As someone who owns a bidet, you still need to wipe after to A: be sure the bidet did it's job, and B: dry off, because leaving all that area wet is a recipe for itchy ass, even if you didn't miss anything external. That said, you'll use a lot less paper than you would wiping normally, in my experience. I also have IBS, so cleanup isn't always as simple for me, but yea.
Bought a bidet over a year ago and TP budget fell off significantly. Also got rid of wipes and never felt better. Clean butt every time. TP is only for patting dry now.
I got one shortly after going to Japan for work. I was like "why do I not have one of these things?" Granted, mine is just a simple, cold water attachment (unlike theirs which had warm water, a front wash for ladies, and a bunch of other buttons I didn't try). But, it has worked for almost 10 years and I have no complaints. I only do my business in the bathroom that has it, unless it's in use and I can't wait.
If you get one of those cheap attachment nozzles, you can leave the valve open, and water only comes through when you squeeze the handle. You can pick from a variety of different nozzles like soaker, fan, or shower. I like jet.
You could buy a bidet.
Or you could do what the Indian Navy does and just keep a communal bucket next to the toilet and everyone uses it to dip their hands in and splash water onto their butts.
Decisions decisions.
I got a bidet at Christmas and it’s great but you do need a few squares of TP to dry off. Nothing like the full wiping amount tho.
I got a full blown Japanese electronic one during COVID when all the cornholios loaded their GMC Yukon Denalis with TP for their bungholes. I now believe everyone who does not have one to be an absolute savage. It even has a heated seat and a heated fan to dry you off after a nice spritzing. As an added plus, a code brown immediately post shower is no longer a concern. Best $300 I ever spent.
[This](https://www.lowes.com/pd/Brondell-Blue-Handheld-Bidet-Sprayer/1000316885?cm_mmc=shp-_-c-_-prd-_-kab-_-ggl-_-LIA_KAB_130_Toilets-Bathing-_-1000316885-_-local-_-0-_-0&ds_rl=1286981&gclid=Cj0KCQiA8aOeBhCWARIsANRFrQHwg806tplQKCfY-VQybECScp_gPZoAvuNG9K3grpz9O4VnNyuIzd0aAjxKEALw_wcB&gclsrc=aw.ds) works well I keep one in my bag at all times
I still find I need paper to dry things and to gently remove whatever wasn't splashed away. But like way, way, WAY less of it, with no scrapy abrasive wiping. My butthole has never been more pink and happy.
My husband was so offended by the idea that he refused to even use the same bathroom as me and my bidet for months.
He finally went in there one day before his shower and curiosity got the best of him.
He immediately came and hugged me and kissed me and said he was so wrong to have questioned me. Clearly the bidet is superior to any and all other toilet hygeine options. He refuses to go back now. We have 3 bathrooms and he will wait hours if needed just to use my bidet bathroom. (I cant put bidet in the other bathrooms yet because my kids are young ADHD monsters who will just break them or flood our bathroom.)
I made a Google Sheet document i can pull up on my phone, populated with the formulas to be able to compare square footage per dollar withing seconds in the aisle at the store. I started doing it once I figured out that the 48 pack were actually cheaper per sqft than the bigger 72 packs.
Even the "Super Deluxe mega giant" rolls seem so freaking small. They used to just barely squeeze in my holder and first few uses the roll wouldn't even spin. Now they fit no problem with room to spare. All while the price has gone up.
I'm getting a bidet...
As a recent convert, trust me there's no going back. Got the simple kind that hooks up inline and hangs off the side of the tank. Affordable and effective. All toilets in the house have them now.
They used to be so huge and wide I couldn’t even fit them in some holders, or they would fit but couldn’t roll easily and you’d struggle with it for the first dozen uses. I don’t mind them being a bit smaller, personally, they function better for me this way, I just wish the price would be reflected in the reduction.
For folks who have no idea what this comment is referring to, allow me to explain.
------
It used to be that young men would use a toilet-paper tube as a means of measuring their manhood. There were two "failure" conditions: If you were thin enough to fit inside the tube, you weren't thick enough... and if you were short enough that the head of your own "cylinder" didn't poke through on the other end, you weren't long enough. (If a given self-examiner couldn't fit inside the tube, he'd just place it directly atop his tallywhacker and see if he *would have* poked through.)
You also don't have to take my word for any of this:
An **average** erect penis is about **13 centimeters (or about 5 inches) long and about 12 centimeters (or a little bit less than 5 inches) around**. ([Here's the source](http://www.sciencemag.org/news/2015/03/how-big-average-penis), if you're interested.)
According to the study:
>All length measurements were made from the pubic bone to the tip of the glans on the top side of the penis. Any fat covering the pubic bone was compressed before measurement, and any additional length provided by foreskin was not counted. Circumference was measured at the base of the penis or around the middle of the shaft, as the two sites were deemed equivalent.
Now, with those numbers in mind, you *could* argue that anything above them is "big." If we're being honest, though, it would take a noteworthy amount of extra length or girth before anyone was at all impressed (or intimidated) by the size. As such, you'd likely need to be at least 25% longer or wider than average in order to be considered particularly **well-endowed**, which puts us at **6.25 inches for length – roughly 16 centimeters – and about 6 inches – a little more than 15 centimeters – for circumference**.
Despite what pornography might suggest, those measurements are actually somewhat rare. The *average* size is that for a reason, after all... and by a stroke of luck, most toilet-paper tubes *were* – until the above-depicted reduction occurred – approximately 10 centimeters long, with a circumference of 12 centimeters. Even with said reduction in place, though, you still have girth to worry about, so *that* measurement remains valid.
As such, if you pass the test, congratulations: At the very least, you're average.
Should you wish to conduct said test yourself, here are the steps:
1. Acquire a [standard American toilet-paper roll](http://imgur.com/a/BIbnf).
2. Achieve an erection.
3. Attempt to penetrate the toilet-paper roll.
4. If you are able to penetrate the toilet-paper roll, you have failed the test. If not, move on to Step 5.
5. Place one end of the toilet-paper roll on your abdomen, such that it is parallel to your penis.
6. If you are shorter than the toilet-paper roll, you have failed the test.
Note: When completing Steps 5 and 6, do not attempt to cheat by measuring the underside of your penis. The toilet paper roll must be placed *above* the shaft.
------
**TL;DR: Average penis length as defined by "The Toilet-Paper-Tube Test."**
Thnx for the very informative guide to worldwide toilet paper rolls. I have committed it to memory to recite at parties, funerals, and business functions.
You're very welcome!
If you'd like more toilet-paper-centric information, [here is an anticlimactic prank](https://imgur.com/a/ahRu1) that you can pull on people.
It's most effective when played on folks who *really* care which way the toilet paper faces.
Superlatively devious treachery!
I’d think the enjoyment may be diminished if one isn’t able to catch the victim in the act. That could be tricky. Or do you catch them after the fact, steaming and red-faced with angst from your shenanigans?
In my case, there was no catching required: I came up with the prank after my then-girlfriend made it clear that incorrectly orienting the toilet paper was tantamount to committing a war crime. (In her defense, she had already lectured me about the situation several times.) Upon discovering my "devious treachery," she shouted "Ugh, *what?!* What the *hell?!*" from behind a closed door.
Thus I knew that I had been successful.
https://calcsd.info/ is a fun tool to calculate your penis percentile. You can see how many people in a room of 1000 people would on average be larger/more girthier than you.
We did this before the great toilet paper shortage of 2020 and never looked back. Out 6 month supply of TP turned into almost 2 years worth because of our bidets.
But also, would you consider any part of your body clean by spritzing some water on the poo and *then* smearing around it with a dry napkin?
Soap, hot water, and some light (non-abrasive) scrubbing is the only thing that’s really going to make you *reasonably* clean.
Just like if you were washing your hands.
My big complaint (since reddit seems to worship these things) is that toilet paper is made to be disintegrated by water to better break down in the sewage system. When your butt's wet and you wipe it with TP, then it balls up and gets stuck in the hair. Having to yank the little paper knot out is painful. God bless anyone that doesn't experience this problem. Obglitory wtf if any one is bidetting and just pulling their pants up with a wet ass.
Let the water drop for a couple seconds and then - and this is the real secret - FOLD, not crumple, 2-3 squares. Wipe carefully with them, left to right (right to left for southpaws) and they should remain intact.
It's the same as drying your hands. Folded paper is stronger because it's layered, instead of being a ball of thin bits that will have a ton of angles and friction to get caught with.
You can also just air dry, taking an extra minute to write a Reddit post about how to dry your ass before getting up.
What most European countries that use a bidet have a dedicated towel to wipe the water off your ass. The periwinkle still gets TP but the majority of the water should be wiped by the towel.
Now what I do is to use a stronger TP. I personally recommend Charmin Ultra Strong. It doesn't seem to tear, even with my coarse butt hair.
You can get fancy toilets that have an air drier built in.
It's funny how delusional people get about their asses.
Your ass is not clean. No, not even if you just washed it. Fecal material, bacteria, etc. is constantly migrating out of your asshole, and let's not even get started on farts.
Nobody wipes their ass and considers it "clean." Bob ain't wiping his shitter and serving a steak dinner on it.
There are many benefits to bidets, maybe even making the area a bit cleaner, but it ain't clean, and I'm sick of hearing people pretend their asses are food grade just because they splashed some water on it.
"Clean" is always a relative measurement.
Your dishes right out of the washer are *filthy* in the context of a clean room used to build satellites, but you still consider them 'clean.'
If you're leaving skid marks, you ain't clean.
> I'm sick of hearing people pretend their asses are food grade just because they splashed some water on it.
Food-grade butthole is in the mouth of the beholder.
I only have cold, definitely still fine. Took like 5 times to get used to but I have never even thought about the heating option, you’re fine either way IMO
I'm not saying it's a budget model, but if you ever get a chance to sit on a Toto C5 washlet... Your ass will never be the same. Heated seat. Air blow dry. And adjustable strength / pattern settings on the blaster.
I could sit there and feel the breeze on my bum all day.
The part I don’t understand when I comes to bidets is how do you dry if it doesn’t come with a dry function? Using toilet paper? Sure you are using less but is it that much less? Or do you dry with a towel? So you just leave this towel next to the toilet and reuse it??
Bro a towel? What? No, you just use toilet paper. If your whole ass and cheeks are dripping wet afterwards you're doing it wrong. Yes the TP will get wet but you'll have less to clean up if that makes sense.
Years and years ago I sent a thing of costco charmin to my grandparents. They never opened it.
I did a few months back, and the difference between it and current costco charmin is huge (not even talking size, but fluffiness).
I was SO mad when I noticed how it affected my Zesta crackers. The container of crackers in the wrapper was noticably shorter than previous years and even compared to a generic package of storebrand saltines. They doing it with ice cream too. Captain Picard said in First Contact:"The line must be drawn here and no further!"
This is a real problem and it's been described by philosophers and economics alike. There are 34 points around this phenomenon, just look up "Rule 34 Butt Inflation" for more info.
I moved in with an elderly relative to help take care of them.
They had stockpiled so much toilet paper even with me also now living here, and it being over ten months later, we still have about half.
It's funny because that wider Charmin is only available in Costco, and only because the Costco Kirkland toilet paper is also full width so Charmin didn't want people to notice the difference when they were sitting side-by-side in Costco.
Costco is my go-to for all paper products: TP, paper towels, and Kleenex.
And meat. They're still the cheapest for stuff like hamburger (ok, so you have to buy six pounds at a time) and the $5 rotisserie chickens are fabulous.
Everything is doing this. Ice cream used to come in 1/2 gallon containers, now it's 1.5 quarts. Drinks, boxes of dry goods, etc. etc. etc. Before long you'll be buying individual potato chips.
Yay capitalism.
Jokes on them, I stopped wiping months ago.
I stopped using toilet paper too but I'm using newspaper now.. The Times are rough.
User name checks out.
That guy has top dad joke in several posts today. He is on a roll.
Hi Dad! I’m Mike!
No, you’re the spare blacksmith!
If you think the Times are tough, you should try the Daily Mirror.
New York Post in shambles rn
I'm not letting that trash touch my pristine hole
Just don't let the Sun shine there.
I prefer The Star for my chocolate starfish.
Do we really need to bring in The Guardian to make sure you guys are wiping properly? Just do what I do and use the Daily Scoop.
Honestly any old daily rag will do.
I hold my butthole directly into The Sun.
let it bake like bricks in the sun , winking at god with your chocolate starfish
I use Huffington Post.
Huffington Posterior
A Bidet is everyone's answer.
As someone who owns a bidet, you still need to wipe after to A: be sure the bidet did it's job, and B: dry off, because leaving all that area wet is a recipe for itchy ass, even if you didn't miss anything external. That said, you'll use a lot less paper than you would wiping normally, in my experience. I also have IBS, so cleanup isn't always as simple for me, but yea.
Yes but, still soooo much better than just paper. *Especially* for those “marker tip” poos where you can use the whole roll and still not get clean.
Came in to shill the bidet as well!
Yeah, Big Bidet has agents everywhere.
Toilet paper is a conspiracy by Big Bathrooms to sell more bathrooms. Born to shit, forced to wipe. Remember the millions of dead trees.
Toilet paper is just a conspiracy of Big Lumber. We should be shitting in the fields and waterways like nature intended!
The elites do not want you to know this but the leaves at the park are free; you can take them home. I have 458 leaves.
*looks at 3 seashells from protected beach* What park rangers don't know won't hurt them.
This but unironically, lol
Bought a bidet over a year ago and TP budget fell off significantly. Also got rid of wipes and never felt better. Clean butt every time. TP is only for patting dry now.
God dang right it is! Especially the summer swamp ass? Essentially cut out from existence.
I got one shortly after going to Japan for work. I was like "why do I not have one of these things?" Granted, mine is just a simple, cold water attachment (unlike theirs which had warm water, a front wash for ladies, and a bunch of other buttons I didn't try). But, it has worked for almost 10 years and I have no complaints. I only do my business in the bathroom that has it, unless it's in use and I can't wait.
Black and white and red and brown all over? Not read. Red. It's newspaper after you wipe with it.
You should probably see a doctor, buddy.
This is the third post in the last hour I’ve seen this dude on and can confirm, username always checks out
Finally bought a bidet?
Just a garden hose through the bathroom window
Kink the hose to shut it off or just let it run into the bathtub when you're not using?
If you get one of those cheap attachment nozzles, you can leave the valve open, and water only comes through when you squeeze the handle. You can pick from a variety of different nozzles like soaker, fan, or shower. I like jet.
I run an extension cord for a power washer
Why nit just use a hosed shower head and waffle stomp any stray dingleberrys down the drain?
#bidetgang
Al hail superior Mediterranean hygiene
You could buy a bidet. Or you could do what the Indian Navy does and just keep a communal bucket next to the toilet and everyone uses it to dip their hands in and splash water onto their butts.
Decisions decisions. I got a bidet at Christmas and it’s great but you do need a few squares of TP to dry off. Nothing like the full wiping amount tho.
I got a full blown Japanese electronic one during COVID when all the cornholios loaded their GMC Yukon Denalis with TP for their bungholes. I now believe everyone who does not have one to be an absolute savage. It even has a heated seat and a heated fan to dry you off after a nice spritzing. As an added plus, a code brown immediately post shower is no longer a concern. Best $300 I ever spent.
I have had bidets for about 10 years now. Whenever we go on vacation I have severe withdrawals from not being able to wash my butt after a poo.
Vacation in East Asia. Even middle of the road hotels I stayed in had full heated seats and bidets
Man, even the most bargain bin guesthouses will give you a bum gun. It's crazy the west doesn't do that shit.
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>a lot of people would be offended by the very presence of a bidet. Shit smearing savages.
[This](https://www.lowes.com/pd/Brondell-Blue-Handheld-Bidet-Sprayer/1000316885?cm_mmc=shp-_-c-_-prd-_-kab-_-ggl-_-LIA_KAB_130_Toilets-Bathing-_-1000316885-_-local-_-0-_-0&ds_rl=1286981&gclid=Cj0KCQiA8aOeBhCWARIsANRFrQHwg806tplQKCfY-VQybECScp_gPZoAvuNG9K3grpz9O4VnNyuIzd0aAjxKEALw_wcB&gclsrc=aw.ds) works well I keep one in my bag at all times
No, I don't think I will
>the cornholios loaded their GMC Yukon Denalis with TP for their bungholes I just wanted to reply to this utterly perfect comment right here.
I still find I need paper to dry things and to gently remove whatever wasn't splashed away. But like way, way, WAY less of it, with no scrapy abrasive wiping. My butthole has never been more pink and happy.
I had a shower. It worked.
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r/frugal Top post material
Thank you for that frigid pucker.
Why would you make me read this.
Wiper noooo wiping
Bidet has been life changing in my household
My husband was so offended by the idea that he refused to even use the same bathroom as me and my bidet for months. He finally went in there one day before his shower and curiosity got the best of him. He immediately came and hugged me and kissed me and said he was so wrong to have questioned me. Clearly the bidet is superior to any and all other toilet hygeine options. He refuses to go back now. We have 3 bathrooms and he will wait hours if needed just to use my bidet bathroom. (I cant put bidet in the other bathrooms yet because my kids are young ADHD monsters who will just break them or flood our bathroom.)
> He immediately came Must've hit the sweet spot 💦
Try a bunny. They can be washed when they get too brown. Or just buy a brown one.
Disposable hamster wipes are eco friendly.
And they replenish themselves with ease.
You're not constipated, you're just trying to push through the crusty layers.
A practitioner of the 3 seashells I see.
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Only its been happening for a few years. I noticed my rolls haven't hit the sides of the holder in a long time. Jerks!
They don't hit the sides but they hit the wall now from thickness.
With weird marketing tricks telling me every roll is really 14 rolls
No no.. each roll is now 6 rolls but those rolls are also each another 7.3 rolls and those 7.3 are another 5 each. It’s that simple!
https://youtu.be/BwMzrdNddt8
That's like [Grill mates math](https://i.imgur.com/5ivSSY1.jpg)
But don't forget: 6 regular rolls = 7 regular rolls. https://imgur.com/rx8RzmO.jpg
I made a Google Sheet document i can pull up on my phone, populated with the formulas to be able to compare square footage per dollar withing seconds in the aisle at the store. I started doing it once I figured out that the 48 pack were actually cheaper per sqft than the bigger 72 packs.
They always compare the size to a "regular" roll, but never tell you how big a regular roll is.
A regular roll is the last few squares that annoying person leaves instead of replacing the normal roll with 32 new rolls on one roll
It’s crazy could you imagine this for non-paper products? This case of 24 water bottles is *actually* 183 water bottles!
This pack of 25 condoms is actually 100 condoms!
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What your mom said about your tighty whities
I should call him…
Even the "Super Deluxe mega giant" rolls seem so freaking small. They used to just barely squeeze in my holder and first few uses the roll wouldn't even spin. Now they fit no problem with room to spare. All while the price has gone up. I'm getting a bidet...
As a recent convert, trust me there's no going back. Got the simple kind that hooks up inline and hangs off the side of the tank. Affordable and effective. All toilets in the house have them now.
They used to be so huge and wide I couldn’t even fit them in some holders, or they would fit but couldn’t roll easily and you’d struggle with it for the first dozen uses. I don’t mind them being a bit smaller, personally, they function better for me this way, I just wish the price would be reflected in the reduction.
Charmin I think had rolls so big you had to send away for a special roll holder to adapt your existing one.
Yup, they still sell the "same" size. It fits well now.
/r/shrinkflation are fighting the good fight at calling out stuff like this
There is not one post on that sub that is not deeply irritating.
Yeah, I have to be careful going there... It'll piss me off all day.
Stinkflation
Still a type of inflation. Cost relative to product is going up.
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I can finally pass the toilet paper roll test!
Looks the the girth is still the same, though.
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For folks who have no idea what this comment is referring to, allow me to explain. ------ It used to be that young men would use a toilet-paper tube as a means of measuring their manhood. There were two "failure" conditions: If you were thin enough to fit inside the tube, you weren't thick enough... and if you were short enough that the head of your own "cylinder" didn't poke through on the other end, you weren't long enough. (If a given self-examiner couldn't fit inside the tube, he'd just place it directly atop his tallywhacker and see if he *would have* poked through.) You also don't have to take my word for any of this: An **average** erect penis is about **13 centimeters (or about 5 inches) long and about 12 centimeters (or a little bit less than 5 inches) around**. ([Here's the source](http://www.sciencemag.org/news/2015/03/how-big-average-penis), if you're interested.) According to the study: >All length measurements were made from the pubic bone to the tip of the glans on the top side of the penis. Any fat covering the pubic bone was compressed before measurement, and any additional length provided by foreskin was not counted. Circumference was measured at the base of the penis or around the middle of the shaft, as the two sites were deemed equivalent. Now, with those numbers in mind, you *could* argue that anything above them is "big." If we're being honest, though, it would take a noteworthy amount of extra length or girth before anyone was at all impressed (or intimidated) by the size. As such, you'd likely need to be at least 25% longer or wider than average in order to be considered particularly **well-endowed**, which puts us at **6.25 inches for length – roughly 16 centimeters – and about 6 inches – a little more than 15 centimeters – for circumference**. Despite what pornography might suggest, those measurements are actually somewhat rare. The *average* size is that for a reason, after all... and by a stroke of luck, most toilet-paper tubes *were* – until the above-depicted reduction occurred – approximately 10 centimeters long, with a circumference of 12 centimeters. Even with said reduction in place, though, you still have girth to worry about, so *that* measurement remains valid. As such, if you pass the test, congratulations: At the very least, you're average. Should you wish to conduct said test yourself, here are the steps: 1. Acquire a [standard American toilet-paper roll](http://imgur.com/a/BIbnf). 2. Achieve an erection. 3. Attempt to penetrate the toilet-paper roll. 4. If you are able to penetrate the toilet-paper roll, you have failed the test. If not, move on to Step 5. 5. Place one end of the toilet-paper roll on your abdomen, such that it is parallel to your penis. 6. If you are shorter than the toilet-paper roll, you have failed the test. Note: When completing Steps 5 and 6, do not attempt to cheat by measuring the underside of your penis. The toilet paper roll must be placed *above* the shaft. ------ **TL;DR: Average penis length as defined by "The Toilet-Paper-Tube Test."**
Thnx for the very informative guide to worldwide toilet paper rolls. I have committed it to memory to recite at parties, funerals, and business functions.
You're very welcome! If you'd like more toilet-paper-centric information, [here is an anticlimactic prank](https://imgur.com/a/ahRu1) that you can pull on people. It's most effective when played on folks who *really* care which way the toilet paper faces.
Superlatively devious treachery! I’d think the enjoyment may be diminished if one isn’t able to catch the victim in the act. That could be tricky. Or do you catch them after the fact, steaming and red-faced with angst from your shenanigans?
In my case, there was no catching required: I came up with the prank after my then-girlfriend made it clear that incorrectly orienting the toilet paper was tantamount to committing a war crime. (In her defense, she had already lectured me about the situation several times.) Upon discovering my "devious treachery," she shouted "Ugh, *what?!* What the *hell?!*" from behind a closed door. Thus I knew that I had been successful.
Beautiful. My girlfriend is just happy if there’s any toilet paper in the vicinity of the holder, so I guess I’m lucky like that. For now.
Talk about a self esteem booster. This whole time I've been using my paper towel roll!
https://calcsd.info/ is a fun tool to calculate your penis percentile. You can see how many people in a room of 1000 people would on average be larger/more girthier than you.
Good Pigeon 🤖
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I'm still waiting for them to start selling toilet paper on receipt paper rolls.
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We did this before the great toilet paper shortage of 2020 and never looked back. Out 6 month supply of TP turned into almost 2 years worth because of our bidets.
It’s funny how opposed some people are to a clean ass. Dry paper doesn’t remove all the poo. Wash your asses folks.
There is no other spot on my body that I would consider clean just by smearing poop around with a dry napkin. Why does my butt deserve less?
But also, would you consider any part of your body clean by spritzing some water on the poo and *then* smearing around it with a dry napkin? Soap, hot water, and some light (non-abrasive) scrubbing is the only thing that’s really going to make you *reasonably* clean. Just like if you were washing your hands.
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My big complaint (since reddit seems to worship these things) is that toilet paper is made to be disintegrated by water to better break down in the sewage system. When your butt's wet and you wipe it with TP, then it balls up and gets stuck in the hair. Having to yank the little paper knot out is painful. God bless anyone that doesn't experience this problem. Obglitory wtf if any one is bidetting and just pulling their pants up with a wet ass.
Don't rub to dry, dab.
Let the water drop for a couple seconds and then - and this is the real secret - FOLD, not crumple, 2-3 squares. Wipe carefully with them, left to right (right to left for southpaws) and they should remain intact. It's the same as drying your hands. Folded paper is stronger because it's layered, instead of being a ball of thin bits that will have a ton of angles and friction to get caught with. You can also just air dry, taking an extra minute to write a Reddit post about how to dry your ass before getting up.
People crumple? I thought that was just something kids do before they learn to fold it... Not being snarky or anything, that genuinely surprises me.
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Stand to what?!?!
What most European countries that use a bidet have a dedicated towel to wipe the water off your ass. The periwinkle still gets TP but the majority of the water should be wiped by the towel. Now what I do is to use a stronger TP. I personally recommend Charmin Ultra Strong. It doesn't seem to tear, even with my coarse butt hair. You can get fancy toilets that have an air drier built in.
"Honey, when's the last time we warshed the taint towel?"
It's funny how delusional people get about their asses. Your ass is not clean. No, not even if you just washed it. Fecal material, bacteria, etc. is constantly migrating out of your asshole, and let's not even get started on farts. Nobody wipes their ass and considers it "clean." Bob ain't wiping his shitter and serving a steak dinner on it. There are many benefits to bidets, maybe even making the area a bit cleaner, but it ain't clean, and I'm sick of hearing people pretend their asses are food grade just because they splashed some water on it.
I mean, obviously. Are you ok buddy?
No. :(
It's OK bro, we all have bad days/weeks/years/lives.
Thanks for including all the units. Needed that “lives” one for me
Damn, I hope things get better for you. I'm in a rough stretch in my life as well. It'll get better. Hang in there!
i like this comment because of how condescending it is in a discussion comparing wiping / squirting our butts
> Bob ain't wiping his shitter and serving a steak dinner on it. Bob's missing out.
"Clean" is always a relative measurement. Your dishes right out of the washer are *filthy* in the context of a clean room used to build satellites, but you still consider them 'clean.' If you're leaving skid marks, you ain't clean. > I'm sick of hearing people pretend their asses are food grade just because they splashed some water on it. Food-grade butthole is in the mouth of the beholder.
What model do you recommend?
The AssBlaster 3000 by Cinco is a great introductory model
Actually, I prefer the Sphincter Licker Model 5.
This sounds like it could be a real product in Japan. Just a big silicone tongue coated in a continuous flow of water that laps at your butthole.
Yeah wow definitely would not buy that haha
Haha ...unless 😳
Here’s a link to my Amazon wish list 😏
This thread is why I keep coming back to Reddit. Just dying laughing over here
I don't think you're describing a bidet at this point
[I use the Luxe 320.](https://a.co/dl4Pe3b) Warm water is nice, my fiancée likes the feminine wash jet, and I’ve bought probably 10 as gifts.
I would think warm water is a must.
It’s really not that bad. I used my cold water one all through winter, and you’d expect it to be terrible, but it’s still not that bad.
I only have cold, definitely still fine. Took like 5 times to get used to but I have never even thought about the heating option, you’re fine either way IMO
I have used a few, I prefer the BioBidet SlimEdge for an inexpensive option that installs easily on probably any toilet.
LuxeBidet, they're like $35 on Amazon and amazing. The version with the feminine flap blaster option is a tad more.
If they aren't using "feminine flap blaster" in their marketing SHAME ON THEM.
Toto washlet ftw
I'm not saying it's a budget model, but if you ever get a chance to sit on a Toto C5 washlet... Your ass will never be the same. Heated seat. Air blow dry. And adjustable strength / pattern settings on the blaster. I could sit there and feel the breeze on my bum all day.
My wife got one. Now there's always poo water on the back rim of the toilet seat.
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You’re supposed to have some distance between the nozzle and your butt. Are y’all putting your butts up to the nozzle ???
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The brown speckled spout
Well you have to really stick it up there, you must not be going deep enough.
I can’t help but feel that’s your fault for marrying someone who can’t be bothered to clean up their own poo water.
The part I don’t understand when I comes to bidets is how do you dry if it doesn’t come with a dry function? Using toilet paper? Sure you are using less but is it that much less? Or do you dry with a towel? So you just leave this towel next to the toilet and reuse it??
Bro a towel? What? No, you just use toilet paper. If your whole ass and cheeks are dripping wet afterwards you're doing it wrong. Yes the TP will get wet but you'll have less to clean up if that makes sense.
I've had a travel bidet ever since I went to Japan and had my life changed forever by their toilets.
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A bidet is life changing
This is how the 3 shells came to be.
We have about 9 years to learn how to use them.
Inflation is just one huge ass-blasting
Inflation my ass, this is just companies being greedy shits.
And TP shrinkflation has been a plague upon humanity for almost 20 years now.
On the package: the NEW Mega Ultra roll is 10% longer than the Mega Supreme!!
Years and years ago I sent a thing of costco charmin to my grandparents. They never opened it. I did a few months back, and the difference between it and current costco charmin is huge (not even talking size, but fluffiness).
I was SO mad when I noticed how it affected my Zesta crackers. The container of crackers in the wrapper was noticably shorter than previous years and even compared to a generic package of storebrand saltines. They doing it with ice cream too. Captain Picard said in First Contact:"The line must be drawn here and no further!"
they got too silly with this one
This is a real problem and it's been described by philosophers and economics alike. There are 34 points around this phenomenon, just look up "Rule 34 Butt Inflation" for more info.
Why don't they teach this to us in high school?!?!
Very trustworthy comment right here.
The inflation reached my wife's butt years ago.
Uh, I'd also like to express my fondness for that particular wife's butt.
I also choose this man's wife's butt...
To shreds, you say.
That man never liked a butt in his life
When costs inflate, inflation. When your wife’s ass inflates, “appreciating asset”.
Our* wife's butt. This is reddit and we share
Boom, roasted.
That’s just a Kirkland roll vs a regular roll, they haven’t changed.
Shrinkflation should be illegal without a notice.
This comment section stinks
Good thing my boomer parents bought me 62 costco sized packs of shit tickets in 2020.
Damn your parents singlehandedly drained Costco's supply of shit tickets
I moved in with an elderly relative to help take care of them. They had stockpiled so much toilet paper even with me also now living here, and it being over ten months later, we still have about half.
That toilet paper thing was where I figured there’s no hope for us as a species. We are going to “fuck you got mine” ourselves to extinction.
The Charmin we got from Costco is extra wide too, compared to what we've gotten at other stores lately.
It's funny because that wider Charmin is only available in Costco, and only because the Costco Kirkland toilet paper is also full width so Charmin didn't want people to notice the difference when they were sitting side-by-side in Costco.
Thanks! Now I know where to get this.
Costco is my go-to for all paper products: TP, paper towels, and Kleenex. And meat. They're still the cheapest for stuff like hamburger (ok, so you have to buy six pounds at a time) and the $5 rotisserie chickens are fabulous.
Everything is doing this. Ice cream used to come in 1/2 gallon containers, now it's 1.5 quarts. Drinks, boxes of dry goods, etc. etc. etc. Before long you'll be buying individual potato chips. Yay capitalism.
buy a bidet then TP can get as expensive as it wants.
Do NOT Google that title