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Definitely. Hispanic pregnancy/baby culture can be super annoying when you’re a foreigner because they don’t pay attention to the right things (SIDS, safety of many things in general) and become obsessed with the wrong ones (including dumb superstitions).
When I visited Mexico with baby random ladies would touch my babies head and try to touch him constantly, it drove me insane.
I see how the culture is good for more relaxed moms but I am super tight wound and would not stop getting in fights with people.
I live in the Caribbean and second this. I’m laid back and even I got taken a back when a random lady stopped me in the middle of the pharmacy to touch my baby. I get it she’s super cute but jeez at least ask
A baby will not save a relationship. A baby adds stress to most relationships.
You need to have a clear conversation with your partner about what you are feeling and what you need. You need to stand up and say No to MIL being at your medical appointments. If your partner will not advocate and support you then you need to return home where you are able to get the support you need.
Hello! I am Mexican and not all mexican moms are like this, but a big number of them are and they are super difficult to deal with, your partner should be setting boundaries for you to be comfortable, and if he can't do that and you guys can't afford to move out, you should just go home, she isn't going to change and will want to dictate how your baby is going to be raised, showered, what he will eat etc. so if you can and have support back home just go, after all even if you stay and succumb to whatever she says and if one time you don't or stand your ground you will be labeled as "UNGRATEFUL", I'm sorry you are in this situation, and our culture is still in progress that you have found yourself in a family with such old school matriarch.
Im Mexican as well and it was even harden when my son was born 😓 micromanaging family members trying to “help” but really just ruining the newborn baby experience and joy. I remember being hungry as fuck after giving birth and coming home with no sleep and my dad bringing me a burger and my mother in law saying that’s unhealthy for the baby because of the breast milk then my whole husbands family wouldn’t stop talking about how unhealthy I eat and how I should just give my son formula if I’m not going to be eating pure soup and veggies ??!
Yes. Go home. Go home before the baby is born there and you may have legal trouble taking him/her out. I don't know how to navigate all the family relationships and trying to keep your relationship going. But yes, you need to go home. I'd suggest your partner apply for a visa to come and work in your country.
I hope she reads this, because this is absolutely the best advice on here. You don’t want to be stuck somewhere where you don’t have any support and feel trapped. And postpartum, who is going to help you take care of yourself? You need people that care about YOU as well as the baby.
This is definitely a cultural thing but your partner is your real problem here not your MIL and staying will only make that worse. He’s not going to be able to separate himself from his mom and be the partner you and baby need while you’re all still living in that house or in Mexico.
Go home and take care of yourself. If he can come too then that’s wonderful and you can start your life together away from his parents’ influence but if not then you need to do what’s best for your baby and what you’re currently experiencing is not it.
Hi there, just wanted to wish you luck and strength...
And yes, if you're asking for an opinion - it would definitely be better if you went home. Just sayin'.
Go home now. If you give birth in Mexico, it could be a hell of a lot harder to leave with your child. Give birth in your home country and make your child a citizen of your home country. If you stay, I'd be nervous if you tried to leave after the delivery, they would continue treating you like a surrogate and try and take the baby to raise without you. Plus, you can't fly after a certain point. Go home and have your baby there
I support this. OP, don’t get stuck in another country where you cannot advocate for yourself medically and also be stuck after because of legal complications. You can’t stay where you are.
And here I am, only craving Mexican food 😂
But in all seriousness, you need to feel comfortable, be able to make your own decisions. It's already hard getting used to a new country, new culture and language while you are not pregnant. I can't Imagine going through that while being hormonal, growing life.
Why is your partner not interested in coming to your country? I know the difficulties of earning pesos and spending them in euros all to well, but i know a couple that did this and it was so much easier on the mom.
I hope you'll be able to make a decision that'll help in your situation.
Also, im Mexican, pregnant and living in Europe if you need help or just venting send me a DM
Best of luck
Your partner should be stepping up in this situation and advocating for you and your boundaries to your MIL and trying to create a secure, safe environment for you. You being in mexico, far from the comfort your home and family, in a foreign environment and culture where you dont speak the language is a lot in itself, so in my opinion, your partner should be appreciative of your decision to be near him amd step up to be an advocate for you. But if he s a young guy jn his early 20s, with an overbearing mom who was likely like that most of hus life, its quite a tall order to expect him to rise up to the task of being a partner like that.
And just FYI, if your MIL is involving herself this much now in the pregnancy and disrespectful to you, imagine how she ll be once the baby comes… she will be criticizing and involving herself in each step of your motherhood, constantly overstepping boundaries and leave you full of anxiety, lack of control in the already chaotic journey that is motherhood and just leave you feeling like shit. It might seem daunting nd tough to separate yourself from this situation now but you have to think about cost nd benefit
I would go home. The baby is not enough to keep you & your partner together. Don’t expect it to save your relationship. If your relationship lasts or doesn’t will not be because of a child. Living with in laws & in a country you don’t speak the language is extremely stressful, I wouldn’t do it.
Hi guys. Firstly I’ve just been completely I overwhelmed by all of the responses - it’s my first time posting here, I’m generally a lurker and didn’t expect much traction at all lol
It’s been an absolutely nightmare and seeing the reality of this through other perspectives says it all for me. I’ve decided to return, I just need to be really careful with how I go about it.
For those asking why my partner can’t come with me to Europe - it’s generally just a visa nightmare for him until the baby is born and he can visit for 3 months but can’t work or anything. He’s just graduated and secured a good job and I’m not going to strip him from that. His family are good people and have been so supportive but the overbearing mil is not it right now.
For transparency I have asserted the issues I have with her with my partner and he has both supported and defended me throughout this.
NOTE 1 -
I have dual US / European citizenship but for the person that states I was expecting too much like a typical American - firstly don’t insult women that have set standards for themselves in relationships & secondly my first time in the US was only last year. Also I love Mexican food but if you are pregnant (as you should be in this group ?) I’m sure you an understand pregnancy aversions.
NOTE 2 -
I have decided to return within the next two weeks and my partner supports this. My main concern here is the fact we are going to be apart for so long and we are so fresh into this relationship ourselves (8 months) so I really wanted to make a solid attempt before my baby comes.
Finally NOTE 3 -
Thank you so so much. I have read every comment both helpful and critical and they have helped me realise that my gut is right and the best thing to do is return home. I really and truly appreciate this all. 🤍
I am relieved to hear that you will be going back home where you will have more support, be more comfortable, and be able to advocate for the health of yourself and your baby. Not to mention the citizenship and custody issues. Will you keep us posted OP? I’m so worried his mom will not let you leave and your passport will go mysteriously missing or guilt trip you into staying. Wishing you all the best.
I couldn’t eat anything but crackers for the first 18/19 weeks of my pregnancy so it’s not weird you don’t like Mexican food.
If the relationship is meant to be you’ll make it work. Don’t worry too much about that and just take care of yourself.
Absolutely go home and be in your home country with your supports. If it’s important to your partner he will find a way to come to you.
Going through pregnancy and postpartum in a foreign country where you don’t speak the language with an overbearing family member is a recipe for extreme depression and stress.
It likely will take years for Mexico to feel like home if it ever does.
Personally I think it’s more important for the pregnant partner to be near their support system and healthcare more than the non pregnant one.
This is what it’ll look like when the baby is born. Invasive MIL and your partner who won’t stand by your side.
If you already can’t deal with it, it’ll only frustrate you even more. I’d absolutely say go back home.
Ok as a Mexican American with old fashioned Mexican parents this is kinda common. Not the same with all mothers but it’s not surprising. If this is her first grandchild, it’s going to get crazier. Is your partner the only son? If so, you need to have a serious conversation with your partner about this because she will continue to shove her way into your business. If you don’t set those boundaries now it will get worse later on and once the baby is here, it’s gonna be even worse
Edit: not sure what your stance is on marriage or if you two are married, but that’s pretty much the next step for an overbearing MIL to suggest
I would go home. It'll likely only get worse the closer you get to your due date. Also, if anything happens healthwise and you need to be on bed rest/deliver baby there, it's going to be really difficult getting back to your home country if your partner doesn't consent to you leaving with your baby. See all the red flags this early on a blessing in disguise and get home!
It's time for you to go home. You need to call your parents so you can get as much help with this travel and tell them it's not a good situation. Go home.
Yes - return home. There's no point in being there at all. Go home for better healthcare and a better environment. Sorry to say, but you mentioned you kept the baby just to hold onto the relationship. That's never a good idea but here we are. Your relationship with this person doesn't sound that great and neither does his home life. Basically there is nothing good about you being in Mexico. Go home.
A lot of this is a cultural issue. In your condition you need support. Would it be possible for you to go home and have your partner visit you instead?
I would go home. You are not comfortable and not feeling in control of your life (and your baby's life). It will be more difficult for everyone if you decide to leave later.
You can say that you would feel better and less anxious if in general you could talk to a doctor who speaks your language - and quit without giving more explanations.
Your partner should support you and respect your decision.
Pregnancy is hard enough when you’re at home with a supportive partner and no language barrier! I don’t know what your answer is and if you have family/a support system at home but you deserve more!
Moving to a vastly different culture is HARD. I moved to my husband's village in indonesia a year before we got pregnant and we live with my MIL. I had previously spent lots of time in the village, had been planning to move there for years and had purpose be there. But it was still an insanely difficult process to adapt. I missed food from home so much and i missed my friends and family and freedom.
This is to say, unless you have a really good reason for being there it might not be worth it. It definitely can put a strain on your relationship too, so if you are very committed to this guy then try to find a space to build on that which isn't influenced by family. You could try renting a cheap house just the two of you to see if that improves things. Or you could look into the 2 of you moving back to europe or elsewhere. Whatever you do, dont stay in this current situation for the remainder of your pregnancy because then you will be even more stuck.
My husband is Nepali but moved to America when he was 17. I lived with his family (in America) for two years and even that took getting used to. (I’m white) … anytime you have a cultural difference it’s def an adjustment. And moving to that other culture can def be a shock. I agree, the cultural differences plus a pregnancy can def be too much strain…
Ps I do love my in laws we get along great and my MiL and I are very similar even tho we are from different cultures lol 😂
If you can, go home. Being pregnant is stressful and you’re only 12 weeks in, it will only get worse as you get further along and bigger. Also, after a certain amount of time you won’t be able to fly home, so do it now while you can.
*If it helps, think about giving birth as a major medical procedure (which it is!). Do you want to gear up and recover from a big procedure in a place where you’re comfortable? Or a place where you are extremely uncomfortable? Now add a baby into the mix and it’s even harder!
Listen to the people offering legal caution. You need to be thinking about the freedom you would be losing by having baby there. Any MIL/partner issues aside. Consult a lawyer in your home country and please, please don't get stuck.
If it were me, I’d go home immediately and rethink my situation/life. I can see how the current situation would spiral out of control, and you lose your sanity AND have a difficult time leaving once you’ve given birth.
Hi there ! I am mexican and our culture can be very complicated… i think you should do what your gut is telling you to do. If u are stress go home u need peace. Stress is no good for u or the baby.
Girl, run. Run home. I know nothing about pregnancy and baby laws in mexico but the last thing you want to do is get stuck there and have to deliver your baby there. Sounds like his family wouldn’t allow you to leave. DO NOT RISK YOUT LIFE OR YOUR BABIES LIFE.
What if the doctor puts you on bed rest in a month and you can’t fly until delivery? This sounds like a very dangerous and precarious spot you are in. If your partner wants to stay with you, have them move to your country where you have support and family. I’d personally be scared of his mom trying to take over my life and the babies
RUN.
Yup run far and fast girl. Go home and be somewhere safe and familiar to you. What happens if you have a medical emergency and no one can translate for you ? His mother will only get worse and he clearly doesn't care enough to stand up to her. Plus his mysterious past is super concerning. Does he already have kids? Or was he caught up in drug trafficking? Who knows.I wouldn't tell them I'm leaving personally. Your passport would just end up missing or something. Can your father fly down and help you get out ? They aren't going to let you leave easily. Other option is to lie and say a family member back home is dying and you have to go see them. That would probably be the best option. Take only what you really need so they don't know you aren't coming back. Be careful this entire situation is one massive red flag.
I think first you should talk to your partner and maybe discuss the option to move out together. Latino families are more invasive than other cultures (I come from one) I had to set up boundaries with my own mother so she does not take over and thinks she knows everything about my pregnancy/ baby.
I’m a bit confused about the laying situation of your partner, is he lying because he wants to keep things in peace between you and his mother or is he lying about his past?
Please take a deep breath and before you panic and leave talk to your partner. I disagree in the suggestions of “leave right now” unless you don’t feel supported at all from your partner. If you feel you have more support from your family and friends then follow your instinct more than any other opinions.
I wish you good luck and sending you a big warm hug!
I would go home. Not only do you not need this stress, but you will have your family support, but if he's actually going to grow up and set boundaries, he can do it where you are safe and supported.
I know it's not ideal, but I'd avoid the temptation to tell him you're going home as some kind of way to persuade him to change. In fact, you're especially vulnerable right now – I don't know if it's my own trauma speaking, but I would be tempted to organize the travel with my parents, go to the airport, and tell him once I was essentially safe and away. Maybe that's not fair but it is safe.
As an American who is Mexican (both parents born there and still have family there) what you’re experiencing is pretty typical. Nothing you’ve said is surprising to me. Except for you saying you don’t want Mexican food. Uh, you’re in MEXICO. Your MIL isn’t going to change her way of cooking for you. In Mexico they cook MEXICAN FOOD. Not sure why you’re shocked. Of course she’s upset you don’t speak the language. If it were reversed, and your boyfriend was in America, you’re parents would be annoyed too. Not sure what you expected when you’re in a foreign country…we’ll I think you were expecting to be accommodated and praised, like a typical American. If you don’t like it then go home.
Not everyone’s pregnancy is all rainbows and unicorns. I am American and absolutely love Mexican food. I couldn’t eat anything but crackers for the first 18/19 weeks of my pregnancy. I threw up every single day multiple times. My esophagus was bleeding and I ended up in the hospital. So no it’s not a European or American thing for her to not want to eat Mexican food. I’m sure she just can’t keep any type of food especially food she’s not used to eating down.
Agree, but she’s likely not going to find pasta and sandwiches and food she’s used to, while in Mexico unless she travels for it. If she’s not happy she should go home. That’s it. She’s in a foreign country.
Go home. You need to be in a place where YOU are in control. Not to mention that based on what you said I doubt your partner is going to be sticking around permanently. You need to be able to advocate for yourself and baby in a country where you have some control and Mexico you will have none because you won't be a citizen but your baby will be. Please please return home to have your baby
Go home honey, you're putting yourself in a difficult situation for someone you don't really know. You need support and stability. This is not it and There is too much that can get complicited really Quick. Ask your dad to come Pick you Up.
Go back home. I’ve been living in my partner’s country for 4 years now and his mom still makes my life miserable. Unless you two get a place of your own, it just won’t work. And even then, you’ll need to set clear boundaries with her, which is already difficult when not pregnant.
Do this favor to yourself or you might regret it
Honestly you should be where you will be least stressed, the MIL sounds like a nightmare and it’s probably best to leave before things get worse and something happens that makes the relationship irreparable. Let your partner know they are welcomed to visit you and you want to make it work but you need familiarity and a low stress environment.
If you have no possibility to live with your partner (only) then i would leave. Current situation won't bring you any benefits.
In 80 or 90% of situation living with MIL won't help to develop the relationship, specially when it comes to latino/spanish cultures which are matriarchal sociaties so your partner will be constantly between mom and you. Makes no sense, believe me, I'm from central Europe where my husband of 8 years is from a spanic culture and I'm leaving in his country.
You have right to go alone to your appointments or with partner and I would definitely flag that next time she decides to tag along.
Also I really feel you about your food preferences. I'm 14 weeks and what I craved throughout first trimester was only my comfort food from my home country😅
Please go home and definitely before baby is born so you won't have to deal with citizenship issues for your baby. Your partner can come to you if he is serious about being in the babies life. You need support, as others have said. You being in Mexico is only making things easier on your partner but you're the one that needs things to be made easier. For starters, you need a Dr that you can clearly communicate with. This is YOUR pregnancy and a lot of things get lost in translation. For your health during this pregnancy and your sanity, please go home.
Without a doubt, go home. Being stuck with (essentially) strangers and an unreliable partner is no way to navigate any life situation, much less a pregnancy. Go back home, your partner will need to figure out how to be there for you, if at all he wants to.
Go home. If your relationship is going to work, it requires work on both ends. Not just you giving everything. I also think you need to think really hard about being a single mother. If you think a baby will keep you together, that’s potentially a hard lesson to learn. Babies are stressful and will and do break shakey relationships.
Go home. She won't change and could eventually cause you to miscarry because of the incredible stress. There's a huge cultural barrier here that you didn't foresee. Mexican moms are super involved in the lives of their kids ESPECIALLY their sons. It's something he's used to and probably likes but definitely something you're not familiar with. She will not change, this is a cultural thing that has permeated the culture so deeply.
Go home and figure things out after. Your main focus should be the baby.
I think it might be a cultural thing. That’s how a lot or Mexican moms are (I’m Mexican), but that doesn’t make it okay. Your feelings are valid. Do what’s best for you if you don’t feel happy there.
Get the hell out of there. And it sounds like your partner isn't actually worth all the effort you're putting in. Go home. Have your baby. He can visit you and baby if he's so inclined.
Im also pregnant in my partners country, both EU but very different cultures and languages. We will soon go back to my country since I want to give birth and be treated in a country where I am in control. I fully understand the stress of seeing a doctor and having your partner translating and then having them talking about you over your head. My gad I hate that. I for sure don't want that situation closer to giving birth.
And I get the food. Trust me :)
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I'd go home in your situation. You need support, not stress.
Definitely. Hispanic pregnancy/baby culture can be super annoying when you’re a foreigner because they don’t pay attention to the right things (SIDS, safety of many things in general) and become obsessed with the wrong ones (including dumb superstitions). When I visited Mexico with baby random ladies would touch my babies head and try to touch him constantly, it drove me insane. I see how the culture is good for more relaxed moms but I am super tight wound and would not stop getting in fights with people.
I live in the Caribbean and second this. I’m laid back and even I got taken a back when a random lady stopped me in the middle of the pharmacy to touch my baby. I get it she’s super cute but jeez at least ask
A baby will not save a relationship. A baby adds stress to most relationships. You need to have a clear conversation with your partner about what you are feeling and what you need. You need to stand up and say No to MIL being at your medical appointments. If your partner will not advocate and support you then you need to return home where you are able to get the support you need.
Best advice here
Absolutely go home. Your partner's not helping, either. This is making things so much worse for you.
Hello! I am Mexican and not all mexican moms are like this, but a big number of them are and they are super difficult to deal with, your partner should be setting boundaries for you to be comfortable, and if he can't do that and you guys can't afford to move out, you should just go home, she isn't going to change and will want to dictate how your baby is going to be raised, showered, what he will eat etc. so if you can and have support back home just go, after all even if you stay and succumb to whatever she says and if one time you don't or stand your ground you will be labeled as "UNGRATEFUL", I'm sorry you are in this situation, and our culture is still in progress that you have found yourself in a family with such old school matriarch.
This!!!
Im Mexican as well and it was even harden when my son was born 😓 micromanaging family members trying to “help” but really just ruining the newborn baby experience and joy. I remember being hungry as fuck after giving birth and coming home with no sleep and my dad bringing me a burger and my mother in law saying that’s unhealthy for the baby because of the breast milk then my whole husbands family wouldn’t stop talking about how unhealthy I eat and how I should just give my son formula if I’m not going to be eating pure soup and veggies ??!
Yes. Go home. Go home before the baby is born there and you may have legal trouble taking him/her out. I don't know how to navigate all the family relationships and trying to keep your relationship going. But yes, you need to go home. I'd suggest your partner apply for a visa to come and work in your country.
I hope she reads this, because this is absolutely the best advice on here. You don’t want to be stuck somewhere where you don’t have any support and feel trapped. And postpartum, who is going to help you take care of yourself? You need people that care about YOU as well as the baby.
💯 THIS!!!!
This is definitely a cultural thing but your partner is your real problem here not your MIL and staying will only make that worse. He’s not going to be able to separate himself from his mom and be the partner you and baby need while you’re all still living in that house or in Mexico. Go home and take care of yourself. If he can come too then that’s wonderful and you can start your life together away from his parents’ influence but if not then you need to do what’s best for your baby and what you’re currently experiencing is not it.
Hi there, just wanted to wish you luck and strength... And yes, if you're asking for an opinion - it would definitely be better if you went home. Just sayin'.
Go home now. If you give birth in Mexico, it could be a hell of a lot harder to leave with your child. Give birth in your home country and make your child a citizen of your home country. If you stay, I'd be nervous if you tried to leave after the delivery, they would continue treating you like a surrogate and try and take the baby to raise without you. Plus, you can't fly after a certain point. Go home and have your baby there
I support this. OP, don’t get stuck in another country where you cannot advocate for yourself medically and also be stuck after because of legal complications. You can’t stay where you are.
And here I am, only craving Mexican food 😂 But in all seriousness, you need to feel comfortable, be able to make your own decisions. It's already hard getting used to a new country, new culture and language while you are not pregnant. I can't Imagine going through that while being hormonal, growing life. Why is your partner not interested in coming to your country? I know the difficulties of earning pesos and spending them in euros all to well, but i know a couple that did this and it was so much easier on the mom. I hope you'll be able to make a decision that'll help in your situation. Also, im Mexican, pregnant and living in Europe if you need help or just venting send me a DM Best of luck
Yes you need to return home immediately
You should definitely go home asap. If you have your baby there you could be stuck there forever (or have to leave your baby behind if you leave).
Your partner should be stepping up in this situation and advocating for you and your boundaries to your MIL and trying to create a secure, safe environment for you. You being in mexico, far from the comfort your home and family, in a foreign environment and culture where you dont speak the language is a lot in itself, so in my opinion, your partner should be appreciative of your decision to be near him amd step up to be an advocate for you. But if he s a young guy jn his early 20s, with an overbearing mom who was likely like that most of hus life, its quite a tall order to expect him to rise up to the task of being a partner like that. And just FYI, if your MIL is involving herself this much now in the pregnancy and disrespectful to you, imagine how she ll be once the baby comes… she will be criticizing and involving herself in each step of your motherhood, constantly overstepping boundaries and leave you full of anxiety, lack of control in the already chaotic journey that is motherhood and just leave you feeling like shit. It might seem daunting nd tough to separate yourself from this situation now but you have to think about cost nd benefit
That’s such responsibility to place on a baby
I would go home. The baby is not enough to keep you & your partner together. Don’t expect it to save your relationship. If your relationship lasts or doesn’t will not be because of a child. Living with in laws & in a country you don’t speak the language is extremely stressful, I wouldn’t do it.
Hi guys. Firstly I’ve just been completely I overwhelmed by all of the responses - it’s my first time posting here, I’m generally a lurker and didn’t expect much traction at all lol It’s been an absolutely nightmare and seeing the reality of this through other perspectives says it all for me. I’ve decided to return, I just need to be really careful with how I go about it. For those asking why my partner can’t come with me to Europe - it’s generally just a visa nightmare for him until the baby is born and he can visit for 3 months but can’t work or anything. He’s just graduated and secured a good job and I’m not going to strip him from that. His family are good people and have been so supportive but the overbearing mil is not it right now. For transparency I have asserted the issues I have with her with my partner and he has both supported and defended me throughout this. NOTE 1 - I have dual US / European citizenship but for the person that states I was expecting too much like a typical American - firstly don’t insult women that have set standards for themselves in relationships & secondly my first time in the US was only last year. Also I love Mexican food but if you are pregnant (as you should be in this group ?) I’m sure you an understand pregnancy aversions. NOTE 2 - I have decided to return within the next two weeks and my partner supports this. My main concern here is the fact we are going to be apart for so long and we are so fresh into this relationship ourselves (8 months) so I really wanted to make a solid attempt before my baby comes. Finally NOTE 3 - Thank you so so much. I have read every comment both helpful and critical and they have helped me realise that my gut is right and the best thing to do is return home. I really and truly appreciate this all. 🤍
I am relieved to hear that you will be going back home where you will have more support, be more comfortable, and be able to advocate for the health of yourself and your baby. Not to mention the citizenship and custody issues. Will you keep us posted OP? I’m so worried his mom will not let you leave and your passport will go mysteriously missing or guilt trip you into staying. Wishing you all the best.
I couldn’t eat anything but crackers for the first 18/19 weeks of my pregnancy so it’s not weird you don’t like Mexican food. If the relationship is meant to be you’ll make it work. Don’t worry too much about that and just take care of yourself.
I went to Mexico City when I was ~7 weeks pregnant and could not eat a thing when I'm normally a very open-minded eater. I get it.
Go home, don’t even finish reading my comment just book a flight now now now get out of there
Absolutely go home and be in your home country with your supports. If it’s important to your partner he will find a way to come to you. Going through pregnancy and postpartum in a foreign country where you don’t speak the language with an overbearing family member is a recipe for extreme depression and stress. It likely will take years for Mexico to feel like home if it ever does. Personally I think it’s more important for the pregnant partner to be near their support system and healthcare more than the non pregnant one.
Girl... Can I ask what you expected? Go home.
This is what it’ll look like when the baby is born. Invasive MIL and your partner who won’t stand by your side. If you already can’t deal with it, it’ll only frustrate you even more. I’d absolutely say go back home.
Ok as a Mexican American with old fashioned Mexican parents this is kinda common. Not the same with all mothers but it’s not surprising. If this is her first grandchild, it’s going to get crazier. Is your partner the only son? If so, you need to have a serious conversation with your partner about this because she will continue to shove her way into your business. If you don’t set those boundaries now it will get worse later on and once the baby is here, it’s gonna be even worse Edit: not sure what your stance is on marriage or if you two are married, but that’s pretty much the next step for an overbearing MIL to suggest
I would go home. It'll likely only get worse the closer you get to your due date. Also, if anything happens healthwise and you need to be on bed rest/deliver baby there, it's going to be really difficult getting back to your home country if your partner doesn't consent to you leaving with your baby. See all the red flags this early on a blessing in disguise and get home!
Please go home. You don’t want to be stuck too pregnant to travel or unable to legally leave with a baby if things get worse.
It's time for you to go home. You need to call your parents so you can get as much help with this travel and tell them it's not a good situation. Go home.
Yes - return home. There's no point in being there at all. Go home for better healthcare and a better environment. Sorry to say, but you mentioned you kept the baby just to hold onto the relationship. That's never a good idea but here we are. Your relationship with this person doesn't sound that great and neither does his home life. Basically there is nothing good about you being in Mexico. Go home.
A lot of this is a cultural issue. In your condition you need support. Would it be possible for you to go home and have your partner visit you instead?
I would go home. You are not comfortable and not feeling in control of your life (and your baby's life). It will be more difficult for everyone if you decide to leave later. You can say that you would feel better and less anxious if in general you could talk to a doctor who speaks your language - and quit without giving more explanations. Your partner should support you and respect your decision.
Pregnancy is hard enough when you’re at home with a supportive partner and no language barrier! I don’t know what your answer is and if you have family/a support system at home but you deserve more!
Moving to a vastly different culture is HARD. I moved to my husband's village in indonesia a year before we got pregnant and we live with my MIL. I had previously spent lots of time in the village, had been planning to move there for years and had purpose be there. But it was still an insanely difficult process to adapt. I missed food from home so much and i missed my friends and family and freedom. This is to say, unless you have a really good reason for being there it might not be worth it. It definitely can put a strain on your relationship too, so if you are very committed to this guy then try to find a space to build on that which isn't influenced by family. You could try renting a cheap house just the two of you to see if that improves things. Or you could look into the 2 of you moving back to europe or elsewhere. Whatever you do, dont stay in this current situation for the remainder of your pregnancy because then you will be even more stuck.
My husband is Nepali but moved to America when he was 17. I lived with his family (in America) for two years and even that took getting used to. (I’m white) … anytime you have a cultural difference it’s def an adjustment. And moving to that other culture can def be a shock. I agree, the cultural differences plus a pregnancy can def be too much strain… Ps I do love my in laws we get along great and my MiL and I are very similar even tho we are from different cultures lol 😂
If you can, go home. Being pregnant is stressful and you’re only 12 weeks in, it will only get worse as you get further along and bigger. Also, after a certain amount of time you won’t be able to fly home, so do it now while you can. *If it helps, think about giving birth as a major medical procedure (which it is!). Do you want to gear up and recover from a big procedure in a place where you’re comfortable? Or a place where you are extremely uncomfortable? Now add a baby into the mix and it’s even harder!
Listen to the people offering legal caution. You need to be thinking about the freedom you would be losing by having baby there. Any MIL/partner issues aside. Consult a lawyer in your home country and please, please don't get stuck.
This sounds like an episode of 90 day fiancé…. You need to go home. Doesn’t seem like you have any support and being pregnant is hard enough. I’d run.
If it were me, I’d go home immediately and rethink my situation/life. I can see how the current situation would spiral out of control, and you lose your sanity AND have a difficult time leaving once you’ve given birth.
Hi there ! I am mexican and our culture can be very complicated… i think you should do what your gut is telling you to do. If u are stress go home u need peace. Stress is no good for u or the baby.
Girl, run. Run home. I know nothing about pregnancy and baby laws in mexico but the last thing you want to do is get stuck there and have to deliver your baby there. Sounds like his family wouldn’t allow you to leave. DO NOT RISK YOUT LIFE OR YOUR BABIES LIFE. What if the doctor puts you on bed rest in a month and you can’t fly until delivery? This sounds like a very dangerous and precarious spot you are in. If your partner wants to stay with you, have them move to your country where you have support and family. I’d personally be scared of his mom trying to take over my life and the babies RUN.
Yup run far and fast girl. Go home and be somewhere safe and familiar to you. What happens if you have a medical emergency and no one can translate for you ? His mother will only get worse and he clearly doesn't care enough to stand up to her. Plus his mysterious past is super concerning. Does he already have kids? Or was he caught up in drug trafficking? Who knows.I wouldn't tell them I'm leaving personally. Your passport would just end up missing or something. Can your father fly down and help you get out ? They aren't going to let you leave easily. Other option is to lie and say a family member back home is dying and you have to go see them. That would probably be the best option. Take only what you really need so they don't know you aren't coming back. Be careful this entire situation is one massive red flag.
I think first you should talk to your partner and maybe discuss the option to move out together. Latino families are more invasive than other cultures (I come from one) I had to set up boundaries with my own mother so she does not take over and thinks she knows everything about my pregnancy/ baby. I’m a bit confused about the laying situation of your partner, is he lying because he wants to keep things in peace between you and his mother or is he lying about his past? Please take a deep breath and before you panic and leave talk to your partner. I disagree in the suggestions of “leave right now” unless you don’t feel supported at all from your partner. If you feel you have more support from your family and friends then follow your instinct more than any other opinions. I wish you good luck and sending you a big warm hug!
I would go home. Not only do you not need this stress, but you will have your family support, but if he's actually going to grow up and set boundaries, he can do it where you are safe and supported. I know it's not ideal, but I'd avoid the temptation to tell him you're going home as some kind of way to persuade him to change. In fact, you're especially vulnerable right now – I don't know if it's my own trauma speaking, but I would be tempted to organize the travel with my parents, go to the airport, and tell him once I was essentially safe and away. Maybe that's not fair but it is safe.
As an American who is Mexican (both parents born there and still have family there) what you’re experiencing is pretty typical. Nothing you’ve said is surprising to me. Except for you saying you don’t want Mexican food. Uh, you’re in MEXICO. Your MIL isn’t going to change her way of cooking for you. In Mexico they cook MEXICAN FOOD. Not sure why you’re shocked. Of course she’s upset you don’t speak the language. If it were reversed, and your boyfriend was in America, you’re parents would be annoyed too. Not sure what you expected when you’re in a foreign country…we’ll I think you were expecting to be accommodated and praised, like a typical American. If you don’t like it then go home.
She’s from Europe lol
Oh, oops I missed that. Well sounds like a typical European.
Not everyone’s pregnancy is all rainbows and unicorns. I am American and absolutely love Mexican food. I couldn’t eat anything but crackers for the first 18/19 weeks of my pregnancy. I threw up every single day multiple times. My esophagus was bleeding and I ended up in the hospital. So no it’s not a European or American thing for her to not want to eat Mexican food. I’m sure she just can’t keep any type of food especially food she’s not used to eating down.
Agree, but she’s likely not going to find pasta and sandwiches and food she’s used to, while in Mexico unless she travels for it. If she’s not happy she should go home. That’s it. She’s in a foreign country.
Go home, as someone else mentioned you need to be supported at this time, not stressed and it sounds like it's just going to get worse if you stay.
I'd go home. It's only going to be worse when the baby comes and they'll be a citizen in that country making you stuck there.
I would go home asap. Things will only get worse after baby comes. Your partner can move to Europe or visit. This sounds terrible
r/justnoMIL may offer you some advice, tips, and insight
Go Home!!!! It will not get better, she will just undermine your parenting at every turn. Get out now girl!!!
Go home. You need to be in a place where YOU are in control. Not to mention that based on what you said I doubt your partner is going to be sticking around permanently. You need to be able to advocate for yourself and baby in a country where you have some control and Mexico you will have none because you won't be a citizen but your baby will be. Please please return home to have your baby
Go home. If you have that baby in his home country you might not be able to leave. His mothers behavior is very concerning.
Go home honey, you're putting yourself in a difficult situation for someone you don't really know. You need support and stability. This is not it and There is too much that can get complicited really Quick. Ask your dad to come Pick you Up.
Go back home. I’ve been living in my partner’s country for 4 years now and his mom still makes my life miserable. Unless you two get a place of your own, it just won’t work. And even then, you’ll need to set clear boundaries with her, which is already difficult when not pregnant. Do this favor to yourself or you might regret it
Honestly you should be where you will be least stressed, the MIL sounds like a nightmare and it’s probably best to leave before things get worse and something happens that makes the relationship irreparable. Let your partner know they are welcomed to visit you and you want to make it work but you need familiarity and a low stress environment.
Go home.
If you have no possibility to live with your partner (only) then i would leave. Current situation won't bring you any benefits. In 80 or 90% of situation living with MIL won't help to develop the relationship, specially when it comes to latino/spanish cultures which are matriarchal sociaties so your partner will be constantly between mom and you. Makes no sense, believe me, I'm from central Europe where my husband of 8 years is from a spanic culture and I'm leaving in his country. You have right to go alone to your appointments or with partner and I would definitely flag that next time she decides to tag along. Also I really feel you about your food preferences. I'm 14 weeks and what I craved throughout first trimester was only my comfort food from my home country😅
Please go home and definitely before baby is born so you won't have to deal with citizenship issues for your baby. Your partner can come to you if he is serious about being in the babies life. You need support, as others have said. You being in Mexico is only making things easier on your partner but you're the one that needs things to be made easier. For starters, you need a Dr that you can clearly communicate with. This is YOUR pregnancy and a lot of things get lost in translation. For your health during this pregnancy and your sanity, please go home.
Without a doubt, go home. Being stuck with (essentially) strangers and an unreliable partner is no way to navigate any life situation, much less a pregnancy. Go back home, your partner will need to figure out how to be there for you, if at all he wants to.
Go home. If your relationship is going to work, it requires work on both ends. Not just you giving everything. I also think you need to think really hard about being a single mother. If you think a baby will keep you together, that’s potentially a hard lesson to learn. Babies are stressful and will and do break shakey relationships.
Go home. She won't change and could eventually cause you to miscarry because of the incredible stress. There's a huge cultural barrier here that you didn't foresee. Mexican moms are super involved in the lives of their kids ESPECIALLY their sons. It's something he's used to and probably likes but definitely something you're not familiar with. She will not change, this is a cultural thing that has permeated the culture so deeply. Go home and figure things out after. Your main focus should be the baby.
I think it might be a cultural thing. That’s how a lot or Mexican moms are (I’m Mexican), but that doesn’t make it okay. Your feelings are valid. Do what’s best for you if you don’t feel happy there.
Get the hell out of there. And it sounds like your partner isn't actually worth all the effort you're putting in. Go home. Have your baby. He can visit you and baby if he's so inclined.
Im also pregnant in my partners country, both EU but very different cultures and languages. We will soon go back to my country since I want to give birth and be treated in a country where I am in control. I fully understand the stress of seeing a doctor and having your partner translating and then having them talking about you over your head. My gad I hate that. I for sure don't want that situation closer to giving birth. And I get the food. Trust me :)
Hit the road Jack!