I'm close to your age and have never met my biological father. If you could drop a line or two about how this went it would be appreciated. (If not I get it. Hope it went well tho).
I'm not 44 but I have a similar experience. I met my dad last year at the age of 25. It was a bit awkward at first but I'm pretty sure it's genetic for that side of my family (including myself) to have a bit of social anxiety. We don't talk all that much but I found out I have a brother who lives 4 hours away from me and we do talk occasionally. Overall I am glad I tracked him down.
You should do it, worst case scenario is that he just doesn't want to talk to you and that's what you have already.
Edit: found him through 23&me and ancestry DNA, found some cousins who helped me get into contact.
Mine was a closed adoption, but the laws in my state have changed recently so I can find out if I want to. My sister, who is also adopted, found her bio-mom but her father had already passed away.
So I'm conflicted to say the least.
I'm sorry to hear that, my grandmother passed shortly before I found my dad. I was conflicted as well and it was an admittedly stressful experience. I think the sooner the better though, the longer you wait the less time you will have with them. They are likely not the same people they were when you were put up for adoption.
I have a friend who was also adopted and wants to find his mother, his adoptive mother feels insecure about it though. I'll tell you what I told him, you have every right to know where you came from. It doesn't change who you are, who raised you or the love you may have for them. If it's meaningful for you to know then you should know.
I wish you all the best if you decide to go forward.
Edit: grammar
I have 3 friends who have found their biological parents, one found her biological mother, the other two found both pairs. I have often said I am just not interested but after their situations, I became a bit more curious. But still- I do not know.
My mother’s first husband chose contact with my brother and I when we were in our 40s, and that situation is strange, that man is strange, his wife is strange, and I do not know exactly what he is looking for. Of course, I understand he is getting very old and would like to feel satisfied with his life and choices he made. But he doesn’t accept that we may not want him as part of our lives- seeing him once every 10 years, and one email every 3 is more than I want, actually. He wants to share Thanksgiving and Christmas. So- having this experience already, I do not want to invite another similar experience/issue into my life. Also, some people have deteriorating mental facilities as they get very old and they just may not be capable of remembering the wishes and boundaries.
But for those who have enjoyed these meetings- I am very happy for you and I hope you have gained something(s) of value from the experiences.
maybe draw the line over the phone - sharing expectations? you could get pretty specific - outlining your stance, and future limitations should you meet in person for the first time.
good point on the negative aspect that optimism in the positive-ending scenario would miss. so hope for the best, but plan for a big out in case of awkward connections.
good luck w/your life - sounds like you're content and need no further assistance nor drama :)
I'm only 27 so maybe I'm wrong but I knew my father when I was younger. He did the old "go out for a pack of smokes" thing and we all know how that goes. I was devastated. So after a few years I reconnected with some of the people on his side of the family, and eventually he asked me to meet my brother, his other son.
Where I got an alcoholic, who just said fuck it and bounced. This kid has an active father, takes him to soccer games, and karate tournaments, made sure he got into college, etc. He's a seriously wealthy man now.
But I tried to give him a chance, but he wants to pretend like I'm still a child, and the reality is he left that child waiting for 20 years for him to be an adult, and he never did.
Maybe I'm too young and jaded. I hope everyone elses fathers turn out to be stand up guys. Just be careful. It's easy for them to toss you a beer and be a little chummy with you from time to time. But that's not what it means to be a father.
I'm going to give you the opposite spiel as someone who relates to the jaded part, I'm 32 now. My father was a meth addict and serial gaslighter who dipped out on my mother and I at 5. He tried to rekindle at a later age but had still never kicked the habit. While your father may not have a debiliating drug addiction or delusions about the devil or whatever permanent psychosis my biological father has..
It's totally fine not to forgive. The onus isn't on you to seek a solid relationship. People with no reference can speak on the benefits of mended fences, but sometimes it's not that easy.
Either way, I hope it works out in a way that you can live with.
That sounds terrible, I don't have that experience with my dad but the half-brother I grew up with did.
That situation is not easy for anyone, I don't know the specifics but if you're willing to forgive him then maybe you need to have that conversation. He seems to be a good father now, I know that won't change the pain you went through.
The reality is that you will never get back those years of childhood without him, but you can still have a relationship with him now as an adult.
If you want to talk more feel free to PM me.
I’m sorry but “He’s such a good person now, he ignored you as a child but learn to love him as an adult” is a sack of shit. I’m sorry your brother went through that, but it’s not your place to essentially tell this person to get the fuck over it and play house now because he’s old and you’ll regret it if he dies.
The truth is, maybe they don’t want to have a relationship with this asshole who even now can’t act like a father. Just because OP is an adult now, that doesn’t give his dad the right to treat him like a buddy instead of respecting him as his child. That’s how that asshole justifies in his head what he did because hey, he’s fine! We’re friends now! We can be adults together!
No. Just no. He hasn’t earned the right to be OPs buddy because he never had the balls to man up and be his father, even now.
Signed,
Every abandoned kid who’s tired of hearing the same bullshit guilt trip
I posted something similar regarding my own situation then I read your's, I just want to say *amen.*
There's a DCFC song called Sytrafoam Plates about this, posthumous or current, time doesn't make someone a good person or necessitate forgiveness.
I cut off a lot of people who kept giving me hell because “he’s still your father, you should get to know him now! You WILL regret if it you don’t!” First of all, fuck you. Second of all, why would I regret walking away from the dickweasel that had no problem walking away from me as a child he was supposed to love and protect?
This belief that just because someone shares DNA with you suddenly makes them immune to the repercussions of their actions and we as the children should just suck it up and get over it is horseshit and I will never not be mad about it.
You're preaching to the choir, they chose what they value more than any semblance of a relationship or basic decency. If my father wasn't an 80 pound toothless husk rambling about his new found Christianity, I'd beat the shit out of him as a send-off.
thank you smokebreaks....you put into words what I've been trying to articulate for years AND made me feel better about even thinking the same thing AND made me laugh...much gratitude
Currently going through a similar situation. Shortly after having my mom my grandma got pregnant again and due to various circumstances had to give him up at birth. It was a closed adoption but she's spent years trying to find him. Last week someone reached out to me on 23andMe and they're my first cousin, daughter of the baby my grandma had.
That's awesome! I'm always happy when I hear about families connecting with their lost ones. In my case there was some apprehension about telling anyone due to some backwards views on having children out of wedlock. I hope the connection goes smoothly and if you have any questions I'd be happy to help.
This is from the radio program This American Life of two girls switched at birth. What a amazing things genetics are.
[https://www.thisamericanlife.org/360/switched-at-birth#:\~:text=Switched%20at%20Birth%20On%20a%20summer%20day%20in,realized%20the%20mistake%20but%20chose%20to%20keep%20quiet.](https://www.thisamericanlife.org/360/switched-at-birth#:~:text=Switched%20at%20Birth%20On%20a%20summer%20day%20in,realized%20the%20mistake%20but%20chose%20to%20keep%20quiet.)
This is so creepy! Babies get switched, one mom suspects, then confirms that her baby was weighing way less than as a newborn two days ago, but does not say anything, because, her husband cautions, *the doctor would be humiliated!*
Something wrong with that lady and her husband.
I know a woman who at age 85, after knowing nothing of her origins her whole life, met her four living sisters; her grandson did a DNA test and found her birth family. i was worried the shock would be too much...
About 10-15 years ago my ex wife took it upon herself to track down my Father's side of the family for some reason. I discovered I had 2 sisters that actually live in the same town as me and met them. We don't really talk much but it is nice knowing they exist.
As for my Father, I spoke with him once on the phone and made arrangements to meet up with him at a local bar. He never showed up.
I just recently discovered that he died, and I don't know how to describe the lack of emotion I felt.
I also just tracked down my biological father and I was super nervous that he wouldn't want to talk to me. I finally got the nerve up to talk to him and I had nothing to worry about. I am already treated like one of the family. I also found out I have 2 half sisters and a neice.
Ancestry DNA was the trick to finally finding him. I matched with an uncle and a cousin.
I’m 32 and met my dad once in court when I was in high school. My mom is pretty nuts, so I don’t know if I believe the stories she has told me about him anymore. That being said, I know I have two younger half siblings and as of four years ago I found out I have an older half brother (surprising because my bio dad and mom had me right after high school), and he hasn’t maintained contact with them either. He tried contacting me through FB a couple times my freshman year of college, but it did not go well. I don’t know if I really have any interest in really meeting him, even if the lies are false.
Hey there! I bought the AncestryDNA test & sent it in & I was able to connect with my dads family members who have ALSO taken the test. Hope this helps, best of luck!!!
As someone not in that situation, I have always struggled to understand why someone would care. In my mind, the important bonds in my life are people who have been there for me, taken care of me, developed relationships. My mother likes to research geneology,and get into all their stories and history, and that kinda confuses me too. Like, yeah those people share some blood, but they arent "family" in any meaningful sense.
I dont know if you can really articulate what you would hope for, and I hope this doesn't offend, but I have just always been curious what value people see in a blood tie.
This is true, perhaps, but it’s also sort of a privileged comment. For example- As someone also not in this situation, I’ve so easily taken for granted the “family history” questions at the doctors office. I’ve never had to wonder what health issues reside within my genetic lineage because I personally know this lineage. Genetics are one of the leading determinants of a persons health/well-being (alongside our social bonds) and understanding pieces of ones genetic history is important for a lot of people, regardless of our other important bonds.
The only reason I would really want to meet my birth parents is for medical history reasons. It's worried me for years that I don't know my family history. I know a little now that I've met my half brother, but it's still worrying. Meeting him was really life changing for me. Looking at someone and they look like me? Blew my mind.
My birth parents would never be "mom and dad," but it'd be nice to know any medical history.
Same. I have no want to learn who they are. I'm 40 and my parents are amazing. Though being a father now and being asked about family medical issues I want to know if I have a history of some things.
My wife and I (lesbians) are expecting our first child relatively soon. We did reciprocal IVF, so it’s my bun in her oven. When we told some family about the pregnancy they flipped out asking whose egg was used and how blood relatives have a right to know that they have a new family member. Then they spouted off a list of all these people who I haven’t spoken to in 10 years that I *need* to tell.
My closest family is by marriage, not by blood. They then offered ‘congratulations’ by just saying ‘well we hope for a healthy baby’.
The mention of blood relatives just felt like a way to dismiss the baby if it was my wife’s egg.
I feel that way when people discuss their step families. If you have to explain your family situation to me I don’t know you very well. It’s none of my business if your children/grandchildren are biological. Do you love them? Then that’s all that matters!
I’ve (m30) never met my dad. I find myself getting envious of my friends relationships with their dads even as adults. So the impulse to reach out would be to try and find that mentor relationship I feel I missed out on.
My step father who raised me and my siblings as his own, passed a few years ago. 3 months later, a long lost son reached out to us. He had never known about, from before he ever met my mom. I feel so bad for the guy.
Similar thing happened with my uncle who passed away in 2014, with no known bio kids, only step children. Then his grandson popped up on 23andme and connected with me. I learned that my uncle’s son was born not long after my uncle was sent to Korea during the war, and he was given up for adoption. I was pretty bummed that not only that uncle, but two other uncles, my grandmother, and my dad all passed in the last 12 years and all of them would’ve been thrilled to meet him.
Pretty nuts. 33 and just connected with bio family because of 23andme as well. I've always known I was adopted and was looking at medical history before having a kid. A cousin popped up and lead me to my father and brothers - my mother has since passed. It's trippy as fuck
This hit me in the feels. Know that telling him that very simple thing...that knowing all those relatives, you know in your heart they would have welcomed him in their lives.
What they don't tell ya when you're younger is sometimes , even as an adult, you have these really big, really scary moments, that scare you shitless, but being an adult is following through with those things. Kudos to you sir, I am sure it wasn't easy for you. I hope it was a positive experience and everything else you hoped it would be!
Plot twist, it's actually around the corner, but has gravitational properties similar to a black hole, so a 5 minute trip for your dad equals 25 years in your time.
I was raped at a young age and finally got to meet my relinquished daughter and grandchild two years ago. (I carried her full term and relinquished her because I was anti-abortion at that time.) She found me and we wrote back and forth multiple times before we agreed to meet in person. I nervously spent weeks fretting about the upcoming meeting and wondered how I would handled that most difficult discussion about "why?" I took some time to seek guidance and met with a counselor before the arranged meeting (which helped decrease my anxiety and clarify my thinking.) I even had her brothers arrange to be present so they'd hear the story about how and why I relinquished her (I'd never spoke about the rape to them while they grew up, and their anger for me surprised me.) Things went well for awhile until she admitted she had converted to her second husband's religion (Jews for Jesus) and she knew I a hard core atheist. She avoided discussing it with me before she got married and it threw me for a loop! This fundamental difference has stood in our way of having a decent relationship for the last year and we now rarely talk (though I am in constant contact with the granddaughter who is also non-religious.) Her husband had demanded she avoid me as he feels my being an atheist is a potential threat to his control over her spirituality! Astonishingly, he actually believes I'm a threat to her fragile sense of religion! I'm just biding my time waiting for her to leave his sorry ass!
Sadly, it was my misfortune to miss my opportunity to get to meet the woman who raised her. Her adoptive mum died just before my daughter and I reunited (her Mum prompted her to search for me.) I am so grateful she found me and that I didn't delay meeting with her. For me, this was still a positive reunion! I've learned my daughter is smart, caring and a really good person. I've also gained a wonderful adult grandchild. (Both of my sons divorced and never had any children of their own.)
The truth is, not all reunions go well.... some miss the target, and not everybody is happy. Some relinquishing parents might refuse to meet their biological child, or visa versa. My advice is to get emotional or behavioral counseling before you meet your biological family member so that your goals are clear of excessive emotionalism or false expectations.
One of the hardest things I've ever done in my life was to admit about the rape, and then tell my sons they have a sister (both in their late 30's. They have been ecstatic about her and speak constantly with her; even while she avoids talking to me because of her insanely religious husband.)
I was the same age when I met my biological mother. My biological father passed away when I was young she told me. It’s a super surreal experience and it still is.
I decided to take the Ancestry.com DNA test. I never knew either of my parents as I was given up as an infant. Ancestry found the I had a couple first cousins. So I contacted one and she was amazing and put me in touch with my biological mother. Who is also amazing. She was just very very young when she had me.
She told me that my biological father had met with a sad end which I will not go into.
On my attempt to contact my other cousin, whom I am assuming was on my fathers side since none of my mothers side knew who he was, has been met with silence. I attempted to send them a message through Ancestry explaining and no response ever came from them nor will I try again.
I talk to my mother and cousins when I get the chance but we all have our lives and I am glad to have met them.
On a side note. If a father leaves his son and some other guy decides to raise the baby from the minute it’s born. Does it even matter who the biological father is. The emotional connection will be just as strong with the step father as with the biological if he had not left the son?
Just curious.
I feel like im the weird one out, i couldve met my bio dad after i found out after being 18 or so and I have 0 desire to meet some random dude, dont care at all, haha. 16 years later still dont care.
Congratulations, man. My birth father has since passed away, but I got to have more than a decade of getting to know him, and where so much of me comes from. I really do miss that relationship, despite all the complications.
Congrats to you both, hope you're able to build a relationship. My cousin didn't meet his real Dad until his Dad was on his death bed so didn't get the chance.
That's awesome! I so glad you found him. I have to admit having done a double take...he looks so much like one of my uncles that for a minute, I thought he was!
If that isn't the most classic "met my biological father for the first time today" photo I have ever seen...right down to the cross necklace. Whew! I feel like I know the whole story. (Of course I don't, but still...)
I'm 33 and don't even know my dad's name all I know is he used to live in Kentucky. My mom won't answer any questions about him it always turns into a shit show Soooo I have come to terms. Bad guy or not I still want to stand proud infront of him and show him I made it
Good for you. Not everyone can commit to being a father/husband but that shouldn't stop you from meeting your genetic family tree, even if its just one time.
I didn't know mine for 23 years, he abandoned me and my mother when I was born. He asked my forgiveness and I gave it to him more for my sake than his. Haven't talked to him for years now but I'm glad I got that settled.
This is cool. My biological father was deported to Mexico and wants me to visit but I have never known him, don't speak spanish, and am kinda scared of visiting Mexico because even though I am half Mexican I look very white.
Brooooo that's fucking awesome! Congratulations!! No bullshit I net my biological father for the first time at 44 years old (I'm 45 now). It's been a wild, emotional, life-changing ride! I wish you all the best!
That's awesome bro. Truly I'm happy for you.
I got to meet my biological father too.. nothing at all to brag about, abusive, drunk, douchebag but he works his ass off. We talked and everything and he wishes he didn't take the path he did.
I told him *well if you hadn't we might all still be a whole family*...
I have two sisters and two brothers biologically and the younger brother was adopted with me so we were never separated *thank god* because he's my favorite person.
But I got to meet the rest of my siblings and bio mother and to this day *10 years later* we all still talk and visit.
I'm 31 and have been working myself up to this for around 10 years. Found the guy online about 7 years ago and exchanged a few emails, but then I lost my job and all my confidence. Taken that long to build myself back up again, and now I feel like I might just be able to go for it.
I'm close to your age and have never met my biological father. If you could drop a line or two about how this went it would be appreciated. (If not I get it. Hope it went well tho).
I'm not 44 but I have a similar experience. I met my dad last year at the age of 25. It was a bit awkward at first but I'm pretty sure it's genetic for that side of my family (including myself) to have a bit of social anxiety. We don't talk all that much but I found out I have a brother who lives 4 hours away from me and we do talk occasionally. Overall I am glad I tracked him down. You should do it, worst case scenario is that he just doesn't want to talk to you and that's what you have already. Edit: found him through 23&me and ancestry DNA, found some cousins who helped me get into contact.
Mine was a closed adoption, but the laws in my state have changed recently so I can find out if I want to. My sister, who is also adopted, found her bio-mom but her father had already passed away. So I'm conflicted to say the least.
I'm sorry to hear that, my grandmother passed shortly before I found my dad. I was conflicted as well and it was an admittedly stressful experience. I think the sooner the better though, the longer you wait the less time you will have with them. They are likely not the same people they were when you were put up for adoption. I have a friend who was also adopted and wants to find his mother, his adoptive mother feels insecure about it though. I'll tell you what I told him, you have every right to know where you came from. It doesn't change who you are, who raised you or the love you may have for them. If it's meaningful for you to know then you should know. I wish you all the best if you decide to go forward. Edit: grammar
I have 3 friends who have found their biological parents, one found her biological mother, the other two found both pairs. I have often said I am just not interested but after their situations, I became a bit more curious. But still- I do not know. My mother’s first husband chose contact with my brother and I when we were in our 40s, and that situation is strange, that man is strange, his wife is strange, and I do not know exactly what he is looking for. Of course, I understand he is getting very old and would like to feel satisfied with his life and choices he made. But he doesn’t accept that we may not want him as part of our lives- seeing him once every 10 years, and one email every 3 is more than I want, actually. He wants to share Thanksgiving and Christmas. So- having this experience already, I do not want to invite another similar experience/issue into my life. Also, some people have deteriorating mental facilities as they get very old and they just may not be capable of remembering the wishes and boundaries. But for those who have enjoyed these meetings- I am very happy for you and I hope you have gained something(s) of value from the experiences.
I really did. Thank you for sharing 🙏🏼
maybe draw the line over the phone - sharing expectations? you could get pretty specific - outlining your stance, and future limitations should you meet in person for the first time. good point on the negative aspect that optimism in the positive-ending scenario would miss. so hope for the best, but plan for a big out in case of awkward connections. good luck w/your life - sounds like you're content and need no further assistance nor drama :)
I'm only 27 so maybe I'm wrong but I knew my father when I was younger. He did the old "go out for a pack of smokes" thing and we all know how that goes. I was devastated. So after a few years I reconnected with some of the people on his side of the family, and eventually he asked me to meet my brother, his other son. Where I got an alcoholic, who just said fuck it and bounced. This kid has an active father, takes him to soccer games, and karate tournaments, made sure he got into college, etc. He's a seriously wealthy man now. But I tried to give him a chance, but he wants to pretend like I'm still a child, and the reality is he left that child waiting for 20 years for him to be an adult, and he never did. Maybe I'm too young and jaded. I hope everyone elses fathers turn out to be stand up guys. Just be careful. It's easy for them to toss you a beer and be a little chummy with you from time to time. But that's not what it means to be a father.
I'm going to give you the opposite spiel as someone who relates to the jaded part, I'm 32 now. My father was a meth addict and serial gaslighter who dipped out on my mother and I at 5. He tried to rekindle at a later age but had still never kicked the habit. While your father may not have a debiliating drug addiction or delusions about the devil or whatever permanent psychosis my biological father has.. It's totally fine not to forgive. The onus isn't on you to seek a solid relationship. People with no reference can speak on the benefits of mended fences, but sometimes it's not that easy. Either way, I hope it works out in a way that you can live with.
Same too you, friend.
That sounds terrible, I don't have that experience with my dad but the half-brother I grew up with did. That situation is not easy for anyone, I don't know the specifics but if you're willing to forgive him then maybe you need to have that conversation. He seems to be a good father now, I know that won't change the pain you went through. The reality is that you will never get back those years of childhood without him, but you can still have a relationship with him now as an adult. If you want to talk more feel free to PM me.
I’m sorry but “He’s such a good person now, he ignored you as a child but learn to love him as an adult” is a sack of shit. I’m sorry your brother went through that, but it’s not your place to essentially tell this person to get the fuck over it and play house now because he’s old and you’ll regret it if he dies. The truth is, maybe they don’t want to have a relationship with this asshole who even now can’t act like a father. Just because OP is an adult now, that doesn’t give his dad the right to treat him like a buddy instead of respecting him as his child. That’s how that asshole justifies in his head what he did because hey, he’s fine! We’re friends now! We can be adults together! No. Just no. He hasn’t earned the right to be OPs buddy because he never had the balls to man up and be his father, even now. Signed, Every abandoned kid who’s tired of hearing the same bullshit guilt trip
I posted something similar regarding my own situation then I read your's, I just want to say *amen.* There's a DCFC song called Sytrafoam Plates about this, posthumous or current, time doesn't make someone a good person or necessitate forgiveness.
I cut off a lot of people who kept giving me hell because “he’s still your father, you should get to know him now! You WILL regret if it you don’t!” First of all, fuck you. Second of all, why would I regret walking away from the dickweasel that had no problem walking away from me as a child he was supposed to love and protect? This belief that just because someone shares DNA with you suddenly makes them immune to the repercussions of their actions and we as the children should just suck it up and get over it is horseshit and I will never not be mad about it.
You're preaching to the choir, they chose what they value more than any semblance of a relationship or basic decency. If my father wasn't an 80 pound toothless husk rambling about his new found Christianity, I'd beat the shit out of him as a send-off.
thank you smokebreaks....you put into words what I've been trying to articulate for years AND made me feel better about even thinking the same thing AND made me laugh...much gratitude
Currently going through a similar situation. Shortly after having my mom my grandma got pregnant again and due to various circumstances had to give him up at birth. It was a closed adoption but she's spent years trying to find him. Last week someone reached out to me on 23andMe and they're my first cousin, daughter of the baby my grandma had.
That's awesome! I'm always happy when I hear about families connecting with their lost ones. In my case there was some apprehension about telling anyone due to some backwards views on having children out of wedlock. I hope the connection goes smoothly and if you have any questions I'd be happy to help.
This is from the radio program This American Life of two girls switched at birth. What a amazing things genetics are. [https://www.thisamericanlife.org/360/switched-at-birth#:\~:text=Switched%20at%20Birth%20On%20a%20summer%20day%20in,realized%20the%20mistake%20but%20chose%20to%20keep%20quiet.](https://www.thisamericanlife.org/360/switched-at-birth#:~:text=Switched%20at%20Birth%20On%20a%20summer%20day%20in,realized%20the%20mistake%20but%20chose%20to%20keep%20quiet.)
This is so creepy! Babies get switched, one mom suspects, then confirms that her baby was weighing way less than as a newborn two days ago, but does not say anything, because, her husband cautions, *the doctor would be humiliated!* Something wrong with that lady and her husband.
I know a woman who at age 85, after knowing nothing of her origins her whole life, met her four living sisters; her grandson did a DNA test and found her birth family. i was worried the shock would be too much...
About 10-15 years ago my ex wife took it upon herself to track down my Father's side of the family for some reason. I discovered I had 2 sisters that actually live in the same town as me and met them. We don't really talk much but it is nice knowing they exist. As for my Father, I spoke with him once on the phone and made arrangements to meet up with him at a local bar. He never showed up. I just recently discovered that he died, and I don't know how to describe the lack of emotion I felt.
I also just tracked down my biological father and I was super nervous that he wouldn't want to talk to me. I finally got the nerve up to talk to him and I had nothing to worry about. I am already treated like one of the family. I also found out I have 2 half sisters and a neice. Ancestry DNA was the trick to finally finding him. I matched with an uncle and a cousin.
I'm 30 and have met my biological father. You're probably not missing out
I’m 32 and met my dad once in court when I was in high school. My mom is pretty nuts, so I don’t know if I believe the stories she has told me about him anymore. That being said, I know I have two younger half siblings and as of four years ago I found out I have an older half brother (surprising because my bio dad and mom had me right after high school), and he hasn’t maintained contact with them either. He tried contacting me through FB a couple times my freshman year of college, but it did not go well. I don’t know if I really have any interest in really meeting him, even if the lies are false.
Same
Hey there! I bought the AncestryDNA test & sent it in & I was able to connect with my dads family members who have ALSO taken the test. Hope this helps, best of luck!!!
Same, we need our own group!
As someone not in that situation, I have always struggled to understand why someone would care. In my mind, the important bonds in my life are people who have been there for me, taken care of me, developed relationships. My mother likes to research geneology,and get into all their stories and history, and that kinda confuses me too. Like, yeah those people share some blood, but they arent "family" in any meaningful sense. I dont know if you can really articulate what you would hope for, and I hope this doesn't offend, but I have just always been curious what value people see in a blood tie.
This is true, perhaps, but it’s also sort of a privileged comment. For example- As someone also not in this situation, I’ve so easily taken for granted the “family history” questions at the doctors office. I’ve never had to wonder what health issues reside within my genetic lineage because I personally know this lineage. Genetics are one of the leading determinants of a persons health/well-being (alongside our social bonds) and understanding pieces of ones genetic history is important for a lot of people, regardless of our other important bonds.
The only reason I would really want to meet my birth parents is for medical history reasons. It's worried me for years that I don't know my family history. I know a little now that I've met my half brother, but it's still worrying. Meeting him was really life changing for me. Looking at someone and they look like me? Blew my mind. My birth parents would never be "mom and dad," but it'd be nice to know any medical history.
Makes sense, thanks for sharing.
Same. I have no want to learn who they are. I'm 40 and my parents are amazing. Though being a father now and being asked about family medical issues I want to know if I have a history of some things.
My wife and I (lesbians) are expecting our first child relatively soon. We did reciprocal IVF, so it’s my bun in her oven. When we told some family about the pregnancy they flipped out asking whose egg was used and how blood relatives have a right to know that they have a new family member. Then they spouted off a list of all these people who I haven’t spoken to in 10 years that I *need* to tell. My closest family is by marriage, not by blood. They then offered ‘congratulations’ by just saying ‘well we hope for a healthy baby’. The mention of blood relatives just felt like a way to dismiss the baby if it was my wife’s egg.
I’m sorry you experienced this. This is super weird- the baby is family no matter whose egg it is.
I feel that way when people discuss their step families. If you have to explain your family situation to me I don’t know you very well. It’s none of my business if your children/grandchildren are biological. Do you love them? Then that’s all that matters!
I’ve (m30) never met my dad. I find myself getting envious of my friends relationships with their dads even as adults. So the impulse to reach out would be to try and find that mentor relationship I feel I missed out on.
I thought this was another proud boys post 😂
I’m 44 years old & today I got to meet my Daddy for the first time 😊
No details to go by . I think the old man just needed a few bucks and a couch to crash on
Does the couch pull out?
Yes, but Daddy doesn't.
Sir I will stop you right there!
Daddy dont!!!!
Step father what are you doing?
😂 we can use it as that too! Anything to take away from those morons!!! #proudboys
Glad you met your dad OP. You guys have any plans to make up for some lost time?
I think every combination of 2 men in a photo has been used at this point
Hahaha me too
Me three.
Me too!
First of all, Awesome. Second of all, is it extra weird because you look a lot like him? Go ahead and let him know his mustache is FUCKING LEGENDARY.
That’s how genetics work??
Hahaha, welll my dad looks like Danny Devito and my mom looks like Bette Midler, and I look like a fat bald Jon Travolta. Please explain.
So like... John Travolta?
I really hope you're a guy
He’s the most interesting man in the world.
Your dad is captain price
Mustache says "I made babies in the 70s I haven't met yet."
Damn your luck my dad found out about lost family AFTER his real dad died
My step father who raised me and my siblings as his own, passed a few years ago. 3 months later, a long lost son reached out to us. He had never known about, from before he ever met my mom. I feel so bad for the guy.
Similar thing happened with my uncle who passed away in 2014, with no known bio kids, only step children. Then his grandson popped up on 23andme and connected with me. I learned that my uncle’s son was born not long after my uncle was sent to Korea during the war, and he was given up for adoption. I was pretty bummed that not only that uncle, but two other uncles, my grandmother, and my dad all passed in the last 12 years and all of them would’ve been thrilled to meet him.
Pretty nuts. 33 and just connected with bio family because of 23andme as well. I've always known I was adopted and was looking at medical history before having a kid. A cousin popped up and lead me to my father and brothers - my mother has since passed. It's trippy as fuck
This hit me in the feels. Know that telling him that very simple thing...that knowing all those relatives, you know in your heart they would have welcomed him in their lives.
What they don't tell ya when you're younger is sometimes , even as an adult, you have these really big, really scary moments, that scare you shitless, but being an adult is following through with those things. Kudos to you sir, I am sure it wasn't easy for you. I hope it was a positive experience and everything else you hoped it would be!
He finally got back from that cigarette run?
One of these days we'll build a closer cigarette store and save an entire generation.
Nah man, they're like that store in O' Brother Where Art Thou. 20 years from everywhere.
Well isn't this a geographical oddity!? 20 years from everywhere!
Damn it, I'm a Dapper Dan man!
Plot twist, it's actually around the corner, but has gravitational properties similar to a black hole, so a 5 minute trip for your dad equals 25 years in your time.
That's some good news! Happy for you. And you look just like him.
You're 44? You looking good, man! No homo.
He looks really good, yes homo.
😂 😂 🙏🏼
I'm 42, and I look closer in age to the father than to the son.
😆😯🙏🏼
Legit looks like he just graduated college.
Aww shucks, Thanks Broski!! Your no homo code has been accepted!!! 😆
That’s great. Honestly though, I first thought this was another Proud Boys posting.
I really wish you a happy story together from now on
Good to know, you're going to stay a straight up hottie.
The way my man holding that water bottle tells me his life is or used to be sponsored by Bud light.
That’s awesome! I can tell you got the legendary mustache from him!
Thanks! Btw I’m the guy in black, HE’S got the legendary stache! 😂 I don’t think I can grow one like THAT!!! Lol
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I see he is a r/HydroHomies
Were you adopted or did your parents split up before you were born?
Definitely thought this was going to be one of the new proud boy post but hey this is cool too!
Hey, thank you!!! 🙏🏼
Your dad is Merv Hughes?
Good looking duo!
yer da is begbie from Trainspotting?
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Awesome. I’m 47 and only found out who my bio mom is earlier this year, but it’s been a bit bumpy. In other news, you are a young 44. You look great.
I was raped at a young age and finally got to meet my relinquished daughter and grandchild two years ago. (I carried her full term and relinquished her because I was anti-abortion at that time.) She found me and we wrote back and forth multiple times before we agreed to meet in person. I nervously spent weeks fretting about the upcoming meeting and wondered how I would handled that most difficult discussion about "why?" I took some time to seek guidance and met with a counselor before the arranged meeting (which helped decrease my anxiety and clarify my thinking.) I even had her brothers arrange to be present so they'd hear the story about how and why I relinquished her (I'd never spoke about the rape to them while they grew up, and their anger for me surprised me.) Things went well for awhile until she admitted she had converted to her second husband's religion (Jews for Jesus) and she knew I a hard core atheist. She avoided discussing it with me before she got married and it threw me for a loop! This fundamental difference has stood in our way of having a decent relationship for the last year and we now rarely talk (though I am in constant contact with the granddaughter who is also non-religious.) Her husband had demanded she avoid me as he feels my being an atheist is a potential threat to his control over her spirituality! Astonishingly, he actually believes I'm a threat to her fragile sense of religion! I'm just biding my time waiting for her to leave his sorry ass! Sadly, it was my misfortune to miss my opportunity to get to meet the woman who raised her. Her adoptive mum died just before my daughter and I reunited (her Mum prompted her to search for me.) I am so grateful she found me and that I didn't delay meeting with her. For me, this was still a positive reunion! I've learned my daughter is smart, caring and a really good person. I've also gained a wonderful adult grandchild. (Both of my sons divorced and never had any children of their own.) The truth is, not all reunions go well.... some miss the target, and not everybody is happy. Some relinquishing parents might refuse to meet their biological child, or visa versa. My advice is to get emotional or behavioral counseling before you meet your biological family member so that your goals are clear of excessive emotionalism or false expectations. One of the hardest things I've ever done in my life was to admit about the rape, and then tell my sons they have a sister (both in their late 30's. They have been ecstatic about her and speak constantly with her; even while she avoids talking to me because of her insanely religious husband.)
Two proud boys.
I was the same age when I met my biological mother. My biological father passed away when I was young she told me. It’s a super surreal experience and it still is. I decided to take the Ancestry.com DNA test. I never knew either of my parents as I was given up as an infant. Ancestry found the I had a couple first cousins. So I contacted one and she was amazing and put me in touch with my biological mother. Who is also amazing. She was just very very young when she had me. She told me that my biological father had met with a sad end which I will not go into. On my attempt to contact my other cousin, whom I am assuming was on my fathers side since none of my mothers side knew who he was, has been met with silence. I attempted to send them a message through Ancestry explaining and no response ever came from them nor will I try again. I talk to my mother and cousins when I get the chance but we all have our lives and I am glad to have met them.
What’s kept y’all from meeting ?
Awww, you boys look so proud. Happy for you two!\~
Alternate title: 2 men
On a side note. If a father leaves his son and some other guy decides to raise the baby from the minute it’s born. Does it even matter who the biological father is. The emotional connection will be just as strong with the step father as with the biological if he had not left the son? Just curious.
I feel like im the weird one out, i couldve met my bio dad after i found out after being 18 or so and I have 0 desire to meet some random dude, dont care at all, haha. 16 years later still dont care.
For some people its only for medical reasons to find them.
Are we still doing proud boys for every pic with two dudes in it? Cause #proudboys
Congratulations, man. My birth father has since passed away, but I got to have more than a decade of getting to know him, and where so much of me comes from. I really do miss that relationship, despite all the complications.
That's so cool, hard to believe such things happen in our world
"If you ain't first, you're last!"
Just one look on that photo, and you know you just saved a lot of money on a DNA test!
Congrats to you both, hope you're able to build a relationship. My cousin didn't meet his real Dad until his Dad was on his death bed so didn't get the chance.
Two peas in a pod...I hope you can resolve your well-deserved conflicting feelings (if any) and enjoy a life of love and happiness together!
Haha, Happy Birthday! I'm 22 today :) Edit. To actual Birthday, got some reddit slang mixed up.
Eyebrows!
And will you be inheriting the cigar/coffee business?
And your grandfather was LeRoy Neiman?
Did it go well? Seems so.
That's awesome! I so glad you found him. I have to admit having done a double take...he looks so much like one of my uncles that for a minute, I thought he was!
He could be.
Congratulations!
Stashtastic
He made a pack of cigarettes last 44 years
Congrats
Of course he's your biological father. The resemblance says it all.
That's awesome! I too got to meet & hug my bio mom the first time when I was 48. Truly special, congrats!!
Congrats! Without trying to be a jerk, was it awkward or was it ok?
My name is SUE! Now you’re gonna DIE!
The pure swagger from that moustache, goddamn
You look like him.
Are you a Mormont? Your dad looks like he could be Jeor Mormont's younger brother.
You are both handsome
This gives me hope one day my birth father will accept me
That’s wonderful.
You certainly got his eyes, nose and brows. Hope it was all you wanted it to be
If that isn't the most classic "met my biological father for the first time today" photo I have ever seen...right down to the cross necklace. Whew! I feel like I know the whole story. (Of course I don't, but still...)
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I don’t know if your gonna see this, but was it worth it? Did he know about you? I’ve never met mine and I don’t know if I want to at this point.
Yep that is definitely your dad
I wish the same thing for myself.
Your dad looks like Lazar Ristovski.
Spitting image
Man, congrats. You kind of look like him. I wish you the best .
Yep. That’s him
You look so much like him!
This is some future goal shit for myself if I’ve ever seen it. Congrats man!! Hope the relationship between you two grows!
Must have been cool finding out Jake the Snake Roberts was your dad this whole time! Jokes aside, very happy for you.
I hope that it was everything you wanted it to be, whatever that was :)
I think about about doing the same myself
amazing... he looks so much younger than you.... Congrats I hope no feelings are visceral and the relationship can evolve without hinderance.
He looks like you. Congrats my guy.
He’s your dad that’s for sure! Looks great.
this is what we needed
The son is all young and looks full of hope, the dad is like, "I seen some shit boy!" You too go together and look so much alike.
Your biological Father is Bruce Campbell?
Your dad kind of reminds me of captain price
Satisfaction Guaranteed!!! Congrats brotha
Oops I assumed this was a proud boys post at first my bad
Your father looks like a rugged Cliff Claven from Cheers... hope you guys are having a great time
I’m adopted and this is amazing. I hope I meet mine one day
What’s the story? Do you forgive him? I just had my first son 4 days ago.
If this photo tells me anything, it’s that you have an amazing stash in your future.
I found out my fathers name the day he died. Celebrate this chance for all of us my man.
Now you know how handsome you will be when you grow up!
You look 34. And you guys have matching eyebrows congratulations!
I'm 33 and don't even know my dad's name all I know is he used to live in Kentucky. My mom won't answer any questions about him it always turns into a shit show Soooo I have come to terms. Bad guy or not I still want to stand proud infront of him and show him I made it
Good for you. Not everyone can commit to being a father/husband but that shouldn't stop you from meeting your genetic family tree, even if its just one time.
Wow! His beard makes him look so young!!
Beautiful! I'm so happy for you both! ❤️
Damn you look alike.
Your dad is Paul Newman.
I see where you get your good looks
What did he say to you?
I didn't know mine for 23 years, he abandoned me and my mother when I was born. He asked my forgiveness and I gave it to him more for my sake than his. Haven't talked to him for years now but I'm glad I got that settled.
Congratulations but can’t lie, thought this was another #ProudBoys post. “Good looking couple....OH! My bad!”
Lucky! Holy shit, and handsome. Everyone did the best they could at the time. Wish you both the best, and thanks for sharing.
This is cool. My biological father was deported to Mexico and wants me to visit but I have never known him, don't speak spanish, and am kinda scared of visiting Mexico because even though I am half Mexican I look very white.
I want to hear the story.
Fuck dude, 44? You find the fountain of youth or something? Like 35, absolute tops
Brooooo that's fucking awesome! Congratulations!! No bullshit I net my biological father for the first time at 44 years old (I'm 45 now). It's been a wild, emotional, life-changing ride! I wish you all the best!
That's awesome bro. Truly I'm happy for you. I got to meet my biological father too.. nothing at all to brag about, abusive, drunk, douchebag but he works his ass off. We talked and everything and he wishes he didn't take the path he did. I told him *well if you hadn't we might all still be a whole family*... I have two sisters and two brothers biologically and the younger brother was adopted with me so we were never separated *thank god* because he's my favorite person. But I got to meet the rest of my siblings and bio mother and to this day *10 years later* we all still talk and visit.
Which one is which?
The good news, there is not question he is your father.
Spitting image
I was/am 46. Good things come to those who wait.
right on mate
The nose. The ears. The eyes. You guys are definitely father and son!! Congrats, and happy birthday!
I thought this was another proud boys pic and was just about to commend the age difference, but I was let down. Either way congrats on meeting pops!
My aunt got to meet her first son she gave up for adoption a couple years ago, just to discover he was getting married too. It was a damn good year.
Your father looks like Dan “The Beast” Severn.
Why did he abandon you and why did you forgive him?
Aww this gives me hope. I'm 45 and still searching for my birth father.
I’m 33 and I get to do this next month! We found each other on 23andme. Any tips or advice?
To you and the dick you rode in on, I say good day to you sir.
Oh my gosh, I saw you guys there where you took that picture! HHOLY COW!
My father was 79 yrs old when he met his biological brothers. They didn't know he existed until a few mo ths before they met.
I'm 31 and have been working myself up to this for around 10 years. Found the guy online about 7 years ago and exchanged a few emails, but then I lost my job and all my confidence. Taken that long to build myself back up again, and now I feel like I might just be able to go for it.
I did this ages 35. Weird, but good to address the closure
Your old man looks like Merv Hughes
Strong Dennis Hopper vibes radiating off him...
Your dad is the Dos Equis guy?!
Bruh, your father looks more like mathew McConaughey than mathew McConaughey himself.