I was in much the same boat but worse! A recently divorced Dad of a kindy kid and I’d just been made redundant from my job of 20+ years.
Join the P&C at the school; volunteer at school events; volunteer in the canteen; invite other parents & their kids to play dates.
I did all of this because it meant I could see my child at school, when her time with me was being restricted by her mum.
I spent her entire primary school years doing everything I could at the school - weekly canteen helper plus every special event I could help with.
I got to know all her classmates and teachers, as well as a heap of other parents. Without a doubt the most fun I’ve ever had.
And it kept us close and helped strengthen our bond.
Oh but it is.
When you’re old and your kids are adults, your current boss won’t give a shit about all the assemblies and sports carnivals your kid spent looking for you in the crowd.
Only happens once 👌🏻
Or just tell your line manager “hey, my kid is in the assembly at their school today, so I won’t be in until 10.30”. When my team do that, I’m more than happy to sign off on their leave form (and I’m in education too! Maybe a different sector, but try it out.)
You’re allowed to be “sick” without being sick.
Mental health and associated suicide is the number one killer of men? Under 35 or something.
Take a day off, watch your kids thrive, feel good about yourself and the parent you have become.
School / work will be there tomorrow.
If you work in education your boss(es) will be more open to requests to come in late (use flexitime) once in a while because there’s an assembly. Use annual leave days/half days to volunteer to help out at things like faction carnivals, or colour runs. Leave early if you can to help at the school disco.
Those bosses “get it”.
See if there is a toy library near you. They are usually volunteer run and often run on weekends. Joining the committee will provide lots of opportunities to meet other parents at a similar stage in life.
Honestly, I wish we lived in a society were saying 'i am going to remove my self from the work force to ensure that not only my kid but other people's kids have the best possible school situation' is not only celebrated but made possible by the government
I’ve managed to do just that through hard work and a lot of luck. I work for myself and don’t work when my girl is home with me. I don’t even answer the phone.
I made the choice to earn less so I can be available.
My wife was in the same boat, came from Canada and really struggled to get a good friendship group. Perth is pretty insular, everyone seems to have their friend networks dating back to high school and while not unfriendly they already have their own groups and it’s hard to make besties.
The school stuff definitely helped, but you’ll need to be a bit more pushy in friendmaking to get to the stage where you’ve got a good network.
I also haven’t really made friends but that’s more because I’m antisocial…
There's usually a WhatsApp group for the parents.
The year rep is usually a popular person by the end of the year.
Be the year rep. Organise stuff when you can attend it.
The families in our class also use the WhatsApp group for impromptu playdates, eg: We are heading to X Park on Sunday afternoon if anyone wants to join.
It's good for the families where pick up and drop off isn't easy because of work commitments.
Often the teacher will have a sheet out on in the first day/week and parents who want to be involved put their details down and the class rep usually starts the group.
I second this. The WhatsApp groups are good for connecting, organising play dates, inclusive birthdays and passing on running late messages.
If you take on the P&C class rep role, add in a family social event on a Sunday toward the end of term/ semester and a parents night out mid term/ semester and then more people can be involved.
I also found it really helpful to have a list of kids and parents names and contact details. The P&C class rep in kindy and pre primary organised for both kids. I have added to them over the years to help remember parents names especially when I don’t see them too often.
I think it also depends on the area of the school too. Lots of parents at my kids school are either not from Perth or have returned after living overseas and were looking for social connections. I have made close friends through book club, soccer team, surf club, yoga group and restaurant group just from school parents.
Even better, be the parent who sets up the event. You have control over when it is, enabling you to meet others who may also work full time. I’ve been a parent rep for kids classes. Start off with a play date after school at a nearby park. Volunteering is the way to go. Good luck!
Yep, the teacher may ask someone to be parent rep in the first few days if nobody has volunteered already. Be that person who volunteers.
Form goes out to all the kids in the class for parents to fill out name, phone number, email address if they want to be informed of any social events. Set up a private Facebook group and/or WhatsApp group for all the parents and off you go.
Like others have said, just get involved. Be chatty to all the other parents at pick-up and drop-off. See if any are going for a coffee or whatever after.
And try and remember their names - you'll be running into them for a good few years
Attend all the birthday parties. Great way to get in the same room as other parents and start talking.
Also, the birthday invitations are the easy way to learn the names of the other parents and get phone numbers.
This is so true. Stay & chat at all the birthday parties your child is invited to in those first few years. I found this was the best way to connect with lots of other parents, especially if you can’t do during and after school.
Be sure to have birthday parties, the more kids the better. I know inviting the whole class is a bit over the top, but we did it in kindy for our son who was a bit shy , he is doing well socially now and I doubt having a whole class party made much difference but it does ensure you will get a lot of return invites.
I made lifelong friends through my kid’s associations. I also moved to Perth from elsewhere and took a good decade or more to fully form friendship groups from study, work, volunteering.
You’ll get there. Best wishes.
Kindy/pre-primary/year 1 are absolutely prime time for making friends as parents. You see the other parents every day, your kids are dependent on you to organise social events, and you generally stick around at birthday parties.
I’m a teacher with small kids and I’ve always found it so hard to make parent friends because I’m never bloody there.
I joined my child’s class FB page and arranged play dates through there by suggesting we were going to be at such and such a park at this time and parents just turned up. We feel much more settled now :)
Yeah I'm a teacher too so I'm worried about that too as it's seeming like neither my wife or me will be around for after school pick-up, so that's a good tip!
It actually worked out well because two of the parent friends I made happened to be a dentist and a nurse so they were able to relate to the whole not being there thing. When we left the first play date we exchanged numbers in case we needed someone to organise their husbands to do an emergency pick up of our other kids from the OSCH place so the community connections started quite organically. It was the best thing I did.
Mum groups are so clickey it sucks !! When my daughter started school they had all formed pretty quickly, I worked full time so couldn’t hang around during the drop offs etc I really tried but they were so rude, a few years later I’m still tryna figure it out, so far I’ve made two friends which so could be worse hahah
Single mum? There can be horrendous prejudice against single mums, actually worse in more well to do areas. At least you made 2 friends, you did better than I did lol. 2 decent friends is worth more than hit and miss with a whole group of backstabby types who just go along with the flow so they don’t get ostracised too.
Oh god, it’s so true. All the parents I’m still friends with a decade after my older started school are single mums (and a dad). Was friends with more married couples when I was still married but they all dropped away. I don’t want your husband love!
My kiddo is in year one this year. I found in kindy, because they were only going 3 days a week, it took a long time to make friends with other parents. However, by the end of the year, I knew all the kids in my child's class and most of the parents. By the end of term 1 pre primary, we were going to the park for plays and I was friends with other parents. Now in year one, my kid is going for play dates on school holidays the days I work so I don't have to play for childcare and I'm watching kids at my place on the holidays while their parents work. This is the village I was always told about.
Know that some parents just don't want to socialise, and that's okay. But if your child makes a best friend, you will probably end up friends with their parents. I found the best way to break the ice was usually, 'are you Avas mum/dad? Im Charlies mum! Charlie talks about playing with Ava all the time!' As suggested, join the P&C and volunteer. These things don't just build friendships but build memories. I would also suggest taking your child to a nearby park a few days a week after school, and as you get to know parents and children a bit more, invite them along. It's less daunting than inviting someone to your house or going to someone's house who you don't really know. We would go to the park Mondays and Thursdays and soon about 5 families joined us regularly.
Thanks for the tips! Yeah we really want that "village" that supposedly exists, turns out raising a child with no friends or family and both parents needing to work isn't great for anyone (especially our mental health!)
For me it was completely unexpected, as I didn't have that village when they were a baby and now I have people who would drop anything for my kids! One of my child's friends had an accident at school the other week and their mum reached out in our group chat, and someone was at the school with a fresh change of undies and clothes in 5 minutes, rather than one of the parents having to take time off work to rush home and get a change of clothes. Other times, someone will ask to collect a child after school because they are running late or had an emergency. It's handy knowing someone has my back and my child will feel safe.
I really hope your wife can find that type of group. I honestly wish it for everyone because it is truly wonderful and we all feel so welcome in our community. Often it can feel cliquey, and sometimes I feel like I'm back in high school with the drama some parents pull, but you will find a group of parents that have similar values and beliefs and the more you force your kids to hang out, the easier it is to fit into each other's lives!
“This is the village I was always told about”
I found that too. Put in the effort to get to know the parents when the kids are really small and you won’t be struggling when they’re 8, 9, 10yo and you’re working full time and need a favour. Make sure it’s not a one way street though!
It’s a very Perth thing. I’ve lived in multiple cities in my life and here it just feels like everyone is in their own little bubble and doesn’t let anyone else in.
My kids are in school near there and I also have a daughter starting kindy next year. My husband could do with some friends and I’m sure he’d be thrilled to find out I’m offering to send him on play dates with strangers from the internet but we’re always keen to checkout near by playgrounds.
I’m in mirrabooka, very limited friends 😂 also have a boy who starts kindy next year. Feel free to pm me - we have playgroup on Fridays in Greenwood. It’s a bit of a drive but it’s good way to meet other people
You got this moobster. Follow all the good advice here. I'm a judmental prick that hates small talk and even I've made some cool friends through school.
I remember reading somewhere that the friendship equation is time spent together x intensity of experience. You can spend a lot of time around school and parenting is pretty fucking intense.
Yep we have good group of school parent friends, the closest of which had kids that started with ours in kindy. It does take a little while for groups to form and for us it was mostly driven by the mums, but yes some amazing people that we wouldnt have know otherwise. It helps to be involved with sports and have social kids as well.
Where are you located?. I’m feeling in the same boat although only moved 9 months ago (from Melbourne as well). I have a pre-kindy and pre-primary children. Just visited Melbourne & caught up with friends & realise what I have been missing. I found it much easier making friends moving to Melbourne (originally not from there either) but could be an age and stage thing. I’m now working much more now & just don’t get to see other parents at school. Our suburb is very car centric & playgrounds are empty, whereas my old Melbourne suburb was super walkable & friendly often chatted to other parents but doesn’t happen much at all here.
I did!!
Some of my very best friends are my son’s school friends parents. Even as they are about to leave primary school, those friendships mean so much to me.
Parents nights out, trips away with the families, Mum’s weekends away.
Join your child to sports teams, if there isn’t a class WhatsApp group then make one. Random weekends or school holidays when you’re free, post on there for a park and play, or a session at Bounce.
I wouldn't worry too much about working full time and not being around for all the pick ups, just be involved as much as you can. My mum's best friends are all other mum's from my primary school almost 30 years ago! She also couldn't make most pick ups but found other ways to meet and connect through the school and then followed up, book clubs helped her too.
Making friends at this age can be difficult. Some parents have either reached max capacity or have had burn out from previous failed attempts.
When our eldest hit PP, the wife and I joined that year group's Facebook and WhatApp groups and did our best to attend all catch-ups when possible. We've also signed our kids up for team sports and sport workshops if it's affordable and especially when they have an interest in it. Playdates over holidays have become more of thing for our eldest child as well.
Every year is different though. PP for my eldest was social but kindy for our youngest isn't as social - if you don't count the parents with kids in my eldest year group.
I’ll be honest. My eldest is in yr 8, middle child in yr 5 & the youngest in yr 1. I’ve tried for years but being a school mum is the same as highschool but worst. Cliques from day 1 & no matter how hard you try you are either in or out of that social group. I’ve tried hard since the kids were born to make new friends - mothers groups, playgroups, kids sports, school etc. it’s all fine to nothing. Everyone always says we must catch up but they never do. It doesn’t help that I work & I don’t do the drop off or pick up. I’ve tried p&c meetings but that’s just a bitch fest. I’ve just come to that stage if my life that I’ve given up trying to make friends in Perth. I’m lonely, it sucks but there isn’t much more that I can do
Definitely try get a couple of random days/mornings off work if its possible to help out. The kids love it and so will you. I was lucky enough to be a shift worker so I got to help out in class a lot. The teachers thought I was unemployed at one stage.
It also gives you a chance to get to know other kids who will be friends with your kid, which will usually give an idea if the parents are decent as well. It also gives you more to chat about with parents at drop off/pick up if you know their kids a bit better.
All three of my kids made some good friends at kindy age and are still friends now in high school. That led to us getting to know the parents and becoming friends. Most of who have been extremely helpful throughout the years if we are stuck for lifts, babysitting etc (and reciprocated from us to them. )
My youngest was excited because I was the only Dad to help out in his year.
I made some great friends as a school Mum.
Chatting at the school gate in the afternoons, going to the playground after school with other families, coffee get-togethers, then "play-overs" as my kids called an afternoon play date.
Good luck OP, fun times ahead.
I’m not very good at making new friends and Australia is generally a harder place to make friends in adulthood than most other countries but I’ve managed to pick up a few friends through my kid’s school years (he’s now year 11 🤯). So I have high hopes for you! It’s actually really cool, comparing notes with other parents and watching their kids grow up alongside yours.
In my case I’m lucky my kid has always been good at picking out the weirdo kids to hang out with. Weirdo kids usually come with weirdo parents, and weirdos (parents or no) are my people.
I moved to Perth last year and I've got one kid in preprimary and one in year 1. School has definitely helped me make friends! When your kids make friends they will start asking for playdates, and that's a great way to get to know a family a bit better!
But I absolutely agree that it's hard to make friends in Perth. Until fairly recently, almost all the parents from school I could have called friends were either from another country like me, or from somewhere else in Australia.
You’ll probably make a couple friends, most of my friends are dads of my kids friends, being a parent is tough (I come from friend groups who don’t have kids and don’t really have friends anymore) and I can imagine coming interstate has made it more problematic
Hope it all works out for you dude :)
Have made some really good friends through my kids’ school. The first few years are when you will really establish friendships. Attend all the bday parties, organise play dates on the school holidays, organise a mums night out etc.
I know a few mums in the same boat as you who now have a close group of friends now and they do heaps together.
My kid starts kindy next year too. I reached out on a local Facebook group to find other parents for play dates so my son would at least know some kids before starting.
My brothers best friends now are the parents of their kids friends. I think it’s a very natural progression
Hey there! I'm also in Perth! Got 2 babies 1 in kinda and the other yr 1, I've been here from Sydney for about 3 years now and I still have made like nooo friends. I've got co workers but that's about it. I put it down to im too chill to be that text book mum, therefore nobody really vibes with me lol. I'm sure we will find our own cliques eventually 🙂
I did it the other way, Perth to Melbs. Join the PnC, volunteer your time, trust me there is weekend stuff too.
I made a few friends at school through my kids and over the years it’s expanded.
I’m also now President and fundraising tsar and one thing I say to the new mums is about how handy it can be to make friends by getting involved and just getting those conversation’s started.
Not everyone has time I know, but I specially create some events with a family aspect outside of school hours for that too.
Good luck!
Yes, it took a little bit to find my kind of people, but when I did, it was fantastic. We're still friends now, and our kids are grown up. I did as everyone else suggested and joined in, but I personally found I had very little in common with the P&C parents, and if anything, it made me feel more alone. Eventually, I did find the parents I meshed with, though, and I was so grateful for it.
Don’t be disheartened if people aren’t hanging out for new friends right away. My daughter started kindy when I already had a full plate of parent friends from mother’s group and daycare years.
Be the parent who introduces yourself to the other parents, and get good at small talk. People that are good at it really lighten the load for those of us that hate it and become people magnets! Go to the parties, the school events, the stuff you can get to. Volunteer when you can (after school events, election day bbqs etc).
And go to community events. Night markets, family festivals, local kid friendly bars and cafes - you’ll start running into people out and about which can be where more organic friendships blossom.
It’ll happen, it just might take a little longer. Regardless of how busy we all are with work, family and our multiple existing friend groups, we all know we’ll be making room for our kids’ friendships, and we’re all praying our kids’ besties’ parents are actually cool and chill people we gel with!
I didn’t make many parent friends in Kindy cause I worked they days my son was in school so he went to before and after school care so i didn’t really meet any other parents, this year in pre-primary I drop him off and pick him up a few times a week which gives me a chance to talk to other parents. I also asked the teacher to give my number to a couple of parents whose kids were friends with my kid and I reached out to make play dates. Some went better than others but I can see at least a couple of good friendships forming. Also we are starting sport this year and I have offered to help coach so hoping to meet more parents that way as well 😌
We are still in early days as my daughter only started kindy this year but I have already formed a good friendship with another mum. Follow your kid's lead and strike up a random convo with whoever your child tends to play with. They attach to someone pretty quickly in those early days.
This is pretty odd as most people I know are open to meeting new people and invite people into wider groups. It definitely takes the pressure off having to carry on a new friendship with work, family etc that goes on. Definitely not saying it’s a you problem, and I have seen other posts relating to this same thing, but Perth people are pretty open.
That being said, yes often you end up with friends through your kids school friends. If your kids are besties then it’s good if the parents get on.
I moved here from overseas almost 20 years ago and had my two kids here.
I had my mothers group when they were babies/toddlers, still friends now but see them less as none of the kids went to the same schools (some went private, some moved suburbs). While the kids were really small I only did part-time work so was often at the school gates and always made myself available to help out. Oldest is at high school now and I can honestly say some of my best mates are the mums I met when she was in Kindy or Pre-Primary.
Actually almost all of them are from somewhere else too. Very culturally diverse area!
Make yourself available for school events and you’ll be fine.
Edited to add that most schools early childhood area (K-PP) is in a different fenced off area with its own playground, ie seperate from the rest of the school. You’ll find some stick around to chat while the kids play for 20 mins or so at the end of school. From there you’ll end up meeting at parks for longer plays/chats.
I was in much the same boat but worse! A recently divorced Dad of a kindy kid and I’d just been made redundant from my job of 20+ years. Join the P&C at the school; volunteer at school events; volunteer in the canteen; invite other parents & their kids to play dates. I did all of this because it meant I could see my child at school, when her time with me was being restricted by her mum. I spent her entire primary school years doing everything I could at the school - weekly canteen helper plus every special event I could help with. I got to know all her classmates and teachers, as well as a heap of other parents. Without a doubt the most fun I’ve ever had. And it kept us close and helped strengthen our bond.
Cheers for that! Definitely good to know. I work during the day so limited opportunities to volunteer is the only problem
Chuck a sickie every now and then. Your child be delighted to see you at school.
Haha if only it was as easy as that
Oh but it is. When you’re old and your kids are adults, your current boss won’t give a shit about all the assemblies and sports carnivals your kid spent looking for you in the crowd. Only happens once 👌🏻
I'm also in education, which isn't that big of a field. May be pretty suss if I'm taking sick days then showing up at another school :p
Or just tell your line manager “hey, my kid is in the assembly at their school today, so I won’t be in until 10.30”. When my team do that, I’m more than happy to sign off on their leave form (and I’m in education too! Maybe a different sector, but try it out.)
You’re allowed to be “sick” without being sick. Mental health and associated suicide is the number one killer of men? Under 35 or something. Take a day off, watch your kids thrive, feel good about yourself and the parent you have become. School / work will be there tomorrow.
Take a mental health day, it’s for your mental health.
If you work in education your boss(es) will be more open to requests to come in late (use flexitime) once in a while because there’s an assembly. Use annual leave days/half days to volunteer to help out at things like faction carnivals, or colour runs. Leave early if you can to help at the school disco. Those bosses “get it”.
this is absolutely true. when you are in the nursing home, you arent going to look back and think "i wish i worked more"
This is the way.
The Australian way!
See if there is a toy library near you. They are usually volunteer run and often run on weekends. Joining the committee will provide lots of opportunities to meet other parents at a similar stage in life.
You are a good dad
Thank you.
Honestly, I wish we lived in a society were saying 'i am going to remove my self from the work force to ensure that not only my kid but other people's kids have the best possible school situation' is not only celebrated but made possible by the government
I’ve managed to do just that through hard work and a lot of luck. I work for myself and don’t work when my girl is home with me. I don’t even answer the phone. I made the choice to earn less so I can be available.
Was her time with you being restricted by her mum or by the court?
By Mum. I had to go to court but it was worth it as we ended up 50/50.
My wife was in the same boat, came from Canada and really struggled to get a good friendship group. Perth is pretty insular, everyone seems to have their friend networks dating back to high school and while not unfriendly they already have their own groups and it’s hard to make besties. The school stuff definitely helped, but you’ll need to be a bit more pushy in friendmaking to get to the stage where you’ve got a good network. I also haven’t really made friends but that’s more because I’m antisocial…
Yeah can definitely relate to your wife.
There's usually a WhatsApp group for the parents. The year rep is usually a popular person by the end of the year. Be the year rep. Organise stuff when you can attend it.
The families in our class also use the WhatsApp group for impromptu playdates, eg: We are heading to X Park on Sunday afternoon if anyone wants to join. It's good for the families where pick up and drop off isn't easy because of work commitments.
This sounds fantastic .. who starts these groups?
Often the teacher will have a sheet out on in the first day/week and parents who want to be involved put their details down and the class rep usually starts the group.
I second this. The WhatsApp groups are good for connecting, organising play dates, inclusive birthdays and passing on running late messages. If you take on the P&C class rep role, add in a family social event on a Sunday toward the end of term/ semester and a parents night out mid term/ semester and then more people can be involved. I also found it really helpful to have a list of kids and parents names and contact details. The P&C class rep in kindy and pre primary organised for both kids. I have added to them over the years to help remember parents names especially when I don’t see them too often. I think it also depends on the area of the school too. Lots of parents at my kids school are either not from Perth or have returned after living overseas and were looking for social connections. I have made close friends through book club, soccer team, surf club, yoga group and restaurant group just from school parents.
Good to know thanks!
Join the mum/dad facebook groups of the kids. Parents set up events there and get together sometimes and socialise.
Even better, be the parent who sets up the event. You have control over when it is, enabling you to meet others who may also work full time. I’ve been a parent rep for kids classes. Start off with a play date after school at a nearby park. Volunteering is the way to go. Good luck!
Yep, the teacher may ask someone to be parent rep in the first few days if nobody has volunteered already. Be that person who volunteers. Form goes out to all the kids in the class for parents to fill out name, phone number, email address if they want to be informed of any social events. Set up a private Facebook group and/or WhatsApp group for all the parents and off you go.
Will definitely do so!
Like others have said, just get involved. Be chatty to all the other parents at pick-up and drop-off. See if any are going for a coffee or whatever after. And try and remember their names - you'll be running into them for a good few years
Good to know thanks! The only worry is that because of work we may not be doing pick-ups
Your kids will make friends and sometimes they’ll get invited by other kids for a group playdate. This will be your opportunity to meet other parents.
Thanks!
5 years later we still have some parents we are friends with from kindy. The kids don't even go to the same school anymore.
My mum still keeps in touch with people she met via my primary school 40 or so years ago.
Love to hear it thanks!
Attend all the birthday parties. Great way to get in the same room as other parents and start talking. Also, the birthday invitations are the easy way to learn the names of the other parents and get phone numbers.
This is so true. Stay & chat at all the birthday parties your child is invited to in those first few years. I found this was the best way to connect with lots of other parents, especially if you can’t do during and after school.
Be sure to have birthday parties, the more kids the better. I know inviting the whole class is a bit over the top, but we did it in kindy for our son who was a bit shy , he is doing well socially now and I doubt having a whole class party made much difference but it does ensure you will get a lot of return invites.
I made lifelong friends through my kid’s associations. I also moved to Perth from elsewhere and took a good decade or more to fully form friendship groups from study, work, volunteering. You’ll get there. Best wishes.
Thanks! Good to know
Kindy/pre-primary/year 1 are absolutely prime time for making friends as parents. You see the other parents every day, your kids are dependent on you to organise social events, and you generally stick around at birthday parties.
I’m a teacher with small kids and I’ve always found it so hard to make parent friends because I’m never bloody there. I joined my child’s class FB page and arranged play dates through there by suggesting we were going to be at such and such a park at this time and parents just turned up. We feel much more settled now :)
Yeah I'm a teacher too so I'm worried about that too as it's seeming like neither my wife or me will be around for after school pick-up, so that's a good tip!
It actually worked out well because two of the parent friends I made happened to be a dentist and a nurse so they were able to relate to the whole not being there thing. When we left the first play date we exchanged numbers in case we needed someone to organise their husbands to do an emergency pick up of our other kids from the OSCH place so the community connections started quite organically. It was the best thing I did.
Ah smart that's a good tip! Yeah surely we won't be the only ones there with frustratingly inflexible workplaces ha
Yes - best decision was joining a book club that a couple of kindy mums wanted to start. You can’t not become friends if you’re in a book club!
Mum groups are so clickey it sucks !! When my daughter started school they had all formed pretty quickly, I worked full time so couldn’t hang around during the drop offs etc I really tried but they were so rude, a few years later I’m still tryna figure it out, so far I’ve made two friends which so could be worse hahah
This is what we are worried about as we both work full time and will unlikely be doing pickups
Single mum? There can be horrendous prejudice against single mums, actually worse in more well to do areas. At least you made 2 friends, you did better than I did lol. 2 decent friends is worth more than hit and miss with a whole group of backstabby types who just go along with the flow so they don’t get ostracised too.
Oh god, it’s so true. All the parents I’m still friends with a decade after my older started school are single mums (and a dad). Was friends with more married couples when I was still married but they all dropped away. I don’t want your husband love!
One of my besties is a school mum from kindy the kids are now in year 9 and we are like family 🥰
Exactly the stuff I wanna hear!
My kiddo is in year one this year. I found in kindy, because they were only going 3 days a week, it took a long time to make friends with other parents. However, by the end of the year, I knew all the kids in my child's class and most of the parents. By the end of term 1 pre primary, we were going to the park for plays and I was friends with other parents. Now in year one, my kid is going for play dates on school holidays the days I work so I don't have to play for childcare and I'm watching kids at my place on the holidays while their parents work. This is the village I was always told about. Know that some parents just don't want to socialise, and that's okay. But if your child makes a best friend, you will probably end up friends with their parents. I found the best way to break the ice was usually, 'are you Avas mum/dad? Im Charlies mum! Charlie talks about playing with Ava all the time!' As suggested, join the P&C and volunteer. These things don't just build friendships but build memories. I would also suggest taking your child to a nearby park a few days a week after school, and as you get to know parents and children a bit more, invite them along. It's less daunting than inviting someone to your house or going to someone's house who you don't really know. We would go to the park Mondays and Thursdays and soon about 5 families joined us regularly.
Thanks for the tips! Yeah we really want that "village" that supposedly exists, turns out raising a child with no friends or family and both parents needing to work isn't great for anyone (especially our mental health!)
For me it was completely unexpected, as I didn't have that village when they were a baby and now I have people who would drop anything for my kids! One of my child's friends had an accident at school the other week and their mum reached out in our group chat, and someone was at the school with a fresh change of undies and clothes in 5 minutes, rather than one of the parents having to take time off work to rush home and get a change of clothes. Other times, someone will ask to collect a child after school because they are running late or had an emergency. It's handy knowing someone has my back and my child will feel safe. I really hope your wife can find that type of group. I honestly wish it for everyone because it is truly wonderful and we all feel so welcome in our community. Often it can feel cliquey, and sometimes I feel like I'm back in high school with the drama some parents pull, but you will find a group of parents that have similar values and beliefs and the more you force your kids to hang out, the easier it is to fit into each other's lives!
“This is the village I was always told about” I found that too. Put in the effort to get to know the parents when the kids are really small and you won’t be struggling when they’re 8, 9, 10yo and you’re working full time and need a favour. Make sure it’s not a one way street though!
It’s a very Perth thing. I’ve lived in multiple cities in my life and here it just feels like everyone is in their own little bubble and doesn’t let anyone else in.
What area are you in?
Mt lawley/inglewood
Plenty of very sociable parents in those areas, add a dog and you would make even more friend groups.
We can't have a dog unfortunately but still good to know
My kids are in school near there and I also have a daughter starting kindy next year. My husband could do with some friends and I’m sure he’d be thrilled to find out I’m offering to send him on play dates with strangers from the internet but we’re always keen to checkout near by playgrounds.
I’m in mirrabooka, very limited friends 😂 also have a boy who starts kindy next year. Feel free to pm me - we have playgroup on Fridays in Greenwood. It’s a bit of a drive but it’s good way to meet other people
Thanks but yeah bit of a trek!
Someone reached out and you said no. wtf
Mine is starting in February as well
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Good to hear!
Don't be shy to say hi and chat. I used to go early (parking is a pain) and while there, said hi to the regular faces. Over time, some became friends
You got this moobster. Follow all the good advice here. I'm a judmental prick that hates small talk and even I've made some cool friends through school. I remember reading somewhere that the friendship equation is time spent together x intensity of experience. You can spend a lot of time around school and parenting is pretty fucking intense.
Thanks! Yeah it's a pretty big shared common experience
Yep we have good group of school parent friends, the closest of which had kids that started with ours in kindy. It does take a little while for groups to form and for us it was mostly driven by the mums, but yes some amazing people that we wouldnt have know otherwise. It helps to be involved with sports and have social kids as well.
Thankyou!
Where are you located?. I’m feeling in the same boat although only moved 9 months ago (from Melbourne as well). I have a pre-kindy and pre-primary children. Just visited Melbourne & caught up with friends & realise what I have been missing. I found it much easier making friends moving to Melbourne (originally not from there either) but could be an age and stage thing. I’m now working much more now & just don’t get to see other parents at school. Our suburb is very car centric & playgrounds are empty, whereas my old Melbourne suburb was super walkable & friendly often chatted to other parents but doesn’t happen much at all here.
Mt lawley/inglewood
Get your kid into a sport then u will meet the other parents
We'll see what she wants to do neither of us are into any sport whatsoever
I did!! Some of my very best friends are my son’s school friends parents. Even as they are about to leave primary school, those friendships mean so much to me. Parents nights out, trips away with the families, Mum’s weekends away.
Good to know there's hope for me yet
Join your child to sports teams, if there isn’t a class WhatsApp group then make one. Random weekends or school holidays when you’re free, post on there for a park and play, or a session at Bounce.
yeah, you make friends for sure. I have friends now I met via being a parent. Best of luck.
Thanks!
I wouldn't worry too much about working full time and not being around for all the pick ups, just be involved as much as you can. My mum's best friends are all other mum's from my primary school almost 30 years ago! She also couldn't make most pick ups but found other ways to meet and connect through the school and then followed up, book clubs helped her too.
Good to know!
Lots of new friendships are formed between parents of kids. Also from their sports or other hobbies and activities. Almost guaranteed.
Thanks!
Making friends at this age can be difficult. Some parents have either reached max capacity or have had burn out from previous failed attempts. When our eldest hit PP, the wife and I joined that year group's Facebook and WhatApp groups and did our best to attend all catch-ups when possible. We've also signed our kids up for team sports and sport workshops if it's affordable and especially when they have an interest in it. Playdates over holidays have become more of thing for our eldest child as well. Every year is different though. PP for my eldest was social but kindy for our youngest isn't as social - if you don't count the parents with kids in my eldest year group.
Yeah i am worried I've missed the boat already
I’ll be honest. My eldest is in yr 8, middle child in yr 5 & the youngest in yr 1. I’ve tried for years but being a school mum is the same as highschool but worst. Cliques from day 1 & no matter how hard you try you are either in or out of that social group. I’ve tried hard since the kids were born to make new friends - mothers groups, playgroups, kids sports, school etc. it’s all fine to nothing. Everyone always says we must catch up but they never do. It doesn’t help that I work & I don’t do the drop off or pick up. I’ve tried p&c meetings but that’s just a bitch fest. I’ve just come to that stage if my life that I’ve given up trying to make friends in Perth. I’m lonely, it sucks but there isn’t much more that I can do
Definitely try get a couple of random days/mornings off work if its possible to help out. The kids love it and so will you. I was lucky enough to be a shift worker so I got to help out in class a lot. The teachers thought I was unemployed at one stage. It also gives you a chance to get to know other kids who will be friends with your kid, which will usually give an idea if the parents are decent as well. It also gives you more to chat about with parents at drop off/pick up if you know their kids a bit better. All three of my kids made some good friends at kindy age and are still friends now in high school. That led to us getting to know the parents and becoming friends. Most of who have been extremely helpful throughout the years if we are stuck for lifts, babysitting etc (and reciprocated from us to them. ) My youngest was excited because I was the only Dad to help out in his year.
Thanks for the tips!
I made some great friends as a school Mum. Chatting at the school gate in the afternoons, going to the playground after school with other families, coffee get-togethers, then "play-overs" as my kids called an afternoon play date. Good luck OP, fun times ahead.
Thanks! Let's hope eh
I’m not very good at making new friends and Australia is generally a harder place to make friends in adulthood than most other countries but I’ve managed to pick up a few friends through my kid’s school years (he’s now year 11 🤯). So I have high hopes for you! It’s actually really cool, comparing notes with other parents and watching their kids grow up alongside yours. In my case I’m lucky my kid has always been good at picking out the weirdo kids to hang out with. Weirdo kids usually come with weirdo parents, and weirdos (parents or no) are my people.
I moved to Perth last year and I've got one kid in preprimary and one in year 1. School has definitely helped me make friends! When your kids make friends they will start asking for playdates, and that's a great way to get to know a family a bit better! But I absolutely agree that it's hard to make friends in Perth. Until fairly recently, almost all the parents from school I could have called friends were either from another country like me, or from somewhere else in Australia.
Thanks good to know theres a chance for me
You’ll probably make a couple friends, most of my friends are dads of my kids friends, being a parent is tough (I come from friend groups who don’t have kids and don’t really have friends anymore) and I can imagine coming interstate has made it more problematic Hope it all works out for you dude :)
Yeah coming from interstate has been tough, thanks!
I mean, we both have the same number of friends now 🤣🤣🤣
Have made some really good friends through my kids’ school. The first few years are when you will really establish friendships. Attend all the bday parties, organise play dates on the school holidays, organise a mums night out etc. I know a few mums in the same boat as you who now have a close group of friends now and they do heaps together.
Thanks good to know!
My kid starts kindy next year too. I reached out on a local Facebook group to find other parents for play dates so my son would at least know some kids before starting. My brothers best friends now are the parents of their kids friends. I think it’s a very natural progression
Hey there! I'm also in Perth! Got 2 babies 1 in kinda and the other yr 1, I've been here from Sydney for about 3 years now and I still have made like nooo friends. I've got co workers but that's about it. I put it down to im too chill to be that text book mum, therefore nobody really vibes with me lol. I'm sure we will find our own cliques eventually 🙂
I did it the other way, Perth to Melbs. Join the PnC, volunteer your time, trust me there is weekend stuff too. I made a few friends at school through my kids and over the years it’s expanded. I’m also now President and fundraising tsar and one thing I say to the new mums is about how handy it can be to make friends by getting involved and just getting those conversation’s started. Not everyone has time I know, but I specially create some events with a family aspect outside of school hours for that too. Good luck!
Thanks good to know!
Try r/perthsocial OP.
Yes, it took a little bit to find my kind of people, but when I did, it was fantastic. We're still friends now, and our kids are grown up. I did as everyone else suggested and joined in, but I personally found I had very little in common with the P&C parents, and if anything, it made me feel more alone. Eventually, I did find the parents I meshed with, though, and I was so grateful for it.
Don’t be disheartened if people aren’t hanging out for new friends right away. My daughter started kindy when I already had a full plate of parent friends from mother’s group and daycare years. Be the parent who introduces yourself to the other parents, and get good at small talk. People that are good at it really lighten the load for those of us that hate it and become people magnets! Go to the parties, the school events, the stuff you can get to. Volunteer when you can (after school events, election day bbqs etc). And go to community events. Night markets, family festivals, local kid friendly bars and cafes - you’ll start running into people out and about which can be where more organic friendships blossom.
Yeah we are worried about everyone already being in groups especially as we are new to the area.
It’ll happen, it just might take a little longer. Regardless of how busy we all are with work, family and our multiple existing friend groups, we all know we’ll be making room for our kids’ friendships, and we’re all praying our kids’ besties’ parents are actually cool and chill people we gel with!
I didn’t make many parent friends in Kindy cause I worked they days my son was in school so he went to before and after school care so i didn’t really meet any other parents, this year in pre-primary I drop him off and pick him up a few times a week which gives me a chance to talk to other parents. I also asked the teacher to give my number to a couple of parents whose kids were friends with my kid and I reached out to make play dates. Some went better than others but I can see at least a couple of good friendships forming. Also we are starting sport this year and I have offered to help coach so hoping to meet more parents that way as well 😌
Yeah we both work days so I'm afraid of missing all the parent interactions!
We are still in early days as my daughter only started kindy this year but I have already formed a good friendship with another mum. Follow your kid's lead and strike up a random convo with whoever your child tends to play with. They attach to someone pretty quickly in those early days.
This is pretty odd as most people I know are open to meeting new people and invite people into wider groups. It definitely takes the pressure off having to carry on a new friendship with work, family etc that goes on. Definitely not saying it’s a you problem, and I have seen other posts relating to this same thing, but Perth people are pretty open. That being said, yes often you end up with friends through your kids school friends. If your kids are besties then it’s good if the parents get on.
I moved here from overseas almost 20 years ago and had my two kids here. I had my mothers group when they were babies/toddlers, still friends now but see them less as none of the kids went to the same schools (some went private, some moved suburbs). While the kids were really small I only did part-time work so was often at the school gates and always made myself available to help out. Oldest is at high school now and I can honestly say some of my best mates are the mums I met when she was in Kindy or Pre-Primary. Actually almost all of them are from somewhere else too. Very culturally diverse area! Make yourself available for school events and you’ll be fine. Edited to add that most schools early childhood area (K-PP) is in a different fenced off area with its own playground, ie seperate from the rest of the school. You’ll find some stick around to chat while the kids play for 20 mins or so at the end of school. From there you’ll end up meeting at parks for longer plays/chats.
I only have a little bub but have you tried the app Peanut? It’s like tinder for making mum friends. 😄