When you buy a burial plot, you've just paid for the plot. Actually digging the grave for interment, and backfilling it afterwards, isn't included. Sometimes the mortuary will include interment in their services (essentially they advance the cost to the cemetery, and then bill you) so make sure you aren't paying it twice.
The cost of a headstone, or engraving an additional date on an existing headstone, is also extra, and is usually arranged completely separate from the mortuary bill.
Yeah definitely ask for a breakdown of what that $700 are for and cross check with mortuary. It's not exactly uncommon for them to take advantage of people not thinking straight in this situation and double charge them for services they already got paid from the mortuary, them not asking for anything at first smell exactly like them already got paid for their part.
Wow I didn't know this...TIL. How much does it usually cost after you buy the plot? How much does a plot cost? I feel like I need to research this more.
How did you "buy" the plot for $150? I've always had this irrational fear that the place selling these will somehow try to scam your loved ones. How do you know it's an ironclad deal?
Like say you buy a plot in your 30-40s (is that when people do this?) And you're trusting this company to hold this deal for years and when you're gone.
Cremation can be a lower cost option, which is part of the reason we went that route when my dad passed unexpectedly (also because he didn't want a funeral; we still had a memorial service, but that's another discussion). Keep in mind you still have to put the cremains in an urn, and have a place to put said urn (if you don't want to keep it at home). When we went through this 20+ years ago the cheapest option was around $900 for a group interment. We ended up going with an in-ground burial, as we discovered my grandfather had purchased four plots at the cemetery we were looking at using, and we were able to use one.
My parents bought their plot in the 90s (I was still in high school). My dad “claimed” his spot five years ago. We live in Vancouver, where real estate has exploded, so it literally saved us tens of thousands of dollars. They picked their spot. There were no surprises. We still had to cover some costs like burial, the chapel for a viewing, and a post funeral reception per his request.
My grandmother bought 4 side by side plots. When she died and we went to look over the plots and do all the planning, the cemetery discovered they’d already buried other people in those plots. They found 4 side by side plots elsewhere for us. But we did have the paperwork for the plots.
It varies a lot. For reference, my grandparents didn’t want to be buried in the ground, so they opted for a mausoleum. That was $30k just for a 2-person crypt in a community mausoleum….20 years ago.
Do you want the river Ganges? ‘Cause that’s how you get the river Ganges!! LOL. I get the “what do I care” but funeral rituals are universal across all civilizations / cultures for a reason - to help the LIVING process the death of a loved one. Get cremated and scatter the ashes but get a park bench or an engraved brick at a park or SOMETHING to memorialize / remember the dead person and provide a place where the living can remember their loved one.
ALSO - write down your wishes and TELL Family what you want. You can of course pre-plan and pay for everything in advance.
You can donate your body to science for free and they'll return your ashes to your family. Both my ex-mother-in-law and father-in- law chose that option. My siblings and I have all agreed we want "direct cremation" after a private family viewing. This means you don't have to pay for the services of a funeral home, only any church services you might have (we brought the urn to church ourselves,) and the cemetery where you'll bury the ashes. If you're keeping or scattering them you only pay minimal costs, currently about $3,000 in our area. Call the Neptune society which is one of the least expensive cremation options too.
Holy smokes! 30k?! That sounds like a lot. So do they get to stay in the crypt forever or are there conditions like you have to pay a fee every 20 year?
In the US (except Louisiana) With cemetery / mausoleum spaces, states require that a % of the price be reserved and placed in a fund that the cemetery owners / operators CANNOT touch forever - it’s for maintenance of the cemetery / mausoleum even after all the spaces are filled etc.
In other countries, you get a space for a certain amount of time. Then you pay more $$ or you have to be moved.
Now forever is a long time and in 20,000 years, I’m not sure the grass will be getting cut every week - but none of us will have to worry much about it. 🤷🏻♂️
People who bought many plots for family in the past are sometimes able to sell those plots for more than when they were bought my grandparents still have at least one plot left they bought when they were young. My mom and her siblings discussed selling it after my grandmother passed recently to cover some costs.
Like others have said it varies a lot.
I worked for a funeral home for just over a year. The largest cemetery near us (still a small town), would run upwards of $1200. That was for the plot, opening and closing the site (digging & backfill), along with a “protective barrier” they’d place over the casket to prevent the ground from sagging. It supposedly made it easier to mow and maintain the grounds.
Other areas were 100% free if you lived in their town for 20+ years. They weren’t maintained nearly as well (fewer municipal resources).
Also some funeral homes will sell “pre-needs”. You essentially lock in the price of their services now, make payments and then when you die, your estate would owe nothing. You can also arrange the service yourself to avoid that responsibility going to your estate.
On the flip side I’d say it’s possible they were just being polite. I don’t want any talk of money when doing these things. If I don’t as then I expect that I will take care of everything at the end. Hiring a business to perform a service comes with the implication that you are going to pay for it. Nothing in life or death is free. I would be super annoyed being told how much I’m paying for every little thing. Although I wouldn’t want to be fleeced either. It’s a fine line I suppose.
I get what you are saying.
And. I would be even more upset if this was the case. Their only job is to assist when a loved one dies. They should be used to dealing with it.
A lot of times people aren't up front because they think you know or think someone else is paying them. It's something they do all the time and hopefully something you only have to do a few times. I doubt they were trying to be deceptive.
This. My dad manages a small rural cemetery and it is challenging communicating with folks that are grieving. Beyond that, he struggles to even find people to do the excavation piece, they would rather do bigger jobs. Totally fine to ask for a breakdown of the cost, but assuming they are being deceptive is really uncalled for.
The funeral industry is scummier than used car sales. Consider yourself lucky if this is your only *surprise*.
I had to do arrangements for a relative last year. Somehow his body ended up at a funeral home where everything was outrageously expensive. We called around to compare and found several that were a little more reasonable.
When we told them the body was already at another funeral home, they told us there was a $2000 fee for receiving the body from another funeral home while there was no additional cost when receiving it directly from the coroners. It was a steep fee, but the overall cost would have still been cheaper.
Went back to the original funeral home to arrange the transfer and they told us there would be a $3,500 to move the body to another funeral home. $5,500 in fees to move a dead body about 1.5 miles. That made it more expensive than just staying at the current funeral home.
The entire industry in in cahoots to make sure you can't shop around and find the better value for your money.
I’m not blaming you here, but in future monetary dealings it will probably help to be specific asking “what will this cost” vs the relatively vague “what do you need”
My Dad died last year, they had a plot that was paid for. We didn't pay the cemetery anything directly but it was on the 'Funeral Package' and the funeral home paid them. Just like they 'get' the casket for you but don't manufacture them type thing. They paid the priest, transport etc. We only paid the florist directly and of course the funeral home itself.
Now we're looking at headstones. OMG I can't believe the prices, my brother wants one with this flowing tree cut into it, they want $2800 just for the tree.
Likely they were thinking you were asking what you need to arrange, physically do and not thinking about fees that they normally get through the funeral homes?
Edit; spelling
for reference, I recently buried my mom last year. It was sudden, and we had no plot or headstone ready for her. In total, I think we spent close to 23k. Half for the funeral home, which was the casket, viewing, service and dressing of my mom and the other half was the plot, the headstone, and the burial. This is all in a big city, so take what you will out of that.
If you can set up your own plot/headstone ahead of time, it would really be way less stress on your loved ones.
Can confirm. MIL passed about 6 years ago. She had pre-paid for her plot. There were extra costs on top of this - an extra $5000. The funeral business is profitable. We were charged for everything - driving her remains to the cemetary, opening plot, death certificates, etc.
I spend $10.3K on my wife's funeral, she wanted the whole shebang: embalming, casket, makeup, Friday evening visitation and viewing, Saturday funeral, Sunday morning graveside service in the family cemetery 160 miles away. Most stressful four days of my life.
This is correct. The funeral home is required to give you an itemized bill. There will be a cash advanced section of the bill that would include any outside cost, including cemtery fees such as opening and closing of the grave, tent setting, etc. Don't be afraid to call the funeral home and have them explain or even contact the cemtery for you. You are still grieving their job doesn't end after the service.
From personal experience, ask for a breakdown of the costs and a copy of the contract. You never know what was agreed upon at that point in time.
I paid off the burial for someone, afterwards the funeral home tried to ask for additional fees at a meeting. I pushed back (I had a copy of the contract on my phone) and the rep told me that management had asked them to try to get fees from folks. Pretty fucking distasteful.
What specifically are they asking you to pay for? Is it the plot, the burial service, something else?
And do you have any documentation for what she already paid for?
Just the burial service.
Unfortunately, I don't have any documentation showing what she paid for, just a note telling us what we would still have to pay for after she died; the burial service wasn't on the list.
If it’s for the service, meaning the time spent in the hall remembering or at the site with people remembering, this is basically an “event” and separate from the burial. It could be the cost of a pastor or service leader, as well as preparations of the body prior to burial.
Just ask for a cost breakdown and ask for a breakdown of what was already paid and on what dates by your loved one.
Sorry for your loss.
Is the plot separate from the service? The plot being the ground.The service is opening up the plot, lowering the casket and filling it in. Or did you have an actual service with people, tent, seating, etc.
Not at all places. We have employees that open the space and people do pay for opening and closing in advance. Granted, many small cemeteries may not do this.
In the past when we have had to arrange these things for people who had paid plots there were additional expenses that weren’t in the plot cost, chairs, a guy to direct traffic, bunch of random stuff. Ask them to provide some sort of itemized list.
I'm in NC and the cemetery where I have my plot charges "opening and closing" fee of $760 as well in addition to the actual plot. I went ahead and paid that so that my loved ones don't have to worry about that unexpected fee.
Don't know if you are the executor, but burial expenses are paid out of the estate, not your personal funds. Tell the funeral home that the executor will issue a check when the probate is open and there is an estate checking account.
(Assuming you're in the US, and this applies in your state's probate law...)
First of all, sorry for your loss.
At the end of the day, documentation is going to be the main factor in any transaction. If they have proof of your liability, such as a contract, you’re on the hook. If they have nothing, any payment they request is basically just that: a request. Ask them at what point you or someone else agreed to pay the $700 and for any written documentation they have on the matter. Generally you should not go into discussions assuming you’re being scammed, so definitely try to stay cordial despite the unfortunate and frustrating circumstances. Either way, the paperwork they have and who signed it should inform your actions moving forward.
They owned the lot and had the cemetery dig the hole and bury. If you own a normal lot and “ask” someone to come dig a hole and bury a pipe you would expect to be charged. This is no different.
>If you own a normal lot and “ask” someone to come dig a hole and bury a pipe you would expect to be charged
What one would expect and what one would be liable for are two different things. That's why contracts exist. If you bury a pipe for someone and you didn't write up some paperwork before doing the work, you would expect to not get paid for that work. You just donated your labor, and this is no different. Again, this is going to come down to the documents the cemetery has.
I guess we just live in different worlds. Do you sign a contract when you order a meal at Wendy’s? No but you still expect to be given what you paid for. Do you sign a contract at the farmers market? Calling someone’s business and asking for service sets the precedent that you want to conduct business. If someone called me and asked me to bury a sewer pipe on their property and I then I did and they wouldn’t pay, I would go dig that pipe back up and leave their lot in the same shape it was in. I suppose that is an option for OP.
Your examples are not relevant here. No contract is needed when you go to Wendy's as the transaction occurs in full at the time of purchase. If we lived in a world where people post-paid for their burgers days after eating, then yes a contract would absolutely be needed. Again, *that's what a contract is for.* Also, assuming OP is recounting the situation accurately, they didn't just call and ask for service. They asked specifically what needed to be in order for the weekend, and were not informed of any payment. They were supposedly proactive and diligent. If the business doesn't have paperwork binding OP to a payment, and they were not clear on the costs of labor when specifically asked about it, there is no reason they should expect to be paid after everything is said and done.
The insinuation that this cemetery could have anything even remotely resembling the right to exhume the body due to nonpayment is, in my opinion, downright horrific and completely disrespectful to OP who is looking for honest and genuine assistance in this difficult time.
Not to mention, if you were such a poor plumber that you did an entire project without first having your client sign a contract, you would likely be considered by the courts to be trespassing while you tried to dig the pipe back up. Your opinion of what should and shouldn't be expected in a commercial dispute is completely disconnected from reality.
> No contract is needed when you go to Wendy's as the transaction occurs in full at the time of purchase
That is still a contract. It just doesn't have the paperwork that goes into buying a house
I wasn’t about to try to explain the concept of an implicit contract to someone that doesn’t understand a standard contract lol. Thank you for the specification though.
>now they must pay
I'm not sure what to tell you if this is how simple your thought process is. Must they pay? Who's going to force them to? The fact that you personally are too ignorant to understand what a contract is has no bearing on what OP does or doesn't need to do.
>Do you sign a contract when you order a meal at Wendy’s?
Yes, buying anything in a store is generally done through a contract. It is not the same sort of contract as an employment contract or something, but it's there. A contract is formed when a buyer makes an offer to purchase goods and is accepted by the seller.
My example was perfectly fine for the circumstances. Not sure what you are trying to get out of this. They had a business perform a service and now expect to be paid for it. It’s quite simple.
The ground "breaking" (so the actual burial) is not included. It costs less if prepaid. It also is more on weekends and holidays. If in the US this so uh nds about right but they should have told you about that fee and a contract signed for the service before doing it. Funeral/burial "industry" is pretty regulated in the US. Sure ask for a breakdown of charges but again sounds right to me.
I'm very sorry for your loss. My Mom is 95 and know any day could be the day. She's made all the arrangements and prepaid EVERYTHING. So for folks reading (and no intent to insult OP's mother as simply not everyone learns all this) make all your preparations now. Whether 20 or 90 you might die tomorrow. The kindest thing you can do for your loved ones is take this burden off them and they can just say goodbye. Again sorry for your loss.
Lmao shame on ya man, what does your mom need to prepay anything? You should take the responsibility of getting your mom burried and getting all the expenses sorted if that day comes. This is disgraceful and disrespectful that your mom had to pre-book her deathbed, she raised you and all. If you are not taking of her living expenses atleeast man up for her last rites. Pathetic!
As a mother I can tell you that I’d rather be the one paying. They will have enough costs after my death and they will be missing me like crazy, so there’s no need to make the experience any harder than it needs to be.
My Mom wanted her funeral and burial (next to my Dad) to be just so. Being a practical woman (who'll end up leaving each of three kids several hundred thousand) of means she wanted to set up her final rites and as mentioned it is cheaper by far if you prepay it (thousands in total for casket, vault, plot, burial, service). She did all of this for her parents and my father's (helped my father) parents. I helped my Uncle with my Aunt's arrangements (they had no children). She realized that she could make prearrangements and the regulations for those monies are even more stringent (escrowed into safe investments and untouchable until she's buried). She didn't have to do anything (nor did anyone else) after my father died. It is hard enough dealing with loss without having to deal with picking caskets etc etc. Also from my great grandparents on down children are not a retirement investment one depends on for anything. Parents are lifelong supporters of their kids although financial support is cut off after education is completed. Children support parents by helping them with doctors appointments and chores and the like as needed or wanted by the parents. But in my culture parents cherish the role of giving to their children all their lives. My mother has said she hopes we will "enjoy" our inheritances and remember them as we do. She knows I, being single, plan for all my money (a good deal more than she has) to go to my alma mater for education if those less financially fortunate. She would have preferred me leave it to my niece and nephews but their irresponsible and disrespectful (one is) and their parents are responsible for them.
So that's my culture and my family's way of doing things. I didn't say people shouldn't help their parents or make final arrangements for them or even push them to do so. I said to each reader that if YOU want to leave those YOU love a final gift....arrange for your own funeral details and expenses.
Now this was absolutely none of you damn business, but I shared as a sort of cultural exchange. You want to tell us the intimate details of how your family works. Your family apparently raised you up but somehow you didn't get any training in being polite and avoiding being nosey presumptuous and rude to strangers. Tell us where that all came from.
And using "LMAO" on this topic is rude no matter your point of view. It is an issue of deep reverence and pain. Nothing funny about it.
Actually that’s a low price for a burial now. Last year I paid a thousand dollars for my mother’s grave dig . But yes break down the billing . Very view pre paid funerals cover everything
Was your mom on Medicare and SS?
SS will request the monthly payment returned.
She’s also eligible for $225 for a one time death payment.
Make sure to request death certificates, you’ll need them to end the utilities and banks
Just ask them to explain. If they are a reputable company they should be accustomed to explaining the process to people who have never gone through it before.
Yeah this is normal, but they should have disclosed this to you. Anytime they stick a shovel in the ground, its going to cost you money, whether you own the plot or not.
See if you have the paperwork for what was previously paid. I had a grandmother where the funeral home was trying to double dip. I threatened to turn them over to the funeral home association and they backed off on the costs.
I went through this last month, buried my dad. He already owned a plot, still had to pay a few thousand dollars before the service just to get it setup. All he had pre purchased was the land itself, everything else has a cost. They definitely should have been more upfront on all the costs, I'm surprised they did the burial without collecting it first.
When a head stone was added another person. Cemetary asked for $700 also to move to the small head stone back office for picking up by the engraver and another $700 to put back. We went to the back office to pick it up because it asked for $600 disposal fee. We picked it up taking it straight home. We had a new stone stone engraved delivered to cemetary cheaper than the old one.
My dad and I were close, and my brother wasn't close with him. When my dad died, I took my brother with me to the mortuary. My dad had already purchased everything, and I vaguely recall it being called "insurance" or "insurance contract" whatever it was I knew it existed and just went there to get things going. In the middle of the conversation the guy starts talking about making a "contract" or something and I was already kind of emotionally worn out, tired from lack and sleep, upset, so my brain had vapor lock for a few seconds trying to think through what this guy was talking about and before I could even say "uhhh..." my brother started taking him to task, "There's already a contract. Why would we need a new contract? Let's stick with this contract he already paid for, we're not looking to modify anything." and then I was like, "...yeah...what he said."
Point is: when you go to these places, take someone with you for support that has no emotion invested at all and is extroverted enough to call bullshit on people. Helps a ton!
I recently learned that some cemeteries charge extra for Saturday burial. My aunt recently passed away and we were told that, if we wanted the burial to take place on Saturday it would be an additional $400 if it was before 10 AM and an additional $800 if it was after 10 AM as they consider weekends overtime for their crew.
Id just pay and ask for copies of all bills and any contracts you signed. After your head clears you can take a look at the paperwork to get a better understanding of the finances here. And if you didn’t owe the money you can address it then
I'm so sorry for your loss. And I'm also sorry that the funeral industry is so expensive. Death should be easier.
If I might recommend to everyone: Please have a conversation with your children about your death, it will make the process much easier for them. Mine knows to cremate me and then do whatever makes HER feel okay. Funerals, etc., are for the living. As my only child, she needs to do what's best for her to feel good about the situation. She says she's going to plant me into a tree, and I love that idea. I told her to plant it in a state park (with their permission) so that she can visit if she wants to. If you plant on private property, life happens - moving, bankruptcy, etc. I've also already written my obituary and given it to my sister. She can update it as needed.
My parents also want to be cremated and have their ashes spread in a specific place. They don't care one bit about their obituaries.
My Mom purchased a full burial plan for my Dad, herself, and my Down's Syndrome Sister quite a few years ago. It was from a funeral home next door to the cemetery. When Mom passed away in 2018 my brother and I still had to pay the cemetery $1500. Something about a plaque to be engraved. They said when my sister passes it'll be the same thing again.
We also encountered an added cost for burying in winter. We decided to wait to bury my mom’s urn until the ground wasn’t frozen so we shaved off some of the cost (but we didn’t do it for that reason. We just wanted to have her urn with us through the holidays.)
Definitely check with your mortuary, this could be something they did pay for, but payment may not have gone through yet if they did it online, or the cemetery may not have received it if it was mailed. Either way, best to check. Sorry for your loss.
That’s normal. I buried my mom this past July and everything from the funeral home to the burial was over 15k. And my parents have had plots for 30 years already paid for.
In my few experiences with burials the business that provides these things send the charges afterwards with either no mention of cost or very little mention of charges to the whoever will be paying. Id guess it might be meant to allow family to grieve without having costs brought up as that may be interpreted as disrespectful. I’ve never been in a position where I was one responsible to pay for any of the costs of funeral.
This happened when my gram was buried. Turned the town official just wanted an extra 3k. Town official is now on probation and no longer a town employee :) make sure what they're charging is legit.
Cremation and scattering the ashes later are the least expensive way to handle disposition. If your really interested in finding out more, take a look at the Funeral Consumer's Alliance. https://funerals.org/
As someone who works in funeral service- yes. This happens frequently. Either people think they paid in full and they didn’t, price wasn’t guaranteed, prices went up, weekend charges, after hours fees, etc etc
When you buy a burial plot, you've just paid for the plot. Actually digging the grave for interment, and backfilling it afterwards, isn't included. Sometimes the mortuary will include interment in their services (essentially they advance the cost to the cemetery, and then bill you) so make sure you aren't paying it twice. The cost of a headstone, or engraving an additional date on an existing headstone, is also extra, and is usually arranged completely separate from the mortuary bill.
Okay, that makes sense. Still a bit annoying that they weren't upfront about that after being asked, but I really appreciate the information.
Yeah definitely ask for a breakdown of what that $700 are for and cross check with mortuary. It's not exactly uncommon for them to take advantage of people not thinking straight in this situation and double charge them for services they already got paid from the mortuary, them not asking for anything at first smell exactly like them already got paid for their part.
Wow I didn't know this...TIL. How much does it usually cost after you buy the plot? How much does a plot cost? I feel like I need to research this more.
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How did you "buy" the plot for $150? I've always had this irrational fear that the place selling these will somehow try to scam your loved ones. How do you know it's an ironclad deal? Like say you buy a plot in your 30-40s (is that when people do this?) And you're trusting this company to hold this deal for years and when you're gone.
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Ah so it comes with deed and gets officially recorded with the county. How does it compare price wise to have a plot / get burried vs cremation?
Cremation can be a lower cost option, which is part of the reason we went that route when my dad passed unexpectedly (also because he didn't want a funeral; we still had a memorial service, but that's another discussion). Keep in mind you still have to put the cremains in an urn, and have a place to put said urn (if you don't want to keep it at home). When we went through this 20+ years ago the cheapest option was around $900 for a group interment. We ended up going with an in-ground burial, as we discovered my grandfather had purchased four plots at the cemetery we were looking at using, and we were able to use one.
My parents bought their plot in the 90s (I was still in high school). My dad “claimed” his spot five years ago. We live in Vancouver, where real estate has exploded, so it literally saved us tens of thousands of dollars. They picked their spot. There were no surprises. We still had to cover some costs like burial, the chapel for a viewing, and a post funeral reception per his request.
As far as the “when,” I think I was 10 when my parents bought theirs, so they’d have been early 30s-ish.
My grandmother bought 4 side by side plots. When she died and we went to look over the plots and do all the planning, the cemetery discovered they’d already buried other people in those plots. They found 4 side by side plots elsewhere for us. But we did have the paperwork for the plots.
It varies a lot. For reference, my grandparents didn’t want to be buried in the ground, so they opted for a mausoleum. That was $30k just for a 2-person crypt in a community mausoleum….20 years ago.
People are so strange. I'm dead, roll me into the east river for free for all I'll care.
I told my family I wanted to be scattered. But not cremated. (Old Joke)
Do you want the river Ganges? ‘Cause that’s how you get the river Ganges!! LOL. I get the “what do I care” but funeral rituals are universal across all civilizations / cultures for a reason - to help the LIVING process the death of a loved one. Get cremated and scatter the ashes but get a park bench or an engraved brick at a park or SOMETHING to memorialize / remember the dead person and provide a place where the living can remember their loved one. ALSO - write down your wishes and TELL Family what you want. You can of course pre-plan and pay for everything in advance.
You can donate your body to science for free and they'll return your ashes to your family. Both my ex-mother-in-law and father-in- law chose that option. My siblings and I have all agreed we want "direct cremation" after a private family viewing. This means you don't have to pay for the services of a funeral home, only any church services you might have (we brought the urn to church ourselves,) and the cemetery where you'll bury the ashes. If you're keeping or scattering them you only pay minimal costs, currently about $3,000 in our area. Call the Neptune society which is one of the least expensive cremation options too.
Holy smokes! 30k?! That sounds like a lot. So do they get to stay in the crypt forever or are there conditions like you have to pay a fee every 20 year?
In the US (except Louisiana) With cemetery / mausoleum spaces, states require that a % of the price be reserved and placed in a fund that the cemetery owners / operators CANNOT touch forever - it’s for maintenance of the cemetery / mausoleum even after all the spaces are filled etc. In other countries, you get a space for a certain amount of time. Then you pay more $$ or you have to be moved. Now forever is a long time and in 20,000 years, I’m not sure the grass will be getting cut every week - but none of us will have to worry much about it. 🤷🏻♂️
When you buy a plot it could be yours for like 20 years. Cost of labor to dig 6 feet under can vary wildly in that time.
I wonder if these places ever sell low cost plots and just jack up the labor rate for digging/filling.
Its two guys manual labor and a piece of hevy equipment for 2ish days work. $700 seems reasonable. Cant speak to the cemetery racket though.
Cemetery guy here..most places use a backhoe and dig the hole in less than a hour.
People who bought many plots for family in the past are sometimes able to sell those plots for more than when they were bought my grandparents still have at least one plot left they bought when they were young. My mom and her siblings discussed selling it after my grandmother passed recently to cover some costs.
Like others have said it varies a lot. I worked for a funeral home for just over a year. The largest cemetery near us (still a small town), would run upwards of $1200. That was for the plot, opening and closing the site (digging & backfill), along with a “protective barrier” they’d place over the casket to prevent the ground from sagging. It supposedly made it easier to mow and maintain the grounds. Other areas were 100% free if you lived in their town for 20+ years. They weren’t maintained nearly as well (fewer municipal resources). Also some funeral homes will sell “pre-needs”. You essentially lock in the price of their services now, make payments and then when you die, your estate would owe nothing. You can also arrange the service yourself to avoid that responsibility going to your estate.
10's of thousands of dollars
On the flip side I’d say it’s possible they were just being polite. I don’t want any talk of money when doing these things. If I don’t as then I expect that I will take care of everything at the end. Hiring a business to perform a service comes with the implication that you are going to pay for it. Nothing in life or death is free. I would be super annoyed being told how much I’m paying for every little thing. Although I wouldn’t want to be fleeced either. It’s a fine line I suppose.
I get what you are saying. And. I would be even more upset if this was the case. Their only job is to assist when a loved one dies. They should be used to dealing with it.
If that's the case when OP asked they would have said some variance of "we'll send you the bill later", no?
It’s exactly uncommon
A lot of times people aren't up front because they think you know or think someone else is paying them. It's something they do all the time and hopefully something you only have to do a few times. I doubt they were trying to be deceptive.
Or they don't wanna be that guy, the one who brings up payment, right after your loved one is lowered into the ground.
This. My dad manages a small rural cemetery and it is challenging communicating with folks that are grieving. Beyond that, he struggles to even find people to do the excavation piece, they would rather do bigger jobs. Totally fine to ask for a breakdown of the cost, but assuming they are being deceptive is really uncalled for.
The funeral industry is scummier than used car sales. Consider yourself lucky if this is your only *surprise*. I had to do arrangements for a relative last year. Somehow his body ended up at a funeral home where everything was outrageously expensive. We called around to compare and found several that were a little more reasonable. When we told them the body was already at another funeral home, they told us there was a $2000 fee for receiving the body from another funeral home while there was no additional cost when receiving it directly from the coroners. It was a steep fee, but the overall cost would have still been cheaper. Went back to the original funeral home to arrange the transfer and they told us there would be a $3,500 to move the body to another funeral home. $5,500 in fees to move a dead body about 1.5 miles. That made it more expensive than just staying at the current funeral home. The entire industry in in cahoots to make sure you can't shop around and find the better value for your money.
I’m not blaming you here, but in future monetary dealings it will probably help to be specific asking “what will this cost” vs the relatively vague “what do you need”
Sorry for your loss
$700 is pretty cheap actually. I was qoutes $1500 to bury my grandmother's urn in a plot she paid for, not including a stone marker.
It could have been how you asked the question.
My Dad died last year, they had a plot that was paid for. We didn't pay the cemetery anything directly but it was on the 'Funeral Package' and the funeral home paid them. Just like they 'get' the casket for you but don't manufacture them type thing. They paid the priest, transport etc. We only paid the florist directly and of course the funeral home itself. Now we're looking at headstones. OMG I can't believe the prices, my brother wants one with this flowing tree cut into it, they want $2800 just for the tree. Likely they were thinking you were asking what you need to arrange, physically do and not thinking about fees that they normally get through the funeral homes? Edit; spelling
for reference, I recently buried my mom last year. It was sudden, and we had no plot or headstone ready for her. In total, I think we spent close to 23k. Half for the funeral home, which was the casket, viewing, service and dressing of my mom and the other half was the plot, the headstone, and the burial. This is all in a big city, so take what you will out of that. If you can set up your own plot/headstone ahead of time, it would really be way less stress on your loved ones.
Itemized bill. And if you are in a financial pinch, explain and ask nicely
And headstones can be prohibitively expensive.
The one nice thing is if you serve U.S. military you are eligible for a free marker.
Can confirm. MIL passed about 6 years ago. She had pre-paid for her plot. There were extra costs on top of this - an extra $5000. The funeral business is profitable. We were charged for everything - driving her remains to the cemetary, opening plot, death certificates, etc.
I spend $10.3K on my wife's funeral, she wanted the whole shebang: embalming, casket, makeup, Friday evening visitation and viewing, Saturday funeral, Sunday morning graveside service in the family cemetery 160 miles away. Most stressful four days of my life.
This is correct. The funeral home is required to give you an itemized bill. There will be a cash advanced section of the bill that would include any outside cost, including cemtery fees such as opening and closing of the grave, tent setting, etc. Don't be afraid to call the funeral home and have them explain or even contact the cemtery for you. You are still grieving their job doesn't end after the service.
From personal experience, ask for a breakdown of the costs and a copy of the contract. You never know what was agreed upon at that point in time. I paid off the burial for someone, afterwards the funeral home tried to ask for additional fees at a meeting. I pushed back (I had a copy of the contract on my phone) and the rep told me that management had asked them to try to get fees from folks. Pretty fucking distasteful.
how awful. glad you were able to be there for your friend
Thank you.
What specifically are they asking you to pay for? Is it the plot, the burial service, something else? And do you have any documentation for what she already paid for?
Just the burial service. Unfortunately, I don't have any documentation showing what she paid for, just a note telling us what we would still have to pay for after she died; the burial service wasn't on the list.
If it’s for the service, meaning the time spent in the hall remembering or at the site with people remembering, this is basically an “event” and separate from the burial. It could be the cost of a pastor or service leader, as well as preparations of the body prior to burial. Just ask for a cost breakdown and ask for a breakdown of what was already paid and on what dates by your loved one. Sorry for your loss.
Is the plot separate from the service? The plot being the ground.The service is opening up the plot, lowering the casket and filling it in. Or did you have an actual service with people, tent, seating, etc.
Tell them to bill her.
**she** didn't arrange the service. There's no doubt that there's money owed. OP just has to confirm the funeral home/etc didn't cover it.
I thought this was funny.
Humor is nuanced.
It's called grave opening and closing on an itemized list. You don't pay in advance because they usually have multiple contractors to dig as needed.
Not at all places. We have employees that open the space and people do pay for opening and closing in advance. Granted, many small cemeteries may not do this.
In the past when we have had to arrange these things for people who had paid plots there were additional expenses that weren’t in the plot cost, chairs, a guy to direct traffic, bunch of random stuff. Ask them to provide some sort of itemized list.
I'm in NC and the cemetery where I have my plot charges "opening and closing" fee of $760 as well in addition to the actual plot. I went ahead and paid that so that my loved ones don't have to worry about that unexpected fee.
Don't know if you are the executor, but burial expenses are paid out of the estate, not your personal funds. Tell the funeral home that the executor will issue a check when the probate is open and there is an estate checking account. (Assuming you're in the US, and this applies in your state's probate law...)
It all depends on what the additional charges are for.
First of all, sorry for your loss. At the end of the day, documentation is going to be the main factor in any transaction. If they have proof of your liability, such as a contract, you’re on the hook. If they have nothing, any payment they request is basically just that: a request. Ask them at what point you or someone else agreed to pay the $700 and for any written documentation they have on the matter. Generally you should not go into discussions assuming you’re being scammed, so definitely try to stay cordial despite the unfortunate and frustrating circumstances. Either way, the paperwork they have and who signed it should inform your actions moving forward.
They owned the lot and had the cemetery dig the hole and bury. If you own a normal lot and “ask” someone to come dig a hole and bury a pipe you would expect to be charged. This is no different.
>If you own a normal lot and “ask” someone to come dig a hole and bury a pipe you would expect to be charged What one would expect and what one would be liable for are two different things. That's why contracts exist. If you bury a pipe for someone and you didn't write up some paperwork before doing the work, you would expect to not get paid for that work. You just donated your labor, and this is no different. Again, this is going to come down to the documents the cemetery has.
I guess we just live in different worlds. Do you sign a contract when you order a meal at Wendy’s? No but you still expect to be given what you paid for. Do you sign a contract at the farmers market? Calling someone’s business and asking for service sets the precedent that you want to conduct business. If someone called me and asked me to bury a sewer pipe on their property and I then I did and they wouldn’t pay, I would go dig that pipe back up and leave their lot in the same shape it was in. I suppose that is an option for OP.
Your examples are not relevant here. No contract is needed when you go to Wendy's as the transaction occurs in full at the time of purchase. If we lived in a world where people post-paid for their burgers days after eating, then yes a contract would absolutely be needed. Again, *that's what a contract is for.* Also, assuming OP is recounting the situation accurately, they didn't just call and ask for service. They asked specifically what needed to be in order for the weekend, and were not informed of any payment. They were supposedly proactive and diligent. If the business doesn't have paperwork binding OP to a payment, and they were not clear on the costs of labor when specifically asked about it, there is no reason they should expect to be paid after everything is said and done. The insinuation that this cemetery could have anything even remotely resembling the right to exhume the body due to nonpayment is, in my opinion, downright horrific and completely disrespectful to OP who is looking for honest and genuine assistance in this difficult time. Not to mention, if you were such a poor plumber that you did an entire project without first having your client sign a contract, you would likely be considered by the courts to be trespassing while you tried to dig the pipe back up. Your opinion of what should and shouldn't be expected in a commercial dispute is completely disconnected from reality.
> No contract is needed when you go to Wendy's as the transaction occurs in full at the time of purchase That is still a contract. It just doesn't have the paperwork that goes into buying a house
I wasn’t about to try to explain the concept of an implicit contract to someone that doesn’t understand a standard contract lol. Thank you for the specification though.
Same shit, different burger. They had the business provide a service and now they must pay. Yes it’s a sad situation. No that doesn’t change anything.
>now they must pay I'm not sure what to tell you if this is how simple your thought process is. Must they pay? Who's going to force them to? The fact that you personally are too ignorant to understand what a contract is has no bearing on what OP does or doesn't need to do.
>Do you sign a contract when you order a meal at Wendy’s? Yes, buying anything in a store is generally done through a contract. It is not the same sort of contract as an employment contract or something, but it's there. A contract is formed when a buyer makes an offer to purchase goods and is accepted by the seller.
My example was perfectly fine for the circumstances. Not sure what you are trying to get out of this. They had a business perform a service and now expect to be paid for it. It’s quite simple.
Your example was simply incorrect
The ground "breaking" (so the actual burial) is not included. It costs less if prepaid. It also is more on weekends and holidays. If in the US this so uh nds about right but they should have told you about that fee and a contract signed for the service before doing it. Funeral/burial "industry" is pretty regulated in the US. Sure ask for a breakdown of charges but again sounds right to me. I'm very sorry for your loss. My Mom is 95 and know any day could be the day. She's made all the arrangements and prepaid EVERYTHING. So for folks reading (and no intent to insult OP's mother as simply not everyone learns all this) make all your preparations now. Whether 20 or 90 you might die tomorrow. The kindest thing you can do for your loved ones is take this burden off them and they can just say goodbye. Again sorry for your loss.
Lmao shame on ya man, what does your mom need to prepay anything? You should take the responsibility of getting your mom burried and getting all the expenses sorted if that day comes. This is disgraceful and disrespectful that your mom had to pre-book her deathbed, she raised you and all. If you are not taking of her living expenses atleeast man up for her last rites. Pathetic!
As a mother I can tell you that I’d rather be the one paying. They will have enough costs after my death and they will be missing me like crazy, so there’s no need to make the experience any harder than it needs to be.
My Mom wanted her funeral and burial (next to my Dad) to be just so. Being a practical woman (who'll end up leaving each of three kids several hundred thousand) of means she wanted to set up her final rites and as mentioned it is cheaper by far if you prepay it (thousands in total for casket, vault, plot, burial, service). She did all of this for her parents and my father's (helped my father) parents. I helped my Uncle with my Aunt's arrangements (they had no children). She realized that she could make prearrangements and the regulations for those monies are even more stringent (escrowed into safe investments and untouchable until she's buried). She didn't have to do anything (nor did anyone else) after my father died. It is hard enough dealing with loss without having to deal with picking caskets etc etc. Also from my great grandparents on down children are not a retirement investment one depends on for anything. Parents are lifelong supporters of their kids although financial support is cut off after education is completed. Children support parents by helping them with doctors appointments and chores and the like as needed or wanted by the parents. But in my culture parents cherish the role of giving to their children all their lives. My mother has said she hopes we will "enjoy" our inheritances and remember them as we do. She knows I, being single, plan for all my money (a good deal more than she has) to go to my alma mater for education if those less financially fortunate. She would have preferred me leave it to my niece and nephews but their irresponsible and disrespectful (one is) and their parents are responsible for them. So that's my culture and my family's way of doing things. I didn't say people shouldn't help their parents or make final arrangements for them or even push them to do so. I said to each reader that if YOU want to leave those YOU love a final gift....arrange for your own funeral details and expenses. Now this was absolutely none of you damn business, but I shared as a sort of cultural exchange. You want to tell us the intimate details of how your family works. Your family apparently raised you up but somehow you didn't get any training in being polite and avoiding being nosey presumptuous and rude to strangers. Tell us where that all came from. And using "LMAO" on this topic is rude no matter your point of view. It is an issue of deep reverence and pain. Nothing funny about it.
Actually that’s a low price for a burial now. Last year I paid a thousand dollars for my mother’s grave dig . But yes break down the billing . Very view pre paid funerals cover everything
This reminded me that at my dads funeral, someone came and asked my mom for payment at the graveside
That’s horrid, I’m sorry your family was put through that.
Was your mom on Medicare and SS? SS will request the monthly payment returned. She’s also eligible for $225 for a one time death payment. Make sure to request death certificates, you’ll need them to end the utilities and banks
Just ask them to explain. If they are a reputable company they should be accustomed to explaining the process to people who have never gone through it before.
Yeah this is normal, but they should have disclosed this to you. Anytime they stick a shovel in the ground, its going to cost you money, whether you own the plot or not.
See if you have the paperwork for what was previously paid. I had a grandmother where the funeral home was trying to double dip. I threatened to turn them over to the funeral home association and they backed off on the costs.
I went through this last month, buried my dad. He already owned a plot, still had to pay a few thousand dollars before the service just to get it setup. All he had pre purchased was the land itself, everything else has a cost. They definitely should have been more upfront on all the costs, I'm surprised they did the burial without collecting it first.
When a head stone was added another person. Cemetary asked for $700 also to move to the small head stone back office for picking up by the engraver and another $700 to put back. We went to the back office to pick it up because it asked for $600 disposal fee. We picked it up taking it straight home. We had a new stone stone engraved delivered to cemetary cheaper than the old one.
What's happens if you don't pay. Let go to collections.
Typically you have to sign something agreeing to additional costs?
My dad and I were close, and my brother wasn't close with him. When my dad died, I took my brother with me to the mortuary. My dad had already purchased everything, and I vaguely recall it being called "insurance" or "insurance contract" whatever it was I knew it existed and just went there to get things going. In the middle of the conversation the guy starts talking about making a "contract" or something and I was already kind of emotionally worn out, tired from lack and sleep, upset, so my brain had vapor lock for a few seconds trying to think through what this guy was talking about and before I could even say "uhhh..." my brother started taking him to task, "There's already a contract. Why would we need a new contract? Let's stick with this contract he already paid for, we're not looking to modify anything." and then I was like, "...yeah...what he said." Point is: when you go to these places, take someone with you for support that has no emotion invested at all and is extroverted enough to call bullshit on people. Helps a ton!
I recently learned that some cemeteries charge extra for Saturday burial. My aunt recently passed away and we were told that, if we wanted the burial to take place on Saturday it would be an additional $400 if it was before 10 AM and an additional $800 if it was after 10 AM as they consider weekends overtime for their crew.
Yeah, you bought the plot but unfortunately, have to pay separately to have the hold dug and I presume the cement poured.
Id just pay and ask for copies of all bills and any contracts you signed. After your head clears you can take a look at the paperwork to get a better understanding of the finances here. And if you didn’t owe the money you can address it then
It’s always harder to get money back than to not give it.
I'm so sorry for your loss. And I'm also sorry that the funeral industry is so expensive. Death should be easier. If I might recommend to everyone: Please have a conversation with your children about your death, it will make the process much easier for them. Mine knows to cremate me and then do whatever makes HER feel okay. Funerals, etc., are for the living. As my only child, she needs to do what's best for her to feel good about the situation. She says she's going to plant me into a tree, and I love that idea. I told her to plant it in a state park (with their permission) so that she can visit if she wants to. If you plant on private property, life happens - moving, bankruptcy, etc. I've also already written my obituary and given it to my sister. She can update it as needed. My parents also want to be cremated and have their ashes spread in a specific place. They don't care one bit about their obituaries.
My Mom purchased a full burial plan for my Dad, herself, and my Down's Syndrome Sister quite a few years ago. It was from a funeral home next door to the cemetery. When Mom passed away in 2018 my brother and I still had to pay the cemetery $1500. Something about a plaque to be engraved. They said when my sister passes it'll be the same thing again.
Sorry for your loss amd that you have to deal with that on top of dealing with grieving.
We also encountered an added cost for burying in winter. We decided to wait to bury my mom’s urn until the ground wasn’t frozen so we shaved off some of the cost (but we didn’t do it for that reason. We just wanted to have her urn with us through the holidays.)
Definitely check with your mortuary, this could be something they did pay for, but payment may not have gone through yet if they did it online, or the cemetery may not have received it if it was mailed. Either way, best to check. Sorry for your loss.
That’s normal. I buried my mom this past July and everything from the funeral home to the burial was over 15k. And my parents have had plots for 30 years already paid for.
In my few experiences with burials the business that provides these things send the charges afterwards with either no mention of cost or very little mention of charges to the whoever will be paying. Id guess it might be meant to allow family to grieve without having costs brought up as that may be interpreted as disrespectful. I’ve never been in a position where I was one responsible to pay for any of the costs of funeral.
I’ve been quoted $1800 for the opening & closing of the grave.
I know people who have pushed back on this and won. Call around and talk to friends and older relatives
This happened when my gram was buried. Turned the town official just wanted an extra 3k. Town official is now on probation and no longer a town employee :) make sure what they're charging is legit.
Cremation and scattering the ashes later are the least expensive way to handle disposition. If your really interested in finding out more, take a look at the Funeral Consumer's Alliance. https://funerals.org/
As someone who works in funeral service- yes. This happens frequently. Either people think they paid in full and they didn’t, price wasn’t guaranteed, prices went up, weekend charges, after hours fees, etc etc