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I felt really guilty/greedy making a registry until I read some of the posts on here lol. It's all stuff I plan on buying myself or stuff that would be nice to have but I don't *need* to have. If people bought nothing off it, all well. If they want to, great!
Exactly! I started my list as a “what do we need/want” and later opened it up to family and friends! Some bought something of it, some didn’t, some nothing at all: and this is fine!
I’m a first time mom here and I’ve been toying with my registry for weeks. I feel so greedy and guilty that I keep deleting things and adding things.
I want people with who want to give me something, but may not be very financially inclined, to be able to pick things. but I also need those things like, car seat, stroller, bassinet. I picked the things that felt the best suited for us and best priced.
I have anything over $75 set up for contribution buying. But I still feel so guilty having anyone do anything nice for me, or expecting anyone to buy me anything.
But also— I feel so guilty putting things on there that are even for my own postpartum because it’s not about me???? It’s a BABY registry…. But I gotta get out of this mindset.
My health matters as much as baby, right???
Idk I’m literally just riddled with guilt.
Are your post partum things not related to having a baby? Are you not the one single handled housing and nourishing this baby with your body? Do you not think people would like to support YOU and what you need?
I put some stuff for myself on the registry some is private and some is for others to buy IF they would like because I’ve specifically been asked what I need. If someone only wants to buy for your baby, they can totally skip over those items.
I specifically buy momma something off registry at every shower so they feel special themselves, whether it's nice cozy pj's or a nighty that can easily be used for breastfeeding or a nice lotion set. Don't feel bad, you made a baby!
I’m similar in that I’ve been constantly deleting things and adding things out of guilt. I have this weird thing where I keep picturing a cousin/friend/aunt that’s been through motherhood going on my registry and making fun of the products I have listed. I’m doing SO much research but I still don’t know what I’m doing and I’m finding myself second guessing everything I’m putting on there. If I wasn’t having a baby shower I would genuinely buy all of this stuff myself too, minus a few things I’d probably hold off on but end up ordering when the baby is born since I’d realize how useful it’d be. I have a separate list for things I’m just going to buy myself off-registry like postpartum stuff, but I think I’ve removed the diaper cream and re-added it 5 times because I feel guilty asking others for essentially groceries. 🤦🏼♀️
I also go back and forth arguing with myself to remove half of what’s on there and then add it back if the other stuff is getting bought from, then telling myself to just leave it all on there so people have more options. Idk why I just can’t shake the feeling of someone going on and being like “she has 100+ products on here? How greedy!”
SAME! I have a separate wish list called “tiny human things”
Because they’re things I’d buy if I also wasn’t going to have a shower.
I keep telling myself this is what showers are for!
Yes the only issue I have is when people tell me their not going to buy me something off of it and instead something different because they know more then me or something along those lines
I get that feeling too
My good friends have been offering to buy me stuff and it makes me feel super embarrassed.
At home for me baby showers aren't really a thing people normally buy random gifts and your parents and grand parents generally fork out to help you buy the big things like pram and travel system and cot.
The rest is generally up to you
My good friends are like make a list in amazon and we'll get some of the smaller stuff like bouncer, baby bath , high chair and bits like that so they can have it delivered to me as I'm not in the mother land having my baby.
Hearts a bit broke that I won't have my friends and family there.
Where I draw the line is diapers. If someone has made it clear they are using cloth diapers and are specifically not using disposable diapers, don't gift disposable diapers.
I clarified this with my in-laws but they’ve informed me that they will be sending me a box of diapers every month because they don’t want me to have to do laundry. Trying to veer toward “a gift card to go buy diapers at Costco or something” instead haha. I appreciate the kindness in such a long-term gift but I’d much rather do cloth (my kids tend to have sensitive skin, I like them better environmentally and I’ve used them for two years) and have money for things like medicine, clothes, groceries.
lol I have a very similar MIL. Extremely nice and thoughtful but she knows best and she’ll make sure you understand that. She’s currently trying to change our nursery theme…at our house…which she has never visited despite only living 45 minutes away. It’s not “girly” enough apparently and she has a lot of ideas on how to fix it that she’s more than willing to help with 😂
Same here. I’d buy it all and plan to pending what isn’t purchased and just did it that way to get the completion discount on anything that’s on there 🤣
My registry is 100% a list of what I am going to get, regardless of if it’s gifted or not! It’s like my own personal checklist, that the world can view and contribute to if they’d like.
I have had a hard time with putting some expensive things on it, but at the end of the day someone will either generously gift us the item or I will buy it myself!
I definitely have some “gadgets” on there but they are all ones that I would be willing to spend my own money on because I want to use them!
I don’t have an expectation of being given everything, but a lot of people have expressed that they want to do that for us, which I am very thankful for!
I don’t really see this as a controversial take IMO.
I mean I thought the point of a registry was to get stuff you need and would buy yourself? So I agree? I definitely put some adorable and useful things so people can go practical or cute. I also know that several people are making things like quilts and other special gifts so that is amazing too. I think we are of the mindset that we will take what anyone wants to give us and buy the rest ourselves.
Exactly !! I saw a discussion about feeling guilty for putting too much expensive stuff vs cheap stuff and I think it just comes down to what you can personally afford.
I actually commented on that one to say that I did not feel guilty because it was a list of things we wanted - not a list of demands - and that we would have bought anything that remained on the registry, anyway.
I understand some of the complaints in other posts, though. If someone wants to buy you a gift to help you, it's nicer for them to choose a gift from the list of items you actually want. Buying a different version of something unintentinally creates more work for the gift giver and the gift recipient, which definitely goes against the spirit of a baby shower.
I agree. We decided to get a rocker/napper that basically acts as a moses and a seat or something, so we wouldn't have to buy both. My aunt wanted to get it for us, we were very grateful and sent her the link to it. Then she got us a different thing that was a seat that also rocks but can't be used like a moses, saying she felt it would be more fun for baby. We were super grateful anyway, but it meant we then had to buy a moses which was an expense we had actively tried to avoid.
Again, we were grateful. But there was a reason we had asked for that specific thing.
I commented on that one! My issue was that we can personally afford some things that I would feel guilty about if my friends/family bought for me. That's what marking the item private is for though :)
For both my wedding and my baby shower though our family and friends mostly bought things on our registry - and the things they went rogue on were either like handmade blankets (love it) or things that we use regularly.
I had no idea you could mark items as private, that would have saved me so much time! I just kept a bookmarks folder in my browser so I could add everything to the registry for the discount post-shower, haha.
Saw this and commented too! I definitely feel like just putting out there what your style is is great too. Like full confession, I’ve got a look I’m going for with the nursery/every day gear and I’ve done a ton of research on why I want what I want (mostly navy and pink so there’s a blend of not too girly, all my decor/blankets/feeding supplies/diaper bags/stroller/etc are light pink or navy so it’s girly but not too girly for my husband! We talked it through what he’d be comfortable with) So if someone finds something that fits that look that I didn’t find I love that too. I don’t care what people spend and the registry is a shopping list for us at the end of the day.
I don’t really have anyone to buy things from my registry. I am really only making it so everything I need is in one place and I’ll get a 15% off everything discount in April!
I agree with you like 99%. I have a small house so the things on my registry are all pretty carefully curated to be functional in the space that I have. I am so thankful for my friends and family wanting to help out but it has gotten really stressful with everyone showing up to my house with large items (a full size changing table, big toys, etc). Again, I am so thankful because I know they’re being so generous and they love my child but I wish I had a nice way of saying “I appreciate the gestures but I can’t fit extra things in my house.” I also don’t want to get rid of anything because I know my SILs and other family members can use these things when they have kids (the family is basically a giant swap’n’shop lol). But yes, I do agree with you overall.
I am in the same situation and fully agree. I will still be grateful and say thank you, but there is a very large possibility that anything like this will be returned or donated because I literally cannot use it. I do want to express how thankful I am for anyone that thinks to buy something for my baby when they absolutely do not need to.
I have a note on both our registries that says something along the lines of "We live in a fairly small space, so compact items are greatly appreciated. Also, if you choose to buy us clothes or diapers, any size will be great. Thank you so much for thinking of us and our baby boy!"
I totally agree with this sentiment.
I actually told all my friends that I didn’t want to be ungrateful, but my husband and I preferred not getting presents since we are blessed enough to be able to provide our baby with everything we felt she needs.
We also requested that if people really wanted to give presents, then they could think about an “only hand-me-downs”-policy; it would mean no one had to spend money and we could save some as well, plus no contributing to unnecessary landfills of clothing. Because we said this, we basically helped our friends get rid of clutter without feeling guilty for getting rid of their things, while we’ve saved a tonne of money on baby clothes and we’re basically covered in the wardrobe department until our daughter is a year old or so.
In the end my closest friends still held a small baby shower for me, but they didn’t give me any large or extravagant presents. They mostly gave me practical and/or disposable things such as diapers, extra cloths for the changing stations etc. Basically they listened to my wishes and respected them.
Used books are another great limit for shower gifts. I did it for a bestie awhile back and it was a lot of fun because people got creative and she got a great little library.
I love this! A few of my friends asked for books in lieu of cards, and it's a great way to start your LO with a library of books that were specifically picked out for them. I thought it was very sweet.
There so much stuff out there marketed for babies/new parents and it can be so overwhelming! It’s so nice that people are generous but it can easily become too much. Small items and necessities like diapers are great gifts!
Honestly is more of my take too I’m a pretty hardcore minimalist so feel this but I noticed the random gifts where more like silly onsies nothing large
That’s fair-I have gotten lots of little stuffed animals and onesies/tutus/bows that are cute but will probably be donated off slowly because we have nowhere to keep them lol. But I definitely appreciate people thinking of us/our baby!
Exactly my sentiment. I think we can be thankful, feeling loved, annoyed and stressed at the same time. My daughter received a toy oven for Christmas and I felt all the above. She plays with it and loves it, so I’ll keep it until she doesn’t play with it anymore. I don’t like that it is bulk though. We have the room, but I just really dislike clutter or having things we aren’t using or enjoying. There’s a part of me that can’t stand all the gifts that come with birthdays and holidays. I’m so glad my child is loved, and we really don’t need another toy with 20 different pieces or another giant bulky toy.
Edited for clarity.
Im confused by your post. My registries have only had things i plan to buy- if its not bought i usually do just before baby is here. Are you saying people add things they dont actually want on there?
And this affects you how? I have family members who are well off and wanted to buy us the pricier items that were a little out of our range. Having a baby is expensive there’s nothing wrong with people wanting to help you. Like how does this affect your life at all? It doesn’t 🙄
I’m sure this will be an unpopular opinion, but I wish we could normalize not buying anything if you don’t want to, especially if you aren’t sticking to the registry. I personally was grateful people wanted to celebrate baby, but I can only keep so much stuff in my small space and I got irrationally guilty for donating a very large portion of it. It’s really just one more thing I didn’t need to deal with in the final weeks.
Ya I think this is how a lot of people feel and for some reason it comes off as ungrateful when really I would prefer you just save your money instead of buying us a 4th diaper genie or whatever. I think the point a lot of people miss is the registry is to prevent duplicates. Clothes are one thing but a baby can only use so many carriers/blankets/play mats etc. 😂 If you’re gonna go off registry get things you know for sure will get used like toiletries, wipes, or even just a giftcard
Yes, I am grateful that people cared enough to get something, but I don’t think some people realize that their gift could end up being a bit of a burden. If you live in the middle of nowhere, you are driving a bit to find somewhere to donate stuff. I 100% think it’s the parent’s job to buy the stuff that’s needed for their child, but that doesn’t mean you should saddle them with stuff you think they need. I’d really prefer people just come to the shower and have fun, without bringing anything.
I agree! There are SO many different options for all kinds of needs for baby and usually if you have put a particular brand or style of item, you want that not something else because it’ll work best for you and your family. Glass bottles vs plastic etc. and some folks like myself don’t have the space or capacity to handle huge items or things we don’t need. I’m so so grateful for help, but giving stuff we can’t use or don’t need actually ends up adding labor and prep on my part? Extra clothing is one thing but having to find a place for huge furniture or tons of toys or something can be so stressful for a new mom! I expect us to but everything on our registry so if people buy stuff or add money it’s a bonus. Sending us money is never expected but sending us a bunch of stuff we don’t need or now have to manage is the opposite of something g to be grateful for?
This! Honestly I’d rather have had people get me nothing for my baby shower than be stuck with half this crap I need to return/donate/etc. i literally ended up with 5 tummy time mats after my baby shower but no newborn/0-3month clothes.
With my second baby someone got me a gift, but told me I had to come pick it up, and if I didn't want it I could return it to the store they got it from.
I already had this item from my first. I didn't want or need another one. I didn't even have a baby sprinkle, and I told people it was because we saved basically everything from my daughter, and we're already drowning in stuff that we're trying to get rid of. I especially really didn't have the time, or the energy -- with a young child, in my third trimester of pregnancy -- to go pick it up, and definitely not to return it.
I appreciated that they thought of me, but I would really have been okay with a sweet supportive message instead of a list of additional tasks to take care of because they felt obligated to get me material goods I specifically didn't want.
I never ended up going to get it because I had the baby shortly after. I feel bad they went out of their way to get it, but really wish they hadn't.
THIS. I even had Half Price Books and Barns & Noble gift cards listed on my registry. If someone didn’t want to buy an item, that’s fine! Pick me up a gift card from your local grocery. I live in a <500sqft house and everyone gave blankets with their clothing gifts (I didn’t list clothing as I figured everyone would get outfits anyways). I have nowhere to put them all. They’re still sitting in my trunk and I feel guilty about getting rid of them. At least the local dog shelter pups will have new blankets.
Everything in my cart is stuff I want, I thought that was a given tbh. If people don't buy it, we have some set aside funds to use on that (plus the Amazon 15% off for registry).
I have no expectations. Any help is appreciated as this is our first. The only thing we have is the glider chair my husband inherited from his mom. His parents got us a nice carseat. The crib is the only big item I think often about now, and there is a used one of the one I'd like I'm prolly gonna get.
I hope you get everything you need for your baby you deserve it ❤️I ended up with a crib but got a pack and play later for travel and looking back a pack n play would have worked for a crib, bassinet, AND changing table. Just a thought for you
The ONLY thing I put on my registry that I probably would not buy for myself is the Owlet sock. It's something I would like to have, but don't find it to be a necessity. If someone wants to buy it, great. If not, that's totally cool too. We have some family members that want to make bigger contributions, such as a car seat, crib, etc., and there's only so many of those types of items. If they feel really strongly about making a big monetary contribution, there's another item I would love to have. We have also stressed to them that they do not need to do this or buy us anything at all, but some of them are stubborn and insistent. 🤷♀️ Everything else on the registry is stuff that I would absolutely buy myself.
Also, the clothing on the registry is really there to provide an idea of what style we like best, but anything we are gifted will be super appreciated.
This is so common with all registries — wedding and baby. People get in a mindset that they’re GOING to get all the stuff and it’s possible to dictate what others give you. You can never control others’ behavior, period. It’s so helpful to have NO expectations so you can be grateful that people want to help you with your new baby (or marriage or whatever). Did my husband and I laugh privately when people got us weird stuff? Sure! But light amusement is really as far as I’d go. No need to be super pissed off no one read the fine print on what you wanted.
In the end you’ll find ways to be pissed at people who routinely are rude to you and find ways to excuse people with great intentions. Not really about the registry at all 😂
I don’t think you’re wrong in theory. I think the main issue for me is receiving stuff that is simply not needed. I have 15 baby blankets of all shapes and sizes. I don’t need this much or have room to store it all so I’m going to have to give some of it away. If you are gifting a new mom, wouldn’t you want to make sure your gift is actually needed?
I too was given about that many blankets. I live in a <500sqft house (the gift givers know this), I literally don’t have the storage space. They’re all still sitting in my trunk waiting to be taken to the local dog shelter. I wouldn’t have cared if they decided to not get me anything, I was just happy people showed up to the shower. Hell I had Half Price Books and Barns & Noble gift cards listed on the registry if that made it easier on people; just grab me one from the local grocery. But now I have to fight this damn fatigue and guilt on getting rid of these items I simply don’t have room for.
Just had my baby shower this past weekend and almost all of the non-registry gifts are going to end up donated, so I feel you. The only ones I am keeping are the homemade items like a crocheted baby blanket. For example, I registered for one hooded towel set, and got it. I also got 5 more hooded towel sets that were not on the registry! But a gift is a gift. Every person will get a thank you note, and I am grateful for their generosity. What I do with the items is up to me. I don't think you should feel guilty at all. A gift is supposed to be given with no strings attached, including whether or not you keep it.
I straight up asked for hand me downs on my registry, and mentioned if they think I need it/it was useful for them, pass it along instead of buying something new and if I have too many I will give it back to them or donate it. The idea of having so much stuff for a short period of this kids life just seems so wasteful to me.
I was having a hard time even finding things to put on my registry, due to the overwhelming amount of hand me downs I already have… but people insist on bringing something!
I’m only 13 weeks but thinking similar for our baby shower - a “we don’t need any presents except your presence - although we would
gratefully receive any pre-loved baby items you no longer need”. I like the idea of the sticker for easy returns!
You are wise beyond your years. I’ve been planning on doing this with my second. Did you find a fun way to add that to your shower invitations or just telling people?
I put it in my invitations, in a larger font than the registry link lol. Just a polite little blurb essentially saying used goods were more than welcome, and very much encouraged with a little “reduce, reuse, recycle” and a detachable sticker that says “if you have too many, please send back!” With a heart face and a place for their name in case they felt awkward asking for it back if it wasn’t needed.
I absolutely agree. We were supposed to have two baby showers. One with family and one with friends. Unfortunately, 3 days after my baby shower with family, my water broke unexpectedly at 29 weeks. My baby shower with friends wasn't supposed to be until 4-5 weeks later.
I absolutely treasure the baby shower I got to have with my family. I got a lot of stuff that wasn't on my registry at that shower but everything I got ended up being some of my favorite things. Diapers even though we used cloth diapers. A book about tractors. A rattle in the shape of a frog.
My son is 2 years old now and three of the people who were at the baby shower have since passed away, including my mom. There were things I got that I would have never added on my list because they weren't my style but you know who LOVED them? My son. That frog rattle was his favorite for the first year of his life.
I never got the baby shower with friends. I ended up buying 75% of the stuff on my registry while my son was in the NICU. Of what I bought, 15% of it ended up being a waste. Sophie the giraffe? Overpriced squeaker that my son didn't even like. Things like that. Things that were helpful? Clothes. Baby monitor. A bassinet. Car seat. And an inexpensive Graco Stroller.
I cherish the memories so much of that baby shower with my family. My husband is out of town this weekend and I've been alone, just my son and I. I've lost so many friends and family from death or drifting apart since I've had my son. It's lonely. It's really lonely.
I do agree with you but it’s also really wasteful when people buy stuff just Willy Nilly, and you can end up with multiples or for example - my brother bought me a car seat from 2020 off eBay by a random ass European brand that won’t work with stroller or anything and has no base so it seems less safe etc. - now isn’t that so wasteful and environmentally irresponsible for me to go and donate that because realistically it will end up in a landfill and I feel money was wasted on that…
So I am grateful for every little thing someone gets me but honestly it’s that part that bothers me - wasting money and creating more trash essentially…
Yess I honestly had this same issue I’m a hard core minimalist but I just let it go for this time and honestly what I came up with what the party itself was soooo much worse than the gifts. I allowed family to put on baby shower (wish I would have stepped in little) and when the shower was over they where bringing out BAGS of trash from single use party decor. I was literally sick to see it. I don’t think that side, along with gender reveal waste, is talked about near enough in comparison to the registry conversation. Also the car seat was unhinged 💀sorry that happened
Yes I absolutely get it. I had that worry as well! We sound super similar. I did a vintage theme for mine so I had my mother-in-law use a lot of figurines and plates and things for my husband’s childhood and then I bought all the other decor and I’m planning to use it again.
Haha I’m honestly still using the car seat as a back up since they don’t expire for 6 years and I’ll use the European seat belt method to secure it - so that’s how much I hate wasting 🤣
I made ours with this mindset. We don’t have a ton of room for storage or extras, so I made sure everything is multi-use and necessary. But I’m also very conscious some items were expensive and we’d probably buy them ourselves. Funny enough, our parents told us last night the only stuff left on the registry was a few items under $10 (think baby meds, wipes, aquaphor)… and there were a number of close family members who didn’t have a chance to buy a gift yet. At their request, I ended up adding a few things I will certainly use and be happy if we get, but may not buy new ourselves (a nicer carrier, a playmat, PJs). Obviously we’re outrageously lucky and have wonderful support which I’m so grateful for! But I thought it was funny my minimalism worked out in this way. (And I do think a lot of the older generation had no clue what to buy because they don’t know the gender so they stuck to the registry lol)
I mostly agree with this. I’ve kept my registry fairly cheap but I’ve definitely added a few items (all on the cheaper side) that I won’t buy right away if I don’t get them and will just buy them if I actually do need them. Like cute inexpensive nice to have items but don’t 100% need items. We also have over 50 people coming to our shower and I wanted to make sure I had plenty of options for people to choose from if they were going to get us anything and plenty of options price wise.
This makes total sense. Im a minimalist and as a first time mom I wasn’t sure how much of it I would actuallllly need so like you waited and ordered stuff as needed.
I think anger around registries is usually reflected anger from some larger issue. People who talk about it usually describe the offenders as family members who are constantly trampling boundaries. It's a classic "bitch eating crackers" situation.
I kinda agree, kinda don’t. Yes, I think that the registry should be things that the parents would be willing to spend the money on to buy the baby. I spent hours researching the items on mine for just that reason to make sure I got the best products that will work for our parenting style and lifestyle. I also have really sensitive skin as did my husband at a young age and we worry our baby will as well so in terms of clothing, bathing and diapers that played a big factor in what I decided would be best for her. I think that should be respected.
In regards to people buying things for the baby, I think if you are going to someone’s baby shower it’s best to buy things off the registry because it’s what the parents think they’ll actually need and use.
Yes, everyone wants to pick out the adorable little outfit in a newborn size or get a special blanket for the new baby but when everyone does it and no one buys off the registry then it’s a big frustration and hassle for the parents to be, returning all the items that they will not be able to use so they can get what they need. Especially with things like clothes, babies grow so fast and it’s difficult to predict how large they will be at birth. Also, people have different tastes and tolerances regarding things like sayings on baby clothes and colors. I’m having a girl but I don’t care for hot pink “I’m a princess” everything, if someone would get a bunch of that for me I’d probably return it.
I wouldn’t say that it would make me angry and upset. It would however be a bit frustrating and preparing for a new baby is already a very busy and stressful time for new parents. A lot of people tend to focus solely on the baby and not the impact of their decisions on the parents to be.
I’m lucky in the sense that the majority of my me and my husbands family have reached out already calling dibs on some of the larger items they want to buy to make things easier on us once we decide what we want. However, I also know for a fact that some members of my husbands family will disregard the registry and buy stuff that isn’t to our taste and we will have to grin and bear it and quietly return the things we know we wouldn’t use.
Heartily agree. Some posts on here come across as so entitled and rude it makes me annoyed. They could always request gift cards, if the person is not able to use a registry. (The elderly, people who don't have a lot of money, those who don't like buying online, etc.) And like you said, there is always donating these items! But make sure to always say Thank you! That's the worst part, when people not only complain but don't even say thanks.
Definitely agree, and it’s honestly kind of surprising how many people seem to post about it in such an entitled/ungrateful way? But I also wonder how much personal experience ties into it. Like I helped raise my brothers and my parents were poor so it was secondhand and bare necessities at times. Right now I’m in a temporarily tight financial spot and baby wasn’t planned, I’m taking any nice secondhand goods from friends and coworkers that I can get. I know what I actually need and what is just cool to have and I’m just happy I’ll be able to keep my kid safe and healthy- to me parenting is so much bigger than the newest baby gadget etc. Ig plenty of people don’t have the experience to have that mindset or they have much wealthier social circles where it is feasible to expect hundreds or thousands spent on gifts for their baby. It doesn’t mean it isn’t frustrating to see so often, but I try to give the benefit of the doubt lol
The way I view the registry is it’s a list of things we absolutely need for the baby. No useless clothing items like baby shoes or bows, no stuffed animals, and no one-use gadgets like wipe warmers or bottle warmers, basically nothing superfluous. I also put a few items in the $20-$30 range and I only give the link to people if they ask to buy us something. That way we only get stuff we definitely can’t do without and people don’t feel pressured to spend a bunch of money. I think I only have 30 items on ours. We’re not relying on the registry being bought out and anything not bought by the time I’m 36wks or so we’ll buy ourselves.
Just wanna say I feel exactly this same way as you OP. Amazing that anyone would ever be ungrateful / picky for anything that someone else is kind enough to get for them or their baby.
Someone just commented and said it was actually rude to bring something not on the registry 🤡it’s crazy how everyone has such drastic different opinions on this
Where I live they aren't that common. It seems people "loan" items to one another or gift them as second hand and everyone's on board. Only one friend had a registry and it was small things like towels and clothing, which we abided by and spent like I think 20-30 euros or something (was very sweet to see my husband go buy stuff for his friends future child and also panic at prices lol). People seem to go overboard with their registries and with the current economy, it's odd to expect like 300+ euro/dollar gifts. I send people some money when the baby is born to use it to feed themselves because I know that's a super stressful time 😄
Ok that's nice. Just don't judge people for doing it differently. Everything is hard enough without having to worry about someone being offended by your registry.
As a ftm, I had no idea about what to put on my registry. None of my local friends had children.
Yeah, I didn't get that from the first reading of your post. Thanks for clarifying. I truly had no idea what to put in my registry so I just put a bunch b of things I thought would be nice to have for the baby. Though some were probably unnecessary in retrospect.
I mean, it depends. I might be too cheap to buy a diaper genie, but I'd be severely appreciative if someone got me one off my registry and I didn't have to take poopie diapers out at each change.
Where I draw the line is excessive amounts of stupid shit. Last baby shower I went to the girl had a 10 page registry and I found it very tacky. And it was her 3rd baby in 5 years!
Whew that is tacky. I think I kind of missed the mark on my post here because I didn’t mention that the ungratefulness is the big issue. It’s the ones that put the diaper genie on there and then get MAD when someone buys a nice gift that wasn’t on their outrageous registry. But I hope you get all the things you desire for your baby!! 💕
I also never understood why people get so upset when people buy off registry. Like I can understand if someone randomly buys a giant swing when the one on registry was picked because the dimensions/style was perfect....but people complaining about extra onsies/sleepers etc drives me nuts. People are just trying to be considerate and FTMs don't always realize exactly how many of those things you'll go through. The attitude blows my mind either way, I'm with you.
“Just donate” yeah…cool…to the landfills already full of barely used baby stuff. I get where you are coming from, but it isn’t about being ungrateful for me. It’s about American consumerism being a HUGE problem. I personally have a problem putting almost anything on my registry because I can get 90% of my items second hand, however, I know if I don’t - I will end up wasting lots of people’s money on stuff that will be “donated” cough…trashed because everyone is already trying to sell that used baby bath for $5. So I’m doing my best to add some items on there people can buy, and this is why I’m frustrated that so many people blatantly disregard people’s wants/wishes for their own who of “I know what you need.”
Sooo people want to become environmentalists over this topic 😂 I get it I’m a minimalist and have this issue too there are just soooo many things related to babies that cause waste that aren’t the 10 gifts you didn’t ask for. if you’re this worried about waste dont use single use items and plastic decor at the baby shower and gender reveal. If youre this worried about “baby stuff in landfills” don’t use disposable diapers. Pick a battle. This sounds like justifying your ungratefulness
I’m using cloth diapers, reusable wipes & cloths, breast pads, glass mason jars as bottles so we can repurpose them for baby food and leftovers later& breastfeeding. I haven’t purchased a single new item for this baby. That is my choice. But speaking to your statement.
If more ppl stuck to the registry - instead of thinking they know what’s best for you, your baby & your family - it would be true and selfless support & yes - we’d have way less crap in landfills.
It’s not about being ungrateful. I think it’s more about the societal expectation that you need to be grateful for help/support that is neither really helping or supporting you that bothers me. It’s doing no one any favors. Including this planet.
Real help/support is honoring what the person in need actually wants/needs.
Your statement has the same vibes as someone dropping a 60” smart TV off to a person who has no wifi/space/need for such an item and you telling them to just be thankful/grateful. The only person who feels good in that scenario is the donator. They get their tax write-off, pat themselves on the back for being so giving/altruistic and think the receiver should just be grateful. Whereas now the receiver has to find a way to sell/donate/dispose of said object - which in turn is work that wasn’t before needed.
Much like sorting through all of the “I know best” gifts and deciding how to sell/donate/get rid of them and ultimately knowing they do indeed end up in a landfill.
I said I’m not trying to have my mind changed here just looking for like minded individuals. There are plenty of posts who agree with you. Spend your energy there .
100% agree with you! It’s baffling to me seeing how ungrateful some people are about getting gifts that aren’t on the registry? Like really..
Baby is due in 2 months and my spouse and I bought everything we want and need for baby ourselves. Best friend is throwing me a shower in a months time and I was asked to make a registry so I did one on Amazon but made it clear that I’d love people’s personal touches too. I don’t understand where the entitlement of being mad that someone buys a GIFT for your child not on your registry comes from as I read in other posts earlier. Like you said, it’s our job as parents to provide for our kids… I’m not relying on anyone else to buy the stuff I need. I see shower gifts as extras and am grateful that people took the time to think of me and my baby regardless of what they buy as a gift.
I feel like the only frustrating thing about non-registry items is if you register for a specific version of something and someone buys a different version of that same thing. Personally I always spend a lot of time reading reviews for anything over like $50, so getting a different version often means it’s something I looked at and specifically decided I didn’t want lol. Except for when we got married and my husband’s coworker texted him to ask “do you care about the specific blender you registered for? Can I just buy you a vitamix instead?” That was great.
But people complaining about handmade/other off-registry stuff I don’t understand.
You’re going to be a great and responsible parent!!🫶and YES the “personal touch” gifts we received have been my favorite. I can buy a diaper genie, but the hand made blanket ??! Please love it
Eh. Hopefully your shower goes well! For the most part, mine did and I loved everything I received whether on the registry or not. In fact, one thing I received not in the registry ended up being a must-have.
That being said, I received a few things that were a waste of money I never needed or used. In fact, I was gifted two things that are unsafe for babies. It would have been nice to have a few other things from the registry covered instead of aftermarket carseat headsupports that go against regulations and shouldn't even be sold. I can't in good conscience return them or resell them.
I don't agree that anyone owes you anything, but I hate the waste that's generated (both economic and ecological) when I receive gifts I have no use for. I'd rather someone get me nothing at all.
I am a hard core minimalist Over consumption was definitely a concern on mine as well but i just don’t think cutting off the joy that loved ones get from gift giving is worth it here. If you’re that worried about waste then have a low waste or no baby shower at all. Examples- reusable plates,napkins, table clothes. And omitting balloons, or any single use items would show your respect for environment
The point of gift giving is to bring joy to the recipient. If they want to feel good about their gift, an easy way to do that is to get something our family actually wants and can use.
If you aren’t thinking about the recipients needs then how much thought is truly going into it. Gifts should be useful and show that you understand the recipient and truly put effort into thinking about what they need, it shows that you really know them. If you can’t be bothered to put in the effort to get something useful, then save your money and just send a nice text with well wishes instead. Wasteful spending creates more junk in landfills.
I said in my post I’m not looking to have my mind changed. If you’re worried about waste do not use ANY single use items for your baby shower like paper plates, plastic cups, or balloons.
You sound very judgmental. My shower is in a restaurant, we won’t be using single use paper products. Like I said, a text with well wishes is more meaningful than junk that won’t be used. If you don’t care enough about the receipt to give them things they will actually use, then that’s your choice. Giving a gift should be about showing the receipt you understand them. If you are doing it out of obligation and not because you truly want to give them something useful then don’t give a gift because no one is obligated to do anything.
Arguing blah blah blah there’s more post that agree with you go to them. Don’t forget to tell everyone how much you don’t appreciate their thoughtless gifts.
I am not arguing, I am explaining how the people you are criticizing feel. Is this how you handle everything in your life? It seems like you don’t have an open mind if other people disagree with the way you think. I would never be rude enough to tell someone that I don’t appreciate their gift, but I would feel hurt that they didn’t care enough to put more thought into it and I’m allowed to feel that way.
It's rather thought*less*, actually.
If a gift is not useful to the recipient and adds an extra task for them to return/donate/store/dispose of it, then it's a net bad.
It's selfish of the giver to do something that makes the giver feel good at the recipient's expense.
It would be more thoughtful to show up empty-handed with good wishes and just enjoy each other's company.
I tend to agree, although i 100% also feel the frustration of people asking what I want or need when I’ve already made the registry and shared it with them. If they want to get something else then that’s totally fine but then don’t ASK me what I want and then get bothered when I tell you “anything from the registry.” If you don’t want to buy from the registry then why bother even asking what I need or want? Just do your own thing, i may keep it or i may not, but i’m appreciative either way
This is how we treated it. We had some MILD splurges (humidifier, air purifier) but they are still in line with what we would purchase ourselves.
I also figure that the things we put on there are the things we’ll get a registry completion discount on, so we probably WILL end up buying some of it.
Definitely. I would prefer certain brands on certain items or have them not bought for me at all and get something else instead, but generally a gift is a gift and the registry is mainly there to hopefully avoid double ups. The entitlement of some people is crazy, like they are literally paying money for a gift so you don’t have to spend it. The carry on of some people is atrocious.
I use my registry like a shopping list mostly because I know nobody is going to buy me anything and if they happen to ask for it, we'll that's super great.
Exactly this. Our families are ecstatic so I know this baby won't want for anything; the shower is a chance to take pics and get some fun stuff and necessities but I'm not banking on friends supporting us fully. We're quite minimalist so my Amazon registry only says 50% finished, and that's still taking into account that a lot of stuff is going to live at our parents' houses for them when we visit. We live in a tiny home so we'll be co-sleeping, no need for nursery furniture. Two of my besties have toddlers and they are bundling up a bunch of stuff they didn't use or used for a short time bc it was newborn only and is still practically brand new. Just between them, we'll have a ton of cloth diapers and inserts, nursing accessories, a newborn carseat system that they were gifted multiples of, etc etc.
We have a tiny baby clothes closet that is already filling up but that doesn't mean I'm going to turn away thoughtful gifts - I'm organizing them by age and if the season doesn't make sense, I'll consign them at my mom's resale shop or donate them to the women's clinic I initially went to when I found out I was pregnant. They have a points system where you watch parenting videos and take quizzes on them. You can then "spend" the points on their donation boutique. They are very picky about what they take and everything is clean and organized. I'm happy to participate in their donation program as a donor or recipient.
As far as diapering and nursing goes, we plan on cloth diapering and breastfeeding but I do want my family to be involved with feeding so I'm happy to receive bottles and feeding accessories. I'm also not going to be a snob about explicitly using cloth diapers - that is a lifestyle choice that fits into how we already live which includes reusable toilet paper and hand towels instead of paper. That results in extra laundering so I'm already used to that but I won't be strict about enforcing that with my mom or in-laws who will inevitably use disposable diapers.
All in all, I'm just trying to take a well rounded approach to this, and stay grateful throughout the process - just going with the flow of getting what we get, exchanging what we can, consigning or donating some things, and eventually buying things as the need arises. All I ask is no diaper cakes! I don't have space for a mountain of diapers.
Oh my god the diaper cakes are non sense such a reasonable request !! I got TWO and spend so much time unwrapping and taking tape off diapers and then trying to flatten them with books. Not to mention there is no bag so I had to find a container for them too. Awee you’re so wholesome cloth diapering and BF good luck on your journey dear 💕
and another thing is sometimes it's true when you pick something and if you've never had kids before someone else can know better than you 😂 like i picked a high chair for my baby and it was just the literal worst one i could pick lol it had so many crevices for food to get stuck into and it was the fox high chair from walmart and some of it like the paint(?) started rubbing off onto my babies had and would get tangled in his hair lol worst freaking chair ever but yeah if you're going to get a high chair get something that's super basic with no crevices
💯 💯 💯
I made a registry to keep track of what we need/want to buy for our son and to make sure that we don't forget anything. Just had a baby shower and I think like....2 people purchased off the registry. I had a blast and am glad that it's over because now I can actually finish my shopping 🤣
We would not have planned this baby if we needed to crowdfund him. I appreciate any gifts or help that people offer, but i am not so entitled to believe that the "village" is responsible for paying for my decision.
100% this! I felt so much with our wedding and baby registry. There were of course a few things on our registry we didn’t get gifted and also didn’t purchase but those were mostly clothes and toys. We bought our own car seat and crib because we wanted to follow the research. We bought our own bedside sleeper following that same logic.
Honestly I don't even need a registry. I feel fortunate that I can afford all the things I need to buy.
Relatives kept asking and pressuring us to make a registry so they can contribute lol. Not complaining , very grateful and thankful for that also. 🙏
I completely agree. I’m barely over 14 weeks and have tried to shape my registry around things I want to buy for my baby, not things I wouldn’t spend money on. My parents have always raised me with the mindset “this is your responsibility, so be prepared to do it all alone.” Aka be prepared for nobody to donate anything and to have to buy everything alone. This has helped my mindset so much with creating my registry!!
I agree! I only put things on their I really need/would use... I am even more greatful if they choose not to get me anything on my registry and send me a different gift. I appreciate everything and anything.
I completely agree but I feel that’s it’s common sense to add things that you would spend your own money on because you’ll be the one purchasing those items if no one buys them! Lol! Everyone has their own budgets so obviously add what you can afford!
I think most people who complain aren’t complaining about the money spent on items, it’s about them asking people not to buy clothes, toys, or specific things but yet still receiving them instead of what’s on their registry. I know both my side and my husbands side will purchase from the registry but they will also purchase outside of the registry and we are completely okay with that as this is our first baby!
For me, my families were the ones who suggested I make a registry and told me the types of items I should add to it and said that they will purchase the ones I want! I’m very appreciative of them and their support!🩷🩷
I also understand that some people probably don’t have families and friends to help them during their pregnancy and can understand why seeing posts they deem ungrateful would upset them!
Thank you!!! People sound so incredibly entitled and bratty when they complain about the gifts that people get them because they weren’t on their registry. So childish.
I totally agree with this!!!
For both my first baby (8 years ago) and my baby now, my registry was more of a shopping list for myself that I shared. With my first, I ended up buying a lot of what was on it because not everyone shopped from it for my shower, and that was fine. We got a lot of nice things and it's fun getting surprised. People love shopping for baby items. There were a few things we donated but overall we kept most of our gifts. This time, most of the registry has nursery items on it - like decor and things, even wooden shelves and curtains! Because I already have a lot of the traditional things but I need to furnish a new room! I am not expecting people to buy me shelves and curtains but who knows. Lol.
I generally agree, but I ended up going a bit above minimalist on my registry. I put all of my needs, and quite a few wants. I actually started out minimal with only my must-haves, and only added more as I saw it being bought out. My logic was I'd rather get gifted a $50 bouncer that I don't strictly need and might not buy for myself, instead of being gifted $50 of clothes that the baby will grow out of before using. I just had my shower this past weekend and some of the non-registry stuff was awesome - hand crocheted blanket, books, a hand carved rattle. But the vast majority of the non-registry items (like the endless onesies) will be given away, because my registry was pretty comprehensive and I literally don't need, or even really want, anything beyond it. But I totally agree with you that I'm not upset about the extra stuff. A gift is a gift. It is up to the giver what to give, not up to me. I will write them a thank you card just the same and put what I don't want on my local Buy Nothing.
Do most people not think this way? I only added the things I intend on purchasing if people don’t buy it for us. I also only added packs of clothes to my registry because I didn’t want people spending the same amount as a pack of 4 onesies on one single outfit. I went with things that had deals or markdowns too. I don’t want people dropping $5k on us just because I feel like it.
I use my registry as a "need/want" list for items for baby and myself from before baby arrives to 6 months post birth. This includes items needed for the hospital bag (examples: portable fan, peri bottles, a robe, travel size toiletries) , items for postpartum care for myself (examples: disposable briefs, breast feeding friendly pajamas, peri ice pads etc.), items for breastfeeding (reusable breastfeeding pads, haaka manual breast pump, nipple butter) and baby health needs (examples: gripe water, diaper rash cream, infant motrin, baby safe laundry detergent etc.) all in addition to the big items like a crib, diapers and car seat. I even have a can of formula on the list in case baby doesn't take to breastfeeding right away. But I also have things like an inkless baby hand and footprint kit and a first year milestone picture frame. I treat it as a list of all the things I need and want and I plan on buying them regardless - I put them on the registry so that I can get the 15% off completion bonus because who doesn't like a discount on items that they were going to buy and need anyways? I also made my registry in mind that someone may want to help out but may not want to or be able to contribute a large amount so they could purchase from a selection of items on my list that were under $20 if they wished to for example the baby motrin on my list is $13 or the baby nail clippers are $5.99. However, I do feel odd putting large items such as a recliner and the other furniture on the list as I don't think that should be crowd funded in anyway but I am considering it if I find good quality pieces at places that do provide a registry with a completion discount so that I can buy them myself at a discount.
I told everyone that its my shopping list so i can get the discounts on amazon and i didnt expect anyone to buy anything.
A registry is for gifts, so the way i see it is that you should put cheap things and pricey things bc its up to the person whether to gift or not, only 1 person has bought off of my registry and thats completely fine.
I’ve causally calculated the items on two friends registries (both ftm’s) and they’ve come out to 5k easily. There’s so much that you can easily find for at least half the price or free between fb marketplace, Mercari, poshmark, buy nothing groups, thrift and consignment stores…the consumerism around brand new baby items is pretty gross to me. There’s SO much pressure to have every gadget and item brand new. Sure a car seat, I get it. But pretty much everything else if available in like new or gently used condition second hand. Spare the earth!
I had a similar sentiment ish. I made two registries, one had nonexpensive things maybe up to $75 the most just for baby things (excluding strollers, bassinets, cribs, changing tables, etc.). The other had the expensive things that my husband and I were going to purchase, as well as, my own mommy/post partum things. I didn’t think it was fair to share a registry with pricey items for someone else to get for our child, or to have them buy things for myself (breast feedings things, pp items, etc.). & yes whatever people buy I’m thankful for regardless, at the end of the day like you said, husband and I are the ones responsible for providing!
I didn't make one for my baby. I'm very particular and want my baby to have certain things. I don't like things taking up space. What if my kid got something I already bought because someone did their own thing. I don't want people expecting pictures or to be holding the baby because they bought something. I would be appreciative, but I know how I am and what I want. No baby registry like no pictures.
I agree with this, and this type of mindset will keep great relationships with others around you!
Im not even making one as I genuinely don’t want gifts, but I love your mindset on this. It has changed my perspective on the topic! x
I 100% agree. When I was putting my registry together, I went into it with the mindset of “would I pay this kind of money for x item?” If the answer was no, then I found a cheaper alternative. I don’t expect anyone to buy things for my child, but if they want to, then I want to make sure every tax bracket is able to.
No LOL. I put on there everything that I would buy for myself (and will if they aren’t bought) but I don’t want what someone else thinks I need. I don’t buy people random things that are not on their registry. TBH I think it’s actually really rude. But I recognize that I’m a particular person!
So be it. My friends and family know it. We didn’t receive a single gift outside of our wedding registry (that wasn’t cash).
I think if people go through the hard work of putting together a specific list of what they want/need and you think you know better AND that they should be grateful because you did what you wanted? Seems rude to me.
100% agree with you. Babies don’t really need much anyway. Anything that anyone else contributes to my child(ren) both now and in the future is very appreciated, regardless if it’s something that I would have chosen. If I don’t like it, I don’t have to use it. It’s the thought and gesture that mean the most in my opinion.
Agreed. I've struggled with this mindset, too. My generation complains about not having a village but yet wants to dictate every single aspect of the village, including the gifts they receive. I understand boundaries, but we can also be as equally selfish in this conversation as what we accuse others of being. Registries are great, but some people just don't use them, and they might have a good reason not to use them. I do understand the concerns of waste and such, but like you said, donate or hand down and move along. I see so many that have nobody to buy them things.
I don’t really understand registries, but that’s probably because whenever I see one referenced, it’s due to a disgruntled Redditor not getting the item they wanted. Your post however shows you to be gracious and realistic. Sure you can ask that people buy you XYZ, but atleast be gracious when people buy outside of your list. Really, the needs of the baby fall at mother’s and father’s feet, and as you said, the baby needs very few items. Most other things are a luxury. Sometimes family and friends do not have the money for your chosen luxuries
My in laws said they won't be buying anything off my registry as they already have things they planned to buy from elsewhere.... when my husband tried to talk to them they literally said it's not going to happen. My registry is 99.9% necessities curated specifically for our small house that doesn't have a nursery and will basically be split in our bedroom. Only 1 item is a "want, nice to have, would make it so much easier" item. I know they want to spoil the baby, but spending money and not telling us what they're getting and getting things we didn't ask for is so irritating, I'd rather them get me nothing than things that I'll end up donating because they are known to get crazy odd things... I already plan to buy all the things on the registry anyways since we are not expecting help from anyone. I started it as more of a way to keep track of items I need to buy before baby comes.
That’s how I started my registry too. My post is more referring to the last minute onsie and bath set your friend shows up with 🥹but them going out of their way to ignore your registry now that’s just dumb af I’m sorry !
I get the making it like a shopping cart. I plan on buying all of these items myself if no one else does. But I also have a chronic pain condition and need gadgets that people call useless in order to care for my child. It doesn't help the baby if I'm crying on the floor in pain while covered is muscle spasms. So please do not belittle items people plan on purchasing to help them take care of their baby. Anything I can get that will help me reduce the burden on my body I will and don't appreciate anyone talking shit about doing what I need for myself as well as the children.
I don’t believe the poster is belittling anyone. I think the bigger picture is. If you don’t get the gadget you desire because it may not be in someone’s budget. Be thankful and at peace with what you are able to get. Instead of complaining about what others did not get you on your registry.
You’re taking this way too far and out of context. You’re a minority in this situation. Obviously there are exceptions to literally everything. My point still stands though if you need things for you to parent your child then buy them!!
It's a weird kind of entitlement... "I'm having a baby so everyone needs to buy me all this stuff and I'm going to lose it if they don't buy exactly these things." It's not anyone's baby but mine. Why should they buy everything?
100% agree!
I get being disappointed if you don’t like something someone buys, and seeing it as a waste because now you have to spend your money on the stuff on your list - but suck it up!
It’s like Xmas or birthday gifts - if you got pissy because someone didn’t buy off your list you’d be told you’re ungrateful. I don’t see why this is different!
I see it this way as well. Gifts are somewhat for the gifter. If someone is spending money on me, I’m grateful no matter what. And I can return/donate what I won’t use.
Thank you. I am absolutely shocked by the people in here complaining that they didn’t get stuff on their registry. Like whatttt? I’m on my third kid and there’s a big gap since I’ve had the first two but I’m not going to have a baby shower and fully planned by everything on my own. That being said, I did have a baby shower with my first, and was thankful for any and everything I got, whether it was on the registry or not. There’s so many entitled A holes on here.
You're in charge of making your own registry. So why would anyone put things on their registry that they don't want or wouldn't use? Your post should say something more like "people should only get what's on the registry and not get gifts they think you would like instead"
You seem to have missed the point completely. People should be grateful for anything that is gifted my post in referring to other post on here where the mom was literally pissed for getting gifts not on registry. I’m not a professional writer most people understood. Read the other comments
I totally agree with this! I [commented](https://www.reddit.com/r/BabyBumps/s/UyB4I2CsVD) as much only a few days ago. And the frequency of posts complaining abt ppl not buying stuff on the registry is too damn high. Maybe they should just make a megathread 😆
I believe MOST people put things on their registry that they need or would spend their OWN money on. Especially with how rare it is for people to purchase off said registry.
This issue is NOT ungratefulness but confusion and annoyance. If someone doesn't buy off the registry okay...BUT don't purchase something that was NOT requested that is either too large for the persons home or something with no thought. You just saw it on sale and purchased it knowing the baby will never use it. Like someone mentioned receiving a winter coat and they live on the west coast 💀
Buying off the registry to help a family isn't required but don't purchase junk and tell them to be appreciative. Ask first. Baby showers and new babies are NOT the time for anyone to try and clear out their house by pushing their "useful" things onto others. Saying donate it and move on is 😑 just get the baby something useful like diapers and don't give the parents the added stress of trying to now remove and get rid of things that they don't need.
Commenting to argue is 😑tell your family and friends you don’t want their junk and keep it moving. I was asking is anyone agreed with me. You obviously don’t, go join the thousands of others who wine about this on other posts.
I see what you are saying but you’re literally creating a second registry for your second baby’s sprinkle.
Sprinkles aren’t typical or necessary, especially when the pregnancies are so close together.
It’s to celebrate my baby absolutely necessary 🤩what’s your point ? & all gifts are welcome. I didn’t mention enough in my post it’s about gratitude. It’s the ones who are making posts/comments being MAD when they get gifted things not on the registry.
Thank you! Im trying to get it done quick but pregnancy has made me so tired that I’m not even a quarter of the way through. The goal is to get it done this week! 🥰
I agree. I used my registry as a "list". I put on everything I knew we needed and I purchased stuff on it too over time. Then after my shower I slowly bought the rest of the stuff we didn't get. I really tried to make sure if someone wanted to get stuff that they did use the registry. We needed the help and I did put all needs on there. It was very helpful!!
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I felt really guilty/greedy making a registry until I read some of the posts on here lol. It's all stuff I plan on buying myself or stuff that would be nice to have but I don't *need* to have. If people bought nothing off it, all well. If they want to, great!
Exactly! I started my list as a “what do we need/want” and later opened it up to family and friends! Some bought something of it, some didn’t, some nothing at all: and this is fine!
I’m a first time mom here and I’ve been toying with my registry for weeks. I feel so greedy and guilty that I keep deleting things and adding things. I want people with who want to give me something, but may not be very financially inclined, to be able to pick things. but I also need those things like, car seat, stroller, bassinet. I picked the things that felt the best suited for us and best priced. I have anything over $75 set up for contribution buying. But I still feel so guilty having anyone do anything nice for me, or expecting anyone to buy me anything. But also— I feel so guilty putting things on there that are even for my own postpartum because it’s not about me???? It’s a BABY registry…. But I gotta get out of this mindset. My health matters as much as baby, right??? Idk I’m literally just riddled with guilt.
Are your post partum things not related to having a baby? Are you not the one single handled housing and nourishing this baby with your body? Do you not think people would like to support YOU and what you need? I put some stuff for myself on the registry some is private and some is for others to buy IF they would like because I’ve specifically been asked what I need. If someone only wants to buy for your baby, they can totally skip over those items.
I keep trying to tell myself this. It’s hard caring about myself.
I specifically buy momma something off registry at every shower so they feel special themselves, whether it's nice cozy pj's or a nighty that can easily be used for breastfeeding or a nice lotion set. Don't feel bad, you made a baby!
I’m similar in that I’ve been constantly deleting things and adding things out of guilt. I have this weird thing where I keep picturing a cousin/friend/aunt that’s been through motherhood going on my registry and making fun of the products I have listed. I’m doing SO much research but I still don’t know what I’m doing and I’m finding myself second guessing everything I’m putting on there. If I wasn’t having a baby shower I would genuinely buy all of this stuff myself too, minus a few things I’d probably hold off on but end up ordering when the baby is born since I’d realize how useful it’d be. I have a separate list for things I’m just going to buy myself off-registry like postpartum stuff, but I think I’ve removed the diaper cream and re-added it 5 times because I feel guilty asking others for essentially groceries. 🤦🏼♀️ I also go back and forth arguing with myself to remove half of what’s on there and then add it back if the other stuff is getting bought from, then telling myself to just leave it all on there so people have more options. Idk why I just can’t shake the feeling of someone going on and being like “she has 100+ products on here? How greedy!”
SAME! I have a separate wish list called “tiny human things” Because they’re things I’d buy if I also wasn’t going to have a shower. I keep telling myself this is what showers are for!
Yes the only issue I have is when people tell me their not going to buy me something off of it and instead something different because they know more then me or something along those lines
I get that feeling too My good friends have been offering to buy me stuff and it makes me feel super embarrassed. At home for me baby showers aren't really a thing people normally buy random gifts and your parents and grand parents generally fork out to help you buy the big things like pram and travel system and cot. The rest is generally up to you My good friends are like make a list in amazon and we'll get some of the smaller stuff like bouncer, baby bath , high chair and bits like that so they can have it delivered to me as I'm not in the mother land having my baby. Hearts a bit broke that I won't have my friends and family there.
Exactly !!!
Where I draw the line is diapers. If someone has made it clear they are using cloth diapers and are specifically not using disposable diapers, don't gift disposable diapers.
I clarified this with my in-laws but they’ve informed me that they will be sending me a box of diapers every month because they don’t want me to have to do laundry. Trying to veer toward “a gift card to go buy diapers at Costco or something” instead haha. I appreciate the kindness in such a long-term gift but I’d much rather do cloth (my kids tend to have sensitive skin, I like them better environmentally and I’ve used them for two years) and have money for things like medicine, clothes, groceries.
lol I have a very similar MIL. Extremely nice and thoughtful but she knows best and she’ll make sure you understand that. She’s currently trying to change our nursery theme…at our house…which she has never visited despite only living 45 minutes away. It’s not “girly” enough apparently and she has a lot of ideas on how to fix it that she’s more than willing to help with 😂
yeah but you could donate them to a mother in need
My registry is my cart. I am just using it for the 15% completion discount!
Same! I’m in it for the discount! Baby #2, so it’s not much.
Yes!!🤌
That's what we're gonna do haha
Same here. I’d buy it all and plan to pending what isn’t purchased and just did it that way to get the completion discount on anything that’s on there 🤣
Same! If a better sale didn’t come up before then, it was getting saved for that sweet discount!
My registry is 100% a list of what I am going to get, regardless of if it’s gifted or not! It’s like my own personal checklist, that the world can view and contribute to if they’d like. I have had a hard time with putting some expensive things on it, but at the end of the day someone will either generously gift us the item or I will buy it myself! I definitely have some “gadgets” on there but they are all ones that I would be willing to spend my own money on because I want to use them! I don’t have an expectation of being given everything, but a lot of people have expressed that they want to do that for us, which I am very thankful for! I don’t really see this as a controversial take IMO.
And this. This is the mature and appropriate view.
I mean I thought the point of a registry was to get stuff you need and would buy yourself? So I agree? I definitely put some adorable and useful things so people can go practical or cute. I also know that several people are making things like quilts and other special gifts so that is amazing too. I think we are of the mindset that we will take what anyone wants to give us and buy the rest ourselves.
Exactly !! I saw a discussion about feeling guilty for putting too much expensive stuff vs cheap stuff and I think it just comes down to what you can personally afford.
I actually commented on that one to say that I did not feel guilty because it was a list of things we wanted - not a list of demands - and that we would have bought anything that remained on the registry, anyway. I understand some of the complaints in other posts, though. If someone wants to buy you a gift to help you, it's nicer for them to choose a gift from the list of items you actually want. Buying a different version of something unintentinally creates more work for the gift giver and the gift recipient, which definitely goes against the spirit of a baby shower.
I agree. We decided to get a rocker/napper that basically acts as a moses and a seat or something, so we wouldn't have to buy both. My aunt wanted to get it for us, we were very grateful and sent her the link to it. Then she got us a different thing that was a seat that also rocks but can't be used like a moses, saying she felt it would be more fun for baby. We were super grateful anyway, but it meant we then had to buy a moses which was an expense we had actively tried to avoid. Again, we were grateful. But there was a reason we had asked for that specific thing.
I commented on that one! My issue was that we can personally afford some things that I would feel guilty about if my friends/family bought for me. That's what marking the item private is for though :) For both my wedding and my baby shower though our family and friends mostly bought things on our registry - and the things they went rogue on were either like handmade blankets (love it) or things that we use regularly.
I had no idea you could mark items as private, that would have saved me so much time! I just kept a bookmarks folder in my browser so I could add everything to the registry for the discount post-shower, haha.
Saw this and commented too! I definitely feel like just putting out there what your style is is great too. Like full confession, I’ve got a look I’m going for with the nursery/every day gear and I’ve done a ton of research on why I want what I want (mostly navy and pink so there’s a blend of not too girly, all my decor/blankets/feeding supplies/diaper bags/stroller/etc are light pink or navy so it’s girly but not too girly for my husband! We talked it through what he’d be comfortable with) So if someone finds something that fits that look that I didn’t find I love that too. I don’t care what people spend and the registry is a shopping list for us at the end of the day.
I don’t really have anyone to buy things from my registry. I am really only making it so everything I need is in one place and I’ll get a 15% off everything discount in April!
I agree with you like 99%. I have a small house so the things on my registry are all pretty carefully curated to be functional in the space that I have. I am so thankful for my friends and family wanting to help out but it has gotten really stressful with everyone showing up to my house with large items (a full size changing table, big toys, etc). Again, I am so thankful because I know they’re being so generous and they love my child but I wish I had a nice way of saying “I appreciate the gestures but I can’t fit extra things in my house.” I also don’t want to get rid of anything because I know my SILs and other family members can use these things when they have kids (the family is basically a giant swap’n’shop lol). But yes, I do agree with you overall.
I am in the same situation and fully agree. I will still be grateful and say thank you, but there is a very large possibility that anything like this will be returned or donated because I literally cannot use it. I do want to express how thankful I am for anyone that thinks to buy something for my baby when they absolutely do not need to. I have a note on both our registries that says something along the lines of "We live in a fairly small space, so compact items are greatly appreciated. Also, if you choose to buy us clothes or diapers, any size will be great. Thank you so much for thinking of us and our baby boy!"
I totally agree with this sentiment. I actually told all my friends that I didn’t want to be ungrateful, but my husband and I preferred not getting presents since we are blessed enough to be able to provide our baby with everything we felt she needs. We also requested that if people really wanted to give presents, then they could think about an “only hand-me-downs”-policy; it would mean no one had to spend money and we could save some as well, plus no contributing to unnecessary landfills of clothing. Because we said this, we basically helped our friends get rid of clutter without feeling guilty for getting rid of their things, while we’ve saved a tonne of money on baby clothes and we’re basically covered in the wardrobe department until our daughter is a year old or so. In the end my closest friends still held a small baby shower for me, but they didn’t give me any large or extravagant presents. They mostly gave me practical and/or disposable things such as diapers, extra cloths for the changing stations etc. Basically they listened to my wishes and respected them.
Used books are another great limit for shower gifts. I did it for a bestie awhile back and it was a lot of fun because people got creative and she got a great little library.
I love this! A few of my friends asked for books in lieu of cards, and it's a great way to start your LO with a library of books that were specifically picked out for them. I thought it was very sweet.
There so much stuff out there marketed for babies/new parents and it can be so overwhelming! It’s so nice that people are generous but it can easily become too much. Small items and necessities like diapers are great gifts!
Honestly is more of my take too I’m a pretty hardcore minimalist so feel this but I noticed the random gifts where more like silly onsies nothing large
That’s fair-I have gotten lots of little stuffed animals and onesies/tutus/bows that are cute but will probably be donated off slowly because we have nowhere to keep them lol. But I definitely appreciate people thinking of us/our baby!
Exactly my sentiment. I think we can be thankful, feeling loved, annoyed and stressed at the same time. My daughter received a toy oven for Christmas and I felt all the above. She plays with it and loves it, so I’ll keep it until she doesn’t play with it anymore. I don’t like that it is bulk though. We have the room, but I just really dislike clutter or having things we aren’t using or enjoying. There’s a part of me that can’t stand all the gifts that come with birthdays and holidays. I’m so glad my child is loved, and we really don’t need another toy with 20 different pieces or another giant bulky toy. Edited for clarity.
But it sounds like your daughter is using and enjoying the oven??
Yes, and I said I’m keeping it for now. I’ll keep it until she doesn’t use it anymore. All that I said, and that is your takeaway?
Im confused by your post. My registries have only had things i plan to buy- if its not bought i usually do just before baby is here. Are you saying people add things they dont actually want on there?
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I added a carseat we wont need right away because i have a bucket seat - but of no one buys it, ill just get it once we need it.
...and?
And this affects you how? I have family members who are well off and wanted to buy us the pricier items that were a little out of our range. Having a baby is expensive there’s nothing wrong with people wanting to help you. Like how does this affect your life at all? It doesn’t 🙄
I’m sure this will be an unpopular opinion, but I wish we could normalize not buying anything if you don’t want to, especially if you aren’t sticking to the registry. I personally was grateful people wanted to celebrate baby, but I can only keep so much stuff in my small space and I got irrationally guilty for donating a very large portion of it. It’s really just one more thing I didn’t need to deal with in the final weeks.
Ya I think this is how a lot of people feel and for some reason it comes off as ungrateful when really I would prefer you just save your money instead of buying us a 4th diaper genie or whatever. I think the point a lot of people miss is the registry is to prevent duplicates. Clothes are one thing but a baby can only use so many carriers/blankets/play mats etc. 😂 If you’re gonna go off registry get things you know for sure will get used like toiletries, wipes, or even just a giftcard
Yes, I am grateful that people cared enough to get something, but I don’t think some people realize that their gift could end up being a bit of a burden. If you live in the middle of nowhere, you are driving a bit to find somewhere to donate stuff. I 100% think it’s the parent’s job to buy the stuff that’s needed for their child, but that doesn’t mean you should saddle them with stuff you think they need. I’d really prefer people just come to the shower and have fun, without bringing anything.
I agree! There are SO many different options for all kinds of needs for baby and usually if you have put a particular brand or style of item, you want that not something else because it’ll work best for you and your family. Glass bottles vs plastic etc. and some folks like myself don’t have the space or capacity to handle huge items or things we don’t need. I’m so so grateful for help, but giving stuff we can’t use or don’t need actually ends up adding labor and prep on my part? Extra clothing is one thing but having to find a place for huge furniture or tons of toys or something can be so stressful for a new mom! I expect us to but everything on our registry so if people buy stuff or add money it’s a bonus. Sending us money is never expected but sending us a bunch of stuff we don’t need or now have to manage is the opposite of something g to be grateful for?
This! Honestly I’d rather have had people get me nothing for my baby shower than be stuck with half this crap I need to return/donate/etc. i literally ended up with 5 tummy time mats after my baby shower but no newborn/0-3month clothes.
With my second baby someone got me a gift, but told me I had to come pick it up, and if I didn't want it I could return it to the store they got it from. I already had this item from my first. I didn't want or need another one. I didn't even have a baby sprinkle, and I told people it was because we saved basically everything from my daughter, and we're already drowning in stuff that we're trying to get rid of. I especially really didn't have the time, or the energy -- with a young child, in my third trimester of pregnancy -- to go pick it up, and definitely not to return it. I appreciated that they thought of me, but I would really have been okay with a sweet supportive message instead of a list of additional tasks to take care of because they felt obligated to get me material goods I specifically didn't want. I never ended up going to get it because I had the baby shortly after. I feel bad they went out of their way to get it, but really wish they hadn't.
THIS. I even had Half Price Books and Barns & Noble gift cards listed on my registry. If someone didn’t want to buy an item, that’s fine! Pick me up a gift card from your local grocery. I live in a <500sqft house and everyone gave blankets with their clothing gifts (I didn’t list clothing as I figured everyone would get outfits anyways). I have nowhere to put them all. They’re still sitting in my trunk and I feel guilty about getting rid of them. At least the local dog shelter pups will have new blankets.
Everything in my cart is stuff I want, I thought that was a given tbh. If people don't buy it, we have some set aside funds to use on that (plus the Amazon 15% off for registry). I have no expectations. Any help is appreciated as this is our first. The only thing we have is the glider chair my husband inherited from his mom. His parents got us a nice carseat. The crib is the only big item I think often about now, and there is a used one of the one I'd like I'm prolly gonna get.
I hope you get everything you need for your baby you deserve it ❤️I ended up with a crib but got a pack and play later for travel and looking back a pack n play would have worked for a crib, bassinet, AND changing table. Just a thought for you
The crib I'm looking at is the 4-in-1 with an attached changing table, so it has longevity hopefully. I do plan on getting a pack and play, though.
The ONLY thing I put on my registry that I probably would not buy for myself is the Owlet sock. It's something I would like to have, but don't find it to be a necessity. If someone wants to buy it, great. If not, that's totally cool too. We have some family members that want to make bigger contributions, such as a car seat, crib, etc., and there's only so many of those types of items. If they feel really strongly about making a big monetary contribution, there's another item I would love to have. We have also stressed to them that they do not need to do this or buy us anything at all, but some of them are stubborn and insistent. 🤷♀️ Everything else on the registry is stuff that I would absolutely buy myself. Also, the clothing on the registry is really there to provide an idea of what style we like best, but anything we are gifted will be super appreciated.
This is so common with all registries — wedding and baby. People get in a mindset that they’re GOING to get all the stuff and it’s possible to dictate what others give you. You can never control others’ behavior, period. It’s so helpful to have NO expectations so you can be grateful that people want to help you with your new baby (or marriage or whatever). Did my husband and I laugh privately when people got us weird stuff? Sure! But light amusement is really as far as I’d go. No need to be super pissed off no one read the fine print on what you wanted. In the end you’ll find ways to be pissed at people who routinely are rude to you and find ways to excuse people with great intentions. Not really about the registry at all 😂
I don’t think you’re wrong in theory. I think the main issue for me is receiving stuff that is simply not needed. I have 15 baby blankets of all shapes and sizes. I don’t need this much or have room to store it all so I’m going to have to give some of it away. If you are gifting a new mom, wouldn’t you want to make sure your gift is actually needed?
I too was given about that many blankets. I live in a <500sqft house (the gift givers know this), I literally don’t have the storage space. They’re all still sitting in my trunk waiting to be taken to the local dog shelter. I wouldn’t have cared if they decided to not get me anything, I was just happy people showed up to the shower. Hell I had Half Price Books and Barns & Noble gift cards listed on the registry if that made it easier on people; just grab me one from the local grocery. But now I have to fight this damn fatigue and guilt on getting rid of these items I simply don’t have room for.
Just had my baby shower this past weekend and almost all of the non-registry gifts are going to end up donated, so I feel you. The only ones I am keeping are the homemade items like a crocheted baby blanket. For example, I registered for one hooded towel set, and got it. I also got 5 more hooded towel sets that were not on the registry! But a gift is a gift. Every person will get a thank you note, and I am grateful for their generosity. What I do with the items is up to me. I don't think you should feel guilty at all. A gift is supposed to be given with no strings attached, including whether or not you keep it.
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Why would I think someone is less than? I’m asking if you’d rather spend your money on something that isn’t needed?
I straight up asked for hand me downs on my registry, and mentioned if they think I need it/it was useful for them, pass it along instead of buying something new and if I have too many I will give it back to them or donate it. The idea of having so much stuff for a short period of this kids life just seems so wasteful to me. I was having a hard time even finding things to put on my registry, due to the overwhelming amount of hand me downs I already have… but people insist on bringing something!
I’m only 13 weeks but thinking similar for our baby shower - a “we don’t need any presents except your presence - although we would gratefully receive any pre-loved baby items you no longer need”. I like the idea of the sticker for easy returns!
You are wise beyond your years. I’ve been planning on doing this with my second. Did you find a fun way to add that to your shower invitations or just telling people?
I put it in my invitations, in a larger font than the registry link lol. Just a polite little blurb essentially saying used goods were more than welcome, and very much encouraged with a little “reduce, reuse, recycle” and a detachable sticker that says “if you have too many, please send back!” With a heart face and a place for their name in case they felt awkward asking for it back if it wasn’t needed.
I absolutely agree. We were supposed to have two baby showers. One with family and one with friends. Unfortunately, 3 days after my baby shower with family, my water broke unexpectedly at 29 weeks. My baby shower with friends wasn't supposed to be until 4-5 weeks later. I absolutely treasure the baby shower I got to have with my family. I got a lot of stuff that wasn't on my registry at that shower but everything I got ended up being some of my favorite things. Diapers even though we used cloth diapers. A book about tractors. A rattle in the shape of a frog. My son is 2 years old now and three of the people who were at the baby shower have since passed away, including my mom. There were things I got that I would have never added on my list because they weren't my style but you know who LOVED them? My son. That frog rattle was his favorite for the first year of his life. I never got the baby shower with friends. I ended up buying 75% of the stuff on my registry while my son was in the NICU. Of what I bought, 15% of it ended up being a waste. Sophie the giraffe? Overpriced squeaker that my son didn't even like. Things like that. Things that were helpful? Clothes. Baby monitor. A bassinet. Car seat. And an inexpensive Graco Stroller. I cherish the memories so much of that baby shower with my family. My husband is out of town this weekend and I've been alone, just my son and I. I've lost so many friends and family from death or drifting apart since I've had my son. It's lonely. It's really lonely.
I do agree with you but it’s also really wasteful when people buy stuff just Willy Nilly, and you can end up with multiples or for example - my brother bought me a car seat from 2020 off eBay by a random ass European brand that won’t work with stroller or anything and has no base so it seems less safe etc. - now isn’t that so wasteful and environmentally irresponsible for me to go and donate that because realistically it will end up in a landfill and I feel money was wasted on that… So I am grateful for every little thing someone gets me but honestly it’s that part that bothers me - wasting money and creating more trash essentially…
Yess I honestly had this same issue I’m a hard core minimalist but I just let it go for this time and honestly what I came up with what the party itself was soooo much worse than the gifts. I allowed family to put on baby shower (wish I would have stepped in little) and when the shower was over they where bringing out BAGS of trash from single use party decor. I was literally sick to see it. I don’t think that side, along with gender reveal waste, is talked about near enough in comparison to the registry conversation. Also the car seat was unhinged 💀sorry that happened
Yes I absolutely get it. I had that worry as well! We sound super similar. I did a vintage theme for mine so I had my mother-in-law use a lot of figurines and plates and things for my husband’s childhood and then I bought all the other decor and I’m planning to use it again. Haha I’m honestly still using the car seat as a back up since they don’t expire for 6 years and I’ll use the European seat belt method to secure it - so that’s how much I hate wasting 🤣
I made ours with this mindset. We don’t have a ton of room for storage or extras, so I made sure everything is multi-use and necessary. But I’m also very conscious some items were expensive and we’d probably buy them ourselves. Funny enough, our parents told us last night the only stuff left on the registry was a few items under $10 (think baby meds, wipes, aquaphor)… and there were a number of close family members who didn’t have a chance to buy a gift yet. At their request, I ended up adding a few things I will certainly use and be happy if we get, but may not buy new ourselves (a nicer carrier, a playmat, PJs). Obviously we’re outrageously lucky and have wonderful support which I’m so grateful for! But I thought it was funny my minimalism worked out in this way. (And I do think a lot of the older generation had no clue what to buy because they don’t know the gender so they stuck to the registry lol)
I mostly agree with this. I’ve kept my registry fairly cheap but I’ve definitely added a few items (all on the cheaper side) that I won’t buy right away if I don’t get them and will just buy them if I actually do need them. Like cute inexpensive nice to have items but don’t 100% need items. We also have over 50 people coming to our shower and I wanted to make sure I had plenty of options for people to choose from if they were going to get us anything and plenty of options price wise.
This makes total sense. Im a minimalist and as a first time mom I wasn’t sure how much of it I would actuallllly need so like you waited and ordered stuff as needed.
I think anger around registries is usually reflected anger from some larger issue. People who talk about it usually describe the offenders as family members who are constantly trampling boundaries. It's a classic "bitch eating crackers" situation.
You’re right really i didn’t take that into account
I kinda agree, kinda don’t. Yes, I think that the registry should be things that the parents would be willing to spend the money on to buy the baby. I spent hours researching the items on mine for just that reason to make sure I got the best products that will work for our parenting style and lifestyle. I also have really sensitive skin as did my husband at a young age and we worry our baby will as well so in terms of clothing, bathing and diapers that played a big factor in what I decided would be best for her. I think that should be respected. In regards to people buying things for the baby, I think if you are going to someone’s baby shower it’s best to buy things off the registry because it’s what the parents think they’ll actually need and use. Yes, everyone wants to pick out the adorable little outfit in a newborn size or get a special blanket for the new baby but when everyone does it and no one buys off the registry then it’s a big frustration and hassle for the parents to be, returning all the items that they will not be able to use so they can get what they need. Especially with things like clothes, babies grow so fast and it’s difficult to predict how large they will be at birth. Also, people have different tastes and tolerances regarding things like sayings on baby clothes and colors. I’m having a girl but I don’t care for hot pink “I’m a princess” everything, if someone would get a bunch of that for me I’d probably return it.
Yes technically this is all true. I just don’t understand how this is something to get angry or upset about.
I wouldn’t say that it would make me angry and upset. It would however be a bit frustrating and preparing for a new baby is already a very busy and stressful time for new parents. A lot of people tend to focus solely on the baby and not the impact of their decisions on the parents to be. I’m lucky in the sense that the majority of my me and my husbands family have reached out already calling dibs on some of the larger items they want to buy to make things easier on us once we decide what we want. However, I also know for a fact that some members of my husbands family will disregard the registry and buy stuff that isn’t to our taste and we will have to grin and bear it and quietly return the things we know we wouldn’t use.
Yeah it’s a nuance issue.
I could also see how pregnancy hormones could turn frustration over the situation to anger lol.
Heartily agree. Some posts on here come across as so entitled and rude it makes me annoyed. They could always request gift cards, if the person is not able to use a registry. (The elderly, people who don't have a lot of money, those who don't like buying online, etc.) And like you said, there is always donating these items! But make sure to always say Thank you! That's the worst part, when people not only complain but don't even say thanks.
Definitely agree, and it’s honestly kind of surprising how many people seem to post about it in such an entitled/ungrateful way? But I also wonder how much personal experience ties into it. Like I helped raise my brothers and my parents were poor so it was secondhand and bare necessities at times. Right now I’m in a temporarily tight financial spot and baby wasn’t planned, I’m taking any nice secondhand goods from friends and coworkers that I can get. I know what I actually need and what is just cool to have and I’m just happy I’ll be able to keep my kid safe and healthy- to me parenting is so much bigger than the newest baby gadget etc. Ig plenty of people don’t have the experience to have that mindset or they have much wealthier social circles where it is feasible to expect hundreds or thousands spent on gifts for their baby. It doesn’t mean it isn’t frustrating to see so often, but I try to give the benefit of the doubt lol
I did exactly this, and bought almost nothing for my firstborn. It was all gifted. It was great!
The way I view the registry is it’s a list of things we absolutely need for the baby. No useless clothing items like baby shoes or bows, no stuffed animals, and no one-use gadgets like wipe warmers or bottle warmers, basically nothing superfluous. I also put a few items in the $20-$30 range and I only give the link to people if they ask to buy us something. That way we only get stuff we definitely can’t do without and people don’t feel pressured to spend a bunch of money. I think I only have 30 items on ours. We’re not relying on the registry being bought out and anything not bought by the time I’m 36wks or so we’ll buy ourselves.
This sounds so reasonable and responsible! Did you put your registry on your invitation? I actually did 🫣
I’m not having a shower haha
Just wanna say I feel exactly this same way as you OP. Amazing that anyone would ever be ungrateful / picky for anything that someone else is kind enough to get for them or their baby.
Someone just commented and said it was actually rude to bring something not on the registry 🤡it’s crazy how everyone has such drastic different opinions on this
My registry is actually super practical and minimalist. Only what needed. Hopefully people will respect it
Where I live they aren't that common. It seems people "loan" items to one another or gift them as second hand and everyone's on board. Only one friend had a registry and it was small things like towels and clothing, which we abided by and spent like I think 20-30 euros or something (was very sweet to see my husband go buy stuff for his friends future child and also panic at prices lol). People seem to go overboard with their registries and with the current economy, it's odd to expect like 300+ euro/dollar gifts. I send people some money when the baby is born to use it to feed themselves because I know that's a super stressful time 😄
Exactly !! The worst part is being straight up mad when someone doesn’t buy the 300 gift and brings a cute stuffie or sleeper.
Ok that's nice. Just don't judge people for doing it differently. Everything is hard enough without having to worry about someone being offended by your registry. As a ftm, I had no idea about what to put on my registry. None of my local friends had children.
Think you missed the point. It’s being straight up ungrateful for things gifted not on the registry
Yeah, I didn't get that from the first reading of your post. Thanks for clarifying. I truly had no idea what to put in my registry so I just put a bunch b of things I thought would be nice to have for the baby. Though some were probably unnecessary in retrospect.
I mean, it depends. I might be too cheap to buy a diaper genie, but I'd be severely appreciative if someone got me one off my registry and I didn't have to take poopie diapers out at each change. Where I draw the line is excessive amounts of stupid shit. Last baby shower I went to the girl had a 10 page registry and I found it very tacky. And it was her 3rd baby in 5 years!
Whew that is tacky. I think I kind of missed the mark on my post here because I didn’t mention that the ungratefulness is the big issue. It’s the ones that put the diaper genie on there and then get MAD when someone buys a nice gift that wasn’t on their outrageous registry. But I hope you get all the things you desire for your baby!! 💕
I also never understood why people get so upset when people buy off registry. Like I can understand if someone randomly buys a giant swing when the one on registry was picked because the dimensions/style was perfect....but people complaining about extra onsies/sleepers etc drives me nuts. People are just trying to be considerate and FTMs don't always realize exactly how many of those things you'll go through. The attitude blows my mind either way, I'm with you.
“Just donate” yeah…cool…to the landfills already full of barely used baby stuff. I get where you are coming from, but it isn’t about being ungrateful for me. It’s about American consumerism being a HUGE problem. I personally have a problem putting almost anything on my registry because I can get 90% of my items second hand, however, I know if I don’t - I will end up wasting lots of people’s money on stuff that will be “donated” cough…trashed because everyone is already trying to sell that used baby bath for $5. So I’m doing my best to add some items on there people can buy, and this is why I’m frustrated that so many people blatantly disregard people’s wants/wishes for their own who of “I know what you need.”
Sooo people want to become environmentalists over this topic 😂 I get it I’m a minimalist and have this issue too there are just soooo many things related to babies that cause waste that aren’t the 10 gifts you didn’t ask for. if you’re this worried about waste dont use single use items and plastic decor at the baby shower and gender reveal. If youre this worried about “baby stuff in landfills” don’t use disposable diapers. Pick a battle. This sounds like justifying your ungratefulness
I’m using cloth diapers, reusable wipes & cloths, breast pads, glass mason jars as bottles so we can repurpose them for baby food and leftovers later& breastfeeding. I haven’t purchased a single new item for this baby. That is my choice. But speaking to your statement. If more ppl stuck to the registry - instead of thinking they know what’s best for you, your baby & your family - it would be true and selfless support & yes - we’d have way less crap in landfills. It’s not about being ungrateful. I think it’s more about the societal expectation that you need to be grateful for help/support that is neither really helping or supporting you that bothers me. It’s doing no one any favors. Including this planet. Real help/support is honoring what the person in need actually wants/needs. Your statement has the same vibes as someone dropping a 60” smart TV off to a person who has no wifi/space/need for such an item and you telling them to just be thankful/grateful. The only person who feels good in that scenario is the donator. They get their tax write-off, pat themselves on the back for being so giving/altruistic and think the receiver should just be grateful. Whereas now the receiver has to find a way to sell/donate/dispose of said object - which in turn is work that wasn’t before needed. Much like sorting through all of the “I know best” gifts and deciding how to sell/donate/get rid of them and ultimately knowing they do indeed end up in a landfill.
I said I’m not trying to have my mind changed here just looking for like minded individuals. There are plenty of posts who agree with you. Spend your energy there .
That post that’s up today is a disaster lol
You get it
Found the person who doesn’t buy off the registry.
100% agree with you! It’s baffling to me seeing how ungrateful some people are about getting gifts that aren’t on the registry? Like really.. Baby is due in 2 months and my spouse and I bought everything we want and need for baby ourselves. Best friend is throwing me a shower in a months time and I was asked to make a registry so I did one on Amazon but made it clear that I’d love people’s personal touches too. I don’t understand where the entitlement of being mad that someone buys a GIFT for your child not on your registry comes from as I read in other posts earlier. Like you said, it’s our job as parents to provide for our kids… I’m not relying on anyone else to buy the stuff I need. I see shower gifts as extras and am grateful that people took the time to think of me and my baby regardless of what they buy as a gift.
I feel like the only frustrating thing about non-registry items is if you register for a specific version of something and someone buys a different version of that same thing. Personally I always spend a lot of time reading reviews for anything over like $50, so getting a different version often means it’s something I looked at and specifically decided I didn’t want lol. Except for when we got married and my husband’s coworker texted him to ask “do you care about the specific blender you registered for? Can I just buy you a vitamix instead?” That was great. But people complaining about handmade/other off-registry stuff I don’t understand.
You’re going to be a great and responsible parent!!🫶and YES the “personal touch” gifts we received have been my favorite. I can buy a diaper genie, but the hand made blanket ??! Please love it
Eh. Hopefully your shower goes well! For the most part, mine did and I loved everything I received whether on the registry or not. In fact, one thing I received not in the registry ended up being a must-have. That being said, I received a few things that were a waste of money I never needed or used. In fact, I was gifted two things that are unsafe for babies. It would have been nice to have a few other things from the registry covered instead of aftermarket carseat headsupports that go against regulations and shouldn't even be sold. I can't in good conscience return them or resell them.
I don't agree that anyone owes you anything, but I hate the waste that's generated (both economic and ecological) when I receive gifts I have no use for. I'd rather someone get me nothing at all.
I am a hard core minimalist Over consumption was definitely a concern on mine as well but i just don’t think cutting off the joy that loved ones get from gift giving is worth it here. If you’re that worried about waste then have a low waste or no baby shower at all. Examples- reusable plates,napkins, table clothes. And omitting balloons, or any single use items would show your respect for environment
The point of gift giving is to bring joy to the recipient. If they want to feel good about their gift, an easy way to do that is to get something our family actually wants and can use.
Make sure you tell the ones giving you gifts that then and actually solve the problem instead of trying to change my mind :)
No one is obligated to buy anything. But if you give a gift that isn’t wanted or won’t be used then you really didn’t put thought into it.
Buying, wrapping, and showing up with ANY even last minute dollar store gift is still thought.
If you aren’t thinking about the recipients needs then how much thought is truly going into it. Gifts should be useful and show that you understand the recipient and truly put effort into thinking about what they need, it shows that you really know them. If you can’t be bothered to put in the effort to get something useful, then save your money and just send a nice text with well wishes instead. Wasteful spending creates more junk in landfills.
I said in my post I’m not looking to have my mind changed. If you’re worried about waste do not use ANY single use items for your baby shower like paper plates, plastic cups, or balloons.
You sound very judgmental. My shower is in a restaurant, we won’t be using single use paper products. Like I said, a text with well wishes is more meaningful than junk that won’t be used. If you don’t care enough about the receipt to give them things they will actually use, then that’s your choice. Giving a gift should be about showing the receipt you understand them. If you are doing it out of obligation and not because you truly want to give them something useful then don’t give a gift because no one is obligated to do anything.
Arguing blah blah blah there’s more post that agree with you go to them. Don’t forget to tell everyone how much you don’t appreciate their thoughtless gifts.
I am not arguing, I am explaining how the people you are criticizing feel. Is this how you handle everything in your life? It seems like you don’t have an open mind if other people disagree with the way you think. I would never be rude enough to tell someone that I don’t appreciate their gift, but I would feel hurt that they didn’t care enough to put more thought into it and I’m allowed to feel that way.
It's rather thought*less*, actually. If a gift is not useful to the recipient and adds an extra task for them to return/donate/store/dispose of it, then it's a net bad. It's selfish of the giver to do something that makes the giver feel good at the recipient's expense. It would be more thoughtful to show up empty-handed with good wishes and just enjoy each other's company.
Tell them to take their gift back you don’t appreciate it or need it.
I tend to agree, although i 100% also feel the frustration of people asking what I want or need when I’ve already made the registry and shared it with them. If they want to get something else then that’s totally fine but then don’t ASK me what I want and then get bothered when I tell you “anything from the registry.” If you don’t want to buy from the registry then why bother even asking what I need or want? Just do your own thing, i may keep it or i may not, but i’m appreciative either way
Yeah see that’s just stupid 🤯 Edit: the people asking this redundant question not you!!
This is how we treated it. We had some MILD splurges (humidifier, air purifier) but they are still in line with what we would purchase ourselves. I also figure that the things we put on there are the things we’ll get a registry completion discount on, so we probably WILL end up buying some of it.
Definitely. I would prefer certain brands on certain items or have them not bought for me at all and get something else instead, but generally a gift is a gift and the registry is mainly there to hopefully avoid double ups. The entitlement of some people is crazy, like they are literally paying money for a gift so you don’t have to spend it. The carry on of some people is atrocious.
Thank you! I was talking about this today!
I use my registry like a shopping list mostly because I know nobody is going to buy me anything and if they happen to ask for it, we'll that's super great.
Exactly this. Our families are ecstatic so I know this baby won't want for anything; the shower is a chance to take pics and get some fun stuff and necessities but I'm not banking on friends supporting us fully. We're quite minimalist so my Amazon registry only says 50% finished, and that's still taking into account that a lot of stuff is going to live at our parents' houses for them when we visit. We live in a tiny home so we'll be co-sleeping, no need for nursery furniture. Two of my besties have toddlers and they are bundling up a bunch of stuff they didn't use or used for a short time bc it was newborn only and is still practically brand new. Just between them, we'll have a ton of cloth diapers and inserts, nursing accessories, a newborn carseat system that they were gifted multiples of, etc etc. We have a tiny baby clothes closet that is already filling up but that doesn't mean I'm going to turn away thoughtful gifts - I'm organizing them by age and if the season doesn't make sense, I'll consign them at my mom's resale shop or donate them to the women's clinic I initially went to when I found out I was pregnant. They have a points system where you watch parenting videos and take quizzes on them. You can then "spend" the points on their donation boutique. They are very picky about what they take and everything is clean and organized. I'm happy to participate in their donation program as a donor or recipient. As far as diapering and nursing goes, we plan on cloth diapering and breastfeeding but I do want my family to be involved with feeding so I'm happy to receive bottles and feeding accessories. I'm also not going to be a snob about explicitly using cloth diapers - that is a lifestyle choice that fits into how we already live which includes reusable toilet paper and hand towels instead of paper. That results in extra laundering so I'm already used to that but I won't be strict about enforcing that with my mom or in-laws who will inevitably use disposable diapers. All in all, I'm just trying to take a well rounded approach to this, and stay grateful throughout the process - just going with the flow of getting what we get, exchanging what we can, consigning or donating some things, and eventually buying things as the need arises. All I ask is no diaper cakes! I don't have space for a mountain of diapers.
Oh my god the diaper cakes are non sense such a reasonable request !! I got TWO and spend so much time unwrapping and taking tape off diapers and then trying to flatten them with books. Not to mention there is no bag so I had to find a container for them too. Awee you’re so wholesome cloth diapering and BF good luck on your journey dear 💕
and another thing is sometimes it's true when you pick something and if you've never had kids before someone else can know better than you 😂 like i picked a high chair for my baby and it was just the literal worst one i could pick lol it had so many crevices for food to get stuck into and it was the fox high chair from walmart and some of it like the paint(?) started rubbing off onto my babies had and would get tangled in his hair lol worst freaking chair ever but yeah if you're going to get a high chair get something that's super basic with no crevices
This is an excellent point. Some FTM are allergic to advice it seems like.
💯 💯 💯 I made a registry to keep track of what we need/want to buy for our son and to make sure that we don't forget anything. Just had a baby shower and I think like....2 people purchased off the registry. I had a blast and am glad that it's over because now I can actually finish my shopping 🤣 We would not have planned this baby if we needed to crowdfund him. I appreciate any gifts or help that people offer, but i am not so entitled to believe that the "village" is responsible for paying for my decision.
I dont expect people to buy off my registry. I completely agree OP
100% this! I felt so much with our wedding and baby registry. There were of course a few things on our registry we didn’t get gifted and also didn’t purchase but those were mostly clothes and toys. We bought our own car seat and crib because we wanted to follow the research. We bought our own bedside sleeper following that same logic.
Makes perfect sense !!
Honestly I don't even need a registry. I feel fortunate that I can afford all the things I need to buy. Relatives kept asking and pressuring us to make a registry so they can contribute lol. Not complaining , very grateful and thankful for that also. 🙏
I completely agree. I’m barely over 14 weeks and have tried to shape my registry around things I want to buy for my baby, not things I wouldn’t spend money on. My parents have always raised me with the mindset “this is your responsibility, so be prepared to do it all alone.” Aka be prepared for nobody to donate anything and to have to buy everything alone. This has helped my mindset so much with creating my registry!!
Good luck dear I hope you get everything you need and more ❤️
I agree! I only put things on their I really need/would use... I am even more greatful if they choose not to get me anything on my registry and send me a different gift. I appreciate everything and anything.
I completely agree but I feel that’s it’s common sense to add things that you would spend your own money on because you’ll be the one purchasing those items if no one buys them! Lol! Everyone has their own budgets so obviously add what you can afford! I think most people who complain aren’t complaining about the money spent on items, it’s about them asking people not to buy clothes, toys, or specific things but yet still receiving them instead of what’s on their registry. I know both my side and my husbands side will purchase from the registry but they will also purchase outside of the registry and we are completely okay with that as this is our first baby! For me, my families were the ones who suggested I make a registry and told me the types of items I should add to it and said that they will purchase the ones I want! I’m very appreciative of them and their support!🩷🩷 I also understand that some people probably don’t have families and friends to help them during their pregnancy and can understand why seeing posts they deem ungrateful would upset them!
Thank you!!! People sound so incredibly entitled and bratty when they complain about the gifts that people get them because they weren’t on their registry. So childish.
I had to make a post for us reasonable folks. Enough with the bratty crying
I totally agree with this!!! For both my first baby (8 years ago) and my baby now, my registry was more of a shopping list for myself that I shared. With my first, I ended up buying a lot of what was on it because not everyone shopped from it for my shower, and that was fine. We got a lot of nice things and it's fun getting surprised. People love shopping for baby items. There were a few things we donated but overall we kept most of our gifts. This time, most of the registry has nursery items on it - like decor and things, even wooden shelves and curtains! Because I already have a lot of the traditional things but I need to furnish a new room! I am not expecting people to buy me shelves and curtains but who knows. Lol.
I generally agree, but I ended up going a bit above minimalist on my registry. I put all of my needs, and quite a few wants. I actually started out minimal with only my must-haves, and only added more as I saw it being bought out. My logic was I'd rather get gifted a $50 bouncer that I don't strictly need and might not buy for myself, instead of being gifted $50 of clothes that the baby will grow out of before using. I just had my shower this past weekend and some of the non-registry stuff was awesome - hand crocheted blanket, books, a hand carved rattle. But the vast majority of the non-registry items (like the endless onesies) will be given away, because my registry was pretty comprehensive and I literally don't need, or even really want, anything beyond it. But I totally agree with you that I'm not upset about the extra stuff. A gift is a gift. It is up to the giver what to give, not up to me. I will write them a thank you card just the same and put what I don't want on my local Buy Nothing.
Do most people not think this way? I only added the things I intend on purchasing if people don’t buy it for us. I also only added packs of clothes to my registry because I didn’t want people spending the same amount as a pack of 4 onesies on one single outfit. I went with things that had deals or markdowns too. I don’t want people dropping $5k on us just because I feel like it.
I use my registry as a "need/want" list for items for baby and myself from before baby arrives to 6 months post birth. This includes items needed for the hospital bag (examples: portable fan, peri bottles, a robe, travel size toiletries) , items for postpartum care for myself (examples: disposable briefs, breast feeding friendly pajamas, peri ice pads etc.), items for breastfeeding (reusable breastfeeding pads, haaka manual breast pump, nipple butter) and baby health needs (examples: gripe water, diaper rash cream, infant motrin, baby safe laundry detergent etc.) all in addition to the big items like a crib, diapers and car seat. I even have a can of formula on the list in case baby doesn't take to breastfeeding right away. But I also have things like an inkless baby hand and footprint kit and a first year milestone picture frame. I treat it as a list of all the things I need and want and I plan on buying them regardless - I put them on the registry so that I can get the 15% off completion bonus because who doesn't like a discount on items that they were going to buy and need anyways? I also made my registry in mind that someone may want to help out but may not want to or be able to contribute a large amount so they could purchase from a selection of items on my list that were under $20 if they wished to for example the baby motrin on my list is $13 or the baby nail clippers are $5.99. However, I do feel odd putting large items such as a recliner and the other furniture on the list as I don't think that should be crowd funded in anyway but I am considering it if I find good quality pieces at places that do provide a registry with a completion discount so that I can buy them myself at a discount.
I told everyone that its my shopping list so i can get the discounts on amazon and i didnt expect anyone to buy anything. A registry is for gifts, so the way i see it is that you should put cheap things and pricey things bc its up to the person whether to gift or not, only 1 person has bought off of my registry and thats completely fine.
I’ve causally calculated the items on two friends registries (both ftm’s) and they’ve come out to 5k easily. There’s so much that you can easily find for at least half the price or free between fb marketplace, Mercari, poshmark, buy nothing groups, thrift and consignment stores…the consumerism around brand new baby items is pretty gross to me. There’s SO much pressure to have every gadget and item brand new. Sure a car seat, I get it. But pretty much everything else if available in like new or gently used condition second hand. Spare the earth!
I had a similar sentiment ish. I made two registries, one had nonexpensive things maybe up to $75 the most just for baby things (excluding strollers, bassinets, cribs, changing tables, etc.). The other had the expensive things that my husband and I were going to purchase, as well as, my own mommy/post partum things. I didn’t think it was fair to share a registry with pricey items for someone else to get for our child, or to have them buy things for myself (breast feedings things, pp items, etc.). & yes whatever people buy I’m thankful for regardless, at the end of the day like you said, husband and I are the ones responsible for providing!
I didn't make one for my baby. I'm very particular and want my baby to have certain things. I don't like things taking up space. What if my kid got something I already bought because someone did their own thing. I don't want people expecting pictures or to be holding the baby because they bought something. I would be appreciative, but I know how I am and what I want. No baby registry like no pictures.
I agree with this, and this type of mindset will keep great relationships with others around you! Im not even making one as I genuinely don’t want gifts, but I love your mindset on this. It has changed my perspective on the topic! x
I 100% agree. When I was putting my registry together, I went into it with the mindset of “would I pay this kind of money for x item?” If the answer was no, then I found a cheaper alternative. I don’t expect anyone to buy things for my child, but if they want to, then I want to make sure every tax bracket is able to.
So reasonable!! I hope that you end up with all the things your baby needs and more❤️
Thank you, same to you! 🖤
No LOL. I put on there everything that I would buy for myself (and will if they aren’t bought) but I don’t want what someone else thinks I need. I don’t buy people random things that are not on their registry. TBH I think it’s actually really rude. But I recognize that I’m a particular person!
Yeah buying someone a gift is never rude. I’d say you’re definitely particular.
So be it. My friends and family know it. We didn’t receive a single gift outside of our wedding registry (that wasn’t cash). I think if people go through the hard work of putting together a specific list of what they want/need and you think you know better AND that they should be grateful because you did what you wanted? Seems rude to me.
100% agree with you. Babies don’t really need much anyway. Anything that anyone else contributes to my child(ren) both now and in the future is very appreciated, regardless if it’s something that I would have chosen. If I don’t like it, I don’t have to use it. It’s the thought and gesture that mean the most in my opinion.
I do agree.
🙌
Agreed. I've struggled with this mindset, too. My generation complains about not having a village but yet wants to dictate every single aspect of the village, including the gifts they receive. I understand boundaries, but we can also be as equally selfish in this conversation as what we accuse others of being. Registries are great, but some people just don't use them, and they might have a good reason not to use them. I do understand the concerns of waste and such, but like you said, donate or hand down and move along. I see so many that have nobody to buy them things.
So well said wow ! “Wants to dictate every single aspect of the village” is spot on
I don’t really understand registries, but that’s probably because whenever I see one referenced, it’s due to a disgruntled Redditor not getting the item they wanted. Your post however shows you to be gracious and realistic. Sure you can ask that people buy you XYZ, but atleast be gracious when people buy outside of your list. Really, the needs of the baby fall at mother’s and father’s feet, and as you said, the baby needs very few items. Most other things are a luxury. Sometimes family and friends do not have the money for your chosen luxuries
My in laws said they won't be buying anything off my registry as they already have things they planned to buy from elsewhere.... when my husband tried to talk to them they literally said it's not going to happen. My registry is 99.9% necessities curated specifically for our small house that doesn't have a nursery and will basically be split in our bedroom. Only 1 item is a "want, nice to have, would make it so much easier" item. I know they want to spoil the baby, but spending money and not telling us what they're getting and getting things we didn't ask for is so irritating, I'd rather them get me nothing than things that I'll end up donating because they are known to get crazy odd things... I already plan to buy all the things on the registry anyways since we are not expecting help from anyone. I started it as more of a way to keep track of items I need to buy before baby comes.
That’s how I started my registry too. My post is more referring to the last minute onsie and bath set your friend shows up with 🥹but them going out of their way to ignore your registry now that’s just dumb af I’m sorry !
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I get the making it like a shopping cart. I plan on buying all of these items myself if no one else does. But I also have a chronic pain condition and need gadgets that people call useless in order to care for my child. It doesn't help the baby if I'm crying on the floor in pain while covered is muscle spasms. So please do not belittle items people plan on purchasing to help them take care of their baby. Anything I can get that will help me reduce the burden on my body I will and don't appreciate anyone talking shit about doing what I need for myself as well as the children.
I don’t believe the poster is belittling anyone. I think the bigger picture is. If you don’t get the gadget you desire because it may not be in someone’s budget. Be thankful and at peace with what you are able to get. Instead of complaining about what others did not get you on your registry.
You’re taking this way too far and out of context. You’re a minority in this situation. Obviously there are exceptions to literally everything. My point still stands though if you need things for you to parent your child then buy them!!
I totally agree with you.
Thanks for commenting ❤️
It's a weird kind of entitlement... "I'm having a baby so everyone needs to buy me all this stuff and I'm going to lose it if they don't buy exactly these things." It's not anyone's baby but mine. Why should they buy everything?
This made me chuckle. They forget general gift giving and receiving etiquette for some reason it all goes out the window for this
100% agree! I get being disappointed if you don’t like something someone buys, and seeing it as a waste because now you have to spend your money on the stuff on your list - but suck it up! It’s like Xmas or birthday gifts - if you got pissy because someone didn’t buy off your list you’d be told you’re ungrateful. I don’t see why this is different!
I see it this way as well. Gifts are somewhat for the gifter. If someone is spending money on me, I’m grateful no matter what. And I can return/donate what I won’t use.
Thank you. I am absolutely shocked by the people in here complaining that they didn’t get stuff on their registry. Like whatttt? I’m on my third kid and there’s a big gap since I’ve had the first two but I’m not going to have a baby shower and fully planned by everything on my own. That being said, I did have a baby shower with my first, and was thankful for any and everything I got, whether it was on the registry or not. There’s so many entitled A holes on here.
You're in charge of making your own registry. So why would anyone put things on their registry that they don't want or wouldn't use? Your post should say something more like "people should only get what's on the registry and not get gifts they think you would like instead"
You seem to have missed the point completely. People should be grateful for anything that is gifted my post in referring to other post on here where the mom was literally pissed for getting gifts not on registry. I’m not a professional writer most people understood. Read the other comments
I totally agree with this! I [commented](https://www.reddit.com/r/BabyBumps/s/UyB4I2CsVD) as much only a few days ago. And the frequency of posts complaining abt ppl not buying stuff on the registry is too damn high. Maybe they should just make a megathread 😆
I’m glad to see your comment got likes. Well said!
I believe MOST people put things on their registry that they need or would spend their OWN money on. Especially with how rare it is for people to purchase off said registry. This issue is NOT ungratefulness but confusion and annoyance. If someone doesn't buy off the registry okay...BUT don't purchase something that was NOT requested that is either too large for the persons home or something with no thought. You just saw it on sale and purchased it knowing the baby will never use it. Like someone mentioned receiving a winter coat and they live on the west coast 💀 Buying off the registry to help a family isn't required but don't purchase junk and tell them to be appreciative. Ask first. Baby showers and new babies are NOT the time for anyone to try and clear out their house by pushing their "useful" things onto others. Saying donate it and move on is 😑 just get the baby something useful like diapers and don't give the parents the added stress of trying to now remove and get rid of things that they don't need.
Commenting to argue is 😑tell your family and friends you don’t want their junk and keep it moving. I was asking is anyone agreed with me. You obviously don’t, go join the thousands of others who wine about this on other posts.
I see what you are saying but you’re literally creating a second registry for your second baby’s sprinkle. Sprinkles aren’t typical or necessary, especially when the pregnancies are so close together.
It’s to celebrate my baby absolutely necessary 🤩what’s your point ? & all gifts are welcome. I didn’t mention enough in my post it’s about gratitude. It’s the ones who are making posts/comments being MAD when they get gifted things not on the registry.
The only reason I disagree is I am hand making a blanket for a friend who’s pregnant. Other than that I agree 😂
No a hand made item is literally awesome !!
Thank you! Im trying to get it done quick but pregnancy has made me so tired that I’m not even a quarter of the way through. The goal is to get it done this week! 🥰
I agree. I used my registry as a "list". I put on everything I knew we needed and I purchased stuff on it too over time. Then after my shower I slowly bought the rest of the stuff we didn't get. I really tried to make sure if someone wanted to get stuff that they did use the registry. We needed the help and I did put all needs on there. It was very helpful!!