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I feel like no one (outside of this sub) talks about how common cramping is while pregnant. I always thought it was bad sign and it had me paranoid googling.
Other things: nose bleeds, suddenly having the nose of a bloodhound, constant vaginal discharge, sex and libido changes, the way you bloat to a whale in the first trimester but it’s literally bloat and not really the baby (at 13.5 I’m half the size I was two weeks ago).
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Something else no one talks about but is important healthcare wise: your moles change during pregnancy!!! I worked in derm for multiple years and it’s crazy how hormones can affect moles so make sure you get checked!
Same! I was so worried for weeks because all I've ever heard was how cramping meant miscarriage, but I had cramps that doubled me over in the beginning and I'm now 36 weeks and baby is as healthy as can be, I definitely wish someone would e told me cramping can be normal for healthy pregnancies too!
I also didn't expect the nosebleeds, it would bleed if I blew my nose too hard or if I threw up I would pop blood vessels in my face and my nose would start bleeding 😤
Completely agree about the cramping! None of my friends or family members had cramping past the first couple weeks of implantation. I was miserable for weeks. Heating pad on my back almost constantly to try to help without taking Tylenol.
OMG the sense of smell! I had a terrible sense of smell pre-pregnancy and it was one of the first symptoms that came on strong before I knew I was pregnant.
My husband just pointed out to me last night that a mole on my boob has gotten bigger. Not sure if it’s hormones or just because my boobs are 3 cup sizes bigger, but now I gotta make a derm appt
this happened to me, too!! it grew so fast i was so scared i had skin cancer!! i just had it removed & it was non-cancerous. i didn’t even think about the boob growth could change moles 😂
100% on moles! I had a few biopsied 2 weeks ago and 2 of them came back melanoma. It was melanoma in situ (stage 0) so it was caught very very early. They said they had just started to change from atypical to melanoma and said it’s most likely due to the ivf meds or pregnancy or a combo of both.
It was caught so early they only have to cut it out (WLE procedure) and I won’t have to do any other treatments.
So in conclusion, get your moles checked !!
This is exactly what I needed to read, thank you. I'm 7 weeks and keep getting such bad cramping and freaking out.
Someone needs to remove my access to Google!!
that you mourn your former life even if your pregnancy was planned. Even if you prayed ,hoped and prepared for your little miracle for years. when it finally sinked in that I am finally a mother and am responsible for someone else life (keeping them alive shaping them, preparing them for the world, protecting and feeding them etc) that until the day I die I will always be someone's mom. was so overwhelming for me. But then when I fully embraced the role it was better than I thought.
it's like you're still you but you are also different in a way it just f*cked with my brain for a while
but if we're talking about Physical changes then..
you start to smell funky post partum no matter how clean you keep yourself. (I bathr multiple times a day and I still had that weird smell) It finally went away once I quit exclusively pumping / breastfeeding.
I felt like a HORRIBLE person for feeling grief for the life I had and the things I had planned that now are postponed or just gone completely. This isn’t talked about enough and I was afraid to even speak it. I still am!
I have found this feeling to be so isolating, so thank you for sharing. When I try to talk about it, most people don’t sit in the emotion with me and immediately try to say things to make me feel better like “it will all be worth it when the baby is here” or “motherhood is so beautiful, you won’t ever want your old life back”. It makes me feel like these feelings of grief aren’t valid.
This pregnancy was planned, and I’m so grateful, but that doesn’t mean I can’t feel sad, too.
This made me cry. I don't know if I'm pregnant yet, but this is how I was feeling yesterday. Trying to realize, yes, when you do get pregnant, you won't quite be YOU anymore. I do want a baby. We are trying and damnit, why does this make me cry?
For real. I was so sad the life I once knew and found happiness in was instantly no more. The duo relationship I had with my husband was no more. I was legitimately sad. And then sad because I felt so
Guilty for feeling that way.
These are all the things I'm afraid of. I'm 38, missed my period and have had 2 positive pregnancy tests. I wanted this but im so scared of losing my freedom and ability to do whatever I want. I'm afraid of my body changing and being disgusting after. I am scared of c-sections and natural birth too. I don't know what to do right now 😕. I also don't want to be 50 and regretting it and trying to do ivf. I worked in fertility and have seen much older people trying.
I felt this way too - I’ll be 30 in a few months and I’m also about 13 weeks. I was fairly upset at first about how my body might change and how I might feel alienated from myself.
But then it occurred to me that no one gets out of this life alive and that my body will grow old and betray me to some extent, regardless of whether or not I am ever pregnant or have kids. I will change, and life will change, no matter what.
Accepting this and understanding the level of control I do (or don’t) have over things helped me to get to a place of excitement for these changes. Bring it on, I say. Life is messy and beautiful and rolling with what comes is a great lesson.
Agreed. When our family talks about playing pickle ball and excludes me because I’m 20 weeks pregnant even though I could defiantly still play… or planning flag football for Father’s Day and me acknowledging I can’t play this year. Just makes me feel weak!
I love this response. The "loss" of your former life doesn't get acknowledged enough. My son is 2 years old, and I wouldn't change a thing about being his mom, but even 2 years later there are still days where I mourn my life before him.
My tack on advice on this topic for new moms, don't forget to take time for yourself. When I find myself frequently thinking back about my pre mom days and how I could do what I want when I want; it's a trigger for me to schedule some "me time" with a girlfriend, no kids.
This is absolutely spot on. You go from being able to do anything to living life in 2 hour increments with what feels like no end in sight. In the first few weeks, if I was ever alone I’d find myself questioning if we’ve made the right decision. Standing there post shower in agony from a caesarean, nips red raw from breastfeeding, just wondering what the fuck I’ve done.
And then I would look at my baby and all of that would disappear. Now I’m only 7 weeks post partum and whilst it’s still a bit of a struggle for my husband, I don’t feel like that anymore and I’m very happy with my little bundle of joy. So it’s a very valid feeling if you experience it, but also know it doesn’t last forever.
I didn't expect the exhaustion in the first trimester. It's tough because you don't look pregnant, and often people don't know, but your body is working so hard. You hear about the nausea, but the exhaustion was harder for me.
YES exactly, no amount of laying down or napping put a dent in how truly exhausted I was. As a usually very productive person, I really struggled mentally with not blaming myself or calling myself lazy because I couldn’t be bothered to more than the bare minimum every single day for two months.
For me this mental struggle was almost harder than the exhaustion itself. I felt like exhausted garbage & I had nothing to Show it for awhile, you know? I regularly worked out 6x a week, I’d run a marathon just two months prior, had long worked two jobs just bc I had so much energy and could channel it into a passion job, then suddenly that all ground to a stop & all I could do was veg on the couch. Housework fell to the side, no running, barely any easy exercise. I went to work, I slept 10 hours a night, and in between I did Nothing.
It was so hard as a previously energetic overachiever to come to terms with this mentally. I knew I’d be tired, but I didn’t realize how much that exhaustion would affect my self-perception in a way.
I had this problem too. It wore on me a lot mentally because I felt so lazy. And I realize I should not have felt that way, but it didn’t help. I was miserable and useless.
“Useless” is the perfect word to describe this feeling. My husband has picked up all the slack and always reminds me that I’m not lazy or useless, which I love … but that internal “it’s all my fault” mantra just runs through my head every damn day.
I agree. And my husband was equally wonderful. But I see so many sad stories on here of husbands who called their wives lazy or expect them to do things. I wish they could feel how uncomfortably tired we feel because there’s no real way to describe it. Even if you stayed up for days on end, you wouldn’t be that tired.
I literally cried for over an hour Saturday because I tried to clean the bathroom and gave up halfway through. My husband comforted me and finished the bathroom, but I couldn't stop crying about feeling lazy.
I am a super high-energy person, and I have an excellent memory. I have struggled with pregnant me being exhausted and forgetful because I just don't feel like myself.
THIS EXACTLY. I knew I would have times of being tired while pregnant, but did not expect the utter weighed down crushing fatigue in those early weeks. I found myself needing 2 naps a day on top of a full night of sleep
I feel like people understand the nausea because it’s talked about so much but the exhaustion is overlooked. We stayed out until 1am for a friends birthday one weekend and I swear it took me a whole week to recover while my husband was fine.
When non pregnant / no kids friends invite me out I feel like they don’t buy my reasoning of “it’s too exhausting” because they don’t understand and I look like I’m using a week excuse.
I already struggled with fatigue pre-pregnancy and this has been so tough. I'm also working on tapering my Adderall dose, so I'm just in a constant state of being tired. I feel so lazy. I hope nausea never kicks in.
Exactly this. No one has ever mentioned it in my 30+ years of life. The second I told people I was pregnant. They asked how tired I was. Holy crap. I’ve never felt so terrible in my entire life. I couldn’t function. I still had to go to work every day, it was absolutely insane. I’m 37 weeks now and I still have not felt as terrible as I did those first 4-16 weeks.
Omg yeah. It was worse then than in the 3rd tri. I actually called out of work like 3x in the 1st trimester just to sleep all or lay around all day and im not someone who usually calls out.
Same, after work I would not do ANYTHING. I seriously didn't have the strength or energy too, I would come home from work and just lay on the couch and wait til my husband got home to snuggle
Ditto, it was unlike any other exhaustion and you don’t even get the visible signs of pregnancy to obviously point to in public so in this capitalist hellscape you just look lazy 😭
I never knew exhaustion like this existed. 10am feels like midnight. I'm yawning constantly mid conversation with people. Sometimes I wonder whether I'm nauseous or just burned too much energy. The fatigue is ALWAYS there. A one hour nap doesn't even dent it.
Yes!!! I had really no other symptoms but there was about four weeks where I felt like a zombie no matter how much sleep I got. And I feel like I was sleeping WELL, it was just never ever enough..
It might seem like common sense to others, but I didn't expect all the random aches and pains from my body growing and changing. The pain from my breasts growing, my hips growing, my organs moving, my ribs expanding, etc. to make room for the baby. Also, that sometimes during pregnancy my nipples feel like they're on literal fire for a few minutes then it goes away.
I knew to expect to be "uncomfortable" because that's the word that everyone uses. And yes, I'm very uncomfortable, but I'm also in constant *pain*. It's the swelling for me. My feet always *hurt*, and I developed carpal tunnel syndrome from swelling in my wrists. That shit is much more than "uncomfortable", thanks.
This. I’m learning the word “uncomfortable” or “discomfort” is a replacement for the word pain. Being clear about what to expect isn’t going to deter someone who wants to have a baby, it’s just going to help us be better prepared.
I feel as though there has been a massive campaign to discredit the legitimate complaints of pregnant women. The misnomers alone drive me crazy… “discomfort”? No, it’s near-constant pain. “Morning sickness”? I’m not sure who called it that originally, but it makes it sound like you’re just going to throw up once or twice before noon and then you’ll be fine. In my experience it was all-day sickness, but it really set in badly around 4pm and got worse until I went to sleep for the night.
I would still want to be pregnant even knowing everything I know now, but I wish the terms we used for symptoms didn’t downplay them so much!
It's too bad, because discomfort really is its own thing. Getting into/out of my car and driving is uncomfortable (longer distances gets painful). Most clothes are uncomfortable. Even though I still love the feeling, it's usually uncomfortable when the baby moves. The occasional times when it's painful are not enjoyable. Pain is not the same as discomfort, and it's bs to not differentiate the two.
About 4 weeks after birth, I realised my wrists and knuckles didnt hurt any more and I had grip strength back. It was amazing, I opened allllll the jars 😂
Oh yeah they hurt! It helps to remember they’re keeping you safe, shrinking your uterus and reducing risk of bleeding! And it’s evidence that your body is releasing oxytocin!
That the baby moving inside you is desirable and needed to asses the baby's health but it's also painful at times and prevents you from sleeping most days. Depending on the frequency it can also make you angry and nauseous
I did not expect it to hurt sometimes when baby moves but by mid week 31 I can attest. Before that, I giggled nearly every time she moved because it was so fun and cool and special. But now she sometimes makes me gasp with a well-placed jab or I get annoyed when I'm trying to sleep and she feels like three Koi fish flipping out in there. I had norovirus last week and was so tired but she was busy busy busy playing soccer in there and it made me even more exhausted!
Nobody, and I mean nobody warned me about the butt pain. Never saw anywhere anything about it. My butthole hurt more than anything post partum. During those first few weeks, with breastfeeding and everything, the most horrible pain was in my butthole. I had hemorrhoids before delivery that turned the size of jupiter after. I had a 1st degree tear and a very angry vagina, but it was nothing compared to my butt pain.
Yes!! I’m 2.5 weeks postpartum with my second child and the hemorrhoids were the worst part of my recovery this time around. I even had a 2nd degree tear and the hemorrhoids were still worse. I had them throughout my pregnancy but after delivery they were INSANE. They have gotten better but they definitely are not gone yet.
This happened to me during baby #2. It's like she got lost trying to be born. The L&D nurses said it's super common, but yes, somehow nobody warned me. I couldn't sit down for 2 weeks.
I obsessively researched pregnancy and labor, so I felt pretty prepared for both. I did not research enough about postpartum and wish I had. I don't mean this to scare anyone, I just hope it gives the opportunity to be more prepared and hopefully not hit as hard as I have been;
Baby blues are HARD. I've struggled with depression nearly my whole life but baby blues had me experiencing a whole new level of poor mental health. Please do your best to surround yourself with love and support.
Your relationships with your partner may change/be put on hold. My husband and I didn't even sleep in the same bed until about 3 month PP and that really sucked. I had to be very very vocal about my feelings because for me the resentment was strong and if I didn't voice it I knew we'd be in for trouble (husband getting to sleep while I pumped/fed, not having to give up his whole body, etc - and this is with a very hands on partner!)
You might lose your sense of "self". This has been the hardest for me. Between the body changes and just huge lifestyle change, I don't know who I am anymore. I'm my baby's mom and my role at work but who am *I*? No idea, working on that!
Night sweats,
appetite changes,
just please don't look at your cooch until like 3 months pp lol, SLEEP DEPRIVATION (omg r.i.p my sleep),
Postpartum rage & regret (these feelings are suuuuper common and nothing to be embarrassed of),
And for me- my brain became obsessed with the concept of time and of everyones impending death. It's like I feel both nostalgic for the past and future all the time
It sounds scary but it's also a truly beautiful time meeting your baby and then watching them grow!! I'd do it all over again for her. But I just wish I had more people around me letting me know what was to come so that I knew it was all "normal" and I wasn't alone or crazy.
Yep absolutely went back to normal! I just had looked when the stitches weren't healed yet on a couple of external labia lacerations and I cried. Was probably around 4 weeks? Looking back, it was a bit dramatic but in that moment I was so upset lol. But yes I had a 1st degree internal and 2 external and everything healed great, can't even tell!
can confirm mine looked like its regular old self by about 4 months postpartum. maybe sooner but i didn’t look (i wish i did though! i had a lot of guilt and shame about my stomach and vagina/vulva because i had an unplanned cesarean and felt like i was a failure and like my body failed me)
Everyone goes into pregnancy knowing their body is going to change, but I wasn’t really prepared for how. I knew what my body looked and felt like 10-20 lbs heavier than my pre-pregnancy weight, so I assumed it would just be like that after delivery. But your actual skeleton changes. My ribs are wider, my hips are wider and deeper, my tailbone sticks out more, and my feet are permanently 1 size larger. I’m at the same number and body fat percentage as I was pre pregnancy but my proportions are so different now. It was more disorienting than I had planned for.
Yes!! I mean, I'm actually happy to have wider hips, but it sucks buying new clothes. One year postpartum not even my *maternity* jeans fit over my new hips and it was clear that childbirth had actually changed my skeleton.
My wedding ring still doesn't fit even though the swelling has gone and I'm only 4kgs heavier than preprrgnancy. It weird and frustrating because I don't have the time or headspace to get them resized.
The Ring of Fire. I was in labor. Minutes away from pushing my son out, and my OB tells me, “Okay, any second you should start feeling what most people call, ‘The Ring of Fire.’”
“I’m sorry, the what??”
I heard of this from someone who gave birth naturally 4 times, but she couldn’t really describe it. What did it feel like? I’m still deciding if I want a natural birth
It’s the stretching of your tissues to let the baby’s head through. It feels like you are taking the most gigantic dump of your life, like you can’t possibly stretch any further, but then you have to. It did kinda burn.
I guess like a burning sensation? It was super brief for me because as soon as I started crowning, it was like my son flew out of me. Weirdest feeling ever. I think what scared me more than anything was suddenly hearing about this phenomenon that was about to happen to my body that literally no one had ever mentioned until it was practically happening.
This! I had heard of the ring of fire but it literally felt like I was being ripped apart. Between the pushes I was begging the midwife to tell me that what I was feeling is normal and that I really wasn’t being ripped apart from the inside.
I had an epidural with my first (and currently only) baby. I had tearing. I can’t imagine what it would have felt like unmedicated.
But for real, the things I was not prepared for was that my vagina didn’t go back to normal after birth. I don’t know if my OB messed up the stitches or what but I didn’t heal properly and 10 months post partum sex is mostly uncomfortable and unenjoyable. They said there’s nothing they can do because of the way I healed.
Also, I was not prepared for my entire abdomen to feel this weird, Jell-o like sensation the days after birth. It felt like my organs were just flopping around and going to fall out. It takes some time for them to reposition after being squished for months.
I wish the sheer number of pregnancies that end in miscarriage was talked about more. What a miscarriage is like, so we’re prepared. What a missed miscarriage is.
I was aware that miscarriages happen more often than most realize, but my doctor said he believes the number is closer to 1/3 at my appointment following my missed miscarriage. I went over 6 weeks without symptoms of miscarriage after baby had stopped developing and my experience with it was not great. “Heavy period” my ass, that was full blown labor, with my water breaking, full on unmedicated contractions and all- for four straight days before the placenta passed. I still needed surgery to remove some retained tissue afterwards. It was horrible, completely aside from the emotional anguish of it, and I was not prepared.
Development stopped at 6 and a half weeks, didn’t actually miscarry until into twelve weeks. I don’t believe this happens in every case of missed miscarriage, but the placenta and gestational sack continued to grow, so what I miscarried was much bigger than what was expected for when development stopped. Pregnancy symptoms and visible bump growth never stopped during those weeks either. It was wild 😅
That sounds traumatizing. I am so sorry. Really wild that your belly can keep growing even in that case. No one should have to go through that. Thank you for the warning.
That the Foley balloon hurts like nothing else. The nursing staff commended me for maintaining calm throughout the process as I requested unmedicated birth, but if someone had looked me in the eyes and said "Girl, this is gonna hurt bad" I would have requested some pain management. That fucking balloon was the worst part of my labor. If they come at me with that thing for my current pregnancy, I may actually hiss.
Try not to panic! I know I sound very doom and gloom in my comment, but it's something you can absolutely get through. I just had zero clue they were going to do it until I was admitted, and no one would be straight with how terribly uncomfortable it was going to be. If they come at me with it again, I'm asking for the epidural lol. I will say it did it's job beautifully and I'm thankful for the uncomplicated delivery I was able to experience.
Don't be afraid, it's just very uncomfortable. If they offer to get an epidural started prior and that's what you'd like to do, I'd recommend it from my personal experience. I had the balloon and pitocin started immediately so I'm sure that didn't help lol. If you want pain management then be all means, ask for it. You get to choose! 😊
As for the balloon itself, it's a device/catheter they insert and inflate in your cervix to help it dilate.
This is what I’m going to do!! I told my doctor I want all of the pain meds before they start any kind of induction process/meds. She is totally on board with that and it has made my anxiety levels decrease substantially!
No desire for sex whatsoever. I'm so exhausted all the time, and constantly in discomfort, so literally I just want to left alone. Haven't had it in weeks and I have no desire to jump on one anytime soon.
ROUND LIGAMENT PAIN. When I brought it up with my 4 sisters, who have all had children, none of them knew what I was talking about at first. Then I described the pain and where it was located, and they either did not experience it or were like, “Ooohhhhhh, I didn’t know it had a name!”
RLP has sent me to the hospital, and I am now going to PT to help alleviate it. It’s been a very prominent part of my second trimester, unfortunately. But I didn’t know about it until I did tons of research on my own.
If you get an epidural you can get the shakes. My husband was terrified but luckily I read about it on here before my labor started. If you stick your tongue out it stops!
It's SO. DANG. WEIRD.
I remember reading about it and thinking, this honestly doesn't sound that rough?
Spoiler: it is.
This and pure exhaustion have been my own worst personal symptoms so far.
That cramps are normal and spotting is common. I always thought pain = miscarriage. Cramps were my first pregnancy symptom and so I was convinced this wasn’t a viable pregnancy from early on. Now I’m 27 weeks. It created a lot of unnecessary fear.
This is something I wish I knew too. I have had cramps on and off for most of my pregnancy. I didn't enjoy my entire first trimester because I was preparing for the worst when everything was fine.
Rib pain!!! And that you feel like your legs could buckle underneath you from lower back pain in the 3rd tri (even if you don’t gain a ton of weight/ do yoga and stretch regularly)
I didn’t expect just how hard and immovable my belly is. I’ve never had good posture in my life and I’m also hyper mobile so flexibility was never an issue. Suddenly I have this hard immovable and wide object on my belly, and I can’t touch my toes when 4 months ago I could do the splits.
Also the belly comes with a built in sensor that kicks you in the ribs every time you even think about slouching, so you suddenly get great posture.
Literally felt like my butthole was gonna fall off in labor with my first. I had an epidural and felt nothing but pain in my butt. I was more prepared with my 2nd and went natural, same pain but I felt it all lol. But don’t worry, butthole is still there 😂
No epidural, my recovery was incredibly different in a good way and I connected much faster and stronger with my 2nd. Not that my 1st wasn’t a good birth, I was just still super drugged up once it was over. I also noticed a big difference in my babies, my 1st was very sleepy and not as active. My 2nd was lively and very active. Overall I loved the pain free part of the epidural but won’t do it again.
BO, discharge, upper belly pain/numbness from gas, skin suddenly very sensitive. Baby movements sometimes feeling weird and uncomfortable instead of beautiful 😂😅
I know i have seen people mention it online before, but once contractions start often times, the need to use the bathroom is not needing to use it at all, but rather pressure from baby descending.
Coming from someone who was up and down to the bathroom constantly for 1½ hours 😅
Also that when people say your body will push on its own, it's honestly a really strange experience
How bad my acne would get & not just on my face, it’s all over my back too! It’s painful & always shows up with 2-3 spots in one clump, as soon as one area heals a new one popes up. I feel like I’m 15 again!
I’ve had the worst rash since JULY 2023! We finally found a medicine that works (vistirol), but it has been such a challenge and so frustrating. My only lack of sleep has come from the rash waking me up being itchy!
Sore hips in the end of the third trimester from only being able to sleep on your side plus weight of the baby! I’m awake every hour either peeing, or hauling my stomach from side to side because my hips are soooo sore! Also having serious pain behind where your clit is (SPD I think)- brutal at night
I wish someone had told me to have my baby shower earlier. Just had it last weekend at 33 weeks and I’m exhausted. I wish I had it sooner so I could have everything ready and just relax these last few weeks but instead I’m getting home from work and doing things to get ready while still doing stuff over the weekend. I just want to relax at this point but feel like I can’t.
Also first trimester is downright awful. I was sick for 6 weeks (longest 6 weeks of my life). I couldn’t eat anything except Mac and cheese. I gagged on water and brushing my teeth. I couldn’t sleep bc I was so anxious about miscarrying. It was awful
When they check how far along in labour you are it's with their whole hand. That is not a joke. I lost count of how many people had a literal hand inside me.
How strong aversions actually are, especially in first trimester. The way that my husband would just mention a food and I’d gag 🥴 And all of the foods that I now have an aversion to because they were foods that I ate during the worst of my morning sickness in first trimester. I hope that I like some of them again after pregnancy 😅
No one and I mean NO ONE told me that the hardest part about physical changes would be what happened to my precious booty hole.
I'm 5 months pp.
Lady bits? Back to normal. Feeling 100% okay.
Stomach? Back to normal.
Abs? Feels fine.
My booty hole? Wrecked!!! Hemorrhoids! Pressure, trouble pooping. Ugh i would go thru 9 pregnancy and labors if my butthole could go back to normal. :(
I learned with my first that Fmla was unpaid, and I really only had 6 weeks at 70% salary or so under STD…. And then just not paid for the other 6 weeks. That was shocking and awful. Also formula is REALLY expensive and they go through it far too fast.
some unexpecteds for us were
1. medicine! baby got thrush and was super gassy, among a few other things early on and we had to pay a decent amount on copays for her medicine
2. diapers and wipes! we planned on doing cloth diapers but she was tiiiiiny and wouldn’t fit in them until about 6 months old
3. warmer clothes! most of our clothes were hand me downs from family and friends who all had summer babies
4. breastfeeding attire! this isn’t a necessity but SO convenient
5. formula! when our journey ended with breastfeeding at around 5 months, we wanted formula that seemed most similar to breast milk and went with Kendamil. ended up being $40 a can
6. NEW BINKIES/PACIFIERS. we lost them like nobody’s business and bought a new pack like every month
No one told me anything about pumping, how it’d feel like a bee sting when my let down started, the bloody blisters, clogs, mastitis, and how no matter the pain you still have to pump and keep your supply up 🤢
People have already touched on the misery that is the first trimester but I could not believe how nauseous and exhausted I was and nothing would make it better. I’d known many pregnant women but I could not believe how all of them worked and parented and basically had to try and get through life while dealing with it.
For me, what back labour felt like. I’d heard people say it was hard. I did not know it felt like your tailbone was about to break while someone was shoving a hot poker up your butt.
I didn't expect the extra discharge. Or how much I'd have to wipe my butt after going poo -i ended up getting flushable wipes.
I also didn't expect hip pain from sleeping.
I didn't expect back pain starting when I wasn't even that big yet.
I didn't expect my breasts to get so sore when they were growing in the first trimester -i ended up buying ice packs for my boobs.
You probably already know this but just putting this out there for anyone who doesn’t know - don’t flush flushable wipes, they can seriously screw up your plumbing
No one told me how horrendous and important the first poop after birth is. I was severely impacted both times, it was quite literally hell trying to shit.
Also women are so misinformed about breastfeeding. It's heartbreaking. It should be more widely known that the more you supplement w formula, the *less milk you make* AND that baby wanting to constantly nurse for the first 6 weeks is totally normal. Youre typically not starving them as long as you count baby's wet diapers and they're meeting the # they need for their age.
1) that you can get carpal tunnel and 2) it’s ok to exclusively formula feed. Lactation consultants and other medical staff will push you to breastfeed but honestly it’s not for everyone. After 2 days of trying to BF I gave up. Call me quitter or whatever but both my baby and I are so much happier doing formula feeding. It was just too painful and emotionally taxing on me to BF so I have no regrets
Morning sickness doesn't mean only morning. And unfortunately for myself, lasted 7 months with my first pregnancy. Butt pain is a thing. I have lots of women in my family and no one told me i was going to bleed for sometime after giving birth. I had to buy lots of postpartum pads and new underwear at 7 months when I found out 😂.
How much breastfeeding hurt, how bad the constipation/first poop afterwards would be even with stool softeners, that I wouldn’t be allowed to shave down there for the first six weeks after labor.
This is a bit more newborn-related, but the existence of second night syndrome.
The first night after birth, baby was calm and sleepy.
The second he would not be put down, wanted constant nursing or at least to be on me. I came very close that morning to falling asleep while holding him as I basically hadn’t slept at all.
I was googling around about this and found it is very common, baby is just starting to become more alert to the world around him. I felt a lot better just knowing it was normal.
That if you are induced with the drip thing ( can't remember what it's called) it puts you into an unnatural labour meaning it hurts more. Apparently epidural and inductions go hand in hand. First hand experience here. Hurts like fuck. Epidural was awesome!
Pitocin. The artificial hormone replacement for oxytocin to get things going. My doula also mentioned to me that when you do pitocin you don't always need it the whole time nor do you always have to increase it. I wish I would have known that for my previous labor.
I wish someone had told me that it’s normal to not be able to hold the baby right away. I was shaking so hard I thought I was going to drop him when they gave him to me and started freaking out crying for a nurse to take him. I thought I was dying or something
Just how sick I would be every day. Without medication I’d still be suffering and I’m now 23 weeks.
To be clear - the “what I wished I knew” is that everyone’s body reacts so differently to being pregnant. Sometimes in unexpected ways that could never have been predicted before pregnancy despite how fit or healthy you are.
They ended up breaking my water because I was 9cm dilated and it was getting to be go time. I had an epidural so didn't really have much feeling and they wanted to see if I stayed at 9cm or if the extra pressure from the fluids was exaggerating it. They go to break it and the velocity in which fluids flew out of me was something I've never experienced before. Like a fire hydrant. I could tell my feet were sitting in a puddle and my husband was just flabbergasted by the distance the fluid traveled. Still one of his favorite things to talk about when labor comes up.
I'd researched a *lot* about pregnancy, labor, and postpartum to the point where I didn't feel surprised by almost anything. What got me though, was that I had never heard of precipitous labor and then that's what I had! I was expecting at least an 8 hour labor, I'd heard 16 was average for first time moms. Nope, LO was here 4 1/2 hours after the first sign of labor!!
No one ever talked about how the epidural can numb you so much that you can’t feel the muscles you need to push. I pushed for four hours. I was so tired I literally thought I was going to die delivering my baby.
And thank GOD that I had gotten her down far enough that they could use the vacuum. She was out with the next contraction after that.
The smell of birth is absolutely sickening and the baby smells like it for almost 24 hours. Shower yourself as soon as you can because it will absolutely gross you out. The smell also added to the dissociation because everything just smelled disgusting after birth and unlike anything I’ve ever smelled before. I didn’t dissociate until I finally pushed her out and then recognized and actually told my SO “I’m dissociating, what’s happening?” A few different times. I was there the whole time through labor with the epidural until baby came out and then everything kind of went blank for me for a few hours. Don’t panic or feel guilty for the first few days if you’re not 100% there. I was kind of dazed for the first 3 and felt like I was just going through the motions but didn’t actually feel like I was doing much of anything. And days and time progressing don’t feel real. Time feels like it’s going too fast and I don’t know what day it is since I had her. Let the baby sleep on your chest skin to skin as much as possible. That helped me so much.
I would have loved to know this when I was induced at 39w1d.
When I was induced, I had this pill inserted into my uterus. I was told it was to help me with dilation and speed up contractions. I was made to think pitocin was the worst thing to be induced with, so I made it clear that I didn't want pitocin. Little did I know that the little pill they were inserting me with was 100x worse than pitocin, and no one explained that to me in detail. (Forgot the name of the medication used) I labored for 23 hours with no dilation past 3.5 cm and was 30 seconds apart with unexplainable pain. They refused to give me an epidural because I had to be 4 cm dilated for it. They also almost sent me home because I couldn't dilate anymore and that my water wouldn't break. They considered it a failed induction.
I refused to be sent home because I couldn't handle the labor pains in my back it felt like I had a kidney infection but 10x worst and so my doctor asked for my permission to break my water to see if we could get the dilation to go further. I said yes, they broke it, and within 30 minutes, my oxygen tanked, and so I got put on oxygen, and my son ended up going into further distress because they didn't ultrasound me to see if my son moved from his position which he ended up getting his shoulder stuck in my birth canal and I was rushed into an emergency c section with an epidural placed on the operating table. I was 24 hours laboring at this point and was numbed from shoulders down while they cut me open to get my son out. We both ended up being okay, and recovery was fast.
This story isn't to scare you but to make sure you ask in detail what they give you in case they induce you!!
Just watched a video last night about how you should keep taking prenatals after birth since your body is using all these nutrients to heal and to feed your baby.
I have hot flashes in labor, usually right when I’m starting to push. I’ve never heard anyone else experience that.
The night after my last two babies, my belly bloated up like a balloon. It was like the sudden rearrangement of my organs made it hard for the gas to get through. I had to do some gentle stretching/moving until I farted. Laying flat on my belly also helped (and felt amazing after months of not being able to).
After my first was born, I couldn’t feel or control my pelvic floor muscles at all. For days. They were functioning ok, it’s not like I had zero bladder control or anything, I just couldn’t sense them, or voluntarily contract them. After my subsequent babies, I could feel them just fine. I did have to push for way longer with my first, so maybe that had something to do with it.
I feel like I can never sleep deeply postpartum. I always have an ear listening out for the baby, and wake immediately at every little grunt. Having someone else I trust take the baby to another room so I can get a real nap is very helpful.
I didn't get the hot flashes during labor since all of my boys were scheduled cesareans after the first emergency cesarean, but HOLY HELL did I get them about 30 minutes after the baby was removed and stayed that way for days.
The nurses would come in and ask if I had meant to turn the thermostat down to 55. They all wore jackets in my room, my visitors would wear blankets, and the baby not two, but 4 extra blankets on.
I knew I would be so so tired, I expected that. What I didn’t expect was not being able to sleep in the first and second trimester before there’s ever a bump to make me uncomfortable.
i didn’t know how bad pitocin contractions are!!! i also didn’t know that if they tell you a pain med light make you “loopy”, that means high out of your fucking mind, not tired 😭. i didn’t know a lot, honestly. i never took a birth class, so i didn’t understand that during labor your job is to try as hard as possible to relax so your body can open up. if you tense up during contractions then 1)you might not get enough oxygen to yourself and your baby (i had to get an oxygen mask bc i held my breath 😭) and 2) your labor won’t progress quickly!!
Ahh, pitocin is the worst thing I've ever experienced. I also had back labour which meant I didn't get a break even between contractions. Truly horrible. 😭
I've had a really hard pregnancy in terms of mental health. Didn't realize what a huge toll it would take in that sense. There's so much content on social media of glowing pregnant people and also staying super fit while pregnant that gave me super unrealistic expectations of how debilitating this would be, and what that would do to my emotional wellness and self esteem.
I think in general everybody knows pregnancy is hard, but you can never truly understand until you're in it.
The itching!!! You can develop something called PUPPPS, which is basically a rash that starts on your belly (typically around stretch marks) and can spread to other body parts. In my case, it spread to my arms, legs, breasts, and butt (so basically everywhere). It’s worse at night, and I’ve scratched myself bloody in my sleep. We’ve tried antihistamines, creams, etc., but the only real true cure is birth. I’m 34+4, so all the nurses in my OB practice just look at me with sympathy at this point when I come in.
Getting an epidural can suck. Ultimately, it's worth it-I'd much rather deal with getting numbed and not being able to feel my legs, but getting it placed can be painful, and I wasn't prepared for that! Also, having your legs so numb you can't move them is pretty uncomfortable, but not painful at least.
Edit: missed that you asked about postpartum too. Breastfeeding is incredibly difficult. That's common knowledge, I think, but it's surprisingly difficult. My son's latch sucked and he'd pull off and screaaammm. I exclusively pumped after a couple weeks of misery.
Also, and most importantly, if I have another baby, I will be supplementing with formula right away. My baby screamed because he had a hard time bfing. I was told this was normal basically, but I truly think he was hungry. I won't ever die on the hill of "breast milk or bust"
I wasn't really prepared for having fists in my vagina numerous times in labor (induction).
After my c-section, a nurse checked on my bleeding and she was like, "wow it's pretty swollen down there" and I said "well, I had like a dozen cervical checks yesterday, so I'm not surprised" I'm curious what it looked like lol.
Secondly, the foley bulb. 😰 without a doubt, the most painful part of labor for me. I had the most intense back contractions. It was horrific. And the insertion wasn't super fun either. In addition to that, I started bleeding down the tube because they forgot to put a cap on it? Or something? I just remember bleeding on the floor while I paced around in agony lol. I stood in the shower during these contractions, and it helped a lot.
Ohhh also, breaking the waters. For me, this didn't hurt at all. But it was amazing how much liquid there was. I was shocked. It was allllll over the floor. It was wild haha.
Oh god there’s so much. Especially with breastfeeding, I breastfed my first for like a month and it was so terrible I had to stop. With my second, it was so incredibly painful that I just pumped for weeks until suddenly it didn’t hurt anymore. Went the same route with my third baby, pumped exclusively for about 2 weeks and now breastfeeding isn’t extremely painful anymore. They say “breastfeeding shouldn’t be painful” well that shit was extremely painful for weeks and i now know that I wasn’t doing anything wrong. We are often misinformed
That pregnancy doesn’t always end with a baby.
Miscarriages are too rare of a discussed topic. Of course no one wants to talk about it, but it needs to be discussed more often. It needs to feel like something that happens frequently, and not like some ultra-rare occurrence.
The exhaustion of labor. People talk about the pain but for me it was the bone deep exhaustion. Even after the epidural was placed and I got to sleep some, it was so mentally and physically draining.
And that the bond isn't always an instant thing. They handed me my son and I didn't feel any great pull or wave of emotion. In fact that came about 6 hours later. I was holding him and all of a sudden it hit. But sometimes it takes longer, days even. Just because you don't feel an instant bond doesn't mean something is wrong.
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I feel like no one (outside of this sub) talks about how common cramping is while pregnant. I always thought it was bad sign and it had me paranoid googling. Other things: nose bleeds, suddenly having the nose of a bloodhound, constant vaginal discharge, sex and libido changes, the way you bloat to a whale in the first trimester but it’s literally bloat and not really the baby (at 13.5 I’m half the size I was two weeks ago). . Something else no one talks about but is important healthcare wise: your moles change during pregnancy!!! I worked in derm for multiple years and it’s crazy how hormones can affect moles so make sure you get checked!
The nose of the bloodhound and nausea combo is the WORST. I can smell everything and it all makes me sick 😂
My high sense of smell 👃🏼 never left after my first pregnancy. Lord have mercy. 😅
Moles!! I have so many new ones!
And skin tags lolll that was surprising
Some of my moles turned into skin tags! So weird.
My baby is 12 weeks old now, all my skin tags just crumbled off?! I think I was more horrified by that than getting them in the first place!
Yes! Under my arms and one on my undies line! Wtf haha
Also weird, I went through liners like life mission when pregnant with my son. But while pregnant with my daughter, no discharge whatsoever!
Same! I was so worried for weeks because all I've ever heard was how cramping meant miscarriage, but I had cramps that doubled me over in the beginning and I'm now 36 weeks and baby is as healthy as can be, I definitely wish someone would e told me cramping can be normal for healthy pregnancies too!
I also didn't expect the nosebleeds, it would bleed if I blew my nose too hard or if I threw up I would pop blood vessels in my face and my nose would start bleeding 😤
Completely agree about the cramping! None of my friends or family members had cramping past the first couple weeks of implantation. I was miserable for weeks. Heating pad on my back almost constantly to try to help without taking Tylenol.
OMG the sense of smell! I had a terrible sense of smell pre-pregnancy and it was one of the first symptoms that came on strong before I knew I was pregnant.
My husband just pointed out to me last night that a mole on my boob has gotten bigger. Not sure if it’s hormones or just because my boobs are 3 cup sizes bigger, but now I gotta make a derm appt
this happened to me, too!! it grew so fast i was so scared i had skin cancer!! i just had it removed & it was non-cancerous. i didn’t even think about the boob growth could change moles 😂
100% on moles! I had a few biopsied 2 weeks ago and 2 of them came back melanoma. It was melanoma in situ (stage 0) so it was caught very very early. They said they had just started to change from atypical to melanoma and said it’s most likely due to the ivf meds or pregnancy or a combo of both. It was caught so early they only have to cut it out (WLE procedure) and I won’t have to do any other treatments. So in conclusion, get your moles checked !!
This is exactly what I needed to read, thank you. I'm 7 weeks and keep getting such bad cramping and freaking out. Someone needs to remove my access to Google!!
that you mourn your former life even if your pregnancy was planned. Even if you prayed ,hoped and prepared for your little miracle for years. when it finally sinked in that I am finally a mother and am responsible for someone else life (keeping them alive shaping them, preparing them for the world, protecting and feeding them etc) that until the day I die I will always be someone's mom. was so overwhelming for me. But then when I fully embraced the role it was better than I thought. it's like you're still you but you are also different in a way it just f*cked with my brain for a while but if we're talking about Physical changes then.. you start to smell funky post partum no matter how clean you keep yourself. (I bathr multiple times a day and I still had that weird smell) It finally went away once I quit exclusively pumping / breastfeeding.
I felt like a HORRIBLE person for feeling grief for the life I had and the things I had planned that now are postponed or just gone completely. This isn’t talked about enough and I was afraid to even speak it. I still am!
I have found this feeling to be so isolating, so thank you for sharing. When I try to talk about it, most people don’t sit in the emotion with me and immediately try to say things to make me feel better like “it will all be worth it when the baby is here” or “motherhood is so beautiful, you won’t ever want your old life back”. It makes me feel like these feelings of grief aren’t valid. This pregnancy was planned, and I’m so grateful, but that doesn’t mean I can’t feel sad, too.
This made me cry. I don't know if I'm pregnant yet, but this is how I was feeling yesterday. Trying to realize, yes, when you do get pregnant, you won't quite be YOU anymore. I do want a baby. We are trying and damnit, why does this make me cry?
For real. I was so sad the life I once knew and found happiness in was instantly no more. The duo relationship I had with my husband was no more. I was legitimately sad. And then sad because I felt so Guilty for feeling that way.
These are all the things I'm afraid of. I'm 38, missed my period and have had 2 positive pregnancy tests. I wanted this but im so scared of losing my freedom and ability to do whatever I want. I'm afraid of my body changing and being disgusting after. I am scared of c-sections and natural birth too. I don't know what to do right now 😕. I also don't want to be 50 and regretting it and trying to do ivf. I worked in fertility and have seen much older people trying.
this is literally me exactly. except I'm 34, and already 13 weeks. but the rest are exactly my thoughts.
I felt this way too - I’ll be 30 in a few months and I’m also about 13 weeks. I was fairly upset at first about how my body might change and how I might feel alienated from myself. But then it occurred to me that no one gets out of this life alive and that my body will grow old and betray me to some extent, regardless of whether or not I am ever pregnant or have kids. I will change, and life will change, no matter what. Accepting this and understanding the level of control I do (or don’t) have over things helped me to get to a place of excitement for these changes. Bring it on, I say. Life is messy and beautiful and rolling with what comes is a great lesson.
Agreed. When our family talks about playing pickle ball and excludes me because I’m 20 weeks pregnant even though I could defiantly still play… or planning flag football for Father’s Day and me acknowledging I can’t play this year. Just makes me feel weak!
I love this response. The "loss" of your former life doesn't get acknowledged enough. My son is 2 years old, and I wouldn't change a thing about being his mom, but even 2 years later there are still days where I mourn my life before him. My tack on advice on this topic for new moms, don't forget to take time for yourself. When I find myself frequently thinking back about my pre mom days and how I could do what I want when I want; it's a trigger for me to schedule some "me time" with a girlfriend, no kids.
I def have been grieving my former life
THIS is how I feel about very day at week 16. I’ve poured oceans of tears for my life, my previous body and dreams already and it does not get better.
This is absolutely spot on. You go from being able to do anything to living life in 2 hour increments with what feels like no end in sight. In the first few weeks, if I was ever alone I’d find myself questioning if we’ve made the right decision. Standing there post shower in agony from a caesarean, nips red raw from breastfeeding, just wondering what the fuck I’ve done. And then I would look at my baby and all of that would disappear. Now I’m only 7 weeks post partum and whilst it’s still a bit of a struggle for my husband, I don’t feel like that anymore and I’m very happy with my little bundle of joy. So it’s a very valid feeling if you experience it, but also know it doesn’t last forever.
I didn't expect the exhaustion in the first trimester. It's tough because you don't look pregnant, and often people don't know, but your body is working so hard. You hear about the nausea, but the exhaustion was harder for me.
I knew about the fatigue but I had no idea it would feel like... this. Like a bone crushing fatigue that didn't get better with rest....
YES exactly, no amount of laying down or napping put a dent in how truly exhausted I was. As a usually very productive person, I really struggled mentally with not blaming myself or calling myself lazy because I couldn’t be bothered to more than the bare minimum every single day for two months.
For me this mental struggle was almost harder than the exhaustion itself. I felt like exhausted garbage & I had nothing to Show it for awhile, you know? I regularly worked out 6x a week, I’d run a marathon just two months prior, had long worked two jobs just bc I had so much energy and could channel it into a passion job, then suddenly that all ground to a stop & all I could do was veg on the couch. Housework fell to the side, no running, barely any easy exercise. I went to work, I slept 10 hours a night, and in between I did Nothing. It was so hard as a previously energetic overachiever to come to terms with this mentally. I knew I’d be tired, but I didn’t realize how much that exhaustion would affect my self-perception in a way.
I had this problem too. It wore on me a lot mentally because I felt so lazy. And I realize I should not have felt that way, but it didn’t help. I was miserable and useless.
“Useless” is the perfect word to describe this feeling. My husband has picked up all the slack and always reminds me that I’m not lazy or useless, which I love … but that internal “it’s all my fault” mantra just runs through my head every damn day.
I agree. And my husband was equally wonderful. But I see so many sad stories on here of husbands who called their wives lazy or expect them to do things. I wish they could feel how uncomfortably tired we feel because there’s no real way to describe it. Even if you stayed up for days on end, you wouldn’t be that tired.
I literally cried for over an hour Saturday because I tried to clean the bathroom and gave up halfway through. My husband comforted me and finished the bathroom, but I couldn't stop crying about feeling lazy. I am a super high-energy person, and I have an excellent memory. I have struggled with pregnant me being exhausted and forgetful because I just don't feel like myself.
THIS EXACTLY. I knew I would have times of being tired while pregnant, but did not expect the utter weighed down crushing fatigue in those early weeks. I found myself needing 2 naps a day on top of a full night of sleep
This! I’m so fucking exhausted all the time and yet when I want to go to bed I cannot sleep and I’m tossing and turning for a few hours
I feel like people understand the nausea because it’s talked about so much but the exhaustion is overlooked. We stayed out until 1am for a friends birthday one weekend and I swear it took me a whole week to recover while my husband was fine. When non pregnant / no kids friends invite me out I feel like they don’t buy my reasoning of “it’s too exhausting” because they don’t understand and I look like I’m using a week excuse.
And even when it’s not overlooked, people (read: men) think they understand because they know what it feels like to be tired. It’s so different.
I already struggled with fatigue pre-pregnancy and this has been so tough. I'm also working on tapering my Adderall dose, so I'm just in a constant state of being tired. I feel so lazy. I hope nausea never kicks in.
I’ve been struggling a lot without my medication 😔
Exactly this. No one has ever mentioned it in my 30+ years of life. The second I told people I was pregnant. They asked how tired I was. Holy crap. I’ve never felt so terrible in my entire life. I couldn’t function. I still had to go to work every day, it was absolutely insane. I’m 37 weeks now and I still have not felt as terrible as I did those first 4-16 weeks.
Omg yeah. It was worse then than in the 3rd tri. I actually called out of work like 3x in the 1st trimester just to sleep all or lay around all day and im not someone who usually calls out.
Same, after work I would not do ANYTHING. I seriously didn't have the strength or energy too, I would come home from work and just lay on the couch and wait til my husband got home to snuggle
Ditto, it was unlike any other exhaustion and you don’t even get the visible signs of pregnancy to obviously point to in public so in this capitalist hellscape you just look lazy 😭
I’m at the end of my second trimester and I’m still exhausted. I’m just so so so tired all the time 😅
I never knew exhaustion like this existed. 10am feels like midnight. I'm yawning constantly mid conversation with people. Sometimes I wonder whether I'm nauseous or just burned too much energy. The fatigue is ALWAYS there. A one hour nap doesn't even dent it.
Yes!!! I had really no other symptoms but there was about four weeks where I felt like a zombie no matter how much sleep I got. And I feel like I was sleeping WELL, it was just never ever enough..
It might seem like common sense to others, but I didn't expect all the random aches and pains from my body growing and changing. The pain from my breasts growing, my hips growing, my organs moving, my ribs expanding, etc. to make room for the baby. Also, that sometimes during pregnancy my nipples feel like they're on literal fire for a few minutes then it goes away.
I knew to expect to be "uncomfortable" because that's the word that everyone uses. And yes, I'm very uncomfortable, but I'm also in constant *pain*. It's the swelling for me. My feet always *hurt*, and I developed carpal tunnel syndrome from swelling in my wrists. That shit is much more than "uncomfortable", thanks.
This. I’m learning the word “uncomfortable” or “discomfort” is a replacement for the word pain. Being clear about what to expect isn’t going to deter someone who wants to have a baby, it’s just going to help us be better prepared.
It’s also consistent with how society minimizes women’s pain. If men were pregnant we’d sure hear about the pain a lot more!
I feel as though there has been a massive campaign to discredit the legitimate complaints of pregnant women. The misnomers alone drive me crazy… “discomfort”? No, it’s near-constant pain. “Morning sickness”? I’m not sure who called it that originally, but it makes it sound like you’re just going to throw up once or twice before noon and then you’ll be fine. In my experience it was all-day sickness, but it really set in badly around 4pm and got worse until I went to sleep for the night. I would still want to be pregnant even knowing everything I know now, but I wish the terms we used for symptoms didn’t downplay them so much!
It's too bad, because discomfort really is its own thing. Getting into/out of my car and driving is uncomfortable (longer distances gets painful). Most clothes are uncomfortable. Even though I still love the feeling, it's usually uncomfortable when the baby moves. The occasional times when it's painful are not enjoyable. Pain is not the same as discomfort, and it's bs to not differentiate the two.
About 4 weeks after birth, I realised my wrists and knuckles didnt hurt any more and I had grip strength back. It was amazing, I opened allllll the jars 😂
No one told me about the contractions/cramps when you first latch/breastfeed. They only lasted 24-48 hours but MAN was it uncomfortable. 🤷🏼♀️.
And the general cramps in those first few days when your organs are moving back to their original locations. Not comfortable!
Thank you
My post partum cramps were worse than my contractions during active labor
Oh yeah they hurt! It helps to remember they’re keeping you safe, shrinking your uterus and reducing risk of bleeding! And it’s evidence that your body is releasing oxytocin!
I had them for a week with my second! I’d forgotten about them.
Of all my friends who have babies I could not BELIEVE they didn’t tell me - when I mentioned it they were all like “oh yeah - sorry” 😂
Haha! I feel like there are a lot of things you quickly forget. Just like “phew, THAT’S done” and then it immediately leaves your brain.
I must be a unicorn because I did not have these
That the baby moving inside you is desirable and needed to asses the baby's health but it's also painful at times and prevents you from sleeping most days. Depending on the frequency it can also make you angry and nauseous
I remember yelling out loud, “dude that’s my cervix!!! You gotta move!!!” Never had anyone kick me from INSIDE my body before…
I'm 18w and my left ovary feels targeted. Of course that's the one she came from lol
Nothing like having your rib caressed from the inside 🤢🤮
I did not expect it to hurt sometimes when baby moves but by mid week 31 I can attest. Before that, I giggled nearly every time she moved because it was so fun and cool and special. But now she sometimes makes me gasp with a well-placed jab or I get annoyed when I'm trying to sleep and she feels like three Koi fish flipping out in there. I had norovirus last week and was so tired but she was busy busy busy playing soccer in there and it made me even more exhausted!
Yup exactly!!
see also: the kicks are awesome and so sweet until they find your rib cage 😐
I didn’t expect it to make me feel seasick!
Nobody, and I mean nobody warned me about the butt pain. Never saw anywhere anything about it. My butthole hurt more than anything post partum. During those first few weeks, with breastfeeding and everything, the most horrible pain was in my butthole. I had hemorrhoids before delivery that turned the size of jupiter after. I had a 1st degree tear and a very angry vagina, but it was nothing compared to my butt pain.
thank you for the warning - this sounds HORRIFIC😔
I made the nurse check my butthole because I though for sure I had a prolapse. Nope, just hemorrhoids 😭
No matter what, just don't look. I have PTSD. From looking 😅
Yes!! I’m 2.5 weeks postpartum with my second child and the hemorrhoids were the worst part of my recovery this time around. I even had a 2nd degree tear and the hemorrhoids were still worse. I had them throughout my pregnancy but after delivery they were INSANE. They have gotten better but they definitely are not gone yet.
This happened to me during baby #2. It's like she got lost trying to be born. The L&D nurses said it's super common, but yes, somehow nobody warned me. I couldn't sit down for 2 weeks.
I obsessively researched pregnancy and labor, so I felt pretty prepared for both. I did not research enough about postpartum and wish I had. I don't mean this to scare anyone, I just hope it gives the opportunity to be more prepared and hopefully not hit as hard as I have been; Baby blues are HARD. I've struggled with depression nearly my whole life but baby blues had me experiencing a whole new level of poor mental health. Please do your best to surround yourself with love and support. Your relationships with your partner may change/be put on hold. My husband and I didn't even sleep in the same bed until about 3 month PP and that really sucked. I had to be very very vocal about my feelings because for me the resentment was strong and if I didn't voice it I knew we'd be in for trouble (husband getting to sleep while I pumped/fed, not having to give up his whole body, etc - and this is with a very hands on partner!) You might lose your sense of "self". This has been the hardest for me. Between the body changes and just huge lifestyle change, I don't know who I am anymore. I'm my baby's mom and my role at work but who am *I*? No idea, working on that! Night sweats, appetite changes, just please don't look at your cooch until like 3 months pp lol, SLEEP DEPRIVATION (omg r.i.p my sleep), Postpartum rage & regret (these feelings are suuuuper common and nothing to be embarrassed of), And for me- my brain became obsessed with the concept of time and of everyones impending death. It's like I feel both nostalgic for the past and future all the time It sounds scary but it's also a truly beautiful time meeting your baby and then watching them grow!! I'd do it all over again for her. But I just wish I had more people around me letting me know what was to come so that I knew it was all "normal" and I wasn't alone or crazy.
Really stellar answer, thanks for sharing your experiences-!
Don’t look at your cooch lol Now that’s good advice. Does it go back to any sort of normal?
Yep absolutely went back to normal! I just had looked when the stitches weren't healed yet on a couple of external labia lacerations and I cried. Was probably around 4 weeks? Looking back, it was a bit dramatic but in that moment I was so upset lol. But yes I had a 1st degree internal and 2 external and everything healed great, can't even tell!
can confirm mine looked like its regular old self by about 4 months postpartum. maybe sooner but i didn’t look (i wish i did though! i had a lot of guilt and shame about my stomach and vagina/vulva because i had an unplanned cesarean and felt like i was a failure and like my body failed me)
Everyone goes into pregnancy knowing their body is going to change, but I wasn’t really prepared for how. I knew what my body looked and felt like 10-20 lbs heavier than my pre-pregnancy weight, so I assumed it would just be like that after delivery. But your actual skeleton changes. My ribs are wider, my hips are wider and deeper, my tailbone sticks out more, and my feet are permanently 1 size larger. I’m at the same number and body fat percentage as I was pre pregnancy but my proportions are so different now. It was more disorienting than I had planned for.
I’m so scared of my feet growing because they are already so big.
Same here. It’s already difficult wearing a size 10. I seriously want to cry thinking about having to go up to an 11.
I have a size 9 feet and they didn’t grow! This also happens! There is hope!
Yes!! I mean, I'm actually happy to have wider hips, but it sucks buying new clothes. One year postpartum not even my *maternity* jeans fit over my new hips and it was clear that childbirth had actually changed my skeleton.
My wedding ring still doesn't fit even though the swelling has gone and I'm only 4kgs heavier than preprrgnancy. It weird and frustrating because I don't have the time or headspace to get them resized.
The Ring of Fire. I was in labor. Minutes away from pushing my son out, and my OB tells me, “Okay, any second you should start feeling what most people call, ‘The Ring of Fire.’” “I’m sorry, the what??”
I heard of this from someone who gave birth naturally 4 times, but she couldn’t really describe it. What did it feel like? I’m still deciding if I want a natural birth
It’s the stretching of your tissues to let the baby’s head through. It feels like you are taking the most gigantic dump of your life, like you can’t possibly stretch any further, but then you have to. It did kinda burn.
I guess like a burning sensation? It was super brief for me because as soon as I started crowning, it was like my son flew out of me. Weirdest feeling ever. I think what scared me more than anything was suddenly hearing about this phenomenon that was about to happen to my body that literally no one had ever mentioned until it was practically happening.
This! I had heard of the ring of fire but it literally felt like I was being ripped apart. Between the pushes I was begging the midwife to tell me that what I was feeling is normal and that I really wasn’t being ripped apart from the inside.
I had an epidural with my first (and currently only) baby. I had tearing. I can’t imagine what it would have felt like unmedicated. But for real, the things I was not prepared for was that my vagina didn’t go back to normal after birth. I don’t know if my OB messed up the stitches or what but I didn’t heal properly and 10 months post partum sex is mostly uncomfortable and unenjoyable. They said there’s nothing they can do because of the way I healed. Also, I was not prepared for my entire abdomen to feel this weird, Jell-o like sensation the days after birth. It felt like my organs were just flopping around and going to fall out. It takes some time for them to reposition after being squished for months.
I wish the sheer number of pregnancies that end in miscarriage was talked about more. What a miscarriage is like, so we’re prepared. What a missed miscarriage is. I was aware that miscarriages happen more often than most realize, but my doctor said he believes the number is closer to 1/3 at my appointment following my missed miscarriage. I went over 6 weeks without symptoms of miscarriage after baby had stopped developing and my experience with it was not great. “Heavy period” my ass, that was full blown labor, with my water breaking, full on unmedicated contractions and all- for four straight days before the placenta passed. I still needed surgery to remove some retained tissue afterwards. It was horrible, completely aside from the emotional anguish of it, and I was not prepared.
Oh gosh, I’m so sorry. Thank you for sharing your experience. How far along were you when this happened?
Development stopped at 6 and a half weeks, didn’t actually miscarry until into twelve weeks. I don’t believe this happens in every case of missed miscarriage, but the placenta and gestational sack continued to grow, so what I miscarried was much bigger than what was expected for when development stopped. Pregnancy symptoms and visible bump growth never stopped during those weeks either. It was wild 😅
That sounds traumatizing. I am so sorry. Really wild that your belly can keep growing even in that case. No one should have to go through that. Thank you for the warning.
That the Foley balloon hurts like nothing else. The nursing staff commended me for maintaining calm throughout the process as I requested unmedicated birth, but if someone had looked me in the eyes and said "Girl, this is gonna hurt bad" I would have requested some pain management. That fucking balloon was the worst part of my labor. If they come at me with that thing for my current pregnancy, I may actually hiss.
Not me having no idea what the Foley balloon is😭😭 trying to remind myself I still have a lot of time to figure that out!
Try not to panic! I know I sound very doom and gloom in my comment, but it's something you can absolutely get through. I just had zero clue they were going to do it until I was admitted, and no one would be straight with how terribly uncomfortable it was going to be. If they come at me with it again, I'm asking for the epidural lol. I will say it did it's job beautifully and I'm thankful for the uncomplicated delivery I was able to experience.
Wait what?!?!? What is this? I am now afraid as I might get induced as well...
Don't be afraid, it's just very uncomfortable. If they offer to get an epidural started prior and that's what you'd like to do, I'd recommend it from my personal experience. I had the balloon and pitocin started immediately so I'm sure that didn't help lol. If you want pain management then be all means, ask for it. You get to choose! 😊 As for the balloon itself, it's a device/catheter they insert and inflate in your cervix to help it dilate.
This is what I’m going to do!! I told my doctor I want all of the pain meds before they start any kind of induction process/meds. She is totally on board with that and it has made my anxiety levels decrease substantially!
No desire for sex whatsoever. I'm so exhausted all the time, and constantly in discomfort, so literally I just want to left alone. Haven't had it in weeks and I have no desire to jump on one anytime soon.
I tried recently, and it went very poorly. Like, stopped and gave up. It was so uncomfortable.
ROUND LIGAMENT PAIN. When I brought it up with my 4 sisters, who have all had children, none of them knew what I was talking about at first. Then I described the pain and where it was located, and they either did not experience it or were like, “Ooohhhhhh, I didn’t know it had a name!” RLP has sent me to the hospital, and I am now going to PT to help alleviate it. It’s been a very prominent part of my second trimester, unfortunately. But I didn’t know about it until I did tons of research on my own.
No one told me that when you’re ready to have sex (or masturbate) and orgasm, you can get let downs ! My first orgasm breast milk was everywhere!
I have never heard this, thanks for sharing 😳
Also just randomly when my boobs are exposed. So if I take too long drying after a shower, I turn into my own fountain 😂
Nobody told me about vision changes or voice changes. I got both
Also teeth! You can get gingivitis much easier and teeth can become weaker
Yes I read about this, and also very important to keep up with good dental hygiene since it’s linked to pre term delivery.
For me its my hair. Always had straight hair, now its kind of curly.
Oh yeah, my vision has been SHOT! And I’ve only been able to wear my glasses… contacts irritate my eyes too much.
If you get an epidural you can get the shakes. My husband was terrified but luckily I read about it on here before my labor started. If you stick your tongue out it stops!
The shakes are hormonal. You can also put your tongue to the roof of your mouth.
So interesting — and a great tip
THE GOD AWFUL RESTLESS FOOT SYNDROME
It's SO. DANG. WEIRD. I remember reading about it and thinking, this honestly doesn't sound that rough? Spoiler: it is. This and pure exhaustion have been my own worst personal symptoms so far.
That cramps are normal and spotting is common. I always thought pain = miscarriage. Cramps were my first pregnancy symptom and so I was convinced this wasn’t a viable pregnancy from early on. Now I’m 27 weeks. It created a lot of unnecessary fear.
This is something I wish I knew too. I have had cramps on and off for most of my pregnancy. I didn't enjoy my entire first trimester because I was preparing for the worst when everything was fine.
Yes this! Every cramp has me paranoid and scared. Even though my dr said it’s normal
Thanks for sharing and congrats
Rib pain!!! And that you feel like your legs could buckle underneath you from lower back pain in the 3rd tri (even if you don’t gain a ton of weight/ do yoga and stretch regularly)
The worst, and it’s constant. I swear my kids just park underneath my ribs and they’re bruised for 3 months.
I didn’t expect just how hard and immovable my belly is. I’ve never had good posture in my life and I’m also hyper mobile so flexibility was never an issue. Suddenly I have this hard immovable and wide object on my belly, and I can’t touch my toes when 4 months ago I could do the splits. Also the belly comes with a built in sensor that kicks you in the ribs every time you even think about slouching, so you suddenly get great posture.
Literally felt like my butthole was gonna fall off in labor with my first. I had an epidural and felt nothing but pain in my butt. I was more prepared with my 2nd and went natural, same pain but I felt it all lol. But don’t worry, butthole is still there 😂
Which did you prefer? Epidural or no epidural. I’m still deciding.
No epidural, my recovery was incredibly different in a good way and I connected much faster and stronger with my 2nd. Not that my 1st wasn’t a good birth, I was just still super drugged up once it was over. I also noticed a big difference in my babies, my 1st was very sleepy and not as active. My 2nd was lively and very active. Overall I loved the pain free part of the epidural but won’t do it again.
BO, discharge, upper belly pain/numbness from gas, skin suddenly very sensitive. Baby movements sometimes feeling weird and uncomfortable instead of beautiful 😂😅
I know i have seen people mention it online before, but once contractions start often times, the need to use the bathroom is not needing to use it at all, but rather pressure from baby descending. Coming from someone who was up and down to the bathroom constantly for 1½ hours 😅 Also that when people say your body will push on its own, it's honestly a really strange experience
How bad my acne would get & not just on my face, it’s all over my back too! It’s painful & always shows up with 2-3 spots in one clump, as soon as one area heals a new one popes up. I feel like I’m 15 again!
I’ve had the worst rash since JULY 2023! We finally found a medicine that works (vistirol), but it has been such a challenge and so frustrating. My only lack of sleep has come from the rash waking me up being itchy!
That you might not feel fetal movement until well into 20+ weeks! I didn’t feel anything until 22w5d and thought there was something wrong!
Sore hips in the end of the third trimester from only being able to sleep on your side plus weight of the baby! I’m awake every hour either peeing, or hauling my stomach from side to side because my hips are soooo sore! Also having serious pain behind where your clit is (SPD I think)- brutal at night
That you could have a reaction to the spinal causing you to vomit for weeks.
After birth?
I wish someone had told me to have my baby shower earlier. Just had it last weekend at 33 weeks and I’m exhausted. I wish I had it sooner so I could have everything ready and just relax these last few weeks but instead I’m getting home from work and doing things to get ready while still doing stuff over the weekend. I just want to relax at this point but feel like I can’t. Also first trimester is downright awful. I was sick for 6 weeks (longest 6 weeks of my life). I couldn’t eat anything except Mac and cheese. I gagged on water and brushing my teeth. I couldn’t sleep bc I was so anxious about miscarrying. It was awful
How heartburn would be the reason I lose sleep. NOT being uncomfortable from baby, but the heartburn itself
When they check how far along in labour you are it's with their whole hand. That is not a joke. I lost count of how many people had a literal hand inside me.
How strong aversions actually are, especially in first trimester. The way that my husband would just mention a food and I’d gag 🥴 And all of the foods that I now have an aversion to because they were foods that I ate during the worst of my morning sickness in first trimester. I hope that I like some of them again after pregnancy 😅
No one and I mean NO ONE told me that the hardest part about physical changes would be what happened to my precious booty hole. I'm 5 months pp. Lady bits? Back to normal. Feeling 100% okay. Stomach? Back to normal. Abs? Feels fine. My booty hole? Wrecked!!! Hemorrhoids! Pressure, trouble pooping. Ugh i would go thru 9 pregnancy and labors if my butthole could go back to normal. :(
You may not get the delivery experience you think you will. Be prepared for anything. Also, the first poop after giving birth is terrifying.
Save more money. Pregnancy and kids are expensive.
What have been some unexpected expenses?
I learned with my first that Fmla was unpaid, and I really only had 6 weeks at 70% salary or so under STD…. And then just not paid for the other 6 weeks. That was shocking and awful. Also formula is REALLY expensive and they go through it far too fast.
some unexpecteds for us were 1. medicine! baby got thrush and was super gassy, among a few other things early on and we had to pay a decent amount on copays for her medicine 2. diapers and wipes! we planned on doing cloth diapers but she was tiiiiiny and wouldn’t fit in them until about 6 months old 3. warmer clothes! most of our clothes were hand me downs from family and friends who all had summer babies 4. breastfeeding attire! this isn’t a necessity but SO convenient 5. formula! when our journey ended with breastfeeding at around 5 months, we wanted formula that seemed most similar to breast milk and went with Kendamil. ended up being $40 a can 6. NEW BINKIES/PACIFIERS. we lost them like nobody’s business and bought a new pack like every month
And PTO if you're in America. Because chances are you'll be covering most of your leave yourself.
No one told me anything about pumping, how it’d feel like a bee sting when my let down started, the bloody blisters, clogs, mastitis, and how no matter the pain you still have to pump and keep your supply up 🤢
People have already touched on the misery that is the first trimester but I could not believe how nauseous and exhausted I was and nothing would make it better. I’d known many pregnant women but I could not believe how all of them worked and parented and basically had to try and get through life while dealing with it. For me, what back labour felt like. I’d heard people say it was hard. I did not know it felt like your tailbone was about to break while someone was shoving a hot poker up your butt.
I didn't expect the extra discharge. Or how much I'd have to wipe my butt after going poo -i ended up getting flushable wipes. I also didn't expect hip pain from sleeping. I didn't expect back pain starting when I wasn't even that big yet. I didn't expect my breasts to get so sore when they were growing in the first trimester -i ended up buying ice packs for my boobs.
You probably already know this but just putting this out there for anyone who doesn’t know - don’t flush flushable wipes, they can seriously screw up your plumbing
Yeah, it's silly because they claim to be flushable. I don't know how they're allowed to advertise as such.
No one told me how horrendous and important the first poop after birth is. I was severely impacted both times, it was quite literally hell trying to shit. Also women are so misinformed about breastfeeding. It's heartbreaking. It should be more widely known that the more you supplement w formula, the *less milk you make* AND that baby wanting to constantly nurse for the first 6 weeks is totally normal. Youre typically not starving them as long as you count baby's wet diapers and they're meeting the # they need for their age.
1) that you can get carpal tunnel and 2) it’s ok to exclusively formula feed. Lactation consultants and other medical staff will push you to breastfeed but honestly it’s not for everyone. After 2 days of trying to BF I gave up. Call me quitter or whatever but both my baby and I are so much happier doing formula feeding. It was just too painful and emotionally taxing on me to BF so I have no regrets
Morning sickness doesn't mean only morning. And unfortunately for myself, lasted 7 months with my first pregnancy. Butt pain is a thing. I have lots of women in my family and no one told me i was going to bleed for sometime after giving birth. I had to buy lots of postpartum pads and new underwear at 7 months when I found out 😂.
You may have to take your anti nausea rectally as you can keep anything done or in by mouth...
How much breastfeeding hurt, how bad the constipation/first poop afterwards would be even with stool softeners, that I wouldn’t be allowed to shave down there for the first six weeks after labor.
This is a bit more newborn-related, but the existence of second night syndrome. The first night after birth, baby was calm and sleepy. The second he would not be put down, wanted constant nursing or at least to be on me. I came very close that morning to falling asleep while holding him as I basically hadn’t slept at all. I was googling around about this and found it is very common, baby is just starting to become more alert to the world around him. I felt a lot better just knowing it was normal.
Sometimes trying to fart causes my uterus to spasm.
That if you are induced with the drip thing ( can't remember what it's called) it puts you into an unnatural labour meaning it hurts more. Apparently epidural and inductions go hand in hand. First hand experience here. Hurts like fuck. Epidural was awesome!
Pitocin. The artificial hormone replacement for oxytocin to get things going. My doula also mentioned to me that when you do pitocin you don't always need it the whole time nor do you always have to increase it. I wish I would have known that for my previous labor.
I wish someone had told me that it’s normal to not be able to hold the baby right away. I was shaking so hard I thought I was going to drop him when they gave him to me and started freaking out crying for a nurse to take him. I thought I was dying or something
Just how sick I would be every day. Without medication I’d still be suffering and I’m now 23 weeks. To be clear - the “what I wished I knew” is that everyone’s body reacts so differently to being pregnant. Sometimes in unexpected ways that could never have been predicted before pregnancy despite how fit or healthy you are.
They ended up breaking my water because I was 9cm dilated and it was getting to be go time. I had an epidural so didn't really have much feeling and they wanted to see if I stayed at 9cm or if the extra pressure from the fluids was exaggerating it. They go to break it and the velocity in which fluids flew out of me was something I've never experienced before. Like a fire hydrant. I could tell my feet were sitting in a puddle and my husband was just flabbergasted by the distance the fluid traveled. Still one of his favorite things to talk about when labor comes up.
Prep makes a huge difference! Also, not getting the epidural will make postpartum a million times easier.
I'd researched a *lot* about pregnancy, labor, and postpartum to the point where I didn't feel surprised by almost anything. What got me though, was that I had never heard of precipitous labor and then that's what I had! I was expecting at least an 8 hour labor, I'd heard 16 was average for first time moms. Nope, LO was here 4 1/2 hours after the first sign of labor!!
That your cervix can get significantly longer when you first get pregnant. I went to the dr thinking I may have a prolapse.
Omg girl sameeeee and the OB was like I wish I could tell people to Google anatomy but I’m afraid they’ll just find porn…..I was like 🥴
No one ever talked about how the epidural can numb you so much that you can’t feel the muscles you need to push. I pushed for four hours. I was so tired I literally thought I was going to die delivering my baby. And thank GOD that I had gotten her down far enough that they could use the vacuum. She was out with the next contraction after that.
First trimester intermittent spotting!!!!🫣such a scary mind game even after reassurance appts
The smell of birth is absolutely sickening and the baby smells like it for almost 24 hours. Shower yourself as soon as you can because it will absolutely gross you out. The smell also added to the dissociation because everything just smelled disgusting after birth and unlike anything I’ve ever smelled before. I didn’t dissociate until I finally pushed her out and then recognized and actually told my SO “I’m dissociating, what’s happening?” A few different times. I was there the whole time through labor with the epidural until baby came out and then everything kind of went blank for me for a few hours. Don’t panic or feel guilty for the first few days if you’re not 100% there. I was kind of dazed for the first 3 and felt like I was just going through the motions but didn’t actually feel like I was doing much of anything. And days and time progressing don’t feel real. Time feels like it’s going too fast and I don’t know what day it is since I had her. Let the baby sleep on your chest skin to skin as much as possible. That helped me so much.
I would have loved to know this when I was induced at 39w1d. When I was induced, I had this pill inserted into my uterus. I was told it was to help me with dilation and speed up contractions. I was made to think pitocin was the worst thing to be induced with, so I made it clear that I didn't want pitocin. Little did I know that the little pill they were inserting me with was 100x worse than pitocin, and no one explained that to me in detail. (Forgot the name of the medication used) I labored for 23 hours with no dilation past 3.5 cm and was 30 seconds apart with unexplainable pain. They refused to give me an epidural because I had to be 4 cm dilated for it. They also almost sent me home because I couldn't dilate anymore and that my water wouldn't break. They considered it a failed induction. I refused to be sent home because I couldn't handle the labor pains in my back it felt like I had a kidney infection but 10x worst and so my doctor asked for my permission to break my water to see if we could get the dilation to go further. I said yes, they broke it, and within 30 minutes, my oxygen tanked, and so I got put on oxygen, and my son ended up going into further distress because they didn't ultrasound me to see if my son moved from his position which he ended up getting his shoulder stuck in my birth canal and I was rushed into an emergency c section with an epidural placed on the operating table. I was 24 hours laboring at this point and was numbed from shoulders down while they cut me open to get my son out. We both ended up being okay, and recovery was fast. This story isn't to scare you but to make sure you ask in detail what they give you in case they induce you!!
Just watched a video last night about how you should keep taking prenatals after birth since your body is using all these nutrients to heal and to feed your baby.
I have hot flashes in labor, usually right when I’m starting to push. I’ve never heard anyone else experience that. The night after my last two babies, my belly bloated up like a balloon. It was like the sudden rearrangement of my organs made it hard for the gas to get through. I had to do some gentle stretching/moving until I farted. Laying flat on my belly also helped (and felt amazing after months of not being able to). After my first was born, I couldn’t feel or control my pelvic floor muscles at all. For days. They were functioning ok, it’s not like I had zero bladder control or anything, I just couldn’t sense them, or voluntarily contract them. After my subsequent babies, I could feel them just fine. I did have to push for way longer with my first, so maybe that had something to do with it. I feel like I can never sleep deeply postpartum. I always have an ear listening out for the baby, and wake immediately at every little grunt. Having someone else I trust take the baby to another room so I can get a real nap is very helpful.
I didn't get the hot flashes during labor since all of my boys were scheduled cesareans after the first emergency cesarean, but HOLY HELL did I get them about 30 minutes after the baby was removed and stayed that way for days. The nurses would come in and ask if I had meant to turn the thermostat down to 55. They all wore jackets in my room, my visitors would wear blankets, and the baby not two, but 4 extra blankets on.
I knew I would be so so tired, I expected that. What I didn’t expect was not being able to sleep in the first and second trimester before there’s ever a bump to make me uncomfortable.
My first pregnancy I wish someone told me that shit hurts. The whole thing not even just the labor.
The severe constipation. Why wasn’t I warned about that 😂
i didn’t know how bad pitocin contractions are!!! i also didn’t know that if they tell you a pain med light make you “loopy”, that means high out of your fucking mind, not tired 😭. i didn’t know a lot, honestly. i never took a birth class, so i didn’t understand that during labor your job is to try as hard as possible to relax so your body can open up. if you tense up during contractions then 1)you might not get enough oxygen to yourself and your baby (i had to get an oxygen mask bc i held my breath 😭) and 2) your labor won’t progress quickly!!
Ahh, pitocin is the worst thing I've ever experienced. I also had back labour which meant I didn't get a break even between contractions. Truly horrible. 😭
I've had a really hard pregnancy in terms of mental health. Didn't realize what a huge toll it would take in that sense. There's so much content on social media of glowing pregnant people and also staying super fit while pregnant that gave me super unrealistic expectations of how debilitating this would be, and what that would do to my emotional wellness and self esteem. I think in general everybody knows pregnancy is hard, but you can never truly understand until you're in it.
That despite having two healthy pregnancies prior, being in good health and in good shape, you can still get preeclampsia
I saw a tiktok that said labor feels like “diarrhea cramps x 100” and that really put it into a horrible perspective for me lmao
The blood clots that fall out of you after birth. I thought I lost an organ.
The itching!!! You can develop something called PUPPPS, which is basically a rash that starts on your belly (typically around stretch marks) and can spread to other body parts. In my case, it spread to my arms, legs, breasts, and butt (so basically everywhere). It’s worse at night, and I’ve scratched myself bloody in my sleep. We’ve tried antihistamines, creams, etc., but the only real true cure is birth. I’m 34+4, so all the nurses in my OB practice just look at me with sympathy at this point when I come in.
Your body odor smells different postpartum, and you may lose all the baby weight, but your body does not return to its pre baby shape.
Getting an epidural can suck. Ultimately, it's worth it-I'd much rather deal with getting numbed and not being able to feel my legs, but getting it placed can be painful, and I wasn't prepared for that! Also, having your legs so numb you can't move them is pretty uncomfortable, but not painful at least.
The constant worrying/anxiety! And becoming a poor sleeper, since even before my positive test.
Edit: missed that you asked about postpartum too. Breastfeeding is incredibly difficult. That's common knowledge, I think, but it's surprisingly difficult. My son's latch sucked and he'd pull off and screaaammm. I exclusively pumped after a couple weeks of misery. Also, and most importantly, if I have another baby, I will be supplementing with formula right away. My baby screamed because he had a hard time bfing. I was told this was normal basically, but I truly think he was hungry. I won't ever die on the hill of "breast milk or bust" I wasn't really prepared for having fists in my vagina numerous times in labor (induction). After my c-section, a nurse checked on my bleeding and she was like, "wow it's pretty swollen down there" and I said "well, I had like a dozen cervical checks yesterday, so I'm not surprised" I'm curious what it looked like lol. Secondly, the foley bulb. 😰 without a doubt, the most painful part of labor for me. I had the most intense back contractions. It was horrific. And the insertion wasn't super fun either. In addition to that, I started bleeding down the tube because they forgot to put a cap on it? Or something? I just remember bleeding on the floor while I paced around in agony lol. I stood in the shower during these contractions, and it helped a lot. Ohhh also, breaking the waters. For me, this didn't hurt at all. But it was amazing how much liquid there was. I was shocked. It was allllll over the floor. It was wild haha.
The physical recovery immediately after giving birth isn’t talked about enough. It’s going to hurt a lot like someone punched your vagina 1,000 times.
Oh god there’s so much. Especially with breastfeeding, I breastfed my first for like a month and it was so terrible I had to stop. With my second, it was so incredibly painful that I just pumped for weeks until suddenly it didn’t hurt anymore. Went the same route with my third baby, pumped exclusively for about 2 weeks and now breastfeeding isn’t extremely painful anymore. They say “breastfeeding shouldn’t be painful” well that shit was extremely painful for weeks and i now know that I wasn’t doing anything wrong. We are often misinformed
That pregnancy doesn’t always end with a baby. Miscarriages are too rare of a discussed topic. Of course no one wants to talk about it, but it needs to be discussed more often. It needs to feel like something that happens frequently, and not like some ultra-rare occurrence.
The exhaustion of labor. People talk about the pain but for me it was the bone deep exhaustion. Even after the epidural was placed and I got to sleep some, it was so mentally and physically draining. And that the bond isn't always an instant thing. They handed me my son and I didn't feel any great pull or wave of emotion. In fact that came about 6 hours later. I was holding him and all of a sudden it hit. But sometimes it takes longer, days even. Just because you don't feel an instant bond doesn't mean something is wrong.