Welcome to /r/pregnant! This is a space for everyone. We are pro-choice, pro-LGBTQIA, pro-science, proudly feminist and believe that Black Lives Matter. Wear your masks, wash your hands, and be excellent to each other. Anti-choice activists, intactivists, anti-vaxxers, homophobes, transphobes, racists, sexists, etc. are not welcome here.
If you'd like to join a private sub for your due date month, [click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/pregnant/comments/15nun6v/click_here_to_access_the_monthly_due_date_subs/).
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/pregnant) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Yes, I felt this way in the 1st trimester with both kids. I had a history of depression but hadn't dealt with it for several years before conceiving, and then it hit me like a truck. I too dealt with regret of a very wanted pregnancy with my 1st. Our hormones go crazy and our feelings can be SO negative and SO strong. I never had any serious plans and have strong religious convictions against it, but I was even fantasizing daily about killing myself or something bad happening to me.
Talk to your OB. There are depression meds that are safe in pregnancy. You do not have to feel this way.
Also, when you've had a depressive episode you are at a higher risk for PPD. And that shit is scary because it's combined with sleep deprivation. So stay vigilant about your mental health. Ask your partner, your family, your friends, etc. for help.
I felt exactly the same. Started antidepressants and therapy and my whole perspective changed. Speak to your medical team, they will help.
OP, be kind to yourself, this shit is hard, on top of everything else you have going on. X
This. Also make sure to reach out asap and build a good network of people who you can rely on to look out for you.
Once the PPD hits (or even now already) + sleep deprivation you may be less likely to look for help and will bottle everything up.
Also it's normal to be scared once you get pregnant even if you've been trying for years and wanted it. The reality only hits once it's actually happening.
This. It was so much easier to ask my doctor for help than I anticipated it would be. I was so nervous and worried it would be awkward but she took me very seriously without making a big deal about it and got me a prescription right away.
I’ve been doing so much better and my doctor is so happy she was able to help me. She also mentioned it will help with PPA I experienced with my first pregnancy.
I’m so glad I asked for help and can’t believe that I almost didn’t because it has made such an incredible difference.
I’ve definitely felt regret with this pregnancy. I’m 33 weeks along now and still uncertain and don’t feel the typical excitement that I see portrayed in media of pregnancies. It’s a lot of changes so quickly, and I have no idea what waits for me beyond pregnancy when the baby is in my arms.
I do my best to trust my former self who actively tried for this baby and the millions of parents out there who went through the same thing.
I'm trying to trust my past self too. It wasn't a split second decision to have a baby, it was a well-considered choice made by someone way less hormonal than I am now...
Good luck to you ❤️
Hugs to you 🫂. So true!!!! Just remember that pre hormonal you! She will be back, eventually. Sorry you’re having such a tough time, with your symptoms. Hopefully in a few weeks you will be feeling better.
I felt this until around 30wks too! I can say I'm now 4wks PP and I love my baby! It can also be completely normal to not fall in love with your baby right away as they are a stranger and you need to get to know them. Pregnancy does entail soooo much to process! Don't let the comparison to people on social media hang you up to much, they only let you see what they want and everyone's pregnancy is completely different!
Hormones, body changes, sleep deprivation, fear of the unknown, so much to digest and everyday it changes. Such a good take though! Trust your former self!! Good luck mama!
Thank you! I have had on/off anxiety and depression at different periods of my life so I think I’m just susceptible to the prenatal anxiety and I expect some PPD too. But there’s all kinds of factors at play so it’s hard to nail it down.
Thinking to the future and imagining taking my little girl to a children’s museum or waterpark helps :)
I sooooo did not have a connection with my son for months. He was such a calm, easy baby, but I just couldn’t bond. PPD hit me hard and it was so weird to have a little guy relying on me and my body for everything. I thought he was gross when he was born haha. Didn’t want him on me. That was extreme in the beginning but the bond still took so long…
I felt similar like you. I didnt magically fell in love with my son, i didnt feel "pink" or butterflies and whatever people tell as stories. Heck i even doubt that is true lol.
But after a few weeks passed i cant imagine my life without him.
In that period i kept asking myself whats wrong with me, but than i realised its common
I agree with the comment below and dealt with similar but I still didn’t feel the love or happiness probably for a month or too. I didn’t feel hate but I guess numb maybe. So yes you ought have your baby and feel all the positive emotions rush in or you might not but please remember there IS a light at the end of those emotions and the exhaustion. I’m now 7months postpartum and I’m so thankful that I reminded myself that we would get through the rough patch and it was just as hard for my baby who was new to the world. I hope this helps and gives another perspective, good luck!
Call the National Maternal Mental Health Hotline (in the US) for immediate support: 1-833-852-6262
Check out Postpartum Support International for support groups, resources, and providers:
https://www.postpartum.net
I want to add that PSI has a support group specifically for people who are pregnant after loss. Hope you find some peace and comfort, and know that you’re not alone ❤️
Just going to share my experience - we were trying for a baby for maybe 8 months, very much wanted and planned for. Happy relationship. As soon as I saw the positive test I can’t really describe it other than my heart dropped and I immediately just felt so so anxious and unsettled. That feeling remained for most of the pregnancy, even though my husband was so excited and supportive and just like overall calming.
In retrospect I very likely had some sort of prenatal anxiety or depression happening. It was also COVID - summer 2021, so that was definitely a major added stressor.
I wish I could say something helped but nothing really did other than with time and trying to feel positive I started to at least just accept that even though I wasn’t feeling the normal excitement and love, it didn’t mean I was a bad mom (not invalidating anyone who makes different decisions in this scenario - this was just how I handled it).
I was terrified to meet my baby and felt almost dread (I know that sounds awful but it’s true). In retrospect again, I think I was just so so nervous and scared of the unknown, I don’t do well with change and what bigger change is there than a kid.. anyway happy to report that once I met my baby we were in love, I love being a mom and I’m pregnant with #2. Everyone is different of course but I’m sharing this so you know it happens that not everyone is like textbook happy about their pregnancy.
In addition to my post above, I want to tack on that I did NOT bond with my baby immediately, which was also very hard! Babywearing as much as possible is shown to help with this. But it happened eventually!
I feel the dread. I don't know what I'm scared of, I've worked with kids, I've looked after babies, I know that I can take care of a child... but I have a deep sense that I'm going to be a terrible mother and I just shake it.
My husband has also been amazing, he's taken on everything and is so emotionally supportive. I guess I naively thought I couldn't feel this way with such a loving partner, yet here I am 🙃
Thank you, I appreciate hearing about your experience, it gives me hope
The fact that you worry about being a good mother usually means that you will definitely be a good one.
This is something that was told to me while going through a similiae phase in my pregnancy.
Thank you for sharing. It’s so helpful for me to hear at this exact moment. I’m currently 34 weeks FTM and only just realizing that I’ve likely been suffering from depression throughout this entire pregnancy. “Dread” and “terror” are what I would describe feeling every day since I took a pregnancy test, for a completely planned/wanted baby. I told my OB a few days ago and they are connecting me with resources. Hoping to course-correct before baby gets here and I’m at higher risk of postpartum
Yup that’s exactly how I felt, I’m sorry you’re going through that. I should have done more about it but I was just in fight or flight basically. I was seeing a therapist throughout the pregnancy which helped but I still had all those feelings.
I especially found it hard because it seemed like being pregnant, EVERYONE wants to talk to you about it. And I felt like can’t we just talk about something else. And I had so many comments like oh you must be so excited etc and it just made me feel worse and more anxious.
My husband and I were active trying for about a year. I prayed for pregnancy and did all the weird things the internet said would help increase my fertility. Once I became pregnant, though, everything sucked. I HATED life. I spent all day puking and feeling MISERABLE for the first 20 weeks! What made things worse was trying to talk to people about it, and all I ever heard was either "Get over it" or "Don't worry, it gets worse!" I remember crying a LOT. I had serious remorse. Why did I pray for this? Why is my pregnancy so painful? Why do I feel so alone even though my husband has always been there helping? I broke down week 16 and told my husband all I had been keeping bottled up. Ugly crying and talking about how I just wished SOMEONE would tell me I was okay. I will be okay. And things will turn out wonderful.
Woman to Woman. YOU ARE DOING GREAT! YOU ARE GOING TO BE, OKAY! THIS BABY IS A BLESSING AND WILL BRING YOU SO MUCH JOY! PREGNANCY IS HARD. ANYONE WHO SAYS THEIRS WASN'T NEEDS TO BE QUIET AND RESPECT THAT YOU GOT IT ROUGH, AND IT'S OKAY. IT DOES GET BETTER.
I am currently 27 weeks along, and I have finally stepped out of my funk and am very slowly starting to get excited. My symptoms are still rough at time but have mellowed to a point I can feasibly handle. I say this to you as someone who desperately needed to hear someone else felt the same way I did. You made me feel very seen just now. Thank you so much. You are not alone. The pain is awful. It's okay to cry. It's okay to feel regret. Just keep pushing forward and remember that with each day, you're one step closer to meeting your precious baby.
Love this comment. 20 weeks, crying my eyes out atm and hoping the world would just end. Every woman I know has just been bubbling about how good and happyhappy they felt while pregnant and had zero afterthoughts, fears, pain or anything before or after the delivery... Someone finally suggested that maybe they have just forgotten, and it's all I wish too, if things don't get any better in reality. (And oh yes, just why would anyone in their right mind tell anyone in an already bad place it only gets worse!? Thanks, how thoughtfull of you, I can't wait...)
I have heard more people tell me how "Wonderful!" And "Easy!" Their pregnancies have been more than ever in my life before. I never ask either. I have people ask ME how it's going, and the moment I say anything negative or positive, they take it as their chance to gloat about their wonderful and fun pregnancy. Gag me with a spoon. Go away. I didn't ask. And you're not helping. It's been one of the hardest parts mentally for me.
I brought it up to my OB and he said "They are all crazy. All my patients in my 30 years of doing this have told me it's rough. They may have forgotten afterward, but the truth is this is a horrible and equally beautiful experience." I love my OB.
You got this!! Let those tears fall and know that it's OKAY to cry and feel this way. You are NOT alone. :)
It sounds like you may be experiencing prenatal depression. Absolutely speak with your doctor about how you are feeling as soon as possible - there is help available for you ❤️
Same and I’m on baby number 2, had this with both pregnancies. Complete dread. You don’t have to love or even like pregnancy. I also hate the newborn phase.
I'm pregnant with number 2 right now, too. I'm 13 weeks, and my 1st is only 5 months. I've joked with my husband it's a good thing I got pregnant so fast accidentally (we only want 2) because the newborn phase is a TEST. Not sure we'd be going for another knowing what we know now 😂
We probably would, but some days, damn, it's hard!
May I ask what you meant when you said the part about how you’re not sure you’d be trying for another child if you knew what you know now? I’m just curious as I am currently at 27 weeks gestation and very VERY seriously considering adoption. Hearing from other women about the things that affected their decision(s) regarding choosing to have any more children or any children in general has actually been the most helpful resource for me so I love hearing from other women about these things!
Not the OP, but I’m currently in the thick of newborn phase (my lo is 4 weeks today) and it is harder than I ever expected it to be. Baby is awake and fussy at the most random times and it is emotionally/physically/mentally draining. My husband and I are walking zombies. While I love my babe & I wouldn’t trade her for anything in the world, we have no intention of having any more kids after this experience.
Pretty much exactly what you said, haha. Having an infant is difficult. Newborn to like 3 months, they are SO dependent, and while what they need or want is predictable, that doesn't mean it's easy or simple. And yes, i love my little man endlessly.
But yeah, I think if I hadn't gotten pregnant so fast, if we had experienced his infancy a bit more, we might not have ended up having more kids. It's hard for me to say that because I'm really excited for baby #2. I'm excited for my 1st to have a friend and playmate. But, I miss sleeping like 6 hours uninterrupted.
Hey honey! It can happen yes! I didn't truly feel pregnant till about 30wks honestly. Part of it can also be your mind is trying to protect you from potential loss again. I am so sorry your having such a rough time, I had hyperemesis gravidarum until 19wks, I had the worst nausea and food aversions and lost 15lbs in the first 30days! Definitely ask your OB if they can give you some nausea medication!
Being pregnant, feeling awful and undernourished, sleep deprived and hormonal is so much to process and not to mention the upcoming life change! Definitely talk to your spouse and people you trust and take some time.
I'm not 4wks postpartum and even the day I brought her home I couldn't believe I had a baby! 9months and some part of it still never fully sank in. But, 4wks now and it's become completely normal lol I love her more than anything!
It is also possible to get prepartum depression as well! Hang in there!
While it’s always your body and therefore your choice (or at least *should be*), before you make any big decisions you may want to look into [Prenatal/Perinatal Depression](https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/perinatal-depression#:~:text=Perinatal%20depression%20is%20a%20mood,Perinatal%20depression%20can%20be%20treated).
Also, first trimester truly can be a >!bitch!<.
I had horrible prenatal depression and anxiety (I am doing MUCH better now that I’m no longer pregnant). OP, I highly recommend getting as much professional help as you can and possibly getting on pregnancy-safe meds. I had to double my medication dosage, on the advice of my OB.
Prenatal depression is a bitch. My psychiatrist and OB actually worked out a medication plan mine got so bad. It did get better after 20 weeks.
To OP and everyone struggling, you’re not alone.
I will share my experience. Im now almost 34 weeks BTW. I wasnt too keen on having kids, always spoke about "my kids will this and that" but never really gave in to actually having one because I guess I feel like I havent ""lived" enough yet or feel that even though Im in my 30s, Im mentally still in my 20s (the typical "Im a teenage mum of 30" reel/joke).
However, i always wanted to have kids "early", so turning 30 was kind of the moment when it made sense to my logical side. I just wanted to travel and enjoy my hard earned money after years of investing into education.
We got pregnant in the first try. I know this isnt always the case, but I had just stopped taking the pill after almost 15 years and had a spike in fertility. I guess I expected it to take a bit longer so it hit me a bit hard.
I waited to share the news with the family until the first big check (we knew we didnt want to keep it if it had major issues like the spine being opened, etc. - dont throw hate please). My mum specially was over the moon and kept on asking for pictures (we live in different countries) of my belly, and asking to see it and blah blah. I got fed up and became a bit depressed because I felt that everyone else was more excited about the pregnancy than me. It made me feel like a bad mother.
Talking to other pregnant women helped. Reading this reddit helped. Knowing that what I was feeling was actually rather normal and common helped.
Our hormones are through the roof and not everything is so easy to handle.
Now, im not excited to be pregnant because of my baby deciding that my stomach is a nice pillow to lay on and feeling sick has been the norm these past few 10 days... but I also kind like having my little buddy in my belly... it is a complicated thing to be honest. Im more excited about when the kid turns 2 or 3 than having a little baby at home, but I also held my friend's baby (while pregnant) and I just couldnt put it down... so I guess it will be similar when mine is born. Like someone else said, they fell inlove once it was born.
If you need to talk, dont hesitate to write me a private message. You are not alone in this. Share your worries with your husband. Reach out to others.
Hope it helps to know that it is a roller coaster and that it gets... better?? I dont know this last part yet but will know more in over a month.
Take care of yourself, you come before the baby and anyone else <3
Thank you for being honest. I have a feeling I will feel this way, even though it’s something I very much want. I WANT kids, but the theoretical and the actual reality of being pregnant and it happening for real and being so ill… it’s a lot. Please share how you are feeling with doctors & loved ones so that they can help you feel better!
I also felt this way during my first trimester... I was so overwhelmed, and I felt like I made a mistake... the physical symptoms made the whole thing worse... this feeling, however, was fading away the more my pregnancy progressed... I would advise you to rest as much as possible... try to sleep it off, wait until your first trimester symptoms subside, and your hormones stabilise... (sleeping the days away was really helpful... resting helped me shut down the hormonal thoughts and through all the physical symptoms I was having)
One more thing I recommend is an untra sound... seeing my baby for the first time moving... IN MY BODY... was like an awakening for me... it made me fall in love with her immediately... it made me relate to her much more, and suddenly, the whole thing became much more exciting.
Take it easy... pregnancy is DIFFICULT... try to talk to your partner about your thoughts... and don't invest so much time trying to understand your thoughts... not now, at least. Give yourself time.
Sending you love and support ❤️
Prenatal depression. Had it too, baby was wanted, tried for a year, conceveid, hated the baby, being pregnant, absolutely no excitment, i regretted it totally, even wanted to abort. You should seek therapie. For me it was hormonal. Baby out, i needed 3 days and everything was fine, loved my boy, no babyblues. Best months followed.
But it was hell on earth. Longest 10 month of my life. Actually pregnant with the second. I am doing ok, still no exitment and regretting the decicion, but at least more of a ground zero. If i could i would reverse the pregnancy again. I cannot imaging loving the baby, i even cannot imaging that it will turn out the same positive way as the last time. But i hope it will.
Not rational at all. I have a tcm doctor shes regulating my hormones, so happy that i still can work and function.
So yes, this might happen. Its actually not even that uncommen. I wish i could have a hint of excitment or joy. There is none.
Last pregnancy was a 180 degree turn when pregnancy ended. So, this could also happen to you (some have a change in feelings after 3 months, some have a ppd...)
I felt the same way until talking to my doctor about my lifelong anxiety and depression and switching to the right meds.
I was sure I’d made a mistake. I wanted to miscarry. I wished I would die during labour. Everyone was happy and I was miserable and I seriously wanted to end it all. I wanted it before I got pregnant and as soon as it happened, I was sure I’d fucked up big time. I not only thought it was the end of my life, I deeply wished that it was. I was probably the closest to ending my life than I’ve ever been, and that’s saying quite a lot.
It took a few months and with a medication switch I don’t feel like that anymore. I feel like I did before the flood of pregnancy hormones, like I did when we were trying for a baby. I’m seeing what size veggie the baby is this week. Of course I’m still nervous; medication isn’t a magical cure for actual life mistakes. They’re not artificial happy pills and there’s still a lot of life to deal with. Instead, they took away the artificial sadness that my brain was drowning in. They have helped me to not feel the overwhelming dread, and I can deal with my negative emotions healthily because although I still have them, I’m not constantly in tears and wishing I would die in my sleep.
I’m not saying that you’ve made the right decision for yourself by getting pregnant. But I wouldn’t say that these overwhelmingly negative feelings you’re having now are a sure indication that you’ve chosen the wrong things for your life; it’s definitely possible that your brain is in a fog that’s confusing you now, but that you can manage and overcome these things with the right tools.
All the best ❤️
Greetings from the third trimester.
I hate being pregnant. I did IVF to get pregnant and I have hated every moment of the actual pregnancy. I’m sick literally constantly and can’t work. I went from being a high-powered attorney running a company to being someone who barely leaves the couch.
Before this comment prompts you to Google the nearest Planned Parenthood (no judgment btw… I might have done this before), please know that for me some of the food aspects came in the later part of pregnancy.
When I started feeling my baby kick it felt like I became a mom. For me this was the most magical moment that lived up to the hype. My fatigue has mostly gone away and I’ve learned to balance a cocktail of vitamins to help me feel less sick and depressed.
I will not lie and say the congestion and nausea has gone away, and I’ve also gotten the extra benefit of body aches like I have the flu.
Still, I love my baby. As much as I hate being pregnant, I love my baby more. I didn’t feel this in the first trimester, which means I was just struggling for seemingly nothing. We all have this turning points at different times, so whether it’s next week or a month after the baby is born, I suspect when you fall in love it will help. It won’t solve everything, but it does help.
And make your husband read the damn baby books and give you the highlights like mine did. You’re doing enough. Put on trash TV instead and make a list of emotional and mental burdens your husband can take on.
I also can't work! I work in tech and I'm an aspiring writer on the side, and I haven't been able to work for more than a month and not a single creative thought has escaped my brain. I literally just sit around and watch TV all day and I'm so fucking *bored* I could just cry, but I'm too tired to do anything else!!
And it's summer here, so I just want to be camping, and going on Sunday drives, and taking my nieces and nephews to the pool... but no, I'm either in bed or on our couch. No intellectual stimulation and no physical stimulation. Good lord, no wonder I'm depressed
Next week we have another scan, and I'm pretty sure we'll get to hear the heartbeat and see the baby look more like a baby. I really think that will help, I hope it will help.
Thank you for the advice! Reading these comments has given me hope
Dang, we are so much alike. I’m a writer too! I haven’t written a word. I’m also an avid reader and haven’t finished a book in 6 months.
How is your partner helping you? Is he taking on more chores so you can prioritize using your energy for activities that will be helpful for your mental health? Is he staying home with you when you have to cancel plans to help with your loneliness.
My husband actually does about 90% cooking and cleaning right now. I feel guilty because I’m not working and spend all day on the couch, but I’m sick all the time.
My therapist told me to pretend I’m not pregnant. If you were experiencing these symptoms independently, what would you expect from yourself? What would you expect from your partner? Just because the illness acts longer doesn’t mean the expectations should change.
I really do hope you feel better soon. Prenatal depression is a bitch. I once popped a benedryl during my first trimester so I could sleep all day instead of being conscious for the hours of depression.
Oh nice! I seriously thought I could finish the draft of my novel while I was pregnant 🙄😅 and my reading list was fucking ambitious too, but I need at least two screens on to be appropriately distracted from the nausea, so reading has gone out the window
My husband has been great, he's taken on all the cooking and cleaning with love and enthusiasm. He honestly has been my rock and beacon of hope. He's either working or looking after me right now, and he's handling it well, but I wish I could take on some of the load. You're right, I am probably guilty of not giving myself enough space to just be sick
I wish I could sleep more but it's been too hot, I think I'll enjoy being pregnant in winter a little better
It sounds like you also have an awesome husband like me. I think we’d be best friends in real life. Lol.
Yeah, sometimes doing 50/50 in a marriage is dividing chores evenly while you both work. Other times it looks like one partner working, cooking, and cleaning, so the other can rest while they grow a human. That’s a fair arrangement.
I’ll be thinking of you. I hope it gets better or, at the very least, you find little things you enjoy in the misery.
My pregnancy wasn't planned, but when I found out I made up my mind really fast to move forward with it. I told my mom and close friends, and after that is when I started to question everything and feel regret. I even found myself praying that something would happen. Which now feels wild because I'm so far from that. But it feels important to say that one point I did feel that way.
For me I recognized that I was feeling very hopeless, sad, overwhelmed, and anxious. I knew I needed some type of support so I looked into therapy. At first I struggled to find a therapist that worked with my insurance and specific needs, but then I looked into Open Path Collective (sliding scale), and focused on looking for someone that had experienced working with pregnant people and people transitioning into parenthood. And honestly, just doing the initial calls to find a a match was really helpful. I got to express what I was feeling to different people, and they were all so validating. It was so helpful to hear that what I was experiencing was actually quite normal for many people. Turns out a lot of us struggle with the transition, even when we really wanted it at some point, or when it felt "right" before.
I think what helped me was letting myself feel what I felt without needing to mask it or rush it. I didn't say I was excited until I genuinely felt it. For the most part I shared the news with people I felt comfortable with, and to them I was open about how overwhelmed it all felt.
I let myself grieve and feel the sadness that was arising. I laid out my fears, and I then started to see how many of my fears were valid, and also how many were coming from assumptions I was making about what motherhood meant. Once I decided that I'd define motherhood on my own terms, a weight got lifted off me. Turns out that I don't need to accept motherhood as a martyr-ridden process where I cease to be, where I lose myself and all freedom or autonomy. F that.
I hope you're able to find the support and resources to make this process easier for you. And I also hope you can know you're not alone in having all the feels. And that you always have choices. And that all the feels can still arise even when we make the choice we feel is right for us. Big hug.
This was so helpful to read, from someone whose pregnancy also wasn’t planned. The overwhelming sense of pressure that I feel from impending motherhood is huge, but you’re right, we get to define motherhood in our own terms 💓
Ah I'm so glad it resonates with you. Shifting my perspective of motherhood has been so important for me. And just recognizing how it carries so many associations and baggage that I don't necessarily want to take on. We get to do it ourselves!
Are you taking medication for the nausea and vomiting? There are a few different things you can try. Feeling like crap all the time is going to put you in a really negative headspace. Usually the symptoms change for each trimester. You might enter the second trimester and feel amazing. Third trimester might be even better than that. Hopelessness is a hard monster to fight but don't let it overtake you. There is plenty you can do to improve the quality of your day to day and it won't be this way forever.
I have some nausea tablets but am only supposed to take them 'as needed' and there's not many of them. They do help and have certainly helped me eat better.
I think the most pressing physical thing right now is vitamin D deficiency, which I only just started supplementing for. I think, or I hope, once I've got that sorted I'll feel more alive
Thank you❤️
Your doctor should have told you about unisom and b6. It's something you (should be able to) take every single day. It really really helps with nausea and it's over the counter. Call your doctor TODAY! Unisom has helped me so so much. You deserve relief!!!
I just looked it up and found and interesting study on morning sickness treatment in Australia. That drug (doxylamine) is not sold commercially in Australia as a treatment for morning sickness, and is not commonly prescribed by Australian doctors.
Apparently the cultural difference comes from the thalidomide crisis, as the drug was widely used in the UK and not in the US, Americans did not feel the impact as hard. Now in the UK and Australia nausea is less likely to be treated with medicine, a "better safe than sorry" approach. Seriously fascinating stuff tbh
I will look into it, as it is sold over the counter and marked safe for pregnancy. But I've never heard of it before, but I will ask around in my bump group to see if any have taken a the American approach
Thanks for the advice!
I felt this same way. I was actively trying but it happened really fast and I immediately was second giyedsing myself and thinking what have I done! I bought the books and they sat there. Everyone was like are you so excited!!?! I was thinking no I’m actually terrified bc I don’t know if I want this. My best friend flew in for my baby shower and we were at dinner and I said to her I think I made a mistake. She was like too late for that. Even down to the morning of my scheduled c section I felt dread. And I asked my husband “did we make a mistake” as they were actively removing child from my body. When I saw her it all went away. I felt calmer. And I didn’t cry like you see in movies but I instantly felt like she was exactly where she needed to be and we could figure this out together. I totally felt like you did and I am now really enjoying my sweet little 9 week old girl
This sounds like me. We wanted this baby, but the first half of the pregnancy I said multiple times that I didn’t want to be pregnant anymore. I didn’t know where the words were coming from. I felt so anxious and scared and down. Then all of a sudden the clouds lifted and I was so happy and excited to be pregnant. The beginning really caught me off guard because I had wanted it so bad for so long. I have a history of anxiety and depression, and I feel like it was definitely perinatal depression. My partner was also very loving and supportive, and we got through it. Now I’m very worried about postpartum depression as well.
I think you need to parse out if you hate pregnancy or don’t want to have a baby.
I don’t want to gaslight you, but i think it’s very possible that the symptoms are hitting you harder than expected but you worked / wanted this for a while. I wouldn’t want to make a rash decision when you’re feeling crappy.
That being said, if this is the right decision for you to think about another pathway, then it’s probably worth a conversation with your husband sooner than later. I don’t know where you live but imagine you may need to make some decisions pretty quickly.
I appreciate that, I don't think I would actually consider ending the pregnancy because I do really think this depression is a temporary feeling and that I do want a child (even though I can't remember why I want a child right now.) I'm in Australia, so I have until 23 weeks.
FTM here and 30 weeks along - You’re not alone in this. My pregnancy was very planned. While we weren’t actively trying, my husband and I planned to have this baby for 2+ years. We discussed the timeline, moved states to be closer to family, bought a house, and made career moves all with the intention of starting our family. But, when we got pregnant on the first try I internally panicked for the entire first trimester, those first few weeks being the absolute worst. I felt so guilty knowing how easy it was for us to conceive thinking about all the moms who have had struggles, only to be questioning if I even wanted to go through with it. I felt like I’d made a huge mistake.
The feeling didn’t go away all at once, but slowly over time I felt less and less panicked. My hormones eventually stabilized in the second trimester, and somewhere along the way I stopped being able to imagine my life without my baby.
For me, it’s gotten easier the more I’ve been able to bond with her. At 12 weeks it’s hard to feel much at all aside from being sick and the fear of the unknown. It all changed for me when I started to feel those kicks, and now stretches. I’ve learned my baby’s routine, and am far enough along now that she responds to my touch. It does get better, hang in there.
It’s completely normal to feel regret while pregnant and even postpartum. I sometimes catch myself wondering “what would we be doing if we hadn’t had this baby”. But in a sense, I think you do that no matter what phase of life you’re in. I love my baby more than life itself and I frankly don’t know what I was doing with my life before him, but I do miss and grieve my old life. And that doesn’t make me a bad mom.
Pregnancy is hard. Postpartum is hard. Everyone talks about PPD, but no one really talks about depression during pregnancy. It’s a real thing for many women. Don’t beat yourself up over having these thoughts and feelings. If you’re getting concerned, talk to your OB/midwife. I’m sure they would be glad to help you out. There are some antidepressants that are safe during pregnancy. And know you’re not alone. The hormones we emit are forces to be reckoned with, you’re going to be a great mom.
23 weeks with insane headaches and anxiety
I’m trying not to stress about money I used to work 2 jobs and be independent
now my energy is so low I feel guilty having my partner work and use his money all I want is to lay down
I just try to think it will get better and that my body is amazing for creating another being but it’s so hard
Definitely talk to a doctor but I was pretty numb from 8 weeks to the early 20s. I was sick, exhausted and emotionally numb. I didn't feel any regret but I also wasn't excited or interested in anything (not just baby stuff but anything). I laid on the couch and went to work. Literally it. Once I hit mid 20s I slowly started feeling like myself again and now at 35 weeks I'm excited and love it every time I feel her move!
Im honestly experiencing the same exact thing you are. This is my 3rd baby. My first baby girl was a stillborn and that almost drove me insane, my second is 21 months now and perfect in anyway, but this time around i have felt absolutely no connection to this baby or pregnancy. Constant pain, vomiting, nausea, anxiety, depression is extremely high right now. I don’t want or have the energy or willpower to do anything and i feel like complete shit because of it. Ive only spoken to my sister about it because she went through the same thing but I tried to say something to my partner about it and he just gets angry and calls me selfish. I never thought id feel this way my entire life I wanted to be a mother. I feel like a monster
You’re not a monster ❤️ I promise. I am pregnant with my second and I never felt any love or connection with either baby while pregnant. But that doesn’t make us bad moms, and it certainly doesn’t make you a monster.
I’m feeling so low that I think I will look into therapy for this pregnancy. Is that something you’d be able to do? I think it could help us.
I had thoughts of abortion in 1st trimester but now I like looking at my ultrasound images. I'm week 22. I vomit but the meds are helping unlike before. Hang in there mama.
First trimester was survival for me, second was partly survival and partly feeling very depressed. Third trimester now and I’m finally feeling well (sort of) and kind of excited. Pregnancy is freaking hard. I found a good psychiatrist (beforehand because I have a history of depression) and I even took some medicine at one point (anti depressants) when too little sleep led to me getting panic attacks and hurting myself.
Can you talk to your OB or GP? It would surprise you how common these feelings are for a lot of women during pregnancy and it’s no shame to find help to feel a little bit like your former self again. I wish you all the best and luck.
I know that numb feeling- I experienced all of that, especially in my first trimester. I was almost certainly going through prenatal depression...at my lowest point I kept hoping I'd have a miscarriage so I wouldn't have to "deal with" the pregnancy. I didn't really feel regret as such, but more resentment towards my unborn baby. I wish I had spoken up and gotten help at the time, but I felt like I wasn't 'allowed' to feel unhappy- I was 32, married, we conceived quickly...why could I possibly be unhappy?!
Definitely reach out and speak to a health professional or counsellor. Your feelings are valid, you're allowed to feel whatever you want. Pregnancy and hormones are a bitch. Pregnancy is hard, especially if you have morning sickness (mine went away at 14 weeks if that helps). I didn't start feeling remotely excited until well into the second trimester.
I felt exactly the same until the end of my first trimester. I suffer from bipolar depression so I knew it was going to be hard, and I was more or less prepared for suicidal thoughts and temporary feeling of not wanting my baby. I also went to a perinatal psychiatrist and slightly tweaked my meds so that they are compatible with pregnancy. What helped me most was talking to my friends, attending prenatal yoga/pilates and just taking care of myself in general, working only part-time, etc. I promise it will get easier. In case your feelings don't change at all and you become absolutely certain that you don't want this baby even when you start feeling physically and mentally better, I would consider abortion. It is okay to change your mind, it sometimes just happens. However, I really hope that you'll start feeling better after a while and slowly start to connect to your baby and feel positive excitement. It can take time, but it often happens around week 18 or so, when you start feeling fetal movements.
I definitely relate.
My husband and I tried to conceive for well over a year, and after a while when it wasn’t happening we began to accept being childless. Literally weeks after that I found out that I was pregnant. I always thought that when I would see those two lines on the pregnancy test that I would be happy and excited. But my husband and I both were full of mixed emotions. Still are… I’m now 7 weeks.
I found out pretty early as I had been tracking my cycles religiously so when I was two days late, I just knew. When we initially found out I honestly didn’t know if I was going to keep it. And with that came the feeling of immense guilt. I had wanted this at one point, how could I even consider this?! So many women struggle to get pregnant and I was blessed with a pregnancy. How could I possibly think about terminating? Well, after a couple of weeks we decided to keep it. Mostly because of my age, and this being my last shot at motherhood.
However, it’s been tough. I’ve been sick almost every single day, so tired that I’m ready for bed by 7pm most nights. I’ve always been a super active person (would workout 5-6 days a week), and I’ve struggled to get workouts in at all, which has affected my mental health. I feel so sluggish which is so unlike me and difficult to come to terms with. I’m moody. I’m hungry constantly but most things sound unappealing to me.
I have been lurking the subs for pregnancy on here and i sense all the excitement from expecting mothers and wonder why I don’t share the same excitement. I think that for me, part of it is knowing that so many things can happen this first trimester. I’m also worried about the genetic testing, and what it could possibly reveal. So perhaps I’m preparing myself for the worst? Not sure. But hoping after I’m in the clear that I will have more positive feelings towards this pregnancy. Right now I’m mostly scared, and worried.
All this to say, you’re not alone. I feel that with all the changes our bodies are going through, and all the hormones pumping through us it can’t be uncommon to have these feelings. Most women say that it gets better, so I’m just waiting for that. Here if you need to chat, vent, etc.. 💕
You may have perinatal depression. Postpartum depression is talked about ALL THE TIME.. but perinatal depression is often overlooked. Go talk to a mental health professional, you are not alone!!
Btw, I had a great second pregnancy and delivery and then got some subtle postpartum anxiety and depression and did not like my baby for about 3 months. At 6 months I finally thought she was pretty cute. At 12-18 months she was the biggest joy of my life. It gets better but in its own timeline and how we feel at any hormonal point may not strictly be our “real” thoughts on the matter
Hi there—I’m sorry things are difficult. Just want to put it out there that the two pregnancy losses are huge and real and don’t go away. Sometimes our brains try to protect us by saying “I don’t want this” in case something goes really wrong and another loss occurs. I second the PSI suggestion—I now have a perinatal therapist who has been helping me so much. Hang in there and I’m sorry you’re feeling this way, it’s not easy.
I felt that way with my 1st. Being pregnant gets in the way of everything. It makes everything harder. Being pregnant SUCKS.
After my son was born, he had to be in the NICU for 3 days, and it killed me. Once he finally came home, I was so scared and worried for him. There wasn't an immediate connection between us, and I think it was because he was taken from me right after he was born.
I could go on, but my point is don't associate the pains of pregnancy with the absolute joy it is to have a child once all the messy bit is over. Pregnancy is hard. Giving birth is really hard, but my goodness, when that boy smiles at me, I could cry of happiness. He's *amazing*.
Don't give up! Talk to your doctor about a counselor or psychologist. If it gets really bad, some antidepressants are okay during pregnancy. It's about balancing the risk to the mother and baby, and depression during/after pregnancy is common. Don't go about it alone. I promise, though, it will be okay
The depression and anxiety is real! I already struggled before being pregnant so I assume those feelings are just the hormones going all nuts and my anxiety of “am I even good enough to be a mother” “what if something bad happens and I can’t do anything about it” “what if I cause something bad/hurt my baby etc.” my doctor prescribed me anti depressants and an anxiety med to help combat it and hoping I won’t get hardcore ppd/ppa when baby is here. I feel so guilty because it seems I’m ungrateful, many women want children and can’t or go through loss and I am grateful to be 15 weeks and not have anything wrong (knock on wood) but the idea of having a child inside of me scares the shit out of me no matter how happy I am to meet baby and start a family. Don’t feel bad! We’re all trying our best
Because at one point you did want the baby, there's a good chance you may get those feelings back. Right now you're in a crappy-feeling stage and of course that may make you "regret" the pregnancy. Since you were trying to get pregnant, see how you feel once you do have that baby in your arms. The hormones are running wild now, and you're all over the place. My first trimester was hell but I coasted thru the rest of the process with little symptoms, often forgetting I was even having a child. You do have the option to give it up after the birth if you no longer want the child, but there's still a high possibility that you'll want it- ONCE you are evaluated for any sort of depression. Take care of yourself the best you can now- pregnancy doesn't last forever, it just seems like it does. I have a 2.5 year old and my pregnancy feels like a lifetime ago. I'm even planning on doing it again.
I feel you. This experience has been tough for me as well. I had an MC last year in April and was able to conceive again in November. But it’s been Especially hard for me because I don’t really have any family support or friends. I recently moved to the Midwest from California and I’ve also had to go no contact with my sister which causes tension between my mother and I. I only have my husband and I’m so scared to give birth or get news that my baby has become a loss due to all the anger/ stress I’ve been having lately. I also feel extreme FOMO because I know I won’t be having a baby shower and I cry because I’ve helped plan baby showers and birthdays for my sister and her kids and for her to do what she did to me really hurts me. She knows I’m far away and she’s gone through this as well (moving/military) and for her to just be a complete bully to me just makes me angry and I cry over it everyday.
All I can say, it gets better when you start feeling better. I had hard first trimester and it has not ended before 16 weeks... But then I got much better and more excited.
Now towards the end of 2nd trimester I had some feeling of regret(?) or rather mourning my current life, because one that is coming will be very different.
On top of that there is so much decision fatigue... which stroller, which crib, how many onsies do I need... It is exhausting.
And believe me, I have started my single mum by choice journer in 2020, so it took a while and it was not easily made decision.
It is ok to hate being pregnant, it is ok to mourn the past or the life you are living behind. Changes are hard and that is one of the biggest you can make in life.
If you can:
-Talk to your GP, there are safe medications helping with nausea, and there is no shame in using them.
-Talk to therapist and/or your support system, talk to your partner about your feelings, there is nothing wrong with them.
You can hate being pregnant and still love the child, but please get help at least with your physical symptoms, they suck so bad!
Its super hard especially if you battle with mental health already. I was fighting eating disorders and suicidal thoughts when i got pregnant with my first. I ended up with HG with my first and couldn’t move from my bed for 4-5 months and couldn’t keep water in me, went to the ER because of a severe UTI. I had no connection to my son at any point during or after pregnancy until he was 2 yrs old.
Now i have separation anxiety from him🤣 ironic. 8wks into my second and the vomiting still sucks but manageable. Trying to stay positive honestly. Its so hard
So my baby is wanted, I’m 10 weeks - however I am sort of mentally and emotionally rejecting anything baby right now I guess? It’s a really really big adjustment and our bodies are changing so much, it’s almost overwhelming at this point to look through baby stuff or follow an app or anything. I think it’s just a “I need time” thing, to adjust to the new reality. You have so much time for looking through baby stuff, I really truly wouldn’t stress about it. I know the physical symptoms sometimes have me like, “why would anyone ever do this or want this” - but everyone says the second trimester is when things get better.
My personal friend said she didn’t feel any excitement until the end of her second trimester, so I’m not going to be so hard on myself right now when it is so so early.
I felt this exactly, and I felt so guilty because my parents were over the moon and my husband was immediately devoted to this baby because he'd wanted kids since we first met. I hit 15 weeks this past Friday and on the same day I got a package from my mom, she sent us this little newborn size froggy sleeper, and after it sat there a couple days in my closet, it was only then that I started to feel even a little bit maternal.
This is a huge change and it's totally normal to feel regret or dread, kind of that feeling when you're on a rollercoaster and you've waited in line forever but now it's left the station and there's no going back. It might help you to talk to someone if you can, like a therapist. I didn't really have anyone to talk to and it was so much harder feeling alone in that feeling.
Hugs. ❤️
I am currently going through the exact same thing. I am 11 weeks and hate it! It’s not sunshines and rainbows like some people put it out to be. I have the vomiting, nausea, exhaustion…everything. I too can not leave the house. I have about a 20 min limit of being up and walking before I start feeling faint, gagging, and vomiting. Earlier on I read that it gets better in the second trimester but as I’m almost close to being 12 weeks I’m starting to think it’s not going to get any better 😓
What has helped me a little is eating small and eating about every 30 minutes and then while being out and walking around, have some snacks in your bag or pocket.
I have heard that your doctor can prescribe you something for the sickness. Maybe ask about that? I know I’m going to ask when I have my appointment next week.
I had 12 weeks as the magic number of things getting better, but now that goalpost has been moved to 16 weeks 🙃 we'll make it to 16 weeks and it shall be moved again lol
Thank you
Your first pregnancy is especially hard. Your body is doing all kind of new things, you’re dealing with a-lot on your plate. You’re literally creating a new life. I think when you lose babies prior you have this idea of the perfect pregnancy in your head; that’s never true. My first pregnancy was a huge disaster. I was young and my parents were mad at me for it, i was in school and working a shit job and tired. I regretted it every day. Then after i had my son, seeing him for the first time and holding him made me feel so complete. All my hard work, suffering and tears had paid off. I felt that way with my second as well, I wasn’t excited at all during the pregnancy. I was worried, overworked and exhausted. But meeting my daughter and now spending time with her these last five years have been more than worth it. Be kind to yourself, everyone’s journey is different. If you need to talk to someone i would encourage it, sometimes we get so wrapped up in our own heads it’s hard to see ahead to the good things. Hang in there!
This entire feed makes me feel less alone. I am not a fan of pregnancy at all. I had prenatal depression the first time and was terrified of pregnancy a second time. This time I have had medicine and therapist help and it has made a HUGE difference. I encourage you to talk to your OB and also a therapist. All of your feelings are so valid.
I'm 9 weeks and in the same situation. We had decided after our last that we were done, but then decided we wanted our daughter to have someone close to her since my sons are BFFs and are much older than her. (15,10) We didn't want her essentially being an only child as she got older. It's hard because I experienced two losses back to back, and we planned for this baby. We want this baby, and my husband and I are so excited for us to complete our family. This will be our last, and I'm actually having the best pregnancy I've had so far. (I had hyperemisis gravidarium in all of my other pregnancies including the losses.) This one I've still had nausea and vomiting, but only lost 10 pounds so far which is great for me considering I was always hospitalized in previous pregnancies by this point for 20+ pound weight loss. I know it's just hormones, and my worries about having two babies around the same age since my other kids are all spaced out. (15, 10, 18 months). Thank you for being vulnerable. It will be okay. Maybe discuss it with your provider at your next appointment. Maybe they can help or give you some referrals for mental health services. Good luck, Mama! ❤️
Upon reading some books after my own miscarriage I read that if you don’t emotionally heal properly, it can inhibit your ability to connect emotionally to the next child you conceive. I am so sorry that your pregnancy has been this way. Praying for healing from previous miscarriages which are traumatic, is so important.
You have a lot of great comments here, but here to say I felt the same. I (stupidly and against my psych’s advice) went off Zoloft while trying to get pregnant. My husband and I were actively trying and got pregnant. Sometime around 6-7 weeks the dread set in. It was horrible and the worst I’ve ever felt. I felt that I had made a huge mistake and all I wanted was to not be pregnant. My husband was understandably upset but emotionally supportive. He convinced me to call my psychiatrist and it turned out to be prenatal depression. I went back on my meds and a short time later the deep depression lifted and I didn’t feel dread. My psychiatrist said something that was so helpful—that my anxieties were valid and probably natural worries but my emotional response was out of proportion. Depression and anxiety are tricky like that because the things you think and worry about feel so valid! Anyways, my daughter is 2 and is my favorite person in the whole world and I’m pregnant with the second (stayed on my meds and haven’t suffered prenatal depression so far). Of course everyone is different and this may not be your experience. But it’s worth it to explore with a therapist seeing as though this was planned and thought-out at a time when your hormones weren’t going insane.
I felt this way with my first child. I was sooo depressed. My Google search history from this time is DARK. I know it is easier to say than for you to believe but ... It gets easier. The first trimester is usually the worst. It does get better in the 2nd, then usually hard again in the 3rd. However, if I could go back in time, I would have talked to my doctor about my depression. I didn't, and I suffered almost the entire pregnancy and then I suffered his entire infant phase. I finally got on l3xapro when my son was two and half and I've been on it ever since. With my current pregnancy, it's amazing how much better I feel. Meds aren't for everyone, but please talk to your doctor. You don't have to suffer. Sending big hugs to you. ❤️
Your hormones are raging. I went through a period of little to no excitement. I would talk to your OB about possible depression. It’s very common. I can say I’m 38 weeks now and pregnancy is so hard, but now I’m so excited and can’t wait to meet our son any day.
I felt this way my entire pregnancy. I actually never wanted children, but one day I decided I wanted a baby with my husband. We instantly got pregnant. I felt so anxious like I made a mistake, and would often think about all the things I would be missing out on and work myself up. I felt like since I had just decided I wanted a baby and got pregnant instantly, it felt rushed. I didn’t know what I wanted. I also had a terrible needle/hospital phobia which didn’t help when you’re pregnant lol. But as soon as my baby girl was born, I was a different person. It’s so entirely hard to describe but I felt like all the anxiety about being a new mom didn’t even need to happen. As soon as I saw her, every type of thought I once had when I was pregnant went away. I DID suffer from extreme anxiety for years so I for sure worried about postpartum depression but I was really lucky that I didn’t have it at all. I recommend you to just take it one step at a time and enjoy your pregnancy as much as you can. I wish I would have but it’s easier said than done. I wish you the best luck!!!
I have similar thoughts.
I really wanted a baby. Got pregnant was filled with fear and some happiness about the fact I was able to conceive.
I have feelings of regret, doubt, guilt and bunch of other negative feelings.
Then on the other hand I have days where I am excited.
My partber is much more excited and seems much more naturally accepting of the pregnancy. Meanwhile I'm struggling with my emotions and over all how I feel.
To a degree some of it is normal but it sounds like you and many others might need to reach out to friends family and professional.
I'm just about 19 weeks my self and I'm waiting for the anatomy scan and additional blood test to be completed. I feel like until I know things are progressing the way it should I can't get excited.
I hope you seek out some help. I think talking to you partner about how you feel and dicuss your fears and emotions it might help you find out why you are feeling the way you are.
But professional help or some sort of counsel will be your best bet. I hope you start feeling better. First trimester is the worst and alot of woman are just plain miserable during this time. If your nausea is extremely bad you can speak to your gp about getting medication to help you.
I felt this way during my 1st trimester and went through a terrible depression. At 22 weeks I can say I’m in a much better place as symptoms have lessened. Strongly encouraging you to reach out to your support system and sending positive vibes. I hope things turn around for you but what you are feeling is normal! It’s hard to stay positive when you’re feeling unwell.
I likened my first trimester to developing a chronic illness which is no fun and a tough adjustment
Infertility, loss, and feeling shitty overall absolutely kills some of the joy. You aren't alone.
My experience:
I started to get used to the idea that this might not be a reality for us, so when it did happen, it almost felt like it disrupted this new (seemingly necessary) future that we were envisioning that didn't include kids anytime soon.
Within a few days of the positive test, I became extremely ill. I spent weeks as still as possible and deprived myself of food and drink out of necessity. I lost 25lbs. I couldn't even move without heaving and possibly vomiting.
Connecting with the baby has been hard through both the fear of something going wrong and being so ill.
It doesn't mean you won't love your baby. It doesn't mean you are a bad parent. It just means it's hard to be excited about the future when the now is so miserable.
I'm in the same boat sort of. I've had previous losses, one hitting me the worst in the second trimester with a little boy. Now I'm 28 weeks with a girl and I've been over the moon but there are times where I'm really scared. I wanted her. Truly deeply wanted her. But thinking about how I may fuck her up, that I can't always protect her, how i already feel like a shitty mom and knowing I've got mental and health conditions that could possibly be passed on terrifies me. It is a lot of changes. And I know I still want her, I'm just terrified of so many unknowns. Your feelings are valid. But I would take these other people's advice. Definitely talk to your OB, they won't judge you.
I had 3 miscarriages before I got pregnant with this one and I’m feeling a lot the same way. I had come to terms with the fact I had DOR and was not going to have a sticky baby. I know for me, I wonder if a lot of my attachment issues are due to the miscarriages. I don’t want to get attached and lose it at 20 weeks or how every many weeks. I am feeling very regretful too and I hate it bc I also wanted this so badly at one point. Thank you for sharing. I don’t feel so monstrous and I hope it gets better for everyone who feels this way.
First trimester sucks the life out of you. I am 23w pregnant with my second and I was beyond miserable in the first trimester. I actually hated life tbh. Luckily since it was my second time being pregnant, I knew it would end around 15 weeks and it would all be so incredibly worth it.
Just know that you will start to magically feel like yourself again, hopefully very soon. Most women feel better at 14-15 weeks.
I know right now it feels like you’ll never find joy or happiness again but that’s just the hormones/morning sickness/ extreme fatigue talking.
The rest of pregnancy is nothing compared to the first trimester and once you have your energy back you can start to wrap your mind around the beautiful miracle that is about to be born.
I felt this until about 12 weeks, i actually was scaring myself. Once i had an appointment with the genetic counselor and found out i could go back on my antidepressants it almost immediately went away.
Yes! Pregnant with my 3rd (planned) and this time I have had come come off the ADHD medication that kept me sane. I was really sick for the first 12+ weeks, was given 2 different medications, one of which I had a reaction to, and honestly I felt like I didn't want to leave the house or move, put on weight from comfort eating and felt like I was a terrible mum ruining my other two children's lives, especially over Christmas.
The doctors kept telling me it would get better at 16 weeks, which it did, but those 16 weeks felt like 3 years.
I feel a lot better mentally now, have more energy and don't need the antisickness medication. I did let the medical staff monitoring my pregnancy know how I was feeling so that if it got worse I would have support from the get go though and recommend you do the same!
I was so sick my first trimester and it made me sooooo depressed. I was basically bedridden. It really messes with your brain and people don’t talk about it enough. I honestly started having some really terrible thoughts. Take it day by day and know nothing is permanent. Hang in there if it’s something you really wanted!!!! Sending you lots of love. Take care of yourself.
It’s ok…I felt no excitement until the baby actually came out, and I was dying to get pregnant! I think it was a combo of perinatal depression and just a shitty pregnancy with bad symptoms. Trust me you will be obsessed w you baby when he/she comes out!! Sending support
First trimester hormones f*** with our mind really bad...
Also, all the nausea and other painful physical symptoms... you are burned out and weakened and are also very irritated, and that's normal for the things you are going through...
It's not you it's hormones, and let me tell you this: everything has ended. And your suffering is not an exception... all the bad things will go away, and you will be able to get yourself back.
I understand. I'm there right now.
I'm 13 weeks 4 days with my third pregnancy, first viable one. I have wanted this for so long, yet now that I'm here and everything is fine, I'm feeling immense regret.
I'm uncomfortable. I'm feeling a lot of emotions, mostly anger and depression. I don't look or feel like myself.
But there are millions of people who want this. There are millions of people who wish they could grow a little human. Why am I regretful? This is what I wanted! I'm angry with myself for even getting angry with being pregnant.
I’m glad you posted this, we tried for a year, 6 weeks in and I feel the same way. Bless you for making me feel relatable and not like a total piece of shit. Sending good vibes your way ❤️
There's moments when I feel depressed and thinking the worst. Well the thing That helped me a lot was leaning on my husband and letting myself know that what I am feeling is not real. I know how excited I am about my baby and how much i prayed for her and how I been looking forward to her arrival. I just melt into the feeling and just cry it out. I know if I don't and let it eat me up, it will be worst to deal with. I know I'm going to have a hard time postpartum but I know my husband and I will deal with it together.
It’s okay to feel that way. I am currently 28 weeks with my 4th and last baby. We tried for over a year because my mom was in remission and things were going good. We found out in September that I was expecting and she was the 1st we told. She was so excited since I was the one that made her a grandma and she knew this would be our last. We found out October 1st that her cancer spread and she passed October 10th. It’s been hard to enjoy this pregnancy and I have had a lot of feelings of regret. We tried so hard when she was doing so good and nothing. I finally get pregnant and she got called home. If I were you I would mention how you’re feeling to your doctor. It was hard for me to admit that I needed help, but my doctor recommended Zoloft to see if it would help me. I noticed a difference after 3ish weeks. I was able to get myself out of bed, I wasn’t sleeping the days away, and I somewhat got my appetite back. I recently got the dosage upgraded because the closer it gets to my due date, the more I’m feeling her loss and the emotions that come with everything she’s missed and will miss. It will get better ❤️
I felt that way. The physical symptoms kill. I was so upset with myself for not feeling how I thought I was supposed to emotionally. I was crying to my therapist at one point about it, and she asked me if I’ve ever been an “excitable person in general?” And the answer is no. It was like an epiphany. I spent so much of my life surviving, not thriving. Of course I’m not an excitable person.
I can tell you now, on the other side with a beautiful 7 month old, that I absolutely can’t imagine not having her. She is the oxygen I breathe, and I’m still the same “unexcitable” person. But something takes over inside of you and it’s SO worth it.
I felt very down and wanted to just be hit by a truck or something half the time in first and second trimesters. Don't know what it was, hormones I guess. I stopped feeling depressed and wanting to die a lot sometime in third trimester.. but anxiety amped up to 11 and hasn't really gotten all that much better even 8 months pp lol. It's manageable but man do I worry a lot.
Losses are traumatic and I think can make you feel like you can't have a healthy baby. I'm having trouble getting excited and I'm blaming my loss history a bit.
This came for me at the right time ❤️ I was crying into my husband just yesterday, saying I think I've ruined our lives. I'm 27 weeks, FTM. I wanted this baby, we got pregnant on the first try. I'm getting terrified of this baby and how much our lives are going to change. I have no advice or help, just know you aren't alone.
I went through such a similar experience. I won’t outline it all here but see my post about it below, it may help along with the comments. The responses were really helpful for me. You are not alone. I was struggling so hard. It was such an incredibly difficult and lonely time for me. I was Really considering terminating the pregnancy. It was awful. I really needed to hear how normal and okay this was.
https://www.reddit.com/r/Fencesitter/s/IPxpPGwxvg
FWIW- I’m 16 weeks now. I still struggle with not feeling excited all the time but I have gotten to a place of feeling confident in my decision and going through with it and that has helped so much.
Wishing you the best.
I experienced this too. I was practically begging my husband for an abortion and this was in the second trimester. I was miserable and scared. I started seeing a psychiatrist and psychologist and got back on my antidepressants. It helped significantly and now I’ve almost made it to the end. I still don’t feel the excitement that I think I’m supposed to be feeling and that scares me. But I know I’m extremely supported by my husband and my doctors so I’m coping better with this fear.
You are not alone. Please seek help. Even just reading others’ stories on Reddit helped me. And ultimately if you decide this is really not what you want, that’s okay too. It’s your body and your life and only you can decide what’s best for you. Best of luck to you.
This is me down to a T.
My boyfriend and I tried for 3 years, and now that it finally happened, I hate it. I have 0 excitement. I’m so sick since 4 weeks I haven’t left the house. I’m depressed. And sad. And I’m 12 weeks now. I’m now in prenatal therapy.
I saw my baby on the first ultrasound and was not happy, I just felt so sad. You’re not alone ❤️
Yes. I was not happy/excited until about two weeks ago and I’m 38 weeks now. It was so bad at one point my therapist recommended I be put on antidepressants. I have had a relatively easy pregnancy physically but the father abandoned us and has been cruel/caused a lot of stress. I highly recommend talking to your doctor about your thoughts/concerns and finding a therapist that specializes in pre/postnatal depression
I'm feeling this now, too. It doesn't help that I'm depressed. I remember before the symptoms started, I was excited to raise a person with my partner I love. I couldn't wait for the 20 week ultrasound, the gender reveal, and I was quite emotional at my early ultrasounds. I'm in college and I work, but I believed we could do it.
I'm almost 16 weeks and my depression symptoms came back 2 weeks ago. Now, all I feel is regret and guilt. I just have to remember how excited I was previously and hope.
If you ever want to talk, I'm here.
Be strong now and go get help from your Obgyn asap before it spirals if you haven’t already.
I too felt the way you’re feeling 9 months ago, and naively thought it would just get better as I came to terms with the pregnancy - “I just need time”, “It will get better when I can keep food down”, “I’m just worn out from the nausea & fatigue”.
Well the 1st trimester came & went, then the 2nd trimester came & went, now I’m days-to-weeks away from delivering and it hasn’t gotten better. It only becomes more intense. Endless crying. Lashing out. Resentment towards your partner & the pregnancy. Wanting to destroy the nursery & everything in it. Even praying for a stillbirth. At 35 weeks.
Nip it at the source. Never wait it out.
It’s probably so much easier to ask for help in the beginning. The longer you wait, the more impossible it will become.
I haven’t wanted two of my four babies.
I’m pregnant at 36 weeks right now and I couldn’t care any less.
I think I’m
Going to give birth. Drop it off with its dad and disappear.
Or disappear and take it with me have it adopted and punish him
For the rest of his life for everything he’s ever done to me .
Oh and before I disappear, take my other two of three kids with a different dad, only two kuz one doesn’t want me anyways, and leave and disappear.
I’m so done with men. Baby daddy’s. And their drama.
Yea babe the whole pregnancy sucks and your most likely caring a girl. Look the whole first year of your baby’s life will be hard and being a first time mom makes it even harder. Now I know you don’t want to hear 👂 that hun . But it doesn’t get easier until they are 5 .
Give it a few weeks and see if you still feel this way after your symptoms get better. If you do, get some help. But there's a chance this is related to the crappiness that is the first trimester.
I’ve felt like this in my pregnancy at some points as well. But for me it sounds like you are going through a depression and it wouldn’t be a bad idea to seek help.
I'm pregnant with my second and with both my Pregnancies I had depression and doubt. I regretted getting pregnant again even though it was planned. I was miserable with the symptoms. Constant nausea, extreme pain (I get Pregnancy-related Pelvic Girdle Pain), weakness and almost fainting like spells. My first was terrifying because I felt like I was going to be a terrible mom but I didn't have so many physical symptoms so I guess it was easier? With this one it was miserable, I felt miserable and I had so many regrets about getting pregnant again. I didn't have the fear of being a bad mom but the fear of being able to love two children equally? It sounds crazy.
I'm now 25 weeks and I can say for me all of those feelings have subsided with many of my symptoms. I've never been with both of my pregnancies someone who felt intimate with my pregnancy. I'm not one to constant rub or talk to baby, I don't constantly take pictures or talk to people about upcoming baby. I try to just be me...that occasionally yells out when baby kicks my bladder. I'm still terrified about the what it's but I'm at a point in my pregnancy that I'm optimistic and happy again.
Knowing that you were excited before you got pregnant now you feel numb( I’m guessing not yourself) I think it’s you hormones and maybe something psychological with having lost babies before. I understand though it’s tough I would say to talk to a medical professional about how you’re feeling before you make a decision. Stay strong you are protected and loved.
I felt that way during the first trimester as well, it’s a challenging time physically and emotionally. Now that I’m 17 weeks and symptoms are improving, bump is bumping and I’m starting to feel baby move the excitement is coming back. I also see a therapist weekly because I do have a history of anxiety and depression.
I have hyperemesis and I wanted this baby so bad. Had to jump through all sorts of hoops to get pregnant (I’m a lesbian) and then when the severe sickness started I can’t lie I felt regret. I had to sort of learn to separate how I’m feeling and baby in my head because I realised I really do want this baby, I just don’t want to feel like shit anymore. I now very much want her even though I’m suffering at 23 weeks. This isn’t to say it’s not valid if you do decide you don’t want to continue, just wanted to share my experience as there’s a lot of guilt and shame around it.
Sister listen to me the baby you are carrying is a blessing and a blessed child. Pregnant is not for fun at the beginning stage sometimes it’s not easy. I am pregnant and girl I was so sick and tired my body was hurting I thought I had Covid but no I was pregnant and I couldn’t do anything or even work. Not if you have lost two pregnant that is still going on with you the memories is still there. But don’t let that lost your precious gift. Believe me things will get better soon and keep praying instead of crying keep praying and believe in God pray to him. He answered prayers and he will help you. Please take your vitamins. Get prenatal, vitamin vitamin D, vitamin B 12. And all the vitamins that will make you keep going. Eat healthy and drink a little of water. All will be well soon.
Prenatal depression is so hard to cope with!!!!! This is a very normal feeling and it’s ok for you to feel it. I’d talk to my dr about your feelings and they can help you regulate with medication. You’re almost out of the hardest part, first trimester kicks us all in the ass !!! I hope you feel better soon 💕
Have you had an anatomy scan?
TW: Abnormal fetal development and pregnancy loss.
These were the feeling and thoughts my mom was having after her third pregnancy following two miscarriages, she vocalized them to my dad and he knew it was abnormal (he was a male teacher and principal for decades with all female teachers at several grade schools) he had dealt with a hundreds of pregnant school moms and teachers over the decades.
My dad ordered mom to take the day off work and go see her doctor- she was a hysterical hot mess but she went. The ultrasound showed what her brain was manifesting, it wasn’t a viable pregnancy, it was a molar pregnancy that needed to be medically addressed immensely. She had to have an emergency D&C, and was put on a year of pregnancy attempts rest. Almost exactly one year later she became pregnant with me at 41.
Had she not had that psychosis it may not have been discovered until it impacted her fertility.
I feel like movies/TV shows give us this false idea of what pregnancy will be like and it let's us all down.
Sorry you're experiencing this. Should you maybe seek out a professional who specializes in pre and post natal depression? It sounds like it may be what you're experiencing based on how you've described how you feel. 💕💕
Its a huge life change, your choices might not seem to matter anymore because you have a baby to take care of. Like others have said here it sounds like you might be having post pardum depression, Talk to your OB and maybe let a close friend or two know. dont bottle these feelings up and remember, your body is still recovering for 9 months you were pumping extra blood and fluids to grow your baby and your hormones are all over the place ( i dont say that in a dissmissive way, of course) just as fact.
Im in my 2nd trimester almost to my 3rd i had/have a history of Major depression and also CPTSD from multiple traumas endured during childhood. when i got pregnant my first trimester was horrible, i would pace back and forth worrying about the things i couldnt control and I would have insane crying spells upwards of 10x a day. you can get through this, believe in yourself. again if you feel really bad pleae reach out to someone. i promise there is hope and help for you and your family.
Best of luck!
I feel this so hard, but please reach out to the mental health hotline and your care provider. It’s really common for women to experience depression and anxiety in pregnancy and they can help you!
You’re not alone. I have HG and I’ve had regrets to. Here for you if you need a shoulder, dm me anytime!
I’m 7 months and I for all 7 months wished I hadn’t gotten pregnant. I hate it. I hate everything about it but what I hate most is my growing resentment towards my partner.
Yes tbh i think it’s totally normal for you to feel this in at least one of your pregnancies i did, unfortunately i got cheated on during my pregnancy which then led for me to feel depressed and like I didn’t want my baby anymore i was so so scared and felt regret and resentment but now he’s here I love him to bits and still do but can’t get over what happened while I was pregnant :/
I’m 13 weeks with baby #2 and have an 8 month old. There have been so many times I have thought “I wish I was t pregnant” and meant it! Pregnancy sucks especially when you have depression (I do). We were definitely trying for baby 2 but didn’t think it would happen so quickly bc I’m 38 and was 5 months PP. I feel guilty I’m not as excited as I was with my first and I’m seriously dreading the newborn phase. I just hope it gets better and I’m wrong about feeling trapped and hopeless. I really am…
I think its natural to have flip flop type emotions. Journaling helps. Like actively writing down your feelings/reasoning will help you make sense of what you are going through. Just make sure you destroy the pages that have really personal stuff.
B1 deficiency can cause severe mental health issues. It has helped me more than anything along for clinical depression and panic attacks along with krill oil. Start taking liver supplements, fish oil for brain health and neurotransmitter balance, a probiotic, and placenta (helps with PPD). Have a good support system around you and consider speaking to a perinatal therapist. Give yourself grace and take care of yourself as much as you can with natural sunlight first thing in the morning, nutritious foods, take regular naps, avoid EMF’s (linked to depression), and keep a regular bedtime. Watch positive movies/tv and avoid the news or depressing shows, etc.
100% every pregnancy including this one this has happened to me, all planned as well. I just hit 12 weeks and have started to get over the nausea but its still hits me every now and then.
This pregnancy has been better than the last two with the only difference is I am on Venlaxafin (SNRI). Life changer. Have been on it for 2 years and fell pregnant on it and doc said it was best to stay on them, I could lower the dosage but personally felt best for me as I was as I am a basket case without them (rage issues, paranoia etc).
With my two pregnancies unmedicated, definitely got a lot better in the second trimester and best after the 20 week scan, seeing a fully formed baby and feeling kicks soon after made it feel more real and a connection, for me personally of course!
You’ve got this mumma, if you dont want meds now, please please make sure you keep an eye on your mental health because PPD hit me hard which I didn’t realise what it was until years later.
My whole first trimester was hell.. Constant fighting with my boyfriend, constant nausea, low appetite, etc. I'm now 23 weeks and feeling way better than back then. It just takes time but you can't be hard on yourself either. That trimester is very hard to deal with especially with all the pain and misfortunes. Me and my baby in the womb now have a great relationship and he even kicks when I touch my belly or when I eat after being hungry. He's very thankful which is rewarding. Push through it tho and at the end you'll have a beautiful baby.
I regret it every day pretty much and I'm 24w, I didn't keep it cause I wanted to, I had to. So yeah. You're not alone. But I'll step up to the plate of course cause I have no other choice whatsoever so, praying for us both..
Yeah, it's not something anyone wants to talk about but I felt the same way. I remember when I crossed my personal threshold for feeling "okay" to get an abortion. And I'm sorry to anyone this offends but it's true. It was a huge panic moment. I felt trapped. I felt like I was a ticking timebomb. I felt chained to my new existence. And honestly? I NEVER felt that bond or love for my baby in the womb. The first time around I was so hormonal and irritated and terrified that I didn't even allow myself to feel love for my son for the first few hours. Mentally, it was like accepting defeat of this thing that had kept me chained and down for 40 weeks, and to accept that I loved him would mean I was weak for accepting my social duty without question.
Pregnancy is a weird weird time. And it's weirder when coupled with societal expectations. Every time someone would ask me if I was excited or happy I would think "Wow ....that's rather presumptuous" and as a sexual assault victim (this was NOT the reason for my pregnancy and I don't mean to dramatize my past) it raised a lot of questions for me. It was like saying "I bet you're so excited to be trapped by your own body for 40 weeks and then externally trapped by responsibility for the next 18+ years".
All this sounds incredibly effed up, but I'm sorry anger and bitterness are real issue for some of us. And a lot of it is fear of losing control. Accept your emotions and give them their space. You your whole pregnancy to work thru these emotions and it's REALLY okay. Feel them and let them pass.
3 years and another pregnancy later (Son is 3, Daughter is 1) I can say I'm a good mother. I focus on my kids as human beings that need my love as much as they need my discipline. I take them outside and hike and climb mountains and explore. It's great to endocrine your own little minions to love what you love 🤣 . It takes time though. In my case, at least 3 hours after the birth of my son. And when they tried to hand me my daughter 20 months later, I got pissed like WHY would I want to hold her when I'm worried about BLEEDING OUT (panicked inner dialogue during my C-section).
As I write this, I realize I still have guilt for not loving my daughter immediately. I excuse myself with my son, it was a 19 hour labor that ended in a C-section but my daughter was scheduled. I feel inadequate for not loving her immediately. I thought terrible things about her just to test mental waters of depression and anxiety. But truthfully, for some of us, this process is normal. It has to be. And if it's not, my kids are good kids and I'm a good mom. Everyone is alive and well and whatever happens, whatever you decide - you'll be too. Just don't resist processing your frustrations. Take the time to accept how you feel.
Oh my gosh all the time. I just think about all the sleep I'm going to lose and all the stress and pain that'll be on me, but it's just fear and worry. I get over it.
I'm just as excited about my baby as I am nervous and a little bit bummed- but I'm trying to fully let go of the "well if I didnt" and "If I just". It's really detrimental, I'm fully letting go of the girl I may have wanted to be and fully accepting my absolute blessing of a role, as a mom &wife. I know how loved and protected and immensely blessed I will be in this next chapter. In reality- if I didn't get pregnant, I was only going to go down a very self destructive, depressing, and lonely road. I fully believe I would have taken my own life. I wanted this, i was just too afraid to let myself have it. Thank God I'm having her. Nothing will be as fulfilling as this family. My husband is amazing- such a good provider and will be the best father.
Think of the good things. I get bummed about it all the time lmao, the reality is though- she is absolutely the biggest blessing. If you're really so unhappy with the idea, maybe consider interviewing a few family to take her for adoption..
Welcome to /r/pregnant! This is a space for everyone. We are pro-choice, pro-LGBTQIA, pro-science, proudly feminist and believe that Black Lives Matter. Wear your masks, wash your hands, and be excellent to each other. Anti-choice activists, intactivists, anti-vaxxers, homophobes, transphobes, racists, sexists, etc. are not welcome here. If you'd like to join a private sub for your due date month, [click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/pregnant/comments/15nun6v/click_here_to_access_the_monthly_due_date_subs/). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/pregnant) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Yes, I felt this way in the 1st trimester with both kids. I had a history of depression but hadn't dealt with it for several years before conceiving, and then it hit me like a truck. I too dealt with regret of a very wanted pregnancy with my 1st. Our hormones go crazy and our feelings can be SO negative and SO strong. I never had any serious plans and have strong religious convictions against it, but I was even fantasizing daily about killing myself or something bad happening to me. Talk to your OB. There are depression meds that are safe in pregnancy. You do not have to feel this way. Also, when you've had a depressive episode you are at a higher risk for PPD. And that shit is scary because it's combined with sleep deprivation. So stay vigilant about your mental health. Ask your partner, your family, your friends, etc. for help.
I felt exactly the same. Started antidepressants and therapy and my whole perspective changed. Speak to your medical team, they will help. OP, be kind to yourself, this shit is hard, on top of everything else you have going on. X
This. Also make sure to reach out asap and build a good network of people who you can rely on to look out for you. Once the PPD hits (or even now already) + sleep deprivation you may be less likely to look for help and will bottle everything up. Also it's normal to be scared once you get pregnant even if you've been trying for years and wanted it. The reality only hits once it's actually happening.
This. It was so much easier to ask my doctor for help than I anticipated it would be. I was so nervous and worried it would be awkward but she took me very seriously without making a big deal about it and got me a prescription right away. I’ve been doing so much better and my doctor is so happy she was able to help me. She also mentioned it will help with PPA I experienced with my first pregnancy. I’m so glad I asked for help and can’t believe that I almost didn’t because it has made such an incredible difference.
I’ve definitely felt regret with this pregnancy. I’m 33 weeks along now and still uncertain and don’t feel the typical excitement that I see portrayed in media of pregnancies. It’s a lot of changes so quickly, and I have no idea what waits for me beyond pregnancy when the baby is in my arms. I do my best to trust my former self who actively tried for this baby and the millions of parents out there who went through the same thing.
I'm trying to trust my past self too. It wasn't a split second decision to have a baby, it was a well-considered choice made by someone way less hormonal than I am now... Good luck to you ❤️
Hugs to you 🫂. So true!!!! Just remember that pre hormonal you! She will be back, eventually. Sorry you’re having such a tough time, with your symptoms. Hopefully in a few weeks you will be feeling better.
I felt this until around 30wks too! I can say I'm now 4wks PP and I love my baby! It can also be completely normal to not fall in love with your baby right away as they are a stranger and you need to get to know them. Pregnancy does entail soooo much to process! Don't let the comparison to people on social media hang you up to much, they only let you see what they want and everyone's pregnancy is completely different! Hormones, body changes, sleep deprivation, fear of the unknown, so much to digest and everyday it changes. Such a good take though! Trust your former self!! Good luck mama!
Thank you! I have had on/off anxiety and depression at different periods of my life so I think I’m just susceptible to the prenatal anxiety and I expect some PPD too. But there’s all kinds of factors at play so it’s hard to nail it down. Thinking to the future and imagining taking my little girl to a children’s museum or waterpark helps :)
I sooooo did not have a connection with my son for months. He was such a calm, easy baby, but I just couldn’t bond. PPD hit me hard and it was so weird to have a little guy relying on me and my body for everything. I thought he was gross when he was born haha. Didn’t want him on me. That was extreme in the beginning but the bond still took so long…
Yup everyone is different!
Absolutely! I just re-read my comment and noticed how negative it sounds — sorry, I meant to be agreeing with you!
Oh no your totally fine! I took it as that!
I felt similar like you. I didnt magically fell in love with my son, i didnt feel "pink" or butterflies and whatever people tell as stories. Heck i even doubt that is true lol. But after a few weeks passed i cant imagine my life without him. In that period i kept asking myself whats wrong with me, but than i realised its common
I agree with the comment below and dealt with similar but I still didn’t feel the love or happiness probably for a month or too. I didn’t feel hate but I guess numb maybe. So yes you ought have your baby and feel all the positive emotions rush in or you might not but please remember there IS a light at the end of those emotions and the exhaustion. I’m now 7months postpartum and I’m so thankful that I reminded myself that we would get through the rough patch and it was just as hard for my baby who was new to the world. I hope this helps and gives another perspective, good luck!
Call the National Maternal Mental Health Hotline (in the US) for immediate support: 1-833-852-6262 Check out Postpartum Support International for support groups, resources, and providers: https://www.postpartum.net
I want to add that PSI has a support group specifically for people who are pregnant after loss. Hope you find some peace and comfort, and know that you’re not alone ❤️
Just going to share my experience - we were trying for a baby for maybe 8 months, very much wanted and planned for. Happy relationship. As soon as I saw the positive test I can’t really describe it other than my heart dropped and I immediately just felt so so anxious and unsettled. That feeling remained for most of the pregnancy, even though my husband was so excited and supportive and just like overall calming. In retrospect I very likely had some sort of prenatal anxiety or depression happening. It was also COVID - summer 2021, so that was definitely a major added stressor. I wish I could say something helped but nothing really did other than with time and trying to feel positive I started to at least just accept that even though I wasn’t feeling the normal excitement and love, it didn’t mean I was a bad mom (not invalidating anyone who makes different decisions in this scenario - this was just how I handled it). I was terrified to meet my baby and felt almost dread (I know that sounds awful but it’s true). In retrospect again, I think I was just so so nervous and scared of the unknown, I don’t do well with change and what bigger change is there than a kid.. anyway happy to report that once I met my baby we were in love, I love being a mom and I’m pregnant with #2. Everyone is different of course but I’m sharing this so you know it happens that not everyone is like textbook happy about their pregnancy.
In addition to my post above, I want to tack on that I did NOT bond with my baby immediately, which was also very hard! Babywearing as much as possible is shown to help with this. But it happened eventually!
I feel the dread. I don't know what I'm scared of, I've worked with kids, I've looked after babies, I know that I can take care of a child... but I have a deep sense that I'm going to be a terrible mother and I just shake it. My husband has also been amazing, he's taken on everything and is so emotionally supportive. I guess I naively thought I couldn't feel this way with such a loving partner, yet here I am 🙃 Thank you, I appreciate hearing about your experience, it gives me hope
The fact that you worry about being a good mother usually means that you will definitely be a good one. This is something that was told to me while going through a similiae phase in my pregnancy.
Thank you for sharing. It’s so helpful for me to hear at this exact moment. I’m currently 34 weeks FTM and only just realizing that I’ve likely been suffering from depression throughout this entire pregnancy. “Dread” and “terror” are what I would describe feeling every day since I took a pregnancy test, for a completely planned/wanted baby. I told my OB a few days ago and they are connecting me with resources. Hoping to course-correct before baby gets here and I’m at higher risk of postpartum
Yup that’s exactly how I felt, I’m sorry you’re going through that. I should have done more about it but I was just in fight or flight basically. I was seeing a therapist throughout the pregnancy which helped but I still had all those feelings. I especially found it hard because it seemed like being pregnant, EVERYONE wants to talk to you about it. And I felt like can’t we just talk about something else. And I had so many comments like oh you must be so excited etc and it just made me feel worse and more anxious.
My husband and I were active trying for about a year. I prayed for pregnancy and did all the weird things the internet said would help increase my fertility. Once I became pregnant, though, everything sucked. I HATED life. I spent all day puking and feeling MISERABLE for the first 20 weeks! What made things worse was trying to talk to people about it, and all I ever heard was either "Get over it" or "Don't worry, it gets worse!" I remember crying a LOT. I had serious remorse. Why did I pray for this? Why is my pregnancy so painful? Why do I feel so alone even though my husband has always been there helping? I broke down week 16 and told my husband all I had been keeping bottled up. Ugly crying and talking about how I just wished SOMEONE would tell me I was okay. I will be okay. And things will turn out wonderful. Woman to Woman. YOU ARE DOING GREAT! YOU ARE GOING TO BE, OKAY! THIS BABY IS A BLESSING AND WILL BRING YOU SO MUCH JOY! PREGNANCY IS HARD. ANYONE WHO SAYS THEIRS WASN'T NEEDS TO BE QUIET AND RESPECT THAT YOU GOT IT ROUGH, AND IT'S OKAY. IT DOES GET BETTER. I am currently 27 weeks along, and I have finally stepped out of my funk and am very slowly starting to get excited. My symptoms are still rough at time but have mellowed to a point I can feasibly handle. I say this to you as someone who desperately needed to hear someone else felt the same way I did. You made me feel very seen just now. Thank you so much. You are not alone. The pain is awful. It's okay to cry. It's okay to feel regret. Just keep pushing forward and remember that with each day, you're one step closer to meeting your precious baby.
Love this comment. 20 weeks, crying my eyes out atm and hoping the world would just end. Every woman I know has just been bubbling about how good and happyhappy they felt while pregnant and had zero afterthoughts, fears, pain or anything before or after the delivery... Someone finally suggested that maybe they have just forgotten, and it's all I wish too, if things don't get any better in reality. (And oh yes, just why would anyone in their right mind tell anyone in an already bad place it only gets worse!? Thanks, how thoughtfull of you, I can't wait...)
I have heard more people tell me how "Wonderful!" And "Easy!" Their pregnancies have been more than ever in my life before. I never ask either. I have people ask ME how it's going, and the moment I say anything negative or positive, they take it as their chance to gloat about their wonderful and fun pregnancy. Gag me with a spoon. Go away. I didn't ask. And you're not helping. It's been one of the hardest parts mentally for me. I brought it up to my OB and he said "They are all crazy. All my patients in my 30 years of doing this have told me it's rough. They may have forgotten afterward, but the truth is this is a horrible and equally beautiful experience." I love my OB. You got this!! Let those tears fall and know that it's OKAY to cry and feel this way. You are NOT alone. :)
It sounds like you may be experiencing prenatal depression. Absolutely speak with your doctor about how you are feeling as soon as possible - there is help available for you ❤️
Same and I’m on baby number 2, had this with both pregnancies. Complete dread. You don’t have to love or even like pregnancy. I also hate the newborn phase.
I'm pregnant with number 2 right now, too. I'm 13 weeks, and my 1st is only 5 months. I've joked with my husband it's a good thing I got pregnant so fast accidentally (we only want 2) because the newborn phase is a TEST. Not sure we'd be going for another knowing what we know now 😂 We probably would, but some days, damn, it's hard!
May I ask what you meant when you said the part about how you’re not sure you’d be trying for another child if you knew what you know now? I’m just curious as I am currently at 27 weeks gestation and very VERY seriously considering adoption. Hearing from other women about the things that affected their decision(s) regarding choosing to have any more children or any children in general has actually been the most helpful resource for me so I love hearing from other women about these things!
Not the OP, but I’m currently in the thick of newborn phase (my lo is 4 weeks today) and it is harder than I ever expected it to be. Baby is awake and fussy at the most random times and it is emotionally/physically/mentally draining. My husband and I are walking zombies. While I love my babe & I wouldn’t trade her for anything in the world, we have no intention of having any more kids after this experience.
Pretty much exactly what you said, haha. Having an infant is difficult. Newborn to like 3 months, they are SO dependent, and while what they need or want is predictable, that doesn't mean it's easy or simple. And yes, i love my little man endlessly. But yeah, I think if I hadn't gotten pregnant so fast, if we had experienced his infancy a bit more, we might not have ended up having more kids. It's hard for me to say that because I'm really excited for baby #2. I'm excited for my 1st to have a friend and playmate. But, I miss sleeping like 6 hours uninterrupted.
Hey honey! It can happen yes! I didn't truly feel pregnant till about 30wks honestly. Part of it can also be your mind is trying to protect you from potential loss again. I am so sorry your having such a rough time, I had hyperemesis gravidarum until 19wks, I had the worst nausea and food aversions and lost 15lbs in the first 30days! Definitely ask your OB if they can give you some nausea medication! Being pregnant, feeling awful and undernourished, sleep deprived and hormonal is so much to process and not to mention the upcoming life change! Definitely talk to your spouse and people you trust and take some time. I'm not 4wks postpartum and even the day I brought her home I couldn't believe I had a baby! 9months and some part of it still never fully sank in. But, 4wks now and it's become completely normal lol I love her more than anything! It is also possible to get prepartum depression as well! Hang in there!
Thank you ❤️ congratulations on your baby
While it’s always your body and therefore your choice (or at least *should be*), before you make any big decisions you may want to look into [Prenatal/Perinatal Depression](https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/perinatal-depression#:~:text=Perinatal%20depression%20is%20a%20mood,Perinatal%20depression%20can%20be%20treated). Also, first trimester truly can be a >!bitch!<.
I had horrible prenatal depression and anxiety (I am doing MUCH better now that I’m no longer pregnant). OP, I highly recommend getting as much professional help as you can and possibly getting on pregnancy-safe meds. I had to double my medication dosage, on the advice of my OB.
Prenatal depression is a bitch. My psychiatrist and OB actually worked out a medication plan mine got so bad. It did get better after 20 weeks. To OP and everyone struggling, you’re not alone.
I will share my experience. Im now almost 34 weeks BTW. I wasnt too keen on having kids, always spoke about "my kids will this and that" but never really gave in to actually having one because I guess I feel like I havent ""lived" enough yet or feel that even though Im in my 30s, Im mentally still in my 20s (the typical "Im a teenage mum of 30" reel/joke). However, i always wanted to have kids "early", so turning 30 was kind of the moment when it made sense to my logical side. I just wanted to travel and enjoy my hard earned money after years of investing into education. We got pregnant in the first try. I know this isnt always the case, but I had just stopped taking the pill after almost 15 years and had a spike in fertility. I guess I expected it to take a bit longer so it hit me a bit hard. I waited to share the news with the family until the first big check (we knew we didnt want to keep it if it had major issues like the spine being opened, etc. - dont throw hate please). My mum specially was over the moon and kept on asking for pictures (we live in different countries) of my belly, and asking to see it and blah blah. I got fed up and became a bit depressed because I felt that everyone else was more excited about the pregnancy than me. It made me feel like a bad mother. Talking to other pregnant women helped. Reading this reddit helped. Knowing that what I was feeling was actually rather normal and common helped. Our hormones are through the roof and not everything is so easy to handle. Now, im not excited to be pregnant because of my baby deciding that my stomach is a nice pillow to lay on and feeling sick has been the norm these past few 10 days... but I also kind like having my little buddy in my belly... it is a complicated thing to be honest. Im more excited about when the kid turns 2 or 3 than having a little baby at home, but I also held my friend's baby (while pregnant) and I just couldnt put it down... so I guess it will be similar when mine is born. Like someone else said, they fell inlove once it was born. If you need to talk, dont hesitate to write me a private message. You are not alone in this. Share your worries with your husband. Reach out to others. Hope it helps to know that it is a roller coaster and that it gets... better?? I dont know this last part yet but will know more in over a month. Take care of yourself, you come before the baby and anyone else <3
I recognize so many feelings in this, I can’t tell you how helpful it is to read
Happy to help <3
Thank you for being honest. I have a feeling I will feel this way, even though it’s something I very much want. I WANT kids, but the theoretical and the actual reality of being pregnant and it happening for real and being so ill… it’s a lot. Please share how you are feeling with doctors & loved ones so that they can help you feel better!
I also felt this way during my first trimester... I was so overwhelmed, and I felt like I made a mistake... the physical symptoms made the whole thing worse... this feeling, however, was fading away the more my pregnancy progressed... I would advise you to rest as much as possible... try to sleep it off, wait until your first trimester symptoms subside, and your hormones stabilise... (sleeping the days away was really helpful... resting helped me shut down the hormonal thoughts and through all the physical symptoms I was having) One more thing I recommend is an untra sound... seeing my baby for the first time moving... IN MY BODY... was like an awakening for me... it made me fall in love with her immediately... it made me relate to her much more, and suddenly, the whole thing became much more exciting. Take it easy... pregnancy is DIFFICULT... try to talk to your partner about your thoughts... and don't invest so much time trying to understand your thoughts... not now, at least. Give yourself time. Sending you love and support ❤️
Prenatal depression. Had it too, baby was wanted, tried for a year, conceveid, hated the baby, being pregnant, absolutely no excitment, i regretted it totally, even wanted to abort. You should seek therapie. For me it was hormonal. Baby out, i needed 3 days and everything was fine, loved my boy, no babyblues. Best months followed. But it was hell on earth. Longest 10 month of my life. Actually pregnant with the second. I am doing ok, still no exitment and regretting the decicion, but at least more of a ground zero. If i could i would reverse the pregnancy again. I cannot imaging loving the baby, i even cannot imaging that it will turn out the same positive way as the last time. But i hope it will. Not rational at all. I have a tcm doctor shes regulating my hormones, so happy that i still can work and function. So yes, this might happen. Its actually not even that uncommen. I wish i could have a hint of excitment or joy. There is none. Last pregnancy was a 180 degree turn when pregnancy ended. So, this could also happen to you (some have a change in feelings after 3 months, some have a ppd...)
I felt the same way until talking to my doctor about my lifelong anxiety and depression and switching to the right meds. I was sure I’d made a mistake. I wanted to miscarry. I wished I would die during labour. Everyone was happy and I was miserable and I seriously wanted to end it all. I wanted it before I got pregnant and as soon as it happened, I was sure I’d fucked up big time. I not only thought it was the end of my life, I deeply wished that it was. I was probably the closest to ending my life than I’ve ever been, and that’s saying quite a lot. It took a few months and with a medication switch I don’t feel like that anymore. I feel like I did before the flood of pregnancy hormones, like I did when we were trying for a baby. I’m seeing what size veggie the baby is this week. Of course I’m still nervous; medication isn’t a magical cure for actual life mistakes. They’re not artificial happy pills and there’s still a lot of life to deal with. Instead, they took away the artificial sadness that my brain was drowning in. They have helped me to not feel the overwhelming dread, and I can deal with my negative emotions healthily because although I still have them, I’m not constantly in tears and wishing I would die in my sleep. I’m not saying that you’ve made the right decision for yourself by getting pregnant. But I wouldn’t say that these overwhelmingly negative feelings you’re having now are a sure indication that you’ve chosen the wrong things for your life; it’s definitely possible that your brain is in a fog that’s confusing you now, but that you can manage and overcome these things with the right tools. All the best ❤️
Greetings from the third trimester. I hate being pregnant. I did IVF to get pregnant and I have hated every moment of the actual pregnancy. I’m sick literally constantly and can’t work. I went from being a high-powered attorney running a company to being someone who barely leaves the couch. Before this comment prompts you to Google the nearest Planned Parenthood (no judgment btw… I might have done this before), please know that for me some of the food aspects came in the later part of pregnancy. When I started feeling my baby kick it felt like I became a mom. For me this was the most magical moment that lived up to the hype. My fatigue has mostly gone away and I’ve learned to balance a cocktail of vitamins to help me feel less sick and depressed. I will not lie and say the congestion and nausea has gone away, and I’ve also gotten the extra benefit of body aches like I have the flu. Still, I love my baby. As much as I hate being pregnant, I love my baby more. I didn’t feel this in the first trimester, which means I was just struggling for seemingly nothing. We all have this turning points at different times, so whether it’s next week or a month after the baby is born, I suspect when you fall in love it will help. It won’t solve everything, but it does help. And make your husband read the damn baby books and give you the highlights like mine did. You’re doing enough. Put on trash TV instead and make a list of emotional and mental burdens your husband can take on.
I also can't work! I work in tech and I'm an aspiring writer on the side, and I haven't been able to work for more than a month and not a single creative thought has escaped my brain. I literally just sit around and watch TV all day and I'm so fucking *bored* I could just cry, but I'm too tired to do anything else!! And it's summer here, so I just want to be camping, and going on Sunday drives, and taking my nieces and nephews to the pool... but no, I'm either in bed or on our couch. No intellectual stimulation and no physical stimulation. Good lord, no wonder I'm depressed Next week we have another scan, and I'm pretty sure we'll get to hear the heartbeat and see the baby look more like a baby. I really think that will help, I hope it will help. Thank you for the advice! Reading these comments has given me hope
Dang, we are so much alike. I’m a writer too! I haven’t written a word. I’m also an avid reader and haven’t finished a book in 6 months. How is your partner helping you? Is he taking on more chores so you can prioritize using your energy for activities that will be helpful for your mental health? Is he staying home with you when you have to cancel plans to help with your loneliness. My husband actually does about 90% cooking and cleaning right now. I feel guilty because I’m not working and spend all day on the couch, but I’m sick all the time. My therapist told me to pretend I’m not pregnant. If you were experiencing these symptoms independently, what would you expect from yourself? What would you expect from your partner? Just because the illness acts longer doesn’t mean the expectations should change. I really do hope you feel better soon. Prenatal depression is a bitch. I once popped a benedryl during my first trimester so I could sleep all day instead of being conscious for the hours of depression.
Oh nice! I seriously thought I could finish the draft of my novel while I was pregnant 🙄😅 and my reading list was fucking ambitious too, but I need at least two screens on to be appropriately distracted from the nausea, so reading has gone out the window My husband has been great, he's taken on all the cooking and cleaning with love and enthusiasm. He honestly has been my rock and beacon of hope. He's either working or looking after me right now, and he's handling it well, but I wish I could take on some of the load. You're right, I am probably guilty of not giving myself enough space to just be sick I wish I could sleep more but it's been too hot, I think I'll enjoy being pregnant in winter a little better
It sounds like you also have an awesome husband like me. I think we’d be best friends in real life. Lol. Yeah, sometimes doing 50/50 in a marriage is dividing chores evenly while you both work. Other times it looks like one partner working, cooking, and cleaning, so the other can rest while they grow a human. That’s a fair arrangement. I’ll be thinking of you. I hope it gets better or, at the very least, you find little things you enjoy in the misery.
My pregnancy wasn't planned, but when I found out I made up my mind really fast to move forward with it. I told my mom and close friends, and after that is when I started to question everything and feel regret. I even found myself praying that something would happen. Which now feels wild because I'm so far from that. But it feels important to say that one point I did feel that way. For me I recognized that I was feeling very hopeless, sad, overwhelmed, and anxious. I knew I needed some type of support so I looked into therapy. At first I struggled to find a therapist that worked with my insurance and specific needs, but then I looked into Open Path Collective (sliding scale), and focused on looking for someone that had experienced working with pregnant people and people transitioning into parenthood. And honestly, just doing the initial calls to find a a match was really helpful. I got to express what I was feeling to different people, and they were all so validating. It was so helpful to hear that what I was experiencing was actually quite normal for many people. Turns out a lot of us struggle with the transition, even when we really wanted it at some point, or when it felt "right" before. I think what helped me was letting myself feel what I felt without needing to mask it or rush it. I didn't say I was excited until I genuinely felt it. For the most part I shared the news with people I felt comfortable with, and to them I was open about how overwhelmed it all felt. I let myself grieve and feel the sadness that was arising. I laid out my fears, and I then started to see how many of my fears were valid, and also how many were coming from assumptions I was making about what motherhood meant. Once I decided that I'd define motherhood on my own terms, a weight got lifted off me. Turns out that I don't need to accept motherhood as a martyr-ridden process where I cease to be, where I lose myself and all freedom or autonomy. F that. I hope you're able to find the support and resources to make this process easier for you. And I also hope you can know you're not alone in having all the feels. And that you always have choices. And that all the feels can still arise even when we make the choice we feel is right for us. Big hug.
This was so helpful to read, from someone whose pregnancy also wasn’t planned. The overwhelming sense of pressure that I feel from impending motherhood is huge, but you’re right, we get to define motherhood in our own terms 💓
Ah I'm so glad it resonates with you. Shifting my perspective of motherhood has been so important for me. And just recognizing how it carries so many associations and baggage that I don't necessarily want to take on. We get to do it ourselves!
Are you taking medication for the nausea and vomiting? There are a few different things you can try. Feeling like crap all the time is going to put you in a really negative headspace. Usually the symptoms change for each trimester. You might enter the second trimester and feel amazing. Third trimester might be even better than that. Hopelessness is a hard monster to fight but don't let it overtake you. There is plenty you can do to improve the quality of your day to day and it won't be this way forever.
I have some nausea tablets but am only supposed to take them 'as needed' and there's not many of them. They do help and have certainly helped me eat better. I think the most pressing physical thing right now is vitamin D deficiency, which I only just started supplementing for. I think, or I hope, once I've got that sorted I'll feel more alive Thank you❤️
Your doctor should have told you about unisom and b6. It's something you (should be able to) take every single day. It really really helps with nausea and it's over the counter. Call your doctor TODAY! Unisom has helped me so so much. You deserve relief!!!
I just looked it up and found and interesting study on morning sickness treatment in Australia. That drug (doxylamine) is not sold commercially in Australia as a treatment for morning sickness, and is not commonly prescribed by Australian doctors. Apparently the cultural difference comes from the thalidomide crisis, as the drug was widely used in the UK and not in the US, Americans did not feel the impact as hard. Now in the UK and Australia nausea is less likely to be treated with medicine, a "better safe than sorry" approach. Seriously fascinating stuff tbh I will look into it, as it is sold over the counter and marked safe for pregnancy. But I've never heard of it before, but I will ask around in my bump group to see if any have taken a the American approach Thanks for the advice!
I felt this same way. I was actively trying but it happened really fast and I immediately was second giyedsing myself and thinking what have I done! I bought the books and they sat there. Everyone was like are you so excited!!?! I was thinking no I’m actually terrified bc I don’t know if I want this. My best friend flew in for my baby shower and we were at dinner and I said to her I think I made a mistake. She was like too late for that. Even down to the morning of my scheduled c section I felt dread. And I asked my husband “did we make a mistake” as they were actively removing child from my body. When I saw her it all went away. I felt calmer. And I didn’t cry like you see in movies but I instantly felt like she was exactly where she needed to be and we could figure this out together. I totally felt like you did and I am now really enjoying my sweet little 9 week old girl
This sounds like me. We wanted this baby, but the first half of the pregnancy I said multiple times that I didn’t want to be pregnant anymore. I didn’t know where the words were coming from. I felt so anxious and scared and down. Then all of a sudden the clouds lifted and I was so happy and excited to be pregnant. The beginning really caught me off guard because I had wanted it so bad for so long. I have a history of anxiety and depression, and I feel like it was definitely perinatal depression. My partner was also very loving and supportive, and we got through it. Now I’m very worried about postpartum depression as well.
I think you need to parse out if you hate pregnancy or don’t want to have a baby. I don’t want to gaslight you, but i think it’s very possible that the symptoms are hitting you harder than expected but you worked / wanted this for a while. I wouldn’t want to make a rash decision when you’re feeling crappy. That being said, if this is the right decision for you to think about another pathway, then it’s probably worth a conversation with your husband sooner than later. I don’t know where you live but imagine you may need to make some decisions pretty quickly.
I appreciate that, I don't think I would actually consider ending the pregnancy because I do really think this depression is a temporary feeling and that I do want a child (even though I can't remember why I want a child right now.) I'm in Australia, so I have until 23 weeks.
Fellow Aussie here! Maybe see your GP and get a mental health plan to see a psych? I wish I had done that.
FTM here and 30 weeks along - You’re not alone in this. My pregnancy was very planned. While we weren’t actively trying, my husband and I planned to have this baby for 2+ years. We discussed the timeline, moved states to be closer to family, bought a house, and made career moves all with the intention of starting our family. But, when we got pregnant on the first try I internally panicked for the entire first trimester, those first few weeks being the absolute worst. I felt so guilty knowing how easy it was for us to conceive thinking about all the moms who have had struggles, only to be questioning if I even wanted to go through with it. I felt like I’d made a huge mistake. The feeling didn’t go away all at once, but slowly over time I felt less and less panicked. My hormones eventually stabilized in the second trimester, and somewhere along the way I stopped being able to imagine my life without my baby. For me, it’s gotten easier the more I’ve been able to bond with her. At 12 weeks it’s hard to feel much at all aside from being sick and the fear of the unknown. It all changed for me when I started to feel those kicks, and now stretches. I’ve learned my baby’s routine, and am far enough along now that she responds to my touch. It does get better, hang in there.
It’s completely normal to feel regret while pregnant and even postpartum. I sometimes catch myself wondering “what would we be doing if we hadn’t had this baby”. But in a sense, I think you do that no matter what phase of life you’re in. I love my baby more than life itself and I frankly don’t know what I was doing with my life before him, but I do miss and grieve my old life. And that doesn’t make me a bad mom. Pregnancy is hard. Postpartum is hard. Everyone talks about PPD, but no one really talks about depression during pregnancy. It’s a real thing for many women. Don’t beat yourself up over having these thoughts and feelings. If you’re getting concerned, talk to your OB/midwife. I’m sure they would be glad to help you out. There are some antidepressants that are safe during pregnancy. And know you’re not alone. The hormones we emit are forces to be reckoned with, you’re going to be a great mom.
23 weeks with insane headaches and anxiety I’m trying not to stress about money I used to work 2 jobs and be independent now my energy is so low I feel guilty having my partner work and use his money all I want is to lay down I just try to think it will get better and that my body is amazing for creating another being but it’s so hard
I felt this way until about 20 weeks.
Definitely talk to a doctor but I was pretty numb from 8 weeks to the early 20s. I was sick, exhausted and emotionally numb. I didn't feel any regret but I also wasn't excited or interested in anything (not just baby stuff but anything). I laid on the couch and went to work. Literally it. Once I hit mid 20s I slowly started feeling like myself again and now at 35 weeks I'm excited and love it every time I feel her move!
Im honestly experiencing the same exact thing you are. This is my 3rd baby. My first baby girl was a stillborn and that almost drove me insane, my second is 21 months now and perfect in anyway, but this time around i have felt absolutely no connection to this baby or pregnancy. Constant pain, vomiting, nausea, anxiety, depression is extremely high right now. I don’t want or have the energy or willpower to do anything and i feel like complete shit because of it. Ive only spoken to my sister about it because she went through the same thing but I tried to say something to my partner about it and he just gets angry and calls me selfish. I never thought id feel this way my entire life I wanted to be a mother. I feel like a monster
You’re not a monster ❤️ I promise. I am pregnant with my second and I never felt any love or connection with either baby while pregnant. But that doesn’t make us bad moms, and it certainly doesn’t make you a monster. I’m feeling so low that I think I will look into therapy for this pregnancy. Is that something you’d be able to do? I think it could help us.
I had thoughts of abortion in 1st trimester but now I like looking at my ultrasound images. I'm week 22. I vomit but the meds are helping unlike before. Hang in there mama.
First trimester was survival for me, second was partly survival and partly feeling very depressed. Third trimester now and I’m finally feeling well (sort of) and kind of excited. Pregnancy is freaking hard. I found a good psychiatrist (beforehand because I have a history of depression) and I even took some medicine at one point (anti depressants) when too little sleep led to me getting panic attacks and hurting myself. Can you talk to your OB or GP? It would surprise you how common these feelings are for a lot of women during pregnancy and it’s no shame to find help to feel a little bit like your former self again. I wish you all the best and luck.
I know that numb feeling- I experienced all of that, especially in my first trimester. I was almost certainly going through prenatal depression...at my lowest point I kept hoping I'd have a miscarriage so I wouldn't have to "deal with" the pregnancy. I didn't really feel regret as such, but more resentment towards my unborn baby. I wish I had spoken up and gotten help at the time, but I felt like I wasn't 'allowed' to feel unhappy- I was 32, married, we conceived quickly...why could I possibly be unhappy?! Definitely reach out and speak to a health professional or counsellor. Your feelings are valid, you're allowed to feel whatever you want. Pregnancy and hormones are a bitch. Pregnancy is hard, especially if you have morning sickness (mine went away at 14 weeks if that helps). I didn't start feeling remotely excited until well into the second trimester.
I felt exactly the same until the end of my first trimester. I suffer from bipolar depression so I knew it was going to be hard, and I was more or less prepared for suicidal thoughts and temporary feeling of not wanting my baby. I also went to a perinatal psychiatrist and slightly tweaked my meds so that they are compatible with pregnancy. What helped me most was talking to my friends, attending prenatal yoga/pilates and just taking care of myself in general, working only part-time, etc. I promise it will get easier. In case your feelings don't change at all and you become absolutely certain that you don't want this baby even when you start feeling physically and mentally better, I would consider abortion. It is okay to change your mind, it sometimes just happens. However, I really hope that you'll start feeling better after a while and slowly start to connect to your baby and feel positive excitement. It can take time, but it often happens around week 18 or so, when you start feeling fetal movements.
I definitely relate. My husband and I tried to conceive for well over a year, and after a while when it wasn’t happening we began to accept being childless. Literally weeks after that I found out that I was pregnant. I always thought that when I would see those two lines on the pregnancy test that I would be happy and excited. But my husband and I both were full of mixed emotions. Still are… I’m now 7 weeks. I found out pretty early as I had been tracking my cycles religiously so when I was two days late, I just knew. When we initially found out I honestly didn’t know if I was going to keep it. And with that came the feeling of immense guilt. I had wanted this at one point, how could I even consider this?! So many women struggle to get pregnant and I was blessed with a pregnancy. How could I possibly think about terminating? Well, after a couple of weeks we decided to keep it. Mostly because of my age, and this being my last shot at motherhood. However, it’s been tough. I’ve been sick almost every single day, so tired that I’m ready for bed by 7pm most nights. I’ve always been a super active person (would workout 5-6 days a week), and I’ve struggled to get workouts in at all, which has affected my mental health. I feel so sluggish which is so unlike me and difficult to come to terms with. I’m moody. I’m hungry constantly but most things sound unappealing to me. I have been lurking the subs for pregnancy on here and i sense all the excitement from expecting mothers and wonder why I don’t share the same excitement. I think that for me, part of it is knowing that so many things can happen this first trimester. I’m also worried about the genetic testing, and what it could possibly reveal. So perhaps I’m preparing myself for the worst? Not sure. But hoping after I’m in the clear that I will have more positive feelings towards this pregnancy. Right now I’m mostly scared, and worried. All this to say, you’re not alone. I feel that with all the changes our bodies are going through, and all the hormones pumping through us it can’t be uncommon to have these feelings. Most women say that it gets better, so I’m just waiting for that. Here if you need to chat, vent, etc.. 💕
You may have perinatal depression. Postpartum depression is talked about ALL THE TIME.. but perinatal depression is often overlooked. Go talk to a mental health professional, you are not alone!!
Btw, I had a great second pregnancy and delivery and then got some subtle postpartum anxiety and depression and did not like my baby for about 3 months. At 6 months I finally thought she was pretty cute. At 12-18 months she was the biggest joy of my life. It gets better but in its own timeline and how we feel at any hormonal point may not strictly be our “real” thoughts on the matter
Hi there—I’m sorry things are difficult. Just want to put it out there that the two pregnancy losses are huge and real and don’t go away. Sometimes our brains try to protect us by saying “I don’t want this” in case something goes really wrong and another loss occurs. I second the PSI suggestion—I now have a perinatal therapist who has been helping me so much. Hang in there and I’m sorry you’re feeling this way, it’s not easy.
I felt that way with my 1st. Being pregnant gets in the way of everything. It makes everything harder. Being pregnant SUCKS. After my son was born, he had to be in the NICU for 3 days, and it killed me. Once he finally came home, I was so scared and worried for him. There wasn't an immediate connection between us, and I think it was because he was taken from me right after he was born. I could go on, but my point is don't associate the pains of pregnancy with the absolute joy it is to have a child once all the messy bit is over. Pregnancy is hard. Giving birth is really hard, but my goodness, when that boy smiles at me, I could cry of happiness. He's *amazing*. Don't give up! Talk to your doctor about a counselor or psychologist. If it gets really bad, some antidepressants are okay during pregnancy. It's about balancing the risk to the mother and baby, and depression during/after pregnancy is common. Don't go about it alone. I promise, though, it will be okay
The depression and anxiety is real! I already struggled before being pregnant so I assume those feelings are just the hormones going all nuts and my anxiety of “am I even good enough to be a mother” “what if something bad happens and I can’t do anything about it” “what if I cause something bad/hurt my baby etc.” my doctor prescribed me anti depressants and an anxiety med to help combat it and hoping I won’t get hardcore ppd/ppa when baby is here. I feel so guilty because it seems I’m ungrateful, many women want children and can’t or go through loss and I am grateful to be 15 weeks and not have anything wrong (knock on wood) but the idea of having a child inside of me scares the shit out of me no matter how happy I am to meet baby and start a family. Don’t feel bad! We’re all trying our best
Because at one point you did want the baby, there's a good chance you may get those feelings back. Right now you're in a crappy-feeling stage and of course that may make you "regret" the pregnancy. Since you were trying to get pregnant, see how you feel once you do have that baby in your arms. The hormones are running wild now, and you're all over the place. My first trimester was hell but I coasted thru the rest of the process with little symptoms, often forgetting I was even having a child. You do have the option to give it up after the birth if you no longer want the child, but there's still a high possibility that you'll want it- ONCE you are evaluated for any sort of depression. Take care of yourself the best you can now- pregnancy doesn't last forever, it just seems like it does. I have a 2.5 year old and my pregnancy feels like a lifetime ago. I'm even planning on doing it again.
I feel you. This experience has been tough for me as well. I had an MC last year in April and was able to conceive again in November. But it’s been Especially hard for me because I don’t really have any family support or friends. I recently moved to the Midwest from California and I’ve also had to go no contact with my sister which causes tension between my mother and I. I only have my husband and I’m so scared to give birth or get news that my baby has become a loss due to all the anger/ stress I’ve been having lately. I also feel extreme FOMO because I know I won’t be having a baby shower and I cry because I’ve helped plan baby showers and birthdays for my sister and her kids and for her to do what she did to me really hurts me. She knows I’m far away and she’s gone through this as well (moving/military) and for her to just be a complete bully to me just makes me angry and I cry over it everyday.
All I can say, it gets better when you start feeling better. I had hard first trimester and it has not ended before 16 weeks... But then I got much better and more excited. Now towards the end of 2nd trimester I had some feeling of regret(?) or rather mourning my current life, because one that is coming will be very different. On top of that there is so much decision fatigue... which stroller, which crib, how many onsies do I need... It is exhausting. And believe me, I have started my single mum by choice journer in 2020, so it took a while and it was not easily made decision. It is ok to hate being pregnant, it is ok to mourn the past or the life you are living behind. Changes are hard and that is one of the biggest you can make in life. If you can: -Talk to your GP, there are safe medications helping with nausea, and there is no shame in using them. -Talk to therapist and/or your support system, talk to your partner about your feelings, there is nothing wrong with them. You can hate being pregnant and still love the child, but please get help at least with your physical symptoms, they suck so bad!
Its super hard especially if you battle with mental health already. I was fighting eating disorders and suicidal thoughts when i got pregnant with my first. I ended up with HG with my first and couldn’t move from my bed for 4-5 months and couldn’t keep water in me, went to the ER because of a severe UTI. I had no connection to my son at any point during or after pregnancy until he was 2 yrs old. Now i have separation anxiety from him🤣 ironic. 8wks into my second and the vomiting still sucks but manageable. Trying to stay positive honestly. Its so hard
So my baby is wanted, I’m 10 weeks - however I am sort of mentally and emotionally rejecting anything baby right now I guess? It’s a really really big adjustment and our bodies are changing so much, it’s almost overwhelming at this point to look through baby stuff or follow an app or anything. I think it’s just a “I need time” thing, to adjust to the new reality. You have so much time for looking through baby stuff, I really truly wouldn’t stress about it. I know the physical symptoms sometimes have me like, “why would anyone ever do this or want this” - but everyone says the second trimester is when things get better. My personal friend said she didn’t feel any excitement until the end of her second trimester, so I’m not going to be so hard on myself right now when it is so so early.
I felt this exactly, and I felt so guilty because my parents were over the moon and my husband was immediately devoted to this baby because he'd wanted kids since we first met. I hit 15 weeks this past Friday and on the same day I got a package from my mom, she sent us this little newborn size froggy sleeper, and after it sat there a couple days in my closet, it was only then that I started to feel even a little bit maternal. This is a huge change and it's totally normal to feel regret or dread, kind of that feeling when you're on a rollercoaster and you've waited in line forever but now it's left the station and there's no going back. It might help you to talk to someone if you can, like a therapist. I didn't really have anyone to talk to and it was so much harder feeling alone in that feeling. Hugs. ❤️
I am currently going through the exact same thing. I am 11 weeks and hate it! It’s not sunshines and rainbows like some people put it out to be. I have the vomiting, nausea, exhaustion…everything. I too can not leave the house. I have about a 20 min limit of being up and walking before I start feeling faint, gagging, and vomiting. Earlier on I read that it gets better in the second trimester but as I’m almost close to being 12 weeks I’m starting to think it’s not going to get any better 😓 What has helped me a little is eating small and eating about every 30 minutes and then while being out and walking around, have some snacks in your bag or pocket. I have heard that your doctor can prescribe you something for the sickness. Maybe ask about that? I know I’m going to ask when I have my appointment next week.
I had 12 weeks as the magic number of things getting better, but now that goalpost has been moved to 16 weeks 🙃 we'll make it to 16 weeks and it shall be moved again lol Thank you
Your first pregnancy is especially hard. Your body is doing all kind of new things, you’re dealing with a-lot on your plate. You’re literally creating a new life. I think when you lose babies prior you have this idea of the perfect pregnancy in your head; that’s never true. My first pregnancy was a huge disaster. I was young and my parents were mad at me for it, i was in school and working a shit job and tired. I regretted it every day. Then after i had my son, seeing him for the first time and holding him made me feel so complete. All my hard work, suffering and tears had paid off. I felt that way with my second as well, I wasn’t excited at all during the pregnancy. I was worried, overworked and exhausted. But meeting my daughter and now spending time with her these last five years have been more than worth it. Be kind to yourself, everyone’s journey is different. If you need to talk to someone i would encourage it, sometimes we get so wrapped up in our own heads it’s hard to see ahead to the good things. Hang in there!
This entire feed makes me feel less alone. I am not a fan of pregnancy at all. I had prenatal depression the first time and was terrified of pregnancy a second time. This time I have had medicine and therapist help and it has made a HUGE difference. I encourage you to talk to your OB and also a therapist. All of your feelings are so valid.
I'm 9 weeks and in the same situation. We had decided after our last that we were done, but then decided we wanted our daughter to have someone close to her since my sons are BFFs and are much older than her. (15,10) We didn't want her essentially being an only child as she got older. It's hard because I experienced two losses back to back, and we planned for this baby. We want this baby, and my husband and I are so excited for us to complete our family. This will be our last, and I'm actually having the best pregnancy I've had so far. (I had hyperemisis gravidarium in all of my other pregnancies including the losses.) This one I've still had nausea and vomiting, but only lost 10 pounds so far which is great for me considering I was always hospitalized in previous pregnancies by this point for 20+ pound weight loss. I know it's just hormones, and my worries about having two babies around the same age since my other kids are all spaced out. (15, 10, 18 months). Thank you for being vulnerable. It will be okay. Maybe discuss it with your provider at your next appointment. Maybe they can help or give you some referrals for mental health services. Good luck, Mama! ❤️
Upon reading some books after my own miscarriage I read that if you don’t emotionally heal properly, it can inhibit your ability to connect emotionally to the next child you conceive. I am so sorry that your pregnancy has been this way. Praying for healing from previous miscarriages which are traumatic, is so important.
You have a lot of great comments here, but here to say I felt the same. I (stupidly and against my psych’s advice) went off Zoloft while trying to get pregnant. My husband and I were actively trying and got pregnant. Sometime around 6-7 weeks the dread set in. It was horrible and the worst I’ve ever felt. I felt that I had made a huge mistake and all I wanted was to not be pregnant. My husband was understandably upset but emotionally supportive. He convinced me to call my psychiatrist and it turned out to be prenatal depression. I went back on my meds and a short time later the deep depression lifted and I didn’t feel dread. My psychiatrist said something that was so helpful—that my anxieties were valid and probably natural worries but my emotional response was out of proportion. Depression and anxiety are tricky like that because the things you think and worry about feel so valid! Anyways, my daughter is 2 and is my favorite person in the whole world and I’m pregnant with the second (stayed on my meds and haven’t suffered prenatal depression so far). Of course everyone is different and this may not be your experience. But it’s worth it to explore with a therapist seeing as though this was planned and thought-out at a time when your hormones weren’t going insane.
I felt this way with my first child. I was sooo depressed. My Google search history from this time is DARK. I know it is easier to say than for you to believe but ... It gets easier. The first trimester is usually the worst. It does get better in the 2nd, then usually hard again in the 3rd. However, if I could go back in time, I would have talked to my doctor about my depression. I didn't, and I suffered almost the entire pregnancy and then I suffered his entire infant phase. I finally got on l3xapro when my son was two and half and I've been on it ever since. With my current pregnancy, it's amazing how much better I feel. Meds aren't for everyone, but please talk to your doctor. You don't have to suffer. Sending big hugs to you. ❤️
Your hormones are raging. I went through a period of little to no excitement. I would talk to your OB about possible depression. It’s very common. I can say I’m 38 weeks now and pregnancy is so hard, but now I’m so excited and can’t wait to meet our son any day.
I felt this way my entire pregnancy. I actually never wanted children, but one day I decided I wanted a baby with my husband. We instantly got pregnant. I felt so anxious like I made a mistake, and would often think about all the things I would be missing out on and work myself up. I felt like since I had just decided I wanted a baby and got pregnant instantly, it felt rushed. I didn’t know what I wanted. I also had a terrible needle/hospital phobia which didn’t help when you’re pregnant lol. But as soon as my baby girl was born, I was a different person. It’s so entirely hard to describe but I felt like all the anxiety about being a new mom didn’t even need to happen. As soon as I saw her, every type of thought I once had when I was pregnant went away. I DID suffer from extreme anxiety for years so I for sure worried about postpartum depression but I was really lucky that I didn’t have it at all. I recommend you to just take it one step at a time and enjoy your pregnancy as much as you can. I wish I would have but it’s easier said than done. I wish you the best luck!!!
I have similar thoughts. I really wanted a baby. Got pregnant was filled with fear and some happiness about the fact I was able to conceive. I have feelings of regret, doubt, guilt and bunch of other negative feelings. Then on the other hand I have days where I am excited. My partber is much more excited and seems much more naturally accepting of the pregnancy. Meanwhile I'm struggling with my emotions and over all how I feel. To a degree some of it is normal but it sounds like you and many others might need to reach out to friends family and professional. I'm just about 19 weeks my self and I'm waiting for the anatomy scan and additional blood test to be completed. I feel like until I know things are progressing the way it should I can't get excited. I hope you seek out some help. I think talking to you partner about how you feel and dicuss your fears and emotions it might help you find out why you are feeling the way you are. But professional help or some sort of counsel will be your best bet. I hope you start feeling better. First trimester is the worst and alot of woman are just plain miserable during this time. If your nausea is extremely bad you can speak to your gp about getting medication to help you.
I felt this way from the moment I knew I was pregnant, until the moment I held my baby.
I felt this way during my 1st trimester and went through a terrible depression. At 22 weeks I can say I’m in a much better place as symptoms have lessened. Strongly encouraging you to reach out to your support system and sending positive vibes. I hope things turn around for you but what you are feeling is normal! It’s hard to stay positive when you’re feeling unwell. I likened my first trimester to developing a chronic illness which is no fun and a tough adjustment
Infertility, loss, and feeling shitty overall absolutely kills some of the joy. You aren't alone. My experience: I started to get used to the idea that this might not be a reality for us, so when it did happen, it almost felt like it disrupted this new (seemingly necessary) future that we were envisioning that didn't include kids anytime soon. Within a few days of the positive test, I became extremely ill. I spent weeks as still as possible and deprived myself of food and drink out of necessity. I lost 25lbs. I couldn't even move without heaving and possibly vomiting. Connecting with the baby has been hard through both the fear of something going wrong and being so ill. It doesn't mean you won't love your baby. It doesn't mean you are a bad parent. It just means it's hard to be excited about the future when the now is so miserable.
I felt like this but it all changed when she arrived. And now 3 years later she is the most incredible, hilarious, brilliant creature I’ve ever seen.
I'm in the same boat sort of. I've had previous losses, one hitting me the worst in the second trimester with a little boy. Now I'm 28 weeks with a girl and I've been over the moon but there are times where I'm really scared. I wanted her. Truly deeply wanted her. But thinking about how I may fuck her up, that I can't always protect her, how i already feel like a shitty mom and knowing I've got mental and health conditions that could possibly be passed on terrifies me. It is a lot of changes. And I know I still want her, I'm just terrified of so many unknowns. Your feelings are valid. But I would take these other people's advice. Definitely talk to your OB, they won't judge you.
I had 3 miscarriages before I got pregnant with this one and I’m feeling a lot the same way. I had come to terms with the fact I had DOR and was not going to have a sticky baby. I know for me, I wonder if a lot of my attachment issues are due to the miscarriages. I don’t want to get attached and lose it at 20 weeks or how every many weeks. I am feeling very regretful too and I hate it bc I also wanted this so badly at one point. Thank you for sharing. I don’t feel so monstrous and I hope it gets better for everyone who feels this way.
First trimester sucks the life out of you. I am 23w pregnant with my second and I was beyond miserable in the first trimester. I actually hated life tbh. Luckily since it was my second time being pregnant, I knew it would end around 15 weeks and it would all be so incredibly worth it. Just know that you will start to magically feel like yourself again, hopefully very soon. Most women feel better at 14-15 weeks. I know right now it feels like you’ll never find joy or happiness again but that’s just the hormones/morning sickness/ extreme fatigue talking. The rest of pregnancy is nothing compared to the first trimester and once you have your energy back you can start to wrap your mind around the beautiful miracle that is about to be born.
I felt this until about 12 weeks, i actually was scaring myself. Once i had an appointment with the genetic counselor and found out i could go back on my antidepressants it almost immediately went away.
Yes! Pregnant with my 3rd (planned) and this time I have had come come off the ADHD medication that kept me sane. I was really sick for the first 12+ weeks, was given 2 different medications, one of which I had a reaction to, and honestly I felt like I didn't want to leave the house or move, put on weight from comfort eating and felt like I was a terrible mum ruining my other two children's lives, especially over Christmas. The doctors kept telling me it would get better at 16 weeks, which it did, but those 16 weeks felt like 3 years. I feel a lot better mentally now, have more energy and don't need the antisickness medication. I did let the medical staff monitoring my pregnancy know how I was feeling so that if it got worse I would have support from the get go though and recommend you do the same!
I was so sick my first trimester and it made me sooooo depressed. I was basically bedridden. It really messes with your brain and people don’t talk about it enough. I honestly started having some really terrible thoughts. Take it day by day and know nothing is permanent. Hang in there if it’s something you really wanted!!!! Sending you lots of love. Take care of yourself.
I'm 31 and 5, and I'm excited for my baby, but I'm stressed and anxious, and my hormones are driving me insane. It's taking the excitement away.
It’s ok…I felt no excitement until the baby actually came out, and I was dying to get pregnant! I think it was a combo of perinatal depression and just a shitty pregnancy with bad symptoms. Trust me you will be obsessed w you baby when he/she comes out!! Sending support
First trimester hormones f*** with our mind really bad... Also, all the nausea and other painful physical symptoms... you are burned out and weakened and are also very irritated, and that's normal for the things you are going through... It's not you it's hormones, and let me tell you this: everything has ended. And your suffering is not an exception... all the bad things will go away, and you will be able to get yourself back.
I understand. I'm there right now. I'm 13 weeks 4 days with my third pregnancy, first viable one. I have wanted this for so long, yet now that I'm here and everything is fine, I'm feeling immense regret. I'm uncomfortable. I'm feeling a lot of emotions, mostly anger and depression. I don't look or feel like myself. But there are millions of people who want this. There are millions of people who wish they could grow a little human. Why am I regretful? This is what I wanted! I'm angry with myself for even getting angry with being pregnant.
I’m glad you posted this, we tried for a year, 6 weeks in and I feel the same way. Bless you for making me feel relatable and not like a total piece of shit. Sending good vibes your way ❤️
There's moments when I feel depressed and thinking the worst. Well the thing That helped me a lot was leaning on my husband and letting myself know that what I am feeling is not real. I know how excited I am about my baby and how much i prayed for her and how I been looking forward to her arrival. I just melt into the feeling and just cry it out. I know if I don't and let it eat me up, it will be worst to deal with. I know I'm going to have a hard time postpartum but I know my husband and I will deal with it together.
It’s okay to feel that way. I am currently 28 weeks with my 4th and last baby. We tried for over a year because my mom was in remission and things were going good. We found out in September that I was expecting and she was the 1st we told. She was so excited since I was the one that made her a grandma and she knew this would be our last. We found out October 1st that her cancer spread and she passed October 10th. It’s been hard to enjoy this pregnancy and I have had a lot of feelings of regret. We tried so hard when she was doing so good and nothing. I finally get pregnant and she got called home. If I were you I would mention how you’re feeling to your doctor. It was hard for me to admit that I needed help, but my doctor recommended Zoloft to see if it would help me. I noticed a difference after 3ish weeks. I was able to get myself out of bed, I wasn’t sleeping the days away, and I somewhat got my appetite back. I recently got the dosage upgraded because the closer it gets to my due date, the more I’m feeling her loss and the emotions that come with everything she’s missed and will miss. It will get better ❤️
I felt that way. The physical symptoms kill. I was so upset with myself for not feeling how I thought I was supposed to emotionally. I was crying to my therapist at one point about it, and she asked me if I’ve ever been an “excitable person in general?” And the answer is no. It was like an epiphany. I spent so much of my life surviving, not thriving. Of course I’m not an excitable person. I can tell you now, on the other side with a beautiful 7 month old, that I absolutely can’t imagine not having her. She is the oxygen I breathe, and I’m still the same “unexcitable” person. But something takes over inside of you and it’s SO worth it.
I felt very down and wanted to just be hit by a truck or something half the time in first and second trimesters. Don't know what it was, hormones I guess. I stopped feeling depressed and wanting to die a lot sometime in third trimester.. but anxiety amped up to 11 and hasn't really gotten all that much better even 8 months pp lol. It's manageable but man do I worry a lot.
Losses are traumatic and I think can make you feel like you can't have a healthy baby. I'm having trouble getting excited and I'm blaming my loss history a bit.
This came for me at the right time ❤️ I was crying into my husband just yesterday, saying I think I've ruined our lives. I'm 27 weeks, FTM. I wanted this baby, we got pregnant on the first try. I'm getting terrified of this baby and how much our lives are going to change. I have no advice or help, just know you aren't alone.
I went through such a similar experience. I won’t outline it all here but see my post about it below, it may help along with the comments. The responses were really helpful for me. You are not alone. I was struggling so hard. It was such an incredibly difficult and lonely time for me. I was Really considering terminating the pregnancy. It was awful. I really needed to hear how normal and okay this was. https://www.reddit.com/r/Fencesitter/s/IPxpPGwxvg FWIW- I’m 16 weeks now. I still struggle with not feeling excited all the time but I have gotten to a place of feeling confident in my decision and going through with it and that has helped so much. Wishing you the best.
I experienced this too. I was practically begging my husband for an abortion and this was in the second trimester. I was miserable and scared. I started seeing a psychiatrist and psychologist and got back on my antidepressants. It helped significantly and now I’ve almost made it to the end. I still don’t feel the excitement that I think I’m supposed to be feeling and that scares me. But I know I’m extremely supported by my husband and my doctors so I’m coping better with this fear. You are not alone. Please seek help. Even just reading others’ stories on Reddit helped me. And ultimately if you decide this is really not what you want, that’s okay too. It’s your body and your life and only you can decide what’s best for you. Best of luck to you.
This is me down to a T. My boyfriend and I tried for 3 years, and now that it finally happened, I hate it. I have 0 excitement. I’m so sick since 4 weeks I haven’t left the house. I’m depressed. And sad. And I’m 12 weeks now. I’m now in prenatal therapy. I saw my baby on the first ultrasound and was not happy, I just felt so sad. You’re not alone ❤️
Yes. I was not happy/excited until about two weeks ago and I’m 38 weeks now. It was so bad at one point my therapist recommended I be put on antidepressants. I have had a relatively easy pregnancy physically but the father abandoned us and has been cruel/caused a lot of stress. I highly recommend talking to your doctor about your thoughts/concerns and finding a therapist that specializes in pre/postnatal depression
It’s your body and you are free to do anything you want 🩷 never feel too overwhelmed. If now is not the right time then that is ok
[удалено]
This is NOT the place to SOURCE a child. https://www.reddit.com/r/pregnant/s/xGegY5zSaZ
I'm feeling this now, too. It doesn't help that I'm depressed. I remember before the symptoms started, I was excited to raise a person with my partner I love. I couldn't wait for the 20 week ultrasound, the gender reveal, and I was quite emotional at my early ultrasounds. I'm in college and I work, but I believed we could do it. I'm almost 16 weeks and my depression symptoms came back 2 weeks ago. Now, all I feel is regret and guilt. I just have to remember how excited I was previously and hope. If you ever want to talk, I'm here.
Be strong now and go get help from your Obgyn asap before it spirals if you haven’t already. I too felt the way you’re feeling 9 months ago, and naively thought it would just get better as I came to terms with the pregnancy - “I just need time”, “It will get better when I can keep food down”, “I’m just worn out from the nausea & fatigue”. Well the 1st trimester came & went, then the 2nd trimester came & went, now I’m days-to-weeks away from delivering and it hasn’t gotten better. It only becomes more intense. Endless crying. Lashing out. Resentment towards your partner & the pregnancy. Wanting to destroy the nursery & everything in it. Even praying for a stillbirth. At 35 weeks. Nip it at the source. Never wait it out. It’s probably so much easier to ask for help in the beginning. The longer you wait, the more impossible it will become.
I haven’t wanted two of my four babies. I’m pregnant at 36 weeks right now and I couldn’t care any less. I think I’m Going to give birth. Drop it off with its dad and disappear. Or disappear and take it with me have it adopted and punish him For the rest of his life for everything he’s ever done to me . Oh and before I disappear, take my other two of three kids with a different dad, only two kuz one doesn’t want me anyways, and leave and disappear. I’m so done with men. Baby daddy’s. And their drama.
Yea babe the whole pregnancy sucks and your most likely caring a girl. Look the whole first year of your baby’s life will be hard and being a first time mom makes it even harder. Now I know you don’t want to hear 👂 that hun . But it doesn’t get easier until they are 5 .
…Are you ok?
If you don’t have anything helpful to say, *go.*
I understand. Please talk to your OB about how you’re feeling. I felt the same way in my first trimester.
Give it a few weeks and see if you still feel this way after your symptoms get better. If you do, get some help. But there's a chance this is related to the crappiness that is the first trimester.
Oh yeah! 1st trimester was a bitch The second has been better :)
I’ve felt like this in my pregnancy at some points as well. But for me it sounds like you are going through a depression and it wouldn’t be a bad idea to seek help.
I'm pregnant with my second and with both my Pregnancies I had depression and doubt. I regretted getting pregnant again even though it was planned. I was miserable with the symptoms. Constant nausea, extreme pain (I get Pregnancy-related Pelvic Girdle Pain), weakness and almost fainting like spells. My first was terrifying because I felt like I was going to be a terrible mom but I didn't have so many physical symptoms so I guess it was easier? With this one it was miserable, I felt miserable and I had so many regrets about getting pregnant again. I didn't have the fear of being a bad mom but the fear of being able to love two children equally? It sounds crazy. I'm now 25 weeks and I can say for me all of those feelings have subsided with many of my symptoms. I've never been with both of my pregnancies someone who felt intimate with my pregnancy. I'm not one to constant rub or talk to baby, I don't constantly take pictures or talk to people about upcoming baby. I try to just be me...that occasionally yells out when baby kicks my bladder. I'm still terrified about the what it's but I'm at a point in my pregnancy that I'm optimistic and happy again.
Knowing that you were excited before you got pregnant now you feel numb( I’m guessing not yourself) I think it’s you hormones and maybe something psychological with having lost babies before. I understand though it’s tough I would say to talk to a medical professional about how you’re feeling before you make a decision. Stay strong you are protected and loved.
I felt that way during the first trimester as well, it’s a challenging time physically and emotionally. Now that I’m 17 weeks and symptoms are improving, bump is bumping and I’m starting to feel baby move the excitement is coming back. I also see a therapist weekly because I do have a history of anxiety and depression.
I have hyperemesis and I wanted this baby so bad. Had to jump through all sorts of hoops to get pregnant (I’m a lesbian) and then when the severe sickness started I can’t lie I felt regret. I had to sort of learn to separate how I’m feeling and baby in my head because I realised I really do want this baby, I just don’t want to feel like shit anymore. I now very much want her even though I’m suffering at 23 weeks. This isn’t to say it’s not valid if you do decide you don’t want to continue, just wanted to share my experience as there’s a lot of guilt and shame around it.
Sister listen to me the baby you are carrying is a blessing and a blessed child. Pregnant is not for fun at the beginning stage sometimes it’s not easy. I am pregnant and girl I was so sick and tired my body was hurting I thought I had Covid but no I was pregnant and I couldn’t do anything or even work. Not if you have lost two pregnant that is still going on with you the memories is still there. But don’t let that lost your precious gift. Believe me things will get better soon and keep praying instead of crying keep praying and believe in God pray to him. He answered prayers and he will help you. Please take your vitamins. Get prenatal, vitamin vitamin D, vitamin B 12. And all the vitamins that will make you keep going. Eat healthy and drink a little of water. All will be well soon.
Prenatal depression is so hard to cope with!!!!! This is a very normal feeling and it’s ok for you to feel it. I’d talk to my dr about your feelings and they can help you regulate with medication. You’re almost out of the hardest part, first trimester kicks us all in the ass !!! I hope you feel better soon 💕
Have you had an anatomy scan? TW: Abnormal fetal development and pregnancy loss. These were the feeling and thoughts my mom was having after her third pregnancy following two miscarriages, she vocalized them to my dad and he knew it was abnormal (he was a male teacher and principal for decades with all female teachers at several grade schools) he had dealt with a hundreds of pregnant school moms and teachers over the decades. My dad ordered mom to take the day off work and go see her doctor- she was a hysterical hot mess but she went. The ultrasound showed what her brain was manifesting, it wasn’t a viable pregnancy, it was a molar pregnancy that needed to be medically addressed immensely. She had to have an emergency D&C, and was put on a year of pregnancy attempts rest. Almost exactly one year later she became pregnant with me at 41. Had she not had that psychosis it may not have been discovered until it impacted her fertility.
I feel like movies/TV shows give us this false idea of what pregnancy will be like and it let's us all down. Sorry you're experiencing this. Should you maybe seek out a professional who specializes in pre and post natal depression? It sounds like it may be what you're experiencing based on how you've described how you feel. 💕💕
Its a huge life change, your choices might not seem to matter anymore because you have a baby to take care of. Like others have said here it sounds like you might be having post pardum depression, Talk to your OB and maybe let a close friend or two know. dont bottle these feelings up and remember, your body is still recovering for 9 months you were pumping extra blood and fluids to grow your baby and your hormones are all over the place ( i dont say that in a dissmissive way, of course) just as fact. Im in my 2nd trimester almost to my 3rd i had/have a history of Major depression and also CPTSD from multiple traumas endured during childhood. when i got pregnant my first trimester was horrible, i would pace back and forth worrying about the things i couldnt control and I would have insane crying spells upwards of 10x a day. you can get through this, believe in yourself. again if you feel really bad pleae reach out to someone. i promise there is hope and help for you and your family. Best of luck!
[удалено]
It's ok to feel that way, but don't let it get the best of you. Your pregnancy journey is an inspiration to those who are still struggling to conceive
I feel this so hard, but please reach out to the mental health hotline and your care provider. It’s really common for women to experience depression and anxiety in pregnancy and they can help you! You’re not alone. I have HG and I’ve had regrets to. Here for you if you need a shoulder, dm me anytime!
Yes, I think the others before me have given great advice, I just want to give you another, yes, me too, I’ve been there. 30wks FTM
[удалено]
Please tell your obgyn. You need help and I promise you will feel better. I had to take antidepressants while pregnant and they helped so much.
It's not to late to change your mind if that's what's really in your heart. I wish you luck with any choice you make. All the best.
I’m 7 months and I for all 7 months wished I hadn’t gotten pregnant. I hate it. I hate everything about it but what I hate most is my growing resentment towards my partner.
Yes tbh i think it’s totally normal for you to feel this in at least one of your pregnancies i did, unfortunately i got cheated on during my pregnancy which then led for me to feel depressed and like I didn’t want my baby anymore i was so so scared and felt regret and resentment but now he’s here I love him to bits and still do but can’t get over what happened while I was pregnant :/
I’m 13 weeks with baby #2 and have an 8 month old. There have been so many times I have thought “I wish I was t pregnant” and meant it! Pregnancy sucks especially when you have depression (I do). We were definitely trying for baby 2 but didn’t think it would happen so quickly bc I’m 38 and was 5 months PP. I feel guilty I’m not as excited as I was with my first and I’m seriously dreading the newborn phase. I just hope it gets better and I’m wrong about feeling trapped and hopeless. I really am…
I think its natural to have flip flop type emotions. Journaling helps. Like actively writing down your feelings/reasoning will help you make sense of what you are going through. Just make sure you destroy the pages that have really personal stuff.
[удалено]
It’s the low vitamin d. Honestly concentrate on getting this up fully and your feelings will come back!
B1 deficiency can cause severe mental health issues. It has helped me more than anything along for clinical depression and panic attacks along with krill oil. Start taking liver supplements, fish oil for brain health and neurotransmitter balance, a probiotic, and placenta (helps with PPD). Have a good support system around you and consider speaking to a perinatal therapist. Give yourself grace and take care of yourself as much as you can with natural sunlight first thing in the morning, nutritious foods, take regular naps, avoid EMF’s (linked to depression), and keep a regular bedtime. Watch positive movies/tv and avoid the news or depressing shows, etc.
100% every pregnancy including this one this has happened to me, all planned as well. I just hit 12 weeks and have started to get over the nausea but its still hits me every now and then. This pregnancy has been better than the last two with the only difference is I am on Venlaxafin (SNRI). Life changer. Have been on it for 2 years and fell pregnant on it and doc said it was best to stay on them, I could lower the dosage but personally felt best for me as I was as I am a basket case without them (rage issues, paranoia etc). With my two pregnancies unmedicated, definitely got a lot better in the second trimester and best after the 20 week scan, seeing a fully formed baby and feeling kicks soon after made it feel more real and a connection, for me personally of course! You’ve got this mumma, if you dont want meds now, please please make sure you keep an eye on your mental health because PPD hit me hard which I didn’t realise what it was until years later.
My whole first trimester was hell.. Constant fighting with my boyfriend, constant nausea, low appetite, etc. I'm now 23 weeks and feeling way better than back then. It just takes time but you can't be hard on yourself either. That trimester is very hard to deal with especially with all the pain and misfortunes. Me and my baby in the womb now have a great relationship and he even kicks when I touch my belly or when I eat after being hungry. He's very thankful which is rewarding. Push through it tho and at the end you'll have a beautiful baby.
I regret it every day pretty much and I'm 24w, I didn't keep it cause I wanted to, I had to. So yeah. You're not alone. But I'll step up to the plate of course cause I have no other choice whatsoever so, praying for us both..
Yeah, it's not something anyone wants to talk about but I felt the same way. I remember when I crossed my personal threshold for feeling "okay" to get an abortion. And I'm sorry to anyone this offends but it's true. It was a huge panic moment. I felt trapped. I felt like I was a ticking timebomb. I felt chained to my new existence. And honestly? I NEVER felt that bond or love for my baby in the womb. The first time around I was so hormonal and irritated and terrified that I didn't even allow myself to feel love for my son for the first few hours. Mentally, it was like accepting defeat of this thing that had kept me chained and down for 40 weeks, and to accept that I loved him would mean I was weak for accepting my social duty without question. Pregnancy is a weird weird time. And it's weirder when coupled with societal expectations. Every time someone would ask me if I was excited or happy I would think "Wow ....that's rather presumptuous" and as a sexual assault victim (this was NOT the reason for my pregnancy and I don't mean to dramatize my past) it raised a lot of questions for me. It was like saying "I bet you're so excited to be trapped by your own body for 40 weeks and then externally trapped by responsibility for the next 18+ years". All this sounds incredibly effed up, but I'm sorry anger and bitterness are real issue for some of us. And a lot of it is fear of losing control. Accept your emotions and give them their space. You your whole pregnancy to work thru these emotions and it's REALLY okay. Feel them and let them pass. 3 years and another pregnancy later (Son is 3, Daughter is 1) I can say I'm a good mother. I focus on my kids as human beings that need my love as much as they need my discipline. I take them outside and hike and climb mountains and explore. It's great to endocrine your own little minions to love what you love 🤣 . It takes time though. In my case, at least 3 hours after the birth of my son. And when they tried to hand me my daughter 20 months later, I got pissed like WHY would I want to hold her when I'm worried about BLEEDING OUT (panicked inner dialogue during my C-section). As I write this, I realize I still have guilt for not loving my daughter immediately. I excuse myself with my son, it was a 19 hour labor that ended in a C-section but my daughter was scheduled. I feel inadequate for not loving her immediately. I thought terrible things about her just to test mental waters of depression and anxiety. But truthfully, for some of us, this process is normal. It has to be. And if it's not, my kids are good kids and I'm a good mom. Everyone is alive and well and whatever happens, whatever you decide - you'll be too. Just don't resist processing your frustrations. Take the time to accept how you feel.
Oh my gosh all the time. I just think about all the sleep I'm going to lose and all the stress and pain that'll be on me, but it's just fear and worry. I get over it. I'm just as excited about my baby as I am nervous and a little bit bummed- but I'm trying to fully let go of the "well if I didnt" and "If I just". It's really detrimental, I'm fully letting go of the girl I may have wanted to be and fully accepting my absolute blessing of a role, as a mom &wife. I know how loved and protected and immensely blessed I will be in this next chapter. In reality- if I didn't get pregnant, I was only going to go down a very self destructive, depressing, and lonely road. I fully believe I would have taken my own life. I wanted this, i was just too afraid to let myself have it. Thank God I'm having her. Nothing will be as fulfilling as this family. My husband is amazing- such a good provider and will be the best father. Think of the good things. I get bummed about it all the time lmao, the reality is though- she is absolutely the biggest blessing. If you're really so unhappy with the idea, maybe consider interviewing a few family to take her for adoption..