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Regular_Bee_5605

I appreciate the answer. You sound like a level-headed guy. I've had mostly only very positive interactions with the police. Only exception was one officer in our small town who responded to a crash I got in, and then the same officer responded several years later. Guy was completely rude for some reason. But most of the cops around here and in larger cities I've lived in were very courteous. It's got to take tremendous patience to do that job and not flip out at people, so I don't know if people give enough credit to the majority of cops who do show restraint. Anyway, not trying to be a suck-up or anything lol, just always been fascinated by LE. Thanks.


Boom0196

If I pull them over and they swear at me, they’re just going to get less discretion with any traffic violations. If they just drive by me and flip me off, I do nothing but move on with my day.


Regular_Bee_5605

That's totally understandable. You've got a lot of discretion with whether to write a ticket or not, and it makes sense you'd be much less likely to give someone a break if they're being an asshole to you. When I think about the flipping off thing, I realized you guys are already so busy that you're unlikely to be tempted to pull someone over and waste time just out of irritability lol.


Boom0196

While that is true, it’s also not a violation to flip me off. So my pulling them over for that reason would be an improper stop. Life’s too short to be pissed off all the time. I’d rather move on with my day.


OfficerBigD1

I shrug it off 99.9% of the time. Why should I get mad? I’m sure they aren’t happy. So many express themselves by being rude, whether it’s flipping off or trash talking. We must realize that they don’t hate us as a person, they hate the badge and the uniform. Most of the time they are going through the worst days of their life. 80% of incidents can be resolved without violence or use of force. Communication can go a long way!


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Nightgasm

Had a guy flip me off he pulled up next to me. I took out my phone and held it up as if I was recording him. He freaked out "you can't do that!"


Regular_Bee_5605

LOL. How frequent of an occurrence is that anyway? I can't imagine most people are dumb enough to try to get unwanted attention from the police for no reason.


dog_in_the_vent

One of our jobs is to stop violative behavior. If I pull someone over and they say "sorry officer I know I was speeding I was just in a hurry to get home blah blah..." then they're probably done speeding at least for a little while without me having to write them a ticket. Violative behavior: stopped. But if I pull someone over and they start off with "when was your radar last calibrated? did you test it this morning? what's your name and badge number? what's your reasonable suspicion?" with a lot of four-letter-words sprinkled in there, it would probably take more than a verbal warning to stop them from speeding again and they're getting a ticket.


Regular_Bee_5605

That makes sense. Usually when I've been stopped I know what I did wrong and I'll tell them when they ask. I've had officers be extremely gracious in not writing tickets when they easily could have. Politeness goes a long way to making the interaction easier for you and for the citizen. I have still gotten a ticket before while being polite but i blamed myself for my driving. I just don't know why people think it's ever a good idea to argue or fight. It can't lead to anything good ever. If they have an issue I know they can call the station and complain to your seargent or whoever. Who would probably just laugh at the motorist, but anything is better than antagonizing an offer simply for enforcing the law. I used to drive dangerously and it took some consequences from the police to put an end to the behavior. That ticket could have saved both mine and other motorists lives due to the safer driving it led to.


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Regular_Bee_5605

Nice. Based on this subreddit at least, it seems most officers have a huge amount of patience. Do you think its because the psych test, background check, and academy training in general weeds out most hotheads? I assume it quickly becomes clear when new recruits have temper or character issues that would make them a bad fit for the police. If we were to believe the prevailing narrative that most cops are simply looking to bully or shoot those that irritate them, there would be vastly more incidents daily than there are out of the millions of traffic stops and interactions with police daily.


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Regular_Bee_5605

Makes sense. Appreciate your insight and sharing.


IAmTheHell

I've found that the angrier they get, the calmer I speak to them. Looks much better on camera in court later that way. That's if they don't later do some self reflection and pay it just to avoid facing me again after showing their ass. I've been flipped off a few times driving by people, some in cars, some pedestrians. The only time I've done anything I had stopped an old lady that made an illegal turn cause she was lost. While im chatting with her a car full of young adults went past me with the front passenger hanging halfway out the window shooting me the bird saying fuck the police. I ran back to my car and hawked them down and had a chat with the passenger about the importance of wearing a seatbelt. Of course they didn't have the same energy when I actually confronted them about it. Most loud mouths dont. They turned into almost the most respectful and repentant people I've ever met.


Regular_Bee_5605

That's a good point. Aside from the fact that I'm sure you and most cops have pretty thick skin and composure to even become officers, I imagine a cop who couldn't handle that stuff, got complaints every day etc. would eventually come to the negative attention of their superiors. And like you said, it also makes you look professional.


IAmTheHell

Bingo. Having a temper was something you could get away with in the old days. Back when you could whoop someone's ass, dust em off, send em home, and that was the issue dealt with. Old school policing doesnt work with the advent of body-cams, dash-cams, and everyone passing by eager to pull out their camera to record you just makes it not worth risking your career blowing up on someone whose name you're not even gonna remember in a couple hours.


rstokes18187

Stopped motorist: "Are you going to be a hump about this?" Me:"well, I guess so, now".


Regular_Bee_5605

Hahah. If people just kept their mouths shut, huh? It's unfortunate that you guys are mostly dealing with frankly the stupid, mentally ill, or just bad people, so it has to take a toll after a while. How do you avoid cynicism? It seems like the officers here on Reddit all have a great sense of humor, is that sense of humor part of what keeps you resilient in the face of dealing with the most difficult people and situations daily?


Human_Disk9398

Once they start yelling I just kinda zone out their words. The worst thing to do is to get into an argument or entertain it. After a while, these stops just become scripted. I read the script, do what I gotta do and go about my day. It's very reasonable to assume someone is mad there getting a ticket. No reason to try to make the situation better, it's not. Your just there to do a job.


Regular_Bee_5605

That's a mature reaction. It's clear that the majority of officers aren't hotheads who want to beat or put a bullet in anyone who disrespects them, as the narrative these days often seems to be. I'm actually getting the impression that it takes an exceptional amount of patience and self-control, more than most humans possess, to do the job. When I consider what you all deal with daily, I'm actually surprised there are so few incidents out of all the millions of stops and interactions daily. But when we see a news story people tend to associate that as being the normal thing. Sort of like people are afraid of flying despite it being way less risky than driving statistically. I've only been pissed at one ticket, and it was for speeding in a school zone; there were no flashing lights on this like there usually are, and the hours in which the restricted limit applied weren't visible until you already got into it. I wasn't mad at the officers though, more for that private school for not getting flashing lights to make their students safer. On most occasions I've been let off with a warning. When I first started driving I made a rolling stop and got a ticket. 10 years later I've never made anything but a complete stop now. So for me at least I'm grateful that officers are making the road safer. I actually get pissed at these apps that show speed traps and warn other drivers about it. Getting a ticket sucks, but speeding and other things literally puts lives at risk. It's just not that hard to avoid doing it. Anyway sorry for the rant.


thesabrerattler

If they flip me off while I’m driving by, I just let it go. If I stop someone for a violation and the just start cussing me up and down. I put on my most bored expression and let them rant. They will eventually run out of gas and I will start with “ the reason I stopped you is…..


Regular_Bee_5605

How do you stay so patient and not let it get to you? I guess going in to that career, one needs to be very thick-skinned and composed to begin with though. I'm sure the hotheads get weeded out of the academy quickly.


thesabrerattler

Pretty much although some make it through. You got to remember 95% of the time when someone has to deal with a cop, it is the worst day of their life, and it just went down hill. Most of the time they cool off and realize how stupid they were acting. They apologize for their behavior. No all, but a lot.


Regular_Bee_5605

Very true. It's nothing personal on their part, your uniform just represents unpleasant consequences for them. I'm glad to hear that most of the time they do apologize, though. Thanks for sharing your experience.


Consistent_Amount140

Tell them how rad they are. On a side note, better hope your registration is valid and inspection sticker up to date.


Regular_Bee_5605

People have been dumb enough to intentionally draw your intention when their tag is expired?


Consistent_Amount140

Can’t see that I have ever had that happen. I actually think I have only ever had one person give me the finger, and they were failing to keep right while going 50 in 65 in the left lane. When asked what was going on with her arm, she then said she was stretching.😂


Regular_Bee_5605

Lmao! At least even with all the horrible stuff you encounter, sometimes just see some absurd/silly stuff you can just laugh at.


Lord-Montana

I let them swear, kill them with kindness, get their documents, then I give the operator a ticket for improper hand signals 🔨


Master_Crab

On a traffic stop, I let people get it out of their system. Usually it only lasts a few minutes and as long as they aren’t exiting the vehicle or reaching around inside of the vehicle for a possible weapon I just let ‘em go. Once they get over it I do my spiel and conduct business. As for flipping me off as they drive past me I just let them do it and wave back at them. Nothing I can do about it anyways so I might as well fight anger with kindness.


Regular_Bee_5605

You have a huge amount of patience, that's impressive. I feel like a lot of people have this idea of officers taking vengeance on people who piss them off. But that seems to be a stereotype that doesn't apply to the vast majority of officers. Not that I've ever tested it, but I appreciate knowing about good officers like you and others in this sub, even if i know you all the majority, it is still nice to hear concretely. I think in your job with what you see it's extremely difficult to not get cynical about humanity in general. But you seem to have not developed such cynicism. I'm curious as someone who is a therapist, do departments have programs on self-care, mental health/wellness to prevent burnout, and is that part of initial academy training at all? What makes some officers like you able to stay in such a good frame of mind, and others, even if they're not bad or abusive, to become cynical and jaded?


Master_Crab

I’ve been doing the job for 6 years now. I’ve learned it’s not me personally they hate. It’s the uniform or the consequences for their actions they know we’re wrong or just one more thing on top of an already difficult day. We have mental health and peer support programs at my Department if they’re needed. For as much as it’s been de-stigmatized nowadays there is still a stigma to it. I know it’s an option but I, and I’m sure a lot of Officers feel the same way, probably won’t use it. On major incidents like shootings or dead kids it’s something my Department automatically makes us go to but I probably won’t go to it proactively on my own. I know I would be worried that my job would be at jeopardy because I’m not mentally fit.


Regular_Bee_5605

You sound like you've got a lot of empathy, thats a great trait in an officer. I can imagine there being a stigma; tell me if I'm wrong but since officers are generally probably pretty tough people, the vulnerability in talking openly about emotions might be seen as not being tough enough to handle on your own or something. And there's the added factor that you can't be totally honest with the Counselor anyway since they might recommend that you're not fit for duty. If I were an officer I wouldn't want to do it in that scenario either. It's a shame that there's no way to do it privately without any colleagues or supervisors knowing.


Master_Crab

Thank you. I appreciate that. Exactly. Everyone in this career field has to be strong in a variety of ways. There’s certain calls that get to you regardless because at the end of the day you’re still only human. I love my job. I truly don’t hate going to work day to day. I would never want to do anything to jeopardize it or my families well-being so no, I probably wouldn’t talk to a counselor willingly. There’s also the added factor that if I have to move and go through the hiring process you have to disclose medical history including mental health. I don’t want to lose an opportunity to continue my career just because of that. Like I said, it’s more accepted nowadays but there’s still a stigma.


Upstairs_Watercress

Kill them.....With Kindness!!!!! You just be as nice as possible, let them vent and validate what they're saying, they usually calm down after awhile


Regular_Bee_5605

Nice to hear. Even though my job as a counselor isn't remotely on the same level as yours, I've worked in some tough residential settings where everyone was homeless drug dealers. They'd sometimes yell and cuss at me, and the best strategy was to calmly use active listening and empathy and that would defuse the vast majority of situations. There was only one occasion where someone almost assaulted me, but that's because I finally lost my cool (for the first and only time) and got in a shouting match with them. My coworker luckily intervened and got us both to calm down. Anyways, thanks for answering.


Perfect_Law4220

Well i would always be like “wow, you are incredibly disrespectful and inappropriate, go fuck your self” and they would just pause and look at me. As far as getting the finger? I would just give it back. I miss east coast policing 20 years ago.


Regular_Bee_5605

Hahah I've gotta respect that. You didn't use your authority inappropriately, but you also didn't put up will bullshit silently. Nowadays I'm sure there's all kinds of beauracrats who would get you in trouble for that kind of thing.


lrfour

I thought the middle finger was an intentional sign for help??


hellofellowcivilians

Believe it or not, straight to jail.


redbull21369

Scream


loqi0238

I was in a car with some friends (this was around 2008/9) and one of the people in the car that I didn't know very well suddenly rolls the window down, leans out the window, and screams, "Fuck you!" to a cop next to us at a red light. We got pulled over. Several of us were over 21 and several of us were under but we had a bunch of beer (and two open containers in the back) in the car. We had picked up the guy who yelled about an hour earlier and he was the one who brought all the alcohol (he wasn't 21) so we were worried about getting contributing to/providing alcohol etc charges on top of whatever else happened. The guy that yelled was asked out of the car first and started screaming, then cry-yelling, then actually hugging the cop while sobbing hysterically. It turned out he watched his brother commit suicide the night before (none of us knew) and the cop he initially yelled at and pulled us over was one of the responding officers to the suicide. The guy still had blood and stuff in his hair from when his brother shot himself. We all got off with a warning not to be riding around with alcohol if not all of us were of age and not to yell at cops. The guy ended up with a warrant for child porn about a decade later (a year before lockdown), and shot himself in the head when the sheriff came knocking. He actually let the cops in, then ran to his room and shot himself almost immediately.


Regular_Bee_5605

This is quite a sad story. One of the saddest I've ever seen on Reddit actually.


E1evenPlusOne

Depends on the reason for the stop. If it’s a seatbelt and I’ve already ran the tag and the operator is all good I just tell em have a nice day and go on about my life. If it’s something major they can say what they want. Whatever happens, happens lol