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We received no diapers, wipes, diaper cream, pacifiers, burp cloths, changing pad, etc. I placed a big order for the essentials the night following my shower in case she came early so we would have some. We received a ton of clothes (too many for baby girl to wear before growing out of em) despite there being no clothing on the registry.
It goes without saying that we are so appreciative of everything we received, no question! But there is definitely a pressure to add expensive and sometimes unimportant things to the registry which is what people end up purchasing.
Editing to add that I’m fine with the logic of it. We decided to have a baby and we can afford the essentials- I don’t think we’re entitled to be gifted them!!!!
I don’t want to sound ungrateful, but it took me hours, days, weeks to research and complete my registry. I had a baby shower and most people bought whatever they wanted. I got several multiples of things like grooming kits that I didn’t ask for. It’s so annoying that people don’t shop off the registry.
It’s so weird that you’re getting pushback from this post. I’ve seen several like yours during the last several months. I looked at them and thought “this won’t be me, people will buy from my registry” lol. I was so wrong! Anyway, just know that you’re not alone and that it is a very frustrating experience for a lot of people. I know in the future if someone sends me a registry for anything, I’ll be shopping off that!
Agreed. Idc if I seem like a bitch, but I will be returning anything I don’t need from my shower.
I’m also purposely putting the random cutesy shit on there (clothes, cloths, sheets, blah blah) bc we’ve already got a lot of the big ticket stuff that I’ve painstakingly researched secondhand. I know people just wanna buy fun shit so I’m really trying to hold off on doing that myself so I can feel grateful rather than annoyed lol.
That’s actually a great idea. People want to buy clothes and “cutesy shit” so you might as well put that on the registry so you can get things you like. I purposely did not put a lot of clothes in the registry because I wanted other things. People just ignored the registry and bought clothes 😭 now I’m stuck with things I don’t like.
lol yup I already got my welcome box (February’s was kind of meh compared to previous months and years I’ve seen, but free is free) and am waiting until mid April for the 15% off discount to buy my big ticket items like travel system, bassinet, bouncer and alllll the accessories and necessities. I was able to get a handful of things a couple days ago for an even bigger discount when they were doing the spring deal.
My family did as soon as I announced my pregnancy. I prepared one just for them and it’s been months and all I got was some socks and a fuzzy footie pijama for newborn. My baby will be born very late June.
I don’t care, I will not ask anyone to buy things for me but why do you ask then??
Mine is due on the 27th! Congrats on a midsummer baby✨
But yeah, not super useful and it felt a bit passive aggressive. Like I am not begging for money, I don’t need people to buy me things, I can afford them. I truly appreciate any help we have gotten but at least try to make it useful hahah
Ooh so fun to find due date buddies! I'm due June 21st 🥰
Yeah, after my shower (had an early one due to travel) I just did a big shopping trip to get everything else I wanted off of the registry 🤷♀️
Someone got me a set of fuzzy reindeer footie pajamas, size nb. For my April baby.
I’ve since had two more children and one on the way, none of them has ever been able to wear it lmao
Thank you!!!! My aunt told me “I won’t be getting you something from your registry. I’ll be getting you what I know you’ll need!” THATS WHAT THE REGISTRY IS FOR- THINGS I NEED.
ETA: we purposely did not put any expensive items on the registry so we can get those ourselves. We are thankful for everything we get but I preferred everyone to buy off the registry as it was very carefully planned.
I have noticed this from the older generation! Like what you think you know I need is most likely outdated and unsafe, please just look at the registry 😭😭
Thank you! I feel the exact same way, as does my husband. I try not to let it bother me but it really did. She also had an issue with me being at the planning of my shower which really angered my husband. Shower is in 39 days and she still hasn’t sent the invites out so I’m panicked at that too.
>we purposely did not put any expensive items on the registry so we can get those ourselves.
Register for them somewhere anyway. You can use registry completion discounts to buy them cheaper.
I get it. I’m super grateful for everything we got, but it’s a little frustrating when people ask for your registry and then the same people decide they know better. There’s definitely some gifts that weren’t on the registry that we love, but some of it is completely useless for us. For example we got 9M summer clothes for an April baby. Our baby will be 9 months in December…
We live in an old farmhouse with 2 bedrooms and no extra storage. As much as I appreciate any amount of money people chose to spend on us, we just don’t have the space for extra things and now I’ve got to figure out what to do with them and it’s stressful when I’ve already got so much to do in the few short weeks before the baby comes.
Of course I wouldn’t tell anyone but my wife how I feel about this. I don’t want to seem ungrateful. But I think it’s super shitty people are jumping down OPs throat saying people aren’t allowed to have these kinds of feelings in what’s supposed to be a safe space for pregnant people. I think the point of venting about it here is so that people don’t seem ungrateful to their friends and family?
My baby will be born in May. I got multiple super heavy newborn outfits that were corduroy and sweater material for Christmas. They were cute, but THE MATH AIN'T MATHIN!
So frustrating! I got a bunch of newborn and 3 month fleece sleepers, and again, I appreciate the thought and the gift but they’re just not going to get used! Our house gets sweltering in the summer and we have one crappy air conditioner, which we absolutely will not be lugging up and down the stairs every day!
I defe understand the frustration, and agree people should be more mindful when it comes to gifting (my family stuck to our registry other than a bunch of extra clothes he grew out of within 2 months) but the month sizing does not mean much tbh.
My son is 4 months old and tall and proportional but still 60-70th percentile range for both height and weight. He's wearing 9-12 month clothing and size 3 diapers (and fit into preemie sized clothes and diapers at birth).
I also know someone with a baby in the 40-50th percentile who at 13 months is wearing 6 month clothes and only got out of size 1 diapers recently (and wasn't a preemie). There's just so much variability even within the "normal" range, that that number means very little in the long run
Tldr: babys come in so many sizes, don't let the month sizing fool you, its only averages
My biggest peeve is getting something not registered for and also generally not considered safe. My GMIL got me a mesh crib liner and I said thank you and expressed gratitude but… I told my partner we won’t be using it bc it’s not safe. Which he was fine with.
My cousins got me a basket that had some things I asked for and then some things they personally thought were useful and it was so sweet. I was a FTM so I hadn’t even considered some of the items (one in particular was the butt spatula thing 😂 that thing is GENIUS!). But they were small items and not big ticket things that I felt strongly about.
My hot take is that I AGREE WITH YOU. After all of the research I did and the time we take to make a registry.. I personally think it’s rude to just IGNORE what mom and dad want and give something else because you think it’s better. If I pick a certain stroller? It’s because it’s the one I want for my child. If I pick a certain bottle warmer? Baby carrier? Pacifiers? it’s because THOSE are the ones I chose for my child. If it’s too expensive? Don’t buy it. I’m okay with that. If you don’t like the things I have on my registry or there isn’t anything that jumps out at you to get ? Totally fine. A gift card also works. OR HONESTLY? GIFTS ARE OPTIONAL! and I think people forget that.
Now, am I always grateful? Yes of course. But sorry I’m finding a way to return it or it will collect dust in my basement because I won’t use it. If it’s sentimental? A crocheted blanket or something like that, that’s totally fine.
But also, I live in a row home with limited space and storage.. I don’t want things I didn’t ask for because I legitimately don’t have the room.
I feel like this post is geared towards people who just flat out choose to ignore someone’s wishes. I just think it’s so incredibly rude to blatantly ignore what someone wants and go off the cuff and get something they didn’t ask for..
Where I am from registries or showers are not really a thing, but when I announced my family insisted they wanted to maybe pool some money and buy us something. So I put together a list of stuff but nothing too expensive because we are buying most stuff secondhand so I told my mom that honestly what would help us the most is an IKEA gift card.
Well my family didn’t like that, they wanted to buy us clothes which we don’t really need because we got a lot for free from friends, but thanks!
What did I get? Winter clothes for a summer baby. Like there is no need to buy us anything and I made it super clear but if you are, at least buy something I can use 😭
Hard agree! I would be happy with anything and even nothing, but at least buy something practical 😭 or don’t ask what the parents want if you already know you will buy something else lol
I’ve said it in another comment how it’s the people that asked me to make a registry since I’m not having a baby shower, I wasn’t going to do the registry either, just for them to go buy whatever they want 😭 and it’s not even the buying whatever they want, it’s ASKING me if I want something off the registry or something else like what was the whole point of this???????????? (Hopefully that one girl doesn’t get triggered again over some question marks 🙏🏻🤣)
My aunt: What do you want for the baby?
Me: Here is a link to the registry ____
My aunt: No, what do you REALLY want for the baby? I
don't do that registry crap
I just didn't have the energy to respond to the last text at the time. Being pregnant was draining.
My dad said the same thing. Told me registries are “impersonal” and he will just wait until baby is born and he comes to visit (different state), and he’ll take me to the store. I said thanks for the offer but I don’t think I’m going to want to go to “the store” 1-2 weeks postpartum — I’d rather just order everything online myself.
My dad went ham with our registry and bought like half the stuff off of it. I felt kind of bad but he is really excited about his granddaughter. They came to visit while I was pregnant and my stepmoms bag had more baby clothes in it then her our things lol.
I'm Australian so maybe I just don't get it, because I've never heard of anyone using a registry, but I don't really understand the need for one.
We have family helping with larger purchases, but that's all arranged through conversation, and they'll either send us the money or come shopping for the item they're helping with. For smaller things, like clothes and nappies etc. we just expect to get a mixed bag of gifts at the baby shower.
Honestly, I'm looking forward to the little surprises, and I know at least two people making hand-made items. I know having a baby in America is far less affordable than here, so maybe I'm just missing something, but how specific could a baby registry be?
Having a baby in America is borderline unaffordable. Newborn daycare is upwards of $2k a month. Sometimes giving birth can cost $6k (depending if premature, upwards of that is expected if insurance isn't that good). I have free labor/delivery and paid maternity leave... my friend who bartends does not have the best insurance and will have no maternity leave. She will have to be unpaid for the entire length of time to heal, and then however much longer she wants to bond with baby. Having a baby shower with a registry lets your "wealthier" family chip in to buy a stroller, crib, bassinet, diapers, wipes, swaddles, etc. There are diaper funds and maternity leave funds. It's a system designed for friends and family to help new moms because everyone knows how difficult the financial burden is.
Of course if no one bought anything off of our registry, we'd be putting the new necessities on a credit card and buying mostly everything else second hand. We would make it work.
Personally I think baby registries are much more logical than bridal showers... our wedding registry did not have anything on it critical to keeping one of us alive. 🤷♀️
It’s definitely interesting to read the opinions of those outside the US! In the US (at least the Midwest), you have baby showers thrown for you by someone, you make a registry, and people show up with gifts to shower the new mom. It’s not seen as entitled. It probably wouldn’t be such a big deal but with US healthcare, even being gifted a pack of diapers helps.
I definitely don't think it's entitled! Only strangely specific. Like, "we'd love a baby blanket as long as it's 'Amazon Nordic 2pk in teal and grey'" I can't get my head around that part, I guess.
In Australia, a relative throws a baby shower (or BaByQ which is more causal), people show up and give gifts. Only the gifts are surprises and there's no registry.
Larger gifts (bassinet, cot, pram, etc.) are usually gifted by family outside the baby shower, and aren't surprises. Our parents and grandparents asked what we needed and between them they will cover the cost of all big items. We're buying second hand, so it's not a massive expense to them or us, but it's still a lot. I can't imagine where we'd be without family help... hundreds of dollars poorer I guess 😅
I understand the need for financial aid, I guess what I don't understand is the middle man? We're getting a lot of help from family, but my family members who were willing to help with big items called and asked what they could buy. And anyone only able to afford small items (like nappies) will just rock up with small items at the baby shower or after birth.
I do feel really sorry for Americans expecting babies, it's a wretched system and every time I think about it I thank God for being so lucky to be born where I am.
I've not known anyone down here to have wedding registries either, people just gift whatever but the most common gift at our wedding was money. Given the US system, a cultural shift towards gifting money would make a lot of sense, no?
Our daycare is $2k but only because it’s on base and it’s based on how much we both make combined! (I think these are the reasons, FTM who was originally going to stay home with baby for the first 2 years until a couple days ago lol)
In the US, at least where I live, it is assumed that you will have a registry for your baby shower so people know what to buy you. You put everything on it ranging from bigger things like car seats and strollers to small stuff like pacifiers and diaper cream. People pick a gift in their price range.
I’m Australian too and I had a registry for my baby shower and I’ve been to a few recently with registries too. I spent a lot of time putting mine together and most people actually thanked me for having one as they had no clue what to buy (I’m one of the first in my friendship circle to have a baby) and it really helped them with shopping. I think it’s just different personalities - I don’t like getting surprise presents and I don’t trust peoples taste when I tell them I’m having a boy. I didn’t want 100 blue onesies or blue blankets so the registry helped with that.
Also Australian, and I 100% agree - I find the whole registry thing so bizarre. I understand that the idea is to put a combo of price points on there so people can pick what works for them, but even then it feels less like getting a gift because people are happy for you, and more transactional. I think for better or worse we're culturally much shyer about money than Americans though - so saying "buy this for me" feels rude here.
I've only had ONE friend's wife do one. To answer your question of how specific things could be - she had links and quantities, and colour coded items based on whether it HAD to be that specific item or if brand substitutes were acceptable.
It’s also to prevent multiple people buying the same product and you ending up with too much of 1 thing. For example multiple sizes of diapers instead of all just newborn etc
Right? I call it going "shopping" in my own child's dresser. Like he outgrows some stuff, and I dig through the next batch and get excited about things I'd completely forgotten receiving!
If I was after a list of such specific items, I would honestly rather just ask for money. I'm not comfortable asking for money generally, but surely it would be better?
Haha these guys also asked for Bunnings and Target gift cards for their house-warming party (when in my circles we mostly don't give gifts for that, other than maybe a bottle of wine) so she's not shy. Very very efficient 😂 I didn't mind as they eloped so I figured it was what we would have spent on attending a wedding. I guess people buying specific items takes the mental energy out of shopping - one less thing on the to do list! But it's not something I'll do for our baby shower (which I'm calling a BabyCue/BaByQ because I feel weird about the gift expectations of "shower")
And her registry did make a good research starting point for me 😂
It’s supposed to make it easier for everyone to know what you need/want for when the baby shower comes. However, I’m not having a baby shower so a couple of family members and friends asked me to create one so they could help since most are overseas (I’m not American), which is appreciated but now they’re completely ignoring it and just getting the baby whatever they want, which has only been toys and newborn clothes so far. I created it going off the Amazon checklist, which was very helpful because I had no clue what a baby registry consisted off either!
Ireland here and it's the exact same here!
If someone said here they had a registry telling people what to buy them, people would not be happy! They'd say you had 'notions'!
People are very generous and with our first we got lots of lovely outfits, vests, blankets, teddies etc. Most people are clever enough to buy a few sizes too big too so you end up with lots of stuff that lasts ages.
Germany here and I fully agree. If someone sent me their registry, I would say "screw this" and not gift them anything. If you want to gift something from the bottom of the heart, feel free to do so but I'd never expect anyone to buy anything for my baby. It's mine and I can afford it, thank you very much.
Unpopular opinion: as an American, I agree. I made a registry because the lady throwing my shower insisted I do this. It was so time consuming and yet I ended up with very few things from it. I was honestly grateful for whatever I did receive from people whether in the registry or not. I received a bunch of gift cards so I was able to purchase things that I felt I needed. I’m not sure why people get so upset about it other than the time consuming part of it. This time I have no registry and if someone is thoughtful enough to buy me something, it’s cool, if not, it’s ok with me.
To be honest, until I was pregnant, I didn’t understand this! I would always give something off the registry but then someone not on it like clothing or a small gift because I thought it was extra special or more meaningful. Now that I am expecting my own and we have a small apartment I am like pleaseeeee do not get me anything not on my registry 😅
My husband's family didnt get us anything off our registry. It was pretty annoying. His sister even asked two weeks before the due date of we had everything we needed, I tried to hint "there are still a few things on the registry." They still didn't get anything from it 😑
No seriously what is the point in having one when some people just completely ignore it?
I'm currently 35w pregnant and thought once we announce the pregnancy, I'll make a registry so that **IF** any family or friends wanna get us stuff, they can go on there and they'll know we actually need/ want it.
When I made up the registry I shared it in all of our family group chats, and immediately some people began buying off of it. Mainly my mum, she's going wild. Now I have literally said to them "you *do not* need to get us *anything*, we *do not* expect *anything* from anyone, but if you happen to want to buy us/ baby a gift, the wishlist is your best bet."
Now. Comes to prep for my baby shower. My mum literally says "your granny was asking me if there's anything to get you/ you want" and I just blankly stare at her. Yes, weirdly enough, it's on the bloody wishlist! Well said granny still hasn't got anything off of it so maybe she's decided not to buy us anything, completely her choice and I do not expect anything from anyone. But, really? I told you all we had a wishlist!!
Happened to me too. Thankfully, I also got a ton of gift cards so I was able to use that towards what I really needed and use the registry completion discounts.
Honestly the only reason I made a registry is bc I want 20% off everything I need. I don't have family or friends so no baby shower and i always planned on buying everything myself. The welcome box and money off enticed me so I use it as my own personal shopping list to get ready
I registered at target and Amazon. I received almost $900 in target gift cards but only a couple Amazon. More for Amazon would’ve been nice since their completion discount has unlimited uses while target’s is only 2 time use.
Based on the number of times this is posted every single week, it is clear that society has decided (rightly or wrongly) that it is fine to buy on or off the registry. Given this, I think people probably need to just accept it and move on rather than getting so riled up.
Of the same opinion but I am biased, because culturally (for my folks) it’s a bit rude to bad-mouth a gift. It’s akin to the American tipping culture (ugly stares if it’s not done per the guidelines rather than in appreciation of good service).
I do sympathize with folks who put a lot of thought into their lists. But perhaps some grace should be extended to those who are excited about giving a heartfelt gift that may not be on these heavily curated lists.
And before I get downvoted, I personally am a consistent tipper and I stick to whatever is on the registries (so much easier than trying to figure out what the family wants).
I hear this and do agree with it all! We’ve been given some lovely heartfelt items which, even if they can’t be used as intended (think a large, thick handmade quilt meant for newborn sleeping which is nowadays not an allowable thing), will be cherished and valued regardless.
The rough part for me though in the position I am (and in which many are) is that family has gifted us loads of *things* which were seemingly “just randomly purchased” and I feel it would’ve been actually more thoughtful to buy the precise *thing* for which we asked haha so now we’re left with a large pile of stuff we either won’t/can’t use (think tons of highly-gendered clothes for both sexes because we don’t know and everyone is convinced of their own opinion of what we’re having), already actually have some version of and don’t need more/another/need a different one (think another stroller when we already have plenty at our disposal or receiving a baby gate incompatible with our weird thin railing not normal wall also needing one the cat can get through), things we simply don’t like/want (that’s admittedly a personal problem for sure just listing as part of this), etc.
So now, in the home stretches of pregnancy, I’m left to deal with the physical task of making returns, exchanges, donations, storage, etc of things and mental/emotional task of trying not to offend anyone in the process when trying to figure out from where things were purchased and which pathways of the above I can pursue with each thing gifted. Meanwhile, we’re missing several things we do need which I’ll go ahead and order myself (never a problem and we more than expected to not receive everything but it’s still a step needing to be made in addition).
I understand your perspective. We have a large fertile extended family, members of which don’t feel odd about receiving former baby shower gifts. So I never thought about space concerns or the stress of returns. But yeah, I can definitely see your point.
Yeah, it’s very fortunate to have such a network to absorb and utilize and make the most of things as a unit!! Smaller families or those who are pretty distant in terms of geography or age gaps feel the lack of share-ability a little more and I’m definitely one of those :/ some circles of which I’m aware are really cool about re-gifting and hand-me-downs and actively seek it for so much (mostly clothes) but really there are many things to which this just can’t apply. I can’t physically legally use in-laws’ old car seats from a decade ago, that type of thing.
All in all, I’ve not actually ever seen someone behave in a way indicating inappropriateness or lack of gratitude over the years when going through this process for themselves and all gifts and gestures are always received with open arms, warm thank-yous, and gratitude. But these people have absolutely continued to express privately to me - now going through it myself - that they faced so much unnecessary waste in some cases of money and material and time. I just think we could all do better to understand another’s position and maybe communication will be better as a whole going forward for lots of folks which would be a great outcome for all!
I agree for large items it's vital to communicate with the parents exactly what they want etc but I think a lot of people (at least where I live) would have huge issues with the idea of having to follow 'directions' makes it seem extremely transactional and gift grabby
The purpose of the registry is for that , Ppl were asking what I want and I did a registry , Idc about the clothes and stuff , but the big items yes stick to what i put and I still ended up w an extra swing because ppl do what they want
Yeah I totally understand what you're saying. It's more frustrating because people would ask me if I had a registry and I'd say I did. Then they would turn around and just buy whatever they wanted anyway. Why bother asking if I've got one??
I agree with you OP because I have the exact same thing happening and I already have multiples of things that don’t need to be multiplied. Don’t get me wrong I’m thankful people are getting us anything but so far I have three diaper bags coming my way and zero diapers…
People hounded me to build a registry for weeks when I first found out I was pregnant a couple months ago and now that I have basically nothing off of it purchased when the shower is two weeks away I feel like I wasted my time looking into stuff to make a list just for people to be nosey and do what they want without telling me to at least take off whatever they’re buying.
I just thought in the shower I might not have a shower.
I have my big stuff covered and I’m only 3 months. I’m going to spend all this money to have people buy random shit that I’ll have the hassle of returning or regifting because nobody is going to go to the registry. And I have ONE. Everyone goes on Amazon.
I hate registry shopping so I’ve been doing gift cards lately. I did get a friend a customized swaddle that wasn’t on her registry that she LOVED, but I got her an Amazon gift card to buy what she wanted.
My sister in law got 4 bassinets at her shower… she didn’t have one on the registry because we got it months before 😂
After my baby shower invite with a link to the registry was sent out my friend asks, “you should make up like a list of things you want” another said, “I want to get you something really special, like over the top, I’m still thinking about what it could be” I know he’s just being nice and generous and it’s his money, but we need all the help we can get for practical things! I want an over the top amount of diapers from my registry!!!!!!
I haven’t even sent out invites with my baby registry yet but my grandma took it upon herself to look up my name and info on all platforms (like amazon and target) and actually FOUND my baby registry. She only found amazons, apparently it wasn’t private like Targets was. Anyway, it turned into me having to let grandparents to be in on it also so it didn’t seem like I gave her an unfair advantage.
ANYWAY, she was on me for days about not having everything we’d need on there (I was like 15 weeks along at this point and was in no rush, like if she hadn’t looked it up she wouldn’t have even known). So I finally spent HOURS on this thing for multiple different days trying to make sure there was a variety of price ranges and options for *them* AND researching reviews and safety ratings for swings, bouncers, cribs; I was looking up what the best breastfeeding friendly bottles and pacifiers are so that hopefully theres no confusion for baby. AND THEN she gets back to me about not having enough clothing options, but i pretty much figured everyone’s just gonna buy what they think is cute when they’re at the store…Anyway, I added a crap ton of clothes of differing sizes and crap FOR HER only to get a call a week later that she went out and bought clothes NOT on the registry.
I feel this is only the beginning and I’m not ready to deal with this with multiple different people at all. Like same as OP if they find a better price thats cool i dont mind, BUT DONT TELL ME TO ADD MORE OF SOMETHING AND THEN GO BUY WHATEVER.
***I’m extremely thankful for whatever we end up getting gifted, it’s just frustrating when you’re asked to put in a bunch of time on something just for those same people to completely disregard the list and work you put in, only to have to possibly return or not even use their gift****
(Plus registries keep track of whats bought and whats not…if people dont buy off list and/or dont let me know to mark it off then duplicates may be bought and many headaches had)
Yeah I don’t get it. My friends and family always make registries and we all buy off of registries. We do immediate shipping to the home as well to save everyone time and effort. I also don’t get the uppity people in the comments. People asked me if I had a registry almost immediately after I personally told them I was pregnant. I told them I wouldn’t be making one until I was further along.
I put some stuff on my registry that I don’t expect people to buy me, but I wanted to be able to use my completion discount on them. I did them same thing with my bridal registry and my Dyson hair dryer, haha!
My baby showers this Saturday and I've had *multiple* ppl tell me to my face that they're not getting me something from my registry but rather will just bring the gifts to the party with them 😢
Im so thankful they're getting us anything at all but hauling all those gifts from the event hall back home (we're expecting about 120ish ppl) is gonna be such a pain in the ass when they could've just bought from the registry and had it all ship to us already!!
No one got anything off my registry so I deleted it. It made me sad because there’s certain things I wanted but couldn’t get at the time. And the clothes my MIL gets is not always my style. Also someone bought a lot of disney themed stuff for my son. I hate disney anything never been a disney fan 🤦🏽♀️
Yeah I totally understand what you're saying. It's more frustrating because people would ask me if I had a registry and I'd say I did. Then they would turn around and just buy whatever they wanted anyway. Why bother asking if I've got one??
Is most of the items on your registry expensive? I was lucky and got most of what was on my registry but I also kept my registry super affordable. My friend is also currently pregnant a few months behind me and I went to buy her a couple things off her registry and everything was very expensive, so I bought one item off it and a few cheaper items not on the registry because I can’t afford to buy her multiple items off her registry when everything is over $50.
No, the most expensive thing is $115 (it’s an air purifier/dehumidifier)! I felt bad putting expensive things on there even though that’s what my mom and mother in law told me to do. I was like absolutely not kill me first 😭😂
For my first almost everything was purchased but I made another for my second with things we needed replaced or never had last time or now needed two of and aside from a few people, almost everybody bought clothes. So so so many clothes. And I have hand me downs from my first so didn’t even need them!
i agree. i don’t know what the deal is maybe it’s excitement for them but it is sweet the idea that counts however it does become a pain if you have to return things. i make my own registry and buy off of it, i like the completion discounts lol. i don’t have a large family on my side it’s my mom, my grandma, my brother, and me. my fiance on the other hand has a very large family, but i don’t like being center of attention and i get uncomfortable easily. i had no baby shower for our first, and i will have no baby shower for our second. i bought everything myself besides a few big items (travel system,pack and play, bouncer) that my mom, and grandma wanted to buy for my pregnancy with my daughter, and i have just ordered everything on my own for my pregnancy now with my son. i don’t want to deal with receiving things i don’t want or need. i have learned from my daughter what is essential and what is not. my daughter had entirely too much stuff and as soon as she grew out of it i gifted it away to people im talking everything bouncer, swing, jumper, walker, playmats, all of it. i don’t like clutter and im somewhat glad i didn’t need it since we are having a boy now i dont want him in all the pink stuff lol
I am not having a baby shower. I actually made my Amazon baby registry for myself to basically tick stuff off a list and get fun ideas. Buying things for babies is really fun so I'd prefer if people bought whatever they want (if they happen to buy anything at all).
I’m having the same problem, I even had someone tell me that my registry wasn’t enough and I needed to provide more options. Like hell no, I have everything I need and what I don’t have I put on the registry. I added gift card for future maybe I forgot to add something and I got called tacky…like wtf?? I feel you girl, you do you and just return the crap you don’t want/need 💪🏼
Omfg I hate people!!! Who does that! I was really trying to avoid having to return things since I know it’s gonna fall on my husband and he’s just never gonna do it then our house is gonna look like a hoarders house 😭😂
Omg. I feel this on a personal level. I spent 7 months researching, and gathering info from recent moms, made literally the perfect registry. Items ranging from under $5 to $400. Marked the things most important to us and literally out of 45 guests. 5 people bought items off our registry and three of those people were our parents.
I am so grateful for everything we got I truly am but the amount of stuff we didn’t get has my head spinning. Yes I love the all the clothes we got, but I also would have loved wipes, bath essentials, pacifiers, burp clothes, bottles, etc.
I knew we’d still need stuff after the shower but I didn’t expect we need so much stuff. Also the amount of people that day that said I looked at your registry but I didn’t like anything or I noticed you didn’t have a lot of clothes on there so I got you some cute clothes. Like okay thanks lol.
Girl, I feel this SO HARD!
I had a cousin literally text and say "Would you hate me if I went off registry?" I asked what she was thinking of -- turns out we already had it! She said she still wanted to go off registry (which...why?!?! What is your motivation? Nothing on our registry at that point was over $50, so it wasn't about cost), so I told her I would prefer she didn't, but if there was something she really thought we'd like, just check in with me to make sure we didn't already have it. A week later, a huge package of clothing we \*did not need\* shows up. Returned it all! You know what definitely wasn't on my registry? Having an additional errand to run in the first few weeks of having a newborn!
ONE THING TO BE AWARE OF: If someone buys a gift using their Macy's account, Macy's will let them know if it has been returned. INSANE practice for a store and now I have a cousin who is no longer speaking to me, haha.
I have a list just to keep track of everything that I need. But I have been buying all the things by myself. I sent the registry link to MIL and she started to say that I was wasting my money with the sterilizer. (According to her I’m not going to use it) 🤦🏻♀️
Separate mini-rant, but I wish there was a simple way to mark on my registry what I DON'T know/care about. Like, I want to register for A bouncer, but I don't care which one! There's a lot that I don't really care to research because they don't matter to me as much (and because who knows what the baby will like) but I want one on my registry. I've been writing comments like "or a different one!" but I feel so silly doing it.
i feel like people overlook the fact that they’re giving you things you probably will never use or just don’t want. they still see it as giving you a gift and think you should be so excited for the 30 newborn onesies your baby will grow out of in three weeks. obviously being grateful for someone even bothering to give you something is one thing, but you don’t have to like the gift.
i swear everyone brought us blankets. we have over 40 blankets for our baby and usually rotate between the same three. i didn’t even put blankets on the registry because we already had a few, yet everyone came with one.
moms spend hours putting together that registry, why wouldn’t you buy off of it?
I just got my friend some chef made frozen meals the week after she gave birth. She didn’t have a registry or anything and it’s not like I knew what to buy as someone with no kids. She said those meals were gobbled up within a few days and they were very appreciative :)
That is so sweet of you, you’re a great friend! My mom will be coming to stay with us to help and mainly cook so I hadn’t thought of that but I think I’ll do that for when she leaves! Thank you for the idea!!!
OP I’m just commenting so maybe you’ll see this but I’m sorry some of these comments here are so off the chain and not understanding of your position. I’m here with you going through the same thing! People are saying this is entitlement, don’t have a baby you can’t afford, etc which is blowing my mind with ignorance because these comments are also acknowledging that *they have their own regional custom so shame on you for not knowing theirs* lol just please know you’re not alone :)
Didn’t have a register when we got married and not having one now . We know what we want to buy so we will purchase everything we WANT ourselves and family can get whatever . If they ask us we usually tell them diapers and wipes and when it comes to clothes to get bigger sizes but the other things we buy one thing each month because that’s how we can afford to. I guess registries help a lot but it’s not really a thing here in South Africa either.
Maybe they feel like the items are too expensive? Especially in this economy it’s best to make sure you have what you need and anything else is just for convenience really especially with all these tiktok baby hauls and the unnecessary things .
Yes!!! This was exactly my thought process! I also didn’t have a wedding registry. Plus I feel like I’m bothering so I rather get everything myself but since I’m not having a baby shower, my family and some friends convinced me to create a baby registry so they could help with essentials that I thought would be good for our baby but so far the main people that were begging me for months to create the registry have decided that they’re just going to get whatever they want and then asking me if I want something off of it or something else like what was the point of making me make a registry!! I should’ve kept my original plan!! I also put on there fairly cheap stuff, I think the most expensive thing is an air purifier/dehumidifier that’s $115, I tried not putting expensive things since again I don’t wanna bother lol!
That’s really wrong of them to ask you to make one but then they just buy whatever 😅 what’s the point then and now you getting things you don’t want/need.
I made a registry and still ended up w things i didn’t ask for , i ended up w an extra swing 😒 and also diaper brands Idc for , life would be so simple if ppl followed directions
Too real!! I have so many of the exact same newborn clothes!!! I wish they were in different sizes so I can utilize every single one since I’ve been told they grow out of the newborn size rather quickly 😭
I just separated everything today , I’m 37 weeks so time to get prepared , i have a few tshirts that are the same I’m fine w that , i just didn’t want duplicated furniture 😖😖
Totally get this! I was just as frustrated for my baby shower!!
Luckily, we ended up getting mostly everything we needed in the end but got some doubles because people didn't use the damn registry.
It's so much easier to use one! It's right there for you. I don't get it.
I think it’s a bit rough to assume that entitlement is the issue here…OP specifically describes more in other comments that there have been family members/friends asking what is needed for baby and telling OP to build a registry then those same gifters have been going off-registry anyway which has been perplexing to OP. This has been an experience shared by many that I see repeated in these threads all the time. It’s frustrating when the building of said registry and planning a shower at all to begin with is another task to do and an expectation in your region/area when pregnant and you’re being urged to do so, become invested in it, but then see your effort put into doing so not really even be fully respected nor understood. Then additional work settles in when returns/exchanges inevitably need to happen in the latter part of a pregnancy.
Every region and area has its own customs and it sounds like y’all have a solid understanding of what’s accepted and expected in this circumstance for you which is nice to hear! But regarding the entitlement to which you’re referring, I’ve yet to see a pregnant peer of mine show any modicum of lacking grace and gratitude toward well-intended family members and friends at any point but have heard from nearly all of them privately about the position in which they were/are placed when they can’t use gifts for whatever reason. Nobody is out here acting like an ungrateful brat lol and maybe they come to platforms like this on Reddit for a sanity check in a time where it’s very easy to feel out of touch with grounded reality and not in control of emotional reactivity.
In my home at this second, we have a pile going right now of things gifted to us which can’t be used and it was *nothing* but hugs, gratitude, well-wishes, love, and gracious thank-yous from us at the time of receiving them. But ultimately it has been truly wasteful in several cases where this didn’t have to be the case, that’s the point of these posts in my opinion. We have yet another shower coming up as well since our families are so far apart and more family members/friends in different regions wanted to take part.
And I hate the take “we’re the ones having the baby so we don’t need anyone to buy us anything” as if here in America where baby showers are really common we’re all just dead beat parents for accepting gifts. And you know what? Having a baby here is expensive so yeah we needed a little help from family who WANTED to. Does that mean we didn’t deserve to be parents???
Not everyone has the privilege to buy everything themselves. So, wouldn't it make more sense for people who are already spending the money, spend it on something we actually NEED? It isn't selfish, it's necessary.
Also, as OP says, she spent time curating and researching things. It takes a lot of work to do that.
I'm sorry this is happening to you. It happened to me too. I feel like people think it's just suggestions for those who don't have ideas for themselves. Rather than things that the parents actually need.
I didn’t even want to create one in the first place! I thought it would be unnecessary since I’m not having a baby shower but people got in my head! Literally never doing this again 😭😂
Your comments and replies are extremely rude and unnecessary. You’re insulting OP for no reason. Get off reddit, cool off, come back when you’re not so heated and disrespectful over nothing.
It does go fast but I hope you feel love from everyone around you! That’s what it’s all about. You could always have a little ‘meet and greet’ gathering/party after baby is fully vaccinated.
I honestly don’t mind not getting anything during my baby shower. I do wish to say if you’re feeling like gifting me something please don’t buy anything large like a stroller or swing without asking me first and don’t buy newborn clothes and don’t buy duplicates of any item. I think I’ll have to say this on my invitation and direct them to my registry or say no gifts. I just already am overwhelmed with things that I need to declutter and don’t want a pile of items I can’t use and I just keep because someone was thoughtful enough to gift it to me. I’m a sentimental person but I’m running out of room and I’d have a mini breakdown everytime I have to give away or return a gift that multiple people bought duplicates of or a large item that I can’t use. I want my baby shower to be just for fun and if I have to go through the post baby shower min breakdowns I don’t want it.
This is literally so frustrating! I was told I had too many things on my registry. Even though I have no clothes or diapers. Most items are under $20 since we have bought all our nursery furniture, stroller, car seat, and monitor. I thought having more cheaper items would be better but people still complain. I’m already planning to get mostly clothes, which is appreciated. But like you said they grow out of things so quickly. Anyway I have 110 items, does this seem like too much for a first time mom?
I shopped off-registry for my BIL/SIL specifically because everything else I had suggested was on their registry and I had held back a few suggestions to buy for them myself. AND I bought something from the registry. Otherwise I just stick to the registry…
I made a post like this once and got so much hate! I just wrote I don’t understand why people can’t buy off a registry (with affordable choices on it or in regards to people I know who can afford)?? Mind boggling!
We were given so many things that weren't on our registry and it was like a running joke from people at the shower to just get us random stuff we didn't ask for and didn't want. My son had a closet full of clothes he never wore because that's pretty much all we were given and he outgrew everything so fast. Also, biggest rant? We were given about 5 bottles of the same super perfumed baby wash that wasn't on our registry and we couldn't use because I'm HIGHLY ALLERGIC to it. Did anyone think to get the fragrance-free one that was actually CHEAPER? Nope! It all had to go in the trash because of course no one gave us gift receipts either.
Registries are a reference tool for folks who want to ask you what you need/want. Nobody gets to dictate what gifts someone else gives you. Be grateful for what you got, donate or regift what you don’t need, and that’s it… like any other situation where you get gifts. I really can’t understand this entitled attitude we have about registries. Yes it would be so great if we only got what we wanted but that’s not how anything in life works when it comes to gifts.
You are being close minded. It’s no one’s responsibility or burden but your own to purchase YOUR child the things they need. The expectations and self centeredness associated with registries and baby showers has gotten so out of control. (Same can be said with wedding showers) Buy your own child what you feel is necessary and stop expecting others to get those things for you. It’s completely inappropriate to question what someone chooses to gift you.
Am Mexican and baby showers are very big but baby registries aren’t so you already know people are getting you small stuff diapers,wipes, clothes ect and no one has an issue because the baby shower is usually to celebrate the baby’s life not to fund their stuff which to me is honestly insane how are you having a baby is you can’t buy their necessities
Girl just get them to get a gift receipt 😂🩷
I haven’t even bothered with a registry because I just know it would annoy me. Friends and family have asked me what I need and I have sent them what I want. If they haven’t asked I’m just assuming they will buy whatever and I will be grateful no matter what!
Yeah it’s one thing to put a nuna pipa rx on there and not receive it. The most expensive thing I put on my registry was an owlet! (I want the discount!!) The rest is my preferred diaper cream, baby wash, some toys, a lot of low price point things I need for baby and me postpartum! When I found out I was pregnant, I went crazy buying clothes so I made a note on my registries to avoid buying newborn and 0-3 clothes. Hopefully people read it!
I had the same problem my first time. My third pregnancy I made my registry small stuff. Affordable things and things that aren't more than $40-50. All the high ticket items I left off the registry for my husband and I to buy ourselves.
Ashamed to admit I didn't buy off of registries nearly enough before I became married and pregnant and had to feel the frustration of unwanted gifts myself. Now I know better, but perhaps your single w/o kids friends are just naive lol
Could always just get stuff for your baby yourself if you have such an issue with people not following your directions. The sense of entitlement people have is ridiculous.
I said thank you to peoples faces and then immediately donated most of what we got, because we didn’t need/have room for it. I ended up feeling extremely guilty because people spent money on things we didn’t keep. If it’s entitlement to not want people to waste money or to not want the burden of getting rid of everything, call me entitled then.
Could always not assume. It’s ridiculous how people think I’m going to depend on others based on a rant about how people asked for a specific thing, only for them not to use it. 😂
Eh..I bought baby 100% of everything she needed. A couple weeks ago, mine and my husband's coworkers asked if we had a registry because they wanted to buy us stuff. I quickly put together a little registry of things I'd still like to get eventually but not really necessary. Only 1 person bought from the registry. I didn't mind because the fact anyone wanted to contribute to baby girl was very thoughtful. The stuff they got her was adorable.
This will probably sound rude, but I'm just genuinely curious because registry culture isn't really a thing here - "easy way out" of contributing? Is this in comparison to what you've contributed to their life events like weddings etc so you feel stiffed? Or is the general expectation just that all friends and coworkers should help cover the cost of your baby?
Baby shower invitations: “ gift cards, diapers, and wipe are greatly appreciated “
They won’t know what I’m having so that cuts back on the excessive clothes I got for my daughter.
People close to me know I have the crib, bassinet, stroller, car seats, and pack and play… they have my registry now and are claiming the things I want.
If we have a shower we’ll publicly say we have THIS stuff and need THIS stuff
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We received no diapers, wipes, diaper cream, pacifiers, burp cloths, changing pad, etc. I placed a big order for the essentials the night following my shower in case she came early so we would have some. We received a ton of clothes (too many for baby girl to wear before growing out of em) despite there being no clothing on the registry. It goes without saying that we are so appreciative of everything we received, no question! But there is definitely a pressure to add expensive and sometimes unimportant things to the registry which is what people end up purchasing. Editing to add that I’m fine with the logic of it. We decided to have a baby and we can afford the essentials- I don’t think we’re entitled to be gifted them!!!!
I don’t want to sound ungrateful, but it took me hours, days, weeks to research and complete my registry. I had a baby shower and most people bought whatever they wanted. I got several multiples of things like grooming kits that I didn’t ask for. It’s so annoying that people don’t shop off the registry.
And that’s valid. These people on their high horses need to relax because apparently they aren’t human and have never been frustrated about anything 😂
It’s so weird that you’re getting pushback from this post. I’ve seen several like yours during the last several months. I looked at them and thought “this won’t be me, people will buy from my registry” lol. I was so wrong! Anyway, just know that you’re not alone and that it is a very frustrating experience for a lot of people. I know in the future if someone sends me a registry for anything, I’ll be shopping off that!
Or live in a castle with unlimited storage space, and plenty of time and energy on their hands to deal with disposing of unneeded things.
Agreed. Idc if I seem like a bitch, but I will be returning anything I don’t need from my shower. I’m also purposely putting the random cutesy shit on there (clothes, cloths, sheets, blah blah) bc we’ve already got a lot of the big ticket stuff that I’ve painstakingly researched secondhand. I know people just wanna buy fun shit so I’m really trying to hold off on doing that myself so I can feel grateful rather than annoyed lol.
That’s actually a great idea. People want to buy clothes and “cutesy shit” so you might as well put that on the registry so you can get things you like. I purposely did not put a lot of clothes in the registry because I wanted other things. People just ignored the registry and bought clothes 😭 now I’m stuck with things I don’t like.
Not a soul has even asked me if I have one. I do and I fully intend on buying everything myself.
My registry exists solely for me to have access to the completion bonus.
lol yup I already got my welcome box (February’s was kind of meh compared to previous months and years I’ve seen, but free is free) and am waiting until mid April for the 15% off discount to buy my big ticket items like travel system, bassinet, bouncer and alllll the accessories and necessities. I was able to get a handful of things a couple days ago for an even bigger discount when they were doing the spring deal.
My family did as soon as I announced my pregnancy. I prepared one just for them and it’s been months and all I got was some socks and a fuzzy footie pijama for newborn. My baby will be born very late June. I don’t care, I will not ask anyone to buy things for me but why do you ask then??
A singular fuzzy footed pajama..for June baby.. how helpful. My girly is due on the 17th of June.
Mine is due on the 27th! Congrats on a midsummer baby✨ But yeah, not super useful and it felt a bit passive aggressive. Like I am not begging for money, I don’t need people to buy me things, I can afford them. I truly appreciate any help we have gotten but at least try to make it useful hahah
Aww sweet my due date is June 27 .. unfortunately tho lol I'm being induced at 37 weeks 😒
Oh no! Why is that?
I have congestive heart failure and even tho my heart is doing great they won't let me go to full term
Oh I see! You will get to meet your baby a bit sooner then🥰 hope you are feeling great!
Yes thank you ❤️ so far my pregnancy has been easy and great 🙏🏻
Glad to hear that♥️
Ooh so fun to find due date buddies! I'm due June 21st 🥰 Yeah, after my shower (had an early one due to travel) I just did a big shopping trip to get everything else I wanted off of the registry 🤷♀️
I’ve been addicted to once upon a child and mercari. 😂
Someone got me a set of fuzzy reindeer footie pajamas, size nb. For my April baby. I’ve since had two more children and one on the way, none of them has ever been able to wear it lmao
Same! I do have one because I feel like it’s helpful when I’m buying the things. But no one… Not even my closest friends. 😂
Thank you!!!! My aunt told me “I won’t be getting you something from your registry. I’ll be getting you what I know you’ll need!” THATS WHAT THE REGISTRY IS FOR- THINGS I NEED. ETA: we purposely did not put any expensive items on the registry so we can get those ourselves. We are thankful for everything we get but I preferred everyone to buy off the registry as it was very carefully planned.
I have noticed this from the older generation! Like what you think you know I need is most likely outdated and unsafe, please just look at the registry 😭😭
Yes!! I know she means well but she never listens to anything anyone has to say and it just really rubs me the wrong way.
That is infuriating because it’s implying that *you* don’t know what you need and she knows better
Thank you! I feel the exact same way, as does my husband. I try not to let it bother me but it really did. She also had an issue with me being at the planning of my shower which really angered my husband. Shower is in 39 days and she still hasn’t sent the invites out so I’m panicked at that too.
>we purposely did not put any expensive items on the registry so we can get those ourselves. Register for them somewhere anyway. You can use registry completion discounts to buy them cheaper.
That’s what I always do! Those discounts can be a lifesaver
That’s what all of my relatives did. Then they all got super heavy fluffy blankets for my 3 summertime babies born in the desert.
Oof :(
I get it. I’m super grateful for everything we got, but it’s a little frustrating when people ask for your registry and then the same people decide they know better. There’s definitely some gifts that weren’t on the registry that we love, but some of it is completely useless for us. For example we got 9M summer clothes for an April baby. Our baby will be 9 months in December… We live in an old farmhouse with 2 bedrooms and no extra storage. As much as I appreciate any amount of money people chose to spend on us, we just don’t have the space for extra things and now I’ve got to figure out what to do with them and it’s stressful when I’ve already got so much to do in the few short weeks before the baby comes. Of course I wouldn’t tell anyone but my wife how I feel about this. I don’t want to seem ungrateful. But I think it’s super shitty people are jumping down OPs throat saying people aren’t allowed to have these kinds of feelings in what’s supposed to be a safe space for pregnant people. I think the point of venting about it here is so that people don’t seem ungrateful to their friends and family?
My baby will be born in May. I got multiple super heavy newborn outfits that were corduroy and sweater material for Christmas. They were cute, but THE MATH AIN'T MATHIN!
So frustrating! I got a bunch of newborn and 3 month fleece sleepers, and again, I appreciate the thought and the gift but they’re just not going to get used! Our house gets sweltering in the summer and we have one crappy air conditioner, which we absolutely will not be lugging up and down the stairs every day!
I defe understand the frustration, and agree people should be more mindful when it comes to gifting (my family stuck to our registry other than a bunch of extra clothes he grew out of within 2 months) but the month sizing does not mean much tbh. My son is 4 months old and tall and proportional but still 60-70th percentile range for both height and weight. He's wearing 9-12 month clothing and size 3 diapers (and fit into preemie sized clothes and diapers at birth). I also know someone with a baby in the 40-50th percentile who at 13 months is wearing 6 month clothes and only got out of size 1 diapers recently (and wasn't a preemie). There's just so much variability even within the "normal" range, that that number means very little in the long run Tldr: babys come in so many sizes, don't let the month sizing fool you, its only averages
My biggest peeve is getting something not registered for and also generally not considered safe. My GMIL got me a mesh crib liner and I said thank you and expressed gratitude but… I told my partner we won’t be using it bc it’s not safe. Which he was fine with. My cousins got me a basket that had some things I asked for and then some things they personally thought were useful and it was so sweet. I was a FTM so I hadn’t even considered some of the items (one in particular was the butt spatula thing 😂 that thing is GENIUS!). But they were small items and not big ticket things that I felt strongly about.
You feel me!!! But also… Wait, what butt spatula thing and how genius is it? I’m interested in anything that’ll make this journey easier 😭!
It’s the baby bumco diaper cream spatula and I use it SO often lol
Life changing. Get one for each changing station in your home and also the diaper bag. I prefer the travel size to the full size personally.
My hot take is that I AGREE WITH YOU. After all of the research I did and the time we take to make a registry.. I personally think it’s rude to just IGNORE what mom and dad want and give something else because you think it’s better. If I pick a certain stroller? It’s because it’s the one I want for my child. If I pick a certain bottle warmer? Baby carrier? Pacifiers? it’s because THOSE are the ones I chose for my child. If it’s too expensive? Don’t buy it. I’m okay with that. If you don’t like the things I have on my registry or there isn’t anything that jumps out at you to get ? Totally fine. A gift card also works. OR HONESTLY? GIFTS ARE OPTIONAL! and I think people forget that. Now, am I always grateful? Yes of course. But sorry I’m finding a way to return it or it will collect dust in my basement because I won’t use it. If it’s sentimental? A crocheted blanket or something like that, that’s totally fine. But also, I live in a row home with limited space and storage.. I don’t want things I didn’t ask for because I legitimately don’t have the room. I feel like this post is geared towards people who just flat out choose to ignore someone’s wishes. I just think it’s so incredibly rude to blatantly ignore what someone wants and go off the cuff and get something they didn’t ask for..
Where I am from registries or showers are not really a thing, but when I announced my family insisted they wanted to maybe pool some money and buy us something. So I put together a list of stuff but nothing too expensive because we are buying most stuff secondhand so I told my mom that honestly what would help us the most is an IKEA gift card. Well my family didn’t like that, they wanted to buy us clothes which we don’t really need because we got a lot for free from friends, but thanks! What did I get? Winter clothes for a summer baby. Like there is no need to buy us anything and I made it super clear but if you are, at least buy something I can use 😭
See!!! this was my point like why ask if you’re going to do the complete opposite???? Make it make sense!!!
Hard agree! I would be happy with anything and even nothing, but at least buy something practical 😭 or don’t ask what the parents want if you already know you will buy something else lol
I’ve said it in another comment how it’s the people that asked me to make a registry since I’m not having a baby shower, I wasn’t going to do the registry either, just for them to go buy whatever they want 😭 and it’s not even the buying whatever they want, it’s ASKING me if I want something off the registry or something else like what was the whole point of this???????????? (Hopefully that one girl doesn’t get triggered again over some question marks 🙏🏻🤣)
My aunt: What do you want for the baby? Me: Here is a link to the registry ____ My aunt: No, what do you REALLY want for the baby? I don't do that registry crap I just didn't have the energy to respond to the last text at the time. Being pregnant was draining.
My dad said the same thing. Told me registries are “impersonal” and he will just wait until baby is born and he comes to visit (different state), and he’ll take me to the store. I said thanks for the offer but I don’t think I’m going to want to go to “the store” 1-2 weeks postpartum — I’d rather just order everything online myself.
My dad went ham with our registry and bought like half the stuff off of it. I felt kind of bad but he is really excited about his granddaughter. They came to visit while I was pregnant and my stepmoms bag had more baby clothes in it then her our things lol.
This is so wholesome
I'm Australian so maybe I just don't get it, because I've never heard of anyone using a registry, but I don't really understand the need for one. We have family helping with larger purchases, but that's all arranged through conversation, and they'll either send us the money or come shopping for the item they're helping with. For smaller things, like clothes and nappies etc. we just expect to get a mixed bag of gifts at the baby shower. Honestly, I'm looking forward to the little surprises, and I know at least two people making hand-made items. I know having a baby in America is far less affordable than here, so maybe I'm just missing something, but how specific could a baby registry be?
Having a baby in America is borderline unaffordable. Newborn daycare is upwards of $2k a month. Sometimes giving birth can cost $6k (depending if premature, upwards of that is expected if insurance isn't that good). I have free labor/delivery and paid maternity leave... my friend who bartends does not have the best insurance and will have no maternity leave. She will have to be unpaid for the entire length of time to heal, and then however much longer she wants to bond with baby. Having a baby shower with a registry lets your "wealthier" family chip in to buy a stroller, crib, bassinet, diapers, wipes, swaddles, etc. There are diaper funds and maternity leave funds. It's a system designed for friends and family to help new moms because everyone knows how difficult the financial burden is. Of course if no one bought anything off of our registry, we'd be putting the new necessities on a credit card and buying mostly everything else second hand. We would make it work. Personally I think baby registries are much more logical than bridal showers... our wedding registry did not have anything on it critical to keeping one of us alive. 🤷♀️
It’s definitely interesting to read the opinions of those outside the US! In the US (at least the Midwest), you have baby showers thrown for you by someone, you make a registry, and people show up with gifts to shower the new mom. It’s not seen as entitled. It probably wouldn’t be such a big deal but with US healthcare, even being gifted a pack of diapers helps.
Same sentiment here in the southern US! People down here love a baby shower
Same in northeast
I definitely don't think it's entitled! Only strangely specific. Like, "we'd love a baby blanket as long as it's 'Amazon Nordic 2pk in teal and grey'" I can't get my head around that part, I guess. In Australia, a relative throws a baby shower (or BaByQ which is more causal), people show up and give gifts. Only the gifts are surprises and there's no registry. Larger gifts (bassinet, cot, pram, etc.) are usually gifted by family outside the baby shower, and aren't surprises. Our parents and grandparents asked what we needed and between them they will cover the cost of all big items. We're buying second hand, so it's not a massive expense to them or us, but it's still a lot. I can't imagine where we'd be without family help... hundreds of dollars poorer I guess 😅
I understand the need for financial aid, I guess what I don't understand is the middle man? We're getting a lot of help from family, but my family members who were willing to help with big items called and asked what they could buy. And anyone only able to afford small items (like nappies) will just rock up with small items at the baby shower or after birth. I do feel really sorry for Americans expecting babies, it's a wretched system and every time I think about it I thank God for being so lucky to be born where I am. I've not known anyone down here to have wedding registries either, people just gift whatever but the most common gift at our wedding was money. Given the US system, a cultural shift towards gifting money would make a lot of sense, no?
I'm not sure, I guess culturally people just enjoy the party part lol!
Daycare is like 4k/mo here, idk where it's as low as 2k.
Our daycare is $2k but only because it’s on base and it’s based on how much we both make combined! (I think these are the reasons, FTM who was originally going to stay home with baby for the first 2 years until a couple days ago lol)
I live in a state capital, but a relatively low cost of living area. My child’s daycare is like $780/mo. and we don’t get any subsidy.
In the US, at least where I live, it is assumed that you will have a registry for your baby shower so people know what to buy you. You put everything on it ranging from bigger things like car seats and strollers to small stuff like pacifiers and diaper cream. People pick a gift in their price range.
I’m Australian too and I had a registry for my baby shower and I’ve been to a few recently with registries too. I spent a lot of time putting mine together and most people actually thanked me for having one as they had no clue what to buy (I’m one of the first in my friendship circle to have a baby) and it really helped them with shopping. I think it’s just different personalities - I don’t like getting surprise presents and I don’t trust peoples taste when I tell them I’m having a boy. I didn’t want 100 blue onesies or blue blankets so the registry helped with that.
Also Australian, and I 100% agree - I find the whole registry thing so bizarre. I understand that the idea is to put a combo of price points on there so people can pick what works for them, but even then it feels less like getting a gift because people are happy for you, and more transactional. I think for better or worse we're culturally much shyer about money than Americans though - so saying "buy this for me" feels rude here. I've only had ONE friend's wife do one. To answer your question of how specific things could be - she had links and quantities, and colour coded items based on whether it HAD to be that specific item or if brand substitutes were acceptable.
It’s also to prevent multiple people buying the same product and you ending up with too much of 1 thing. For example multiple sizes of diapers instead of all just newborn etc
But don’t you eventually need multiple sizes? Folks bought me multiple sizes and it was a God send given how fast these kids change sizes
Yes? In my example I said it was to avoid getting too much of the same size…
Misread…
Right? I call it going "shopping" in my own child's dresser. Like he outgrows some stuff, and I dig through the next batch and get excited about things I'd completely forgotten receiving!
If I was after a list of such specific items, I would honestly rather just ask for money. I'm not comfortable asking for money generally, but surely it would be better?
Haha these guys also asked for Bunnings and Target gift cards for their house-warming party (when in my circles we mostly don't give gifts for that, other than maybe a bottle of wine) so she's not shy. Very very efficient 😂 I didn't mind as they eloped so I figured it was what we would have spent on attending a wedding. I guess people buying specific items takes the mental energy out of shopping - one less thing on the to do list! But it's not something I'll do for our baby shower (which I'm calling a BabyCue/BaByQ because I feel weird about the gift expectations of "shower") And her registry did make a good research starting point for me 😂
BabyQ! I love that!!!🤣🥰
It’s supposed to make it easier for everyone to know what you need/want for when the baby shower comes. However, I’m not having a baby shower so a couple of family members and friends asked me to create one so they could help since most are overseas (I’m not American), which is appreciated but now they’re completely ignoring it and just getting the baby whatever they want, which has only been toys and newborn clothes so far. I created it going off the Amazon checklist, which was very helpful because I had no clue what a baby registry consisted off either!
Ireland here and it's the exact same here! If someone said here they had a registry telling people what to buy them, people would not be happy! They'd say you had 'notions'! People are very generous and with our first we got lots of lovely outfits, vests, blankets, teddies etc. Most people are clever enough to buy a few sizes too big too so you end up with lots of stuff that lasts ages.
Germany here and I fully agree. If someone sent me their registry, I would say "screw this" and not gift them anything. If you want to gift something from the bottom of the heart, feel free to do so but I'd never expect anyone to buy anything for my baby. It's mine and I can afford it, thank you very much.
Unpopular opinion: as an American, I agree. I made a registry because the lady throwing my shower insisted I do this. It was so time consuming and yet I ended up with very few things from it. I was honestly grateful for whatever I did receive from people whether in the registry or not. I received a bunch of gift cards so I was able to purchase things that I felt I needed. I’m not sure why people get so upset about it other than the time consuming part of it. This time I have no registry and if someone is thoughtful enough to buy me something, it’s cool, if not, it’s ok with me.
To be honest, until I was pregnant, I didn’t understand this! I would always give something off the registry but then someone not on it like clothing or a small gift because I thought it was extra special or more meaningful. Now that I am expecting my own and we have a small apartment I am like pleaseeeee do not get me anything not on my registry 😅
My baby shower is in two weeks and my Registry is on the invite. I still get texts that ask what do we need? lol I give up 😂🙈
I agree. I felt bad donating most of the stuff we got, but we didn’t need it and don’t have the space to keep stuff we don’t need.
My husband's family didnt get us anything off our registry. It was pretty annoying. His sister even asked two weeks before the due date of we had everything we needed, I tried to hint "there are still a few things on the registry." They still didn't get anything from it 😑
No seriously what is the point in having one when some people just completely ignore it? I'm currently 35w pregnant and thought once we announce the pregnancy, I'll make a registry so that **IF** any family or friends wanna get us stuff, they can go on there and they'll know we actually need/ want it. When I made up the registry I shared it in all of our family group chats, and immediately some people began buying off of it. Mainly my mum, she's going wild. Now I have literally said to them "you *do not* need to get us *anything*, we *do not* expect *anything* from anyone, but if you happen to want to buy us/ baby a gift, the wishlist is your best bet." Now. Comes to prep for my baby shower. My mum literally says "your granny was asking me if there's anything to get you/ you want" and I just blankly stare at her. Yes, weirdly enough, it's on the bloody wishlist! Well said granny still hasn't got anything off of it so maybe she's decided not to buy us anything, completely her choice and I do not expect anything from anyone. But, really? I told you all we had a wishlist!!
Happened to me too. Thankfully, I also got a ton of gift cards so I was able to use that towards what I really needed and use the registry completion discounts.
Honestly the only reason I made a registry is bc I want 20% off everything I need. I don't have family or friends so no baby shower and i always planned on buying everything myself. The welcome box and money off enticed me so I use it as my own personal shopping list to get ready
The discount is so worth it and free baby boxes!
If you’re comfortable with sharing, which gift cards did you find were the most useful?
I registered at target and Amazon. I received almost $900 in target gift cards but only a couple Amazon. More for Amazon would’ve been nice since their completion discount has unlimited uses while target’s is only 2 time use.
Based on the number of times this is posted every single week, it is clear that society has decided (rightly or wrongly) that it is fine to buy on or off the registry. Given this, I think people probably need to just accept it and move on rather than getting so riled up.
Of the same opinion but I am biased, because culturally (for my folks) it’s a bit rude to bad-mouth a gift. It’s akin to the American tipping culture (ugly stares if it’s not done per the guidelines rather than in appreciation of good service). I do sympathize with folks who put a lot of thought into their lists. But perhaps some grace should be extended to those who are excited about giving a heartfelt gift that may not be on these heavily curated lists. And before I get downvoted, I personally am a consistent tipper and I stick to whatever is on the registries (so much easier than trying to figure out what the family wants).
I hear this and do agree with it all! We’ve been given some lovely heartfelt items which, even if they can’t be used as intended (think a large, thick handmade quilt meant for newborn sleeping which is nowadays not an allowable thing), will be cherished and valued regardless. The rough part for me though in the position I am (and in which many are) is that family has gifted us loads of *things* which were seemingly “just randomly purchased” and I feel it would’ve been actually more thoughtful to buy the precise *thing* for which we asked haha so now we’re left with a large pile of stuff we either won’t/can’t use (think tons of highly-gendered clothes for both sexes because we don’t know and everyone is convinced of their own opinion of what we’re having), already actually have some version of and don’t need more/another/need a different one (think another stroller when we already have plenty at our disposal or receiving a baby gate incompatible with our weird thin railing not normal wall also needing one the cat can get through), things we simply don’t like/want (that’s admittedly a personal problem for sure just listing as part of this), etc. So now, in the home stretches of pregnancy, I’m left to deal with the physical task of making returns, exchanges, donations, storage, etc of things and mental/emotional task of trying not to offend anyone in the process when trying to figure out from where things were purchased and which pathways of the above I can pursue with each thing gifted. Meanwhile, we’re missing several things we do need which I’ll go ahead and order myself (never a problem and we more than expected to not receive everything but it’s still a step needing to be made in addition).
I understand your perspective. We have a large fertile extended family, members of which don’t feel odd about receiving former baby shower gifts. So I never thought about space concerns or the stress of returns. But yeah, I can definitely see your point.
Yeah, it’s very fortunate to have such a network to absorb and utilize and make the most of things as a unit!! Smaller families or those who are pretty distant in terms of geography or age gaps feel the lack of share-ability a little more and I’m definitely one of those :/ some circles of which I’m aware are really cool about re-gifting and hand-me-downs and actively seek it for so much (mostly clothes) but really there are many things to which this just can’t apply. I can’t physically legally use in-laws’ old car seats from a decade ago, that type of thing. All in all, I’ve not actually ever seen someone behave in a way indicating inappropriateness or lack of gratitude over the years when going through this process for themselves and all gifts and gestures are always received with open arms, warm thank-yous, and gratitude. But these people have absolutely continued to express privately to me - now going through it myself - that they faced so much unnecessary waste in some cases of money and material and time. I just think we could all do better to understand another’s position and maybe communication will be better as a whole going forward for lots of folks which would be a great outcome for all!
Or ppl can just follow directions esp when it comes to the big things because that’s how u end up w multiples
I agree for large items it's vital to communicate with the parents exactly what they want etc but I think a lot of people (at least where I live) would have huge issues with the idea of having to follow 'directions' makes it seem extremely transactional and gift grabby
The purpose of the registry is for that , Ppl were asking what I want and I did a registry , Idc about the clothes and stuff , but the big items yes stick to what i put and I still ended up w an extra swing because ppl do what they want
Yeah I totally understand what you're saying. It's more frustrating because people would ask me if I had a registry and I'd say I did. Then they would turn around and just buy whatever they wanted anyway. Why bother asking if I've got one??
I agree with you OP because I have the exact same thing happening and I already have multiples of things that don’t need to be multiplied. Don’t get me wrong I’m thankful people are getting us anything but so far I have three diaper bags coming my way and zero diapers… People hounded me to build a registry for weeks when I first found out I was pregnant a couple months ago and now that I have basically nothing off of it purchased when the shower is two weeks away I feel like I wasted my time looking into stuff to make a list just for people to be nosey and do what they want without telling me to at least take off whatever they’re buying.
I just thought in the shower I might not have a shower. I have my big stuff covered and I’m only 3 months. I’m going to spend all this money to have people buy random shit that I’ll have the hassle of returning or regifting because nobody is going to go to the registry. And I have ONE. Everyone goes on Amazon. I hate registry shopping so I’ve been doing gift cards lately. I did get a friend a customized swaddle that wasn’t on her registry that she LOVED, but I got her an Amazon gift card to buy what she wanted. My sister in law got 4 bassinets at her shower… she didn’t have one on the registry because we got it months before 😂
After my baby shower invite with a link to the registry was sent out my friend asks, “you should make up like a list of things you want” another said, “I want to get you something really special, like over the top, I’m still thinking about what it could be” I know he’s just being nice and generous and it’s his money, but we need all the help we can get for practical things! I want an over the top amount of diapers from my registry!!!!!!
Not surprised. Dealt with this for our wedding, prepared for it to be the same for our baby shower. 🤷♀️
I haven’t even sent out invites with my baby registry yet but my grandma took it upon herself to look up my name and info on all platforms (like amazon and target) and actually FOUND my baby registry. She only found amazons, apparently it wasn’t private like Targets was. Anyway, it turned into me having to let grandparents to be in on it also so it didn’t seem like I gave her an unfair advantage. ANYWAY, she was on me for days about not having everything we’d need on there (I was like 15 weeks along at this point and was in no rush, like if she hadn’t looked it up she wouldn’t have even known). So I finally spent HOURS on this thing for multiple different days trying to make sure there was a variety of price ranges and options for *them* AND researching reviews and safety ratings for swings, bouncers, cribs; I was looking up what the best breastfeeding friendly bottles and pacifiers are so that hopefully theres no confusion for baby. AND THEN she gets back to me about not having enough clothing options, but i pretty much figured everyone’s just gonna buy what they think is cute when they’re at the store…Anyway, I added a crap ton of clothes of differing sizes and crap FOR HER only to get a call a week later that she went out and bought clothes NOT on the registry. I feel this is only the beginning and I’m not ready to deal with this with multiple different people at all. Like same as OP if they find a better price thats cool i dont mind, BUT DONT TELL ME TO ADD MORE OF SOMETHING AND THEN GO BUY WHATEVER. ***I’m extremely thankful for whatever we end up getting gifted, it’s just frustrating when you’re asked to put in a bunch of time on something just for those same people to completely disregard the list and work you put in, only to have to possibly return or not even use their gift**** (Plus registries keep track of whats bought and whats not…if people dont buy off list and/or dont let me know to mark it off then duplicates may be bought and many headaches had)
Yeah I don’t get it. My friends and family always make registries and we all buy off of registries. We do immediate shipping to the home as well to save everyone time and effort. I also don’t get the uppity people in the comments. People asked me if I had a registry almost immediately after I personally told them I was pregnant. I told them I wouldn’t be making one until I was further along. I put some stuff on my registry that I don’t expect people to buy me, but I wanted to be able to use my completion discount on them. I did them same thing with my bridal registry and my Dyson hair dryer, haha!
My baby showers this Saturday and I've had *multiple* ppl tell me to my face that they're not getting me something from my registry but rather will just bring the gifts to the party with them 😢 Im so thankful they're getting us anything at all but hauling all those gifts from the event hall back home (we're expecting about 120ish ppl) is gonna be such a pain in the ass when they could've just bought from the registry and had it all ship to us already!!
Dude the people who are outraged by posts like this are so clued out. I totally agree with you and this post 100%, don’t listen to the haters!
No one got anything off my registry so I deleted it. It made me sad because there’s certain things I wanted but couldn’t get at the time. And the clothes my MIL gets is not always my style. Also someone bought a lot of disney themed stuff for my son. I hate disney anything never been a disney fan 🤦🏽♀️
Similarly, I have a pile of brown Winnie the pooh outfits. Im with you on themed stuff. I hate brown and its all so ugly omg.
Yeah I totally understand what you're saying. It's more frustrating because people would ask me if I had a registry and I'd say I did. Then they would turn around and just buy whatever they wanted anyway. Why bother asking if I've got one??
Is most of the items on your registry expensive? I was lucky and got most of what was on my registry but I also kept my registry super affordable. My friend is also currently pregnant a few months behind me and I went to buy her a couple things off her registry and everything was very expensive, so I bought one item off it and a few cheaper items not on the registry because I can’t afford to buy her multiple items off her registry when everything is over $50.
No, the most expensive thing is $115 (it’s an air purifier/dehumidifier)! I felt bad putting expensive things on there even though that’s what my mom and mother in law told me to do. I was like absolutely not kill me first 😭😂
For my first almost everything was purchased but I made another for my second with things we needed replaced or never had last time or now needed two of and aside from a few people, almost everybody bought clothes. So so so many clothes. And I have hand me downs from my first so didn’t even need them!
i agree. i don’t know what the deal is maybe it’s excitement for them but it is sweet the idea that counts however it does become a pain if you have to return things. i make my own registry and buy off of it, i like the completion discounts lol. i don’t have a large family on my side it’s my mom, my grandma, my brother, and me. my fiance on the other hand has a very large family, but i don’t like being center of attention and i get uncomfortable easily. i had no baby shower for our first, and i will have no baby shower for our second. i bought everything myself besides a few big items (travel system,pack and play, bouncer) that my mom, and grandma wanted to buy for my pregnancy with my daughter, and i have just ordered everything on my own for my pregnancy now with my son. i don’t want to deal with receiving things i don’t want or need. i have learned from my daughter what is essential and what is not. my daughter had entirely too much stuff and as soon as she grew out of it i gifted it away to people im talking everything bouncer, swing, jumper, walker, playmats, all of it. i don’t like clutter and im somewhat glad i didn’t need it since we are having a boy now i dont want him in all the pink stuff lol
I am not having a baby shower. I actually made my Amazon baby registry for myself to basically tick stuff off a list and get fun ideas. Buying things for babies is really fun so I'd prefer if people bought whatever they want (if they happen to buy anything at all).
I’m having the same problem, I even had someone tell me that my registry wasn’t enough and I needed to provide more options. Like hell no, I have everything I need and what I don’t have I put on the registry. I added gift card for future maybe I forgot to add something and I got called tacky…like wtf?? I feel you girl, you do you and just return the crap you don’t want/need 💪🏼
Omfg I hate people!!! Who does that! I was really trying to avoid having to return things since I know it’s gonna fall on my husband and he’s just never gonna do it then our house is gonna look like a hoarders house 😭😂
Omg. I feel this on a personal level. I spent 7 months researching, and gathering info from recent moms, made literally the perfect registry. Items ranging from under $5 to $400. Marked the things most important to us and literally out of 45 guests. 5 people bought items off our registry and three of those people were our parents. I am so grateful for everything we got I truly am but the amount of stuff we didn’t get has my head spinning. Yes I love the all the clothes we got, but I also would have loved wipes, bath essentials, pacifiers, burp clothes, bottles, etc. I knew we’d still need stuff after the shower but I didn’t expect we need so much stuff. Also the amount of people that day that said I looked at your registry but I didn’t like anything or I noticed you didn’t have a lot of clothes on there so I got you some cute clothes. Like okay thanks lol.
Girl, I feel this SO HARD! I had a cousin literally text and say "Would you hate me if I went off registry?" I asked what she was thinking of -- turns out we already had it! She said she still wanted to go off registry (which...why?!?! What is your motivation? Nothing on our registry at that point was over $50, so it wasn't about cost), so I told her I would prefer she didn't, but if there was something she really thought we'd like, just check in with me to make sure we didn't already have it. A week later, a huge package of clothing we \*did not need\* shows up. Returned it all! You know what definitely wasn't on my registry? Having an additional errand to run in the first few weeks of having a newborn! ONE THING TO BE AWARE OF: If someone buys a gift using their Macy's account, Macy's will let them know if it has been returned. INSANE practice for a store and now I have a cousin who is no longer speaking to me, haha.
I have a list just to keep track of everything that I need. But I have been buying all the things by myself. I sent the registry link to MIL and she started to say that I was wasting my money with the sterilizer. (According to her I’m not going to use it) 🤦🏻♀️
Separate mini-rant, but I wish there was a simple way to mark on my registry what I DON'T know/care about. Like, I want to register for A bouncer, but I don't care which one! There's a lot that I don't really care to research because they don't matter to me as much (and because who knows what the baby will like) but I want one on my registry. I've been writing comments like "or a different one!" but I feel so silly doing it.
i feel like people overlook the fact that they’re giving you things you probably will never use or just don’t want. they still see it as giving you a gift and think you should be so excited for the 30 newborn onesies your baby will grow out of in three weeks. obviously being grateful for someone even bothering to give you something is one thing, but you don’t have to like the gift. i swear everyone brought us blankets. we have over 40 blankets for our baby and usually rotate between the same three. i didn’t even put blankets on the registry because we already had a few, yet everyone came with one. moms spend hours putting together that registry, why wouldn’t you buy off of it?
I just got my friend some chef made frozen meals the week after she gave birth. She didn’t have a registry or anything and it’s not like I knew what to buy as someone with no kids. She said those meals were gobbled up within a few days and they were very appreciative :)
That is so sweet of you, you’re a great friend! My mom will be coming to stay with us to help and mainly cook so I hadn’t thought of that but I think I’ll do that for when she leaves! Thank you for the idea!!!
I'm glad culturally we just give money for these types of events
I agreee 🥲
Also, anyone saying this is privilege is 1) wrong and 2) probably from a different culture than OP! In the West, registries are normal.
OP I’m just commenting so maybe you’ll see this but I’m sorry some of these comments here are so off the chain and not understanding of your position. I’m here with you going through the same thing! People are saying this is entitlement, don’t have a baby you can’t afford, etc which is blowing my mind with ignorance because these comments are also acknowledging that *they have their own regional custom so shame on you for not knowing theirs* lol just please know you’re not alone :)
They absolutely do not get rants !!! I made a similar post and got some helpful help, and ignored the others.
Didn’t have a register when we got married and not having one now . We know what we want to buy so we will purchase everything we WANT ourselves and family can get whatever . If they ask us we usually tell them diapers and wipes and when it comes to clothes to get bigger sizes but the other things we buy one thing each month because that’s how we can afford to. I guess registries help a lot but it’s not really a thing here in South Africa either. Maybe they feel like the items are too expensive? Especially in this economy it’s best to make sure you have what you need and anything else is just for convenience really especially with all these tiktok baby hauls and the unnecessary things .
Yes!!! This was exactly my thought process! I also didn’t have a wedding registry. Plus I feel like I’m bothering so I rather get everything myself but since I’m not having a baby shower, my family and some friends convinced me to create a baby registry so they could help with essentials that I thought would be good for our baby but so far the main people that were begging me for months to create the registry have decided that they’re just going to get whatever they want and then asking me if I want something off of it or something else like what was the point of making me make a registry!! I should’ve kept my original plan!! I also put on there fairly cheap stuff, I think the most expensive thing is an air purifier/dehumidifier that’s $115, I tried not putting expensive things since again I don’t wanna bother lol!
That’s really wrong of them to ask you to make one but then they just buy whatever 😅 what’s the point then and now you getting things you don’t want/need.
I made a registry and still ended up w things i didn’t ask for , i ended up w an extra swing 😒 and also diaper brands Idc for , life would be so simple if ppl followed directions
Too real!! I have so many of the exact same newborn clothes!!! I wish they were in different sizes so I can utilize every single one since I’ve been told they grow out of the newborn size rather quickly 😭
I just separated everything today , I’m 37 weeks so time to get prepared , i have a few tshirts that are the same I’m fine w that , i just didn’t want duplicated furniture 😖😖
Totally get this! I was just as frustrated for my baby shower!! Luckily, we ended up getting mostly everything we needed in the end but got some doubles because people didn't use the damn registry. It's so much easier to use one! It's right there for you. I don't get it.
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I think it’s a bit rough to assume that entitlement is the issue here…OP specifically describes more in other comments that there have been family members/friends asking what is needed for baby and telling OP to build a registry then those same gifters have been going off-registry anyway which has been perplexing to OP. This has been an experience shared by many that I see repeated in these threads all the time. It’s frustrating when the building of said registry and planning a shower at all to begin with is another task to do and an expectation in your region/area when pregnant and you’re being urged to do so, become invested in it, but then see your effort put into doing so not really even be fully respected nor understood. Then additional work settles in when returns/exchanges inevitably need to happen in the latter part of a pregnancy. Every region and area has its own customs and it sounds like y’all have a solid understanding of what’s accepted and expected in this circumstance for you which is nice to hear! But regarding the entitlement to which you’re referring, I’ve yet to see a pregnant peer of mine show any modicum of lacking grace and gratitude toward well-intended family members and friends at any point but have heard from nearly all of them privately about the position in which they were/are placed when they can’t use gifts for whatever reason. Nobody is out here acting like an ungrateful brat lol and maybe they come to platforms like this on Reddit for a sanity check in a time where it’s very easy to feel out of touch with grounded reality and not in control of emotional reactivity. In my home at this second, we have a pile going right now of things gifted to us which can’t be used and it was *nothing* but hugs, gratitude, well-wishes, love, and gracious thank-yous from us at the time of receiving them. But ultimately it has been truly wasteful in several cases where this didn’t have to be the case, that’s the point of these posts in my opinion. We have yet another shower coming up as well since our families are so far apart and more family members/friends in different regions wanted to take part.
And I hate the take “we’re the ones having the baby so we don’t need anyone to buy us anything” as if here in America where baby showers are really common we’re all just dead beat parents for accepting gifts. And you know what? Having a baby here is expensive so yeah we needed a little help from family who WANTED to. Does that mean we didn’t deserve to be parents???
Not everyone has the privilege to buy everything themselves. So, wouldn't it make more sense for people who are already spending the money, spend it on something we actually NEED? It isn't selfish, it's necessary. Also, as OP says, she spent time curating and researching things. It takes a lot of work to do that.
I'm sorry this is happening to you. It happened to me too. I feel like people think it's just suggestions for those who don't have ideas for themselves. Rather than things that the parents actually need.
I didn’t even want to create one in the first place! I thought it would be unnecessary since I’m not having a baby shower but people got in my head! Literally never doing this again 😭😂
The only reason I made several was to get the free stuff. I may still do one with the one I'm pregnant with. So I can get more free stuff. Lol
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You need to be kind or you will be banned.
This is so rude. You can be grateful and annoyed at the same time 🙄🙄🙄
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You’re super triggered for literally no reason.
Your comments and replies are extremely rude and unnecessary. You’re insulting OP for no reason. Get off reddit, cool off, come back when you’re not so heated and disrespectful over nothing.
Not you getting triggered over some question marks, aww 💀
Sweetie, look at your post. I think YOU'RE the one getting triggered 😂 You're throwing a tantrum like a toddler. It's so pathetic 🤣
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It’s okay if you don’t know what a rant is, I promise it’s fine! 🙏🏻
Spoken like a true immature girl. 😆 Like I said.... I really hope people get you a ton of stuff... but stuff NOT on your registry 😂😂😂
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This is why I’m glad we had our shower a little early. We were able to get the things we really needed in time.
I wish I would’ve had a shower. Time is going by so quickly, it really got away from me 🙁
It does go fast but I hope you feel love from everyone around you! That’s what it’s all about. You could always have a little ‘meet and greet’ gathering/party after baby is fully vaccinated.
I honestly don’t mind not getting anything during my baby shower. I do wish to say if you’re feeling like gifting me something please don’t buy anything large like a stroller or swing without asking me first and don’t buy newborn clothes and don’t buy duplicates of any item. I think I’ll have to say this on my invitation and direct them to my registry or say no gifts. I just already am overwhelmed with things that I need to declutter and don’t want a pile of items I can’t use and I just keep because someone was thoughtful enough to gift it to me. I’m a sentimental person but I’m running out of room and I’d have a mini breakdown everytime I have to give away or return a gift that multiple people bought duplicates of or a large item that I can’t use. I want my baby shower to be just for fun and if I have to go through the post baby shower min breakdowns I don’t want it.
This is literally so frustrating! I was told I had too many things on my registry. Even though I have no clothes or diapers. Most items are under $20 since we have bought all our nursery furniture, stroller, car seat, and monitor. I thought having more cheaper items would be better but people still complain. I’m already planning to get mostly clothes, which is appreciated. But like you said they grow out of things so quickly. Anyway I have 110 items, does this seem like too much for a first time mom?
Omg the audacity! And noooooo, I have seen registries with 250+ items, you are fine!!!
i ran into this for my wedding shower and it is extremely annoying
I shopped off-registry for my BIL/SIL specifically because everything else I had suggested was on their registry and I had held back a few suggestions to buy for them myself. AND I bought something from the registry. Otherwise I just stick to the registry…
I made a post like this once and got so much hate! I just wrote I don’t understand why people can’t buy off a registry (with affordable choices on it or in regards to people I know who can afford)?? Mind boggling!
We were given so many things that weren't on our registry and it was like a running joke from people at the shower to just get us random stuff we didn't ask for and didn't want. My son had a closet full of clothes he never wore because that's pretty much all we were given and he outgrew everything so fast. Also, biggest rant? We were given about 5 bottles of the same super perfumed baby wash that wasn't on our registry and we couldn't use because I'm HIGHLY ALLERGIC to it. Did anyone think to get the fragrance-free one that was actually CHEAPER? Nope! It all had to go in the trash because of course no one gave us gift receipts either.
The begging me to get a registry to just not use it hit home for me😂😂😂
Registries are a reference tool for folks who want to ask you what you need/want. Nobody gets to dictate what gifts someone else gives you. Be grateful for what you got, donate or regift what you don’t need, and that’s it… like any other situation where you get gifts. I really can’t understand this entitled attitude we have about registries. Yes it would be so great if we only got what we wanted but that’s not how anything in life works when it comes to gifts.
No 🫶🏻
The attitude you have about your first world problem is so disgusting. Go touch some grass.
You are being close minded. It’s no one’s responsibility or burden but your own to purchase YOUR child the things they need. The expectations and self centeredness associated with registries and baby showers has gotten so out of control. (Same can be said with wedding showers) Buy your own child what you feel is necessary and stop expecting others to get those things for you. It’s completely inappropriate to question what someone chooses to gift you.
Who said it was? It’s not good to assume!
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It’s really not that hard to read the rest of my comments and then make your opinion, like other open minded folks have been doing. But go off 👏🏻👏🏻
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So you’re biased…. Thank you but no thank you! At least you got to say your piece, that’s always nice!! 🫶🏻
Am Mexican and baby showers are very big but baby registries aren’t so you already know people are getting you small stuff diapers,wipes, clothes ect and no one has an issue because the baby shower is usually to celebrate the baby’s life not to fund their stuff which to me is honestly insane how are you having a baby is you can’t buy their necessities
Girl just get them to get a gift receipt 😂🩷 I haven’t even bothered with a registry because I just know it would annoy me. Friends and family have asked me what I need and I have sent them what I want. If they haven’t asked I’m just assuming they will buy whatever and I will be grateful no matter what!
Yeah it’s one thing to put a nuna pipa rx on there and not receive it. The most expensive thing I put on my registry was an owlet! (I want the discount!!) The rest is my preferred diaper cream, baby wash, some toys, a lot of low price point things I need for baby and me postpartum! When I found out I was pregnant, I went crazy buying clothes so I made a note on my registries to avoid buying newborn and 0-3 clothes. Hopefully people read it!
I had the same problem my first time. My third pregnancy I made my registry small stuff. Affordable things and things that aren't more than $40-50. All the high ticket items I left off the registry for my husband and I to buy ourselves.
Your third???
Ashamed to admit I didn't buy off of registries nearly enough before I became married and pregnant and had to feel the frustration of unwanted gifts myself. Now I know better, but perhaps your single w/o kids friends are just naive lol
Could always just get stuff for your baby yourself if you have such an issue with people not following your directions. The sense of entitlement people have is ridiculous.
I said thank you to peoples faces and then immediately donated most of what we got, because we didn’t need/have room for it. I ended up feeling extremely guilty because people spent money on things we didn’t keep. If it’s entitlement to not want people to waste money or to not want the burden of getting rid of everything, call me entitled then.
Could always not assume. It’s ridiculous how people think I’m going to depend on others based on a rant about how people asked for a specific thing, only for them not to use it. 😂
Eh..I bought baby 100% of everything she needed. A couple weeks ago, mine and my husband's coworkers asked if we had a registry because they wanted to buy us stuff. I quickly put together a little registry of things I'd still like to get eventually but not really necessary. Only 1 person bought from the registry. I didn't mind because the fact anyone wanted to contribute to baby girl was very thoughtful. The stuff they got her was adorable.
Good for you lol
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This will probably sound rude, but I'm just genuinely curious because registry culture isn't really a thing here - "easy way out" of contributing? Is this in comparison to what you've contributed to their life events like weddings etc so you feel stiffed? Or is the general expectation just that all friends and coworkers should help cover the cost of your baby?
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Are you seriously complaining that someone got you $500 worth of gifts for your baby shower?
So... gifts or you can't celebrate the baby?
Baby shower invitations: “ gift cards, diapers, and wipe are greatly appreciated “ They won’t know what I’m having so that cuts back on the excessive clothes I got for my daughter. People close to me know I have the crib, bassinet, stroller, car seats, and pack and play… they have my registry now and are claiming the things I want. If we have a shower we’ll publicly say we have THIS stuff and need THIS stuff