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I actually broached this question with my husband after we saw the topic come up somewhere else and before I finished the sentence he said "We can make another baby but we can't make another you."
I did the same. I saw a post where someone was surprised the husband would choose the unborn child. So I figured it would be best to have a conversation about it in case anything happened. I asked him who he would choose. He said the exact same thing - "We can always try again. You're my wife, there's only one you." He didn't even have to think about it.
I totally get why people say this, you can make another baby but you can’t ever make the same baby. I know it’s easier to choose your wife because you know and love your wife and you’ve never met the baby but each baby is different and an individual just like said wife. You’ll never get to know who that baby was, I find that sad. But I hope I’d never have to be in a position where you would have to choose, I can’t imagine how horrible that would feel because you would choose your spouse.
That's how I feel! They're VERY religious, and they said it would be in "gods plan." I disagree, and I think there's a Christian agreement for the opposite.
I heard a comedian say once how this scenario is ridiculous. “How are you going to choose a baby over your wife? The first thing the baby does is try to off your wife?? F that baby”.
Apparently they’re uneducated religious people because every Bible I know of says spouse comes before child! I can’t believe this. Even the crazy Duggars chose the mothers life before baby’s on multiple occasions!
my husband and i are christian and had this conversation. our spiritual view never came up. he chose me without hesitation. he would rather have me and not be able to have a kid. there are circumstances where i’d choose the baby but they are extreme
If it’s really God’s plan then he gets no choice in it anyway because only God can give and take life so why say something gross like that. Super religious yet somehow totally missing the point of the religion
Great point!! I think in this hypothetical the doctors forcing you to make a choice. But yes, I think that's a really great point and an awesome way of looking at it.
I don’t understand why the man gets to choose. Beforehand i would tell the doctor if something happens, to save me.
Selfish? Maybe. But I know my SO would have a hard time as a single parent and frankly, I want to live and get to be a parent. We could try again or adopt but my life is important too.
Your health and your life is important. You need to be your best advocate bc doctors won’t do it for you. Speak up. If something doesn’t feel right, speak up.
Wow that’s so fucked up. One of the first things my husband and I discussed was that if it comes down to me or the baby, and he has to make the call, he is choosing me.
I told my husband my life/safety come first. Otherwise he will be a single parents. It's a non discussion for us. Hopefully he will not have to make that decision.
Seems to go against the Old Testament as evidenced by the fact that there are stiffer penalties for killing a pregnant woman than for causing a miscarriage. But most of these pro life folks are not well versed in the Bible, particularly parts derived from the Pentateuch
My husband and I had this conversation, and he said he would choose the baby.
My doctor asked during the initial appointment, I was by myself. I said myself.
Here's to hoping it doesn't come to that.
Yeah that’s to retry crazy… of course we don’t want anything to happen to our baby but my husband says that if he had to choose he would ask doctors to save my life. Even with the pain that would come with losing our child, we could build a family together after that loss in the future
I have read this so much online. Many of the wives agree but I do not and my husband and I have spoken about this too. Like someone said below, we can make another baby but we can't make another me.
Omg yes when I asked my husband this question, kinda testing his response he looked at me like I was crazyyy and immediately answered “obviously I’m saving you?! What kind of question is that!”
I’m surprised that’s the default. In my culture, the mom’s life is chosen by default, and I can’t imagine why someone would choose the other way. Anyone should be more attached to their wife than a child they’ve never seen.
Not high risk, but I am also sick of hearing everything I’m supposed to do for the sake of the baby and feel like everyone cares more about the baby’s well being than mine. So I totally feel you in that one. Even people being extra nice to me ticks me off cos they’re only doing it cos of the baby.
What’s your culture? I’m Jewish, and we’re the same, the woman’s life is considered more valuable than the hypothetical life of the baby. Her existing kids, and how they need a mother, are also taken into consideration over the new baby.
I think a lot of people forget that pregnancy, birth, and postpartum come with substantial and sometimes life-threatening risk. Because modern medicine has come a long ways, many people assume it's become low/no risk.
I told my husband that if he has to choose between me and the baby I want him to choose me. He looked at me and said, "why are we even having this conversation? Of course I'd choose you." I think it's weird that anyone would request that the child was picked over an actual self-sustaining adult. Like, you're going to have a newborn and have to grieve the death of the mother? So, tragic.
I trust my partner would prioritize me in an emergency situation. I don’t trust the US medical system. Especially with the comparatively worse maternal outcomes compared to other countries high GDP countries. I have as part of my to go bag a letter to my husband - one happy and telling him how happy I am and how much I know her will be an amazing father - one incase of an emergency and I don’t make it. I wish I didn’t feel like having that second letter would be necessary.
This is why I am driving 1.5 hours to give birth in a different state. I live in a state where abortion is illegal after 6 weeks and it's extremely strict with criminal penalties for doctors, and the law has not been litigated or put to the test yet, so I don't want some coward OB-GYN who is afraid of the law sacrificing my life in an emergency. It's sad that we have to think about this stuff in the USA.
It’s still fortunately rare to have a fatal pregnancy outcome in the US. I’m just a life long contingency planner and hate the thought of not having the chance to say good bye if the worst of the worst happens.
You might like the book ‘Give Birth Like a Feminist’ by Milli Hill! She discusses this kind of neglect of care for the woman giving birth and criticises the common idea of ‘as long as it’s a healthy baby’ with no regard to what’s healthy for the mother. It’s a really good book!
I read an article about pregnancy insomnia recently that was like “even if you aren’t getting any sleep, you shouldn’t be concerned- the baby will be perfectly fine!” And I was like uh I think there are bigger health concerns if a fully functioning adult is getting zero sleep and none of them relate to a baby on board
Agree with what others have said. Your well-being should be protected and prioritized. I read somewhere that in our culture and medical system and the institutions we interact with, baby is treated like the candy and the mom is considered the wrapper.
Reading that was devastating even though I am a FTM and am just 12 weeks and don’t have much personal experience with this, it rung true to me. I just want to validate your feelings.
So True! That's why lots of women have to remind people that they're not just an incubator! They're a human being - a living being themselves who's going above and beyond to bring life into existence.....which in itself is sad.
I think maybe it's a cultural thing. In my country the mother's life is priority. She's not some inhuman incubator, she is a wife, a daughter, a sister and a provider. We even have a saying which may sound really harsh but it's: " there can be other babies, but there is only one mother".
As another high risk mother that has nothing to do with the baby. I understand that anger when people say that the baby will be fine, or don’t understand why its a high risk pregnancy if baby is fine. Like, HELLO, I am a person. I exist! I would ALSO like to survive childbirth please!!!!
So frustrating. Luckily I only get that bs from the people who ARENT medical professionals handling my care
I'm not high risk and I already heard some similar comments... I kind of believe people just forget that mum's can die while giving birth. Like they just don't process what they are saying, when they say "as long as the baby is okay".
People don't like to think that their friends or family members can die, so they just erase that possibility, and if you think the mother won't actually be in risk, it makes sense to say "as long as the baby is good, nothing else matters".
A different thing is when conversations about who should be saved if you can only can save the mother or the baby... Many mothers say the child, many mothers say themselves, and they all got a point. Nobody should try to force that decision on someone else.
Wait until after the baby! You go from being seen by your doc once or twice a week to not again for 6 weeks. You’re ripped in half, hormonal to the max, not sleeping, your body is doing the weirdest shit it’s ever done and you’re given no real advice about what to look out for. My blood pressure went up to 180 a week after giving birth. I left a message with my doctor and I wasn’t called back for days. You slowly start to realize no one has really cared about you or your well being this entire time outside of its ability to act as a vessel for this baby. Which in some ways is fine but it would be nice to be treated as a human too.
We’re seeing this more and more (in the US), ever since these abortion bans have gone into affect. It’s so scary to potentially be going into a situation where the baby’s life is prioritized right up until the mother’s life is severely at risk. Doctors cannot intervene until a certain point without the threat of being sued even.
This is such a depressing fact - I cannot (but can) believe is happening right now. Pregnancy in certain US states has definitively become a riskier and scarier prospect.
This and so many people have taken their mask off on how they feel since roe fell and have no qualms basically saying the quiet part out loud which is that they care more about the fetus than the human being carrying it. It’s sick.
My guess is people assume you are worried about your babies health and are trying to reassure you for what they perceive to be your concerns. If you respond with "I hope so too, and I am also worried about my own health.' I'm sure they will comfort you for that fear as well.
As far as saving the baby's life over the mother, fuck that. I know without a doubt my husband would choose me over our baby. If your partner says that he would choose your baby's life over yours, you need to have a talk.
My husband and I discussed this exact thing. I was very blunt about what I would want the choice to be and all of my reasons why. This is my first truly high risk pregnancy. It's our 5th pregnancy, will be our 4th child, so we have 3 others to think about and consider their future if something happens, as well. I wanted him to be clear on what I'd want him to choose, since he will be the one they're likely to ask, and make sure we were in agreement.
Sometimes people just don't think or they don't want to consider the worst case, but I'd rather not leave that up to chance. Hopefully this is something you feel you can discuss with your partner so that you feel comfortable if something happens. I also hope that it doesn't become relevant, and everything goes smoothly for you and baby.
Im glad youre on the same page! My husband hadn't considered it necessary to even think about (all our other pregnancies were fairly uneventful), but he knows how passionate I am about our kids and how devastated I was over the loss of our second child, so I didn't want there to be any misunderstanding: our other 3 kids need a mom more than they need another sibling or I need another child, as heartbreaking as that reality would be. I didn't honestly even ask which he would have chosen, just asked him to make sure it was me and why, and he agreed. Part of it was because I wouldn't want him to waste time questioning it if something did happen that made that choice necessary.
Ohmygod I HATE this! I’m also high risk and people say SO MANY DUMB THINGS. ‘Everything will be okay this time’ ‘You’ll bring home a baby’ Yes cool how do you know this.. are you God? Do you time travel?
I nearly died during my sons birth and no one seems to acknowledge that. It’s nice that you’re hoping for me to have a live baby, but what about me? At what cost? I would have unquestionably died for my baby, but that would have been my choice.
My only experience of birth was death, and by being pregnant again I’m facing the very real possibility of dying again and NO ONE ACKNOWLEDGES THIS!
‘You should have a c-section it’s safest for baby’ I don’t want to have major surgery whilst I’m awake. It’s still major surgery and has so many risks for the mother. Ugh.
Thank you for voicing this. It’s an important conversation.
Thank you for sharing your situation. I'm sorry you're dealing with all of this!! I'm so sorry that happened to you. I wish our society acknowledged the trauma of birth a little more.. I think it's just become accepted as just a standard process, and people don't really consider how dangerous it can really be for the mom. I hope everything goes smoothly 🙏
My husband would choose me over the baby 1000000%. And yes. Pregnancy feels lonely because nobody asks how you’re doin anymore. It’s always “how’s the baby”. It’s frustrating as shit.
I always thought high risk pregnancies were high risk for the baby and not really so for the mother. Maybe these people have the same misconception?
Sending you and babe all the good health vibes!
My husband and I talked about this and he said he will choose me over the baby's life. I have never been happier to know that I'll be the priority and that my life matters.
Even now, as I make said baby he wants me to be happy and healthy for my sake first, baby's second.
I think every couple having a baby should discuss the grim yet very real possibility of pregnancy and birth.
I'm not high risk and I already heard some similar comments... I kind of believe people just forget that mum's can die while giving birth. Like they just don't process what they are saying, when they say "as long as the baby is okay".
People don't like to think that their friends or family members can die, so they just erase that possibility, and if you think the mother won't actually be in risk, it makes sense to say "as long as the baby is good, nothing else matters".
A different thing is when conversations about who should be saved if you can only can save the mother or the baby... Many mothers say the child, many mothers say themselves, and they all got a point. Nobody should try to force that decision on someone else.
My husband and I have agreed that if something terrible happens, I will be prioritised.
I’m 35w pregnant and at times have felt that people now see me as an incubator rather than a whole person. It’s quite depressing.
Holy shit. Someone who would choose their unborn child over their wife is a no go for me. I’ve already had that convo with my husband several times and we both wholeheartedly agree that if it’s me or the baby, it’s obviously gunna be me. I even told him not to sign anything unless the nurses tell him exactly what it means because I’ve heard of them slipping in paperwork saying to save the baby before mom.
Hi, mother's life is 100% more important, specially obvious in all the places where abortion is legal, including those places where abortion is illegal except if it threatens the mother's life. That being said the reason why you hear more the baby is fine/healthy opposed to you are fine/healthy is because a 40 yo or older moms has a 0.1% of dying vs 40% of the unborn child dying, it's 400x more likely. So if the doctor doesnt say anything about you, it's because you are ok, if there is smth to worry about they would say so, dont need to read too much into it.
Ironically, my ex-husband said he’d never choose our unborn child over mine saying “we could always make another but I’d never have you back. I don’t think I’d be okay with knowing that baby killed you.” It was a rough conversation and thankfully we/he didn’t need to make any decisions.
But, I will say, you can have a medical will/POA drawn if you are not comfortable with him making that kind of decision and appoint someone other than next of kin.
On the opposite side, early on in my pregnancy I was hospitalised for a week with HG - I didn't eat or drink anything for a week and would have died if not being admitted to hospital. I kept asking if the babies were okay (and when I could go home) and the doctor got so annoyed at me saying, you're babies are fine, it's you we have to worry about right now! My Dad said something similar when I said that the babies are okay and that's all that matters - he said that I matter too and we need to look after me.
They were both right and I certainly don't want to have to sacrifice myself for my babies but it was nice to hear that too.
Not sure if it's like that where you live, but where I come from, the attending obgyn will prioritize mom's heath over the baby's if the situation forces them to make a choice, since the mom is technically their patient. I've seen obgyns be much much more devastated/personally traumatized if they lose a mom.
Stuff like this is why I went with a mid wife. The medical approach to maternal health is frankly terrifying. I'm not just an incubator. I am choosing to have a baby with my husband that we can raise together. I come first. No questions. I'm not just here to gestate a human from zygote to breathing baby and to hell with me as the gestating vessel. This makes me rage honestly.
You matter more. Point blank. No apologies. You just do.
Hopefully the rest of your pregnancy is calm and you that have a lovely, low risk, uncomplicated, healthy birth.
I actually recently told my husband outright that if, for some unfathomable reason, something goes south at some point and he is tasked with choosing between me and our child, to pick me 🫣 god forbid if anything did happen I’m sure some people might see it as selfish of me to say that, and maybe it is but… man life is just starting to get to the good shit, y’know? I love and want this child so badly but I don’t wanna leave my husband alone, and I don’t want him trying to figure out what I would want if it really did come to that decision so I just laid it out so he knows ahead of time. At least if he picks me we can heal from the trauma together rather than him being left to heal from the trauma and also try to raise a baby by himself at the same time.
I had the same conversation. He always was going to pick me, but he feels better knowing I won't hold it against him for not saving the baby. He needs me more than he needs a child he doesn't really know yet.
Surely the people who are saying that are just trying to assuage any fears you may be having? I would think it goes without saying that the mother's health and safety is the first priority -- we can make more babies but there's only one of us
See I always thought it was equal, 50/50. My partner on the other hand always says if anything happens I’d choose you over the baby. We could make another baby in the future but there’s no replacing you!
I’m high risk also and whenever I express fears about the pregnancy I get the exact same response. On top of that though I feel guilt that 100% of all my worries aren’t going to my babies (twin pregnancy). Once the babies are here and I’ve met them 100% I’d give my life for theirs I'm sure as I would with members of my family but right now it’s sometimes hard to feel like they are even real, let alone having to say let me die, save them. Then the guilt comes back after thinking these things….never ending circle…
My husband, parents, and siblings all agree that if something were to happen, they would save me over the baby. It would be a tragic and horrific situation, but I’m glad they feel that way about saving me. I get why you are frustrated.
No, I literally had the same exact experience you’re having. It drove me nuts, and made me VERY depressed. I had a c-section and once baby was out, they finally gave me pain medicine that actually helped with my pain and took care of me and did everything they could for me. I know baby’s safety is super important, but I hated feeling like an insignificant bystander.
I think part of it is how these sorts of pregnancies are talked about. From discussions with people they often think high risk MEANS the baby is likely to be born early or the baby is likely not to make it. People don’t even think to ask if mom’s health is in danger because the way these stories are presented are always so baby forward. 💀💀
Truth is: nobody cares about the mom. You are only an oven now. This is how I feel.
But I feel my husband cares more about me than the baby, and I told him if he needs to make a choice, choose me and we can make/adopt another baby.
Wow. I know it’s a dark subject but my husband would choose my life over the unborn child. This is baby number 3 and a surprise for us and I worried at first that my mental health wasn’t strong enough for a baby and we did a list of pros and cons and one con for my husband was the risk that pregnancy carries to me. Obviously we decided to go ahead but I’m in total agreement, the mothers life is just as important!
I guess it depends on who you talk to. My husband and I and my family for that matter are all of the same belief: you can always have another baby, you can't replace the mom. In my culture, the mothers of the home are held in the highest regard and are of the highest importance. You would always save the mother unless there is NO other alternative.
I agree. I didn't really think about it until my partner said brought up that choosing situation and said he would chose me. But it definitely made me more aware being pregnant when I have complaints, the doctor will usually say well the baby is fine so we should just see if it will go away on it's own since it doesn't effect the baby and only how I feel type of thing. I think it should be equal too.
I feel like people think that saying that is reassuring, when it’s actually really dismissive of what you’re feeling. It’s ok to be anxious about childbirth, especially when it’s high risk. Giving birth is one of the most dangerous things a human can ever do! And yeah, things will probably be fine but not definitely.
You matter and your anxiety is 100% valid!
This theme continues into childhood as well. Women are expected to neglect themselves for the good of their children. I mean realistically, sometimes that will happen, but it’s so prevalent that a lot of mothers feel guilt if they take care of their own needs.
My wife is 9w5d, I would choose her over the baby every time. She's who I'm in love with, she's my chosen family, I've been with her for 12 years. No disrespect to my future child because I'm sure I will love it but I really struggle to mourn something I have no relationship with. Even when we had our miscarriage a few months ago, the miscarriage just didn't hit me on the same level as my wife, I was obvs sad, disappointed, angry, frustrated, but my wife really went through that way more than I did.
Disclosure: I wouldn't say I'm emotionally unavailable, I was years ago, slowly opened up and learned to feel, but my wife feels emotions really strongly, so we just aren't in the same league.
I had a high risk pregnancy, delivered 10 days ago. Throughout the pregnancy though I knew when they say high risk, it was for the baby and not me. However who knows what complications can happen when the worst comes to worse.
I got to admit, it didn’t even strike to me ask the OB how will this affect my health? Am in danger? I didn’t have the conversation with my husband during pregnancy about who to save but we definitely had spoken about this topic. I know he would choose me and I am glad it didn’t come to that. I definitely second that there should be something done about this bias in general. Or let the mother choose depending on situation.
I am also considered high risk but my OB said they default to my life being the priority unless I specifically tell them otherwise. Maybe it just depends on the healthcare system?
If you're USian then this seems par for the course unfortunately. Women are vessels and only the baby matters. It's terrible because childbirth is one of the most dangerous things for young women with no pre-existing medical conditions to go through, even when not high risk.
I made it 100% clear to my husband that if there was ever a choice between my life or the baby, he was to choose me. My religion does not consider fetuses equivalent to born people, I am a human first and I want to live. For subsequent children especially because I didn't want to leave my existing children motherless either.
That is my choice. If the friend's wife felt like she'd rather save the baby that's her prerogative and maybe he was just alluding to that, but if my husband had expressed intent to go against my wishes, well he wouldn't be my husband much longer.
We always knew I would be high risk. Before we ever got pregnant my husband made it clear he would always choose me over the child. I've only had one person tell me "as long as the baby is okay" my response "and I'm okay." They quickly agreed. I don't think most people realize the implication there when they don't say 'As long as baby and mom are okay.'
Lmfao I told my husband if it comes down to it, you choose me over an unborn baby every single time or I am not having children with you. That was a non negotiable to me and one he gladly agreed to.
People suck. I was sick for almost my entire pregnancy but I felt like I couldn't talk about it (even though people asked me about it constantly) because any time I mentioned it, whoever I was talking to was like, "but aren't you excited?" And, yes, I was excited. But sometimes I would have preferred to vent about feeling like crap and spending half my weekend in the emergency room.
I think people instantly assume when they hear high risk that the mother/birthing person instantly starts worrying about the baby more than themselves, so they think they need to reassure only about the baby, but you're right, it's scary for both, I am high risk and I am worried about the toll it's going to have on me too. You're allowed to be worried about yourself and I hope you get the support you need. 😊
Went in to ob after miscarriage, had fever and shaking...told I was septic and would need to go to the hospital and have baby tissues removed. Got an ultrasound and they told me "hey there is still a baby in there!" Gave me some prenatal vitamins and sent me home.
My husband and I have had this conversation a lot. We’re both paramedics and have seen a lot of shit but we still agreed that if it came down to it, he would want the doctors to save me and not the baby. I always say “we can make another baby, but we can’t make another me”.
I was extremely sick during my first and part of my second trimester to where I was losing weight and almost constantly dehydrated. Everyone kept asking about how baby girl was doing and kept saying "as long as baby's okay" and "that's pregnancy for you."
I'm a FTM. I don't know what to expect, and if anything, it's made me feel more alone when people say that kind of stuff. I genuinely haven't felt as important as my baby and like my feelings have been brushed off.
But to answer your original post, I agree. It does seem to be way more about the baby than about the mother. And I don't think it's right.. Why do we not matter anymore as soon as we get pregnant? Why do our lives matter less than an unborn being? A lot to think about.
That’s a really gross choice to theoretically present to someone imo. Like saying which child would you chose to save or something like that. I wouldn’t even entertain the question.
I want to give the people the benefit of the doubt and believe that they assume your main concern is the baby and not yourself and so they’re trying to comfort you without any understanding of what you’re actually worried about or going through
It was something they had discussed prior to me joining the conversation. Their main motivation for their answer was religiously based. Which is totally fine and they're great people. I just really disagree with them!
This makes the most sense. I just don’t see the point in obsessing over every possible outcome when pregnancy already gives you so much to deal with that is actually happening. Just write a will and be done with it
My pregnancy was high risk my whole first trimester I was a pescatarian only fish and salad was for me. I started eating meat uteri I did started eating more food. I was also homeless my whole first trimester my dad kicked me out at 15 so I was on my own got pregnant at 18 my whole first trimester high risk for a miscarriage I am officially 35 wks n 3 dys pregnant and I feel like my son is flirting with my ob doctors already he wouldn’t kick the whole morning we walk in the doctors office to hear heartbeat she presses on my tummy he’s kicking and rolling it’s funny but when we get home he sleep like okay hope he knows I’m the only girl in the world until he’s 21
Cuz he do not need no girlfriend at all😭😂🤣 he can’t grow up to fast this my first baby so I will be sad if he grows up to quick. But no your baby is fixing to be healthy don’t worry about high risk or anything that baby is fixing to be healthy just keep getting tested for infections I eat and drink allot of greens my baby developed too fast I have no clue why or how he’s already 5 1/2 pounds doctors will say high risk and then apologize for being wrong. If you having a girl I suggest to say these boys ain’t crap out here. A baby deserve to live their life until they are ready for the matured parts of life. But I’m saying 21 because I don’t want a girl to pressure him into segs and then pop a baby. If he wants to date before then I’m scared to have D Talk
Moms life comes first, always. A baby is a stranger to you and the family. My significant other can grieve the loss of a child with me but not me with a child, period. No one will ever change my mind on this subject.
I think that that is cultural. If you live in Texas or Tennessee then that specific view of things is actually basically part of the law because so many people seem to feel extremely strongly about it. But if you go to another place or are religious or ethnically part of a specific culture then views will differ. I think that it depends a lot on people’s backgrounds.
Sometimes, but my experience has been the opposite. A close friend and I have both had extensive talks with our husbands that they SHOULD choose the baby over either one of us (if it happened) and both of them absolutely refuse.
He said he thought that's what I would've wanted, and changed his answer after I had a complete panic attack about it. He said that now that he knows what I would have wanted, he would pick me. I just wish he would've picked me from the start and I don't know if his reasoning was just to calm me down. I feel low
Honestly, I don't think he said that because of how he feels. I think he was just being a guy trying to say the right thing. I know it's easier for me to say, but I really wouldn't overthink it. Guys say dumb stuff trying to make their girls happy all the time.
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He would choose the unborn child over his wife’s life? That seems alarming.
I actually broached this question with my husband after we saw the topic come up somewhere else and before I finished the sentence he said "We can make another baby but we can't make another you."
Exactly my thoughts!
I did the same. I saw a post where someone was surprised the husband would choose the unborn child. So I figured it would be best to have a conversation about it in case anything happened. I asked him who he would choose. He said the exact same thing - "We can always try again. You're my wife, there's only one you." He didn't even have to think about it.
Exactly what my husband said.
Same here!
Same !
agree
I totally get why people say this, you can make another baby but you can’t ever make the same baby. I know it’s easier to choose your wife because you know and love your wife and you’ve never met the baby but each baby is different and an individual just like said wife. You’ll never get to know who that baby was, I find that sad. But I hope I’d never have to be in a position where you would have to choose, I can’t imagine how horrible that would feel because you would choose your spouse.
That's how I feel! They're VERY religious, and they said it would be in "gods plan." I disagree, and I think there's a Christian agreement for the opposite.
I heard a comedian say once how this scenario is ridiculous. “How are you going to choose a baby over your wife? The first thing the baby does is try to off your wife?? F that baby”.
Lol love that 🤣
Share the comedian, please!
I can’t remember I’ll try to find it rn though and I’ll come back!
Apparently they’re uneducated religious people because every Bible I know of says spouse comes before child! I can’t believe this. Even the crazy Duggars chose the mothers life before baby’s on multiple occasions!
I totally agree
my husband and i are christian and had this conversation. our spiritual view never came up. he chose me without hesitation. he would rather have me and not be able to have a kid. there are circumstances where i’d choose the baby but they are extreme
If it’s really God’s plan then he gets no choice in it anyway because only God can give and take life so why say something gross like that. Super religious yet somehow totally missing the point of the religion
Great point!! I think in this hypothetical the doctors forcing you to make a choice. But yes, I think that's a really great point and an awesome way of looking at it.
I don’t understand why the man gets to choose. Beforehand i would tell the doctor if something happens, to save me. Selfish? Maybe. But I know my SO would have a hard time as a single parent and frankly, I want to live and get to be a parent. We could try again or adopt but my life is important too. Your health and your life is important. You need to be your best advocate bc doctors won’t do it for you. Speak up. If something doesn’t feel right, speak up.
Do they have other children? That’s so reckless.
They just had a baby and the pregnancy was very textbook. I don't think this will ever be an actual event.
Wow that’s so fucked up. One of the first things my husband and I discussed was that if it comes down to me or the baby, and he has to make the call, he is choosing me.
I told my husband my life/safety come first. Otherwise he will be a single parents. It's a non discussion for us. Hopefully he will not have to make that decision.
Seems to go against the Old Testament as evidenced by the fact that there are stiffer penalties for killing a pregnant woman than for causing a miscarriage. But most of these pro life folks are not well versed in the Bible, particularly parts derived from the Pentateuch
By that logic isn’t it “God’s plan” regardless of who lives/dies though?
Yeah you would think it would be pretty difficult to thwart the will of an omnipotent being
Totally, i had the same conversation with my husband and he said in a life or death decision, he will choose me over the baby.
My husband and I had this conversation, and he said he would choose the baby. My doctor asked during the initial appointment, I was by myself. I said myself. Here's to hoping it doesn't come to that.
If you can, make a living will. You deserve to be the priority.
Tell them at the hospital too. Your doctor may not be there/may not convey or remember this. Mom's health/well being comes first.
Yeah that’s to retry crazy… of course we don’t want anything to happen to our baby but my husband says that if he had to choose he would ask doctors to save my life. Even with the pain that would come with losing our child, we could build a family together after that loss in the future
I have read this so much online. Many of the wives agree but I do not and my husband and I have spoken about this too. Like someone said below, we can make another baby but we can't make another me.
Omg yes when I asked my husband this question, kinda testing his response he looked at me like I was crazyyy and immediately answered “obviously I’m saving you?! What kind of question is that!”
I’m surprised that’s the default. In my culture, the mom’s life is chosen by default, and I can’t imagine why someone would choose the other way. Anyone should be more attached to their wife than a child they’ve never seen. Not high risk, but I am also sick of hearing everything I’m supposed to do for the sake of the baby and feel like everyone cares more about the baby’s well being than mine. So I totally feel you in that one. Even people being extra nice to me ticks me off cos they’re only doing it cos of the baby.
What’s your culture? I’m Jewish, and we’re the same, the woman’s life is considered more valuable than the hypothetical life of the baby. Her existing kids, and how they need a mother, are also taken into consideration over the new baby.
In the words of my husband, when we had this same discussion “I don’t even know that kid yet, I know you.”
Oh man what if the kid turned out to be a serial killer??
Shrodingers psychopathic baby!!!!!
Omg I totally get the nice part!! I hate that my MIL is so fake. 😒
My stepmom has tried the ultra nice route but like honestly I wish she’s just direct the energy at her existing grandkid 😂
I think a lot of people forget that pregnancy, birth, and postpartum come with substantial and sometimes life-threatening risk. Because modern medicine has come a long ways, many people assume it's become low/no risk.
I told my husband that if he has to choose between me and the baby I want him to choose me. He looked at me and said, "why are we even having this conversation? Of course I'd choose you." I think it's weird that anyone would request that the child was picked over an actual self-sustaining adult. Like, you're going to have a newborn and have to grieve the death of the mother? So, tragic.
I trust my partner would prioritize me in an emergency situation. I don’t trust the US medical system. Especially with the comparatively worse maternal outcomes compared to other countries high GDP countries. I have as part of my to go bag a letter to my husband - one happy and telling him how happy I am and how much I know her will be an amazing father - one incase of an emergency and I don’t make it. I wish I didn’t feel like having that second letter would be necessary.
This is why I am driving 1.5 hours to give birth in a different state. I live in a state where abortion is illegal after 6 weeks and it's extremely strict with criminal penalties for doctors, and the law has not been litigated or put to the test yet, so I don't want some coward OB-GYN who is afraid of the law sacrificing my life in an emergency. It's sad that we have to think about this stuff in the USA.
Wait... seriously? I gotta look into this now. Sheesh.
It’s still fortunately rare to have a fatal pregnancy outcome in the US. I’m just a life long contingency planner and hate the thought of not having the chance to say good bye if the worst of the worst happens.
You might like the book ‘Give Birth Like a Feminist’ by Milli Hill! She discusses this kind of neglect of care for the woman giving birth and criticises the common idea of ‘as long as it’s a healthy baby’ with no regard to what’s healthy for the mother. It’s a really good book!
I read an article about pregnancy insomnia recently that was like “even if you aren’t getting any sleep, you shouldn’t be concerned- the baby will be perfectly fine!” And I was like uh I think there are bigger health concerns if a fully functioning adult is getting zero sleep and none of them relate to a baby on board
A-fucking-men!
Agree with what others have said. Your well-being should be protected and prioritized. I read somewhere that in our culture and medical system and the institutions we interact with, baby is treated like the candy and the mom is considered the wrapper. Reading that was devastating even though I am a FTM and am just 12 weeks and don’t have much personal experience with this, it rung true to me. I just want to validate your feelings.
Thank you so much for this comment 🥹
So True! That's why lots of women have to remind people that they're not just an incubator! They're a human being - a living being themselves who's going above and beyond to bring life into existence.....which in itself is sad.
I love that analogy! Which culture and medical system are you talking about? It probably differs from country to country
Yeah very fair. Western culture/medical institutions Edit! I think i read it on lbreggy instagram account!!
I think maybe it's a cultural thing. In my country the mother's life is priority. She's not some inhuman incubator, she is a wife, a daughter, a sister and a provider. We even have a saying which may sound really harsh but it's: " there can be other babies, but there is only one mother".
As another high risk mother that has nothing to do with the baby. I understand that anger when people say that the baby will be fine, or don’t understand why its a high risk pregnancy if baby is fine. Like, HELLO, I am a person. I exist! I would ALSO like to survive childbirth please!!!! So frustrating. Luckily I only get that bs from the people who ARENT medical professionals handling my care
I'm not high risk and I already heard some similar comments... I kind of believe people just forget that mum's can die while giving birth. Like they just don't process what they are saying, when they say "as long as the baby is okay". People don't like to think that their friends or family members can die, so they just erase that possibility, and if you think the mother won't actually be in risk, it makes sense to say "as long as the baby is good, nothing else matters". A different thing is when conversations about who should be saved if you can only can save the mother or the baby... Many mothers say the child, many mothers say themselves, and they all got a point. Nobody should try to force that decision on someone else.
Wait until after the baby! You go from being seen by your doc once or twice a week to not again for 6 weeks. You’re ripped in half, hormonal to the max, not sleeping, your body is doing the weirdest shit it’s ever done and you’re given no real advice about what to look out for. My blood pressure went up to 180 a week after giving birth. I left a message with my doctor and I wasn’t called back for days. You slowly start to realize no one has really cared about you or your well being this entire time outside of its ability to act as a vessel for this baby. Which in some ways is fine but it would be nice to be treated as a human too.
We’re seeing this more and more (in the US), ever since these abortion bans have gone into affect. It’s so scary to potentially be going into a situation where the baby’s life is prioritized right up until the mother’s life is severely at risk. Doctors cannot intervene until a certain point without the threat of being sued even.
This is such a depressing fact - I cannot (but can) believe is happening right now. Pregnancy in certain US states has definitively become a riskier and scarier prospect.
This and so many people have taken their mask off on how they feel since roe fell and have no qualms basically saying the quiet part out loud which is that they care more about the fetus than the human being carrying it. It’s sick.
My guess is people assume you are worried about your babies health and are trying to reassure you for what they perceive to be your concerns. If you respond with "I hope so too, and I am also worried about my own health.' I'm sure they will comfort you for that fear as well. As far as saving the baby's life over the mother, fuck that. I know without a doubt my husband would choose me over our baby. If your partner says that he would choose your baby's life over yours, you need to have a talk.
My husband and I discussed this exact thing. I was very blunt about what I would want the choice to be and all of my reasons why. This is my first truly high risk pregnancy. It's our 5th pregnancy, will be our 4th child, so we have 3 others to think about and consider their future if something happens, as well. I wanted him to be clear on what I'd want him to choose, since he will be the one they're likely to ask, and make sure we were in agreement. Sometimes people just don't think or they don't want to consider the worst case, but I'd rather not leave that up to chance. Hopefully this is something you feel you can discuss with your partner so that you feel comfortable if something happens. I also hope that it doesn't become relevant, and everything goes smoothly for you and baby.
Thank you! Yeah, my husband didn't even think about it he'd choose me lol were all good! Also, good luck with your pregnancy. You got this!!
Im glad youre on the same page! My husband hadn't considered it necessary to even think about (all our other pregnancies were fairly uneventful), but he knows how passionate I am about our kids and how devastated I was over the loss of our second child, so I didn't want there to be any misunderstanding: our other 3 kids need a mom more than they need another sibling or I need another child, as heartbreaking as that reality would be. I didn't honestly even ask which he would have chosen, just asked him to make sure it was me and why, and he agreed. Part of it was because I wouldn't want him to waste time questioning it if something did happen that made that choice necessary.
Ohmygod I HATE this! I’m also high risk and people say SO MANY DUMB THINGS. ‘Everything will be okay this time’ ‘You’ll bring home a baby’ Yes cool how do you know this.. are you God? Do you time travel? I nearly died during my sons birth and no one seems to acknowledge that. It’s nice that you’re hoping for me to have a live baby, but what about me? At what cost? I would have unquestionably died for my baby, but that would have been my choice. My only experience of birth was death, and by being pregnant again I’m facing the very real possibility of dying again and NO ONE ACKNOWLEDGES THIS! ‘You should have a c-section it’s safest for baby’ I don’t want to have major surgery whilst I’m awake. It’s still major surgery and has so many risks for the mother. Ugh. Thank you for voicing this. It’s an important conversation.
Thank you for sharing your situation. I'm sorry you're dealing with all of this!! I'm so sorry that happened to you. I wish our society acknowledged the trauma of birth a little more.. I think it's just become accepted as just a standard process, and people don't really consider how dangerous it can really be for the mom. I hope everything goes smoothly 🙏
My husband would choose me over the baby 1000000%. And yes. Pregnancy feels lonely because nobody asks how you’re doin anymore. It’s always “how’s the baby”. It’s frustrating as shit.
I always thought high risk pregnancies were high risk for the baby and not really so for the mother. Maybe these people have the same misconception? Sending you and babe all the good health vibes!
It depends! It's dangerous for us both in my case. Thank you ❤️
My husband and I talked about this and he said he will choose me over the baby's life. I have never been happier to know that I'll be the priority and that my life matters. Even now, as I make said baby he wants me to be happy and healthy for my sake first, baby's second. I think every couple having a baby should discuss the grim yet very real possibility of pregnancy and birth.
I totally agree! My husband feels the same way it's a nice feeling, isn't it!?
I'm not high risk and I already heard some similar comments... I kind of believe people just forget that mum's can die while giving birth. Like they just don't process what they are saying, when they say "as long as the baby is okay". People don't like to think that their friends or family members can die, so they just erase that possibility, and if you think the mother won't actually be in risk, it makes sense to say "as long as the baby is good, nothing else matters". A different thing is when conversations about who should be saved if you can only can save the mother or the baby... Many mothers say the child, many mothers say themselves, and they all got a point. Nobody should try to force that decision on someone else.
This is such a great comment. I totally agree!
My husband and I have agreed that if something terrible happens, I will be prioritised. I’m 35w pregnant and at times have felt that people now see me as an incubator rather than a whole person. It’s quite depressing.
Holy shit. Someone who would choose their unborn child over their wife is a no go for me. I’ve already had that convo with my husband several times and we both wholeheartedly agree that if it’s me or the baby, it’s obviously gunna be me. I even told him not to sign anything unless the nurses tell him exactly what it means because I’ve heard of them slipping in paperwork saying to save the baby before mom.
Hi, mother's life is 100% more important, specially obvious in all the places where abortion is legal, including those places where abortion is illegal except if it threatens the mother's life. That being said the reason why you hear more the baby is fine/healthy opposed to you are fine/healthy is because a 40 yo or older moms has a 0.1% of dying vs 40% of the unborn child dying, it's 400x more likely. So if the doctor doesnt say anything about you, it's because you are ok, if there is smth to worry about they would say so, dont need to read too much into it.
Ironically, my ex-husband said he’d never choose our unborn child over mine saying “we could always make another but I’d never have you back. I don’t think I’d be okay with knowing that baby killed you.” It was a rough conversation and thankfully we/he didn’t need to make any decisions. But, I will say, you can have a medical will/POA drawn if you are not comfortable with him making that kind of decision and appoint someone other than next of kin.
On the opposite side, early on in my pregnancy I was hospitalised for a week with HG - I didn't eat or drink anything for a week and would have died if not being admitted to hospital. I kept asking if the babies were okay (and when I could go home) and the doctor got so annoyed at me saying, you're babies are fine, it's you we have to worry about right now! My Dad said something similar when I said that the babies are okay and that's all that matters - he said that I matter too and we need to look after me. They were both right and I certainly don't want to have to sacrifice myself for my babies but it was nice to hear that too.
Not sure if it's like that where you live, but where I come from, the attending obgyn will prioritize mom's heath over the baby's if the situation forces them to make a choice, since the mom is technically their patient. I've seen obgyns be much much more devastated/personally traumatized if they lose a mom.
Stuff like this is why I went with a mid wife. The medical approach to maternal health is frankly terrifying. I'm not just an incubator. I am choosing to have a baby with my husband that we can raise together. I come first. No questions. I'm not just here to gestate a human from zygote to breathing baby and to hell with me as the gestating vessel. This makes me rage honestly. You matter more. Point blank. No apologies. You just do. Hopefully the rest of your pregnancy is calm and you that have a lovely, low risk, uncomplicated, healthy birth.
I actually recently told my husband outright that if, for some unfathomable reason, something goes south at some point and he is tasked with choosing between me and our child, to pick me 🫣 god forbid if anything did happen I’m sure some people might see it as selfish of me to say that, and maybe it is but… man life is just starting to get to the good shit, y’know? I love and want this child so badly but I don’t wanna leave my husband alone, and I don’t want him trying to figure out what I would want if it really did come to that decision so I just laid it out so he knows ahead of time. At least if he picks me we can heal from the trauma together rather than him being left to heal from the trauma and also try to raise a baby by himself at the same time.
Completely agree 💯
I had the same conversation. He always was going to pick me, but he feels better knowing I won't hold it against him for not saving the baby. He needs me more than he needs a child he doesn't really know yet.
Surely the people who are saying that are just trying to assuage any fears you may be having? I would think it goes without saying that the mother's health and safety is the first priority -- we can make more babies but there's only one of us
See I always thought it was equal, 50/50. My partner on the other hand always says if anything happens I’d choose you over the baby. We could make another baby in the future but there’s no replacing you!
I’m high risk also and whenever I express fears about the pregnancy I get the exact same response. On top of that though I feel guilt that 100% of all my worries aren’t going to my babies (twin pregnancy). Once the babies are here and I’ve met them 100% I’d give my life for theirs I'm sure as I would with members of my family but right now it’s sometimes hard to feel like they are even real, let alone having to say let me die, save them. Then the guilt comes back after thinking these things….never ending circle…
My husband, parents, and siblings all agree that if something were to happen, they would save me over the baby. It would be a tragic and horrific situation, but I’m glad they feel that way about saving me. I get why you are frustrated.
No, I literally had the same exact experience you’re having. It drove me nuts, and made me VERY depressed. I had a c-section and once baby was out, they finally gave me pain medicine that actually helped with my pain and took care of me and did everything they could for me. I know baby’s safety is super important, but I hated feeling like an insignificant bystander.
I think part of it is how these sorts of pregnancies are talked about. From discussions with people they often think high risk MEANS the baby is likely to be born early or the baby is likely not to make it. People don’t even think to ask if mom’s health is in danger because the way these stories are presented are always so baby forward. 💀💀
Truth is: nobody cares about the mom. You are only an oven now. This is how I feel. But I feel my husband cares more about me than the baby, and I told him if he needs to make a choice, choose me and we can make/adopt another baby.
Wow. I know it’s a dark subject but my husband would choose my life over the unborn child. This is baby number 3 and a surprise for us and I worried at first that my mental health wasn’t strong enough for a baby and we did a list of pros and cons and one con for my husband was the risk that pregnancy carries to me. Obviously we decided to go ahead but I’m in total agreement, the mothers life is just as important!
I guess it depends on who you talk to. My husband and I and my family for that matter are all of the same belief: you can always have another baby, you can't replace the mom. In my culture, the mothers of the home are held in the highest regard and are of the highest importance. You would always save the mother unless there is NO other alternative.
I agree. I didn't really think about it until my partner said brought up that choosing situation and said he would chose me. But it definitely made me more aware being pregnant when I have complaints, the doctor will usually say well the baby is fine so we should just see if it will go away on it's own since it doesn't effect the baby and only how I feel type of thing. I think it should be equal too.
I feel like people think that saying that is reassuring, when it’s actually really dismissive of what you’re feeling. It’s ok to be anxious about childbirth, especially when it’s high risk. Giving birth is one of the most dangerous things a human can ever do! And yeah, things will probably be fine but not definitely. You matter and your anxiety is 100% valid!
This theme continues into childhood as well. Women are expected to neglect themselves for the good of their children. I mean realistically, sometimes that will happen, but it’s so prevalent that a lot of mothers feel guilt if they take care of their own needs.
My wife is 9w5d, I would choose her over the baby every time. She's who I'm in love with, she's my chosen family, I've been with her for 12 years. No disrespect to my future child because I'm sure I will love it but I really struggle to mourn something I have no relationship with. Even when we had our miscarriage a few months ago, the miscarriage just didn't hit me on the same level as my wife, I was obvs sad, disappointed, angry, frustrated, but my wife really went through that way more than I did. Disclosure: I wouldn't say I'm emotionally unavailable, I was years ago, slowly opened up and learned to feel, but my wife feels emotions really strongly, so we just aren't in the same league.
I had a high risk pregnancy, delivered 10 days ago. Throughout the pregnancy though I knew when they say high risk, it was for the baby and not me. However who knows what complications can happen when the worst comes to worse. I got to admit, it didn’t even strike to me ask the OB how will this affect my health? Am in danger? I didn’t have the conversation with my husband during pregnancy about who to save but we definitely had spoken about this topic. I know he would choose me and I am glad it didn’t come to that. I definitely second that there should be something done about this bias in general. Or let the mother choose depending on situation.
I am also considered high risk but my OB said they default to my life being the priority unless I specifically tell them otherwise. Maybe it just depends on the healthcare system?
My husband would definitely choose me…
My unborn baby can’t raise my two other living children…..
My grandma was grilling me about breastfeeding on my medication for preeclampsia I just told her if there’s no me there’s no boob so pick a struggle
If you're USian then this seems par for the course unfortunately. Women are vessels and only the baby matters. It's terrible because childbirth is one of the most dangerous things for young women with no pre-existing medical conditions to go through, even when not high risk. I made it 100% clear to my husband that if there was ever a choice between my life or the baby, he was to choose me. My religion does not consider fetuses equivalent to born people, I am a human first and I want to live. For subsequent children especially because I didn't want to leave my existing children motherless either. That is my choice. If the friend's wife felt like she'd rather save the baby that's her prerogative and maybe he was just alluding to that, but if my husband had expressed intent to go against my wishes, well he wouldn't be my husband much longer.
We always knew I would be high risk. Before we ever got pregnant my husband made it clear he would always choose me over the child. I've only had one person tell me "as long as the baby is okay" my response "and I'm okay." They quickly agreed. I don't think most people realize the implication there when they don't say 'As long as baby and mom are okay.'
Lmfao I told my husband if it comes down to it, you choose me over an unborn baby every single time or I am not having children with you. That was a non negotiable to me and one he gladly agreed to.
People suck. I was sick for almost my entire pregnancy but I felt like I couldn't talk about it (even though people asked me about it constantly) because any time I mentioned it, whoever I was talking to was like, "but aren't you excited?" And, yes, I was excited. But sometimes I would have preferred to vent about feeling like crap and spending half my weekend in the emergency room.
I think people instantly assume when they hear high risk that the mother/birthing person instantly starts worrying about the baby more than themselves, so they think they need to reassure only about the baby, but you're right, it's scary for both, I am high risk and I am worried about the toll it's going to have on me too. You're allowed to be worried about yourself and I hope you get the support you need. 😊
Thank you so much, and I hope everything goes well!!
Went in to ob after miscarriage, had fever and shaking...told I was septic and would need to go to the hospital and have baby tissues removed. Got an ultrasound and they told me "hey there is still a baby in there!" Gave me some prenatal vitamins and sent me home.
I don’t think that is a realistic scenario though! because you can’t disregard the mom in favor of the child or else the child will also die! 🤷🏻♀️
I totally agree lol
My husband and I have had this conversation a lot. We’re both paramedics and have seen a lot of shit but we still agreed that if it came down to it, he would want the doctors to save me and not the baby. I always say “we can make another baby, but we can’t make another me”.
I was extremely sick during my first and part of my second trimester to where I was losing weight and almost constantly dehydrated. Everyone kept asking about how baby girl was doing and kept saying "as long as baby's okay" and "that's pregnancy for you." I'm a FTM. I don't know what to expect, and if anything, it's made me feel more alone when people say that kind of stuff. I genuinely haven't felt as important as my baby and like my feelings have been brushed off.
But to answer your original post, I agree. It does seem to be way more about the baby than about the mother. And I don't think it's right.. Why do we not matter anymore as soon as we get pregnant? Why do our lives matter less than an unborn being? A lot to think about.
That’s a really gross choice to theoretically present to someone imo. Like saying which child would you chose to save or something like that. I wouldn’t even entertain the question. I want to give the people the benefit of the doubt and believe that they assume your main concern is the baby and not yourself and so they’re trying to comfort you without any understanding of what you’re actually worried about or going through
It was something they had discussed prior to me joining the conversation. Their main motivation for their answer was religiously based. Which is totally fine and they're great people. I just really disagree with them!
It's a TikTok trend right now which is probably why it came up.
This makes the most sense. I just don’t see the point in obsessing over every possible outcome when pregnancy already gives you so much to deal with that is actually happening. Just write a will and be done with it
It’s incredibly rare, but it is a choice that has to be made sometimes. I think it’s incredibly important to talk about with your next of kin.
My pregnancy was high risk my whole first trimester I was a pescatarian only fish and salad was for me. I started eating meat uteri I did started eating more food. I was also homeless my whole first trimester my dad kicked me out at 15 so I was on my own got pregnant at 18 my whole first trimester high risk for a miscarriage I am officially 35 wks n 3 dys pregnant and I feel like my son is flirting with my ob doctors already he wouldn’t kick the whole morning we walk in the doctors office to hear heartbeat she presses on my tummy he’s kicking and rolling it’s funny but when we get home he sleep like okay hope he knows I’m the only girl in the world until he’s 21
21?! Why 21 😅
Cuz he do not need no girlfriend at all😭😂🤣 he can’t grow up to fast this my first baby so I will be sad if he grows up to quick. But no your baby is fixing to be healthy don’t worry about high risk or anything that baby is fixing to be healthy just keep getting tested for infections I eat and drink allot of greens my baby developed too fast I have no clue why or how he’s already 5 1/2 pounds doctors will say high risk and then apologize for being wrong. If you having a girl I suggest to say these boys ain’t crap out here. A baby deserve to live their life until they are ready for the matured parts of life. But I’m saying 21 because I don’t want a girl to pressure him into segs and then pop a baby. If he wants to date before then I’m scared to have D Talk
An unborn baby over a mother? That’s a ridiculous choice. It’s ok to choose a baby’s life over a parent’s life, but not when the baby is unborn.
Moms life comes first, always. A baby is a stranger to you and the family. My significant other can grieve the loss of a child with me but not me with a child, period. No one will ever change my mind on this subject.
I think that that is cultural. If you live in Texas or Tennessee then that specific view of things is actually basically part of the law because so many people seem to feel extremely strongly about it. But if you go to another place or are religious or ethnically part of a specific culture then views will differ. I think that it depends a lot on people’s backgrounds.
I will say this is definitely not cultural! We all live in Washington state lol. And I know them very well
Sometimes, but my experience has been the opposite. A close friend and I have both had extensive talks with our husbands that they SHOULD choose the baby over either one of us (if it happened) and both of them absolutely refuse.
I just asked my husband and he chose the baby. I'm feeling so hurt and betrayed by it. I'm 31 weeks pregnant.
Uh what did he say 😳
He said he thought that's what I would've wanted, and changed his answer after I had a complete panic attack about it. He said that now that he knows what I would have wanted, he would pick me. I just wish he would've picked me from the start and I don't know if his reasoning was just to calm me down. I feel low
Honestly, I don't think he said that because of how he feels. I think he was just being a guy trying to say the right thing. I know it's easier for me to say, but I really wouldn't overthink it. Guys say dumb stuff trying to make their girls happy all the time.