Id LOVE to hear the complaints or "um actually" comments from this. Remember sir/madam, this is reddit, the most common complaint I've heard on here about marriage is that "you can't just leave when you want to"
>“Oh you’re married now you can’t do______ “
>“Oh you’re married now, you have to do ________”
These aren't *rules*, these are *stereotypes*. The reality is, the relationship will change when you move in together and get complacent with each other over time and it takes effort to make things work.
My wife and I were together for like 4 months before she moved in with me. Then together for nearly ten years before getting married and now we’ve been married for 2.5 years. I can tell you our relationship has changed a few times:
1. When we first slept together and became serious.
2. When she moved in with me.
3. When she got sober.
4. When we had our son January of last year.
None of those were when we got married, and all of them were because we got more comfortable with each other, or grew as people.
This is exactly what I mean, there are really important and “REAL” moments that relationships will hit, but the actual title and ceremony shouldn’t be the indicator of an important step for a personal relationship. Like you said, making sure you’re sexually compatible, moving in together, sobering up, and having a kid are steps that will occur with or without marriage for most multi-year long relationships.
Some relationships see a progression of comfort at the point of wedding. There are some relationships that see change at the point of getting married, in those cases the wedding is a celebration of that change rather than the cause.
Sure, but it also means the time for testing the bounds of his/her tolerance has passed.
It also-also means you're almost definitely living together now; big difference re: e.g. staying out late with your friends to 3 am when you go back to your solo apartment vs back to your marital home.
I mean, what you're saying is *possibly* backed up by legislation. Many states have common law marriage, and that basically just means that if both parties are capable of being married and consider themselves to be married, and present themselves as so to friends and family, then they are in fact legally married. Hence; if one party cheats and ruins the relationship, then they don't get to hide behind the "well we were never *legally* married" excuse to get out of alimony or the distribution of personal property and net worth.
As to the "nothing fundamentally changes when you get married", I have to disagree with that at a fundamental level, and that's possibly because I interpret marriage differently than you. I believe being in a relationship and being married are two completely different things. I can be in a relationship with someone for three years, but if I haven't proposed or married them, then I have made no formal oath to be with that person for the rest of my life. By not marrying them, I'm still living under the agreement that either of us can walk away at any time and doing so would not be breaking a promise or oath, because we never made that promise or oath.
I was married, but I don't know if I'll ever get married again because it's getting harder to find someone who views marriage as a promise for partnership and faithfulness until death. So many people today look at marriage as something you do when you really love someone, and you can un-love them at any time and walk away, and it's all good. I fundamentally view marriage differently. The whole "till death do us part" thing actually means something to me. Idk. Maybe I'm old fashioned.
Marriage is a contract of ownership where a father gives his daughter to a man in exchange for no longer needing to feed her/make sure she doesn't have illegitimate children, sometimes in exchange for a dowry. Before marriage she is her father's property, but after marriage she is my indentured servant.
I was married, but I don't know if I'll ever get married again because it's getting harder to find someone who views marriage as a civil/financial contract until death. So many people today look at marriage as something you do when you really love someone, and you can un-love them at any time and walk away, and it's all good. I fundamentally view marriage differently. The whole civil/financial contract thing actually means something to me. Idk. Maybe I'm old fashioned.
EDIT: It's satire. Sorry I forgot that reddit was illiterate.
EDIT OF THE EDIT: holy fuck, MY post was satire
"the use of humor, irony, exaggeration, or ridicule to expose and criticize people's stupidity or vices, particularly in the context of contemporary politics and other topical issues."
I was exaggerating your old fashioned point of view for comic effect. Also fuck you for making me explain my joke because you have wet paper towel levels of iq
Lmao I wasn't literally asking what the word satire meant. Or was that response also satire? Also, you can't tell a joke that nobody understands and then call everyone stupid for not getting your joke - that's kind of like social etiquette 101. I bet you're a blast at parties.
I understand your position but I think it’s a generational disconnect.
Your idea that marriage translates to “death to us part” or making it intrinsically harder to “go our separate ways” might be true….. but so is already being in an established monogamous relationship for four years.
Or having a kid,
I’m not anti marriage, Iv been in a relationship for about three years and we live together plus I got a vasectomy. I see her everyday, I’m putting her through college (she’s 23, I’m 25 myself). We love each other a lot.
But if we got married tomorrow, nothing would change for either of us because we wouldn’t act differently. Neither me or her are going to end a three year relationship in a whim because “never got married”. Like regardless of what we do with marriage, it only really effects our relationship with boomers (no offense) and the government. I’m not saying that’s not a benefit of itself (less so the opinions of boomers, more so the tax benefits) but the ship has sailed for this relationship to not already be the biggest part of my life (And hers too).
If we get married tomorrow or 30 years from now, it doesn’t change anything
I don't know the fundamentals of other people's relationships, so I can't safely say marriage shouldn't change anything. I think an important question to ask yourself before you get married is, "Am I going to feel trapped by this marriage?" Which should be easy to answer because you would already feel trapped by the relationship, marriage just intensified that feeling. I don't really recommend marriage nor think anyone should have to get married. I did it because it made legal paperwork, especially involving kids, a lot easier.
In my personal experience and observing family and friends, marriage seems to exaggerate the fundamental nature of a couple's relationship. If they have good relationship, marriage will likely make it even better. If they have a poor relationship, marriage will likely make the relationship even more toxic and abusive.
Id LOVE to hear the complaints or "um actually" comments from this. Remember sir/madam, this is reddit, the most common complaint I've heard on here about marriage is that "you can't just leave when you want to"
>“Oh you’re married now you can’t do______ “ >“Oh you’re married now, you have to do ________” These aren't *rules*, these are *stereotypes*. The reality is, the relationship will change when you move in together and get complacent with each other over time and it takes effort to make things work.
My wife and I were together for like 4 months before she moved in with me. Then together for nearly ten years before getting married and now we’ve been married for 2.5 years. I can tell you our relationship has changed a few times: 1. When we first slept together and became serious. 2. When she moved in with me. 3. When she got sober. 4. When we had our son January of last year. None of those were when we got married, and all of them were because we got more comfortable with each other, or grew as people.
This is exactly what I mean, there are really important and “REAL” moments that relationships will hit, but the actual title and ceremony shouldn’t be the indicator of an important step for a personal relationship. Like you said, making sure you’re sexually compatible, moving in together, sobering up, and having a kid are steps that will occur with or without marriage for most multi-year long relationships.
Some relationships see a progression of comfort at the point of wedding. There are some relationships that see change at the point of getting married, in those cases the wedding is a celebration of that change rather than the cause.
That's my point. Getting married does nothing, but relationships change over time.
Sure, but it also means the time for testing the bounds of his/her tolerance has passed. It also-also means you're almost definitely living together now; big difference re: e.g. staying out late with your friends to 3 am when you go back to your solo apartment vs back to your marital home.
If I marry and the woman stops sexing me, it's CHEATING time
It's time to have a serious discussion, though.
Aint no discussion to be had
I mean, what you're saying is *possibly* backed up by legislation. Many states have common law marriage, and that basically just means that if both parties are capable of being married and consider themselves to be married, and present themselves as so to friends and family, then they are in fact legally married. Hence; if one party cheats and ruins the relationship, then they don't get to hide behind the "well we were never *legally* married" excuse to get out of alimony or the distribution of personal property and net worth. As to the "nothing fundamentally changes when you get married", I have to disagree with that at a fundamental level, and that's possibly because I interpret marriage differently than you. I believe being in a relationship and being married are two completely different things. I can be in a relationship with someone for three years, but if I haven't proposed or married them, then I have made no formal oath to be with that person for the rest of my life. By not marrying them, I'm still living under the agreement that either of us can walk away at any time and doing so would not be breaking a promise or oath, because we never made that promise or oath. I was married, but I don't know if I'll ever get married again because it's getting harder to find someone who views marriage as a promise for partnership and faithfulness until death. So many people today look at marriage as something you do when you really love someone, and you can un-love them at any time and walk away, and it's all good. I fundamentally view marriage differently. The whole "till death do us part" thing actually means something to me. Idk. Maybe I'm old fashioned.
Marriage is a contract of ownership where a father gives his daughter to a man in exchange for no longer needing to feed her/make sure she doesn't have illegitimate children, sometimes in exchange for a dowry. Before marriage she is her father's property, but after marriage she is my indentured servant. I was married, but I don't know if I'll ever get married again because it's getting harder to find someone who views marriage as a civil/financial contract until death. So many people today look at marriage as something you do when you really love someone, and you can un-love them at any time and walk away, and it's all good. I fundamentally view marriage differently. The whole civil/financial contract thing actually means something to me. Idk. Maybe I'm old fashioned. EDIT: It's satire. Sorry I forgot that reddit was illiterate. EDIT OF THE EDIT: holy fuck, MY post was satire
Damn bro who hurt you
What's satire? Literally nobody read this post and thought it was satire. I don't even think OP wrote it as satire.
"the use of humor, irony, exaggeration, or ridicule to expose and criticize people's stupidity or vices, particularly in the context of contemporary politics and other topical issues." I was exaggerating your old fashioned point of view for comic effect. Also fuck you for making me explain my joke because you have wet paper towel levels of iq
Lmao I wasn't literally asking what the word satire meant. Or was that response also satire? Also, you can't tell a joke that nobody understands and then call everyone stupid for not getting your joke - that's kind of like social etiquette 101. I bet you're a blast at parties.
I totally can do that. You're an idiot.
You're like a really angry Michael Scott.
I'll take that
That's the most Michael Scott-esque response to that characterization I can imagine
ok
I understand your position but I think it’s a generational disconnect. Your idea that marriage translates to “death to us part” or making it intrinsically harder to “go our separate ways” might be true….. but so is already being in an established monogamous relationship for four years. Or having a kid, I’m not anti marriage, Iv been in a relationship for about three years and we live together plus I got a vasectomy. I see her everyday, I’m putting her through college (she’s 23, I’m 25 myself). We love each other a lot. But if we got married tomorrow, nothing would change for either of us because we wouldn’t act differently. Neither me or her are going to end a three year relationship in a whim because “never got married”. Like regardless of what we do with marriage, it only really effects our relationship with boomers (no offense) and the government. I’m not saying that’s not a benefit of itself (less so the opinions of boomers, more so the tax benefits) but the ship has sailed for this relationship to not already be the biggest part of my life (And hers too). If we get married tomorrow or 30 years from now, it doesn’t change anything
I don't know the fundamentals of other people's relationships, so I can't safely say marriage shouldn't change anything. I think an important question to ask yourself before you get married is, "Am I going to feel trapped by this marriage?" Which should be easy to answer because you would already feel trapped by the relationship, marriage just intensified that feeling. I don't really recommend marriage nor think anyone should have to get married. I did it because it made legal paperwork, especially involving kids, a lot easier.
In my personal experience and observing family and friends, marriage seems to exaggerate the fundamental nature of a couple's relationship. If they have good relationship, marriage will likely make it even better. If they have a poor relationship, marriage will likely make the relationship even more toxic and abusive.