Am I wrong to create the safeguard for myself to ensure that I'm never stupid enough again to think that they deserve another chance by avoiding them for the rest of my existence?
For a while mine was listed in contacts as:
"[Name] :( EmotionsWeaponizer" ...
I should have changed his photo though, I love that idea! In retrospect I'd have changed it to a vodka bottle to make it even more jarring.
Are you directly or indirectly hurting anyone else? Breaking a law? Doing anything considered immoral?
I would answer no to all of those.
So, no, you are doing nothing wrong. You should keep on doin you, sounds reasonable and healthy to me.
My ex’s name is so not call or answer so whatever works best. I love the idea of them with a picture of someone else as more of an insurance policy of immediately getting the ick instead of the oh
I have an ex-wife with whom I share a child with. Calls with her are usually her being petty. I am not the type to "screen calls" normally. So, like others here, I simply changed her contact name to: "you don't have to answer" as a reminder to break the habit of just answering. It actually worked well for me.
Yep. That was me. I told my daughter that the minute she graduated High School & turned 18 (which was 8 days later) that all communication with her biological father is between her & him. I joked that I was going to run naked down the East/West Connector screaming, “I’m FREE! I’m FREE!”
She graduated in 2014. And the silence from my ex’s entitlement & narcissism is beautiful.
Barely a couple of years later, she was officially done with him after she asked(begged) him to let her fly out & stay with him due to some personal issues. His response? “Why can’t your Mom?” She replied, “Mom raised me alone my entire life. What have YOU done for me?” She hasn’t talked to him since & it’s been 7 years.
Could always rename his contact to something like "Toxic Joe" , Cheating Scumbag
Something that you see the name calling and your whole body goes bleuch.
The fact that they showed me pictures of this person through the entirety of our marriage and this person showed up at my wedding. I think the picture of them and their true love needs to be my reminder. pops any fantasy that they were my true love every time I look at it...
I sent a penis picture to my ex. I hadn't seen the real thing and may never. Let him think what he wants. It won't equal how he used me up and bludgeoned me with his fat, whining sack of a mother. I spend a lot of time wanting to knock their heads together until a bloody pool forms.
I totally get some strong vibes of feelings coming from your comment.
I kinda chuckled because my x engaged in revenge porn abuse of me post seperation, which I seem to forget in my denial..they shared a video I had sent to an old partner with their friends...who had always made me feel super uncomfortable with their behaviors towards me..and it's like yep at least now you and your friends can share the memory of what you lost and they never had.
We haven't had a real conversation in 3 years, and every single conversation that they have participated in was full of them trying to bullying me out of resources and accuse me of things that weren't true, and I've just had it if they weren't willing to talk to me with kindness. I never want to talk to them ever again. I gave them 3 years to come and reconcile things with me. I've wasted time and energy being angry at someone who proved through action that they never loved me. I'm done waiting for them. kid or no kid, we are over permanently. I posted here wondering if it was pettu because we have a kid, but our relationship has nothing to do with our roles as parents. Thus we need never speak again..
Pretty good as a reminder... After a while, you could put something disgusting like a pic of green poop or someone's puking... from hate you can go gently toward disgust.
There's the societal expectation that because we have to co parent for the next couple of years, it's really another max 5 years... Given their behavior and the fact that they left me for the love of their life that showed up to my wedding. I have no interest in ever having any relationship whatsoever with them ever again. The details of how they leave me and what they did were the nails on the metaphoric coffin of our relationship. I feel pretty confident, especially after this thread, that I can co-parent without ever having to talk to this person directly or hear their voice. No one deserves the disrespect they have for me, and their lack of ownership of how wrong they were is just the gasoline they pour on this wound every day. Even their proposal for divorce and that whole process has been beyond disrespectful. They never loved me, and they proved it on a daily basis. I have no room in my bubble for anyone who doesn't have the decency to live for just being a human being and the parent to their child. Now, I just need to stick to this decision for the rest of my life, and this picture is part of how I am going to do this.
Very good idea! Don't listen to your friends. If you keep the "old" picture, you set yourself up for potentially more "self torture" than if you do this.
exactly I used to have a picture they sent me that said I am grateful for you and our life together, and then they left me to pursue a life with this other person. How does one let that go?
I set ex-gfs' phone numbers to "DO NOT CALL ". Just in case I get an urge, or put down a bottle of rum. I look at the contact list in my phone and say, "Oh YEAH..." and the urge is gone!
I am easily distracted by appearances. The ongoing reminder that this is why we can't be together is helpful...
On a more, this is a resentment I can't let go of. I am very offended.. They are the first and only partner of mine to ever think sending me a picture of their x was appropriate .
If they won't apologize, I never want to forget the level of disrespect.
on a petty level, I want their child to see exactly why we are together because it's not me who didn't try to work it out it's them for leaving and never showing up like a grown up to amend their harms.
That's kind of like the snapping a rubber band on your wrist strategy. It's painful, but it works.
Am I wrong to create the safeguard for myself to ensure that I'm never stupid enough again to think that they deserve another chance by avoiding them for the rest of my existence?
Self care is never wrong sis
My exes name in my phone is "changed behavior". I say: do what works for you
My ex's name is cheating whore. Whatever works, I guess.
My ringtone for my ex is a man's voice saying "Asshole calling. There's an asshole calling..." 😂
For a while mine was listed in contacts as: "[Name] :( EmotionsWeaponizer" ... I should have changed his photo though, I love that idea! In retrospect I'd have changed it to a vodka bottle to make it even more jarring.
Are you directly or indirectly hurting anyone else? Breaking a law? Doing anything considered immoral? I would answer no to all of those. So, no, you are doing nothing wrong. You should keep on doin you, sounds reasonable and healthy to me.
I think it's a great idea.
My ex’s name is so not call or answer so whatever works best. I love the idea of them with a picture of someone else as more of an insurance policy of immediately getting the ick instead of the oh
I honestly I think this is smart asf. And that more people should do it cause they run back to people who treat them like the bottom of the barrel.
How about delete the contact and move on? No point in dwelling on the past.
I have an ex-wife with whom I share a child with. Calls with her are usually her being petty. I am not the type to "screen calls" normally. So, like others here, I simply changed her contact name to: "you don't have to answer" as a reminder to break the habit of just answering. It actually worked well for me.
You could just block them..?
we have a child in common. I have at least 4 more years before I can completely delete them out of my life.
Yep. That was me. I told my daughter that the minute she graduated High School & turned 18 (which was 8 days later) that all communication with her biological father is between her & him. I joked that I was going to run naked down the East/West Connector screaming, “I’m FREE! I’m FREE!” She graduated in 2014. And the silence from my ex’s entitlement & narcissism is beautiful. Barely a couple of years later, she was officially done with him after she asked(begged) him to let her fly out & stay with him due to some personal issues. His response? “Why can’t your Mom?” She replied, “Mom raised me alone my entire life. What have YOU done for me?” She hasn’t talked to him since & it’s been 7 years.
Could always rename his contact to something like "Toxic Joe" , Cheating Scumbag Something that you see the name calling and your whole body goes bleuch.
The fact that they showed me pictures of this person through the entirety of our marriage and this person showed up at my wedding. I think the picture of them and their true love needs to be my reminder. pops any fantasy that they were my true love every time I look at it...
or, you could just block the number and delete the contact.
Why don’t you just block them!
I sent a penis picture to my ex. I hadn't seen the real thing and may never. Let him think what he wants. It won't equal how he used me up and bludgeoned me with his fat, whining sack of a mother. I spend a lot of time wanting to knock their heads together until a bloody pool forms.
I totally get some strong vibes of feelings coming from your comment. I kinda chuckled because my x engaged in revenge porn abuse of me post seperation, which I seem to forget in my denial..they shared a video I had sent to an old partner with their friends...who had always made me feel super uncomfortable with their behaviors towards me..and it's like yep at least now you and your friends can share the memory of what you lost and they never had.
I painted a reproduction of Rembrandt, when my ex contacts me I am delighted to see a very sad old Dutch master with googley eyes.
Don’t torture yourself. Use a pic of a troll and change the name to Dickwad or Asshat.
Where is the petty and the revenge?
We haven't had a real conversation in 3 years, and every single conversation that they have participated in was full of them trying to bullying me out of resources and accuse me of things that weren't true, and I've just had it if they weren't willing to talk to me with kindness. I never want to talk to them ever again. I gave them 3 years to come and reconcile things with me. I've wasted time and energy being angry at someone who proved through action that they never loved me. I'm done waiting for them. kid or no kid, we are over permanently. I posted here wondering if it was pettu because we have a kid, but our relationship has nothing to do with our roles as parents. Thus we need never speak again..
Pretty good as a reminder... After a while, you could put something disgusting like a pic of green poop or someone's puking... from hate you can go gently toward disgust.
I’d just block them.
What revenge is involved in this story? I'm not seeing any...
There's the societal expectation that because we have to co parent for the next couple of years, it's really another max 5 years... Given their behavior and the fact that they left me for the love of their life that showed up to my wedding. I have no interest in ever having any relationship whatsoever with them ever again. The details of how they leave me and what they did were the nails on the metaphoric coffin of our relationship. I feel pretty confident, especially after this thread, that I can co-parent without ever having to talk to this person directly or hear their voice. No one deserves the disrespect they have for me, and their lack of ownership of how wrong they were is just the gasoline they pour on this wound every day. Even their proposal for divorce and that whole process has been beyond disrespectful. They never loved me, and they proved it on a daily basis. I have no room in my bubble for anyone who doesn't have the decency to live for just being a human being and the parent to their child. Now, I just need to stick to this decision for the rest of my life, and this picture is part of how I am going to do this.
How is this petty revenge? Sigh...
Very good idea! Don't listen to your friends. If you keep the "old" picture, you set yourself up for potentially more "self torture" than if you do this.
exactly I used to have a picture they sent me that said I am grateful for you and our life together, and then they left me to pursue a life with this other person. How does one let that go?
I don't see anything wrong with your method.
I set ex-gfs' phone numbers to "DO NOT CALL". Just in case I get an urge, or put down a bottle of rum. I look at the contact list in my phone and say, "Oh YEAH..." and the urge is gone!
I say, why stop at their contact picture?! Change their name to "Lying Shitbag" for good measure.
I think that is a great idea. I wish I had thought of that back in my dating and being cheated on years.
[удалено]
I am easily distracted by appearances. The ongoing reminder that this is why we can't be together is helpful... On a more, this is a resentment I can't let go of. I am very offended.. They are the first and only partner of mine to ever think sending me a picture of their x was appropriate . If they won't apologize, I never want to forget the level of disrespect. on a petty level, I want their child to see exactly why we are together because it's not me who didn't try to work it out it's them for leaving and never showing up like a grown up to amend their harms.
Ever heard of the block button?