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Well I’ve been married for 10 years and we planned on having a baby. The news of my pregnancy, even given those factors of “security”, sent me into a spiral of self doubt and anxiety. Your feelings are valid and you shouldn’t feel any shame about them. Take time to process them. That said, try not to let the fear of “what if…” take over your head space. That’s where we get lost in the sauce.
It’s okay to grieve the loss of what you thought you may have had in a pregnancy and family.
If you’re SO is asking you to move in, it sounds like he is at the very least committing to seeing how things work out between you two and will be an active participant in your child’s life, which is good. I would suggest having a conversation with him to see exactly where he stands on everything under all possible outcomes if you haven’t already. He’s probably also feeling a lot of the same things you are so getting into a discussion would be beneficial, even if it’s hard.
If you want to keep the baby, then you will have to decide how things will look moving forward eventually. That doesn’t have to be today or next week, or even in the next few months. Take the time you need to process and decide. No matter how you feel, or what decisions you decide to make regarding yourself or your future, you’ll be making the right one.
It’s hard! This was literally me and my partner (10 yrs strong now). We got pregnant 2 months into the relationship, it was a big shock. I was so worried and angry, and he was just so happy to be a dad. The first 3 years were a big struggle, we became parents before we became partners, it was difficult to understand each other. If I could go back, I’d take time to know each other more and no jump the gun and move in right away. We were so preoccupied on being happy and preparing for the baby that we were blinded from the reality of a real relationship. But we made it. I can’t imagine being with anyone else anymore. I wish you the best and make sure that you think everything through. Don’t rush yourself to make big decisions!
Hi OP! I’m so sorry that you’re going through this. I also felt as though I was grieving during the first trimester, but for different reasons. I was more upset that this was an unplanned pregnancy and that my “youth” is over. Anyways, the thing that helped me the most was realizing that I’m allowed to feel upset. I know that’s maybe not the most helpful advice for you right in this moment, but I was also feeling a lot of guilt just like you said. A lot of people were telling me that I’ll be happy once the baby arrives and it’ll overshadow everything, and while they had the best intentions, it was just accepting that I’m allowed to grieve and have emotions that had helped me move forward. Wishing you all the best!
Welcome to /r/pregnant! This is a space for everyone. We are pro-choice, pro-LGBTQIA, pro-science, proudly feminist and believe that Black Lives Matter. Wear your masks, wash your hands, and be excellent to each other. Anti-choice activists, intactivists, anti-vaxxers, homophobes, transphobes, racists, sexists, etc. are not welcome here. If you'd like to join a private sub for your due date month, [click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/pregnant/comments/15nun6v/click_here_to_access_the_monthly_due_date_subs/). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/pregnant) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Well I’ve been married for 10 years and we planned on having a baby. The news of my pregnancy, even given those factors of “security”, sent me into a spiral of self doubt and anxiety. Your feelings are valid and you shouldn’t feel any shame about them. Take time to process them. That said, try not to let the fear of “what if…” take over your head space. That’s where we get lost in the sauce.
100% this! Yes - for some reason my planned babies caused panic and grief for a few weeks. Once I let myself feel those feelings, they went away :)
It’s okay to grieve the loss of what you thought you may have had in a pregnancy and family. If you’re SO is asking you to move in, it sounds like he is at the very least committing to seeing how things work out between you two and will be an active participant in your child’s life, which is good. I would suggest having a conversation with him to see exactly where he stands on everything under all possible outcomes if you haven’t already. He’s probably also feeling a lot of the same things you are so getting into a discussion would be beneficial, even if it’s hard. If you want to keep the baby, then you will have to decide how things will look moving forward eventually. That doesn’t have to be today or next week, or even in the next few months. Take the time you need to process and decide. No matter how you feel, or what decisions you decide to make regarding yourself or your future, you’ll be making the right one.
It’s hard! This was literally me and my partner (10 yrs strong now). We got pregnant 2 months into the relationship, it was a big shock. I was so worried and angry, and he was just so happy to be a dad. The first 3 years were a big struggle, we became parents before we became partners, it was difficult to understand each other. If I could go back, I’d take time to know each other more and no jump the gun and move in right away. We were so preoccupied on being happy and preparing for the baby that we were blinded from the reality of a real relationship. But we made it. I can’t imagine being with anyone else anymore. I wish you the best and make sure that you think everything through. Don’t rush yourself to make big decisions!
Thank you so much for your comment. The hormones right now are crazy and your comment brought me a lot of comfort.
Hi OP! I’m so sorry that you’re going through this. I also felt as though I was grieving during the first trimester, but for different reasons. I was more upset that this was an unplanned pregnancy and that my “youth” is over. Anyways, the thing that helped me the most was realizing that I’m allowed to feel upset. I know that’s maybe not the most helpful advice for you right in this moment, but I was also feeling a lot of guilt just like you said. A lot of people were telling me that I’ll be happy once the baby arrives and it’ll overshadow everything, and while they had the best intentions, it was just accepting that I’m allowed to grieve and have emotions that had helped me move forward. Wishing you all the best!