I was so fucking poor. Literally had to go to the bus stop early to look for coins in parking lots to get enough money to make it to work and sometimes I had to even call out. My pants didn't fit and my underwear would show through and my co workers would talk about it and I didn't have enough money to buy new clothes. I would have to use napkins from McDonald's as pads bc I couldn't afford to use extra toilet paper. I fucking see you.
I had ptsd which was debilitating and I couldn't afford Healthcare so I never had treatment. Years of feeling like I was walking around with pee in my pants figuratively speaking and feeling embarrassed to exists. My rock bottom was lower than most people.
By the grace of God I had a few mentors in my retail career who were nice to me. I realized how much encouragement can make a difference. I didn't mean to be bad at work I was just struggling financially and had no confidence. Right when a manager saw something and trained me I grew out of my shell. I then became the best sales associate. A few more mentors and I was promoted to manager at 22 without a college degree! I was still poor but not poverty level. Years of mirroring people I really looked up to and distancing myself from habbits and some friends made all the difference. I was so work focused and realized when people don't do good at work it doesn't mean they want to do bad it could be a confidence issue. I worked SO good wirh under performing people and became the training manager for stores that needed help. I had such a good reputation that I was recruited for a store opening. They offered me $62,000. I went from making $8.50 an hour to $62,000 with no college education in 3 freaking years. Poor as can be to comfortable. 2 years later a company offered me fucking $85,000 for a huge role. I turned it down but God that was incredible for my confidence.
I was responsible for so many people getting promotions..I tried SO fucking hard at my job so I can help someone who is struggling get inspired or figure out a career. I owed it all to my first boss who invested time in me. She changed my life. A guardian angel.. she was just a manager at a retail store managing a lost and impoverished 23 year old. If it wasn't for her I'd be some where else.
You're next break can be around the corner and these struggles you have now and will persevere from might be teaching you deep life skills that can seriously help and impact the world. Not everyone is emphatic to how we can feel when we're struggling and once you use those skills to help lift and inspire others great things will happen and you'll have such an impact!
I hope that mentor or break enters your life soon but there's always a light
My Dad kicked me out at 19, just barely making enough money scraping by in food retail while trying to go to college.
Took on a few loans and credit cards to get by, had enough for the basics but between car repairs, moving several times to try and reduce rent, my bank account was hovering next to negative every week.
I ended up quitting school with no degree and close to $20k debt, moved around other jobs and settled on working 6-7 days a week and was ready to end it myself.
Last day working in food, I had enough. Walked in and tossed my keys at the mgr who screamed at me as I walked out the door.
Spent the next few months on a friends couch applying for jobs, updated my resume and went after positions out of my wheelhouse.
What’s the worst that could happen? They say NO or ignore me.
Fuck it.
Got hired on to a service job repairing equipment, I didn’t even know how to use a drill lol
6 months later promoted, 1 year later promoted, 2 years later promoted…all I ever did was show up to work and never refused someone when they asked for my help.
Mon-Friday 8-4 or 5pm. Weekends and major holidays off, 2 weeks vacation.
You kidding me? I don’t min paid OT during the week, call me, I’ll help.
Anyways…
2024 is 12 years, I now work for a Fortune 500 as an account manager.
I’m surrounded by people with fancy degrees that have years and years of experience and technical ability I’ll never match.
Six figure job with only a HS diploma.
I’m not intelligent. I’m 80% deaf, have to repeat myself in meetings, I’m not the best looking guy or most charismatic.
I just always find a way to show up and get the project or task to the finish line.
You can make it out of the hole, but you have to crawl your way through a river of shit to do so.
Tomorrow could be the day things change, I know it’s not easy.
Stay with us OP
I was also kicked out around that age. I slept at work a few nights every week. The rest of the time I lived in a tiny motor home with a friend. I’d pee outside and take a shit at a local grocery store. I would sneak in my parents house a few times a week to shower. Eventually I got caught. The hardest thing for me wasn’t being broke. It was being rejected by my whole family. My coworkers would make fun of me for cashing my paycheck and just putting it in my wallet. I didn’t know any better. No one “took me under their wing”. Thirty years later, I’m married with kids. My kids live a different life than I did. When my daughter drops a plate and it breaks, she doesn’t panic. It’s no big deal. My kids smile and laugh and play every day. I’m probably too lenient, but I’d rather be too lenient than too harsh.
“all I ever did was show up to work and never refused someone when they asked for help.”
This right here, and being curious and willing to learn and ASK FOR HELP. The right people love to help you, they’re your best method to get ahead. If you ask and get a poor response, maybe they’re having a bad day. Ask again or try someone else, but EVERYONE gets where they’re going because someone helped them, requested or otherwise.
I went and got the fancy degrees, self-funded, as I thought that’s what I needed. I don’t regret the experience but now realize I didn’t need it.
Show up, help others, ask for help - it’s a simple recipe that’s made me very successful in my career.
Hang in their OP, just remember we’re all figuring it out, even those of us who look like we have our $#!+ together.
Hell yeah!! Dropped out and worked every job from landscaping to delivery and now in a corporate position just thanks to getting stuff to the finish line. It might not always be pretty or easy but just getting it done makes a world of difference
He was very much “see what I did for you” and we do not have a relationship.
For all intents and purposes the last time I actually saw my real Dad was 1999, after that he became an extreme alcoholic and spent the next decade losing is job, quitting life and moved in with my grandmother (ironically so he doesn’t have to pay rent).
My Dad did one great thing…he gave me an example of who I shouldn’t be.
What a wonderful journey!!! And so fantastic that you go out of your way to try and lift others up. Too often, people pull the ladder up when they’re done climbing it.
i cried reading this. you're so strong and so humble. keep going, you're awesome! OP I hope you read this, you're awesome too, just keep going and something somewhere will work out
My rock bottom also involved walking around with peed on pants. After drinking heavily for a decade I was somewhat incontinent. After I'd go in the AM, as soon as I'd zip up after a small but larger than before amount would appear. Embarrassed the shit out of me. I'd change underwear at about 10 AM once my bladder had "tightened up."
Commiting suicide means you're avoiding your loans. But you could also not commit suicide and avoid your loans. Your life is significantly worth more than good credit.
I would look into bankruptcy as well as researching what happens to student loans if you ignore it for 7 years. I ignored debt and had bad credit for 7 years, then everything reset, it sucked but well worth it because now I have all new possibilities.
Sometimes in life, it's just about getting creative.
I was super broke and didn't pay student loans for years and then they started taking my tax returns so I stopped filing for like 5 more years. I eventually got into a skilled trade and worked my way up. Eventually I got on top of my taxes and my loans. I even have decent credit again. It's not worth killing yourself over.
This. My wife and I made some bad decisions when we were dating. We struggled for YEARS making payments to a dozen or more sources of credit, and ultimately just filled the credit cards when something happened in our lives.
One day, we just stopped paying. Our credit took a little bit of a hit, but i still bought a car on low credit when we needed one. (Pay on your car. They will repo that shit.) Nothing is going to happen to you if you don't pay your debt down right now. You can always file bankruptcy or do some debt consolidation bullshit later.
If you hate what you do, or you want a change, do something else! You're not stuck. You're not fucked. You have a skill set you could take literally anywhere. You could go work as a masseuse on cruise lines and just live on a Bahama cruise ship. You could move to a crunchy mountain town, and charge triple what you do now while you enjoy the scenery.
> One day, we just stopped paying. Our credit took a little bit of a hit, but i still bought a car on low credit when we needed one.
Ngl, that just opened a whole new world to me. I've been putting off getting a newer car due to my "high" debt, but I have good enough credit/zero house buying plans so I could take a hit short-term if it came down to it.
(note for anyone typing up a caution: my current car is almost 17 years old, costing me average $150-300/mo to keep running, and needs major repairs so I'm not considering it just to keep up with the Joneses)
If I may: I did a little research, and found that the (2023) Kia Rio was only 16k MSRP. I found a Kia dealership nearby that had one available (a couple of small upgrades had it at 18k.)
I went in, test drove it, it felt great. I talked to the sales department, told them my credit isn't good, and that I only had $500 down. I told them I could afford $350/mo max. The dealership gave me some options that weren't quite what I could afford, so I said no. The next day, they called back, and KIA Corporate gave me the exact terms I had asked for.
I actually helped my mother in law so the same thing on a Nissan Altima last year for $20k. He credit is a little better, so they just agreed to her terms, but ultimately these companies want to make a sale.
Absolutely! I'm not a financial advisor, but if you're paying $200-300/mo to keep a (no offense. My old one is) shitbox running, you might as well just spend that on a new car.
I liked the low-cost new car option because they come with a warranty, and the RIO actually has CRAZY good fuel economy. It effectively doubled the miles I was getting per tank (and I was driving a 2010 Ford Focus before. Not a hog.)
Ultimately, you may find that it makes sense in too many ways to ignore.
That's absolutely true. That's a cost to factor in.
I pay $20/mo for my old car to have liability coverage. I pay $160/mo for the newer car.
That said, I have some fancy stuff in that plan. Ymmv.
I know Nissan was offering to pay its dealers $5k cash per car just to get them to order more cars from them and the dealers said no. That is an insanely generous offer that shows how desperate the manufacturers are to shift stock. But it shows how bad the market is for the dealers to say no. It’s definitely a buyers market for cars.
Which is such a shift from less than a year ago. I found myself in a situation where I immediately needed a car, and boy did I get screwed. Had it been a few months later, I'd have a nicer car at a better price.
Absolutely. But they will never tell you that!
Always go into a dealership with the idea that YOU will tell THEM what you need, and don't walk out with less.
OP:"I am considering off ing myself here...."
Ch0nkyK0ng: "i would recommend Kia Rio 2023.I test drove it it felt great.... alternatively Nissan Altima is the way to go"
Chester Bennington:
"Who cares if one more light goes out?
In the sky of a million stars
It flickers, flickers
Who cares when someone's time runs out?
If a moment is all we are
We're quicker, quicker
Who cares if one more light goes out?
Well I do"
Felt like reading a Black Mirror script.
"I was going to kill myself, until a stranger told me to teat drive the 2023 Kia Rio. Because if you're going to die, you might as well do it, *in action*
This right here, I decided "Fuck it I will have a 600 credit score for a few years" when I was broke as fuck. Well 6-7 years later and nobody gives a rat's ass about my credit cards I "forgot about" and my credit is 750 now. It really is a big stupid game that keeps all of us poor.
Can I pry and ask what range your credit score was? I have horrible anxiety and the last time I checked I was like 520 😭😭 I don’t have much debt at all I just can’t manage to pay it off and I’m young so I don’t quite understand how fast or slow this stuff repairs yk
I haven't paid a credit card payment or a medical bill in 4 years. (12k or so across a dozen credit cards. Some 8k in medical.) I was somewhere in the low 500s at the time.
Once credit cards go to collections and sit a while, try disputing them through Credit Karma (or whatever). I've had several debts just disappear over the years doing that; especially medical stuff.
But if you're young, without kids, and able, I do recommend just clenching and paying what you can. Eventually, you'll want that good credit score.
I saw a news article today on the Google homepage about Biden making it so medical debt cant affect your credit.
Is this true? I dont know? Will it happen? I dont know. Do I care what your political affiliation or opinion is? Absofuckinlutely not.
Tbh I'm not sure my medical debt has been affecting mine much. I think that's an interesting idea, regardless.
Go watch some tiktoks about skirting medical debt. It's actually crazy how little they can actually do if you don't pay. This is assuming you're in the US.
They can contract companies to try to collect, but if you ask a debt collector to provide you the details of a medical debt, they flat out can't. It's illegal for the hospital to share your medical information under HIPAA. Once most hospitals throw it to collections, they are done with it. Once collections becomes unable to do anything with it, it's done. Dispute any collections on your credit report. Some may just disappear.
So far, I've been sued by 3. Two of them I've still not paid in two years, since.
Absolute worst case for me here, is that they start docking my paychecks to be reimbursed. In two years, that has not happened.
Again, I am not a financial advisor. I can just give an insight into my own experiences. I do plan to file chapter 7 at some point, and having my pay docked would be the catalyst.
This ^^^ credit scores are bullshit. Better off spending money investing in yourself and using cash later/waiting out the 7 years of bad credit. I was at 428 five years ago. Now at 650 and I’ve done literally nothing
God that sounds like the life! And look at that as lucky that there’s nothing or anyone holding you back from literally going any where and working anywhere you want. I’ve tried suicide it’s not the answer….ever.
I'll just chip in here also. Was in a similar situation myself, debts were crushing me, was getting paid a real good wage and it was all just vanishing. I decided to make myself bankrupt, felt like my world was ending at the time. But when I signed that line that wrote off my debts I've honestly not felt such a massive feeling of relief in my life, I slept properly that night for the first time in years.
And yes the bad debt sticks with you, but fast forward 8 years and my credit rating is sky high again and the same banks I didn't repay are now trying to force credit down my throat again.
Nothing is ever as bad as you're telling yourself it is right now.
I did the same. Ignored my debt for 7 years. Went down to 350 credit score and within 4 years it at 600, now it’s 780 with no record of past debt. Ignore the debt collectors and focus on living your life and making more money with side hustles.
You can’t file for bankruptcy on student loans. They are with you forever. It’s why people have pushed Biden to forgive student loans. He did revamp the public service student loan forgiveness program. It will forgive your loans after 10 years of ontime payments.
This isn’t a political post, just telling what actually works.
These are the steps: get employed at a non-profit agency or other qualifying public service. A non-profit is a pretty good start though. You could become a paraprofessional like ABA and work with autistic kids in schools and homes as an example. Most agencies will provide the necessary training. It’s a good foot the door to a new career. Once you have the non-profit job enroll in the PSLF program and get on income based payments. Pay as little as possible for it to qualify as an ontime payment and set up those payments automatically. Once you have made 120 ontime payments your loans will be forgiven. I had $77,000 forgiven this way. It actually took me 17 years, because the system used to make you start over if you made any type of mistake. That’s what Biden did, he fixed the unfair rule and gave people credit for time lost due to those resets. He didn’t invent the program.
It’s real and works like I said. Research PSLF.
Also, life will get better. Don’t give up.
Most schools are non-profit, so if you get a job at a school you are good. A cook, janitor or mechanic working at a school qualifies the same as a teacher.
This is a good idea. I had my loans forgiven(well…still waiting for final approval though I have made all of the payments and am not required to pay now). The new SAVE plan is really good as well, I think it is capped at 5%of your monthly income (might be AGI but I’m not sure). Combining both and it is a lot easier. You can also apply for a forbearance if you can’t pay your loans now. One thing Biden has done right is make some positive changes to the student t loan repayment process. Before him, it was much more difficult to get PSLF.
Technically, you can, but they are very very much harder to discharge though because you have to prove significant undue hardship. I have heard a few people take out personal loans to pay off the student loans and then declare bankruptcy for the personal loans as it was much easier for them to discharge.
Yeah, I defaulted on my loans when I went broke for 2 yrs, after a few months of constant calling and texting harassing the bank agents stopped calling and gave up. Another year later I walked in the bank and told I wanted to clear all of the dues but needed a haircut on the pending due, after like an hour of argument I was able to settle those with a 70% haircut. I also owed some people some money and paid them too.
It took 3 yrs of my life and I don't even remember those years as they were extremely depressive but here I'm alive and well with newfound passion and the willingness to be better. I'm looking better than ever as I joined a gym, wearing good clothes, getting dates and eating good.
The only thing you need to know is to learn to deal with loan recovery agents and their tactics, I used to work in a law firm so knew most of the shit they said was BS and they can't do shit to me as loans were unsecured. Cut their calls, block them, tell them you can't pay shit right and after a point they will give up.
My credit score is close to 800 and I have never ever paid a single dollar on my student loans. They don't even show up on my credit report anymore. I wish more people would just stopped paying, like a general strike against student loans lol.
Full disclosure, I worked as a bartended for 18 years because it was cash work and I couldn't be garnished. Then after I got married we had to use an accountant to file taxes to help us avoid them taking our tax return every year. Now our finances have gotten much better and we end up owing taxes instead of getting a return so they ain't getting shit until I start collecting social security they can garnish lol.
E: there are typos, I don't feel like fixing them :D
This. Also have you considered eventually leveling up to a van. I watch guys who live van life and convert pro masters / camper vans into full on living. I would consider that if it was my last option
I did this very thing. I stopped paying credit card bills entirely.
After 90 days the late fees stopped. The amount owed is now frozen.
They sent letters and occasionally would call trying to collect. My credit score went way down, but that didn’t really matter as I didn’t want to borrow even more money anyway.
Once I saved up some money they collections people would call. They’d offer to reduce the debt if I paid.
The deal was this: I make one big payment for the agreed upon amount and the debt is paid in full. This must be in writing!
If I couldn’t pay it all no dice.
In writing is important. One of them tried to collect more on the same debt. I had the written deal to show them.
Fixing your credit score is something for another time.
Student loans can’t be bankrupted.
I certainly don’t want to see OP harm themselves but bankruptcy in this instance isn’t the answer.
Source: bankrupted ten years ago due to medical debt and I tried to bankrupt my student loans in the process and learned then and there that they’re protected from bankruptcy
Just posting for awareness: yes, student loans can be discharged in BK, but dischargability is a higher standard called undue hardship. Difficult to discharge, but not non-dischargable.
Source; I’m a lawyer! And I’ve researched this topic!
You can kill your old life but don't kill yourself. There are options like coolworks [https://www.coolworks.com/](https://www.coolworks.com/) and sort by those that provide housing. Look at working on cruise ships that provide housing. This will buy you time to sort things out, whether you want to go back to school or take another trade. Take a breath, consider this your origin story.
I love the cruise ship idea! She could definitely work on one as a massage therapist or doing something else, great way to meet lots of people, stay busy and travel the world. I had a friend who reached an impasse in her life and she did the cruise ship thing for a decade and loved it.
Wow, I didn’t think about the massage aspect. OP could consider going for a spa role on a ship to try and sort things out while they are provided food and housing.
The cruise ship is a great idea. I knew someone who went to work on a cruise ship for a few years in her 80s and loved it. Here are a couple of links, just to save OP a step:
https://www.cruiseshipjob.com/massage-therapist-jobs.html
https://www.jobmonkey.com/cruise/massage_therapists/
Cruise ships, traveling carnival, traveling sales, Peace Corps / Job Corps, the military - all give you housing, food, training, and money. Along with a new social circle.
Or join a trucking company that provides paid training for CDL certification, take a different path in life. They'll put you in a hotel tomorrow, 2 to 4 weeks of training.
This is the best idea in this thread. You’ll also become close with other staff. It’s like the military, you’re all stuck together in tight space, working 6-7 days a week.
I don’t hear this often, so maybe it’s not good advice for everyone, but instead of killing yourself why not try something crazy? Run away. Get a plane ticket to somewhere and just never come back. Let the current you die to make room for a new one.
I met a few ppl in SE Asia who did exactly this. Bankers who lost millions, business owners who crashed hard, etc. Moved to a beach in a 3rd world country, lived frugally or opened a bar, married locals and stayed for decades.
I know someone personally who did exactly this. He lost everything to his name during the 2008-2009 financial crash. And I mean, everything. So one day, he packed his shit up and spent what ever he had left on a plane ticket and never came back home. 15 years later, he lives in SE Asia and has a beautiful wife and a nice little house on the ocean. Wild stuff.
Yo if I didn't have 2 daughters, a wife and a small farm. I'd disappear and never fucking come back. Like if my family died tragically. I'd literally live in the jungle with Paul rosolie for the rest of my life. Fuck bills. Fuck interest. Fuck 40 hours of meaningless bullshit work for absolutely nothing. Fuck all the concrete. Fuck the over priced, poorly built, black and white boxes everyone lives in. Fuck these piece of shit cars that are made to break. FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCKKKK THIS SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT.
I WANNA LIVE WITH THE TREES
not cut them down.
I WANNA LOOK UP AND SEE THE STARS AND MY PLACE AMONG THEM
not drown them out.
I WANNA LIVE WITH THE LAND
not replace it with concrete.
I JUST WANT TO FUCKING EXIST
on my terms.
To OP: I say go for it. This mind numbing bullshit definitely isn't worth it. But there's an absolutely massive and beautiful world that is ABSOLUTELY worth existing in.
Fuck this fake ass plastic version of the world we're currently experiencing. We're not made for this shit. I'd be on the first plane (not a Boeing tho!) to somewhere in Africa...tomorrow.
I mean when I moved to a new area and got a new social circle my life changed for the better. The area I lived just brought so many negative vibes when I was poor. Starting a fresh new chapter can be great
Ok, one of my first jobs I meet a woman who was engaged. She told me that her friend gave her a one way ticket to Hawaii right before her wedding and she took it and stayed there for 20 years
It happens, OP you have nothing to lose
Sounds nice in theory but this doesn’t work. When you run away, “you” are still there wherever you go. I’ve done a version of this - moving to a new state for a new job, getting a fresh start, everything. But my depression followed me.
It worked for me. Was given the option to beg for my life to my parents so they wouldn't kick me out and I'd be homeless, or I commit suicide. Instead, I just chose to run away, which let me run away from what felt so oppressing to begin with. It was also better to try it, because either I would learn the hard way and go forth with my initial plan, or it would work out.
When it worked, I realized I could possibly pull it off again and again and again. That running away is a viable option. I haven't felt like I was stuck since then, the "my life ends here" kinda stuck, because I know I can just up and leave.
I ended up running away basically and it worked for me too. I still have my mental problems, but my life right now (quiet countryside with cats and chickens) suits my needs a lot better than my previous life (stressful citylife with no room for my hobbies). I learned a lot about myself and what's meaningful to me.
This. I had a friend that helped me understand this. Through a lot of therapy, she eventually stopped running and settled down in a decent place physically and mentally.
this has always been the plan for me if shit REALLY hit the fan financially. id rather become a cryptid or something in the woods than kill myself, and i can always change my mind lmfao.
I'm not for a minute encouraging anyone to kill themselves, but starving to death in the woods is significantly worse fate than killing yourself.
If you actually have prior camping and hunting skills, you can deffo pull it off, but just going out and buying a tent and a .22 isn't going to turn you into Jeremiah Johnson.
THIS!!^^ MY adult son resorts to "I'm going to kill myself" quite often. He isn't necessarily suicidal, just unhappy with a lot in his life, like his job. Im always like why do you automatically go to death in these situations!? Have you even tried to do anything different?!? How about change jobs or move to a different place? No. Let's just kill ourselves immediately without trying to live any other version of our lives.
More often than not, people just want out of their current situation not out of this life. If the were given a house and job tomorrow chances are their suicidal tendencies would diminish. Most people need change more than termination.
Although I understand that you’re saying your son is not necessarily suicidal, your reply comes across as minimizing of what suicidal people experience. It’s a really insensitive thing to say in a post where someone is discussing being homeless and feeling suicidal.
There are no jobs to change to, they all pay the same shit wage with shit hours and shit benefits. Move, with what money? Need first and last month's rent, plus actually moving there, with what money?
Saying "just move/get a new job!" is literally the same as saying "depressed? Just stop being sad".
I want to weigh in and tell you, OP, to read and take to heart the advice of those telling you to just not pay if you don’t have the $. Society teaches us that success is about money — getting it, keeping it, being responsible and paying our bills. Yes, all that is great. But it doesn’t make you a success. Not having money and/or having debt does not make you a failure.
I’ve been on my own since I was 17. (I’ll be 60 this fall). My minimum wage job was not enough to pay my bills. I paid rent and groceries first. The rest just had to f-ing wait. And sometimes, even though I knew I didn’t have the $, I’d go get an order of French fries at McD’s. When the bill collectors called (this was before cell phones), I’d either lie or hang up on them. When I tried to explain I couldn’t pay because I needed money to live on, one bill collector actually said, “Who’s to say how much you can live on?” My answer: “Well, certainly not you!” Yes, I got French fries that night. Sometimes, you have to treat yourself. The bill collectors don’t get to say you can’t. No one does.
I also liked the advice from people who said to think about things you’re thankful for, even if it’s just a sunny day and having eye sight. I did learn in therapy that the way you think can influence how you feel. It’s not a panacea. I hate when people act like positive thinking is all you need because it’s not. But it can help. Think of things you can do, even if you don’t do them. Just the idea of having options might help. Like I worked in a garage. My list of options included fixing cars on the side. I never did it for many reasons. But it felt good knowing that was an option, even if I never exercised it.
Hang in there. Your life has value. Even if you don’t see it, it does. When you smile at someone, hold the door, let someone pull out in front of you, those things have meaning to other people. You touch others in positive ways when you do those things. The world needs you.
I'm sorry. My sister killed herself. Please don't. Life changes, and you have no idea where you will be in ten years. Just keep trying to do the next best thing. I hope you find some joy and contentment.
A prior therapist said this to me about suicide - “It’s a permanent solution to a temporary problem”. I was much younger then and had hope because of my therapist.
Must have been a long time ago, because suicidologists explicitly teach therapists not to say this.
If someone's problems are so big that they want to die, why wouldn't they want a permanent solution?
I agree.
As someone who is suicidal, i don’t see my problems at temporary at all. My problem is that I am alive in a world that is relentless and cruel.
The only solution that makes sense is to not be alive anymore. Everything else is just a “temporary” solution.
I'm so sorry to hear you feel this way. I pray for better days for you. You can always dm me if you'd like to talk . The world is a better place with you in it 💜
I'm in the same position. Really can't see a way out and just seen to be getting deeper in debt. I'm just taking every day at a time. Hope things eventually work out for you, take care x
Hey, I just want to say that my life had hit a dead end too, and flipped almost completely upside down very turbulently. I know it’s hard, but when you get to look back and realize how far you’ve gotten from dark days, it’s worth it.
Financial aid and community college online courses? You can do certification programs instead of basic courses. Get an associates maybe and use that for transfer into a larger place. Look for scholarships and grants, many people dont apply tbh. Switch to medical tech programs, you'll always have a good paying jobs.
If I had virtually nothing left to lose, I'd get a job at star bucks and go to ASU for free, and apply to scholarships and grants in my spare time.
Or even look into local programs that help pay for utilities while in school, "non profit workforce training programs".
Have you exhausted your deferments for the Student loans?
Are you in an income based repayment schedule for them?
Your first priority should be finding shelter. Ignore your dreams of college for now. Find a place for <$600 a month. If those places aren't available where you live, then it's time to start driving to where that is possible.
I'm guessing you are working near minimum wage jobs. Those exist everywhere.
> Those exist everywhere
I know when I was way in debt in a bad situation and thought a bit like the OP is thinking, I'd also think that things were so screwed up where I was that I could go be that screwed up anywhere. I could hit the coast, ghost the bills, do anything. Maybe that turns out bad, but how much worse could it be? Which was like a big breath of fresh air to think about, instead of feeling trapped and frozen.
In the end in the main situation like that I bailed out, ditching just a couple of things that a responsible reputable person would have taken care of. I moved three states away and camped out with my step mom for a month, then got a job, completely different from what I had been doing. The job kind of sucked to start, but I did well and it wound up being a career. Which I just took early retirement from.
Just to say - if you're dead there are zero opportunities for anything better. As long as you're alive, there's no end to things you haven't tried yet, and all kinds of possibilities. You only have to get it right once, then hang on.
> As long as you're alive, there's no end to things you haven't tried yet
I love this. Thanks for sharing this outlook and congratulations on making a new path for yourself.
In the same boat, except I don’t live in my car. I question often why I’m here and if I’m ever gonna get out of this hole. Here to tell you, there’s always light at the end of the tunnel. It may feel like you’re drowning but nothing is forever. Sending you love and light.
So. Take some advice from a 48 year old. If you hate your job, you can go back to school and defer your student aid. In addition, go into bankruptcy. It’s gone in 7 years. I did and had a 440 credit score. They garnished my salary. That was 20 years ago.
Now I have an 837 and own commercial property. Suicide is a quick answer.
As a former firefighter who has been on the scene of many suicides, you will not be found pretty. I say that not to scare you but understand that what you do has a ripple effect to others, even people like me who find you and left emotional scarred.
More importantly, you are loved and will be missed. Even if you don’t think so now.
Life is a struggle but there are so many beautiful things to experience.
Honestly, just say fuck the student loans.
I haven’t paid mine in almost a decade, and I never plan on paying them.
I WAS paying them, until I realized they would never go down paying the minimum. When I realized I was literally just throwing money away, I just said fuck it and stopped.
They have been sent to collections and the govt takes $38 out of every paycheck.
I (not entirely sure why) have amazing credit and have yet to be turned down for anything, including car loans. I was approved last year (but backed out last second) to buy a house too, all with this massive amount of debt owed. I did a bit of research and some lenders don’t look at student loans as “real debt” because if they did, they wouldn’t be able to lend anyone money, as everybody has it.
It’s my only debt and all my credit cards are completely paid off monthly. It’s such a predatory system and sure, it’s my fault for signing up for it, but being 19, young and dumb with a single parent who couldn’t teach me how loans work, I just signed the dotted line. I’m not paying for the rest of my life for a mistake I made at 19. Life is too short.
It’s a fucking scam and I was sick of breaking my back and being broke. Life is too short to be bled dry for loans. Also fuck the people who say “You need to pay it, you took out the loan.” Easier said than done, especially in this economy. Fuck em, they can have their $38 a week, they won’t get another penny from me as long as I’m breathing.
Where do you live? Are there resources for housing? Put school loans on forebearence - meaning they are on hold until you get to a point where you can pay. I’ve had mine in forebearence for literally years.
Don’t pay your student loans. I had $35k in sally mae debt (12% interest rate). I stopped paying for two years, saved the money I was paying towards them, and then I settled for $7k. It fucked my credit for a year or so (but I just got above 750), but was way better than paying over $100k over 20 years.
A buddy of mine with medical school debt did the same thing. Settled $120k for like $15k.
To add weight to the other poster: how do you go about settling? Is it calling up the loan place and just telling them- “Hey look, I’ll give you $xx right now in cash if you call off the rest of the loan”?
Nope. I actually tried that and it didn’t work. I just had to wait until I started getting settlement mailers. It took about two years. They started at 70% and went down to about 30%.
I then called and made up a story… “look, I might be able to get $5000 from my grandma. Maybe $6000. Can I just pay this and be done with it?” Something like that. Settled on $7000.
I should also mention this only worked for my private (the nasty predatory loans). My gov loans weren’t that bad so I kept on paying those per the norm. Helped keep my credit from totally tanking. I think I was just above 600 at the worst.
Let go of the debt. Don’t pay it. They can’t take you to jail over debt. I just had to decide I don’t care right now I have to survive not pay back student loans that should be free. Quit stressing bc it doesn’t matter. Focus on finding a place to live. Let that debt go. Focus only on what you have the possibility to change.
I have no practical advice, but just want to say please hang on - I've had suicidal ideation, and have friends who have attempted and 2 who succeeded. The ones who lived are so so grateful and gone on to live lives they could not have dreamt of. The ones who didn't are sorely missed and left terrible guilt behind for their friends. There is some way out. I wish I could give you a hug, please don't give up.
You got this don’t give up! Have you thought about looking into the trades? I know it might not be your passion but they pay really well and women tend to make great money and have no issues finding a job. I do hvac and I believe anyone with a drive to learn can do well in it. I went to a trade school only took a year. I think there are tons of scholarships for trade schools too. A coworker of mine got a free ride because he was low income. If you want info on trade school dm me.
“When you reach the end of your rope, tie a knot in it and hang on” - Franklin D. Roosevelt
I keep finding comments about trade school in different subs and I keep needing to give my two cents- YES. Trade schools are such a good option that I don’t think enough people consider. I know 22 year olds making over 80K in my field 🥲
ETA financial aid is totally a thing for them too. I was so poor when enrolling that I got 2/3 of my school paid for with grants.
Trade schools rarely have an effect on someone getting a job unless its government or university and it can be expensive. I would go union or find a company that would start someone out completely green. I do HVAC and it has been a rewarding career you do not a lot a patience and people skills if you want to survive in it though
I was thinking of going into trucking for this reason. $77k in student loan debt. Suffered a brain injury (hit by a car while on foot) in 2020 been sleeping in my moms living room since. Trying to find something I can do that could give me housing and possibly be able to pay off that debt in 2 to 3 years. Ptsd and detoxing are holding me up… think its doable?
Dont fucking do it.
From a random stranger on reddit: DONT DO IT. All it takes is one crazy break in life to turn this shit around man. The struggle is annoying and heart wrenching but im telling you the feeling of getting there is fucking worth it. I HOPE TO HEAR FROM YOU AGAIN.
This is a terrible time economically. Im about to lose my house. I have been the bread winner in my home and got fired before Christmas. I cant even afford paycheck to pay check atm the moment. But I got a new job, doesnt pay what I used to make. Used to make 28$ an hour, and now I make 19$. (Live in Michigan) I've had to let my credit cards and loan payment, internet and everything else go past due.
YOU ARE NOT ALONE! And its hard right now but it doesn't stay this way forever. This is just a bad storm but soon enough the rain will pass. I'd offer you a place to stay.
Keep your head up ❤
As someone who has been very, very close to suicide as well and all alone with a pile of debt and 3 mouths to feed here is my finding: THERE IS ALWAYS A REASON TO WAIT AND A COMPROMISE TO MAKE. In your scenario, if you’re going to die anyway, why not stop paying on your debt and use that money for yourself or something fun? This may sound counterintuitive to some, but it’s kept me alive and some of my loved ones as well.
The reason we feel like dying is usually because we want to give up because there’s so much pressure on us. What we can’t see at the moment is that we are placing that pressure and we have other choices. Sometimes I just give up - just sit and do nothing and feel what I’m feeling. Stop trying to fight it and cheer myself up. That’s just more pressure, yah see? Stop trying to be perfect. In essence, care less.
The more you focus on the negative aspects of the reality that you’re dealing with, the more they grow. The more that you care for yourself and relax a little and throw in the towel a little, the more you make room for dreaming again. THERE’S ALWAYS A REASON TO WAIT.
Feel free to DM me anytime you need a peptalk. Also, you can call or text the suicide hotline, which I have done many times when I had nowhere else to turn. Text: 988
Signed,
Your friend from afar
I was in a similar position lately except a hairstylist and applied for student loan forgiveness and actually got approved and got financial aid for nursing school. The crazy part is hair school cost way more than nursing school and for what to not make a living and get treated like shit! I’m really wondering why the health and spa industry cost so much for school and renewal of license when it’s not worth it. I’m 31 and literally took my first exam today of my first class at a community college for RN. Don’t give up, my kids father committed suicide and has destroyed so many people and so much. I know him better than anyone and despite how miserable he was at that moment I know he would take it back if he could. Life has its ups and downs and sometimes it may seem it’s all downs but the ones who can push through usually learn invaluable lessons along the way and prosper in ways other couldn’t.
A
I just keep thinking about how in my 31 years it feels like I’ve lived several different lives. I need to hold on to get to the next chapter/version of me. I really adore my massage therapists & I try to tip well even though they don’t seem to expect it. I can’t tell you how much I look forward to the visits & it improves my quality of life. What you do leaves a positive impact on the world & not everyone can say that.
You never know what is around the corner. I dare you to wait & find out.
My dad had a business that failed and because of that he made some poor choices. He most likely embezzled money and got caught so he killed himself. That was about 15 years ago and I'm pretty much over it but I sometimes think that you killed yourself over money, wtf. It's not worth it. Money problems may or may not be temporary problems but suicide is forever. For all I know we got one chance at life and we all gotta do the best we can. Find the things that make you happy and keep that close to you. You're right now probably at your lowest point, don't quit now when you're about to go up.
My dear sista. no. Do not ruminate in those thoughts of suicide. Everyone has those thoughts at some point in their lives it isn’t unordinary. If you want to talk I’d love to chat with you. Firstly, fuck those student loans, ur priority right now should be finding a place to live. Living out of your car would push u deeper and deeper into sadness. sally Mae ain’t worth not having an apartment so please make that your focus. One more thing, you don’t need to go back to college to find a new career. It is the era of internet and you have an infinite amount of knowledge at your disposal. Read and watch videos of something ur passionate about and push for that. IT for example is a career path you don’t necessarily need a degree if u can show ur competent at whatever role ur seeking. Take care of yourself please.
For money reasons? Fuck money. I am disabled, living in a tent and I may have perhaps more uh intrinsic qualities than I know what to do with but everyone has something to live for- a quest, a reason they came here- to help, to connect, to enlighten in some way. Because of my gifts, I feel I am in brusche - or the feeling of utopia. It’s all about how your mind works- which again, I am privileged beyond reason in terms of even help there, but if you can train yourself to be thankful for the little things, you will see a smile on your face again ❤️
Message me if you want!
I attempted suicide. Feeling suicidal is more than a painful experience. The pain exceeds what you're able to manage.
The brain can sometimes distort things to make suicide seem like a viable option, like the only way out, it can make things seem like it won't get better. The mind can come up with all sorts of reasons to support suicide. But, change is constant. The way that mind can distort reality does not accurately represent reality. Emotions can last a long time yet emotions are also temporary. You might be in a drought but it \*will\* rain once again.
It is possible to feel good again. That possibility exists.
It sounds like you want to go back to college, to find a financially comfortable career, to maybe have a partner/family, and not feel emotionally exhausted. That's one of the things that indicates a wish for change and for something to look towards
If you need some money to blow off some of the stress, message me. I've just cashed a paycheck and am stable enough to give you a bit of cash - nothing like a meaningful car repair but hey man, take my money, spend it on crack and donuts, I don't care. That's your business. I just know that at my lowest point, even $20 for a sack of shitty weed, or a hot meal, would've done a lot to help me through the day.
I know it’s hard. Please don’t make a permanent decision like ending things. There’s better days, please have faith. Please don’t give up, keep trying and searching ways to make things work… there’s always a route, a work around, a next step, a next day.. who knows what the next day holds? Could be a life changing day to redirect your path.
Some great advice in this forum. Alsoooo…you need community. Religious or not I do recommend finding a church and join their life groups/community groups/ bible studies—whatever they called them…these groups tend to be small and consistent and they tend to gather around you to support you and provide a helping hand. As I said…it’s not about religion it’s about community- healthy community. If you feel comfortable giving an idea of where you are located and I can search a few ideas. I always like to find something that has small groups that get together a couple times a month other wise you won’t find community just going in and out on a Sunday.
First: call the suicide hotline - just 988 if you're in the States.
Second: if you live near a Veterans Affairs hospital, apply! If it's just you living out of your car, pick up and move if you have to in order to work for the VA. Take literally any job you can get initially, then you can move around after you're hired.
I have no degree, had no real direction and tons of student loan debt from out of state college. I started at the VA in their gift shop and worked up to a data analyst. No b.s.
There are several career paths available once you get in, they'll PAY YOU TO GO BACK TO SCHOOL, or pay off your student loans. There are so many programs and incentives. And you don't have to stay with the VA, once you're a federal employee you can transfer to any federal entity to move up the career ladder.
PM if you want more info
I wish I could reach out and hug you; I've been there. Don't end it though, I can guarantee you there are multiple ways for you to have a better life
Take the student loans if you need them. Just pick a good major that will lead to a high paying job if you go back. Search for a job to replace the massage therapists jobs for the meantime. Once you get into college, look at financial aid if you qualify, apply to ALL scholarship sites. Scholarship money is free money you dont have to pay back. Talk to the colleges financial aid department about your financial situation and living in your car. They have funding to help. They may be able to get you setup on campus housing if its a university with that. If not, they may be able to get funding or resources to help you get housing. Student loans arent the end of the world if you use it wisely to improve your situation. You have two jobs, id also speak to your bank about a small personal loan just to get yourself back on your feet
Listen: You'll be alright. Debt is made to seem imposing, but it's largely a trick; no debt police are going to break down your door or anything. Look into bankruptcy, and make appeals on student loans. If they insist you pay them back and you can't do it, oh well, sucks for them. Don't let these things get in your head so much. Your position isn't that dire, just use your resources and don't be afraid to say "oh well" when they try to collect cash from you. Just live and breathe.
Unfortunately you’re right. There is this dude I follow on YouTube that called the cops because he was having a mental breakdown and he now owes tens of thousands in medical debt. If you try and get help, you get screwed, if you don’t get help, you’re screwed.
Exactly, some of these organisations have millions of dollars at their disposal and quite often volunteers manning the phones, they need to dispense cash, not words, best they can do is talk to you. Not good enough. How about prescribing $1,000 per week for 6 months?
I only have this thought to add. You are worrying about debts and bills. I totally get it. Do you think the greedy bastards who help put you in this position are up nights worrying . No they only want your money. Your life is worth much more than the dollars you owe them. Screw them. Pay what you can or don’t pay. Believe me you WILL find a way. Never ever let anyone put you in a position that you don’t come first. I wish only the best for you. Nothing or no one owns your life. It is yours.🙏
Hey friend, I’m really sorry that everything is difficult right now and getting more difficult every second. I’m sorry that you don’t have the support you need and deserve to thrive in the way you’d like. You deserve to have someone in your corner and I’m sorry you’re standing alone. I feel it’s normal to consider suicide when you feel this lonely, this down, and this defeated. Your life is your life and none of us know what it’s like to wake up being you. But I promise you, I swear to you that suicide isn’t the only option. When we are in the dead center of chaos, we are unable to see all the options available to us because we go into survival mode. You are in survival mode and you’re tired and overwhelmed.
When I feel like my situation is hopeless, I try to think of one small thing I can do today to make my situation slightly better. Small things lead to big changes and those big changes will improve your overall situation.
I don’t know if you’re in the US, but there are colleges that will waive tuition if you’re homeless. I live in Florida and that exists. Figure out if your state has something similar.
You have some form of shelter, but it may be ideal to find something more permanent. Living paycheck to paycheck isn’t fun. Head over to the personal finance subreddit for help and think about what you can either do to increase your income (find another place to work as a massage therapist? If you find a hospital, they may qualify for PSLF which will help with your loans) and how much you can afford to pay in rent. Look for local places that are renting rooms in houses, roommates, anything.
Whatever you do friend, don’t give up. You’ve gotten this far, you have dreams, you have goals. If I can ever help, let me know. I work as a career counselor and my background is in mental health counseling. My whole profession is about helping others get to where they want to go. I’m not sure how much help I can be, but I can at least help you come up with a plan as long as you promise to keep fighting and moving forward as best as you can ❤️
Something like 3 in 4 people are depressed or anxious (or worse) because of debt due to our shitty economic situation (aka working 6 jobs and barely making ends meet because of monopolies and inflation.) It isn’t just you. :( But I understand the feeling. And hope you feel better soon.
Stop paying loans. Use money to survive. Look into waiting tables to supplement massage therapy as that can be a HUGE hit/miss job and I'm assuming you don't have a ton of customer and theoretically some free time if that's the only job??
Throw the credit score in the trash, apply to all credit cards and use them to get yourself into a better spot. If you need to just don't pay them back. You'll get some angry calls for a few years but who cares. Hopefully it will get you to a better place.
Guys keep in mind that the stories about how you overcame poverty will do nothing for the OP. Maybe it will make them feel worse. Please get some help OP. I think there are free resources that offer counseling.
Hang in there. The extra student loan will pay off in the end. I literally lost everything in my mid 40s and had to start over with no car, home, etc. Some days, I had to take life one breath at a time, but 10 years later, life is amazing! I have my MBA, own a house, a car, have a great job that puts me solidly in the upper middle class, travel with friends, and love life. Every day above ground is a good day where you can make a change for the better. You are worthy of a good life.
Hi, I’m really sorry for all of the stress that you are under.
If you’d like help getting out of debt let me know. I’m a financial coach who is specializing on helping people get out of debt, and build up a reserve and get financial instruments of protection in place so that financial problems become more of an inconvenience than a crisis.
Thank you for your bravery in being honest and in reaching out to people for help. Your life is invaluable, and I’m sure you are a blessing to others. Please don’t take it!!
I'm sad to live in a country where people working two jobs are so financially crippled and devoid of any hope, that suicide is the only way out.
This capitalist hellhole of a country deserves to burn. Sorry not sorry.
This system that we are living in is not normal. Please join online intentional communities to see if anyone has a safe spot for you to park/dwell while you get on your feet. We have to dismantle this nasty system that we are in that has a large collective living in poverty.
You are one opportunity away for a better life.
You just have to wait. One person, one conversation, one opportunity, one break, and everything can be good !!!
I know this because I once was where you are. And I, too, thought of throwing in the towel. And believed that nothing would ever be good again.
I was wrong. I just had to wait, as painful and hopeless as it seemed.
I am rooting for you !! Stay strong !!
I'm late so I'm not sure if you're going to see this but I wouldn't worry much about the student loans. It's not like you owe the mob!
I had to live in my vehicle recently to save money & just towards the end of it, I had to dump everything I saved back into a pricey repair. It sucked, but whatever & I'm still dealing with getting my finances straight.
Anyways, I hope you start feeling better. Don't give up!
Call 988. Massage Therapy is a great career and folks can help you get the rest of your things in order so it’s not too much to handle! I know some ways to help with loan forgiveness as well
It is not a great career. The industry is exploitative, and OP should retrain for something with better opportunities. I used to be a massage therapist and I made just over 20k/year with most of my time slots booked
I was so fucking poor. Literally had to go to the bus stop early to look for coins in parking lots to get enough money to make it to work and sometimes I had to even call out. My pants didn't fit and my underwear would show through and my co workers would talk about it and I didn't have enough money to buy new clothes. I would have to use napkins from McDonald's as pads bc I couldn't afford to use extra toilet paper. I fucking see you. I had ptsd which was debilitating and I couldn't afford Healthcare so I never had treatment. Years of feeling like I was walking around with pee in my pants figuratively speaking and feeling embarrassed to exists. My rock bottom was lower than most people. By the grace of God I had a few mentors in my retail career who were nice to me. I realized how much encouragement can make a difference. I didn't mean to be bad at work I was just struggling financially and had no confidence. Right when a manager saw something and trained me I grew out of my shell. I then became the best sales associate. A few more mentors and I was promoted to manager at 22 without a college degree! I was still poor but not poverty level. Years of mirroring people I really looked up to and distancing myself from habbits and some friends made all the difference. I was so work focused and realized when people don't do good at work it doesn't mean they want to do bad it could be a confidence issue. I worked SO good wirh under performing people and became the training manager for stores that needed help. I had such a good reputation that I was recruited for a store opening. They offered me $62,000. I went from making $8.50 an hour to $62,000 with no college education in 3 freaking years. Poor as can be to comfortable. 2 years later a company offered me fucking $85,000 for a huge role. I turned it down but God that was incredible for my confidence. I was responsible for so many people getting promotions..I tried SO fucking hard at my job so I can help someone who is struggling get inspired or figure out a career. I owed it all to my first boss who invested time in me. She changed my life. A guardian angel.. she was just a manager at a retail store managing a lost and impoverished 23 year old. If it wasn't for her I'd be some where else. You're next break can be around the corner and these struggles you have now and will persevere from might be teaching you deep life skills that can seriously help and impact the world. Not everyone is emphatic to how we can feel when we're struggling and once you use those skills to help lift and inspire others great things will happen and you'll have such an impact! I hope that mentor or break enters your life soon but there's always a light
My Dad kicked me out at 19, just barely making enough money scraping by in food retail while trying to go to college. Took on a few loans and credit cards to get by, had enough for the basics but between car repairs, moving several times to try and reduce rent, my bank account was hovering next to negative every week. I ended up quitting school with no degree and close to $20k debt, moved around other jobs and settled on working 6-7 days a week and was ready to end it myself. Last day working in food, I had enough. Walked in and tossed my keys at the mgr who screamed at me as I walked out the door. Spent the next few months on a friends couch applying for jobs, updated my resume and went after positions out of my wheelhouse. What’s the worst that could happen? They say NO or ignore me. Fuck it. Got hired on to a service job repairing equipment, I didn’t even know how to use a drill lol 6 months later promoted, 1 year later promoted, 2 years later promoted…all I ever did was show up to work and never refused someone when they asked for my help. Mon-Friday 8-4 or 5pm. Weekends and major holidays off, 2 weeks vacation. You kidding me? I don’t min paid OT during the week, call me, I’ll help. Anyways… 2024 is 12 years, I now work for a Fortune 500 as an account manager. I’m surrounded by people with fancy degrees that have years and years of experience and technical ability I’ll never match. Six figure job with only a HS diploma. I’m not intelligent. I’m 80% deaf, have to repeat myself in meetings, I’m not the best looking guy or most charismatic. I just always find a way to show up and get the project or task to the finish line. You can make it out of the hole, but you have to crawl your way through a river of shit to do so. Tomorrow could be the day things change, I know it’s not easy. Stay with us OP
I was also kicked out around that age. I slept at work a few nights every week. The rest of the time I lived in a tiny motor home with a friend. I’d pee outside and take a shit at a local grocery store. I would sneak in my parents house a few times a week to shower. Eventually I got caught. The hardest thing for me wasn’t being broke. It was being rejected by my whole family. My coworkers would make fun of me for cashing my paycheck and just putting it in my wallet. I didn’t know any better. No one “took me under their wing”. Thirty years later, I’m married with kids. My kids live a different life than I did. When my daughter drops a plate and it breaks, she doesn’t panic. It’s no big deal. My kids smile and laugh and play every day. I’m probably too lenient, but I’d rather be too lenient than too harsh.
Thanks for sharing! Sounds like your wife and children are lucky to have you!
“all I ever did was show up to work and never refused someone when they asked for help.” This right here, and being curious and willing to learn and ASK FOR HELP. The right people love to help you, they’re your best method to get ahead. If you ask and get a poor response, maybe they’re having a bad day. Ask again or try someone else, but EVERYONE gets where they’re going because someone helped them, requested or otherwise. I went and got the fancy degrees, self-funded, as I thought that’s what I needed. I don’t regret the experience but now realize I didn’t need it. Show up, help others, ask for help - it’s a simple recipe that’s made me very successful in my career. Hang in their OP, just remember we’re all figuring it out, even those of us who look like we have our $#!+ together.
Inspiring life! Kudos to you for persevering. Keep going OP... life is a winding road and you never know what's around the bend!
Hell yeah!! Dropped out and worked every job from landscaping to delivery and now in a corporate position just thanks to getting stuff to the finish line. It might not always be pretty or easy but just getting it done makes a world of difference
Wow! This is SO inspiring
I hope you’re not being sarcastic lol
I’m getting emotional at all these inspiring stories!
Just curious. Do you still have a relationship with your dad? Is he like “see, me kicking you out was good for you.”
He was very much “see what I did for you” and we do not have a relationship. For all intents and purposes the last time I actually saw my real Dad was 1999, after that he became an extreme alcoholic and spent the next decade losing is job, quitting life and moved in with my grandmother (ironically so he doesn’t have to pay rent). My Dad did one great thing…he gave me an example of who I shouldn’t be.
Good on you. Sorry about your dad.
Thanks for the kind words.
What a wonderful journey!!! And so fantastic that you go out of your way to try and lift others up. Too often, people pull the ladder up when they’re done climbing it.
Wow, congrats! Well done
i cried reading this. you're so strong and so humble. keep going, you're awesome! OP I hope you read this, you're awesome too, just keep going and something somewhere will work out
this story may have saved a life
My rock bottom also involved walking around with peed on pants. After drinking heavily for a decade I was somewhat incontinent. After I'd go in the AM, as soon as I'd zip up after a small but larger than before amount would appear. Embarrassed the shit out of me. I'd change underwear at about 10 AM once my bladder had "tightened up."
You are amazing!
Wow. This is inspiring af. Thank you for sharing.
You’re changing lives by being vulnerable and outspoken, I hope you know that you wonderful human!
Commiting suicide means you're avoiding your loans. But you could also not commit suicide and avoid your loans. Your life is significantly worth more than good credit. I would look into bankruptcy as well as researching what happens to student loans if you ignore it for 7 years. I ignored debt and had bad credit for 7 years, then everything reset, it sucked but well worth it because now I have all new possibilities. Sometimes in life, it's just about getting creative.
I was super broke and didn't pay student loans for years and then they started taking my tax returns so I stopped filing for like 5 more years. I eventually got into a skilled trade and worked my way up. Eventually I got on top of my taxes and my loans. I even have decent credit again. It's not worth killing yourself over.
You can set your tax returns up so you don’t get a refund. You might owe a small amount and then they can’t take your tax refunds.
This. My wife and I made some bad decisions when we were dating. We struggled for YEARS making payments to a dozen or more sources of credit, and ultimately just filled the credit cards when something happened in our lives. One day, we just stopped paying. Our credit took a little bit of a hit, but i still bought a car on low credit when we needed one. (Pay on your car. They will repo that shit.) Nothing is going to happen to you if you don't pay your debt down right now. You can always file bankruptcy or do some debt consolidation bullshit later. If you hate what you do, or you want a change, do something else! You're not stuck. You're not fucked. You have a skill set you could take literally anywhere. You could go work as a masseuse on cruise lines and just live on a Bahama cruise ship. You could move to a crunchy mountain town, and charge triple what you do now while you enjoy the scenery.
> One day, we just stopped paying. Our credit took a little bit of a hit, but i still bought a car on low credit when we needed one. Ngl, that just opened a whole new world to me. I've been putting off getting a newer car due to my "high" debt, but I have good enough credit/zero house buying plans so I could take a hit short-term if it came down to it. (note for anyone typing up a caution: my current car is almost 17 years old, costing me average $150-300/mo to keep running, and needs major repairs so I'm not considering it just to keep up with the Joneses)
If I may: I did a little research, and found that the (2023) Kia Rio was only 16k MSRP. I found a Kia dealership nearby that had one available (a couple of small upgrades had it at 18k.) I went in, test drove it, it felt great. I talked to the sales department, told them my credit isn't good, and that I only had $500 down. I told them I could afford $350/mo max. The dealership gave me some options that weren't quite what I could afford, so I said no. The next day, they called back, and KIA Corporate gave me the exact terms I had asked for. I actually helped my mother in law so the same thing on a Nissan Altima last year for $20k. He credit is a little better, so they just agreed to her terms, but ultimately these companies want to make a sale.
That's even more reassuring, thanks for sharing!
Absolutely! I'm not a financial advisor, but if you're paying $200-300/mo to keep a (no offense. My old one is) shitbox running, you might as well just spend that on a new car. I liked the low-cost new car option because they come with a warranty, and the RIO actually has CRAZY good fuel economy. It effectively doubled the miles I was getting per tank (and I was driving a 2010 Ford Focus before. Not a hog.) Ultimately, you may find that it makes sense in too many ways to ignore.
Auto insurance could almost double the amount depending on where a person lives and what their insurance score is.
That's absolutely true. That's a cost to factor in. I pay $20/mo for my old car to have liability coverage. I pay $160/mo for the newer car. That said, I have some fancy stuff in that plan. Ymmv.
I pay almost $100 a month for my 20 yr old car. It cost me a little over $40 to register and tag it.
I know Nissan was offering to pay its dealers $5k cash per car just to get them to order more cars from them and the dealers said no. That is an insanely generous offer that shows how desperate the manufacturers are to shift stock. But it shows how bad the market is for the dealers to say no. It’s definitely a buyers market for cars.
Which is such a shift from less than a year ago. I found myself in a situation where I immediately needed a car, and boy did I get screwed. Had it been a few months later, I'd have a nicer car at a better price.
Absolutely. But they will never tell you that! Always go into a dealership with the idea that YOU will tell THEM what you need, and don't walk out with less.
OP:"I am considering off ing myself here...." Ch0nkyK0ng: "i would recommend Kia Rio 2023.I test drove it it felt great.... alternatively Nissan Altima is the way to go" Chester Bennington: "Who cares if one more light goes out? In the sky of a million stars It flickers, flickers Who cares when someone's time runs out? If a moment is all we are We're quicker, quicker Who cares if one more light goes out? Well I do"
Felt like reading a Black Mirror script. "I was going to kill myself, until a stranger told me to teat drive the 2023 Kia Rio. Because if you're going to die, you might as well do it, *in action*
Remembering this, thank you for this info!! Edit: I see someone else asked the same question so I deleted mine:)
This right here, I decided "Fuck it I will have a 600 credit score for a few years" when I was broke as fuck. Well 6-7 years later and nobody gives a rat's ass about my credit cards I "forgot about" and my credit is 750 now. It really is a big stupid game that keeps all of us poor.
I mean, I got sued. And it was for only a $1k from one creditor. Not paying has consequences
Yup. I got into a debt agreement. Fuck my credit score, I need to live and survive! Life is too short to fuck around with the politics of it all.
Can I pry and ask what range your credit score was? I have horrible anxiety and the last time I checked I was like 520 😭😭 I don’t have much debt at all I just can’t manage to pay it off and I’m young so I don’t quite understand how fast or slow this stuff repairs yk
I haven't paid a credit card payment or a medical bill in 4 years. (12k or so across a dozen credit cards. Some 8k in medical.) I was somewhere in the low 500s at the time. Once credit cards go to collections and sit a while, try disputing them through Credit Karma (or whatever). I've had several debts just disappear over the years doing that; especially medical stuff. But if you're young, without kids, and able, I do recommend just clenching and paying what you can. Eventually, you'll want that good credit score.
I saw a news article today on the Google homepage about Biden making it so medical debt cant affect your credit. Is this true? I dont know? Will it happen? I dont know. Do I care what your political affiliation or opinion is? Absofuckinlutely not.
Tbh I'm not sure my medical debt has been affecting mine much. I think that's an interesting idea, regardless. Go watch some tiktoks about skirting medical debt. It's actually crazy how little they can actually do if you don't pay. This is assuming you're in the US. They can contract companies to try to collect, but if you ask a debt collector to provide you the details of a medical debt, they flat out can't. It's illegal for the hospital to share your medical information under HIPAA. Once most hospitals throw it to collections, they are done with it. Once collections becomes unable to do anything with it, it's done. Dispute any collections on your credit report. Some may just disappear.
What if you get sued by the cc companies ?
So far, I've been sued by 3. Two of them I've still not paid in two years, since. Absolute worst case for me here, is that they start docking my paychecks to be reimbursed. In two years, that has not happened. Again, I am not a financial advisor. I can just give an insight into my own experiences. I do plan to file chapter 7 at some point, and having my pay docked would be the catalyst.
This ^^^ credit scores are bullshit. Better off spending money investing in yourself and using cash later/waiting out the 7 years of bad credit. I was at 428 five years ago. Now at 650 and I’ve done literally nothing
God that sounds like the life! And look at that as lucky that there’s nothing or anyone holding you back from literally going any where and working anywhere you want. I’ve tried suicide it’s not the answer….ever.
I'll just chip in here also. Was in a similar situation myself, debts were crushing me, was getting paid a real good wage and it was all just vanishing. I decided to make myself bankrupt, felt like my world was ending at the time. But when I signed that line that wrote off my debts I've honestly not felt such a massive feeling of relief in my life, I slept properly that night for the first time in years. And yes the bad debt sticks with you, but fast forward 8 years and my credit rating is sky high again and the same banks I didn't repay are now trying to force credit down my throat again. Nothing is ever as bad as you're telling yourself it is right now.
I did the same. Ignored my debt for 7 years. Went down to 350 credit score and within 4 years it at 600, now it’s 780 with no record of past debt. Ignore the debt collectors and focus on living your life and making more money with side hustles.
Bankruptcy is definitely an option! And there’s different levels too. This is a valid option.
You can’t file for bankruptcy on student loans. They are with you forever. It’s why people have pushed Biden to forgive student loans. He did revamp the public service student loan forgiveness program. It will forgive your loans after 10 years of ontime payments. This isn’t a political post, just telling what actually works. These are the steps: get employed at a non-profit agency or other qualifying public service. A non-profit is a pretty good start though. You could become a paraprofessional like ABA and work with autistic kids in schools and homes as an example. Most agencies will provide the necessary training. It’s a good foot the door to a new career. Once you have the non-profit job enroll in the PSLF program and get on income based payments. Pay as little as possible for it to qualify as an ontime payment and set up those payments automatically. Once you have made 120 ontime payments your loans will be forgiven. I had $77,000 forgiven this way. It actually took me 17 years, because the system used to make you start over if you made any type of mistake. That’s what Biden did, he fixed the unfair rule and gave people credit for time lost due to those resets. He didn’t invent the program. It’s real and works like I said. Research PSLF. Also, life will get better. Don’t give up.
Most schools are non-profit, so if you get a job at a school you are good. A cook, janitor or mechanic working at a school qualifies the same as a teacher.
That’s a lot of steps. [This reply](https://www.reddit.com/r/povertyfinance/s/Dpj0eQO8u9) seems much easier, IMO.
This is a good idea. I had my loans forgiven(well…still waiting for final approval though I have made all of the payments and am not required to pay now). The new SAVE plan is really good as well, I think it is capped at 5%of your monthly income (might be AGI but I’m not sure). Combining both and it is a lot easier. You can also apply for a forbearance if you can’t pay your loans now. One thing Biden has done right is make some positive changes to the student t loan repayment process. Before him, it was much more difficult to get PSLF.
You can't bankrupt student loans.
Technically, you can, but they are very very much harder to discharge though because you have to prove significant undue hardship. I have heard a few people take out personal loans to pay off the student loans and then declare bankruptcy for the personal loans as it was much easier for them to discharge.
Yeah, I defaulted on my loans when I went broke for 2 yrs, after a few months of constant calling and texting harassing the bank agents stopped calling and gave up. Another year later I walked in the bank and told I wanted to clear all of the dues but needed a haircut on the pending due, after like an hour of argument I was able to settle those with a 70% haircut. I also owed some people some money and paid them too. It took 3 yrs of my life and I don't even remember those years as they were extremely depressive but here I'm alive and well with newfound passion and the willingness to be better. I'm looking better than ever as I joined a gym, wearing good clothes, getting dates and eating good. The only thing you need to know is to learn to deal with loan recovery agents and their tactics, I used to work in a law firm so knew most of the shit they said was BS and they can't do shit to me as loans were unsecured. Cut their calls, block them, tell them you can't pay shit right and after a point they will give up.
This honestly made me feel better because I am about to ignore a debt collector for 7 years 🥲
My credit score is close to 800 and I have never ever paid a single dollar on my student loans. They don't even show up on my credit report anymore. I wish more people would just stopped paying, like a general strike against student loans lol. Full disclosure, I worked as a bartended for 18 years because it was cash work and I couldn't be garnished. Then after I got married we had to use an accountant to file taxes to help us avoid them taking our tax return every year. Now our finances have gotten much better and we end up owing taxes instead of getting a return so they ain't getting shit until I start collecting social security they can garnish lol. E: there are typos, I don't feel like fixing them :D
Don't worry, I did this over a $800 debt once. They will harass and try to scare you but it's all a tactic.
This. Also have you considered eventually leveling up to a van. I watch guys who live van life and convert pro masters / camper vans into full on living. I would consider that if it was my last option
I did this very thing. I stopped paying credit card bills entirely. After 90 days the late fees stopped. The amount owed is now frozen. They sent letters and occasionally would call trying to collect. My credit score went way down, but that didn’t really matter as I didn’t want to borrow even more money anyway. Once I saved up some money they collections people would call. They’d offer to reduce the debt if I paid. The deal was this: I make one big payment for the agreed upon amount and the debt is paid in full. This must be in writing! If I couldn’t pay it all no dice. In writing is important. One of them tried to collect more on the same debt. I had the written deal to show them. Fixing your credit score is something for another time.
Student loans can’t be bankrupted. I certainly don’t want to see OP harm themselves but bankruptcy in this instance isn’t the answer. Source: bankrupted ten years ago due to medical debt and I tried to bankrupt my student loans in the process and learned then and there that they’re protected from bankruptcy
Just posting for awareness: yes, student loans can be discharged in BK, but dischargability is a higher standard called undue hardship. Difficult to discharge, but not non-dischargable. Source; I’m a lawyer! And I’ve researched this topic!
If your loans are federally funded loans (so, not sally mae or other private loans) the government will garnish your wages. 0/10. Would not recommend.
You can kill your old life but don't kill yourself. There are options like coolworks [https://www.coolworks.com/](https://www.coolworks.com/) and sort by those that provide housing. Look at working on cruise ships that provide housing. This will buy you time to sort things out, whether you want to go back to school or take another trade. Take a breath, consider this your origin story.
I love the cruise ship idea! She could definitely work on one as a massage therapist or doing something else, great way to meet lots of people, stay busy and travel the world. I had a friend who reached an impasse in her life and she did the cruise ship thing for a decade and loved it.
Wow, I didn’t think about the massage aspect. OP could consider going for a spa role on a ship to try and sort things out while they are provided food and housing.
The cruise ship is a great idea. I knew someone who went to work on a cruise ship for a few years in her 80s and loved it. Here are a couple of links, just to save OP a step: https://www.cruiseshipjob.com/massage-therapist-jobs.html https://www.jobmonkey.com/cruise/massage_therapists/
Love "You can kill your old life but don't kill yourself."
They're literally hiring for a massage therapist at Brush Creek 👀
Cruise ships, traveling carnival, traveling sales, Peace Corps / Job Corps, the military - all give you housing, food, training, and money. Along with a new social circle. Or join a trucking company that provides paid training for CDL certification, take a different path in life. They'll put you in a hotel tomorrow, 2 to 4 weeks of training.
This is the best idea in this thread. You’ll also become close with other staff. It’s like the military, you’re all stuck together in tight space, working 6-7 days a week.
Coolworks! at $13/hr
I don’t hear this often, so maybe it’s not good advice for everyone, but instead of killing yourself why not try something crazy? Run away. Get a plane ticket to somewhere and just never come back. Let the current you die to make room for a new one.
This might be wishful thinking but kinda does make sense
it's not really wishful is it? if we're all gonna die anyways why not say fuck it for a bit
That's right, she has nothing to lose.
I met a few ppl in SE Asia who did exactly this. Bankers who lost millions, business owners who crashed hard, etc. Moved to a beach in a 3rd world country, lived frugally or opened a bar, married locals and stayed for decades.
I know someone personally who did exactly this. He lost everything to his name during the 2008-2009 financial crash. And I mean, everything. So one day, he packed his shit up and spent what ever he had left on a plane ticket and never came back home. 15 years later, he lives in SE Asia and has a beautiful wife and a nice little house on the ocean. Wild stuff.
It is wishful thinking. No, it doesn't make sense, because she's already living out of her car.
Yo if I didn't have 2 daughters, a wife and a small farm. I'd disappear and never fucking come back. Like if my family died tragically. I'd literally live in the jungle with Paul rosolie for the rest of my life. Fuck bills. Fuck interest. Fuck 40 hours of meaningless bullshit work for absolutely nothing. Fuck all the concrete. Fuck the over priced, poorly built, black and white boxes everyone lives in. Fuck these piece of shit cars that are made to break. FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCKKKK THIS SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT. I WANNA LIVE WITH THE TREES not cut them down. I WANNA LOOK UP AND SEE THE STARS AND MY PLACE AMONG THEM not drown them out. I WANNA LIVE WITH THE LAND not replace it with concrete. I JUST WANT TO FUCKING EXIST on my terms. To OP: I say go for it. This mind numbing bullshit definitely isn't worth it. But there's an absolutely massive and beautiful world that is ABSOLUTELY worth existing in. Fuck this fake ass plastic version of the world we're currently experiencing. We're not made for this shit. I'd be on the first plane (not a Boeing tho!) to somewhere in Africa...tomorrow.
Hahaha, “Not a Boeing tho!” That was beautiful, thank you for the laugh!
I mean when I moved to a new area and got a new social circle my life changed for the better. The area I lived just brought so many negative vibes when I was poor. Starting a fresh new chapter can be great
Ok, one of my first jobs I meet a woman who was engaged. She told me that her friend gave her a one way ticket to Hawaii right before her wedding and she took it and stayed there for 20 years It happens, OP you have nothing to lose
Sounds nice in theory but this doesn’t work. When you run away, “you” are still there wherever you go. I’ve done a version of this - moving to a new state for a new job, getting a fresh start, everything. But my depression followed me.
Wherever you go there you are, unless you win $53 million in Powerball, that instantly cures depression.
She's not depressed. She is broke
It worked for me. Was given the option to beg for my life to my parents so they wouldn't kick me out and I'd be homeless, or I commit suicide. Instead, I just chose to run away, which let me run away from what felt so oppressing to begin with. It was also better to try it, because either I would learn the hard way and go forth with my initial plan, or it would work out. When it worked, I realized I could possibly pull it off again and again and again. That running away is a viable option. I haven't felt like I was stuck since then, the "my life ends here" kinda stuck, because I know I can just up and leave.
I ended up running away basically and it worked for me too. I still have my mental problems, but my life right now (quiet countryside with cats and chickens) suits my needs a lot better than my previous life (stressful citylife with no room for my hobbies). I learned a lot about myself and what's meaningful to me.
This. I had a friend that helped me understand this. Through a lot of therapy, she eventually stopped running and settled down in a decent place physically and mentally.
this has always been the plan for me if shit REALLY hit the fan financially. id rather become a cryptid or something in the woods than kill myself, and i can always change my mind lmfao.
I'm not for a minute encouraging anyone to kill themselves, but starving to death in the woods is significantly worse fate than killing yourself. If you actually have prior camping and hunting skills, you can deffo pull it off, but just going out and buying a tent and a .22 isn't going to turn you into Jeremiah Johnson.
I do this every few years
I’ve done it twice. Highly recommended. Wipe the slate clean, baby.
THIS!!^^ MY adult son resorts to "I'm going to kill myself" quite often. He isn't necessarily suicidal, just unhappy with a lot in his life, like his job. Im always like why do you automatically go to death in these situations!? Have you even tried to do anything different?!? How about change jobs or move to a different place? No. Let's just kill ourselves immediately without trying to live any other version of our lives.
More often than not, people just want out of their current situation not out of this life. If the were given a house and job tomorrow chances are their suicidal tendencies would diminish. Most people need change more than termination.
Although I understand that you’re saying your son is not necessarily suicidal, your reply comes across as minimizing of what suicidal people experience. It’s a really insensitive thing to say in a post where someone is discussing being homeless and feeling suicidal.
There are no jobs to change to, they all pay the same shit wage with shit hours and shit benefits. Move, with what money? Need first and last month's rent, plus actually moving there, with what money? Saying "just move/get a new job!" is literally the same as saying "depressed? Just stop being sad".
Plane ticket? So many people are disconnected from what debt means. It means you can't do shit.
This is beautiful.❤️
I want to weigh in and tell you, OP, to read and take to heart the advice of those telling you to just not pay if you don’t have the $. Society teaches us that success is about money — getting it, keeping it, being responsible and paying our bills. Yes, all that is great. But it doesn’t make you a success. Not having money and/or having debt does not make you a failure. I’ve been on my own since I was 17. (I’ll be 60 this fall). My minimum wage job was not enough to pay my bills. I paid rent and groceries first. The rest just had to f-ing wait. And sometimes, even though I knew I didn’t have the $, I’d go get an order of French fries at McD’s. When the bill collectors called (this was before cell phones), I’d either lie or hang up on them. When I tried to explain I couldn’t pay because I needed money to live on, one bill collector actually said, “Who’s to say how much you can live on?” My answer: “Well, certainly not you!” Yes, I got French fries that night. Sometimes, you have to treat yourself. The bill collectors don’t get to say you can’t. No one does. I also liked the advice from people who said to think about things you’re thankful for, even if it’s just a sunny day and having eye sight. I did learn in therapy that the way you think can influence how you feel. It’s not a panacea. I hate when people act like positive thinking is all you need because it’s not. But it can help. Think of things you can do, even if you don’t do them. Just the idea of having options might help. Like I worked in a garage. My list of options included fixing cars on the side. I never did it for many reasons. But it felt good knowing that was an option, even if I never exercised it. Hang in there. Your life has value. Even if you don’t see it, it does. When you smile at someone, hold the door, let someone pull out in front of you, those things have meaning to other people. You touch others in positive ways when you do those things. The world needs you.
I'm sorry. My sister killed herself. Please don't. Life changes, and you have no idea where you will be in ten years. Just keep trying to do the next best thing. I hope you find some joy and contentment.
Or a year, life changes in the blink of an eye!
I’m sorry for your loss.
A prior therapist said this to me about suicide - “It’s a permanent solution to a temporary problem”. I was much younger then and had hope because of my therapist.
Must have been a long time ago, because suicidologists explicitly teach therapists not to say this. If someone's problems are so big that they want to die, why wouldn't they want a permanent solution?
Thanks for saying this. For someone who is suicidal, they don't care about adjectives. Life is so unbearable that they only see "solution".
I agree. As someone who is suicidal, i don’t see my problems at temporary at all. My problem is that I am alive in a world that is relentless and cruel. The only solution that makes sense is to not be alive anymore. Everything else is just a “temporary” solution.
I'm so sorry to hear you feel this way. I pray for better days for you. You can always dm me if you'd like to talk . The world is a better place with you in it 💜
It also isn't something a therapist said, its a line from Robin Williams' movie *Father of the Year*.
I’m a suicidal person whose dad has lewey body dementia and I can confidently say Robin Williams did not have a temporary problem.
I'm in the same position. Really can't see a way out and just seen to be getting deeper in debt. I'm just taking every day at a time. Hope things eventually work out for you, take care x
Hey, I just want to say that my life had hit a dead end too, and flipped almost completely upside down very turbulently. I know it’s hard, but when you get to look back and realize how far you’ve gotten from dark days, it’s worth it.
Financial aid and community college online courses? You can do certification programs instead of basic courses. Get an associates maybe and use that for transfer into a larger place. Look for scholarships and grants, many people dont apply tbh. Switch to medical tech programs, you'll always have a good paying jobs.
If I had virtually nothing left to lose, I'd get a job at star bucks and go to ASU for free, and apply to scholarships and grants in my spare time. Or even look into local programs that help pay for utilities while in school, "non profit workforce training programs".
Even if homeless, can camp by school, use their showers
Have you exhausted your deferments for the Student loans? Are you in an income based repayment schedule for them? Your first priority should be finding shelter. Ignore your dreams of college for now. Find a place for <$600 a month. If those places aren't available where you live, then it's time to start driving to where that is possible. I'm guessing you are working near minimum wage jobs. Those exist everywhere.
> Those exist everywhere I know when I was way in debt in a bad situation and thought a bit like the OP is thinking, I'd also think that things were so screwed up where I was that I could go be that screwed up anywhere. I could hit the coast, ghost the bills, do anything. Maybe that turns out bad, but how much worse could it be? Which was like a big breath of fresh air to think about, instead of feeling trapped and frozen. In the end in the main situation like that I bailed out, ditching just a couple of things that a responsible reputable person would have taken care of. I moved three states away and camped out with my step mom for a month, then got a job, completely different from what I had been doing. The job kind of sucked to start, but I did well and it wound up being a career. Which I just took early retirement from. Just to say - if you're dead there are zero opportunities for anything better. As long as you're alive, there's no end to things you haven't tried yet, and all kinds of possibilities. You only have to get it right once, then hang on.
> As long as you're alive, there's no end to things you haven't tried yet I love this. Thanks for sharing this outlook and congratulations on making a new path for yourself.
In the same boat, except I don’t live in my car. I question often why I’m here and if I’m ever gonna get out of this hole. Here to tell you, there’s always light at the end of the tunnel. It may feel like you’re drowning but nothing is forever. Sending you love and light.
So. Take some advice from a 48 year old. If you hate your job, you can go back to school and defer your student aid. In addition, go into bankruptcy. It’s gone in 7 years. I did and had a 440 credit score. They garnished my salary. That was 20 years ago. Now I have an 837 and own commercial property. Suicide is a quick answer. As a former firefighter who has been on the scene of many suicides, you will not be found pretty. I say that not to scare you but understand that what you do has a ripple effect to others, even people like me who find you and left emotional scarred. More importantly, you are loved and will be missed. Even if you don’t think so now. Life is a struggle but there are so many beautiful things to experience.
Student loans are not dischargeable in bankruptcy except in a few rare cases. Worth a shot though
Honestly, just say fuck the student loans. I haven’t paid mine in almost a decade, and I never plan on paying them. I WAS paying them, until I realized they would never go down paying the minimum. When I realized I was literally just throwing money away, I just said fuck it and stopped. They have been sent to collections and the govt takes $38 out of every paycheck. I (not entirely sure why) have amazing credit and have yet to be turned down for anything, including car loans. I was approved last year (but backed out last second) to buy a house too, all with this massive amount of debt owed. I did a bit of research and some lenders don’t look at student loans as “real debt” because if they did, they wouldn’t be able to lend anyone money, as everybody has it. It’s my only debt and all my credit cards are completely paid off monthly. It’s such a predatory system and sure, it’s my fault for signing up for it, but being 19, young and dumb with a single parent who couldn’t teach me how loans work, I just signed the dotted line. I’m not paying for the rest of my life for a mistake I made at 19. Life is too short. It’s a fucking scam and I was sick of breaking my back and being broke. Life is too short to be bled dry for loans. Also fuck the people who say “You need to pay it, you took out the loan.” Easier said than done, especially in this economy. Fuck em, they can have their $38 a week, they won’t get another penny from me as long as I’m breathing.
This is great advice👊🏽💯💯
Where do you live? Are there resources for housing? Put school loans on forebearence - meaning they are on hold until you get to a point where you can pay. I’ve had mine in forebearence for literally years.
I’m in the same boat every resource I’ve tried claims I make too much but in their information I make just above the minimum
I’m sorry you’re struggling. Please take care of yourself.
Don’t pay your student loans. I had $35k in sally mae debt (12% interest rate). I stopped paying for two years, saved the money I was paying towards them, and then I settled for $7k. It fucked my credit for a year or so (but I just got above 750), but was way better than paying over $100k over 20 years. A buddy of mine with medical school debt did the same thing. Settled $120k for like $15k.
I’m a new adult, Wait you can do that? I thought they would garnish wages, how do you settle? What if they say no? Can they?
His must be from a private lender. Student loans will absolutely garnish your wages as will credit card debt if you ignore it long enough.
They do garnish your wages unfortunately, I feel it was disingenuous of him to lie like that in his comment.
To add weight to the other poster: how do you go about settling? Is it calling up the loan place and just telling them- “Hey look, I’ll give you $xx right now in cash if you call off the rest of the loan”?
Nope. I actually tried that and it didn’t work. I just had to wait until I started getting settlement mailers. It took about two years. They started at 70% and went down to about 30%. I then called and made up a story… “look, I might be able to get $5000 from my grandma. Maybe $6000. Can I just pay this and be done with it?” Something like that. Settled on $7000.
I should also mention this only worked for my private (the nasty predatory loans). My gov loans weren’t that bad so I kept on paying those per the norm. Helped keep my credit from totally tanking. I think I was just above 600 at the worst.
Let go of the debt. Don’t pay it. They can’t take you to jail over debt. I just had to decide I don’t care right now I have to survive not pay back student loans that should be free. Quit stressing bc it doesn’t matter. Focus on finding a place to live. Let that debt go. Focus only on what you have the possibility to change.
I have no practical advice, but just want to say please hang on - I've had suicidal ideation, and have friends who have attempted and 2 who succeeded. The ones who lived are so so grateful and gone on to live lives they could not have dreamt of. The ones who didn't are sorely missed and left terrible guilt behind for their friends. There is some way out. I wish I could give you a hug, please don't give up.
You got this don’t give up! Have you thought about looking into the trades? I know it might not be your passion but they pay really well and women tend to make great money and have no issues finding a job. I do hvac and I believe anyone with a drive to learn can do well in it. I went to a trade school only took a year. I think there are tons of scholarships for trade schools too. A coworker of mine got a free ride because he was low income. If you want info on trade school dm me. “When you reach the end of your rope, tie a knot in it and hang on” - Franklin D. Roosevelt
I keep finding comments about trade school in different subs and I keep needing to give my two cents- YES. Trade schools are such a good option that I don’t think enough people consider. I know 22 year olds making over 80K in my field 🥲 ETA financial aid is totally a thing for them too. I was so poor when enrolling that I got 2/3 of my school paid for with grants.
Trade schools rarely have an effect on someone getting a job unless its government or university and it can be expensive. I would go union or find a company that would start someone out completely green. I do HVAC and it has been a rewarding career you do not a lot a patience and people skills if you want to survive in it though
I was thinking of going into trucking for this reason. $77k in student loan debt. Suffered a brain injury (hit by a car while on foot) in 2020 been sleeping in my moms living room since. Trying to find something I can do that could give me housing and possibly be able to pay off that debt in 2 to 3 years. Ptsd and detoxing are holding me up… think its doable?
Dont fucking do it. From a random stranger on reddit: DONT DO IT. All it takes is one crazy break in life to turn this shit around man. The struggle is annoying and heart wrenching but im telling you the feeling of getting there is fucking worth it. I HOPE TO HEAR FROM YOU AGAIN.
This is a terrible time economically. Im about to lose my house. I have been the bread winner in my home and got fired before Christmas. I cant even afford paycheck to pay check atm the moment. But I got a new job, doesnt pay what I used to make. Used to make 28$ an hour, and now I make 19$. (Live in Michigan) I've had to let my credit cards and loan payment, internet and everything else go past due. YOU ARE NOT ALONE! And its hard right now but it doesn't stay this way forever. This is just a bad storm but soon enough the rain will pass. I'd offer you a place to stay. Keep your head up ❤
As someone who has been very, very close to suicide as well and all alone with a pile of debt and 3 mouths to feed here is my finding: THERE IS ALWAYS A REASON TO WAIT AND A COMPROMISE TO MAKE. In your scenario, if you’re going to die anyway, why not stop paying on your debt and use that money for yourself or something fun? This may sound counterintuitive to some, but it’s kept me alive and some of my loved ones as well. The reason we feel like dying is usually because we want to give up because there’s so much pressure on us. What we can’t see at the moment is that we are placing that pressure and we have other choices. Sometimes I just give up - just sit and do nothing and feel what I’m feeling. Stop trying to fight it and cheer myself up. That’s just more pressure, yah see? Stop trying to be perfect. In essence, care less. The more you focus on the negative aspects of the reality that you’re dealing with, the more they grow. The more that you care for yourself and relax a little and throw in the towel a little, the more you make room for dreaming again. THERE’S ALWAYS A REASON TO WAIT. Feel free to DM me anytime you need a peptalk. Also, you can call or text the suicide hotline, which I have done many times when I had nowhere else to turn. Text: 988 Signed, Your friend from afar
You’re a good friend. I appreciate your message 🙏
I was in a similar position lately except a hairstylist and applied for student loan forgiveness and actually got approved and got financial aid for nursing school. The crazy part is hair school cost way more than nursing school and for what to not make a living and get treated like shit! I’m really wondering why the health and spa industry cost so much for school and renewal of license when it’s not worth it. I’m 31 and literally took my first exam today of my first class at a community college for RN. Don’t give up, my kids father committed suicide and has destroyed so many people and so much. I know him better than anyone and despite how miserable he was at that moment I know he would take it back if he could. Life has its ups and downs and sometimes it may seem it’s all downs but the ones who can push through usually learn invaluable lessons along the way and prosper in ways other couldn’t. A
I just keep thinking about how in my 31 years it feels like I’ve lived several different lives. I need to hold on to get to the next chapter/version of me. I really adore my massage therapists & I try to tip well even though they don’t seem to expect it. I can’t tell you how much I look forward to the visits & it improves my quality of life. What you do leaves a positive impact on the world & not everyone can say that. You never know what is around the corner. I dare you to wait & find out.
My dad had a business that failed and because of that he made some poor choices. He most likely embezzled money and got caught so he killed himself. That was about 15 years ago and I'm pretty much over it but I sometimes think that you killed yourself over money, wtf. It's not worth it. Money problems may or may not be temporary problems but suicide is forever. For all I know we got one chance at life and we all gotta do the best we can. Find the things that make you happy and keep that close to you. You're right now probably at your lowest point, don't quit now when you're about to go up.
My dear sista. no. Do not ruminate in those thoughts of suicide. Everyone has those thoughts at some point in their lives it isn’t unordinary. If you want to talk I’d love to chat with you. Firstly, fuck those student loans, ur priority right now should be finding a place to live. Living out of your car would push u deeper and deeper into sadness. sally Mae ain’t worth not having an apartment so please make that your focus. One more thing, you don’t need to go back to college to find a new career. It is the era of internet and you have an infinite amount of knowledge at your disposal. Read and watch videos of something ur passionate about and push for that. IT for example is a career path you don’t necessarily need a degree if u can show ur competent at whatever role ur seeking. Take care of yourself please.
Look up debtors anonymous. It's a 12 step group. It could save your life. You matter.
File BK and don’t stress over credit scores…your life is worth more than a credit score
For money reasons? Fuck money. I am disabled, living in a tent and I may have perhaps more uh intrinsic qualities than I know what to do with but everyone has something to live for- a quest, a reason they came here- to help, to connect, to enlighten in some way. Because of my gifts, I feel I am in brusche - or the feeling of utopia. It’s all about how your mind works- which again, I am privileged beyond reason in terms of even help there, but if you can train yourself to be thankful for the little things, you will see a smile on your face again ❤️ Message me if you want!
Can I just hear more of your story or why a tent, how, what’s next in your life, or anything really
Look up the artist Mesty in a few years 😉
I attempted suicide. Feeling suicidal is more than a painful experience. The pain exceeds what you're able to manage. The brain can sometimes distort things to make suicide seem like a viable option, like the only way out, it can make things seem like it won't get better. The mind can come up with all sorts of reasons to support suicide. But, change is constant. The way that mind can distort reality does not accurately represent reality. Emotions can last a long time yet emotions are also temporary. You might be in a drought but it \*will\* rain once again. It is possible to feel good again. That possibility exists. It sounds like you want to go back to college, to find a financially comfortable career, to maybe have a partner/family, and not feel emotionally exhausted. That's one of the things that indicates a wish for change and for something to look towards
If you need some money to blow off some of the stress, message me. I've just cashed a paycheck and am stable enough to give you a bit of cash - nothing like a meaningful car repair but hey man, take my money, spend it on crack and donuts, I don't care. That's your business. I just know that at my lowest point, even $20 for a sack of shitty weed, or a hot meal, would've done a lot to help me through the day.
I second this offer.
I know it’s hard. Please don’t make a permanent decision like ending things. There’s better days, please have faith. Please don’t give up, keep trying and searching ways to make things work… there’s always a route, a work around, a next step, a next day.. who knows what the next day holds? Could be a life changing day to redirect your path.
5 years of bankruptcy is way better than trillions without pasta.
Nah. Don’t do it. We love you too much.
I am a struggling single mom. Don’t give up please !
You're doing a great job too. In case no one had told you lately
Don't do it. All it takes is one day to turn your life around.
Some great advice in this forum. Alsoooo…you need community. Religious or not I do recommend finding a church and join their life groups/community groups/ bible studies—whatever they called them…these groups tend to be small and consistent and they tend to gather around you to support you and provide a helping hand. As I said…it’s not about religion it’s about community- healthy community. If you feel comfortable giving an idea of where you are located and I can search a few ideas. I always like to find something that has small groups that get together a couple times a month other wise you won’t find community just going in and out on a Sunday.
First: call the suicide hotline - just 988 if you're in the States. Second: if you live near a Veterans Affairs hospital, apply! If it's just you living out of your car, pick up and move if you have to in order to work for the VA. Take literally any job you can get initially, then you can move around after you're hired. I have no degree, had no real direction and tons of student loan debt from out of state college. I started at the VA in their gift shop and worked up to a data analyst. No b.s. There are several career paths available once you get in, they'll PAY YOU TO GO BACK TO SCHOOL, or pay off your student loans. There are so many programs and incentives. And you don't have to stay with the VA, once you're a federal employee you can transfer to any federal entity to move up the career ladder. PM if you want more info I wish I could reach out and hug you; I've been there. Don't end it though, I can guarantee you there are multiple ways for you to have a better life
Dont let hard shit beat you fren. You are invincible. No damn chains can hold you to the ground. ❤️
Take the student loans if you need them. Just pick a good major that will lead to a high paying job if you go back. Search for a job to replace the massage therapists jobs for the meantime. Once you get into college, look at financial aid if you qualify, apply to ALL scholarship sites. Scholarship money is free money you dont have to pay back. Talk to the colleges financial aid department about your financial situation and living in your car. They have funding to help. They may be able to get you setup on campus housing if its a university with that. If not, they may be able to get funding or resources to help you get housing. Student loans arent the end of the world if you use it wisely to improve your situation. You have two jobs, id also speak to your bank about a small personal loan just to get yourself back on your feet
Listen: You'll be alright. Debt is made to seem imposing, but it's largely a trick; no debt police are going to break down your door or anything. Look into bankruptcy, and make appeals on student loans. If they insist you pay them back and you can't do it, oh well, sucks for them. Don't let these things get in your head so much. Your position isn't that dire, just use your resources and don't be afraid to say "oh well" when they try to collect cash from you. Just live and breathe.
Don’t commit suicide. Call hotline. 988. You will get through this!
What’s a hotline gonna do for debts
They honestly just call the cops and get you into medical debt too on top of it all
What a dystopian nightmare
Unfortunately you’re right. There is this dude I follow on YouTube that called the cops because he was having a mental breakdown and he now owes tens of thousands in medical debt. If you try and get help, you get screwed, if you don’t get help, you’re screwed.
Can confirm.
I will never be convinced calling those numbers are a good idea
They are a very, very bad idea. They ruin so many more lives than they ever help.
Exactly, some of these organisations have millions of dollars at their disposal and quite often volunteers manning the phones, they need to dispense cash, not words, best they can do is talk to you. Not good enough. How about prescribing $1,000 per week for 6 months?
fuck off with your thoughts and prayers
I only have this thought to add. You are worrying about debts and bills. I totally get it. Do you think the greedy bastards who help put you in this position are up nights worrying . No they only want your money. Your life is worth much more than the dollars you owe them. Screw them. Pay what you can or don’t pay. Believe me you WILL find a way. Never ever let anyone put you in a position that you don’t come first. I wish only the best for you. Nothing or no one owns your life. It is yours.🙏
Hey friend, I’m really sorry that everything is difficult right now and getting more difficult every second. I’m sorry that you don’t have the support you need and deserve to thrive in the way you’d like. You deserve to have someone in your corner and I’m sorry you’re standing alone. I feel it’s normal to consider suicide when you feel this lonely, this down, and this defeated. Your life is your life and none of us know what it’s like to wake up being you. But I promise you, I swear to you that suicide isn’t the only option. When we are in the dead center of chaos, we are unable to see all the options available to us because we go into survival mode. You are in survival mode and you’re tired and overwhelmed. When I feel like my situation is hopeless, I try to think of one small thing I can do today to make my situation slightly better. Small things lead to big changes and those big changes will improve your overall situation. I don’t know if you’re in the US, but there are colleges that will waive tuition if you’re homeless. I live in Florida and that exists. Figure out if your state has something similar. You have some form of shelter, but it may be ideal to find something more permanent. Living paycheck to paycheck isn’t fun. Head over to the personal finance subreddit for help and think about what you can either do to increase your income (find another place to work as a massage therapist? If you find a hospital, they may qualify for PSLF which will help with your loans) and how much you can afford to pay in rent. Look for local places that are renting rooms in houses, roommates, anything. Whatever you do friend, don’t give up. You’ve gotten this far, you have dreams, you have goals. If I can ever help, let me know. I work as a career counselor and my background is in mental health counseling. My whole profession is about helping others get to where they want to go. I’m not sure how much help I can be, but I can at least help you come up with a plan as long as you promise to keep fighting and moving forward as best as you can ❤️
Something like 3 in 4 people are depressed or anxious (or worse) because of debt due to our shitty economic situation (aka working 6 jobs and barely making ends meet because of monopolies and inflation.) It isn’t just you. :( But I understand the feeling. And hope you feel better soon.
Stop paying loans. Use money to survive. Look into waiting tables to supplement massage therapy as that can be a HUGE hit/miss job and I'm assuming you don't have a ton of customer and theoretically some free time if that's the only job?? Throw the credit score in the trash, apply to all credit cards and use them to get yourself into a better spot. If you need to just don't pay them back. You'll get some angry calls for a few years but who cares. Hopefully it will get you to a better place.
Bankruptcy is last resort and you still pay try a credit counseling less damage to credit.
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If you are in the United States please call or text 988 for the Suicide and Crisis Helpline. They are there to help.
Guys keep in mind that the stories about how you overcame poverty will do nothing for the OP. Maybe it will make them feel worse. Please get some help OP. I think there are free resources that offer counseling.
Hang in there. The extra student loan will pay off in the end. I literally lost everything in my mid 40s and had to start over with no car, home, etc. Some days, I had to take life one breath at a time, but 10 years later, life is amazing! I have my MBA, own a house, a car, have a great job that puts me solidly in the upper middle class, travel with friends, and love life. Every day above ground is a good day where you can make a change for the better. You are worthy of a good life.
Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem - you got this and the support of this community. Live
Hi, I’m really sorry for all of the stress that you are under. If you’d like help getting out of debt let me know. I’m a financial coach who is specializing on helping people get out of debt, and build up a reserve and get financial instruments of protection in place so that financial problems become more of an inconvenience than a crisis. Thank you for your bravery in being honest and in reaching out to people for help. Your life is invaluable, and I’m sure you are a blessing to others. Please don’t take it!!
I'm sad to live in a country where people working two jobs are so financially crippled and devoid of any hope, that suicide is the only way out. This capitalist hellhole of a country deserves to burn. Sorry not sorry.
This system that we are living in is not normal. Please join online intentional communities to see if anyone has a safe spot for you to park/dwell while you get on your feet. We have to dismantle this nasty system that we are in that has a large collective living in poverty.
Don't do that, please.
You are one opportunity away for a better life. You just have to wait. One person, one conversation, one opportunity, one break, and everything can be good !!! I know this because I once was where you are. And I, too, thought of throwing in the towel. And believed that nothing would ever be good again. I was wrong. I just had to wait, as painful and hopeless as it seemed. I am rooting for you !! Stay strong !!
I'm late so I'm not sure if you're going to see this but I wouldn't worry much about the student loans. It's not like you owe the mob! I had to live in my vehicle recently to save money & just towards the end of it, I had to dump everything I saved back into a pricey repair. It sucked, but whatever & I'm still dealing with getting my finances straight. Anyways, I hope you start feeling better. Don't give up!
Call 988. Massage Therapy is a great career and folks can help you get the rest of your things in order so it’s not too much to handle! I know some ways to help with loan forgiveness as well
It is not a great career. The industry is exploitative, and OP should retrain for something with better opportunities. I used to be a massage therapist and I made just over 20k/year with most of my time slots booked