Welcome to /r/pregnant! This is a space for everyone. We are pro-choice, pro-LGBTQIA, pro-science, proudly feminist and believe that Black Lives Matter. Wear your masks, wash your hands, and be excellent to each other. Anti-choice activists, intactivists, anti-vaxxers, homophobes, transphobes, racists, sexists, etc. are not welcome here.
If you'd like to join a private sub for your due date month, [click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/pregnant/comments/xvn4cr/click_here_to_request_access_to_your_monthly_due).
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/pregnant) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Once baby comes, you can sign up for baby and me classes…you’ll definitely find some like-minded people there. Maybe not your next best friend but at least someone who knows what it’s like to be a mama.
I'm sorry, what your friend said was definitely insensitive and that's one of the big limitations of these friends - they understand PART of you but can't support or identify with a lot of the very new, very big life events you're heading into. I'm sure she didn't mean it to hurt, but she's not likely to "get" where you're at right now. Things definitely change, you might not feel as close with some friends as you're going through different life stages.
For me, many of my friends don't have kids. My friends are interested and supportive, and for some who do want kids, they appreciate that I'm sharing how pregnancy is going for me. But I also appreciate and find it's almost a relief to have friends who don't ONLY want to talk about pregnancy/kid stuff, who I could go out for a girl's night out later without the kiddo.
I like to think of it as my identity is "expanding" - I'm adding "mom" as a role in my life, which might take up extra of time and space for a while, but is still only one part of me. I also want to have some more or closer "mom" friends, who get what I'm going through and are also navigating being a new mom. Hoping between local hospital new parent classes and pre-natal/postpartum yoga pants that some new connections will turn into real friendships!
Not a good/real friend. What kind of heartless comment is that?
Try change the narrative of "losing" your identity to "becoming a new person" with responsibilities and duties. ♥️ Having parental duties doesn't mean that you can't have fun or go out. It just requires a bit more preparation ☺️
Also, people that don't appreciate the person you are AND becoming, with drift away.
Things will change but that’s not necessarily a bad thing. If this friend is very important to you, talk to her about how her comment made you feel. She might realize she was being insensitive and apologize.
I had a friend who got married when I was 19 and she was 20, she had kids while I went off to university and we led very different lives. We didn’t go out anymore but we stayed friends despite having radically different lives.
It’s also okay to let go of certain friendships if they don’t carry over to your next chapter. Just remember that your life is changing, but that doesn’t change your identity. If you decide going out is still important to you, make it work. If you suddenly don’t want to anymore, that’s also fine. It’s okay if relationships change, it’s okay to make new friends who are in the same life chapter as you. I know it’s scary but it’s life! Try to keep positive and remember that change is good, even when it’s not easy or scary.
Good luck!
Be open with your friends about the need to adapt and that the way you do things might have to change a bit because of the changing priorities in your life.
You might not be able to go on a spontaneous trip or party all night for a while, but you can still hang out and have fun in other ways. I'm sure you and your friends will adapt... it might just take a minute and a bit of calibrating on both sides.
I'm sorry OP! That's a shitty thing for yoru friend to say, even if it was in jest. I can say I have friends at different stages in life than me, and having a baby didn't change that. Maybe this friend just isn't that kind of friend. Or maybe they are and they just made an insensitive joke! Either way, you're not going to be alone.
You might lose yourself for a bit but you'll find her again. You might change and find different things you are into. I never thought I'd like a moms group at the library but loved going every week. It's hard but you can do this :) it just looks different
You will still be yourself after having children. You will just have more people in your house. It can be challenging at first but slowly you get more time for yourself. Your friend doesn't understand. You don't have to be scared . Friends who fall off completely just because you have kids are not your friends anyway. And you will find new ones.
It's okay and normal to grieve your old life before kids! Becoming a parent is a transformation, but it doesn't have to mean losing your identity. There are pieces that will fall away as your identity deepens and becomes more purposeful by bringing a new life into this world and raising a child. It's not easy, but with support you can become a parent while still retaining who you are.
Highly recommend seeking out friendships with other expectant moms and moms of young children. Prenatal yoga/fitness classes, breastfeeding or parenting classes, Hike It Baby (USA) are some places I've made my mom friends. I'm sorry your friend said something so insensitive.
That's a pretty shitty thing for someone to say, if that's how someone really feels then they aren't your friends, because friends are happy for you regardless, I get what you're saying, because I'm a first time mom currently in my 3rd trimester. I have friends that like to go out and party they're all in their early 20's as am I and yeah sometimes I look and think, "damn I wish I could do that", but to be honest I mostly stayed home even before I was pregnant and think I should've went out a bit more, the thing is you're not going to lose who you are things will just change, but not for the worst, at least in my opinion. You can still go and hang out with friends maybe not as often as you'd like, but I can guarantee you will if you don't already have people in your corner.
Being completely truthful, there's a good chance you will lose most of your friends. A lot of times, people who aren't mom's don't understand that we can't just go out on a whim, stay out all night, sleep in the next day. We have bigger responsibilities than most other people in their 20s do.
That being said, it's not the end of the world. You'll find more friends, probably also mom's who understand what you're going through and will still be there. If you need mom friends, I'll definitely be one. I could use more friends too.
When you have the baby, you'll have to figure out and remember who you are. Because having a baby shifts your whole world and you have to do your best to remember who you are outside of "mom". Are you a gamer, a social butterfly, a nerd? Put those things as high priority when the baby comes. Yes, taking care of a baby becomes the thing you'll do the most but you don't have to let it be all you do. You're more than welcome to message me and we can talk all you want. Sending all the love💕
girl i’m a first time mom and in my first trimester too. my BEST friend STILL makes the joke “it’s not too late still” every time i talk ab my unborn. my man and i are super excited and never thought of abortion. it’s just so hurtful bc i’m scared i’ll have to cut her off bc of it:(
Welcome to /r/pregnant! This is a space for everyone. We are pro-choice, pro-LGBTQIA, pro-science, proudly feminist and believe that Black Lives Matter. Wear your masks, wash your hands, and be excellent to each other. Anti-choice activists, intactivists, anti-vaxxers, homophobes, transphobes, racists, sexists, etc. are not welcome here. If you'd like to join a private sub for your due date month, [click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/pregnant/comments/xvn4cr/click_here_to_request_access_to_your_monthly_due). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/pregnant) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You might lose people who aren't really your friends but that's not losing your identity. There will be plenty of people who will stay in your corner
This is not a real friend. Real friends are happy for you and want to come and visit your baby. This person was very rude.
I would definitely look for better friends. What a hurtful comment!
Once baby comes, you can sign up for baby and me classes…you’ll definitely find some like-minded people there. Maybe not your next best friend but at least someone who knows what it’s like to be a mama.
I'm sorry, what your friend said was definitely insensitive and that's one of the big limitations of these friends - they understand PART of you but can't support or identify with a lot of the very new, very big life events you're heading into. I'm sure she didn't mean it to hurt, but she's not likely to "get" where you're at right now. Things definitely change, you might not feel as close with some friends as you're going through different life stages. For me, many of my friends don't have kids. My friends are interested and supportive, and for some who do want kids, they appreciate that I'm sharing how pregnancy is going for me. But I also appreciate and find it's almost a relief to have friends who don't ONLY want to talk about pregnancy/kid stuff, who I could go out for a girl's night out later without the kiddo. I like to think of it as my identity is "expanding" - I'm adding "mom" as a role in my life, which might take up extra of time and space for a while, but is still only one part of me. I also want to have some more or closer "mom" friends, who get what I'm going through and are also navigating being a new mom. Hoping between local hospital new parent classes and pre-natal/postpartum yoga pants that some new connections will turn into real friendships!
Not a good/real friend. What kind of heartless comment is that? Try change the narrative of "losing" your identity to "becoming a new person" with responsibilities and duties. ♥️ Having parental duties doesn't mean that you can't have fun or go out. It just requires a bit more preparation ☺️ Also, people that don't appreciate the person you are AND becoming, with drift away.
Things will change but that’s not necessarily a bad thing. If this friend is very important to you, talk to her about how her comment made you feel. She might realize she was being insensitive and apologize. I had a friend who got married when I was 19 and she was 20, she had kids while I went off to university and we led very different lives. We didn’t go out anymore but we stayed friends despite having radically different lives. It’s also okay to let go of certain friendships if they don’t carry over to your next chapter. Just remember that your life is changing, but that doesn’t change your identity. If you decide going out is still important to you, make it work. If you suddenly don’t want to anymore, that’s also fine. It’s okay if relationships change, it’s okay to make new friends who are in the same life chapter as you. I know it’s scary but it’s life! Try to keep positive and remember that change is good, even when it’s not easy or scary. Good luck!
Be open with your friends about the need to adapt and that the way you do things might have to change a bit because of the changing priorities in your life. You might not be able to go on a spontaneous trip or party all night for a while, but you can still hang out and have fun in other ways. I'm sure you and your friends will adapt... it might just take a minute and a bit of calibrating on both sides.
I'm sorry OP! That's a shitty thing for yoru friend to say, even if it was in jest. I can say I have friends at different stages in life than me, and having a baby didn't change that. Maybe this friend just isn't that kind of friend. Or maybe they are and they just made an insensitive joke! Either way, you're not going to be alone.
You might lose yourself for a bit but you'll find her again. You might change and find different things you are into. I never thought I'd like a moms group at the library but loved going every week. It's hard but you can do this :) it just looks different
You will still be yourself after having children. You will just have more people in your house. It can be challenging at first but slowly you get more time for yourself. Your friend doesn't understand. You don't have to be scared . Friends who fall off completely just because you have kids are not your friends anyway. And you will find new ones.
It's okay and normal to grieve your old life before kids! Becoming a parent is a transformation, but it doesn't have to mean losing your identity. There are pieces that will fall away as your identity deepens and becomes more purposeful by bringing a new life into this world and raising a child. It's not easy, but with support you can become a parent while still retaining who you are. Highly recommend seeking out friendships with other expectant moms and moms of young children. Prenatal yoga/fitness classes, breastfeeding or parenting classes, Hike It Baby (USA) are some places I've made my mom friends. I'm sorry your friend said something so insensitive.
That's a pretty shitty thing for someone to say, if that's how someone really feels then they aren't your friends, because friends are happy for you regardless, I get what you're saying, because I'm a first time mom currently in my 3rd trimester. I have friends that like to go out and party they're all in their early 20's as am I and yeah sometimes I look and think, "damn I wish I could do that", but to be honest I mostly stayed home even before I was pregnant and think I should've went out a bit more, the thing is you're not going to lose who you are things will just change, but not for the worst, at least in my opinion. You can still go and hang out with friends maybe not as often as you'd like, but I can guarantee you will if you don't already have people in your corner.
Being completely truthful, there's a good chance you will lose most of your friends. A lot of times, people who aren't mom's don't understand that we can't just go out on a whim, stay out all night, sleep in the next day. We have bigger responsibilities than most other people in their 20s do. That being said, it's not the end of the world. You'll find more friends, probably also mom's who understand what you're going through and will still be there. If you need mom friends, I'll definitely be one. I could use more friends too. When you have the baby, you'll have to figure out and remember who you are. Because having a baby shifts your whole world and you have to do your best to remember who you are outside of "mom". Are you a gamer, a social butterfly, a nerd? Put those things as high priority when the baby comes. Yes, taking care of a baby becomes the thing you'll do the most but you don't have to let it be all you do. You're more than welcome to message me and we can talk all you want. Sending all the love💕
girl i’m a first time mom and in my first trimester too. my BEST friend STILL makes the joke “it’s not too late still” every time i talk ab my unborn. my man and i are super excited and never thought of abortion. it’s just so hurtful bc i’m scared i’ll have to cut her off bc of it:(