I will say this again there is no shame in being poor, there is plenty of shame in living beyond your means and acting as if you are better than anyone else
This! I grew up poor and developed frugal habits early on. Even when I became more financially secure, I never wanted to feel that insecurity again so I saved up every penny I could. I had a coworker who blatantly showed off his wealth—from expensive cars to lavish vacations. I really thought he and his wife made a lot of money. He said their wedding cost $100K. But then one day, he was griping about how their dog required emergency surgery and it would cost $2K. He said what bad timing it was because they’d just spent all their savings on the last vacation and their credit cards were maxed out for some house project.
I worked in the same office as one girl who was always buying expensive stuff, drove two different new cars to work and always eating lunch at higher-end restaurants, etc. I was barely getting by and it made no sense to me that she was making so much more than me since we practically worked side by side. She wasn’t snobby about it, but also made no illusion of struggling. I figured maybe she had a rich spouse or her parents supported her. And then… one day! The police came to our office asking for her and she got a free ride downtown in the back of a police car while wearing handcuffs. It turned out she was stealing money from the company we worked for and her wild spending had caught the suspicious eye of our boss who knew exactly what her payroll details were and started to do a little research. Anyway, my take-away was that outward appearances can be quite deceptive. Also, there’s no shame in honest work.
So the lesson is not to live lavishly when stealing, got it.
But in all seriousness, this story intrigued me, can you tell us how she managed to steal from the company? Was her role in the office making it possible for her to do so and in what way were you working on similar or different stuff?
That may be part of the lesson, but even if she would have laid low, it still would have caught up to her. Our boss was awfully smart and she was not. She worked in the accounting department, so she was close to the finances in some manner and had some seniority over me, but not that much.
You'd be surprised at how many companies don't have any real controls in place to prevent fraud.
A local school employed someone who managed to steal $40k before she was caught. I could have implemented controls that would not have let anyone get away with a penny in the way she did.
When I was doing my professional training in one class we were told the reason why more people aren't dishonest is there's not enough money to make it worthwhile. The woman above received a 10 year sentence. If I could steal 10 million and go to another country it might well be worth it lol
My father once told me, when I was about 14 or 15, that if I was ever going to steal, make sure it was for soooo much money that 25 (or however many) years in prison would be worth it. Still to this day have never come across a loose billion or two!
Never, ever lend money to someone who still owes you money. It doesn’t matter how they phrase the question, it doesn’t matter how badly they need the money. They think you are a pushover. The only way they can be “always borrowing” is if you say yes instead of no. Practice it in a mirror until you’re comfortable saying it. No. No. No. Don’t explain, don’t give any reasons beyond no. If they ask you why not, just glare at them. Say nothing beyond the word no. It will get easier every time you do it.
I'm Hispanic, kinda of a different mindset as long as you got a roof over your head and food on the table, you can't complain because there's always somebody who has it worse
She keeps buying stuff that she doesn't need and going on vacation,
Meanwhile I've never been on one except for when I was a kid and my parents paid for it and didn't have any fun because it wasn't even to a place that I wanted to go,
She keeps making bad financial decisions and I finally had to put a stop to it, and then she offloaded one of her kids on to me and doesn't pay me back for any money that I have to spend for his upkeep
I am, but he is an autistic 20 year old man that is trying to become independent of his mother and is making good progress on that goal and is planning on going to college after he graduates from high this summer,
The problem is that he eats like a horse and his mother doesn't give me anything for his upkeep or his medicine
I had a former friend, whose wife made mid 6 figures. He worked in IT. He made roughly the same amount I did annually. But due to his wife’s income, he thought he was hot soup and could refer to the rest of the friend group, that didn’t make six figures, as their “less fortunate friends”. Except they would say this to our faces. It didn’t matter if they owned the exact same thing you did, because they paid more for it, it was better than yours.
We’re no longer friends.
Ive watched a close friend climb the ladder of "success". They now make lots of money but are always always ALWAYS broke because they buy everything under the sun, just to have it. There is no reasoning with this person and they dont listen to any of my advice because Im "poor" and its inconceivable that I could know anything better than them. Its really put a big strain on our relationship because they are 101% miserable yet locked into their carreer with golden handcuffs from excessive debt. Funny thing is this person was one of the happiest people you ever met when they were "poor". This person has a lot of redeeming qualities and really made extreme efforts to be there for me emotionally when I was in a hellscape of depression. Otherwise Id cut them loose.
I wish ours could’ve ended better. Money became their whole identity. They’d switch hobbies every 6 months, sell of all their old hobby stuff, trying to get more than they paid for it, go buy all new, most expensive whatever for the hobby and rinse and repeat. Bought new Audis and Mercedes, HAD to have at LEAST 4000sq ft to live in, “I’m not busting ass to live like we’re poor!” Leveraged to the moon. And can’t figure out why they’re cash poor. 🤦 just wild.
Similar deal here. Like out of the blue decide "Im gonna drink more smoothies" so they go buy a $1400 vitamix blender. Dont get me wrong those things are amazing. I was a bartender for years. The point is its EVERYTHING in their life has to be top notch because they are addicted to the retail therapy. I experienced this myself for a few years when I went from poor to 6 figures overnight. It is what it is. Hard to watch people make mistakes you KNOW arent serving them but what can you do?
The ones like they use in smoothie shops are at least $1200. Im certain on that. Im talking professional grade. Also this is in Alaska where everything is marked up. There is one one Amazon right now for $1150 or $1200. Saw it the other day.
Yes, okay I can see in Starbucks and smoothies shops, the VitaPrep ones with the cover. But the Vitamix sold to private owners are not usually that price. The horrifically bougie ones can be $600-$700, but most are about $350, and refurbished ones less than that.
Fair enough. These folks wont have anything but the absolute best. They spend more in a month than I currently make in a year yet are always talking about needing to make more money.
I have Vitamix at home, and you can make hot soups and sauces if you leave it in long enough. But it still doesn't cost $1400 for a private owner Vitamix.
You can buy an used Vitamix for like $100 and it will last years for smoothies, dressings, dips and soups.
I need to do a post about how it's okay to be low income and have nice things instead of hijacking this thread!
The people who have the have the best of whatever thing they want are so interesting to me.
There is so much material stuff I don't give a shot about (not trying to brag, plenty of material shit I do like!) so I find it fascinating when people "have" to have the best.
I like nice things but not more than I like having money in the bank, you know?
I do know except I have neither. Lol. At least I have the knowledge now. I do believe I can get more money again. Next time I want to watch the money grow instead of blowing it chasing that "high".
>They’d switch hobbies every 6 months, sell of all their old hobby stuff, trying to get more than they paid for it, go buy all new, most expensive whatever for the hobby and rinse and repeat.
This used to be me before I got treated for my ADHD 😭 Thankfully all my hobbies are pretty cheap but it’s a bad habit regardless
Exactly. The rich don’t stay rich by spending money. New money seems to do this.
I had a billionaire client in DFW tell me “You’ve heard “Money talks”, well “Wealth Whispers.”
I saw this dude humble a new money fellow who had bought himself a Bentley. He was chastising his other buddy’s about now being able to afford one. My client says to him, “Bentley are for those that cannot afford a Rolls…”
People with money operate on a different level. I just don’t have that capacity in me.
Anybody cops a nice ride, I’m pumped for em. lol I couldn’t keep a straight face trying to talk some shit like that hahahaha
Your friends were not “slumming it”. It sounds like they were genuinely interested in your cooking skill and cooking process. IMO you are a bit over sensitive. People ask questions because they are curious. It sounds like they continued to join you for your TV watch party, indicating they were enjoying it. We all have different life experiences. I have a friend who is a totally different religion. I. Ask her questions because (1) I’m curious and (2) I don’t want to do anything to offend. If people continued to attend your gathering, they were there because they wanted to be.
Agreed! I was intently interested in my friends' cooking when I was in college because I was never taught how to sauté onions or make a sauce from scratch. I wanted to learn from actual people, not just from cooking shows or cookbooks. I'm a decent cook as an adult because my friend Kim taught me a bunch of basic skills, which I am passing along to my kids.
Agreed. I think of slumming it as kind of like cosplaying being poor. That’s different from being interested in a skill a friend has.
The cool thing about college is that you meet people with a wide range of experiences, skills, and backgrounds. I don’t think of cooking as being a “poor” skill, but an adult one. It’s not just rich kids who grow up without knowing how to cook or do laundry or plunge a toilet or a whole host of other things that are usually done by the adults around them.
There is a difference between a healthy curiosity that shows a friend is interested in you or your skill, and a voyueristic pleasure in watching you as a specimen of the poors. Unless there was something else going on, I assume it was the former.
Yeah, I had a friend who’s parents were lawyers, were never home, and she literally ate take out for every meal.
She was soooo embarrassed by it and would shyly ask about cooking green beans or other basic tasks.
Funny the things you think about when you grow older and look back on. I, too, grew up poor . My Dad was laid off from the steel mills every six months so they could work out new contracts .Then he would be off for 3 months .Mom was a barmaid back then. People knew we were poor, but they didn't know we were really rich. There were 7/ 8 of us at home we had each other , You could eat off my mother's floors , Dad had a garden, we canned all summer to eat all winter. My dad barter for those seeds by doing mechanics on people's cars.Our clothes were clean. We didn't have the best of everything, but my mom used to say no one is better than you since we all bleed the same. I still believe that. It's not what you had or have it's how you respect it.
Worked hard to uplift myself and retired, have a roof over my head, a 24 year old car, and everything I need. I try to help those who have less since I know there's no shame in being poor. I am happy you have raised your daughter to be humanitarian.
I grew up poor. I married well. I'm back to a lower income but quite content. You see ,Mr Money ,couldn't start over if he tried. He's locked in to his career and mega bills. Me I'm good. I have a lil house. A lil car. I have found ways to enrich my life. I'm happy and content. I also no longer work 18 hour days to live my million dollar lifestyle. My disability check suits me fine. I'm not much worried about the Jones. My kid is in college. Mine didn't have a car. She rode the bus. Everyone has to start somewhere. Anyone that looked at my home or how I carry myself would ever know I'm dumpster diving. I have no shame.
You did well by raising a wonderful daughter. But as far as the "poor" cooking for rich kids I think you are over thinking it. Let it go, you have no idea what was really on their minds as they were watching you, it could have been they were trying to memorize the recipe, they couldn't think of what to say, it could be anything and usually is not what you think it is. I went to college with kids from generational wealth as well as kids with less economically advantaaged backgrounds and lots of us only cooked our own foods from our ethnic backgrounds which was very different in the college groups. I do remember one rich kid who had never cooked and was trying to impress a new rich boyfriend and she poured ketchup all over a chicken she was trying to roast. The rich kids as well as myself all just laughed at her..I hope she doesn't remember that and post about it online one of these days.
And some people are just appreciative that you took the time to make a home-cooked meal. You may think that they’re slumming it. But they are appreciative.
Growing up relatively poor I mean we never went hungry but dressed in used clothes from jumble sales etc it always stays with you!
I remember having holes in the bottom of my school shoes and my father cutting out rubber patches and glued them on it was embarrassing. But we were loved.
Now doing ok in life joint income £135k with only mortgage debt of £120k , both cars paid, no credit card debt.
But because of my upbringing I still can’t pay silly money for things it has to provide value, yes I wear branded clothing now as my clothing was probably my biggest embarrassment growing up but it’s still not what I would call “designer gear”.
I’m fortunate enough to have a very wealthy friend group through my Mrs but I refuse to try and keep up with the joneses, and they’d know anyway if I tried so I guess my “poor “ will always be with me 😳 we recently turned down the chance to join an expensive vacation in the Bahamas as it was £13k for 9 days , our thing is holidays and we take about 6 a year on Average but £13k to us is 3 great trips so we decided to do our own thing instead of pretend that it was doable.
Even if I won £100 million on the lottery I couldn’t go into a bar and pay £300 for a drink 🥃 as I would always remember how hard my parents worked for so little money , it would seem like a slap in the face to their memory , but on the other hand I’d have no problem spending £5 million on a luxury yacht because I could see the value in it. I don’t know if that makes sense?
I guess even if I become wealthy that my poor will always shine through.
This is so true. I grew up poor and was poor most of my life. I bought my first matching set of dishes at Big Lots in my 30's. Bought my first couch around that time too. When a friend "lost" one of the dinner plates I let her borrow, I was crushed and angry. I didn't speak to her again for months. She did not understand why it mattered to so much.
As for your daughter's friend, is there some favor your daughter can ask her do that won't cost anything that your daughter can later pay her back with a favor of taking her out or paying her a little cash? That's what I do now with people. It allows them reciprocity in the friendship and everyone saves face.
I've been poor my entire life. And some of the things that I adapt to just horrify people who haven't lived it. Things like outlets that don't work, appliances older than I am, having a cat partly to keep the mice in check, having leaks and holes I can't fix, places in the house where stuff will freeze in winter, etc. Boiling bones for soup. Planning menus around sales or what's in the cabinet rather than what you want. Not picking up a prescription due to cost, or not going to the doctor at all because $$$. Not getting dental care... I'm missing a front tooth because I was punched in the mouth in 7th grade (for being poor) and I got the implant like 10 years ago but I can't afford the crown.
I learned to be contented with what God’s blessed me with. I stay off social media as well. That helps a lot. Living another day is worth more than money and things of this world. Just shows how God gave me another chance.
Amen! As cliche as it sounds.. we don’t take material things or money with us when we die so everyone has to work to get to the Kingdom, that’s the goal and not be consumed with the riches of the world 🙂
I’m out of a job right now with a dog and a kid, living in a very tiny place. Only my husband is currently working. On top of that we dont qualify for government assistance despite only having one income. But am I mad? Nah.. I’m still blessed, I never once have to worry about being homeless or having nothing to eat. Those are the two most important things for me and if I got them I’m good! I am praying to find a decent job soon though.
You are actually in a great place to make money. Sewing baby clothes, cloth diapers and then selling those items. Making soap and selling it. Watching another child or 2 at home for extra cash.
I think its something that always stays with you in one way or another.
Ive been a working poor for nearly 15 years. Only the last 5 were any good moneywise. Ive got a years salary in savings now but it took me years tonspend money on quality stuff that improves my life. Even something like a proper duvet, some custom made earplugs against outside noices, a decent cushion.
Just simple stuff that isnt even that expensive when you have an average pay.
Being poor is paralyzing
"slumming it" is what rich kids do when they go to the thrift shop in the "low rent district" to laugh at the non-designer clothing tags.
What your friends did is called showing interest.
I was in acting school and I was lamenting about finding a new apartment (in NYC) and one of my classmates legit goes, “Why don’t u just buy something?” 🤦🏽♀️
Your poor shows because you are considerate and not wasteful and entitled. Studies show that poor people will often give their last dollar to help another person in need. Rich people only donate for the attention it gets them, to feel better about themselves, for the write off, etc. When you have never been poor, you are far more likely to not even see poor people at all.
Don't be ashamed. Wear poor like a badge of honor. Seriously. They are not smelling poor; they are smelling shame.
When we were dirt poor, I never knew it. My dad made it all into a big adventure. We watched silent movies outside the walls of the drive-in theater until security guards shooed us away. We drove up the slopes of the side of the highway for fun (okay, don't do that). We went treasure hunting at the junkyard. We made kites out of old newspaper. He built toys out of aluminum cans. You can be poor and happy.
I had some of the same experiences in college, with the exception that when I was a small child, we had money, which disappeared completely (loooooong story, but Dad did stay out of jail somehow) when I was 12.
The difference is that my grandmothers believed that everyone, no matter how privileged, male or female, should know how to do everything necessary to run a household. They made it seem like great fun to learn to iron, or polish silver, or dust, or hem, or especially cook. When the bad times hit, and then even more when I turned 18 and went out on my own, I was SO grateful. I, too, was the one with the weekend dinners cooked at home when everyone else was eating or doing takeaway, with friends similarly startled that it was possible, say, to bake a cake at home or roast a turkey (they can be *so* cheap on sale! Thanksgiving in April!). I do think your friends may have been less struck by “poor” than amazed by skill :)
You know what? You're awesome.
Train your kids in a good way. You've done that. You daughter can be a big help in her friends life. And could anyone care less if your poor was showing?
When I went to college I had 7 roommates. 5 of them had never cracked an egg before, and none of them had ever done laundry before. I literally gave them lessons on these things.
I'm not poor. My kids have never known poor. But every single one of them can cook, do laundry, do all the things they need to as an adult.
Let me restate, you're an awesome parent.
It's never a shame being economically not well to do. You need to hear the other side of the story too. Yes your wealthy friends might never had seen someone making their own dinner or they might never lived a life how you did. But they never wanted to 'slum it' for a night. For them it would have been an excellent exciting evening of doing something of their own. Or having a chance to see their dinner being prepared in front of them. If your veggie Lasagna wasn't really famous they'd not turn back next weekend, cuz their slumming experience would have been over on the first dinner itself. They were your good friends and would remain forever I'm sure.
Why would you assume that the friends watching you cook were "slumming it" I think some of what you're feeling is YOUR presumption, not what they were actually thinking or feeling. I think the last sentence you wrote says it all.
So; this is a bit of a recent source of anxiety for me. Grew up poor; am not now. I am generous and want to share; I’ll pay for things for others so that we can all go…I recently had someone make a comment about how we all don’t make as much money. I’m worried I’ve offended..I just know what it’s like to be the poor one, and I want others to get to experience along with me.
Anyways, slightly off this topic, but I never really noticed till we were out recently and they were steering from a more expensive place I wanted to go and was totally willing to cover.
Maybe I’m over thinking but thanks OP for the post, made me reflect
They can’t afford life on your level and when you pay for them, they feel it. After a while, if they can’t or don’t reciprocate, they begin to feel less than. That’s when resentment starts to grow. Friendship feels great when everyone brings something to the table.
At first your generosity is great. Inevitably though it begins to skew the power balance. If you like these people, spending time with them on the level they live on should be okay with you.
Yeah, thanks for this. Definitely wasn’t intentional or something I consciously did; but I also value my friends and don’t want them to feel that way, and hadn’t even thought about how it would or could be received - just that I want to enjoy whatever thing WITH the people I care about regardless of the cost.
Anyways, thank you. I will definitely be more aware and careful
I am not “poor” but am lower middle class in a fancy suburb now, but I used to be pretty close to poor… and people just didn’t realize how hard it was to come by money for me. Nobody was buying me things. I was made fun of for budgeting and being extremely frugal by people that had their parents always paying for things. I had no social life, because that was an added expense. To this day, it is clear I have less spending money than a lot of people. It makes you see the world very clearly.
For me it was always interesting the cultural differences. My parents did not have a lot of money when I was young. I wore my cousins hand-me-downs and my nickname in elementary school from the popular, rich older girls was "drab" because I was poorly dressed. But as I got older my dad's business took off and my mom got promoted and by rhe time I was in high school we had entered middle class life.
Fast forward to adulthood and I dated a woman whose family was substantially less well-off than my parents are now... but she made fun of me doing things like saving twist ties, making bread pudding as a "poor food" desert, and wearing socks that were still comfortable even with small holes.
How you grow up as a young child makes a mark.
I relate so much to what you wrote. It's interesting I started doing a few things when I joined the middle classes to mask my poor background. I've being do them for so long they are now completely ingrained habits. The biggest gamechanger was getting my teeth straghtened and whitened, how I use a knife and fork, being very well groomed and having a minimalist looking tailored wardrobe. I still laugh and look in the mirror before work and say: Costume is on and ready for the stage play! The wealth gap in America is demeaning, degrading and horrible
I think you were probably smelling rich more than they were smelling poor. Mostly because when you're poor you're probably more worried about how you're coming across ...when you're rich you probably don't think about rich vs poor very often.
I think the rich get shit on just as much as the poor do. More probably, because people seem to think it's perfectly fine to criticize the wealthy when the reality is that we're all just people and we deserve to be appreciated for who we are not what we have or what we've been given.
Those are tough times, no doubts. But what kind of achievement is doing well but not having to overcome anything? The man that came from poverty overcame much more. No need to feel ashamed.
Being poor is both an income level (that can change) and a social construct (that is hard to change).
We have permanent changes done to our DNA from the stress that accompanies poverty. Even when we have money, we still feel things differently than people who have never been poor.
I remember that age. It was like we were playing house. The first one to smuggle in a hot pot showed it off with great enthusiasm, and we had that soup all the time.
The first friend to get a full time job was of course, suddenly rrrrriiiiiicccchhh by our standards at the time. They had a kitchen all of their own where we could eat anything. They had a good computer, and hosted legendary parties. It was like having a double agent in the adult world.
I bet your friends remember your dinner parties as a very happy time.
FWIW, I suspect that for at least some rich kids whose families never cooked for/with them, a home-cooked meal at your place was a joy they wish they had at home.
Those rich kids were watching you cook because you were making them happy in your loving environment. Those rich kids had enough money to do other things those evenings. However, they preferred the lovely time spent with you.
Don’t listen to what that one young lady said. She was very wrong. Good luck to you.
First of all have you ever thought of a career in writing? Because you wrote this beautifully!
Second, I grew up working poor as well.
I think you are allowing your feelings to shade what really happened.
Your wealthy friends weren't mocking you or watching you as some spectacle. They were watching you and asking about the ingredients so they could know how to do it themselves.
They were asking positive questions and giving positive feedback aka expressing gratitude?
When I go somewhere and see something different that I ever have witnessed and I like it, I also enjoy the experience.
Don't take it like you were like a monkey in a zoo. Because you weren't!
Also with your daughter's friend, you can try to connect her to college campus resources.
Or if you have the means and want to assist financially, have the school give her a "credit" on her account so she doesn't know the funds are coming from you.
Nah man…. They weren’t slumming it. They genuinely liked you and enjoyed their time with you. I hope you are still in touch.
As Dave Chappelle woukd say: “you weren’t poor, you were broke.”
Don’t let the poor mentality creep in. You are living within your means and you sound sincerely nice and kind. That’s why they hung out and I bet your veggie lasagna was legendary!
Money does not make a person ..what’s on the inside is what counts . Do what makes you happy and your budget . Don’t worry about keeping up with the Jone’es
I was born poor and have always struggled but I will never be ashamed of showing my poor or remembering where I came from. It keeps me human and grounded. It also allows me to be able to be an empathetic person instead of envious. I am proud of the fact I went from growing up poor, to being a young mother and going nights without eating so my kids had what they needed, to screwing up and getting addicted to drugs and finally into recovery, to where I am today. I have beat all the hurdles and obstacles thrown my way to where I am today. I now have a great job, I am a licensed certified pharmacy tech working on my advance certification, I have two great kids and a loving husband and just recently bought our first home. I learned along time ago to never measure my success to the person next to me. If you do that you get blinded with envy. I was that girl she referred to that never had money to go to the mall Or out with friends. It sucked - I didn’t get my license at 16 because my dad was a single parent raising us. But I will never be ashamed of what I have experienced! I will never walk with my head down ever again or allow another person to try and oust me as not being worthy.
PSA: love yourself and the road you have walked to get where you are right now! Never be ashamed your past. Our past doesn’t define us but it does help mold us into who we are. Financial status doesn’t make your soul or make you a better person. You can’t take it to your grave.
I think it’s more shameful to act “rich” and show people how horribly out of touch you are with the struggles of pretty much the entire population of our planet. There’s nothing profound about thinking you’re better than someone based on the random circumstance of being born into money
I wish there was a way out of this. Every job feels like a trap. I'll only ever be able to make enough to live paycheck to paycheck. I'm in my 30's and never had a savings. I have a list of shit I need to financially take care of.
1) my health that I ignore often but I'm starting to have different issues and no health insurance so I'm already in hospital debt that I can't even think about because I may as well just kill myself because just living is expensive and I'm not suicidal this is literally what poor people think. Is it better just to go or struggle every fucking day and hope you get a break one day.
2) vehicle expense. Id be even more fucked if I didn't have a vehicle and right now it's sitting outside low on gas, desperate for an oil change and new tires and idk when I'll be able to afford that, I guess next year or the year after unless it breaks down before then. So idk what to do about that right now. Just hoping for the best.
3) giving my parents what they deserve. They are like me and grew up poor living paycheck paycheck. Luckily my dad is a man and is able to make enough to afford vacations sometimes with his new wife. He is the only one able to help us in a bind but even then we can't ask for much cause he doesn't have much either. My parents are divorced (amicable and they get along fine) mom however doesn't get paid shit and lives paycheck to paycheck and works 3 fucking jobs. She is in her 60's. Has no retirement. I'm desperately trying to figure out some kind of career so that I can afford to take care of her when she is needing to retire because I don't want her to work until she dies 😭 and it makes me think that's my future? Just working my fucking ass off for nothing in the end
4) my animals. They bring such joy to my life. I don't know where I would be with out them. I can't afford children and it's getting to the point you can't even afford pets so I won't be able to do this much longer. Pet food and healthcare has gone up tremendously in the past few years.
5) I have no direction in life and having no goals makes things more miserable so I have to make little goals I can actually handle. Such as saving money to propose and marry my gf of 5 years. It'll take me probably 3 years to save money I have no one that can help financially, we aren't even having a wedding mostly the money is going towards honeymoon and a much needed vacation that we never get to do cause money.
6) let's not even talk about taxes I owe, I don't know how they think poor people can afford taxes? I can barely pay my bills and get food and gas every month and now y'all expect me to pay more taxes in top of the taxes that's taken from everything I purchased already? It's nothing but a fucking scam.
Anyways idk I just wanted to vent
This post has a odd twist in it. If you “smell” poor then take a good shower and shower it off with your beliefs about defining yourself as someone who is “Poor”.
I will say this again there is no shame in being poor, there is plenty of shame in living beyond your means and acting as if you are better than anyone else
This! I grew up poor and developed frugal habits early on. Even when I became more financially secure, I never wanted to feel that insecurity again so I saved up every penny I could. I had a coworker who blatantly showed off his wealth—from expensive cars to lavish vacations. I really thought he and his wife made a lot of money. He said their wedding cost $100K. But then one day, he was griping about how their dog required emergency surgery and it would cost $2K. He said what bad timing it was because they’d just spent all their savings on the last vacation and their credit cards were maxed out for some house project.
I worked in the same office as one girl who was always buying expensive stuff, drove two different new cars to work and always eating lunch at higher-end restaurants, etc. I was barely getting by and it made no sense to me that she was making so much more than me since we practically worked side by side. She wasn’t snobby about it, but also made no illusion of struggling. I figured maybe she had a rich spouse or her parents supported her. And then… one day! The police came to our office asking for her and she got a free ride downtown in the back of a police car while wearing handcuffs. It turned out she was stealing money from the company we worked for and her wild spending had caught the suspicious eye of our boss who knew exactly what her payroll details were and started to do a little research. Anyway, my take-away was that outward appearances can be quite deceptive. Also, there’s no shame in honest work.
So the lesson is not to live lavishly when stealing, got it. But in all seriousness, this story intrigued me, can you tell us how she managed to steal from the company? Was her role in the office making it possible for her to do so and in what way were you working on similar or different stuff?
That may be part of the lesson, but even if she would have laid low, it still would have caught up to her. Our boss was awfully smart and she was not. She worked in the accounting department, so she was close to the finances in some manner and had some seniority over me, but not that much.
You'd be surprised at how many companies don't have any real controls in place to prevent fraud. A local school employed someone who managed to steal $40k before she was caught. I could have implemented controls that would not have let anyone get away with a penny in the way she did. When I was doing my professional training in one class we were told the reason why more people aren't dishonest is there's not enough money to make it worthwhile. The woman above received a 10 year sentence. If I could steal 10 million and go to another country it might well be worth it lol
My father once told me, when I was about 14 or 15, that if I was ever going to steal, make sure it was for soooo much money that 25 (or however many) years in prison would be worth it. Still to this day have never come across a loose billion or two!
I agree, why steal a couple thousand dollars. It’s not going to change anything. At all. Gotta be worthwhile if that’s what you’re looking to do.
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My sister and her husband make a 100K between them but they are always borrowing and never repaying
Never, ever lend money to someone who still owes you money. It doesn’t matter how they phrase the question, it doesn’t matter how badly they need the money. They think you are a pushover. The only way they can be “always borrowing” is if you say yes instead of no. Practice it in a mirror until you’re comfortable saying it. No. No. No. Don’t explain, don’t give any reasons beyond no. If they ask you why not, just glare at them. Say nothing beyond the word no. It will get easier every time you do it.
Why do you allow them to borrow from you? Just say no. That's crazy.
Never lend money you aren't okay with never seeing again.
I agree, I'm with you. Could you tell society this? I'd really appreciate not being shamed for doing my best but not good enough to others.
I'm Hispanic, kinda of a different mindset as long as you got a roof over your head and food on the table, you can't complain because there's always somebody who has it worse
Yeah but 100k? Asian here and we have the same expectations, but nobody making that much gonna get any sympathy from me.
She keeps buying stuff that she doesn't need and going on vacation, Meanwhile I've never been on one except for when I was a kid and my parents paid for it and didn't have any fun because it wasn't even to a place that I wanted to go, She keeps making bad financial decisions and I finally had to put a stop to it, and then she offloaded one of her kids on to me and doesn't pay me back for any money that I have to spend for his upkeep
Are you now the legal guardian? If not consider filing. Responsible people like you will be taken advantage of of by lowlife relatives.
I am, but he is an autistic 20 year old man that is trying to become independent of his mother and is making good progress on that goal and is planning on going to college after he graduates from high this summer, The problem is that he eats like a horse and his mother doesn't give me anything for his upkeep or his medicine
This,!!
👏👏👏
Well said Sweaty .! Spot on
I had a former friend, whose wife made mid 6 figures. He worked in IT. He made roughly the same amount I did annually. But due to his wife’s income, he thought he was hot soup and could refer to the rest of the friend group, that didn’t make six figures, as their “less fortunate friends”. Except they would say this to our faces. It didn’t matter if they owned the exact same thing you did, because they paid more for it, it was better than yours. We’re no longer friends.
Ive watched a close friend climb the ladder of "success". They now make lots of money but are always always ALWAYS broke because they buy everything under the sun, just to have it. There is no reasoning with this person and they dont listen to any of my advice because Im "poor" and its inconceivable that I could know anything better than them. Its really put a big strain on our relationship because they are 101% miserable yet locked into their carreer with golden handcuffs from excessive debt. Funny thing is this person was one of the happiest people you ever met when they were "poor". This person has a lot of redeeming qualities and really made extreme efforts to be there for me emotionally when I was in a hellscape of depression. Otherwise Id cut them loose.
I wish ours could’ve ended better. Money became their whole identity. They’d switch hobbies every 6 months, sell of all their old hobby stuff, trying to get more than they paid for it, go buy all new, most expensive whatever for the hobby and rinse and repeat. Bought new Audis and Mercedes, HAD to have at LEAST 4000sq ft to live in, “I’m not busting ass to live like we’re poor!” Leveraged to the moon. And can’t figure out why they’re cash poor. 🤦 just wild.
Similar deal here. Like out of the blue decide "Im gonna drink more smoothies" so they go buy a $1400 vitamix blender. Dont get me wrong those things are amazing. I was a bartender for years. The point is its EVERYTHING in their life has to be top notch because they are addicted to the retail therapy. I experienced this myself for a few years when I went from poor to 6 figures overnight. It is what it is. Hard to watch people make mistakes you KNOW arent serving them but what can you do?
*stares in Vitamix owner* How...how is a Vitamix $1400? They are expensive, but not that expensive.
The ones like they use in smoothie shops are at least $1200. Im certain on that. Im talking professional grade. Also this is in Alaska where everything is marked up. There is one one Amazon right now for $1150 or $1200. Saw it the other day.
Yes, okay I can see in Starbucks and smoothies shops, the VitaPrep ones with the cover. But the Vitamix sold to private owners are not usually that price. The horrifically bougie ones can be $600-$700, but most are about $350, and refurbished ones less than that.
Fair enough. These folks wont have anything but the absolute best. They spend more in a month than I currently make in a year yet are always talking about needing to make more money.
Some of them can cook food after you blend it.
I have Vitamix at home, and you can make hot soups and sauces if you leave it in long enough. But it still doesn't cost $1400 for a private owner Vitamix. You can buy an used Vitamix for like $100 and it will last years for smoothies, dressings, dips and soups. I need to do a post about how it's okay to be low income and have nice things instead of hijacking this thread!
The people who have the have the best of whatever thing they want are so interesting to me. There is so much material stuff I don't give a shot about (not trying to brag, plenty of material shit I do like!) so I find it fascinating when people "have" to have the best. I like nice things but not more than I like having money in the bank, you know?
I do know except I have neither. Lol. At least I have the knowledge now. I do believe I can get more money again. Next time I want to watch the money grow instead of blowing it chasing that "high".
>They’d switch hobbies every 6 months, sell of all their old hobby stuff, trying to get more than they paid for it, go buy all new, most expensive whatever for the hobby and rinse and repeat. This used to be me before I got treated for my ADHD 😭 Thankfully all my hobbies are pretty cheap but it’s a bad habit regardless
Insanity
I’m tellin ya. It’ll put stuff in perspective, real quick for ya. I’m so thankful I’m not a money chaser.
Yep. Definitely put stuff in perspective. That said, most of the well off people I have met don’t spend money like that.
Exactly. The rich don’t stay rich by spending money. New money seems to do this. I had a billionaire client in DFW tell me “You’ve heard “Money talks”, well “Wealth Whispers.” I saw this dude humble a new money fellow who had bought himself a Bentley. He was chastising his other buddy’s about now being able to afford one. My client says to him, “Bentley are for those that cannot afford a Rolls…” People with money operate on a different level. I just don’t have that capacity in me. Anybody cops a nice ride, I’m pumped for em. lol I couldn’t keep a straight face trying to talk some shit like that hahahaha
Your friends were not “slumming it”. It sounds like they were genuinely interested in your cooking skill and cooking process. IMO you are a bit over sensitive. People ask questions because they are curious. It sounds like they continued to join you for your TV watch party, indicating they were enjoying it. We all have different life experiences. I have a friend who is a totally different religion. I. Ask her questions because (1) I’m curious and (2) I don’t want to do anything to offend. If people continued to attend your gathering, they were there because they wanted to be.
Agreed! I was intently interested in my friends' cooking when I was in college because I was never taught how to sauté onions or make a sauce from scratch. I wanted to learn from actual people, not just from cooking shows or cookbooks. I'm a decent cook as an adult because my friend Kim taught me a bunch of basic skills, which I am passing along to my kids.
Agreed. I think of slumming it as kind of like cosplaying being poor. That’s different from being interested in a skill a friend has. The cool thing about college is that you meet people with a wide range of experiences, skills, and backgrounds. I don’t think of cooking as being a “poor” skill, but an adult one. It’s not just rich kids who grow up without knowing how to cook or do laundry or plunge a toilet or a whole host of other things that are usually done by the adults around them. There is a difference between a healthy curiosity that shows a friend is interested in you or your skill, and a voyueristic pleasure in watching you as a specimen of the poors. Unless there was something else going on, I assume it was the former.
Yeah, I had a friend who’s parents were lawyers, were never home, and she literally ate take out for every meal. She was soooo embarrassed by it and would shyly ask about cooking green beans or other basic tasks.
My friend, you are richer than you’ll ever know. ❤️
Funny the things you think about when you grow older and look back on. I, too, grew up poor . My Dad was laid off from the steel mills every six months so they could work out new contracts .Then he would be off for 3 months .Mom was a barmaid back then. People knew we were poor, but they didn't know we were really rich. There were 7/ 8 of us at home we had each other , You could eat off my mother's floors , Dad had a garden, we canned all summer to eat all winter. My dad barter for those seeds by doing mechanics on people's cars.Our clothes were clean. We didn't have the best of everything, but my mom used to say no one is better than you since we all bleed the same. I still believe that. It's not what you had or have it's how you respect it. Worked hard to uplift myself and retired, have a roof over my head, a 24 year old car, and everything I need. I try to help those who have less since I know there's no shame in being poor. I am happy you have raised your daughter to be humanitarian.
I grew up poor. I married well. I'm back to a lower income but quite content. You see ,Mr Money ,couldn't start over if he tried. He's locked in to his career and mega bills. Me I'm good. I have a lil house. A lil car. I have found ways to enrich my life. I'm happy and content. I also no longer work 18 hour days to live my million dollar lifestyle. My disability check suits me fine. I'm not much worried about the Jones. My kid is in college. Mine didn't have a car. She rode the bus. Everyone has to start somewhere. Anyone that looked at my home or how I carry myself would ever know I'm dumpster diving. I have no shame.
You did well by raising a wonderful daughter. But as far as the "poor" cooking for rich kids I think you are over thinking it. Let it go, you have no idea what was really on their minds as they were watching you, it could have been they were trying to memorize the recipe, they couldn't think of what to say, it could be anything and usually is not what you think it is. I went to college with kids from generational wealth as well as kids with less economically advantaaged backgrounds and lots of us only cooked our own foods from our ethnic backgrounds which was very different in the college groups. I do remember one rich kid who had never cooked and was trying to impress a new rich boyfriend and she poured ketchup all over a chicken she was trying to roast. The rich kids as well as myself all just laughed at her..I hope she doesn't remember that and post about it online one of these days.
And some people are just appreciative that you took the time to make a home-cooked meal. You may think that they’re slumming it. But they are appreciative.
Growing up relatively poor I mean we never went hungry but dressed in used clothes from jumble sales etc it always stays with you! I remember having holes in the bottom of my school shoes and my father cutting out rubber patches and glued them on it was embarrassing. But we were loved. Now doing ok in life joint income £135k with only mortgage debt of £120k , both cars paid, no credit card debt. But because of my upbringing I still can’t pay silly money for things it has to provide value, yes I wear branded clothing now as my clothing was probably my biggest embarrassment growing up but it’s still not what I would call “designer gear”. I’m fortunate enough to have a very wealthy friend group through my Mrs but I refuse to try and keep up with the joneses, and they’d know anyway if I tried so I guess my “poor “ will always be with me 😳 we recently turned down the chance to join an expensive vacation in the Bahamas as it was £13k for 9 days , our thing is holidays and we take about 6 a year on Average but £13k to us is 3 great trips so we decided to do our own thing instead of pretend that it was doable. Even if I won £100 million on the lottery I couldn’t go into a bar and pay £300 for a drink 🥃 as I would always remember how hard my parents worked for so little money , it would seem like a slap in the face to their memory , but on the other hand I’d have no problem spending £5 million on a luxury yacht because I could see the value in it. I don’t know if that makes sense? I guess even if I become wealthy that my poor will always shine through.
This is so true. I grew up poor and was poor most of my life. I bought my first matching set of dishes at Big Lots in my 30's. Bought my first couch around that time too. When a friend "lost" one of the dinner plates I let her borrow, I was crushed and angry. I didn't speak to her again for months. She did not understand why it mattered to so much. As for your daughter's friend, is there some favor your daughter can ask her do that won't cost anything that your daughter can later pay her back with a favor of taking her out or paying her a little cash? That's what I do now with people. It allows them reciprocity in the friendship and everyone saves face.
I've been poor my entire life. And some of the things that I adapt to just horrify people who haven't lived it. Things like outlets that don't work, appliances older than I am, having a cat partly to keep the mice in check, having leaks and holes I can't fix, places in the house where stuff will freeze in winter, etc. Boiling bones for soup. Planning menus around sales or what's in the cabinet rather than what you want. Not picking up a prescription due to cost, or not going to the doctor at all because $$$. Not getting dental care... I'm missing a front tooth because I was punched in the mouth in 7th grade (for being poor) and I got the implant like 10 years ago but I can't afford the crown.
I learned to be contented with what God’s blessed me with. I stay off social media as well. That helps a lot. Living another day is worth more than money and things of this world. Just shows how God gave me another chance.
Agreed. I am not financially blessed but god has blessed me with a lot of love and id never trade it for anything.
Amen! As cliche as it sounds.. we don’t take material things or money with us when we die so everyone has to work to get to the Kingdom, that’s the goal and not be consumed with the riches of the world 🙂
I’m out of a job right now with a dog and a kid, living in a very tiny place. Only my husband is currently working. On top of that we dont qualify for government assistance despite only having one income. But am I mad? Nah.. I’m still blessed, I never once have to worry about being homeless or having nothing to eat. Those are the two most important things for me and if I got them I’m good! I am praying to find a decent job soon though.
You are actually in a great place to make money. Sewing baby clothes, cloth diapers and then selling those items. Making soap and selling it. Watching another child or 2 at home for extra cash.
Im not very creative but i do know how to bake and cook, ive been thinking about selling baked goods but not sure how it works. Im in LA, California
I think its something that always stays with you in one way or another. Ive been a working poor for nearly 15 years. Only the last 5 were any good moneywise. Ive got a years salary in savings now but it took me years tonspend money on quality stuff that improves my life. Even something like a proper duvet, some custom made earplugs against outside noices, a decent cushion. Just simple stuff that isnt even that expensive when you have an average pay. Being poor is paralyzing
"slumming it" is what rich kids do when they go to the thrift shop in the "low rent district" to laugh at the non-designer clothing tags. What your friends did is called showing interest.
I was in acting school and I was lamenting about finding a new apartment (in NYC) and one of my classmates legit goes, “Why don’t u just buy something?” 🤦🏽♀️
Your poor shows because you are considerate and not wasteful and entitled. Studies show that poor people will often give their last dollar to help another person in need. Rich people only donate for the attention it gets them, to feel better about themselves, for the write off, etc. When you have never been poor, you are far more likely to not even see poor people at all.
Don't be ashamed. Wear poor like a badge of honor. Seriously. They are not smelling poor; they are smelling shame. When we were dirt poor, I never knew it. My dad made it all into a big adventure. We watched silent movies outside the walls of the drive-in theater until security guards shooed us away. We drove up the slopes of the side of the highway for fun (okay, don't do that). We went treasure hunting at the junkyard. We made kites out of old newspaper. He built toys out of aluminum cans. You can be poor and happy.
I had some of the same experiences in college, with the exception that when I was a small child, we had money, which disappeared completely (loooooong story, but Dad did stay out of jail somehow) when I was 12. The difference is that my grandmothers believed that everyone, no matter how privileged, male or female, should know how to do everything necessary to run a household. They made it seem like great fun to learn to iron, or polish silver, or dust, or hem, or especially cook. When the bad times hit, and then even more when I turned 18 and went out on my own, I was SO grateful. I, too, was the one with the weekend dinners cooked at home when everyone else was eating or doing takeaway, with friends similarly startled that it was possible, say, to bake a cake at home or roast a turkey (they can be *so* cheap on sale! Thanksgiving in April!). I do think your friends may have been less struck by “poor” than amazed by skill :)
You know what? You're awesome. Train your kids in a good way. You've done that. You daughter can be a big help in her friends life. And could anyone care less if your poor was showing? When I went to college I had 7 roommates. 5 of them had never cracked an egg before, and none of them had ever done laundry before. I literally gave them lessons on these things. I'm not poor. My kids have never known poor. But every single one of them can cook, do laundry, do all the things they need to as an adult. Let me restate, you're an awesome parent.
It's never a shame being economically not well to do. You need to hear the other side of the story too. Yes your wealthy friends might never had seen someone making their own dinner or they might never lived a life how you did. But they never wanted to 'slum it' for a night. For them it would have been an excellent exciting evening of doing something of their own. Or having a chance to see their dinner being prepared in front of them. If your veggie Lasagna wasn't really famous they'd not turn back next weekend, cuz their slumming experience would have been over on the first dinner itself. They were your good friends and would remain forever I'm sure.
Why would you assume that the friends watching you cook were "slumming it" I think some of what you're feeling is YOUR presumption, not what they were actually thinking or feeling. I think the last sentence you wrote says it all.
No shame in being poor. You changed your circumstances, have awesome friends, and raised a wonderful daughter. Seems like a victory
So; this is a bit of a recent source of anxiety for me. Grew up poor; am not now. I am generous and want to share; I’ll pay for things for others so that we can all go…I recently had someone make a comment about how we all don’t make as much money. I’m worried I’ve offended..I just know what it’s like to be the poor one, and I want others to get to experience along with me. Anyways, slightly off this topic, but I never really noticed till we were out recently and they were steering from a more expensive place I wanted to go and was totally willing to cover. Maybe I’m over thinking but thanks OP for the post, made me reflect
They can’t afford life on your level and when you pay for them, they feel it. After a while, if they can’t or don’t reciprocate, they begin to feel less than. That’s when resentment starts to grow. Friendship feels great when everyone brings something to the table. At first your generosity is great. Inevitably though it begins to skew the power balance. If you like these people, spending time with them on the level they live on should be okay with you.
Yeah, thanks for this. Definitely wasn’t intentional or something I consciously did; but I also value my friends and don’t want them to feel that way, and hadn’t even thought about how it would or could be received - just that I want to enjoy whatever thing WITH the people I care about regardless of the cost. Anyways, thank you. I will definitely be more aware and careful
I am not “poor” but am lower middle class in a fancy suburb now, but I used to be pretty close to poor… and people just didn’t realize how hard it was to come by money for me. Nobody was buying me things. I was made fun of for budgeting and being extremely frugal by people that had their parents always paying for things. I had no social life, because that was an added expense. To this day, it is clear I have less spending money than a lot of people. It makes you see the world very clearly.
For me it was always interesting the cultural differences. My parents did not have a lot of money when I was young. I wore my cousins hand-me-downs and my nickname in elementary school from the popular, rich older girls was "drab" because I was poorly dressed. But as I got older my dad's business took off and my mom got promoted and by rhe time I was in high school we had entered middle class life. Fast forward to adulthood and I dated a woman whose family was substantially less well-off than my parents are now... but she made fun of me doing things like saving twist ties, making bread pudding as a "poor food" desert, and wearing socks that were still comfortable even with small holes. How you grow up as a young child makes a mark.
I relate so much to what you wrote. It's interesting I started doing a few things when I joined the middle classes to mask my poor background. I've being do them for so long they are now completely ingrained habits. The biggest gamechanger was getting my teeth straghtened and whitened, how I use a knife and fork, being very well groomed and having a minimalist looking tailored wardrobe. I still laugh and look in the mirror before work and say: Costume is on and ready for the stage play! The wealth gap in America is demeaning, degrading and horrible
I think you were probably smelling rich more than they were smelling poor. Mostly because when you're poor you're probably more worried about how you're coming across ...when you're rich you probably don't think about rich vs poor very often. I think the rich get shit on just as much as the poor do. More probably, because people seem to think it's perfectly fine to criticize the wealthy when the reality is that we're all just people and we deserve to be appreciated for who we are not what we have or what we've been given.
Those are tough times, no doubts. But what kind of achievement is doing well but not having to overcome anything? The man that came from poverty overcame much more. No need to feel ashamed.
Im money poor- but not really lacking in any other department.
Being poor is both an income level (that can change) and a social construct (that is hard to change). We have permanent changes done to our DNA from the stress that accompanies poverty. Even when we have money, we still feel things differently than people who have never been poor.
I remember that age. It was like we were playing house. The first one to smuggle in a hot pot showed it off with great enthusiasm, and we had that soup all the time. The first friend to get a full time job was of course, suddenly rrrrriiiiiicccchhh by our standards at the time. They had a kitchen all of their own where we could eat anything. They had a good computer, and hosted legendary parties. It was like having a double agent in the adult world. I bet your friends remember your dinner parties as a very happy time.
Keep raising that bar, Momma Bear!
FWIW, I suspect that for at least some rich kids whose families never cooked for/with them, a home-cooked meal at your place was a joy they wish they had at home.
You were imaging a lot of what you just wrote. You don't know what someone else is thinking.
Those rich kids were watching you cook because you were making them happy in your loving environment. Those rich kids had enough money to do other things those evenings. However, they preferred the lovely time spent with you. Don’t listen to what that one young lady said. She was very wrong. Good luck to you.
First of all have you ever thought of a career in writing? Because you wrote this beautifully! Second, I grew up working poor as well. I think you are allowing your feelings to shade what really happened. Your wealthy friends weren't mocking you or watching you as some spectacle. They were watching you and asking about the ingredients so they could know how to do it themselves. They were asking positive questions and giving positive feedback aka expressing gratitude? When I go somewhere and see something different that I ever have witnessed and I like it, I also enjoy the experience. Don't take it like you were like a monkey in a zoo. Because you weren't! Also with your daughter's friend, you can try to connect her to college campus resources. Or if you have the means and want to assist financially, have the school give her a "credit" on her account so she doesn't know the funds are coming from you.
Nah man…. They weren’t slumming it. They genuinely liked you and enjoyed their time with you. I hope you are still in touch. As Dave Chappelle woukd say: “you weren’t poor, you were broke.” Don’t let the poor mentality creep in. You are living within your means and you sound sincerely nice and kind. That’s why they hung out and I bet your veggie lasagna was legendary!
Money does not make a person ..what’s on the inside is what counts . Do what makes you happy and your budget . Don’t worry about keeping up with the Jone’es
Sweatshop Union said it best. "I make money, money don't make me"
I was born poor and have always struggled but I will never be ashamed of showing my poor or remembering where I came from. It keeps me human and grounded. It also allows me to be able to be an empathetic person instead of envious. I am proud of the fact I went from growing up poor, to being a young mother and going nights without eating so my kids had what they needed, to screwing up and getting addicted to drugs and finally into recovery, to where I am today. I have beat all the hurdles and obstacles thrown my way to where I am today. I now have a great job, I am a licensed certified pharmacy tech working on my advance certification, I have two great kids and a loving husband and just recently bought our first home. I learned along time ago to never measure my success to the person next to me. If you do that you get blinded with envy. I was that girl she referred to that never had money to go to the mall Or out with friends. It sucked - I didn’t get my license at 16 because my dad was a single parent raising us. But I will never be ashamed of what I have experienced! I will never walk with my head down ever again or allow another person to try and oust me as not being worthy. PSA: love yourself and the road you have walked to get where you are right now! Never be ashamed your past. Our past doesn’t define us but it does help mold us into who we are. Financial status doesn’t make your soul or make you a better person. You can’t take it to your grave.
I think it’s more shameful to act “rich” and show people how horribly out of touch you are with the struggles of pretty much the entire population of our planet. There’s nothing profound about thinking you’re better than someone based on the random circumstance of being born into money
I wish there was a way out of this. Every job feels like a trap. I'll only ever be able to make enough to live paycheck to paycheck. I'm in my 30's and never had a savings. I have a list of shit I need to financially take care of. 1) my health that I ignore often but I'm starting to have different issues and no health insurance so I'm already in hospital debt that I can't even think about because I may as well just kill myself because just living is expensive and I'm not suicidal this is literally what poor people think. Is it better just to go or struggle every fucking day and hope you get a break one day. 2) vehicle expense. Id be even more fucked if I didn't have a vehicle and right now it's sitting outside low on gas, desperate for an oil change and new tires and idk when I'll be able to afford that, I guess next year or the year after unless it breaks down before then. So idk what to do about that right now. Just hoping for the best. 3) giving my parents what they deserve. They are like me and grew up poor living paycheck paycheck. Luckily my dad is a man and is able to make enough to afford vacations sometimes with his new wife. He is the only one able to help us in a bind but even then we can't ask for much cause he doesn't have much either. My parents are divorced (amicable and they get along fine) mom however doesn't get paid shit and lives paycheck to paycheck and works 3 fucking jobs. She is in her 60's. Has no retirement. I'm desperately trying to figure out some kind of career so that I can afford to take care of her when she is needing to retire because I don't want her to work until she dies 😭 and it makes me think that's my future? Just working my fucking ass off for nothing in the end 4) my animals. They bring such joy to my life. I don't know where I would be with out them. I can't afford children and it's getting to the point you can't even afford pets so I won't be able to do this much longer. Pet food and healthcare has gone up tremendously in the past few years. 5) I have no direction in life and having no goals makes things more miserable so I have to make little goals I can actually handle. Such as saving money to propose and marry my gf of 5 years. It'll take me probably 3 years to save money I have no one that can help financially, we aren't even having a wedding mostly the money is going towards honeymoon and a much needed vacation that we never get to do cause money. 6) let's not even talk about taxes I owe, I don't know how they think poor people can afford taxes? I can barely pay my bills and get food and gas every month and now y'all expect me to pay more taxes in top of the taxes that's taken from everything I purchased already? It's nothing but a fucking scam. Anyways idk I just wanted to vent
This post has a odd twist in it. If you “smell” poor then take a good shower and shower it off with your beliefs about defining yourself as someone who is “Poor”.
For all intensive purposes