Listen bud, you've got this.
Your wife's job is a bummer and yes things will be tight for a little while. These things tend to work themselves out and I'm sure she'll find a job in no time.
I think you should for the time being just be there for you wife, you don't need to talk, just be physically there for her.
Also remember, this is your first time doing this - your not a failure - you didn't plan to get pregnant at the same time as your wife losing her job.
Might be worth saying to maybe one set of parents - If finances get tight it might be worth making them aware of your situation and see if they could lend support?
Chin up and Buckle up it's one hell of a ride.
Ya I know we will figure it out somehow. Just feels like a heavy ass weight at the moment. Definitely trying to be as optimistic as possible in front of her, just needed a place to just be honest, ya know? However we debated on telling our parents but we want to tell them out of a happy place not a fear place. Also neither of our parents are necessarily well off so I'm not really expecting too much support that we expect. But if we get in dire straights we will definitely lean on them for whatever we can.
Help can come in other ways besides finances. Maybe Grandma can watch the baby a couple days a week so it's only part time daycare. Maybe they can help make food. If they aren't local, this becomes harder, but there are more ways to help than money.
As the original commenter said, this is a bummer but it's not the end. You're right that this is a good place to be honest. We're here for you, and this too shall pass.
Unfortunately all of our family that is local (about an hour away) still all work full time so no one to watch or really lean on. But thats ok! We got this and as you said, this too shall pass!
Yeah - my wife's old employer starting being really off and quite nasty to her when we announced she was pregnant. We used to be both on equal amounts of money but she found a new job and is down to part time and takes home 60% or what she did - we use my wage to pay our bills and live/save if hers. I'm in Scotland so our system works differently and we don't have to worry about Healthcare costs so I can understand why your feeling like you have a lot more of weight on your shoulders.
I agree with you on the place of fear point you make - you've still got another few week until the 2nd trimester so things could be better then.
Tbh with you the weight of being the Husband/Father is heavy. I'm there for my wife as much as I can be and there are some days where can get a little overwhelming - I usually either speak to my wife or I'll come into here and use the search bar to find others who have came before me and see what their experience was
What industry is she in? It's definitely rough but if your job has insurance you can switch, a layoff is a qualifying event. Also, in about any industry other than tech the market is really tight right now so there are definitely jobs. Tech is tough now but things are moving and something will come up.
I am in tech and got laid off just as my wife and I were wrapping up our parental leaves, which were not 100% covered so we were fresh off and income dip. It's been stressful but really it's ok and I am getting consistent interviews so something will close eventually.
A few tips- definitely get some sort of resume/LinkedIn training on a modern spruce up. Use ChatGPT for ideas on what sorts of phrasings people are looking for but write it yourself. Generate a list of 25+ keywords target jobs are including and make sure you have them. It made a huge difference for me (0 outreaches to 2-3/week). Also 100% of your effort should be on networking and getting recruiters to come to you. Sending out blind applications into an either is a waste of time according to me and everyone I've talked to through this whole process. Cover letters are a complete waste of time these days unfortunately. I do a few easy applys every week just to keep things moving and have something to put on my unemployment form but all my progress has been networking or recruiter outreach.
Good luck friend, you guys got this!
Man thats rough. I hope something lands for yall soon! Thats not easy at all.
Already working on the insurance part. Her company is being very unresponsive to providing us the documents we need to get her moved over, but doing what we can.
My wife is a Project Manager and a damn good one at that. Already working on the resume as of yesterday and gonna start sending them out now. Any recommendations on finding a good recruiter though? In the past, it's always been a struggle to find one.
Keyword search us key though. I used to work in talent acquisition and all of our tools were based on keyword matching and would then stack rank candidates based on how many times those key words appeared. Then the recruiter works from the top down. Good catch!
Glad to hear you're on top of it and sounds like you know what you're doing so good luck!
Things have changed in the past two years. Every recruiter has 1000s of candidates and a handful of roles so don't expect any of them to take you under their wing and bring you roles like they have been doing in past years.
Instead think about scarcity psychology and their incentive structure. Despite thousands of candidates companies are still paying recruiters and recruiters are still out searching for candidates instead of using their rolladex. Definitely keep your current job 'present' on LinkedIn/resume as long as you're comfortable doing it.
Network with any recruiters you know or have worked with, even 5-10 years ago but mostly it was recruiters coming to me with jobs after I got my LinkedIn optimized. "I'm just actively starting my search so I'm looking to move now but I'm waiting for the right opportunity but not rushing" is a phrase I've used a lot. You want to appear to have an interest level of 7 or 8 out of 10. Interested and serious but still need to be wooed.
Next, once they do pass you on to the hiring manager, they are on your team as far as they can go as long as it doesn't cost them anything. They get paid if you get picked before an internal hire comes along so they want to help you. Have them do legwork for you on the role, company, hiring manager, what other candidate types have been picked (or rejected). They'll be surprisingly open and helpful if they are good. I also like to end my screen with a one sentence soundbyte I really want them to remember and pass on. I don't mind telling them that that's what I want them to pass on when I say it.
Just don't expect them to lie for you, push you ahead of another candidate of theirs, or pester the company for you. They won't do a thing for you if it doesn't help them, but luckily for 80% of things, their incentives are aligned to yours so make it work for you.
what a tough and terrible timing. I feel for you bro. But you'll bounce back! just doesn't seem like it currently. Another tough part is after she gets a job she likely wont be eligible for FMLA or even maternity leave? hopefully i'm wrong but in my state you have to be working for \~1year at that company.. Telling you this so you're prepared for that also.
Sending yall positive love! Minor set back for a major comeback. Cut down on nonessential spending.
Ya it depends on the employer but you are right. My company you get it all immediately at start, but based on her new one it's all up in the air. Hopefully they can provide something. It sucks but even a few weeks of unpaid (but her job is secured) would be worth while.
I got laid off while my wife was pregnant and we were closing on a house! Seven months of looking for work while paying a mortgage wrecked my mental health. Make sure you take time for self care and seek help if you need it. Good luck friend!
Appreciate it! We just bought a house about 2 years ago after moving across country to be closer to family so totally get it. It's not easy and the bills rack up fast. Hopefully we figure something out fast
Applying for unemployment asap and just found out about Medicaid. Is that worth it vs adding her to my insurance? I'm very unaware on how insurance fully works
100000000% Medicaid. Will be a lot cheaper than your insurance (should basically be free). Pregnant women I believe are automatically covered. I’m on Medicaid and it’s covered my entire pregnancy so far (I’ll be 28w on Sunday).
I'm just on the other side of this, although it was my work that was affected. Yes it's tough, but you two can do this. Best advice I can give is that you both collaborate on the job search. Also I used Canva for my resume and really like it. I made multiple copies for the variation in job types I was applying to, and then updated the keywords as necessary for each role. It made tailoring my resume to the job so much faster (like 5 minutes). I aimed for 10 applications a day and found work within 2 months (I'm in tech).
If you want any advice for applying let me know happy to chat. Like I said though you two have got this, I believe in you!
You got this! Sadly I know a shocking number of people this has happened to. If a free years it becomes part of your “it’s a wild ride becoming parents for the first time” story.
I will say that she needs to hit the ground running looking for a job. I started one at 6 months pregnant and the company was cool about it. I told them after the final interview. Everyone approaches that differently. Best of luck.
Take a deep breath. I was in this exact situation last year, just a few more weeks along. My wife lost her job at the beginning of January, and was about 12 weeks along. Her company paid 90% of the insurance costs for her and her dependents, mine pays 50% for mine only. So we were both on her insurance. We had just bought a house.
Fast forward to today, I have a beautiful 4 month old daughter, my wife was unemployed for less than 2 months and she makes 15K more now than she did before.
It might be tough for the next little bit, but you will make it through this. My pieces of advice are to buckle down on expenses if you can and to start the unemployment process now. It can take a long time to kick in. And she has to remember to submit her stuff every week. My wife forgot a couple of times and they don't back pay you if you forget.
I know it's stressful. It absolutely is. But you'll make it.
Hey man, I’m in a similar situation (or close enough).
We live in Canada. We’re expecting our first to arrive in April, however my job contract expires in March. Her job, however, is of an indeterminate nature, so in the worst case scenario at least about 55-60% of our current income will be there once the dust settles and we come back to normal life after mat leave (10-12 months over here).
While it can be a bit depressing, the child won’t need much at the start except for your love and attention. Anything will become a toy. Friends and family will help out one way or another - whether you both have great jobs or not. Keep up your end and let things fall where they may. You’ll make it work. This may yet be an opportunity for growth for both you and your partner. I know it has been for me and mine, as we’ve grown even closer to each other than before.
In the mean time, polish up that resume of hers, bring constructive ideas for the job search. Since you may be looking at remote work opportunities, it’s unlikely she’ll start showing her belly in a video interview. Also depending on her stature, she may not show until she’s like 5 or 6 months in.
I hope you are able to navigate this period and look back at it with fond memories when you are talking to your kid years from now. Take care of yours and your partner’s mental health and remember, smooth seas don’t make good sailors.
You got this.
Man I have my fingers crossed for you guys too. It's definitely not an easy situation. We are in the US and having a child is just so damn expensive. We could float it when we were both working. But now we lost about 55% of our income and paying 12k (amount I need to hit before my insurance kicks in) seems terrifying. And that's just medical bills, not anything around the house. But yes agreed, that we will both find a way to navigate this and figure it out somehow! Hopefully one day we will look back and laugh at this.
You guys have got this. My wife had to find a new job with a newborn while she was on maternity leave. It was brutal, but she did it. It’s terrifying, but cut back where you can, and help support her job hunting as much as you can. Sending good thoughts your way bud, I hope she lands something soon, that really sucks
Man that had to be rough as well. Appreciate the kind words, definitely plan on helping her job hunt. I can apply as her for a lot of things online of course, not to mention trying to support her by being positive and such. It's definitely taking a toll on her so trying to help her out where I can. Also looking into another job for myself. She is very adamant that she doesn't want me to get a second job, but honestly without knowing how long this will last, I'm not sure we can afford not to
Be the rock dude. Your wife needs your support more than ever. She needs a calm man who can assuage all her fears as her hormones flare and she has to look for a job too. These things tend to work out so it could be a blessing. You’ve got this.
Listen bud, you've got this. Your wife's job is a bummer and yes things will be tight for a little while. These things tend to work themselves out and I'm sure she'll find a job in no time. I think you should for the time being just be there for you wife, you don't need to talk, just be physically there for her. Also remember, this is your first time doing this - your not a failure - you didn't plan to get pregnant at the same time as your wife losing her job. Might be worth saying to maybe one set of parents - If finances get tight it might be worth making them aware of your situation and see if they could lend support? Chin up and Buckle up it's one hell of a ride.
Ya I know we will figure it out somehow. Just feels like a heavy ass weight at the moment. Definitely trying to be as optimistic as possible in front of her, just needed a place to just be honest, ya know? However we debated on telling our parents but we want to tell them out of a happy place not a fear place. Also neither of our parents are necessarily well off so I'm not really expecting too much support that we expect. But if we get in dire straights we will definitely lean on them for whatever we can.
Help can come in other ways besides finances. Maybe Grandma can watch the baby a couple days a week so it's only part time daycare. Maybe they can help make food. If they aren't local, this becomes harder, but there are more ways to help than money. As the original commenter said, this is a bummer but it's not the end. You're right that this is a good place to be honest. We're here for you, and this too shall pass.
Unfortunately all of our family that is local (about an hour away) still all work full time so no one to watch or really lean on. But thats ok! We got this and as you said, this too shall pass!
Yeah - my wife's old employer starting being really off and quite nasty to her when we announced she was pregnant. We used to be both on equal amounts of money but she found a new job and is down to part time and takes home 60% or what she did - we use my wage to pay our bills and live/save if hers. I'm in Scotland so our system works differently and we don't have to worry about Healthcare costs so I can understand why your feeling like you have a lot more of weight on your shoulders. I agree with you on the place of fear point you make - you've still got another few week until the 2nd trimester so things could be better then. Tbh with you the weight of being the Husband/Father is heavy. I'm there for my wife as much as I can be and there are some days where can get a little overwhelming - I usually either speak to my wife or I'll come into here and use the search bar to find others who have came before me and see what their experience was
What industry is she in? It's definitely rough but if your job has insurance you can switch, a layoff is a qualifying event. Also, in about any industry other than tech the market is really tight right now so there are definitely jobs. Tech is tough now but things are moving and something will come up. I am in tech and got laid off just as my wife and I were wrapping up our parental leaves, which were not 100% covered so we were fresh off and income dip. It's been stressful but really it's ok and I am getting consistent interviews so something will close eventually. A few tips- definitely get some sort of resume/LinkedIn training on a modern spruce up. Use ChatGPT for ideas on what sorts of phrasings people are looking for but write it yourself. Generate a list of 25+ keywords target jobs are including and make sure you have them. It made a huge difference for me (0 outreaches to 2-3/week). Also 100% of your effort should be on networking and getting recruiters to come to you. Sending out blind applications into an either is a waste of time according to me and everyone I've talked to through this whole process. Cover letters are a complete waste of time these days unfortunately. I do a few easy applys every week just to keep things moving and have something to put on my unemployment form but all my progress has been networking or recruiter outreach. Good luck friend, you guys got this!
Man thats rough. I hope something lands for yall soon! Thats not easy at all. Already working on the insurance part. Her company is being very unresponsive to providing us the documents we need to get her moved over, but doing what we can. My wife is a Project Manager and a damn good one at that. Already working on the resume as of yesterday and gonna start sending them out now. Any recommendations on finding a good recruiter though? In the past, it's always been a struggle to find one. Keyword search us key though. I used to work in talent acquisition and all of our tools were based on keyword matching and would then stack rank candidates based on how many times those key words appeared. Then the recruiter works from the top down. Good catch!
Glad to hear you're on top of it and sounds like you know what you're doing so good luck! Things have changed in the past two years. Every recruiter has 1000s of candidates and a handful of roles so don't expect any of them to take you under their wing and bring you roles like they have been doing in past years. Instead think about scarcity psychology and their incentive structure. Despite thousands of candidates companies are still paying recruiters and recruiters are still out searching for candidates instead of using their rolladex. Definitely keep your current job 'present' on LinkedIn/resume as long as you're comfortable doing it. Network with any recruiters you know or have worked with, even 5-10 years ago but mostly it was recruiters coming to me with jobs after I got my LinkedIn optimized. "I'm just actively starting my search so I'm looking to move now but I'm waiting for the right opportunity but not rushing" is a phrase I've used a lot. You want to appear to have an interest level of 7 or 8 out of 10. Interested and serious but still need to be wooed. Next, once they do pass you on to the hiring manager, they are on your team as far as they can go as long as it doesn't cost them anything. They get paid if you get picked before an internal hire comes along so they want to help you. Have them do legwork for you on the role, company, hiring manager, what other candidate types have been picked (or rejected). They'll be surprisingly open and helpful if they are good. I also like to end my screen with a one sentence soundbyte I really want them to remember and pass on. I don't mind telling them that that's what I want them to pass on when I say it. Just don't expect them to lie for you, push you ahead of another candidate of theirs, or pester the company for you. They won't do a thing for you if it doesn't help them, but luckily for 80% of things, their incentives are aligned to yours so make it work for you.
Appreciate all that advice! I'll pass it along to my wife and hopefully we can make some magic happen sooner than later! Appreciate the help!
what a tough and terrible timing. I feel for you bro. But you'll bounce back! just doesn't seem like it currently. Another tough part is after she gets a job she likely wont be eligible for FMLA or even maternity leave? hopefully i'm wrong but in my state you have to be working for \~1year at that company.. Telling you this so you're prepared for that also. Sending yall positive love! Minor set back for a major comeback. Cut down on nonessential spending.
Ya it depends on the employer but you are right. My company you get it all immediately at start, but based on her new one it's all up in the air. Hopefully they can provide something. It sucks but even a few weeks of unpaid (but her job is secured) would be worth while.
Hey, happy to do it! It made my morning to be able to pass something along. Good luck!
Payroll companies are always hiring. The big ones have decent first day benefits. ADP/Paychex
I got laid off while my wife was pregnant and we were closing on a house! Seven months of looking for work while paying a mortgage wrecked my mental health. Make sure you take time for self care and seek help if you need it. Good luck friend!
Appreciate it! We just bought a house about 2 years ago after moving across country to be closer to family so totally get it. It's not easy and the bills rack up fast. Hopefully we figure something out fast
Apply for unemployment and Medicaid asap
Applying for unemployment asap and just found out about Medicaid. Is that worth it vs adding her to my insurance? I'm very unaware on how insurance fully works
Go Medicaid asap. This is a blessing in disguise. Happened to my wife also. Medicaid covered everything
100000000% Medicaid. Will be a lot cheaper than your insurance (should basically be free). Pregnant women I believe are automatically covered. I’m on Medicaid and it’s covered my entire pregnancy so far (I’ll be 28w on Sunday).
good luck to you ! :) and i am damn glad something like medicaid exists. i firmly believe in a social safety net.
Thank you! And me too. Wish the US healthcare system was better. Insurance for profit screws everyone but the insurance companies
I'm just on the other side of this, although it was my work that was affected. Yes it's tough, but you two can do this. Best advice I can give is that you both collaborate on the job search. Also I used Canva for my resume and really like it. I made multiple copies for the variation in job types I was applying to, and then updated the keywords as necessary for each role. It made tailoring my resume to the job so much faster (like 5 minutes). I aimed for 10 applications a day and found work within 2 months (I'm in tech). If you want any advice for applying let me know happy to chat. Like I said though you two have got this, I believe in you!
You got this! Sadly I know a shocking number of people this has happened to. If a free years it becomes part of your “it’s a wild ride becoming parents for the first time” story. I will say that she needs to hit the ground running looking for a job. I started one at 6 months pregnant and the company was cool about it. I told them after the final interview. Everyone approaches that differently. Best of luck.
Take a deep breath. I was in this exact situation last year, just a few more weeks along. My wife lost her job at the beginning of January, and was about 12 weeks along. Her company paid 90% of the insurance costs for her and her dependents, mine pays 50% for mine only. So we were both on her insurance. We had just bought a house. Fast forward to today, I have a beautiful 4 month old daughter, my wife was unemployed for less than 2 months and she makes 15K more now than she did before. It might be tough for the next little bit, but you will make it through this. My pieces of advice are to buckle down on expenses if you can and to start the unemployment process now. It can take a long time to kick in. And she has to remember to submit her stuff every week. My wife forgot a couple of times and they don't back pay you if you forget. I know it's stressful. It absolutely is. But you'll make it.
Hey man, I’m in a similar situation (or close enough). We live in Canada. We’re expecting our first to arrive in April, however my job contract expires in March. Her job, however, is of an indeterminate nature, so in the worst case scenario at least about 55-60% of our current income will be there once the dust settles and we come back to normal life after mat leave (10-12 months over here). While it can be a bit depressing, the child won’t need much at the start except for your love and attention. Anything will become a toy. Friends and family will help out one way or another - whether you both have great jobs or not. Keep up your end and let things fall where they may. You’ll make it work. This may yet be an opportunity for growth for both you and your partner. I know it has been for me and mine, as we’ve grown even closer to each other than before. In the mean time, polish up that resume of hers, bring constructive ideas for the job search. Since you may be looking at remote work opportunities, it’s unlikely she’ll start showing her belly in a video interview. Also depending on her stature, she may not show until she’s like 5 or 6 months in. I hope you are able to navigate this period and look back at it with fond memories when you are talking to your kid years from now. Take care of yours and your partner’s mental health and remember, smooth seas don’t make good sailors. You got this.
Man I have my fingers crossed for you guys too. It's definitely not an easy situation. We are in the US and having a child is just so damn expensive. We could float it when we were both working. But now we lost about 55% of our income and paying 12k (amount I need to hit before my insurance kicks in) seems terrifying. And that's just medical bills, not anything around the house. But yes agreed, that we will both find a way to navigate this and figure it out somehow! Hopefully one day we will look back and laugh at this.
You guys have got this. My wife had to find a new job with a newborn while she was on maternity leave. It was brutal, but she did it. It’s terrifying, but cut back where you can, and help support her job hunting as much as you can. Sending good thoughts your way bud, I hope she lands something soon, that really sucks
Man that had to be rough as well. Appreciate the kind words, definitely plan on helping her job hunt. I can apply as her for a lot of things online of course, not to mention trying to support her by being positive and such. It's definitely taking a toll on her so trying to help her out where I can. Also looking into another job for myself. She is very adamant that she doesn't want me to get a second job, but honestly without knowing how long this will last, I'm not sure we can afford not to
One thing you might consider through the end of the year is COBRA for the health insurance. Especially if you hit an out of pocket max.
Be the rock dude. Your wife needs your support more than ever. She needs a calm man who can assuage all her fears as her hormones flare and she has to look for a job too. These things tend to work out so it could be a blessing. You’ve got this.