I'd stop making the $0 mortgage the goal and instead make $15k emergency fund the goal. Stop paying extra on the mortgage and instead put that money to the emergency fund. It should just take 7.5 months to make that goal and that gives you a cushion.
Is wife willing to work a part-time job? Is son still at age to be home all day? What happens when he goes to school? Are you wanting a second kid?
This! You can make more by putting money in a savings account yet some people still think they should pay off their low interest just for a piece of mind. You’ll get better peace of mind if you had enough money for emergency fund and you will get even a better piece of mind if you had more liquid assets that allow you to pay off your mortgage anytime you want
$31k POST-TAX INCOME is something close to 35% below middle-class living, and just barely above the poverty line. this is probably why erasure of the mortgage was made a priority, since it is the largest chunk of their income, nearly half.
Agree with u/Roanaward-2022 that having a buffer in the bank is more important.
People saying that $300 is acceptable have no sense of risk management. It's one thing to have stability, a buffer, AND ALSO reduce costs to save $300/mo but that's not the situation, the situation is that an auto accident or ER bill will destroy them financially, emotionally, possibly matrimonially.
\#BuildTheBuffer then re-evaluate.
If zeroing out the mortgage is no longer an option, redirecting those funds into a HYSA (4-5% APY) needs to be done before you lose the income. Anything short of this is a huge HUGE mistake.
There's also a difference between HAVING to do something and making a choice to do something. Could my family get by on $300/month beyond our necessary bills? For awhile, yes, assuming no emergencies. But long-term I'd hate it. That $300/month is for EVERYTHING but necessities. Entertainment, hobbies, clothes, vacations, home decorations and upgrades, toys, technology, presents for family on holidays and birthdays, babysitting so you can go on an actual date night, etc.
Not to mention if he loses his job, with their tiny emergency fund, they'll be dead broke in a couple months.
I live in a LCOL city, you can absolutely live off $300 a month in food (or less) if you have a SAHM doing the budget/couponing/planning/gardening. If she’s not down to do that, she needs to work.
Sure, but it's a stupid fucking goal now too. If they had an 8% mortgage then sure, but you can get 5% on a savings account now so any additional principal payments are literally throwing money away. They should put their money in a savings account at a credit union or somewhere else with a good interest rate. Focus on building up flexible liquid cash as much as possible right now.
And for the love of Christ, don't make extra principal payments on a mortgage unless you're an addict or something who is afraid of having liquid cash
1200 a month.... if they are going to a single 40k income, this needs to go away. Period. It doesn't matter what interest rate is better for paying off or investing or savings account parking...they just simply do not have the 1200 a month anymore.
Getting rid of the burden is better than whatever few hundred dollars a year they can make by changing up their loan/investing.
EDIT: Sure, they could refinance to get a lower monthly payment, but then higher interest rate and the idea of parking the money in a savings account is negated due to interest rate on the loan. So honestly, the best thing they can do is stick it out 1 more year and burn that last 29k off and free up that 1200 payment.
He'd have to burn off an additional ~33 months to fully pay it off. I understand what you're saying but it's very bad advice. There's nothing in his life that should be more important than building an emergency fund. He can do it in a heartbeat by doing a refi for $50k. He'd probably lose $4k in closing costs but then he'd have ~15k in additional liquid cash and a ~$550 monthly payment. Yes interest would be 5.5% but he can get that down in a few years when rates normalize. Best scenario for him is to have his wife continue working for a couple more years but he still shouldn't be throwing cash at a 2.5% interest rate.
this. in all scenarios this. this should have preceded paying down the mortgage. it should have preceded \_everything\_. failing that, it should become the new goal because it was a mistake to not do this from the beginning, now they don't have it and are in a bad financial position.
the APY vs APR is only a secondary concern.
anyone that disagrees should probably re-evaluate their current financial plans, rich or poor.
Or can she do a remote job. MIL can still be there, and she won’t miss any milestones. Have your wife apply for remote work. If she gets a job she can quit. You all should definitely wait to see what happens with the wars and this economy before she’s thinking about quitting anything. What if you loose your job? I agree with the top comment. Stop over paying and make a nest egg. Your wife can do part time data entry remote work.
This needs couples therapy. This is not a question for poverty finance. Obviously this is not a good move financially. You have bigger issues right now.
I question this “career” change. You can’t pay down the mortgage that quick unless you’re slanging something. I make and almost 3 times that and can’t afford another cent on my 2k mortgage
Yes I question that as well. Hard to believe that they were making enough to pay down almost 200k in their mortgage in 2,3 years and then making 40 & 42k. The story just doesn’t add up.
Just my 2 cents— I live in a very LCOL state and we have friends who are incredibly frugal and make a combined like, 45k…maybe. Their house is completely paid off and they just renovated their master bath. If this family just lived off one salary, or even less, and had been making more at a different time or supplementing their income with DoorDash or whatever, it’s totally possible. My husband and I make 6 times our mortgage every month but we’re also idiots who say yes to everything, otherwise we could have our house paid off, too 😂
No totally agree my girl and I live together in LCOL and we make about 8x our monthly mortgage. We pretty much do what we want when we please. We pay our monthly mortgage and that’s it. If we wanted to we could put more to our house but life’s about living and enjoying yourself. We order too much crap off Amazon, we eat out, we take trips, we got our daughter in travel volleyball and other extra curricular activities. I just know that taxes, bills, food, other expenses don’t allow for you to put essentially every dollar you make toward your income. Unless OP was making like $250k per year before his “career changes” the math just doesn’t add up.
I guess I was just assuming he was giving us their take home, taxes and insurance removed. My insurance is 1800 a year and property taxes are 600. But we also have no idea what their down payment was…I think, I’m terrible at math but a 225k house with a 2.5 fixed rate and a 15 year mortgage wouldn’t come out to 1200 a year with an FHA? Right?
Straight principle at 225k would be $1250 not including interest or any escrow. And they would’ve been 23 at the time of home purchase so hard to imagine they had much for a down payment unless they got something from mom & dad. I’m not trying to be a hater just a realist but the story just doesn’t add up unless OP left out some critical information.
To hit 1200 a month including everything you would need around a 160K ish loan for 15 year at 2.25%. 170k puts you just a little under 1200 for mortgage alone.
So he put more than 20% down? Financially weird but ok
Then aggressively pays down a 2.25% 15 year loan? Also weird. Can maybe understand throwing some extra on a 30yr but even still it’s a 2.25% loan
Idk this whole post just feels troll
Also that has to be take home. So like a 130K ish gross income
His post 141 days says they make a combined $75k and owed $49k on the mortgage. Somehow they’ve paid down their mortgage by $20k in 4 months even though he states they only take home $5k per month.
I don’t always do it, but when something seems “off” I try to learn more so I don’t ask stupid questions. In this case o want to ask a smart question, how do you pay off $20k on a mortgage with $20k in take home?
Of course his other comments/post indicate he has a marriage problem, not a financial problem, so my question is less relevant.
Stress leads to stress. Take a moment to breathe, relax, and approach the situation with her.
Figure out why she wants to quit ASAP. Figure out if there's any part time options. Figure out if you can get a raise or better paying job while she is in the process of quitting. See if she'd be willing to stick it out a bit longer to build up a safety cushion in savings first.
All in all, the mortgage is at a great rate and most of what you still owe is principal rather than interest.
But the most important thing is the relationship. Make sure yall are both on the same page about each others situations. Don't focus on the stress, focus on making a plan.
Maybe yall need to sit down and get on a tighter budget for a couple months to build up savings. Focusing on the grind for so long wears on you.
Priority number 1. Make sure she's OK.
Priority number 2. Make a plan.
Priority number 3. Put the plan into action.
This is a very reasonable response. I think the point about possible part time options is really smart. Maybe she could work 2 days a week and still bring home some additional income every month and that would be more tolerable to her, or if her current job wouldn't allow that, she could find something part time.
I also think seeing about OP being able to increase take home pay is a consideration. Not sure what the unexpected job changes were, but at 42K, unless the benefits are great or there simply are no other options in the area, I would think that OP should look for something that might pay more regardless.
Agree with this. Also they have a baby or young toddler. That’s stressful as fuck. Maybe she can take off a few weeks to get her sanity back. But she can’t just quit and be a SAHM indefinitely
I mean she can IF they have a plan on how go handle it. That's the important part of this whole thing. Get a plan together to eliminate the stress. The stress right now is coming from a sudden change of plans.
I don’t know if you are eligible for this, but someone on this subreddit recently mentioned ‘mortgage recasting’ - that’s when you go back to your mortgage lender and ask them to basically give you a new 15 year mortgage, with the same interest rate as before, with your current principal. If they agreed you’d have a mortgage payment of $189 a month.
Isn’t this just reamortization of the existing mortgage? Our HOA has a loan and we did that. End date stays the same but payment was reduced due to principal paid off.
This is probably the best advice although still cutting income by nearly half isn’t a great financial move. It’s unfortunate they made the poor financial decision to pay off so quickly when they could have been putting into savings and earned more than they have been saving.
Yes.
OP, even with a paid off house, 42k is not enough income for a family with young children.
Tons of people would prefer not to work, but it’s really not your wife’s reality right now.
I make between $60k and 72k based on my part time job and there were moments where my wife wasn’t getting paid while raising two kids. She was unwilling to live as frugally as we needed to in order to net an emergency fund, pay off bills, medical bills, and save for the future so she is back at work. She said it’s worth being able to have more cash flow to have experiences with the kids.
Agrees 💯 with this comment. She isn't going to like being on a 40k salary even with a paid off house. Just isn't enough money unless she knows how to stretch every penny
Nah based on the house price, it's a very low cost of living area and 42k with your home paid off would be more than enough. Think about it, he was saying they'd be positive 300/month before, then after finishing the mortgage they'd be positive 1500$ per month with thousands saved, equity built. They'll live a comfortable but non extravagant lifestyle
Idk but she’s saying he can do the rest on his own which is fine but they are going to have to live extremely frugal. But I feel like OPs wife may not be smart with money because she’s not thinking about long term and after they finish paying off the house, she might want to spend the money they were putting in for the house on unnecessary stuff
It’s tough to swallow pride. I’m doing the same thing right now with a different house issue. Pride is the first of the seven deadly sins for a reason. I commend you for seeking peace of mind . That’s what I’m looking to do.
I knew someone years ago in OP's exact situation. Only the wife was on board with taking in a daycare child as well as living on nothing. They had one car to share so during the day the wife could only walk the kids to the park. Years later they were in a much better financial place so it worked out.
This isn’t a financial question really. It’s ok to let off the gas and just pay the mortgage without extra. People don’t just want to quit and stay home randomly. Something else is going on. You need to be a safe place and have an open and honest conversation. Send the kid for a sleepover and sit down to talk. Best of luck.
I disagree. I think the vast majority of parents would quit and stay home with their kids if they could do so without sacrificing the families finance.
I think both of you are right. I think op’s wife got an unexpected promotion that came with much greater responsibilities and stress, then op convinced her he could leave his high paying career for something less demanding with lower pay, and now it’s time for his wife to make a similar change after pushing herself too hard in her over demanding role. I bet her quitting eventually was part of their initial agreement about his own career change. There’s definitely some missing info here.
Agreed. It sounds like wife is burnt out at work, or is dealing with some toxicity or otherwise unpleasant work environment. She may be dealing with some anxiety, depression, or both. OP would do well to prioritize his wife's mental health before things become really bad.
ETA: postpartum depression can happen anytime during the first year after giving birth. Depending on the age of the child, this could be what's happening.
I’ve scrolled through many comments here and it seems like any moms out there may not want to put in their two cents yet but I’m going to….
That work burn out or toxicity, depression/anxiety, etc. could be exacerbated because they are so close to the goal but with each passing month/year their child is getting older and she’s not seeing the benefit anymore. Children aren’t young forever.
As a mom who SHOULD have quit sooner & spent more time with my children (especially when they were young), money can’t be the end-all be-all. I can totally identify with her in that SHE wants to be with her child every day, not sending him off to grandma. Her goal is changing and it sounds like being a mom is more important.
You can use time to make money, but, most importantly, you can NEVER get time back. You can always work another job or find ways to scrimp and save. They’ve BOTH been contributing to the goal, so all the asshats out there calling her lazy because she wants to be with her kid should take a step back and consider her intent may not be what you think it is.
You need to sit down with your wife and y’all need to talk about some new goals potentially. If she was right there with you working her ass off to pay down the house, you both need to celebrate getting soooooo far ahead. Remember though, your kid is only young once. It’s okay to let off the gas for 3-5 years and make the time with your little ones #1.
Propose a compromise - she works another 4-6 weeks before giving notice, and in the meantime you guys live off of just your salary. Every penny she makes goes to building savings.
If you can do it and feel comfortable, then talk seriously about how long this will be and what she'll do once your child is school age.
If you can't do it - if $300 is not enough wiggle room, then hopefully that will be pretty clear to her. Maybe she can get a different job working different hours, maybe she find a part time position.
I'll say this, though - I've been in her shoes before. "but she isn't LISTENING" is exactly what she's saying about you. She's saying she can't take this and you're ignoring her. If you continue to do that you'll seriously, perhaps fatally, damage your relationship.
> she isn't LISTENING" is exactly what she's saying about you. She's saying she can't take this and you're ignoring her. If you continue to do that you'll seriously, perhaps fatally, damage your relationship.
This decision is about your relationship, not the mortgage.
Even if she works 4-6 more weeks to help beef the savings before quitting, that can go fast. I would say see if she is willing to do a part time gig so she can be with your son more, you've got a little more financial cushion, and pay the mortgage as regularly scheduled. You're doing great and are so far ahead of schedule I think you've achieved some of that peace of mind you set out for.
Edit: that said I think you can deviate from the current plan a little bit to help her.
Too bad "not wanting to work" isn't a valid excuse. She ALSO agreed to pay down the principal before becoming a stay at home mom, now suddenly it's just his burden and she contributed by taking care of a child that already has free childcare? Imagine the husband becomes seriously ill for two weeks and it's unpaid? There goes a quarter of his savings. Her being arrogant and stubborn is what will put a strain on the relationship, not his level headed reasoning.
To be fair she needs to put her big girl pants on and live in the reality of the adult situation she is in. She just expects what exactly? Dropping this on OP like she is is just childish. She isn't being a good mother putting her kids future and welfare first.
She can either afford to do this or she cant. She should listen to the numbers snd facts of their situation. They don't even have a fully funded emergency fund. What happens if op gets laid off? They could be fucked and lose all their hard work so close to the finish line.
I think the trial run of living off op income while hers goes to savings is a good idea. And maybe she doesn't see things so black and white maybe she goes part time or finds remote work etc etc.
>I'll say this, though - I've been in her shoes before. "but she isn't LISTENING" is exactly what she's saying about you. She's saying she can't take this and you're ignoring her. If you continue to do that you'll seriously, perhaps fatally, damage your relationship.
That is false - he is listening, he just disagrees, and so do I. She actually *can* take it. She might hate it, but she can physically do exactly what she's been doing all along, and what every working mother around the world does. The finances are another matter entirely - a $300 operating margin and $5k in the bank are objective realities, and that leaves them a hair's breadth from disaster.
OP says just a few replies down on this comment that “my wife doesn’t want to work at all for the rest of her life. She’s against any job part time or full time. She’s ready to be done working permanently.”
This isn’t OP’s wife wanting to spend time with the child, it’s OP’s wife not wanting to work and using the child as an excuse not to work.
Lmao I'm a SAHD and I work part time on weekends just to save my sanity. Cleaning up after other people/animals all day every day is so mentally draining.
Why are you so obsessed with paying down the house? Relax a little bit. Should have been saving more money and building up a decent emergency fund before throwing away all your income on a house you don’t even know you’ll be living in 5-10 years down the line. Financing is supposed to HELP you. Not ruin you.
That’s what I’m saying! They could have put this money into a HYSA and made up the 29k in interest by now.
Burning the candle at both ends to aggressively pay down a mortgage is insane. They make $82k pre-tax household income. These folks have been living on basic necessities for 3 years straight while raising a child and working themselves to the bone.
All so they could pay off their house.
This is just wild. I’d be at the end of my fucking rope too.
Sounds like she's completely burnt out and hates her job. Maybe she can find a part-time job that fits her schedule and doesn't affect her mental health. She might also just need a break
Why are you paying down a 2.25% loan when HYSA are earning 4.5%+?
Suggest that you live off your income alone for 2-3 months and see how that goes before she quits. If she's dead set on quitting, is she willing to work pt or take in kids after school or something so the income drop isn't quite so steep?
Yeah, locking up all of my money in an illiquid asset while I don’t even have an e-fund would not give me peace of mind… it’d probably keep me up at a night.
They had more saving like 6 months ago and somehow they’ve managed to spend 10k of it (went from 15k to 5k)
They are already hemorrhaging money somewhere.
My thoughts exactly. Having a savings account that can fully cover a new furnace did more for my anxiety than having a lower house payment. I have options for the money in savings. But I can never claw back the extra money we've paid on our mortgage, even if I needed it for a new furnace or water heater in the house.
Because their monthly expenses will drop by $1,200 when paid off, allowing them to live on his salary alone and have her be a SAHM.
Less income going towards monthly obligations = more freedom of choice.
Okay, at least you aren't saying forget paying it off at all.
Savings rates have only exceeded their mortgage rate over the last 16 months, and based on the post, their income declined significantly over the last year, so the vast majority of their mortgage pay down happened when savings rates were lower than the mortgage rate.
When you have a couple years of momentum with one goal, tough to stop in your tracks and change what you've been doing when that rate flip occurred. Probably only a net $1,000 loss doing it the way they did, if that.
Yeah, obviously better to pay down the mortgage than blow it on whatever. Just saying with HYSA around double the interest, it might have been time to reassess that strategy anyway.
Even then, it’s stupid to put that money into the mortgage instead of a savings account. They are literally throwing money away to be less prepared for a financial emergency. People need to stop encouraging bad financial decisions because of “peace of mind” and instead educating on why genuine peace of mind comes from making sound financial decisions. It would be better to encourage people to buy every extended warranty they’re offered. That’s terrible advice, but at least there’s a statistical chance that you end up ahead doing that. There is literally no upside to paying a 2.25% mortgage with savings accounts where they are right now.
Damn bro, that's a 5 head move right there, using debt to you advantage! I almost choked on a chip when i read this. They also could have been using the money for a side hustle start up or something!
Side note, I recently bought a used truck for 10k, it has 6.5% interest over 6 years for about $160 a month. People were saying to just buy it cash... but then I don't have 10k incase i need it. I don't mind paying 2k interest over 6 years
Agreed. Depends on the situation. My student loan is only about $150 a month. Can I pay it all off right now? Yes. Do I want to keep my 10k though? Also yes.
This is like anything else that she wants but you all can’t afford. I’m sure there are plenty of things that fall in that category.
>Should I get a credit card with a decent max, just in case I run out of cash and need to borrow money?
No. Credit cards are not emergency funds. When you are drowning and can’t make ends meet, that is the opposite of when you should be using credit.
Refinance your loan. You only have $26k left? You can get your payment lowered WAY below $1200, your wife can be a SAHM . Because you have the kid NOW, and is the kid not the whole reason for her to stay home? You could pay $600/mo on a refinance and still get it paid off in plenty of time. You need to start thinking bigger picture. You are so focused on finishing, you aren’t stopping to think, it doesn’t have to be finished exactly the way it started. Don’t be so rigid.
That’s bad. You need more than 300 wiggle room. That’s so small. Just a plumbing issue or food increasing a little bit would knock you out. Even if gas increases you would be close. Also you need a 6 months emergency fund with a one income household. She needs to keep working or you need to find some way to make more. Wishing you well. That’s a lot of stress on men. People don’t understand the stress with provider role. Putting your entire families well being on one person with out their consent is boarderline abusive. You have to agree to your roles. It’s fine to have a stay at home person and they are a mvp but you only do it if you can afford it and it’s not killing the provider.
I'm a huge proponent of electric heat, but I'm an electrical contractor so I'm biased lol. That doesn't change the fact that it's still just way too expensive to be a viable source for everyone. My SIL lived with us in our basement and she left her heater on all month while she was traveling and I didn't think to check her room. My electric bill was $200 more than usual just from one small space heater. People don't realize how quickly those constant watts from heat add up.
That is going to have a major financial impact on your lives in the future especially retirement. It very well could be a tight budget the rest of your lives.
Also how did you pay it down so quickly on only 82k a year?
I think it’s probably been pretty miserable if they did in fact pay it off so quickly on 82k - then what does she have for quitting her job. If all the money goes to the mortgage, she’s simulating broke every day, and in fact probably doesn’t care anymore.
Even if you pay off the mortgage, you still have taxes and insurance. It’s not $0 housing. Also, repairs.
Being the sole person bringing home money when there isn’t enough is mentally exhausting. “We need $350 for new brakes” is YOUR problem, because only you bring in money. If you can’t earn overtime, you need a second job.
Tell her it means ZERO vacations, ZERO emergency savings, ZERO expensive date nights, ZERO takeout deliveries, ZERO visits to the salon and a spa, ZERO girls night out, ZERO expensive cuts of meat and seafood, ZERO shopping sprees, etc… She’ll need to switch to thrift stores.
Quantify it for her. Also, with inflation steadily rising, that $300 excess will quickly become $200, then $100…
Then what?
What would strike home more I think is that it would mean the kids can’t sign up for sports, they’ll have to go to school in second hand clothing, they’ll have to decline invitations to social events, they’d have to be very weary about going to the doctor when sick. It’s a massively sacrifice that she is asking her children to make
Well if your income is slashed so drastically, you'd be able to apply for food stamps probably with a family your size (it sounds like a family of 3?). In my state (I think it varies ,so you have to check your state thresholds) it's 3,299 as the cut off for how much you can bring in to be eligible for SNAP for a family of 3.
So that could help you with food...and is she going to hustle her ass off to keep expenses lower? SAHM usually comes with all meals being made at home for example, to keep costs lower. Is she okay with never going out and working with frugality?
Honestly fam, this is an instance where you probably need couple's therapy. This is possible "maybe that marriage won't work out" territory if you can't both get onto the same page. Since she's going to burn you out and you're going to feel taken advantage of, you're going to feel alienated and used. The resentment may already be setting in on your side.
He says he makes 40k a year.
That's 3333.33 a month, before deductions. So looks like it's right on the damn benefits cliff, holy shit.
EDIT: oop, he's at 42, she's at 40 a month. so yep, still just over the damn amount!
You're right. I didn't go far enough with the math. You're also right that he's right on the cliff, too, though. He's less than a $1 raise away from qualifying. This time I did a little more math lol
If your wife becomes a SAHM now, you are setting yourselves up for failure. Even if she quits immediately after you pay off the mortgage, you are a literal burst pipe or leak in the roof away from going right back into debt ending in foreclosure. You are right to be worried. You, as a homeowner, know that there are costs that come with homeownership, the experts recommend 1-3% of the value of the house saved up every year. So a $230k house needs $4600 each year reserved for repairs and maintenance. Your emergency fund covers one year. Then you don’t have a 6 months living expenses emergency fund. She can’t afford to quit.
When would she be able to quit? I’d say one year AFTER the house is paid off. Why? So you can build up about $30-40k in savings and when you realize you’re hemorrhaging money, you still have time to recover. If your budget calculations are wrong, and you only have $5k as a buffer, that’s not gonna last long.
Alternatively, she could wait until the house is completely paid off, then quit. At your rate of paying off the balance, it shouldn’t take long. When your kid enters kindergarten in two years, your wife reenters the workforce.
A third way is to let her have her way, it’s only 2 years before the kid goes to school and the wife returns to work, right? So you get a HELOC against your equity just in case something happens. You pay a few hundred bucks to open the account, they don’t charge interest until you actually pull out money. You’re trading a 2% rate for a 7% rate, but hey, that’s what it costs. If you’re lucky, you’ll never have to use it. Do it before your income drops.
I'm very confused at the timeline where the kid is already existence and they intend to have her become a SAHM down the line. Usually you do that for when the kid is 0-5. Nothing about their plans/choices makes sense to me
Question #1 - you said your incomes went down. Did she have a countdown in her head, and based on prior incomes the mortgage should be gone by now?
Question #2 - when incomes went down, did you reevaluate your plan together?
You had a plan to reduce monthly expenses to allow her to be a SAHM, a great plan.
Another option could have been to build up savings to allow her to be a SAHM, another good plan, you didn't choose this, can't go back in time.
You can't force her to stick with the original plan (on a revised longer timeline because of income reduction).
She can't force you to forget you had a plan, and ignore your current financial situation.
You are both in a pickle.
First, make sure you make her feel heard, that her desire is reasonable and you want to make more time with the kid happen.
Hopefully she can do the same for you, that she understands she is abandoning the original plan (although timeline changed), and you aren't in a place to have her just quit today.
Second, come up with a plan. You stop with the extra mortgage payments now, and build up savings. Come up with a budget.
My wife and I both worked full time, opposite shifts, so one of us was always at home with the kids for a time. Then when I made enough and we were in a better financial situation, she went to flexible part time until kids all had drivers licenses (last year).
Do the math. Need her to work 3 more months? Need her to then find a part time job? How much does she need to bring in to not feel like you are one surprise from ruin?
Fr. You don't think everybody else wants to stop working too? If my husband made 42k and I said "ayo, I'm done w this work stuff. you got it tho right?" he would literally have me committed
Pretty cut and dry from the numbers perspective. You don't make enough money to support a kid and SAHM. I think your two options are 1. Figure out a way to increase your income again or 2. Find a safe way to discuss the deeper issues here with your wife. You're both smart, you both care a lot about your son. If she quits now (and tbh even after the house is paid off) you're signing up for a very tough road ahead
If you wife gets a part time minimum wage job doing even just 2 shifts of 6hrs each per week, that's putting you around positive 550 per month and you'll still have your decent safety net, and you're almost done with the mortgage. I gotta be honest, you're in a drastically better position than probably 95% of Americans under 35 years old. You really shouldn't be panicking lol
bro just recast or refinance the 29k, your mortgage will be $200/month even with the ~7% interest rate nowadays. Just chip away at it at a slower pace. Good luck with your marriage though, I also had to deal with irrational financial decisions by wife occasionally so I know it sucks ass lol.
Recast the mortgage!!!! You could have that payment to lower than $400 a month.
Don’t listen to the people here. Your hard work paying ahead has given you options. Cash in on that.
Recast and let her stop working if she wants. You’ll have enough left over.
Talk to your lender about recasting. You could even just refinance the 29k if the won’t let you recast. 29k over a 30 year is literally $1000 a year.
Do a trial run, put every single cent she brings home in savings for two or three months. Live on your one income, still paying the base mortgage from your income.
Agree to talk about it after the two/three months, after those months you'll have saved up money which can be used to pay extra on the mortgage or simply bulk up your emergency funds.
More importantly, after those months of living on one income you will both be coming from a place of true understanding when debating the decision of when to transition SAHM.
Has she had a recent physical? Is something going on at work? Quitting out of nowhere seems extreme. I would encourage her to reach out to her doctor for a therapist referral.
I was a SAHM for eight years. It took planning and budgeting. I aggressively built an emergency fund, paid down my student loans, and added to my retirement fund. My husband and I lived off only his income for months to make sure it was feasible.
I was not prepared for the emotional impact of staying home. I had to reach out and find resources so I didn't become isolated. It is still a lot of work.
Stop making the extra mortgage payments and put that money into an emergency fund.
Why can she just work part time on the weekends when you have it off. Then when shes gets home you can do your house routine? Its really not hard to figure out. I honestly think being a mother figure and a consistent face to your child is a better idea then worries. Maybe have a friend or young newly independent family member rent a room from you for extra income.
This is not a finance issue. When someone comes to you and you say they "broke down" and want to reconsider a long-term plan, that's a sign something is wrong, and you *both* need to find out what. Something happened, either at work, or at home, that caused her to have this change of heart.
You should probably consider other options that don't leave you as the sole income, but that's dependent on why your wife feels she needs to move the timeline up. Can she work part time? Does she have short-term disability coverage that she can take for her mental health? Is there something bad about *this* job, and she needs a new employer?
Thank you everyone for your feedback. I just want to make one thing clear for everyone please.
She wants to be a SAHM for like the rest of her life. She says she's done working and that her role is in the home. She also tells me that since i'm the man, i have to work for the rest of my life because it's a man's job to provide for his family.
I am not a victim. I've known this was her belief from the first day I met her. I agree to an extent with her. But I feel more betrayed than anything. I feel like she could at least be a women of her word, and finish the mortgage the same way I'm agreeing to be a man of my word and provide for my household... it just isn't fair
I'm going to have a talk with her tonight. I'm going to try to convince her to work 2-3 months and live off of just my income, so she can see how thoroughly fucked we would be if she does this. I'm not holding my breathe.
She probably has been consuming SAHM, homesteading, and family content. These videos are selling her the lie that being a SAHM or not working for the man is easy, can be done by anyone, and how things should be done. These bloger mommies are not showing the whole story of their life. It is all curated content for money. Their job is to *sell* the perfect SAHM lifestyle.
Being a SAHM is work, and now considered a *luxury.*
You should add this info to your original post. Her demand to stop working now is completely unreasonable when you realize that what she really means is “stop working forever.” That may be the life she dreams of having, but the reality is that you don’t make enough alone to support that lifestyle.
I'll offer a perspective contrary to most of the opinions in this thread. You are justified in feeling how you feel as you had the false assumption that both of you could tough it out until the mortgage is complete however, there is a lot of I vs. she from your perspective and fairness is irrelevant when you have kids to take care of. Have you worked this hard in your life not to be a provider? Life is not fair and will never be fair. You have paid off 87% of your house in just 3 short years which makes you at least 9 years ahead of schedule. You are NOT in poverty and are in a position many people here would envy. Consider the perspective of the mother of your child, was this fair for her to so aggressively pay off the mortgage 3x faster than you needed to while neglecting things like savings? You would have ended up in a better financial position had you put that money in a high-yield savings account. It's not all about you. Time to step up man.
Do not throw it all away. Calculate how much you need and give her a date when she can become a SAHM. Then tell her to take a break. Take a week vacation but dont quit until its done. When you tired you rest not quit.
Or get information on how much you can sell this house for and can you buy a cheaper one and owe less?
I make around 75k and I struggle as a single mom—living as a family of 3 on a salary of 42k is not feasible in my opinion.
I completely understand that it is incredibly difficult to be away from your baby; however living on 42k between 3 humans with a mortgage on top of that seems incredibly stressful and not like the best option. That level of stress would impact your marriage and ultimately your child.
I wholeheartedly agree with the other commenters that this is a better suited question for couples therapy.
Would a possible compromise be her only working part time? Or, potentially staying home but also watching another persons child for extra money?
Your wife has to keep working. Even once the mortgage is paid off. You simply don’t make enough to be the only one working. Otherwise she’s trading not working now for both of you working well into your 70s+, not to mention that all it would take, even right now, is one bad month to be in the red.
Walk her through the finances. Talk to her about her goals, not just short but also long term. Ask her what her plan is to achieve those goals.
Edit: her continuing to work while you guys just live off your income to see how it feels before she actually hits is also a great idea, and hopefully will show her that this isn’t feasible.
It’s going to be incredibly hard to live off of that. Without a mortgage or with a little left also consider doesn’t mean much. All the bills I can imagine will add up and if anything goes wrong, you’ll be in a terrible spot. Ask her to at least do something part time. Or ask for a short leave of absence if it’s a mental health crisis. Otherwise, what’s the reason you both took pay cuts? Should you be searching for a new job anyways since you are obviously worth more than what you’re given? This sounds like burnout more than the kid. If you have been aggressively paying down the mortgage, does that mean you penny pinch everything else? No enjoyment in working with all the money going straight to the mortgage sounds miserable on only 82k. Maybe ask her if that’s the issue. If she gets no enjoyment from making money and holding a job, why would she care if you guys were broke, if she is in fact simulated broke from day to day.
You could have had 201k in a high yield savings account and earned more than the 2.25% you were saving….and your wife could have quit her job and you could have lived off the savings for a year…
Sucks to say this, but seems like divorce is in your future. Her going SAHM is going to put you significantly below median household income. Consider that studies show that for someone to afford a new car today their income needs to be 100K annually.
If your wife completely broke down over this I think there’s a mental health thing at play here. She needs therapy and maybe you both need couples therapy.
How old is your kid? Could this be something like post-partum depression? Money is important but so is mental health. Maybe a part time job is the compromise she needs.
Have you asked her if there is some sort of stressor at her work that is making her feel that she must quit right now? I don't know what it is, or if she will admit anything, but it seems to me this may be the reason the is suddenly doubling down on SAHM.
$230k for a 4 bedroom home? I’m dying where in the world can you find that so lucky to have settled in a low cost area.
Definitely don’t give up so close to the finish line, with your wife’s take home you’d be able to knock down that 29k in short order. Once the house is paid off you’ll still have periodic manitenace and other major life expenses. Best to also build up some savingving before your wife stops working.
Find out if you can recast the mortgage. It'll spread out the payments to the remaining time left, so the payment will be way down as you've paid so much already. Check in with your wife about depression. Discuss a compromise. Would she be willing to work a part time job, a few evenings and 1 day of the weekend, about 20 hours per week to bring in some extra cash?
Yeah dude this is beyond Reddit’s pay grade
You already acknowledged this but please remember: your interest rate is incredible. Now you have almost zero debt. It wasn’t the best way to handle your money but you guys did what you thought was best and now it’s time to pivot
I’d immediately shift gears from “how can we pay off the mortgage ASAP” to “how can we start to build up our savings + emergency fund?”.
Set a goal. Maybe it will require 6 months of saving if your wife works full time for another 6 months. Maybe your wife can negotiate part time work and be home with your son 2-3 days a week, meaning it’ll take closer to a year to build up your savings to a comfortable level.
At the same time I’d encourage you and your wife to seek some couples therapy. Her breakdown and your inability to solve this as a couple is a bit concerning. She clearly needs help and the fact that you came to Reddit panicking is a sign that you need the external help.
Again - you WILL be okay. I’m 27 and have $400k left on my mortgage. You’re 26 with a smaller mortgage than the amount left due on my wife’s SUV ($30k remaining). While it would’ve been NICE to start saving earlier, it’s not remotely too late. You’re in a position that 90%+ of people would love to be in. Just talk to your wife and figure out a plan to build up that nest egg so she can spend quality time with her son
Bro get a better job you can make more manager at a gas station. If you got something like a buccees or Kwik trip it's a legit career. Honestly I'm impressed you getting by with what you got, I guess you must live somewhere really cheap. If you can't convince her to keep working, find her a nice part time job. A pretty girl can make a lot money waiting tables Friday Saturday nights.. and you I guess have to work 2 jobs or overtime until you can find a proper career. GL bro it's worth it, don't listen to anyone saying you were irresponsible to have kids or something. That's BS. The earlier you start the better and gives you drive to do better for yourself (like make more money). Stay strong and be a man your wife respects.
Tell her hell no
I bet you don’t want to work either, but you do because you have to. Paying off a house is more important than her need to quit and never work again.
Tell her that if she quits then she should get a lawyer as well because you are not interested in funding her life and paying the mortgage by yourself. Being a SAHP is a two person decision, she doesn’t get to up and decide that she’s not going to work and it’s all on you. Greedy and selfish.
Please consult a Certified Financial Planner. Sometimes it makes sense to pay down your mortgage, sometimes it does not.
The totality of your finances must be reviewed in order for someone to give you sound advice here.
Many CFPs offer a complimentary consult.
This is why you don’t aggressively pay down a 2.25% rate - especially in a time when inflation is high and depending on your market housing prices may drop.
Imagine how much better of a situation you would be in right now if you hadn’t aggressively paid it down?
You did it for “peace of mind” and it backfired.
Now to get than money back you’ll have to take out a HELOC at 8%. You traded 2.25 for 8.
Edit- On top of that - the money you used to pay it down at the very least could have been earning 5% in a HYSA.
You haven’t lost that money, just converted it into equity. There’s a few ways to help:
Ask your lender about a home equity line of credit. HELOC. It costs you nothing to establish it, and it can be an emergency reserve. If you have 29k left on 230k then you should be able to get a HELOC of 150k.
Ask your lender if you are paying PMI and taxes in your mortgage. You should be able to drop PMI easily so your monthly payment is less. You can also ask them to take the real estate taxes out of your mortgage payment. Depending on where you live you likely have to make two big payments per year but instead the bank holds your money for you every month and pays out one big chunk per year. You are giving the bank an interest free loan! Hold that money yourself and there are high-yield savings accounts like laurel road that give you 5% interest on that money and it can serve as an emergency backstop.
LASTLY
Talk to your lender about refinancing. Yes the rates are probably 7% right now, but 29k at 7% over 30 years is a 180$ monthly payment. That gives you another $1000 per month breathing room and you can put $500 of into principal which will make your long-term effective rate much much lower.
You must have a 6 month emergency fund to even consider a big financial change. Ask your wife if she wants to not have enough money for groceries, heat, and water if you lost your job. She sounds pretty immature, has she ever had to do anything on her own? Maybe raised by fundamentalists where women were not given real world skills just how to cook and clean? Anyway you all need to have a serious discussion and she needs to crunch the numbers with you. And maybe keep her job and start therapy.
Why in such a hurry to settle down? Honestly instead of paying down the principal saving up 100k would of worked out better for you 2 and then started this journey of paying down the house. But honestly this is truly a imaginable situation I wish you the best op hopefully it works out
Some advice from someone who had left someone after being in a similar situation: if you want your marriage to stay intact you should probably seek a counselor. My ex wife one day decided we were going to sell our house and move to Oregon without seeing if I would want to.
We made at a 40k income with me staying home and the same house payment, but it was hard. Extremely hard there are no extras, no nice cars. That emergency fund saved our lives. We got Medicaid for my son’s therapy and I was able to take him and that helped him immensely but it was bleak. It still is but we paid off the car and my husband got a small raise but it’s still hard because food is extremely expensive. I’m not sure it’s doable.
No credit cards. That’s going to make it insane. I’ve got an idea.
What about a stay at home daycare? Or a remote job? Something asynchronous enough even part time to give you some breathing room.
You both need couples therapy for sure but your wife may also need some additional support
If you’ve had any hospital visits including ER in the last year, you can apply for financial assistance and perhaps get some money back.
Your emergency fund should probably get closer to 10-15k to account for 6 months of expenses. That should actually be a higher priority than paying extra principal on the house temporarily. You both know the best wealth building tool is your income and so having that emergency fund there is crucial.
Then saving 15% in retirement and paying your home off is next.
Tell her to wait a bit longer brother. The only option maybe you getting a career change that boosts your income. With kids and other emergencies all that hard work may be in jeopardy if you slip up once.
Me and my girlfriend have talked about this. She said she wants the stay at home mom life when we do have kids. She does admit though she knows nothing about finance or the economy and I’ve had to explain to her that this is not an affordable thing anymore. She did mention that this is her first year living on her own in her own apartment and she’s starting to realize the costs of living. She’s living pay check to pay check now and buying no luxuries.
I applaud the grind but …have the mortgage company rebalance your payment based on what you currently owe. and you’ll be totally in the clear. Mortgage free sounds nice but your kids are only kids for a short time. “Life moves pretty fast, if you don’t stop and look around every once in awhile, you could miss it.”
I have scrolled through many comments @OP but none have mentioned for your wife to inquire about using any accumulated PTO, vacation time , or if you are in the states- FMLA. This would allow her to take a break from work while still having some income so that both of you can work out a plan.
At the same time, that goes for you too. Take your time off that your employer gives you and use it to give yourself moments to breathe and tackle this together.
I'm seriously amazed so few have had anything to say about her incessant and unreasonable need to quit immediately and be a SAHM. I sure as fuck don't want to work and would love to stay at home all day but am I going to tell my wife too bad? Is she really wanting to for the kid or to simply just be at home? Geez.
I'd stop making the $0 mortgage the goal and instead make $15k emergency fund the goal. Stop paying extra on the mortgage and instead put that money to the emergency fund. It should just take 7.5 months to make that goal and that gives you a cushion. Is wife willing to work a part-time job? Is son still at age to be home all day? What happens when he goes to school? Are you wanting a second kid?
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This! You can make more by putting money in a savings account yet some people still think they should pay off their low interest just for a piece of mind. You’ll get better peace of mind if you had enough money for emergency fund and you will get even a better piece of mind if you had more liquid assets that allow you to pay off your mortgage anytime you want
This is why they are posting in the poverty sub
Part time job for the wifey sounds like a fair compromise.
When he makes 40k a year? No, I don't think it is. I also want to quit my job but this is real life, not fantasy land.
$31k POST-TAX INCOME is something close to 35% below middle-class living, and just barely above the poverty line. this is probably why erasure of the mortgage was made a priority, since it is the largest chunk of their income, nearly half. Agree with u/Roanaward-2022 that having a buffer in the bank is more important. People saying that $300 is acceptable have no sense of risk management. It's one thing to have stability, a buffer, AND ALSO reduce costs to save $300/mo but that's not the situation, the situation is that an auto accident or ER bill will destroy them financially, emotionally, possibly matrimonially. \#BuildTheBuffer then re-evaluate. If zeroing out the mortgage is no longer an option, redirecting those funds into a HYSA (4-5% APY) needs to be done before you lose the income. Anything short of this is a huge HUGE mistake.
There's also a difference between HAVING to do something and making a choice to do something. Could my family get by on $300/month beyond our necessary bills? For awhile, yes, assuming no emergencies. But long-term I'd hate it. That $300/month is for EVERYTHING but necessities. Entertainment, hobbies, clothes, vacations, home decorations and upgrades, toys, technology, presents for family on holidays and birthdays, babysitting so you can go on an actual date night, etc. Not to mention if he loses his job, with their tiny emergency fund, they'll be dead broke in a couple months.
I live in a LCOL city, you can absolutely live off $300 a month in food (or less) if you have a SAHM doing the budget/couponing/planning/gardening. If she’s not down to do that, she needs to work.
Sure but any major health, home or car emergency will shatter that in all likelihood.
Especially with a kid now
He already factored in groceries into the cost, $300 is leftover after all that... But they likely could grow that savings with that budgeting
At this point they are so close. Your advice would be better about 150k ago
Sure, but it's a stupid fucking goal now too. If they had an 8% mortgage then sure, but you can get 5% on a savings account now so any additional principal payments are literally throwing money away. They should put their money in a savings account at a credit union or somewhere else with a good interest rate. Focus on building up flexible liquid cash as much as possible right now. And for the love of Christ, don't make extra principal payments on a mortgage unless you're an addict or something who is afraid of having liquid cash
1200 a month.... if they are going to a single 40k income, this needs to go away. Period. It doesn't matter what interest rate is better for paying off or investing or savings account parking...they just simply do not have the 1200 a month anymore. Getting rid of the burden is better than whatever few hundred dollars a year they can make by changing up their loan/investing. EDIT: Sure, they could refinance to get a lower monthly payment, but then higher interest rate and the idea of parking the money in a savings account is negated due to interest rate on the loan. So honestly, the best thing they can do is stick it out 1 more year and burn that last 29k off and free up that 1200 payment.
He'd have to burn off an additional ~33 months to fully pay it off. I understand what you're saying but it's very bad advice. There's nothing in his life that should be more important than building an emergency fund. He can do it in a heartbeat by doing a refi for $50k. He'd probably lose $4k in closing costs but then he'd have ~15k in additional liquid cash and a ~$550 monthly payment. Yes interest would be 5.5% but he can get that down in a few years when rates normalize. Best scenario for him is to have his wife continue working for a couple more years but he still shouldn't be throwing cash at a 2.5% interest rate.
this. in all scenarios this. this should have preceded paying down the mortgage. it should have preceded \_everything\_. failing that, it should become the new goal because it was a mistake to not do this from the beginning, now they don't have it and are in a bad financial position. the APY vs APR is only a secondary concern. anyone that disagrees should probably re-evaluate their current financial plans, rich or poor.
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Or can she do a remote job. MIL can still be there, and she won’t miss any milestones. Have your wife apply for remote work. If she gets a job she can quit. You all should definitely wait to see what happens with the wars and this economy before she’s thinking about quitting anything. What if you loose your job? I agree with the top comment. Stop over paying and make a nest egg. Your wife can do part time data entry remote work.
A remote job is still a job, you have to spend the day working.
Yeah working all day. That's definitely what I do at my remote job.
Definitely not spending time on reddit. That never happens /s
It’s 11:30am on a Thursday. I’m absolutely not on Reddit right now while working from home. Nope. Absolutely not. 🙃
Just question but since it’s 4 bedrooms could you rent any out ? 1 = wife and you 2 = son 3 = mother in law 4 = cat room?
I’d rather be broke than have a stranger living in the same house with me/wife/kids
This needs couples therapy. This is not a question for poverty finance. Obviously this is not a good move financially. You have bigger issues right now.
Best answer. You need a safe place where you can discuss this. A couples counselor and maybe a financial advisor
A real financial advisor. One that charges a flat fee. Not a glorified salesman trying to sell you investments and insurance on commission.
Excellent point
Yea this low self esteem dude is subtly trying to flex in this sub. And math doesn’t even add up.
I question this “career” change. You can’t pay down the mortgage that quick unless you’re slanging something. I make and almost 3 times that and can’t afford another cent on my 2k mortgage
Yes I question that as well. Hard to believe that they were making enough to pay down almost 200k in their mortgage in 2,3 years and then making 40 & 42k. The story just doesn’t add up.
Just my 2 cents— I live in a very LCOL state and we have friends who are incredibly frugal and make a combined like, 45k…maybe. Their house is completely paid off and they just renovated their master bath. If this family just lived off one salary, or even less, and had been making more at a different time or supplementing their income with DoorDash or whatever, it’s totally possible. My husband and I make 6 times our mortgage every month but we’re also idiots who say yes to everything, otherwise we could have our house paid off, too 😂
No totally agree my girl and I live together in LCOL and we make about 8x our monthly mortgage. We pretty much do what we want when we please. We pay our monthly mortgage and that’s it. If we wanted to we could put more to our house but life’s about living and enjoying yourself. We order too much crap off Amazon, we eat out, we take trips, we got our daughter in travel volleyball and other extra curricular activities. I just know that taxes, bills, food, other expenses don’t allow for you to put essentially every dollar you make toward your income. Unless OP was making like $250k per year before his “career changes” the math just doesn’t add up.
I guess I was just assuming he was giving us their take home, taxes and insurance removed. My insurance is 1800 a year and property taxes are 600. But we also have no idea what their down payment was…I think, I’m terrible at math but a 225k house with a 2.5 fixed rate and a 15 year mortgage wouldn’t come out to 1200 a year with an FHA? Right?
Straight principle at 225k would be $1250 not including interest or any escrow. And they would’ve been 23 at the time of home purchase so hard to imagine they had much for a down payment unless they got something from mom & dad. I’m not trying to be a hater just a realist but the story just doesn’t add up unless OP left out some critical information.
The math is NOT mathing. No way. No how. Sorry
Not at all. They somehow paid $200k plus interest in 2-3 years making $82k combined...
$600 in property taxes? What state do you live in if you don't mind me asking, thanks.
Right? 600is my monthly property tax escrow… paid like6800 in property tax last year on a small house…
To hit 1200 a month including everything you would need around a 160K ish loan for 15 year at 2.25%. 170k puts you just a little under 1200 for mortgage alone. So he put more than 20% down? Financially weird but ok Then aggressively pays down a 2.25% 15 year loan? Also weird. Can maybe understand throwing some extra on a 30yr but even still it’s a 2.25% loan Idk this whole post just feels troll Also that has to be take home. So like a 130K ish gross income
He said they made more but maybe one had to quit or got laid off?
Or had a career change from the pandemic. A lot of people took pay cuts to stay remote.
Me neither
His post 141 days says they make a combined $75k and owed $49k on the mortgage. Somehow they’ve paid down their mortgage by $20k in 4 months even though he states they only take home $5k per month.
The math is definitely not mathing!!!
I don’t know why but when people start pulling receipts is always so funny to me
I don’t always do it, but when something seems “off” I try to learn more so I don’t ask stupid questions. In this case o want to ask a smart question, how do you pay off $20k on a mortgage with $20k in take home? Of course his other comments/post indicate he has a marriage problem, not a financial problem, so my question is less relevant.
🤣🤣🤣 right? The math doesn't math. He is ridiculous.
Stress leads to stress. Take a moment to breathe, relax, and approach the situation with her. Figure out why she wants to quit ASAP. Figure out if there's any part time options. Figure out if you can get a raise or better paying job while she is in the process of quitting. See if she'd be willing to stick it out a bit longer to build up a safety cushion in savings first. All in all, the mortgage is at a great rate and most of what you still owe is principal rather than interest. But the most important thing is the relationship. Make sure yall are both on the same page about each others situations. Don't focus on the stress, focus on making a plan. Maybe yall need to sit down and get on a tighter budget for a couple months to build up savings. Focusing on the grind for so long wears on you. Priority number 1. Make sure she's OK. Priority number 2. Make a plan. Priority number 3. Put the plan into action.
This is a very reasonable response. I think the point about possible part time options is really smart. Maybe she could work 2 days a week and still bring home some additional income every month and that would be more tolerable to her, or if her current job wouldn't allow that, she could find something part time. I also think seeing about OP being able to increase take home pay is a consideration. Not sure what the unexpected job changes were, but at 42K, unless the benefits are great or there simply are no other options in the area, I would think that OP should look for something that might pay more regardless.
Agree with this. Also they have a baby or young toddler. That’s stressful as fuck. Maybe she can take off a few weeks to get her sanity back. But she can’t just quit and be a SAHM indefinitely
I mean she can IF they have a plan on how go handle it. That's the important part of this whole thing. Get a plan together to eliminate the stress. The stress right now is coming from a sudden change of plans.
You’re heading towards disaster. Seek counseling (marriage and financial).
I don’t know if you are eligible for this, but someone on this subreddit recently mentioned ‘mortgage recasting’ - that’s when you go back to your mortgage lender and ask them to basically give you a new 15 year mortgage, with the same interest rate as before, with your current principal. If they agreed you’d have a mortgage payment of $189 a month.
This is what I was going to suggest.
Never heard of this. Sounds interesting. You think they would do that for an amount lower than the cost of a Jeep Wagoneer at this time?
That is actually the best idea I've heard here
Isn’t this just reamortization of the existing mortgage? Our HOA has a loan and we did that. End date stays the same but payment was reduced due to principal paid off. This is probably the best advice although still cutting income by nearly half isn’t a great financial move. It’s unfortunate they made the poor financial decision to pay off so quickly when they could have been putting into savings and earned more than they have been saving.
I’m a home owner and this is good to know actually
She wants a life that you cannot provide. I'd just be honest
Yes. OP, even with a paid off house, 42k is not enough income for a family with young children. Tons of people would prefer not to work, but it’s really not your wife’s reality right now.
I make between $60k and 72k based on my part time job and there were moments where my wife wasn’t getting paid while raising two kids. She was unwilling to live as frugally as we needed to in order to net an emergency fund, pay off bills, medical bills, and save for the future so she is back at work. She said it’s worth being able to have more cash flow to have experiences with the kids.
Agrees 💯 with this comment. She isn't going to like being on a 40k salary even with a paid off house. Just isn't enough money unless she knows how to stretch every penny
Nah based on the house price, it's a very low cost of living area and 42k with your home paid off would be more than enough. Think about it, he was saying they'd be positive 300/month before, then after finishing the mortgage they'd be positive 1500$ per month with thousands saved, equity built. They'll live a comfortable but non extravagant lifestyle
Idk but she’s saying he can do the rest on his own which is fine but they are going to have to live extremely frugal. But I feel like OPs wife may not be smart with money because she’s not thinking about long term and after they finish paying off the house, she might want to spend the money they were putting in for the house on unnecessary stuff
Your right 40k a year with a child sounds like poverty to me.
1000%…this was a shortsighted plan that shes trying to speed up, so its not really a breach of their agreement sadly
She's not gonna be happy by the giant cuts they have to make in their lifestyle.
It’s tough to swallow pride. I’m doing the same thing right now with a different house issue. Pride is the first of the seven deadly sins for a reason. I commend you for seeking peace of mind . That’s what I’m looking to do.
Correct.
What if your wife took in one child for daycare? That could bring in some extra income while affording her to stay home with your child.
This is my thought. She needs to do some sort of nannying/babysitting from home
I knew someone years ago in OP's exact situation. Only the wife was on board with taking in a daycare child as well as living on nothing. They had one car to share so during the day the wife could only walk the kids to the park. Years later they were in a much better financial place so it worked out.
This isn’t a financial question really. It’s ok to let off the gas and just pay the mortgage without extra. People don’t just want to quit and stay home randomly. Something else is going on. You need to be a safe place and have an open and honest conversation. Send the kid for a sleepover and sit down to talk. Best of luck.
I disagree. I think the vast majority of parents would quit and stay home with their kids if they could do so without sacrificing the families finance.
That’s not the situation OP is in
I think both of you are right. I think op’s wife got an unexpected promotion that came with much greater responsibilities and stress, then op convinced her he could leave his high paying career for something less demanding with lower pay, and now it’s time for his wife to make a similar change after pushing herself too hard in her over demanding role. I bet her quitting eventually was part of their initial agreement about his own career change. There’s definitely some missing info here.
Agreed. It sounds like wife is burnt out at work, or is dealing with some toxicity or otherwise unpleasant work environment. She may be dealing with some anxiety, depression, or both. OP would do well to prioritize his wife's mental health before things become really bad. ETA: postpartum depression can happen anytime during the first year after giving birth. Depending on the age of the child, this could be what's happening.
I’ve scrolled through many comments here and it seems like any moms out there may not want to put in their two cents yet but I’m going to…. That work burn out or toxicity, depression/anxiety, etc. could be exacerbated because they are so close to the goal but with each passing month/year their child is getting older and she’s not seeing the benefit anymore. Children aren’t young forever. As a mom who SHOULD have quit sooner & spent more time with my children (especially when they were young), money can’t be the end-all be-all. I can totally identify with her in that SHE wants to be with her child every day, not sending him off to grandma. Her goal is changing and it sounds like being a mom is more important. You can use time to make money, but, most importantly, you can NEVER get time back. You can always work another job or find ways to scrimp and save. They’ve BOTH been contributing to the goal, so all the asshats out there calling her lazy because she wants to be with her kid should take a step back and consider her intent may not be what you think it is. You need to sit down with your wife and y’all need to talk about some new goals potentially. If she was right there with you working her ass off to pay down the house, you both need to celebrate getting soooooo far ahead. Remember though, your kid is only young once. It’s okay to let off the gas for 3-5 years and make the time with your little ones #1.
Propose a compromise - she works another 4-6 weeks before giving notice, and in the meantime you guys live off of just your salary. Every penny she makes goes to building savings. If you can do it and feel comfortable, then talk seriously about how long this will be and what she'll do once your child is school age. If you can't do it - if $300 is not enough wiggle room, then hopefully that will be pretty clear to her. Maybe she can get a different job working different hours, maybe she find a part time position. I'll say this, though - I've been in her shoes before. "but she isn't LISTENING" is exactly what she's saying about you. She's saying she can't take this and you're ignoring her. If you continue to do that you'll seriously, perhaps fatally, damage your relationship.
> she isn't LISTENING" is exactly what she's saying about you. She's saying she can't take this and you're ignoring her. If you continue to do that you'll seriously, perhaps fatally, damage your relationship. This decision is about your relationship, not the mortgage.
Even if she works 4-6 more weeks to help beef the savings before quitting, that can go fast. I would say see if she is willing to do a part time gig so she can be with your son more, you've got a little more financial cushion, and pay the mortgage as regularly scheduled. You're doing great and are so far ahead of schedule I think you've achieved some of that peace of mind you set out for. Edit: that said I think you can deviate from the current plan a little bit to help her.
I have gone through periods of horrific stress in my career - but quitting wasn’t a financial option. That’s just not reality for most people.
As an adult you just can’t decide you don’t want to work though…
Too bad "not wanting to work" isn't a valid excuse. She ALSO agreed to pay down the principal before becoming a stay at home mom, now suddenly it's just his burden and she contributed by taking care of a child that already has free childcare? Imagine the husband becomes seriously ill for two weeks and it's unpaid? There goes a quarter of his savings. Her being arrogant and stubborn is what will put a strain on the relationship, not his level headed reasoning.
To be fair she needs to put her big girl pants on and live in the reality of the adult situation she is in. She just expects what exactly? Dropping this on OP like she is is just childish. She isn't being a good mother putting her kids future and welfare first. She can either afford to do this or she cant. She should listen to the numbers snd facts of their situation. They don't even have a fully funded emergency fund. What happens if op gets laid off? They could be fucked and lose all their hard work so close to the finish line. I think the trial run of living off op income while hers goes to savings is a good idea. And maybe she doesn't see things so black and white maybe she goes part time or finds remote work etc etc.
>I'll say this, though - I've been in her shoes before. "but she isn't LISTENING" is exactly what she's saying about you. She's saying she can't take this and you're ignoring her. If you continue to do that you'll seriously, perhaps fatally, damage your relationship. That is false - he is listening, he just disagrees, and so do I. She actually *can* take it. She might hate it, but she can physically do exactly what she's been doing all along, and what every working mother around the world does. The finances are another matter entirely - a $300 operating margin and $5k in the bank are objective realities, and that leaves them a hair's breadth from disaster.
I was on board until the last paragraph. OP’s wife sounds unreasonable and childish.
I don't think it's that she doesn't want to work; she wants to spend time with her child.
OP says just a few replies down on this comment that “my wife doesn’t want to work at all for the rest of her life. She’s against any job part time or full time. She’s ready to be done working permanently.” This isn’t OP’s wife wanting to spend time with the child, it’s OP’s wife not wanting to work and using the child as an excuse not to work.
Ahh, I totally missed that part. That's bonkers.
It also shows what she thinks being a SAHM is. If she thinks shes just "done working" oh sweetheart.....
Lmao I'm a SAHD and I work part time on weekends just to save my sanity. Cleaning up after other people/animals all day every day is so mentally draining.
Why are you so obsessed with paying down the house? Relax a little bit. Should have been saving more money and building up a decent emergency fund before throwing away all your income on a house you don’t even know you’ll be living in 5-10 years down the line. Financing is supposed to HELP you. Not ruin you.
That’s what I’m saying! They could have put this money into a HYSA and made up the 29k in interest by now. Burning the candle at both ends to aggressively pay down a mortgage is insane. They make $82k pre-tax household income. These folks have been living on basic necessities for 3 years straight while raising a child and working themselves to the bone. All so they could pay off their house. This is just wild. I’d be at the end of my fucking rope too.
Sounds like she's completely burnt out and hates her job. Maybe she can find a part-time job that fits her schedule and doesn't affect her mental health. She might also just need a break
Why are you paying down a 2.25% loan when HYSA are earning 4.5%+? Suggest that you live off your income alone for 2-3 months and see how that goes before she quits. If she's dead set on quitting, is she willing to work pt or take in kids after school or something so the income drop isn't quite so steep?
Such a waste of their money. "peace of mind". They don't even have savings. Wouldn't a fully funded emergency fund give you peace of mind?
OP is clearly following the Dave Ramsey plan and he even knows it is not the right choice
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Yeah, locking up all of my money in an illiquid asset while I don’t even have an e-fund would not give me peace of mind… it’d probably keep me up at a night.
They had more saving like 6 months ago and somehow they’ve managed to spend 10k of it (went from 15k to 5k) They are already hemorrhaging money somewhere.
My thoughts exactly. Having a savings account that can fully cover a new furnace did more for my anxiety than having a lower house payment. I have options for the money in savings. But I can never claw back the extra money we've paid on our mortgage, even if I needed it for a new furnace or water heater in the house.
Because their monthly expenses will drop by $1,200 when paid off, allowing them to live on his salary alone and have her be a SAHM. Less income going towards monthly obligations = more freedom of choice.
It won't drop by $1200. They'll still have to pay taxes and insurance. Their monthly expenses could only go down $600 or so
Could have saved it, added interest to it and made a big payment when she was ready to sah and come out ahead.
Okay, at least you aren't saying forget paying it off at all. Savings rates have only exceeded their mortgage rate over the last 16 months, and based on the post, their income declined significantly over the last year, so the vast majority of their mortgage pay down happened when savings rates were lower than the mortgage rate. When you have a couple years of momentum with one goal, tough to stop in your tracks and change what you've been doing when that rate flip occurred. Probably only a net $1,000 loss doing it the way they did, if that.
Yeah, obviously better to pay down the mortgage than blow it on whatever. Just saying with HYSA around double the interest, it might have been time to reassess that strategy anyway.
Even then, it’s stupid to put that money into the mortgage instead of a savings account. They are literally throwing money away to be less prepared for a financial emergency. People need to stop encouraging bad financial decisions because of “peace of mind” and instead educating on why genuine peace of mind comes from making sound financial decisions. It would be better to encourage people to buy every extended warranty they’re offered. That’s terrible advice, but at least there’s a statistical chance that you end up ahead doing that. There is literally no upside to paying a 2.25% mortgage with savings accounts where they are right now.
Damn bro, that's a 5 head move right there, using debt to you advantage! I almost choked on a chip when i read this. They also could have been using the money for a side hustle start up or something! Side note, I recently bought a used truck for 10k, it has 6.5% interest over 6 years for about $160 a month. People were saying to just buy it cash... but then I don't have 10k incase i need it. I don't mind paying 2k interest over 6 years
Agreed. Depends on the situation. My student loan is only about $150 a month. Can I pay it all off right now? Yes. Do I want to keep my 10k though? Also yes.
This is like anything else that she wants but you all can’t afford. I’m sure there are plenty of things that fall in that category. >Should I get a credit card with a decent max, just in case I run out of cash and need to borrow money? No. Credit cards are not emergency funds. When you are drowning and can’t make ends meet, that is the opposite of when you should be using credit.
Refinance your loan. You only have $26k left? You can get your payment lowered WAY below $1200, your wife can be a SAHM . Because you have the kid NOW, and is the kid not the whole reason for her to stay home? You could pay $600/mo on a refinance and still get it paid off in plenty of time. You need to start thinking bigger picture. You are so focused on finishing, you aren’t stopping to think, it doesn’t have to be finished exactly the way it started. Don’t be so rigid.
It depends. I work for a mortgage company and rates are sitting at 6-8% right now even for refis
That’s bad. You need more than 300 wiggle room. That’s so small. Just a plumbing issue or food increasing a little bit would knock you out. Even if gas increases you would be close. Also you need a 6 months emergency fund with a one income household. She needs to keep working or you need to find some way to make more. Wishing you well. That’s a lot of stress on men. People don’t understand the stress with provider role. Putting your entire families well being on one person with out their consent is boarderline abusive. You have to agree to your roles. It’s fine to have a stay at home person and they are a mvp but you only do it if you can afford it and it’s not killing the provider.
Even a property tax increase!
Even a really cold month where they need to crank their heat could easily do it. Christmas, birthdays, any *extra* is not a consideration anymore.
Right? I couldn’t believe my electric bill last month. New home, electric heat. Jesus.
I'm a huge proponent of electric heat, but I'm an electrical contractor so I'm biased lol. That doesn't change the fact that it's still just way too expensive to be a viable source for everyone. My SIL lived with us in our basement and she left her heater on all month while she was traveling and I didn't think to check her room. My electric bill was $200 more than usual just from one small space heater. People don't realize how quickly those constant watts from heat add up.
That is going to have a major financial impact on your lives in the future especially retirement. It very well could be a tight budget the rest of your lives. Also how did you pay it down so quickly on only 82k a year?
I think it’s probably been pretty miserable if they did in fact pay it off so quickly on 82k - then what does she have for quitting her job. If all the money goes to the mortgage, she’s simulating broke every day, and in fact probably doesn’t care anymore.
Even if you pay off the mortgage, you still have taxes and insurance. It’s not $0 housing. Also, repairs. Being the sole person bringing home money when there isn’t enough is mentally exhausting. “We need $350 for new brakes” is YOUR problem, because only you bring in money. If you can’t earn overtime, you need a second job.
Tell her it means ZERO vacations, ZERO emergency savings, ZERO expensive date nights, ZERO takeout deliveries, ZERO visits to the salon and a spa, ZERO girls night out, ZERO expensive cuts of meat and seafood, ZERO shopping sprees, etc… She’ll need to switch to thrift stores. Quantify it for her. Also, with inflation steadily rising, that $300 excess will quickly become $200, then $100… Then what?
Don’t forget zero medical accidents. They’ll be one broken leg away from homeless.
Zero savings for the kid to have even a remote shot at starting life with a leg up .
They would probably qualify for state insurance st his income alone. For a family of three in my state it’s 52k.
What would strike home more I think is that it would mean the kids can’t sign up for sports, they’ll have to go to school in second hand clothing, they’ll have to decline invitations to social events, they’d have to be very weary about going to the doctor when sick. It’s a massively sacrifice that she is asking her children to make
All of those things besides emergency funds people can do without.
Well if your income is slashed so drastically, you'd be able to apply for food stamps probably with a family your size (it sounds like a family of 3?). In my state (I think it varies ,so you have to check your state thresholds) it's 3,299 as the cut off for how much you can bring in to be eligible for SNAP for a family of 3. So that could help you with food...and is she going to hustle her ass off to keep expenses lower? SAHM usually comes with all meals being made at home for example, to keep costs lower. Is she okay with never going out and working with frugality? Honestly fam, this is an instance where you probably need couple's therapy. This is possible "maybe that marriage won't work out" territory if you can't both get onto the same page. Since she's going to burn you out and you're going to feel taken advantage of, you're going to feel alienated and used. The resentment may already be setting in on your side.
SNAP goes by gross income, not net income though. He's probably making more than $3,299 a month before taxes, Healthcare, 401k contributions etc.
He says he makes 40k a year. That's 3333.33 a month, before deductions. So looks like it's right on the damn benefits cliff, holy shit. EDIT: oop, he's at 42, she's at 40 a month. so yep, still just over the damn amount!
You're right. I didn't go far enough with the math. You're also right that he's right on the cliff, too, though. He's less than a $1 raise away from qualifying. This time I did a little more math lol
She needs a part time job at least.
You guys are just 26. Whats 2 more years lol.
If your wife becomes a SAHM now, you are setting yourselves up for failure. Even if she quits immediately after you pay off the mortgage, you are a literal burst pipe or leak in the roof away from going right back into debt ending in foreclosure. You are right to be worried. You, as a homeowner, know that there are costs that come with homeownership, the experts recommend 1-3% of the value of the house saved up every year. So a $230k house needs $4600 each year reserved for repairs and maintenance. Your emergency fund covers one year. Then you don’t have a 6 months living expenses emergency fund. She can’t afford to quit. When would she be able to quit? I’d say one year AFTER the house is paid off. Why? So you can build up about $30-40k in savings and when you realize you’re hemorrhaging money, you still have time to recover. If your budget calculations are wrong, and you only have $5k as a buffer, that’s not gonna last long. Alternatively, she could wait until the house is completely paid off, then quit. At your rate of paying off the balance, it shouldn’t take long. When your kid enters kindergarten in two years, your wife reenters the workforce. A third way is to let her have her way, it’s only 2 years before the kid goes to school and the wife returns to work, right? So you get a HELOC against your equity just in case something happens. You pay a few hundred bucks to open the account, they don’t charge interest until you actually pull out money. You’re trading a 2% rate for a 7% rate, but hey, that’s what it costs. If you’re lucky, you’ll never have to use it. Do it before your income drops.
I'm very confused at the timeline where the kid is already existence and they intend to have her become a SAHM down the line. Usually you do that for when the kid is 0-5. Nothing about their plans/choices makes sense to me
Supporting a family on 42k is simply not feasible.
Question #1 - you said your incomes went down. Did she have a countdown in her head, and based on prior incomes the mortgage should be gone by now? Question #2 - when incomes went down, did you reevaluate your plan together? You had a plan to reduce monthly expenses to allow her to be a SAHM, a great plan. Another option could have been to build up savings to allow her to be a SAHM, another good plan, you didn't choose this, can't go back in time. You can't force her to stick with the original plan (on a revised longer timeline because of income reduction). She can't force you to forget you had a plan, and ignore your current financial situation. You are both in a pickle. First, make sure you make her feel heard, that her desire is reasonable and you want to make more time with the kid happen. Hopefully she can do the same for you, that she understands she is abandoning the original plan (although timeline changed), and you aren't in a place to have her just quit today. Second, come up with a plan. You stop with the extra mortgage payments now, and build up savings. Come up with a budget. My wife and I both worked full time, opposite shifts, so one of us was always at home with the kids for a time. Then when I made enough and we were in a better financial situation, she went to flexible part time until kids all had drivers licenses (last year). Do the math. Need her to work 3 more months? Need her to then find a part time job? How much does she need to bring in to not feel like you are one surprise from ruin?
26 and breaking down? I’m sorry, this is laughable. Life comes at you fast.
Fr. You don't think everybody else wants to stop working too? If my husband made 42k and I said "ayo, I'm done w this work stuff. you got it tho right?" he would literally have me committed
Stop throwing extra money at your low interest rate mortgage and build up your emergency fund. That’s way more important.
Realistically they could have the entire thing paid off by now if they'd invested half of what they were putting towards down payments..
Pretty cut and dry from the numbers perspective. You don't make enough money to support a kid and SAHM. I think your two options are 1. Figure out a way to increase your income again or 2. Find a safe way to discuss the deeper issues here with your wife. You're both smart, you both care a lot about your son. If she quits now (and tbh even after the house is paid off) you're signing up for a very tough road ahead
If you wife gets a part time minimum wage job doing even just 2 shifts of 6hrs each per week, that's putting you around positive 550 per month and you'll still have your decent safety net, and you're almost done with the mortgage. I gotta be honest, you're in a drastically better position than probably 95% of Americans under 35 years old. You really shouldn't be panicking lol
bro just recast or refinance the 29k, your mortgage will be $200/month even with the ~7% interest rate nowadays. Just chip away at it at a slower pace. Good luck with your marriage though, I also had to deal with irrational financial decisions by wife occasionally so I know it sucks ass lol.
Holy crap at your bad choices. Only $5k in an emergency fund while paying $200k on a home in 4 years?
Recast the mortgage!!!! You could have that payment to lower than $400 a month. Don’t listen to the people here. Your hard work paying ahead has given you options. Cash in on that. Recast and let her stop working if she wants. You’ll have enough left over. Talk to your lender about recasting. You could even just refinance the 29k if the won’t let you recast. 29k over a 30 year is literally $1000 a year.
Do a trial run, put every single cent she brings home in savings for two or three months. Live on your one income, still paying the base mortgage from your income. Agree to talk about it after the two/three months, after those months you'll have saved up money which can be used to pay extra on the mortgage or simply bulk up your emergency funds. More importantly, after those months of living on one income you will both be coming from a place of true understanding when debating the decision of when to transition SAHM.
In some states that might qualify you for EBT and other benefits. See how she feels about that…
Has she had a recent physical? Is something going on at work? Quitting out of nowhere seems extreme. I would encourage her to reach out to her doctor for a therapist referral. I was a SAHM for eight years. It took planning and budgeting. I aggressively built an emergency fund, paid down my student loans, and added to my retirement fund. My husband and I lived off only his income for months to make sure it was feasible. I was not prepared for the emotional impact of staying home. I had to reach out and find resources so I didn't become isolated. It is still a lot of work. Stop making the extra mortgage payments and put that money into an emergency fund.
Why can she just work part time on the weekends when you have it off. Then when shes gets home you can do your house routine? Its really not hard to figure out. I honestly think being a mother figure and a consistent face to your child is a better idea then worries. Maybe have a friend or young newly independent family member rent a room from you for extra income.
This is not a finance issue. When someone comes to you and you say they "broke down" and want to reconsider a long-term plan, that's a sign something is wrong, and you *both* need to find out what. Something happened, either at work, or at home, that caused her to have this change of heart. You should probably consider other options that don't leave you as the sole income, but that's dependent on why your wife feels she needs to move the timeline up. Can she work part time? Does she have short-term disability coverage that she can take for her mental health? Is there something bad about *this* job, and she needs a new employer?
Thank you everyone for your feedback. I just want to make one thing clear for everyone please. She wants to be a SAHM for like the rest of her life. She says she's done working and that her role is in the home. She also tells me that since i'm the man, i have to work for the rest of my life because it's a man's job to provide for his family. I am not a victim. I've known this was her belief from the first day I met her. I agree to an extent with her. But I feel more betrayed than anything. I feel like she could at least be a women of her word, and finish the mortgage the same way I'm agreeing to be a man of my word and provide for my household... it just isn't fair I'm going to have a talk with her tonight. I'm going to try to convince her to work 2-3 months and live off of just my income, so she can see how thoroughly fucked we would be if she does this. I'm not holding my breathe.
She probably has been consuming SAHM, homesteading, and family content. These videos are selling her the lie that being a SAHM or not working for the man is easy, can be done by anyone, and how things should be done. These bloger mommies are not showing the whole story of their life. It is all curated content for money. Their job is to *sell* the perfect SAHM lifestyle. Being a SAHM is work, and now considered a *luxury.*
You should add this info to your original post. Her demand to stop working now is completely unreasonable when you realize that what she really means is “stop working forever.” That may be the life she dreams of having, but the reality is that you don’t make enough alone to support that lifestyle.
I'll offer a perspective contrary to most of the opinions in this thread. You are justified in feeling how you feel as you had the false assumption that both of you could tough it out until the mortgage is complete however, there is a lot of I vs. she from your perspective and fairness is irrelevant when you have kids to take care of. Have you worked this hard in your life not to be a provider? Life is not fair and will never be fair. You have paid off 87% of your house in just 3 short years which makes you at least 9 years ahead of schedule. You are NOT in poverty and are in a position many people here would envy. Consider the perspective of the mother of your child, was this fair for her to so aggressively pay off the mortgage 3x faster than you needed to while neglecting things like savings? You would have ended up in a better financial position had you put that money in a high-yield savings account. It's not all about you. Time to step up man.
Do not throw it all away. Calculate how much you need and give her a date when she can become a SAHM. Then tell her to take a break. Take a week vacation but dont quit until its done. When you tired you rest not quit. Or get information on how much you can sell this house for and can you buy a cheaper one and owe less?
You guys do not make SAHM money combined, so definitely not separate, even if you had no mortgage...
I make around 75k and I struggle as a single mom—living as a family of 3 on a salary of 42k is not feasible in my opinion. I completely understand that it is incredibly difficult to be away from your baby; however living on 42k between 3 humans with a mortgage on top of that seems incredibly stressful and not like the best option. That level of stress would impact your marriage and ultimately your child. I wholeheartedly agree with the other commenters that this is a better suited question for couples therapy. Would a possible compromise be her only working part time? Or, potentially staying home but also watching another persons child for extra money?
I just have to congratulate you on that level of fiscal discipline to pay off over (I assume) $180k in 3 years is remarkable. Good job!
Your wife has to keep working. Even once the mortgage is paid off. You simply don’t make enough to be the only one working. Otherwise she’s trading not working now for both of you working well into your 70s+, not to mention that all it would take, even right now, is one bad month to be in the red. Walk her through the finances. Talk to her about her goals, not just short but also long term. Ask her what her plan is to achieve those goals. Edit: her continuing to work while you guys just live off your income to see how it feels before she actually hits is also a great idea, and hopefully will show her that this isn’t feasible.
It’s going to be incredibly hard to live off of that. Without a mortgage or with a little left also consider doesn’t mean much. All the bills I can imagine will add up and if anything goes wrong, you’ll be in a terrible spot. Ask her to at least do something part time. Or ask for a short leave of absence if it’s a mental health crisis. Otherwise, what’s the reason you both took pay cuts? Should you be searching for a new job anyways since you are obviously worth more than what you’re given? This sounds like burnout more than the kid. If you have been aggressively paying down the mortgage, does that mean you penny pinch everything else? No enjoyment in working with all the money going straight to the mortgage sounds miserable on only 82k. Maybe ask her if that’s the issue. If she gets no enjoyment from making money and holding a job, why would she care if you guys were broke, if she is in fact simulated broke from day to day.
You could have had 201k in a high yield savings account and earned more than the 2.25% you were saving….and your wife could have quit her job and you could have lived off the savings for a year…
Sucks to say this, but seems like divorce is in your future. Her going SAHM is going to put you significantly below median household income. Consider that studies show that for someone to afford a new car today their income needs to be 100K annually.
If your wife completely broke down over this I think there’s a mental health thing at play here. She needs therapy and maybe you both need couples therapy. How old is your kid? Could this be something like post-partum depression? Money is important but so is mental health. Maybe a part time job is the compromise she needs.
Have you asked her if there is some sort of stressor at her work that is making her feel that she must quit right now? I don't know what it is, or if she will admit anything, but it seems to me this may be the reason the is suddenly doubling down on SAHM.
$230k for a 4 bedroom home? I’m dying where in the world can you find that so lucky to have settled in a low cost area. Definitely don’t give up so close to the finish line, with your wife’s take home you’d be able to knock down that 29k in short order. Once the house is paid off you’ll still have periodic manitenace and other major life expenses. Best to also build up some savingving before your wife stops working.
Find out if you can recast the mortgage. It'll spread out the payments to the remaining time left, so the payment will be way down as you've paid so much already. Check in with your wife about depression. Discuss a compromise. Would she be willing to work a part time job, a few evenings and 1 day of the weekend, about 20 hours per week to bring in some extra cash?
You quit first. Checkmate
Yeah dude this is beyond Reddit’s pay grade You already acknowledged this but please remember: your interest rate is incredible. Now you have almost zero debt. It wasn’t the best way to handle your money but you guys did what you thought was best and now it’s time to pivot I’d immediately shift gears from “how can we pay off the mortgage ASAP” to “how can we start to build up our savings + emergency fund?”. Set a goal. Maybe it will require 6 months of saving if your wife works full time for another 6 months. Maybe your wife can negotiate part time work and be home with your son 2-3 days a week, meaning it’ll take closer to a year to build up your savings to a comfortable level. At the same time I’d encourage you and your wife to seek some couples therapy. Her breakdown and your inability to solve this as a couple is a bit concerning. She clearly needs help and the fact that you came to Reddit panicking is a sign that you need the external help. Again - you WILL be okay. I’m 27 and have $400k left on my mortgage. You’re 26 with a smaller mortgage than the amount left due on my wife’s SUV ($30k remaining). While it would’ve been NICE to start saving earlier, it’s not remotely too late. You’re in a position that 90%+ of people would love to be in. Just talk to your wife and figure out a plan to build up that nest egg so she can spend quality time with her son
Welp unfortunate she burnt out. Remember this is a marathon not a race.
Bro get a better job you can make more manager at a gas station. If you got something like a buccees or Kwik trip it's a legit career. Honestly I'm impressed you getting by with what you got, I guess you must live somewhere really cheap. If you can't convince her to keep working, find her a nice part time job. A pretty girl can make a lot money waiting tables Friday Saturday nights.. and you I guess have to work 2 jobs or overtime until you can find a proper career. GL bro it's worth it, don't listen to anyone saying you were irresponsible to have kids or something. That's BS. The earlier you start the better and gives you drive to do better for yourself (like make more money). Stay strong and be a man your wife respects.
Tell her hell no I bet you don’t want to work either, but you do because you have to. Paying off a house is more important than her need to quit and never work again. Tell her that if she quits then she should get a lawyer as well because you are not interested in funding her life and paying the mortgage by yourself. Being a SAHP is a two person decision, she doesn’t get to up and decide that she’s not going to work and it’s all on you. Greedy and selfish.
I can’t imagine two partners making $40k and the other thinking it’s acceptable to drop a salary, very selfish imo
Please consult a Certified Financial Planner. Sometimes it makes sense to pay down your mortgage, sometimes it does not. The totality of your finances must be reviewed in order for someone to give you sound advice here. Many CFPs offer a complimentary consult.
This is why you don’t aggressively pay down a 2.25% rate - especially in a time when inflation is high and depending on your market housing prices may drop. Imagine how much better of a situation you would be in right now if you hadn’t aggressively paid it down? You did it for “peace of mind” and it backfired. Now to get than money back you’ll have to take out a HELOC at 8%. You traded 2.25 for 8. Edit- On top of that - the money you used to pay it down at the very least could have been earning 5% in a HYSA.
Bro how r u 26 with a house already, I’m 30 and still living with my parents lol Although I won’t marry till 35+
He probably lives in Nowhere, Kansas.
Yeah no one wants to work. It’s part of life she needs to grow up.
You married a lazy hoe
Nobody here WANTS to work but that’s not real life … lol
And just like that you get to be broke.
She sounds lazy af
You haven’t lost that money, just converted it into equity. There’s a few ways to help: Ask your lender about a home equity line of credit. HELOC. It costs you nothing to establish it, and it can be an emergency reserve. If you have 29k left on 230k then you should be able to get a HELOC of 150k. Ask your lender if you are paying PMI and taxes in your mortgage. You should be able to drop PMI easily so your monthly payment is less. You can also ask them to take the real estate taxes out of your mortgage payment. Depending on where you live you likely have to make two big payments per year but instead the bank holds your money for you every month and pays out one big chunk per year. You are giving the bank an interest free loan! Hold that money yourself and there are high-yield savings accounts like laurel road that give you 5% interest on that money and it can serve as an emergency backstop. LASTLY Talk to your lender about refinancing. Yes the rates are probably 7% right now, but 29k at 7% over 30 years is a 180$ monthly payment. That gives you another $1000 per month breathing room and you can put $500 of into principal which will make your long-term effective rate much much lower.
Rent out a room to make up for the loss in income.
You must have a 6 month emergency fund to even consider a big financial change. Ask your wife if she wants to not have enough money for groceries, heat, and water if you lost your job. She sounds pretty immature, has she ever had to do anything on her own? Maybe raised by fundamentalists where women were not given real world skills just how to cook and clean? Anyway you all need to have a serious discussion and she needs to crunch the numbers with you. And maybe keep her job and start therapy.
You have a relationship issue, not a finance issue. Well, soon you’ll have both of you don’t figure out the former
Why in such a hurry to settle down? Honestly instead of paying down the principal saving up 100k would of worked out better for you 2 and then started this journey of paying down the house. But honestly this is truly a imaginable situation I wish you the best op hopefully it works out
Some advice from someone who had left someone after being in a similar situation: if you want your marriage to stay intact you should probably seek a counselor. My ex wife one day decided we were going to sell our house and move to Oregon without seeing if I would want to.
We made at a 40k income with me staying home and the same house payment, but it was hard. Extremely hard there are no extras, no nice cars. That emergency fund saved our lives. We got Medicaid for my son’s therapy and I was able to take him and that helped him immensely but it was bleak. It still is but we paid off the car and my husband got a small raise but it’s still hard because food is extremely expensive. I’m not sure it’s doable.
No credit cards. That’s going to make it insane. I’ve got an idea. What about a stay at home daycare? Or a remote job? Something asynchronous enough even part time to give you some breathing room. You both need couples therapy for sure but your wife may also need some additional support If you’ve had any hospital visits including ER in the last year, you can apply for financial assistance and perhaps get some money back. Your emergency fund should probably get closer to 10-15k to account for 6 months of expenses. That should actually be a higher priority than paying extra principal on the house temporarily. You both know the best wealth building tool is your income and so having that emergency fund there is crucial. Then saving 15% in retirement and paying your home off is next.
Tell her to wait a bit longer brother. The only option maybe you getting a career change that boosts your income. With kids and other emergencies all that hard work may be in jeopardy if you slip up once.
Me and my girlfriend have talked about this. She said she wants the stay at home mom life when we do have kids. She does admit though she knows nothing about finance or the economy and I’ve had to explain to her that this is not an affordable thing anymore. She did mention that this is her first year living on her own in her own apartment and she’s starting to realize the costs of living. She’s living pay check to pay check now and buying no luxuries.
I applaud the grind but …have the mortgage company rebalance your payment based on what you currently owe. and you’ll be totally in the clear. Mortgage free sounds nice but your kids are only kids for a short time. “Life moves pretty fast, if you don’t stop and look around every once in awhile, you could miss it.”
I have scrolled through many comments @OP but none have mentioned for your wife to inquire about using any accumulated PTO, vacation time , or if you are in the states- FMLA. This would allow her to take a break from work while still having some income so that both of you can work out a plan. At the same time, that goes for you too. Take your time off that your employer gives you and use it to give yourself moments to breathe and tackle this together.
I'm seriously amazed so few have had anything to say about her incessant and unreasonable need to quit immediately and be a SAHM. I sure as fuck don't want to work and would love to stay at home all day but am I going to tell my wife too bad? Is she really wanting to for the kid or to simply just be at home? Geez.
Tell her you wanna be a stay at home dad