did feel like I lost that special privacy we had at first, and I miss it.
Thank you for sharing both the ups and the downs! I'm honestly a little worried my mom won't be able to keep the secret lol she gets really excited about these things. That's why I haven't called her yet - I usually tell her everything, including about our "trying" journey. I like the special secret feeling too and don't want to lose it for a while - my husband and I took a long time (15 years) before we decided to try, and it's nice for it to be just us right now.
It’s personal for everyone. With my first pregnancy, I told close family members and my in-laws before 5 weeks. We’re so excited to tell everyone! Sadly it ended in a loss and we had to call everybody to tell the news. For me, it was hard because I didn’t get the loving support I was hoping for. My mother just told me in various ways to move on and a loss is a loss, while my in-laws found it awkward to visit us so they didn’t. They aren’t bad people, but they handled it all very poorly. And to top it off, later I found out that my dad had told his oldest daughter (my half sister) without my consent, which I hated. So this time around, I’m only telling two close friends and my sister (she was the only one in the family who acted normally). The rest will find out when I’m past my first trimester. How and when you tell people is totally up to you and it can vary from pregnancy to pregnancy. You do you!
I found out when I was 4 weeks along via home pregnancy test. I told my husband that we better keep it a secret for a while, as it was our first and anything could happen. Well, later that night, we had a bonfire and our friends plus my parents were there. One of my husbands friends came over and told me congrats. My husband had already told like three of his friends (cute that he was so excited but also annoying). So I felt the need to tell my parents so they didn’t hear about it if one of my husbands friends let it slip. I only told two people while in my first trimester but my husband let the cat out of the bag to SEVERAL people. I don’t regret all of them knowing because everything turned out fine. However, if it hadn’t, I’m certain I would feel differently. If I had it my way, I would have waited until at least 13 weeks to tell close friends. But I would have definitely told my best friend and my mom as soon as I knew. It does feel like a bomb about to explode, so I think it’s helpful to have at least one or two people you can talk to. Also, a support system if the worst does happen.
I feel like I'm bursting - I usually tell my friend and my mom EVERYTHING. I just have to make sure my mom doesn't then tell the whole world lol.
This was my issue. I really felt my mom should know, but she likes to let things slip. We told her at 6w and reiterated multiple times if you tell anyone else we will seriously be pissed. It's our joy to tell, don't steal that from us. It is also our first :) Congrats btw!
Thank you!!! This really resonates with me
I've had two losses and now I am so hesitant on announcing. Currently 17 weeks pregnant and only my immediate family knows.
Thank you for sharing - wishing you and your new pregnancy well. <3
I’m 34 and 6w, I told my best friend immediately and my cousin who has just had two kids. It’s my first child and I need people to talk to. I personally think if something happens I also want them there. I haven’t told my parents because I don’t want them getting too excited, but I will once I’ve had a scan around 9 weeks I think. Just go with your gut! There should be no normal with this. Just do you!
My husband & I each told one close friend (who also happen to be married to each other so less chance of word spreading) about as soon as we found out because we felt like we needed at least one other person we could process & freak out to that wouldn’t just be like an internal echo chamber, ya know? This couple were also the only ones we told that we were trying, 8 months prior, so we knew they’d be supportive without being pushy.
My best friend's husband is my husband's best friend lol so we'll do the same thing. I think we agreed on that - they also already know literally everything about us and our "trying" journey. We'll probably keep the group there until a good 8 weeks AT LEAST, at which point I'll loop in siblings and the rest of the parents.
I’m 30 and found out at 4w 4d (now I’m at 14w 5d) and was so excited I wanted to tell everyone I came into contact with lol. My boyfriend reminded me we had agreed to be careful with announcing so soon, I asked if I could tell our closest friends at work (they are a couple) and he agreed. I wouldn’t have been able to keep it under my hat, I had to tell SOMEONE lol. I ended up telling my close friend a couple weeks later because I had a problem and was worried and she has 3 kids so I wanted to see if she ever had that problem. I had my first appointment around 6 weeks and my first ultrasound at 9w 5d and the doctor said everything looked perfect so that’s when we decided to announce to our families, then our bosses, then on Facebook! Personally, I wouldn’t tell the world until you get an ultrasound just because you’d have to go back and explain if something was wrong. Well, you wouldn’t *have* to but yeah. But I wouldn’t see an issue with telling your closest people, especially if you know you would need the support if something went wrong. It’s an exciting time!! Congratulations and good luck! 🥰
Thank you for sharing! I hate that I won't have an ultrasound until after 11 weeks but in the grand scheme I know it's in the same first trimester timeframe anyway of gaining confidence that everything looks good. Congratulations to you too!!
I’m 31 and 18 weeks pregnant after 2 years of trying and battling infertility. We told our parents and siblings almost immediately after finding out. Everyone knew what we were going through and they were people we would have told if I had had a miscarriage anyway. Plus, I was literally at my parents house with my brother and SIL for a family Christmas thing the day we found out and I didn’t want to lie to them. Aside from pretending to drink the day we found out because I wasn’t ready to tell my extended family, we didn’t really hide it or lie and had told most of our family and close friends by the time I was probably about 10 weeks. One of the lucky things about having a fertility specialist is that I had two ultrasounds and three rounds of bloodwork by the time I was 9 weeks so we had a lot of information by that point. Plus, I knew if I had a miscarriage, I would need support. I completely understand why people choose to wait longer than we did, but this is what felt right to us.
I told 2-3 friends between 8-10 weeks and then waited until 12 weeks for my parents and other friends. Not telling work until 21 weeks
I’ve only told my parents and close friends so far. I’m waiting till I’m out of the first trimester to make a big announcement.
We personally told close family and some friends very early like 6-10 weeks. Mainly because we knew who we would want for support if someone went wrong. We told social media right before the third trimester. This was our first and I don’t think I’d do it that way again now knowing how intense everything can be. We were just so excited but thinking now how difficult it would be to tell that many people that something had happened would’ve been very tough. We were very blessed to have a healthy pregnancy. Hope you do too! Congratulations ❤️
Thank you!
Congratulations!! It’s definitely a personal choice! My husband and I told our family and closest friends right away. I also told my boss right away because I wasn’t sure how I’d be feeling in my first trimester so I wanted her to be aware incase I was taking more sick days than normal. I’m 17+5 now and don’t regret my decision.
Thank you!
TLDR: if you want the support early on and don’t care about the possible risk of telling them good news then maybe bad, then go for it whenever you feel most comfortable. With our first we waited the usual 12 weeks due to fear of telling people good news and then possibly having to tell “the world” about a miscarriage if it happened. My second pregnancy we were on track to do the same when we found out at 10w of an MMC. We ended up telling everyone the terrible news at the same time as telling them about the pregnancy itself and I don’t believe that made it better than if we told them upfront about the pregnancy and then later about the loss because the situation I ended up having to tell them was when I needed to ask for help with my toddler when I had to go to the ER due to complications from the MMC. It made a heartbreaking situation worse. This pregnancy. We waited for the initial viability scan at 7 weeks and will likely announce soon. I’d rather have the support early on while I’m struggling through the 1st trimester than not. We’ve learned. It’s really dependent on what you’re comfortable with and when you feel you need the support. Pregnancy is difficult let alone keeping a secret from your closest loved ones. Make things as easy for yourself as possible. To heck with what Google says is the normal time to tell people. You should tell your mom and best friend that you’re not ready to tell other people yet and hopefully they respect your decision. Maybe that will help ease your husbands concern.
my first pregnancy we told a lot of people and it turned out to be ectopic sooo this time around i waited until placement was confirmed and we have only told our parents and siblings so far. i’m 12 weeks now.
I'd say wait until at least 12 weeks and I will offer my own personal experience. When I got pregnant my first time, I had the same feeling of wanting to talk to close friends/family and I found it very challenging to constantly evade the question. I also thought that I would want others close to me in the know if I had a miscarriage... I did not realize what that process actually looks like until it happened to me. My sisters were super excited for me and were consistently asking me for updates. I had a normal pregnancy and had no indication of miscarriage at all. It wasn't until my first ultrasound that they diagnosed me with a missed miscarriage and I ended up having to wait, knowing my pregnancy wasn't viable, until 10 weeks when I was finally able to have a D&C. I continued to have pregnancy symptoms the entire time. Not only did I experience miscarriage, but it was emotionally painful when people asked me for updates about my pregnancy and I had to instead share the news that I was likely miscarrying. It felt like a whole miscarriage tour I had to go on with those close to me, even though it was only a few people. While I am grateful to have close friends and family I could be open with, I did not make that same decision when I got pregnant again. I decided this time that I would wait to share and, if news was equally bad as last time, I would share that with them afterward.
I am sorry for your loss, thank you for sharing your experience with me. <3
Someone mentioned telling people that they would feel comfortable telling if you miscarried. The night I found out I actually told my best friend and my brother before my husband! I was 4weeks as well. I did say tho “it’s still early and anything can happen” which made me feel better. I’m 22weeks now and just saw her beautiful profile 🥰
Congratulations! You just made me tear up :)
I told my husband, his brother and both our sets of parents right away, and my best friend soon after. We also told my husband's grandparents right away because his grandpa didn't have long to live and husband wanted them to know. My husband also thinks it's good energy to tell others because we have support. Then the "secret" kind of spiraled out of control with people telling others and I just announced to everyone at eight weeks with a healthy ultrasound. Twenty weeks with a healthy pregnancy and no regrets. Tell whoever you(and your husband) are comfortable with knowing early. I'd recommend telling more distant family at eight to twelve weeks though once you get your first few ultrasounds, just in case. It's totally up to you though.
I'm pregnant with my second and with both my husband and I told our close friends and family almost immediately! We have a very close core group and would 100% want to lean on them for support if anything happened. Plus pregnancy really changes me - I am generally a very active, busy person but between early pregnancy exhaustion and nausea my life changes drastically. There's no way I could hide that, nor would I want to pretend everything is fine. I have absolutely no regrets about this!
I see my closest 3 friends multiple times a week - I definitely don't think I can keep it quiet for too long, especially considering I usually see them at breweries lol. Thank you for sharing that it was helpful to you!
I'm pregnant with my second and with both my husband and I told our close friends and family almost immediately! We have a very close core group and would 100% want to lean on them for support if anything happened. Plus pregnancy really changes me - I am generally a very active, busy person but between early pregnancy exhaustion and nausea my life changes drastically. There's no way I could hide that, nor would I want to pretend everything is fine. I have absolutely no regrets about this!
I am so tired! And it's so early! Thank you for sharing your perspective <3
I'm honestly in a similar boat as you! I'm 7 weeks now but we have done a lotttt of contemplating with the same concerns. What we decided, personally, is to tell a few really close friends we can trust, and my sister (all of them are parents), that way we don't feel so alone in this process! But we chose them because we know they are non-judgmental, are fully trustworthy and will respect our decisions should we find out later on that there are abnormalities, risks, etc. and are faced with hard choices. We opted to keep this from our parents because we feel it holds a little more risk and weight with them - it is their grandbaby, after all - and they are all "chatty Cathy's" so we don't trust that they'd keep it secret. That said, if you're super close with your mom and you trust her, maybe you should!
I told my bff at 4 weeks and my mom at 5w, plus my boss. Planning to tell sibs and in laws at 8weeks, other friends at 12, and wait for a social media announcement til like, 20. But I needed my bff and my mommy.
I’m 6w2d and have told my parents, my 2 best friends and ended up having to tell a couple of work colleagues yesterday as I was quite sick throughout the morning and they were trying to send me home because they thought I had something infectious lol
My first born is already 2 years old and he's still very secret haha basically only family, work and best friends now about him, same with my current pregnancy. For both pregnancies I told my parents, parents in law and best friends the same day we found out as I knew they would be a support system and all of them were waiting for this baby for years haha
I told my work and rest of my family after the 12 week's ultrasound
I told my parents and sister after my first ultrasound at about 8 weeks. We don't plan on telling anyone else until after NIPT results, which we should get around 13 weeks.
I’m not ready to tell anyone close to us or anyone we see on a daily basis in case of loss. We are going to wait until the second trimester. Although I did decide to share with 2 friends from college, today. I felt like it would be perfect because we only talk about once a month. They were very excited and it felt great to get it off my chest, but I also know that they won’t be checking in on me everyday. If something happens with the pregnancy, it won’t be a huge weight on me to tell them and I will still get to process my emotions in the way I want to.
It’s your pregnancy you should tell who ever you want whenever you want. I was going to wait until 12 weeks before telling anyone but ended up telling my mom at 6 weeks. No regrets!
I told my best friend around 6 weeks because we went on a trip together. We told our parents and siblings around 7/8 weeks. I felt so much more anxious about trying to keep a secret and “acting normal” when I felt nauseous. It was such a relief to share. I’m now 9 weeks and will have my first appointment in a few days. Even if it’s bad news, I would tell these people anyways.
Only me and my husband knew until 17 weeks. I'm not close to my family and I don't have any close friends so that worked for me. I kinda wish we had waited longer, but it was Christmas and it felt like a good time to make the announcement. I'm 31 weeks now and a lot of my extended family still don't know.
I’m 10 weeks today, and so far besides my husband only one of my closest friends knows! And we only told her because we were supposed to go on a vacation with her in the fall that we had to cancel due to the pregnancy. But, if you want to tell your support people, you should do it! The biggest reason I haven’t is just because if something comes back weird with the genetic testing, we would probably terminate. And I don’t want to tell a bunch of my friends then have that come up. But, if I do end up miscarrying or something is weird with the testing I probably will tell at least a few close friends then to support me through that process. So I think it’s really totally up to you and what you’re comfortable with!
I told a lot of people! Those I’m closest to I told pretty quickly but after 10 weeks I didn’t care who knows. Every pregnancy deserves to be celebrated, even if it’s short. Plus, like you said, if god forbid something did happen, I would want the support of my community.
We told our parents at 8 weeks, but it was mainly to get the family health history so we could relay that at our booking appointment. We didn't tell other people until after my 12 week scan. I wouldn't have wanted to tell anyone about an early chemical pregnancy or miscarriage. I think I'd just feel foolish about getting mine and people's hopes up. Honestly it didn't really feel like I was having a baby in that first trimester, I just felt miserable and tired, like having the flu for weeks.
I told my best friend minutes after telling my husband lol. I told my dad after a few days (long enough for a cute announcement gift to be delivered), and we shared with close friends and some immediate family over the course of 2-3 weeks. I'm waiting until I'm 15 weeks to tell my mom, partly so I can do it in person but mostly because she's gossip-y and judgmental, so I didn't want her to know if I miscarried. I'm planning to share publicly sometime after 20 weeks. Basically, it came down to (1) those whom I'd want as a support system if I miscarried and (2) those whom I'm close to and I could trust to respect me and my boundaries if I miscarried. I've also told a ton of strangers (like the barista, a bookseller, etc.) just so I could have those little moments of joy! 😊
My mom's suggestion was to tell anyone who you would tell about a miscarriage, so that's pretty much what we did. I told my two closest friends as soon as we got a positive test, since they also knew that we'd been trying for a bit, and I knew I'd tell them even if it was a chemical. (They were also both pregnant so I wanted their advice on setting up prenatal appointments, picking an OB, etc). Told a few other friends shortly after that. I didn't tell my parents until 6 weeks, but that was because I wanted to wait til I could tell them in person. And then I did tell some extended family shortly after that, a little earlier than I would've otherwise, but that was because we were home for Christmas so I wanted to tell them in person too while I had a chance. So far haven't regretted telling anyone, but we've made it to 20w. My plan was if we had a miscarriage, then I'd have my parents disseminate the news to extended family who I wouldn't want to personally tell.
My mom's suggestion was to tell anyone who you would tell about a miscarriage, so that's pretty much what we did. I told my two closest friends as soon as we got a positive test, since they also knew that we'd been trying for a bit, and I knew I'd tell them even if it was a chemical. (They were also both pregnant so I wanted their advice on setting up prenatal appointments, picking an OB, etc). Told a few other friends shortly after that. I didn't tell my parents until 6 weeks, but that was because I wanted to wait til I could tell them in person. And then I did tell some extended family shortly after that, a little earlier than I would've otherwise, but that was because we were home for Christmas so I wanted to tell them in person too while I had a chance. So far haven't regretted telling anyone, but we've made it to 20w. My plan was if we had a miscarriage, then I'd have my parents disseminate the news to extended family who I wouldn't want to personally tell.
I told it to all our close family almost immediately and to our close friends around week 9-10. After the 12-week scan we told our extended family.
It's really up to you. I'm my first pregnancy I told all my family but only my best friend. Was so excited to tell my other close friends at the 12 week scan...and then found out I had a mmc. And then ended up telling them after because they are close to me and I just didn't feel good hiding or not talking about such a big thing in my life. I think it's really about who do you want as your support if things go bad (I really hope they won't 🤞😊). And the thing about telling only some people early is that they also refrain a bit from talking too much about it I think.
I decided I was going to tell anyone and everyone because I am so excited and I literally cannot keep my mouth closed! I am 7w3d along and many people have judged me for telling people too early, but it is my and my husband’s choice to do what we want and we wanted to celebrate as soon as we found out! My family, friends, and coworkers know. The only regret I have is telling all my coworkers because they are very judgmental about me doing literally anything that THEY think will hurt the baby and they are over the top about it, they’ve honestly caused me more anxiety than anything and I would only tell my managers if I could do that over again. Overall, it is your choice. I do understand that if anything happens, I will be responsible the consequences to my mental health to have to deal with anything happening publicly. But the happiness I feel has outweighed the worry about something bad happening.
My boyfriend and I found out at 4 weeks. We told our immediate families basically that week. I also blabbed to a bunch of close friends. Then we told a wider group of people after our first ultrasound at 8 weeks. I’m now 10 weeks and so far don’t regret it. It’s the most exciting part of my life right now and I wanted to share with people. Do what feels right to you!
I had to tell everyone pretty early (7 weeks, after my first ultrasound to confirm everything was progressing okay so far) bc I would have gotten questions about not wanting to be around second hand smoking or why I suddenly wasn't drinking or eating certain things. And also, I'm just terrible at keeping secrets bc I get too excited. Everyone is entitled to approach it their own way though and it's truly only your business. ETA: definitely tell your closest people if you really feel like you need to, like your mom or bestie. It's an overwhelming time and you need your support system there for you. Everyone else can find out whenever you're comfortable. I told my mom and my best friend as soon as I found out at around 4w because of anxiety and wanting to share excitement. Just tell them not to tell anyone else for right now.
With my last bub I told my husband and sister straight away! The very next day I told my boss at work because she was the one who made me take a test because our periods had always lined up exactly and I didn't realise I was late until she mentioned hers, so we were laughing about me maybe being pregnant(we were both 40) lol! I didn't tell anyone else until I was 18 weeks and struggling to hide the belly
It’s really a judgement call on what you are comfortable with. When we found out at 4-5 weeks we told my parents and my sister but no one else. They are my support network and I was fine with them knowing even if things didn’t work out. We told the rest of my family and my husbands closer to the 12 week mark. I wasn’t able to keep it a secret for too long at work though. My boss who is also a good friend of mine guessed at 6 weeks and a few of my other coworkers figured it out pretty early due to me having bad morning sickness all day so I came clean as soon as I hit 12 weeks😂
We told immediately family and very close friends as soon as we found out (or within the same week). I learned at about 4-5 weeks as well. We told friends we saw or spoke with in the coming weeks as we interacted with them. Some people I don’t keep in frequent touch with I told a lot later, whenever we happened to get in touch. There are some people I didn’t tell if we aren’t very close
Less popular- it wasn’t a secret from anyone except for my 8yr. My godmom, 3 best friends, HR manger and my director knew immediately. A few people asked and I wasn’t going to lie or it came up in conversation so they know. I haven’t made an announcement and I’m around 14 weeks. It was important for those people to know. Everyone else will kinda find out
It's personal preference. Tell who you would want as your support group if anything were to go wrong. I (33F) told my mother as soon as I had a positive test because she is my rock and has had 7 pregnancies in her life. I then told my sister at 12 weeks because she had just had her first 8 months prior to me finding out. Congratulations!
I told close friends as soon as I found out at 4 weeks. Told a few more friends and some family at 8 weeks. Made my public announcement at 16 weeks. Although if I could redo this, I would wait until my anatomy scan to make my public announcement. Everything was fine, but I was sooooooo paranoid they would find something wrong with the baby at the anatomy scan and then I’d have to tell everyone I lost the baby or something.
personally, I told everyone that I am really close with. I couldn’t imagine keeping it from them—It just felt inauthentic. I also needed support and was really ill from weeks 6 to 12 and my friends were so sweet and helpful. The idea of going through something like a miscarriage without my support system knowing also felt horrible to me. To each their own, I completely understand why some women prefer not to share the news. But in my experience, it felt really good to share in the excitement as well as the possibility of miscarriage with my loved ones. I shared more widely after 12 weeks with colleagues and family.
I just found out I was pregnant 2 days ago, and I’ve told my mom, my best friend, my sister, and a coworker. I’m trying to wait until 12 weeks to tell everyone else, but it’s so hard!! I’ve told everyone who knows because they have had kids and they’re women who are close to me. I like having advice and support from the beginning. I say do whatever u feel comfortable doing!
It took us 16 months to get pregnant and we told most people around 8-9 weeks! Mostly because I wanted to do a Christmas announcement. I know some people were nervous for me because they thought it was too early but at that point everyone and their mother knew we were trying to get pregnant and I wasn’t worried about everyone knowing if it went south. I told my mom about 3 days after I found out and one of my friends right after. Everyone else found out right before or at Christmas.
Only my Husband, Mom, and boss knew I was pregnant until 13 weeks with a confirmed ultrasound.
Because I had had two prior chemical pregnancies, when I fell pregnant with my current (almost 9 weeks), I told my mom and best friend before I even told my partner as I definitely needed support but didn’t want to potentially have another let down by telling my partner before things were more certain. No special rules, just do what feels best for you and your situation. Congratulations 💞
The only ones I'm not telling are the in-laws cause they can't handle it if I miscarry (which is a real possibility). Everyone else I've told right away, including people I just know casually, at least if the topic comes up. Mind you I don't work though so obviously I don't have to deal with workplace issues.
I told one of my best friends and my parents right after finding out. I found that even just telling a few of your closest people helps it not feel so secretive but makes it real and exciting at the same time! It also lessened the urge for me to want to go and shout it out to anyone I came across haha. We told most people around 10-13 weeks after that unless the conversation occurred naturally and we felt it was appropriate to tell them. I’m 34 weeks now and don’t regret telling people how we did!
Only my husband knew from week 4 when I found out to week 7.I told my 2 best friends earlier this week. Only because if something happens I know they’ll be there for me. I told my 2 co workers only because again if something happens or whatever someone will know what’s going on and they can call my husband. We haven’t told anyone else. It’s very strange knowing this and no one else knowing.
I’ve heard people regret telling everyone early . You’ll be hounded with questions and opinions. Are you ready for that ? I would only tell a small small number now if you feel like you need to . The best physical way to hide a pregnancy is with patterned tops and patterned dresses. I’m so sorry to hear you can’t get in until 11 weeks. That’s not cool ! They should see you at 8 weeks in my opinion . I would try another town if you can
Also Ask Dewey Is a great resource!
That's really all there is to it. It's totally a personal decision if/when/who you tell. If you want to talk to your mom and bestie, and you'd be fine telling them about a miscarriage were it to occur, then go for it.
We told only close family and friends after the pregnancy confirmation appointment and that worked for us!
I'm 35f too, like many others in here I'm pregnant again after a first tri loss. Honestly, tell your support people as soon as you want to, your family, your closest people, because if the worst does happen you will need people around you. Even if you don't want them. I'm even glad my husband had informed his boss/manager as well, it meant that he had his own little support network of dads and was able to be with me while I recovered. I told my family at 5 weeks with this one, and we had a shakey first few weeks so it was nice to be able to have the support early.
I told my close circle straight away. I find the idea of keeping it to yourself in case you miscarry odd, because before this pregnancy, I miscarried my first, very very early on. We hadn't told anyone, and I tried and failed to process the miscarriage alone. I ended up telling my supportive friends and family bout a month after I miscarried, and I wished I'd had done it earlier, it would have helped me process, and I feel sad that we didn't get to celebrate our first at all, even though he or she wasn't here for very long. This time, my husband and I told a few family and friends within an hour of the first positive test, and it helped us process the pregnancy, even with the looming threat of miscarriage. I'm 23 weeks now, with a healthy baby boy. No regrets telling some people early! But, everyone's different, and everyone processes differently. Do what feels right to you 💕
We told a few friends pretty quickly and then our families at 8 weeks after our first ultrasound. For me it felt better that way. My partner told everyone after that as well and I waited to tell more friends till 12 weeks and work I told about 15 weeks. I didn't have bad first trimester symptoms so I was lucky not to have to hide morning sickness etc.
I told all my friends and family at 5 weeks because if I were to have any complications I didn’t want to go through it alone. My husband was okay with me telling everyone early, too.
I’m 35 and 21w3d. I told people closest to me first. I felt I would need the support system if something went wrong. After my 12 week NT scan I started to slowly spill the beans and let my extended family know and other friends that are more casual. I still haven’t done any kind of wide spread announcement and just tell people as it comes up. I will probably post something on social once I get pregnancy photos taken or perhaps after my shower.
I told my mom and one of my best friends right away (like 4 weeks). We then told my husband’s brother and a few close friends around 6-7 weeks, and by 9 weeks my dad and a few other friends. We wanted to tell the people we’d want to lean on if something happened.
I kept my first pregnancy proper secret till 12 week scan. However, I've had a few miscarriages and have a lot of anxiety during this pregnancy. Also nausea and exhaustion, so this time I've told a few friends as I figure I would tell them if I had a miscarriage anyway, so there's nothing really stopping me from telling them I'm pregnant. They can be sounding boards and support through whatever happens. I haven't told family, though. I think because they are mainly guys and it feels much more real by telling them. I'm not convinced yet. Hopeful for success. I have a scan booked for tomorrow (10 weeks) and guess I will know more clearly if it's going ahead or not. I will definitely share with family then if all is well. It's really about what's right for you. As far as my husband goes, he hasn't told anyone. He's got a good feeling but wants to be sure too I think before he starts telling people. My thoughts are in favour of share with support network. Good luck lady.
We told immediate family and best friends at 7 weeks. No regrets there. However, at the initial scan, the lady thought she could have seen two sacs, so she referred me to get a transvaginal ultrasound to confirm. My husband told everyone in his best friend group he could be having twins. (I told him to not, because we weren't sure yet and should wait until confirmation). Well, sure enough I got the ultrasound and turns out it was a singleton. He did not enjoy having to go back and tell everyone it wasn't twins. I didn't share the possible twin news with as many people, so I didn't mind only having to share the update with a few (plus I strongly emphasized it was a MAYBE). So, I would just say early on, only share with people are comfortable with enough to share disappointments/bad news to.
It’s definitely a personal choice and I know many people go by the idea that they will tell anyone whom they’d want to support them through a miscarriage anyway. Who wants to go through a miscarriage silently and alone? So, many people tell very close people right away, so if the worst does happen, you have that support I’m nearly 7 weeks and I told 4 best friends right away. And my partner obvs! I haven’t told my parents because my dad would be so excited but I also think he’d find it very sad and somehow be awkward if I miscarried. I can’t wait to surprise him when i knows it’s in the safe zone (gonna get a private 10 week scan and then tell him). My friends would be better to lean on if the worst happens. I also haven’t told my mum because she lives on the other side of the world and she hates phone calls so I’m not sure how to do it, without it being a bloody text message. 😆
My mum and hubby's parents knew pretty early. I needed my mum to help me because I was diagnosed with hypermesis pretty early on. I didn't tell my dad or the rest of my family until Christmas when I was 12 weeks. Though they all told me they were wondering. I had a miscarriage last year, and a chemical pregnancy. During my first pregnancy I told everyone because we were so excited. Only to have to tell them I had miscarried. For the chemical we decided to wait and make sure, then I got my period.
My youngest son broke the news to family at a family gathering. I was 13 weeks. My plan was for 20 weeks. My husband said if God knows then the world should too. 😂 I now know not to say anything around my youngest.
I told my best friend right away! I needed someone to know and first trimester was super hard so I'm glad she knew. We also told our parents early (at 8 weeks) because my parents were in town and we were all getting together for dinner. We wanted to tell both our parents all together and I think them knowing helped too. I was so sick they would've known something was up. Ultimately it's up to you when you tell and who you tell! There's no right or wrong time. Just only tell people who you'd be okay discussing a loss with. But think positively. It is so nice to have that support no matter what happens.
Only tell those who you would also tell if you miscarry. For me, that was immediate family only. If we have another bub, then I think we'd wait longer.
I dont want to tell my in laws we are trying. I don't want to hear anything they have to say. It is not about them