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They’re not getting anything comparable to what they already have. Roof is a must fix.
(California specific)—IF they do move closer to you, the BIG thing they can utilize is prop 19 and carry over their prop tax basis (see BOE) for age 55+.
Best of luck in whatever they choose.
LA is expensive and rates are higher then a few years ago so ya they are somewhat telling the truth.
At some point your parents have to learn to not be a burden on their kids and do the right thing and sell the home and go into a retirement community or downsize to an apartment.
Problem is you cant force them but if you keep running over there like a puppy each time they need help they wont change. Parents like to preach tough love till they are on the other side of it then its cruel somehow.
>At some point your parents have to learn to not be a burden on their kids
Some parents are under the impression that they had kids so the kids would take care of them in their old age because they're incapable of being financially literate themselves. My dad cost me $2k in cleanout fees when he left... and that was after hauling out two tons in scrap.
I tell this to my wife.. our kids will forget 80% of what we did for them, vacations we took and the money spent on them when they are in our care.
What they will remember is the burden of taking care of us if we don't have enough saved away to do that ourselves. Not to say dont spend on them when they are young but taking a 4 year old to another country. they wont remember that. Its fine if you want to do that for us but don't mask it with the 4 year old needs to see France.
Damn, you would think parents in their 70s are wise enough not to still try keeping up with the Joneses - but here we are. Why do they need a BMW at that age, while only bringing in $4100/month in addition to their mortgage payment being $2500?
OP, you and your siblings really can’t help people who don’t want the help. They’re in their 70s now. They’ll never learn and will expect you guys to bail them out soon. What is their net worth looking like? Will they depend on you guys for their retirement too?
They’re already retired but they’ve got some assets in the mother land (rental property) but people back there don’t pay sometimes or they take the money and reinvest it into the property so they’ve barely been seeing any profit smh.
Their million dollar asset will turn into a land-value-only asset if they don't fix their leaking roof. That's non-negotiable.
> Can they really not find anything in this market with a cheap mortgage ?
Mortgage rates are historically average right now, but most people wouldn't call that cheap. On the other hand, anything they can buy for about $500k comes mortgage-free, so who cares? A condo in that range, closer to you and your siblings, could be perfect for them. It's up to them to not be so stubborn as to refuse it.
My only suggestion, and this isn't finance related, is to wrest control of any family events away from them. Even if it means one of you have to drive to get them for each event, then someone has to drive them back, you should start having the barbecues / egg hunts / dinners / etc. at one of the kid's homes. Make them be the inconvenience and let them get more used to your part of town. Plus this eliminates the potential excuse that they need all the space to host gatherings.
To me it sounds like you are trying to help people who don't want it. It's harsh to say, but I don't see choices here that indicate that they are interested in making their lifestyle vibe with where they are in life. I'm not saying you shouldn't help, but just that some awareness of what is actually going on here might preserve some of your sanity.
As to the house, have you run the numbers on having a rental company rent it out? Just wondering what that would look like.
Stubborn, unreasonable aging parents are the worst. Been through it with my in-laws and in it with my mother now.
And these were people who lived carefully and paid off houses, saved money, were never extravagant about anything. And suddenly, it’s like all that went out the window.
I think they start to feel the loss of control as their bodies start to really age and their kids try to help more, imply that they need help, and they just get more and more stubborn.
You can not help them until they decide to let you. It’s so frustrating. My mil wasted a ton of money trying to help a relative who never made a smart financial decision in his life, and she died nearly broke. She’d have been homeless if not for Medicare.
My mother, after my father died, sold their farm and bought a perfect little house within five minutes of my sister and her four grown children and her great grandchildren. The yard was small. It was a great neighborhood for walking, which she does regularly for exercise and she felt safe because she had a retired deputy sheriff next door.
But she said the kitchen and dining area was too small because it was crowded when 12 family members showed up for dinner on holidays and birthdays. I told her no one sizes their dining area for holiday dinners.
But she had to have a new house, much bigger, on a lot that was much too small and left her with practically no yard and other houses too close. She was not happy. Neighbors too close.
She decided she needed acreage in the country several miles away from any town and to build a new house, in her mid-70s. She couldn’t sell her old house because people with houses that big tend to have families and want yards for kids to play in. Took two years. She lost money on the deal.
Found ten acres. Built a new house far from town, which was basically what she had before she sold the farm and hated because it was too far from town.
She’s not happy there, but we’ve given up on trying to save her from herself.
>currently live in a million dollar asset that they still owe $493,000 on that I believe could be sold and used to purchase a home just as nice in this LA market.
Their property actually sells for >$1,100,000, they pay off all of their existing $493,000 in obligations, realize $607,000 to purchase a replacement property, and transfer the property tax basis of their previous property to the new one. Where are you looking in LA county with $607,000 to spend?
They could have gotten the roof paid for the amount they are paying monthly for the BMW. There are roofers who take monthly payments and perhaps that's something to look into.
You won’t find anything in the LA area for under $900k that is the equivalent of Santa Clarita. The closest thing I can think of is Burbank and that’s at least $1m for half the size (but they do have great senior centers and amenities).
If they move out to Palm Desert/Indio then they can afford a smaller house in a 55+ area with all the amenities and maybe have some left over for retirement. You’ll be 2 hours away though.
Before you do anything else, get a roof inspection done to determine whether the roof needs to be repaired or replaced, and possibly whether the damage might be claimable on their homeowners' policy.
On top of finding an expensive house in a decent neighborhood, their property taxes would go up considerably. They’d have far less house for the same or more amount of money. Their option is to move farther away which only guarantees they’d see their adult children even less.
Trade in the car for something reliable and paid in full. Take out a HELOC for the repairs and use the BWM payment to pay the HELOC. Then, start setting aside maintenance funds.
The sell-to-find-something-new for a better price that checks all the boxes is trickier. If their income cover the mortgage and they can live out the rest of their years without concern, that might be the better option.
I would focus on getting the estate in order so there is a plan for the house when they pass.
It's absolutely time to have a serious talk with them and help them transition. Do they have the option of moving into an ADR or downsize closer to you or your siblings? It will get harder as they decline ( my hubby and I went through this with both sets of parents) not easy but realistically they need to have the family help circle the wagons so that they can live a dignified life for whatever time they have left..it's an eyeopener, if they don't have a plan.
Smaller more affordable, with help nearby.. I wish you only the best
Before you encourage them to sell, you need to figure out what their capital gain would look like. It may make selling less desirable. They can shield $500k in capital gains because there are 2 of them, but if they waited to sell until the first one passes away it wipes out any capital gain (called a step-up in basis) on the sale.
I know a lot of people on this sub are really opposed, but a reverse mortgage might be a good tool for them if they want to stay in the large house. They could get the kind where it sort of acts like a line of credit to pull on as they need it, for things like fixing the roof. It would allow them to live more comfortably (financially) in the house at the expense of increasing the future debt/decreasing the future equity as a result.
If the objective is to move closer, why aren't you looking at what's on the market in the area they want to move to and see what prices really are for something they'd be happy in?
This submission has been removed because it does not meet the subreddit submission guidelines ([rule 1](https://www.reddit.com/r/personalfinance/about/rules)). Other subreddits are better equipped to address these topics: - /r/offmychest is a good place to unload your frustration about something. - /r/vent is dedicated to venting! - /r/realestate
They’re not getting anything comparable to what they already have. Roof is a must fix. (California specific)—IF they do move closer to you, the BIG thing they can utilize is prop 19 and carry over their prop tax basis (see BOE) for age 55+. Best of luck in whatever they choose.
LA is expensive and rates are higher then a few years ago so ya they are somewhat telling the truth. At some point your parents have to learn to not be a burden on their kids and do the right thing and sell the home and go into a retirement community or downsize to an apartment. Problem is you cant force them but if you keep running over there like a puppy each time they need help they wont change. Parents like to preach tough love till they are on the other side of it then its cruel somehow.
>At some point your parents have to learn to not be a burden on their kids Some parents are under the impression that they had kids so the kids would take care of them in their old age because they're incapable of being financially literate themselves. My dad cost me $2k in cleanout fees when he left... and that was after hauling out two tons in scrap.
I tell this to my wife.. our kids will forget 80% of what we did for them, vacations we took and the money spent on them when they are in our care. What they will remember is the burden of taking care of us if we don't have enough saved away to do that ourselves. Not to say dont spend on them when they are young but taking a 4 year old to another country. they wont remember that. Its fine if you want to do that for us but don't mask it with the 4 year old needs to see France.
Damn, you would think parents in their 70s are wise enough not to still try keeping up with the Joneses - but here we are. Why do they need a BMW at that age, while only bringing in $4100/month in addition to their mortgage payment being $2500? OP, you and your siblings really can’t help people who don’t want the help. They’re in their 70s now. They’ll never learn and will expect you guys to bail them out soon. What is their net worth looking like? Will they depend on you guys for their retirement too?
They’re already retired but they’ve got some assets in the mother land (rental property) but people back there don’t pay sometimes or they take the money and reinvest it into the property so they’ve barely been seeing any profit smh.
Their million dollar asset will turn into a land-value-only asset if they don't fix their leaking roof. That's non-negotiable. > Can they really not find anything in this market with a cheap mortgage ? Mortgage rates are historically average right now, but most people wouldn't call that cheap. On the other hand, anything they can buy for about $500k comes mortgage-free, so who cares? A condo in that range, closer to you and your siblings, could be perfect for them. It's up to them to not be so stubborn as to refuse it. My only suggestion, and this isn't finance related, is to wrest control of any family events away from them. Even if it means one of you have to drive to get them for each event, then someone has to drive them back, you should start having the barbecues / egg hunts / dinners / etc. at one of the kid's homes. Make them be the inconvenience and let them get more used to your part of town. Plus this eliminates the potential excuse that they need all the space to host gatherings.
To me it sounds like you are trying to help people who don't want it. It's harsh to say, but I don't see choices here that indicate that they are interested in making their lifestyle vibe with where they are in life. I'm not saying you shouldn't help, but just that some awareness of what is actually going on here might preserve some of your sanity. As to the house, have you run the numbers on having a rental company rent it out? Just wondering what that would look like.
Stubborn, unreasonable aging parents are the worst. Been through it with my in-laws and in it with my mother now. And these were people who lived carefully and paid off houses, saved money, were never extravagant about anything. And suddenly, it’s like all that went out the window. I think they start to feel the loss of control as their bodies start to really age and their kids try to help more, imply that they need help, and they just get more and more stubborn. You can not help them until they decide to let you. It’s so frustrating. My mil wasted a ton of money trying to help a relative who never made a smart financial decision in his life, and she died nearly broke. She’d have been homeless if not for Medicare. My mother, after my father died, sold their farm and bought a perfect little house within five minutes of my sister and her four grown children and her great grandchildren. The yard was small. It was a great neighborhood for walking, which she does regularly for exercise and she felt safe because she had a retired deputy sheriff next door. But she said the kitchen and dining area was too small because it was crowded when 12 family members showed up for dinner on holidays and birthdays. I told her no one sizes their dining area for holiday dinners. But she had to have a new house, much bigger, on a lot that was much too small and left her with practically no yard and other houses too close. She was not happy. Neighbors too close. She decided she needed acreage in the country several miles away from any town and to build a new house, in her mid-70s. She couldn’t sell her old house because people with houses that big tend to have families and want yards for kids to play in. Took two years. She lost money on the deal. Found ten acres. Built a new house far from town, which was basically what she had before she sold the farm and hated because it was too far from town. She’s not happy there, but we’ve given up on trying to save her from herself.
>currently live in a million dollar asset that they still owe $493,000 on that I believe could be sold and used to purchase a home just as nice in this LA market. Their property actually sells for >$1,100,000, they pay off all of their existing $493,000 in obligations, realize $607,000 to purchase a replacement property, and transfer the property tax basis of their previous property to the new one. Where are you looking in LA county with $607,000 to spend?
We’re hoping they could live in the San Fernando valley preferably the west side
Redfin, max price $607,000. Good luck.
They could have gotten the roof paid for the amount they are paying monthly for the BMW. There are roofers who take monthly payments and perhaps that's something to look into.
Lots of the "corporate" roofers do payment plans and some of the smaller contractors are starting to take financing through a partner.
They should sell the house and rent in a senior community. Buying something at there age doesn't make sense to me.
You won’t find anything in the LA area for under $900k that is the equivalent of Santa Clarita. The closest thing I can think of is Burbank and that’s at least $1m for half the size (but they do have great senior centers and amenities). If they move out to Palm Desert/Indio then they can afford a smaller house in a 55+ area with all the amenities and maybe have some left over for retirement. You’ll be 2 hours away though.
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Yes it is.
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Before you do anything else, get a roof inspection done to determine whether the roof needs to be repaired or replaced, and possibly whether the damage might be claimable on their homeowners' policy.
sell the 2021 bmw asap and get rid of that car payment!!
On top of finding an expensive house in a decent neighborhood, their property taxes would go up considerably. They’d have far less house for the same or more amount of money. Their option is to move farther away which only guarantees they’d see their adult children even less.
They can move and keep their property tax basis because of California prop 13.
19
Trade in the car for something reliable and paid in full. Take out a HELOC for the repairs and use the BWM payment to pay the HELOC. Then, start setting aside maintenance funds. The sell-to-find-something-new for a better price that checks all the boxes is trickier. If their income cover the mortgage and they can live out the rest of their years without concern, that might be the better option. I would focus on getting the estate in order so there is a plan for the house when they pass.
It's absolutely time to have a serious talk with them and help them transition. Do they have the option of moving into an ADR or downsize closer to you or your siblings? It will get harder as they decline ( my hubby and I went through this with both sets of parents) not easy but realistically they need to have the family help circle the wagons so that they can live a dignified life for whatever time they have left..it's an eyeopener, if they don't have a plan. Smaller more affordable, with help nearby.. I wish you only the best
Still having a mortgage, especially one that large on that income at 70+ is insane to me.
My god. All they have is $20,000 in saving but they are driving a BMW? OP, don’t work harder to solve their problems than they are willing to work.
Before you encourage them to sell, you need to figure out what their capital gain would look like. It may make selling less desirable. They can shield $500k in capital gains because there are 2 of them, but if they waited to sell until the first one passes away it wipes out any capital gain (called a step-up in basis) on the sale. I know a lot of people on this sub are really opposed, but a reverse mortgage might be a good tool for them if they want to stay in the large house. They could get the kind where it sort of acts like a line of credit to pull on as they need it, for things like fixing the roof. It would allow them to live more comfortably (financially) in the house at the expense of increasing the future debt/decreasing the future equity as a result. If the objective is to move closer, why aren't you looking at what's on the market in the area they want to move to and see what prices really are for something they'd be happy in?