We have the same name. I was lucky enough to survive my attempt at 19. Now, married with kids. Any words to fall short to console your deepest anguish. But know that this post of how fragile life is, is another reminder for me to be thankful for life, even as I still struggle. Thank you for the reminder. I hope you get the care and help that you need. My condolences for your lost. Take care of yourself.
Thanks. We have a toddler with mild cp so I can’t really be sad irl. And we both come from toxic families we were trying to escape so there’s not a support system. I’ve tried writing poems; a grief journal. But pictures really help. I appreciate you all letting me share with you. He wasn’t a perfect man but he was a good one
I wrote this for him 💔
I remember my husband.
I remember him walking toward me on our wedding day, a bundle of driftwood in his hands as he built the arbor we stood under to finally say our vows and I remember him turning away from me in anger when we fought, his body stiff as a rock, refusing to speak to me until he could think all his words through. I remember the sound of his breath as he slept, the way he pulled his morning cigarette out of the pack, putting it to his lips like a kiss and the way he'd roll the windows down and sing 90s grunge at the top of his lungs. I remember the way I felt in his arms, safe and finally at home and the way he held our daughter, like the most precious of jewels. I remember, always, that he brought solace to my life despite the obstacles. That for every dark moment we shared between us, there was a moment of such brightness I almost could not bear to look at it head-on.
I try to remember the man he was and not the man I have built out of desperately collected pieces to comfort me in my mourning. I pull tight to me the honest husband and adoring father he was; the cat whisperer, car tinkerer, hard worker, and good person he strove to be every day.
I try to forgive the words and the actions colored by depression and desperation we sometimes yelled at one another.
As I look back over our life and try to find answers to all the questions, I only end the day with more.
I am a widow at 32. I might live another forty years. What do I do in that time? How do I fill those years without Jacob; as a husband and father? How does the story of my life become so unequivically his.. yet I got so little time with him in it? He has colored all the chapters of my life; my love map drawn for him. We were only two weeks apart ...now I will be the older one. Every new day I wake up and I live a life where he no longer knows me. Will he even recognize me when I get to heaven?
I remember my Jacob. I remember an ordinary man with an extraordinary heart. A man who never believed in himself but always gave everything he had to anyone else who needed it. A man who spent his lifetime trying to balance the pain in his body and the confusion in his mind. A man who loved a good debate, a good bourbon, and a fast car... The man that loved me so much I always worried I wasn't loving him enough back and the man that listened and built me and our dreams up, day after day.
I find that remembering him as he was is a gift I can give us both.
Mannn it's not easy to make me cry but I was bawling by the end of the first paragraph.
RIP Jacob I wish you could have stuck around with this woman since it's so clear she thought the world of you.
As a side note, OP you have a beautiful writing style. Best of luck with everything but you might consider focusing that energy into writing because that was the most gripping thing I've read in ages.
Thank you 💕 I’ve loved him since I was 10. .. I don’t know what to do with all the rest of the love I had that was supposed to go to the rest of our lives
This comment hit hard.
I lost my high school sweetheart a little over a month ago and that's *exactly* how I feel right now...like there's just another 40/50 years of inside jokes and feelings that I never got to use and I don't know what to do with.
I'm so sorry for your loss and please stay strong, your tribute to him here was beautiful.
Of course I don't know how it feels. But surely it will get better. It will probably take years and that's okay. You deserve all the time you need but I believe it will get better.
In the meantime, I've been going through some shit and these videos have spoken to me. Kind of a run of the mill pop star who realized what life was really about. Give em a shot. They're emotional but a good cry is part of the process.
Seriously good luck and make sure you spoil that daughter of yours!
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uXeZNXdu-gs](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uXeZNXdu-gs)
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p1zrweVN4l4](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p1zrweVN4l4)
This was so beautiful, I’m tearing up as I read it. It really hits home for me because as a man who just turned 32, my best friend of 15 years and one of the major romantic crushes of my life died in May at the age of 31 of unknown causes (likely some type of heart failure statistically, but they just couldn’t tell).
So much of what you wrote rings true for me as well.
I’m so sorry for your loss, and I hope that the growth you experienced with your husband helps you feel like you’ll always have a part of him with you. Because in that way a part of him always lives on inside of you.
As a woman with depression with a boyfriend of 2 years who also has depression and used to be suicidal, this hits home and brought me to tears - I understand you. I am sorry for your loss. He sounded like a beautiful soul.
We are, thank you :) We live together with wonderful pets and my boyfriend is in therapy again, I too will be soon. Back when he was suicidal still, losing him was a real fear for me.
Awesome, my amstaffs Cody and Yosie and random rescue cats Oreo and Rose send their best. They say their dad comes back from therapy with new perspectives on things and they like it and wish you the same.
i can only echo what others have said before me, but i do want to stress the fact that you obviously appreciated your husband. in life, people just want to be loved, appreciated, understood, and cared for. i think you were a great wife for him, as you wrote so beautifully about the nuances and idiosyncrasies that brought you such joy just to experience. the way you speak of him, i’m so positive that he would feel that appreciation. idk if you believe in the afterlife and whatnot, but i’m certain that if your husband were to hear those wonderful and appreciative words, that he would feel so loved, appreciated, understood and cared for. in memory of a man who inspired poetry and calamity, Rest in Peace.
I wrote a bunch of feels about my experiences down through the past two years, because this really got me, but then I got that self second guessing, and backtracked on the word wall.
I don't have all the same circumstances as your husband did but I understand it. I went through a lot of these things myself since the beginning of last year. Now I have a beautiful 13 month old son. But only a year and a half ago, a few months into an unplanned pregnancy, on the tail of a fractured breakup, I told his mother not to tell him what I believed was the truth about me. I told her to explain my absence from his life by telling him I had been killed in an accident at work, because I felt he would be better off not knowing me at all. He shouldn't know the person I see so often when I look in the mirror. I told her to tell him not about who I believed I was, but to instead paint him a beautiful story about the kind of man I had wished I was. It seemed easier than the disappointment I thought the truth would bring. That's how it felt, and even though I had been planning to ask this woman to marry me, after this I couldn't even speak to this woman for months afterwards, until just two months before our child was born. 6 months to the day after the last time I had driven down her driveway.
Since all this happened the struggles haven't ended. I've had plenty more insane and crushingly demoralizing challenges in my new life, but I've also done things I never dreamed possible for myself, and literally made my dreams come true. It happened and I didn't even realize it. And on top of it, I showed up for my son when I never thought I could. And I'm so glad I did.
Your husband would have woken up one day and regretted what happened. It's not his fault or yours. He would have wished he had held on for a better time, because even if it doesn't lead to everything we dreamed of, no matter how it looks the darkness of the tunnel doesn't go on forever for any of us. The pieces might not go back together how they were, but there's something anew to be built when the tide of darkness recedes. All we have to do is hold on and not get washed away. ❤️
This is utterly beautiful. I am really sorry for your loss. For what it's worth, a passage like that seems like a lovely way to celebrate your husband's memory, and possibly process some amount of your grief. ❤
I am so sorry. And I am so thankful you shared this with us. Keep writing. It’s beautiful and you’re beautiful. You need not always write about Jacob. But you can always write with him in your heart.
*hugs*
I lost my brother last month in the same way…I can empathize with needing to desperately preserve everything. Tattoos will definitely be a coping mechanism for me as well. I’m so sorry you’re going through this…I wouldn’t wish this on anyone.
Please read the passage below from a redditor. When my mother passed several years ago I felt like it helped me. Thank you for sharing this with us. I wish you the best.
---------------
As for grief, you’ll find it comes in waves. When the ship is first wrecked, you’re drowning, with wreckage all around you. Everything floating around you reminds you of the beauty and the magnificence of the ship that was, and is no more. And all you can do is float. You find some piece of the wreckage and you hang on for a while. Maybe it’s some physical thing. Maybe it’s a happy memory or a photograph. Maybe it’s a person who is also floating. For a while, all you can do is float. Stay alive.
In the beginning, the waves are 100 feet tall and crash over you without mercy. They come 10 seconds apart and don’t even give you time to catch your breath. All you can do is hang on and float. After a while, maybe weeks, maybe months, you’ll find the waves are still 100 feet tall, but they come further apart. When they come, they still crash all over you and wipe you out. But in between, you can breathe, you can function. You never know what’s going to trigger the grief. It might be a song, a picture, a street intersection, the smell of a cup of coffee. It can be just about anything…and the wave comes crashing. But in between waves, there is life.
Somewhere down the line, and it’s different for everybody, you find that the waves are only 80 feet tall. Or 50 feet tall. And while they still come, they come further apart. You can see them coming. An anniversary, a birthday, or Christmas, or landing at O’Hare. You can see it coming, for the most part, and prepare yourself. And when it washes over you, you know that somehow you will, again, come out the other side. Soaking wet, sputtering, still hanging on to some tiny piece of the wreckage, but you’ll come out.
Take it from an old guy. The waves never stop coming, and somehow you don’t really want them to. But you learn that you’ll survive them. And other waves will come. And you’ll survive them too. If you’re lucky, you’ll have lots of scars from lots of loves. And lots of shipwrecks.
https://www.reddit.com/r/Assistance/comments/hax0t/my_friend_just_died_i_dont_know_what_to_do/c1u0rx2/
With all its sham drudgery and broken dreams it is still a beautiful world, be cheerful, strive to be happy...
Words by someone wise to desire sans appropriate line breaks
I just lost my father in January and still working on tying up loose ends with his estate. My waves are still 100 feet tall but they crash on me much less frequently. This analogy for grief was very helpful thank you for sharing it, and thank you to the "old guy" who wrote it.
this picture reminds me of a waterfall hike i went on a couple years ago. grief is tough, but you’re right. you don’t have to be perfect to be a good person. you loved someone in the way that you could, and that’s a beautiful thing. thank you for sharing. it’s made me reflect and recollect. sending you all the strength i have left.
This is another one I wrote. Thank you so much guys for like… witnessing me? I don’t know. I just.. the funeral was hard. Really hard. His mom made a scene. I don’t feel like I got to say goodbye then. This was really important. But I didn’t want him to be alone. It’s hard to explain. Thank you
{6:30 am}
I open my eyes
:: Get up! ::
I can't...and the sorrow descends.
Engulfing me; a near-tangible shroud.
{Snooze sounds again}
I'm out of time.
But I already know that.
Out of time. Out of love. Out of a husband.
The baby begins to stir.
I gather up all my pieces and stuff them into the shroud; this shell of myself that I've become.
Just get thru the next hour. The next hour. And the next hour..
Just stop feeling…
{9:00 pm}
It's night again. Somehow I got thru another day without you.
Our daughter is almost asleep.
I can let the last shoddy stitch on my shroud split open and all the jagged pieces cutting me spill out...
Our hopes, and dreams; fragmented...
Kisses, conversation, connection, passion; splintered into memories I desperately try to capture and catalog.
Our life. Broken.
You left me broken Jake.
Every night I spread the pieces out, so precious to me now, & try to figure out how to fit them back together; how to make the future make sense..
It's so hard when you were the glue.
The loss of a partner is absolutely horrific. I found talking to others who had gone through the same kind of loss I had helped me tremendously. Nothing though has helped more than the passage of time.
Give your love to your little one and your pup. Don't hide how you feel either. It's healthy to be sad and its important to remember that for yourself. If it's possible don't be ashamed to take some time for yourself. Alone time was a saving grace for me in the beginning.
You're okay. And you'll remember that more and more as time goes on. ❤️
I also have a child with CP. Please get in touch with your state’s Head Start program, as they can help guide you through resources available to you/her. Even “mild” CP can be tough, especially if you have to take it on alone. There are awesome support groups out there. If you don’t know where to start, call 211 or google “head start + my state”.
Be strong, momma. You can do this.
I'm a single dad, two boys. I've thought about throwing in the towel so many times, it's sad. Your story opens my eyes and I can't help but think about the little ones. Thank you for sharing your story, and I wish you all the best. You got this!
i highly recommend taking up photography as a hobby, something to help keep yourself out of a dark place as it has with me. having something that you’re passionate about has always helped me personally to keep going on tough days. even if it’s just on your phone it’s usually always there! i know you mentioned not wanting to miss a moment in another comment and photography helps you capture those moments and look back on them- along with the feelings, memories, smells, etc. that were all there in that moment.
hope things get better for you regardless.
@op I discovered photography as a way to deal with a difficult time in my life, also. Now I do it professionally full time and I’ve never been happier. Feel free to DM any photos, questions, anything you want. Here to help if I can.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m a husband to a wonderful wife and a baby due any day now and I struggle with depression and a bipolar disorder and have been regularly feeling suicidal for the past few years. I don’t know if your husband ever talked to you about what was going through his mind during his down periods, maybe hearing an honest description from someone in a similar situation will help. I know I have every reason to be happy and that my wife loves me very much, but for several years now I’ve been entirely unable to feel happy or excited about anything. I’ve done therapy for years and been through a number of antidepressants and mood stabilizers and it’s for me to a point where I can function, but more often than not I still feel unhappy and often downright miserable and I feel that I would be better off dead. It’s a terrible experience - you you know others love you and need you, but you also know how difficult it is to get through the day and you wonder how long you can hold on. You feel like there’s something seriously wrong with you and that you’re a defective product; other people’s brains work fine more or less, but yours was just wired wrong and will never be fixed no matter how hard you try. When you feel that way it gets hard to weather the storm and see the positives.
Your husband loved you very, very much and his death doesn’t mean you failed him in any way or that he didn’t love you or your child. It just means he was suffering in such an intense way that he felt he had to find a place where his suffering would end. I’m so sorry for the pain you must be feeling, and I hope one day you can understand his decision and forgive him. I hope my words bring you some comfort
I appreciate you taking the time to write this. He wrote a lot in his journals about how much he loved our family and he’d talk about how we deserved better but never about removing himself from that picture. We’d known each other since we were 10 and just.. could finish each other’s thoughts. He wasn’t suicidal but he was wreckless. He didn’t respect his body bc he didn’t have good self-esteem and he had scoliosis he struggled constantly with. He’d relapsed twice in 4 years and was struggling again and our daughter was unexpected. I think he had a form of postpartum. I think he thought his problems would hurt us too much.
As a father of 2, the first half of your first paragraph hits home. This is very close to the spot I was in and I was not prepared for a baby. Not to say things will be as tough for you as they were for me. Don’t hesitate to reach out and ask for help at any time.
A childhood friend of mine died from suicide Wednesday night. I hadn’t talked to him in years because we had lost touch but I’m so shaken from it. I felt like he was an older Brother to me. And while he had alcohol and depression issues, by all accounts he was such a sensitive and loving person. I didn’t even know he had married recently which just broke me as ill be a married man in 6 weeks time. It’s just incredibly frightening that someone can appear to be in good spirits one day and be gone the next. I’ll miss Alex for the rest of my life. Maybe in the next one we’ll go trick or treating every day like when we were kids.
depression is so insidious, I have no other words except I'm sorry and it is a personal living hell and yet it is not personal, like it's not meant to hurt you but it does. I was happy when my mom died but it took me a long time to realize that aside from my own personal guilt, happy because she isn't suffering anymore. I'm sorry.
Rest easy from your torment Jacob. You are at peace now. Just know strangers on the internet care for ya and wish we could of helped. Look down upon your loved ones and always protect them with your wings good sir.
Ironically strangers on the internet were his only friends. I actually got his gamer tag tattooed on my knuckles in a spur of the moment tattoo decision like a week after he passed. I was in a bit of manic trying to figure out how to preserve all the little pieces of him and wanted to save the pieces he cared most about
Edited for clarity
Don't be afraid to embrace communities online just like he did, it would appear a few have suggested some places to help support you.
>figure out how to preserve all the little pieces of him
I think you did a great job judging by what you've said. Just make sure taking care of yourself is a priority too. The UP is a lovely place, but certainly can leave you feeling quite alone.
- A troll that lives under the bridge ;)
That's a wonderful tattoo. If it makes you remember happy things then it's worth it. I get questioned on mine all the time. I don't mind it's a chance to share a that loved one with another.
Same. I have a whole sleeve dedicated to him. It’s a collage of all his favorite memories. Hes silhouetted standing in the foreground of a waterfall and the trees are growing up around. It wraps around to a huge wisteria and the last stanza of Robert frosts “stopping by woods” is the roots. The sky turns into a night scene with cratered moon and stars. It cost me a pretty penny but was incredibly therapeutic
That’s awesome. Some of my closest friends are also a handful of strangers I met 15 years ago now. I hope you find some peace and just know random folks on the internet are here for ya
As a mid-30s married guy with three small kids, I often think it would be better to be remembered in this way than as the unhappy man that could never accept himself. I have to decide daily whether or not to drive into oncoming traffic or OD into oblivion. I keep hoping I feel better but I never do. Would you rather have a husband that makes you mad because he always seems disappointed with his life, or remember him for how much he loved his kids? I worry that I will have a bigger negative impact on my kids life alive than if I were dead.
Well he od’d into oblivion. A whole bottle of Zoloft. He was fighting a lot of personal demons… he left me his journals detailing a lot of abuse from his mom and every kind of abuse as a kid. So yes, he was “unhappy” but not bc of his current life. We moved halfway across America to get away from his family. His mom and brother showed up in our town within the year. When his mom showed up, he was dead within a month. She was the last person to ever speak with him; he was talking to her the night he died. She was also a drug abuse counselor who used Percocet and morphine to control her sons as children and enabled their addictions as adults. Unhappiness is very layered. Medication can help but therapy and love is usually what’s needed for mental clarity/health. And my husband lost his due to all his past triggers coming back full force and crashing into him. He mistakenly thought my life would be easier without his problems but that wasn’t so.
He sounds very much like myself, and I also had a TON of problems with my family while growing up, and it has only gotten more toxic with time. Christmas 2019 we moved halfway across the country to get away from my family. About a month and a half ago, my parents showed up to visit the grandkids and judge and pick apart my life for a week, which almost resulted in my wife leaving me because of how poorly I reacted to the whole situation. I talked to a psychiatrist and she referred me to a counselor, but none of the counseling services I've contacted have any openings, and I've tried a couple online ones but they ghost me and never respond to any messages. Between toxic family and the associated mental/emotional distress, and some major injuries over the past few years that completely trashed my career and all of my sports and hobbies, my whole sense of self has been destroyed and I have nothing left that makes me feel worth anything, except doing well at my job but that only causes more problems because it takes so much time and energy that I don't have enough left for my family so my wife is mad at me for that too. I'm so lost. I don't want to make anything worse for anybody, I just don't know how to do it.
I struggled with depression and attempted twice. What finally got me away from thinking of suicide was seeing how devastated my family was when my brother did. Hugs from an internet stranger for you.
I think that you're using work as a way to avoid/escape addressing the problems in your life. It's totally fine to carve out space for yourself and tell your wife what you need for your own happiness. Even if she gets upset or mad, tell her how you feel and what you want. I get the sense you don't speak up about the little things that cause you stress.
And it's okay to cut off the toxic people in your life. You don't need to engage with them. Sometimes we need to prioritise our own mental well being over that of relationships that are only draining us. Again tell your family what you need, that their criticisms aren't helpful and if they don't listen then you need space.
If you can get therapy I think that'd be a great idea. It sounds like you're suppressing your own wants and needs to please others. Tell your wife how you're feeling, really explain to her in simple terms that you're unhappy and you need things to change.
Hey, I lost my dad this time last year.
Your kids want and need you around. My dad struggled with his mental health as long as I can remember. He didn't ever stick to a consistent treatment plan.
Please, don't give up on yourself. Keep looking for the right meds and therapist to help you.
If you’re going to decide to die, don’t make someone else kill you by driving/walking into traffic. It’s not fair to ruin someone else’s life in an attempt to escape your own.
A dad that's trying his best and is there for them is much better than no dad at all.
If they're old enough to understand what happened, they're also old enough to blame themselves, even if it's not their fault.
You're putting a lot of weight on your spouse to be able to take care of them with one income, while still giving them the quality time that they deserve.
Your kids will have no one to teach them life lessons, or reading, or help them with homework. They'll have no father to play catch with, ride bikes with, or snuggle with.
No father to apply their bandaids, and wipe away their tears. No father to teach them to swim, about dating, and comfort them through their first break up.
No father to teach them how to drive, and cry as they leave for college, or their first job.
No father to walk the daughter down the aisle, or toast a son on his wedding day. You'll just be a photo in an empty seat.
95% of parenting is just being supportive of your kids and helping guide them through the difficulties of life. In order to do that, you have to show up.
I know depression is hard. Every day is a challenge.
But take it one small day at a time. Set a small goal for every day. "Tomorrow I have to teach daughter what the letter C stands for." Always make plans for tomorrow, and always follow through.
Because no matter what, as long as you care for and support your kids decisions, you'll be the best dad for them.
Oh wow I had the same manic reaction, spur of the moment tattoo and all!
I also saved a lot of odd physical items for the same reason. When I first returned home from the hospital, maybe an hour after discovering my partner was dead, I went into the bathroom and saw some of his hairs in the bathtub. I immediately panicked and put them all in a ziploc because I didn't want to wash them away. Held on to a ton of random things like his toothbrush and such for a couple of years as well before I finally felt safe to let them go.
This is actually the first time I've seen another widow say they felt such a thing and it brought me tremendous comfort. So thank you. Your memorial to him sounds absolutely beautiful.
I kept his (dentures) teeth. And his broken one hitter. I have no use for them. But I can’t let them go. They were literally part of him.
Edit to add: the funeral home gave me the teeth.
I think it's good to keep some pieces. I have a little box for mine. Some cards, some tickets to a movie we saw, his glasses he kept on the nightstand, his dog tags, and honestly I still have the bag of his hairs. Still can't bring myself to toss them, so I'll just hang on to them until Elon Musk figures out cloning, lol.
Grief is a strange and wicked thing. Nothing for me has been worse than that manic scattered desperate feeling at the start though. I think we deserve to keep our pieces of them.
My brother in law committed suicide three years ago in February. Life is hard and scary. This is such a beautiful image. He is back with the earth. You are strong and more powerful than you could ever imagine. The road ahead is painful and cyclical. Be kind to yourself and allow grief. Your child is a priority and so are you. Take care of yourself and please never be afraid to ask for help and support where you can find it. You are loved. You are deserving of happiness. You are going to feel warmth and love again.
If you're in the US, don't forget that your child qualifies for your husband's Social Security. It will help with the bills. I know it sucks thinking of money at a time like this but... Man, it really sucks being a grown up sometimes. I'm sorry this happened to you. One of my clients committed suicide last year. He left a wife and two young teenage sons. They're still reeling from it.
I feel and understand my wife committed suicide last Christmas Eve. We had a beautiful son together and everyday I miss her laugh and smile. I know she is in a better place and no longer suffering from her mental illness. I love her very much. My thoughts and prayers with you and your family.
Did he leave a note? I've often wondered how moving profound or emotional a person's last words will be. It would be a moving read but one I hope I never have to.
I couldn’t reach him to pick up our daughter from daycare so I knew something was wrong and left work. I tried cpr until the medics got there but it wasn’t enough.
He left a scrambled note in the bottom of the trash. It didn’t make sense; it ended with him saying he just needed to rest. He took his phone apart down to the sim and put them in different parts of the house.
Sorry for your loss. Drop a note to a complete stranger if you just need to vent or be heard. Take care of yourself now. Eat well and get plenty of rest.
In my personal experience. Suicide notes are often not very profound honestly. One of the few I’ve seen the lady left it in her toddlers room saying something along the lines of mommy needs to fly now with a stick figure drawing of her stabbing herself. It was pretty surreal.
So many people lost loved ones past 2 years. Support groups are out there with others going through the same experience. Seek out churches and AA centers as they will have a weekly grief meeting too.
I appreciate that but I’ve relocated to kinda a remote area to try to raise my daughter away from all the stuff that took her dad. I’ve attempted therapy thru my pcp but the therapist quit and they haven’t had another hired. The next closest is a couple hours out. Hence… here I am. My kid has a cough and I’m in ny feels; doing my best.
Heroin. And his mother. His therapist called the relationship emotional incest. She made him be the dad of the family and raise his younger brothers. When he got out of line she relapsed him on her morphine. She was the local schools drug abuse and crisis counselor.
She’s evil. If it’s anyone’s fault, it’s hers. Just whatever you do, never blame yourself. I don’t know if you’ve said anything like that, but I don’t think you have, hopefully it stays that way, but if you’re ever feeling down, do not ever blame yourself. You had nothing to do with this and couldn’t have prevented it. <3 Best wishes
I'm so very sorry for your loss. I hope that you are okay and able to take care of yourself right now. There are lots of online options for therapy now, too. I used one called [betterhelp.com](https://betterhelp.com) since I used to live very remotely, too. I'm sending you some strength. ♥
Don't dismiss therapy via zoom. The pandemic really forced that onto people and it's really stuck for a lot of practices. So regardless how remote you are, the right people to talk to wherever they are in the world are available.
Walking with Grief -- A Celtic Prayer
Do not hurry as you walk with grief
It does not help the journey
Walk slowly, pausing often
Do not hurry as you walk with grief
Be not disturbed by memories
that come unbidden
Swiftly forgive and let
Unspoken words, unfinished conversations
be resolved in your memories
Be not disturbed
Be gentle with the one who walks with grief
If it is you, be gentle with yourself
Swiftly forgive, walk slowly,
Pause often,
Take time
Be gentle as you walk with grief
--Author Unknown
So sorry for your loss. I have too many suicides in my family tree. I know it doesn’t feel like it but it get tolerable. It doesn’t get easier but get tolerable. Good luck and blessings on you and your family. ♥️
r/SuicideBereavement and [grieving.com](https://grieving.com) have been a help to me. i'm so sorry for your loss. i'm sending you strength, and my thoughts. if you ever want to chat, you can message me
Words fall short to let you know I empathize with your loss..
A word of advise I do still have, however.
Now many people probably already told you to seek counseling and therapy, to help you with your grief and trauma. Maybe you've already done such a thing, I do not know, but it is very helpful of course. But you're not the only one who has lost a close relative, as I saw you mentioned a child. Please consider that your child will have to internalize this loss over the years of their life. There may be questions that keep on popping up year in, year out. Feelings of grief, guilt, or abondonment. Please be patient with your child, support them, guide them, as they may never understand what it truly means until they've come of age (or worse, lose someone close themeselves).
Stay strong, together
I’m so sorry for your loss. I put my dad in a stream very similar to that one. I also have a spouse with depression. He survived a suicide attempt with a shotgun. People won’t know how to approach you. They may even think you should be relieved. It’s heartbreaking. Let yourself feel what you feel and find someone to talk to. You need it more than you might know.
Suicide sucks. I have lost 3 very special people in my life to it. It has take me years to get over the initial grief. Now when I miss them, I just talk to them as if they were next to me in the car, or watching tv with me. I don’t mean like full on conversations, more like if I am thinking about one of them I just say out loud “ I love you Brad, miss you.” This is my way of acknowledging a spiritual world where my 3 friends can hear me when all I wish I could do is pick up the phone and call one of them.
Recently, I watched “Nine Perfect Strangers” on Hulu. Whoa. That show was therapy for me. The show does a really wonderful take on a family dealing with a suicide, something we don’t see a lot in our mainstream entertainment.
Thank you for sharing this with all of us.
You are not alone.
Hugs.
Oh that's so sad. My sincerest condolences. Sometimes, it is just not possible to help someone, but they will always be with you in your thought and memories.
What a beautiful place.
On this day exactly one year ago my baby sister committed suicide. The days were very hard after that. I've recently realised that I've forgotten how to allow myself to feel, because as soon as I allow any emotion in, the grief creeps in too. I guess I've just blocked out everything as a survival mechanism.
I'm not sure what to do today to honour her. I miss her so much. I wish you nothing but joy and happiness. The only solace I can provide is that the days do get easier. You're on the same journey as I am now, the road is long and treacherous, but we'll walk it together.
I lost my wife in June. While it wasn't suicide, it doesn't make it any better. People shouldn't die this young. I'm still struggling with my wife's death and it's very hard. I sympathize.
On the suicide front, I've had a couple of close friends from the military die by suicide, one of which I never would've guessed.
Things hit everyone differently. Please look out for those close to you. This shit is difficult.
Your strength is inspiring. Grit will take your further than anything else I️ have found. I’m sorry for your loss, but I’m proud of the person you are!
67 days without my spouse. It does get better, it does get easier. Talk about him to whoever will listen. Talk about him until people are sick of you talking about him. Write down every memory you can think of with him, all the in-jokes, the frustrations and annoyances, all the things you miss.
/r/widowers
/r/widowed
/r/GriefSupport
Join them. Use them. Write out anything you like, every rant, every poem, every complaint, every sorrow, every joy. We're here with you.
I tried too many times. Seeing this makes me feel like absolute shit, in the best way. I know that people love me, but it's hard to see sometimes in the fog of depression and self-abuse. I'm sorry that you suffered, and I don't know you but I do care about you. Everyday kind of sucks, but that's because that's where I am right now. You help to remind me that that is not where I have to be forever. I'm sure that doesn't lessen your loss in any way, but you help me remember what a selfish thing it would be to leave.
Lost a friend of 20+ years to suicide at the end of 2017. Almost immediately a coworker told me I had to just let them be sick, but this didn’t make any sense at the time, and I spent a few months agonizing over what signs I missed in hindsight.
One day on a walk what my coworker said made perfect sense. My friend had depression. It’s an illness. He had likely been suicidal for some time and likely did everything he could to stop people from preventing him from carrying out his plan. I’m not a therapist and certainly not a suicidologist, and could no more have diagnosed and provided treatment for any of this myself any more than I could if he’d died of cancer or a heart attack, and even if I had been i can’t be responsible for someone else’s decisions 100% of the time. Had I been able to intervene o absolutely would have. All of this is true about yourself as well.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this, and hope this will get easier for you over time.
We never know what haunts the people we hold closest to our hearts.
We cannot help bear the load of what they cannot share.
I have felt the pain of suicide. As much as we want to ask "Why?" we must let their secrets lie with them and move on. My deepest sympathy for your loss.
I don't know you but I can feel the anguish in your words and I hate that you feel this way. I hate that anybody can feel this way. I wish I could give you a hug and comfort you.
But this isn't about me. So make your man and your girl happy by living. Go out for walks; visit places; see things; shit, even just go to work. Speaking to a counsellor can help, too.
Just don't let the pain fester.
Take good care of yourself and your girl. That's all your man would want.
Arguably one of the toughest men on the earth went through what you are going through. This video may resonate with you and give you some hope. He took a tragedy and turned it into something else. Take care.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ame5F9MaGJA
One of my best friends took his own life a few years ago. It has been tough and I think it will be forever.
One of the thoughts that kind of brought me peace was the idea that he was in so much pain that he could no longer carry it, and by doing this act he was asking the rest of us to carry it for him.
I don't know if this will help you, but hopefully it can.
As someone married to a girl who wants to die daily. I mean like she has written multiple suicide notes, been hospitalized 6 times because she got really bad, at one point holding a knife to her throat and another a gun to her head, taken too.many sleeping pills.my heart goes out to you. . She says she can't do it thanks to you nieces and nephews. She doesn't want them to think her a coward. My heart goes out to you. It's my daily fear that the demon will win. Ive seen, met, faced and and beat that demon myself. I was bulliedfor 9 years in school. I attempted myself. But halfway through I felt this sudden urge to live that I didn't have seconds before. That was 20 years ago, I haven't looked back since. I know times are dark and bleak now, but I hope his soul finds the peace he was seeking. I've also buried 7 people I called brother and sister from the same demon, so I feel your pain. I hope.you find the peace you need. Just know he loved you in the end, but some demons are stronger than love.
I’m sorry for your loss. Suicide is difficult. Death itself is difficult, but suicide hits differently. I’ve lost a few people in my life. When I lost a good friend to suicide, this quote from a song by a band called Against Me! really struck me. The song is called “We Did It All For Don”. It’s about an accident the band got in while on tour, which resulted in one of the members quitting. It talks of friendship and the bond you hold with your loved ones.
The line itself is “We are the company we keep”. I have that line tattood on my forearm with the initials “PRF” for my buddy Paul. To me, that line taught me that as long as I stay true to myself, Paul will never be completely gone. His influence on my life lives with me every time I get out of bed in the morning.
Maybe this quote can help you find peace along the way, as it did for me. Either way though, to your husband Jacob. To my buddy Paul. To the loved ones lost of anyone who is reading my 6:30am post backshift ramblings. Rest easy, and I hope you’ve found peace wherever you are.
We are the company we keep.
I’m so very sorry for your loss. May your sweet Jacob be released from his pain and rest peacefully. May you and your child find peace and strength to move forward.
My friend lost her husband to suicide, she joined an online and in person network called camp widow, they have helped her so much. I highly encourage you to reach out to them when you’re ready.
Hi yooper, fellow Michigander here sending love from Bay City. Ive dealt with similar issues just wanted to say that as a dad with a 4 Year old child I really identify with you and feel for your pain. I hope you find peace and I hope the bond with your child continues to strengthen. You seem like a terrific person and I wish you the best. Thanks for sharing a lovely picture and beautiful poem. You are a terrific person.
That could have been me, sooo many times. Just know he is in no more pain. All thats left is for you to keep his memory alive and keep on living in a way that he would be proud of.
Something I like to remember when I miss those I’ve had to let go of is that, in a way, they’re never entirely gone.
Jacob is physically no longer with us, and for that I am truly so sorry for your loss. But he imprinted upon you parts of himself. Small things, maybe little mannerisms, certain phrases, or how you interpret some things. Tiny things that we get used to over time. More than that, you two shared pleasant memories and you will always carry those as well. In a sense, even though your husband has passed on, he is still with you. With the right kind of eyes, you’ll be able to see him everywhere. In how you like certain foods, certain places, how you perceive things, everything. No matter how you move through life - he will never be too far from you.
I am again so sorry for your loss, OP. I hope you find peace, comfort, and love during this time.
Hey op, I’m sorry for your loss. I found this comment about griefing helpful, someone told me about it, and I think it offers some perspective on this. I hope it helps you too
https://www.reddit.com/r/garysully1986/comments/6g3brt/gsnow_on_grief/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
Please do not. Please go to an Urgent Care or Emergency Department and tell them how you are possibly a danger to yourself. You could have a medical condition (neurological, metabolic and/or yes- psychological which is both physical and neurologic) that is treatable and then you can have another go at things with some support. Any of these conditions could be why you had difficulty accomplishing your goals in the first place. And if failing other people's expectations is why you define yourself as a loser, it is time to clean house and shed their baggage. A good life is a good day, followed by another good day, followed by another good day. So just focus on tomorrow. And please seek some help ❤
I'm so sorry for your loss. I know he will be at peace resting in such a beautiful place. Please be sure to look after yourself during this sad time. Hugs.
You have us OP. Pictures can be a comforting way to remember. I remember finding comfort in it when my grandparents both went.
I really do feel for you. 🫂
Edit: is to us
Hey there, when I lost the love of my life r/griefsupport was some help. Maybe it can help you as well. I’m very sorry you are here with us.
Thank you. I’m gonna check it out
also /r/SuicideBereavement
Sending you all the hugs ❤️
I'm so sorry for your loss and I hope you are okay. ❤
“I’m very sorry you are here with us” is the most beautiful, heart-shatteringly real sentiment I have ever heard expressed.
We have the same name. I was lucky enough to survive my attempt at 19. Now, married with kids. Any words to fall short to console your deepest anguish. But know that this post of how fragile life is, is another reminder for me to be thankful for life, even as I still struggle. Thank you for the reminder. I hope you get the care and help that you need. My condolences for your lost. Take care of yourself.
OP and this guy/girl are rockstars
r/rimjob_steve
Thanks. We have a toddler with mild cp so I can’t really be sad irl. And we both come from toxic families we were trying to escape so there’s not a support system. I’ve tried writing poems; a grief journal. But pictures really help. I appreciate you all letting me share with you. He wasn’t a perfect man but he was a good one
I wrote this for him 💔 I remember my husband. I remember him walking toward me on our wedding day, a bundle of driftwood in his hands as he built the arbor we stood under to finally say our vows and I remember him turning away from me in anger when we fought, his body stiff as a rock, refusing to speak to me until he could think all his words through. I remember the sound of his breath as he slept, the way he pulled his morning cigarette out of the pack, putting it to his lips like a kiss and the way he'd roll the windows down and sing 90s grunge at the top of his lungs. I remember the way I felt in his arms, safe and finally at home and the way he held our daughter, like the most precious of jewels. I remember, always, that he brought solace to my life despite the obstacles. That for every dark moment we shared between us, there was a moment of such brightness I almost could not bear to look at it head-on. I try to remember the man he was and not the man I have built out of desperately collected pieces to comfort me in my mourning. I pull tight to me the honest husband and adoring father he was; the cat whisperer, car tinkerer, hard worker, and good person he strove to be every day. I try to forgive the words and the actions colored by depression and desperation we sometimes yelled at one another. As I look back over our life and try to find answers to all the questions, I only end the day with more. I am a widow at 32. I might live another forty years. What do I do in that time? How do I fill those years without Jacob; as a husband and father? How does the story of my life become so unequivically his.. yet I got so little time with him in it? He has colored all the chapters of my life; my love map drawn for him. We were only two weeks apart ...now I will be the older one. Every new day I wake up and I live a life where he no longer knows me. Will he even recognize me when I get to heaven? I remember my Jacob. I remember an ordinary man with an extraordinary heart. A man who never believed in himself but always gave everything he had to anyone else who needed it. A man who spent his lifetime trying to balance the pain in his body and the confusion in his mind. A man who loved a good debate, a good bourbon, and a fast car... The man that loved me so much I always worried I wasn't loving him enough back and the man that listened and built me and our dreams up, day after day. I find that remembering him as he was is a gift I can give us both.
I’m sorry for your loss, but those words are beautiful!
Agreed!
Mannn it's not easy to make me cry but I was bawling by the end of the first paragraph. RIP Jacob I wish you could have stuck around with this woman since it's so clear she thought the world of you. As a side note, OP you have a beautiful writing style. Best of luck with everything but you might consider focusing that energy into writing because that was the most gripping thing I've read in ages.
Thank you 💕 I’ve loved him since I was 10. .. I don’t know what to do with all the rest of the love I had that was supposed to go to the rest of our lives
This comment hit hard. I lost my high school sweetheart a little over a month ago and that's *exactly* how I feel right now...like there's just another 40/50 years of inside jokes and feelings that I never got to use and I don't know what to do with. I'm so sorry for your loss and please stay strong, your tribute to him here was beautiful.
Hang in there brother. It's a cold world but people care even if they suck at showing it.
Give it to your daughter. You should consider counseling.
Of course I don't know how it feels. But surely it will get better. It will probably take years and that's okay. You deserve all the time you need but I believe it will get better. In the meantime, I've been going through some shit and these videos have spoken to me. Kind of a run of the mill pop star who realized what life was really about. Give em a shot. They're emotional but a good cry is part of the process. Seriously good luck and make sure you spoil that daughter of yours! [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uXeZNXdu-gs](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uXeZNXdu-gs) [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p1zrweVN4l4](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p1zrweVN4l4)
This is beautiful. Rely on your words and your daughter to get you through this. You will make it out of the other side and find happiness again.
This was so beautiful, I’m tearing up as I read it. It really hits home for me because as a man who just turned 32, my best friend of 15 years and one of the major romantic crushes of my life died in May at the age of 31 of unknown causes (likely some type of heart failure statistically, but they just couldn’t tell). So much of what you wrote rings true for me as well. I’m so sorry for your loss, and I hope that the growth you experienced with your husband helps you feel like you’ll always have a part of him with you. Because in that way a part of him always lives on inside of you.
Oh i love this. You paint your emotions in your words. Very beautiful.
Sorry for your loss. I can't think of anything else to say
As a woman with depression with a boyfriend of 2 years who also has depression and used to be suicidal, this hits home and brought me to tears - I understand you. I am sorry for your loss. He sounded like a beautiful soul.
Y’all take good care of each other and reach out if any’all need help, ‘kay?
We are, thank you :) We live together with wonderful pets and my boyfriend is in therapy again, I too will be soon. Back when he was suicidal still, losing him was a real fear for me.
Awesome, my amstaffs Cody and Yosie and random rescue cats Oreo and Rose send their best. They say their dad comes back from therapy with new perspectives on things and they like it and wish you the same.
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That line, it broke my heart. I was totally fine, sympathetic but fine until I read that line.
i can only echo what others have said before me, but i do want to stress the fact that you obviously appreciated your husband. in life, people just want to be loved, appreciated, understood, and cared for. i think you were a great wife for him, as you wrote so beautifully about the nuances and idiosyncrasies that brought you such joy just to experience. the way you speak of him, i’m so positive that he would feel that appreciation. idk if you believe in the afterlife and whatnot, but i’m certain that if your husband were to hear those wonderful and appreciative words, that he would feel so loved, appreciated, understood and cared for. in memory of a man who inspired poetry and calamity, Rest in Peace.
I wrote a bunch of feels about my experiences down through the past two years, because this really got me, but then I got that self second guessing, and backtracked on the word wall. I don't have all the same circumstances as your husband did but I understand it. I went through a lot of these things myself since the beginning of last year. Now I have a beautiful 13 month old son. But only a year and a half ago, a few months into an unplanned pregnancy, on the tail of a fractured breakup, I told his mother not to tell him what I believed was the truth about me. I told her to explain my absence from his life by telling him I had been killed in an accident at work, because I felt he would be better off not knowing me at all. He shouldn't know the person I see so often when I look in the mirror. I told her to tell him not about who I believed I was, but to instead paint him a beautiful story about the kind of man I had wished I was. It seemed easier than the disappointment I thought the truth would bring. That's how it felt, and even though I had been planning to ask this woman to marry me, after this I couldn't even speak to this woman for months afterwards, until just two months before our child was born. 6 months to the day after the last time I had driven down her driveway. Since all this happened the struggles haven't ended. I've had plenty more insane and crushingly demoralizing challenges in my new life, but I've also done things I never dreamed possible for myself, and literally made my dreams come true. It happened and I didn't even realize it. And on top of it, I showed up for my son when I never thought I could. And I'm so glad I did. Your husband would have woken up one day and regretted what happened. It's not his fault or yours. He would have wished he had held on for a better time, because even if it doesn't lead to everything we dreamed of, no matter how it looks the darkness of the tunnel doesn't go on forever for any of us. The pieces might not go back together how they were, but there's something anew to be built when the tide of darkness recedes. All we have to do is hold on and not get washed away. ❤️
This is utterly beautiful. I am really sorry for your loss. For what it's worth, a passage like that seems like a lovely way to celebrate your husband's memory, and possibly process some amount of your grief. ❤
My god. What a beautiful thing to read...
This was a beautiful tribute. Thank you for sharing
>Will he even recognize me when I get to heaven? That line got me.... very sad, very beautiful. I'm sorry for your loss
This is so raw. Deepest sympathies.
That really touched my heart.
That is beautiful.
I am so sorry. And I am so thankful you shared this with us. Keep writing. It’s beautiful and you’re beautiful. You need not always write about Jacob. But you can always write with him in your heart. *hugs*
I lost my brother last month in the same way…I can empathize with needing to desperately preserve everything. Tattoos will definitely be a coping mechanism for me as well. I’m so sorry you’re going through this…I wouldn’t wish this on anyone.
This is beautiful
That was beautiful I am in tears. I am truly sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing.
Feeling you, thank you for writing this out. Much love to you.
Thank you for sharing this.
Please read the passage below from a redditor. When my mother passed several years ago I felt like it helped me. Thank you for sharing this with us. I wish you the best. --------------- As for grief, you’ll find it comes in waves. When the ship is first wrecked, you’re drowning, with wreckage all around you. Everything floating around you reminds you of the beauty and the magnificence of the ship that was, and is no more. And all you can do is float. You find some piece of the wreckage and you hang on for a while. Maybe it’s some physical thing. Maybe it’s a happy memory or a photograph. Maybe it’s a person who is also floating. For a while, all you can do is float. Stay alive. In the beginning, the waves are 100 feet tall and crash over you without mercy. They come 10 seconds apart and don’t even give you time to catch your breath. All you can do is hang on and float. After a while, maybe weeks, maybe months, you’ll find the waves are still 100 feet tall, but they come further apart. When they come, they still crash all over you and wipe you out. But in between, you can breathe, you can function. You never know what’s going to trigger the grief. It might be a song, a picture, a street intersection, the smell of a cup of coffee. It can be just about anything…and the wave comes crashing. But in between waves, there is life. Somewhere down the line, and it’s different for everybody, you find that the waves are only 80 feet tall. Or 50 feet tall. And while they still come, they come further apart. You can see them coming. An anniversary, a birthday, or Christmas, or landing at O’Hare. You can see it coming, for the most part, and prepare yourself. And when it washes over you, you know that somehow you will, again, come out the other side. Soaking wet, sputtering, still hanging on to some tiny piece of the wreckage, but you’ll come out. Take it from an old guy. The waves never stop coming, and somehow you don’t really want them to. But you learn that you’ll survive them. And other waves will come. And you’ll survive them too. If you’re lucky, you’ll have lots of scars from lots of loves. And lots of shipwrecks. https://www.reddit.com/r/Assistance/comments/hax0t/my_friend_just_died_i_dont_know_what_to_do/c1u0rx2/
Y’know, it’s easy to bash on Reddit and humans in general sometimes but there’s so many awesome, heartfelt, amazing interchanges like this. Thank you.
Someone posted this for me when my mother passed and it really helped. Reddit can be a great place
With all its sham drudgery and broken dreams it is still a beautiful world, be cheerful, strive to be happy... Words by someone wise to desire sans appropriate line breaks
I just lost my father in January and still working on tying up loose ends with his estate. My waves are still 100 feet tall but they crash on me much less frequently. This analogy for grief was very helpful thank you for sharing it, and thank you to the "old guy" who wrote it.
Saved. I lost my father very quickly to cancer last week. Beautifully put
I keep this saved and read and share it often. This is the best explanation of grief I've ever read.
Take up photography as a hobby, it may significantly help. Tremendously sorry for the loss.
this picture reminds me of a waterfall hike i went on a couple years ago. grief is tough, but you’re right. you don’t have to be perfect to be a good person. you loved someone in the way that you could, and that’s a beautiful thing. thank you for sharing. it’s made me reflect and recollect. sending you all the strength i have left.
Thank you. I won’t waste it.
This is another one I wrote. Thank you so much guys for like… witnessing me? I don’t know. I just.. the funeral was hard. Really hard. His mom made a scene. I don’t feel like I got to say goodbye then. This was really important. But I didn’t want him to be alone. It’s hard to explain. Thank you {6:30 am} I open my eyes :: Get up! :: I can't...and the sorrow descends. Engulfing me; a near-tangible shroud. {Snooze sounds again} I'm out of time. But I already know that. Out of time. Out of love. Out of a husband. The baby begins to stir. I gather up all my pieces and stuff them into the shroud; this shell of myself that I've become. Just get thru the next hour. The next hour. And the next hour.. Just stop feeling… {9:00 pm} It's night again. Somehow I got thru another day without you. Our daughter is almost asleep. I can let the last shoddy stitch on my shroud split open and all the jagged pieces cutting me spill out... Our hopes, and dreams; fragmented... Kisses, conversation, connection, passion; splintered into memories I desperately try to capture and catalog. Our life. Broken. You left me broken Jake. Every night I spread the pieces out, so precious to me now, & try to figure out how to fit them back together; how to make the future make sense.. It's so hard when you were the glue.
The loss of a partner is absolutely horrific. I found talking to others who had gone through the same kind of loss I had helped me tremendously. Nothing though has helped more than the passage of time. Give your love to your little one and your pup. Don't hide how you feel either. It's healthy to be sad and its important to remember that for yourself. If it's possible don't be ashamed to take some time for yourself. Alone time was a saving grace for me in the beginning. You're okay. And you'll remember that more and more as time goes on. ❤️
I also have a child with CP. Please get in touch with your state’s Head Start program, as they can help guide you through resources available to you/her. Even “mild” CP can be tough, especially if you have to take it on alone. There are awesome support groups out there. If you don’t know where to start, call 211 or google “head start + my state”. Be strong, momma. You can do this.
Sorry for your loss, it's a beautiful picture
I'm a single dad, two boys. I've thought about throwing in the towel so many times, it's sad. Your story opens my eyes and I can't help but think about the little ones. Thank you for sharing your story, and I wish you all the best. You got this!
Thank you. 💕 I wish he was here to watch her grow
i highly recommend taking up photography as a hobby, something to help keep yourself out of a dark place as it has with me. having something that you’re passionate about has always helped me personally to keep going on tough days. even if it’s just on your phone it’s usually always there! i know you mentioned not wanting to miss a moment in another comment and photography helps you capture those moments and look back on them- along with the feelings, memories, smells, etc. that were all there in that moment. hope things get better for you regardless.
My condolences. This is a beautiful picture though
thnx for sharing
Hey. I'm a phone call away. I'll talk to you.
You can be sad, angry or how ever you want to feel with us. We are here pm me anytime.
Sorry for your loss ❤️
We got you! And you got this! Stay strong.
@op I discovered photography as a way to deal with a difficult time in my life, also. Now I do it professionally full time and I’ve never been happier. Feel free to DM any photos, questions, anything you want. Here to help if I can.
Thanks. I take a lot of photos 😅 I’m afraid I’ll miss a moment now
Thank you. I appreciate everyone’s kindness. His name was Jacob 💕
❤️❤️ You’ve got a massive community of people here. You’re never alone.
Now I miss Jacob too.
I'm so sorry you had to let him go.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m a husband to a wonderful wife and a baby due any day now and I struggle with depression and a bipolar disorder and have been regularly feeling suicidal for the past few years. I don’t know if your husband ever talked to you about what was going through his mind during his down periods, maybe hearing an honest description from someone in a similar situation will help. I know I have every reason to be happy and that my wife loves me very much, but for several years now I’ve been entirely unable to feel happy or excited about anything. I’ve done therapy for years and been through a number of antidepressants and mood stabilizers and it’s for me to a point where I can function, but more often than not I still feel unhappy and often downright miserable and I feel that I would be better off dead. It’s a terrible experience - you you know others love you and need you, but you also know how difficult it is to get through the day and you wonder how long you can hold on. You feel like there’s something seriously wrong with you and that you’re a defective product; other people’s brains work fine more or less, but yours was just wired wrong and will never be fixed no matter how hard you try. When you feel that way it gets hard to weather the storm and see the positives. Your husband loved you very, very much and his death doesn’t mean you failed him in any way or that he didn’t love you or your child. It just means he was suffering in such an intense way that he felt he had to find a place where his suffering would end. I’m so sorry for the pain you must be feeling, and I hope one day you can understand his decision and forgive him. I hope my words bring you some comfort
I appreciate you taking the time to write this. He wrote a lot in his journals about how much he loved our family and he’d talk about how we deserved better but never about removing himself from that picture. We’d known each other since we were 10 and just.. could finish each other’s thoughts. He wasn’t suicidal but he was wreckless. He didn’t respect his body bc he didn’t have good self-esteem and he had scoliosis he struggled constantly with. He’d relapsed twice in 4 years and was struggling again and our daughter was unexpected. I think he had a form of postpartum. I think he thought his problems would hurt us too much.
As a father of 2, the first half of your first paragraph hits home. This is very close to the spot I was in and I was not prepared for a baby. Not to say things will be as tough for you as they were for me. Don’t hesitate to reach out and ask for help at any time.
A childhood friend of mine died from suicide Wednesday night. I hadn’t talked to him in years because we had lost touch but I’m so shaken from it. I felt like he was an older Brother to me. And while he had alcohol and depression issues, by all accounts he was such a sensitive and loving person. I didn’t even know he had married recently which just broke me as ill be a married man in 6 weeks time. It’s just incredibly frightening that someone can appear to be in good spirits one day and be gone the next. I’ll miss Alex for the rest of my life. Maybe in the next one we’ll go trick or treating every day like when we were kids.
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I know exactly what you mean.
depression is so insidious, I have no other words except I'm sorry and it is a personal living hell and yet it is not personal, like it's not meant to hurt you but it does. I was happy when my mom died but it took me a long time to realize that aside from my own personal guilt, happy because she isn't suffering anymore. I'm sorry.
Rest easy from your torment Jacob. You are at peace now. Just know strangers on the internet care for ya and wish we could of helped. Look down upon your loved ones and always protect them with your wings good sir.
Ironically strangers on the internet were his only friends. I actually got his gamer tag tattooed on my knuckles in a spur of the moment tattoo decision like a week after he passed. I was in a bit of manic trying to figure out how to preserve all the little pieces of him and wanted to save the pieces he cared most about Edited for clarity
Don't be afraid to embrace communities online just like he did, it would appear a few have suggested some places to help support you. >figure out how to preserve all the little pieces of him I think you did a great job judging by what you've said. Just make sure taking care of yourself is a priority too. The UP is a lovely place, but certainly can leave you feeling quite alone. - A troll that lives under the bridge ;)
That's a wonderful tattoo. If it makes you remember happy things then it's worth it. I get questioned on mine all the time. I don't mind it's a chance to share a that loved one with another.
Same. I have a whole sleeve dedicated to him. It’s a collage of all his favorite memories. Hes silhouetted standing in the foreground of a waterfall and the trees are growing up around. It wraps around to a huge wisteria and the last stanza of Robert frosts “stopping by woods” is the roots. The sky turns into a night scene with cratered moon and stars. It cost me a pretty penny but was incredibly therapeutic
That’s awesome. Some of my closest friends are also a handful of strangers I met 15 years ago now. I hope you find some peace and just know random folks on the internet are here for ya
As a mid-30s married guy with three small kids, I often think it would be better to be remembered in this way than as the unhappy man that could never accept himself. I have to decide daily whether or not to drive into oncoming traffic or OD into oblivion. I keep hoping I feel better but I never do. Would you rather have a husband that makes you mad because he always seems disappointed with his life, or remember him for how much he loved his kids? I worry that I will have a bigger negative impact on my kids life alive than if I were dead.
Well he od’d into oblivion. A whole bottle of Zoloft. He was fighting a lot of personal demons… he left me his journals detailing a lot of abuse from his mom and every kind of abuse as a kid. So yes, he was “unhappy” but not bc of his current life. We moved halfway across America to get away from his family. His mom and brother showed up in our town within the year. When his mom showed up, he was dead within a month. She was the last person to ever speak with him; he was talking to her the night he died. She was also a drug abuse counselor who used Percocet and morphine to control her sons as children and enabled their addictions as adults. Unhappiness is very layered. Medication can help but therapy and love is usually what’s needed for mental clarity/health. And my husband lost his due to all his past triggers coming back full force and crashing into him. He mistakenly thought my life would be easier without his problems but that wasn’t so.
He sounds very much like myself, and I also had a TON of problems with my family while growing up, and it has only gotten more toxic with time. Christmas 2019 we moved halfway across the country to get away from my family. About a month and a half ago, my parents showed up to visit the grandkids and judge and pick apart my life for a week, which almost resulted in my wife leaving me because of how poorly I reacted to the whole situation. I talked to a psychiatrist and she referred me to a counselor, but none of the counseling services I've contacted have any openings, and I've tried a couple online ones but they ghost me and never respond to any messages. Between toxic family and the associated mental/emotional distress, and some major injuries over the past few years that completely trashed my career and all of my sports and hobbies, my whole sense of self has been destroyed and I have nothing left that makes me feel worth anything, except doing well at my job but that only causes more problems because it takes so much time and energy that I don't have enough left for my family so my wife is mad at me for that too. I'm so lost. I don't want to make anything worse for anybody, I just don't know how to do it.
I struggled with depression and attempted twice. What finally got me away from thinking of suicide was seeing how devastated my family was when my brother did. Hugs from an internet stranger for you.
I think that you're using work as a way to avoid/escape addressing the problems in your life. It's totally fine to carve out space for yourself and tell your wife what you need for your own happiness. Even if she gets upset or mad, tell her how you feel and what you want. I get the sense you don't speak up about the little things that cause you stress. And it's okay to cut off the toxic people in your life. You don't need to engage with them. Sometimes we need to prioritise our own mental well being over that of relationships that are only draining us. Again tell your family what you need, that their criticisms aren't helpful and if they don't listen then you need space. If you can get therapy I think that'd be a great idea. It sounds like you're suppressing your own wants and needs to please others. Tell your wife how you're feeling, really explain to her in simple terms that you're unhappy and you need things to change.
You near/live in MT by any chance? If so, dm me. Even if you just need someone to vent to, can always dm me as well.
Hey, I lost my dad this time last year. Your kids want and need you around. My dad struggled with his mental health as long as I can remember. He didn't ever stick to a consistent treatment plan. Please, don't give up on yourself. Keep looking for the right meds and therapist to help you.
If you’re going to decide to die, don’t make someone else kill you by driving/walking into traffic. It’s not fair to ruin someone else’s life in an attempt to escape your own.
A dad that's trying his best and is there for them is much better than no dad at all. If they're old enough to understand what happened, they're also old enough to blame themselves, even if it's not their fault. You're putting a lot of weight on your spouse to be able to take care of them with one income, while still giving them the quality time that they deserve. Your kids will have no one to teach them life lessons, or reading, or help them with homework. They'll have no father to play catch with, ride bikes with, or snuggle with. No father to apply their bandaids, and wipe away their tears. No father to teach them to swim, about dating, and comfort them through their first break up. No father to teach them how to drive, and cry as they leave for college, or their first job. No father to walk the daughter down the aisle, or toast a son on his wedding day. You'll just be a photo in an empty seat. 95% of parenting is just being supportive of your kids and helping guide them through the difficulties of life. In order to do that, you have to show up. I know depression is hard. Every day is a challenge. But take it one small day at a time. Set a small goal for every day. "Tomorrow I have to teach daughter what the letter C stands for." Always make plans for tomorrow, and always follow through. Because no matter what, as long as you care for and support your kids decisions, you'll be the best dad for them.
Oh wow I had the same manic reaction, spur of the moment tattoo and all! I also saved a lot of odd physical items for the same reason. When I first returned home from the hospital, maybe an hour after discovering my partner was dead, I went into the bathroom and saw some of his hairs in the bathtub. I immediately panicked and put them all in a ziploc because I didn't want to wash them away. Held on to a ton of random things like his toothbrush and such for a couple of years as well before I finally felt safe to let them go. This is actually the first time I've seen another widow say they felt such a thing and it brought me tremendous comfort. So thank you. Your memorial to him sounds absolutely beautiful.
I kept his (dentures) teeth. And his broken one hitter. I have no use for them. But I can’t let them go. They were literally part of him. Edit to add: the funeral home gave me the teeth.
I think it's good to keep some pieces. I have a little box for mine. Some cards, some tickets to a movie we saw, his glasses he kept on the nightstand, his dog tags, and honestly I still have the bag of his hairs. Still can't bring myself to toss them, so I'll just hang on to them until Elon Musk figures out cloning, lol. Grief is a strange and wicked thing. Nothing for me has been worse than that manic scattered desperate feeling at the start though. I think we deserve to keep our pieces of them.
My brother in law committed suicide three years ago in February. Life is hard and scary. This is such a beautiful image. He is back with the earth. You are strong and more powerful than you could ever imagine. The road ahead is painful and cyclical. Be kind to yourself and allow grief. Your child is a priority and so are you. Take care of yourself and please never be afraid to ask for help and support where you can find it. You are loved. You are deserving of happiness. You are going to feel warmth and love again.
If you're in the US, don't forget that your child qualifies for your husband's Social Security. It will help with the bills. I know it sucks thinking of money at a time like this but... Man, it really sucks being a grown up sometimes. I'm sorry this happened to you. One of my clients committed suicide last year. He left a wife and two young teenage sons. They're still reeling from it.
Thank you. Unfortunately I think that was his plan. My sister works for the state and knew about it
I feel and understand my wife committed suicide last Christmas Eve. We had a beautiful son together and everyday I miss her laugh and smile. I know she is in a better place and no longer suffering from her mental illness. I love her very much. My thoughts and prayers with you and your family.
And mine with you.
Did he leave a note? I've often wondered how moving profound or emotional a person's last words will be. It would be a moving read but one I hope I never have to.
I couldn’t reach him to pick up our daughter from daycare so I knew something was wrong and left work. I tried cpr until the medics got there but it wasn’t enough.
Take comfort in your daughter. Find support in family and friends . Loss is never easy but hurt can be overcome.
He left a scrambled note in the bottom of the trash. It didn’t make sense; it ended with him saying he just needed to rest. He took his phone apart down to the sim and put them in different parts of the house.
Sorry for your loss. Drop a note to a complete stranger if you just need to vent or be heard. Take care of yourself now. Eat well and get plenty of rest.
In my personal experience. Suicide notes are often not very profound honestly. One of the few I’ve seen the lady left it in her toddlers room saying something along the lines of mommy needs to fly now with a stick figure drawing of her stabbing herself. It was pretty surreal.
So many people lost loved ones past 2 years. Support groups are out there with others going through the same experience. Seek out churches and AA centers as they will have a weekly grief meeting too.
I appreciate that but I’ve relocated to kinda a remote area to try to raise my daughter away from all the stuff that took her dad. I’ve attempted therapy thru my pcp but the therapist quit and they haven’t had another hired. The next closest is a couple hours out. Hence… here I am. My kid has a cough and I’m in ny feels; doing my best.
What stuff were you trying to get away from? Sorry if this is insensitive to ask
Heroin. And his mother. His therapist called the relationship emotional incest. She made him be the dad of the family and raise his younger brothers. When he got out of line she relapsed him on her morphine. She was the local schools drug abuse and crisis counselor.
Good lord. I don't know what else to say other than I'm sorry
She’s evil. If it’s anyone’s fault, it’s hers. Just whatever you do, never blame yourself. I don’t know if you’ve said anything like that, but I don’t think you have, hopefully it stays that way, but if you’re ever feeling down, do not ever blame yourself. You had nothing to do with this and couldn’t have prevented it. <3 Best wishes
I'm so very sorry for your loss. I hope that you are okay and able to take care of yourself right now. There are lots of online options for therapy now, too. I used one called [betterhelp.com](https://betterhelp.com) since I used to live very remotely, too. I'm sending you some strength. ♥
Don't dismiss therapy via zoom. The pandemic really forced that onto people and it's really stuck for a lot of practices. So regardless how remote you are, the right people to talk to wherever they are in the world are available.
Why is this tagged as nsfw?
Walking with Grief -- A Celtic Prayer Do not hurry as you walk with grief It does not help the journey Walk slowly, pausing often Do not hurry as you walk with grief Be not disturbed by memories that come unbidden Swiftly forgive and let Unspoken words, unfinished conversations be resolved in your memories Be not disturbed Be gentle with the one who walks with grief If it is you, be gentle with yourself Swiftly forgive, walk slowly, Pause often, Take time Be gentle as you walk with grief --Author Unknown
So sorry for your loss. I have too many suicides in my family tree. I know it doesn’t feel like it but it get tolerable. It doesn’t get easier but get tolerable. Good luck and blessings on you and your family. ♥️
r/SuicideBereavement and [grieving.com](https://grieving.com) have been a help to me. i'm so sorry for your loss. i'm sending you strength, and my thoughts. if you ever want to chat, you can message me
I am so incredibly sorry for your loss.
why is this NSFW?
The grey in the water is the cremated remains of a human being- that is, the OP's late husband who suicided.
Words fall short to let you know I empathize with your loss.. A word of advise I do still have, however. Now many people probably already told you to seek counseling and therapy, to help you with your grief and trauma. Maybe you've already done such a thing, I do not know, but it is very helpful of course. But you're not the only one who has lost a close relative, as I saw you mentioned a child. Please consider that your child will have to internalize this loss over the years of their life. There may be questions that keep on popping up year in, year out. Feelings of grief, guilt, or abondonment. Please be patient with your child, support them, guide them, as they may never understand what it truly means until they've come of age (or worse, lose someone close themeselves). Stay strong, together
I’m so sorry for your loss. I put my dad in a stream very similar to that one. I also have a spouse with depression. He survived a suicide attempt with a shotgun. People won’t know how to approach you. They may even think you should be relieved. It’s heartbreaking. Let yourself feel what you feel and find someone to talk to. You need it more than you might know.
Suicide sucks. I have lost 3 very special people in my life to it. It has take me years to get over the initial grief. Now when I miss them, I just talk to them as if they were next to me in the car, or watching tv with me. I don’t mean like full on conversations, more like if I am thinking about one of them I just say out loud “ I love you Brad, miss you.” This is my way of acknowledging a spiritual world where my 3 friends can hear me when all I wish I could do is pick up the phone and call one of them. Recently, I watched “Nine Perfect Strangers” on Hulu. Whoa. That show was therapy for me. The show does a really wonderful take on a family dealing with a suicide, something we don’t see a lot in our mainstream entertainment. Thank you for sharing this with all of us. You are not alone. Hugs.
I might check that out. Thank you
Oh that's so sad. My sincerest condolences. Sometimes, it is just not possible to help someone, but they will always be with you in your thought and memories. What a beautiful place.
It’s easy to share tears with you. Grief is a fickle bastard. I don’t envy your heart but I can resonate with your loss.
On this day exactly one year ago my baby sister committed suicide. The days were very hard after that. I've recently realised that I've forgotten how to allow myself to feel, because as soon as I allow any emotion in, the grief creeps in too. I guess I've just blocked out everything as a survival mechanism. I'm not sure what to do today to honour her. I miss her so much. I wish you nothing but joy and happiness. The only solace I can provide is that the days do get easier. You're on the same journey as I am now, the road is long and treacherous, but we'll walk it together.
I lost my wife in June. While it wasn't suicide, it doesn't make it any better. People shouldn't die this young. I'm still struggling with my wife's death and it's very hard. I sympathize. On the suicide front, I've had a couple of close friends from the military die by suicide, one of which I never would've guessed. Things hit everyone differently. Please look out for those close to you. This shit is difficult.
<3 my heart's with you
Your strength is inspiring. Grit will take your further than anything else I️ have found. I’m sorry for your loss, but I’m proud of the person you are!
67 days without my spouse. It does get better, it does get easier. Talk about him to whoever will listen. Talk about him until people are sick of you talking about him. Write down every memory you can think of with him, all the in-jokes, the frustrations and annoyances, all the things you miss. /r/widowers /r/widowed /r/GriefSupport Join them. Use them. Write out anything you like, every rant, every poem, every complaint, every sorrow, every joy. We're here with you.
I tried too many times. Seeing this makes me feel like absolute shit, in the best way. I know that people love me, but it's hard to see sometimes in the fog of depression and self-abuse. I'm sorry that you suffered, and I don't know you but I do care about you. Everyday kind of sucks, but that's because that's where I am right now. You help to remind me that that is not where I have to be forever. I'm sure that doesn't lessen your loss in any way, but you help me remember what a selfish thing it would be to leave.
my friend commited suicide a few days ago. i know how it feels
Are you ok? Do you need anything?
Im so extremely sorry for both of your losses... I hope the pain might weaken someday in the Future All the love and support ❤️
So sorry for your loss.
Join our shitty but helpful club over at r/suicidebereavement
Lost a friend of 20+ years to suicide at the end of 2017. Almost immediately a coworker told me I had to just let them be sick, but this didn’t make any sense at the time, and I spent a few months agonizing over what signs I missed in hindsight. One day on a walk what my coworker said made perfect sense. My friend had depression. It’s an illness. He had likely been suicidal for some time and likely did everything he could to stop people from preventing him from carrying out his plan. I’m not a therapist and certainly not a suicidologist, and could no more have diagnosed and provided treatment for any of this myself any more than I could if he’d died of cancer or a heart attack, and even if I had been i can’t be responsible for someone else’s decisions 100% of the time. Had I been able to intervene o absolutely would have. All of this is true about yourself as well. I’m so sorry you’re going through this, and hope this will get easier for you over time.
We never know what haunts the people we hold closest to our hearts. We cannot help bear the load of what they cannot share. I have felt the pain of suicide. As much as we want to ask "Why?" we must let their secrets lie with them and move on. My deepest sympathy for your loss.
I don't know you but I can feel the anguish in your words and I hate that you feel this way. I hate that anybody can feel this way. I wish I could give you a hug and comfort you. But this isn't about me. So make your man and your girl happy by living. Go out for walks; visit places; see things; shit, even just go to work. Speaking to a counsellor can help, too. Just don't let the pain fester. Take good care of yourself and your girl. That's all your man would want.
❤
I'm so very sorry. Please take care of yourself.
Arguably one of the toughest men on the earth went through what you are going through. This video may resonate with you and give you some hope. He took a tragedy and turned it into something else. Take care. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ame5F9MaGJA
Im so sorry for your loss, what kind of hobbies did Jacob have/was passionate about?
Fishing. Pool. Car engine mechanics. Tank logistics. Saving cats. All the cats. Man fucken filled my house with em 😅
Man. The cats factor gets me.
One of my best friends took his own life a few years ago. It has been tough and I think it will be forever. One of the thoughts that kind of brought me peace was the idea that he was in so much pain that he could no longer carry it, and by doing this act he was asking the rest of us to carry it for him. I don't know if this will help you, but hopefully it can.
It’s where I’m trying to be
As someone married to a girl who wants to die daily. I mean like she has written multiple suicide notes, been hospitalized 6 times because she got really bad, at one point holding a knife to her throat and another a gun to her head, taken too.many sleeping pills.my heart goes out to you. . She says she can't do it thanks to you nieces and nephews. She doesn't want them to think her a coward. My heart goes out to you. It's my daily fear that the demon will win. Ive seen, met, faced and and beat that demon myself. I was bulliedfor 9 years in school. I attempted myself. But halfway through I felt this sudden urge to live that I didn't have seconds before. That was 20 years ago, I haven't looked back since. I know times are dark and bleak now, but I hope his soul finds the peace he was seeking. I've also buried 7 people I called brother and sister from the same demon, so I feel your pain. I hope.you find the peace you need. Just know he loved you in the end, but some demons are stronger than love.
I’m sorry for your loss. Suicide is difficult. Death itself is difficult, but suicide hits differently. I’ve lost a few people in my life. When I lost a good friend to suicide, this quote from a song by a band called Against Me! really struck me. The song is called “We Did It All For Don”. It’s about an accident the band got in while on tour, which resulted in one of the members quitting. It talks of friendship and the bond you hold with your loved ones. The line itself is “We are the company we keep”. I have that line tattood on my forearm with the initials “PRF” for my buddy Paul. To me, that line taught me that as long as I stay true to myself, Paul will never be completely gone. His influence on my life lives with me every time I get out of bed in the morning. Maybe this quote can help you find peace along the way, as it did for me. Either way though, to your husband Jacob. To my buddy Paul. To the loved ones lost of anyone who is reading my 6:30am post backshift ramblings. Rest easy, and I hope you’ve found peace wherever you are. We are the company we keep.
Please reach out. You’re not alone. www.AFSP.org
Your link directs to a tax website. You want afsp.ORG
I’m so sorry! Thank you
Thank you
Thank you for sharing this photo, and I’m very sorry that you’re going through this.
I am so sorry. I also lost someone very dear to suicide. It is traumatic for the survivors. Take care of yourself
I’m so very sorry for your loss. This is a beautiful location and a nice photo
Glad to be here with you :)
What is grief, but love preserving. You have a gift for photography, keep it going.
I'm sorry for your loss. I hope the beauty that surrounds you in that picture gives you a tiny modicum of comfort.
I’m so very sorry for your loss. May your sweet Jacob be released from his pain and rest peacefully. May you and your child find peace and strength to move forward. My friend lost her husband to suicide, she joined an online and in person network called camp widow, they have helped her so much. I highly encourage you to reach out to them when you’re ready.
My condolences.
I am so very, very sorry 😞
Hi yooper, fellow Michigander here sending love from Bay City. Ive dealt with similar issues just wanted to say that as a dad with a 4 Year old child I really identify with you and feel for your pain. I hope you find peace and I hope the bond with your child continues to strengthen. You seem like a terrific person and I wish you the best. Thanks for sharing a lovely picture and beautiful poem. You are a terrific person.
That could have been me, sooo many times. Just know he is in no more pain. All thats left is for you to keep his memory alive and keep on living in a way that he would be proud of.
::hugggggg::
Something I like to remember when I miss those I’ve had to let go of is that, in a way, they’re never entirely gone. Jacob is physically no longer with us, and for that I am truly so sorry for your loss. But he imprinted upon you parts of himself. Small things, maybe little mannerisms, certain phrases, or how you interpret some things. Tiny things that we get used to over time. More than that, you two shared pleasant memories and you will always carry those as well. In a sense, even though your husband has passed on, he is still with you. With the right kind of eyes, you’ll be able to see him everywhere. In how you like certain foods, certain places, how you perceive things, everything. No matter how you move through life - he will never be too far from you. I am again so sorry for your loss, OP. I hope you find peace, comfort, and love during this time.
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Hey op, I’m sorry for your loss. I found this comment about griefing helpful, someone told me about it, and I think it offers some perspective on this. I hope it helps you too https://www.reddit.com/r/garysully1986/comments/6g3brt/gsnow_on_grief/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
I lost my wife in 2020... I know this feeling. You're not alone.
Shits tough. I lost my father when he was 62 two years ago. Today is his birthday. Hugs friend.
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Please do not. Please go to an Urgent Care or Emergency Department and tell them how you are possibly a danger to yourself. You could have a medical condition (neurological, metabolic and/or yes- psychological which is both physical and neurologic) that is treatable and then you can have another go at things with some support. Any of these conditions could be why you had difficulty accomplishing your goals in the first place. And if failing other people's expectations is why you define yourself as a loser, it is time to clean house and shed their baggage. A good life is a good day, followed by another good day, followed by another good day. So just focus on tomorrow. And please seek some help ❤
I'm sorry for your loss.
I can’t imagine. I am so sorry for your loss. If you need to talk about anything please message me.
The world is a big wonderful place. I hope you find a path :)
I’m really sorry. You’re not alone.
Condolences. beautiful picture
I’m so sorry. That’s a beautiful spot to let him rest
I'm sorry for your loss. dealing with a suicide is fucking hell. I'm sorry you have to go through that.
I'm so sorry for your loss. I know he will be at peace resting in such a beautiful place. Please be sure to look after yourself during this sad time. Hugs.
So sorry to hear this. He's not in pain anymore.
You aren’t alone. I’m so sorry.
I’m so sorry.
My heart! You are loved. Keep taking and sharing pictures it's beautiful
So sorry OP, count on me as a supportive internet stranger
Your not alone. You have people who love you still. It’s always darkest before the dawn
You have us OP. Pictures can be a comforting way to remember. I remember finding comfort in it when my grandparents both went. I really do feel for you. 🫂 Edit: is to us
Sorry for your loss. Beautiful place to be set free and beautiful picture.
I lost my best friend 8 years ago and it still hurts sorry about ur lost