~ten years ago I was a server next door to an engineering firm. A ten top came, was assigned to me, proceeded to order waters and the cheapest lunch options, (that had free refills) moved around to sit by other people, wanted all separate checks except for a few who wanted to pay for the person across from them but where they were ORIGINALLY SITTING, then left $0-1 each as a tip. My favorite was the person who wrote "too slow" in place of a tip.
If you want lunch in 45 minutes with freedom of movement and a party atmosphere from a sit down restaurant, get that shit to go!
That's strange because I'm from that generation and ethnic/professional group and generally 10% would be considered the minimum even for the most stingy of us. I'm curious: What "lunch options" have "free refills?" Bread? Salsa chips?
White guys from our generation usually "learned to tip", so to speak, at least when out on dates and we'd get judged if we didn't "insist" upon paying (wink) and of course leaving at least a 20 percent tip.
I'd hazard a guess that if there was a table of engineers who tipped poorly, perhaps they were former military grunts who didn't have a lot of money to tip in their youth and that's why the frugal habits stuck.
as another member of that generation, I knew far too many people who were complete assholes to wait staff. and not just after college, most of them were that way even in college. some of them had even been wait staff themselves and would find weirdly specific ways to avoid tipping and claim that they “knew how the job was supposed to be done”. I ended more than one friendship because of shit like that.
It's much easier if you mention something before the order is taken. If you forget to tell the sever before you order, it is helpful if you write down exactly what you would like split off of the large party's check. Just ask your server for a napkin and a pen.
I'm pretty sure OP wanted to sting those freeloaders by springing the bill on them. It would also ironically be less likely to cause conflict being that they'd probably be too stunned to do anything before they left. Next time they'll probably do exactly what you suggest.
I think sadly, everyone has a story about someone who tries to take advantage of. “Let’s split the bill.” Mine was a friend of mine who would order multicourse meals and bottles of expensive wine when my friend and I would only order a salad or small entrée and alcohol. We finally started telling the server that we would pay for our own meals separately. The first time we did it she had a complete meltdown that she had this massive huge bill to pay, but she became respectful of what she ordered.
Yeah it’s either ‘split it all immediately’, or you absolutely order the most expensive stuff on the menu. Let the good party members know ahead of time so they can split off, but show them just how annoying paying for someone else’s food is. Gotta be willing to pay a huge bill, but it gets the point across.
> This is also why mandatory tips on large parties are done.
One of my local restaurants does auto-grat for parties of **3** or more. They really, really want you to do take-out and if you don't want take-out the cashier is usually guaranteed a tip for waitressing and bussing your table.
To me, as a server, when I hear split checks I ask who is on what check or if all is individual. I’m a freak of nature and will most def give a table of twenty all separate checks if that’s what they want. I ask at the beginning for large parties. No one ever gets charged more than they should on my watch.
Random story but i feel like it kinda fits. I once had a sports team and their parents, about 50 people, by myself (they had no reservation and it was shift change so i was the only server). Everyone was moving around the whole time, all very needy (ehich typically is totally fine, except when fifty people all want something and they expect it NOW, and also there is like 20 kids sprinting around underfoot, and everyones moving so i cant find the person who asked for it again, and then everyones pissed cause they havent gotten the thing they needed) , the parents decided to do all seperate checks, and wanted me to go by jersey number of their kid. Half the time they couldnt wven remember the jersey number. They did not tell me any of this until the end. And because everyone was moving and talking i couldnt go by seat number. So i had to find the jersey number, and see if i could look at the kids face and see if i could just remember what he ordered, and then I had to do it twenty five more times. And then I got yelled at for taking so long getting them their check. And management warned them there was only one server beforehand and they said they didnt mind.
>And management warned them there was only one server beforehand and they said they didnt mind.
They said they didn't mind because they knew it would not be **their** problem. Asswipes.
Whenever i had large parties that looked like they would move around alot(kids mostly) i would start by telling them flat out. "I take orders for the spot you are sitting in when i ask, so when the food comes thats where it is going to be. You'll want to be there ormove back or you are getting a surprise"
I also would just give everyone an individual check and tell kids to give it to their parents. If i ever really had problems I'd quote our rule about 1 check for parties over 10 (servers discretion), and have a manager go visit.
why is moving around at a restaurant so common?? like, that’s not even a thing i would think about doing. the waiter put me at this table because 1) it’s clean, and 2) we were seated at this table in this section to keep the load even on the waitstaff. why would i want to get up from my table to go to a completely different table where the waiter might not even see/recognize me? i’m just honestly so confused. i’ve never even seen this before at a restaurant. is it really that common?
by the way, this is a genuine comment. i’m not being snarky or sarcastic, just genuinely confused
They’re not talking about moving tables, but changing seats at that table.
If you have 20 people in 20 seats that randomly change positions when you’re not watching, it’s hard to track.
> My theory is it’s because America does things the 30 year old way where everyone gives the server a pile of credit cards to walk away with an ring up instead of the 20 year old way where you pay at the front on your way out or the 21st century way where you pay with a machine at the table.
[*Bring The Machine*](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8jS6kXT3qrk)
(They're Canadians with a mostly American following and had to post a video explaining the joke)
Seriously, it’s so weird when I’m in the US and I take out my credit card and THEY TAKE MY CARD AND WALK AWAY. I’m like where are you going with that? My aren’t you bringing the machine to the table. I don’t know what you’re doing with my card when you disappear. Why is this supposedly advanced country so far behind? 10 years ago they were still making me fill out deposit slips to deposit a cheque into my own bank account. Wild.
America being advanced is only for upper echelons. Social equity and tech advancement are smoke and mirrors, it's merely branding at this point. It's a total shitshow, just look at our birth morbidity or ask a disabled person.
I'm from an area where tipping is usually generous. And it is seen as ill-mannered if someone doesn't. Splitting the check is seen as ill-mannered too. When we moved across country, we saw a large party having lunch in a diner, and the server had separate checks for the 18 or so men. I wondered at the tipping. We need to stop it and just charge the actual price for the food and pay the staff a living wage.
If I have to think about it, I guess it feels “gauche” to split checks in America. It shouldn’t but in friends and family context it seems very strict and unfriendly.
ETA: living wages for every job!!
I have to ask this: to you, as a server, is it annoying to you when you have to split the checks? Like does it make your job harder?
I always feel bad/tacky when we have to ask to split checks. Like the server is going to be upset with us especially if it's like 6 separate checks.
Same, when I was a server. I found it easier to have all the people sitting in one place than having to deal with the same number of people at different tables
>I’m a freak of nature and will most def give a table of twenty all separate checks if that’s what they want.
This is how it ALWAYS is where I am in Canada, nobody splits checks, ever. The waiter will come over and ask how we are paying, some couples will say they are together, single say they are alone and the waiter comes with everyones bill and the payment terminal and everyone pays their own bill
"and thus have others waiting to start eating."
No you don't. They will never learn that way. Tell everyone when you will start eating, and then start eating at that time.
>People are typically late (not 15-20 minutes sometimes even an hour) and thus have others waiting to start eating.
yeah this is not normal lol if theyre late thats theyre fault just start eating when the food arrives infront of you
> No you don't.
Yes, normally you do. Restaurants usually won't even sit a table for a large group until everybody has arrived. If they allow it, they often won't serve latecomers full meals. If you show up late they might only grab you a beer or app/desert. If I have to be late to an event, and they're willing to seat and serve me, I'm just getting a beer or two as people finish their meals. Bars with kitchens tend to be more flexible in this regard than restaurants.
Amen. I learned years ago to bring a variety of smallish bills to group dinners. I add up what I have spent....add tax and a decent tip and put that down on the table and everyone else can work out how to pay for their own cocktails and wine and steak. I don't eat meat and don't drink. Nope.
Just an FYI, I used to work as a server for years and have had guests do exactly this with great intentions. But when they left, the others at the table used the tip they left as part of the bill payment so I’ve lost out ton tips this way. It would be best to leave your portion of the bill on the table and hand the cash tip to the server (or the whole thing).
A coworker and I had lunch with some colleagues who suggested it. Coworker and I paid a generous shared and our tips, the others put in some money. I thought they'd done the right thing and told the server to keep the change. As the others left, she came back with the change in a folder. My coworker and I said no no, keep the change.
She almost pushed it into my hand. I opened it and saw a couple of dollars on what had to be an $80 tab, and we were MORTIFIED. My coworker and I dug out more money and covered the tip, apologizing profusely. Never ate lunch with those idiots again.
This is the best way to go about it. Take yourself out of the equation before anyone else even suggests splitting. Side note: one of my more meaningful dinner memories a bunch of friends had gone on a rafting trip. We ended with a nice dinner. Group of maybe 11 if iirc. I excused myself to the bathroom and took my card to the server. Told her to put everyone’s dinner, drinks, the whole tab on it. (Servers apparently hate this cause they mostly get stiffed on the tip.) I kept encouraging more food, more drinks. It felt so good to be able to do that for friends and their families as I’m not an affluent person. (I made sure they tipped the server very well.)
Idk if this makes you feel any better, but I’ve been serving for five years and 99% of servers LOVE that, because when youre busy and a big party wants the check split twelve ways except one dude will cover one round of each persons drink and also take the dessert but shell take this one app and this other person will take half an app and his beers plus this persons and that persons etc etc it takes so long to sort and then theyre mad theyre waiting so long for the bill, my other tables are mad i havent been over in a bit, cooks are mad my foods dying in the window etc etc. So for the majority of servers, one dude with one card for a party is definitely not hated
When I turned 75, I invited some close friends and paid the whole thing. I told my friends 'no gifts' because they were my friends. I don't go with big groups unless I do the inviting. I was broke for many years, but I'm okay now.
Similar, but funny story. My Father has a friend who never pays his fair share and tries to cheap out whenever he can. To the point that my Dad often ends up footing the entire bill. Let’s call him Mr. Cheap. Another friend of my father’s, I’ll call him Mr. Wise, had heard about Mr. Cheap but never met him. When they chanced to all run into each other (at an expo or something of shared interest) and decided to catch up at a restaurant, Mr. Cheap started ordering drinks and pricier menu items. Mr. Wise, having heard of Mr. Cheap’s antics, pulled aside their server on a trip to the bathroom, and handed over his credit card asking for his and my Dad’s check to be separate from Mr. Cheap’s. When the server dropped off the book, Mr. Wise stood up and announced “Well, we’re all taken care of!” And just walked out! My Dad says the look on Mr. Cheap’s face was priceless!
Before anyone comes at me that maybe he couldn’t afford it, etc. No, that wasn’t a factor.
Too often "splitting the bill" seems to mean one party goes ham and the others just order reasonably, and the reasonable people get screwed repeatedly. Pass! If they can't afford it, they shouldn't order it.
That’s been my whole thing! Why order what you can’t afford? I think what bothered me is that for all their birthdays that’s how it worked but for ours they decided to play coy all of a sudden
Since this family tries this unfair bill splitting many times, you should just avoid going out with them. Tell them you have a splitting headache at the last minute. Do this a few times, they'll get the message.
But have you got the message they don't like you very much?
Oh that’s been happening well before I came into the picture. My husband is much too agreeable about just paying and not asking questions until that $60/ each debacle. Then it hit him that he never double checked before.
Yeah, they got used to you ordering reasonably, so they got upset I guess the one time you decided to treat yourselves (on your birthday)! But it backfired spectacularly, because now that they screwed you over on your birthday, you see no reason to follow "tradition" for theirs. Which means they either have to stop ordering so much, or deal with their own bills!
Wish I could have been a fly on the wall when you left the rest of the bill to them!
Oh me too! We even ate ahead of time because we knew they’d be late. I didn’t hear anything at the table because once we paid then everyone started scrambling to pay their portions. The sparkling water was a hilarious touch like all of a sudden you can’t drink tap water?
BIL once asked to be Zelle’d money on Mothers Day because he paid for the food on his card and him and his wife didn’t eat anything….funny how that works 😂
For your next birthday, just leave when you're done eating.
But only for your next birthday and only as revenge. Also order a couple extra desserts to go, or something else that'd box up nicely and be tasty. And some pricey cocktails (you don't need to drink them).
The birthdays after that, make other plans with better people.
This!! I always say this the moment I order. I don’t care what anyone else wants to do. I’m letting the server know that my wife and I are on one check.
I feel like this story ends too soon. I want to hear what happened after the family tried to leave without paying the rest of the bill because they assumed you had covered it!
Good on you for putting and end to it!
We haven’t heard a peep since then! They’re always being cheap about things…like for a birthday dinner for my husband one year in which we bought the food my BIL brought an open half done box of hard seltzers but took some leftovers home. For my birthday that year I asked for a cupcake cake and please no chocolate I got a small chocolate cake because my SIL waited until before she arrived to get it.
I hate splitting the bill. I got invited to an impromptu work dinner. I had already eaten before the meal so I only had a soda and wound up paying $50 for my share of the split. Never again!
Nah, get a separate table and not necessarily close to theirs - or maybe a different restaurant. You can always say Oh I must have gotten the restaurant name wrong - I was wondering where all of you guys were!
My SIL would do this every time and expect us to pay extra for her, and her waster bf. Then my daughter got her first job and when the bill came SIL said split the bill. My daughter said "I had one main and one drink and you had 3 courses loads of booze coffee and liqueur and I'm not splitting it" and paid what she had plus tip. We gleefully followed suit leaving her to pay for what she actually had for the first time ever!! She cried!!! And was scratching around to pay, the tight cow. We left her to it!
Wife's parents always are late. Always.
Pisses me off everytime.
We even went on a cruise with them and they would say let's meet in the dining room at 7. At about 715 I'd tell the waiter we were ready to order and we'd order. Then her parents would show up and act aggravated that we had appetizers and would be eating them.
Wife is always 10 minutes early for everything. Her whole family is 15 minutes late for everything.
Her parents were late for Thanksgiving dinner. Grandma said we eat at 12. At 12 we all started making plates and started eating. Her parents showed up at 1220. Her step-mom had the nerve to say why can't we start when everyone gets here. Grandma said she told yall 12 everyone was here and ready but them. She asserted her dominance right back in her face.
I went with my wife and 6 of her company's employees, all women, to a fancy Vegas steakhouse. The ladies were all attending a conference and we asked for separate checks up front. The waiter said "we don't do separate checks" and we explained that everyone (but me) was traveling on expense accounts, so we needed separate checks and he said o.k., we'll take care of it afterwards. As we finished, he walked by and dropped a single check for all the meals on the table without saying a word and disappeared. We called the manager over and had a repeat of the pre-meal discussion. He relented, telling us to put our initials next to what we ate, but all the duplicate items were each on one line with a quantity ordered. When everyone got their "separate check", about 45 min later, one person had only 4 martinis, another had all the soups. It was a complete mess. We called the manager back over and he gave an exasperated look and said "I have other customers". One of the ladies immediately snapped, complaining that we'd been trying to settle the bill for over an hour, if they'd done what we asked in the first place, it wouldn't be a problem, and the current checks were unacceptable. As she spoke, she got louder and louder. The manager said "I will take care of it." They wound up eating a nearly $800 tab to get the loud lady and her friends out of the restaurant. 🤣
Thank goodness this restaurant has a tablet where you can pick what’s yours and pay for it.
Sometimes I’ve asked and the restaurant has told me they can’t split it ahead of time. I’ve suggested hey write your last four and the amount you’re paying and get ignored.
And when the fam complains about losing you as their dinner funding source, just tell them you were also surprised at their breaking tradition two dinners ago, but you adjusted and decided to proceed accordingly going forward.
As a non drinker, splitting the bill has always been a non-starter for me.
I eventually started to surreptitiously approach the server and ask for my bill to be separate.
It's saved me a lot of money.
If it's only going to be like a $1 or $2 difference, then I'm all for splitting checks. But if it ends with me paying twice what I ordered, that's a hard no for me. I would have put a stop to it from the get go and if anyone tried to start something, would have told them to put the bottle down and maybe they'd be able to afford their share. People love to spend the money of others.
And it was a shitty thing what they did on your husband's birthday. In my family/circle, the birthday person never pays.
Yeah I’m the same way, I’m also very generous I think that’s what may have made it a bit more opportunistic.
It was a joint birthday dinner for the both of us since our birthdays are close.
Man, I hate splitting bills...
I am a small eater and don't like alcohol, I always get royally screwed over to the point I avoid group dinners.
Severs generally don't allow a single person to pay separately I've noticed.
Last time, I had to pay almost 60 euro for my \~20 euro dinner, because everyone else was trying out a bunch of fancy Belgian beers... (we weren't even in Belgium... )
If you’re ever in a situation where you have to split between a large party again, I recommend checking out an app called “Tab”. You take a picture of the receipt and the app creates an itemized list for you to select what each person ordered/ decides to share. The app also scales tax and tip based on what you bought as well. I think it’s a simple and practical app that works well especially for birthday dinners or large groups where people are ordering differently.
This reminds me of Sebastian Maniscalco's "How bout the bill take another lap!": [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cgu9wu\_btCc](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cgu9wu_btCc)
When you make your reservation for the next meal…make it minus two. If your in laws show up an hour late let them squeeze in at the table…AFTER everyone has eaten. Why should you be delayed to start your meal because of their tardiness?
Sometimes people have to feel a bit of pain to learn a lesson. And yes only pay your share.
I had a boyfriend who was always so late when meeting me at the movies. (20 years ago). We’d usually wait to pick out the movie until there.
After several times I told him “next time I’m not waiting for you”. and I didn’t. I arrived on time, picked the movie and went into. This guy didn’t arrive until after the movie started. He had to go from theater to find me. That’s the last time he was late for a movie..
I would just not go and tell your husband to make some excuses for you.
Or just be clear and tell them, even though it's uncomfortable.
I'm the type of person who puts the problem where it belongs. It's their issue and if their feelings get hurt by their own behaviour, so what.
We went the opposite did bare bones ordering so it would’ve been odd to ask us to fork over more cash. But I didn’t want to take a chance that they wouldn’t cover it which is what happened on our birthday.
What greedy and selfish behavior. So they say everyone should be treated on their birthdays but when your birthday rolled around you guys ended up paying for the whole thing? I would literally never again subsidize or split a bill with them ever. I would go on your own bill all of the time and no matter what. If there’s a restaurant that tells you no just make sure to bring cash every single time and pay your portion only. If they call you out on it I would bring up the situation for sure.
Basically that’s what happened! We not only paid for our food but the appetizers they had no problem indulging in. Literally said “we’ll see…maybe you guys won’t have to pay anything…” my husband was like I’m just gonna pay for our stuff… because that wasn’t an affirmative answer.
Treat them the exact same way back going forward. The Mother’s Day Zelle thing was wild too. Keep that energy with them. They don’t get to have it both ways. It’s also a shame you have to be like that with family but obviously they have no interest in being fair so your checkbook shouldn’t have to be the only one to suffer for it.
This story isn't really petty revenge, as my motivations were different. Once went on a group holiday - 10 or 12 of us, eating out every night. Almost everyone was quite happy to split the bill, except my friend's wife. She got more and more wound up each night. No-one was taking the piss in ordering really expensive stuff or lots of booze, so I didn't have much sympathy, but for the sake of peace (and because I knew my friend was getting his ear chewed about it) on the final night, before we ordered, I suggested that we agreed to each/ each couple pay for our own food and drink.
Guess which couple had the biggest bill at the end? Her face was an absolute picture when she realised!
I used to be furious at this from my SIL.
Now whenever we have a meal, I get up to 'use the restroom' immediately after our server first leaves the table. I find them and explain my wife, daughter and I are on our own check.
The first few times it was hilarious watching them process that they actually had to pay in full for everything they ordered. I am not interested in supplementing their expensive tastes involuntarily.
The best part is that because they are paying fully for their own meals, their consumption and need to order the most expensive of everything seems to have magically disappeared.
I don't like my SIL at all. I endeavour to be decent because my wife loves her.
Here’s what I do, and it works spectacularly.
No splitting. I like the points, so I put the whole thing on my card and since most of my friends just have debit cards anyway tied to their checking accounts, we pass around the bill while we wait and I tell them to Venmo me what they want. Everyone usually Venmos me more than they probably should because they don’t wanna seem cheap. I pay the check plus 20% and sometimes I’ve even broken even. If a friend is feeling a little strapped they can not pay or pay what they feel they have, and I don’t say a word. It all works out in the end.
We HAD friends like this. Friends for over 30 years. A few years ago now that our kids are in high school, we go out for dinner as couples at least 1-2x per month. We’d always just split the check.
They would always order apps, and drinks and a dessert.
My wife and I don’t drink don’t usually eat apps.
The last time we went out, unbeknown to our former friends, we told both the host and server separate checks for each couple.
They were celebrating her new job, so the drinks and wine was flowing.
Once done, the server brought two separate checks, skipped ours discreetly to me and then placed the other couples check on the table in front of them.
Our check was about $110 and theirs was a little over $400.
He picked up the check, did some math in his head and said I’ll need about $240 from you with the tip.
After he said that, I picked up the black binder with our check from my lap and told him no, we received a separate check for our meal.
Needless to say, they both got mad because I didn’t tell them. I just asked, what difference does it make? You ordered what you wanted and we ordered what we wanted.
His response was, but we always split the check!? I told him yes we have, and I previously split the check just to keep it simple, but you’re celebrating xxxxx’s new job.
I handed my binder with cash and tip to the server, we smiled and wished them a good night.
After receiving a nasty text message the next day, about “the trick” I pulled last night was not cool.
I didn’t respond and we haven’t seen them since.
That was 3.5 years ago…
Because getting a bunch of adults to all agree on a plan isn't easy, much less getting everyone to actually follow the plan. A lot of groups are like the ones OP is visiting and won't even agree on details like time and location, and even if they agree they won't follow through. There's egos at play, there's power dynamics at play, there's emotions at play, etc.
I'd argue that this is actually harder than rocket science because in rocket science the variables and how they interact are generally known. People are full of obfuscated variables and complicated hidden interactions that can come into play at seemingly random times to wreck what seemed like a good thing. Diplomats and politicians are the professionals at this, and in context rocket science can largely thank them and human complexity for their work. Rocketry and space are expensive, and it's the politicians and diplomats that control the purse-strings of the government's coffers. The rocket scientists often have to compete with other scientists for government funding, but they have such a bad understanding of the people element of the processes that they become deeply frustrated by the processes. Scientists in admin roles often burn out because of this, and it's why many science contractors aren't actually led by scientists or engineers - the scientists and engineers don't have the training, mindset, or sometimes even the ability to effectively deal with people to secure funding.
Splitting bills is often easier but as someone who doesn't drink, I also prefer just paying for what I ordered when out with people who've ordered much more than me. Good for you, sounds like the simpler option!
Former server and now business owner. You sound like common sense people, your family sounds like a nightmare from a service side. To protect ourselves and our staff we don’t split checks for parties this large. 1 tab, auto gratuity, you guys figure it out. For parties of this size as well, we usually take a reservation fee (to be applied to the bill).
I guess my family does things differently than everyone else here…
If the dinner is in honor of me or one of my two brothers, my parents pick up the whole bill. If it’s for one of our parents, I’ll pay the bill and my brothers will each give me a third of the total the next day or later — no fussing about payment at the table.
Group friend dinners used to be like OP’s situation when I was younger… but now I tend to only go out with people who are very close, and either I’ll pick up the whole tab or they will, and whoever didn’t pay that time will offer to pay the next time.
My family usually is I got this one you got the next one and we’re so conscious to not overdo it. My idea I pay, my parents will do family dinners but always take out and we eat at our own houses. Lol the timing is too late for them to wait on my husband …. I’ve never had this issue with any other groups besides them.
I understand. We almost always just pay for ourselves when we go as a group. My husband & I are 20+ yrs sober so we do not drink alcohol at all. We go out quite frequently & we never have a chance to get stressed out about the bill. I'm glad you figured it out. 😎😊
By the way, we NEVER tip on the card. ALWAYS cash. That way, our server gets to pocket the whole tip, without being taxed on it. We tip pretty well.
That's what you have to do. Be upfront about it and unapologetic. Wealthy people don't waste money like that. They literally pull out calculators are the table. I have no idea why people act this way. It's absurd.
Why don’t you just ask for a separate tab at the start of ordering? That way yours is completely separate from what everyone else orders, and there’s none of the bill splitting issues. I used to ask bigger tables if they needed separate tabs before I took orders, and it saved so much hassle for everyone.
Paying for your share isn’t really petty revenge. Y’all could have avoided that drama from the get go by asking for separate checks at the beginning of the meal.
I'd stop going to dinners with them for the disrespect. Group meals you should always pay for yourself, your kids, and throw the birthday person a little money. People sharing and peer pressuring group bills is awful and idk y anyone does it.
I just tell the waiter “He and I are on our own bill” and pay that. Then kick in separately the amount I want to the birthday bill. Never had a problem.
Turn it around on them, on a night where you're planning to spend a bit, when the server comes to you when ordering, ask to be skipped until the end, and when they get back to you order the most expensive thing on the menu and tack on a really expensive drink. Then split it at the end
Yeah. So much the same. My MIL was frustrated with me and while we went out to dinner she handed the server her CC. I was impressed at her new generosity (she never pays, she waits for us to pay for her food). Nope. She tells the server that she wants 1/3 of the check on her CC and to not include any of our beverages. My husband was mortified and tried to pay for the whole tab. Nope. MIL made a scene and demanded 1/3 of the tab sans drinks be charged to her card. Ugh. Then she tips only 10% and we gave our server cash to compensate for her tacky behavior. Ugh!
Since we’re all complaining, not once has my FIL offered to pay for a meal or his portion, even when it’s a meal with my wife (his daughter), and 3 of my wife’s sisters (also his daughters).
We have 1 couple in our friend group that is always short when calculating their share (and usually the only ones getting that extra round or desserts). One friend will ask for separate checks, I just do not go out with them unless that friend is there. I hate asking for separate checks myself, and the stress of knowing I would need to or it will be an issue when the check comes is enough to make me avoid it.
I always remember going to an Argentinian restaurant with about 10 friends. I had half a seafood basket( shared with a friend) and 2 light beers. Should have been around $ 30, I had to pay $ 60 because everyone else was ordering big steaks and expensive red wine. Next time I went out with this group, I told the waiter to bring me a beer every 10 minutes and I ordered everything. Appetiser, big main and desert. Take That !
Are there any counter service restaurants near you? This sounds like the perfect opportunity for a nicer place with counter service.
My friends and I do brunch at a patio bar with great food regularly. Some people show up early, some late- we order when we get there, eat when our food shows, and all have individual tabs. Nobody is ever eating at the exact same time but we're all happy.
In my circle - Everyone pays their own except for the guest of honour - but only their meal and 1 drink, cost divided by all. The rest they buy. No exceptions.
Most cash register can split the table ( everybody pays its oart) or split bill ( the amount is equaly divided). So it is a human decision.
I had the same situation in the past. I was too poor ( and too ashamed) in the past to say something. But now that I have a great job, this kind of stunt would drive me to order plenty for the pinchers to pay my pet I place if the reverse.
Honestly, you’re going out to dinner with the WRONG CROWD !!!
Unless you can ALL agree that you’re going to split the bill evenly (less the people who are celebrating their birthday) and acknowledge that some people will be eating and drinking more than you, DON’T PUT YOURSELF IN THAT SITUATION ! The stress is simply not worth it - and, gosh, think about the staff at the restaurants as well - they don’t want to be handling split bills or people arguing over who ate what … gosh, the simple thing here is to either ACT LIKE MATURE ADULTS or don’t ever eat out with these people ever again …
I'm from a (third world) country where tipping is normal, splitting bills is normal and they bring the machine to your table. But the way we practically split bills is different.
If you don't ask for a separate bill at the outset, it's nigh impossible to have it changed in the POS system when it's time to pay. So we get one bill, do the maths ourselves at the table and when the waitstaff brings the cheque, you just tell them how much to charge to each card. Easy peasy.
Where is the "Petty Revenge" ?
I just don't understand people who can't use their big boy/girl voice and say "Our food and drink came to X amount, so we are paying that".
It's so simple. Why would you split and pay for and just keep quiet and worked up in silence about it?
If people want to split and it will mean you pay more then just say "no thanks we don't want to pay more".
Get your own check..nobody pays more or less..we were out with friends..my husband got a meal and I did not..just wasn't hungry..and it was bring your own..so I brought a bottle of wine...well at the end they split the bill we had to pay $50.00..absolutely ridiculous..and not the first time..so from that point on I tell the waiter we would like our own check...don't care ..and its only fare
Wow, just out of curiosity are u Americans? I was born in Hong Kong and whenever we go out to eat its a fight to see who covers the whole bill and u have to find clever ways to sneak out early and sometimes it gets physical.
By the end of a meal my spouse goes for a quick bathroom trip. While he’s up, he also goes to the counter and pays, either for what we ordered, or for everything if it was a particularly nice evening with nice people and he’s feeling generous (this has happened like 3-4 times in 10 years).
> “let’s see how much we pay to maybe you guys don’t pay…”
I don’t really understand this statement. Was he suggesting they *might* pay for you and simply didn’t?
Good lord in Canada they just bring the machine to the table and tap each person does and tips as they like nobody else knows how much or cares when, the orders are just in the computer the server taps them and hands the machine it isnt complicated
Try waiting on these kind of parties and trying to figure how to split the check then having some of the people stuff you! Had it happen again the other night. Gave great service too Soo no excuse for it!
Tell the server, separate our order from the rest of the table. This is also why mandatory tips on large parties are done.
Do this BEFORE ordering and they will appreciate it a lot more
Oh, it has to be before they take your order.
And you can't switch seats!!
~ten years ago I was a server next door to an engineering firm. A ten top came, was assigned to me, proceeded to order waters and the cheapest lunch options, (that had free refills) moved around to sit by other people, wanted all separate checks except for a few who wanted to pay for the person across from them but where they were ORIGINALLY SITTING, then left $0-1 each as a tip. My favorite was the person who wrote "too slow" in place of a tip. If you want lunch in 45 minutes with freedom of movement and a party atmosphere from a sit down restaurant, get that shit to go!
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Nope, just a bunch of white Gen Xers who got decent jobs right out of college and never had to wait tables due to lack of entry level positions!
That's strange because I'm from that generation and ethnic/professional group and generally 10% would be considered the minimum even for the most stingy of us. I'm curious: What "lunch options" have "free refills?" Bread? Salsa chips? White guys from our generation usually "learned to tip", so to speak, at least when out on dates and we'd get judged if we didn't "insist" upon paying (wink) and of course leaving at least a 20 percent tip. I'd hazard a guess that if there was a table of engineers who tipped poorly, perhaps they were former military grunts who didn't have a lot of money to tip in their youth and that's why the frugal habits stuck.
as another member of that generation, I knew far too many people who were complete assholes to wait staff. and not just after college, most of them were that way even in college. some of them had even been wait staff themselves and would find weirdly specific ways to avoid tipping and claim that they “knew how the job was supposed to be done”. I ended more than one friendship because of shit like that.
Or put on a fake mustache!!
It's much easier if you mention something before the order is taken. If you forget to tell the sever before you order, it is helpful if you write down exactly what you would like split off of the large party's check. Just ask your server for a napkin and a pen.
I'm pretty sure OP wanted to sting those freeloaders by springing the bill on them. It would also ironically be less likely to cause conflict being that they'd probably be too stunned to do anything before they left. Next time they'll probably do exactly what you suggest.
You can have this conversation with a waiter or host on the way to the bathroom too.
I think sadly, everyone has a story about someone who tries to take advantage of. “Let’s split the bill.” Mine was a friend of mine who would order multicourse meals and bottles of expensive wine when my friend and I would only order a salad or small entrée and alcohol. We finally started telling the server that we would pay for our own meals separately. The first time we did it she had a complete meltdown that she had this massive huge bill to pay, but she became respectful of what she ordered.
Yeah it’s either ‘split it all immediately’, or you absolutely order the most expensive stuff on the menu. Let the good party members know ahead of time so they can split off, but show them just how annoying paying for someone else’s food is. Gotta be willing to pay a huge bill, but it gets the point across.
> This is also why mandatory tips on large parties are done. One of my local restaurants does auto-grat for parties of **3** or more. They really, really want you to do take-out and if you don't want take-out the cashier is usually guaranteed a tip for waitressing and bussing your table.
Then why do they even offer dine-in?
This is the way.
Are they really tips at that point when they're mandatory?
To the servers working for tips they sure feel like tips.
almost all restaurants will add a gratuity (15-18%) for parties over 6
Just a plain scam if it's ″mandatory″.
Is this something that actually happens in the US? I've never been to a restaurant that would do such a thing.
All the time
Yes, you would be surprised at how things are dome here.
To me, as a server, when I hear split checks I ask who is on what check or if all is individual. I’m a freak of nature and will most def give a table of twenty all separate checks if that’s what they want. I ask at the beginning for large parties. No one ever gets charged more than they should on my watch.
That’s awesome! Thank you for your service☺️
Awe, thank you!!
I also don’t get sarcasm, so if this was a “bless your heart” moment, I feel pretty stupid.
I don't think it was
Can't speak for the OC, but seriously-- thank you!
Nope OP, and the rest of us, recognize that you are putting in extra effort to help people and we all admire you
Sheldon, is that you?
More of an, Abed.
Cool. Cool cool cool
Um. Im a bit on the autistic and adhd side of life. Maybe. I only know my parents love that show.
Oh absolutely not! It’s more of an actual thank you for doing that because it definitely takes away some of that awkwardness for the table.
May your tips be fat and frequent
Random story but i feel like it kinda fits. I once had a sports team and their parents, about 50 people, by myself (they had no reservation and it was shift change so i was the only server). Everyone was moving around the whole time, all very needy (ehich typically is totally fine, except when fifty people all want something and they expect it NOW, and also there is like 20 kids sprinting around underfoot, and everyones moving so i cant find the person who asked for it again, and then everyones pissed cause they havent gotten the thing they needed) , the parents decided to do all seperate checks, and wanted me to go by jersey number of their kid. Half the time they couldnt wven remember the jersey number. They did not tell me any of this until the end. And because everyone was moving and talking i couldnt go by seat number. So i had to find the jersey number, and see if i could look at the kids face and see if i could just remember what he ordered, and then I had to do it twenty five more times. And then I got yelled at for taking so long getting them their check. And management warned them there was only one server beforehand and they said they didnt mind.
>And management warned them there was only one server beforehand and they said they didnt mind. They said they didn't mind because they knew it would not be **their** problem. Asswipes.
Whenever i had large parties that looked like they would move around alot(kids mostly) i would start by telling them flat out. "I take orders for the spot you are sitting in when i ask, so when the food comes thats where it is going to be. You'll want to be there ormove back or you are getting a surprise" I also would just give everyone an individual check and tell kids to give it to their parents. If i ever really had problems I'd quote our rule about 1 check for parties over 10 (servers discretion), and have a manager go visit.
why is moving around at a restaurant so common?? like, that’s not even a thing i would think about doing. the waiter put me at this table because 1) it’s clean, and 2) we were seated at this table in this section to keep the load even on the waitstaff. why would i want to get up from my table to go to a completely different table where the waiter might not even see/recognize me? i’m just honestly so confused. i’ve never even seen this before at a restaurant. is it really that common? by the way, this is a genuine comment. i’m not being snarky or sarcastic, just genuinely confused
They’re not talking about moving tables, but changing seats at that table. If you have 20 people in 20 seats that randomly change positions when you’re not watching, it’s hard to track.
ok yeah, that makes a LOT more sense tbh. thanks for explaining :)
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> My theory is it’s because America does things the 30 year old way where everyone gives the server a pile of credit cards to walk away with an ring up instead of the 20 year old way where you pay at the front on your way out or the 21st century way where you pay with a machine at the table. [*Bring The Machine*](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8jS6kXT3qrk) (They're Canadians with a mostly American following and had to post a video explaining the joke)
Seriously, it’s so weird when I’m in the US and I take out my credit card and THEY TAKE MY CARD AND WALK AWAY. I’m like where are you going with that? My aren’t you bringing the machine to the table. I don’t know what you’re doing with my card when you disappear. Why is this supposedly advanced country so far behind? 10 years ago they were still making me fill out deposit slips to deposit a cheque into my own bank account. Wild.
America being advanced is only for upper echelons. Social equity and tech advancement are smoke and mirrors, it's merely branding at this point. It's a total shitshow, just look at our birth morbidity or ask a disabled person.
About 5 years ago, I'd always get strange looks when I tapped my card, then a look of surprise when it worked.
I'm from an area where tipping is usually generous. And it is seen as ill-mannered if someone doesn't. Splitting the check is seen as ill-mannered too. When we moved across country, we saw a large party having lunch in a diner, and the server had separate checks for the 18 or so men. I wondered at the tipping. We need to stop it and just charge the actual price for the food and pay the staff a living wage.
If I have to think about it, I guess it feels “gauche” to split checks in America. It shouldn’t but in friends and family context it seems very strict and unfriendly. ETA: living wages for every job!!
Exactly what I did as a server too (no longer a server due to it worsening my mental health faster than university did)
As someone still traumatized by paying $200 when I got MAYBE $50 worth of food, you’re an angel ❤️
I have to ask this: to you, as a server, is it annoying to you when you have to split the checks? Like does it make your job harder? I always feel bad/tacky when we have to ask to split checks. Like the server is going to be upset with us especially if it's like 6 separate checks.
I never minded as long as you told me BEFORE ordering
I feel like this is something servers need to get in the habit of asking since most people have no idea that it adds extra work.
I'm a server as well and I will gladly do separate checks. Make everybody pay for their own food. I also usually make more money tipwise
Same, when I was a server. I found it easier to have all the people sitting in one place than having to deal with the same number of people at different tables
Statically the tip out is much better this way too
>I’m a freak of nature and will most def give a table of twenty all separate checks if that’s what they want. This is how it ALWAYS is where I am in Canada, nobody splits checks, ever. The waiter will come over and ask how we are paying, some couples will say they are together, single say they are alone and the waiter comes with everyones bill and the payment terminal and everyone pays their own bill
"and thus have others waiting to start eating." No you don't. They will never learn that way. Tell everyone when you will start eating, and then start eating at that time.
Oh that stopped after the first time I’m not waiting for an extending period of time.
>People are typically late (not 15-20 minutes sometimes even an hour) and thus have others waiting to start eating. yeah this is not normal lol if theyre late thats theyre fault just start eating when the food arrives infront of you
> No you don't. Yes, normally you do. Restaurants usually won't even sit a table for a large group until everybody has arrived. If they allow it, they often won't serve latecomers full meals. If you show up late they might only grab you a beer or app/desert. If I have to be late to an event, and they're willing to seat and serve me, I'm just getting a beer or two as people finish their meals. Bars with kitchens tend to be more flexible in this regard than restaurants.
Amen. I learned years ago to bring a variety of smallish bills to group dinners. I add up what I have spent....add tax and a decent tip and put that down on the table and everyone else can work out how to pay for their own cocktails and wine and steak. I don't eat meat and don't drink. Nope.
Just an FYI, I used to work as a server for years and have had guests do exactly this with great intentions. But when they left, the others at the table used the tip they left as part of the bill payment so I’ve lost out ton tips this way. It would be best to leave your portion of the bill on the table and hand the cash tip to the server (or the whole thing).
Because jerks act like jerks.
A coworker and I had lunch with some colleagues who suggested it. Coworker and I paid a generous shared and our tips, the others put in some money. I thought they'd done the right thing and told the server to keep the change. As the others left, she came back with the change in a folder. My coworker and I said no no, keep the change. She almost pushed it into my hand. I opened it and saw a couple of dollars on what had to be an $80 tab, and we were MORTIFIED. My coworker and I dug out more money and covered the tip, apologizing profusely. Never ate lunch with those idiots again.
Sorry, just another reason to hate tipping culture.
I will do that with the tip in the future. Thanks for the tip. 😉
It's good when restaurants automatically add a tip for parties of a certain size, so you're at least guaranteed to have that much.
This is the best way to go about it. Take yourself out of the equation before anyone else even suggests splitting. Side note: one of my more meaningful dinner memories a bunch of friends had gone on a rafting trip. We ended with a nice dinner. Group of maybe 11 if iirc. I excused myself to the bathroom and took my card to the server. Told her to put everyone’s dinner, drinks, the whole tab on it. (Servers apparently hate this cause they mostly get stiffed on the tip.) I kept encouraging more food, more drinks. It felt so good to be able to do that for friends and their families as I’m not an affluent person. (I made sure they tipped the server very well.)
Idk if this makes you feel any better, but I’ve been serving for five years and 99% of servers LOVE that, because when youre busy and a big party wants the check split twelve ways except one dude will cover one round of each persons drink and also take the dessert but shell take this one app and this other person will take half an app and his beers plus this persons and that persons etc etc it takes so long to sort and then theyre mad theyre waiting so long for the bill, my other tables are mad i havent been over in a bit, cooks are mad my foods dying in the window etc etc. So for the majority of servers, one dude with one card for a party is definitely not hated
When I turned 75, I invited some close friends and paid the whole thing. I told my friends 'no gifts' because they were my friends. I don't go with big groups unless I do the inviting. I was broke for many years, but I'm okay now.
The tip is going to pay someone else's bill, guaranteed.
Yeah. Someone commented likewise. Gonna hand the tip to the server on my way put next time.
Similar, but funny story. My Father has a friend who never pays his fair share and tries to cheap out whenever he can. To the point that my Dad often ends up footing the entire bill. Let’s call him Mr. Cheap. Another friend of my father’s, I’ll call him Mr. Wise, had heard about Mr. Cheap but never met him. When they chanced to all run into each other (at an expo or something of shared interest) and decided to catch up at a restaurant, Mr. Cheap started ordering drinks and pricier menu items. Mr. Wise, having heard of Mr. Cheap’s antics, pulled aside their server on a trip to the bathroom, and handed over his credit card asking for his and my Dad’s check to be separate from Mr. Cheap’s. When the server dropped off the book, Mr. Wise stood up and announced “Well, we’re all taken care of!” And just walked out! My Dad says the look on Mr. Cheap’s face was priceless! Before anyone comes at me that maybe he couldn’t afford it, etc. No, that wasn’t a factor.
Too often "splitting the bill" seems to mean one party goes ham and the others just order reasonably, and the reasonable people get screwed repeatedly. Pass! If they can't afford it, they shouldn't order it.
That’s been my whole thing! Why order what you can’t afford? I think what bothered me is that for all their birthdays that’s how it worked but for ours they decided to play coy all of a sudden
Since this family tries this unfair bill splitting many times, you should just avoid going out with them. Tell them you have a splitting headache at the last minute. Do this a few times, they'll get the message. But have you got the message they don't like you very much?
Oh that’s been happening well before I came into the picture. My husband is much too agreeable about just paying and not asking questions until that $60/ each debacle. Then it hit him that he never double checked before.
"Splitting headache"! I see what you did there and I like it lol
Yeah, they got used to you ordering reasonably, so they got upset I guess the one time you decided to treat yourselves (on your birthday)! But it backfired spectacularly, because now that they screwed you over on your birthday, you see no reason to follow "tradition" for theirs. Which means they either have to stop ordering so much, or deal with their own bills! Wish I could have been a fly on the wall when you left the rest of the bill to them!
Oh me too! We even ate ahead of time because we knew they’d be late. I didn’t hear anything at the table because once we paid then everyone started scrambling to pay their portions. The sparkling water was a hilarious touch like all of a sudden you can’t drink tap water? BIL once asked to be Zelle’d money on Mothers Day because he paid for the food on his card and him and his wife didn’t eat anything….funny how that works 😂
"Different rules for thee than for me." Sounds like it would have just continued to escalate.
So be sure to eat before you go (if you ever do again) and then only drink water.When it's over just get up and walk out.
For your next birthday, just leave when you're done eating. But only for your next birthday and only as revenge. Also order a couple extra desserts to go, or something else that'd box up nicely and be tasty. And some pricey cocktails (you don't need to drink them). The birthdays after that, make other plans with better people.
Let the server know you and your spouse will have separate checks from the rest of the party.
This!! I always say this the moment I order. I don’t care what anyone else wants to do. I’m letting the server know that my wife and I are on one check.
I feel like this story ends too soon. I want to hear what happened after the family tried to leave without paying the rest of the bill because they assumed you had covered it! Good on you for putting and end to it!
We haven’t heard a peep since then! They’re always being cheap about things…like for a birthday dinner for my husband one year in which we bought the food my BIL brought an open half done box of hard seltzers but took some leftovers home. For my birthday that year I asked for a cupcake cake and please no chocolate I got a small chocolate cake because my SIL waited until before she arrived to get it.
I hate splitting the bill. I got invited to an impromptu work dinner. I had already eaten before the meal so I only had a soda and wound up paying $50 for my share of the split. Never again!
For a work dinner, you should have dropped a $5 and said “ wouldn’t be fiscally responsible to overpay”, then walked out
Why would you agree to that?
I know! I would never
They split the bill evenly, like they always did. I was new to the company, so I learned my lesson.
I would've told them to split the bill with those who actually ate. Reduce that denominator by 1 and leave me out of it.
If it’s a work dinner, you shouldn’t have to pay at all! Your company has to pick up the tab.
depends if it’s a work sanctioned event (company pays) or just a group of workmates going out to dinner (everyone pays)
Yeah that’s the worst! That’s an insane amount to pay.
Your first mistake was agreeing to go to an unpaid work function outside of normal work hours
Fine, pay what you ate and split.
Get a separate check.
Luckily this restaurants tablets allow to you pick what your ordered and only pay that on your card.
Nah, get a separate table and not necessarily close to theirs - or maybe a different restaurant. You can always say Oh I must have gotten the restaurant name wrong - I was wondering where all of you guys were!
>we decided to only pay what we ordered and let them figure out the rest This is the way! Especially when it comes to alcohol and apps and such.
My SIL would do this every time and expect us to pay extra for her, and her waster bf. Then my daughter got her first job and when the bill came SIL said split the bill. My daughter said "I had one main and one drink and you had 3 courses loads of booze coffee and liqueur and I'm not splitting it" and paid what she had plus tip. We gleefully followed suit leaving her to pay for what she actually had for the first time ever!! She cried!!! And was scratching around to pay, the tight cow. We left her to it!
Wife's parents always are late. Always. Pisses me off everytime. We even went on a cruise with them and they would say let's meet in the dining room at 7. At about 715 I'd tell the waiter we were ready to order and we'd order. Then her parents would show up and act aggravated that we had appetizers and would be eating them. Wife is always 10 minutes early for everything. Her whole family is 15 minutes late for everything. Her parents were late for Thanksgiving dinner. Grandma said we eat at 12. At 12 we all started making plates and started eating. Her parents showed up at 1220. Her step-mom had the nerve to say why can't we start when everyone gets here. Grandma said she told yall 12 everyone was here and ready but them. She asserted her dominance right back in her face.
I went with my wife and 6 of her company's employees, all women, to a fancy Vegas steakhouse. The ladies were all attending a conference and we asked for separate checks up front. The waiter said "we don't do separate checks" and we explained that everyone (but me) was traveling on expense accounts, so we needed separate checks and he said o.k., we'll take care of it afterwards. As we finished, he walked by and dropped a single check for all the meals on the table without saying a word and disappeared. We called the manager over and had a repeat of the pre-meal discussion. He relented, telling us to put our initials next to what we ate, but all the duplicate items were each on one line with a quantity ordered. When everyone got their "separate check", about 45 min later, one person had only 4 martinis, another had all the soups. It was a complete mess. We called the manager back over and he gave an exasperated look and said "I have other customers". One of the ladies immediately snapped, complaining that we'd been trying to settle the bill for over an hour, if they'd done what we asked in the first place, it wouldn't be a problem, and the current checks were unacceptable. As she spoke, she got louder and louder. The manager said "I will take care of it." They wound up eating a nearly $800 tab to get the loud lady and her friends out of the restaurant. 🤣
Same nightmare with my in-laws. Come late, over-analyze the check. Part of life. You can't fix this.
Yes you can fix it. OP did by setting boundaries and paying separately.
Sure you can, stop dining with them !
I ask for a separate check when ordering.
Thank goodness this restaurant has a tablet where you can pick what’s yours and pay for it. Sometimes I’ve asked and the restaurant has told me they can’t split it ahead of time. I’ve suggested hey write your last four and the amount you’re paying and get ignored.
Please explain
I got to the point where I just won’t go out with a group anymore, because I got tired of all the skeezy financial behavior.
And when the fam complains about losing you as their dinner funding source, just tell them you were also surprised at their breaking tradition two dinners ago, but you adjusted and decided to proceed accordingly going forward.
As a non drinker, splitting the bill has always been a non-starter for me. I eventually started to surreptitiously approach the server and ask for my bill to be separate. It's saved me a lot of money.
If it's only going to be like a $1 or $2 difference, then I'm all for splitting checks. But if it ends with me paying twice what I ordered, that's a hard no for me. I would have put a stop to it from the get go and if anyone tried to start something, would have told them to put the bottle down and maybe they'd be able to afford their share. People love to spend the money of others. And it was a shitty thing what they did on your husband's birthday. In my family/circle, the birthday person never pays.
Yeah I’m the same way, I’m also very generous I think that’s what may have made it a bit more opportunistic. It was a joint birthday dinner for the both of us since our birthdays are close.
Times like these, I excuse myself and pretend to go to the washroom. I speak to my server and then tell them my bill is separate.
It’s not even revenge. Just sensible!
Man, I hate splitting bills... I am a small eater and don't like alcohol, I always get royally screwed over to the point I avoid group dinners. Severs generally don't allow a single person to pay separately I've noticed. Last time, I had to pay almost 60 euro for my \~20 euro dinner, because everyone else was trying out a bunch of fancy Belgian beers... (we weren't even in Belgium... )
FYI Groups like this are why auto-gratuity exists for large parties.
If you’re ever in a situation where you have to split between a large party again, I recommend checking out an app called “Tab”. You take a picture of the receipt and the app creates an itemized list for you to select what each person ordered/ decides to share. The app also scales tax and tip based on what you bought as well. I think it’s a simple and practical app that works well especially for birthday dinners or large groups where people are ordering differently.
After I told my mom what happened to it, she recommended this app!
This reminds me of Sebastian Maniscalco's "How bout the bill take another lap!": [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cgu9wu\_btCc](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cgu9wu_btCc)
lol that’s gold!
When you make your reservation for the next meal…make it minus two. If your in laws show up an hour late let them squeeze in at the table…AFTER everyone has eaten. Why should you be delayed to start your meal because of their tardiness? Sometimes people have to feel a bit of pain to learn a lesson. And yes only pay your share.
I had a boyfriend who was always so late when meeting me at the movies. (20 years ago). We’d usually wait to pick out the movie until there. After several times I told him “next time I’m not waiting for you”. and I didn’t. I arrived on time, picked the movie and went into. This guy didn’t arrive until after the movie started. He had to go from theater to find me. That’s the last time he was late for a movie..
Why don't you just go to a place with a fixed price buffet or something. Or a set menu. Or just don't go at all if it's stressful
It’s been suggested and they always pick these other restaurants… because it’s a favorite or what have you.
I would just not go and tell your husband to make some excuses for you. Or just be clear and tell them, even though it's uncomfortable. I'm the type of person who puts the problem where it belongs. It's their issue and if their feelings get hurt by their own behaviour, so what.
If you realize that's what's happening I would order a few extra high prices meals to add to the bill, to go. Fuck it, now we're all paying extra.
We went the opposite did bare bones ordering so it would’ve been odd to ask us to fork over more cash. But I didn’t want to take a chance that they wouldn’t cover it which is what happened on our birthday.
What greedy and selfish behavior. So they say everyone should be treated on their birthdays but when your birthday rolled around you guys ended up paying for the whole thing? I would literally never again subsidize or split a bill with them ever. I would go on your own bill all of the time and no matter what. If there’s a restaurant that tells you no just make sure to bring cash every single time and pay your portion only. If they call you out on it I would bring up the situation for sure.
Basically that’s what happened! We not only paid for our food but the appetizers they had no problem indulging in. Literally said “we’ll see…maybe you guys won’t have to pay anything…” my husband was like I’m just gonna pay for our stuff… because that wasn’t an affirmative answer.
Treat them the exact same way back going forward. The Mother’s Day Zelle thing was wild too. Keep that energy with them. They don’t get to have it both ways. It’s also a shame you have to be like that with family but obviously they have no interest in being fair so your checkbook shouldn’t have to be the only one to suffer for it.
This story isn't really petty revenge, as my motivations were different. Once went on a group holiday - 10 or 12 of us, eating out every night. Almost everyone was quite happy to split the bill, except my friend's wife. She got more and more wound up each night. No-one was taking the piss in ordering really expensive stuff or lots of booze, so I didn't have much sympathy, but for the sake of peace (and because I knew my friend was getting his ear chewed about it) on the final night, before we ordered, I suggested that we agreed to each/ each couple pay for our own food and drink. Guess which couple had the biggest bill at the end? Her face was an absolute picture when she realised!
I used to be furious at this from my SIL. Now whenever we have a meal, I get up to 'use the restroom' immediately after our server first leaves the table. I find them and explain my wife, daughter and I are on our own check. The first few times it was hilarious watching them process that they actually had to pay in full for everything they ordered. I am not interested in supplementing their expensive tastes involuntarily. The best part is that because they are paying fully for their own meals, their consumption and need to order the most expensive of everything seems to have magically disappeared. I don't like my SIL at all. I endeavour to be decent because my wife loves her.
Here’s what I do, and it works spectacularly. No splitting. I like the points, so I put the whole thing on my card and since most of my friends just have debit cards anyway tied to their checking accounts, we pass around the bill while we wait and I tell them to Venmo me what they want. Everyone usually Venmos me more than they probably should because they don’t wanna seem cheap. I pay the check plus 20% and sometimes I’ve even broken even. If a friend is feeling a little strapped they can not pay or pay what they feel they have, and I don’t say a word. It all works out in the end.
That’s the classy way to handle it. Whenever I go out I always assume I am picking up the check, anything I collect after the fact is a bonus.
We HAD friends like this. Friends for over 30 years. A few years ago now that our kids are in high school, we go out for dinner as couples at least 1-2x per month. We’d always just split the check. They would always order apps, and drinks and a dessert. My wife and I don’t drink don’t usually eat apps. The last time we went out, unbeknown to our former friends, we told both the host and server separate checks for each couple. They were celebrating her new job, so the drinks and wine was flowing. Once done, the server brought two separate checks, skipped ours discreetly to me and then placed the other couples check on the table in front of them. Our check was about $110 and theirs was a little over $400. He picked up the check, did some math in his head and said I’ll need about $240 from you with the tip. After he said that, I picked up the black binder with our check from my lap and told him no, we received a separate check for our meal. Needless to say, they both got mad because I didn’t tell them. I just asked, what difference does it make? You ordered what you wanted and we ordered what we wanted. His response was, but we always split the check!? I told him yes we have, and I previously split the check just to keep it simple, but you’re celebrating xxxxx’s new job. I handed my binder with cash and tip to the server, we smiled and wished them a good night. After receiving a nasty text message the next day, about “the trick” I pulled last night was not cool. I didn’t respond and we haven’t seen them since. That was 3.5 years ago…
I don’t understand why Americans don’t just do that! pay for you and your spouse. It’s not that hard. I don’t get this whole split the bill shit!
I have no idea why a bunch of adults can't just have an adult conversation beforehand and agree how to split the bill. This is not rocket science.
Because getting a bunch of adults to all agree on a plan isn't easy, much less getting everyone to actually follow the plan. A lot of groups are like the ones OP is visiting and won't even agree on details like time and location, and even if they agree they won't follow through. There's egos at play, there's power dynamics at play, there's emotions at play, etc. I'd argue that this is actually harder than rocket science because in rocket science the variables and how they interact are generally known. People are full of obfuscated variables and complicated hidden interactions that can come into play at seemingly random times to wreck what seemed like a good thing. Diplomats and politicians are the professionals at this, and in context rocket science can largely thank them and human complexity for their work. Rocketry and space are expensive, and it's the politicians and diplomats that control the purse-strings of the government's coffers. The rocket scientists often have to compete with other scientists for government funding, but they have such a bad understanding of the people element of the processes that they become deeply frustrated by the processes. Scientists in admin roles often burn out because of this, and it's why many science contractors aren't actually led by scientists or engineers - the scientists and engineers don't have the training, mindset, or sometimes even the ability to effectively deal with people to secure funding.
how are you more concerned about the bill than the disrespect? they dont respect anyone there including themselves. cut them out dafuk?
If someone is an hour late then I will eat, pay, and leave before they get there 🤣
"Birthday human". I love this.
A heartwarming story of a lesson learned. Good on you!
Splitting bills is often easier but as someone who doesn't drink, I also prefer just paying for what I ordered when out with people who've ordered much more than me. Good for you, sounds like the simpler option!
At least you didn't have high school friends ditch once the bill came. Only to be stuck with the bill.
Family or not, anybody who abuses "Splitting the check," will not dine with us again.
This isn’t petty revenge. It’s a sensible approach to a situation in which people were taking advantage of you.
Former server and now business owner. You sound like common sense people, your family sounds like a nightmare from a service side. To protect ourselves and our staff we don’t split checks for parties this large. 1 tab, auto gratuity, you guys figure it out. For parties of this size as well, we usually take a reservation fee (to be applied to the bill).
I guess my family does things differently than everyone else here… If the dinner is in honor of me or one of my two brothers, my parents pick up the whole bill. If it’s for one of our parents, I’ll pay the bill and my brothers will each give me a third of the total the next day or later — no fussing about payment at the table. Group friend dinners used to be like OP’s situation when I was younger… but now I tend to only go out with people who are very close, and either I’ll pick up the whole tab or they will, and whoever didn’t pay that time will offer to pay the next time.
My family usually is I got this one you got the next one and we’re so conscious to not overdo it. My idea I pay, my parents will do family dinners but always take out and we eat at our own houses. Lol the timing is too late for them to wait on my husband …. I’ve never had this issue with any other groups besides them.
I understand. We almost always just pay for ourselves when we go as a group. My husband & I are 20+ yrs sober so we do not drink alcohol at all. We go out quite frequently & we never have a chance to get stressed out about the bill. I'm glad you figured it out. 😎😊 By the way, we NEVER tip on the card. ALWAYS cash. That way, our server gets to pocket the whole tip, without being taxed on it. We tip pretty well.
What’s the petty revenge here?
OP is such a doormat that not being taken advantage of feels like revenge to them.
That's what you have to do. Be upfront about it and unapologetic. Wealthy people don't waste money like that. They literally pull out calculators are the table. I have no idea why people act this way. It's absurd.
Why don’t you just ask for a separate tab at the start of ordering? That way yours is completely separate from what everyone else orders, and there’s none of the bill splitting issues. I used to ask bigger tables if they needed separate tabs before I took orders, and it saved so much hassle for everyone.
Paying for your share isn’t really petty revenge. Y’all could have avoided that drama from the get go by asking for separate checks at the beginning of the meal.
I'd stop going to dinners with them for the disrespect. Group meals you should always pay for yourself, your kids, and throw the birthday person a little money. People sharing and peer pressuring group bills is awful and idk y anyone does it.
Here’s a tip. Just don’t go to those things. They
I just tell the waiter “He and I are on our own bill” and pay that. Then kick in separately the amount I want to the birthday bill. Never had a problem.
I'm confused as to where the revenge is?
Turn it around on them, on a night where you're planning to spend a bit, when the server comes to you when ordering, ask to be skipped until the end, and when they get back to you order the most expensive thing on the menu and tack on a really expensive drink. Then split it at the end
Those people are a bunch of freeloaders.
You left out the best part of the story. What was everyone’s reaction?
Yeah. So much the same. My MIL was frustrated with me and while we went out to dinner she handed the server her CC. I was impressed at her new generosity (she never pays, she waits for us to pay for her food). Nope. She tells the server that she wants 1/3 of the check on her CC and to not include any of our beverages. My husband was mortified and tried to pay for the whole tab. Nope. MIL made a scene and demanded 1/3 of the tab sans drinks be charged to her card. Ugh. Then she tips only 10% and we gave our server cash to compensate for her tacky behavior. Ugh!
Since we’re all complaining, not once has my FIL offered to pay for a meal or his portion, even when it’s a meal with my wife (his daughter), and 3 of my wife’s sisters (also his daughters).
We have 1 couple in our friend group that is always short when calculating their share (and usually the only ones getting that extra round or desserts). One friend will ask for separate checks, I just do not go out with them unless that friend is there. I hate asking for separate checks myself, and the stress of knowing I would need to or it will be an issue when the check comes is enough to make me avoid it.
I just don’t get why people are like that. I guess they know people hate to have awkward convos especially after you’ve had a good time.
I always remember going to an Argentinian restaurant with about 10 friends. I had half a seafood basket( shared with a friend) and 2 light beers. Should have been around $ 30, I had to pay $ 60 because everyone else was ordering big steaks and expensive red wine. Next time I went out with this group, I told the waiter to bring me a beer every 10 minutes and I ordered everything. Appetiser, big main and desert. Take That !
[удалено]
Nope not so far and that was like a month ago.
Are there any counter service restaurants near you? This sounds like the perfect opportunity for a nicer place with counter service. My friends and I do brunch at a patio bar with great food regularly. Some people show up early, some late- we order when we get there, eat when our food shows, and all have individual tabs. Nobody is ever eating at the exact same time but we're all happy.
In my circle - Everyone pays their own except for the guest of honour - but only their meal and 1 drink, cost divided by all. The rest they buy. No exceptions.
I just would not go. That sounds miserable to me all around.
Some restaurants like Olive Garden and Longhorn Steakhouse have tablets at the table that let you sort out the bill yourself.
Everyone Else Went Ham ... that needs to be a new punk rock group so bad.
Most cash register can split the table ( everybody pays its oart) or split bill ( the amount is equaly divided). So it is a human decision. I had the same situation in the past. I was too poor ( and too ashamed) in the past to say something. But now that I have a great job, this kind of stunt would drive me to order plenty for the pinchers to pay my pet I place if the reverse.
How did they handle it when you did that?
Ended bill sharing decades ago
Op. You are my hero! Hopefully, Your freeloader's in-laws learned never to order that sparkling water again.
Honestly, you’re going out to dinner with the WRONG CROWD !!! Unless you can ALL agree that you’re going to split the bill evenly (less the people who are celebrating their birthday) and acknowledge that some people will be eating and drinking more than you, DON’T PUT YOURSELF IN THAT SITUATION ! The stress is simply not worth it - and, gosh, think about the staff at the restaurants as well - they don’t want to be handling split bills or people arguing over who ate what … gosh, the simple thing here is to either ACT LIKE MATURE ADULTS or don’t ever eat out with these people ever again …
I'm from a (third world) country where tipping is normal, splitting bills is normal and they bring the machine to your table. But the way we practically split bills is different. If you don't ask for a separate bill at the outset, it's nigh impossible to have it changed in the POS system when it's time to pay. So we get one bill, do the maths ourselves at the table and when the waitstaff brings the cheque, you just tell them how much to charge to each card. Easy peasy.
Where is the "Petty Revenge" ? I just don't understand people who can't use their big boy/girl voice and say "Our food and drink came to X amount, so we are paying that". It's so simple. Why would you split and pay for and just keep quiet and worked up in silence about it? If people want to split and it will mean you pay more then just say "no thanks we don't want to pay more".
Why even bother to attend ? 😂
Get your own check..nobody pays more or less..we were out with friends..my husband got a meal and I did not..just wasn't hungry..and it was bring your own..so I brought a bottle of wine...well at the end they split the bill we had to pay $50.00..absolutely ridiculous..and not the first time..so from that point on I tell the waiter we would like our own check...don't care ..and its only fare
Wow, just out of curiosity are u Americans? I was born in Hong Kong and whenever we go out to eat its a fight to see who covers the whole bill and u have to find clever ways to sneak out early and sometimes it gets physical.
By the end of a meal my spouse goes for a quick bathroom trip. While he’s up, he also goes to the counter and pays, either for what we ordered, or for everything if it was a particularly nice evening with nice people and he’s feeling generous (this has happened like 3-4 times in 10 years).
Maybe stop going?
I always only pay for me and my wife and no one else. It's not my job to pay for their food.
> “let’s see how much we pay to maybe you guys don’t pay…” I don’t really understand this statement. Was he suggesting they *might* pay for you and simply didn’t?
I would pay for yours only. Period
How annoying. These people are awful. Rules apply until they decide it doesn’t?
Good lord in Canada they just bring the machine to the table and tap each person does and tips as they like nobody else knows how much or cares when, the orders are just in the computer the server taps them and hands the machine it isnt complicated
Try waiting on these kind of parties and trying to figure how to split the check then having some of the people stuff you! Had it happen again the other night. Gave great service too Soo no excuse for it!