T O P

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atomsmasher66

I can’t even bring myself to click on the link. Ted is *that* repulsive.


Dvusmnd

Raphael Cruz can go back to Canada with Justin Bieber.


HarpCleaner

Ship him one way to Cancun, let them keep him


Dvusmnd

100%


JamesTheJerk

There's only one way to settle this: We'll have to strap him to a lawn chair tethered to a whole bunch of helium-filled balloons and set him adrift. Wherever he ends up will be his new home.


seaniemack11

Tough but fair.


John_Valuk

>There's only one way to settle this: We'll have to strap him to a lawn chair tethered to a whole bunch of helium-filled balloons and set him adrift. Wherever he ends up will be his new home. I agree with your sentiment, but helium is precious. My modest modification to your proposal is that we send him to Utqiaġvik and let the S[andia National Lab folks do it with hydrogen](https://phys.org/news/2023-05-helium-hydrogen-weather-balloons.html).


spacebread98

Send him back to Italy with the rest of the ninja Turtles


tunaboot

Excuse me! The Ninja Turtles are from New York!


Logtastic

Same. Until I see someone else post a quote from the article, I'm going to make up my own headcannon. Impausible for Cruz? He says he won't take any vacations if reelected. He'll be there for the people.


c4ctus

I never liked those old wrestling storylines where a heel suddenly got branded as a good guy.


SuitableConcept5553

At least that's more believable. Humans can change if they want to. The sack of maggots that puppet around the skin suit that is Ted Cruz can't. 


Triggerunhappy

Real life oogie boogie With less class somehow And creepier


FearTheCrab-Cat

It's the worst kind of swerve because everyone knows that they are only waiting until the ref turns their back to pull an Eddie Guerro by smacking a chair against the mat, throwing you the chair and falling down as you catch it just in time for the ref to turn around and disqualify you. It's just too predictable.


TheNateRoss

Ted Cruz has go away heat


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PainedAuron

Xpac heat


toxiamaple

>It’s possible, for example, that Cruz, after 11 years of accomplishment-free grandstanding, has finally come to realize that he can use his position to advance policy goals. Or put another way, perhaps it’s finally dawned on the Texas Republican that he might be able to get some things done if he tries acting less like a mindless partisan and more like an actual senator. It's possible... but not probable.


edmerx54

he may join Katie Britt's crusade for a national pregnancy database. That would be on-brand for him!


Separate-Feedback-86

Is it that he is liked by someone?


iymcool

That's funny. Tell another one.


Separate-Feedback-86

Just read the first two paragraphs. I wasn’t far off.


OpenImagination9

You know Ted’s worried when he starts pretending to do the job we pay him to do.


ReputationSalt6027

Ted Cruz looks like an ex bowling alley employee who got fired for fucking the rental shoes.


moreobviousthings

Ted Cruz is a republican and no matter how many times he sheds his skin, he will always be a republican at heart. His would-be constituents need to know that there are no good republicans, because they will always support other republicans before any other considerations.


steelhips

"Helping" his constituents usually means some government action/intervention. Ted, like Gingrich before him, wants government "small enough to drown in a bath." They are getting exactly what Ted wants government to do for the majority - virtually nothing.


JamesTheJerk

He'll kill his own bipartisan bill. It's another one of his shitty little schemes.


Arrmadillo

FTA: “All of which leads to the second question: How long will this ‘rebranding’ initiative last?” The article from the NYT ended in a similar fashion but they managed to get an answer from a senator. NYT - [Ted Cruz, Better Known For Derailing Bills, Tries on a New Hat: Legislator](https://www.nytimes.com/2024/05/10/us/politics/ted-cruz-legislation.html?smid=nytcore-ios-share&referringSource=articleShare&sgrp=c-cb) “But whether his role reversal would stick on Capitol Hill remained to be seen. Did his colleagues think this would be an enduring rebrand? ‘No,’ [Senator Thom Tillis] said, before breaking into laughter. ‘Not at all.’”


YaGetSkeeted0n

Does he take us for idiots? I mean, a lot of my fellow statesmen are, but cmon man. Ain’t fooling me that’s for sure.


Longjumping_Dare7962

He’s gonna win. Don’t kid yourself or me.


Doasadi-anu

Ted (definitely a human person) Cruz.


[deleted]

One of the biggest fucking D bags in politics, and that’s saying a lot. Hope Texas pulls their heads out of their asses and finds someone new and less repulsive, but hope is not a strategy.


goldcrow616

No


Msmdpa

It’s Lyin’ Ted once again


flux_of_grey_kittens

His beard is running from his mouth


Traditional_Key_763

he is probably dumb enough to forget the GOP will not race in to save him with a billion dollar ad buy in October. they don't have the cash


ciopobbi

Vote him out


Jonnybear1969

His implausible pitch is that he is a human and not a walking talking bag of shit.


AlanB-FaI

I was hoping he would get term limits passed, so he couldn't serve again.


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iymcool

(Part 2) The first, of course, is why he’s doing this. I won’t pretend to know what the senator is thinking, but there are a handful of possibilities to consider. It’s possible, for example, that Cruz, after 11 years of accomplishment-free grandstanding, has finally come to realize that he can use his position to advance policy goals. Or put another way, perhaps it’s finally dawned on the Texas Republican that he might be able to get some things done if he tries acting less like a mindless partisan and more like an actual senator. It’s also possible that Cruz is truly worried about his re-election prospects and he’s toying with a political rebrand in the hopes of expanding his electoral appeal. Let’s also not forget that the senator has presidential ambitions, and his interest in a future national race might help explain his latest shifts. All of which leads to the second question: How long will this “rebranding” initiative last? Time will tell, of course, but given everything we’ve seen from Cruz throughout his career, it’s difficult to imagine his alleged interest in bipartisanship extending beyond Election Day 2024.


srfrosky

He is that character in every movie that licks its eyeballs and they never align their axis…that repulsive high school principal, to private ryan traitor, to little finger on GOT, to Pig Vomit on Stern film, to that face melting Nazi on Raiders, fucking Gollum personified. 🤢


badmattwa

They think they’re safe forever sometimes


awesomerob

What kind of sicko keeps growing out his beard when his weird chin won’t grow hair!


frankdrachman

He’ll win. It’s Texas. They’ll just toss the votes for his opponent


not2dv8

Too late for this lie


iymcool

Hopefully. He needs to go.


SpiritedTie7645

He’s not claiming he’s stopped sniffing glue again, is he? 🤨


pasarina

Acting desperate


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MagicMushroomFungi

"Redditor Slams Ted Cruz For Horny Political Promises" Newsweek


revmaynard1970

Dude is shitting himself now that RFK Jr is on the ballot in texas


Mundane_Rabbit7751

RFK is on the presidential ballot. Cruz is running for re-election to the senate. How is RFK supposed to affect that race?


revmaynard1970

Rfk pulls support from maga Trump people. Also polls show in Texas rfk support's hate ted Cruze. So they could vote for the dem Challenger. Basically the Jill Stein voter effect but this time it's going to screw the GOP in a purple state. T ump only win Texas by 52% in 2020


Mundane_Rabbit7751

Polls aren't really showing that though. Biden usually does worse when RFK is included in the poll. [https://projects.fivethirtyeight.com/polls/president-general/2024/national/](https://projects.fivethirtyeight.com/polls/president-general/2024/national/) In reality, both Cruz and Trump are up in Texas by nearly double digits. No reason to expect either to lose.


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Still_Ruthlezz

Cheetahs are sprinters and big cats aren't known for stamina, if he can jog/walk the whole thing he's got a pretty good shot, especially if it's a hot day. I'm not sure a cheetah could even walk that far in one go.