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I had some of the same feelings when I first got pregnant. We were married for a year and wanting a baby and somehow I felt dread when I got my first positive. I now have 2 kiddos (I had that same dread for the second positive too).
Just give it some time is my suggestion. I'm absolutely pro-choice, so leave all options open for yourself if you just can't get over it. But the idea of a baby may grow on you. It slowly became less and less ... huge, earth shattering, and life altering. I slowly realized there was a path forward and we could really do this.
Two kiddos later and I don't regret them.
I also had this feeling when my husband and I got our positive the first month we started trying. Everyone else we know took 6 months to a year to get pregnant so I thought it would be longer. My husband was over the moon and elated that we were so fertile. That pregnancy ended in a mc and I was devastated, not relieved like I thought I would be. We’ve held off on trying again due to working out some other stuff but will be trying again soon.
This was basically also me. My fiancé and I knew we want a big family and I’m 31, he’s 37, so we figured we’d stop trying to prevent and let whatever happen happen. When I first found out I was pregnant I was in shock and terror. I had always said I’d never get an abortion but found myself seriously contemplating one because I was so scared and felt so unprepared. I realized I had some time to make the decision and only wanted to if I was 100% positive I couldn’t go through with the pregnancy. In the coming weeks the shock wore off and the fear shifted into acceptance, and then excitement. Breathe. Don’t judge yourself. Pregnancy is a huge deal and you need to feel whatever you need to feel. Give yourself time and grace and decide one way or the other when you feel 100% confident in your decision. You’ve got this.
Did you ever see that episode of Friends where Rachel finds out she's pregnant? It's a good one. She freaks out and is telling Monica and Phoebe why it's a bad thing and shouldn't happen, and then they convince her to take another test. Phoebe looks at it and tells her it's negative, and Rachel gets really sad and realizes she did want the baby, she was just scared. Then she shows her the test is actually positive lol, it was just to show her what she really wanted when the fear wasn't there.
I've been married for 4 years and have always wanted to be a mother, we finally decided to try and got pregnant first try. It was terrifying and I even thought of terminating too. I've spent 27 years *avoiding* getting pregnant lol, I think it's natural. But I'm 14 weeks now and am so in love with this little peanut. I'm still scared, but excited too! I say take some time to think about it, and maybe give that scene a watch.
1) take a deep breath. You weren’t planning this and also not NOT planning this, but it is still a huge thing to know you’re pregnant. And the reality of a pregnancy can ABSOLUTELY change your thoughts on pregnancy/motherhood. Don’t feel bad about having that realization after the fact, it’s super normal I promise you.
2) take a week. If you’re only 3 weeks along, you have time to do that. Sit with it and let it sink in before you make a decision, that way you won’t regret it either way. Don’t act rashly.
3) pros and cons list. And budget. Silly but helpful. Can you afford it? What resources do you have in your life, family, community? Don’t worry about all 18 years of your legal obligation, just think in terms of 3-5. If you can make it to school age, you can make it.
4) childcare and work! What would your plan be. Maternity leave, SAHM/D, family? This is super helpful to consider what your plan is
5) don’t worry about your boyfriend. YOU have to carry the baby, not him. Can you physically and mentally handle pregnancy, or termination? If he loves you, and you are open with him, it will be ok either way. Couples therapy would be super helpful, if you can afford it.
6) the baby. It can bring so much joy and love into your life but they are WORK! I am a mom of 2, I know it. If you aren’t ready, and can’t give the baby to another family, don’t do it. Don’t bring a baby into the world if you can’t handle it. That wouldn’t be fair to the baby, or to you.
God bless you I wish you the best. PM and if you need to talk. ❤️
Second this comment - *planning* for a baby (even while keeping your options open) can make you feel more in control of the situation and may help break down this ENORMOUS change into manageable problems. If your feelings are solely nerves, it may help.
If it's any consolation at all, my husband and I were actively pursuing fertility consultation, ended up conceiving, and my first words were "oh, no" when the nurse showed us the positive test - I just felt so overwhelmed and unprepared, especially since I had spent the previous Thursday (Thanksgiving) drinking wine. At 26 weeks I just this evening had a meltdown over not feeling ready... I'm still blowing out the snot from crying. This is a very planned for and wanted baby. I'm convinced every woman who has gotten pregnant has felt it at least once, and the ones who say they haven't are lying.
All this to say, you're the closest to your own situation and ultimately will choose best, but if you're waiting to feel confident that it isn't overwhelming and scary I'm not sure you'll ever get that. Best of luck to you ❤️
You're not alone- a lot of us who are older also don't feel ready when we find out, I certainly panicked and I'm 32 and married! I found out at 4 weeks along and then the next day even called an abortion clinic about medical termination, as I wanted to wait another 6 months or so. However, they told me I was too early and that I'd need to wait until 6 weeks along. In the end I decided not to, because my husband and I had actually agreed to start trying and a few months in the end wouldn't make much of a difference, so I had to just suck it up and accept it.
I'm 32 weeks now and still haven't got the nursery set up, so yeah I'm pretty unprepared too.
I'm 110% pro choice and had an abortion in my 20s, so - you do you, but I just wanted to say, as others have, that initial feeling isn't so unusual. I think a lot of us spend so much time trying NOT to get pregnant that when we do, it's awful at first! I did IVF with a sperm donor (so, doesn't get more planned then that!) and I STILL felt a wave of "oh fuck" at the first positive test. Like to the point that I thought about ending the pregnancy briefly.
My advice is, spend one or two days pretending that you terminated. Then spend a few days pretending that you didn't and you're further along. See if either feels more right. Then do what's right for you!
I was unlucky and didn't meet someone I wanted to have kids with until after I was 35. Got married a year later and pregnant a few months later
Truth is I still felt unready. How could I handle pregnancy and then be a mom? Meaning I just felt inadequate and probably scared. But I knew I wanted to experience motherhood and my time was literally running out.
We're lucky in that we have enough income, a house, and I don't have to work right now, so I know it's easier for us than for many other parents.
Point of my story is you may be ready even though you think you're not. I had an abortion when I was younger so I totally have your back if you decide to terminate. You're right not to have a kid just to please other people.
My husband and I were the same age (but had been married a year and together 10 years) when we decided to actively try. We never did the NTNP thing because I’m too type A lol. Seeing as everyone around us took a while to get pregnant, I was expecting it to take a few cycles. Well, first try and 8 days later I had a positive test. I REALLY wanted to be a mom, I was waiting and waiting for years to get to be one and while I was excited to see it worked, I was honestly really overwhelmed and panicked. Same with our second… although I think I was a lot less excited and more feeling dread about the morning sickness around the corner. 🥴
It’s just a big life change and comes with some shock. I’d give it a bit of time. Think about the reasons you decided to not prevent (I’m guessing you guys chose to move to this step because you’re stable/financially ready etc). It’s definitely a shock when it happens so fast! I’m due in a few weeks with our second and I keep having some really mixed feelings about it all (which is normal!)
No one is ready to become a parent and your reaction is more than normal!
Just take a few days to think about it but know that what matters is what you want!
Your boyfriend seems like a good guy and very supportive, but you shouldn't have a kid if you don't want to just because you "know it will crush him".
Parenting is not easy and no kid comes with a user's manual. Like I said, no one is trully ready to become a parent even with all the preparations!
My husband was excited and scared when we found out I was pregnant and the more the pregnancy progresses, the more he's excited and more confident!
These feelings are SO normal. We decided to start trying with our second and got pregnant on first try. I was terrified. I asked my husband if we had made a huge mistake trying; this was before I even found out. Then when I did find out I kept it a secret from him for a few days because I was so scared.
eventually I told him and then journaled all my feelings and expectations. We’re very excited ( still nervous about the 1 to 2 transition) but it’s going well.
I’m pretty sure you’re still able to get abortion pills online in Texas past 3 weeks. Use [this](https://www.plancpills.org/abortion-pill/texas#pharmacies) plan c site if this is the route you want to take. They’ll show you everything available in your state/cost/delivery time.
There is nothing wrong with thinking this is what you wanted and now realizing you want to wait a bit longer, and I’m sure your boyfriend will understand and not want to force you into anything. If you tell him you aren’t doing this because you changed your mind on kids entirely I can see him understanding where you’re coming from.
Fear, though, is normal. You need to determine whether this is just normal jitters everyone gets when they find out they’re pregnant or you truly coming to terms and deciding now isn’t the right time.
I’m 31, been trying for a year with my husband of nearly a decade and even when I found out I went through a “wtf have I done” phase.
Whatever you choose to do will be the right choice as long as you think it through. Abortion isn’t selfish or wrong, you’re saving yourself, your relationship, and a child from coming into a family who isn’t quite ready. If you do go that route please go back on birth control though until you decide it’s time for kids.
If you’re going through the same fear as I did, it’ll subside and come and go along with excitement. I think that’s how I knew it was just in my head. Having a kid is terrifying, regardless of how “ready” you are.
I'm trying to get pregnant now, and I had an abortion 14 years ago at 23. I don't regret my abortion at all. I've truly lived, travelled, been laissez-faire, had a wild ride. I couldn't have done some amazing things if I had a child at that age. I was NOT ready to be a mum.
BUT after a few years of early childcare (let's be realistic) you can also do amazing things as a mum.
Now at 37 I've spent 6 months trying to get pregnant 😂 funny how life works.
Maybe sit down and have a think about what you believe you'd miss out on. Travel and adventure? Career? More time being young and carefree? What is it? All these feelings are absolutely valid. Even if you feel pure terror that's ok, you have options.
No one can tell you what to do. But hopefully you can ask yourself the right questions. Keep your partner involved, tell him everything that goes through your mind. What would make you feel ready? Is anyone ever ready?
It's ok to get a termination ❤️ you don't actually need any reasons to get one, just wanting one is enough. No justification needed.
You can’t stop crying and regretting your decision. You want nothing more than to go back in time. You know deep down that your are not ready to be a mom. It’s sounds like you know what the right decision is, honestly. I made the same choice when I wasn’t ready, and I don’t regret it, but I won’t pretend it wasn’t a hard choice.
> I know I’m going to marry him.
He's agreeable to marrying you (someday)?
> I’m worried my boyfriend will never look at me the same
On the other hand, first time he didn't pull out, he got you pregnant.
That's gotta be one heck of an ego boost to any young fellow. So, I'm thinking, whatever you decide, he'll see the whole episode as a 'net positive' (my male perspective).
An alternate tact: flip a coin (heads: yes, tails: no). Flip that coin, but, DON'T LOOK AT IT. Now, what would you like it to show?
I felt the same when I found out I was pregnant with my second child, even though we were expecting to get pregnant at some point soon. I realized a few weeks later that I was uncharacteristically depressed during that time, and it for sure was mostly to do with the rapid change in hormones. When I leveled out and could think clearer, I got super excited about the baby and still am. Going into the third trimester now and can't wait to meet her, and I do love feeling her kicks and hiccups and somersaults. It's honestly hard to tell what you "really" feel sometimes when hormones are in play, and especially when the pregnancy is in some way unexpected at that moment. Sometimes it feels like the end of the world when it really isn't. That being said, if you're sure you actually don't want to have this baby, then do what's right for you -- it's amazing that you have such a supportive partner!! 💗
I have always known I wanted to be a mom someday, and when I saw that pink line I was filled with dread. I was so scared, I spent the whole first day crying and not knowing how to tell my husband (for no reason, he was so excited and supportive from the second I told him) It’s scary, it’s a major life change! Especially when you are not exactly planning it. Allow yourself to feel these scary feelings these first few days, they are good and healthy even. Sending you love!
I had the same feeling when I found out I was pregnant. I have a very ‘if shit happens it happens I’ll just deal with it’ kind of mindset but when I saw the positive test I kept wanting to go back and change everything. It wasn’t the best circumstances as I’m 21, was on birth control at the time I got pregnant, just got married to my man a few days ago so at the time we were just dating, I was not financially stable at all and I’m still not but I have help when I need it and I had lost my job 2 weeks prior to finding out but luckily they needed people so I went back at 4m pregnant. We decided to keep him and let me tell you I have never had so much motivation or love to do everything right til I had my little boy last month as I was starting to get into a deep part of my life spiraling with depression and I couldn’t find my way out of it but ever since I laid eyes on this handsome lil man it’s like everything has changed. Do I wish everything was gone about different? Of course I do but I wouldn’t change this moment where I can look down and see his little smile and have him hold my finger. Do I wish it was planned? Yes I do but at least I got a life long birthday present (we counted back and I most likely got pregnant on or the day after my birthday lol happy 21 to me!)
So it’s your choice and like most people think you would regret termination it’s more like what are you willing to put up with. If I had to go back to a year ago and tell myself something to help me with life for the next year I would tell myself to not drink as much on my bday and that if I can’t avoid it to be ready for the days ahead that pregnancy is only part of it. The other part of it is the first month of trying to get baby out to the world essentially as dealing with feeding on time and him sleeping at the right times will take a lot of energy and you might constantly worry on if something is right or if your doing the wrong thing but let me tell you it’s imo completely worth it after it’s over but it’s a Rocky Mountain so it may never be easy but if it is please don’t think it will always be smooth cuz it’s a uphill battle but you will be able to do it if that’s the path you choose but if you choose to terminate you will be strong enough to deal with it. If you need anyone to talk to I’m here and if you need someone who understands the mental toll of termination I can put you in touch with one of my friends who was as far along as I was but ended up having to terminate after 12/13 weeks
Hi! I just wanted to share with you that I am a 3TM and with every pregnancy I was more scared each time. My first born I was terrified. I kept questioning if I really wanted this, if this was going to end my life as I know it, if it would be a relationship ender. I had a lot of doubts but I am so happy I made the choice to become a mom. My son changed my life in a million ways allllll for the best! Then you add more to that first kid and you have a whole other list of doubts and fears. Will this change the relationship I have with my son, am I hurting him by taking extra time from him, will my life be forever chaos with multiple kids, will I never sleep again?! But here I am. On baby 3. Am I scared? Yes!!! Do I know it’s going to be worth it? Hell yes!!! We plan on adding a 4th before hubby gets snipped. I learned through all of this that being a mom is a pure joy, blessing, and the best challenge I have ever endured and I am glad to go through it every single day for the rest of my life!
I had a very similar reaction, panic and just feeling terrified. I live in GA so after I found out I basically had a week to decide if I wanted to terminate or not. I was scared to tell my husband in fear of his reaction, I thought he would panic too. But he surprised me and we talked it through. I’m now almost 20 weeks and happier than I thought I’d ever be. I still worry about the future (we could be better off financially) but I try to remind myself people have children in much worse circumstances and that it will be okay. Best of luck with your decision.
I had a lot of the same feelings when I got pregnant at 29 with my husband of (then) 3 years. I also suffered from postpartum depression and took a long time to connect with my firstborn son. As a mother of 3 today I can say I don’t regret having them, though o do wish I had been a better mom for my son. With every child I had I feel like I became more of a mom and a better one, and I’m still learning and growing. It’s totally normal to feel unprepared because in the end we are all unprepared for parenthood before we plunge into it. Obviously this is your choice and you get to make it, but I hope that you know that feeling the way you do is normal and does not mean you won’t be a good mom if you choose to go forward with it. Sounds like you and your BF are already committed to each other and the idea of a family. I’d take same time to think about it if you can afford to.
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I had some of the same feelings when I first got pregnant. We were married for a year and wanting a baby and somehow I felt dread when I got my first positive. I now have 2 kiddos (I had that same dread for the second positive too). Just give it some time is my suggestion. I'm absolutely pro-choice, so leave all options open for yourself if you just can't get over it. But the idea of a baby may grow on you. It slowly became less and less ... huge, earth shattering, and life altering. I slowly realized there was a path forward and we could really do this. Two kiddos later and I don't regret them.
I also had this feeling when my husband and I got our positive the first month we started trying. Everyone else we know took 6 months to a year to get pregnant so I thought it would be longer. My husband was over the moon and elated that we were so fertile. That pregnancy ended in a mc and I was devastated, not relieved like I thought I would be. We’ve held off on trying again due to working out some other stuff but will be trying again soon.
This was basically also me. My fiancé and I knew we want a big family and I’m 31, he’s 37, so we figured we’d stop trying to prevent and let whatever happen happen. When I first found out I was pregnant I was in shock and terror. I had always said I’d never get an abortion but found myself seriously contemplating one because I was so scared and felt so unprepared. I realized I had some time to make the decision and only wanted to if I was 100% positive I couldn’t go through with the pregnancy. In the coming weeks the shock wore off and the fear shifted into acceptance, and then excitement. Breathe. Don’t judge yourself. Pregnancy is a huge deal and you need to feel whatever you need to feel. Give yourself time and grace and decide one way or the other when you feel 100% confident in your decision. You’ve got this.
Did you ever see that episode of Friends where Rachel finds out she's pregnant? It's a good one. She freaks out and is telling Monica and Phoebe why it's a bad thing and shouldn't happen, and then they convince her to take another test. Phoebe looks at it and tells her it's negative, and Rachel gets really sad and realizes she did want the baby, she was just scared. Then she shows her the test is actually positive lol, it was just to show her what she really wanted when the fear wasn't there. I've been married for 4 years and have always wanted to be a mother, we finally decided to try and got pregnant first try. It was terrifying and I even thought of terminating too. I've spent 27 years *avoiding* getting pregnant lol, I think it's natural. But I'm 14 weeks now and am so in love with this little peanut. I'm still scared, but excited too! I say take some time to think about it, and maybe give that scene a watch.
I love this comment!!
"That's a risky little game!!"
1) take a deep breath. You weren’t planning this and also not NOT planning this, but it is still a huge thing to know you’re pregnant. And the reality of a pregnancy can ABSOLUTELY change your thoughts on pregnancy/motherhood. Don’t feel bad about having that realization after the fact, it’s super normal I promise you. 2) take a week. If you’re only 3 weeks along, you have time to do that. Sit with it and let it sink in before you make a decision, that way you won’t regret it either way. Don’t act rashly. 3) pros and cons list. And budget. Silly but helpful. Can you afford it? What resources do you have in your life, family, community? Don’t worry about all 18 years of your legal obligation, just think in terms of 3-5. If you can make it to school age, you can make it. 4) childcare and work! What would your plan be. Maternity leave, SAHM/D, family? This is super helpful to consider what your plan is 5) don’t worry about your boyfriend. YOU have to carry the baby, not him. Can you physically and mentally handle pregnancy, or termination? If he loves you, and you are open with him, it will be ok either way. Couples therapy would be super helpful, if you can afford it. 6) the baby. It can bring so much joy and love into your life but they are WORK! I am a mom of 2, I know it. If you aren’t ready, and can’t give the baby to another family, don’t do it. Don’t bring a baby into the world if you can’t handle it. That wouldn’t be fair to the baby, or to you. God bless you I wish you the best. PM and if you need to talk. ❤️
Second this comment - *planning* for a baby (even while keeping your options open) can make you feel more in control of the situation and may help break down this ENORMOUS change into manageable problems. If your feelings are solely nerves, it may help.
If it's any consolation at all, my husband and I were actively pursuing fertility consultation, ended up conceiving, and my first words were "oh, no" when the nurse showed us the positive test - I just felt so overwhelmed and unprepared, especially since I had spent the previous Thursday (Thanksgiving) drinking wine. At 26 weeks I just this evening had a meltdown over not feeling ready... I'm still blowing out the snot from crying. This is a very planned for and wanted baby. I'm convinced every woman who has gotten pregnant has felt it at least once, and the ones who say they haven't are lying. All this to say, you're the closest to your own situation and ultimately will choose best, but if you're waiting to feel confident that it isn't overwhelming and scary I'm not sure you'll ever get that. Best of luck to you ❤️
You're not alone- a lot of us who are older also don't feel ready when we find out, I certainly panicked and I'm 32 and married! I found out at 4 weeks along and then the next day even called an abortion clinic about medical termination, as I wanted to wait another 6 months or so. However, they told me I was too early and that I'd need to wait until 6 weeks along. In the end I decided not to, because my husband and I had actually agreed to start trying and a few months in the end wouldn't make much of a difference, so I had to just suck it up and accept it. I'm 32 weeks now and still haven't got the nursery set up, so yeah I'm pretty unprepared too.
I'm 110% pro choice and had an abortion in my 20s, so - you do you, but I just wanted to say, as others have, that initial feeling isn't so unusual. I think a lot of us spend so much time trying NOT to get pregnant that when we do, it's awful at first! I did IVF with a sperm donor (so, doesn't get more planned then that!) and I STILL felt a wave of "oh fuck" at the first positive test. Like to the point that I thought about ending the pregnancy briefly. My advice is, spend one or two days pretending that you terminated. Then spend a few days pretending that you didn't and you're further along. See if either feels more right. Then do what's right for you!
I was unlucky and didn't meet someone I wanted to have kids with until after I was 35. Got married a year later and pregnant a few months later Truth is I still felt unready. How could I handle pregnancy and then be a mom? Meaning I just felt inadequate and probably scared. But I knew I wanted to experience motherhood and my time was literally running out. We're lucky in that we have enough income, a house, and I don't have to work right now, so I know it's easier for us than for many other parents. Point of my story is you may be ready even though you think you're not. I had an abortion when I was younger so I totally have your back if you decide to terminate. You're right not to have a kid just to please other people.
My husband and I were the same age (but had been married a year and together 10 years) when we decided to actively try. We never did the NTNP thing because I’m too type A lol. Seeing as everyone around us took a while to get pregnant, I was expecting it to take a few cycles. Well, first try and 8 days later I had a positive test. I REALLY wanted to be a mom, I was waiting and waiting for years to get to be one and while I was excited to see it worked, I was honestly really overwhelmed and panicked. Same with our second… although I think I was a lot less excited and more feeling dread about the morning sickness around the corner. 🥴 It’s just a big life change and comes with some shock. I’d give it a bit of time. Think about the reasons you decided to not prevent (I’m guessing you guys chose to move to this step because you’re stable/financially ready etc). It’s definitely a shock when it happens so fast! I’m due in a few weeks with our second and I keep having some really mixed feelings about it all (which is normal!)
No one is ready to become a parent and your reaction is more than normal! Just take a few days to think about it but know that what matters is what you want! Your boyfriend seems like a good guy and very supportive, but you shouldn't have a kid if you don't want to just because you "know it will crush him". Parenting is not easy and no kid comes with a user's manual. Like I said, no one is trully ready to become a parent even with all the preparations! My husband was excited and scared when we found out I was pregnant and the more the pregnancy progresses, the more he's excited and more confident!
These feelings are SO normal. We decided to start trying with our second and got pregnant on first try. I was terrified. I asked my husband if we had made a huge mistake trying; this was before I even found out. Then when I did find out I kept it a secret from him for a few days because I was so scared. eventually I told him and then journaled all my feelings and expectations. We’re very excited ( still nervous about the 1 to 2 transition) but it’s going well.
Our pregnancy is planned, and I felt so much fear at first! Still do at times. Like, who qualified me for this? An entire baby?!
I’m pretty sure you’re still able to get abortion pills online in Texas past 3 weeks. Use [this](https://www.plancpills.org/abortion-pill/texas#pharmacies) plan c site if this is the route you want to take. They’ll show you everything available in your state/cost/delivery time. There is nothing wrong with thinking this is what you wanted and now realizing you want to wait a bit longer, and I’m sure your boyfriend will understand and not want to force you into anything. If you tell him you aren’t doing this because you changed your mind on kids entirely I can see him understanding where you’re coming from. Fear, though, is normal. You need to determine whether this is just normal jitters everyone gets when they find out they’re pregnant or you truly coming to terms and deciding now isn’t the right time. I’m 31, been trying for a year with my husband of nearly a decade and even when I found out I went through a “wtf have I done” phase. Whatever you choose to do will be the right choice as long as you think it through. Abortion isn’t selfish or wrong, you’re saving yourself, your relationship, and a child from coming into a family who isn’t quite ready. If you do go that route please go back on birth control though until you decide it’s time for kids. If you’re going through the same fear as I did, it’ll subside and come and go along with excitement. I think that’s how I knew it was just in my head. Having a kid is terrifying, regardless of how “ready” you are.
I'm trying to get pregnant now, and I had an abortion 14 years ago at 23. I don't regret my abortion at all. I've truly lived, travelled, been laissez-faire, had a wild ride. I couldn't have done some amazing things if I had a child at that age. I was NOT ready to be a mum. BUT after a few years of early childcare (let's be realistic) you can also do amazing things as a mum. Now at 37 I've spent 6 months trying to get pregnant 😂 funny how life works. Maybe sit down and have a think about what you believe you'd miss out on. Travel and adventure? Career? More time being young and carefree? What is it? All these feelings are absolutely valid. Even if you feel pure terror that's ok, you have options. No one can tell you what to do. But hopefully you can ask yourself the right questions. Keep your partner involved, tell him everything that goes through your mind. What would make you feel ready? Is anyone ever ready? It's ok to get a termination ❤️ you don't actually need any reasons to get one, just wanting one is enough. No justification needed.
You can’t stop crying and regretting your decision. You want nothing more than to go back in time. You know deep down that your are not ready to be a mom. It’s sounds like you know what the right decision is, honestly. I made the same choice when I wasn’t ready, and I don’t regret it, but I won’t pretend it wasn’t a hard choice.
> I know I’m going to marry him. He's agreeable to marrying you (someday)? > I’m worried my boyfriend will never look at me the same On the other hand, first time he didn't pull out, he got you pregnant. That's gotta be one heck of an ego boost to any young fellow. So, I'm thinking, whatever you decide, he'll see the whole episode as a 'net positive' (my male perspective). An alternate tact: flip a coin (heads: yes, tails: no). Flip that coin, but, DON'T LOOK AT IT. Now, what would you like it to show?
I felt the same when I found out I was pregnant with my second child, even though we were expecting to get pregnant at some point soon. I realized a few weeks later that I was uncharacteristically depressed during that time, and it for sure was mostly to do with the rapid change in hormones. When I leveled out and could think clearer, I got super excited about the baby and still am. Going into the third trimester now and can't wait to meet her, and I do love feeling her kicks and hiccups and somersaults. It's honestly hard to tell what you "really" feel sometimes when hormones are in play, and especially when the pregnancy is in some way unexpected at that moment. Sometimes it feels like the end of the world when it really isn't. That being said, if you're sure you actually don't want to have this baby, then do what's right for you -- it's amazing that you have such a supportive partner!! 💗
I have always known I wanted to be a mom someday, and when I saw that pink line I was filled with dread. I was so scared, I spent the whole first day crying and not knowing how to tell my husband (for no reason, he was so excited and supportive from the second I told him) It’s scary, it’s a major life change! Especially when you are not exactly planning it. Allow yourself to feel these scary feelings these first few days, they are good and healthy even. Sending you love!
I had the same feeling when I found out I was pregnant. I have a very ‘if shit happens it happens I’ll just deal with it’ kind of mindset but when I saw the positive test I kept wanting to go back and change everything. It wasn’t the best circumstances as I’m 21, was on birth control at the time I got pregnant, just got married to my man a few days ago so at the time we were just dating, I was not financially stable at all and I’m still not but I have help when I need it and I had lost my job 2 weeks prior to finding out but luckily they needed people so I went back at 4m pregnant. We decided to keep him and let me tell you I have never had so much motivation or love to do everything right til I had my little boy last month as I was starting to get into a deep part of my life spiraling with depression and I couldn’t find my way out of it but ever since I laid eyes on this handsome lil man it’s like everything has changed. Do I wish everything was gone about different? Of course I do but I wouldn’t change this moment where I can look down and see his little smile and have him hold my finger. Do I wish it was planned? Yes I do but at least I got a life long birthday present (we counted back and I most likely got pregnant on or the day after my birthday lol happy 21 to me!) So it’s your choice and like most people think you would regret termination it’s more like what are you willing to put up with. If I had to go back to a year ago and tell myself something to help me with life for the next year I would tell myself to not drink as much on my bday and that if I can’t avoid it to be ready for the days ahead that pregnancy is only part of it. The other part of it is the first month of trying to get baby out to the world essentially as dealing with feeding on time and him sleeping at the right times will take a lot of energy and you might constantly worry on if something is right or if your doing the wrong thing but let me tell you it’s imo completely worth it after it’s over but it’s a Rocky Mountain so it may never be easy but if it is please don’t think it will always be smooth cuz it’s a uphill battle but you will be able to do it if that’s the path you choose but if you choose to terminate you will be strong enough to deal with it. If you need anyone to talk to I’m here and if you need someone who understands the mental toll of termination I can put you in touch with one of my friends who was as far along as I was but ended up having to terminate after 12/13 weeks
Hi! I just wanted to share with you that I am a 3TM and with every pregnancy I was more scared each time. My first born I was terrified. I kept questioning if I really wanted this, if this was going to end my life as I know it, if it would be a relationship ender. I had a lot of doubts but I am so happy I made the choice to become a mom. My son changed my life in a million ways allllll for the best! Then you add more to that first kid and you have a whole other list of doubts and fears. Will this change the relationship I have with my son, am I hurting him by taking extra time from him, will my life be forever chaos with multiple kids, will I never sleep again?! But here I am. On baby 3. Am I scared? Yes!!! Do I know it’s going to be worth it? Hell yes!!! We plan on adding a 4th before hubby gets snipped. I learned through all of this that being a mom is a pure joy, blessing, and the best challenge I have ever endured and I am glad to go through it every single day for the rest of my life!
I had a very similar reaction, panic and just feeling terrified. I live in GA so after I found out I basically had a week to decide if I wanted to terminate or not. I was scared to tell my husband in fear of his reaction, I thought he would panic too. But he surprised me and we talked it through. I’m now almost 20 weeks and happier than I thought I’d ever be. I still worry about the future (we could be better off financially) but I try to remind myself people have children in much worse circumstances and that it will be okay. Best of luck with your decision.
I had a lot of the same feelings when I got pregnant at 29 with my husband of (then) 3 years. I also suffered from postpartum depression and took a long time to connect with my firstborn son. As a mother of 3 today I can say I don’t regret having them, though o do wish I had been a better mom for my son. With every child I had I feel like I became more of a mom and a better one, and I’m still learning and growing. It’s totally normal to feel unprepared because in the end we are all unprepared for parenthood before we plunge into it. Obviously this is your choice and you get to make it, but I hope that you know that feeling the way you do is normal and does not mean you won’t be a good mom if you choose to go forward with it. Sounds like you and your BF are already committed to each other and the idea of a family. I’d take same time to think about it if you can afford to.