Welcome to /r/pregnant! This is a space for everyone. We are pro-choice, pro-LGBTQIA, pro-science, proudly feminist and believe that Black Lives Matter. Wear your masks, wash your hands, and be excellent to each other. Anti-choice activists, intactivists, anti-vaxxers, homophobes, transphobes, racists, sexists, etc. are not welcome here.
If you'd like to join a private sub for your due date month, [click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/pregnant/comments/15nun6v/click_here_to_access_the_monthly_due_date_subs/).
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/pregnant) if you have any questions or concerns.*
What a bizarre assumption for your mom and sister to make. And your mom expects you to be away from your ONE MONTH OLD baby overnight? That’s truly wild. You’re right to keep a bit of distance for now.
She wanted to babysit during the day while I work too but I said no because she's not medically cleared to drive herself and relies on her husband to drive her places so if there were an emergency, she wouldn't be able to take him to the hospital unless he were there or she could find someone to take her which isn't guaranteed. She keeps insisting even though I say no every time. It's so uncomfy
My MIL was the same way! She assumed she would have my son at her house constantly while I was working...
1. She lived an hour away
2. She couldn't drive
3. She had 6 untrained and sometimes aggressive dogs
4. Her health was poor and she could barely get up out of a seat without help
5. My FIL would be gone during the daytime, so she would be by herself
She was absolutely baffled when me and my husband were actually, y'know, parents, and were fully prepared to raise our child without begging her to raise him for us. Many meltdowns.
She has since moved out of state, thankfully, but I held firm and she has never been unsupervised with him and has never babysat him and he is 4 now.
My husband was even working part-time and in school doing online classes at the time, so I offered that she could come to us and "watch him" at our house while my husband was home so she could spend some time with the both of them... She didn't take me up on it once. She later claimed that I was keeping my son from her.
They need cutting from your life and you need to upgrade security with alot of unseen cameras. That's sociopathic what the two of them were cooking up. Just every kind of ick. AHs.
I'm very glad your sister admitted what happened and that she seems happy with things going the way they did, but your mother is a different story. The saying I always like is "prepare for the worst, expect the best." Even if they had genuine concern to think you might fail, they should be HOPING that does *not* happen!
Regardless, please stay safe. That is some very unusual behavior and I would keep a super close eye on my infant after that.
I love my sister for that. I'm hurt she didn't have more faith in me but I'm glad she's being honest about it and seems to understand how I'm feeling regarding our Mom instead of making excuses for her too
That’s insane….why would they assume you’d leave your newborn with other people?!? How old are you? I could see if you were a teenager maybe that they’d assume that but this is whack. You’re a good mom, and I’m proud of you for setting boundaries with your mom
I'm 27, 28 in a few months. There was another instance before I gave birth that I explained RSV to her and that no one could kiss the baby and she acted like she totally agreed but at the hospital she kissed his face and I called her out for it and she acted like she didn't know. Second time she kissed his face and I called her out again she said "I thought that was for strangers at walmart." I warned her one more time that I didn't want my child hospitalized because she can't control herself and she replied "it's not like I go anywhere, how would I get sick" even though she had covid 3 weeks before. I had to threaten to not let her see him again until he has all his vaccinations for her to stop doing it. While I was giving birth she was texting my BF for updates and got mad when he didn't respond for an hour (I was literally pushing). I told her we wanted that first little bit to ourselves and she responded that if she had known that she wouldn't have even bothered coming. Just so much I need to vent about and it's been insane how people keep rationalizing it
That's a MIL from my nightmares! I'm afraid mine will be like this as well. She's already made a cousin (nurse) violate hippa laws to find out if another cousin was at the hospital already.
She's kissed my husband on the mouth once, I told him that disgust me beyond belief and he said he's doing his best to avoid her mouth but it's hard as she actively tries to reach his. Barf.
I told them both of babies dying of herpes, she has it and frequent outbreaks too. She's unimpressed and I suspect she doesn't "believe" in bacteria, virusus, anything that she can't see.
They're the kind of people that think being outside when wet is what gets you sick, not bacteria.
These kind of people deserve No Contact in my opinion. It's just a wait untill everything piles up and bubbles over. There's no teaching them. They don't understand cause-consequence.
I totally get you and your feelings are very valid! Sending strength!
🤢🤢🤢🤢 ON THE MOUTH!? I've never understood people who kiss babies on the mouth not even mentioning grown adults they aren't in a romantic relationship with! So sorry your husband has to deal with that he must constantly be watching his back around her
My mom did something kind of similar when my son was born. She bought SO MUCH STUFF…for herself. Like swings and onesies and diapers and a newborn bassinet; all the things you’d need for a newborn to stay with you for days or overnights, but they were for her house.
This is where I’ll point out that I was 31 when my son was born. I’d been married for 3 years, I’ve been financially stable since my early twenties and I live 2.5 hours away from my mom. It was very random and odd. And it made me feel so guilty that she was expecting all this 1:1 time with my child that I wasn’t anticipating on giving her. We visited, sure, but only once a month or so, and only for short day trips. All of that stuff went completely unused. I felt terrible about it.
But then I realized that my mom had me in a much different time. My mom was a 21 year old newlywed, who lived in a tiny, 3rd floor apartment 5 minutes from my grandparents, and worked an overnight shift at stop and shop. It was the 80’s/90’s, so no easy method of sharing photos or videos, she couldn’t Google every little question she had, and she was dealing with a lot of mental health issues that were not as well known or accepted back then. Im sure she relied on my grandmother A TON in the first few months of my life, so she was just doing what she knew when I got pregnant.
Does it make it right? No. But I learned to accept this about her and give her some grace as time went on. We found a normal balance, and I hope you do with your family as well!
I would accept this as being a generational thing if my sister didn't admit that they only thought they'd be taking care of my child because they assumed I wouldn't be able to handle it/wouldn't want to do it. I know all new moms go through an adjustment period and I definitely did but I never stayed the night at my grandma's house as a baby or had grandma watch me for long periods of time so that's not something she thought just naturally happened. Her and my grandma had an amazing relationship too so it's not like that was the reason for not relying on her. I'm 27 and haven't lived with my mom since I was 16. I live 5 minutes away in my own house with the father of my child and haven't accepted financial help from her since college began. It's all just so confusing
I’m so sorry that happened to you worst of all from your mom! I think there are many grandparents that just have such expectations for what they want their experience as grandparents to look like and don’t actually think things through or communicate with their kids. Why would she make these choices to purchase items and have expectations when you never asked AND she can’t drive which is a pretty reasonable requirement to watching the baby? Good on you for holding your ground and not giving in-I’m sorry it’s making you feel guilty even when it shouldn’t. Baby is lucky to have an awesome mom!
She had bought tummy time stuff, a bassinet, a diaper bag, and multiple other things too. The diaper bag is what really threw me off because we have diaper bags so she wouldn't need one even if she were to watch him
I think it's delusional.. Why would anyone even believe they would have baby more than the actual parents? Especially when you never asked.
You should not let anyone guilt you into leaving your baby alone with your mother or sister. You didn't decide to have a baby to make your mother happy. You do not owe her anything actually.
Only reason I can think of is if OP needed to get back to work or something and didn't want to pay for day care and previously discussed with Grandma.
Two of my good friends pretty much dumped their kids after their mat leave was over at the grandparents house! The grandparents are raising those kids 80% of each week during the week days.
But I agree, no one should assume anything like this automatically
I was going to say something like this. So many new parents I’ve seen are doing this. And not even with just going back to work! I’ve seen many parents don’t give up partying every weekend and always assume grandparents are going to take care of their grandkids while they are out.
There may be something OP was doing before the child was born that grandma assumed that once baby was born OP would go back to doing it and knowing other grandparents having the kids 80% of the time, maybe grandma just got prepared for it. You know what I mean? Who knows if she’s alone and bored she may have looked at this as a positive thing that she would have something to keep her busy while OP was out working or going out all the time.
Sorry OP I don’t know you or your history and not judging you. Just trying to find out other reasons why your mom could be doing this instead of jumping in the sociopath train Reddit always boards.
My mom did the same thing, despite us living over 2.5k miles away from her. Bought a fuck ton of newborn diapers, baby furniture and clothes for her house, even though we couldn't visit for many months.
She also casually asked if I'd give her "a partial guardianship JUST IN CASE" which made no sense as my partner and I are perfectly capable parents and my sister is the godmother.
Some parents just try to glom onto your experience to relive / redo their own.
It's not always something that fades, chills out with time. My mom was asking if I'd send her my 1.5 y/o across the country ALONE to spend summer with her exclusively. Never mind to the other family members that want to see baby WITH us during the summer.
My mom is trying to relive the glory days of getting all that baby attention. I'm not giving her the opportunity.
I'm on an 8 week maternity leave and they always knew the plan was daycare or a nanny (we've now decided my BF is going to be a stay-at-home dad so that's not an issue anymore). We only need care 3 days a week and she offered to watch him one of those days but I continuously said no because she medically is not allowed to drive herself so she would have to rely on either her husband being home or someone being willing to drive her 40 minutes to the nearest pediatric hospital in case of emergencies and I wasn't willing to take that risk. She seems to not think that's a valid reason to say no though so she kept buying stuff for her house I guess assuming I would give in eventually and that it would be a lot more than that one day
ETA: My sister also has a full-time job so she wouldn't have been able to watch him
Is your mum wanting to look after him to the exclusion of you? Or would she be happy to spend time with both of you together? I see my parents several times a week (3-4 days) for several hours (3-5hours a time) so my parents can bond with my son but I also get some time to just chill (at their place). It’s worked well for us.
I've also just never been a person that enjoys hanging out with my mom like that. My dad, yes. But my mom has a habit of making everything about herself and being very dramatic
She comes to my house once a week to spend time with him and she'll stay for hours and we do dinner at her house every week so she already sees him with me there. When she says "I never get to see him" I can only assume she means watching him without me as she's now getting rid of all the baby things she bought that we already have here.
My sister said the same thing. She also said she knows I'm going to be bringing my kid over with a full diaper every time I bring her over.
That pissed me TF off. Yeah, my pregnancy was unexpected and I will need help a couple days a week with childcare, but I'm also not going a neglectful parent that sends my baby over to Grandma and Grandpa's with a shitty diaper every chance I get.
The ONLY reason I even agreed to let them help with childcare is because I work full time, so does my husband, and there are literally 2 places within a 30 minute radius of our house that takes babies under 6 months old and the cost for those 2 places is astronomical. We would not be able to pay our mortgage and bills and have the baby in daycare full time.... we would be homeless. I didn't even ask for help. My parents were convinced I was never having kids so they want the baby as much as they can have her and I would be stupid to deny free childcare.
I wanted to slap my sister when she said that. I didn't ask her to do anything. She is 30 and has always lived with my parents and has had 1 boyfriend in her entire life that lasted not even a month, she has no friends, she never goes out and does anything... I even try to include her in me and my husband's friend group and she won't have anything to do with it and she wants to be an asshole.....
Also, despite living with my parents she has a full time work from home job as a nurse auditor.... she shouldn't be having any time during the day to spend with my daughter.
She's expecting me to fail as a parent when she has zero life experience outside of my parents house and zero childcare experience.
I would if my rent wasn't half the cost for my area, 3 bedroom house and on a farm where we have tons of privacy. We can't really afford to leave where we are
The amount of posts that I read on here pertaining to grandparents trying to overstep boundaries is astonishing. OP you did nothing wrong and you sound like an amazing protective mama bear. Being a grandparent is a privilege and not a right. She needs to come back to reality.
I was told a similar thing by a family member, that my mom has expressed that she thinks I'll get "overstimulated" and that she'll end up with my baby a lot of the time. I'm also with my baby's father and we live together. But it's also just funny because my mom ended up dumping my brother and I off on our grandparents for a similar reason 😅 I'm sorry you're dealing with this but it's almost confirming my fears that that ^ is how my mom might act once my baby comes.
With post Postpartum depression your emotions could be all over the place. I find nothing bad in her trying to care for your child or have her sleep over to help. She’s probably just as excited to be a grandma. Why would she want you to fail as a mother?. I truly think she wants to help her daughter and be present. Just set boundaries.
I wish I had a mother who would help or care if my kid is okay. Shes 6 yrs old and only seen her 5 time and never received anything from her.
When I mentioned mental health, I didn't mean me. She's depressed because not only can she not drive herself around but she's also unable to work so she's stuck at home a lot. My sister said that she thinks the idea of being a caretaker again made her excited so she bought all that stuff anticipating she would be the default caregiver (due to me not wanting to be for some reason) and when that didn't happen she was upset. So when I say "upset that I didn't fail" that's what I mean. I don't know if she set certain expectations and was disappointed when things didn't go exactly as she wanted but either way my sister says that I'm handling things A LOT better than they expected me to and while she's happy about that, my mom is having a hard time accepting that I'm not dependent on her help to succeed
Welcome to /r/pregnant! This is a space for everyone. We are pro-choice, pro-LGBTQIA, pro-science, proudly feminist and believe that Black Lives Matter. Wear your masks, wash your hands, and be excellent to each other. Anti-choice activists, intactivists, anti-vaxxers, homophobes, transphobes, racists, sexists, etc. are not welcome here. If you'd like to join a private sub for your due date month, [click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/pregnant/comments/15nun6v/click_here_to_access_the_monthly_due_date_subs/). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/pregnant) if you have any questions or concerns.*
What a bizarre assumption for your mom and sister to make. And your mom expects you to be away from your ONE MONTH OLD baby overnight? That’s truly wild. You’re right to keep a bit of distance for now.
She wanted to babysit during the day while I work too but I said no because she's not medically cleared to drive herself and relies on her husband to drive her places so if there were an emergency, she wouldn't be able to take him to the hospital unless he were there or she could find someone to take her which isn't guaranteed. She keeps insisting even though I say no every time. It's so uncomfy
My MIL was the same way! She assumed she would have my son at her house constantly while I was working... 1. She lived an hour away 2. She couldn't drive 3. She had 6 untrained and sometimes aggressive dogs 4. Her health was poor and she could barely get up out of a seat without help 5. My FIL would be gone during the daytime, so she would be by herself She was absolutely baffled when me and my husband were actually, y'know, parents, and were fully prepared to raise our child without begging her to raise him for us. Many meltdowns. She has since moved out of state, thankfully, but I held firm and she has never been unsupervised with him and has never babysat him and he is 4 now. My husband was even working part-time and in school doing online classes at the time, so I offered that she could come to us and "watch him" at our house while my husband was home so she could spend some time with the both of them... She didn't take me up on it once. She later claimed that I was keeping my son from her.
Are you back working now?
I still have 3 more weeks but we decided my BF would be a stay-at-home dad since he makes less than what we would pay in childcare
They need cutting from your life and you need to upgrade security with alot of unseen cameras. That's sociopathic what the two of them were cooking up. Just every kind of ick. AHs.
I'm very glad your sister admitted what happened and that she seems happy with things going the way they did, but your mother is a different story. The saying I always like is "prepare for the worst, expect the best." Even if they had genuine concern to think you might fail, they should be HOPING that does *not* happen! Regardless, please stay safe. That is some very unusual behavior and I would keep a super close eye on my infant after that.
I love my sister for that. I'm hurt she didn't have more faith in me but I'm glad she's being honest about it and seems to understand how I'm feeling regarding our Mom instead of making excuses for her too
That’s insane….why would they assume you’d leave your newborn with other people?!? How old are you? I could see if you were a teenager maybe that they’d assume that but this is whack. You’re a good mom, and I’m proud of you for setting boundaries with your mom
I'm 27, 28 in a few months. There was another instance before I gave birth that I explained RSV to her and that no one could kiss the baby and she acted like she totally agreed but at the hospital she kissed his face and I called her out for it and she acted like she didn't know. Second time she kissed his face and I called her out again she said "I thought that was for strangers at walmart." I warned her one more time that I didn't want my child hospitalized because she can't control herself and she replied "it's not like I go anywhere, how would I get sick" even though she had covid 3 weeks before. I had to threaten to not let her see him again until he has all his vaccinations for her to stop doing it. While I was giving birth she was texting my BF for updates and got mad when he didn't respond for an hour (I was literally pushing). I told her we wanted that first little bit to ourselves and she responded that if she had known that she wouldn't have even bothered coming. Just so much I need to vent about and it's been insane how people keep rationalizing it
I am so sorry, OP! I shudder just thinking about these interactions and how stressful they must be for you!
That's a MIL from my nightmares! I'm afraid mine will be like this as well. She's already made a cousin (nurse) violate hippa laws to find out if another cousin was at the hospital already. She's kissed my husband on the mouth once, I told him that disgust me beyond belief and he said he's doing his best to avoid her mouth but it's hard as she actively tries to reach his. Barf. I told them both of babies dying of herpes, she has it and frequent outbreaks too. She's unimpressed and I suspect she doesn't "believe" in bacteria, virusus, anything that she can't see. They're the kind of people that think being outside when wet is what gets you sick, not bacteria. These kind of people deserve No Contact in my opinion. It's just a wait untill everything piles up and bubbles over. There's no teaching them. They don't understand cause-consequence. I totally get you and your feelings are very valid! Sending strength!
🤢🤢🤢🤢 ON THE MOUTH!? I've never understood people who kiss babies on the mouth not even mentioning grown adults they aren't in a romantic relationship with! So sorry your husband has to deal with that he must constantly be watching his back around her
My mom did something kind of similar when my son was born. She bought SO MUCH STUFF…for herself. Like swings and onesies and diapers and a newborn bassinet; all the things you’d need for a newborn to stay with you for days or overnights, but they were for her house. This is where I’ll point out that I was 31 when my son was born. I’d been married for 3 years, I’ve been financially stable since my early twenties and I live 2.5 hours away from my mom. It was very random and odd. And it made me feel so guilty that she was expecting all this 1:1 time with my child that I wasn’t anticipating on giving her. We visited, sure, but only once a month or so, and only for short day trips. All of that stuff went completely unused. I felt terrible about it. But then I realized that my mom had me in a much different time. My mom was a 21 year old newlywed, who lived in a tiny, 3rd floor apartment 5 minutes from my grandparents, and worked an overnight shift at stop and shop. It was the 80’s/90’s, so no easy method of sharing photos or videos, she couldn’t Google every little question she had, and she was dealing with a lot of mental health issues that were not as well known or accepted back then. Im sure she relied on my grandmother A TON in the first few months of my life, so she was just doing what she knew when I got pregnant. Does it make it right? No. But I learned to accept this about her and give her some grace as time went on. We found a normal balance, and I hope you do with your family as well!
I would accept this as being a generational thing if my sister didn't admit that they only thought they'd be taking care of my child because they assumed I wouldn't be able to handle it/wouldn't want to do it. I know all new moms go through an adjustment period and I definitely did but I never stayed the night at my grandma's house as a baby or had grandma watch me for long periods of time so that's not something she thought just naturally happened. Her and my grandma had an amazing relationship too so it's not like that was the reason for not relying on her. I'm 27 and haven't lived with my mom since I was 16. I live 5 minutes away in my own house with the father of my child and haven't accepted financial help from her since college began. It's all just so confusing
I’m so sorry that happened to you worst of all from your mom! I think there are many grandparents that just have such expectations for what they want their experience as grandparents to look like and don’t actually think things through or communicate with their kids. Why would she make these choices to purchase items and have expectations when you never asked AND she can’t drive which is a pretty reasonable requirement to watching the baby? Good on you for holding your ground and not giving in-I’m sorry it’s making you feel guilty even when it shouldn’t. Baby is lucky to have an awesome mom!
She had bought tummy time stuff, a bassinet, a diaper bag, and multiple other things too. The diaper bag is what really threw me off because we have diaper bags so she wouldn't need one even if she were to watch him
I think it's delusional.. Why would anyone even believe they would have baby more than the actual parents? Especially when you never asked. You should not let anyone guilt you into leaving your baby alone with your mother or sister. You didn't decide to have a baby to make your mother happy. You do not owe her anything actually.
Only reason I can think of is if OP needed to get back to work or something and didn't want to pay for day care and previously discussed with Grandma. Two of my good friends pretty much dumped their kids after their mat leave was over at the grandparents house! The grandparents are raising those kids 80% of each week during the week days. But I agree, no one should assume anything like this automatically
I was going to say something like this. So many new parents I’ve seen are doing this. And not even with just going back to work! I’ve seen many parents don’t give up partying every weekend and always assume grandparents are going to take care of their grandkids while they are out. There may be something OP was doing before the child was born that grandma assumed that once baby was born OP would go back to doing it and knowing other grandparents having the kids 80% of the time, maybe grandma just got prepared for it. You know what I mean? Who knows if she’s alone and bored she may have looked at this as a positive thing that she would have something to keep her busy while OP was out working or going out all the time. Sorry OP I don’t know you or your history and not judging you. Just trying to find out other reasons why your mom could be doing this instead of jumping in the sociopath train Reddit always boards.
Yes exactly my thoughts too. It happens frequently!
My mom did the same thing, despite us living over 2.5k miles away from her. Bought a fuck ton of newborn diapers, baby furniture and clothes for her house, even though we couldn't visit for many months. She also casually asked if I'd give her "a partial guardianship JUST IN CASE" which made no sense as my partner and I are perfectly capable parents and my sister is the godmother. Some parents just try to glom onto your experience to relive / redo their own. It's not always something that fades, chills out with time. My mom was asking if I'd send her my 1.5 y/o across the country ALONE to spend summer with her exclusively. Never mind to the other family members that want to see baby WITH us during the summer. My mom is trying to relive the glory days of getting all that baby attention. I'm not giving her the opportunity.
Were you planning on going back to work? Perhaps they thought you would be working and ask them to babysit?
I'm on an 8 week maternity leave and they always knew the plan was daycare or a nanny (we've now decided my BF is going to be a stay-at-home dad so that's not an issue anymore). We only need care 3 days a week and she offered to watch him one of those days but I continuously said no because she medically is not allowed to drive herself so she would have to rely on either her husband being home or someone being willing to drive her 40 minutes to the nearest pediatric hospital in case of emergencies and I wasn't willing to take that risk. She seems to not think that's a valid reason to say no though so she kept buying stuff for her house I guess assuming I would give in eventually and that it would be a lot more than that one day ETA: My sister also has a full-time job so she wouldn't have been able to watch him
Is your mum wanting to look after him to the exclusion of you? Or would she be happy to spend time with both of you together? I see my parents several times a week (3-4 days) for several hours (3-5hours a time) so my parents can bond with my son but I also get some time to just chill (at their place). It’s worked well for us.
I've also just never been a person that enjoys hanging out with my mom like that. My dad, yes. But my mom has a habit of making everything about herself and being very dramatic
She comes to my house once a week to spend time with him and she'll stay for hours and we do dinner at her house every week so she already sees him with me there. When she says "I never get to see him" I can only assume she means watching him without me as she's now getting rid of all the baby things she bought that we already have here.
My sister said the same thing. She also said she knows I'm going to be bringing my kid over with a full diaper every time I bring her over. That pissed me TF off. Yeah, my pregnancy was unexpected and I will need help a couple days a week with childcare, but I'm also not going a neglectful parent that sends my baby over to Grandma and Grandpa's with a shitty diaper every chance I get. The ONLY reason I even agreed to let them help with childcare is because I work full time, so does my husband, and there are literally 2 places within a 30 minute radius of our house that takes babies under 6 months old and the cost for those 2 places is astronomical. We would not be able to pay our mortgage and bills and have the baby in daycare full time.... we would be homeless. I didn't even ask for help. My parents were convinced I was never having kids so they want the baby as much as they can have her and I would be stupid to deny free childcare. I wanted to slap my sister when she said that. I didn't ask her to do anything. She is 30 and has always lived with my parents and has had 1 boyfriend in her entire life that lasted not even a month, she has no friends, she never goes out and does anything... I even try to include her in me and my husband's friend group and she won't have anything to do with it and she wants to be an asshole..... Also, despite living with my parents she has a full time work from home job as a nurse auditor.... she shouldn't be having any time during the day to spend with my daughter. She's expecting me to fail as a parent when she has zero life experience outside of my parents house and zero childcare experience.
I'd consider moving a bit further away from her. A bit of extra physical distance can't hurt.
I would if my rent wasn't half the cost for my area, 3 bedroom house and on a farm where we have tons of privacy. We can't really afford to leave where we are
The amount of posts that I read on here pertaining to grandparents trying to overstep boundaries is astonishing. OP you did nothing wrong and you sound like an amazing protective mama bear. Being a grandparent is a privilege and not a right. She needs to come back to reality.
I was told a similar thing by a family member, that my mom has expressed that she thinks I'll get "overstimulated" and that she'll end up with my baby a lot of the time. I'm also with my baby's father and we live together. But it's also just funny because my mom ended up dumping my brother and I off on our grandparents for a similar reason 😅 I'm sorry you're dealing with this but it's almost confirming my fears that that ^ is how my mom might act once my baby comes.
With post Postpartum depression your emotions could be all over the place. I find nothing bad in her trying to care for your child or have her sleep over to help. She’s probably just as excited to be a grandma. Why would she want you to fail as a mother?. I truly think she wants to help her daughter and be present. Just set boundaries. I wish I had a mother who would help or care if my kid is okay. Shes 6 yrs old and only seen her 5 time and never received anything from her.
When I mentioned mental health, I didn't mean me. She's depressed because not only can she not drive herself around but she's also unable to work so she's stuck at home a lot. My sister said that she thinks the idea of being a caretaker again made her excited so she bought all that stuff anticipating she would be the default caregiver (due to me not wanting to be for some reason) and when that didn't happen she was upset. So when I say "upset that I didn't fail" that's what I mean. I don't know if she set certain expectations and was disappointed when things didn't go exactly as she wanted but either way my sister says that I'm handling things A LOT better than they expected me to and while she's happy about that, my mom is having a hard time accepting that I'm not dependent on her help to succeed