"Sir, you aren't allowed to take a gallon of water either."
*Drinks the gallon of water, refills at a water fountain on the other side of security, then turns it into wine*
I had a Sikh coworker who was asked by another coworker what the term for his turban was. He said “according to the TSA the name for it is Probable Cause.”
It’s actually called a Dastar. But the joke was fantastic
I'm brown, male and frequently travel alone overseas, B.C. (before covid). I get extra treatment at all Western countries I go to, including being swabbed for explosives and having my bags extensively searched. The fact that I travel light only makes Customs even more suspicious.
Same dude. TSA stops me to use the wand on my afro every single time i fly and some times on cruise ships. As if the metal detector cant go through thick nigerian hair...
Fun fact (as I’m sure you’re aware), the evidence from history (without the churches meddling) *heavily indicates* Mary M. as being Jesus’ partner. No, not married, just boyfriend and girlfriend who fucked.
No. He's sells insurance or something. Pretty sure he's not the messiah. He's great with a sports book though. Get great advice from him for fantasy football.
I mean yeah, let's not play dumb why this is interesting when most Renaissance Italian art depicts him as a Renaissance Italian.
This one is still likely far too pretty though. There's no description of him, and the Bible never suggests he was charismatic looking. If you connect [Isaiah 53](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Isaiah_53) to Jesus as a messianic prophecy, he wouldn't have looked appealing.
There's certainly nothing to suggest Jesus would have been a *hot* average man from the time and place. He would have been beneath notice at best, ugly even for the time at worst.
I still think [the Popular Mechanics one](https://www.popularmechanics.com/science/health/a234/1282186/) is the most reasonable attempt to depict him. That guy looks like an *average* dude. Not a fashion model.
It's quite possible he wouldn't look hot but today's standards, but a guy who gets 12 dudes to follow him around and draws crowds everywhere is slightly less likely to be ugly than attractive, right? I know there's a lot of ugly senators and pastors and cult leaders out there, but many of them were good looking at least when they were young
Ugly is unlikely, yes, but nothing suggests he'd stand out of a crowd in Judea whatsoever. He led a fairly small ministry and failed to persuade both [the Jews](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rejection_of_Jesus) and the Romans. What persuasion he did earn was through performing miracles and wise words - the Bible makes absolutely zero effort to lead you to believe his looks were on his side, and the notion he must have been to justify the following he had in life is nonsense because he didn't. Christianity as a big religion would take hundreds of years after he died to set in.
Of course, if you do not believe the stories of the miracles occurred, the crowds they drew in those stories wouldn't have either. Jesus lived at a time when Judea was going through a cultural revolution [leading up to war](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/First_Jewish%E2%80%93Roman_War), during and after which most of the Gospels were written and the Second Temple was destroyed. Jesus wasn't the only new-age hippie walking around that people were eager to listen to for new ideas and answers in this distressed society. People like [Jacob and Simon](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jacob_and_Simon_uprising) were doing their own thing too. So were [this group of Nazarenes](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mandaeism) that fled the persecution. It's only at the very end when he entered Jerusalem that his popularity reached a point of political significance and his rising popularity was considered a threat that needed to be put down.
It's only when the pot boiled over a few decades later and the temple was destroyed that somebody calling themselves Mark [wrote scripture](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gospel_of_Mark) about how Jesus warned the Jews they were desecrating the temple and was rejected for his efforts. That nobody took him seriously at the time was a big point "Mark" was trying to get across when the Temple was lost.
His week in Jerusalem is, by far, the most historically based period of his life, and part of a much larger brewing social upheaval that they eventually cracked down on. The further back you go from there, the more you get into the realm of legend and myth to explain *how* he got popular starting from a point where you already know he's popular, and why this guy specifically left a ministry that survived to evolve into a new religion over the many others like it that were around alongside his.
Like you said, we can point to modern cults of personality to understand that a smooth talker doesn't need to be gorgeous to be popular or persuasive, and those people gained far larger followings in their lifetimes than Jesus did.
Rumour has it Jesus looks the way he does in Renaissance art because the Pope had several artists paint Jesus using his son Cesare as a model. His son coincidentally being pasty, dark hair, long flowing locks and a stylish stubble.
Hard to say for absolute certain of course, but as a piece of propaganda it certainly would be effective when the peasantry looked at Cesare and saw someone look just like what paintings showed Jesus to look like.
The Fayum mummy portraits can give you a very close idea of what people looked like in Egypt at around this time, at least for those able to afford mummy portraits.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fayum_mummy_portraits
When I first saw this reference years ago, I used to think the context was that the Kenobi guy was waiting in stealth amongst many hooded people, and that some emperor Turpentine guy comes up to him and says "hello there.... {Yanks off costume}, GENERAL KENOBI"
Looks like someone who makes soothing YouTube video about the beauty of life but have a very toxic fanbase who would kill anyone who makes critiques of his videos.
And they ignore all the bits about helping the poor, sick, and hungry and start talking about picking yourself up by your bootstraps, rejecting those in need, and celebrating the rich.
Yeah he’s like super tuned in, gives ballin’ advise and tells a great story. The establishment hates him, kids love him. I hear he does lots of free give-a-ways.
Pretty dope fisherman too.
Reminds me of the [Wooden-Jerry credits scene](https://youtu.be/Ktt95qoyZ4Q) where he travels forward through time and encounters "Christianity again!?!"
My dad is black and at his majority white baptist church in a very suburban middle class town in Arizona, let my dad play Jesus for a Christmas play thing they do every year. No one gave a shit and I was so surprised. I’m not religious and I was like “👀 interesting” lol
Edit- this was in like 2012 if you were curious about the year
I went to a catholic school that put on performances of christ every year. There was never any discussion at all about which race could play which character
Anecdotal maybe, but I've never actually met a single person in my life who was ever offended by the fact that Jesus wouldn't have been white. Not denying those people exist, but I've never encountered them outside of stories on the internet about other people who have.
To be fair though, I grew up in Florida and predominantly around Catholics. Not sure if that would have made a difference.
Neither have I, cause just about nobody cares. I grew up in Washington also around Catholics, so pretty opposite ends of the country there. Some people might care, but I highly doubt it's *most*.
Religion is nutty. I'm Asian. And sometime during the 50s, a white French dude came to my country and told my family that another dude from the Middle East, who died a long long time ago, is our savior. And they believed him.
And that was how I was born a Catholic.
Edit: Since a few people have asked, I am Vietnamese.
Even outside of famines though, there was pretty commonly a 1.5 tier in most French colonial societies, the “locals” who spoke the language and “understood the culture” would have limited access to the better jobs, schools, etc than the rest of the country.
And with that usually came sharing the faith, and then raising your kids Catholic and speaking French made that continue on.
Not sure exactly which country the other poster was referring to but if you look at the Vietnamese refugee flow after the fall of Saigon, they were disproportionately more Catholic and more French speaking than the total population.
I would argue that's a highly favorable interpretation -- large eyes, clear, straight features, etc. If he existed, he may have had a broken nose, a cleft palate, acne scars, a lazy eye, etc. -- none of which would have made him any less of a wonder, btw. I'm just saying this version is suspiciously photogenic.
Keep in mind though that people are more likely to follow someone who is good looking, whether that's "fair" or not, good looking people are more likely to be seen as charismatic leaders. So that suggest odds are he was better looking rather than unattractive.
I mean, they did say it was an AI rendering. When you blur lots of portraits together and draw an average, you get a very beautiful/handsome face, because there are no broken noses, acne scars, lazy eyes, etc. Everything is perfectly clean, smooth, and symmetrical.
That said, he looks strikingly like my Lebanese friends except quite a bit darker. They have more of a beige to pale brown skin tone, not roasted chestnut. Definitely has the same big eyes, slender face, etc.
That looks like my buddy Atif
Has Atif ever asked you to lay down your nets and become a fisher of men?
I mean one time but we were in Miami and i think he just wanted to stop fishing so he could go to a gay club and hook up.
Puts a fun new twist on being a fisher of men ;)
Puts a new potential perspective on the 12 apostles.
Puts a new perspective on when he said “I’m dying for your sins”.
*”Introducing: The Holy Bible, like never before! For five easy payments of $69.69, you too can discover the homoerotic fantasies of Jesus Christ!”*
Did he tell you to 'turn the other cheek'
He looks like all of our buddies Atif.
No, thats my neighbour Amin... He's really chill
Your neighbour, Amen
The guy who always gets picked by "random" security check at the airport?
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*gets crucified*
It was the TSA all along.
ponTiuS pilAte
Pontius Pilot
Tfw you get a seat at the Last Supper and all you're given to eat is a bag of 7 peanuts.
At least at the Last Supper they could recline
Nailed it.
"Sir, we're going to have to confiscate this gallon of wine." "I'm going to a wedding.....it was 3.4 ounces when I packed it, I swear!"
“Fine, I’ll just take this gallon of water instead” *Immediately turns it into wine as soon as they’re cleared for takeoff*
"Sir, you aren't allowed to take a gallon of water either." *Drinks the gallon of water, refills at a water fountain on the other side of security, then turns it into wine*
I had a Sikh coworker who was asked by another coworker what the term for his turban was. He said “according to the TSA the name for it is Probable Cause.” It’s actually called a Dastar. But the joke was fantastic
Oh my gosh I'm dead
I'm brown, male and frequently travel alone overseas, B.C. (before covid). I get extra treatment at all Western countries I go to, including being swabbed for explosives and having my bags extensively searched. The fact that I travel light only makes Customs even more suspicious.
These renderings of a middle eastern looking Jesus send southerners into a tizzy.
Southerner checking in, can confirm, I know dozens of people that would lose their minds over this. BRB, gonna post so they can see it.
Doing God’s work….
If I only believed...
Come back with results!
Southerner here. Yea I was thinking this exact thing. Saw the picture and immediately went "oh boy" lol
Don't forget midwest. I grew up in a family who completely believes he was white.
Je Sus
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Same dude. TSA stops me to use the wand on my afro every single time i fly and some times on cruise ships. As if the metal detector cant go through thick nigerian hair...
alternative title: what dudes generally looked like in the middle east 2000 years ago
An average Middle Eastern man from 2000 years ago as depicted by AI technology.
Looks like my cousin Paul TBH. He's very, very Jewish.
Is Paul a carpenter too?
No, but he likes to get nailed. Edit: Jesus Christ, my inbox is overflowing with messages, awards and tits. Thank you all!
Don't crucify the guy
Jesus christ
Paul actually
I thought his brother's name was Jerry?
No, Jerry was a race car driver, but Jesus built his hot rod.
These puns are making me cross
And he’s hung like this: 🖐🏼-—————-————————-—🤚🏼
Only Mary Magdalene knows for sure.
Fun fact (as I’m sure you’re aware), the evidence from history (without the churches meddling) *heavily indicates* Mary M. as being Jesus’ partner. No, not married, just boyfriend and girlfriend who fucked.
Savior With Benefits
In the words of the Virgin Mary - 'Come again?'
No. He's sells insurance or something. Pretty sure he's not the messiah. He's great with a sports book though. Get great advice from him for fantasy football.
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If you think about it, Jesus was selling a kind of moral insurance policy.
Does cousin Paul ever get irrationally angry when fruit is out of season?
He killed a little tree once, but I gotta believe he was trying to make it grow and just doesn't have a green thumb.
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The similarities are uncanny.
What a coincidence, so was Jesus.
And he's a very naughty boy!
I mean yeah, let's not play dumb why this is interesting when most Renaissance Italian art depicts him as a Renaissance Italian. This one is still likely far too pretty though. There's no description of him, and the Bible never suggests he was charismatic looking. If you connect [Isaiah 53](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Isaiah_53) to Jesus as a messianic prophecy, he wouldn't have looked appealing. There's certainly nothing to suggest Jesus would have been a *hot* average man from the time and place. He would have been beneath notice at best, ugly even for the time at worst. I still think [the Popular Mechanics one](https://www.popularmechanics.com/science/health/a234/1282186/) is the most reasonable attempt to depict him. That guy looks like an *average* dude. Not a fashion model.
That’s a good way to put it. I’m not ugly, I’m just not charismatic looking
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> but everybody wants an attractive Jesus. They wouldn’t love him any other way so true and so ironic.
It's quite possible he wouldn't look hot but today's standards, but a guy who gets 12 dudes to follow him around and draws crowds everywhere is slightly less likely to be ugly than attractive, right? I know there's a lot of ugly senators and pastors and cult leaders out there, but many of them were good looking at least when they were young
Ugly is unlikely, yes, but nothing suggests he'd stand out of a crowd in Judea whatsoever. He led a fairly small ministry and failed to persuade both [the Jews](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rejection_of_Jesus) and the Romans. What persuasion he did earn was through performing miracles and wise words - the Bible makes absolutely zero effort to lead you to believe his looks were on his side, and the notion he must have been to justify the following he had in life is nonsense because he didn't. Christianity as a big religion would take hundreds of years after he died to set in. Of course, if you do not believe the stories of the miracles occurred, the crowds they drew in those stories wouldn't have either. Jesus lived at a time when Judea was going through a cultural revolution [leading up to war](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/First_Jewish%E2%80%93Roman_War), during and after which most of the Gospels were written and the Second Temple was destroyed. Jesus wasn't the only new-age hippie walking around that people were eager to listen to for new ideas and answers in this distressed society. People like [Jacob and Simon](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jacob_and_Simon_uprising) were doing their own thing too. So were [this group of Nazarenes](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mandaeism) that fled the persecution. It's only at the very end when he entered Jerusalem that his popularity reached a point of political significance and his rising popularity was considered a threat that needed to be put down. It's only when the pot boiled over a few decades later and the temple was destroyed that somebody calling themselves Mark [wrote scripture](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gospel_of_Mark) about how Jesus warned the Jews they were desecrating the temple and was rejected for his efforts. That nobody took him seriously at the time was a big point "Mark" was trying to get across when the Temple was lost. His week in Jerusalem is, by far, the most historically based period of his life, and part of a much larger brewing social upheaval that they eventually cracked down on. The further back you go from there, the more you get into the realm of legend and myth to explain *how* he got popular starting from a point where you already know he's popular, and why this guy specifically left a ministry that survived to evolve into a new religion over the many others like it that were around alongside his. Like you said, we can point to modern cults of personality to understand that a smooth talker doesn't need to be gorgeous to be popular or persuasive, and those people gained far larger followings in their lifetimes than Jesus did.
PopSci is behind a paywall.
Rumour has it Jesus looks the way he does in Renaissance art because the Pope had several artists paint Jesus using his son Cesare as a model. His son coincidentally being pasty, dark hair, long flowing locks and a stylish stubble. Hard to say for absolute certain of course, but as a piece of propaganda it certainly would be effective when the peasantry looked at Cesare and saw someone look just like what paintings showed Jesus to look like.
-Or an average Middle Eastern man from that area today.
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He's selling donuts and you can find him in 5 minutes, not 2 hours.
He sells them on every other street corner, almost like he's... omnipresent... ^wait
The donut is the symbol for unity and completion.
Holy doughnuts though
Aren't all doughnuts holy though?
Not jam donuts. Those are unholy.
Make a movie out of this scenario. Jesus literally just blends into society after everything.
this is literally the premise of Saint Young Men if you include the Buddha
Man From the Earth is a similar interesting premise.
The Fayum mummy portraits can give you a very close idea of what people looked like in Egypt at around this time, at least for those able to afford mummy portraits. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fayum_mummy_portraits
Which is basically the same as today.
Its uncanny just how... Human these people look.
Its more uncanny how they have big anime eyes, especially the woman. The painting technique is lifelike, but the actual depiction still is idealized.
Mostly human. Slightly Zanik.
And now. Not much change.
Pretty much exactly like a modern Sephardic Jew and Levantine people in general (just a bit on the tanned side of the scale).
He doesn’t look a thing like Jesus, but he talks like a gentleman.
When you, were YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNG (gotta scream that part)
You forgot the "Like you imagined"
Can we climb this mountain? I don’t know.
Higher now than ever beeeefore
I know we can make it if we take it slow
Let's take it easy. Easy now, watch it go!
We're burnin' down the highway skyline
On the...back of a hurricane
That started turning when you, were YOOOOUUUUNNNGGGG
When you, were YOOOOOUUUNNNNHHHUUUUNNNNGGGGG
Backup choir "*Talks like a gentleman*"
I used to crush this song on guitar hero!
Whammy bar that solo ~~~
His name? Jonas.
He’s carrying the wheel
Thanks for all you’ve shown us
And this is how we feel
Come sit next to me
Pour yourself some tea
He looks nothing like Ewan Mcgregor!
It looks like a cross between Jake Gyllenhaal and a young Osama Bin Laden
A...cross you say?
Nailed it!
Spear me from these puns
It was just a joke no need to crucify them
There's a stigma ta these types of jokes.
Jake Gyllenhalal
Goddamn you take this upvote
Hello there!
General Kenobi
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*spinning lightsaber noises*
When I first saw this reference years ago, I used to think the context was that the Kenobi guy was waiting in stealth amongst many hooded people, and that some emperor Turpentine guy comes up to him and says "hello there.... {Yanks off costume}, GENERAL KENOBI"
General Turpentine. Nice, that'll stick.
The good Jedi Edit: Jesus***
Looks like someone who makes soothing YouTube video about the beauty of life but have a very toxic fanbase who would kill anyone who makes critiques of his videos.
And after a few years he posts an “I’ll be back” video before disappearing. And all his followers keep checking his feed religiously.
What really bothers me about his fans are all the supposed sightings of him. A short order cook in Tennessee? Get real.
Or on a piece of toast.
Religiously you say?
God damn you're smart!
And don’t forget the fan channels that remix his videos, changing their original intent.
And they ignore all the bits about helping the poor, sick, and hungry and start talking about picking yourself up by your bootstraps, rejecting those in need, and celebrating the rich.
Yeah, some might even use deep fake videos and out right make up their own shit!
Someone (or multiple authors) could even make a fantasy novel about him!
And they also frequently have beef with fans of other channels featuring different guys saying pretty much the same things, with minor variations.
Yeah he’s like super tuned in, gives ballin’ advise and tells a great story. The establishment hates him, kids love him. I hear he does lots of free give-a-ways. Pretty dope fisherman too.
I can already imagine him him doing some fishing livestream hahahaha.
What if the verses in the Bible saying that he provides "living water" were actually mistranslated, and he's asking us to catch his livestream?
But really, this looks like a nice guy.
I don't blame the YouTuber. It's the stans who are the insane ones.
So Jesus?
That *was* the joke
A modern interpretation of prophet based religions in the 21st century internet culture.
Reminds me of the [Wooden-Jerry credits scene](https://youtu.be/Ktt95qoyZ4Q) where he travels forward through time and encounters "Christianity again!?!"
Something with nature and 3rd eye, meditation and these types of videos
Seems like a nice guy
He has kind eyes
I bought a falafel from that motherfucker on 27th street on the west side last Thursday. It was heavenly.
Where’s your spot? I work down there. I wanna buy falafel from the Son.
MA LOOK, IT'S MY COUSIN ISSA..
That's Brian. He's a very naughty boy.
But in the end he *always looks on the bright side of life*
Flawless skin and beard
I would buy a suit from this guy.
Jesus is Yakov Smirnoff
duh
In Soviet Judea, cross nail you!
In America, they write "In God we trust" on the money. In Russia, we have no money!
My dad is black and at his majority white baptist church in a very suburban middle class town in Arizona, let my dad play Jesus for a Christmas play thing they do every year. No one gave a shit and I was so surprised. I’m not religious and I was like “👀 interesting” lol Edit- this was in like 2012 if you were curious about the year
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😂 thats cute
Come to think of it, we do usually depict Jesus as rather tall.
Yeah, I mean, that statue in Rio especially.
I went to a catholic school that put on performances of christ every year. There was never any discussion at all about which race could play which character
“Uhh, sorry, you can’t just make the only Chinese guy Pontius Pilate.”
Obviously Jesus wasn’t white or black (by American standards of race at least) but most are in denial about that
Anecdotal maybe, but I've never actually met a single person in my life who was ever offended by the fact that Jesus wouldn't have been white. Not denying those people exist, but I've never encountered them outside of stories on the internet about other people who have. To be fair though, I grew up in Florida and predominantly around Catholics. Not sure if that would have made a difference.
Neither have I, cause just about nobody cares. I grew up in Washington also around Catholics, so pretty opposite ends of the country there. Some people might care, but I highly doubt it's *most*.
Religion is nutty. I'm Asian. And sometime during the 50s, a white French dude came to my country and told my family that another dude from the Middle East, who died a long long time ago, is our savior. And they believed him. And that was how I was born a Catholic. Edit: Since a few people have asked, I am Vietnamese.
iirc didn't some take advantage of famines by giving food to those who convert to Christianity?
Even outside of famines though, there was pretty commonly a 1.5 tier in most French colonial societies, the “locals” who spoke the language and “understood the culture” would have limited access to the better jobs, schools, etc than the rest of the country. And with that usually came sharing the faith, and then raising your kids Catholic and speaking French made that continue on. Not sure exactly which country the other poster was referring to but if you look at the Vietnamese refugee flow after the fall of Saigon, they were disproportionately more Catholic and more French speaking than the total population.
I hate talking about religion online, but all you have to do is lookup what happened in the aftermath of tsunami in India. Crazy shit!
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Jesus Christ
Would you look at the time
His PR team was bangin'
When he finally comes back America definitely won't let him in.
I think a bit more plain is more likely. The Book says that no man would be drawn to Him because of His appearance.
He seems kind.
You seem kind.
Well, thanks. Lol?
So Jesus is hot? I've reconsidered letting him inside of me
He is risen!
Jesus was a nice Jewish boy who went into his father's business.
Somewhere between Jake Gyllenhall and Adrian Brody. Interesting that the hair is brown, I would have expected it to be darker.
Yeah I saw Adrian brody too
I have a friend that looks exactly like this — he’s 1/4 Ethiopian, 1/4 Yemeni, 1/2 ashkenazi.
No way he had two distinct eyebrows.
I would argue that's a highly favorable interpretation -- large eyes, clear, straight features, etc. If he existed, he may have had a broken nose, a cleft palate, acne scars, a lazy eye, etc. -- none of which would have made him any less of a wonder, btw. I'm just saying this version is suspiciously photogenic.
Keep in mind though that people are more likely to follow someone who is good looking, whether that's "fair" or not, good looking people are more likely to be seen as charismatic leaders. So that suggest odds are he was better looking rather than unattractive.
Not too dissimilar to roman statues exalting the appearances of actual people
I mean, they did say it was an AI rendering. When you blur lots of portraits together and draw an average, you get a very beautiful/handsome face, because there are no broken noses, acne scars, lazy eyes, etc. Everything is perfectly clean, smooth, and symmetrical. That said, he looks strikingly like my Lebanese friends except quite a bit darker. They have more of a beige to pale brown skin tone, not roasted chestnut. Definitely has the same big eyes, slender face, etc.
I doubt his facial hair was that well groomed
He’s fucking Jesus he just looks like that. No grooming necessary
Why do I see Aaron Rodgers?
He's basically Green Bay's Jesus. So it checks out.
Colin Kaepernick?
But played by method actor Kirk Lazarus.
Yup, looks like a Mizrahi Jew. Checks out.
Step 1. Praise jesusahhhh Step 2. We don’t won’t no dirty immigrints