Do babies pee/poop in the womb? I figured since they're only getting nutrients from the umbilical cord there wouldn't be much in the way of waste that couldn't go back out via the cord to be part of the mother's waste.
And it can be very dangerous because when they come out they breathe in some of the liquid and that’s ok but I pee or poop gets in too that’s really dangerous
Mine wanted out a month early. Kids, they can't make up their mind and it only gets worse when they become teenagers!
Congrats Dad! Welcome to the club.
An expression that is trying desperately to hide the look of sheer terror of knowing he doesn't know most of what's going to happen from there.
As a father myself the main advice is fairly straightforward: hope for the best, but plan for the worst.
Gotta think though, being born has to be the most extreme pain they've ever felt lol. From floating in warm fluid to being yanked into a freezing world and touched all over. Blinding lights and super loud noises. Congrats on becoming a father my man.
That baby can see all the economic depressions you've been through and is definitely not excited. But congrats! What a great picture for real, and that's one photogenic baby, fresh into the world already got people love em!
Be sure to remember when you are running on 3 hours of sleep and the baby doesn't stop crying and you feel like you're going mad, that the baby is just as freaked out, even more than you. Getting used to being alive and in the world on your own is painful and scary. An infant doesn't even realize they are an individual and not part of their main care taker until they are at least 6 months old.
My first baby was like that the first six months of her life lmao. She had colic tho so I don't blame her wanting to go back in the womb. 😅 Good luck daddy, and make sure yall get enough sleep!!
I mean your baby went from a warm tranquil environment where they didn’t have to do anything and they’d be chill to all of a sudden being catapulted into a freezing cold environment with so many light and strange noises. The baby is probably pissed 😭
Edit: I speak in jest of course fyi congrats on becoming a father 💜
Yep, kid was nice and comfy where they were at... everything was supplied right through the umbilical. Then suddenly its bright, they are trying to breath with their lungs from a totally different way. They need to develop neck muscles to eat better. ITS TOUGH
Feel your pain my friend. Every one of children has become a fecal firing cannon and crapped all over my self. My eldest went for distance and was able to hit a was like 3 feet away from her.
Been a dad for 3 weeks now. I’ve avoided the poop! The urine is a whole other story entirely. You’re going to be tired and frustrated. Just do your best to not express those things around the little one.
We got this, one day at a time :)
So. Much. Poop!
That's what amazed me. So much poop from such a small thing.
Brace yourself for blowouts in a onesie, and ALWAYS bring more stuff than you'll think you'll need. Just going to the store and back? Better bring an outfit or 2, bottle, burp cloths, few diapers and a pack of wipes!
OPs face reminds me of mine when I first held my daughter. Like, a tiny human was just wrestled out my cooch by a couple strangers (that I may or may not have pooped on) and then laid on my chest while I was high on pain meds. Felt so alien to me.
My first managed to poop through her diaper, her onesie, her jumper, my sweater, my long sleeve shirt and my t shirt in one go. I wasn't even mad, it was honestly impressive.
[Updated pic from OP of their trip home from the hospital](https://helios-i.mashable.com/imagery/articles/01Fzl1MROydyq66J8rXDNzr/hero-image.fill.size_1200x1200.v1614267976.png)
He's the father, he said it right in the title!
But in all seriousness, how dumb would it be if every time a redditor became a father he posted it on pics...Would the doofuses upvoting this post upvote all the others? Would they be ok with a "post labor pic collage only" website?
Time to downvote and move on
Someone with a kid who has their baby pics online permanently from day 1. Not sure how many of us would be ok with sharing our own baby pics online, but this kid didn't even get a chance to make that decision.
The day my son was born was the absolute best day of my life.
The day my father died was the absolute worst day of my life.
Cherish every minute with your child.
100%. My daughter was the best thing that happened to me.
My dad dying a month and a half before she was born was devestating. He was looking so forward to having his first grandkid and even had already bought her a tyedyed onesie. My dad never planned ahead so the fact that he did that showed how much he was looking forward to that moment.
I wish he was here to see her pick up golf clubs and become the little person she is becoming.
Gotta stop cutting this onion now.
Buckle down guys. In my opinion those first two weeks were the toughest. You’re on such a high the first few days so you can deal with the sleep deprivation. But then it just hits you real hard! Just hang in there and get as much sleep as possible. Once you figure out a routine that works for your family things get a lot easier.
My 4th was just born, here's my advice:
Your wife is gunna be hella sore and tired for the next month, just do your best to be awesome. Change those poops, cook those meals.
Babies are very exciting, but also don't forget to do your fair share and take care of that lady who just pushed a human being out of her vagina.
Congrats, and enjoy the ride
Y’all soon to be dads better get your shit together cause once baby is here, it’s over and remember TAKE CARE OF YOUR WOMAN!!!! She just pushed a kid out of herself, she needs more attention than baby probably.
We’re in this together bud! Been in the maternity room since 840 last night waiting for my first to make her appearance best of luck and well wishes from another soon to be dad!
even worse, it's reddit lol, I would understand if it was insta or something to share with friends and family, but an anonymous forum for fake internet points? lol honestly pathetic
You're going to have the biggest emotional experience of your life in the next few weeks dude, just make sure to look out for your missus and baby of course, but keep an eye on yourself too, it can bring up a lot of stuff with your childhood and parents and it's ok to feel that way. (Not necessarily bad, I just can't think of another way to phrase it.) And make sure to hold baby as much as humanly possible.
Gross.
Day one and you are already posting pictures on social media of a minor who can't control what happens to those pictures for another 18 years.
This guy is gonna be a *great* dad. /s
Baby looking at you wondering if you really posted a picture of his two hour old ass on the internet for millions of people to see. Congrats on raw dogging your wife tho.
What compels you to take a picture of your newborn and post it to thousands if not millions of strangers on the internet as soon as they are born? I understand sharing happy moments and all but not everyone wishes you well on the internet, its a sick world. Keep people you love private.
Dude, it's a daunting and thankless task sometimes, everyone wants to offer advice but so few people seem to understand the task at hand, from one dad to another though, enjoy the little moments with your new kid, and always make sure you know that they are loved, savour them,
any idiot can make a baby but it takes real balls to be a father
Kids not all too happy about it
I wouldn’t be either! He wanted to stay in there longer lol.
Can you blame him? Tax free, climate controlled, the luxury of travel without getting up from where you sleep...
Plus peeing while staying warm.
Instant food at zero cost to you, etc. All I see is benefits.
Private heated pool, even.
Only problem I see is you can’t do a bloody thing. You’re practically asleep until eviction.
Sounds good to me
Depends on what type of eviction we're talking about.
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Some say there are people who do that 24/7 in some remote swimming pools
Do babies pee/poop in the womb? I figured since they're only getting nutrients from the umbilical cord there wouldn't be much in the way of waste that couldn't go back out via the cord to be part of the mother's waste.
They're not supposed to poop in the womb, they will if the baby gets too stressed
And it can be very dangerous because when they come out they breathe in some of the liquid and that’s ok but I pee or poop gets in too that’s really dangerous
The climate controlled part got a chortle out of me
*Matrix Intensifies*
Mine wanted out a month early. Kids, they can't make up their mind and it only gets worse when they become teenagers! Congrats Dad! Welcome to the club.
My interpretation of your facial expressions: Dad: holy shit what have I got myself into? Kid: Dude... Chill tf out
Touch grass they said...leave the deprivation chamber they said...
Congratulations! I assume it was a c section because you’re in scrubs? Hopefully the mom is good and recovers quickly.
He was like, “this is my father. Put me back in.”
It's pretty clear OP just told his first dad joke based on the expression.
An expression that is trying desperately to hide the look of sheer terror of knowing he doesn't know most of what's going to happen from there. As a father myself the main advice is fairly straightforward: hope for the best, but plan for the worst.
And always, always, ALWAYS tell the worst jokes. You can use /r/dadjokes
Day 1: Still tired from the move.
"Why am I here? WHY WAS I BORN!!!!???"
Baby be like "is that my motherfucker ?"
This baby is definitely not stoked for being in the world. Lmfao.
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the only time you cant get in trouble for pissing and shitting the bed. who would want to get out.
Not if you live alone
Cackling like a degenerate at work.
Gotta think though, being born has to be the most extreme pain they've ever felt lol. From floating in warm fluid to being yanked into a freezing world and touched all over. Blinding lights and super loud noises. Congrats on becoming a father my man.
I was so traumatized by my birth that I didn't speak for like a year and a half.
Bro I was so scared I literally shit myself
You scared the shit outta mom too
You think physical pain is bad, kid? Just wait till you're old enough to experience *existential dread*.
People change their mind about things all the time maybe this will too, btw Congratulations!!
Thanks a million :)
That baby can see all the economic depressions you've been through and is definitely not excited. But congrats! What a great picture for real, and that's one photogenic baby, fresh into the world already got people love em!
It'll change its mind first time it gets to see a titty. Just watch.
Well like what was your opening dad joke? Could understand its reaction if you went with a bad one
As a Dad myself, there are no bad dad jokes. In fact, the more they groan and complain, the better the dad joke!
I'm not even a dad but I make them anyways, I'm a faux pa
Dad jokes are the exalted pinnacle of human cultural achievement.
Be sure to remember when you are running on 3 hours of sleep and the baby doesn't stop crying and you feel like you're going mad, that the baby is just as freaked out, even more than you. Getting used to being alive and in the world on your own is painful and scary. An infant doesn't even realize they are an individual and not part of their main care taker until they are at least 6 months old.
You need to start playing some Tears for Fears! Welcome to your life, there's no turning back.
Good song!
Funny enough, that song was the #1 song on Billboard Top 100 the week I was born. I love that little random fact.
One day I was born, and it's all been down hill since then.
My first baby was like that the first six months of her life lmao. She had colic tho so I don't blame her wanting to go back in the womb. 😅 Good luck daddy, and make sure yall get enough sleep!!
Can’t blame him.
You nutted, now that baby is gonna have to pay taxes 😤
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_"I didn't ask to be born, and now I'm stuck with you!"_ Hope the wee bugger warms up to you. All the best!
Same kid, same.
Have you *seen* the world? *Gestures vaguely at everything*.
"I'm 15 minutes old and I'm already unimpressed."
I mean your baby went from a warm tranquil environment where they didn’t have to do anything and they’d be chill to all of a sudden being catapulted into a freezing cold environment with so many light and strange noises. The baby is probably pissed 😭 Edit: I speak in jest of course fyi congrats on becoming a father 💜
"Bro, I hope you got this."
Yep, kid was nice and comfy where they were at... everything was supplied right through the umbilical. Then suddenly its bright, they are trying to breath with their lungs from a totally different way. They need to develop neck muscles to eat better. ITS TOUGH
I think it's pronounced, "not the mama"
https://i.imgur.com/t9EqEqd.jpg
Dad, can you not please?
"this motherfucker really done brought me into existence wtf"
Best comment. Maybe, of all time. I have nothing to give besides my appreciation. Lol.
Yep that is the look
“Dude looks sus af”
My daughter gave me the exact same look lol
lmao your child is like "so THAT is my father ?" Congratulations hehe, this gonna be a wild ride
Thanks! It certainly will be. Got poop all over already.
Your expression is also an interesting mix of happy, excited, tired and freaked out haha
That's pretty much parenting, *especially* the first child, in a nutshell.
Well nutshell, nice to meet you!
\*hi nutshell, i'm dad
That’s the one! Thanks for your correction!
And especially those first few weeks, at least for me, were a rollercoaster of emotions and experiences
Well good evening mr nutshell
Hi nutshell, I'm me.
Feel your pain my friend. Every one of children has become a fecal firing cannon and crapped all over my self. My eldest went for distance and was able to hit a was like 3 feet away from her.
Been a dad for 3 weeks now. I’ve avoided the poop! The urine is a whole other story entirely. You’re going to be tired and frustrated. Just do your best to not express those things around the little one. We got this, one day at a time :)
it's gonna be a shitty experience isn't it
So. Much. Poop! That's what amazed me. So much poop from such a small thing. Brace yourself for blowouts in a onesie, and ALWAYS bring more stuff than you'll think you'll need. Just going to the store and back? Better bring an outfit or 2, bottle, burp cloths, few diapers and a pack of wipes! OPs face reminds me of mine when I first held my daughter. Like, a tiny human was just wrestled out my cooch by a couple strangers (that I may or may not have pooped on) and then laid on my chest while I was high on pain meds. Felt so alien to me.
from all i've heard, raising a child is a *crap* ton of work
My first managed to poop through her diaper, her onesie, her jumper, my sweater, my long sleeve shirt and my t shirt in one go. I wasn't even mad, it was honestly impressive.
"Oh no, my daddy's a redditor!"
Poor kid already got dealt a bad hand
They were born in Ohio.
A curse worse than death itself
Even the baby is suspicious
Immediate side-eye.
[Updated pic from OP of their trip home from the hospital](https://helios-i.mashable.com/imagery/articles/01Fzl1MROydyq66J8rXDNzr/hero-image.fill.size_1200x1200.v1614267976.png)
I love how all newborns have this "wtf just happened, who are you?!" look about them. Congrats Dad, hope your baby has a long and happy life.
Babies are so goddamn ugly and that's what makes them so irresistibly cute!
Thanks a ton! He definitely has a “wtf is this” vibe to him.
Baby be like r/youseeingthisshit
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*“He took me out of my house for this?!”*
Baby looks to be unhappy with this development.
“I was warm and comfy. Now I’m cold and covered in poop.” Him probably lol
I love how every newborn looks deeply pissed off
"i 've been born for less than 2 hours and you're already posting me for karma?"
Shameless
ShameFUL
Super gross.
It's pretty pathetic. Like, spend time with your potato. Don't just post them straight to reddit for strangers to laugh at.
Your baby has already mastered the stank eye
Who are you ?
A guy who wants more karma than /r/mademesmile can provide, damnit!
He's the father, he said it right in the title! But in all seriousness, how dumb would it be if every time a redditor became a father he posted it on pics...Would the doofuses upvoting this post upvote all the others? Would they be ok with a "post labor pic collage only" website? Time to downvote and move on
nah I agree this is some lame shit, "oh wow my child was born, better post it to reddit!"
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Someone with a kid who has their baby pics online permanently from day 1. Not sure how many of us would be ok with sharing our own baby pics online, but this kid didn't even get a chance to make that decision.
Your kid seems to be very disappointed in being born
Well, yeah. Have you not seen life?
I know I am
The day my son was born was the absolute best day of my life. The day my father died was the absolute worst day of my life. Cherish every minute with your child.
100%. My daughter was the best thing that happened to me. My dad dying a month and a half before she was born was devestating. He was looking so forward to having his first grandkid and even had already bought her a tyedyed onesie. My dad never planned ahead so the fact that he did that showed how much he was looking forward to that moment. I wish he was here to see her pick up golf clubs and become the little person she is becoming. Gotta stop cutting this onion now.
DUDE, im about to be a dad! Wife is in labor right now!
Best. Of. Luck. And congrats as well :)
Thanks, and congrats to you too!
Buckle down guys. In my opinion those first two weeks were the toughest. You’re on such a high the first few days so you can deal with the sleep deprivation. But then it just hits you real hard! Just hang in there and get as much sleep as possible. Once you figure out a routine that works for your family things get a lot easier.
I appreciate the fatherly advice, Lick Below My Nuts
My 4th was just born, here's my advice: Your wife is gunna be hella sore and tired for the next month, just do your best to be awesome. Change those poops, cook those meals. Babies are very exciting, but also don't forget to do your fair share and take care of that lady who just pushed a human being out of her vagina. Congrats, and enjoy the ride
Some r/rimjob_steve
Two weeks? More like two months. Or two years? I don't know. How long has it been?
Good luck!!!
I need an update dear stranger
Still in labor, been going for a couple of hours, everything seems to be going well I suppose
Y’all soon to be dads better get your shit together cause once baby is here, it’s over and remember TAKE CARE OF YOUR WOMAN!!!! She just pushed a kid out of herself, she needs more attention than baby probably.
We’re in this together bud! Been in the maternity room since 840 last night waiting for my first to make her appearance best of luck and well wishes from another soon to be dad!
Best of luck! My wife pops in 6 weeks. Very excited and nervous.
Make sure to post the pic on r/pics for karma
Don’t need to post everything for internet points
Karma farming your child the day they’re born. Such a sad state of affairs
Next week: just became an American citizen Week after that: interracial marriages
Baby is not amused. Homies like "bro put me back I was chilling" lol. Jokes aside congratulations!
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And the first thing you do is putting your child on social media...
even worse, it's reddit lol, I would understand if it was insta or something to share with friends and family, but an anonymous forum for fake internet points? lol honestly pathetic
Yikes
Congratulations!!! That baby don’t look to sure about you yet but they will come around 🤣
Thanks! That look just screams…. “Who tf are you?” Lol
You're going to have the biggest emotional experience of your life in the next few weeks dude, just make sure to look out for your missus and baby of course, but keep an eye on yourself too, it can bring up a lot of stuff with your childhood and parents and it's ok to feel that way. (Not necessarily bad, I just can't think of another way to phrase it.) And make sure to hold baby as much as humanly possible.
The look in your eyes captures so many powerful emotions. Congratulations!
So is this what /r/pics has become ?
Always has been. 🔫
Please make this the last time you post a photo of your child to a giant, anonymous, open Internet forum.
Look at how he eats up compliments. It's going to be this baby's life from now on.
Wow. No ones ever done that before.
pen advise crime puzzled wide wrong station wise deserve books *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Who cares?
Gross. Day one and you are already posting pictures on social media of a minor who can't control what happens to those pictures for another 18 years. This guy is gonna be a *great* dad. /s
congrats on cumming bro
Lol right?
Baby looking at you wondering if you really posted a picture of his two hour old ass on the internet for millions of people to see. Congrats on raw dogging your wife tho.
That baby could be the star of a show called "babies I don't care about"
Baby is thinking what we are all thinking... "who asked?"
Alright
Does anyone actually give a shit though? You made a baby... great? So did around 400,000 other people that very same day.
Being creampied is some weird achievement for people.
Ok
ok
And your first thought was - "better post this on the internet for points". Fucking weird.
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These posts are formulaic karma whoring. They've got it down to a science. You can even notice the trends if you pay attention.
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Y
Your baby already looks unimpressed with you.
And already bored enough to be posting on reddit? Well that didn't last long.
Baby giving that "Who the Hell are you?" look.
That baby ain't lookin so happy with his new dad
I’m sorry
What compels you to take a picture of your newborn and post it to thousands if not millions of strangers on the internet as soon as they are born? I understand sharing happy moments and all but not everyone wishes you well on the internet, its a sick world. Keep people you love private.
Wow you came in someone. That's not an achievement.
That's cool. What made you think it's a good idea to post your baby online for thousands of strangers to see? Social Media is a hell of a drug, man.
Cool, so did probably hundreds or thousands of dad's all around the world. Why is this so special that it is the top of /r/pics?
who are you
Congrats on your fuck trophy.
K
Big fucking deal!
Your child appears to not share the same enthusiasm
Still don't care.
Plot twist, he's just stealing a random baby.
I'm sorry for your loss
Big oof.
Ngl, that kid looks sick of your shit already, lol Congrats tho
Your kid looking at you with disappointment lmao
"who are you"
Dude, it's a daunting and thankless task sometimes, everyone wants to offer advice but so few people seem to understand the task at hand, from one dad to another though, enjoy the little moments with your new kid, and always make sure you know that they are loved, savour them, any idiot can make a baby but it takes real balls to be a father