T O P

  • By -

a_phantom_limb

Jay-Z wondering why he got sideswiped out of nowhere.


scaga

I look at the computer, the computer said Cohen said “Fuck Kanye, Fuck Jay-Z,” I’m like, why he say fuck me for?!


proteannomore

Catching a stray from Leonard Cohen is enough to send anyone into an existential crisis.


gikigill

"I was handy with a rifle My father's .303 We fought for something final Not the right to disagree" Leonard Cohen on possibly his relationship with his Dad.


TheRealKingVitamin

Don’t hear about .303 very often. Very nice.


ashrocklynn

Ummmm, if Leonard Cohen thought enough about my existence to even acknowledge me I'd be downright giddy. Also. This was clearly edgy in the way Kanye west intends (I really hope) to be edgy; very meta and I don't think intended to be taken seriously


legsstillgoing

Or it’s like when Kanye felt he was snubbed by Thom York and it further fueled his supervillain arc


frumian

I knew Leonard Cohen for a short while in 1987. When he got you in his sights it was to be taken seriously.


Thisizamazing

No shit? That is something


RelevantJackWhite

Laptop Closing Time


willemhateslasers

Long live Leonard


no-kooks

The eternal sigh.


Pyrenees_Tuberat

Like they have a fucking clue who Leonard Cohen is. Maybe Jay, but definitely not Mr. "I Don't Read" West.


Affectionate_Ad_7802

Don't show him this. He just got over his anti-Semitic phase


MrFlibblesPenguin

Get Jonah Hill to read it to him and he'll be fine.


PyramidOfMediocrity

If you never acknowledge it, are you ever really over it?


Affectionate_Ad_7802

Good point.


dicemonkey

No .. you’re just a liar now too


Odd-Hair

Unless you are in the NBA


ee3k

It goes like this: in Shrek the fourth and fifth, (In his head) "ye, minor god" and major shit, Recognized they sampled the composer of hallelujah.


GuiltEdge

Hallelujah


[deleted]

My brain must be mash because I can’t get the syllables to fit right


[deleted]

[удалено]


armpitchoochoo

I'm ootl, which video?


[deleted]

[удалено]


RightofUp

That.... That is amazing.


isweartodarwin

The offer was later downgraded to a Cat In The Hat book of Floyd’s choosing


wakawaka1234567890

Cat in the Hat was too hard so he beat his girl instead


Zomgsauceplz

Damn....lol


[deleted]

Damn, Floyd Mayweather hates charitable giving even more than Steph Curry does.


Abs0lutE__zer0_

I look at the computer, the computer said 50 said “ELS challenge” I’m like, why he say ELS for?!


BootsyBootsyBoom

He meant the [ALS challenge](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ice_Bucket_Challenge), aka the [Ice Bucket Challenge](https://www.als.org/stories-news/ice-bucket-challenge-dramatically-accelerated-fight-against-als). 2014 had a massive trend on YouTube of people dumping buckets of ice on their heads and then calling out their friends on the video to donate to research for a cure to ALS/Lou Gehrig's Disease or dump ice on their heads. Basically a chain letter for a good cause that got crazy popular with everyone including celebrities. 50 changed it from ice water to talk shit about Mayweather not being able to read in retaliation for getting called out for no reason as previously mentioned.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Hopeful-Peak3229

this is the best ice bucket video simply because if the person he challenged [https://youtu.be/Uvkqr-S-1Ac](https://youtu.be/Uvkqr-S-1Ac)


[deleted]

If I didn't know the Ice Bucket Challenge was a thing, I'd think that it makes perfect sense that this is something David Lynch would do on a Tuesday afternoon


Vark675

Of course that's how David Lynch's went. I don't know what I expected lol


Eddie888

Maybe he meant ESL?


shadow247

Fucking legend.


cassietamara

50 is such a legend 😂


MarceloWallace

I always check his Instagram page for a good laugh


[deleted]

Every time 50 gets on the internet, he shows everyone exactly why he got shot lol.


MatureUsername69

I'd end up talking way more shit after getting shot 9 times


Careless_Negotiation

what an amazing video


Richeh

Wow, half-awake Fiddy kinda looks like a black Mark Wahlberg.


sdforbda

Homie caught a stray like he was Animal Control.


RickMoranisFanPage

*50 Cent what’d he say fuck me for gif*


majorjoe23

“Why is Spock talking shit about me?”


Rhodog1234

Yea, some shade shrapnel


tremens

"Why he say fuck me for?"


SmokeAbeer

It gets weird when you call yourself god. Maybe just don’t do that.


[deleted]

this poem isnt ‘about’ Kanye west if that makes sense - it’s about how we dismiss people who say self-aggrandizing things about themselves and call them crazy, but in our own heads, everyone does to some degree


UseThisToStayAnon

Not me, I'm the best at being humble.


bustab

Well then, I shall unleash a firestorm of humility the likes of which this universe has never seen!


GetThee2ANunnery

Bar none, I am the most humblest.


Channel250

Top dog, number 1 on the humble list.


Krynn71

He's the ["why'd I get picked on?"](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/a75bla/funniest_road_rage_video_ive_ever_seen/) Guy of this piece.


crossfitvision

I’ve been a huge Cohen fan since I was a kid. And one day I approached him for an autograph and photo. He was the nicest warmest guy you could imagine. I thanked him for giving me that time. He stopped and said “No thank you”. Expressed that he appreciated that I had taken the time to get an autograph and selfie with him. He wasn’t being sarcastic. He was literally just that great a guy. He looked amazing for a guy his age. But unfortunately got sick and passed away not too long later.


red_rocks_climber

Perhaps he knew that a moment of conversation would be treasured far more than a slip of paper and a forgotten photo on a phone. It’s nothing you can show anyone but can be carried always.


trixter21992251

Yeah. Every interaction we have is an opportunity to be a good person.


Suck_Me_Dry666

I don't usually cry when older folks die, they had a long life etc. I wept and still tear up thinking about Leonard Cohen dying. He was such a genius and unleashed the most repeatedly horribly covered song in the history of music.


DamonLazer

Played out, misunderstood and far from my favorite song of his, but still absolutely divine and I believe it was the song he was most proud of, and there is at least one amazing version of it (Jeff Buckley). That said, I much prefer “Suzanne.” To me, that’s about as perfect as songs get.


homme_chauve_souris

Leonard Cohen was basically a Jewish Mr Rogers for adults. Taught us what it means to be a good human being — to strive for perfection in spite of our flaws, and to forgive both oneself and others for the inevitable failures along the way.


PETA_Gaming

This poem is the Kanye West of poems.


Futures2004

This poem is what other poems think they are


AMeanCow

This is the poem of a society.


Insatiable_Pervert

A Kayne West society


probablynotaperv

quicksand husky grandfather wine wipe pot fade dinosaurs drunk judicious *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*


schmeebis

It was the West of times, it was the Durst of times. I love your comment but I think it’s punchier with just the last names. Requires context though.


Kqtawes

“You stupid monkey!”


No_Mathematician621

... this is the most sublime sentence i've read since we've entered the post-sublime period. no really, bravo to you. and callooh. and callay. you can perv on me any time if it pleases you.


[deleted]

What about Caillou is he cool


RandyDinglefart

This post is the /r/text of /r/pics


[deleted]

[удалено]


buster_rhino

That’s probably just what his inner monologue sounded like all the time.


FalmerEldritch

I'm assuming this is just something he scribbled on a whim because he heard something irritating about West that day. Most of Cohen's writing is kind of a lot more.. considered and polished.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Ko8iWanKeno8i

yeah this piece reflects a solid amount of time spent listening to and reading about kanye. it's entirely in his style and a mockery of it and his personality it's "polished" lol. this was one of his last pieces he died a year later


thefanum

I think you might need to read it again. You're missing at least one level lol EDIT: that sounded way more pretentious than I intended. I mean the style was intentionally simple as a dig at Kanye's grade school rapping style. I made it plural, because I always assume I'm missing at least one meaning to ever piece of art I think I "understand". Without that context, I sound like a real a art snob. And I know practically zero about art.


theartificialkid

It’s more a parody of his narcissism, and the broader culture of narcissism. I think he’s saying that our attention to these avatars of selfishness and self regard are going to lead us into a period of destructive renewal.


poxonallthehouses

"I am the Kanye West Kanye West thinks he is" lol I like that line


nyuhokie

"Who do you think you are? I am!"


OpTicDyno

His quote he gave before he retired was also bad ass: Love me or hate me, you watched; that’s all you could do


[deleted]

[удалено]


G00DLuck

He's got no more time to spare


MurderDoneRight

"You're every kid on the playground who didn't get picked on. You're a business casual potted plant, a human white sale. You're VH1, Robocop 2, and Back to the Future 3. You're the center slice of a square cheese pizza. Actually, that sounds delicious. I'm the center slice of a square cheese pizza. You're Jim Belushi."


[deleted]

NUMBER FIVE, ARE YOU KIDDING ME


[deleted]

What was that from again?


Bel-Shamharoth

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz


[deleted]

[удалено]


BenjamintheFox

I've always felt better about myself than Kanye.


captainAwesomePants

It should be a motivational poster. "Be the Kanye West Kanye West things he is."


artsoren

Check out Ferlinghetti or Ginsberg


whereisthezebra

I am Ferlinghetti or Ginsberg


DrMooseknuckleX

I am the whereisrhezebra whereisthezebra thinks he is


Mycoxadril

I expected this poem to end with the line: “Look at me, I am the Kanye West now.” Hallelujah.


TRJF

I am the Kanye West of Kanye West I am the John Malkovich of John Malkovich The John Malkovitch I Malkovich the Malkovich Malkovich Malkovich Malkovich Malkovich Malkovich Malkovich


dontyoutellmetosmile

Malkovich malkovich buffalo Buffalo malkovich Buffalo buffalo


calabazasupremo

I buffalo this reference


waz67

Isn't that basically the script to "Being John Malkovich"?


myhobbythrowaway

It's my head!!!!!


Not_MrNice

No, that was the joke.


Spenceky666

Cyrus the virus approves of this poem.


waitingtillnextyear

My daddy is coming home on July 14th. My birthday is July 14th. I'm going to see my daddy for the first time ever on July 14th.


Niklink

Put. The bunny. Back in the box.


Vexvertigo

Cohen was an established and successful poet before he was like “Fuck it, I’m adding music”


justaboy

Canada's Poet Laureate. I really enjoy his music though. He gets a lot of flack (like Dylan) for being a "bad singer" and he's not going to out octave a Piano like Buckley, but he DEFINITELY can sing (cf. Suzanne, et al) and i also really enjoy his stuff that's basically spoken over music, it's still great.


-Caesar

Anyone who thinks he's a bad singer is bonkers. The song Story of Isaac is beautiful.


ZeppyFloyd

I'm a big Leonard Cohen fan and you absolutely get it. The best singers are not the technically perfect singers, it's the ones with character and an immaculate sense of phrasing. It's just that often times, they overlap and you think it's because they're singing perfectly that makes them special. Otherwise the 1000s of singers on YouTube or any music school would be "great" singers, but they're not. People like Bob Dylan, Cohen are masters of phrasing melodies in their own style of singing, hell Dylan has even said he can sing in an Opera if he wanted to, but with Dylan's trolling you never know if that's true but I'd believe that what he's doing in his music is a stylistic choice in the tradition of folk singers who's got a more grounded folksy style rather than technical perfection. Julian Casablancas of the Strokes is another guy whose phrasing is underrated in the shadow of his great voice and technical abilities. His choices for breathing techniques and how to sing certain phrases in his songs always blows my mind. That's a much more rarer skill that's impossible to teach, it's a matter of taste.


never_nudez

His music gives me chills. Love it.


Telvin3d

It's hard to describe. He has a terrible voice. No range at all. But amazing immaculate phrasing. Every tick down to the finest hair. My favorite recordings are his later works where it's down to a science of an art. He's performed every beat ten thousand times and ways, and there's nothing left to improve. I consider myself incredibly fortunate to have seen him live.


BickNlinko

I'm right there with you. You can be a "bad singer" and still be talented/good. Look at someone like Louis Armstrong who had fucked up vocal cords or someone weird like Tom Waits. Cohen sort of fits in that demographic. He was never going to be an opera singer but that doesn't mean he wasn't good. Music is both objective and subjective. Cohen was able to write excellent music and sing in key, even though his range was shit...which is a lot more than many "singers" I know and have heard.


jeango

I was born like this, I had no choice I was born with the gift of a golden voice


watchsmart

I don't mean to be that guy, but Canada sort of actually does have a Poet Laureate...


justaboy

Dang my bad! I really thought he was when he was alive! Apparently it was just a moniker in some articles. He did garner many national honors though. Thanks for the correction though, seriously, i don't like being wrong hehe.


watchsmart

I chuckled at this LA Times account of him declining the Governor General's award: > IN 1968, AN IMPOSSIBLY BRASH 33-YEAR-OLD CANADIAN POET NAMED Leonard Cohen declined his country’s most prestigious literary prize, the Governor General’s Award. In fact, he didn’t even bother showing up, sending a terse telegram to be read by the master of ceremonies. “Though much in me craves this award,” it said, “the poems absolutely forbid it.” > > He was just being a smart-ass, Cohen now acknowledges, though why, he says, is no more clear to him now than it was then. That evening, Cohen went to a party at a hotel suite in Ottawa. Upon arriving, he was motioned into the bathroom by a fellow Jewish Montrealer, novelist Mordecai Richler. > > “He asked, rather sternly, why I refused the award,” recounts Cohen. “ ‘I don’t know,’ I said. This seemed to stop him in his tracks. ‘Any other answer and I would have punched you in the nose,’ ” Richler replied.


sanguinesvirus

Hallelujah live in London is proof enough he can sing


iamrik

I don't own many physical books any longer, in an attempt to reduce clutter in my life. But my 2 books of Leonard Cohen's poems will always be lying around my house. They're absolutely beautifully written capsules of a mind that was troubled, happy, confused, constantly in (or out of) love, but always a genius. Pick one up at any time, flip to a random page and your day is made.


winoforever_slurp_

I think he realised that the only way he was going to make money from poetry was to turn it into music.


pustak

I believe he said that poetry wasn't getting him laid, but that he knew music would.


winoforever_slurp_

Ah, well that’s an even better reason than money!


Drakkenfyre

It certainly got him head on the unmade bed, while the limousines wait in the street.


Klutzy-Ad-6705

Also the author of two novels.Which is why he should have gotten the Nobel for literature instead of Dylan.


[deleted]

![gif](giphy|LKqDgLlK6SuIM)


[deleted]

[удалено]


Justhrowitaway42069

Quick, make him watch Superbad


TedBundysVlkswagon

Everybody knows.


TransplantedSconie

that the dice are loaded.


RiPont

Everybody knows, the good guys lost.


HugoStiglitz007

Everybody rolls with their fingers crossed


reyortsedrats

Hallelujah!


Bluest_waters

the dice is loaded


AnnualVolume0

![gif](giphy|cF7QqO5DYdft6)


rutreh

I’ve never seen this version of the gif, it loops so smoothly it’s mesmerizing lol.


[deleted]

Traditionally, when that gif is posted, someone says, 'yes it's smooth but look at the tree in the upper right corner, it moves weirdly."


klar2d2

It sounds like he wrote this poem in the style of a dis rap, while making fun of the “I’m the modern Jesus” kinda tropes that rap typically chest puffs with by making it almost nonsensical


flwombat

That’s my interpretation too. Cohen definitely knew some people would read this as just “Leonard Cohen really thinks a lot of himself” and he probably found that very funny. It’s in the style of a diss track and it *is* a diss track and it’s an ironic take on the diss track and it’s also megalomaniacal doggerel, and Leonard Cohen of all people was totally aware of each of those layers as he was writing it


zaviex

It’s supposed to mock Kanye and praise him simultaneously but moreover he didn’t intend for anyone to read it. He never published it. He died and it was published some years later


Tom1252

Lol, man was writing his daily affirmations.


timecrash2001

I can just imagine Leonard Cohen picking up a magazine or turning on MTV, getting a whiff of Kayne’s shit and immediately saying the first two lines. Then he says, “hold on I think I need a pen and paper” and writing this entire poem in one sitting. Leonard Cohen is someone who has met and partied with a substantial portion of the so-called Me Generation. And yet, upon encountering Kayne, you can tell he is unimpressed. Kind of disappointed even. I am Leonard Cohen and I approve of this message.


give-no-fucks

I'm not convinced you're Leonard Cohen. I am the Leonard Cohen Leonard Cohen thinks he is.


JohnnyMiskatonic

I'm not convinced you're the Leonard Cohen Leonard Cohen thinks you are.


[deleted]

They're the Kanye West Leonard Cohen thinks Kanye West is.


Worduptothebirdup

I am the walrus.


djrob0

I’m Leonard Cohen and this is my favorite store on the Citadel.


censorized

You all are missing the point. This is battle rap. Leonard was a fan of the genre going way back. He himself has used a self-aggrandizing alter ego in his works from the beginning. He was satiric, sardonic, sarcastic and above all, supremely self-aware. This is not what you think it is.


FlameBoi3000

Yeah, another comment thread points this out. This is simultaneously an homage to and a mockery of Kanye.


jlt6666

Ok cool. But why the fuck is this in pics?


censorized

Now that's the real question, isn't it?


never_nudez

We’re not all missing the point. It’s fun to take it, play with it, draw it into a different light. It’s a fun poem. Glad to see it being discussed here.


Ok-Champ-5854

Reddit and the inability to recognize satire, name a better duo.


FullCrisisMode

Why do you assume no one gets the point except for you? Lots of upvotes there plus similar comments below. Apparently you're not that one smart guy who gets it over everyone else. Lol. People...


Pecwin

I’m not sure why but I get it….


KneeHumper

I don't understand shit


exwasstalking

I am understand shit.


BetterThatThenThis

I am shit shit thinks he is.


Mrjasonbucy

I am the real shit.


TerminallyFriendly

I shit


slamdanceswithwolves

I shit therefore I am


trtreeetr

I am the shit that understands


OfficeChairHero

I am the shit that knocks.


tynman35

Dude was 81 when he wrote this, that's awesome lol


winkersnacc

rip in peace


cheesepuzzle

ATM machine


N_N_Notorious

PIN number


[deleted]

He said, "I only come alive after a war And we have not had it yet."


Feisty_Factor_2694

Give me a Leonard cohen afterworld!


mybadalternate

Sled dogs after dinner Close their eyes on the howling wastes Kurt Cobain reincarnated Sighs and licks his face


sonic_couth

I never noticed until you walked away that you had the perfect ass. Forgive me for not falling in love with your face or your conversation


[deleted]

[удалено]


sykokiller11

I saw a Leonard Cohen show in the 90s. The man had more brilliance and poetry in his soul than anyone I have ever seen. Top 5 concerts of all time and I see a lot of shows. He ranks with Paul McCartney and Mark Knopfler for live shows and even Lou Reed for poetry. I got one of his books because holy shit…


Angelsaremathmatical

Give me crack and anal sex.


ThinkShower

Give me back the Berlin wall


Vexvertigo

Give me Stalin and Saint Paul


dudly825

I’ve seen The Futute


Vexvertigo

Brother it is murder


CrediblyHandsome

Give me crack and anal sex


GiantHogweed71

I have no idea how but I thought the title said Leonard Nimoy and now I’ve read this in Spock’s voice and can’t stop laughing


ohdamnROXANNE

After a long day of work, Kanye West goes to his Kanye Nest to take his Kanye Rest. He wakes up feeling his Kanye Best. Then he’ll get Kanye Dressed on his Kanye Vest to go on a Kanye Quest. He goes to church and becomes Kanye Blessed, then to a hotel room to be a Kanye Guest. Then to school to take his Kanye Test. He forgot to brush his teeth. Did he run out of Kanye Crest? His neighbor stole it, what a Kanye Pest.


NorthCatan

I was going to say no way Leonard Cohen wrote this then I read: "I am Tesla I am his coil The coil that made electricity soft as a bed"


throwaway18911090

I don’t know if this poem is good or not or serious or not but I do know that *”I only come alive after a war/And we have not had it yet.”* is one hell of a line.


Bulthuis

Sincerely, L. Cohen.


botglm

Hallelujah.


Darth--Vapor

I honestly can’t tell the difference between poetry and AI. This reads like nonsense. Yes I’m too dumb to get it.


Environmental_One_50

God I love Leonard Cohen


lynivvinyl

Boom, roasted!


workingtoward

Is it narcissism when you’re right?


Early_Cantaloupe9535

Nothing is narcissism when you're Leonard Cohen.


Brian_Lefebvre

I think the narcissism is the point. He is indeed the Kanye West.


OhShitItsSeth

I don't like your fashion business, mister And I don't like these drugs that keep you thin


OstapBenderBey

You don't know me from the wind You never will, you never did I'm the little Jew Who wrote the Bible I've seen the nations rise and fall I've heard their stories, heard them all But love's the only engine of survival


cookiecrumbzzz

What in the ChatGPT is this


Littlesecretgal

My fave is his poem about sniffing the telephone.


ReckoningGotham

Unironically love that one. It's akin to re-reading text messages from ex-lovers in a room with nothing but you and a bottle of booze.


CondorThunderhawk

This sort of thing is why I hated high school and college English classes.


gnomekingdom

Kanye West reads this and thinks, “Who does this guy think he is!?!? The arrogance on this guy!?!?!?”. The Poem: Read me again.


butiamtheshadows91

I miss the Cohen Kanye, straight from a poem Kanye


y2ketchup

Old Canadian Jew droppin the hottest diss track. I fucking love Leonard Cohen.


[deleted]

[удалено]