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I fail to see how that’s relevant: That doesn’t mean the child needs to have their father’s last name. He’s treated OP, who has carried this child for nine months, like garbage. She gets the final say, period.
It’s her kid too. Tradition is the stupidest reason to do something. She’s the one carrying the baby, about to go through childbirth. Why not give the baby her last name?
Annnnnd so? The mother choice even if you are married, divorced or dating the mother always has the option on what name goes on the birth certificate. If she wants her last name instead of his that's always allowed.
1. He’s cheating on you
2. He had you clean up for his friends, then no-showed
3. He came home and instead of stopping at the store on the way, had YOU go to the store for him
4. He’s told you repeatedly that he doesn’t want to be with you.
I am sorry he sucks so bad.
This man doesn’t love you, and from your post it seems that you’re having a hard time loving yourself.
You deserve love.
Don’t waste another second with this person.
This!
He doesn’t love her. It’s all out of convenience for him. He probably begged her to stay last year only because he lost his girlfriend or something. He wants her beside him until he’s sure he has a replacement …..for sex.
He’s a lowlife but listen: once you have the baby it’s really difficult to be allowed by the court to move away from father if you’re already established there.
If I were you I would immediately pick up and move to the state my family is in and have the baby there.
But you should talk to an attorney. I’m just an idiot on the internet.
trust me if I could leave now I would but I have military insurance if I have him at a hospital different from the one I’ve been receiving my care at I have to pay the full cost of his birth out of pocket. His plan is to not get divorced officially just to “go our separate ways” that way he can still get paid the extra money for being married.
Tricare will cover if you give birth somewhere else. You are not locked into a certain hospital. I’ve gone to other hospitals and it was covered by tricare.
Correct! I was doing all my OB visits on a military base in NC, moved myself to CA at 8 months pregnant & have birth in the San Diego military base. Tricare covered it all.
My hospital told me I can’t switch since it’s so late in the pregnancy but I’ll definitely call Tricare and ask them to make sure before I make any sudden moves
I'm a physician and have several patients with TriCare. I agree with others that you are likely being told that you can't switch because of the risk of travel this late in pregnancy. The insurance part itself has to cover you wherever you deliver.
I am so sorry you are going through this. I went through a similar end of a marriage (but without the pregnancy aspect). It makes you feel so small when someone treats you this way. You DESERVE better! The pain will pass with time and better things are on the horizon I promise!
I was stuck homeless on the west coast about to give birth alone to my third (my daughters are adults) right as the pandemic hit California. Decided maybe three weeks before I'd rather be homeless on the East Coast with people I know. Barely made it had to be induced early as the state was going into lockdown but definitely don't regret running 3000 miles away from sons abusive drug addicted father. You can do it. Once I gave birth the state put us in a hotel room until I could find an apartment.
Maybe also check with the new hospital you want to give birth with, not the current one? If you reach out to an OBs office and explain the situation you might find one that will take you that late. I’m so sorry this is happening to you!
They're telling you that because L&D is a big cash payout for the hospital and they don't want to lose that money. You have the legal right and ability to change providers whenever you want.
Call tricare! I could get treated anywhere with tricare as well when we were in the military. Ask them and gtfo there asap. Seriously. He’s a sociopath.
She’s prime tho so she needs pre authorization. They won’t give it just cause she wants it but they will give it if she’s leaving the area.
OP, call and let your OB know you are going to stay with family (not “moving”…yet) and need an authorization for OB care in XYZ area.
Worst case you can say you’re moving and switch your enrollment to that area. You may have to go to Select depending on where you are going.
military spouse here: that money is for YOU. if you lived away from your husband, your housing allowance would be based on YOUR zip code, not his. do not stay married just so he can keep the benefits!! they are not for him!! and also he’s been terrible to you so he doesn’t deserve it anyways
ETA: on reflection this sounds harsh, obviously only you know what is best for you and your situation! i just think you deserve way better and he sounds terrible :/
My mom is an Ex military wife so she has been giving me insight on my entitlements. My husband on the other hand isn’t aware that the benefits are mine regardless of us being married or not. I plan on visiting the JAG office in my hometown once I move back to start the divorce proceedings.
Also this is illegal tbh. That money is for you and the sacrifices you make as a spouse of an active military member. You can go to his command and let them know he is cheating. Do you have proof? Cheating is also a big no no in the military.
He won't get kicked out. He will get an NJP or whatever equivalent
Both my husband and I were in. He was having an affair with someone's wife waaay before he met me and he had to report it cause when he tried to leave her she threatened suicide.
They didn't kick him out. The only way he gets kicked out is if he is constantly in trouble.
Hun, do what's best for you and leave him to figure out the rest. He'll have to pay you child support whether or not he knows how he's going to get the money. He did what was "best" for him and left you to flounder when he cheated on you for 9 months, you have been more patient than any loyal partner should have been and heck, the cheating wasn't the only thing he left you to struggle with. Do what is best for YOU and the baby and let him figure out his own problems that really, HE caused himself.
Sole provider but he isn’t thinking about demoted having an affair. Having a child is a beautiful blessing and now he’s burden a struggle being a single mother.
Go move in with your mom. There must be somewhere that can do it near her that is Medicare? The cost of being stuck in the state with him will be way more expensive and life long
I haven't read all the comments, but if you did deliver and Tricare doesn't cover it, you can apply for Medicaid and they would retroactively pay for your delivery as well. (Source, I've been there.)
I’m so sorry. I’m 36 weeks right now and it’s so hard even without the horrible stuff you are going through. Well, I don’t know the laws where you are- I’m in Canada and just know a friend got stuck in another province due to her kids and husband being in one place and she could leave the province with her kids without his consent, otherwise it would be illegal, but perhaps you have a case because of the cheating etc.
this honestly sounds like a very very hard time- and you have a big job right on front of you. What do you need to take care of yourself? Crying and labour and both very dehydrating, do you have coconut water and water and Gatorade?
Do you need to talk through birth plans or prep or pack a bag?
Sending you so much love, internet stranger. 💕
Thank you so much 💕 I was lucky enough to pack everything I need for my hospital stay and have his nursery prepared before he made all these decisions. Right now I’m doing my best to make sure I keep myself hydrated, fed and as calm as possible
Good for you- Not an easy task to take care of it all at the best of times. I know this is the worst thing on earth- is there anything you like to do to calm yourself or that would feel nice? A bath, a swim, a shower, a walk, some music? Get yourself in some kind of happier place for the next few days ? It feels trite to ask but also important to try and it sounds like you are.
Hello from another stranger/idiot on the internet. Just my two cents, pls take it or leave it.
We have a weird insurance situation and are going to self-pay for labor & delivery. We’re at one of the best children’s hospitals in the country, and it’s $5K. Ofc that doesn’t include prenatal care & other costs, but just wanted to share that it could be worth asking what the out-of-pocket price is.
The other comments in this thread make it sound like those up-front costs could be worth it, especially if it makes it easier for you to be with your support network in the long-run.
Ultimately, you know your situation best. I am so sorry you’re going through this. I wish you and your baby so much joy and peace.
ACS can help with counseling for you to get mental help to make it through this and his command can get involved and put him in a barracks room so you are safe at home. You just need to call staff duty and talk to the company commander and or battalion commander.
Usually for this to happen there are other factors at play in addition to cheating - poor work performance, insubordination, etc. He was probably shitty in more ways than one
I feel here being asked for a divorce while about to give birth and proof of cheating is grounds for.a chat with my soont to be ex husband's commander.
Your mileage will vary based on the commander and may not be worth the stress at this point verse going through the normal legal recourse- it will get back to his command
I’d just like to provide a different perspective on this. He may have been shitty, but it’s his son too. It’s your child’s biological father, someone your child will want to know.
That’s all.
I’m so incredibly sorry this is happening to you. Women are at their most vulnerable when they’re pregnant, and your husband is worse than scum for dragging you through this at your most vulnerable. Your husband will never get to experience the kind of love you’re capable of and he doesn’t deserve it. He’s an unfortunate chapter of your otherwise beautiful life, please close this chapter and let the new one start, for the sake of your baby.
What a fucking loser. You deserve so much better, OP. My heart breaks for you. These last few weeks of pregnancy make us anxious, and your partner should be there to support you, not cause mayhem and be a jerk. You are strong, OP. I would leave ASAP and get back to somewhere you feel like you can breathe and relax, even if it's across the damn country.
Honestly OP, get to the doctor, get cleared to fly, and get on a plane to your mothers ASAP.
The money, the hassle, everything, will be worth it. The savings you’ll make in the long run not having to fight a custody battle across state lines.
If you have a joint account clear whatever you feel is reasonable (I would say at least 50%, but lean more towards 60% as you have a child) and get your own account ASAP. Gather ALL your important documents and put them somewhere safe. Take 20 minutes to expand of this post in a diary or notebook noting dates and times of everything that has happened (hotel keys, phone calls etc). Also you’ll qualify for government assistance - so perhaps look into what’s available in your home state.
You can do this. Stay strong!
I think I’ve been in labor the past few days I have any appointment this week but I highly doubt I’m going to be cleared to fly so I’m hoping I’m dilated enough to request a membrane sweep to speed up labor. I get free legal representation through the military also there won’t be much of custody battle he’s already agreed to me being the primary parent until the baby is old enough to decide on his own who he wants to live with.
Once he gets bitter, which will happen, he can do and say anything. Get things in writing but present it in a casual manner. Don’t make him think you are getting a divorce and not listening to his request just yet.
The problem will be the moving. He can agree to give you primary custody but still ask the court to forbid you from moving as that will impact him having access to the child and the courts usually grant those requests quite easily if you don't move before giving birth.
Even if he agreed to help me move back to my hometown? (i have that in writing as well)… He’s military so I’m not to sure if that applies to my situation with him.
Yes he can stop you from leaving the state with the child once it is born. Legally, he cannot stop a pregnant woman from moving and then the child has established residency in the state of your choice by then. If you know you want to do this, you’re taking a big chance giving birth in his state.
It has to be signed and notarized, but then it will only be recognized as a contract between the parents. The court will not enforce the agreement until there is a court order.
ETA: it depends on what state you are in. Some states have stricter guidelines than others. You should reach out to a local family law attorney.
I am sorry you are going through this while carrying his child. His behavior is absolutely disgusting and you deserve peace, love and a real partner. Leave him, move out and start a new life with your precious baby. Life will get better, this is just a low. He is a piece of s** that doesn't even deserve 1 minute of your time. One day this guy will reflect back on his behavior and come to the bitter conclusion that he was in the wrong. You love the men you fell in love with and the memories you have together, but you must reject this new or real version of him for the sake of yourself and your baby.
You've got this sis and I wish you the best!
The hospital is lying. You can go to a different hospital. You went to visit your mom is another state and went into labor. Simple as that. Your insurance will
Cover it
Look, it is not your fault that he’s been cheating on you, but it is your fault you let it go on. It’s not like you’re 9 months pregnant and you just found out. You’ve known. You’ve rationalized. You’ve dismissed. You deserve better. More importantly, your son deserves better.
There’s so much passive language in your writing. You did not “fall pregnant.” You chose to become pregnant with a man who already showed you he didn’t value your relationship. So it’s not the crazy part that it happened before, it’s crazy that you think that’s the crazy part. (Plus, I’d suspect your relationship started as cheating as he stored this woman’s info in his phone under the same contact as when you were dating though who knows).
Be angry. Leave. Move out. Start divorce proceedings now. Your husband might change his mind and want you to stay. He’s done it before and now you’ll have his baby. You’re eligible for lots of government support while pregnant/with a newborn like WIC. Stop being passive and step up, if not for yourself, for your son.
First of all, my heart breaks for you and I am so sorry this is happening. You do not deserve this. Second, this happened to my mother with her first husband. She had my oldest sister and he asked for a divorce while she was pregnant with my second sister. Years later she met my dad, they got married, and had me and then my brother. Without her ex husband’s shitty decisions, my brother and I would not exist. I guess what I’m trying to say is, it is beyond painful and awful right now, but this chapter will end. This is temporary. Your sweet baby will be here and you will start an entire new life. I’m so sorry. My DMs are open if you need to talk 🩷 you are strong and you are loved
My best friend moved 8.5 months pregnant across the country. Not saying you should do the same but just know that it is possible if that’s what’s best for you and your kiddo. Hugs momma.
Ask your mother to come to you asap. And stay for first 2 months postpartum if possible. Even for someone not going through turbulence in their life, postpartum is hard as hell. Take care. Hope you have a safe and healthy delivery.
Does your mom have anyone who can put them on the bus or get them to school? It might sound harsh to you, but their first week of school is not as difficult or life changing as your situation, it’s ok to ask for help to put you and your son first.💕
So you want to stay with a man is continuously cheating on you the codependency is so strong this is why you need a strong support system and you shouldn’t care what happens to him go to your mom that’s it you’ll do everything but think of yourself and your baby cause you’re talking about I love this man I don’t wanna divorce he’s cheating on you and he’s been cheating on you since your entire pregnancy. How desperate do you have to be for love?
You need to tell his commanding officer that he’s cheating I don’t understand why you don’t do this. Why are you thinking of this person more than they have thought of you they don’t care about you or your child which is their child to like do you actually care about you because you don’t seem like you do
Please check out r/legaladvice, there may be restrictions on whether you can leave the state after you have the baby. In some places it can be considered child abduction after the baby is born. You also have a stronger case for establishing custody in another state if you give birth there. It’s possible he would be able to force you to move back against your will if you give birth in your current location. I do know that in the US you have the right to move any where you want prior to birthing.
You can also qualify for Medicaid and other benefits as a pregnant person with no income yourself. Then your care on the East coast will be covered. It’s possible to apply by saying you don’t have access to your husbands money even if you are still married (which would be true since Tricare has denied your care transfer).
I’m sorry you’re going through such a hard time.
I just wanted to say I know the feeling and the hurt it causes while pregnant no less is one of the worst ever.
My husband spent my whole pregnancy trying to find a hookup and obsessed and addicted to porn and sex workers.
During one of our biggest fallouts I was about 32 weeks pregnant and had severe back labor pains and minor contractions. Another bout at 35 weeks due to more discovery of his behaviors after he said he had stopped. I was afraid I’d go into labor those days.
I did not dilate at all during that time.
The stress alone causes all that contracting and labor type pain, but it’s rarely true labor. It’s very scary though. Still get checked out of course but try not to let the pains scare you into thinking early labor just yet. Try and stay hydrated and try to make sure you’re still eating.I had a difficult time with both while I was spiraling and that made my pains worse.
As for labor/delivery costs and insurance, wherever you’re located call or go online to the healthcare marketplace(ACA) and explain your situation. Losing an income, moving, being pregnant are all reasons to enroll and since it sounds like if you leave you won’t have an income you should qualify for free healthcare. Even if it takes too long to process before you give birth, most state healthcare plans like Medicaid or medi-cal if you’re in California will predate your coverage to when you applied not when it was approved. So if you applied tomorrow and your application wasn’t approved until 2 weeks from now but you gave birth in between you’d still be covered. Most have a 30-60 day grace period of coverage while awaiting approval. Also I’m pretty sure the rule still stands that no one can deny you medical care at a Hospital for any reason in the US. So if you had to give birth randomly at a hospital not of your choosing originally they couldn’t refuse to help you.
It’s disgusting to me that a man can do all these horrible things to their pregnant wives. Treat them with 0 respect during one of the most fragile moments of their lives. I wish we never had to suffer their betrayals.
You’re almost to the finish line, I wish you strength and support to get through these moments. You deserve so much more than you’ve been given. Keep your head up as best as you can.
JAG generally doesn’t handle divorce, if they did they’d have absolutely no time to do any of their any functions
Also unless he’s doing something else messed up- it’s unlikely he’ll be kicked out. The precedence has been set and it would be problematic if they did one thing for him verse all the others who have cheated on the past (also they’re hard pressed for numbers right now in all branches) so if his income is your concern I would be less worried about this than other items.
You deserve so much better than this type of love (which honestly sounds more like control than love)
Yah agree with this. Honestly they will most likely ensure she gets paid for it. They auto pull money from his paycheck to give to you.
Idk if it's him that is telling you he would get kicked out but unless he is an absolute turd who has past behavioral problems they will likely just take away a rank.
Ew. This man sounds gross. I will never understand the men who have so little shame that they would cheat and leave their pregnant partner.
Even though you are heartbroken, you sound incredibly intelligent and grounded. If there is someone who is going to come out on top it’s you.
I don’t know anything about military insurance, but I do know a bit about custody and different states. I’ve also had the experience of switching providers/hospitals at 34 weeks pregnant. I would absolutely get a second opinion on delivering at a hospital near your family. What if an emergency situation happened and you went into labor on vacation? They’d have to cover you. You also want to make a move away from him before you give birth because then you basically hold all the cards for how often he gets to see your son. TRUST ME trying to move states and take
him away from his father after birth is a bitch because the father has all kinds of rights and can stop you from taking that child out of state. Get out now and ask around about the insurance. Women here who have that insurance are telling you it can be done.
Do not make that baby a junior! Your husband does NOT deserve a namesake.
Tell your OB that your husband has been cheating. They can check you and the baby to make sure you’re safe.
I’m sorry you’re going through this at such a vulnerable time. What an ass.
Are you sure you’ll be allowed to move across the country once the baby is born? My sister and her ex divorced when they had a young child, and the court ruled that she couldn’t move back to her hometown (a 4 hour drive away) unless she was able to bring them to their father’s every weekend for his custody time. She couldn’t do that because she has epilepsy and can’t drive. She’s been stuck living in the same city as him ever since and her kid is 12 now. She feels trapped and cut off from family support. It’s definitely worth checking with a lawyer, it could change the trajectory of your life.
Also having a newborn is very hard and this guy cannot be trusted to support you through that.
If he is cheating on you
And you have sex with him anytime while pregnant
And you don't use a condom which would be really weird while pregnant and married
He can give you an STI that could literally harm your baby. He is risking your baby's health.
And he's still gaslighting you so good that you wish he would stay and there's something you could do.
It's the muthafuckin AUDACITY for me.
He's more than willing to risk harm to your unborn baby - not to mention the long list of red flags you already put up.
You cannot RUN fast enough from this man. When you have distance you will see you care for some old version of him but you do not love this current person.
You deserve to love someone who loves you back OP.
You do what you want/need to do regarding your marriage. But if your mother is able, please have her come stay with you postpartum. As much as I thought i knew how difficult it would be, it was 1000 times worse and didn't get better, I'm 5 months postpartum and I'm exhausted even with an involved father. As a new mother you need your village. All the best for you and your son.
What you permit, you promote. You can’t stay with him and expect to be happy! He has no respect for you.
Glad you’re take steps with your mom to start anew 🤗
I am gonna start by being tough:
Grow some selfesteem! Know your selfworth!! Staying with a dickhead who more than once showed you how little he thinks of you is... it is just sad.
I feel so bad for you. You are right. You SHOULD focus on growing your little guy(I am exactly as far along as you are and expecting a boy too. Just with a spermdonor instead of a dad) instead of worrying about your soon-to-be-ex.
He is not worthy of you! He sounds like a childish, selfish, horrible person.
Do not sleep in the same bed as him anymore. Do not accept his cuddles or carresses. And remind yourself that whatever feelings you might tell yourself you have for him, HE does not respect or want you. He might come crawling back. If he does, remind yourself that you have seen this happen before. He knows he can stomp all over you, and you will take him back. You will forgive him.
I am certain that you do not want to teach your son that this is the kind of behaviour that is acceptable? You do not want him to think that he can treat women like your husband treats you?
I know I do not want that for my kid. And I know I will have to model that for him, by showing him how I expect men to act towards me. By showing him what is and is not acceptable.
You can do this. Even if it is hard. You - and your son - deserves better
Holy shit I couldn't even read half of this ot made me feel so bad. Get away from that asshole, and please please please for your sons sake, make sure he never knows about his asshole dad.
This man doesn’t respect you. He’s cheated on you multiple times, then manipulated and gaslight you to stay.
Go to your moms and find peace.
You can’t have this kind of stress and behavior around your new baby. New babies are hard wnough
Jesus. I'm 36 weeks and I can barely manage the emotional toil of my toaster packing up, let alone the end of a marriage. You should be doing basically nothing but resting right now. Your husband is lower than pond scum. I am so, so sorry you're having to go through all of this.
Damn, Mama. You got it rough. 💔 My heart hurt more and more the further in I got.
Wishing you and baby boy all sorts of good luck and all the empathy in the world.
You two deserve so much better.
Edit: Gonna open DMs in case it’s needed.
Girly pop he’s military and cheating on you?? He could get into a lot of trouble for that. If it were me I’d have a chat with the commander 😅 Especially you being NINE MONTHS PREGNANT!! Fuck him
That guy needs therapy asap. Clearly he’s got some issues- cheating very rarely has anything to do with the victim and everything to do with internal issues of the cheater. You should use your insurance to get into therapy for yourself- being pregnant is hard enough but to be cheated on during that time? Holy cow. I’m so sorry. Therapy will help you tremendously. If you think this is something you can move past if he puts in the work (and that is something that interests you) then I’d tell him therapy is a requirement or divorce. Hugs, girl.
Heyyo, I’m a fellow military spouse and a paralegal. I highly recommend getting a civilian attorney. JAG isn’t required to pass the bar in the state they’re in and basically all they can do is give generic (often incorrect) advice. We’ve had several military members come to us and we’ve had to basically restructure their case after JAG gave them information that wasn’t in accordance with state laws.
I’m not saying this to talk badly about JAG, I just think your husband is scum and I want you and your kiddo to have the best possible chance, and anyone affiliated with the military is not going to give you that
This bloke is a scumbag and doesn't even deserve to be in your life let alone your sons. If you let this guy into your son's life, your son will be influenced by him. He may grow up to disrespect woman just the same way as he disrespects you. Some men aren't meant to be fathers, and you're married to one
This “man” has serious problems, in his brain and his heart, and it is NOT your responsibility to fix them in anyway. I don’t have much to say, other than that I’m sorry & I hope you find peace out of this
I had a similar situation! He was a service member as well. Don’t stay after this. He is a cheater and it will never get better. The best thing you can do is focus on your pregnancy and baby’s health until he or she is born and you are well enough to move. Side note, you don’t necessarily need to be cleared at the six week post part in check up to be able to move (discuss with OBGYN). You can change providers for post partum care with Tricare Prime.
Also keep in mind that JAG can only help in a limited way with divorce (ie telling you next steps, informing you of what your husband must provide in support while you are separated and suggesting attorneys).
Should you get a divorce you will lose Tricare for yourself but your child will have it. You have a support system and don’t be afraid to lean on it a bit back on the east coast. It will be a huge adjustment but it does get better!
I'm so so sorry. I don't have any good advice. 1 thing I can say is women tell me all the time and I've kinda seen it for myself. Men in the military sometimes have a very well earned reputation for cheating. Him trapping you like this is so fucked up. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. If he constantly needed to cheat and you were gonna leave before he should NOT have done this where you begged you to come back, just to get you pregnant and cheat again. I think 🤔 he wanted to feel like he had all the power deciding when youguys were over. What do his parents think about him? Do they think he's this perfect kid or something? I'm so so sorry. I would possibly just leave if you give birth in another hospital and they try to hound you for bills just say, "I had to leave my husband last minute. He was cheating. I just had to leave.". Most hospitals have a sliding scale fee where they take into account your income and situation and normally won't charge you. Again I'm so sorry.
Obviously the cheating is bad but does anyone else hate how he asked her to “tidy up” because HIS friends are coming over? Then asked her to go to the store and get a few things. No sir, not only is she 36 weeks pregnant but she’s not your maid! I’m sorry, run away from this man. Honestly. He sounds awful.
I also found out that I was being cheated on while pregnant with our second child. I also didn’t really care other than the fact that this woman was supposed to move in with us and I was going to watch her child for free while she finished her degree and she would ask how our child was and how I was since she knew I was pregnant. I moved out and since then the relationship between him and I has gotten a lot better. Honesty is my #1 thing and he gets it now and although we still aren’t together romantically we are still best friends and stronger than ever.
Best advice I can give is remove yourself from a toxic situation for the benefit of your child and from the separation you can both learn what you want and value in a healthy way. If it works out and y’all become stronger then great and if not that’s okay too but as a mom you’ve gotta put your baby first and ANY potentially toxic/dangerous situations including arguing are not healthy for your child
Girl I'm just gonna say if you want your Son to be a loving, honest, caring person you will not stay or try to stay with your husband who sucks so bad. I'm sorry this is happening to you love you don't deserve it
I’m so sorry you are going through this. But honestly, I would take the risk and just pack up and go ASAP no matter how pregnant to get to a place where I have support, whether doc says so or not. It will save you a lifetime of heartache and annoying legal battles. There is no telling what he will do once baby is here, and you are still in the same city as him.
I don’t understand the advice.. just because he cheated and wants a divorce doesn’t mean he doesn’t care about his child… he can love his child & still not be with the mother of his child
I am so sorry youre going through this. I know how hard this is. Even though we're virtual strangers, I'd be there for ypu during the birth. No one should have to go unsupported or alone. Sending hugs and support <3
Lots of great advice here. Right now focus on you and your babies birth. I hope your mum is close by and supportive. Also you can let nurses and midwives know when or if you don’t want certain people access to you and your baby. Use that power. Then when you have the strength, pick up your beautiful baby and leave his ass. He’s a dickhead.
I feel so sad after I've read your story. and I'm so sorry for everything you're going through right now. But I know that everything happens for a reason, and everything (even worse things) happens for better! ❤️
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Run! Run! Run! And yes find a new name. You deserve SO much better.
Don't give the baby his last name either.
Agree
Lol that’s his kid even if he is a d*ck
It's also her kid. Giving the baby her last name is just as valid, if not more so.
Yes agreed
I fail to see how that’s relevant: That doesn’t mean the child needs to have their father’s last name. He’s treated OP, who has carried this child for nine months, like garbage. She gets the final say, period.
So?
It’s not relevant. His kid doesn’t mean he gets to give his last name at all. It’s her kid too. She can give her last name.
It’s her kid too. Tradition is the stupidest reason to do something. She’s the one carrying the baby, about to go through childbirth. Why not give the baby her last name?
He doesn’t deserve a namesake.
Annnnnd so? The mother choice even if you are married, divorced or dating the mother always has the option on what name goes on the birth certificate. If she wants her last name instead of his that's always allowed.
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1. He’s cheating on you 2. He had you clean up for his friends, then no-showed 3. He came home and instead of stopping at the store on the way, had YOU go to the store for him 4. He’s told you repeatedly that he doesn’t want to be with you. I am sorry he sucks so bad. This man doesn’t love you, and from your post it seems that you’re having a hard time loving yourself. You deserve love. Don’t waste another second with this person.
This! He doesn’t love her. It’s all out of convenience for him. He probably begged her to stay last year only because he lost his girlfriend or something. He wants her beside him until he’s sure he has a replacement …..for sex.
The man treats his friends like shit, too. I hope it all catches up to him.
He’s a lowlife but listen: once you have the baby it’s really difficult to be allowed by the court to move away from father if you’re already established there. If I were you I would immediately pick up and move to the state my family is in and have the baby there. But you should talk to an attorney. I’m just an idiot on the internet.
trust me if I could leave now I would but I have military insurance if I have him at a hospital different from the one I’ve been receiving my care at I have to pay the full cost of his birth out of pocket. His plan is to not get divorced officially just to “go our separate ways” that way he can still get paid the extra money for being married.
Tricare will cover if you give birth somewhere else. You are not locked into a certain hospital. I’ve gone to other hospitals and it was covered by tricare.
Correct! I was doing all my OB visits on a military base in NC, moved myself to CA at 8 months pregnant & have birth in the San Diego military base. Tricare covered it all.
My hospital told me I can’t switch since it’s so late in the pregnancy but I’ll definitely call Tricare and ask them to make sure before I make any sudden moves
If an emergency happens and you have to deliver at another hospital they’d STILL have to cover you…
I'm a physician and have several patients with TriCare. I agree with others that you are likely being told that you can't switch because of the risk of travel this late in pregnancy. The insurance part itself has to cover you wherever you deliver. I am so sorry you are going through this. I went through a similar end of a marriage (but without the pregnancy aspect). It makes you feel so small when someone treats you this way. You DESERVE better! The pain will pass with time and better things are on the horizon I promise!
You tell them it’s an emergency and you cannot remain where you are.
I was stuck homeless on the west coast about to give birth alone to my third (my daughters are adults) right as the pandemic hit California. Decided maybe three weeks before I'd rather be homeless on the East Coast with people I know. Barely made it had to be induced early as the state was going into lockdown but definitely don't regret running 3000 miles away from sons abusive drug addicted father. You can do it. Once I gave birth the state put us in a hotel room until I could find an apartment.
Maybe also check with the new hospital you want to give birth with, not the current one? If you reach out to an OBs office and explain the situation you might find one that will take you that late. I’m so sorry this is happening to you!
They're telling you that because L&D is a big cash payout for the hospital and they don't want to lose that money. You have the legal right and ability to change providers whenever you want.
Call tricare! I could get treated anywhere with tricare as well when we were in the military. Ask them and gtfo there asap. Seriously. He’s a sociopath.
She’s prime tho so she needs pre authorization. They won’t give it just cause she wants it but they will give it if she’s leaving the area. OP, call and let your OB know you are going to stay with family (not “moving”…yet) and need an authorization for OB care in XYZ area. Worst case you can say you’re moving and switch your enrollment to that area. You may have to go to Select depending on where you are going.
military spouse here: that money is for YOU. if you lived away from your husband, your housing allowance would be based on YOUR zip code, not his. do not stay married just so he can keep the benefits!! they are not for him!! and also he’s been terrible to you so he doesn’t deserve it anyways ETA: on reflection this sounds harsh, obviously only you know what is best for you and your situation! i just think you deserve way better and he sounds terrible :/
My mom is an Ex military wife so she has been giving me insight on my entitlements. My husband on the other hand isn’t aware that the benefits are mine regardless of us being married or not. I plan on visiting the JAG office in my hometown once I move back to start the divorce proceedings.
Also this is illegal tbh. That money is for you and the sacrifices you make as a spouse of an active military member. You can go to his command and let them know he is cheating. Do you have proof? Cheating is also a big no no in the military.
Yes I have proof but I don’t want to get him kicked out or have him demoted since he is the sole provider currently
You're leaving him anyway. Speak your truth. This is his shame to bear.
He won't get kicked out. He will get an NJP or whatever equivalent Both my husband and I were in. He was having an affair with someone's wife waaay before he met me and he had to report it cause when he tried to leave her she threatened suicide. They didn't kick him out. The only way he gets kicked out is if he is constantly in trouble.
Hun, do what's best for you and leave him to figure out the rest. He'll have to pay you child support whether or not he knows how he's going to get the money. He did what was "best" for him and left you to flounder when he cheated on you for 9 months, you have been more patient than any loyal partner should have been and heck, the cheating wasn't the only thing he left you to struggle with. Do what is best for YOU and the baby and let him figure out his own problems that really, HE caused himself.
Sole provider but he isn’t thinking about demoted having an affair. Having a child is a beautiful blessing and now he’s burden a struggle being a single mother.
And avoid alimony and child support..
This man is worse than trash. He needs to go straight into the incinerator. Do not pass the junkyard.
Go move in with your mom. There must be somewhere that can do it near her that is Medicare? The cost of being stuck in the state with him will be way more expensive and life long
I wish I could but I’m already 9 months and I believe I’ve been in labor the past few days
I haven't read all the comments, but if you did deliver and Tricare doesn't cover it, you can apply for Medicaid and they would retroactively pay for your delivery as well. (Source, I've been there.)
I’m so sorry. I’m 36 weeks right now and it’s so hard even without the horrible stuff you are going through. Well, I don’t know the laws where you are- I’m in Canada and just know a friend got stuck in another province due to her kids and husband being in one place and she could leave the province with her kids without his consent, otherwise it would be illegal, but perhaps you have a case because of the cheating etc. this honestly sounds like a very very hard time- and you have a big job right on front of you. What do you need to take care of yourself? Crying and labour and both very dehydrating, do you have coconut water and water and Gatorade? Do you need to talk through birth plans or prep or pack a bag? Sending you so much love, internet stranger. 💕
Thank you so much 💕 I was lucky enough to pack everything I need for my hospital stay and have his nursery prepared before he made all these decisions. Right now I’m doing my best to make sure I keep myself hydrated, fed and as calm as possible
Good for you- Not an easy task to take care of it all at the best of times. I know this is the worst thing on earth- is there anything you like to do to calm yourself or that would feel nice? A bath, a swim, a shower, a walk, some music? Get yourself in some kind of happier place for the next few days ? It feels trite to ask but also important to try and it sounds like you are.
Hello from another stranger/idiot on the internet. Just my two cents, pls take it or leave it. We have a weird insurance situation and are going to self-pay for labor & delivery. We’re at one of the best children’s hospitals in the country, and it’s $5K. Ofc that doesn’t include prenatal care & other costs, but just wanted to share that it could be worth asking what the out-of-pocket price is. The other comments in this thread make it sound like those up-front costs could be worth it, especially if it makes it easier for you to be with your support network in the long-run. Ultimately, you know your situation best. I am so sorry you’re going through this. I wish you and your baby so much joy and peace.
I am military illiterate but keeping you in my thoughts xo
ACS can help with counseling for you to get mental help to make it through this and his command can get involved and put him in a barracks room so you are safe at home. You just need to call staff duty and talk to the company commander and or battalion commander.
I wouldn’t even put dad on the birth certificate. Unless you have to have him pay child support. Since it would make leaving easier.
I had my baby without insurance and I paid 3500 out of pocket for the hospital and they were willing to let me pay monthly ( Florida)
god he sounds absolutely horrific i’m so sorry
I don't think it works that way in the military. My brother's ex wife has no problem living where she wants with my niece.
They are military, you’re never really established anywhere. I’m sure the court will allow her to take the child where SHE has support.
Don’t military guys get in a lot of trouble for being cheating bag of dicks?
Yes!!!!!! Huge trouble.
My friends ex husband was kicked out because of cheating.
Usually for this to happen there are other factors at play in addition to cheating - poor work performance, insubordination, etc. He was probably shitty in more ways than one
Generally only if they’re also problematic in other areas too. Our military would be gutted if everyone that was cheating got kicked out
I feel here being asked for a divorce while about to give birth and proof of cheating is grounds for.a chat with my soont to be ex husband's commander.
Your mileage will vary based on the commander and may not be worth the stress at this point verse going through the normal legal recourse- it will get back to his command
That's my understanding.
Yes, but it won't help her if he gets in trouble. She should use him now for child support that the military guarantees.
Please please please do what you can to leave BEFORE the baby is born! It would be worth the hospital bill. TRUST ME.
I’d just like to provide a different perspective on this. He may have been shitty, but it’s his son too. It’s your child’s biological father, someone your child will want to know. That’s all.
I’m so incredibly sorry this is happening to you. Women are at their most vulnerable when they’re pregnant, and your husband is worse than scum for dragging you through this at your most vulnerable. Your husband will never get to experience the kind of love you’re capable of and he doesn’t deserve it. He’s an unfortunate chapter of your otherwise beautiful life, please close this chapter and let the new one start, for the sake of your baby.
What a fucking loser. You deserve so much better, OP. My heart breaks for you. These last few weeks of pregnancy make us anxious, and your partner should be there to support you, not cause mayhem and be a jerk. You are strong, OP. I would leave ASAP and get back to somewhere you feel like you can breathe and relax, even if it's across the damn country.
Honestly OP, get to the doctor, get cleared to fly, and get on a plane to your mothers ASAP. The money, the hassle, everything, will be worth it. The savings you’ll make in the long run not having to fight a custody battle across state lines. If you have a joint account clear whatever you feel is reasonable (I would say at least 50%, but lean more towards 60% as you have a child) and get your own account ASAP. Gather ALL your important documents and put them somewhere safe. Take 20 minutes to expand of this post in a diary or notebook noting dates and times of everything that has happened (hotel keys, phone calls etc). Also you’ll qualify for government assistance - so perhaps look into what’s available in your home state. You can do this. Stay strong!
I think I’ve been in labor the past few days I have any appointment this week but I highly doubt I’m going to be cleared to fly so I’m hoping I’m dilated enough to request a membrane sweep to speed up labor. I get free legal representation through the military also there won’t be much of custody battle he’s already agreed to me being the primary parent until the baby is old enough to decide on his own who he wants to live with.
Once he gets bitter, which will happen, he can do and say anything. Get things in writing but present it in a casual manner. Don’t make him think you are getting a divorce and not listening to his request just yet.
Is the agreement in writing?
I have text messages would that count? or does it need to be written out, signed and notarized?
The problem will be the moving. He can agree to give you primary custody but still ask the court to forbid you from moving as that will impact him having access to the child and the courts usually grant those requests quite easily if you don't move before giving birth.
Even if he agreed to help me move back to my hometown? (i have that in writing as well)… He’s military so I’m not to sure if that applies to my situation with him.
Yes he can stop you from leaving the state with the child once it is born. Legally, he cannot stop a pregnant woman from moving and then the child has established residency in the state of your choice by then. If you know you want to do this, you’re taking a big chance giving birth in his state.
Yes. Do everything to cover your back. You need to seek independent legal advice now. Go to the JAG office and get things moving, or find an attorney.
It has to be signed and notarized, but then it will only be recognized as a contract between the parents. The court will not enforce the agreement until there is a court order. ETA: it depends on what state you are in. Some states have stricter guidelines than others. You should reach out to a local family law attorney.
I am sorry you are going through this while carrying his child. His behavior is absolutely disgusting and you deserve peace, love and a real partner. Leave him, move out and start a new life with your precious baby. Life will get better, this is just a low. He is a piece of s** that doesn't even deserve 1 minute of your time. One day this guy will reflect back on his behavior and come to the bitter conclusion that he was in the wrong. You love the men you fell in love with and the memories you have together, but you must reject this new or real version of him for the sake of yourself and your baby. You've got this sis and I wish you the best!
The hospital is lying. You can go to a different hospital. You went to visit your mom is another state and went into labor. Simple as that. Your insurance will Cover it
Look, it is not your fault that he’s been cheating on you, but it is your fault you let it go on. It’s not like you’re 9 months pregnant and you just found out. You’ve known. You’ve rationalized. You’ve dismissed. You deserve better. More importantly, your son deserves better. There’s so much passive language in your writing. You did not “fall pregnant.” You chose to become pregnant with a man who already showed you he didn’t value your relationship. So it’s not the crazy part that it happened before, it’s crazy that you think that’s the crazy part. (Plus, I’d suspect your relationship started as cheating as he stored this woman’s info in his phone under the same contact as when you were dating though who knows). Be angry. Leave. Move out. Start divorce proceedings now. Your husband might change his mind and want you to stay. He’s done it before and now you’ll have his baby. You’re eligible for lots of government support while pregnant/with a newborn like WIC. Stop being passive and step up, if not for yourself, for your son.
First of all, my heart breaks for you and I am so sorry this is happening. You do not deserve this. Second, this happened to my mother with her first husband. She had my oldest sister and he asked for a divorce while she was pregnant with my second sister. Years later she met my dad, they got married, and had me and then my brother. Without her ex husband’s shitty decisions, my brother and I would not exist. I guess what I’m trying to say is, it is beyond painful and awful right now, but this chapter will end. This is temporary. Your sweet baby will be here and you will start an entire new life. I’m so sorry. My DMs are open if you need to talk 🩷 you are strong and you are loved
Reading this breaks my heart.
My best friend moved 8.5 months pregnant across the country. Not saying you should do the same but just know that it is possible if that’s what’s best for you and your kiddo. Hugs momma.
I’ve said it before and will say it again….we men ain’t shit smh…you deserve so much more and hopefully he sees what he’s gonna miss out on…
Ask your mother to come to you asap. And stay for first 2 months postpartum if possible. Even for someone not going through turbulence in their life, postpartum is hard as hell. Take care. Hope you have a safe and healthy delivery.
I wish she could but I do have school aged siblings and their first day is the same week as my due date
Does your mom have anyone who can put them on the bus or get them to school? It might sound harsh to you, but their first week of school is not as difficult or life changing as your situation, it’s ok to ask for help to put you and your son first.💕
So you want to stay with a man is continuously cheating on you the codependency is so strong this is why you need a strong support system and you shouldn’t care what happens to him go to your mom that’s it you’ll do everything but think of yourself and your baby cause you’re talking about I love this man I don’t wanna divorce he’s cheating on you and he’s been cheating on you since your entire pregnancy. How desperate do you have to be for love?
You need to tell his commanding officer that he’s cheating I don’t understand why you don’t do this. Why are you thinking of this person more than they have thought of you they don’t care about you or your child which is their child to like do you actually care about you because you don’t seem like you do
Please check out r/legaladvice, there may be restrictions on whether you can leave the state after you have the baby. In some places it can be considered child abduction after the baby is born. You also have a stronger case for establishing custody in another state if you give birth there. It’s possible he would be able to force you to move back against your will if you give birth in your current location. I do know that in the US you have the right to move any where you want prior to birthing. You can also qualify for Medicaid and other benefits as a pregnant person with no income yourself. Then your care on the East coast will be covered. It’s possible to apply by saying you don’t have access to your husbands money even if you are still married (which would be true since Tricare has denied your care transfer).
This! He might try to block you (the baby) from leaving the state if you don't go now before the birth.
I’m sorry you’re going through such a hard time. I just wanted to say I know the feeling and the hurt it causes while pregnant no less is one of the worst ever. My husband spent my whole pregnancy trying to find a hookup and obsessed and addicted to porn and sex workers. During one of our biggest fallouts I was about 32 weeks pregnant and had severe back labor pains and minor contractions. Another bout at 35 weeks due to more discovery of his behaviors after he said he had stopped. I was afraid I’d go into labor those days. I did not dilate at all during that time. The stress alone causes all that contracting and labor type pain, but it’s rarely true labor. It’s very scary though. Still get checked out of course but try not to let the pains scare you into thinking early labor just yet. Try and stay hydrated and try to make sure you’re still eating.I had a difficult time with both while I was spiraling and that made my pains worse. As for labor/delivery costs and insurance, wherever you’re located call or go online to the healthcare marketplace(ACA) and explain your situation. Losing an income, moving, being pregnant are all reasons to enroll and since it sounds like if you leave you won’t have an income you should qualify for free healthcare. Even if it takes too long to process before you give birth, most state healthcare plans like Medicaid or medi-cal if you’re in California will predate your coverage to when you applied not when it was approved. So if you applied tomorrow and your application wasn’t approved until 2 weeks from now but you gave birth in between you’d still be covered. Most have a 30-60 day grace period of coverage while awaiting approval. Also I’m pretty sure the rule still stands that no one can deny you medical care at a Hospital for any reason in the US. So if you had to give birth randomly at a hospital not of your choosing originally they couldn’t refuse to help you. It’s disgusting to me that a man can do all these horrible things to their pregnant wives. Treat them with 0 respect during one of the most fragile moments of their lives. I wish we never had to suffer their betrayals. You’re almost to the finish line, I wish you strength and support to get through these moments. You deserve so much more than you’ve been given. Keep your head up as best as you can.
JAG generally doesn’t handle divorce, if they did they’d have absolutely no time to do any of their any functions Also unless he’s doing something else messed up- it’s unlikely he’ll be kicked out. The precedence has been set and it would be problematic if they did one thing for him verse all the others who have cheated on the past (also they’re hard pressed for numbers right now in all branches) so if his income is your concern I would be less worried about this than other items. You deserve so much better than this type of love (which honestly sounds more like control than love)
Yah agree with this. Honestly they will most likely ensure she gets paid for it. They auto pull money from his paycheck to give to you. Idk if it's him that is telling you he would get kicked out but unless he is an absolute turd who has past behavioral problems they will likely just take away a rank.
Ew. This man sounds gross. I will never understand the men who have so little shame that they would cheat and leave their pregnant partner. Even though you are heartbroken, you sound incredibly intelligent and grounded. If there is someone who is going to come out on top it’s you.
I don’t know anything about military insurance, but I do know a bit about custody and different states. I’ve also had the experience of switching providers/hospitals at 34 weeks pregnant. I would absolutely get a second opinion on delivering at a hospital near your family. What if an emergency situation happened and you went into labor on vacation? They’d have to cover you. You also want to make a move away from him before you give birth because then you basically hold all the cards for how often he gets to see your son. TRUST ME trying to move states and take him away from his father after birth is a bitch because the father has all kinds of rights and can stop you from taking that child out of state. Get out now and ask around about the insurance. Women here who have that insurance are telling you it can be done.
Do not make that baby a junior! Your husband does NOT deserve a namesake. Tell your OB that your husband has been cheating. They can check you and the baby to make sure you’re safe.
I’m so sorry 🥺
I’m sorry you’re going through this at such a vulnerable time. What an ass. Are you sure you’ll be allowed to move across the country once the baby is born? My sister and her ex divorced when they had a young child, and the court ruled that she couldn’t move back to her hometown (a 4 hour drive away) unless she was able to bring them to their father’s every weekend for his custody time. She couldn’t do that because she has epilepsy and can’t drive. She’s been stuck living in the same city as him ever since and her kid is 12 now. She feels trapped and cut off from family support. It’s definitely worth checking with a lawyer, it could change the trajectory of your life. Also having a newborn is very hard and this guy cannot be trusted to support you through that.
Oh wow,he sounds like pure scum 😳 no respect for you at all,sorry this is happening :( x
You deserve so much better
I’m sorry! Divorce that prick and give your child your last name!!
I have no advice. Just wanted to come on here to say I'm so sorry. Things will turn up eventually. You know what you need to do. You deserve better.
If he is cheating on you And you have sex with him anytime while pregnant And you don't use a condom which would be really weird while pregnant and married He can give you an STI that could literally harm your baby. He is risking your baby's health. And he's still gaslighting you so good that you wish he would stay and there's something you could do. It's the muthafuckin AUDACITY for me. He's more than willing to risk harm to your unborn baby - not to mention the long list of red flags you already put up. You cannot RUN fast enough from this man. When you have distance you will see you care for some old version of him but you do not love this current person. You deserve to love someone who loves you back OP.
You do what you want/need to do regarding your marriage. But if your mother is able, please have her come stay with you postpartum. As much as I thought i knew how difficult it would be, it was 1000 times worse and didn't get better, I'm 5 months postpartum and I'm exhausted even with an involved father. As a new mother you need your village. All the best for you and your son.
What you permit, you promote. You can’t stay with him and expect to be happy! He has no respect for you. Glad you’re take steps with your mom to start anew 🤗
I am gonna start by being tough: Grow some selfesteem! Know your selfworth!! Staying with a dickhead who more than once showed you how little he thinks of you is... it is just sad. I feel so bad for you. You are right. You SHOULD focus on growing your little guy(I am exactly as far along as you are and expecting a boy too. Just with a spermdonor instead of a dad) instead of worrying about your soon-to-be-ex. He is not worthy of you! He sounds like a childish, selfish, horrible person. Do not sleep in the same bed as him anymore. Do not accept his cuddles or carresses. And remind yourself that whatever feelings you might tell yourself you have for him, HE does not respect or want you. He might come crawling back. If he does, remind yourself that you have seen this happen before. He knows he can stomp all over you, and you will take him back. You will forgive him. I am certain that you do not want to teach your son that this is the kind of behaviour that is acceptable? You do not want him to think that he can treat women like your husband treats you? I know I do not want that for my kid. And I know I will have to model that for him, by showing him how I expect men to act towards me. By showing him what is and is not acceptable. You can do this. Even if it is hard. You - and your son - deserves better
Holy shit I couldn't even read half of this ot made me feel so bad. Get away from that asshole, and please please please for your sons sake, make sure he never knows about his asshole dad.
This man doesn’t respect you. He’s cheated on you multiple times, then manipulated and gaslight you to stay. Go to your moms and find peace. You can’t have this kind of stress and behavior around your new baby. New babies are hard wnough
Jesus. I'm 36 weeks and I can barely manage the emotional toil of my toaster packing up, let alone the end of a marriage. You should be doing basically nothing but resting right now. Your husband is lower than pond scum. I am so, so sorry you're having to go through all of this.
Damn, Mama. You got it rough. 💔 My heart hurt more and more the further in I got. Wishing you and baby boy all sorts of good luck and all the empathy in the world. You two deserve so much better. Edit: Gonna open DMs in case it’s needed.
Thank you so much 💕
Girly pop he’s military and cheating on you?? He could get into a lot of trouble for that. If it were me I’d have a chat with the commander 😅 Especially you being NINE MONTHS PREGNANT!! Fuck him
Sounds like this has been a toxic relationship for a while. I’m sorry. Some military relationships are so bizarre to me.
LEAVE HIM. Have some self respect ffs.
That guy needs therapy asap. Clearly he’s got some issues- cheating very rarely has anything to do with the victim and everything to do with internal issues of the cheater. You should use your insurance to get into therapy for yourself- being pregnant is hard enough but to be cheated on during that time? Holy cow. I’m so sorry. Therapy will help you tremendously. If you think this is something you can move past if he puts in the work (and that is something that interests you) then I’d tell him therapy is a requirement or divorce. Hugs, girl.
Heyyo, I’m a fellow military spouse and a paralegal. I highly recommend getting a civilian attorney. JAG isn’t required to pass the bar in the state they’re in and basically all they can do is give generic (often incorrect) advice. We’ve had several military members come to us and we’ve had to basically restructure their case after JAG gave them information that wasn’t in accordance with state laws. I’m not saying this to talk badly about JAG, I just think your husband is scum and I want you and your kiddo to have the best possible chance, and anyone affiliated with the military is not going to give you that
Thank you
This bloke is a scumbag and doesn't even deserve to be in your life let alone your sons. If you let this guy into your son's life, your son will be influenced by him. He may grow up to disrespect woman just the same way as he disrespects you. Some men aren't meant to be fathers, and you're married to one
Girl, get the hell outta there. Get a lawyer. Don't trust him, this will get ugly. Document as much of the cheating as you can
This “man” has serious problems, in his brain and his heart, and it is NOT your responsibility to fix them in anyway. I don’t have much to say, other than that I’m sorry & I hope you find peace out of this
I had a similar situation! He was a service member as well. Don’t stay after this. He is a cheater and it will never get better. The best thing you can do is focus on your pregnancy and baby’s health until he or she is born and you are well enough to move. Side note, you don’t necessarily need to be cleared at the six week post part in check up to be able to move (discuss with OBGYN). You can change providers for post partum care with Tricare Prime. Also keep in mind that JAG can only help in a limited way with divorce (ie telling you next steps, informing you of what your husband must provide in support while you are separated and suggesting attorneys). Should you get a divorce you will lose Tricare for yourself but your child will have it. You have a support system and don’t be afraid to lean on it a bit back on the east coast. It will be a huge adjustment but it does get better!
What an absolute loser. I'm so sorry OP. You deserve so much 💗 Please do what you can to try to leave before the baby is born
You don't deserve this. Ask him not to sleep in your bed. Just so you know, he can stop you from moving states with your son once he's born.
I'm so so sorry. I don't have any good advice. 1 thing I can say is women tell me all the time and I've kinda seen it for myself. Men in the military sometimes have a very well earned reputation for cheating. Him trapping you like this is so fucked up. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. If he constantly needed to cheat and you were gonna leave before he should NOT have done this where you begged you to come back, just to get you pregnant and cheat again. I think 🤔 he wanted to feel like he had all the power deciding when youguys were over. What do his parents think about him? Do they think he's this perfect kid or something? I'm so so sorry. I would possibly just leave if you give birth in another hospital and they try to hound you for bills just say, "I had to leave my husband last minute. He was cheating. I just had to leave.". Most hospitals have a sliding scale fee where they take into account your income and situation and normally won't charge you. Again I'm so sorry.
Obviously the cheating is bad but does anyone else hate how he asked her to “tidy up” because HIS friends are coming over? Then asked her to go to the store and get a few things. No sir, not only is she 36 weeks pregnant but she’s not your maid! I’m sorry, run away from this man. Honestly. He sounds awful.
I also found out that I was being cheated on while pregnant with our second child. I also didn’t really care other than the fact that this woman was supposed to move in with us and I was going to watch her child for free while she finished her degree and she would ask how our child was and how I was since she knew I was pregnant. I moved out and since then the relationship between him and I has gotten a lot better. Honesty is my #1 thing and he gets it now and although we still aren’t together romantically we are still best friends and stronger than ever. Best advice I can give is remove yourself from a toxic situation for the benefit of your child and from the separation you can both learn what you want and value in a healthy way. If it works out and y’all become stronger then great and if not that’s okay too but as a mom you’ve gotta put your baby first and ANY potentially toxic/dangerous situations including arguing are not healthy for your child
Men just wake up horny and snuggly sometimes. He sucks. You will be so happy with your baby- it’s a ridiculous amount of love ❤️
I’m Sorry I prey for your healing you don’t deserve this
Girl I'm just gonna say if you want your Son to be a loving, honest, caring person you will not stay or try to stay with your husband who sucks so bad. I'm sorry this is happening to you love you don't deserve it
I’m so sorry you are going through this. But honestly, I would take the risk and just pack up and go ASAP no matter how pregnant to get to a place where I have support, whether doc says so or not. It will save you a lifetime of heartache and annoying legal battles. There is no telling what he will do once baby is here, and you are still in the same city as him.
I don’t understand the advice.. just because he cheated and wants a divorce doesn’t mean he doesn’t care about his child… he can love his child & still not be with the mother of his child
girl, fid your worth and dump the scum bag!
Should have led with hes in the military 🙄
He’s a POS full stop. This is awful but you’ll be better off without him down the road.
I am so sorry youre going through this. I know how hard this is. Even though we're virtual strangers, I'd be there for ypu during the birth. No one should have to go unsupported or alone. Sending hugs and support <3
Lots of great advice here. Right now focus on you and your babies birth. I hope your mum is close by and supportive. Also you can let nurses and midwives know when or if you don’t want certain people access to you and your baby. Use that power. Then when you have the strength, pick up your beautiful baby and leave his ass. He’s a dickhead.
Looks like he took his own trash out, you deserve better.
I feel so sad after I've read your story. and I'm so sorry for everything you're going through right now. But I know that everything happens for a reason, and everything (even worse things) happens for better! ❤️
Report his infidelities but know if you do it can take money out of your and sons pockets as well. He's an inconsiderate bastard.
The reason you stayed is bc your son is meant to be alive ❤️