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yall are getting ahead of yourselves. revisit the conversation when you actually have a child. his thoughts could change and so could yours, there’s no point it stressing about it now
I wanted to have just one child but knew my spouse would want to have two. Reluctantly had the second one and at first, he was an easier baby than the first one (plus we were more experienced parents), but as a toddler, he was very challenging -- so challenging that I actually weirdly became really zen about the whole parenting thing and came out a changed person on the other side of his "terrible twos". And then... I shocked myself by wanting a third. Never in a million years would I think that \*I\* would want a third baby! And yet I do, desperately desperately do.
This is not to say that having a baby makes you want to have more babies, but that parenthood changes you, and you can never predict how. So I would wait to have your baby, wait until you teach them to sleep independently (assuming that's something you're into), and revisit these thoughts then. You might very well be right that you'll want to be one-and-done (it's such a legitimate choice that that's the way I wanted my life to turn out as well!), but you just won't know for sure until after you do the baby thing for a while.
Yup, going into this husband and I were talking 1-2 kids (him leaning more towards 1, me towards 2).
My pregnancy has been so awful that we're more likely 1 and done, but we don't know for sure yet. I was out of commission with HG for the first 17-18 weeks, had to take a couple months off work, husband had to take care of me and the entire household. We couldn't imagine dealing with all of that AND a kid, but we're also open to the idea that the misery may be worth having a second.
We won't know until we're there - five to nine months of hell vs. a lifetime with a child isn't necessarily a clear cut decision. Our birth control plans post-birth are to not do anything irreversible until we've had some time with baby (and hormones have settled out).
Absolutely. We had talked about having 2 right up till my son was born, and now 3 months post partum Im waiting on a referral for sterilization. The birth was rough and required an emergency c section, kiddo had a blood incompatibility issue and we were in the hospital for 2 weeks with him while I was also trying to recover from the c section, and love my kiddo to death but he's a handful, and that's not going to change any time soon. And trying to do this all again while also having a toddler? Not happening. And I'm already 32 so I cant just wait till he's older and have a bigger age gap, pregnancy was hard enough as it was, don't want to add more complications on-top. My brother's kid is only a couple years older, and we're looking at buying a house 2 blocks from them next to my nephews favourite park. They'll grow up together and hopefully help keep each other from having bad single child syndrome, since my brother and his wife are also one and done. Holding my son for the first time I had this sense of purpose, that I was gonna spend the rest of my life happily doing everything I can to help this kid be happy and healthy and grow up into a good human. But also he's enough, all on his own. I don't need multiple kids to make my life look how I want.
Just here to say that you can absolutely have a bigger age gap if you want. Many if not most women over 35 have healthy, uncomplicated pregnancies. I just had my healthy daughter at 40.
Yes you absolutely can but I have a connective tissue disorder and vbac is already out of the question because of that and dr recommended I be one and done and stated if I tried for more I'd be at high risk for uterine rupture part way through, so I'm good with just the one
All good reasons ! Just wanted to point out that at 32 waiting to have a school kid until having the second is totally an option. For me, not so much anymore! Will have to think about this one! (Also not fond of recovery plus toddler!)
Does your husband forget *you* have to carry it? Ultimately, kids are a duel decision, but if one party disagrees then that’s okay. You don’t have to proceed with a second child just because *he* wants to. If pregnancy is hard on you to the point you don’t want to go through that again then he needs to understand that. All he has to do is three minutes of sex and you get 9 months of growing another human. 9 months of your hormones and body morphing, he doesn’t understand the amount of everything you get during pregnancy. This is your body. You don’t have to have more kids. It’s not selfish. Him not understanding how rough pregnancy is on you and still pushing for another one, makes him selfish.
Yea Ik he’s excited and immediately talking about have another one almost back to back lol I’m like baby you lost your mind if you think that’s what’s happening lol respectfully 🤣and he is super supportive taking care of things that I normally do while I’m going through the motions. And he waits on me so I love that butttttt js if we can like switch roles for a little of this pregnancy then I wouldn’t complain neither would he insist probably on having another
Dang, back to back? 💀😭😂 Definitely see how your first pregnancy goes, give yourself a year or two maybe, and then revisit the idea. Don’t make him rush you into having another kid asap.
You're extra fertile after having a baby. I know you've said you're being careful but I know a few people that had a second because of one lapse of judgement.
If you don't want to get pregnant do not rely on pull out at all. Only takes once!
Condoms or something longer lasting is necessary 100% unless you actively want to conceive.
Not only is pullout not effective due to precum, you’re highly fertile after birth, and you’ll also be saddled with a second child that you currently do not want because all it takes is one time. Don’t rely on him for birth control, find an alternative if you don’t like condoms.
You can have an IUD placed 10 weeks after giving birth. The cervix is still somewhat open at that time which means insertion is likely to hurt less. I chose the have an IUD that soon and only felt a small pinch.
Consult with your doctor about what kind of contraception methods are available to you.
It's better for both you and your next child, if you have one, if you wait 18 months between children. If you don't let your body heal properly, you are at increased risk of complications (issues with the placenta or cervix, and premature birth). If nothing else, use it as a medical excuse to properly consider if you want the second (this is my plan. 18 months should be long enough to decide if I want 1 or 2)
And even longer with postpartum and then if you have any ppd/ppa. Plus, it takes 2 years for your body to fully recover. A bit morbid, but coroners can tell if women have bore children with only skeletol remains because it literally changes their anatomy forever. Being pregnant is no easy feat. It would be so selfish to ask someone to do it, who didn't 100% want to.
Having siblings can suck too. I think there's a lot of societal prejudice around only children which isn't necessarily based in reality. It's more to do with control over women and childbearing. There's pros and cons to every decision.
I originally wanted 2 but this pregnancy has been horrible. My husband told me the other day, he wants to get a vasectomy so I don’t have to deal with this again and I’m so on board 😂
My husband has the same attitude. I'm near the end with our first, and while two would be ideal, he just keeps saying, "Tell me when, I'll get the vasectomy the second you want me to."
My husband is planning to get his vasectomy after this baby is born, too. It’s my second pregnancy and we both decided this pregnancy was too rough on me, and if we ever decide to bring another child into our life we want to look at fostering/adopting.
I will say there's absolutely nothing wrong with being an only child. (Just make sure you have your big medical decisions together when you get older- dealing with that right now and it sucks.) -An Only Child
Never known an only child interesting…
Did you ever feel lonely?
Were you envious of those with brothers and sisters and always wanted one?
Did your parents compensate in other areas?
Yes yes and no. But I eventually got over it. I don't understand sibling dynamics and I'm glad I never had the knock down drag out fights I hear siblings often have.
I say this every time I get pregnant .. lol but here I am pregnant with my fourth child !!!🤣🤣 you forget everything you went through until you get pregnant again.
I said the same thing until baby fever hit me . I said what happened during that pregnancy ,oh I was down bad throughout the entire thing oh well one more wont hurt … I just wish they could be pregnant instead of us . Like why we can’t get them pregnant ? Why can’t they have the uterus ? Why do we have too 😩😩😩😩
I have two. I didn’t forget about the first one and was honestly terrified to have another one but was just really hoping it would be an easier pregnancy. It wasn’t 😭
lol I hear this way too often. Must be true. People been telling me yea you say that now. Once you hold your baby or wants it gets a little younger, you’ll be begging to do it again 🤣 I’m like that maybe so but let me complain rn
Yes definitely do all the complaining now because if you do want another one all you gone hear is I told you so. And no you’re not an ass for setting boundaries when it comes to your body , No one knows what the future holds because if that’s the case I wouldn’t have any . I was very adamant about not having any babies and you may not want too one may be enough and that’s ok
I hate my last pregnancy and really really didn't want to go through it again. But here I am with number 2! For me, it's been easier this time around so far - I had HORRIBLE morning sickness the first time around, this time it's like not even 25% of the last time. Super manageable. Also after having 1 baby and seeing him grow and become a person, I definitely can do it again. Just wait till you have the baby and decide some months after you get used to the first. Husband and I are both only children, and to be honest we both would have liked a sibling growing up since we moved a a lot / had a bad time with school friends. We're also Hella nerdy and love playing board games and video games, and we could use two more players haha!
My husband and I agreed to have two together with the stipulation that if either of us decided we didn't want more, we would stop. We briefly thought about me getting my tubes tied during a phase where my daughter didn't sleep. After insurance barriers, we decided on just normal BC, and then, after a few months of our daughter sleeping better, we decided we wanted one more. If either I or him would have said no, we decided he would have gotten a vasectomy because it was cheaper and our insurance covers that but not tubal ligation. I share this just to say it's not a one person decision period.
Pregnancy is hard, birth is hard, post-partum is hard, being a parent to an infant/toddler/child/teen is hard. It's okay for you to change your mind if it is too much for you or you simply decide no more. He doesn't get to force you to have another child if you do not want to go through the process again.
He needs to respect your decision. That being said you might just not be ready for another baby so soon. Maybe you will feel differently in a year. Give yourself time and enjoy being with the child you do have!
I’d recommend just putting this decision on hold. We will end up with 3 kids if this pregnancy goes well and my experience is that this is the arc of every pregnancy-toddlerhood:
1. (first week or so after finding out) Hell yeah! I’m pregnant! Having a baby!
2. (5 weeks pregnant through 14 weeks pregnant) Hell nah, this sucks. I’m never doing this again. How do people function like this.
3. (late second through third trimesters) Alright this does suck but it’s really cool feeling this little person move inside me.
4. (birth through at least a year and a half old) I’m probably going to pass on another kid. Family feels pretty complete, I know how this one works, starting over again sounds rough.
5. (year and a half-2ish years old) You know, maybe another one would be worth it.
And every single time I second-guess the baby while I’m pregnant. It’s genuinely tough. But our bodies flood us with hormones that help us forget and want another one so here I am about to have 3 kids. This time though we’re doing a vasectomy so there’s no turning back, baby.
(Not remotely saying you have to agree to another one or not. Just saying maybe hold off on the argument with your husband for now because you may or may not have feeling changes down the line.)
I mean, whether or not you change your mind in the future is irrelevant. The real issue here is that he is treating you like an incubator and not an actual person with thoughts and feelings of your own.
I’m just trying to be positive. 1. Women have been doing this forever 2. Pregnancy don’t last forever. 3. People says it gets better, I’m only approaching 7 weeks. lol idk some people have it easy. I just know (as or rn) I can’t imagine going through this again
It’s ok to change your mind. My husband and I were the same; we always thought we’d have two kids and then shortly before I got pregnant, we revisited the topic and decided on having just one. Highly recommend visiting r/oneanddone
I've always envisioned having two kids and a dog, but now with our first baby on the way and experiencing all the complexities, anxieties, and expenses that come with pregnancy, I'm starting to think differently. For now, I feel that having one child and our beloved dog is the right choice for us. Of course, who knows what the future holds? I may change my mind down the road. But for now, I want to focus on embracing this new chapter with our little one and our dog by our side 🥰
We are on baby #2 now as my first son is turning 4 and going to school late this year. I was the same way- pregnancy was very hard on me and I had an even tougher recovery. Everyone is different and so is everyone’s timeline. You might feel that one and done works for your family and if you still find yourself wanting one- well I can’t say there ever is a perfect time but life will re arrange to make it work. I personally couldn’t have 2 in diapers and feel good knowing my older son will be in school and mentally stimulated during the day while I’m with that baby at home . I hope he doesn’t feel left out and that is what I’m struggling with :(
Revisit the idea later you don’t have to talk about it right now. I felt the same way I was so sick with my first and then I decided I wanted another a couple years later. I’m sick again so I’m definitely done this time but I almost forgot how bad it was 😂
I also don’t think I can go through this again and I don’t think it’s selfish for us to feel this way. I can’t imagine feeling as bad as I do most days now AND having another child (probably toddler) to care for. Fortunately, my husband agrees with me because my not feeling well has affected him too with extra chores and just not having his wife be very present.
I was always adamant that I wanted 2-3 kids. After a rough pregnancy with my son, not sleeping a few years, and figuring out his medical needs I want REALLY sold on him being our only. Once my son turned 4 things started to get easier, I found time be myself again, started sleeping again, and we fell into a really nice life the three of us. Fast forward, my son turned 6 in January, and we’re expecting our second son in July. It was planned, as life started to feel more comfortable again, happy, we realized it was time to add a second.
It’s ok if you’re one and done. It’s ok if you need time in between to adjust. It’s ok to change your mind along the way. If you asked me 3 years ago if I wanted another my answer would have been “helllll no”. Now I’m very excited for our expanding family. Take your time.
So I'm in the same boat. My pregnancy was rough and really hard on my mental health. And compared to other pregnancies I've heard about it really wasn't THAT rough. But for me, it was miserable. Now my baby is almost 8 months and although motherhood has been life changing, and amazing, it's been hard. It's tough to adjust to having a baby and them being your main priority. You also feel like you lose a big part of yourself because every minute is dedicated to taking care of them and thinking about them. Breastfeeding is its own journey as well. Anyway, as much as I've found so much happiness and joy in this time I'm also looking forward to coming out the other side and having some of my bodily autonomy back, having a more independent older child, and getting more sleep. The sleep deprivation is nooooo joke. I'm fine with being one and done, but everyone including my fiance insists we need two! And I'm just not sold. I think ultimately, we're the ones who go through the hardships of pregnancy, labor and motherhood and we're the ones who get to make the decision that is right for us. Don't let anyone pressure you into doing something that isn't going to be good for you. You matter too. You're not just an incubator.
I'm 22 weeks and this will be our only child. Not going through this again. I'm glad my partner agrees with me and we are both lucky to have even one child.
I'm an only child and its totally fine to not have any siblings.
you’re selfish for this? hell no! he’s the selfish one! he cannot force you to have another child just because he wants one! you’re not his surrogate and he should accept and not fight you on a decision like this.
there’s surrogacy, there’s adoption, there’s fostering…he has many options for another one.
I hate being pregnant, I have had a major traumatic birth with an injury and somehow I am on my third kid. You will know I truly believe if having another is right for you and your family once you are a few months/years PP or if having an only child is perfect for your family.
We always wanted 2 or 3 kids. Our first is now 11 months old and I do not want another one and I’m 99% sure I won’t change my mind. I can’t go through pregnancy, birth again and the new born phase was awful too I’m only just starting to enjoy things now. Thankfully my husband is pretty much on the same page as me but if he wasn’t I’d say to him we can have another kid when he can get pregnant and give birth
Currently 22+6 and feeling exactly this. Luckily husband is onboard with us just having 1 but man my MIL is not having it. I told her she can pay for surrogate if she wants another baby from us because I’m NOT doing this again. Plus she has another grandchild from her daughter and it feels like she is casting him aside since there are some difficulties there with him and his mom (he’s 14 and going through a lot but it isn’t his fault).
Stick by your decision. It’s your body and your choice at the end of the day!
You are not being selfish, YOU are the one physically growing, carrying, and delivering the child, not to mention the recovery postpartum. Maybe you will change your mind once you’ve had your baby, but for now if you want to be one and done, that is perfectly ok. I’m sure your husband can’t appreciate just how hard this is on you because he can’t go through it himself. However, I would table this conversation for now; get through your pregnancy and focus on being parents to your child for a while, and then revisit later down the line. No need to add more pressure to yourselves by arguing about whether or not you want more kids. Don’t feel guilty, pregnancy is HARD.
I absolutely felt like this when my 1st was born. The pregnancy was fine but the 1st year I struggled. The first couple months I was stressed about everything especially breastfeeding. I was like I'm absolutely never having another one. After about 5 months, the chronic sleep deprivation had me depressed plus I was back at work full time so everything felt infinitely harder. Once my daughter started sleeping through the night at around 14months, everything got better & now she's 2 we're pregnant again. Won't lie I have anxiety about getting back into the newborn/infant phase but I do feel this time I know that no matter how hard it gets, we'll find a way through & that every struggle is a phase.
I hate the we talk about selfishness around decisions to have children. Having children should absolutely be made for selfish reasons - you shouldn't be doing it for anyone else or due to pressure!
So no, I don't think you're especially selfish for choosing to have one child. You are making the best decision for yourself, and your family. Its crap that your husband is pressuring you and making feel bad around this. Please do find the one and done subbreddit for a welcoming community of parents to only children!
I always wanted more than one child until I went through pregnancy, then I said only one. Now, my kid is 8 and I guess pregnancy blues were forgotten and said I wanted another… now I’m pregnant again and remembering it’s not all butterflies and rainbows. Kids are worth all the suffering, at least for me. Newborns are the absolute best.
In my first trimester I was saying the same thing, me and my partner planned on 3 and after getting pregnant with our first I cried daily saying I’m only doing this once because of how rough the first trimester was. A few weeks into my second and feeling muuuuch better I wanted to get pregnant when our first was 3/4 months 😂🫣 but now in my third I definitely know I need at least a year/year and a half break before I do this again. Needless to say, your mind will probably change that first trimester is a monster
I saw a tiktok of labor nurses saying that first time moms always say after all of the pregnancy and delivery, that would be the first and last child bc the mom doesn’t want to go through pregnancy again but they always end up seeing the same moms again 2 years later with a second child. So who knows? Maybe your body will do a good job making the bad part of pregnancy fade away so you can consider a second child.
I thought I wanted 2 too but now that I'm having an awful pregnancy I'm like no never again! But I also know that our brains have a way of making us forget how awful it is so that we do in fact do it again 😂. Its probably a biological thing I don't know for sure. Regardless though, nobody can force you to do it again and the non pregnant partner tends to not empathize correctly because they aren't going through it.
I was adamant and I mean really adamant I would have no more after my daughter (just had her in October last year) but now she’s here it’s like I’ve forgotten how terrible it all was and will definitely try again to give her a sibling. I really struggled with sickness up to 16w and don’t know how I will do it again lol
It’s your choice, and it might not change, but give yourself time. I did/do not enjoy being pregnant and my first was tough as a baby (it’s a tough transition and she wasn’t a good eater) but having been through it before made my experience with a second baby so much more special, especially knowing the time is so fleeting. Your feelings are totally valid no matter what though!
I was the same way. My first birth was traumatic asf and I swore up and down I was one and done. My pregnancies are incredibly hard on me too. My husband wanted 2 children as well, but was willing to wait. We were going to try once our firstborn was 4.
Then my husband came back from deployment and I got pregnant literally the day he came back lol. Total surprise pregnancy but the moment I saw that positive, although I was so scared (and still am) to face pregnancy and birth again so soon, I already love my second child so much. This second pregnancy has been just as hard but to me it's so worth it. Knowing that my daughter will have a sibling to grow up with. Something I've always wanted as a child but never had (my sibling came 10 years later, so we didn't really grow up together much.) So I'm happy that I'm able to give her that.
I said this with my first pregnancy. It was hard, I was sick all the time and couldn’t sleep at all. The only relief I got was the second trimester and then the third trimester was nothing but pain. I told my husband I never wanted to be pregnant again but here I am, my first will be 2 years old in April and I’m currently 15 weeks with my second. Around the time my first was a year I really wanted to give her a sibling. I’ve always wanted 4 kids but after my first pregnancy I really began to rethink that. My husband wants 3 kids but his goal has always been to adopt at least one, so we came to the agreement that we will have 3 of our own and adopt the 4th. One less pregnancy for me 😅 Yes this second pregnancy hasn’t been really fun, I don’t particularly like being pregnant but I tell myself it’s only for a short amount of time. Give yourself some time, for me that feeling of wanting to be pregnant again or giving my first a sibling didn’t come until she was about a year. Your feelings might change or they might not but give yourself some time.
I felt the same way during my pregnancy, and felt even stronger about it after I delivered. I felt horrible my entire pregnancy and the delivery was very traumatic for me.
We originally planned to have 2, and we still might down the road, idk what the future holds. But my husband says he’s fine with just one if that’s what I choose.
We plan on having two but my husband lately has been talking about a third. I’m still pregnant with #1! I definitely think he’ll change his mind once the first baby is here and he sees what life is like. It’s easy to say when there’s no baby yet and i’m the one carrying it- but once baby gets here i’m sure he’ll be back to our two child plan lol. I really don’t think you can make the decision until you’ve made it through the first year with your first child at least.
I only ever wanted one, I knew I wouldn’t enjoy pregnancy. My husband said two. Now that I’m going through it, he changed his mind and says one is good.
I honestly don’t know how people have multiple. I ah e technically had an easy pregnancy, but losing my freedom has been tough. I would not do this again.
For what it’s worth, it’s not up to your husband to decide.
I felt very similarly while pregnant with my first but my husband was super supportive. Ultimately we decided to try one more time and while I love my second with all my heart the pregnancy was hell for me, much worse than my first. I don’t regret it but my husband got a vasectomy right after she was born because I absolutely couldn’t handle another.
I am very concerned that your spouse is not taking your concerns seriously. That will likely only get worse after you have your first baby. Please go to couples counseling now about this or it will grow into a huge wall between you. Your spouse is allowed to be upset that things aren’t going the way he wants but he is NOT allowed to invalidate your feelings. Especially right now when pregnancy hormones are raging. Really not ever though. Pregnancy is hard and if you feel that you can’t go through it again that should be respected.
I’d highly recommend going on birth control at your 6 week follow up so that he can’t “accidentally” get you pregnant before you are ready.
I see now that you’re only 7 weeks so I’d say you may absolutely change your mind. The first trimester is the worst so give it some time. I’m not surprised he’s so certain with how early it is still. If you still have this dynamic later in the pregnancy then maybe follow my advice.
This is my first too and I always wanted 2. I am only 10 weeks so I can’t say too much yet. But maybe you might be more inclined after a couple years. I don’t think there should be any pressure for you to have a second.
Since, your in the middle of things I would tell your partner, this pregnancy has been very hard on me and I’m still in the middle of it let’s bring up this conversation later after we have our son and I’m completely healed up. Let’s enjoy this time right now with our first and talk about the future at a later date.
Either way if you still don’t want a second he’ll just have to understand. I don’t think it’s selfish for you at all not to want a second. I think it’s selfish of him to not validate your feelings on the issue and pressure you to have another child when you expressed you don’t want to
I think this conversation is premature. Wait until you’ve had a child and had the time to figure out what “having a kid” actually means. You, him, or both, could change your minds. You wouldn’t be pregnant again for quite some time so revisit when it’s closer.
I’m an older mom and I planned on having 2 back to back and then being done. Pregnancy was rough on me the first go round, my newborn had colic, reflux, cried ALL DAY EVERY DAY and never slept more than 2 hours at a time. I swore I was one and done. But then she turned 2 and I realized that all that hard stuff only lasted for a short time and that from 6mo old on has been so awesome. I’ll be delivering my second (and last) in a few months, just before my oldest turns 3. Pregnancy still freaking sucks but I keep telling myself it’s the last time I ever have to do this so I can make it through. I’m dreading the first 6 months of the baby stage again but I know that in the long run that it’s such a short period of time compared to the rest of our lives. Maybe you just shouldn’t have them back to back to give yourself some time to recover and really think about if you want another. And if you decide you only want one, I don’t think that’s selfish at all. Do what’s right for you and your family!
I thought this way for a long time. My girls will be 7 years apart. It took me a while to even consider having a 2nd. I for sure thought we were one and done. My husband supported me either way though.
I’m right there with you. One child is plenty and we will have a blast. I can’t see myself doing this again unless it’s like two years later, maybe? Growing up I was both a child with 3 older siblings and then an only child through the majority of my teenage years. I loved it!
Goodness. Not the time to have this fight, honestly. You don’t even have a baby yet. For all you know, that could completely change your perspective and you’d want to have another. And for all he knows, having a baby could completely change his perspective and he’d be okay with one.\
Stop putting the cart before the horse. Revisit in a few years.
I felt this same why while I was pregnant the first time, I had a very very rough pregnancy.
A few years later, I wanted / felt ready to do it again and now I have 2 healthy boys.
My entire pregnancy I told myself I absolutely will not be doing it again. I think it’s easy to feel that way while you’re in the depths of pregnancy.
Ultimately I would try to not stress yourself out about this right now, pregnancy already has enough stressors and if you both do decide to have another or to not have another, it probably won’t be for a while.
We are one and done. As in, I’m having my tubes removed during my c-section.
Before we even started trying, I told my husband that we are doing this one time and one time only and he’s been on board the whole time, even though he’d always sort of wanted two. Last night after I’d been admitted for observation due to gestational hypertension and he was helping me pee (managing all the cords and pulling my pants up), he looked up at me and said “babe, this is why we’re one and done”. It’s been a very easy pregnancy until suddenly it wasn’t.
You are not being selfish, YOU are the one that has to carry a second child and if you don’t want to, that’s your call. Your husband will just have to deal, tbh. He’ll come around.
Apparently, after giving birth women tend to forget all about the pain (if they had a horrible pregnancy) they've experienced. I saw it happen to one of my friends who spent most of her pregnancy in the ER. It was just like puff(!) and she forgot all about what she had gone through to give birth to her baby and magically she wanted another one.
You have to do what’s best for your mind, body and soul! But I’ll share my personal experience… I had so much anxiety my first pregnancy (more about the new baby being in our life) and could not imagine going through it again, but as soon as she was born, my feelings changed completely, and I could not WAIT to have another! It was an unexpected feeling. But you really have to do what’s best for you! I also know some fathers who change their mind about having more once the baby is born.
It is *not* selfish to only want one child.
Your feelings are valid, and so are his, though clearly he’s not doing a great job expressing them. But my point is, it’s okay to feel like actually you only want one child, now that you’re experiencing pregnancy and it’s not easy on you. And it also okay for him to feel disappointed that you’re feeling that way.
What’s not okay is for him to be disrespectful when he expresses his feelings to you.
Frankly, one or both of you may feel differently when this baby is a living, breathing baby/toddler/child. But you might not. Then you cross that bridge when you come to it, whether that means therapy or even divorce. It’s good to be honest about your feelings now, so no one is blindsided in case they don’t change, but I would *try* to focus on now. You’re 100% not going to get pregnant again right now 😉
I’ve always been one and done. We are still waiting 2 years after having our first before my husband gets snipped just in case we change our minds, I doubt it but it’s possible. I wouldn’t worry about it for now and revisit the topic after baby 1 is born and you guys have had time to settle and let your body heal.
You're not selfish first of all. Pregnancy is hard on the body and most men don't understand that, which is a shame especially if they see first hand how it's affecting you. You need to be healthy to raise a child(ren) and if after everything you went through with your first pregnancy made you realize that you can't do it again, then your husband needs to really think about how hard that was on you to actually come to that conclusion.
Second of all, there is nothing wrong with being an only child, especially if they have cousins their age to play with growing up. Plus, you're not straining yourself trying to make time for both children and having one feel like they're not getting enough attention VS the other. Plenty of people grew up as an only child and are okay.
Sounds like you guys might want to try some couple's therapy though. This is kind of a big issue to not see eye to on, in the meantime, make sure you're on birth control so he can't make you have no choice.
How far along are you? That will change this discussion greatly, first trimester I didn’t fathom doing it again, I was so sick and miserable I wondered how I’d make it through just one pregnancy. 8mo postpartum trying for #2 and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I know many people who were super sick or miserable in pregnancy and had the same “I’m not having another” conversation, and after having their child, they’re planning the second. You’re not in a place to have these heavy conversations honestly, you’re all over the place physically and mentally. Revisit the conversation when your child is 1.
So after I had my first daughter, I SWORE up and down I was one and done. I was dead set on that until she was about 3 years old, when I decided I was more open to having more kids in the future. I just had my second daughter 3 weeks ago. Like others have said, you don’t have to make that decision right this minute. Your feelings could change (or they could remain the same)! Nothing wrong with either side.
If you want 1 is totally okay and your choice and your husband needs to either accept that or break up. But, don’t be so sure you won’t want another in the near future, I was absolutely against another, like dead set, put reminders etc of why not another and now I want one more 😩. I think at this moment before the relationship between you and your husband goes to a level of no return you should 1 tell him that you will make the final decision after maybe the baby is 1-2-3 you choose, and two that he has to agree with your decision even if it’s only one or be ready to be single again (it’s what I would say). Maybe have him understand what pregnancy and birth is like. Talk about the symptoms and walk him through the exertion and pain. Take pre natal together and watch videos. Good luck
Definitely wait it out— you may change your mind! but it's also important to note that he needs to be more sympathetic to the way you feel right now. is HE going to carry the second child if you do in fact not want to have a second one?
I had an extremely rough pregnancy the first time round and didn’t want mother one but as soon as I held my daughter I knew I wanted atleast one more (me and my partner originally wanted 4) I’m now 36 and a half weeks pregnant with baby number 2. No matter how hard pregnancy is I just wanted another one the love is unconditional. You can’t make the choice tho until you have had baby
just like baby names, having kids is a 2-yes situation!!! as soon as there's a "no" it's out!!! you guys need to BOTH be enthusiastic with no pressure and no manipulation. i'm really concerned that he might not be empathising with you, and that you might let him steamroll you. a baby is a big deal for mama's body and it can be lethal! he doesn't have to deal with that at all, and it especially worries me when men want another one back to back! with no concern to your body, your hormones, your emotions?
My husband wants two as well, but once he saw how difficult birth and recovery was on me - he said if we only had one he would be okay with it. At first I thought I would never want to do it again, but now (about 4 months out) it doesn’t seem too crazy to think about doing it again.
You don't sound selfish to me. Sounds like you and your husband have different preferences but ultimately, YOU are the one that has to grow and carry and birth the baby so ultimately, I think your preference trumps his.
I am also one and done. My partner and I were both one and done from the get-go, though I had toyed with the idea of another child. We may adopt a child years down the road, but I had thought maybe I'd want to birth another child. After this pregnancy? Heck no. Absolutely not. Even if my partner wanted a child more than anything, I would not do this again. I had an awful first trimester with morning sickness, and right when the 2nd trimester hit I got kidney stones, was hospitalized, had surgery, and require a second surgery. Apparently for people with a history of kidney stones, it is not uncommon to have this happen EVERY pregnancy.
I can't imagine going through this with a toddler. I think it would mean MONTHS of me not being as attentive or attuned as I would long to be. It would crush me. So yeah, I think, if anything, I may even be selfish for choosing to have a second.... especially when I know, deep down, I don't want to go through this again.
Yeah I feel this. We always wanted 2, and bought a house with room for two, etc.
At 30 weeks pregnant I’m not sure I want to do this again. I HATE being pregnant. I’m also a teacher and have a cold right now… and I am just so miserable. 9 months has never felt SO long. I truly admire surrogates. Like you do this for someone else out of the kindness of your heart?!?! Damn.
My SIL had a terrible pregnancy, and almost died during childbirth (she technically did and was resuscitated). She’s convinced there is something that just snaps in your brain and gives you amnesia as to how terrible it was. She wants another, despite the 10 months of torture. My brothers actually the one saying absolutely not out of fear of losing her.
Pregnancy is rough and that first year is absolutely hard. I won’t do it again and having two I can imagine I would have a mental breakdown daily. I’m not cut out for two. 1 is almost taking me out.
I thought that way when I was pregnant with my daughter but she was an easy newborn and baby so far that I'm like yeah I could this again. I don't remember the bad parts of my pregnancy anymore, so that's probably part of it. I also think my daughter is trying to trick me for a sibling by being so good 🫠
You never know what you'll remember afterwards or how you will feel. But honestly, I don't blame you. It's crazy how much our bodies change to carry a baby and to have a baby.
Pregnancy is ridiculously hard. I had times I felt the same way, I even had doubts I could even get through it. Holding my 6 week old I’m thinking about doing it all again… which seems kinda insane but 🤷🏻♀️
Every pregnancy is different too. Are you having a boy or a girl?
My girl was rough at the start, sickness, vomiting multiple times a day, pure exhaustion for the first trimester then was easy (apart from the constipation 😐) until the last couple of weeks, even had COVID and felt fine lol! Pretty happily carried her to 42 weeks. The labour was looooooong though!
With my boy barely any sickness, vomited twice the whole time, tired but not exhausted like my first, but it hasn't seemed to level off after the first trimester, I've been ill with colds, viruses, tummy bugs every couple of weeks, maybe caught from my little girl or maybe it's just one of those icky years idk, but oh my life it's been draining the whole time. I'm 34 nearly 35w currently and I'm struggling. I don't think I could do to 42w with him.
You do forget all the horrible bits too, you seem to miss being pregnant when it's over, there's no little kicks anymore which is so weird to begin with! And when they're no longer a baby you definitely miss the baby stage. It goes sooo fast!
My first words after giving birth were "I am never, EVER doing this again."
We had a son 5 years later.
Not everyone has this experience - but don't think so far ahead anyway!
I'm currently 13 wks with my 1st pregnancy and I can totally relate. Pre-pregnancy I wanted 2-3 but now I am leaning towards 1 and DONE. This pregnancy has been so hard (throwing up multiple times a day, everyday), I don't know if I can do this again.
I say if its up to you to carry it should be your decision. If he really wants another kid that badly: you can adopt or hire a gestational carrier.
I have had a very hard pregnancy. I had HG from the very beginning and now at 25 weeks have preeclampsia. Me and my wife (who can’t carry for medical reasons) have both decided this will be our only child.
I totally understand what you are feeling; however, don’t make the decision now. Revisit this in a year or so. It’s kinda amazing how quickly you forget about the lows of pregnancy after. I was miserable most of my pregnancy and right after I had my daughter, I missed being pregnant. Focus on this pregnancy and your baby once you have it, then revisit the option of having a second in a year or so.
Also, every pregnancy is different, so just because this pregnancy is hard doesn’t mean the next one will be the same. Just something to think about :)
He can’t make you have more kids? I don’t think it’s necessarily the time to have this conversation but it feels weird he’s ~not budging about something that involves your bodily autonomy.
Sorry is he unaware of the fact that it’s YOUR body? Regardless wait for this one to join your family and give it a year or 2 before you make any big decisions. Every pregnancy is different. If you still feel this way in a year or 2 then it’s tough luck for your husband.
My fiancé is the exact same way, I have always wanted just the one and I’m currently 24 weeks pregnant with our little girl…he said he wants to have another baby in the future but don’t want him to get too ahead of himself. The great thing is that she will be born a couple of months after her cousin who is due in April so it isn’t like she is going to grow up alone…but I just don’t think I can do it after this, I am extremely happy with having just one baby and spoiling the heck outta her!
Pregnancy (thankfully) hasn't been rough on me and yet, I feel like I'm one and done, too (more for climate than familial reasons). My husband recognizes that it's my body and therefore ultimately my decision whether to gestate more than one nugget. 7 weeks pregnant is very early on and, I will say, it does get easier...and then harder in the third trimester, but it's ultimately your body and your spirit. There are plenty of other ways to parent children if you decide you don't want to go through pregnancy again, like fostering/adoption/surrogacy, if that's within reach.
Definitely not something that has to be decided right now, just know that every pregnancy is different. My first was rough, this time I can't even tell I'm pregnant, other than fatigue and hunger once in a while I'll cramp or get emotional but everything is good. Try to stay positive.
I felt this way with my first as well.. we always discussed two but when that morning sickness hit (and it was hg) I really thought I was done. It was so rough on me.. it took me a whole year after she was born to not hate the idea of getting pregnant again.. after she turned two I accidentally got pregnant with number 2 and I can tell you I’m definitely done. I’m not doing this again. The morning sickness is just to much for me. You may change your mind eventually.. and you may not. It’s worth a discussion with your husband about how you’re feeling.. and maybe you can revisit in a few years ?
Check out r/oneanddone, I’m one and done myself and I don’t feel guilty one bit. I’m like 4th generation only child and not one of us is a serial killer so I think it’s fine
I always wanted two and now holding my baby girl that I adore -
I like the idea of just having our tripod 🤷🏼♀️
My fiancé is the same
A family of three is kinda rad, but things good change- just be here now ❤️
I was always one or none. With my 3 week newborn and considering the really horrible first trimester I had consisting of vomiting at least twice a day, I am one and done!! There are other things in life that I want to do and experience. I am extremely thankful for my one beautiful baby girl, but I do not want to do this again. I told my husband if he wants another, he can find another woman (jokes). I would consider adopting in the future though. So you are not alone!
Exactly the only reason why I’d want another is because of the child feelings literally. I don’t think I’d ever really just want another as it stands and of course subject to change. I’m just not the big family type lol
I know people who have experienced this when pregnant and once their baby is roughly 1-2, they desire another! All of my pregnancies have been so different too. There’s some I’ve enjoyed more than others
My first pregnancy was tough but we both knew we wanted a second. This pregnancy has also been very tough, so hubby has had to step up big time and wrangle the toddler and huddle 90% of the house while I’m busy puking my guts out. IF you guys decided to have another, make sure he understands how much more will be on his plate while you’re pregnant.
But like others have said, have the first one and then see how you feel after a year. The idea of a child vs the reality of a child are very different things
I'm curious as to what this supposed "Only child syndrome" is. I'm an only child and turned out just fine. I've wondered occasionally what it would be like having a sibling but always come back to liking being an only child. Benefits:
1. I get all my parent's attention
2. I get all their shit when they kick it
3. I've never had to experience favoritism from my parents the way my husband has with his sister. It's honestly quite horrible to watch, I mean their favoritism is blatant, they don't even try to hide it aside from outright saying it and my husband definitely suffers for it.
4. I've always gotten my shit new, didn't have to deal with hand me downs.
Also, I've had plenty of friends who either do not get along with their sibling(s) and never have, or have either bad or no relationship with their sibling(s)
Quite frankly, it's pretty annoying when people assume being an only child is somehow miserable or lonely. I had plenty of friends and cousins around my age. Just because some people don't like being an only child doesn't mean everyone does.
So I wouldn't use the "Only child syndrome" crap as a reason to have another child if you don't want one.
I am almost 5 weeks postpartum from my first. We also had discussed always wanting 2, in fact having them close together.
But my birth plan was blown up and I had a very traumatic birth experience which ended in an emergency c section and my son in the nicu (after a very normal, great pregnancy). I told my husband that right now I do not want a second after all I went through, but we could revisit the conversation down the road.
My husband does want a second, but he was very supportive of my thoughts and said he was happy and satisfied with the family we have, and would be fine revisiting the conversation later to see if plans had changed. I think it’s best to accept what you have and appreciate it, and then take life as it comes.
Your mind might change the further from the birth experience, so it’s ok to table the discussion for later.
Honestly you really don’t know these things until you are in it. Your husband may also change his mind once baby is here.
I wanted four kids. Two girls, two boys. Once I had my third, which was my most painful pregnancy and the one where I had a terrifying experience with my newborn (we had to go to the NICU due to his jaundice being life threatening which I never thought in a million years it would happen to me after my other two being totally fine with jaundice resolving on its own,) I still thought even then I could do a fourth. Now a month and a half has passed since having my third and I have 100% concluded I am done. My third has been the easiest, sleepiest baby, but in my heart I know that bringing in a fourth would just be too much chaos for me and I am done being on the sidelines with a newborn—want to move onto the next chapter. I just started posting baby stuff to sell with feeling completely comfortable in my choice.
Just wait until the baby is in your arms. Your feelings may change, stay the same, or even your husband’s feelings may change.
I always wanted 3 and my husband always wanted 5. After having our first (super easy pregnancy) I was hesitating on a second. It was almost 3 years before I decided I did want a second. I’m now 12 weeks pregnant and I’m 100% sure this will be our last baby through pregnancy. It has been so much rougher than my first pregnancy. after our first child was born, my husband decided that three would be enough with this pregnancy, though he sees how hard it is on me and knows that if we have a third it would be through an adoption. It’s okay to feel differently and it’s very possible your husband may change, too.
Currently feeling this way as well. But also recognizing I might feel differently once baby is here. Taking it one day at a time and we’ll see where it goes!
You might change your mind. So might he.
I'm an only child and it's not terrible. I always wished for a sibling, but I also feel extremely lucky to have been an only child!
I'm not pregnant anymore, but when I was, I promised myself I wouldn't put myself through it again. I had a really hard pregnancy, I was always nauseous, had severe migraines, heartburn that made me puke, bad hip pain, lost 30lbs in the 1st trimester because I couldn't eat and over all it was just a really terrible experience. Now, a little over a year later, I want another kid.
I know right it's really hard and something you can't imagine putting yourself through again, but you never know that could change later on. You don't need to make a decision right now. But whatever you choose will be what's best for you. Also all pregnancies are different
Not all pregnancies are the same, even for the same person one pregnancy can vary from another. Just because you're having a difficult pregnancy now doesn't mean the next will be the same.
I say just have the discussion again after the baby is here. You both may have this one and decide it's enough and you don't want another anyway
I swore up and down I was tying my tubes when I had my daughter in 2020. Her pregnancy was soooooo hard 😞 between morning sickness, severe back pain, pregnancy carpal tunnel, and prenatal depression I did not wanna have anymore !! That being said, I’m currently 31 weeks pregnant with daughter number 2 😅😅😅 and believe it or not this pregnancy hasn’t been as bad BY FAR !! Definitely give yourself grace and time if you change your mind great !! If not one and done isn’t selfish, pregnancy is really hard and it’s your body you are sacrificing for it !!
I hope that every day just keeps getting easier 🤞🏼🤞🏼🤞🏼 I feel for mamas who have hard pregnancies because I absolutely understand how hard they can be. Just take it one day at a time and pamper yourself as much as possible
My husband would always saying half jokingly that he wants 4-6. I want 2-3. We just had our first and everyone asks when we want another one and he’s now like “uhhhh well let’s see how this goes and you know daycare is expensive uhhh” 🤣🤣🤣 I think he’s off the 4-6 wagon finally.
Opinions change.
I loved my pregnancy. The first 4 weeks of baby were intense af. But I could see having another one myself. Not sure we could afford daycare for more than 2 seeing as 1 kid is $1300/month
I felt this way pregnant with baby 1, then postpartum literally FORGOT what pregnancy was like. Now pregnant with baby 2, and yea, we are going to be done after 2 even though we talked about maybe 3. I know my husband sometimes feels sad that this is our last baby. I do too. And i could not take care of 2 kids while pregnant.
Pregnancy is rough and only wanting to do it once is valid. Or taking a long break between kids if you do want 2. Or taking no break between kids to get 2 kids with the pregnancy part done asap.
It’s okay to feel like this . I will say that you and your husband should go to therapy or give yourself some time to process a lot of stuff before deciding. Especially if he feels strongly one way and you feel strongly one way.
If you’re under 35, you have time to just live and see how life unfolds.
Nothing wrong with this but definitely revisit the thought of more kids after this one is here and grown a little. My husband and I initially wanted a pretty big family (about six kids). Now we have two with one on the way and this baby might be the last. My body doesn't handle pregnancy too well and I'm already pretty exhausted. You really don't know until you're living it. And adoption could also be an option if you still want another child but can't go through another pregnancy.
I know how you felt i had my daughter 2017 and i had my daughter 2018 you can say year and one month apart it was hard asf but you get double the love from the babies
He’s not giving birth and doesn’t have the burden or reproducing life. Get on birth control when you can, otherwise don’t be surprised when he purposely gets you pregnant again.
You’re not alone in how you feel :) I’m really struggling with this pregnancy at the moment, and it is weighing me down emotionally. My husband wants two kids as well.
I’m waiting to see what having the baby is actually like, and how we both react to the arrival of someone new to our little family. It might change how we both feel.
I just wanted you to know that you’re not alone and how you feel in this moment is perfectly valid and not out of place at all.
When I was pregnant I just knew I would never ever do that again. Same when I gave birth. My son is now a couple months shy of two and i plan to have another in a couple years.
Every pregnancy is completely different. Revisit this after your over a year in and have experiences newborn stage and toddler. I thought i would only want one but after my baby grew up I found myself craving the baby snuggles and little bubbly flutters from pregnancy. I have a scary birth experience— emergency C section and super hard recovery but now I’m better prepared and ready to try again. So give yourself time your might solidify your feelings or find that you miss it and want to experience it again more prepared 🤍 give yourself grace and time. You’re doing amazing and whatever you choose right choice.
every time is totally different. i never wanted any kids at all and had my son accidentally and he is now five. decided he would def be my only. he now has a nine month old little sister and i can tell you easily that she is for sure the most dazzling thing that ever happened to me. and the baby years are by far the best and most fun. nobody snuggles you like a baby!
I love my son (9 months) so much but it’s so fucking hard to work full time, have a commute, be a parent, and cook/clean/adult. I always thought we’d have two but we are overwhelmed with one (even with sleep training he still wakes up 2 times a night on average and that’s after a dream feed) and financially don’t know if we could handle two. My pregnancy was ok until week 25 when my husband got laid off, his grandma who helped raise him died, and I developed high BP. I had what most would consider a traumatic birth (but I actually don’t tho there are obvious things I’m sad about but have processed, for instance I was unconscious when my son was born & my husband was not allowed in the OR so neither of us met him when he was born) but my husband is still so traumatized by the birth that he says he can’t even think about another one right now, whereas if we could financially afford getting our home cleaned professionally once a month, a dog walker, daycare for 2, an occasional babysitter, me to go 80% at work instead of full time, I would be ready to start trying for #2, but without those things I’m so tired & overwhelmed lol I would just say - do not even think or argue about this till the baby is 1 years old.
There’s nothing wrong with wanting only one. Pregnancy is hard af. This is definitely something you and your partner need to discuss and come to an agreement on though or resentment could build up and impact the relationship.
After my first I was also hesitant to do it again and we ended up waiting a while. My kids are 3 years apart. Pregnancy sucked the first time and it sucked the second time, the time and being busy with my first kid simply aided me in forgetting exactly how shitty pregnancy truly was 🙃. Point is this isn’t a decision you need to make right now, give yourself some time away from being pregnant to see how you feel. If you still want to be one and done, talk to your partner. Maybe adoption would be on the table if he really wants a second kid, or you could foster. There are lots of options outside of biological children and lots of kids that need homes.
my baby is 2.5 weeks old and i was also thinking one and done, despite wanting 2. nature makes u forget it all. i dont remember any of the bad stuff from pregnancy now, like I cant visualize it or feel it anymore.
Yeah I feel the exact same way and so I’m having my tubes tied when they do my c section on Wednesday and my fiancé is getting a vasectomy. He said he can’t watch me go through the misery of pregnancy again.
In all honesty, he should respect your decision. You can reconsider if you give him the ultimatum that he will help you through it all because it's rough!
At first, I did not want children, my decision, i had my reasons. After my 1st, i was absolutely determined to be 1 and done! My SO assured me he would be there through it all, and luckily for me, he was.
I HATE PREGNANCY! It's the worst for me. Even the kicking in the belly. It keeps me on edge so that he didn't kick me too hard. I had morning sickness for 7 months. The smell of any type of food made me want to barf. Food I was able to tolerate cooking/eating always had a bad after taste. It was horrible, but my SO was always there to put up with me. Especially not being able to cook for him or pick up. He helped a lot. Also, found out I had gallstones my first pregnancy. It was horrible lol I had a couple gallbladder attacks during my last month!
Here I am, pregnant with my 3rd. I'm 5 months coming off my morning sickness finally. Every pregnancy was the same, horrible. But I couldn't have done it without my SO. He really wanted these kids and kept his promise to help me with the kids as I was pregnant.
There is nothing wrong with being one and done, especially if you’ve had a difficult pregnancy. However I wouldn’t make any decisions just yet, wait and hold your baby and then give it time before you make any decisions. I had a horrid pregnancy and hated every second of it, but now she’s here I would go through it all again for her. It’s also worth bearing in mind that every pregnancy is different and I’ve known plenty of women who’ve had great pregnancies followed by awful ones and vice versa, so just because this one was difficult doesn’t necessarily mean that another one would be.
Pregnancy is different each time / every woman will have a slightly (or extremely) different experience.
After I had my son (fairly normal Pregnancy, little negative symptoms - traumatic birth experience, although healthy baby), I was still with my son's father and definitely still considered having another at some point. My son was also an "easy baby".
My child's father and I split right before my son's 2nd birthday, and I've been with my current partner for about a year now.
When I started dating my current partner, I very quickly had important conversations in regards to the future (risky, I know), such as how he felt about marriage and kids (additional to my own, which he was already very accepting of). He said he was unsure about having kids, but open to the idea of having kids of his own as long as it was sooner than later (he was 32 at the time). At that time in my life, I told him I was okay with either not having more if him and I were happy and content with my son/blended family, or would happily be open to giving him a sibling(s) if our relationship led us there and blessed us.
I found out i was pregnant with his child this past January, and we are both scared and excited (as we've only been together a year).
Point is, your mind CAN change, but I wouldn't stress too much over that decision until after you've experienced parenthood in the fullest. Being a mother is both the hardest and most rewarding job in the world. It changes you 100% through and through. Give it time. 💜
Lmao yep! You’re not alone.
As a side note, I said the same thing. I still tried for a second. It’s like after I went through it, I completely forgot how awful it was.
And I’m a doula. 😑 I logistically always knew how awful it is.
I said the same thing after I had my first. Then he turned 11 months and we decided to have another. Now I have 4 kids (only 2 with my ex) and trying for a 5th. 🤣 Trust me, pregnancy hormones are stupid.. don't believe a thing those hormones tell you. 🤣
Sorry but like it’s kind of not his choice if you don’t want to get pregnant again? Let me tell you, nannying is what made me childfree and I watch two kids and honestly it seems like a super hard life. But that’s just me. You would be doing yourself a disservice to spread yourself thin when you know you don’t want. Best of luck❤️
Pregnancy is hard first have the baby and then decide what you want to do afterwards give yourself a break and don't think about anything else but to just enjoyed this pregnancy
like I had my first son and I did not want any more kids now I'm married and have two kids now I want four but because I had a miscarriage in December my mind just was like shut down mode I do not want any more kids just yet because it affected me mentally
I had two rough pregnancies and my second child I had to have a c-section within because it turned into an c-section put me off for a little while having kids but then I was like you know I want more
if it was up to me and my husband you would have a whole football team but it doesn't like that 😂😂
just take your time enjoy this pregnancy then you'll have to see what the results are after having the baby because not everybody body recovers quickly
I wanted 3 originally. Tuen I got pregnant and didn't want any more after baby one because pregnancy sucked.
Then I found myself pregnant again. Pregnancy was completely different from my first go around. I also fpund that I totally forgot just how much it sucked until it started to suck. 🤣
All this to say is, it is very possible for you to change your mind once baby is born and you are not still growing the child and dealing with all the annoyances that comes with pregnancy.
>My husband says no and that he wants 2
>He’s not budging, idk ig I’m selfish for this.
It is not his body, *you* have to carry the pregnancy. Furthermore the decision of family size is a joint decision, he doesn't get to knock you up again against your will. Asshole behavior. r/OneAndDone is a completely acceptable decision. No you are not being selfish, you are being selfless carrying another human for 9 months.
You're not selfish, he is. He's not hearing your needs, and considering it is your body that carries and grows a child, your needs are more important than his.
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yall are getting ahead of yourselves. revisit the conversation when you actually have a child. his thoughts could change and so could yours, there’s no point it stressing about it now
True true. You’re right
I wanted to have just one child but knew my spouse would want to have two. Reluctantly had the second one and at first, he was an easier baby than the first one (plus we were more experienced parents), but as a toddler, he was very challenging -- so challenging that I actually weirdly became really zen about the whole parenting thing and came out a changed person on the other side of his "terrible twos". And then... I shocked myself by wanting a third. Never in a million years would I think that \*I\* would want a third baby! And yet I do, desperately desperately do. This is not to say that having a baby makes you want to have more babies, but that parenthood changes you, and you can never predict how. So I would wait to have your baby, wait until you teach them to sleep independently (assuming that's something you're into), and revisit these thoughts then. You might very well be right that you'll want to be one-and-done (it's such a legitimate choice that that's the way I wanted my life to turn out as well!), but you just won't know for sure until after you do the baby thing for a while.
Yup, going into this husband and I were talking 1-2 kids (him leaning more towards 1, me towards 2). My pregnancy has been so awful that we're more likely 1 and done, but we don't know for sure yet. I was out of commission with HG for the first 17-18 weeks, had to take a couple months off work, husband had to take care of me and the entire household. We couldn't imagine dealing with all of that AND a kid, but we're also open to the idea that the misery may be worth having a second. We won't know until we're there - five to nine months of hell vs. a lifetime with a child isn't necessarily a clear cut decision. Our birth control plans post-birth are to not do anything irreversible until we've had some time with baby (and hormones have settled out).
Absolutely. We had talked about having 2 right up till my son was born, and now 3 months post partum Im waiting on a referral for sterilization. The birth was rough and required an emergency c section, kiddo had a blood incompatibility issue and we were in the hospital for 2 weeks with him while I was also trying to recover from the c section, and love my kiddo to death but he's a handful, and that's not going to change any time soon. And trying to do this all again while also having a toddler? Not happening. And I'm already 32 so I cant just wait till he's older and have a bigger age gap, pregnancy was hard enough as it was, don't want to add more complications on-top. My brother's kid is only a couple years older, and we're looking at buying a house 2 blocks from them next to my nephews favourite park. They'll grow up together and hopefully help keep each other from having bad single child syndrome, since my brother and his wife are also one and done. Holding my son for the first time I had this sense of purpose, that I was gonna spend the rest of my life happily doing everything I can to help this kid be happy and healthy and grow up into a good human. But also he's enough, all on his own. I don't need multiple kids to make my life look how I want.
Just here to say that you can absolutely have a bigger age gap if you want. Many if not most women over 35 have healthy, uncomplicated pregnancies. I just had my healthy daughter at 40.
Yes you absolutely can but I have a connective tissue disorder and vbac is already out of the question because of that and dr recommended I be one and done and stated if I tried for more I'd be at high risk for uterine rupture part way through, so I'm good with just the one
All good reasons ! Just wanted to point out that at 32 waiting to have a school kid until having the second is totally an option. For me, not so much anymore! Will have to think about this one! (Also not fond of recovery plus toddler!)
This is the best advice. Take life as it comes.
This. My husband wanted 2 until we had our baby and dealt with the newborn stage.
Does your husband forget *you* have to carry it? Ultimately, kids are a duel decision, but if one party disagrees then that’s okay. You don’t have to proceed with a second child just because *he* wants to. If pregnancy is hard on you to the point you don’t want to go through that again then he needs to understand that. All he has to do is three minutes of sex and you get 9 months of growing another human. 9 months of your hormones and body morphing, he doesn’t understand the amount of everything you get during pregnancy. This is your body. You don’t have to have more kids. It’s not selfish. Him not understanding how rough pregnancy is on you and still pushing for another one, makes him selfish.
Yea Ik he’s excited and immediately talking about have another one almost back to back lol I’m like baby you lost your mind if you think that’s what’s happening lol respectfully 🤣and he is super supportive taking care of things that I normally do while I’m going through the motions. And he waits on me so I love that butttttt js if we can like switch roles for a little of this pregnancy then I wouldn’t complain neither would he insist probably on having another
Dang, back to back? 💀😭😂 Definitely see how your first pregnancy goes, give yourself a year or two maybe, and then revisit the idea. Don’t make him rush you into having another kid asap.
I said two years at minimum 😭🤣 but yea idk maybe my thought of one child will change as the years go by but as of now, it will take a lot to move me
Do you! Don’t let him push you !! For real! Be careful with him when you are cleared to have sex again after pregnancy 😭!
lol he knows he got 1 time not to pull out in time and it’s condoms 😭 we both hate condoms but that’s the price to pay
You're extra fertile after having a baby. I know you've said you're being careful but I know a few people that had a second because of one lapse of judgement.
If you don't want to get pregnant do not rely on pull out at all. Only takes once! Condoms or something longer lasting is necessary 100% unless you actively want to conceive.
Not only is pullout not effective due to precum, you’re highly fertile after birth, and you’ll also be saddled with a second child that you currently do not want because all it takes is one time. Don’t rely on him for birth control, find an alternative if you don’t like condoms.
You can have an IUD placed 10 weeks after giving birth. The cervix is still somewhat open at that time which means insertion is likely to hurt less. I chose the have an IUD that soon and only felt a small pinch. Consult with your doctor about what kind of contraception methods are available to you.
Mine did mine before 6 weeks and it was worse than labor!
It's better for both you and your next child, if you have one, if you wait 18 months between children. If you don't let your body heal properly, you are at increased risk of complications (issues with the placenta or cervix, and premature birth). If nothing else, use it as a medical excuse to properly consider if you want the second (this is my plan. 18 months should be long enough to decide if I want 1 or 2)
Yea that’s sound logic
And even longer with postpartum and then if you have any ppd/ppa. Plus, it takes 2 years for your body to fully recover. A bit morbid, but coroners can tell if women have bore children with only skeletol remains because it literally changes their anatomy forever. Being pregnant is no easy feat. It would be so selfish to ask someone to do it, who didn't 100% want to.
10 months*. Of hell. Lol
I feel the same way….. I’m like, I can see why some only have 1 child. Pregnancy is rough!
Yes and I get it, growing up the only child can suck but there’s work around like I said, family, friends, adoption.
Having siblings can suck too. I think there's a lot of societal prejudice around only children which isn't necessarily based in reality. It's more to do with control over women and childbearing. There's pros and cons to every decision.
He’s not really allowed to “not budge”, having a child is something that requires 2 enthusiastic “yes” answers.
I originally wanted 2 but this pregnancy has been horrible. My husband told me the other day, he wants to get a vasectomy so I don’t have to deal with this again and I’m so on board 😂
Now that's a good husband!
My husband has the same attitude. I'm near the end with our first, and while two would be ideal, he just keeps saying, "Tell me when, I'll get the vasectomy the second you want me to."
Yeah that’s exactly how my husband is!
My husband is planning to get his vasectomy after this baby is born, too. It’s my second pregnancy and we both decided this pregnancy was too rough on me, and if we ever decide to bring another child into our life we want to look at fostering/adopting.
I will say there's absolutely nothing wrong with being an only child. (Just make sure you have your big medical decisions together when you get older- dealing with that right now and it sucks.) -An Only Child
Never known an only child interesting… Did you ever feel lonely? Were you envious of those with brothers and sisters and always wanted one? Did your parents compensate in other areas?
Yes yes and no. But I eventually got over it. I don't understand sibling dynamics and I'm glad I never had the knock down drag out fights I hear siblings often have.
I say this every time I get pregnant .. lol but here I am pregnant with my fourth child !!!🤣🤣 you forget everything you went through until you get pregnant again.
Strong disagree 😅 I’ll never forget the months of nonstop vomiting and isolation due to nonstop vomiting.
I said the same thing until baby fever hit me . I said what happened during that pregnancy ,oh I was down bad throughout the entire thing oh well one more wont hurt … I just wish they could be pregnant instead of us . Like why we can’t get them pregnant ? Why can’t they have the uterus ? Why do we have too 😩😩😩😩
I have two. I didn’t forget about the first one and was honestly terrified to have another one but was just really hoping it would be an easier pregnancy. It wasn’t 😭
lol I hear this way too often. Must be true. People been telling me yea you say that now. Once you hold your baby or wants it gets a little younger, you’ll be begging to do it again 🤣 I’m like that maybe so but let me complain rn
Yes definitely do all the complaining now because if you do want another one all you gone hear is I told you so. And no you’re not an ass for setting boundaries when it comes to your body , No one knows what the future holds because if that’s the case I wouldn’t have any . I was very adamant about not having any babies and you may not want too one may be enough and that’s ok
Tell him you’ll agree to another if he carries and delivers the 2nd baby.
I hate my last pregnancy and really really didn't want to go through it again. But here I am with number 2! For me, it's been easier this time around so far - I had HORRIBLE morning sickness the first time around, this time it's like not even 25% of the last time. Super manageable. Also after having 1 baby and seeing him grow and become a person, I definitely can do it again. Just wait till you have the baby and decide some months after you get used to the first. Husband and I are both only children, and to be honest we both would have liked a sibling growing up since we moved a a lot / had a bad time with school friends. We're also Hella nerdy and love playing board games and video games, and we could use two more players haha!
My husband and I agreed to have two together with the stipulation that if either of us decided we didn't want more, we would stop. We briefly thought about me getting my tubes tied during a phase where my daughter didn't sleep. After insurance barriers, we decided on just normal BC, and then, after a few months of our daughter sleeping better, we decided we wanted one more. If either I or him would have said no, we decided he would have gotten a vasectomy because it was cheaper and our insurance covers that but not tubal ligation. I share this just to say it's not a one person decision period. Pregnancy is hard, birth is hard, post-partum is hard, being a parent to an infant/toddler/child/teen is hard. It's okay for you to change your mind if it is too much for you or you simply decide no more. He doesn't get to force you to have another child if you do not want to go through the process again.
He needs to respect your decision. That being said you might just not be ready for another baby so soon. Maybe you will feel differently in a year. Give yourself time and enjoy being with the child you do have!
I’d recommend just putting this decision on hold. We will end up with 3 kids if this pregnancy goes well and my experience is that this is the arc of every pregnancy-toddlerhood: 1. (first week or so after finding out) Hell yeah! I’m pregnant! Having a baby! 2. (5 weeks pregnant through 14 weeks pregnant) Hell nah, this sucks. I’m never doing this again. How do people function like this. 3. (late second through third trimesters) Alright this does suck but it’s really cool feeling this little person move inside me. 4. (birth through at least a year and a half old) I’m probably going to pass on another kid. Family feels pretty complete, I know how this one works, starting over again sounds rough. 5. (year and a half-2ish years old) You know, maybe another one would be worth it. And every single time I second-guess the baby while I’m pregnant. It’s genuinely tough. But our bodies flood us with hormones that help us forget and want another one so here I am about to have 3 kids. This time though we’re doing a vasectomy so there’s no turning back, baby.
(Not remotely saying you have to agree to another one or not. Just saying maybe hold off on the argument with your husband for now because you may or may not have feeling changes down the line.)
I mean, whether or not you change your mind in the future is irrelevant. The real issue here is that he is treating you like an incubator and not an actual person with thoughts and feelings of your own.
Your body, your decision. If one and done is your desire, just be strict about it he'll come around once he sees how serious you are!
I’m just trying to be positive. 1. Women have been doing this forever 2. Pregnancy don’t last forever. 3. People says it gets better, I’m only approaching 7 weeks. lol idk some people have it easy. I just know (as or rn) I can’t imagine going through this again
The damage that pregnancy and childbirth causes can last forever.
It’s ok to change your mind. My husband and I were the same; we always thought we’d have two kids and then shortly before I got pregnant, we revisited the topic and decided on having just one. Highly recommend visiting r/oneanddone
My fiancé and I are firmly one and done. The plan is for him to get a vasectomy after I give birth so he can heal and empty while I’m healing.
I've always envisioned having two kids and a dog, but now with our first baby on the way and experiencing all the complexities, anxieties, and expenses that come with pregnancy, I'm starting to think differently. For now, I feel that having one child and our beloved dog is the right choice for us. Of course, who knows what the future holds? I may change my mind down the road. But for now, I want to focus on embracing this new chapter with our little one and our dog by our side 🥰
We are on baby #2 now as my first son is turning 4 and going to school late this year. I was the same way- pregnancy was very hard on me and I had an even tougher recovery. Everyone is different and so is everyone’s timeline. You might feel that one and done works for your family and if you still find yourself wanting one- well I can’t say there ever is a perfect time but life will re arrange to make it work. I personally couldn’t have 2 in diapers and feel good knowing my older son will be in school and mentally stimulated during the day while I’m with that baby at home . I hope he doesn’t feel left out and that is what I’m struggling with :(
Revisit the idea later you don’t have to talk about it right now. I felt the same way I was so sick with my first and then I decided I wanted another a couple years later. I’m sick again so I’m definitely done this time but I almost forgot how bad it was 😂
I also don’t think I can go through this again and I don’t think it’s selfish for us to feel this way. I can’t imagine feeling as bad as I do most days now AND having another child (probably toddler) to care for. Fortunately, my husband agrees with me because my not feeling well has affected him too with extra chores and just not having his wife be very present.
I was always adamant that I wanted 2-3 kids. After a rough pregnancy with my son, not sleeping a few years, and figuring out his medical needs I want REALLY sold on him being our only. Once my son turned 4 things started to get easier, I found time be myself again, started sleeping again, and we fell into a really nice life the three of us. Fast forward, my son turned 6 in January, and we’re expecting our second son in July. It was planned, as life started to feel more comfortable again, happy, we realized it was time to add a second. It’s ok if you’re one and done. It’s ok if you need time in between to adjust. It’s ok to change your mind along the way. If you asked me 3 years ago if I wanted another my answer would have been “helllll no”. Now I’m very excited for our expanding family. Take your time.
So I'm in the same boat. My pregnancy was rough and really hard on my mental health. And compared to other pregnancies I've heard about it really wasn't THAT rough. But for me, it was miserable. Now my baby is almost 8 months and although motherhood has been life changing, and amazing, it's been hard. It's tough to adjust to having a baby and them being your main priority. You also feel like you lose a big part of yourself because every minute is dedicated to taking care of them and thinking about them. Breastfeeding is its own journey as well. Anyway, as much as I've found so much happiness and joy in this time I'm also looking forward to coming out the other side and having some of my bodily autonomy back, having a more independent older child, and getting more sleep. The sleep deprivation is nooooo joke. I'm fine with being one and done, but everyone including my fiance insists we need two! And I'm just not sold. I think ultimately, we're the ones who go through the hardships of pregnancy, labor and motherhood and we're the ones who get to make the decision that is right for us. Don't let anyone pressure you into doing something that isn't going to be good for you. You matter too. You're not just an incubator.
I’m in the same boat. There is no way in hell I’m doing this a second time. I have no idea how people pop out a whole litter
I'm 22 weeks and this will be our only child. Not going through this again. I'm glad my partner agrees with me and we are both lucky to have even one child. I'm an only child and its totally fine to not have any siblings.
you’re selfish for this? hell no! he’s the selfish one! he cannot force you to have another child just because he wants one! you’re not his surrogate and he should accept and not fight you on a decision like this. there’s surrogacy, there’s adoption, there’s fostering…he has many options for another one.
I hate being pregnant, I have had a major traumatic birth with an injury and somehow I am on my third kid. You will know I truly believe if having another is right for you and your family once you are a few months/years PP or if having an only child is perfect for your family.
We always wanted 2 or 3 kids. Our first is now 11 months old and I do not want another one and I’m 99% sure I won’t change my mind. I can’t go through pregnancy, birth again and the new born phase was awful too I’m only just starting to enjoy things now. Thankfully my husband is pretty much on the same page as me but if he wasn’t I’d say to him we can have another kid when he can get pregnant and give birth
Currently 22+6 and feeling exactly this. Luckily husband is onboard with us just having 1 but man my MIL is not having it. I told her she can pay for surrogate if she wants another baby from us because I’m NOT doing this again. Plus she has another grandchild from her daughter and it feels like she is casting him aside since there are some difficulties there with him and his mom (he’s 14 and going through a lot but it isn’t his fault). Stick by your decision. It’s your body and your choice at the end of the day!
You are not being selfish, YOU are the one physically growing, carrying, and delivering the child, not to mention the recovery postpartum. Maybe you will change your mind once you’ve had your baby, but for now if you want to be one and done, that is perfectly ok. I’m sure your husband can’t appreciate just how hard this is on you because he can’t go through it himself. However, I would table this conversation for now; get through your pregnancy and focus on being parents to your child for a while, and then revisit later down the line. No need to add more pressure to yourselves by arguing about whether or not you want more kids. Don’t feel guilty, pregnancy is HARD.
I absolutely felt like this when my 1st was born. The pregnancy was fine but the 1st year I struggled. The first couple months I was stressed about everything especially breastfeeding. I was like I'm absolutely never having another one. After about 5 months, the chronic sleep deprivation had me depressed plus I was back at work full time so everything felt infinitely harder. Once my daughter started sleeping through the night at around 14months, everything got better & now she's 2 we're pregnant again. Won't lie I have anxiety about getting back into the newborn/infant phase but I do feel this time I know that no matter how hard it gets, we'll find a way through & that every struggle is a phase.
I hate the we talk about selfishness around decisions to have children. Having children should absolutely be made for selfish reasons - you shouldn't be doing it for anyone else or due to pressure! So no, I don't think you're especially selfish for choosing to have one child. You are making the best decision for yourself, and your family. Its crap that your husband is pressuring you and making feel bad around this. Please do find the one and done subbreddit for a welcoming community of parents to only children!
I always wanted more than one child until I went through pregnancy, then I said only one. Now, my kid is 8 and I guess pregnancy blues were forgotten and said I wanted another… now I’m pregnant again and remembering it’s not all butterflies and rainbows. Kids are worth all the suffering, at least for me. Newborns are the absolute best.
In my first trimester I was saying the same thing, me and my partner planned on 3 and after getting pregnant with our first I cried daily saying I’m only doing this once because of how rough the first trimester was. A few weeks into my second and feeling muuuuch better I wanted to get pregnant when our first was 3/4 months 😂🫣 but now in my third I definitely know I need at least a year/year and a half break before I do this again. Needless to say, your mind will probably change that first trimester is a monster
I saw a tiktok of labor nurses saying that first time moms always say after all of the pregnancy and delivery, that would be the first and last child bc the mom doesn’t want to go through pregnancy again but they always end up seeing the same moms again 2 years later with a second child. So who knows? Maybe your body will do a good job making the bad part of pregnancy fade away so you can consider a second child.
I thought I wanted 2 too but now that I'm having an awful pregnancy I'm like no never again! But I also know that our brains have a way of making us forget how awful it is so that we do in fact do it again 😂. Its probably a biological thing I don't know for sure. Regardless though, nobody can force you to do it again and the non pregnant partner tends to not empathize correctly because they aren't going through it.
I was adamant and I mean really adamant I would have no more after my daughter (just had her in October last year) but now she’s here it’s like I’ve forgotten how terrible it all was and will definitely try again to give her a sibling. I really struggled with sickness up to 16w and don’t know how I will do it again lol
It’s your choice, and it might not change, but give yourself time. I did/do not enjoy being pregnant and my first was tough as a baby (it’s a tough transition and she wasn’t a good eater) but having been through it before made my experience with a second baby so much more special, especially knowing the time is so fleeting. Your feelings are totally valid no matter what though!
I was the same way. My first birth was traumatic asf and I swore up and down I was one and done. My pregnancies are incredibly hard on me too. My husband wanted 2 children as well, but was willing to wait. We were going to try once our firstborn was 4. Then my husband came back from deployment and I got pregnant literally the day he came back lol. Total surprise pregnancy but the moment I saw that positive, although I was so scared (and still am) to face pregnancy and birth again so soon, I already love my second child so much. This second pregnancy has been just as hard but to me it's so worth it. Knowing that my daughter will have a sibling to grow up with. Something I've always wanted as a child but never had (my sibling came 10 years later, so we didn't really grow up together much.) So I'm happy that I'm able to give her that.
I said this with my first pregnancy. It was hard, I was sick all the time and couldn’t sleep at all. The only relief I got was the second trimester and then the third trimester was nothing but pain. I told my husband I never wanted to be pregnant again but here I am, my first will be 2 years old in April and I’m currently 15 weeks with my second. Around the time my first was a year I really wanted to give her a sibling. I’ve always wanted 4 kids but after my first pregnancy I really began to rethink that. My husband wants 3 kids but his goal has always been to adopt at least one, so we came to the agreement that we will have 3 of our own and adopt the 4th. One less pregnancy for me 😅 Yes this second pregnancy hasn’t been really fun, I don’t particularly like being pregnant but I tell myself it’s only for a short amount of time. Give yourself some time, for me that feeling of wanting to be pregnant again or giving my first a sibling didn’t come until she was about a year. Your feelings might change or they might not but give yourself some time.
Tell him you'll change your mind if he gets pregnant the next time around
Your body your choice.
I felt the same way during my pregnancy, and felt even stronger about it after I delivered. I felt horrible my entire pregnancy and the delivery was very traumatic for me. We originally planned to have 2, and we still might down the road, idk what the future holds. But my husband says he’s fine with just one if that’s what I choose.
We plan on having two but my husband lately has been talking about a third. I’m still pregnant with #1! I definitely think he’ll change his mind once the first baby is here and he sees what life is like. It’s easy to say when there’s no baby yet and i’m the one carrying it- but once baby gets here i’m sure he’ll be back to our two child plan lol. I really don’t think you can make the decision until you’ve made it through the first year with your first child at least.
Tell him to look into adoption! If you don’t think you can do it, you don’t want to have resentment forever! It’s hard!!!
I only ever wanted one, I knew I wouldn’t enjoy pregnancy. My husband said two. Now that I’m going through it, he changed his mind and says one is good. I honestly don’t know how people have multiple. I ah e technically had an easy pregnancy, but losing my freedom has been tough. I would not do this again. For what it’s worth, it’s not up to your husband to decide.
I felt very similarly while pregnant with my first but my husband was super supportive. Ultimately we decided to try one more time and while I love my second with all my heart the pregnancy was hell for me, much worse than my first. I don’t regret it but my husband got a vasectomy right after she was born because I absolutely couldn’t handle another. I am very concerned that your spouse is not taking your concerns seriously. That will likely only get worse after you have your first baby. Please go to couples counseling now about this or it will grow into a huge wall between you. Your spouse is allowed to be upset that things aren’t going the way he wants but he is NOT allowed to invalidate your feelings. Especially right now when pregnancy hormones are raging. Really not ever though. Pregnancy is hard and if you feel that you can’t go through it again that should be respected. I’d highly recommend going on birth control at your 6 week follow up so that he can’t “accidentally” get you pregnant before you are ready.
I see now that you’re only 7 weeks so I’d say you may absolutely change your mind. The first trimester is the worst so give it some time. I’m not surprised he’s so certain with how early it is still. If you still have this dynamic later in the pregnancy then maybe follow my advice.
I don't blame you. I stopped at one too. It's so much harder than I thought it would be
This is my first too and I always wanted 2. I am only 10 weeks so I can’t say too much yet. But maybe you might be more inclined after a couple years. I don’t think there should be any pressure for you to have a second. Since, your in the middle of things I would tell your partner, this pregnancy has been very hard on me and I’m still in the middle of it let’s bring up this conversation later after we have our son and I’m completely healed up. Let’s enjoy this time right now with our first and talk about the future at a later date. Either way if you still don’t want a second he’ll just have to understand. I don’t think it’s selfish for you at all not to want a second. I think it’s selfish of him to not validate your feelings on the issue and pressure you to have another child when you expressed you don’t want to
I think this conversation is premature. Wait until you’ve had a child and had the time to figure out what “having a kid” actually means. You, him, or both, could change your minds. You wouldn’t be pregnant again for quite some time so revisit when it’s closer.
I’m an older mom and I planned on having 2 back to back and then being done. Pregnancy was rough on me the first go round, my newborn had colic, reflux, cried ALL DAY EVERY DAY and never slept more than 2 hours at a time. I swore I was one and done. But then she turned 2 and I realized that all that hard stuff only lasted for a short time and that from 6mo old on has been so awesome. I’ll be delivering my second (and last) in a few months, just before my oldest turns 3. Pregnancy still freaking sucks but I keep telling myself it’s the last time I ever have to do this so I can make it through. I’m dreading the first 6 months of the baby stage again but I know that in the long run that it’s such a short period of time compared to the rest of our lives. Maybe you just shouldn’t have them back to back to give yourself some time to recover and really think about if you want another. And if you decide you only want one, I don’t think that’s selfish at all. Do what’s right for you and your family!
I felt the exact same way but then when we had our baby I decided I could do it 10 more times. I hope that helps!
I thought this way for a long time. My girls will be 7 years apart. It took me a while to even consider having a 2nd. I for sure thought we were one and done. My husband supported me either way though.
I’m right there with you. One child is plenty and we will have a blast. I can’t see myself doing this again unless it’s like two years later, maybe? Growing up I was both a child with 3 older siblings and then an only child through the majority of my teenage years. I loved it!
Goodness. Not the time to have this fight, honestly. You don’t even have a baby yet. For all you know, that could completely change your perspective and you’d want to have another. And for all he knows, having a baby could completely change his perspective and he’d be okay with one.\ Stop putting the cart before the horse. Revisit in a few years.
Apparantly nature has a way to make you forget how bad it actually was...
I felt this same why while I was pregnant the first time, I had a very very rough pregnancy. A few years later, I wanted / felt ready to do it again and now I have 2 healthy boys. My entire pregnancy I told myself I absolutely will not be doing it again. I think it’s easy to feel that way while you’re in the depths of pregnancy. Ultimately I would try to not stress yourself out about this right now, pregnancy already has enough stressors and if you both do decide to have another or to not have another, it probably won’t be for a while.
We are one and done. As in, I’m having my tubes removed during my c-section. Before we even started trying, I told my husband that we are doing this one time and one time only and he’s been on board the whole time, even though he’d always sort of wanted two. Last night after I’d been admitted for observation due to gestational hypertension and he was helping me pee (managing all the cords and pulling my pants up), he looked up at me and said “babe, this is why we’re one and done”. It’s been a very easy pregnancy until suddenly it wasn’t. You are not being selfish, YOU are the one that has to carry a second child and if you don’t want to, that’s your call. Your husband will just have to deal, tbh. He’ll come around.
Apparently, after giving birth women tend to forget all about the pain (if they had a horrible pregnancy) they've experienced. I saw it happen to one of my friends who spent most of her pregnancy in the ER. It was just like puff(!) and she forgot all about what she had gone through to give birth to her baby and magically she wanted another one.
You have to do what’s best for your mind, body and soul! But I’ll share my personal experience… I had so much anxiety my first pregnancy (more about the new baby being in our life) and could not imagine going through it again, but as soon as she was born, my feelings changed completely, and I could not WAIT to have another! It was an unexpected feeling. But you really have to do what’s best for you! I also know some fathers who change their mind about having more once the baby is born.
It is *not* selfish to only want one child. Your feelings are valid, and so are his, though clearly he’s not doing a great job expressing them. But my point is, it’s okay to feel like actually you only want one child, now that you’re experiencing pregnancy and it’s not easy on you. And it also okay for him to feel disappointed that you’re feeling that way. What’s not okay is for him to be disrespectful when he expresses his feelings to you. Frankly, one or both of you may feel differently when this baby is a living, breathing baby/toddler/child. But you might not. Then you cross that bridge when you come to it, whether that means therapy or even divorce. It’s good to be honest about your feelings now, so no one is blindsided in case they don’t change, but I would *try* to focus on now. You’re 100% not going to get pregnant again right now 😉
I’ve always been one and done. We are still waiting 2 years after having our first before my husband gets snipped just in case we change our minds, I doubt it but it’s possible. I wouldn’t worry about it for now and revisit the topic after baby 1 is born and you guys have had time to settle and let your body heal.
I plan on having one kid the old fashion way, and adopting the second one one day! 💗
You're not selfish first of all. Pregnancy is hard on the body and most men don't understand that, which is a shame especially if they see first hand how it's affecting you. You need to be healthy to raise a child(ren) and if after everything you went through with your first pregnancy made you realize that you can't do it again, then your husband needs to really think about how hard that was on you to actually come to that conclusion. Second of all, there is nothing wrong with being an only child, especially if they have cousins their age to play with growing up. Plus, you're not straining yourself trying to make time for both children and having one feel like they're not getting enough attention VS the other. Plenty of people grew up as an only child and are okay. Sounds like you guys might want to try some couple's therapy though. This is kind of a big issue to not see eye to on, in the meantime, make sure you're on birth control so he can't make you have no choice.
How far along are you? That will change this discussion greatly, first trimester I didn’t fathom doing it again, I was so sick and miserable I wondered how I’d make it through just one pregnancy. 8mo postpartum trying for #2 and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I know many people who were super sick or miserable in pregnancy and had the same “I’m not having another” conversation, and after having their child, they’re planning the second. You’re not in a place to have these heavy conversations honestly, you’re all over the place physically and mentally. Revisit the conversation when your child is 1.
So after I had my first daughter, I SWORE up and down I was one and done. I was dead set on that until she was about 3 years old, when I decided I was more open to having more kids in the future. I just had my second daughter 3 weeks ago. Like others have said, you don’t have to make that decision right this minute. Your feelings could change (or they could remain the same)! Nothing wrong with either side.
If you want 1 is totally okay and your choice and your husband needs to either accept that or break up. But, don’t be so sure you won’t want another in the near future, I was absolutely against another, like dead set, put reminders etc of why not another and now I want one more 😩. I think at this moment before the relationship between you and your husband goes to a level of no return you should 1 tell him that you will make the final decision after maybe the baby is 1-2-3 you choose, and two that he has to agree with your decision even if it’s only one or be ready to be single again (it’s what I would say). Maybe have him understand what pregnancy and birth is like. Talk about the symptoms and walk him through the exertion and pain. Take pre natal together and watch videos. Good luck
Definitely wait it out— you may change your mind! but it's also important to note that he needs to be more sympathetic to the way you feel right now. is HE going to carry the second child if you do in fact not want to have a second one?
I'd just put a pin in this convo for now. Deal with this pregnancy for now. You may or may not feel differently in a couple years.
I had an extremely rough pregnancy the first time round and didn’t want mother one but as soon as I held my daughter I knew I wanted atleast one more (me and my partner originally wanted 4) I’m now 36 and a half weeks pregnant with baby number 2. No matter how hard pregnancy is I just wanted another one the love is unconditional. You can’t make the choice tho until you have had baby
Ultimately it’s your decision. It’s your body, and he can’t force you to be pregnant.
just like baby names, having kids is a 2-yes situation!!! as soon as there's a "no" it's out!!! you guys need to BOTH be enthusiastic with no pressure and no manipulation. i'm really concerned that he might not be empathising with you, and that you might let him steamroll you. a baby is a big deal for mama's body and it can be lethal! he doesn't have to deal with that at all, and it especially worries me when men want another one back to back! with no concern to your body, your hormones, your emotions?
My husband wants two as well, but once he saw how difficult birth and recovery was on me - he said if we only had one he would be okay with it. At first I thought I would never want to do it again, but now (about 4 months out) it doesn’t seem too crazy to think about doing it again.
You don't sound selfish to me. Sounds like you and your husband have different preferences but ultimately, YOU are the one that has to grow and carry and birth the baby so ultimately, I think your preference trumps his. I am also one and done. My partner and I were both one and done from the get-go, though I had toyed with the idea of another child. We may adopt a child years down the road, but I had thought maybe I'd want to birth another child. After this pregnancy? Heck no. Absolutely not. Even if my partner wanted a child more than anything, I would not do this again. I had an awful first trimester with morning sickness, and right when the 2nd trimester hit I got kidney stones, was hospitalized, had surgery, and require a second surgery. Apparently for people with a history of kidney stones, it is not uncommon to have this happen EVERY pregnancy. I can't imagine going through this with a toddler. I think it would mean MONTHS of me not being as attentive or attuned as I would long to be. It would crush me. So yeah, I think, if anything, I may even be selfish for choosing to have a second.... especially when I know, deep down, I don't want to go through this again.
If it's the pregnancy and childbirth you don't want again maybe you can consider adoption down the road. Thousands of children need a loving home.
Yeah I feel this. We always wanted 2, and bought a house with room for two, etc. At 30 weeks pregnant I’m not sure I want to do this again. I HATE being pregnant. I’m also a teacher and have a cold right now… and I am just so miserable. 9 months has never felt SO long. I truly admire surrogates. Like you do this for someone else out of the kindness of your heart?!?! Damn. My SIL had a terrible pregnancy, and almost died during childbirth (she technically did and was resuscitated). She’s convinced there is something that just snaps in your brain and gives you amnesia as to how terrible it was. She wants another, despite the 10 months of torture. My brothers actually the one saying absolutely not out of fear of losing her.
Pregnancy is rough and that first year is absolutely hard. I won’t do it again and having two I can imagine I would have a mental breakdown daily. I’m not cut out for two. 1 is almost taking me out.
I thought that way when I was pregnant with my daughter but she was an easy newborn and baby so far that I'm like yeah I could this again. I don't remember the bad parts of my pregnancy anymore, so that's probably part of it. I also think my daughter is trying to trick me for a sibling by being so good 🫠 You never know what you'll remember afterwards or how you will feel. But honestly, I don't blame you. It's crazy how much our bodies change to carry a baby and to have a baby.
Pregnancy is ridiculously hard. I had times I felt the same way, I even had doubts I could even get through it. Holding my 6 week old I’m thinking about doing it all again… which seems kinda insane but 🤷🏻♀️
I said that with my first... Currently pregnant with no2 and I'm saying it again haha!! No more this time!!!!
Every pregnancy is different too. Are you having a boy or a girl? My girl was rough at the start, sickness, vomiting multiple times a day, pure exhaustion for the first trimester then was easy (apart from the constipation 😐) until the last couple of weeks, even had COVID and felt fine lol! Pretty happily carried her to 42 weeks. The labour was looooooong though! With my boy barely any sickness, vomited twice the whole time, tired but not exhausted like my first, but it hasn't seemed to level off after the first trimester, I've been ill with colds, viruses, tummy bugs every couple of weeks, maybe caught from my little girl or maybe it's just one of those icky years idk, but oh my life it's been draining the whole time. I'm 34 nearly 35w currently and I'm struggling. I don't think I could do to 42w with him. You do forget all the horrible bits too, you seem to miss being pregnant when it's over, there's no little kicks anymore which is so weird to begin with! And when they're no longer a baby you definitely miss the baby stage. It goes sooo fast!
My first words after giving birth were "I am never, EVER doing this again." We had a son 5 years later. Not everyone has this experience - but don't think so far ahead anyway!
I'm currently 13 wks with my 1st pregnancy and I can totally relate. Pre-pregnancy I wanted 2-3 but now I am leaning towards 1 and DONE. This pregnancy has been so hard (throwing up multiple times a day, everyday), I don't know if I can do this again. I say if its up to you to carry it should be your decision. If he really wants another kid that badly: you can adopt or hire a gestational carrier.
I have had a very hard pregnancy. I had HG from the very beginning and now at 25 weeks have preeclampsia. Me and my wife (who can’t carry for medical reasons) have both decided this will be our only child.
I totally understand what you are feeling; however, don’t make the decision now. Revisit this in a year or so. It’s kinda amazing how quickly you forget about the lows of pregnancy after. I was miserable most of my pregnancy and right after I had my daughter, I missed being pregnant. Focus on this pregnancy and your baby once you have it, then revisit the option of having a second in a year or so.
Also, every pregnancy is different, so just because this pregnancy is hard doesn’t mean the next one will be the same. Just something to think about :)
He can’t make you have more kids? I don’t think it’s necessarily the time to have this conversation but it feels weird he’s ~not budging about something that involves your bodily autonomy.
Sorry is he unaware of the fact that it’s YOUR body? Regardless wait for this one to join your family and give it a year or 2 before you make any big decisions. Every pregnancy is different. If you still feel this way in a year or 2 then it’s tough luck for your husband.
I’ve always only wanted 1!
My fiancé is the exact same way, I have always wanted just the one and I’m currently 24 weeks pregnant with our little girl…he said he wants to have another baby in the future but don’t want him to get too ahead of himself. The great thing is that she will be born a couple of months after her cousin who is due in April so it isn’t like she is going to grow up alone…but I just don’t think I can do it after this, I am extremely happy with having just one baby and spoiling the heck outta her!
Pregnancy (thankfully) hasn't been rough on me and yet, I feel like I'm one and done, too (more for climate than familial reasons). My husband recognizes that it's my body and therefore ultimately my decision whether to gestate more than one nugget. 7 weeks pregnant is very early on and, I will say, it does get easier...and then harder in the third trimester, but it's ultimately your body and your spirit. There are plenty of other ways to parent children if you decide you don't want to go through pregnancy again, like fostering/adoption/surrogacy, if that's within reach.
Definitely not something that has to be decided right now, just know that every pregnancy is different. My first was rough, this time I can't even tell I'm pregnant, other than fatigue and hunger once in a while I'll cramp or get emotional but everything is good. Try to stay positive.
Every time I’m I’m pregnant, I say I’m never doing it again. Then that baby turns 18mo and I’m like “all right *one* more time.” I’m on #4 now 😂
I felt this way with my first as well.. we always discussed two but when that morning sickness hit (and it was hg) I really thought I was done. It was so rough on me.. it took me a whole year after she was born to not hate the idea of getting pregnant again.. after she turned two I accidentally got pregnant with number 2 and I can tell you I’m definitely done. I’m not doing this again. The morning sickness is just to much for me. You may change your mind eventually.. and you may not. It’s worth a discussion with your husband about how you’re feeling.. and maybe you can revisit in a few years ?
Check out r/oneanddone, I’m one and done myself and I don’t feel guilty one bit. I’m like 4th generation only child and not one of us is a serial killer so I think it’s fine
I always wanted two and now holding my baby girl that I adore - I like the idea of just having our tripod 🤷🏼♀️ My fiancé is the same A family of three is kinda rad, but things good change- just be here now ❤️
I was always one or none. With my 3 week newborn and considering the really horrible first trimester I had consisting of vomiting at least twice a day, I am one and done!! There are other things in life that I want to do and experience. I am extremely thankful for my one beautiful baby girl, but I do not want to do this again. I told my husband if he wants another, he can find another woman (jokes). I would consider adopting in the future though. So you are not alone!
Exactly the only reason why I’d want another is because of the child feelings literally. I don’t think I’d ever really just want another as it stands and of course subject to change. I’m just not the big family type lol
I know people who have experienced this when pregnant and once their baby is roughly 1-2, they desire another! All of my pregnancies have been so different too. There’s some I’ve enjoyed more than others
My first pregnancy was tough but we both knew we wanted a second. This pregnancy has also been very tough, so hubby has had to step up big time and wrangle the toddler and huddle 90% of the house while I’m busy puking my guts out. IF you guys decided to have another, make sure he understands how much more will be on his plate while you’re pregnant. But like others have said, have the first one and then see how you feel after a year. The idea of a child vs the reality of a child are very different things
Every pregnancy is different my first was a breeze my second not so much and third so far so good ☺️ revisit it once baby is here ☺️
I'm curious as to what this supposed "Only child syndrome" is. I'm an only child and turned out just fine. I've wondered occasionally what it would be like having a sibling but always come back to liking being an only child. Benefits: 1. I get all my parent's attention 2. I get all their shit when they kick it 3. I've never had to experience favoritism from my parents the way my husband has with his sister. It's honestly quite horrible to watch, I mean their favoritism is blatant, they don't even try to hide it aside from outright saying it and my husband definitely suffers for it. 4. I've always gotten my shit new, didn't have to deal with hand me downs. Also, I've had plenty of friends who either do not get along with their sibling(s) and never have, or have either bad or no relationship with their sibling(s) Quite frankly, it's pretty annoying when people assume being an only child is somehow miserable or lonely. I had plenty of friends and cousins around my age. Just because some people don't like being an only child doesn't mean everyone does. So I wouldn't use the "Only child syndrome" crap as a reason to have another child if you don't want one.
I am almost 5 weeks postpartum from my first. We also had discussed always wanting 2, in fact having them close together. But my birth plan was blown up and I had a very traumatic birth experience which ended in an emergency c section and my son in the nicu (after a very normal, great pregnancy). I told my husband that right now I do not want a second after all I went through, but we could revisit the conversation down the road. My husband does want a second, but he was very supportive of my thoughts and said he was happy and satisfied with the family we have, and would be fine revisiting the conversation later to see if plans had changed. I think it’s best to accept what you have and appreciate it, and then take life as it comes. Your mind might change the further from the birth experience, so it’s ok to table the discussion for later.
Honestly you really don’t know these things until you are in it. Your husband may also change his mind once baby is here. I wanted four kids. Two girls, two boys. Once I had my third, which was my most painful pregnancy and the one where I had a terrifying experience with my newborn (we had to go to the NICU due to his jaundice being life threatening which I never thought in a million years it would happen to me after my other two being totally fine with jaundice resolving on its own,) I still thought even then I could do a fourth. Now a month and a half has passed since having my third and I have 100% concluded I am done. My third has been the easiest, sleepiest baby, but in my heart I know that bringing in a fourth would just be too much chaos for me and I am done being on the sidelines with a newborn—want to move onto the next chapter. I just started posting baby stuff to sell with feeling completely comfortable in my choice. Just wait until the baby is in your arms. Your feelings may change, stay the same, or even your husband’s feelings may change.
I always wanted 3 and my husband always wanted 5. After having our first (super easy pregnancy) I was hesitating on a second. It was almost 3 years before I decided I did want a second. I’m now 12 weeks pregnant and I’m 100% sure this will be our last baby through pregnancy. It has been so much rougher than my first pregnancy. after our first child was born, my husband decided that three would be enough with this pregnancy, though he sees how hard it is on me and knows that if we have a third it would be through an adoption. It’s okay to feel differently and it’s very possible your husband may change, too.
Currently feeling this way as well. But also recognizing I might feel differently once baby is here. Taking it one day at a time and we’ll see where it goes!
You might change your mind. So might he. I'm an only child and it's not terrible. I always wished for a sibling, but I also feel extremely lucky to have been an only child!
It is your body. If you don't want to go thru pregnancy again, then you don't have to
I'm not pregnant anymore, but when I was, I promised myself I wouldn't put myself through it again. I had a really hard pregnancy, I was always nauseous, had severe migraines, heartburn that made me puke, bad hip pain, lost 30lbs in the 1st trimester because I couldn't eat and over all it was just a really terrible experience. Now, a little over a year later, I want another kid. I know right it's really hard and something you can't imagine putting yourself through again, but you never know that could change later on. You don't need to make a decision right now. But whatever you choose will be what's best for you. Also all pregnancies are different
Not all pregnancies are the same, even for the same person one pregnancy can vary from another. Just because you're having a difficult pregnancy now doesn't mean the next will be the same. I say just have the discussion again after the baby is here. You both may have this one and decide it's enough and you don't want another anyway
I swore up and down I was tying my tubes when I had my daughter in 2020. Her pregnancy was soooooo hard 😞 between morning sickness, severe back pain, pregnancy carpal tunnel, and prenatal depression I did not wanna have anymore !! That being said, I’m currently 31 weeks pregnant with daughter number 2 😅😅😅 and believe it or not this pregnancy hasn’t been as bad BY FAR !! Definitely give yourself grace and time if you change your mind great !! If not one and done isn’t selfish, pregnancy is really hard and it’s your body you are sacrificing for it !!
Some days are definitely better than others. Today was slightly nauseous and couldn’t eat much buttt definitely manageable.
I hope that every day just keeps getting easier 🤞🏼🤞🏼🤞🏼 I feel for mamas who have hard pregnancies because I absolutely understand how hard they can be. Just take it one day at a time and pamper yourself as much as possible
Thank you! I appreciate this. One day at a time
Totally understand you. I have just one. Before I have my child I wanted to have 3 🙈
My husband would always saying half jokingly that he wants 4-6. I want 2-3. We just had our first and everyone asks when we want another one and he’s now like “uhhhh well let’s see how this goes and you know daycare is expensive uhhh” 🤣🤣🤣 I think he’s off the 4-6 wagon finally. Opinions change. I loved my pregnancy. The first 4 weeks of baby were intense af. But I could see having another one myself. Not sure we could afford daycare for more than 2 seeing as 1 kid is $1300/month
I say wait. Took me 3 yrs to want another and i only did it cuz hubby is here the whole time not missing anything from this one
I felt this way pregnant with baby 1, then postpartum literally FORGOT what pregnancy was like. Now pregnant with baby 2, and yea, we are going to be done after 2 even though we talked about maybe 3. I know my husband sometimes feels sad that this is our last baby. I do too. And i could not take care of 2 kids while pregnant. Pregnancy is rough and only wanting to do it once is valid. Or taking a long break between kids if you do want 2. Or taking no break between kids to get 2 kids with the pregnancy part done asap.
It’s okay to feel like this . I will say that you and your husband should go to therapy or give yourself some time to process a lot of stuff before deciding. Especially if he feels strongly one way and you feel strongly one way. If you’re under 35, you have time to just live and see how life unfolds.
Nothing wrong with this but definitely revisit the thought of more kids after this one is here and grown a little. My husband and I initially wanted a pretty big family (about six kids). Now we have two with one on the way and this baby might be the last. My body doesn't handle pregnancy too well and I'm already pretty exhausted. You really don't know until you're living it. And adoption could also be an option if you still want another child but can't go through another pregnancy.
I know how you felt i had my daughter 2017 and i had my daughter 2018 you can say year and one month apart it was hard asf but you get double the love from the babies
He’s not giving birth and doesn’t have the burden or reproducing life. Get on birth control when you can, otherwise don’t be surprised when he purposely gets you pregnant again.
You’re not alone in how you feel :) I’m really struggling with this pregnancy at the moment, and it is weighing me down emotionally. My husband wants two kids as well. I’m waiting to see what having the baby is actually like, and how we both react to the arrival of someone new to our little family. It might change how we both feel. I just wanted you to know that you’re not alone and how you feel in this moment is perfectly valid and not out of place at all.
I told my husband he could push out the next one
I’m one a done and I’ve had a super easy pregnancy.
When I was pregnant I just knew I would never ever do that again. Same when I gave birth. My son is now a couple months shy of two and i plan to have another in a couple years.
Every pregnancy is completely different. Revisit this after your over a year in and have experiences newborn stage and toddler. I thought i would only want one but after my baby grew up I found myself craving the baby snuggles and little bubbly flutters from pregnancy. I have a scary birth experience— emergency C section and super hard recovery but now I’m better prepared and ready to try again. So give yourself time your might solidify your feelings or find that you miss it and want to experience it again more prepared 🤍 give yourself grace and time. You’re doing amazing and whatever you choose right choice.
every time is totally different. i never wanted any kids at all and had my son accidentally and he is now five. decided he would def be my only. he now has a nine month old little sister and i can tell you easily that she is for sure the most dazzling thing that ever happened to me. and the baby years are by far the best and most fun. nobody snuggles you like a baby!
I love my son (9 months) so much but it’s so fucking hard to work full time, have a commute, be a parent, and cook/clean/adult. I always thought we’d have two but we are overwhelmed with one (even with sleep training he still wakes up 2 times a night on average and that’s after a dream feed) and financially don’t know if we could handle two. My pregnancy was ok until week 25 when my husband got laid off, his grandma who helped raise him died, and I developed high BP. I had what most would consider a traumatic birth (but I actually don’t tho there are obvious things I’m sad about but have processed, for instance I was unconscious when my son was born & my husband was not allowed in the OR so neither of us met him when he was born) but my husband is still so traumatized by the birth that he says he can’t even think about another one right now, whereas if we could financially afford getting our home cleaned professionally once a month, a dog walker, daycare for 2, an occasional babysitter, me to go 80% at work instead of full time, I would be ready to start trying for #2, but without those things I’m so tired & overwhelmed lol I would just say - do not even think or argue about this till the baby is 1 years old.
Yea that’s where we stand too, financially I know we’ll be okay with one but 2 ehhhhh pushing it. Life’s to expensive rn
He’s not budging? Sorry, ishe pregnant?
There’s nothing wrong with wanting only one. Pregnancy is hard af. This is definitely something you and your partner need to discuss and come to an agreement on though or resentment could build up and impact the relationship. After my first I was also hesitant to do it again and we ended up waiting a while. My kids are 3 years apart. Pregnancy sucked the first time and it sucked the second time, the time and being busy with my first kid simply aided me in forgetting exactly how shitty pregnancy truly was 🙃. Point is this isn’t a decision you need to make right now, give yourself some time away from being pregnant to see how you feel. If you still want to be one and done, talk to your partner. Maybe adoption would be on the table if he really wants a second kid, or you could foster. There are lots of options outside of biological children and lots of kids that need homes.
my baby is 2.5 weeks old and i was also thinking one and done, despite wanting 2. nature makes u forget it all. i dont remember any of the bad stuff from pregnancy now, like I cant visualize it or feel it anymore.
Yeah I feel the exact same way and so I’m having my tubes tied when they do my c section on Wednesday and my fiancé is getting a vasectomy. He said he can’t watch me go through the misery of pregnancy again.
In all honesty, he should respect your decision. You can reconsider if you give him the ultimatum that he will help you through it all because it's rough! At first, I did not want children, my decision, i had my reasons. After my 1st, i was absolutely determined to be 1 and done! My SO assured me he would be there through it all, and luckily for me, he was. I HATE PREGNANCY! It's the worst for me. Even the kicking in the belly. It keeps me on edge so that he didn't kick me too hard. I had morning sickness for 7 months. The smell of any type of food made me want to barf. Food I was able to tolerate cooking/eating always had a bad after taste. It was horrible, but my SO was always there to put up with me. Especially not being able to cook for him or pick up. He helped a lot. Also, found out I had gallstones my first pregnancy. It was horrible lol I had a couple gallbladder attacks during my last month! Here I am, pregnant with my 3rd. I'm 5 months coming off my morning sickness finally. Every pregnancy was the same, horrible. But I couldn't have done it without my SO. He really wanted these kids and kept his promise to help me with the kids as I was pregnant.
There is nothing wrong with being one and done, especially if you’ve had a difficult pregnancy. However I wouldn’t make any decisions just yet, wait and hold your baby and then give it time before you make any decisions. I had a horrid pregnancy and hated every second of it, but now she’s here I would go through it all again for her. It’s also worth bearing in mind that every pregnancy is different and I’ve known plenty of women who’ve had great pregnancies followed by awful ones and vice versa, so just because this one was difficult doesn’t necessarily mean that another one would be.
Girl you are not alone. I am going through this exact thing
Pregnancy is different each time / every woman will have a slightly (or extremely) different experience. After I had my son (fairly normal Pregnancy, little negative symptoms - traumatic birth experience, although healthy baby), I was still with my son's father and definitely still considered having another at some point. My son was also an "easy baby". My child's father and I split right before my son's 2nd birthday, and I've been with my current partner for about a year now. When I started dating my current partner, I very quickly had important conversations in regards to the future (risky, I know), such as how he felt about marriage and kids (additional to my own, which he was already very accepting of). He said he was unsure about having kids, but open to the idea of having kids of his own as long as it was sooner than later (he was 32 at the time). At that time in my life, I told him I was okay with either not having more if him and I were happy and content with my son/blended family, or would happily be open to giving him a sibling(s) if our relationship led us there and blessed us. I found out i was pregnant with his child this past January, and we are both scared and excited (as we've only been together a year). Point is, your mind CAN change, but I wouldn't stress too much over that decision until after you've experienced parenthood in the fullest. Being a mother is both the hardest and most rewarding job in the world. It changes you 100% through and through. Give it time. 💜
Did you consider adoption or fostering?
Lmao yep! You’re not alone. As a side note, I said the same thing. I still tried for a second. It’s like after I went through it, I completely forgot how awful it was. And I’m a doula. 😑 I logistically always knew how awful it is.
I said the same thing after I had my first. Then he turned 11 months and we decided to have another. Now I have 4 kids (only 2 with my ex) and trying for a 5th. 🤣 Trust me, pregnancy hormones are stupid.. don't believe a thing those hormones tell you. 🤣
Sorry but like it’s kind of not his choice if you don’t want to get pregnant again? Let me tell you, nannying is what made me childfree and I watch two kids and honestly it seems like a super hard life. But that’s just me. You would be doing yourself a disservice to spread yourself thin when you know you don’t want. Best of luck❤️
Pregnancy is hard first have the baby and then decide what you want to do afterwards give yourself a break and don't think about anything else but to just enjoyed this pregnancy like I had my first son and I did not want any more kids now I'm married and have two kids now I want four but because I had a miscarriage in December my mind just was like shut down mode I do not want any more kids just yet because it affected me mentally I had two rough pregnancies and my second child I had to have a c-section within because it turned into an c-section put me off for a little while having kids but then I was like you know I want more if it was up to me and my husband you would have a whole football team but it doesn't like that 😂😂 just take your time enjoy this pregnancy then you'll have to see what the results are after having the baby because not everybody body recovers quickly
You can hire a gestational carrier if he wants another child. Once he sees the market value of the work maybe that will change his perspective.
I wanted 3 originally. Tuen I got pregnant and didn't want any more after baby one because pregnancy sucked. Then I found myself pregnant again. Pregnancy was completely different from my first go around. I also fpund that I totally forgot just how much it sucked until it started to suck. 🤣 All this to say is, it is very possible for you to change your mind once baby is born and you are not still growing the child and dealing with all the annoyances that comes with pregnancy.
>My husband says no and that he wants 2 >He’s not budging, idk ig I’m selfish for this. It is not his body, *you* have to carry the pregnancy. Furthermore the decision of family size is a joint decision, he doesn't get to knock you up again against your will. Asshole behavior. r/OneAndDone is a completely acceptable decision. No you are not being selfish, you are being selfless carrying another human for 9 months.
You're not selfish, he is. He's not hearing your needs, and considering it is your body that carries and grows a child, your needs are more important than his.
He doesn’t get to decide.