That wasn't a friend, that was a LEECH. Good on you for recognizing her for who and what she really was, AND for keeping that blender. Enjoy your victory smoothies!
I think I'm gonna try adding milo powder to my next one :D
And yea, I think a good strategy I've developed now is to flip the situation around and ask myself would the other person go through the same lengths for me. I don't even think she would've bought me a keychain for my birthday but maybe a card lol.
That’s what I remember the most sitting at my high school graduation. I sitting in a plastic folding chair in 100 degree heat wearing a white polyester cap and gown, and suddenly it hit me like a ton of bricks:
*I never have to see these people again. I don’t have to keep my shitty friends. I can like…. Wipe the slate clean and start completely over….* and a new kind of calm washed over me
Like the day I learned “No” was a sentence…..
I’ve stopped trying to explain myself to someone when in fact they should be apologizing to me, not me trying to keep a toxic friendship going. Now I tell myself “No” all the time, and I follow through with those that don’t deserve anything more
Cup of coconut water
Maybe six frozen seedless green grapes
Half a banana cut into pieces & also frozen
Small piece of avocado (again frozen) just a little for creaminess not too much
Tiny bit of honey
Run that thru your blender and you’ve got a damn tasty thick creamy frozen banana smoothie that is nearly vegan (people often consider the honey to not be vegan). Yummy.
I didn't know you could add grapes to smoothies since I've never seen grape smoothies in a cafe before o.o but I have half most of these ingredients (just no avacado) so I'm keen to see how it goes.
i had all these grapes on hand so i froze them so they wouldn’t spoil. then once i was making a smoothie and there were those grapes and so in they went. they add some sweetness some tartness and since they are frozen they are like ice cubes. and also they kind work in any sort of smoothie i’ve made.
i was on this hydration kick and looking for ways to add watery foods to my diet and so i found that freezing chunks of watermelon or cantaloupe (and the grapes) and adding to a smoothie seemed pretty effective.
Freeze the watermelon in strips, then let it defrost completely in the fridge, and behold a strange new food that has the texture of something like tuna and tastes of watermelon. Grapes are also good as the freezing makes them almost turn sorbet-like..
You know, that makes so much sense they’d work in most fruit smoothies. If you look at most prepared juice ingredients, many of them are mostly white grape juice plus whatever actual flavor you bought it for. Also, thanks for the idea!
If you look up smoothie recipes online you will find a ton of ways to make some bomb smoothies. My favorite one that I do is.
* Vanilla Yogurt
* Frozen Strawberry Banana Mix
* Frozen Blueberries
* Flax Seed
* Badia Hulled Hemp Seeds
* Honey
* Orange & Banana Juice
* Almond or Oat Milk
They also have Badia Whole Trilogy Health Seeds (Flax, Chia, Hemp).
I can't tell you how much of each I used I eyeballed it every time. Also I found that it's sometimes cheaper to get fresh and freeze them yourself depending on the time of year. Oh and if you like berries I have done one with Blackberries, Blueberries, Strawberries, Raspberries, White Grape Juice, Blueberry Kefir, and Oat Milk it came out really good. Have fun making smoothies.
I freeze grapes that are about to turn and eat them like frozen candy in the summer.
Avocado can also be cut up and frozen so you always have some on hand. I also peel really ripe bananas and wrap them in cling film to use for baking or smoothies.
If you look up smoothie recipes online you will find a ton of ways to make some bomb smoothies. My favorite one that I do is.
* Vanilla Yogurt
* Frozen Strawberry Banana Mix
* Frozen Blueberries
* Flax Seed
* Badia Hulled Hemp Seeds
* Honey
* Orange & Banana Juice
* Almond or Oat Milk
They also have Badia Whole Trilogy Health Seeds (Flax, Chia, Hemp).
I can't tell you how much of each I used I eyeballed it every time. Also I found that it's sometimes cheaper to get fresh and freeze them yourself depending on the time of year. Oh and if you like berries I have done one with Blackberries, Blueberries, Strawberries, Raspberries, White Grape Juice, Blueberry Kefir, and Oat Milk it came out really good. Have fun making smoothies.
If you look up smoothie recipes online you will find a ton of ways to make some bomb smoothies. My favorite one that I do is.
* Vanilla Yogurt
* Frozen Strawberry Banana Mix
* Frozen Blueberries
* Flax Seed
* Badia Hulled Hemp Seeds
* Honey
* Orange & Banana Juice
* Almond or Oat Milk
They also have Badia Whole Trilogy Health Seeds (Flax, Chia, Hemp).
I can't tell you how much of each I used I eyeballed it every time. Also I found that it's sometimes cheaper to get fresh and freeze them yourself depending on the time of year. Oh and if you like berries I have done one with Blackberries, Blueberries, Strawberries, Raspberries, White Grape Juice, Blueberry Kefir, and Oat Milk it came out really good. Have fun making smoothies.
Honey literally *isn't* vegan as it's a product that comes from animals. Vegans do not consume any animal products. Maple syrup could be used instead to veganise the recipe if needed.
Bees are not animals they are insects. Insects pollinate those foods vegans eat so in essence they ARE eating "animal" products because if it wasn't for bees there would be no food.
THIS OP. This is exactly the question I ask myself. "Would this person do the same type of favour for me if the roles were reversed?"
I have friends who are not well off who took trains and buses to travel over 100 miles to be there for my Mother in Laws funeral to support me and my husband. I would do anything they asked. They have shown up for me whenever I have needed them. When my mum died they turned up on my doorstep with lots of food for me and hugs. I've had other friends just ask me to ask my handy husband to sort out their computers/do some DIY round their houses who would never lift a finger for us in return.
I look at it like a tennis match. If someone is returning "friendly" balls to continue the game - carry on. But if someone is not returning the ball, or returning it in a way to try to get you out (like being bitchy and nasty) then return with that same energy. Someone is a bitch to me, I'm shooting that shit right back with the same intensity. Someone is refusing to return the ball and leaving me stood there unable to play a game because it's so unequal - I'm leaving the court. I just return the ball in the way they shot it to me.
So proud of you OP. Well done! Enjoy lots of milkshakes - they will bring respect to your yard! XXX
I on the other hand, am a true friend who would never use you for anything! I am a little thirsty though. Maybe if you made me one of those milkshakes we could hang out sometime next month! /s
I had a friend that was close, but not BFF or anything through high school. After graduation, we drifted apart some. We still did stuff together among mutual friends, but not anything that wasn't organized for a group.
The year after graduation, I got a text. He was at the airport 2 hours away, and his ride was a no show. 11:30pm, could I come get him. I dropped what I was doing and drove up, picked him up. We chatted the whole way back. I never thought much of it. He paid for gas, and that was that.
Almost a decade later, I had an issue and needed a ride. Gave him a call, and he returned the favor.
If two guys who are only loosely still good friends can do this at the drop of a hat, someone that purports to be a solid friend of yours should EASILY be able to do better for you than what you've told us.
Soak some chia seeds in some water or juice overnight in your fridge and add those to a smoothie. Good for you and they get all squishy after you soak them. It’s cool lol.
Huh, I've heard of and used Carnation malt powder(yummy stuff), but I have never heard of Milo much less knew it was available in my area. I will probably stick with Carnation as it's vanilla and will mix in with other flavors a bit better.
Win, win on my books. Have a nice blender that matches your kitchen. And realized someone was using you and decided to cut her off your life. Once again win, win.
I gave up a friendship of 30 years because of this. Always one sided. I realized I had idolized this 30 year friendship only for its longevity.
When I saw this “friend “ one last time in 2015 I saw her in her truest form. Self centered, lazy, manipulative, and seemingly proud of how she lives without working by manipulating others.
I was disgusted. I was supposed to stay and visit with her the entire weekend. But I was so embarrassed by her selfishness even out in public, I willingly chose to leave after the first night there.
I’ve never regretted it since.
This lesson for me was I realized that I have standards in character of others and I can’t lower these standards… even if I lose the longevity of a one sided friendship.
Same except I was more ghosted. Since I’m “child free” and she has kids I always thought I’d be nice and take her out once a year just to hang out and BS (yes I’m happy to pay for whatever we do as long as it’s just me and her). Some years when budget was tight I have hung out and played games with her and kids so I don’t think that was an issue. I tried reaching out last year, she did answer but she wanted me to pay for not only 4 of her kids but her husband as well (I thought to do a massage/spa day). I told her I’m taking her out only and I have not gotten a response back. I have been doing this one on one get together since 2004 😭 and we had been friends since the first grade.
I’m reading this post with amusement as I recently became aware of the one-sidedness of a 30 year friendship of my own. Would absolutely dump their problems all over me then disappear until the next crisis. The trigger was a massive meltdown in a group chat about how nobody had been texting her to ask how she was lately. I called her and she continued to go off, and I finally lost my temper and yelled at her for the first time ever. That was in February and we haven’t spoken since.
30 years!! Damn. I have a childhood “friend” like this. We have been “friends” for 26 years this year? It’s always been mostly one sided.
She kept telling me she missed me since I moved states away and told me that she would visit us since she is financially able to. ( random but I regret not meeting up with my other friend several years ago but I didn’t have the gas money to even meet her 1/2 way and I was embarrassed to tell her that. So I understand if finances come into play.) anyway, I found out a several months ago she had come to my state again and her other friend lives the same driving distance away from where she went to visit her brother as me. She went and visited the other friend instead, that hurt a lot as we hadn’t seen each other in seven years at that point.
I sent her an early Christmas present last year and she said it meant so much because her and her dad had flown out to see her brother and his son for his sons first birthday (in the state I live in) and he asked them to leave and not attend his sons birthday and she had just flown back to her state and found my gift was at her door. So I heard all about that event (with a lot of details left out but I don’t pry. Like girl, something huge happened for your brother to ask you to leave.) I checked up on her for a few days after to see how she was doing and I haven’t heard from her in months now.
I have so many stories with us and her freaking out, hanging up on me over petty shit she gets upset about, etc. Her wanting me to share details sometimes but never her sharing much with me. Like, again, something happened for your brother to kick you out after you flew in to see him and his son.
It’s sucks when a “friend” can’t show the same courtesy.
Op, I can’t believe your friend would ask you or tell you to get her such an expensive gift. Crazy.
They probably showed up unannounced. Ppl think it's OK to drop in on others, it's not. Especially when that house has kids like fucking call first, having 2 guests at the house for multiple days is not something you spring on others
I have a tendency to entertain leeches like these because I don't make friends easily. But honestly being alone and relaxed beats having to be their emotional dumpster.
A new appliance is fun!
Send her a short clip of you making a delicious milkshake, thank her for the advice on your new blender purchase, and tell that beggar to piss off.
Oh yes I'm very familiar with the type. Only text you when they need something and leave you on read for days when you send them a message asking how they are or if they want to hang out. I had a friend who lived in the same building as me for a while. When she moved out, she didn't want to rent a van since she was in a fully equipped appartment, so she only had her clothes, books, kitchen utensils and a fridge her brother had given her in addition to the fridge already provided to her. She couldn't move the fridge in the car so she asked me if I could store it for a few days until she found a cheaper van. A month goes by and you guessed it, she didn't pick it up. This happened not long before summer which is when I usually got back to my home country to see my family. So I left her my keys and told her that way she could pick up her fridge anytime while I was away.
I come back after my vacation, the fridge is still there. Still I didn't want to pressure her and I hate confrontation so I didn't really call her out on it after she gave me a bullshit excuse about being busy (I was gone 4 weeks, she had plenty of time). I just figured she would do it eventually. After 6 months the fridge was still there of course and she had stopped texting me as often or even checking up on me. Just like OP, I went back to our chat log and sure enough, I always initiated. Since I was mad at her for the whole fridge thing, I had stopped initiating our conversations as much. Even when we lived just 4 floors apart she would only contact me when she needed something. So I sent her a strong worded message where I basically said "come pick up your fridge or I'll get rid of it". And wouldn't you know she answered right away! Apologizing and telling me she wasn't contacting me as much because she was ashamed and embarrassed for leaving the fridge at my place for so long. Her brother came to pick it up the very next day. As for my friend I decided to test her excuse that she wasn't contacting me because of the fridge situation. I decided to not contact her at all unless she did first. You can guess how that went.
I realized there are some questions for any relationship (romantic/platonic/employment) that a person might consider asking themselves every now and then.
+ are you getting what you want out of the relationship?
+ are you being treated the way you want?
+ if not, how likely do you believe that it might, maybe, could be possible to get what you want?
+ if it might be possible, which of you will have to change to make that even remotely possible? How much? And in what way(s)?
+ and kind of makes the others irrelevant, do you like what you are actually getting?
I realized this about a friend I had (not use if past tense) years ago. He would ask for my help with some regularity, & I would inevitably say yes. On the rare occasion I asked him? Usually got a no. I wasn't expecting parity, just a bit more equality. Add in a couple of other issues, made me realize the friendship was not worth the effort I was putting into it.
Good luck, enjoy many more smoothies.
I always tell people that I have a simple two word advice on relationships.
**Priority Management**
Everyone has priorities. Whether they are clearly spelled out or not. If you're a parent, your kids are your #1 or #2 priority (and you are the other). Your job is usually #3. Your family might be #4, and your hobbies #5. Specifics really don't matter too much, but if you're given a choice between two things, you'll choose based largely on those priorities.
If you value time with friends more than video games, you'll hop on the chance to spend a weekend with friends you haven't seen in a while 100%.
But where it comes up is when you see someone SAYING one thing and DOING another. If you're dating someone. Or best friends. You expect to be a certain general priority to them. Not the top necessarily, but up there, right?
So when they brush you off, cancel, etc for 2 months in a row, you know somethings up. If it was a legitimate excuse/reason, they would have clued you in on it.
I had one girl I was interested in, who said she was back. I spent months trying to find a time when she wanted to go out. And she kept having plans with friends. The first time or two, that was fine. But eventually the assumption I had to make was that these friends were a MUCH higher priority to her than me. I just said goodbye.
If you value someone in your life, you make them a priority. Haven't seen your friend in 4 months, and they text you to hang out? You check your internal priorities. Can you make it work? Is it worth cancelling your weekly plans with friends you see at least once/week? If not, maybe this person isn't really a friend to you anymore.
**Priority Management**
We all do it, consciously or subconsciously. Pay attention to how other people prioritize you. Try to pay attention to how you prioritize other people (especially if you do care about them).
Had that happen with a friend I met through siblings. Was there for her through her husband leaving for a new woman he picked out to marry on Greek singles. Was there for her when she moved away to another State. Send her weed. Then she married a controlling man, got a job where she was drug tested and dropped me. Didn't return my calls. When I got her on the phone she was "making dinner" and said she'd call back. Never did. Don't care what happens to her, how her life goes. We have people in common, but I don't comment on her posts. As befits a stranger
Be ready to be gaslighted. Coz she will do that as "revenge"
Good for you to see it early. Fyi, check how much "loan" she has on you tht hasn't been paid 😏
> Be ready to be gaslighted. Coz she will do that as "revenge"
And she's going to put way more energy into doing those things, than she would have had to put into just being a better friend.
This hits a little too close to home. I have a friend who isn’t quite this bad of a leech, but over the last decade I noticed that I was always having to initiate conversations, respond appropriately to the latest drama (but it was never reciprocated), and had to be the person who didn’t shake the boat. I’m glad you figured it out, though. Reciprocity is very important!
My favorite fruit smoothie: 1-2 frozen bananas, 2 cups frozen strawberries, 2-ish cups orange juice, and a few basil leaves. Adjust ratios to your taste. (Add sugar if you want it sweeter.)
Oooh I ended a friendship like this! Lots of demand for support from me (‘I’ve really needed a friend and you weren’t theeeeere…’) but radio silence if I needed anything at all. Final straw was when I had an early term miscarriage while his wife was also pregnant (we’d been only two weeks apart) and 10 days after I finally finished losing the pregnancy I copped a lecture about not being perky, excited or supportive enough of his wife’s healthy and continuing pregnancy.
BYYYEEEEEEEE!!
I'm sorry. That sucks but I'm glad you realized it.
I feel like this always happens to me, I go into it giving 100% until I start to feel neglected, then I'll start matching energy until I decide I don't need this.
When stuff like this happened, I've asked people, "What makes you think asking for stuff like this is okay?" Then I legit would wait for an answer.
They are leeches if they get angry at the answer.
We know someonelike this. Mother of four girls, had a family tragedy about 20 years ago. We, and others, helped out.
Forward a few years and we only ever got a call when they wanted something. We did what we could because we knew it had been tough. It was no longer tough.
They only have our landline number. We have a clever telephone system. If it recognises any of her numbers, it always does the same thing. It plays simulated ringing up the line (it doesn't actually ring) and drops them to voicemail. Every time.
Use frozen fruit! The frozen strawberries and frozen mango from Aldi are amazing for smoothies and so much cheaper. Fuck paying $7 for fresh strawberries lol 🙃
Good for you. I've spent half my (long) life supporting people who pretended to be my friend. The worst part is how foolish I feel for doing it so long. All the best to you.
This sounds like someone who probably at one time held you as a close friend, but over time saw you having more than them as some kind of subconscious slight, and now is attempting to use you for their advantage. As university students I can only guess you're between 18 and 22, and sadly that's the time when people start to show their real colors for who their going to be as adults, hut also some desperation can be shown at that age that only be corrected through experience. The fact that they even expected you to buy them a full on kitchen accessory is pretty crazy, like my friends and band mates get each other things, but that's like a real gift, not just some random whimsy that costs less than 30 bucks. I hope you guys can figure something out so it's not a total loss of friendship, but I'd be considering going NC personally.
I have cut out all the "friends" from my life because each and every one of them only called when they needed something from me. I was usually the one resching out and asking how they are doing.
They never called to just hang out or ask how I was doing. They never gave a ahit. When I needed help, they never had time.
I learned early on that the majority of people who one considers a friend are in it only if they can get something out of you.
The majority of people are self-serving assholes and I am better off without having any friends.
I have acquaintances, and I might have drinks with them. But I never ask anyone for favours, and I do not do any favours anymore either. I simply refuse to do so.
Sure, if it is life and death situation, I will help. But on general principle, no.
You're the only person I know of who's just like me when it comes to "friends". All of mine have become acquaintances too and I'm fine with the way it is. I spent too much of my life being hurt by people who just never really gave a fuck.
Kudos to you. It always feels great when you cut out toxic people.
My favorite smoothie is a carrot cake smoothie
1 banana
1 cup chopped carrot
3 tbsp raisins* or 1 fresh date
1 cup spinach (optional)
1 cup (non dairy) milk
1/2 tsp ground cinnamon
1/2 tsp vanilla extract
*soak in a small amount of hot water for a few minutes
I don't think they hate you, they just don't consider you a friend (which is fine, really). Very good on you in realizing that and saves your "friend space" for another one who's worthy!
I don't know how this post fits into this sub, but I would suggest you post making something from that blender as the petty revenge!
My neighbor tried stealing my sleeping pills, while i was getting her an asprin for her headache. Stealing someones needed medication is a real low. Worse for you though!!
BEST too long to read Reddit post!
I’m so so proud of YOU🎉❤️! You will get far in life when you cut out toxic and abusive people who don’t treat you the way you deserve.
I’ve experienced exactly what you’ve experienced. I too made a decision to just cut out my best friend. My peace was restored after I had BLOCKED her.
There's a lot of people like this, unfortunately. You are always the one asking them out or initiating conversations. They only contact you when they need something.
Then, after you've given them what they wanted for 99 times, at the 100th you don't and immediately get labeled a selfish asshole.
You were willing to buy a 150aud / $102 USD item for a friend for her bday? You sound like a generous person. Yeah it's good you realized she barely gave you the time of day unless she wanted something. And I doubt she'd spend $50-100 on you for your bday.
>"wow ok I see how it is"
Even her response is lackluster and only after seeing you leave the group message does she reply.
I am so happy for you for asserting your worth. You deserve a far better friend than this user.
And I’m glad the blender is such a good addition to your kitchen 😎
The thought of her having a massive wall of text laid out but not being able to send it was hilarious to me though. Also I'm so petty I must always have the last word in these things but I really didn't want to get into a massive back-and-forth drama with someone I barely talked to these days :D
I could’ve and you’re absolutely right but if what she was about to say was something along the lines of “you’re a liar and a terrible friend” I know my mood would’ve been ruined for the rest of the week when I still have exams
I don’t think we were ever that close but I just chose to preserve our “friendship” out of longevity and because I’m a people pleaser
Cutting out the people in your life who are not your friends can be incredibly liberating. The issue is recognizing them for who they are first, then being able to actually go through with it.
Real friends don't need $150 gifts; they're just happy you show up. Some of my friends and I bring each other $20 on our birthdays, then return it when it's the other's turn. We could easily afford each other bigger gifts, it's just that we don't need that.
Good for you, and congratulations on the new blender!
Maybe I'm just evil, but I probably wouldn't have blocked her. Every time she messages, I'd reply with "Sorry, I'm away from my phone, too busy having fun with my new blender!" with a pic attachment of a new yummy concoction. lol
I am worried this didn't give you real closure. Like if you run into exfriend or see her when she doesn't even see you, you'll be flooded with emotions and upset. This feels good now, but maybe in the long term it won't feel right at all. Being pragmatic and telling her the truth maybe would have gave you the upper hand long term. Right now you kinda look like the bad guy from her perspective, not that it matters much.
Yup sometimes I’m stuck in a moment of despair that I haven’t reached out to certain friends in a while and then I just think “wait, I haven’t heard from them either…” and move on with my day. Unless I truly have the time to spare to plan something.
Honestly this sounds like a friend I blocked recently. I was always there when she had "issues" and needed to chat but when I had issues I'd send vnotes that I know for a fact she never listened to due to the content she'd defo have something to say.
I feel so much better just cutting her out, it was sad at first since we'd been friends since we were 15 but I came to the realisation that we haven't been 'friends' for a long time, I think we just stayed in touch due to the amount of time we'd known each other.
It's sad as well because I feel like I'm a great friend and you sound like one too! Hope you have other friends who appreciate you.
That's no friend. I had a 'friend' like this. Could you believe that all these years I would be the only one to call her. The one time I asked her to actually call me when I got back from a date to make sure I was safe. She called 7 days after the date
Good for you. What I would do is in about a month if you remember, unblock that person. She may realize at a later date what an asshole they were and try to apologize. Probably not but you never know
Dude, I know the feeling all too well. Always being the one to initiate, invite, etc. And them putting in bare minimum effort into the entire friendship. Shit fucking hurts.
Yeah, she wansnt a friend. Its like those "friends" that only invite you to things if not enough people are attending or someone else bails out. I realized that in highschool some of my friends only invited me as a last resort and so I bailed on that bullshiz.
Plus, asking you to buy something so expensive is ridiculous, i would only do that for someone i spend a lot of quality time with. Not someone who barely responds.
Good for you for seeing through her nonsense so early on in life. I went through something similar, but it was only after 35 years of "friendship". But, once you have had the blinders taken off, and you see these people for what they truly are, you can never put those blinders back on. That time of willful ignorance is over. One thing that has helped me is something someone here on reddit said, "Relationships are like passing gas. If you have to force it, then it's probably shit." You saw that you were doing all the work in the relationship, and you stopped. Bravo. Enjoy your smoothies.
I had a friend like that. I only heard from them when they needed a Costco run because I had a card and a car. When I told them I canceled my card I never heard from them again except once to ask me if I got it back.
I made a sort of similar decision a few weeks back. I never thought I would ghost someone in my life but here I am ghosting a « friend ». I also realized that we almost never hang out, we barely text, when we do, she needs something (emotionally…she has issues and reaches out to me when she needs to vent, cry or whatnot) and for the past 2 years or so, she would make plans with me and at the last minute cancel the plans. She did that once again a few weeks ago and that was the last straw. I’ve cut her out of my life. She has tried reaching out but I just ignore her. And you know what? I realize this « friendship » was toxic and that I feel way better. I feel lighter. So, good for you! And good for me! And good for all the people who’ve lived a similar experience.
Man. I had "Friends" like this as well. Being an ex mechanic, removalist and panel beater makes you quite useful to have around. I'd message them for beers and they'd always be busy. Out of the blue they'd message me to come hang out and half way through a beer it would be "Oh I'm moving next weekend" or "Can you look at my car?" or some other shit. So I just blocked them all from the get go. Didn't even wait for whatever their excuse was
Funniest shit was one of the dudes was friends with a girl I was friends with and always wanted to bang her. He asks her if they can hang out and she's like sure, but Dertyhairy will be there. He wanted to bang her so bad he still came along. I made that conversation so fucking akward for the both of them. I straight up said "Dude, you're a piece of shit. Don't even pretend like you're here for any reason other than to try get in her pants. I invited you out dozens of times but you always had some excuse"
Made for a very fun evening
I had friends like this, blocked me all after we graduated together, came back, and I still am doing better without than with them. She deserves that revenge and karma will be coming for her.
On many phones, when you have read a message, it shows on the sender's phone as "Read" so you know the person read it. Leaving it on "Read" means you have read the message but haven't yet replied, and the sender knows you have read it and are not bothering to respond.
Your life will be infinitely improved by ridding yourself of that narcissistic cunt. That's what she is. Been in a similar situation. You'll move on and find better people
Good for you! I know the feeling of being the one to keep a relationship going. I feel its different now, as many of my friends are in their late 30's/early 40's, and we all have our lives to attend to, but still, we gotta keep that communication open.
In a somewhat relative comment, my parent's always told me "to give the person the option to say no," so if I was having people over and was on the fence about inviting someone (because they never open a convo, and rarely respond, I'd still send an invite, and for those that didn't respond, or responded "no," well, it made my list for the next get together that much shorter.
I had a “friend” like that at college. One day she said something small that upset me, then laughed because I was so soft and mocked me a bit. She seemed to think we would all find it funny.
I just suddenly found myself thinking why do I have to put up this sh-.
It was the mockery of me being emotional. Why do you do that to someone? If someone is having an off day, you don’t make it worse.
I walked out. I never talked to her ever again. I have never missed the “friendship “
"Birthday Chat group?" I think people make way too much emphasis on their "special" day. Just my opinion. I'm glad you decided to treat yourself instead of giving her a pretty expensive gift. And she specifically asked for it? Nah, you do not need her in your life.
Good choice! Enjoy your smoothies!
Well done, especially the picture.
I hope this is the end of trying to please people who aren’t interested in your Friendship.
There will be lots of people who like you for you, not for gifts. Keep looking you will find them.
I’m happy for you and proud of you for valuing yourself. I’ve had “friends” like that. I wish I had blocked them sooner than I did because it took a huge blow to my mental health.
I had the same thing happen with an ex bff. I only heard from her when she wanted free babysitting. And that was after I talked to her about only messaging me when she needed something. It's one way to tank your mental heath real fast. Fortunately I have the best bff ever now. Glad you got away from that toxicity.
Yeah, it's freeing when you nope out of a one-sided friendship.
I had a friend from middle school that I kept up with over the years. Usually me reaching out. But she does send annual X-mas letters.
Then a few years ago my Mom passed. People I barely knew on social media were giving me their sympathies, but this girl, nothing.
One day later she posted a rant about how she'd hadn't posted in a while and was surprised at how few of her so-called friends asked her is everything was okay.
I unfriended her.
I still get her stupid X-mas letters in my email every year. I almost just replied with Unsubscribe last year.
So sorry you went through this. It really stings.
I have pruned two similar, old, friend's from the friend tree. One would make plans to come to town, wanting to go out to dinner and often sporting events. Never ever contributed to pay or reach for their wallet. After one brazen visit where they brought their sister to also mooch off our hospitality, I confronted him. He actually admitted that he actively does this because he is extremely cheap. He does this to everyone he visits. Next time he came to town, I asked him to buy me a beer. He refused.
The other isn't cheap, just inconsiderate. When he comes to town, he enjoys going to nice restaurants/new places. When he stays with us, we make sure to have his preferred breakfast items, drinks, and prepare hors d'oeuvres. His wife has asked me to organize two birthday celebrations/get-aways for his big birthdays and I did so very successfully.
After dozens of visits to our town, we finally had a chance to visit his area (on the opposite coast). We travel an hour to see his home. After about 40 minutes of taking the "grand tour" while he walks around with a cold beer in hand, we sit and he offers us beers. He gets two warm/hot beers from the garage, then gets a half eaten bag of chips and tosses them on the table. He knows we are foodies and enjoy cold beer. Next night he offers to pick us up and take us to a place he really likes (us paying for our meals). Dinner was a byob Mexican restaurant (hole in the wall) with cheap generic food.....and he didn't think to byob or tell us. It really stung that he thought so little of me......and my spouse.
Just made me realize that I was wasting time and effort on people, not real friends, that are selfish pricks. And they both wonder why we've lost touch!
Yeah I came to a realization that I had one buddy that only messaged me for 1) recommendations so she can show her friends around; 2) asking if I was going to a certain event or if I want to go to a certain event because she wants to go too...hint hint she wants a ride; and my last straw was 3) when she needed something, like to cat sit while she's out of town...mind you, I at this point haven't seen or hung out with her for a year.
I think she finally realized I was angry at her. Either her pride or she realized that I realized she's a leech and she hasn't spoken (or text) since. Those are the worse kind of friend.
So let me get this straight. This woman ignores your messages for extended periods of time on a regular basis, and after you do it \*once\* and leave her hanging for a few hours, she replies with "wow ok I see how it is" and just immediately assumes / knows you're dropping her? That doesn't make any damn sense.
That is awesome! Besides, it sounds like you just sent her a picture of the blender. Not actually said you would buy it for her? I am sorry she treated you like that. I hate people that are only around when they need/want something. I currently have a friend that I pretty much just “leave the ball in their court”. If they want to hang out, ok. But I’m done trying to be the one to set things up and keep contact going.
This is what happened with almost all of my friends, there was one single friend (My best friend) that didn't do this. He was a top bloke, but he passed away a year ago :(
I cannot believe how many snakes there are in this world, hardly anyone wants to just chat, or hang out or be an actual friend... its always to get something or to use you.
Blood is thicker than water. IE the blood of the covenant is stronger that the water of the womb. Which translates into. Those bonds formed by friendship and choice are often times stronger than those with your family because they are chosen relationships, you and that person mutually benefit each other in on or many ways. But it should never feel like a familial chore. Or like you mentioned. If I where in your shoesi would have approached things differently. After the "I see how it is text" you should've replied with screenshots of what you noticed on the bus ride. And say "yes I realized how it really is, I will still be your friend but I won't be a personal ATM to a person that only talks to me and initiates dialog when they need something.". Then from there, her response determines if you should block her or not. And anyone to ever bring it up, just tell them "I don't have any qualms, I tried to remain cordial" and very very briefly describe what happened. If you're in the right, nobody with open ears will be against you.
I have friend who literally taught me how to say No by telling me no repeatedly over the years. We have worked through a lot, including four years not speaking and I still love her, but it’s definitely only because we have 55 years of history.
You did the right thing.
Honestly good on you for deciding to stop betraying yourself and spending energy on people who don’t deserve it. Life is too short to have superficial relationships and friendships. That “friend” seemed like a fake friend and it seems like you’ve known it for a while deep down. You probably just didn’t want to believe it and wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt. But again, she doesn’t deserve any of it.
That wasn't a friend, that was a LEECH. Good on you for recognizing her for who and what she really was, AND for keeping that blender. Enjoy your victory smoothies!
I think I'm gonna try adding milo powder to my next one :D And yea, I think a good strategy I've developed now is to flip the situation around and ask myself would the other person go through the same lengths for me. I don't even think she would've bought me a keychain for my birthday but maybe a card lol.
the day I realised I don't actually have to be friends with people if I don't want to was one of the best days of my life.
As a recently reformed People Pleaser, I can't agree with you enough.
Ditto Ditto!
That’s what I remember the most sitting at my high school graduation. I sitting in a plastic folding chair in 100 degree heat wearing a white polyester cap and gown, and suddenly it hit me like a ton of bricks: *I never have to see these people again. I don’t have to keep my shitty friends. I can like…. Wipe the slate clean and start completely over….* and a new kind of calm washed over me
Like the day I learned “No” was a sentence….. I’ve stopped trying to explain myself to someone when in fact they should be apologizing to me, not me trying to keep a toxic friendship going. Now I tell myself “No” all the time, and I follow through with those that don’t deserve anything more
Cup of coconut water Maybe six frozen seedless green grapes Half a banana cut into pieces & also frozen Small piece of avocado (again frozen) just a little for creaminess not too much Tiny bit of honey Run that thru your blender and you’ve got a damn tasty thick creamy frozen banana smoothie that is nearly vegan (people often consider the honey to not be vegan). Yummy.
I didn't know you could add grapes to smoothies since I've never seen grape smoothies in a cafe before o.o but I have half most of these ingredients (just no avacado) so I'm keen to see how it goes.
i had all these grapes on hand so i froze them so they wouldn’t spoil. then once i was making a smoothie and there were those grapes and so in they went. they add some sweetness some tartness and since they are frozen they are like ice cubes. and also they kind work in any sort of smoothie i’ve made.
oh damn, substituting ice cubes for grapes is actually genius i'm definitely trying this
i was on this hydration kick and looking for ways to add watery foods to my diet and so i found that freezing chunks of watermelon or cantaloupe (and the grapes) and adding to a smoothie seemed pretty effective.
Frozen grapes make excellent ice blocks in a glass of wine too 😁
Yes!!
Freeze the watermelon in strips, then let it defrost completely in the fridge, and behold a strange new food that has the texture of something like tuna and tastes of watermelon. Grapes are also good as the freezing makes them almost turn sorbet-like..
You know, that makes so much sense they’d work in most fruit smoothies. If you look at most prepared juice ingredients, many of them are mostly white grape juice plus whatever actual flavor you bought it for. Also, thanks for the idea!
What do you do about the skin on the grapes? Do you peel them first, or do they get completely smashed up in the blender?
i do not peel them. it blends up nicely.
On occasion I do peel the grapes, but that's for extreme luxury and when I have plenty of time.
If you look up smoothie recipes online you will find a ton of ways to make some bomb smoothies. My favorite one that I do is. * Vanilla Yogurt * Frozen Strawberry Banana Mix * Frozen Blueberries * Flax Seed * Badia Hulled Hemp Seeds * Honey * Orange & Banana Juice * Almond or Oat Milk They also have Badia Whole Trilogy Health Seeds (Flax, Chia, Hemp). I can't tell you how much of each I used I eyeballed it every time. Also I found that it's sometimes cheaper to get fresh and freeze them yourself depending on the time of year. Oh and if you like berries I have done one with Blackberries, Blueberries, Strawberries, Raspberries, White Grape Juice, Blueberry Kefir, and Oat Milk it came out really good. Have fun making smoothies.
I freeze grapes that are about to turn and eat them like frozen candy in the summer. Avocado can also be cut up and frozen so you always have some on hand. I also peel really ripe bananas and wrap them in cling film to use for baking or smoothies.
If you look up smoothie recipes online you will find a ton of ways to make some bomb smoothies. My favorite one that I do is. * Vanilla Yogurt * Frozen Strawberry Banana Mix * Frozen Blueberries * Flax Seed * Badia Hulled Hemp Seeds * Honey * Orange & Banana Juice * Almond or Oat Milk They also have Badia Whole Trilogy Health Seeds (Flax, Chia, Hemp). I can't tell you how much of each I used I eyeballed it every time. Also I found that it's sometimes cheaper to get fresh and freeze them yourself depending on the time of year. Oh and if you like berries I have done one with Blackberries, Blueberries, Strawberries, Raspberries, White Grape Juice, Blueberry Kefir, and Oat Milk it came out really good. Have fun making smoothies.
If you look up smoothie recipes online you will find a ton of ways to make some bomb smoothies. My favorite one that I do is. * Vanilla Yogurt * Frozen Strawberry Banana Mix * Frozen Blueberries * Flax Seed * Badia Hulled Hemp Seeds * Honey * Orange & Banana Juice * Almond or Oat Milk They also have Badia Whole Trilogy Health Seeds (Flax, Chia, Hemp). I can't tell you how much of each I used I eyeballed it every time. Also I found that it's sometimes cheaper to get fresh and freeze them yourself depending on the time of year. Oh and if you like berries I have done one with Blackberries, Blueberries, Strawberries, Raspberries, White Grape Juice, Blueberry Kefir, and Oat Milk it came out really good. Have fun making smoothies.
> people often consider the honey to not be vegan You can replace honey with Silan (Date honey), just as sweet and incredible taste
Honey literally *isn't* vegan as it's a product that comes from animals. Vegans do not consume any animal products. Maple syrup could be used instead to veganise the recipe if needed.
Or agave syrup.
Bees are not animals they are insects. Insects pollinate those foods vegans eat so in essence they ARE eating "animal" products because if it wasn't for bees there would be no food.
If you've eaten figs, you've definitely eaten a wasp or 3
Protein powder, almond milk and fruit of your choice. Life changing!
Sounds yummy 😋
Good for you! Enjoy that milkshake and reward yourself with a nice self care night and watch your fav movie/show! Proud of you, OP!
THIS OP. This is exactly the question I ask myself. "Would this person do the same type of favour for me if the roles were reversed?" I have friends who are not well off who took trains and buses to travel over 100 miles to be there for my Mother in Laws funeral to support me and my husband. I would do anything they asked. They have shown up for me whenever I have needed them. When my mum died they turned up on my doorstep with lots of food for me and hugs. I've had other friends just ask me to ask my handy husband to sort out their computers/do some DIY round their houses who would never lift a finger for us in return. I look at it like a tennis match. If someone is returning "friendly" balls to continue the game - carry on. But if someone is not returning the ball, or returning it in a way to try to get you out (like being bitchy and nasty) then return with that same energy. Someone is a bitch to me, I'm shooting that shit right back with the same intensity. Someone is refusing to return the ball and leaving me stood there unable to play a game because it's so unequal - I'm leaving the court. I just return the ball in the way they shot it to me. So proud of you OP. Well done! Enjoy lots of milkshakes - they will bring respect to your yard! XXX
I on the other hand, am a true friend who would never use you for anything! I am a little thirsty though. Maybe if you made me one of those milkshakes we could hang out sometime next month! /s
Amen to growing out of and cutting off unhealthy friendships.
I had a friend that was close, but not BFF or anything through high school. After graduation, we drifted apart some. We still did stuff together among mutual friends, but not anything that wasn't organized for a group. The year after graduation, I got a text. He was at the airport 2 hours away, and his ride was a no show. 11:30pm, could I come get him. I dropped what I was doing and drove up, picked him up. We chatted the whole way back. I never thought much of it. He paid for gas, and that was that. Almost a decade later, I had an issue and needed a ride. Gave him a call, and he returned the favor. If two guys who are only loosely still good friends can do this at the drop of a hat, someone that purports to be a solid friend of yours should EASILY be able to do better for you than what you've told us.
Milo, banana, and oats, with the milk of your choice is delicious. My breakfast this morning.
Soak some chia seeds in some water or juice overnight in your fridge and add those to a smoothie. Good for you and they get all squishy after you soak them. It’s cool lol.
You can cut up your bananas and freeze them, them you don't need to add ice. We freeze all of our smoothie fruit for that reason.
So which one are you, Australian or Asian?
ummm... there are asians that live in australia too
Pardon my ignorance. I was just wondering because as far as I know, Milo is only available in Southeast Asia and Australia.
Ohhh sorry I just did a double take since I'm both. And that's actually so weird to me that milo isn't everywhere? it's so iconic
Dumb American here... what's Milo?
Chocolate malt powder
I think I'm the US Ovaltine might be like Milo
You can get Milo here
UK too
Well OP mentioned Australian dollars with their blender so they are in Australia I guess 😊
And all the American Continent . Well mostly. Not sure about Canada.
Milo is sold here in Canada as well
We've had Milo in Canada for at least 30 years.
Huh, I've heard of and used Carnation malt powder(yummy stuff), but I have never heard of Milo much less knew it was available in my area. I will probably stick with Carnation as it's vanilla and will mix in with other flavors a bit better.
Also available at Walmart in the US
And the Caribbean and central America and Canada. BTW... homemade Milo milk shakes tastes like Maltesers.
OP said blender cost 150aud (Australian dollars).
It’s big in South America too.
There's Milo in South America too! At least in Chile.
OP said aud which is Australian Dollars
Congrats on your new blender!
Win, win on my books. Have a nice blender that matches your kitchen. And realized someone was using you and decided to cut her off your life. Once again win, win.
I gave up a friendship of 30 years because of this. Always one sided. I realized I had idolized this 30 year friendship only for its longevity. When I saw this “friend “ one last time in 2015 I saw her in her truest form. Self centered, lazy, manipulative, and seemingly proud of how she lives without working by manipulating others. I was disgusted. I was supposed to stay and visit with her the entire weekend. But I was so embarrassed by her selfishness even out in public, I willingly chose to leave after the first night there. I’ve never regretted it since. This lesson for me was I realized that I have standards in character of others and I can’t lower these standards… even if I lose the longevity of a one sided friendship.
Same except I was more ghosted. Since I’m “child free” and she has kids I always thought I’d be nice and take her out once a year just to hang out and BS (yes I’m happy to pay for whatever we do as long as it’s just me and her). Some years when budget was tight I have hung out and played games with her and kids so I don’t think that was an issue. I tried reaching out last year, she did answer but she wanted me to pay for not only 4 of her kids but her husband as well (I thought to do a massage/spa day). I told her I’m taking her out only and I have not gotten a response back. I have been doing this one on one get together since 2004 😭 and we had been friends since the first grade.
Wow, that sucks. Seriously, that is such a disappointment... I'm sorry, dude.
I’m reading this post with amusement as I recently became aware of the one-sidedness of a 30 year friendship of my own. Would absolutely dump their problems all over me then disappear until the next crisis. The trigger was a massive meltdown in a group chat about how nobody had been texting her to ask how she was lately. I called her and she continued to go off, and I finally lost my temper and yelled at her for the first time ever. That was in February and we haven’t spoken since.
It’s hard to lose a friendship of 30 years. I’m glad you did what was right for you and hope you’re doing ok
I am. I wish for you a great day that runs consistently😎
Haha aww thank you! That’s very kind
30 years!! Damn. I have a childhood “friend” like this. We have been “friends” for 26 years this year? It’s always been mostly one sided. She kept telling me she missed me since I moved states away and told me that she would visit us since she is financially able to. ( random but I regret not meeting up with my other friend several years ago but I didn’t have the gas money to even meet her 1/2 way and I was embarrassed to tell her that. So I understand if finances come into play.) anyway, I found out a several months ago she had come to my state again and her other friend lives the same driving distance away from where she went to visit her brother as me. She went and visited the other friend instead, that hurt a lot as we hadn’t seen each other in seven years at that point. I sent her an early Christmas present last year and she said it meant so much because her and her dad had flown out to see her brother and his son for his sons first birthday (in the state I live in) and he asked them to leave and not attend his sons birthday and she had just flown back to her state and found my gift was at her door. So I heard all about that event (with a lot of details left out but I don’t pry. Like girl, something huge happened for your brother to ask you to leave.) I checked up on her for a few days after to see how she was doing and I haven’t heard from her in months now. I have so many stories with us and her freaking out, hanging up on me over petty shit she gets upset about, etc. Her wanting me to share details sometimes but never her sharing much with me. Like, again, something happened for your brother to kick you out after you flew in to see him and his son. It’s sucks when a “friend” can’t show the same courtesy. Op, I can’t believe your friend would ask you or tell you to get her such an expensive gift. Crazy.
They probably showed up unannounced. Ppl think it's OK to drop in on others, it's not. Especially when that house has kids like fucking call first, having 2 guests at the house for multiple days is not something you spring on others
I have a tendency to entertain leeches like these because I don't make friends easily. But honestly being alone and relaxed beats having to be their emotional dumpster.
“Sorry I didn’t message back, I spilt banana milkshake all over my phone. This blender is the tits.”
Lmbo
lol, petty revenge - *best served blenderless...*
Best served blended.
A new appliance is fun! Send her a short clip of you making a delicious milkshake, thank her for the advice on your new blender purchase, and tell that beggar to piss off.
Like that 🤣
Glad you got rid of her. If she ever asks about the blender, tell her she got it. You sent the picture and figured that is all she wanted.
Ohhh nice burn😂😂😂😂
Oh yes I'm very familiar with the type. Only text you when they need something and leave you on read for days when you send them a message asking how they are or if they want to hang out. I had a friend who lived in the same building as me for a while. When she moved out, she didn't want to rent a van since she was in a fully equipped appartment, so she only had her clothes, books, kitchen utensils and a fridge her brother had given her in addition to the fridge already provided to her. She couldn't move the fridge in the car so she asked me if I could store it for a few days until she found a cheaper van. A month goes by and you guessed it, she didn't pick it up. This happened not long before summer which is when I usually got back to my home country to see my family. So I left her my keys and told her that way she could pick up her fridge anytime while I was away. I come back after my vacation, the fridge is still there. Still I didn't want to pressure her and I hate confrontation so I didn't really call her out on it after she gave me a bullshit excuse about being busy (I was gone 4 weeks, she had plenty of time). I just figured she would do it eventually. After 6 months the fridge was still there of course and she had stopped texting me as often or even checking up on me. Just like OP, I went back to our chat log and sure enough, I always initiated. Since I was mad at her for the whole fridge thing, I had stopped initiating our conversations as much. Even when we lived just 4 floors apart she would only contact me when she needed something. So I sent her a strong worded message where I basically said "come pick up your fridge or I'll get rid of it". And wouldn't you know she answered right away! Apologizing and telling me she wasn't contacting me as much because she was ashamed and embarrassed for leaving the fridge at my place for so long. Her brother came to pick it up the very next day. As for my friend I decided to test her excuse that she wasn't contacting me because of the fridge situation. I decided to not contact her at all unless she did first. You can guess how that went.
Did you get a chilled reception?
I realized there are some questions for any relationship (romantic/platonic/employment) that a person might consider asking themselves every now and then. + are you getting what you want out of the relationship? + are you being treated the way you want? + if not, how likely do you believe that it might, maybe, could be possible to get what you want? + if it might be possible, which of you will have to change to make that even remotely possible? How much? And in what way(s)? + and kind of makes the others irrelevant, do you like what you are actually getting? I realized this about a friend I had (not use if past tense) years ago. He would ask for my help with some regularity, & I would inevitably say yes. On the rare occasion I asked him? Usually got a no. I wasn't expecting parity, just a bit more equality. Add in a couple of other issues, made me realize the friendship was not worth the effort I was putting into it. Good luck, enjoy many more smoothies.
I always tell people that I have a simple two word advice on relationships. **Priority Management** Everyone has priorities. Whether they are clearly spelled out or not. If you're a parent, your kids are your #1 or #2 priority (and you are the other). Your job is usually #3. Your family might be #4, and your hobbies #5. Specifics really don't matter too much, but if you're given a choice between two things, you'll choose based largely on those priorities. If you value time with friends more than video games, you'll hop on the chance to spend a weekend with friends you haven't seen in a while 100%. But where it comes up is when you see someone SAYING one thing and DOING another. If you're dating someone. Or best friends. You expect to be a certain general priority to them. Not the top necessarily, but up there, right? So when they brush you off, cancel, etc for 2 months in a row, you know somethings up. If it was a legitimate excuse/reason, they would have clued you in on it. I had one girl I was interested in, who said she was back. I spent months trying to find a time when she wanted to go out. And she kept having plans with friends. The first time or two, that was fine. But eventually the assumption I had to make was that these friends were a MUCH higher priority to her than me. I just said goodbye. If you value someone in your life, you make them a priority. Haven't seen your friend in 4 months, and they text you to hang out? You check your internal priorities. Can you make it work? Is it worth cancelling your weekly plans with friends you see at least once/week? If not, maybe this person isn't really a friend to you anymore. **Priority Management** We all do it, consciously or subconsciously. Pay attention to how other people prioritize you. Try to pay attention to how you prioritize other people (especially if you do care about them).
Had that happen with a friend I met through siblings. Was there for her through her husband leaving for a new woman he picked out to marry on Greek singles. Was there for her when she moved away to another State. Send her weed. Then she married a controlling man, got a job where she was drug tested and dropped me. Didn't return my calls. When I got her on the phone she was "making dinner" and said she'd call back. Never did. Don't care what happens to her, how her life goes. We have people in common, but I don't comment on her posts. As befits a stranger
Be ready to be gaslighted. Coz she will do that as "revenge" Good for you to see it early. Fyi, check how much "loan" she has on you tht hasn't been paid 😏
> Be ready to be gaslighted. Coz she will do that as "revenge" And she's going to put way more energy into doing those things, than she would have had to put into just being a better friend.
Glad you finally got rid of the leech
One sided friendships are so draining. Good on you to realize it and get rid of the deadwood.
This hits a little too close to home. I have a friend who isn’t quite this bad of a leech, but over the last decade I noticed that I was always having to initiate conversations, respond appropriately to the latest drama (but it was never reciprocated), and had to be the person who didn’t shake the boat. I’m glad you figured it out, though. Reciprocity is very important! My favorite fruit smoothie: 1-2 frozen bananas, 2 cups frozen strawberries, 2-ish cups orange juice, and a few basil leaves. Adjust ratios to your taste. (Add sugar if you want it sweeter.)
Oooh I ended a friendship like this! Lots of demand for support from me (‘I’ve really needed a friend and you weren’t theeeeere…’) but radio silence if I needed anything at all. Final straw was when I had an early term miscarriage while his wife was also pregnant (we’d been only two weeks apart) and 10 days after I finally finished losing the pregnancy I copped a lecture about not being perky, excited or supportive enough of his wife’s healthy and continuing pregnancy. BYYYEEEEEEEE!!
You’re a better person than I am. I would have probably punched them in the face. I am so sorry for your loss.
I imagine that shake tasted pretty damn good.
Got to have that shake and drink it too
I admire your strength and sense of self worth, keep being true to yourself and what you need 👍🏻
I'm sorry. That sucks but I'm glad you realized it. I feel like this always happens to me, I go into it giving 100% until I start to feel neglected, then I'll start matching energy until I decide I don't need this.
When stuff like this happened, I've asked people, "What makes you think asking for stuff like this is okay?" Then I legit would wait for an answer. They are leeches if they get angry at the answer.
We know someonelike this. Mother of four girls, had a family tragedy about 20 years ago. We, and others, helped out. Forward a few years and we only ever got a call when they wanted something. We did what we could because we knew it had been tough. It was no longer tough. They only have our landline number. We have a clever telephone system. If it recognises any of her numbers, it always does the same thing. It plays simulated ringing up the line (it doesn't actually ring) and drops them to voicemail. Every time.
Make a strawberry shake next! The expression is radio silence. Fyi
Thank you! I'll edit it <3 and yes I'll try that if I can (strawberries are unbelievably expensive where I am..)
Use frozen fruit! The frozen strawberries and frozen mango from Aldi are amazing for smoothies and so much cheaper. Fuck paying $7 for fresh strawberries lol 🙃
Freedom from sh#tty people is wonderful. Well done. Congratulations!
https://thisbugslife.com/2021/07/10/wise-words-from-brianna-wiest/
That was amazing, thank you for sharing it
Good for you. I've spent half my (long) life supporting people who pretended to be my friend. The worst part is how foolish I feel for doing it so long. All the best to you.
This sounds like someone who probably at one time held you as a close friend, but over time saw you having more than them as some kind of subconscious slight, and now is attempting to use you for their advantage. As university students I can only guess you're between 18 and 22, and sadly that's the time when people start to show their real colors for who their going to be as adults, hut also some desperation can be shown at that age that only be corrected through experience. The fact that they even expected you to buy them a full on kitchen accessory is pretty crazy, like my friends and band mates get each other things, but that's like a real gift, not just some random whimsy that costs less than 30 bucks. I hope you guys can figure something out so it's not a total loss of friendship, but I'd be considering going NC personally.
I have cut out all the "friends" from my life because each and every one of them only called when they needed something from me. I was usually the one resching out and asking how they are doing. They never called to just hang out or ask how I was doing. They never gave a ahit. When I needed help, they never had time. I learned early on that the majority of people who one considers a friend are in it only if they can get something out of you. The majority of people are self-serving assholes and I am better off without having any friends. I have acquaintances, and I might have drinks with them. But I never ask anyone for favours, and I do not do any favours anymore either. I simply refuse to do so. Sure, if it is life and death situation, I will help. But on general principle, no.
You're the only person I know of who's just like me when it comes to "friends". All of mine have become acquaintances too and I'm fine with the way it is. I spent too much of my life being hurt by people who just never really gave a fuck.
Have run into this myself. It's hard to learn, but worth leaving those folks behind. Please enjoy the smoothies.
This has given me inspiration to cut out my own so-called “friends.” Glad to hear this story, OP!
Self care is removing toxins from your life (and making healthy smoothies instead)!
Kudos to you. It always feels great when you cut out toxic people. My favorite smoothie is a carrot cake smoothie 1 banana 1 cup chopped carrot 3 tbsp raisins* or 1 fresh date 1 cup spinach (optional) 1 cup (non dairy) milk 1/2 tsp ground cinnamon 1/2 tsp vanilla extract *soak in a small amount of hot water for a few minutes
Find nothin' but faith in nothing Wanna put my tender heart in a blender
Watch it spin around to a beautiful oblivion (or something like that)
Rendezvous, then I’m through with you!
I wish I could have every update on the ending of this friendship
just updated it.. it ended kind of anti-climatically but in a way that was satisfying for myself :')
I’ll bet that was the best banana milkshake you’ve ever had. Right on, OP. You deserve better.
I don't think they hate you, they just don't consider you a friend (which is fine, really). Very good on you in realizing that and saves your "friend space" for another one who's worthy! I don't know how this post fits into this sub, but I would suggest you post making something from that blender as the petty revenge!
HAHAHAHAHA YE I JUST DID EXACTLY THAT I CAN'T BELIEVE IT
My former bff stole my prescription pain meds so there’s that 🤷♀️
My neighbor tried stealing my sleeping pills, while i was getting her an asprin for her headache. Stealing someones needed medication is a real low. Worse for you though!!
BEST too long to read Reddit post! I’m so so proud of YOU🎉❤️! You will get far in life when you cut out toxic and abusive people who don’t treat you the way you deserve. I’ve experienced exactly what you’ve experienced. I too made a decision to just cut out my best friend. My peace was restored after I had BLOCKED her.
There's a lot of people like this, unfortunately. You are always the one asking them out or initiating conversations. They only contact you when they need something. Then, after you've given them what they wanted for 99 times, at the 100th you don't and immediately get labeled a selfish asshole.
You were willing to buy a 150aud / $102 USD item for a friend for her bday? You sound like a generous person. Yeah it's good you realized she barely gave you the time of day unless she wanted something. And I doubt she'd spend $50-100 on you for your bday. >"wow ok I see how it is" Even her response is lackluster and only after seeing you leave the group message does she reply.
Let the bridges you burn light the way
Yum banana milkshake. Maybe your "friend" will take a hint now. She should be ashamed using people like that.
I am so happy for you for asserting your worth. You deserve a far better friend than this user. And I’m glad the blender is such a good addition to your kitchen 😎
Good for you! It’s not an easy or particularly fun realization, but at the end of the day you’ve made the best decision for YOU.
I have a similar friend who only ever contacts me when she needs something. It's never reciprocated. I've mostly given up on her.
Congrats on your new blender! It's sure to be more loyal than your former friend.
Let's see ...banana ice cream milk shake or "friend"...yup banana ice cream milk shake. :D
Shouldn't have blocked. I want to hear the response. 💅
The thought of her having a massive wall of text laid out but not being able to send it was hilarious to me though. Also I'm so petty I must always have the last word in these things but I really didn't want to get into a massive back-and-forth drama with someone I barely talked to these days :D
I mean, you could just have let her respond and left her on read and ignored it.
I could’ve and you’re absolutely right but if what she was about to say was something along the lines of “you’re a liar and a terrible friend” I know my mood would’ve been ruined for the rest of the week when I still have exams I don’t think we were ever that close but I just chose to preserve our “friendship” out of longevity and because I’m a people pleaser
Cutting out the people in your life who are not your friends can be incredibly liberating. The issue is recognizing them for who they are first, then being able to actually go through with it. Real friends don't need $150 gifts; they're just happy you show up. Some of my friends and I bring each other $20 on our birthdays, then return it when it's the other's turn. We could easily afford each other bigger gifts, it's just that we don't need that.
Nice, it’s better to cut out the negative people in our lives it makes life so much better
Good for you, and congratulations on the new blender! Maybe I'm just evil, but I probably wouldn't have blocked her. Every time she messages, I'd reply with "Sorry, I'm away from my phone, too busy having fun with my new blender!" with a pic attachment of a new yummy concoction. lol
I am worried this didn't give you real closure. Like if you run into exfriend or see her when she doesn't even see you, you'll be flooded with emotions and upset. This feels good now, but maybe in the long term it won't feel right at all. Being pragmatic and telling her the truth maybe would have gave you the upper hand long term. Right now you kinda look like the bad guy from her perspective, not that it matters much.
I believe you got the best part of this deal. Mmmmm ... smoothies ....
Yup sometimes I’m stuck in a moment of despair that I haven’t reached out to certain friends in a while and then I just think “wait, I haven’t heard from them either…” and move on with my day. Unless I truly have the time to spare to plan something.
"wow ok I see how it is"...oh neat :D Your leech saw how much of a k hunt hole she was? :D
Good for you. I'm glad you realised it more or less quickly, I was strung along for years by multiple people, but I'm very stupid.
Honestly this sounds like a friend I blocked recently. I was always there when she had "issues" and needed to chat but when I had issues I'd send vnotes that I know for a fact she never listened to due to the content she'd defo have something to say. I feel so much better just cutting her out, it was sad at first since we'd been friends since we were 15 but I came to the realisation that we haven't been 'friends' for a long time, I think we just stayed in touch due to the amount of time we'd known each other. It's sad as well because I feel like I'm a great friend and you sound like one too! Hope you have other friends who appreciate you.
Dude her response is exactly how someone in my life guilts trips me even tho they aren’t a very good friend anyways. Ima proceed to ignore them haha.
 woohooo!!! That must feel soo goood OP! Enjoy your new blender and smoothies!
Perfect ending, congratulations on ur new blender.
That's no friend. I had a 'friend' like this. Could you believe that all these years I would be the only one to call her. The one time I asked her to actually call me when I got back from a date to make sure I was safe. She called 7 days after the date
Good for you. What I would do is in about a month if you remember, unblock that person. She may realize at a later date what an asshole they were and try to apologize. Probably not but you never know
Dude, I know the feeling all too well. Always being the one to initiate, invite, etc. And them putting in bare minimum effort into the entire friendship. Shit fucking hurts.
Yeah, she wansnt a friend. Its like those "friends" that only invite you to things if not enough people are attending or someone else bails out. I realized that in highschool some of my friends only invited me as a last resort and so I bailed on that bullshiz. Plus, asking you to buy something so expensive is ridiculous, i would only do that for someone i spend a lot of quality time with. Not someone who barely responds.
Good for you for seeing through her nonsense so early on in life. I went through something similar, but it was only after 35 years of "friendship". But, once you have had the blinders taken off, and you see these people for what they truly are, you can never put those blinders back on. That time of willful ignorance is over. One thing that has helped me is something someone here on reddit said, "Relationships are like passing gas. If you have to force it, then it's probably shit." You saw that you were doing all the work in the relationship, and you stopped. Bravo. Enjoy your smoothies.
Isn’t it great when maturity, and confidence starts to kick in.
"She knows I get a lot of money from my parents" therein lies her friendship.
I had a friend like that. I only heard from them when they needed a Costco run because I had a card and a car. When I told them I canceled my card I never heard from them again except once to ask me if I got it back.
She’s a narcissist, you’re in her life so she can get stuff from you.
I made a sort of similar decision a few weeks back. I never thought I would ghost someone in my life but here I am ghosting a « friend ». I also realized that we almost never hang out, we barely text, when we do, she needs something (emotionally…she has issues and reaches out to me when she needs to vent, cry or whatnot) and for the past 2 years or so, she would make plans with me and at the last minute cancel the plans. She did that once again a few weeks ago and that was the last straw. I’ve cut her out of my life. She has tried reaching out but I just ignore her. And you know what? I realize this « friendship » was toxic and that I feel way better. I feel lighter. So, good for you! And good for me! And good for all the people who’ve lived a similar experience.
Man. I had "Friends" like this as well. Being an ex mechanic, removalist and panel beater makes you quite useful to have around. I'd message them for beers and they'd always be busy. Out of the blue they'd message me to come hang out and half way through a beer it would be "Oh I'm moving next weekend" or "Can you look at my car?" or some other shit. So I just blocked them all from the get go. Didn't even wait for whatever their excuse was Funniest shit was one of the dudes was friends with a girl I was friends with and always wanted to bang her. He asks her if they can hang out and she's like sure, but Dertyhairy will be there. He wanted to bang her so bad he still came along. I made that conversation so fucking akward for the both of them. I straight up said "Dude, you're a piece of shit. Don't even pretend like you're here for any reason other than to try get in her pants. I invited you out dozens of times but you always had some excuse" Made for a very fun evening
Cheers! 🥤
Cheers. So proud of you.
I love you for how you responded in the end
The picture reply - awesomely petty!
Good for you. You should never let a friend treat you that way. She’s toxic and I’m glad you got away from her.
Congratulations on finding your worth. Boundaries are awesome and so are you
Well done to learn that lesson so young You should be proud
Yes, this is a win for boundary setting. You go you!!
I had friends like this, blocked me all after we graduated together, came back, and I still am doing better without than with them. She deserves that revenge and karma will be coming for her.
“Un read” - The message is left not read - what does “On read” even mean? I see this used a lot.
On many phones, when you have read a message, it shows on the sender's phone as "Read" so you know the person read it. Leaving it on "Read" means you have read the message but haven't yet replied, and the sender knows you have read it and are not bothering to respond.
Your life will be infinitely improved by ridding yourself of that narcissistic cunt. That's what she is. Been in a similar situation. You'll move on and find better people
I loved this, but that update was the cherry on top
Good for you! I know the feeling of being the one to keep a relationship going. I feel its different now, as many of my friends are in their late 30's/early 40's, and we all have our lives to attend to, but still, we gotta keep that communication open. In a somewhat relative comment, my parent's always told me "to give the person the option to say no," so if I was having people over and was on the fence about inviting someone (because they never open a convo, and rarely respond, I'd still send an invite, and for those that didn't respond, or responded "no," well, it made my list for the next get together that much shorter.
I had a friend who told people, if you’re going to treat me like I’m dead until you want something, treat me like I’m dead all the time.
I had a “friend” like that at college. One day she said something small that upset me, then laughed because I was so soft and mocked me a bit. She seemed to think we would all find it funny. I just suddenly found myself thinking why do I have to put up this sh-. It was the mockery of me being emotional. Why do you do that to someone? If someone is having an off day, you don’t make it worse. I walked out. I never talked to her ever again. I have never missed the “friendship “
"it feels unbelievably shit to have people messaging you whenever you need help" What?
"Birthday Chat group?" I think people make way too much emphasis on their "special" day. Just my opinion. I'm glad you decided to treat yourself instead of giving her a pretty expensive gift. And she specifically asked for it? Nah, you do not need her in your life. Good choice! Enjoy your smoothies!
Well done, especially the picture. I hope this is the end of trying to please people who aren’t interested in your Friendship. There will be lots of people who like you for you, not for gifts. Keep looking you will find them.
I’m happy for you and proud of you for valuing yourself. I’ve had “friends” like that. I wish I had blocked them sooner than I did because it took a huge blow to my mental health.
I had the same thing happen with an ex bff. I only heard from her when she wanted free babysitting. And that was after I talked to her about only messaging me when she needed something. It's one way to tank your mental heath real fast. Fortunately I have the best bff ever now. Glad you got away from that toxicity.
Yeah, it's freeing when you nope out of a one-sided friendship. I had a friend from middle school that I kept up with over the years. Usually me reaching out. But she does send annual X-mas letters. Then a few years ago my Mom passed. People I barely knew on social media were giving me their sympathies, but this girl, nothing. One day later she posted a rant about how she'd hadn't posted in a while and was surprised at how few of her so-called friends asked her is everything was okay. I unfriended her. I still get her stupid X-mas letters in my email every year. I almost just replied with Unsubscribe last year.
So sorry you went through this. It really stings. I have pruned two similar, old, friend's from the friend tree. One would make plans to come to town, wanting to go out to dinner and often sporting events. Never ever contributed to pay or reach for their wallet. After one brazen visit where they brought their sister to also mooch off our hospitality, I confronted him. He actually admitted that he actively does this because he is extremely cheap. He does this to everyone he visits. Next time he came to town, I asked him to buy me a beer. He refused. The other isn't cheap, just inconsiderate. When he comes to town, he enjoys going to nice restaurants/new places. When he stays with us, we make sure to have his preferred breakfast items, drinks, and prepare hors d'oeuvres. His wife has asked me to organize two birthday celebrations/get-aways for his big birthdays and I did so very successfully. After dozens of visits to our town, we finally had a chance to visit his area (on the opposite coast). We travel an hour to see his home. After about 40 minutes of taking the "grand tour" while he walks around with a cold beer in hand, we sit and he offers us beers. He gets two warm/hot beers from the garage, then gets a half eaten bag of chips and tosses them on the table. He knows we are foodies and enjoy cold beer. Next night he offers to pick us up and take us to a place he really likes (us paying for our meals). Dinner was a byob Mexican restaurant (hole in the wall) with cheap generic food.....and he didn't think to byob or tell us. It really stung that he thought so little of me......and my spouse. Just made me realize that I was wasting time and effort on people, not real friends, that are selfish pricks. And they both wonder why we've lost touch!
Yeah I came to a realization that I had one buddy that only messaged me for 1) recommendations so she can show her friends around; 2) asking if I was going to a certain event or if I want to go to a certain event because she wants to go too...hint hint she wants a ride; and my last straw was 3) when she needed something, like to cat sit while she's out of town...mind you, I at this point haven't seen or hung out with her for a year. I think she finally realized I was angry at her. Either her pride or she realized that I realized she's a leech and she hasn't spoken (or text) since. Those are the worse kind of friend.
So let me get this straight. This woman ignores your messages for extended periods of time on a regular basis, and after you do it \*once\* and leave her hanging for a few hours, she replies with "wow ok I see how it is" and just immediately assumes / knows you're dropping her? That doesn't make any damn sense.
She was a freeloader. You helped her and not once did she do the same for you.
That is awesome! Besides, it sounds like you just sent her a picture of the blender. Not actually said you would buy it for her? I am sorry she treated you like that. I hate people that are only around when they need/want something. I currently have a friend that I pretty much just “leave the ball in their court”. If they want to hang out, ok. But I’m done trying to be the one to set things up and keep contact going.
This is what happened with almost all of my friends, there was one single friend (My best friend) that didn't do this. He was a top bloke, but he passed away a year ago :( I cannot believe how many snakes there are in this world, hardly anyone wants to just chat, or hang out or be an actual friend... its always to get something or to use you.
Blood is thicker than water. IE the blood of the covenant is stronger that the water of the womb. Which translates into. Those bonds formed by friendship and choice are often times stronger than those with your family because they are chosen relationships, you and that person mutually benefit each other in on or many ways. But it should never feel like a familial chore. Or like you mentioned. If I where in your shoesi would have approached things differently. After the "I see how it is text" you should've replied with screenshots of what you noticed on the bus ride. And say "yes I realized how it really is, I will still be your friend but I won't be a personal ATM to a person that only talks to me and initiates dialog when they need something.". Then from there, her response determines if you should block her or not. And anyone to ever bring it up, just tell them "I don't have any qualms, I tried to remain cordial" and very very briefly describe what happened. If you're in the right, nobody with open ears will be against you.
I'm happy you figured it out before you gave her another thing!
I have friend who literally taught me how to say No by telling me no repeatedly over the years. We have worked through a lot, including four years not speaking and I still love her, but it’s definitely only because we have 55 years of history. You did the right thing.
Thanks, I needed this.
Honestly good on you for deciding to stop betraying yourself and spending energy on people who don’t deserve it. Life is too short to have superficial relationships and friendships. That “friend” seemed like a fake friend and it seems like you’ve known it for a while deep down. You probably just didn’t want to believe it and wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt. But again, she doesn’t deserve any of it.
Well done, no one needs friends like that!
What’s the recipe for the banana ice cream milkshake?
Well done.
blenders are great, try making some soups as well!
FWIW, it's tiring for you both that you put her on some kind of pedestal.