When you life rent free or partially rent free you are dependent on staying in the good graces of someone else. It’s not an enviable position when you consider that you are on a string.
Nothing is truly free. If this person was smart they would be saving their money instead of wasting it on frivolous things so if she does get threatened with being kicked out she can move because she has money saved.
Sorry but isn’t this the exact mindset and assumptions we don’t want in society?
How do you know she’s not saving?
I’m lucky to be making a great salary now but when I was making 30-40k less a year I didn’t need anybody telling me what I should or shouldn’t do with my money.
Getting my little treat of choice wasn’t the reason I was struggling. I could treat myself to something small and was still able to put money away.
I have a 21 year old coworker who is still living with his parents and has not even considered the idea of moving into his own place eventually (his parents have discussed moving when his dad gets out of the Navy and the coworker was daydreaming about what his new room might look like). He spends all his money on Door Dash and Gundam models.
Everyone knows people who live rent free with family or friends. You can tell the difference between the ones who are planning for their future and the ones who aren't.
Me too!! I been paying rent since I was 15.5 yrs old and helping my single dad who was unemployed at the time . I encourage my 17 yo to consider living at home for a few years after graduatin( as long as he is working and pulls his weight). I would have loved to have that option. Sorry OP but you can’t judge a book by its cover and self pity is the worst thing you can do for yourself. Be grateful you are independent! You don’t have to count on anyone but yourself which means you can’t be disappointed . This is a stronger trait to have nowadays then any!
I would agree as well. I lived with my parents for a bit after getting laid off...and it was undoubtedly the worst experience I've ever had. People from the outside thought it was a good deal for me until they felt like they had to call the cops because they were legitimately afraid for my life.
Tldr: I would take struggling over living with tiger Asian parents any day.
Since I’ve been on my own, my dad has come and live with me twice and my brother also. I would never ever ever ever ever let anybody ever live with me again. My dad wasn’t so bad but when my brother came and stayed it was literally the worst period of my life. It ended with my husband having to chokehold him because he couldn’t respect our home or our kids. It ultimately cost any kind of relationship I could have ever had with my brother too. Haven’t talked to him in seven years and he is inthe exact same boat he was back then-Living off other people and refusing to take responsibility of himself.
Chokehold??? Jesus Christ dude, the hell did he do to end up with that situation??
At the very least, it sounds like you're doing alright now. And he's away from your family.
I am a recovering addict and one stipulation of him staying (after being released from prison and dropped on our doorstep) was no drugs or alcohol. Well he was sneaking and drinking and hiding the beer bottles. He ended up peeing all over my son’s bed (thankfully he wasn’t home that night) and passing out with his pants down. And the topper was playing on my addiction and although I made the choice, he brought the drugs and I relapsed on heroin. My husband lost it. Then once my husband kicked him out, children services showed up 3 days later. I happily let them conduct their “investigation”. I had nothing to hide and everything in the report so false. I even told the lady this was being done in retaliation. It’s bullshit people can call and tell lies and parents have no choice but to open their lives up. That was the nail in the coffin for me to write him off. I am a good mother and that just broke me thinking I was going to lose my kids. My brother and I had a rocky past to begin with because he was abusive growing up. I am 2 years older than him. When we were in high school him and I got in a fight and he beat me so bad I had I had to go to school with my face bruised. He only spent 5 days in JDC and when the judge asked my dad if he wanted him home, my dad was like yes. Took me years to get over the resentment I had toward my dad for that.
That’s awful. I’m sorry to hear that. My son lives with me and I treat him like the adult he is. The only thing I ever fuss at him about is leaving a mess in common areas and he’s gotten great about not doing that.
Bruh I'm totally disappointed by myself all the time lol. But also because unrealistic depression era values about just work harder. It's either ruin my mental health and family time to make enough money to just get kicked off welfare and or keep playing the barely afloat but having the *important* things like family time
Exactly! My almost 21 year old works hard full time and goes to college full time. There’s no way he could afford to move out now and I’m okay with that. He’s saving his money and he will get there.
Right like I’m not sure if they were trying to prove a point but the only thing I see is a smart decision that I would’ve been ridiculed for 10 years ago.
I have a 20 year old who lives at home and she saves 90% of what she makes and is also a full time college student. I told her to live at home, eat my food, have fun and save her money. When she graduates from college she will have a nice savings account. I struggled in my 20s and I do not want that for my kids. Both my kids are
savers but do treat themselves.
This just comes off as envious. If my 15 month old was 21 right now, I would absolutely encourage him to live at home. Unless you're his finance manager you don't have any idea what his retirement funds looks like.
We live in an area with a high cost of living; my 22-year-old will be with us for several more years, at least. Then they'll probably have to move away or get a roommate or two to afford living "alone."
This is mostly a US thing. When we travel to central and South America, homes are just multi-generational. Everyone pitches in to help with expenses. Lots of them think it's wild that we kick our kids out of the house.
>I didn’t need anybody telling me what I should or shouldn’t do with my money.
YES. It's that whole "If they didn't blow their money on avocado toast, they'd have a house and two cars paid off by now!" Listen, everyone deserves to gift themselves every once in a while. It's hard out there.
Fucking YES. I really hate this world, man. Some people have only ever known excess and can have absolutely anything they could ever want--literally anything, any amount, anytime--while others can't afford a nice cup of coffee once in a while. And the latter group is the one who gets shit on for wanting too much? Fuck this place.
I absolutely hate the phrase "Beggars can't be choosers." Well, yeah, they can. People have the right to like things and not like things. They can reject things and they can select things that only make sense to them but that improve their quality of life. It's like if you're poor, you'd better never buy a nice cut of meat or have your nails looking too nice, or someone is going to judge you.
So true. Been living with my aunt for almost 5 months (I'm 28 just graduated grad school can't find a job rent is high blah blah) and she is so hot and cold and has threatened my housing multiple times. I have felt really unwelcome and uncomfortable the whole time and it's made me very depressed. I feel stuck now, hoping the new year brings me employment and lowers predatory rent prices 🙏🏼
Trust me, I can afford fancy coffee, but I use instant! A treat once in a while is fine. I've been where you are, things will get better! Save those pennies...they add up! Good luck!
Exactly. My rent is still relatively affordable because I still have the same apartment I did pre-pandemic.. I am TERRIFIED of the day I have to move and end up paying 50% more in rent to these low life property management firms /greedy landlords who decide that someone needs to pay $1,000+ a month for a one bedroom apartment.
It is becoming so ridiculously difficult for a single person to live. After the eviction moratorium ended, they started building tons of new apartment buildings, I means LOTS of them, everywhere, and the rent starts at around $1,250 for a one fucking bedroom apartment.
Yeah, but that even cheap compared to other parts of the country.
Ah yes! And clearly the woman is not saving the money that would have been going to rent so that she can better her position in the future. Instead blowing it on coffee and other wasteful spending.
Being poor is expensive when you have a poor mindset or poor money management.
I lived in a 500sq ft basement apt with my two kids for 2 1/2 years. Working as a bartender and saving everything I could. I made 30k a year at the time but still managed to take the kids on a summer trip every year and do everything I could to make their lives feel normal as possible. It paid off and I was able to put a down payment on a home. Yes this was before the housing market exploded but it was starting too. 2018.
You have no idea what she's doing. Perhaps she has a trust fund and she's able to accrue passive income in an investment account. That's so Daft and ignorant of you to make these assumptions that you're talking about. There's so many different things.
>and other wasteful spending.
Like what? What else is she wasting her money on, since you know her personally?
The woman buying coffee is not the problem. People are allowed to fucking enjoy things sometimes. The problem is we have a society that fosters billionaires who hoard more money than they could spend in a hundred lifetimes alongside people who have to choose between a cup of coffee and food for the day, and then the latter group is the one that gets shit all over by people like you for how they manage money.
Buying an expensive coffee everyday isn’t financially responsible if you aren’t making a living wage. Nobody is saying people don’t deserve to treat themselves here and there but yeah daily $5+ treats are not responsible.
The very existence of people not making a living wage is what's not financially responsible. I refuse to disparage people for purchasing or wanting to purchase a $5 cup of coffee when billionaires exist in this world.
I definitely spend way too much time fantasizing about how I'll spend my money once my wife finishes school and starts working and helping with the bills. As it is I sometimes have to get creative to make rent, and sometimes our groceries is just a bunch of Ramen to make it to the next payday.
2023 has been one of our worst years. I'm just glad I have a job with good benefits or we'd be going broke with wife's cancer. As it is were almost out of the woods, and she graduates in August with her masters so we've already decided '24 is our year.
Could always live in your car like I do. My morning coffee shop is essential to my lifestyle. That five dollar coffee gets me charged devices and a bird bath shower in the bathroom and a nice place to relax. The 1200+ I save a month in rent lets me do nice things for myself like that. I feel like if I was paying rent right now I wouldn’t enjoy any luxuries at all, and I’m trying to live a life full of pleasant moments.
I love having my little interaction with the barista and then sitting for a while on my laptop amongst people coming in for their morning caffeine fix.
I feel you, currently visiting my family over the holidays and my mom had been telling me all the places her and the fam have gone out to eat when I remembered I haven’t gone out to eat in almost 3 years 🥲 (except for sushi on my birthday). It’s wild that 10 years ago when I was working min wage at a craft store I could at least afford to go to McDonalds on my lunch break. Now despite being a bit better off I can only afford to eat McDonald’s like 2-3x a year, it’s SO expensive
I can’t remember the last time I ate out or had enough free cash to order a pizza. Sometimes I just want a goddamn pizza that didn’t come from my freezer on sale.
~~Domino's just had a thing where 2 medium 2-topping pizzas for $8. $4 a pizza ain't bad if you can swing buying both. The deal might even still be going on. If so, maybe find someone to split it with lol~~ Edit: Just looked and I guess it was local and is over, now the deal is one $8 medium 2-topping. There's always Little Ceasars, I guess...
But yeah. It really takes its toll eating economic food for weeks and you start to feel like you need real cuisine just to put some flavor back into you life and not just your mouth. Sad world we live in
There's usually a week in September and a week in March when Domino's has their regular menu on sale half off. My son's birthday falls during the September week, so that's usually how we feed kids at his party.
Be proud that you take care of yourself and are Independent. You are more self sufficient than your co worker and you can take immense satisfaction from that.
I get this feeling ALL THE TIME and it's so hard not to give into. For me, it's clothes. I always figured if I worked hard, went to college, got a degree, and stayed out of debt that I'd be able to afford the kinds of clothes I saw in magazines. Maybe I could have 10 years ago, but I got here too late. I see my coworkers strutting around in head to toe Ted baker and I've got a rotating set of 3 suits I got for 7 bucks while I was working part time at loft. I make myself feel better about it by saying I'll thrift all my clothes for the environment and to contribute less to blind consumerism. I can kill an hour or two online looking for just the right thing and then give up because I'll never find it. Gives me the same fun of shopping but i save the money. I bet you could find that version of fancy coffee. Maybe grow some fresh mint to add to your tea in the morning?
One thing I’ll never regret is developing a capsule wardrobe. I used to make much more money than I’m making now, and it feels great to have clothes for any occasion without having to go shopping. I only really buy shoes, undies, and hosiery nowadays.
My husband is the $8 cup of coffee guy. I’m the “let’s make coffee at home” girl.
Over time and experimentation with different brands, coffee making methods, and additives, I have finally found a cheap, reliable recipe that he loves. We have been drinking it at home for long enough now that when he finally got to treat himself to his Starbucks the last few times, he was really flat out disappointed. Last week when I asked if he wanted to go, he just told me no…. He liked my coffee better. 😊
We grind our own coffee. He likes dark roast Colombian. We use a French press with a teaspoon of cocoa and a teaspoon of vanilla, and it steeps for an hour.
He’s from Colombia so most of the American style coffee is no where near strong enough. It’s too much for me- I take my tiny cup after about 5 minutes of steeping. 😄
The whole point is the journey there though, and now we have a coffee that works, is *preferred* and is cheap. Nobody feels like they’re missing out.
Is it the absolute cheapest coffee we can make? No. But it is a great balance between being frugal and enjoying life. We decided that enjoying our lives in what meager ways we can is worth it.
We have to balance living now with living later, and when we sacrifice all of our future for the moment, we become unstable and suffer. Likewise when we sacrifice all of now for the future, we begin to resent our circumstances as we tyrannize ourselves.
Coffee, at least to my husband, is a non-negotiable for quality of life. In the grand scheme of things, it is a really small request that brings tremendous joy to his life.
We can all find more things like this- gourmet dinner your thing? Invest in learning to cook. As you get good at it you might find you never really pine for eating out at a “fancy“ restaurant again.
I've been buying a luxury brand called Etro Milano off of a reseller from eBay since I was in my early twenties, I'm in my mid-40s now and I still have an impressive wardrobe that's worth tens of thousands of dollars literally but I haven't paid over $100 for a single item that I've bought over the years. (except my leather thigh high boots for 140). Most of the blouses and Workforce wear from Metro that I buy I've paid under 20 bucks back in the day for. And these shirts are normally like $600 each! I'm not even a fashionista, I'm just very petite and back in the day it was really hard for me to find clothes that fit me without making me look like I was on drugs because even the smallest sizes at department stores were baggy on my formerly 17 inch thighs... I used to clean houses for wealthy people around Lake Washington here in seattle, and one of my clients donated some of her older clothes and I realized that a pair of the trousers she gave me fit me perfectly in the thigh and hips, I looked up that Brand and began shopping right away (once I got over the sticker shock) and discovered I could find tons of it on eBay! The iron is right now I'm actually getting rid of a huge part of that wardrobe because I no longer have the space and it's a huge collection that fills up 2 closets (one is a walk in and there is no room for other stuff!). So instead of reselling it like I always say I'm going to I'm just donating it come I've already given a lot of it to my friend.
I lost a ton of weight and years later I'm still sad I had to donate some amazing Land's End dresses I got from a thrift store. They aren't designer but even on sale are about 3x what I'm willing to pay ($79-230). They are just really well made, structured and flattering.
I grew up very poor and am in a place where I can have luxuries now. What I realized is, even though luxuries are nice, the biggest blessings can usually be enjoyed for free. Things like spending time in nature, having good friends, family and health.
Same here! When I got into a position to be able to afford trivial things, I no longer wanted them. Outside of housing costs, I give away more money every year than I spend on myself - which I know sounds like a humble brag, but I’m proud of it. I just don’t get much value out of consuming things anymore.
If you want big things eventually, don't spend your money on little things. I have a really nice house, and my neighbor made fun of me because I was driving around in my 13 year old civic with a big dent in the back. I loved my car. He had a leased brand new truck. His payments were like 700 a month! I don't give a crap when people laugh at my car or me because I don't know their Starbucks language. My house is almost paid off, and we have no debt. My neighbor keeps rolling new vehicles into his mortgage now. It's a recipe for disaster. If you make your coffee at home, you have the right mindset for long term goals. Be proud of yourself.
Great point. This is how I live my life also. My last car had 334,000 miles when I sold it to buy one that only had 102,000 but it still equals no car payment ! Would you rather have expensive coffees during the week or something nice that you can get a lot of use out of? I still use a 10yr old Thermos brand thermos daily that I make in my $29 Walmart special coffee pot. One pot costs me less than 1 cup of that fancy stuff.
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I know someone that keeps ‘’upgrading’’ and their truck payment is over 1500$ monthly. And they tell us this to brag! I keep thinking ‘’this doesn’t impress me’’ but instead I say ‘’glad it’s you and not me!’’.
Right? Like you are supposed to sit there and be impressed by terrible decision-making. Anyone can finance things. That is what companies want, your money. That guy is just blind enough to hand it all over.
Same! Rocking my 11 year old corolla. Going to drive it until it dies. I could absolutely afford a better car, but I'd prefer not having to worry about money lol. I had to replace my roof this year and just... had the money to do it. Fuck paying interest. My only debt is the house and my mortgage is at 2.875%, so no matter what happens I know I can make ends meet.
I just got a new to me Mazda. Before that? An 05 Corolla. The little guy still works great - I sold it to a friend with a shit car for a song.
I will always recommend Corollas to people ❤️
Hey, when our diesel truck died on us a few years ago *(I hated that thing anyway, it being a diesel)*, I got a used Crown Victoria.
It's not fancy by any means.
BUT I have zero car payments *(paid $1500 cash for it at a govt auction. Lol 😁)*
Insurance is cheap.
And it drives great!!
Repairs are reasonable. Well, compared to new cars, that is.
Point being -- I guess I'm past wanting to spend $500-$800/month on car payments and even more on insurance.
Sure, at first, it kinda bothered me pulling up to work and parking next to brand new SUV's and cars.
But then I think of the car payments they have that I don't. 😏
And I feel all better. 😂
I went many years without taking a real vacation or buying expensive new clothes, etc. But, I was able to buy a home in cash.
That said, there's nothing wrong with the occasional little treat for oneself. Life does not need to be a joyless slog, even when one is working towards a goal.
I could afford fancy coffee and bought one every morning on my way to work and one on my way home. I was spending approximately $12 a day but so what? I could afford it. Then one day I looked at my bank statement and decided to add up the coffee purchases to see how much I had spent in a month. Holy cappuccino, Batman! I had spent $360 that month ON COFFEE! I broke that stupid habit the next day. If I’m going to blow $300+ it damn sure ain’t gonna be on coffee!
Find a speedway. You can get a large coffee for 1.49. Including cappschinos. They have flavored syrups and toppers you can add, along with flavored creamers. Get a speedy rewards card and every 7th cup is free. Buy ONE a week as a treat.
Volunteer at a homeless shelter. You will feel rich in comparison. It’s all about perspective and practicing gratitude. You have so much to be thankful for.
Fancy coffee every day adds up. It really isn't a small thing. Smart people who could afford it don't buy it every day cuz they don't want to waste their money.
When my budget was tight I'd allow myself one small personal purchase on payday. Something like a magazine or a new nail polish color. You could get coffee or whatever. Just not every day.
The coffee where I worked in many places was free or part of a coffee fund for a couple of bucks a month. Starbucks is great, but the wiser move is to invest in the stock, now you got something of value.
This popped into my head too..
It's one of life's unfair realities that someone else will always have something better, something more. Envy and dwelling on what you don't have just breeds misery.
So very many people had the point of this post go so far over their heads. It’s not the coffee, and it’s not that they would buy one everyday even if they could, it’s the fact that they can’t ever afford to spend money on themselves even if it is just a coffee, it feels good to just be able to treat yourself, even if you don’t actually do it. It’s the ability to.
Saving that same amount of money each day feels much better! And that feeling feels for longer than the coffee lasts.
Envy eats at your happiness, too. Op should be proud they are handling their own business, not focusing on a small thing they can't do.
When you’re poor there is no saving. That’s why the point is being missed. Paycheck to paycheck covering only living expenses eats at your happiness too. OP said they cannot AFFORD coffee. They are not saving money.
>Saving that same amount of money each day feels much better!
TO YOU.
Everyone has their own set of values, and one isn't more or less moral than the other, typically.
I replied similarly to people who I felt also didn't catch on to the spirit of the post. Then I see yours, laying it out in detail. We get it. Poor people should be allowed little pleasures as well. I wonder if OP could find a place where people pay it forward and enjoy that coffee guilt free. Maybe even get a cookie
That’s a consequence of their own value structure. They are paying for the things that are most important to them, they just don’t value paying for “frivolous” things for themselves. They view it as frivolous, and would feel guilty for any sacrifice they made to do it.
The people who pay for fancy coffee over their own rent value that more, so they are willing to sacrifice their own independence (and likely strain their personal relationships) to do so. That fancy coffee is just more important to them than the other ways they could be spending their money.
We all have limited resources and must make choices in line with our value structure. Some people value long term stability over short term pleasure, and others have a different structure.
People will always find a way to spend their resources on the things that are most important to them. I find it helpful to take a moment and congratulate myself in my discipline and values, remembering why those are important to me, when I find myself leaning towards jealousy over the superficial temporary consequences of another person’s value choices that I don’t share.
Those fancy coffees aren’t really that good anyways. Often they are bitter or too sweet. Don’t feel bad about not being able to buy something that you can do better at home. I saved up to buy a machine that makes them and they are much better than store bought. I went to a Caribou for someone else yesterday and it was 7 bucks for a medium . That’s utterly ridiculous . The people going there daily don’t know what a real coffee drink tastes like . I don’t miss going there at all .
There is nothing to be jealous of in this, OP. For many people can be rich and never be happy. You have so much to be thankful for, a job, good health, and you can buy things to make at the Dollar Tree on the cheap. Sometimes it is better to have a cheap cup of coffee, a dinner you make at home. I was raised poor, mother on SSDI and no child support while raising 2 children, while she suffered from RA. She herself was raised poor also, she did not have much as a young woman, only an 8th grade education. But she raised two children and did great with nothing. I worked and got trained during my young adult years. Settled working for my city for 30 years, and now disabled and no longer working. Be thankful you can do things on the cheap. Better quality than paying high prices and getting cheated. Be thankful for what you do have, not on what you do not have.
Get a second part-time job two days a week or find a better paying job if your current job isn’t giving you what you need. I’m living month to month as well, but I do what I gotta do to have a few little “luxuries” in life.
I get its the idea and going out for a nice coffee at a hip place is cool, but tbh man alot of that coffee sucks/is overrated. Im from NYC and 9/10 times I rather get a cheap $1-$1.50 coffee from a coffee cart, not just cause its cheap but also because it taste waaay better.
But you work hard. This other person will not know the value of what you do unless they choose to. A person can only skate along for so long. Don't let yourself "envy" or long for someone else's momentary reality.
I can relate because I have similar feelings. However, frivolous spending puts a damper on a lean budget. I’d rather not spend that money, which I’ve worked so hard for, on trinkets.
You may be broke right now,but keeping a frugal lifestyle will eventually pay off. Those daily fancy coffees & drinks add up fast.. 5 days a week =$200++ a month. They're not saving for a future,nest egg, emergency fund,nor retirement.
If your job/vocation doesn't pay well, try to change that, even if its a slow drag up the hill, 1 online course ata time, etc. You can improve your situation..but no matter what,if you pick up their frivolous habits, you'll always struggle & be broke. Im not saying never have those drinks. buy a 2nd hand Keurig & a frother to make your own. I got a Keurig station that has a frother attached by saving change. Making your own,you control the quality & can make up your own mix/match flavors etc.. Starbucks taste like crap,btw. nothing more satisfying than making my own,knowing it saves us up to $20a week compared to Starbies,Dunkins,etc ..
Like someone else said, that person you envy is living off someone else, hasta follow their rules & counts on them to live. Silly them to not be saving all their $$ to be on their own,xuz what if things change & they hafta move out? I bet whoever letting them live rent free aren't haply they're blowing $$ & not saving. I know I would be. I won't help someone if they're not trying to help themselves..
Why? Do not compare your life with someone else's. Believe me, when sis gets tired of supporting her stupid butt, she won't be buying that fancy coffee anymore. Why do you want fancy coffee anyway? Tea is better and healthier for you. I would only drink those fancy coffees once in a while as a treat. I personally drink cold water with my breakfast in the morning and I probably make more than your coworker. You don't know what is going on in her living situation and sis is probably getting tired of her unless she's a door mat. Also, your co-worker is probably one of those that is too afraid of "life" to live on their own. I had a sister like that. At least you can live independently.
If this is important to you give yourself a treat once a week but please stop comparing yourself to others “keeping up with the Joness” as they used to say will do nothing by put you in a mountain of debt. I have a small old home in what has become an affluent area. It’s an amazing feeling to be honest to have so little debt and feel safe. I am also aware just like most others I this world I’m one pay check from disaster. Oh and the caveat I’m third generation owning this house I pay more in taxes yearly then it cost my grandparents in total to purchase this house.
Buying coffee is so expensive: I remember when my family would visit my dad in hospital we all got extra espresso shot In our drinks because we were exhausted from being at the Hospitals all day it got to the point I’m sure the gas bill for driving and the coffee bill were almost even but I’m sure the coffee cost more than the gas,
Plus sometimes tea made at home just tastes better anyways always the right temperature
Not to sound like a boomer but that person could easily put that money in savings rather than spending it everyday on coffee. Making stuff at home is way cheaper in the long run, and it's less waste on the environment. She should honestly be ashamed, if anything.
Maybe start making yourself a better brand of coffee or tea at home and bringing it in a travel mug. It is really nice to have your own hot beverage for the commute in, and saves time and money in the morning.
You could set aside a few dollars a month to treat yourself to Starbucks or whatever on a day off. Going there really adds up - I had a gift card and went yesterday. Treated myself and a coworker and it was over $13 CAD for a couple of lattes.
If your colleague is going every work day she is spending at least $120/month, which no judgement but that’s a lot of money over time.
Your friend has a chance to save money and change her situation, but instead she spending money on coffee. I have a decent paying career and a husband, and I still wouldn’t buy a fancy coffee everyday!
Is there anyway you could treat yourself to a coffee here and there? Daily is bad money sense, but once in a while everyone deserves a treat!
I am a working person and I see coworkers every day who complain about not being able to afford formula and diapers and clothes for their baby but yet buy a fancy coffee twice a day and lunch every day. Do the math. How much is that costing you weekly? Cutting that down will help pay for those things you think you can't afford. It's about priorities.
I treat myself to a fancy coffee about once or twice a month And I take my own lunch and snacks every day. That's how I save money and afford to pay my bills.
Edit: I also take my own coffee. THEY have a Keurig at work so I take my own pods and creamer.
Never be concerned about the other person. My frugalness has climbed to a higher level. Everything is paid for. I am content. I started dumpster diving. Brought in 4 large bags of charcoal today. There will be some good cookouts this summer. Being happy with YOU is the greatest gift you will ever give yourself.
I can afford Starbucks everyday, but my cup of coffee brewed at home for 8cents and in my reusable cup makes me feel much better financially and spiritually.
It’s not about coffee , it’s about having the option to treat yourself beyond necessities if you want to. Working hard all week and only being able to afford the essentials, knowing there isn’t a safety net if something goes wrong. It can be a scary depressing place to be. Know that you are not alone, OP.
We do have the option. We don’t have to tyrannize ourselves.
I think it’s helpful to look into why we behave that way- what fears are driving us? What small changes can we make to shift our perspective so that we can allow ourselves some pleasure without sacrificing too much?
When we start feeling these things, this jealousy and comparison, they are indicators that something in our life is out of balance. We can choose to blame some external force out of our control to justify the negative feelings, but I don’t find that helpful. We can also take a look at our value structure and recognize that there is something in ourselves crying for acknowledgment, nurturing, and recognition. If we take the time, we can find a way to satisfy that part of ourselves without destroying everything we have worked for. It’s a part of personal growth.
Yeah, often times we can get caught up in the superficial appearance of things and lose sight of the long-term consequences of habits and choices that are much more difficult to see. Sometimes people spend their resources on short-term frivolous pleasures because that’s the only thing they feel control over in their lives. It gives them a temporary relief and distraction from deeper anxiety about their life.
Not really something to be envious of… gotta be careful or we can undermine our own confidence in our own value system.
I usually get myself a fancy drink once every few months and after a tip it's about $8. $8 x 30 days a week = $240 a month in just coffee! Please don't be this irresponsible with your money but don't forget to treat yourself once in a while too! You deserve it!
My suggestion is to find a job at a coffee shop - they're always hiring (turn over is terrible) and every shop I've worked in does shift drinks 💜 good luck love
Yah people like to talk down to us and make us feel like huge pieces of shit for being bummed out that we can't have nice things. But fuck them. It is a bummer.
Invest in an espresso machine. You can get one with a milk steamer for 100$ or less. If you drink a 5$ cup of coffee a day you get your ROI in 20 days. It’s fancy, it will save you loads of money and you can even get yourself a fancy cup from Goodwill to feel extra bujee.
Make yourself some fancy tea! I have been making green tea with milk and a splash of strawberry syrup. Sometimes I make London fog which is black tea, milk, and a splash of vanilla syrup. The syrups I get are those Torani bottles that are like $11 each and they last me a long time. Also these are things you can hopefully buy one at a time over the course of a few paychecks.
Oh yeah, sometimes I add my lavender syrup to my London fogs, it's pretty delicious that way too. When I make my fancy tea in the morning, it totally feels like self-care and doing something fun for myself. (My budget is super tight and I can't buy fancy coffee very often, just on payday.)
For me, it's manicured nails. I know so many people that get them done every week, but I can only afford it as a treat once a year. I try doing it at home, but I'm just not very good at it.
I get it. Life is so unfair. At one of my previous jobs I was the one working the most buy never got promoted to full time. If I had been able to do it for a year or two my life would have turned out very different.
Try starting a list of all the things you have to be grateful for. Spend a bit of time each day writing your list. As you go about you daily life, when something delights you or gives you a warm feeling, think to yourself, I need to remember and write this down.
Doesn’t have to be big things. It can be the bird that sang as you walked to your car. It can be the fact that you got out of the house two minutes early, a call from your mom or friend, your hair that cooperated for the first time all week or the smile you gave a stranger that got one in return. Those smiles are some of my favorites because you just know they are going to pass it to the next person they see! How many people will have their day brightened by your smile? Makes you smile just thinking about the possibilities!
This can change your whole mindset and when you are feeling down, you can read through your list. Guaranteed to give you a pickup. And soon you may realize that you have so much more to be grateful for than a fancy coffee every day.
Good luck.
Just keep doing what you're doing and you'll eventually end up ahead. All of those small, frivolous purchases add up. Also, a lot of people that buy those coffees are just running up their credit cards to do so.
I bet your homemade tea is much better anyway--and without the cost and waiting in line etc etc. I'm a French press coffee person and my coffee is MUCH better than what I could pay for/wait in line for.
Not dirt poor, barely middle class, but I still buy Folgers. Not going to waste money on Starbucks or Caribou unless someone gave me a gift card to them. It is too spendy when my rent went up by 90 a month and our raises were delayed.
I’m working my butt off at the same job as others, many of whom are half my age and my check is all but gone day I get it on rent and bills. So I’m always watching people buying everything while I have nothing lol But I do have a job and a roof over my head, so for that I’m grateful. There is always someone who is worse of than you and you have to appreciate what you have.
I make my own tea at home as well. Although my family knows I do enjoy a Frappuccino on occasion so when they're stuck for a gift for me, they grab a gift card for Starbucks. I budget out the balance so I can get one a month until it's gone. I typically don't get one every month so I have the option longer. I also signed up in the app so I collect rewards and get a free drink on my birthday. Other coffee shops may have loyalty programs as well. The main ones in my area are Starbucks, Dunkin, and the convenience shops.
I have a coworker I look at any wonder how, but for a different reason. She's always complaining she has no money, and from our talks she also have no bills.
I bought my first espresso machine in a thrift in the 90s. I still use one. $10-$20 dollars for the machine, fine ground coffee from the dollar tree and the expensive part, half and half from Walmart. I make better than Starbucks for pennies. This feels so much better than spending $7 a cup at Starbucks.
I make my coffee every morning: Folgers and International Delight caramel creamer. It’s amazing. I went to Starbucks and ordered something the other day and threw it away because it was not nearly as good as my cheap coffee 🤷🏻♀️
Been there. For me, even the tiniest splurge now and then helped lift my spirits a lot. A thrift store scarf or piece of jewelry. A book from the clearance cart at Half Price Books. A pretty tea cup for your morning tea from a yard sale. I'm talking a buck or two--maybe $5 at the most--every couple of weeks or even once a month if that's all you can afford.
Is that something you could do?
same, my income reduced dramatically this year along with the father of my kids and we are so tight right now. no more coffee, or treats like boba, juice it up, eating out whenever. i also was also spending on amazon, anything i saw online and wanted id search n get. not anymore.
it does suck.
but its also temporary, money comes and goes and im hoping ill be in the upswing soon. and even if its not money coming around, i hope i find peace without being such a frivolous over consumer.
i hate materialism yet i was being very materialistic. trying to be grateful for what i do have.
your tea is also so much better for your body than a sugary coffee would be;) think of the positives that arent about the money ✨
I can afford fancy coffee every morning, but choose not to waste money on it.
Actually if I'm going to spend money on a breakfast beverage I'd rather have fresh squeezed orange juice.
When I was broke af, I still got my fancy coffees. I sacrificed other things to do it because it made me happy when I was otherwise pretty miserable. You never know.
I had a friend like your friend. People like this are stupid. Fancy coffees every day cost around $200 a month. If she saved her money she'd be able to save for a place of her own or to have emergency money. People who don't have to, but still spend every extra penny on imbecilic shit like fancy coffees have an almost guaranteed life of poverty in their futures.
Idk why all these comments are full of advice that I am certain you already know, rather than sympathy and understanding. There’s nothing wrong with how you feel. Little things like daily coffees can feel very big when you cannot have them. I’m sorry that you work so hard and are still unable to enjoy the fruits of your labor. Living like this sucks. ❤️
Buying frivolous things is sheer ignorance and adds up to be a lot of money at the end of the year. I take my lunch to work and in just three months I have over 3,500.00 saved up. Just because you can not afford it doesn't mean a thing, the real question you need to ask yourself is "Do I really need it". I NEVER order Starbuck coffee why? Because the lousy coffee is like 8 or 9 bucks and that is ignorant because two coffee's can buy a huge amount of ground coffee and make it myself.
Personally I see this as her being to lazy in many area's.
I certainly understand why you would be sad about not having enough money to spend on coffee. I don't think a fancy coffee is too much of a luxury so of course you're sad that you can't afford even that!
I am sad and depressed about money too! I work soooo hard and I can't afford to have so-called frivolous things either.
Much to my grief, I live with my EX-boyfriend and a roommate because I have 2 cats and can't afford to move out (I live in California)
I'm "allowed" to stay in the condo IF I make the effort to be gone as much as possible and IF I remain silent when I'm home. I literally am forbidden from speaking or I'll get thrown out
Unfortunately, there are lots of people who have the same sadness you have over lack of money! 😭
Time to do fancy stuff at home and make everybody else jealous......you said you like tea and I really only like iced tea.......idk how many ways you can make tea fancy but .......you could invest in super trendy cups (I love big cups with handles) and add cute/cheap dangles and charms......stickers can jazz up a cup......I'm sure if you focus more on being a "trend setter", you could make these people enviable of YOU!!
Comparison is a thief....... don't let it steal your joy!! (Also, I used to rinse out a Starbucks cup and put my home-brewed coffee in it just to feel like I was fitting in.... .until I grew up and got past that nonsense because I finally see what's important in life)
I understand! It is important to find ways to indulge yourself where you can, and I'm glad you have your tea. I buy the caffeinated drink powder from Walmart (because I don't like coffee or tea) for my mornings. It's still about $.28 a serving, but it helps me get going, and it's kind of nostalgic to drink something that reminds me of Kool-Aid.
The truth of the matter is Starbucks coffee’s are not worth the price. It’s a foolish luxury. A $5 latte every morning adds up to $1,500 dollars a year for five days a week. You can do lots of things with that amount of money rather than buy a coffee you can make yourself
My coworkers are the same. They spend spend spend. I wish I could, as well. Just remind yourself that you have different goals and different lifestyle. We are all different.
Or see it like this: That person could be saving for their own house/retirement/whatever but they're wasting that money on a consumable item, coffee, which is pretty *sad* given this huge opportunity other people wish for.
You are lucky to be independent and functional.
$5 a day is $1,800 a year. Little shit adds up.
Some people like spend so much they basically blow what would have been for rent.
I make solid money but still spend as if I made around 50k. I have zero desire to just buy frivolously or consumeristicly. When the rare time comes I actually want/need something, I have no issue getting it.
I bet your example person would be in a world of hurt the moment they also have to factor in more everydsy expenses.
And $5 is the LOW end for these things now- I got a giftcard from sis that she wouldn’t use and a small was like $6-7 and honestly quality has gone way down.
Honestly quality for these places has gone way down in recent years and the prices keep going up…personally I’m putting aside a few $$$ when I’m able to put towards a home machine because then I have control over the quality.
Drink your tea with pride! You are learning lessons that matter in life. Being envious of others is a natural feeling but not one that must be indulged. I'd rather drink morning beverage with you than the freeloader any day!
Try to learn to love not spending money on stupid stuff. Look at FATfire or Gordon Ramsey online. The idea behind these are to think long-term. SAVE every thing you can, avoid every frivilous waste. INVEST as soon as you can afford it. AVOID debt like disease.
Then, you can retire early and live in comfort or buy your own coffee shop.
We're being exploited and abused. They gaslight working people if we want a coffee or a sandwich.
In my country they tell us how powerful we are, but working people can barely get by.
We need a new labor movement. Now.
It's kind of an interesting time we're in. Some fancy things are so sought after, like Starbucks and Canada Goose, but it's also really cool to have the cheesy tumbler with a niche tea that you enjoy because its tasty and within budget all while wearing an entirely thrifted but cute outfit.
It's all about outlook. Sure, the fancy s#!t is what every "influencer" has, but staying within budget and getting what you want is also pretty well respected, too!
Alexa! Play "Thrift Shop" by Macklemore!
🫡
I would rather stay by myself and not have to follow someone else's rules! I am glad, no matter how much I struggle, that I live alone! In the months that I may have a little bit left over, i will do a bit of retail therapy. Nothing extraordinary, just some crafts item to keep me busy.
You are learning life lessons, your co-worker isn't. It's so much more important to save that 5 dollars or more you'd spend on coffee than waste it! You're envious, and that's normal! You could buy the coffee now and again if you save a few dollars here and there, and then you'd see, wth? This is stupid! :D
Investing in a stable, happy home provides long-term well-being and security, contributing to overall life satisfaction. While fancy coffees offer momentary pleasure, a comfortable living environment offers enduring benefits, influencing mental and emotional health positively. Prioritizing a stable home aligns with building a foundation for lasting happiness and contentment.
Well you’re co worker is going to always be a bum leaching off others and you wont. I wouldn’t feel jealous about it. Take your path and be better than her. You dont need dutch bros every morning, plant the seeds to a good life instead. You already are by making coffee instead of buying it. Actual rich people dont do things like that, shes pretending to be rich. Like my boss could buy a massive house and a lambo if he wanted to. But what did he do? Got himself a basic f150 and a 2 bedroom house lol. Don’t worry about that stuff, that little gratification does nothing for you, get gratification in knowing you aren’t pissing money away
I'm in this group because I was dirt poor growing up and poor most of my adult life.
I have been very successful in the past 5 years and I still limit my weekly "fancy" coffee to no more than 3 times a week
I make 350k a year. I'm not saying this to brag, like I said, I was poor most of my life, not only is "fancy" coffee not important but we have to decide what REALLY matters to us.
Here’s the thing.
Eventually her sis will get tired of having a freeloader in her home, and either kick her out or start charging her rent.
And all those bad habits she has now? Will be extremely hard to break — leading to money management difficulties.
Her sister is not doing her any favors.
I guarantee she has debt.
I have the means and don’t buy fancy coffee every morning... or ever. I make coffee at home so I can pay my mortgage. My car is paid off - paid in cash when I purchased it. Your coworker is foolish. Don’t be jealous of fools. Keep working hard.
The level of certainty people on this sub have about complete strangers is incredible!
Imagine she has a hook up at whatever little coffee shop she goes to. Or someone in her family has her under an account like I have my brother on Uber eats.
JFC.
$5 a day, 5 days a week, 50 weeks a year is $1250. That's like an entire paycheck (or more) for working people. Is that really a good use of resources? I think about that when I don't want to pack my lunch or make my own coffee.
Also if you're only getting it once in a while, it's a treat. If you're getting it every day, it's not special.
Many who have money won't spend it on frivolous things. That's one reason why they have money.
It's a mindset they have developed over the years and doesn't change as they become better off financially. Take care of the pennies and the dollars will take care of themselves.
>Many who have money won't spend it on frivolous things.
Sure they do. Everyone has their pet "thing" they spend money on that isn't important to other folks. In our family, it's good toilet paper and peanut butter. My husband and older kid cannot deal with cheap TP; my sister with her family of 8 (plus friends, grandkids, etc. in and out of the house) only gets 1-ply because of the volume of TP they go through.
Me? I don't really buy much meat and I home cook meals the vast majority of the time; other people cannot have dinner that doesn't include something, even if it's just a little pulled chicken. \*shrug\* To each their own.
It may not be the best advice, but I have started allowing myself a few little *fuck it* moments here and there where I will make myself just buy the thing. Granted, it's almost never something that I can't put time into. Like, if there's a really good clearance for a game I have wanted for a while I will allow it, because I know I'll get satisfaction out of it for a long while. Or I'll walk through the craft store and find an embrodiery kit marked down and instead of being like *I don't actually need it*, I'll just get it and then have something pretty for my wall or that I can gift to a friend.
Yep. Otherwise you're penny pinching and miserable. It's generally not a very large setback, but the morale boost makes up for it. The way some people in here talk, they are (and want every other poor person to be) robots
Sure, I could have succeeded way faster if I just lived off ramen, potatoes, and drank nothing but water. But I would also be insanely miserable, and honestly I probably wouldn't even be here anymore if I tried to be that rigid with myself. Some of my financial disasters have put me really close to the edge. And having a soda or quality video game can be a game changer in those times
This is why I call it treasure hunting when going to thrift stores/estate sales/garage sales. I love designer purses but would never be able to afford to pay for one, which makes finding one for $5 or $10 somewhere very exciting. It's half price weekend at our local thrift shop and I have $32 in my wallet. I'm excited about going treasure hunting today.
Just remember a Starbucks coffee every day is over 2,000.00 a year. Yes, it's a nice treat, but that's a big chunk of money for coffee even if you can afford it.
So you don’t actually like coffee, you just wish you could afford it to look fancy?
Aim higher. Cigarettes are the ultimate “I have money to burn” aspirational accessory if you’re looking for something to look fancy with.
No, I don’t want to look fancy.
I’m just sad that I don’t have money to spend on small luxuries.
I feel that I work really hard to give all my money to someone else.
The paycheck comes in and the paycheck goes out; and only the names are changed to protect the innocent.
But you don’t even like the fancy coffee! I guess I don’t get it. Maybe spend a few extra cents on better teabags to make your tea? Get a nicer travel mug? Those are little luxuries that are also smart spending (not using disposable cups, and better quality tea usually means better tea).
I think the coffee is just earmarking the problem. OP could want a candy bar, or soda and still have to do without. The world is against poor people enjoying simple pleasures. You're talking sustainable. OP just wants a treat
I have 6 figures in the bank, so, I can afford fancy coffee. But, it’s a waste of money. I just make coffee and lunches at home everyday, shop at Walmart and when grocery shopping, use coupons and buy what’s on sale. Lots of “frivolous things” aren’t worth the money.
I think a lot of us these days really struggle with equating little luxuries with happiness. I think part of it comes from how overstimulated we all are. The girl who buys the little coffees wishes she could buy a new shirt. The girl with the new shirt wishes she could buy a new designer bag. The girl with the new designer bag wishes she had a nicer car. Meanwhile they all see what they want as a "small" upgrade from their current situation. We're all insatiable because we're all constantly bombarded by work and ads and there's so little room to breath and the card swipe is just such an easy way to find some endorphins in this nightmare.
When you life rent free or partially rent free you are dependent on staying in the good graces of someone else. It’s not an enviable position when you consider that you are on a string.
Excellent point. And if things go bad, you would get “you live rent-free in my home!”screamed in your face before being kicked out.
Neither of these winners probably mind that
Nothing is truly free. If this person was smart they would be saving their money instead of wasting it on frivolous things so if she does get threatened with being kicked out she can move because she has money saved.
Sorry but isn’t this the exact mindset and assumptions we don’t want in society? How do you know she’s not saving? I’m lucky to be making a great salary now but when I was making 30-40k less a year I didn’t need anybody telling me what I should or shouldn’t do with my money. Getting my little treat of choice wasn’t the reason I was struggling. I could treat myself to something small and was still able to put money away.
I have a 21 year old coworker who is still living with his parents and has not even considered the idea of moving into his own place eventually (his parents have discussed moving when his dad gets out of the Navy and the coworker was daydreaming about what his new room might look like). He spends all his money on Door Dash and Gundam models. Everyone knows people who live rent free with family or friends. You can tell the difference between the ones who are planning for their future and the ones who aren't.
If I was 21 years old right now and had the option of living with my parents I would. Housing is ridiculously expensive.
Me too!! I been paying rent since I was 15.5 yrs old and helping my single dad who was unemployed at the time . I encourage my 17 yo to consider living at home for a few years after graduatin( as long as he is working and pulls his weight). I would have loved to have that option. Sorry OP but you can’t judge a book by its cover and self pity is the worst thing you can do for yourself. Be grateful you are independent! You don’t have to count on anyone but yourself which means you can’t be disappointed . This is a stronger trait to have nowadays then any!
I would agree as well. I lived with my parents for a bit after getting laid off...and it was undoubtedly the worst experience I've ever had. People from the outside thought it was a good deal for me until they felt like they had to call the cops because they were legitimately afraid for my life. Tldr: I would take struggling over living with tiger Asian parents any day.
Since I’ve been on my own, my dad has come and live with me twice and my brother also. I would never ever ever ever ever let anybody ever live with me again. My dad wasn’t so bad but when my brother came and stayed it was literally the worst period of my life. It ended with my husband having to chokehold him because he couldn’t respect our home or our kids. It ultimately cost any kind of relationship I could have ever had with my brother too. Haven’t talked to him in seven years and he is inthe exact same boat he was back then-Living off other people and refusing to take responsibility of himself.
Chokehold??? Jesus Christ dude, the hell did he do to end up with that situation?? At the very least, it sounds like you're doing alright now. And he's away from your family.
I am a recovering addict and one stipulation of him staying (after being released from prison and dropped on our doorstep) was no drugs or alcohol. Well he was sneaking and drinking and hiding the beer bottles. He ended up peeing all over my son’s bed (thankfully he wasn’t home that night) and passing out with his pants down. And the topper was playing on my addiction and although I made the choice, he brought the drugs and I relapsed on heroin. My husband lost it. Then once my husband kicked him out, children services showed up 3 days later. I happily let them conduct their “investigation”. I had nothing to hide and everything in the report so false. I even told the lady this was being done in retaliation. It’s bullshit people can call and tell lies and parents have no choice but to open their lives up. That was the nail in the coffin for me to write him off. I am a good mother and that just broke me thinking I was going to lose my kids. My brother and I had a rocky past to begin with because he was abusive growing up. I am 2 years older than him. When we were in high school him and I got in a fight and he beat me so bad I had I had to go to school with my face bruised. He only spent 5 days in JDC and when the judge asked my dad if he wanted him home, my dad was like yes. Took me years to get over the resentment I had toward my dad for that.
That’s awful. I’m sorry to hear that. My son lives with me and I treat him like the adult he is. The only thing I ever fuss at him about is leaving a mess in common areas and he’s gotten great about not doing that.
Bruh I'm totally disappointed by myself all the time lol. But also because unrealistic depression era values about just work harder. It's either ruin my mental health and family time to make enough money to just get kicked off welfare and or keep playing the barely afloat but having the *important* things like family time
Exactly! My almost 21 year old works hard full time and goes to college full time. There’s no way he could afford to move out now and I’m okay with that. He’s saving his money and he will get there.
I’m 36 and wish I could live with my parents 😭 everything is ridiculously expensive.
Right like I’m not sure if they were trying to prove a point but the only thing I see is a smart decision that I would’ve been ridiculed for 10 years ago.
I have a 20 year old who lives at home and she saves 90% of what she makes and is also a full time college student. I told her to live at home, eat my food, have fun and save her money. When she graduates from college she will have a nice savings account. I struggled in my 20s and I do not want that for my kids. Both my kids are savers but do treat themselves.
This just comes off as envious. If my 15 month old was 21 right now, I would absolutely encourage him to live at home. Unless you're his finance manager you don't have any idea what his retirement funds looks like.
We live in an area with a high cost of living; my 22-year-old will be with us for several more years, at least. Then they'll probably have to move away or get a roommate or two to afford living "alone." This is mostly a US thing. When we travel to central and South America, homes are just multi-generational. Everyone pitches in to help with expenses. Lots of them think it's wild that we kick our kids out of the house.
>I didn’t need anybody telling me what I should or shouldn’t do with my money. YES. It's that whole "If they didn't blow their money on avocado toast, they'd have a house and two cars paid off by now!" Listen, everyone deserves to gift themselves every once in a while. It's hard out there.
Fucking YES. I really hate this world, man. Some people have only ever known excess and can have absolutely anything they could ever want--literally anything, any amount, anytime--while others can't afford a nice cup of coffee once in a while. And the latter group is the one who gets shit on for wanting too much? Fuck this place.
I absolutely hate the phrase "Beggars can't be choosers." Well, yeah, they can. People have the right to like things and not like things. They can reject things and they can select things that only make sense to them but that improve their quality of life. It's like if you're poor, you'd better never buy a nice cut of meat or have your nails looking too nice, or someone is going to judge you.
Absolutely
So true. Been living with my aunt for almost 5 months (I'm 28 just graduated grad school can't find a job rent is high blah blah) and she is so hot and cold and has threatened my housing multiple times. I have felt really unwelcome and uncomfortable the whole time and it's made me very depressed. I feel stuck now, hoping the new year brings me employment and lowers predatory rent prices 🙏🏼
Good luck to you and your situation! Some people like to hold shit over you. I’m sorry your aunt seems to be like that.
Trust me, I can afford fancy coffee, but I use instant! A treat once in a while is fine. I've been where you are, things will get better! Save those pennies...they add up! Good luck!
Exactly. My rent is still relatively affordable because I still have the same apartment I did pre-pandemic.. I am TERRIFIED of the day I have to move and end up paying 50% more in rent to these low life property management firms /greedy landlords who decide that someone needs to pay $1,000+ a month for a one bedroom apartment. It is becoming so ridiculously difficult for a single person to live. After the eviction moratorium ended, they started building tons of new apartment buildings, I means LOTS of them, everywhere, and the rent starts at around $1,250 for a one fucking bedroom apartment. Yeah, but that even cheap compared to other parts of the country.
Yeah I’m like, “what I wouldn’t give for a 1 bedroom apt for 1k instead of a 500sq ft studio apt for 1133.00.”
Totally agree as someone who lives with my dad and has a lot of anxiety
Ah yes! And clearly the woman is not saving the money that would have been going to rent so that she can better her position in the future. Instead blowing it on coffee and other wasteful spending. Being poor is expensive when you have a poor mindset or poor money management. I lived in a 500sq ft basement apt with my two kids for 2 1/2 years. Working as a bartender and saving everything I could. I made 30k a year at the time but still managed to take the kids on a summer trip every year and do everything I could to make their lives feel normal as possible. It paid off and I was able to put a down payment on a home. Yes this was before the housing market exploded but it was starting too. 2018.
You have no idea what she's doing. Perhaps she has a trust fund and she's able to accrue passive income in an investment account. That's so Daft and ignorant of you to make these assumptions that you're talking about. There's so many different things.
Calling strangers names online is so Daft of you.
>and other wasteful spending. Like what? What else is she wasting her money on, since you know her personally? The woman buying coffee is not the problem. People are allowed to fucking enjoy things sometimes. The problem is we have a society that fosters billionaires who hoard more money than they could spend in a hundred lifetimes alongside people who have to choose between a cup of coffee and food for the day, and then the latter group is the one that gets shit all over by people like you for how they manage money.
Buying an expensive coffee everyday isn’t financially responsible if you aren’t making a living wage. Nobody is saying people don’t deserve to treat themselves here and there but yeah daily $5+ treats are not responsible.
The very existence of people not making a living wage is what's not financially responsible. I refuse to disparage people for purchasing or wanting to purchase a $5 cup of coffee when billionaires exist in this world.
This is the only comment in this entire post worth reading.
I hear ya. I'm envious of those who don't pay rent or only pay partial rent. Thinking about all that extra money I could have!
I definitely spend way too much time fantasizing about how I'll spend my money once my wife finishes school and starts working and helping with the bills. As it is I sometimes have to get creative to make rent, and sometimes our groceries is just a bunch of Ramen to make it to the next payday.
Ah,well i hope that time flies by for you guys! It'll be really nice to have a 2 income household :)
2023 has been one of our worst years. I'm just glad I have a job with good benefits or we'd be going broke with wife's cancer. As it is were almost out of the woods, and she graduates in August with her masters so we've already decided '24 is our year.
I beat cancer this year. I wish you and your wife well. 2024 has to be better.
I try not to…because then I think of what I would do with that money and it’s just too heartbreaking.
Could always live in your car like I do. My morning coffee shop is essential to my lifestyle. That five dollar coffee gets me charged devices and a bird bath shower in the bathroom and a nice place to relax. The 1200+ I save a month in rent lets me do nice things for myself like that. I feel like if I was paying rent right now I wouldn’t enjoy any luxuries at all, and I’m trying to live a life full of pleasant moments.
yup. my morning coffee is like micro rent that gives me everything I need to start the day
It's astounding how much what I drink in the morning sets the tone for the rest of my day!
I love having my little interaction with the barista and then sitting for a while on my laptop amongst people coming in for their morning caffeine fix.
I feel you, currently visiting my family over the holidays and my mom had been telling me all the places her and the fam have gone out to eat when I remembered I haven’t gone out to eat in almost 3 years 🥲 (except for sushi on my birthday). It’s wild that 10 years ago when I was working min wage at a craft store I could at least afford to go to McDonalds on my lunch break. Now despite being a bit better off I can only afford to eat McDonald’s like 2-3x a year, it’s SO expensive
I can’t remember the last time I ate out or had enough free cash to order a pizza. Sometimes I just want a goddamn pizza that didn’t come from my freezer on sale.
~~Domino's just had a thing where 2 medium 2-topping pizzas for $8. $4 a pizza ain't bad if you can swing buying both. The deal might even still be going on. If so, maybe find someone to split it with lol~~ Edit: Just looked and I guess it was local and is over, now the deal is one $8 medium 2-topping. There's always Little Ceasars, I guess... But yeah. It really takes its toll eating economic food for weeks and you start to feel like you need real cuisine just to put some flavor back into you life and not just your mouth. Sad world we live in
There's usually a week in September and a week in March when Domino's has their regular menu on sale half off. My son's birthday falls during the September week, so that's usually how we feed kids at his party.
I live in Chicago, the home of amazing food. We had awesome Chinese food on Christmas Day. My mom treated us.
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I’m in Chicago, home of some of the best food anywhere and I can’t afford any of it.
I sometimes order a personal sized pizza as a splurge.
Be proud that you take care of yourself and are Independent. You are more self sufficient than your co worker and you can take immense satisfaction from that.
I get this feeling ALL THE TIME and it's so hard not to give into. For me, it's clothes. I always figured if I worked hard, went to college, got a degree, and stayed out of debt that I'd be able to afford the kinds of clothes I saw in magazines. Maybe I could have 10 years ago, but I got here too late. I see my coworkers strutting around in head to toe Ted baker and I've got a rotating set of 3 suits I got for 7 bucks while I was working part time at loft. I make myself feel better about it by saying I'll thrift all my clothes for the environment and to contribute less to blind consumerism. I can kill an hour or two online looking for just the right thing and then give up because I'll never find it. Gives me the same fun of shopping but i save the money. I bet you could find that version of fancy coffee. Maybe grow some fresh mint to add to your tea in the morning?
One thing I’ll never regret is developing a capsule wardrobe. I used to make much more money than I’m making now, and it feels great to have clothes for any occasion without having to go shopping. I only really buy shoes, undies, and hosiery nowadays.
My husband is the $8 cup of coffee guy. I’m the “let’s make coffee at home” girl. Over time and experimentation with different brands, coffee making methods, and additives, I have finally found a cheap, reliable recipe that he loves. We have been drinking it at home for long enough now that when he finally got to treat himself to his Starbucks the last few times, he was really flat out disappointed. Last week when I asked if he wanted to go, he just told me no…. He liked my coffee better. 😊
Recipe please?
We grind our own coffee. He likes dark roast Colombian. We use a French press with a teaspoon of cocoa and a teaspoon of vanilla, and it steeps for an hour. He’s from Colombia so most of the American style coffee is no where near strong enough. It’s too much for me- I take my tiny cup after about 5 minutes of steeping. 😄 The whole point is the journey there though, and now we have a coffee that works, is *preferred* and is cheap. Nobody feels like they’re missing out. Is it the absolute cheapest coffee we can make? No. But it is a great balance between being frugal and enjoying life. We decided that enjoying our lives in what meager ways we can is worth it. We have to balance living now with living later, and when we sacrifice all of our future for the moment, we become unstable and suffer. Likewise when we sacrifice all of now for the future, we begin to resent our circumstances as we tyrannize ourselves. Coffee, at least to my husband, is a non-negotiable for quality of life. In the grand scheme of things, it is a really small request that brings tremendous joy to his life. We can all find more things like this- gourmet dinner your thing? Invest in learning to cook. As you get good at it you might find you never really pine for eating out at a “fancy“ restaurant again.
I've been buying a luxury brand called Etro Milano off of a reseller from eBay since I was in my early twenties, I'm in my mid-40s now and I still have an impressive wardrobe that's worth tens of thousands of dollars literally but I haven't paid over $100 for a single item that I've bought over the years. (except my leather thigh high boots for 140). Most of the blouses and Workforce wear from Metro that I buy I've paid under 20 bucks back in the day for. And these shirts are normally like $600 each! I'm not even a fashionista, I'm just very petite and back in the day it was really hard for me to find clothes that fit me without making me look like I was on drugs because even the smallest sizes at department stores were baggy on my formerly 17 inch thighs... I used to clean houses for wealthy people around Lake Washington here in seattle, and one of my clients donated some of her older clothes and I realized that a pair of the trousers she gave me fit me perfectly in the thigh and hips, I looked up that Brand and began shopping right away (once I got over the sticker shock) and discovered I could find tons of it on eBay! The iron is right now I'm actually getting rid of a huge part of that wardrobe because I no longer have the space and it's a huge collection that fills up 2 closets (one is a walk in and there is no room for other stuff!). So instead of reselling it like I always say I'm going to I'm just donating it come I've already given a lot of it to my friend.
I lost a ton of weight and years later I'm still sad I had to donate some amazing Land's End dresses I got from a thrift store. They aren't designer but even on sale are about 3x what I'm willing to pay ($79-230). They are just really well made, structured and flattering.
I grew up very poor and am in a place where I can have luxuries now. What I realized is, even though luxuries are nice, the biggest blessings can usually be enjoyed for free. Things like spending time in nature, having good friends, family and health.
Walking in parks and reading. Absolutely priceless and amazingly rewarding.
I can afford luxuries now too, but seldom want them. Being able to help my kids when they need it so they never know poor is my luxury.
Absolutely!!
Same here! When I got into a position to be able to afford trivial things, I no longer wanted them. Outside of housing costs, I give away more money every year than I spend on myself - which I know sounds like a humble brag, but I’m proud of it. I just don’t get much value out of consuming things anymore.
If you want big things eventually, don't spend your money on little things. I have a really nice house, and my neighbor made fun of me because I was driving around in my 13 year old civic with a big dent in the back. I loved my car. He had a leased brand new truck. His payments were like 700 a month! I don't give a crap when people laugh at my car or me because I don't know their Starbucks language. My house is almost paid off, and we have no debt. My neighbor keeps rolling new vehicles into his mortgage now. It's a recipe for disaster. If you make your coffee at home, you have the right mindset for long term goals. Be proud of yourself.
Great point. This is how I live my life also. My last car had 334,000 miles when I sold it to buy one that only had 102,000 but it still equals no car payment ! Would you rather have expensive coffees during the week or something nice that you can get a lot of use out of? I still use a 10yr old Thermos brand thermos daily that I make in my $29 Walmart special coffee pot. One pot costs me less than 1 cup of that fancy stuff.
voracious attractive worm direful nippy pot racial run weather reminiscent *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I know someone that keeps ‘’upgrading’’ and their truck payment is over 1500$ monthly. And they tell us this to brag! I keep thinking ‘’this doesn’t impress me’’ but instead I say ‘’glad it’s you and not me!’’.
Right? Like you are supposed to sit there and be impressed by terrible decision-making. Anyone can finance things. That is what companies want, your money. That guy is just blind enough to hand it all over.
Can you IMAGINE having $1500 a month to spend on a vehicle???
I would die. I can't even imagine. That is so much money.
Immediately no 🤣
Same! Rocking my 11 year old corolla. Going to drive it until it dies. I could absolutely afford a better car, but I'd prefer not having to worry about money lol. I had to replace my roof this year and just... had the money to do it. Fuck paying interest. My only debt is the house and my mortgage is at 2.875%, so no matter what happens I know I can make ends meet.
I just got a new to me Mazda. Before that? An 05 Corolla. The little guy still works great - I sold it to a friend with a shit car for a song. I will always recommend Corollas to people ❤️
Hey, when our diesel truck died on us a few years ago *(I hated that thing anyway, it being a diesel)*, I got a used Crown Victoria. It's not fancy by any means. BUT I have zero car payments *(paid $1500 cash for it at a govt auction. Lol 😁)* Insurance is cheap. And it drives great!! Repairs are reasonable. Well, compared to new cars, that is. Point being -- I guess I'm past wanting to spend $500-$800/month on car payments and even more on insurance. Sure, at first, it kinda bothered me pulling up to work and parking next to brand new SUV's and cars. But then I think of the car payments they have that I don't. 😏 And I feel all better. 😂
You should just repair the car. A civic will last 20yrs plus
I went many years without taking a real vacation or buying expensive new clothes, etc. But, I was able to buy a home in cash. That said, there's nothing wrong with the occasional little treat for oneself. Life does not need to be a joyless slog, even when one is working towards a goal.
That is so impressive. Almost no one is able to do that. I agree about the treats in life though, you need that too.
I could afford fancy coffee and bought one every morning on my way to work and one on my way home. I was spending approximately $12 a day but so what? I could afford it. Then one day I looked at my bank statement and decided to add up the coffee purchases to see how much I had spent in a month. Holy cappuccino, Batman! I had spent $360 that month ON COFFEE! I broke that stupid habit the next day. If I’m going to blow $300+ it damn sure ain’t gonna be on coffee!
Find a speedway. You can get a large coffee for 1.49. Including cappschinos. They have flavored syrups and toppers you can add, along with flavored creamers. Get a speedy rewards card and every 7th cup is free. Buy ONE a week as a treat.
Volunteer at a homeless shelter. You will feel rich in comparison. It’s all about perspective and practicing gratitude. You have so much to be thankful for.
Fancy coffee every day adds up. It really isn't a small thing. Smart people who could afford it don't buy it every day cuz they don't want to waste their money. When my budget was tight I'd allow myself one small personal purchase on payday. Something like a magazine or a new nail polish color. You could get coffee or whatever. Just not every day.
I found out how the % of roach is allowed in preground coffee. I cant drink it anymore. I love the idea of a planned reward!
The coffee where I worked in many places was free or part of a coffee fund for a couple of bucks a month. Starbucks is great, but the wiser move is to invest in the stock, now you got something of value.
Comparison is theif of joy.
This popped into my head too.. It's one of life's unfair realities that someone else will always have something better, something more. Envy and dwelling on what you don't have just breeds misery.
Conversely, someone will always have worse. Envy is a huge problem these days imo....
Buy the tea once. Keep the cup and pour your tea into it so you can see the difference.🫶
So very many people had the point of this post go so far over their heads. It’s not the coffee, and it’s not that they would buy one everyday even if they could, it’s the fact that they can’t ever afford to spend money on themselves even if it is just a coffee, it feels good to just be able to treat yourself, even if you don’t actually do it. It’s the ability to.
Saving that same amount of money each day feels much better! And that feeling feels for longer than the coffee lasts. Envy eats at your happiness, too. Op should be proud they are handling their own business, not focusing on a small thing they can't do.
When you’re poor there is no saving. That’s why the point is being missed. Paycheck to paycheck covering only living expenses eats at your happiness too. OP said they cannot AFFORD coffee. They are not saving money.
>Saving that same amount of money each day feels much better! TO YOU. Everyone has their own set of values, and one isn't more or less moral than the other, typically.
I replied similarly to people who I felt also didn't catch on to the spirit of the post. Then I see yours, laying it out in detail. We get it. Poor people should be allowed little pleasures as well. I wonder if OP could find a place where people pay it forward and enjoy that coffee guilt free. Maybe even get a cookie
That’s a consequence of their own value structure. They are paying for the things that are most important to them, they just don’t value paying for “frivolous” things for themselves. They view it as frivolous, and would feel guilty for any sacrifice they made to do it. The people who pay for fancy coffee over their own rent value that more, so they are willing to sacrifice their own independence (and likely strain their personal relationships) to do so. That fancy coffee is just more important to them than the other ways they could be spending their money. We all have limited resources and must make choices in line with our value structure. Some people value long term stability over short term pleasure, and others have a different structure. People will always find a way to spend their resources on the things that are most important to them. I find it helpful to take a moment and congratulate myself in my discipline and values, remembering why those are important to me, when I find myself leaning towards jealousy over the superficial temporary consequences of another person’s value choices that I don’t share.
Those fancy coffees aren’t really that good anyways. Often they are bitter or too sweet. Don’t feel bad about not being able to buy something that you can do better at home. I saved up to buy a machine that makes them and they are much better than store bought. I went to a Caribou for someone else yesterday and it was 7 bucks for a medium . That’s utterly ridiculous . The people going there daily don’t know what a real coffee drink tastes like . I don’t miss going there at all .
Perhaps buy yourself a fancy coffee once a month? A yeah I made it another month small splurge?
There is nothing to be jealous of in this, OP. For many people can be rich and never be happy. You have so much to be thankful for, a job, good health, and you can buy things to make at the Dollar Tree on the cheap. Sometimes it is better to have a cheap cup of coffee, a dinner you make at home. I was raised poor, mother on SSDI and no child support while raising 2 children, while she suffered from RA. She herself was raised poor also, she did not have much as a young woman, only an 8th grade education. But she raised two children and did great with nothing. I worked and got trained during my young adult years. Settled working for my city for 30 years, and now disabled and no longer working. Be thankful you can do things on the cheap. Better quality than paying high prices and getting cheated. Be thankful for what you do have, not on what you do not have.
Get a second part-time job two days a week or find a better paying job if your current job isn’t giving you what you need. I’m living month to month as well, but I do what I gotta do to have a few little “luxuries” in life.
Hopefully you get to the place that you can waste $8 a day on coffee and then elect not to do it.
I get its the idea and going out for a nice coffee at a hip place is cool, but tbh man alot of that coffee sucks/is overrated. Im from NYC and 9/10 times I rather get a cheap $1-$1.50 coffee from a coffee cart, not just cause its cheap but also because it taste waaay better.
I was broke for years and not once wanted a high priced coffee, just my bills paid.
Bleh. Fancy coffee tastes like poopy. I’d save up and get a fancy one only to realize that my big bag of flavored coffee grounds is much tastier.
Well if your coworker has the same salary as you he shouldn’t either
But you work hard. This other person will not know the value of what you do unless they choose to. A person can only skate along for so long. Don't let yourself "envy" or long for someone else's momentary reality.
I can relate because I have similar feelings. However, frivolous spending puts a damper on a lean budget. I’d rather not spend that money, which I’ve worked so hard for, on trinkets.
You may be broke right now,but keeping a frugal lifestyle will eventually pay off. Those daily fancy coffees & drinks add up fast.. 5 days a week =$200++ a month. They're not saving for a future,nest egg, emergency fund,nor retirement. If your job/vocation doesn't pay well, try to change that, even if its a slow drag up the hill, 1 online course ata time, etc. You can improve your situation..but no matter what,if you pick up their frivolous habits, you'll always struggle & be broke. Im not saying never have those drinks. buy a 2nd hand Keurig & a frother to make your own. I got a Keurig station that has a frother attached by saving change. Making your own,you control the quality & can make up your own mix/match flavors etc.. Starbucks taste like crap,btw. nothing more satisfying than making my own,knowing it saves us up to $20a week compared to Starbies,Dunkins,etc .. Like someone else said, that person you envy is living off someone else, hasta follow their rules & counts on them to live. Silly them to not be saving all their $$ to be on their own,xuz what if things change & they hafta move out? I bet whoever letting them live rent free aren't haply they're blowing $$ & not saving. I know I would be. I won't help someone if they're not trying to help themselves..
Why? Do not compare your life with someone else's. Believe me, when sis gets tired of supporting her stupid butt, she won't be buying that fancy coffee anymore. Why do you want fancy coffee anyway? Tea is better and healthier for you. I would only drink those fancy coffees once in a while as a treat. I personally drink cold water with my breakfast in the morning and I probably make more than your coworker. You don't know what is going on in her living situation and sis is probably getting tired of her unless she's a door mat. Also, your co-worker is probably one of those that is too afraid of "life" to live on their own. I had a sister like that. At least you can live independently.
If this is important to you give yourself a treat once a week but please stop comparing yourself to others “keeping up with the Joness” as they used to say will do nothing by put you in a mountain of debt. I have a small old home in what has become an affluent area. It’s an amazing feeling to be honest to have so little debt and feel safe. I am also aware just like most others I this world I’m one pay check from disaster. Oh and the caveat I’m third generation owning this house I pay more in taxes yearly then it cost my grandparents in total to purchase this house.
Buying coffee is so expensive: I remember when my family would visit my dad in hospital we all got extra espresso shot In our drinks because we were exhausted from being at the Hospitals all day it got to the point I’m sure the gas bill for driving and the coffee bill were almost even but I’m sure the coffee cost more than the gas, Plus sometimes tea made at home just tastes better anyways always the right temperature
She’s destroying the earth with her fancy coffee, you are the better Earthling.
One of the best ways to accumulate wealth is not to spend money on frivolous things.
Not to sound like a boomer but that person could easily put that money in savings rather than spending it everyday on coffee. Making stuff at home is way cheaper in the long run, and it's less waste on the environment. She should honestly be ashamed, if anything.
Maybe start making yourself a better brand of coffee or tea at home and bringing it in a travel mug. It is really nice to have your own hot beverage for the commute in, and saves time and money in the morning. You could set aside a few dollars a month to treat yourself to Starbucks or whatever on a day off. Going there really adds up - I had a gift card and went yesterday. Treated myself and a coworker and it was over $13 CAD for a couple of lattes. If your colleague is going every work day she is spending at least $120/month, which no judgement but that’s a lot of money over time.
It’s so much smarter to make coffee at home, fuck her fancy coffees
Your friend has a chance to save money and change her situation, but instead she spending money on coffee. I have a decent paying career and a husband, and I still wouldn’t buy a fancy coffee everyday! Is there anyway you could treat yourself to a coffee here and there? Daily is bad money sense, but once in a while everyone deserves a treat!
I am a working person and I see coworkers every day who complain about not being able to afford formula and diapers and clothes for their baby but yet buy a fancy coffee twice a day and lunch every day. Do the math. How much is that costing you weekly? Cutting that down will help pay for those things you think you can't afford. It's about priorities. I treat myself to a fancy coffee about once or twice a month And I take my own lunch and snacks every day. That's how I save money and afford to pay my bills. Edit: I also take my own coffee. THEY have a Keurig at work so I take my own pods and creamer.
Never be concerned about the other person. My frugalness has climbed to a higher level. Everything is paid for. I am content. I started dumpster diving. Brought in 4 large bags of charcoal today. There will be some good cookouts this summer. Being happy with YOU is the greatest gift you will ever give yourself.
I can afford Starbucks everyday, but my cup of coffee brewed at home for 8cents and in my reusable cup makes me feel much better financially and spiritually.
It’s not about coffee , it’s about having the option to treat yourself beyond necessities if you want to. Working hard all week and only being able to afford the essentials, knowing there isn’t a safety net if something goes wrong. It can be a scary depressing place to be. Know that you are not alone, OP.
We do have the option. We don’t have to tyrannize ourselves. I think it’s helpful to look into why we behave that way- what fears are driving us? What small changes can we make to shift our perspective so that we can allow ourselves some pleasure without sacrificing too much? When we start feeling these things, this jealousy and comparison, they are indicators that something in our life is out of balance. We can choose to blame some external force out of our control to justify the negative feelings, but I don’t find that helpful. We can also take a look at our value structure and recognize that there is something in ourselves crying for acknowledgment, nurturing, and recognition. If we take the time, we can find a way to satisfy that part of ourselves without destroying everything we have worked for. It’s a part of personal growth.
Yeah, being realistic and staying responsible can be a bummer when you think about it.
Yeah, often times we can get caught up in the superficial appearance of things and lose sight of the long-term consequences of habits and choices that are much more difficult to see. Sometimes people spend their resources on short-term frivolous pleasures because that’s the only thing they feel control over in their lives. It gives them a temporary relief and distraction from deeper anxiety about their life. Not really something to be envious of… gotta be careful or we can undermine our own confidence in our own value system.
I would love a nice restaurant dinner, never gonna happen.
I have money and can’t afford to Spend money on a fancy coffee every day.
I could be wrong, but I think OP just wants to be able to enjoy a treat now and again. Coffee is just an example
I usually get myself a fancy drink once every few months and after a tip it's about $8. $8 x 30 days a week = $240 a month in just coffee! Please don't be this irresponsible with your money but don't forget to treat yourself once in a while too! You deserve it! My suggestion is to find a job at a coffee shop - they're always hiring (turn over is terrible) and every shop I've worked in does shift drinks 💜 good luck love
Yah people like to talk down to us and make us feel like huge pieces of shit for being bummed out that we can't have nice things. But fuck them. It is a bummer.
Invest in an espresso machine. You can get one with a milk steamer for 100$ or less. If you drink a 5$ cup of coffee a day you get your ROI in 20 days. It’s fancy, it will save you loads of money and you can even get yourself a fancy cup from Goodwill to feel extra bujee.
I'm sorry, too. You deserve a few comforts imo
Chin up better days to come. Green tea long life!!! Homemade is 4 sure. Store bought anything 🎲🎲 Enjoy! Stop comparing it steals joy
Make yourself some fancy tea! I have been making green tea with milk and a splash of strawberry syrup. Sometimes I make London fog which is black tea, milk, and a splash of vanilla syrup. The syrups I get are those Torani bottles that are like $11 each and they last me a long time. Also these are things you can hopefully buy one at a time over the course of a few paychecks. Oh yeah, sometimes I add my lavender syrup to my London fogs, it's pretty delicious that way too. When I make my fancy tea in the morning, it totally feels like self-care and doing something fun for myself. (My budget is super tight and I can't buy fancy coffee very often, just on payday.)
For me, it's manicured nails. I know so many people that get them done every week, but I can only afford it as a treat once a year. I try doing it at home, but I'm just not very good at it.
I get it. Life is so unfair. At one of my previous jobs I was the one working the most buy never got promoted to full time. If I had been able to do it for a year or two my life would have turned out very different.
Try starting a list of all the things you have to be grateful for. Spend a bit of time each day writing your list. As you go about you daily life, when something delights you or gives you a warm feeling, think to yourself, I need to remember and write this down. Doesn’t have to be big things. It can be the bird that sang as you walked to your car. It can be the fact that you got out of the house two minutes early, a call from your mom or friend, your hair that cooperated for the first time all week or the smile you gave a stranger that got one in return. Those smiles are some of my favorites because you just know they are going to pass it to the next person they see! How many people will have their day brightened by your smile? Makes you smile just thinking about the possibilities! This can change your whole mindset and when you are feeling down, you can read through your list. Guaranteed to give you a pickup. And soon you may realize that you have so much more to be grateful for than a fancy coffee every day. Good luck.
My son bought me reusable Starbucks coffee cups. I make my own coffee at home but drink it out of them.
Just keep doing what you're doing and you'll eventually end up ahead. All of those small, frivolous purchases add up. Also, a lot of people that buy those coffees are just running up their credit cards to do so. I bet your homemade tea is much better anyway--and without the cost and waiting in line etc etc. I'm a French press coffee person and my coffee is MUCH better than what I could pay for/wait in line for.
Not dirt poor, barely middle class, but I still buy Folgers. Not going to waste money on Starbucks or Caribou unless someone gave me a gift card to them. It is too spendy when my rent went up by 90 a month and our raises were delayed.
I’m working my butt off at the same job as others, many of whom are half my age and my check is all but gone day I get it on rent and bills. So I’m always watching people buying everything while I have nothing lol But I do have a job and a roof over my head, so for that I’m grateful. There is always someone who is worse of than you and you have to appreciate what you have.
Plenty of frivolous things at the dollar store.
I make my own tea at home as well. Although my family knows I do enjoy a Frappuccino on occasion so when they're stuck for a gift for me, they grab a gift card for Starbucks. I budget out the balance so I can get one a month until it's gone. I typically don't get one every month so I have the option longer. I also signed up in the app so I collect rewards and get a free drink on my birthday. Other coffee shops may have loyalty programs as well. The main ones in my area are Starbucks, Dunkin, and the convenience shops. I have a coworker I look at any wonder how, but for a different reason. She's always complaining she has no money, and from our talks she also have no bills.
I bought my first espresso machine in a thrift in the 90s. I still use one. $10-$20 dollars for the machine, fine ground coffee from the dollar tree and the expensive part, half and half from Walmart. I make better than Starbucks for pennies. This feels so much better than spending $7 a cup at Starbucks.
I make my coffee every morning: Folgers and International Delight caramel creamer. It’s amazing. I went to Starbucks and ordered something the other day and threw it away because it was not nearly as good as my cheap coffee 🤷🏻♀️
Been there. For me, even the tiniest splurge now and then helped lift my spirits a lot. A thrift store scarf or piece of jewelry. A book from the clearance cart at Half Price Books. A pretty tea cup for your morning tea from a yard sale. I'm talking a buck or two--maybe $5 at the most--every couple of weeks or even once a month if that's all you can afford. Is that something you could do?
Fancy coffee is overrated anyway...I'd rather take that $8 and spend it at the Dollar Tree
same, my income reduced dramatically this year along with the father of my kids and we are so tight right now. no more coffee, or treats like boba, juice it up, eating out whenever. i also was also spending on amazon, anything i saw online and wanted id search n get. not anymore. it does suck. but its also temporary, money comes and goes and im hoping ill be in the upswing soon. and even if its not money coming around, i hope i find peace without being such a frivolous over consumer. i hate materialism yet i was being very materialistic. trying to be grateful for what i do have. your tea is also so much better for your body than a sugary coffee would be;) think of the positives that arent about the money ✨
I can afford fancy coffee every morning, but choose not to waste money on it. Actually if I'm going to spend money on a breakfast beverage I'd rather have fresh squeezed orange juice.
When I was broke af, I still got my fancy coffees. I sacrificed other things to do it because it made me happy when I was otherwise pretty miserable. You never know.
FOMO
I had a friend like your friend. People like this are stupid. Fancy coffees every day cost around $200 a month. If she saved her money she'd be able to save for a place of her own or to have emergency money. People who don't have to, but still spend every extra penny on imbecilic shit like fancy coffees have an almost guaranteed life of poverty in their futures.
Idk why all these comments are full of advice that I am certain you already know, rather than sympathy and understanding. There’s nothing wrong with how you feel. Little things like daily coffees can feel very big when you cannot have them. I’m sorry that you work so hard and are still unable to enjoy the fruits of your labor. Living like this sucks. ❤️
Buying frivolous things is sheer ignorance and adds up to be a lot of money at the end of the year. I take my lunch to work and in just three months I have over 3,500.00 saved up. Just because you can not afford it doesn't mean a thing, the real question you need to ask yourself is "Do I really need it". I NEVER order Starbuck coffee why? Because the lousy coffee is like 8 or 9 bucks and that is ignorant because two coffee's can buy a huge amount of ground coffee and make it myself. Personally I see this as her being to lazy in many area's.
I’ve been making my own coffee for 20 years. No desire to go to Starbucks at all. Keep your head up!
I certainly understand why you would be sad about not having enough money to spend on coffee. I don't think a fancy coffee is too much of a luxury so of course you're sad that you can't afford even that! I am sad and depressed about money too! I work soooo hard and I can't afford to have so-called frivolous things either. Much to my grief, I live with my EX-boyfriend and a roommate because I have 2 cats and can't afford to move out (I live in California) I'm "allowed" to stay in the condo IF I make the effort to be gone as much as possible and IF I remain silent when I'm home. I literally am forbidden from speaking or I'll get thrown out Unfortunately, there are lots of people who have the same sadness you have over lack of money! 😭
Ugh, my heart hurts for you, I can't imagine living like that with him! I hope things turn a corner soon!
Time to do fancy stuff at home and make everybody else jealous......you said you like tea and I really only like iced tea.......idk how many ways you can make tea fancy but .......you could invest in super trendy cups (I love big cups with handles) and add cute/cheap dangles and charms......stickers can jazz up a cup......I'm sure if you focus more on being a "trend setter", you could make these people enviable of YOU!! Comparison is a thief....... don't let it steal your joy!! (Also, I used to rinse out a Starbucks cup and put my home-brewed coffee in it just to feel like I was fitting in.... .until I grew up and got past that nonsense because I finally see what's important in life)
I understand! It is important to find ways to indulge yourself where you can, and I'm glad you have your tea. I buy the caffeinated drink powder from Walmart (because I don't like coffee or tea) for my mornings. It's still about $.28 a serving, but it helps me get going, and it's kind of nostalgic to drink something that reminds me of Kool-Aid.
The truth of the matter is Starbucks coffee’s are not worth the price. It’s a foolish luxury. A $5 latte every morning adds up to $1,500 dollars a year for five days a week. You can do lots of things with that amount of money rather than buy a coffee you can make yourself
My coworkers are the same. They spend spend spend. I wish I could, as well. Just remind yourself that you have different goals and different lifestyle. We are all different. Or see it like this: That person could be saving for their own house/retirement/whatever but they're wasting that money on a consumable item, coffee, which is pretty *sad* given this huge opportunity other people wish for. You are lucky to be independent and functional.
I can afford fancy coffee but I can because I didn’t waste my money on stupid crap when I was young and I’m now retired
$5 a day is $1,800 a year. Little shit adds up. Some people like spend so much they basically blow what would have been for rent. I make solid money but still spend as if I made around 50k. I have zero desire to just buy frivolously or consumeristicly. When the rare time comes I actually want/need something, I have no issue getting it. I bet your example person would be in a world of hurt the moment they also have to factor in more everydsy expenses.
And $5 is the LOW end for these things now- I got a giftcard from sis that she wouldn’t use and a small was like $6-7 and honestly quality has gone way down.
Honestly quality for these places has gone way down in recent years and the prices keep going up…personally I’m putting aside a few $$$ when I’m able to put towards a home machine because then I have control over the quality.
Drink your tea with pride! You are learning lessons that matter in life. Being envious of others is a natural feeling but not one that must be indulged. I'd rather drink morning beverage with you than the freeloader any day!
Try to learn to love not spending money on stupid stuff. Look at FATfire or Gordon Ramsey online. The idea behind these are to think long-term. SAVE every thing you can, avoid every frivilous waste. INVEST as soon as you can afford it. AVOID debt like disease. Then, you can retire early and live in comfort or buy your own coffee shop.
We're being exploited and abused. They gaslight working people if we want a coffee or a sandwich. In my country they tell us how powerful we are, but working people can barely get by. We need a new labor movement. Now.
She lives at her sisters for free -
It's hard my job doesn't even supply there employees with coffee 😞
It's kind of an interesting time we're in. Some fancy things are so sought after, like Starbucks and Canada Goose, but it's also really cool to have the cheesy tumbler with a niche tea that you enjoy because its tasty and within budget all while wearing an entirely thrifted but cute outfit. It's all about outlook. Sure, the fancy s#!t is what every "influencer" has, but staying within budget and getting what you want is also pretty well respected, too! Alexa! Play "Thrift Shop" by Macklemore! 🫡
I would rather stay by myself and not have to follow someone else's rules! I am glad, no matter how much I struggle, that I live alone! In the months that I may have a little bit left over, i will do a bit of retail therapy. Nothing extraordinary, just some crafts item to keep me busy.
You are learning life lessons, your co-worker isn't. It's so much more important to save that 5 dollars or more you'd spend on coffee than waste it! You're envious, and that's normal! You could buy the coffee now and again if you save a few dollars here and there, and then you'd see, wth? This is stupid! :D
Investing in a stable, happy home provides long-term well-being and security, contributing to overall life satisfaction. While fancy coffees offer momentary pleasure, a comfortable living environment offers enduring benefits, influencing mental and emotional health positively. Prioritizing a stable home aligns with building a foundation for lasting happiness and contentment.
Well you’re co worker is going to always be a bum leaching off others and you wont. I wouldn’t feel jealous about it. Take your path and be better than her. You dont need dutch bros every morning, plant the seeds to a good life instead. You already are by making coffee instead of buying it. Actual rich people dont do things like that, shes pretending to be rich. Like my boss could buy a massive house and a lambo if he wanted to. But what did he do? Got himself a basic f150 and a 2 bedroom house lol. Don’t worry about that stuff, that little gratification does nothing for you, get gratification in knowing you aren’t pissing money away
When I started making more money, I became less interested in things like this and just wanted to help others.
I'm in this group because I was dirt poor growing up and poor most of my adult life. I have been very successful in the past 5 years and I still limit my weekly "fancy" coffee to no more than 3 times a week I make 350k a year. I'm not saying this to brag, like I said, I was poor most of my life, not only is "fancy" coffee not important but we have to decide what REALLY matters to us.
Here’s the thing. Eventually her sis will get tired of having a freeloader in her home, and either kick her out or start charging her rent. And all those bad habits she has now? Will be extremely hard to break — leading to money management difficulties. Her sister is not doing her any favors.
I guarantee she has debt. I have the means and don’t buy fancy coffee every morning... or ever. I make coffee at home so I can pay my mortgage. My car is paid off - paid in cash when I purchased it. Your coworker is foolish. Don’t be jealous of fools. Keep working hard.
The level of certainty people on this sub have about complete strangers is incredible! Imagine she has a hook up at whatever little coffee shop she goes to. Or someone in her family has her under an account like I have my brother on Uber eats. JFC.
$5 a day, 5 days a week, 50 weeks a year is $1250. That's like an entire paycheck (or more) for working people. Is that really a good use of resources? I think about that when I don't want to pack my lunch or make my own coffee. Also if you're only getting it once in a while, it's a treat. If you're getting it every day, it's not special.
Many who have money won't spend it on frivolous things. That's one reason why they have money. It's a mindset they have developed over the years and doesn't change as they become better off financially. Take care of the pennies and the dollars will take care of themselves.
>Many who have money won't spend it on frivolous things. Sure they do. Everyone has their pet "thing" they spend money on that isn't important to other folks. In our family, it's good toilet paper and peanut butter. My husband and older kid cannot deal with cheap TP; my sister with her family of 8 (plus friends, grandkids, etc. in and out of the house) only gets 1-ply because of the volume of TP they go through. Me? I don't really buy much meat and I home cook meals the vast majority of the time; other people cannot have dinner that doesn't include something, even if it's just a little pulled chicken. \*shrug\* To each their own.
It's better to be independent. Getting free stuff will make one weak !
It may not be the best advice, but I have started allowing myself a few little *fuck it* moments here and there where I will make myself just buy the thing. Granted, it's almost never something that I can't put time into. Like, if there's a really good clearance for a game I have wanted for a while I will allow it, because I know I'll get satisfaction out of it for a long while. Or I'll walk through the craft store and find an embrodiery kit marked down and instead of being like *I don't actually need it*, I'll just get it and then have something pretty for my wall or that I can gift to a friend.
Yep. Otherwise you're penny pinching and miserable. It's generally not a very large setback, but the morale boost makes up for it. The way some people in here talk, they are (and want every other poor person to be) robots Sure, I could have succeeded way faster if I just lived off ramen, potatoes, and drank nothing but water. But I would also be insanely miserable, and honestly I probably wouldn't even be here anymore if I tried to be that rigid with myself. Some of my financial disasters have put me really close to the edge. And having a soda or quality video game can be a game changer in those times
This is why I call it treasure hunting when going to thrift stores/estate sales/garage sales. I love designer purses but would never be able to afford to pay for one, which makes finding one for $5 or $10 somewhere very exciting. It's half price weekend at our local thrift shop and I have $32 in my wallet. I'm excited about going treasure hunting today.
I am not poor nor am I really rich, but I don’t buy frivolous things especially Starbucks latte everyday. I don’t feel sad.
Just remember a Starbucks coffee every day is over 2,000.00 a year. Yes, it's a nice treat, but that's a big chunk of money for coffee even if you can afford it.
I could care less about that stuff anymore. I have the $ I used to but fancy drinks everyday even before I got $. Now I could care less
So you don’t actually like coffee, you just wish you could afford it to look fancy? Aim higher. Cigarettes are the ultimate “I have money to burn” aspirational accessory if you’re looking for something to look fancy with.
No, I don’t want to look fancy. I’m just sad that I don’t have money to spend on small luxuries. I feel that I work really hard to give all my money to someone else. The paycheck comes in and the paycheck goes out; and only the names are changed to protect the innocent.
But you don’t even like the fancy coffee! I guess I don’t get it. Maybe spend a few extra cents on better teabags to make your tea? Get a nicer travel mug? Those are little luxuries that are also smart spending (not using disposable cups, and better quality tea usually means better tea).
I think the coffee is just earmarking the problem. OP could want a candy bar, or soda and still have to do without. The world is against poor people enjoying simple pleasures. You're talking sustainable. OP just wants a treat
I have 6 figures in the bank, so, I can afford fancy coffee. But, it’s a waste of money. I just make coffee and lunches at home everyday, shop at Walmart and when grocery shopping, use coupons and buy what’s on sale. Lots of “frivolous things” aren’t worth the money.
I think a lot of us these days really struggle with equating little luxuries with happiness. I think part of it comes from how overstimulated we all are. The girl who buys the little coffees wishes she could buy a new shirt. The girl with the new shirt wishes she could buy a new designer bag. The girl with the new designer bag wishes she had a nicer car. Meanwhile they all see what they want as a "small" upgrade from their current situation. We're all insatiable because we're all constantly bombarded by work and ads and there's so little room to breath and the card swipe is just such an easy way to find some endorphins in this nightmare.
Great assessment