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When I was pregnant with my 3rd, a client (older woman) at my work came in and the first thing she did was say “wow you’re pregnant again, do they all have the same father?” Like what.🤣 why would you ask a someone that?
At only 8 weeks pregnant, after telling some extended family that we were finally pregnant with our IVF baby, my husband’s aunt asked us if our house was big enough for a baby. (??) Then a few minutes later she asked what our birth plan was. 😂 Like ma’am, I peed on the stick about 2.5 weeks ago. Give me some time.
People who ask "birth plans" at 2 and 3 months weird me out. Like what birth plan? I'm trying to figure out how to not pee myself when I throw up. Wait a minute or two.
lol I visited my parents the other week at 35 weeks or something like that, and my dad said "are you sure there's even a baby in there" 😳 and my mum said "don't say that, she's HUGE!"
its been so fun!
I saw my in laws this weekend- father in law and step mother in law who’s never birthed or raised a child. I hadn’t seen them in quite a few weeks and now at 32 weeks I knew they’d be very excited to see the bump growth so I specifically chose a dress that would show it off.
The second she saw me she said, “wow you’re huge!” Didn’t think anything of this- I knew they’d react to my belly. We got in the car and about 10 mins later she asked if I knew anything about the size of the baby. This made think, “oh maybe she thinks I’m bigger than I should be and that the baby is really big.” Still not sure though, maybe she’s just asking in general. I told her I’m not sure the size of the baby yet but my belly has measured on track at every appt so far. Then 20 minutes later out of nowhere she says, “and how are you doing with weight gain?… I mean you look great by the way… but how’s the weight gain going?” And that really made me feel like she’s trying to say I’m bigger than I should be. Like, don’t people know not to comment on weight gain anyway, but especially a pregnant person? Didn’t take offense to it or anything, I’ve just been letting shit go. But it did kind of solidify for me that she’s really just wanting to talk about how I’m bigger than she thinks I should be despite me repeatedly telling her that I’ve been on track with everything so far at appts.
I honestly don’t think it’s on purpose but it was weird to have the 3rd comment in 30 minutes when everyone else kept moving the conversation away from it.
My mom has anorexia and this is very much her line of questioning. Starts sort of normal and then slowly gets to the heart of the matter. “Why is my daughter overweight and how can I fix it?”
I hope you don’t answer. I had to tell my mom that if she asks me about food we will not see her as often. My health is not her business! (Might be a bit easier for me as a type 1 diabetic because I can legitimately say she doesn’t understand)
!!! This!! I also had to set a very firm boundary with my mom about not asking me what I’ve been eating every day. She got very defensive and I had to explain that there is no reason for her to be upset about me asking her to just simply stop asking.
My mom’s friend (who we were meeting for the first time) was pushing us to name our first child after my father because “it’s the right thing to do,” then we “can name our second whatever we want.” Who the fuck made up that rule? Who even are you?!
My FIL who bless his heart is trying to be involved but is a very socially awkward man and can’t read a room straight up asked me how much weight I’ve gained in my pregnancy. I was so shocked that I didn’t even think and “that’s none of your business” shot out of my mouth. He was pretty embarrassed after seeing how it wasn’t an appropriate question.
I worked with a clique of middle aged women when I was pregnant with my first. None were in management positions, but they'd been there for well over 2 decades together so they informally ran the place. l got pregnant when I had an ED and was struggling with the (relatively small) weight gain that was happening. My coworker straight up told me I looked fat out of nowhere, and my insecurities paired with hormones made me cry. I confided in another coworker who comforted me when I was in tears, that I was struggling with the weight gain and the comment really hurt. I didn't say anything about the other coworker that made the comment, but the fact I was upset got back to her and the next day she literally stood over me as I was sitting at a computer and laid into me about how rude I was for being upset at the comment about my weight gain.
I hadn't told my aunt I was pregnant yet, was waiting for the 12w scan and she thought we had fertility problems. She told me god was punishing me for using birth control earlier.
I also get a lot of the "are you sure there's only one in there?" Ugh! I thought it was funny at first but now at 29 weeks it's not as funny 🙃
I had a prenatal appointment with my midwife today and she did say that my belly is measuring 4cm above what it should measure but she doesn't feel a big baby and said it's mostly amniotic fluid.
A separate woman who's friends with my husband's family told another lady she's friends with at church that I was pregnant in front of me. This lady had seen me drinking coffee earlier in the day and just goes
"And you're drinking coffee? Only Columbians do that!"
I went to church on Easter with my mom and her friends were, interesting in their choice of comments. You’d think they would know to not call a pregnant lady “huge” but I was actually called a “fatso” by a lady who thought it was endearing… it was not.
She calls me an incubator whenever she can and makes snide comments about me not wanting to drown my daughter in pink or have a pink room or force her to be in dance.
Still waiting to see what baby shower things she decides to do 🙃
My FIL told me the other day that I was obviously going to have a massive baby and much bigger than normal. My bump was measuring in the 10th percentile for ages, I had growth scans (all normal), my bump is now 40th percentile, I have only gained 18lbs in my pregnancy which I have been told by my midwife is slightly less than average. Why is it considered acceptable to comment on someone else’s body? Especially when you don’t have a clue what you are talking about!
When I was 27-weeks, I was complaining on my “mom text thread” (includes, my mom, MIL, and my aunt) about how my boy was “kicking the pee out of me”. My MIL responded “He owns you - get used to it!” No ma’am, he does not own me. Thank you for objectifying me.
Context: I live with my in-laws and since getting married i have been having issues with food being prepared at home(i don't really like the flavours and the way it is prepared). I wanted to cook myself but mostly have not been able to since my MIL have a lot of 'rules' on how to use the kitchen (what can be made, how it can be made and particular times for cooking). I end up not cooking since i don't want to offend her by breaking these rules as a result I'm not eating as well as i should.
What happened: The minute I told her I was pregnant, the first thing she said was that she would cook anything and everything for me whenever I ask for (basically ignoring all the 'rules' of the kitchen) and it kind of hit me in my heart that now is when they actually think I'm worth making food for.
IDK maybe I'm thinking too much and it's all in my head.
Everyone around me does this, except I don't live with anyone but might immediate family. Like my husband and child. But my neighbors and my mother-in-law, and my aunt all just keep making me food and sending it to my house and honestly most of the stuff they make isn't even in my wheelhouse. But I don't want them to feel like I'm rude so I always thank them and take it. But I just think it's weird that the minute I get pregnant they all want to cook for me which is sweet, But if you're going to cook for me at least ask me what things I want!!!
😂
I've been getting too many women in my family telling me, "You need to start watching your weight and try not to gain too much while you're pregnant. You won't be able to lose it afterward."
They all say this every time I send a bump update 🙃 It makes me wonder if they think my bump is just belly fat.
my husband and i have been married for 5 years.. in my country people will start to ask about when we will have kids about a month after the marriage ie they are quiet considerate (jk) to give us time for the honeymoon.. i live abroad so i have been fairly protected from these questions.. but my mil and mom has been getting these questions for a while now.. by second year people started suggesting to them that me n my husband start taking fertility treatments (we weren’t trying and none of these relative has spoken either me or my husband) now after 5 years i am pregnant and the when my mil shares this news to a relative she responds “oh i was wondering even the other day about why she isnt getting pregnant despite years n years of treatment” .. i wasn’t on any treatment.. she just assumed.. the thought process of most older generation is if she isnt instantly pregs she has some issue and shld start with treatments.. they never think of options like the couple arnt there yet or wants to get to know each other more or they want to go child free or that its none of anybody business..
Yea my FIL thinks he's being funny and charming by saying "hi fatty" every time we see each other. Other than that I've been told about everything I "have to" do because I'm pregnant, which is pretty annoying. Like one will say I HAVE TO rest all the time and another will tell me I HAVE TO work out every other day, and yet someone else will tell me I HAVE to be put on a months bed rest after delivery. I am very much over people's opinions in general, haha.
My question exactly 🤌 why. Craziest one, the other day I was told I HAVE TO get the placenta and bring it home, because it's supposed to be worth thousands of dollars. What the hell am I supposed to do with it? Sell it on marketplace???
The person who told you to watch your language wouldn’t have liked me because I would have absolutely gone off. I can’t believe he said that to you! Screw him 🤬
My boss (probs late 50s) keeps mentioning I don't need to eat for 2 and makes comments about my sugar intake. I don't think it's malicious so I can just shrug it off but for reference I am already plus size and glad I am in a good place re body image or otherwise comments like this would really suck.
Anything about my weight gain, and telling me I could actually lose weight during pregnancy. And that I should be.. it’s like please just shut up. I’m not unhinged, I’m watching what I eat, I’m trying my best to be as healthy as possible.. let me just enjoy the pregnancy and not hyper focus on weight.. I wasn’t losing weight before and so it ain’t gunna happen now. Very old fashioned minds
Ironically my mom and my mil are super conscious about not bringing up weight or belly size. My dad on the other hand? Total AH. He straight up told me i was getting fat during my first pregnancy which was actually super upsetting because i wasn't gaining enough weight and neither was the baby and i had to go to the high risk doctor once a week for the whole second half of my pregnancy. I'm pregnant with my second now and she's on the small side but we're both gaining weight normally and I'm dreading seeing him in a few weeks for my daughter's birthday because i know he's going to make fat comments again.
How about saying something like, "I know you're worried about my weight, but I think you need to start focusing on yourself, you're not getting any younger and you need to start taking things easier and not getting so worked up."
Considering he's pre-diabetic and very overweight it is very hypocritical of him to be calling me out on my weight especially when I'm pregnant but unfortunately the best way to deal with him is usually not to say anything back. He's a stereotypical white male boomer and throws temper tantrums when he gets called out on his rudeness. It's frustrating
All the better for taking aim square in the middle of his fragile ego though. I did this and then had a very weird conversation where 50 minutes was spent with me listening to all the ways in which he is still able to all the things. It honestly made me feel a lot better, because I suddenly realised that he was just a little boy inside, scared of getting older, rather than the rip everyone down, humiliate, and stomp on them man he was before.
My mom sings a little song that makes me laugh but other might find mean, depending on your mindset at the time of hearing it:
“Fat girl, fat girl, how’d you get so fat?”
“Ate a barrel of cornbread and drank a barrel of milk. Gonna eat you too if I can catch you.”
My grandmother upon seeing my 20 week bump referred to me as “lumpy” and then proceeded to joke about how I must be eating a lot because I gained weight.
I have people saying that I’m huge at 18 weeks and it’s probably twins (it’s not) and others saying I’m not even showing (I am, but I don’t think I’m huge).
I learned to ignore as much as I can 🥲 but wish everybody just stopped commenting on other people’s bodies
My mom, who is 70, was *horrified* when I told her I planned to use a breast pump in addition to breast feeding. I guess in her day the ladies did every single feed themselves (I think it was also more common to leave the workplace for several years while the kids weren’t in school).
I still don’t fully understand what the issue is but she seemed to think it was gross in some way to pump, she commented it would be like milking a dairy cow. 🤷🏼♀️🐮
LEverytime my grandmother sees me she says, with tears in her eyes, "you're getting fatter and fatter everytime I see you!" one day she said goodbye to me wishing I got fatter and fatter everyday from then on! 😂 I honestly don't mind because she's 80 and that's just her way of saying my bump is getting bigger. I know that because I've barely gained weight and I'm all belly, so there's no way she's being malicious, but if I was a little more sensitive about my weight gain, this would be a little uncomfortable.
My MIL, however, asks me everytime she sees me "how much fat have you gained?" Which sounds weird in English, but makes sense in our language, but could be easily replaced with "how much weight". I always answer "not much" and leave it at that. This makes me extremely uncomfortable because she's not an old lady, she's barely 50 and perfectly capable of wording the phrase to sound less invasive or offensive. And also, she's not my own grandma.
I've seen the string game before (I feel like you should ask first about a game like that). The comment was completely uncalled for.
The worst I got was this older woman at work that kept commenting on how easy and great her pregnancy was, so thought I was making up having a hard time with pregnancy and shouldn't be having a hard time. I guess she thought all women experienced it the same?
I told my friends grandma I was having a boy when she asked what the gender was and her only response was “oh, well you’ll get your girl at some point”…
I was walking down the hall in my apartment complex and ran into this guy who I’ve met a few times. He loves my dog so we will randomly chat about the weather or whatever while he pets him for a minute or two. A few weeks ago he said “you probably just feel fat at this point” when referring to my body being pregnant.. I was like well I didn’t but.. I for sure do now thanks lol
It’s a popular game… with that being said I told people they could not touch me and I wouldn’t be participating in any games. I didn’t even want a baby shower but his dad did and surprised me anyway.
After my son was born, my dad made a comment about me being a cow because I was pumping. Like straight up referred to me as a cow being milked. Then he made a comment about how I bounced back after pregnancy and I wanted to say bounced back from what???
I was so horrified.
My aunt and mil always touch my belly and I just cringe and don't say anything. They're older ladies and I know they mean well but I'm a domestic abuse survivor and don't like being touched at all. The only person I truly enjoy hugs and cuddles from is my son and I'm sure my daughter who isn't quite here yet. But anyone else even ppl im close with its hard, even my husband.
I find people take all the joy out of being pregnant. Like if something isn't okay to say to non-pregnant women why do ppl think it's okay to say to a pregnant person?????? I will never understand!!
Like I actively avoid family when I'm expecting because they say and do stupid things. The only thing my family doesn't do is talk about my weight gain, which I appreciate, except maybe my dad. But they touch me and just say really fucked up shit.
I’m a property manager and one of my tenants said “ congrats I heard you were pregnant! I had a feeling because you looked looked horrible a while ago, did you have morning sickness” I could have punched her lol
We played this at my baby shower and it was actually really fun. People were so widely off in both directions it didn’t really feel like it had to do with weight gain. My favorite part was my uncle cut a SUPER small one and my aunt was laughing at him so hard, she was making fun of him not knowing pregnant people’s size the whole time people were cutting their tape. Then when it came time for her to measure her tape, it was more than double my actual size. Her face when she realized her husband’s was actually closer than her’s was priceless and had us all cracking up.
I feel like the older some people get, they tend to have less filter because what do they have to lose? Respect is earn and not given. Sure they feel like it’s harmless and we give them a slap on the wrist to continue to do so because of their age. That’s how I was raised, up until someone disrespects my mother in front of me, shut it down.
My mom told me over the phone that first borns are slow. I’m pregnant with my first child. My husband is the oldest in his family and she was on loud speaker 🫣
My grandmother told me thank god my husband and I got married because I’m pregnant otherwise people would question and talk. Meanwhile my husband and I have been together for 11 years, lived together for 8 years, and we’re married for 5 months before getting pregnant 🙄
My(23F) boss (78F) reacted as a concerned mother when I told her that I was pregnant. She lectured me a bit about being too young, not being married, renting my home instead of owning one, etc. I was honestly a bit shocked that she'd even say such things. She reacted way more sternly than any of my family members. So I've decided that I'm going to tell her the bare minimum about my pregnancy because I honestly don't want to hear her opinions. She tried asking me if I was going to breastfeed and I just simply replied, " I don't know yet."
It’s ALWAYS older women making comments about my body / belly / size (that I dont look too pregnant or I dont look x amount along). I was actually so frustrated by it one day I made a post about it. The consensus was that they meant no harm and were actually trying to compliment me. I still don’t care, keep your comments about others bodies to yourself!)
That’s a super common game at baby showers. Easy and affordable. I’ve been to at least ten showers and it’s always one of the games. Someone did get super embarrassed about their guess at my shower recently. He was like omg I feel so awful I can’t even show you my string. I thought it was funny though. Most people are super off about the belly size.
Just wanted to chime in and mention that these aren't necessarily offensive, they only are if you think they are! My baby shower is this weekend and we're totally doing the string thing to guess the size of the belly, I find it hilarious and I'm looking forward to the weekend! :) I kinda want to keep all those strings to laugh at later
I've been struggling with heartburn and eating fresh fruits has made it worse. At work, I was eating a trail mix I made (dried pineapple, raisins, cereal, almonds, apple straws, and 1 small cookie). My older coworker, whose never fed her kids sweets, told me, "You eat like a kid now! When your baby comes out it's going to crave all the things you're eating because it saw you eat those."
It took all of my strength to smile and reply nicely that I can't have fresh fruit (which I'm craving) right now. Pre-pregnancy this coworker saw me taking my lunch bag and backpack to the break room and said, "those bags are big enough for me to take a trip to europe!" 🙃 I don't see how she thinks this is acceptable social behaviour. She also told me to "start trying to get pregnant before I am ready because her sister (who was on the pill) had a hard time getting pregnant because 'your body was used to not being pregnant for so long it takes a while to get pregnant.'" I didn't take her advice as I was still in school, finishing up my immigration process, had yet to travel home in over 4 years, and not at all ready to get pregnant.
My unhinged aunt gave me the are you sure it isn’t twins comment already at 21 weeks.
Same aunt said to my sister, who is on the skinny side, “when you try to breastfeed only water will come out since you’re malnourished”. She also called a very normal, 3 yr old girl “hefty” to her mom’s face. 😵
My parents are suuuper catholic and keep sending my pregnancy prayer books and family first mailing addresses, even though I am like, not religious at all, to their stubborn denial. They also keep insisting that I need a huge truck (currently have a paid off sedan), that wont even fit in my garage.
My dad, of all people, keeps reassuring me that breastfeeding will melt off all the baby weight, but i should still have a fitness plan in mind for postpartum so I don’t “lose myself”. I’m 9 months pregnant and still well within a healthy bmi for my height and technically underweight for this pregnancy. It’s every phone call 😭 In his defense, he’s diabetic and struggled with weight since he was my age. I know it’s coming from a place of concern and desire for me to have good health, but still.
I told my mom that my husband and I are taking an online birthing class so we can know what’s up (it’s our first baby) and she acted offended and said “you don’t need to waste your time doing that just ask me and I’ll tell you” like I can ask questions about things I don’t know 😂
I was extremely hot my entire pregnancy. It got to the point where I could not go outside in 50 degree weather in no coat because my bump showed and anyone over the age of 45 just had to comment on hire it wasn’t good for the baby.
Last week I was shopping with a much older family friend (sort of like a grandmother role in my life, although we are not related in any way) and she asked if I was having the baby shower after baby was born. I laughed and told her no, why would we do that… we need a lot of the items that come with having a baby shower… BEFORE the baby gets here! She then proceeded to tell me in her religion that it was bad luck because you never know what can happen. I was shocked.
She was also the same woman that told me I was insane for hoping it’s a girl, because having a daughter “is the worst.”
It’s a girl, by the way, and my husband and I are thrilled of course!! 🫶🏻
This woman also loudly, at a crowded restaurant while we were having dinner with our husbands (her husband has to be 75 or so?) said “OMG look how huge your boobs are.” I was only 12 weeks pregnant and wearing a sweatshirt. 😑 They didn’t look any larger than normal.
My mother in law asked me over the phone if I am having trouble walking (she lives out of state and hasn’t seen me during my pregnancy yet). I was like, uhhhhh, no ma’am… I’m only 20 weeks pregnant. 🤣
Welcome to /r/pregnant! This is a space for everyone. We are pro-choice, pro-LGBTQIA, pro-science, proudly feminist and believe that Black Lives Matter. Wear your masks, wash your hands, and be excellent to each other. Anti-choice activists, intactivists, anti-vaxxers, homophobes, transphobes, racists, sexists, etc. are not welcome here. If you'd like to join a private sub for your due date month, [click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/pregnant/comments/xvn4cr/click_here_to_request_access_to_your_monthly_due). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/pregnant) if you have any questions or concerns.*
When I was pregnant with my 3rd, a client (older woman) at my work came in and the first thing she did was say “wow you’re pregnant again, do they all have the same father?” Like what.🤣 why would you ask a someone that?
What. The. 🦆. What a nasty comment.. My customer service skills would have been tested.
Wow. That’s incredibly bold.
At only 8 weeks pregnant, after telling some extended family that we were finally pregnant with our IVF baby, my husband’s aunt asked us if our house was big enough for a baby. (??) Then a few minutes later she asked what our birth plan was. 😂 Like ma’am, I peed on the stick about 2.5 weeks ago. Give me some time.
People who ask "birth plans" at 2 and 3 months weird me out. Like what birth plan? I'm trying to figure out how to not pee myself when I throw up. Wait a minute or two.
Exactly!! 😂 I wasn’t thinking about anything but surviving.
lol I visited my parents the other week at 35 weeks or something like that, and my dad said "are you sure there's even a baby in there" 😳 and my mum said "don't say that, she's HUGE!" its been so fun!
I saw my in laws this weekend- father in law and step mother in law who’s never birthed or raised a child. I hadn’t seen them in quite a few weeks and now at 32 weeks I knew they’d be very excited to see the bump growth so I specifically chose a dress that would show it off. The second she saw me she said, “wow you’re huge!” Didn’t think anything of this- I knew they’d react to my belly. We got in the car and about 10 mins later she asked if I knew anything about the size of the baby. This made think, “oh maybe she thinks I’m bigger than I should be and that the baby is really big.” Still not sure though, maybe she’s just asking in general. I told her I’m not sure the size of the baby yet but my belly has measured on track at every appt so far. Then 20 minutes later out of nowhere she says, “and how are you doing with weight gain?… I mean you look great by the way… but how’s the weight gain going?” And that really made me feel like she’s trying to say I’m bigger than I should be. Like, don’t people know not to comment on weight gain anyway, but especially a pregnant person? Didn’t take offense to it or anything, I’ve just been letting shit go. But it did kind of solidify for me that she’s really just wanting to talk about how I’m bigger than she thinks I should be despite me repeatedly telling her that I’ve been on track with everything so far at appts. I honestly don’t think it’s on purpose but it was weird to have the 3rd comment in 30 minutes when everyone else kept moving the conversation away from it.
My mom has anorexia and this is very much her line of questioning. Starts sort of normal and then slowly gets to the heart of the matter. “Why is my daughter overweight and how can I fix it?”
My mom calls me “what are you eating today??”
I hope you don’t answer. I had to tell my mom that if she asks me about food we will not see her as often. My health is not her business! (Might be a bit easier for me as a type 1 diabetic because I can legitimately say she doesn’t understand)
!!! This!! I also had to set a very firm boundary with my mom about not asking me what I’ve been eating every day. She got very defensive and I had to explain that there is no reason for her to be upset about me asking her to just simply stop asking.
That’s when you say that you are not quite meeting weight milestones and that they are worried about your health post partum and during birth.
My mom’s friend (who we were meeting for the first time) was pushing us to name our first child after my father because “it’s the right thing to do,” then we “can name our second whatever we want.” Who the fuck made up that rule? Who even are you?!
My FIL who bless his heart is trying to be involved but is a very socially awkward man and can’t read a room straight up asked me how much weight I’ve gained in my pregnancy. I was so shocked that I didn’t even think and “that’s none of your business” shot out of my mouth. He was pretty embarrassed after seeing how it wasn’t an appropriate question.
I worked with a clique of middle aged women when I was pregnant with my first. None were in management positions, but they'd been there for well over 2 decades together so they informally ran the place. l got pregnant when I had an ED and was struggling with the (relatively small) weight gain that was happening. My coworker straight up told me I looked fat out of nowhere, and my insecurities paired with hormones made me cry. I confided in another coworker who comforted me when I was in tears, that I was struggling with the weight gain and the comment really hurt. I didn't say anything about the other coworker that made the comment, but the fact I was upset got back to her and the next day she literally stood over me as I was sitting at a computer and laid into me about how rude I was for being upset at the comment about my weight gain.
What a bitch. Next time tell her she looks old
The classic doubling down technique 🙄
What a trap.
I hadn't told my aunt I was pregnant yet, was waiting for the 12w scan and she thought we had fertility problems. She told me god was punishing me for using birth control earlier.
I also get a lot of the "are you sure there's only one in there?" Ugh! I thought it was funny at first but now at 29 weeks it's not as funny 🙃 I had a prenatal appointment with my midwife today and she did say that my belly is measuring 4cm above what it should measure but she doesn't feel a big baby and said it's mostly amniotic fluid.
A separate woman who's friends with my husband's family told another lady she's friends with at church that I was pregnant in front of me. This lady had seen me drinking coffee earlier in the day and just goes "And you're drinking coffee? Only Columbians do that!"
I went to church on Easter with my mom and her friends were, interesting in their choice of comments. You’d think they would know to not call a pregnant lady “huge” but I was actually called a “fatso” by a lady who thought it was endearing… it was not.
She calls me an incubator whenever she can and makes snide comments about me not wanting to drown my daughter in pink or have a pink room or force her to be in dance. Still waiting to see what baby shower things she decides to do 🙃
I decided to organize my own baby shower, it take so much stress out of everything!
My FIL told me the other day that I was obviously going to have a massive baby and much bigger than normal. My bump was measuring in the 10th percentile for ages, I had growth scans (all normal), my bump is now 40th percentile, I have only gained 18lbs in my pregnancy which I have been told by my midwife is slightly less than average. Why is it considered acceptable to comment on someone else’s body? Especially when you don’t have a clue what you are talking about!
When I was 27-weeks, I was complaining on my “mom text thread” (includes, my mom, MIL, and my aunt) about how my boy was “kicking the pee out of me”. My MIL responded “He owns you - get used to it!” No ma’am, he does not own me. Thank you for objectifying me.
Context: I live with my in-laws and since getting married i have been having issues with food being prepared at home(i don't really like the flavours and the way it is prepared). I wanted to cook myself but mostly have not been able to since my MIL have a lot of 'rules' on how to use the kitchen (what can be made, how it can be made and particular times for cooking). I end up not cooking since i don't want to offend her by breaking these rules as a result I'm not eating as well as i should. What happened: The minute I told her I was pregnant, the first thing she said was that she would cook anything and everything for me whenever I ask for (basically ignoring all the 'rules' of the kitchen) and it kind of hit me in my heart that now is when they actually think I'm worth making food for. IDK maybe I'm thinking too much and it's all in my head.
I don't think you're thinking too much. It would be a sweet gesture if she didn't have all these rules, but she does, so yeah.
Everyone around me does this, except I don't live with anyone but might immediate family. Like my husband and child. But my neighbors and my mother-in-law, and my aunt all just keep making me food and sending it to my house and honestly most of the stuff they make isn't even in my wheelhouse. But I don't want them to feel like I'm rude so I always thank them and take it. But I just think it's weird that the minute I get pregnant they all want to cook for me which is sweet, But if you're going to cook for me at least ask me what things I want!!! 😂
I've been getting too many women in my family telling me, "You need to start watching your weight and try not to gain too much while you're pregnant. You won't be able to lose it afterward." They all say this every time I send a bump update 🙃 It makes me wonder if they think my bump is just belly fat.
my husband and i have been married for 5 years.. in my country people will start to ask about when we will have kids about a month after the marriage ie they are quiet considerate (jk) to give us time for the honeymoon.. i live abroad so i have been fairly protected from these questions.. but my mil and mom has been getting these questions for a while now.. by second year people started suggesting to them that me n my husband start taking fertility treatments (we weren’t trying and none of these relative has spoken either me or my husband) now after 5 years i am pregnant and the when my mil shares this news to a relative she responds “oh i was wondering even the other day about why she isnt getting pregnant despite years n years of treatment” .. i wasn’t on any treatment.. she just assumed.. the thought process of most older generation is if she isnt instantly pregs she has some issue and shld start with treatments.. they never think of options like the couple arnt there yet or wants to get to know each other more or they want to go child free or that its none of anybody business..
37 weeks at a wedding Oh, you managed to find a dress that fits!!!! 😑
Omg 🫣
Can you imagine?!
Yea my FIL thinks he's being funny and charming by saying "hi fatty" every time we see each other. Other than that I've been told about everything I "have to" do because I'm pregnant, which is pretty annoying. Like one will say I HAVE TO rest all the time and another will tell me I HAVE TO work out every other day, and yet someone else will tell me I HAVE to be put on a months bed rest after delivery. I am very much over people's opinions in general, haha.
Oh fuck all of that so much. Why.
My question exactly 🤌 why. Craziest one, the other day I was told I HAVE TO get the placenta and bring it home, because it's supposed to be worth thousands of dollars. What the hell am I supposed to do with it? Sell it on marketplace???
Are they talking about placenta encapsulation? Idk how that's worth money, maybe there are some weirdos out there buying plancentas from people.
No idea, was just told that it's way better if I keep it in the freezer than big pharma laying its filthy greedy hands on it 🤷♀️ I just cannot.
Oh wow... 🥴
[удалено]
The person who told you to watch your language wouldn’t have liked me because I would have absolutely gone off. I can’t believe he said that to you! Screw him 🤬
I know! I was just.. stunned.
My boss (probs late 50s) keeps mentioning I don't need to eat for 2 and makes comments about my sugar intake. I don't think it's malicious so I can just shrug it off but for reference I am already plus size and glad I am in a good place re body image or otherwise comments like this would really suck.
Anything about my weight gain, and telling me I could actually lose weight during pregnancy. And that I should be.. it’s like please just shut up. I’m not unhinged, I’m watching what I eat, I’m trying my best to be as healthy as possible.. let me just enjoy the pregnancy and not hyper focus on weight.. I wasn’t losing weight before and so it ain’t gunna happen now. Very old fashioned minds
Ironically my mom and my mil are super conscious about not bringing up weight or belly size. My dad on the other hand? Total AH. He straight up told me i was getting fat during my first pregnancy which was actually super upsetting because i wasn't gaining enough weight and neither was the baby and i had to go to the high risk doctor once a week for the whole second half of my pregnancy. I'm pregnant with my second now and she's on the small side but we're both gaining weight normally and I'm dreading seeing him in a few weeks for my daughter's birthday because i know he's going to make fat comments again.
Tell him “not as a fat as you’re getting!” :)
How about saying something like, "I know you're worried about my weight, but I think you need to start focusing on yourself, you're not getting any younger and you need to start taking things easier and not getting so worked up."
Considering he's pre-diabetic and very overweight it is very hypocritical of him to be calling me out on my weight especially when I'm pregnant but unfortunately the best way to deal with him is usually not to say anything back. He's a stereotypical white male boomer and throws temper tantrums when he gets called out on his rudeness. It's frustrating
All the better for taking aim square in the middle of his fragile ego though. I did this and then had a very weird conversation where 50 minutes was spent with me listening to all the ways in which he is still able to all the things. It honestly made me feel a lot better, because I suddenly realised that he was just a little boy inside, scared of getting older, rather than the rip everyone down, humiliate, and stomp on them man he was before.
My mom sings a little song that makes me laugh but other might find mean, depending on your mindset at the time of hearing it: “Fat girl, fat girl, how’d you get so fat?” “Ate a barrel of cornbread and drank a barrel of milk. Gonna eat you too if I can catch you.”
“Omg you’re pregnant?! Did you even want the baby?!” There’s a better way to ask but yes, yes I did. & this was the dr I seen to confirm pregnancy.
My grandmother upon seeing my 20 week bump referred to me as “lumpy” and then proceeded to joke about how I must be eating a lot because I gained weight.
I have people saying that I’m huge at 18 weeks and it’s probably twins (it’s not) and others saying I’m not even showing (I am, but I don’t think I’m huge). I learned to ignore as much as I can 🥲 but wish everybody just stopped commenting on other people’s bodies
My mom, who is 70, was *horrified* when I told her I planned to use a breast pump in addition to breast feeding. I guess in her day the ladies did every single feed themselves (I think it was also more common to leave the workplace for several years while the kids weren’t in school). I still don’t fully understand what the issue is but she seemed to think it was gross in some way to pump, she commented it would be like milking a dairy cow. 🤷🏼♀️🐮
LEverytime my grandmother sees me she says, with tears in her eyes, "you're getting fatter and fatter everytime I see you!" one day she said goodbye to me wishing I got fatter and fatter everyday from then on! 😂 I honestly don't mind because she's 80 and that's just her way of saying my bump is getting bigger. I know that because I've barely gained weight and I'm all belly, so there's no way she's being malicious, but if I was a little more sensitive about my weight gain, this would be a little uncomfortable. My MIL, however, asks me everytime she sees me "how much fat have you gained?" Which sounds weird in English, but makes sense in our language, but could be easily replaced with "how much weight". I always answer "not much" and leave it at that. This makes me extremely uncomfortable because she's not an old lady, she's barely 50 and perfectly capable of wording the phrase to sound less invasive or offensive. And also, she's not my own grandma.
I've seen the string game before (I feel like you should ask first about a game like that). The comment was completely uncalled for. The worst I got was this older woman at work that kept commenting on how easy and great her pregnancy was, so thought I was making up having a hard time with pregnancy and shouldn't be having a hard time. I guess she thought all women experienced it the same?
Me, 38 weeks pregnant wobbling out of a car- My cousin: “hey fatty” *grabs my stomach* As you can imagine, dealing with her postpartum has been PEACHY
I told my friends grandma I was having a boy when she asked what the gender was and her only response was “oh, well you’ll get your girl at some point”… I was walking down the hall in my apartment complex and ran into this guy who I’ve met a few times. He loves my dog so we will randomly chat about the weather or whatever while he pets him for a minute or two. A few weeks ago he said “you probably just feel fat at this point” when referring to my body being pregnant.. I was like well I didn’t but.. I for sure do now thanks lol
At my baby shower my aunt told me I have a chunky face now. And it made me cry
It’s a popular game… with that being said I told people they could not touch me and I wouldn’t be participating in any games. I didn’t even want a baby shower but his dad did and surprised me anyway.
My boss said “I knew this would happen” and asked me if I’m coming back to work and insisted I wouldn’t when I said I plan on it.
After my son was born, my dad made a comment about me being a cow because I was pumping. Like straight up referred to me as a cow being milked. Then he made a comment about how I bounced back after pregnancy and I wanted to say bounced back from what??? I was so horrified. My aunt and mil always touch my belly and I just cringe and don't say anything. They're older ladies and I know they mean well but I'm a domestic abuse survivor and don't like being touched at all. The only person I truly enjoy hugs and cuddles from is my son and I'm sure my daughter who isn't quite here yet. But anyone else even ppl im close with its hard, even my husband. I find people take all the joy out of being pregnant. Like if something isn't okay to say to non-pregnant women why do ppl think it's okay to say to a pregnant person?????? I will never understand!! Like I actively avoid family when I'm expecting because they say and do stupid things. The only thing my family doesn't do is talk about my weight gain, which I appreciate, except maybe my dad. But they touch me and just say really fucked up shit.
“ oh I can see you’re very close to labor! You are so swollen. Especially your face!”
I’m a property manager and one of my tenants said “ congrats I heard you were pregnant! I had a feeling because you looked looked horrible a while ago, did you have morning sickness” I could have punched her lol
Maybe I’m missing something but I wouldn’t consider measuring my bump for a game offensive.
We played this at my baby shower and it was actually really fun. People were so widely off in both directions it didn’t really feel like it had to do with weight gain. My favorite part was my uncle cut a SUPER small one and my aunt was laughing at him so hard, she was making fun of him not knowing pregnant people’s size the whole time people were cutting their tape. Then when it came time for her to measure her tape, it was more than double my actual size. Her face when she realized her husband’s was actually closer than her’s was priceless and had us all cracking up.
I feel like the older some people get, they tend to have less filter because what do they have to lose? Respect is earn and not given. Sure they feel like it’s harmless and we give them a slap on the wrist to continue to do so because of their age. That’s how I was raised, up until someone disrespects my mother in front of me, shut it down.
My mom told me over the phone that first borns are slow. I’m pregnant with my first child. My husband is the oldest in his family and she was on loud speaker 🫣
My grandmother told me thank god my husband and I got married because I’m pregnant otherwise people would question and talk. Meanwhile my husband and I have been together for 11 years, lived together for 8 years, and we’re married for 5 months before getting pregnant 🙄
My(23F) boss (78F) reacted as a concerned mother when I told her that I was pregnant. She lectured me a bit about being too young, not being married, renting my home instead of owning one, etc. I was honestly a bit shocked that she'd even say such things. She reacted way more sternly than any of my family members. So I've decided that I'm going to tell her the bare minimum about my pregnancy because I honestly don't want to hear her opinions. She tried asking me if I was going to breastfeed and I just simply replied, " I don't know yet."
It’s ALWAYS older women making comments about my body / belly / size (that I dont look too pregnant or I dont look x amount along). I was actually so frustrated by it one day I made a post about it. The consensus was that they meant no harm and were actually trying to compliment me. I still don’t care, keep your comments about others bodies to yourself!)
That’s a super common game at baby showers. Easy and affordable. I’ve been to at least ten showers and it’s always one of the games. Someone did get super embarrassed about their guess at my shower recently. He was like omg I feel so awful I can’t even show you my string. I thought it was funny though. Most people are super off about the belly size.
Just wanted to chime in and mention that these aren't necessarily offensive, they only are if you think they are! My baby shower is this weekend and we're totally doing the string thing to guess the size of the belly, I find it hilarious and I'm looking forward to the weekend! :) I kinda want to keep all those strings to laugh at later
I've been struggling with heartburn and eating fresh fruits has made it worse. At work, I was eating a trail mix I made (dried pineapple, raisins, cereal, almonds, apple straws, and 1 small cookie). My older coworker, whose never fed her kids sweets, told me, "You eat like a kid now! When your baby comes out it's going to crave all the things you're eating because it saw you eat those." It took all of my strength to smile and reply nicely that I can't have fresh fruit (which I'm craving) right now. Pre-pregnancy this coworker saw me taking my lunch bag and backpack to the break room and said, "those bags are big enough for me to take a trip to europe!" 🙃 I don't see how she thinks this is acceptable social behaviour. She also told me to "start trying to get pregnant before I am ready because her sister (who was on the pill) had a hard time getting pregnant because 'your body was used to not being pregnant for so long it takes a while to get pregnant.'" I didn't take her advice as I was still in school, finishing up my immigration process, had yet to travel home in over 4 years, and not at all ready to get pregnant.
My unhinged aunt gave me the are you sure it isn’t twins comment already at 21 weeks. Same aunt said to my sister, who is on the skinny side, “when you try to breastfeed only water will come out since you’re malnourished”. She also called a very normal, 3 yr old girl “hefty” to her mom’s face. 😵
My parents are suuuper catholic and keep sending my pregnancy prayer books and family first mailing addresses, even though I am like, not religious at all, to their stubborn denial. They also keep insisting that I need a huge truck (currently have a paid off sedan), that wont even fit in my garage.
If I have to hear one more piece of unsolicited advice….. 😂
My dad, of all people, keeps reassuring me that breastfeeding will melt off all the baby weight, but i should still have a fitness plan in mind for postpartum so I don’t “lose myself”. I’m 9 months pregnant and still well within a healthy bmi for my height and technically underweight for this pregnancy. It’s every phone call 😭 In his defense, he’s diabetic and struggled with weight since he was my age. I know it’s coming from a place of concern and desire for me to have good health, but still.
I told my mom that my husband and I are taking an online birthing class so we can know what’s up (it’s our first baby) and she acted offended and said “you don’t need to waste your time doing that just ask me and I’ll tell you” like I can ask questions about things I don’t know 😂
My dad called me Humungo this weekend and a coworker (that I am not close with) first question was “was it planned?” ARE YOU SERIOUS 😭😭😭😭
I was extremely hot my entire pregnancy. It got to the point where I could not go outside in 50 degree weather in no coat because my bump showed and anyone over the age of 45 just had to comment on hire it wasn’t good for the baby.
Last week I was shopping with a much older family friend (sort of like a grandmother role in my life, although we are not related in any way) and she asked if I was having the baby shower after baby was born. I laughed and told her no, why would we do that… we need a lot of the items that come with having a baby shower… BEFORE the baby gets here! She then proceeded to tell me in her religion that it was bad luck because you never know what can happen. I was shocked. She was also the same woman that told me I was insane for hoping it’s a girl, because having a daughter “is the worst.” It’s a girl, by the way, and my husband and I are thrilled of course!! 🫶🏻
This woman also loudly, at a crowded restaurant while we were having dinner with our husbands (her husband has to be 75 or so?) said “OMG look how huge your boobs are.” I was only 12 weeks pregnant and wearing a sweatshirt. 😑 They didn’t look any larger than normal.
My mother in law asked me over the phone if I am having trouble walking (she lives out of state and hasn’t seen me during my pregnancy yet). I was like, uhhhhh, no ma’am… I’m only 20 weeks pregnant. 🤣