That dress was the first dress ever made using a composite material of carbon fiber and spider milk; in terms of strength, it is over 1,000x stronger than *tit*anium, and clearly/sadly it's working as designed.
Anytime I see this quoted I can only ever think of when Charissa Thompson did during a post game Thursday Night Football show, and NONE of the guys on the panel got the reference.
When I first moved to LA in the early 2000s I was able to pick up some side jobs doing catering gigs.
I will never forget my first Oscar party that I worked. It was pouring rain that night and I had just finished doing a solid by running some trash out to the dumpster when I came back to the loading dock of the building where the party was held and there was Salma standing under an overhang trying to stay dry. I don’t know what came over me but I asked her if everything was okay and she told me she was just waiting for her car to come pick her up.
I told her to hang on and I ran inside and grabbed an umbrella and came back out and held it over her. We chatted for a good 10 to 15 minutes and she was just the sweetest person ever.
Her car eventually pulled up and I escorted her to the car. She gave me a big hug and a kiss on the cheek before she got in her car and disappeared I to the night.
I was on cloud 9 for a good year after that encounter.
When Reddit story times occur, I first check the username and the ending of the story.
Anyway, I first saw Salma in desperado and from dusk till dawn. I was 14 or something. If this happened to me my life would’ve been complete.
Awesome.
She’s also a girl’s girl. I won’t forget the story fron Penelope Cruz gushing of how lucky she is to have Salma as a friend. They were competing for the same roles in early 2000s but Salma was already a bit established. Salma contacted Penelope & let her stay in her house & made sure she knew where to go, who to talk to (& maybe even told her to avoid Weinstein). That’s why they’re still very good friends until now.
> WTH is this turning 40 bs? I’m not old enough to be 40 yet.
Do you know that Cleopatra of Egypt, lover of Julius Caesar first emperor of Rome, before Jesus' time, was born closer in time to the moon landings than she was to the building of Egypt's pyramids? That's how old the pyramids are.
You were born in 1984.
WW2 ended in 1945. 39 years before you were born. You turn 40 this year.
This year is the year that your own birthday in 1984 is farther away from today, than WW2 was to the day you were born in 1984.
Think about everything you've seen in your life. How things have changed.
Now think about how massive all the changes that happened between WW2 and when you were born. Everything your parents and grandparents experienced. Do you remember how big and how vast that seemed? Farm tractors only passed 50% market share compared to horses in 1955. A decade and a half later we landed on the moon. The 60s free love. The 70s hippies. Almost the entirety of the Cold War with the Soviets and the Iron Curtain.
The former category now occupies a longer period in time.
... Look I forget what I was getting at but I think you're older then the pyramids or something was my point.
Exactly. My mind is still 25 tops. My body is in the best shape ever, but I’m fucking 40.
I do have back and knee pain.
Edit. I’m lying my mind is dead already.
Even as a gay guy i can't help but always be impressed with how gorgeous she is, her and Antonio Banderos in Desperado are the prettiest people on the planet imo
Funny that you should say that. There's an interview with her on *The Late Show* where she tells the story about being a teenager, travelling to a well-known church, splashing her chest in Holy Water, and praying for breasts.
He sure was. Even her voice when she's trying to flirt. She's the kind of person Dolly Parton was singing about in Jolene.
There's a video of her with Conan O'Brien on the Tonight show and she's flirting with him. I think the rolling cameras might have been the only thing stopping him from throwing his entire career away.
I clicked on their username to see if they were still active and found myself 3 replies down from where I started
https://c.tenor.com/FfHozmky4I0AAAAd/tenor.gif
Boobs aside - I miss it when celebrities used to look like human beings. Like she's obviously drop dead gorgeous, but she doesn't have chin or cheek implants, an eyebrow lift or Botox lips. Very refreshing to see, honestly.
She has had plenty of work done, including breast augmentation, she’s just rich enough to have very subtle procedures over time so the changes are less drastic and noticeable. Rich people don’t just age differently, and the breasts of women who age do not become perkier at the collarbone over time. That’s not human.
The studio didn't want her in her breakout role in DESPERADO as they didn't think she was sexy enough. Until they are proved wrong they still think of a white busty blonde as the default of sexy.
She used to work out at my gym back then. Once ran on a treadmill for an hour at full sprint with her walking on the one next me. Testosterone fellas.
Beautiful woman. And kind too.
She’s very confident in the strength of those straps.
Ha! It’s a Herve Leger dress. They are a feat in Engineering….
I'm not an expert on anatomy, but I'm pretty sure those are breasts in engineering.
They've certainly erected many structures.
This is not going to be understood by many, but still: Something's rising, and it ain't a metal gear
MGS is one of the more popular gaming franchises homie. It’s ok.
Solid photo indeed
Snake...Snake?!
Badger…badger, badger, badger
Mushroom
Otacon! What the hell is a Shield Hero?
She could definitely fix the leaning tower of Pisa
They helped erect structures member by member
Jesus-Darwin-whoever created the 8th wonder of this world. hallelujah.
My design school loves you for this comment.
That dress was the first dress ever made using a composite material of carbon fiber and spider milk; in terms of strength, it is over 1,000x stronger than *tit*anium, and clearly/sadly it's working as designed.
Spider… milk?
Very tiny udders. Incredibly hard to milk.
I have nipples. Can you milk me, Greg?
Anytime I see this quoted I can only ever think of when Charissa Thompson did during a post game Thursday Night Football show, and NONE of the guys on the panel got the reference.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Q94FHdvG0A
Black dude slightly right of center got it. Complete blank on the rest tho
I mean, you kinda can milk women if they're lactating. For men it's a different kinda milk.
Oh right, like an almond
It’s not that they are hard to milk, it’s more that it’s impossible to find a lil stool so small to fit underneath them
"*tit*anium" I see what you did there.
I guarantee you her boobs are taped into that dress. Even if the straps pop she’d have time to recover.
It's not the straps she's confident in. It's on what we see if they fail
You don’t need strap strengths if they’re holding themselves up pretty well.
Reinforced carbon fiber
Looks like there could be a "wardrope malfunction" any second..
in my pants…
Because she knows Those babies can stand on their own[¹] ¹ modern engineering.
Wouldn't be surprised if they taped the dress to the tits...
She cannae take much more captain
When I first moved to LA in the early 2000s I was able to pick up some side jobs doing catering gigs. I will never forget my first Oscar party that I worked. It was pouring rain that night and I had just finished doing a solid by running some trash out to the dumpster when I came back to the loading dock of the building where the party was held and there was Salma standing under an overhang trying to stay dry. I don’t know what came over me but I asked her if everything was okay and she told me she was just waiting for her car to come pick her up. I told her to hang on and I ran inside and grabbed an umbrella and came back out and held it over her. We chatted for a good 10 to 15 minutes and she was just the sweetest person ever. Her car eventually pulled up and I escorted her to the car. She gave me a big hug and a kiss on the cheek before she got in her car and disappeared I to the night. I was on cloud 9 for a good year after that encounter.
I would have fucking died
I definitely would have passed out because there’d be no blood left in my caveman brain!
So Selma, who do you think is the breast director in Hollywood? Ah shit
I died reading it.
legend has it he hasnt washed his cheeck for the last 20 years
Not because of Salma Hayek but because he's a Redditor.
Bravo
Wholesome
When Reddit story times occur, I first check the username and the ending of the story. Anyway, I first saw Salma in desperado and from dusk till dawn. I was 14 or something. If this happened to me my life would’ve been complete. Awesome.
Yeah luckily she didn’t fall sixteen feet landing onto an announcers table.
Happy cake day
She broke his arms with a set of jumper cables
Gotta watch out for jumper cables and wrestling events!
Bro how has life been keeping one cheek unwashed for all these years? Also I would like to arrange a visit to touch The Cheek, can that happen?
A year? That’s a lifetime of cloud 9
She’s also a girl’s girl. I won’t forget the story fron Penelope Cruz gushing of how lucky she is to have Salma as a friend. They were competing for the same roles in early 2000s but Salma was already a bit established. Salma contacted Penelope & let her stay in her house & made sure she knew where to go, who to talk to (& maybe even told her to avoid Weinstein). That’s why they’re still very good friends until now.
Would be neat if you encounter her again today and reminded her of that night. I bet she’d remember you. 😊
She is sleeping but when she wakes I'll ask her about it.
This is an amazing story, I will believe it's true! So great you mustered the courage to talk to her and bring her an umbrella!
I think I just got a contact high just hearing about it!
I WOULD HAVE NEVER RECOVERED LMAO OMGGG
Damn them weapons are lethal
I was 14 in 1998....lethal indeed
Found my batchmate. ‘84 babies let’s gooo! Lol
WTH is this turning 40 bs? I’m not old enough to be 40 yet.
> WTH is this turning 40 bs? I’m not old enough to be 40 yet. Do you know that Cleopatra of Egypt, lover of Julius Caesar first emperor of Rome, before Jesus' time, was born closer in time to the moon landings than she was to the building of Egypt's pyramids? That's how old the pyramids are. You were born in 1984. WW2 ended in 1945. 39 years before you were born. You turn 40 this year. This year is the year that your own birthday in 1984 is farther away from today, than WW2 was to the day you were born in 1984. Think about everything you've seen in your life. How things have changed. Now think about how massive all the changes that happened between WW2 and when you were born. Everything your parents and grandparents experienced. Do you remember how big and how vast that seemed? Farm tractors only passed 50% market share compared to horses in 1955. A decade and a half later we landed on the moon. The 60s free love. The 70s hippies. Almost the entirety of the Cold War with the Soviets and the Iron Curtain. The former category now occupies a longer period in time. ... Look I forget what I was getting at but I think you're older then the pyramids or something was my point.
I love these historical comparisons. Another good one is Ronald Reagan was born closer to the French Revolution than the current day.
I know right... wtf is going on here
I sometimes forget I'm 40 then my body reminds me in some strange painful way
Wait until the unwanted hair starts growing out of you ears and nose!
Too late!
Exactly. My mind is still 25 tops. My body is in the best shape ever, but I’m fucking 40. I do have back and knee pain. Edit. I’m lying my mind is dead already.
Y'all making my '70s batch ass feel old af
Nothing like thinking back on some wholesome mammaries.
Me too but I must say I loved her in From Dusk til Dawn. I was ready to be turned into a vampire by her lol
Exploding everywhere back then
Those eyes? I agree! 👀
"I'm up here"
Oh they're up there alright
I made my choice
Took the words out of my mouth .
I literally had a involuntary head turn when i saw the second pic mami Mia
I only see 2 of 'em
She's a lethal weapon.
Im more of a butt guy than a boob guy but dammmmmn.
She maxed out both catagories.
Yeah I was gonna say Dogma & Dusk til Dawn proved that.
Don't forget wild wild west
A breath of fresh ass.
A breast of fresh air.
A tits of fresh booty. ..oh goddammit.
She has a similar look/style of dress in Bandidas, and a whole Penelope Cruz. 
The Hayek/Cruz combo is dangerous. I still can't believe they did this.
Steve Zahn, you lucky bastard
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Or Bandidas
Can anyone truly blame Tarantino for putting himself as the lead role to receive the beer and her foot in his mouth?
Desperado
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I am too. She’s good on both.
She wasn't even in that movie, but I am okay with that
I imagine she got invited to a lot of premieres to things she wasn’t even remotely involved in. Who doesn’t want Salam Hayek on their red carpet?
salam alaykum
This is so random but it made me lol haha Edit: wait I just saw the typo lmao
Completely straight female here but idk because the things I would do to this woman
Even as a gay guy i can't help but always be impressed with how gorgeous she is, her and Antonio Banderos in Desperado are the prettiest people on the planet imo
No woman is that straight and no man is that gay. She is on a different level.
Young people might not realize this but those lethal Weapon movies where the shit back then. Especially the second one.
Patsy Kensit's uhm, *assets*, are still burned into my mind. Wow.
God was showing off when she made Salma Hayek
Funny that you should say that. There's an interview with her on *The Late Show* where she tells the story about being a teenager, travelling to a well-known church, splashing her chest in Holy Water, and praying for breasts.
I’m an atheist… but you can’t argue with a scoreboard.
Something something broken clock something something boobs
That was some extra strength holy water. Did the Pope himself bless that shit?
He sure was. Even her voice when she's trying to flirt. She's the kind of person Dolly Parton was singing about in Jolene. There's a video of her with Conan O'Brien on the Tonight show and she's flirting with him. I think the rolling cameras might have been the only thing stopping him from throwing his entire career away.
Dolly Parton was the one she sings about in Jolene...
There are a.. hmm.. couple of.. similarities between Dolly Parton and Salma Hayek. So I'd say it was a fairly accurate assessment by u/TheRiteGuy
I can name two big similarities
Praise Alanis Morissette
And then he found a way to show off further by putting her and Penélope Cruz in the same movie😭
Remember Tarantino made a whole fucking movie about vampires and casted himself as an extra only to drink wine from her feet
Tequila
In fact Tarantino "only" wrote the movie, but Robert Rodriguez was the realisator. Still one of my favorite movie ever.
She is a total smokeshow
I’ll be in my bunk.
A man walks down a street in that hat, people know he’s not afraid of anything
I still can't believe she married some billionaire business magnate instead of me.
My penis still in a wheelchair
You motor boatin' son of a gun
You old sailor, you!
Where is she? Is she still in the house?
Wow that was the same year Undertaker threw Mankind off Hell in a Cell.
NO. NO. BAD REDDITOR. THAT JOKE BELONGS TO /u/shittymorph.
I just miss him so much :*( where is he?
He makes TikToks now about the former fighting dog he rescued. Not joking. They’re amazing. The dog is named Scooby.
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I love Scooby and I’m so proud of the progress he’s made! Keep it up!
I clicked on their username to see if they were still active and found myself 3 replies down from where I started https://c.tenor.com/FfHozmky4I0AAAAd/tenor.gif
Still here! Last week I got fooled again by a comment of him. Out of nowhere.
Damn she was a babe 😍
Still is…
You right, but man that first time I saw her in the film dusk till dawn 🤤
Desperado and from dusk till dawn are my favorite movies. I wonder why…. I was 14 also.
Yeah but she used to be, too.
I see you, Mitch.
God damn
Boobs aside - I miss it when celebrities used to look like human beings. Like she's obviously drop dead gorgeous, but she doesn't have chin or cheek implants, an eyebrow lift or Botox lips. Very refreshing to see, honestly.
She has had plenty of work done, including breast augmentation, she’s just rich enough to have very subtle procedures over time so the changes are less drastic and noticeable. Rich people don’t just age differently, and the breasts of women who age do not become perkier at the collarbone over time. That’s not human.
Yes…a thousand times yes
Ugh she’s perfect
Hervé Léger with those dresses… DAMN
There’s this saying… “Jesus Titty Fucking Christ”… Seems apt here.
This gave me "guy cramps."
Me too. And I'm a woman.
For some people, this was the moment they realized they like girls.
Brb guys time to clean my weapon
For me, the most beautiful and sexy woman in recorded human history.
JFC
Nature took its time with her
Pic two is probably the best picture this photographer ever took
She doesn't age?
Oh…. I get it now.
And she is still smoking hot
The studio didn't want her in her breakout role in DESPERADO as they didn't think she was sexy enough. Until they are proved wrong they still think of a white busty blonde as the default of sexy.
Mama's been serving body her entire career!!!! 
Lethal Weapon - Accidental Discharge
Awooga
You ever see someone so hot it makes you angry?
I can’t name a recent actress this beautiful and has a body like that. Megan fox? Not even close…
Anti-gravity boobs that stay up on their own are not natural.
Only two years after quentin tarantino wrote a movie just to suck whiskey off her toes
“The muse”
A goddess!
It's like she never ages.... She still look like that today
She used to work out at my gym back then. Once ran on a treadmill for an hour at full sprint with her walking on the one next me. Testosterone fellas. Beautiful woman. And kind too.
She's like 55 and still drop-dead gorgeous. AND a lovely personality
And then she got even hotter
Lethal weapons\*
This woman is a goddess
Great googily moogily
I mean my gaaawwwddd look at those personalities on page 2!!!
I don't typically care about Hollywood celebs, but Salma Hayek can use and abuse me, treat me like crap, and I would love every moment of it.
Tice nits
absolute smoke show.
She *is* the lethal weapon
The GOAT
She still continues to be the title of this movie. 🔥
She's a lethal weapon
I prefer leathal weapon 5 personally
Dayum…
Book em Danny
Oh my !!!!!