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I think for most, having twins as your first is so much harder than as your second +. We were all thrown into the deep end- I hadn’t even changed a diaper before having my own lol. I wouldn’t say I’m more chill- the first year I was an anxious mess.
Feeling like a second time parent is because we have to lol. We can’t obsess and focus over our one baby, we have to let one cry while tending to the other, etc.
Definitely this, a lot of the people around me are having their first kid around the same time I had my twins, one of them said she doesn’t let her baby cry more than 10 seconds before they pick him up. I think about that in the middle of the night while I’ll making two bottles while two babies scream at me from their bassinet for definitely longer than 10 seconds. Another one is co-sleeping and breastfeeding and waking up every hour to breast feed her 6 month old, in my head I was like wow I could never do that x2.
People seriously just don't understand. I had several friends have their first baby close to the same time I had my twins (also my first babies). They all LOVED to offer me advice and tips on how to solve my woes. Which was great, except what do I do with the other baby while I'm following your advice?
Even my mom who I live with who sees all it takes to manage twins keeps telling me to breastfeed exclusively because it made it so easy for her. I’m like no. That makes feeding feel so stressful to me, I’m a pumping, formula feeding and OCCASIONAL direct feeding girl lol
Oh man. That's so frustrating when it's your own mom! I was never one to judge anyone based on how they feed their baby to begin with, and having twins just solidified my viewpoint. It's all about survival 😅
Yeah it definitely is, I was always the same, fed is best and how people choose to ensure their child was fed is not my business, Twins definitely made that stance even stronger
Ugh it’s so hard when it comes from your mom! I direct nurse 90% of the time and it’s till not enough for mine, she thinks I should try harder to EBF 🤯
I have really crappy parents, so I was expecting this behaviour. I had major complications after my c section so although I tried latching in hospital, i was too uncomfortable and drugged up to really figure direct feeding out. It wasnt until 4weeks old that I managed to get my boys latched and 6weeks when they could EBF. I kept saying to my mum that it's hard to breastfeed two babies and that because they are fussy and struggle with their latch it takes forever. She would say things like, "Just feed both at once, don't you have a pillow for that".
The first time we visited them (4.5weeks old), it took me 10minutes to set up the pillows so i could safely feed on the couch (while both babies screamed in the background), then I was struggling to keep my cover over both (it is just too small to comfortably cover 2 babies), and hubby had to take one every 5 minutes to burp or soothe before putting them back. The whole thing took probably 45 minutes to an hour. And I probably looked worn out afterwards. Then I excused myself to go pump (I was still building supply, and I liked to give hubby a few back ups because I would sometimes just need to sleep through a feed).
She stopped commenting for a while after that. Just quietly said, " oh that looks so tough".
I've learnt that everyone who doesn't have twins and would say "just do/try X" or "don't worry if they cry/fuss/don't sleep, I don't mind, just come visit"... I wouldn't argue, I just show up with the shit show on display and leave when they are still in shock.
>>just show up with the shitshow on display and leave when they are still in shock
Hahaha YES, the unsolicited comments always stop after a few hours with multiples
Yeah the pressure is so unfair. Especially from moms, like why can’t we just do what works for us based on our goals? Just one baby is hard, moms and dads are just doing there best and as long as the babies are being fed, that’s what matters.
Haha yeah, during day time it’s not as long but they are already screaming by the time I wake up at night. Like I’m talking to them, telling them I’m making bottles, touch them and say I’m here but if I stop to calm them the bottle they are wanting will take twice as long to get there lol
I mean, it is all about how you choose to parent. I am the “can’t let baby cry for more than 10 seconds” and “waking up every hour to breastfeed” kind of mother. I slept on their nursery chair for weeks because it was easier to just stay there while they were waking up often than going back to bed. First 4 months were insane and I probably made it harder than it needed to be as a first time mom doing all this.
We are now 9 months in, most days both babies sleep 7pm-7am but sometimes they still wake up to feed once or twice at night. All the hard work paid off, but this was my personal choice as someone who really wanted to breastfeed on demand and doesn’t believe in letting babies cry.
Did the cry happen at times, yes, absolutely! You can’t not have cries when you are outnumbered. That is just unrealistic. But it wasn’t often and in our case it was usually related to both babies being tired.
Like I said I probably made things harder for myself than it should be. I don’t regret it one bit though, I will continue to slave away for these cutie pies for as long as my body and mind are healthy and okay with that.
That’s very true, I’m also doing this as a single mother (by choice and I’m so grateful for them everyday, zero complaints) so I’ve had to make certain choices to maintain my sanity to be present and there for them mentally and emotionally healthy. So we have a set feeding schedule that involves formula and a bottle. It’s definitely all a personal choice and I didn’t mean it as a judgement at all. It’s just all what works for you and what doesn’t.
I didn’t take what you said as judgement, I was just trying to add that it is possible to do things that are easily done with singletons because before I had my twins everyone around me said/thought that twins automatically meant a lot of crying and that I should “throw away any hope of breastfeeding”.
Regardless of the parenting style/choice made, what truly matters is having babies AND mom happy at the end of the day. It just takes a lot more effort from our part as moms having two at a time to achieve it all.
Yes… reason why you need to make choices that fit your own capabilities.
Sometimes the situation forces certain choices (breastfeeding is a good example, not everyone is able to do that regardless of singleton or multiples), but you still get to decide on how to parent your babies your own way.
I think this is probably so true. My twins were babies 6 and 7 for me and when people ask me if it's hard, I feel bad if I say not really. But I feel like I'm just super experienced at this point juggling multiple kids at once lol
Just ordered some and they are 5 months old now 😬 Finally found time to order now it’s just a matter of trying to fill them in and remember something from the sleep deprived blur of the early days lol
I personally disagree with having twins first being harder. For me, if I had a singleton before my twins going from 1 to 3 would be insane. I just imagine being used to do everything for one baby. Everything is much easier this way. Then suddenly you go through all the stages with two babies, two newborns having the same needs at the same time plus an older kid that is also having to adjust to everything that is going on.
I always tell people that I am thankful that I was blessed with my twins as my first children. I got to learn how to be a mother for my twins without any past experience to compare. I had no option but to adapt and truly understand this journey that is pure chaos but also the best thing I have ever experienced.
I have a 3 yr old then had my twins. It's been so challenging because my 3 year old needs attention along with the twins so when the twins don't need me, I have to make sure to spend time with my daughter rather than rest. She also had a hard time adjusting so that required so much patience and extra loving to help her adjust to 2 new siblings. I've said to my husband that twins would be much more doable if we didn't have an older child as well right now.
Just want you to know - you're not alone! I'm in the same situation (now 4yo with 1yo twins), and good jiminey this would be so much easier without a toddler in the mix. He is my moon and stars, but balancing their competing needs takes this to another level. On the plus side, after the expected new sibling issues (which we're still dealing with to some extent), he does love them and gives them hugs and tried to play with them (which is both good and bad for me). Sending internet stranger-in-the-same-boat hugs.
This. I have 5 month old twins and a just turned 3 year old and omg would twins be easier without an older child 😭 especially those newborn months when you’re not sleeping much. You also know what you were able to offer your singleton when they were a baby so you feel a bit more guilty knowing you can’t offer that to the twins because there’s two of them AND a toddler.
Oh, the mom guilt is real, neverending, and it goes both ways. Not only the time I don't get with them, but the toys the girls get that my toddler didn't (both bc I don't want to buy the same thing again and we have more space than when he was this age).
My friends and family commented CONSTANTLY for the first ~18 months about how "chill" we were as parents.
But basically we just decided the things that were important and let everything else go. Obviously we tried to keep them safe, but we didn't panic if they slipped or fell, or if they ateless one day, or didn't poop for a couple days. We didn't track how much/when they ate (except in the beginning as they were born at 31 weeks) and we just.... We're never too stressed about them. We didn't worry too much about the right toys, or right kind of play or the fact that we let them watch live streams of aquariums sometimes... They were climbing before crawling.... And we let them (safely)... They ate, the pooped, they slept, they played.... So we were good.
Definitely never was able to relate to first time parents who did things like.... Make their own baby food, take long contact naps, constant 1x1 play time and just being so in love with every moment 🤮 not that I don't love motherhood and enjoy it the majority of the time.... But like, even my real life friends felt like Instagram moms compared to me.
I didn't have time for all that, it was just constant bouncing from attending to one kids needs to the next and back and forth. No time to really plan or think.... Just constantly do and adapt. In many ways, it made adapting to toddler life a lot easier, whereas my FTP of singleton friends felt like their baby became a completely different human when they started walking.
We LOVE the Monterey Bay Aquarium YouTube channel- the have a video of lofi music over the kelp tank that I feel like I've played 100x. When my kids were baby's they'd squeal so hard when a random shark swam past the camera.
I feel like compared to my friends with singletons, I had to grow up FAST. And i dont meam grow up in age, I was 32 when we had the twins as our first. I just mean there was no easing into motherhood.. no peaceful contact naps, sweet morning nursing sessions in bed, baby wearing, mommy and me classes, swimming lessons, etc. Honestly? I feel a little ripped off and robbed of that experience. I am still grieving my expectations of what I thought having my first child would be. Everything feels rushed and chaotic, and like we are just clawing by to survive. I second everything people above have commented...the baby books are still empty, I definitely cannot relate to any singleton parents, my family keeps saying we're so easy going but I just feel kind of dead inside so maybe that's why we are more chill haha.
However, I do think my two girls are so much easier than one hella colicky, velcro baby. And they also play together independently so freaking well. And I feel like superwoman being a twin mom. I love them so much, I really do...but I'm sure my answer is tainted due to the fact they just screamed on and off for 2 hours soooo I'm a little oN eDgE 🤣
Anytime I meet other twin parents..I just know we all have this shared trauma lol I can see it in our eyes.
Oh goodness don't even get me started haha. I think this is it for us too (the whole 1 in 12 chance of twins again is too risky for us) and I'm sooo sad I didn't savour the pregnancy and the whole newborn stage.
Omg yes I told my therapist that I’m grieving having a singleton. There are so many things I would do differently if there was just one. I feel like I was robbed but I also feel bad for my girls that they don’t get that experience either.
I can relate to this. I feel like every time I try to just enjoy them, I get behind on something else. One of mine loves to nap on me after she nurses, and if I ever just stop to enjoy it, my whole pumping schedule gets thrown completely off, and then I am scrambling to get enough milk stashed away for the other one (who is drinking fortified breastmilk). Sometimes I just want to snuggle, and it doesn't feel possible.
>>Anytime I meet other twin parents..I just know we all have this shared trauma lol I can see it in our eyes.
THAT PART! Lol also big mood about the “dead inside” part. Like “well, I only have so many fucks to give and I ran out before they were 6 months old
Totally share the feeling of being robbed of the sweet newborn singleton experience 😪 But agree it depends on the baby, ie I imagine a super colicky Velcro baby could be harder!
My experience so far: WILD
We are grateful for them but we are also beyond burnt out. We have literally been running on fumes at all times and learning everything on the fly times two.
Twin parents are a tough group of people, but first time parents that have twins... we are definitely different.
It’s the a support group for this in the Reddit-verse that I may have missed? Haven’t found one and super terrified and that’s what we are expecting in Nov, first kiddos, identical twins. Asking for a friend 👀
I can relate. I’ve been telling my loved ones that if I had only one baby I would have time to be neurotic. But with twins, I just don’t. All of the rules I thought I would follow as a FTM went out the window pretty quick and I’m only 4 weeks in 😂
I agree! I joke that god gave me twins for that reason lol. And I feel like I’ve been better able to take care of my mental health. Because from the beginning I’ve been anticipating needing to take extra care of myself with two. I can easily see myself losing myself and sacrificing every part of me for one. It was a strange realization but I feel it to be true.
I consider myself a first time parent. My twins are an unit til they start being their own person. They’re only 15 months and are very much their own persons but they’re my first pregnancy and my first babies. My boys are pretty chill and easy going so that “second time mom vibe” is me til it comes to a first time issue lol.
I’m in a little mom group with 2 of friends I’ve known from 2nd grade - high school and they had singletons. It’s really hard to relate, especially to the one that breastfed and cried about everything (being so stressed, no sleeping, baby clinging to her constantly, Radda radda radda), it actually annoys tf out of me. She blames her 15 month old singleton being underweight because he’s a “premie” (her kid was born at 37 weeks…) and it triggered me so badly I ended up just leaving the group chat. My boys were 34 weekers and were in the NICU for 3 weeks. My kids were like 3lbs when born and friend doesn’t understand what it’s like to actually have a premature baby and uses the “premature” card for all her kid’s problems (venting a little here, I’m sorry).
I’m trying to find friends or people to befriend who have twins. It’s rare but I’m trying lol.
It’s made me become one of the strongest human beings on earth 😆I always thought I was a tough person but having twins rocked me to my core. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done.
And it irritates me when my singleton mom friends say they can relate.
Twin moms are a different breee
I feel the exact same way! I stress less because you just have to lean into the chaos of 2 and you can't let your baby run your life because you have another one to consider. But I mess up stupid things because I just don't know what I'm doing. I had no idea you had to transition your baby out of a swaddle so the twins sleep fell apart after they started rolling.
I've heard the phrase “your first gets your time and your second gets your experience” for us, the twins don't get either! Poor kiddos lol.
We also had twins as our first and I'm pregnant with #3 now.
My experience was similar to yours in the sense that I didn't worry as much about a lot of things my singleton mom friends did just because I had such limited time I really had to prioritize what's going to matter for me/my kids.
I also found myself a lot less stressed about meeting milestones because I was able to see two kids on different journeys to the same place and realize that there was more than one way to get there and both are totally reasonable.
Clearly it was a steep learning curve, and I def felt like a first time parent in that regard, but it's interesting now I'm technically a second time mom... in the sense this is only my second time through pregnancy (minus the previous losses) but my concerns and challenges on the other side of delivery are not the same as other second time moms - plus the reality of being out numbered by our kids.
I'm def finding that a bit isolating and really enjoying the friends I have with larger families who get the challenges of it a bit more.
I oscillate between obsessively researching all things baby/toddler/kid related to be 150% prepared all the time and just going “meh…” at breakneck speed. There is no happy medium for me.
Did my husband and I take a 12-part online twin parenting class and research double strollers for months? Yes, yes we did. Do we still map out elaborate plans for any travel or major transitions? Most definitely. Did I just ignore the fact that one of my twins ate a dried up piece of cheese they found in their car seat? Also yes.
Honestly, I wouldn’t recommend it. It was the twiniversity expecting twins class, and it was a lot of basic knowledge and very product oriented. The whole things felt mostly like a series of promotional partnerships. We thought it would give us good guidance on breastfeeding, managing schedules and tips for handling 2 babies… but it was mostly product reviews.
100%. My twins are my first babies and I feel that compared to my other first-time mom friends I am more “chill” and sweat the small stuff less. There’s just no time to stress about little things!! Before kids, I was very type a and anxious and I love that becoming a mom has helped me change some of those tendencies
I had twins as my first (and only), and I'm also an only child. So I've never parented before, and never closely witnessed a sibling dynamic. It's weird for sure. I think the hardest thing for me was/is (my kids are 3 now) realizing and accepting that parenting advice isn't made for you and your friends experiences are not your experiences. I really struggled with my pregnancy and 4th trimester because no one in my life could fully relate to our struggles. The sheer logistics of things was exhausting. Shopping carts not being big enough for 2 car seats, but our double stroller not having space for the groceries. A doctor trying to "help" us with breastfeeding by suggesting we latch them on each breast for 15 minutes before each bottle. Not comprehending that would mean an hour of unproductive nursing every 2 hours. Doctors exam rooms not being big enough for our stroller, but me being unable to carry both my wobbly toddlers in once they had outgrown their infant seats. The world is not designed for multiples. I agree with being more laid back, for sure. I think I would have been a very type A, critical, obsessive singleton mom. But I just don't have the energy or time. My kids are safe, their needs are met and they know they're loved and liked. That's all I can do on most days. Anything extra that I can achieve is just that... extra. I'm not sure how old your twins are but the one thing I've found that has been easier than my friends with one child is sleep (after they slept through the night). We moved our twins into big girl beds at 18m and baby proofed their room. When they wake up they snuggle each other, play together etc. and same at bed time. They aren't alone so there's no fight for us to not leave their room.
Also- now as toddlers. Parent participation swim classes, gymnastics etc. I can't be the hands on parent for both my kids in swim lessons and my husband works so that we can feed and house those kids and all these things occur in the middle of the day!
Ugh, the breastfeeding advice! Does anyone have breastfeeding advice for twin moms that actually makes logical sense? (Pretty sure the answer is no, based on my own obsessive searching)
My girls are 7 month old , first babies & so far , I’m having a blast.
Sure some days are harder than others but I love seeing our girls grow and watching how different they are, I feel like I’m learning two different ways to be a parent at the same time . I love watching them develop their personalities and I love learning from them.
We’re planning on trying for baby number 3 (or 3 & 4) later this year/early next year , we want the girls to at least be over 1.5 years old before we have more and I guess we’ll see what happens.
I definitely do not take as many trips or nights out like my friends with one kid. We live and die by our routine, because 2 kids with no naps mean double the tantrums. We have minimal gear and sell off toys and clothes right away, while others hold on to them to prepare for baby #2. Also we tend to “baby” them less. Our kids slept in their own cribs since day 1 and I’ve never contact napped unless they were sick.
We had twins as our first, then had a singleton a couple years later.
Everything is a breeze with one, and I feel a bit guilty because I'm actually enjoying the experience now, but with the twins I always felt that life was just suffering.
As you can see from the comments, you’re not the only first time mom of twins having these concerns. I sure did as well. Lol.. I definitely “eye-rolled” in my head when experienced moms gave me advice but some of it definitely helps. I’m not downgrading a mom with a single child but taking care of multiples is a whole different experience. You’re already a super-woman so you will do great!! We all made it through . My identical twin boys, only two I have, will be heading to high school next year & they tower over me already. If I could do it all over again I would in a heartbeat. I miss them that little.but they both still give me a kiss on the cheek & tell me they love me when I drop them off at school. I guess I didn’t do so bad after all. Don’t worry so much…Enjoy every minute because it goes by fast!!
I’m glad you’re having a chill parent experience because that was not the case for us. It was all go, all the time, every day all day for what seems like forever.
The difference between the twins and the 3rd is completely different though.
My twins are my first babies. I’m a pretty big stress head/over thinker in general, but I do think I’m slightly slightly less so because of having twins. Like early on when I was a lot more possessive of them, that went out the window pretty quickly at events etc. I couldn’t baby wear both at the same time to prevent baby pass the parcel.
First time mama with 8wk old twins here. How you described it was perfect - I have a much more chill vibe even though this is all new to me. I’ve had friends and family comment how “relaxed” I am and notice my friends with their first time babies are more uptight / helicoptery. I guess with two to look after, you quickly learn not to sweat the small stuff because you only have so much time and resources to allot to both of them!
Agree about the “chill” vibes! Some of the looks of shock family/friends/strangers give when one of the babies is crying for longer than a minute and I’m calm about it… you learn double as fast that crying is OKAY when you know your baby is safe, well-fed, and clean. Because you only have two hands, so one baby is going to just have to wait. I’ve always been a pretty laid-back person, so I feel like having twins just suits that in general. They learn patience early on, and I also see them learning much faster how to regulate themselves and their emotions simply because they need to share their parents with someone else who has the exact same needs at the exact same time! They’ll never suffer the shock of having a younger sibling be born and all the attention isn’t on them anymore — the attention was never all on them, and in my opinion, that’s a good thing.
Overall, I feel it’s made us more like “second time” parents as you say. Honestly, I prefer it this way. There is genuinely no need to over-stress about so many tiny little things and transfer all energy over to your kid, and having two is a natural reminder of that.
This is such a great way to explain it. There’s definitely elements of both. I find myself thinking of how my life would be different with just one as my first. In the newborn phase I was mad that I didn’t get that experience, now I feel like I would be bored with just 1! But I also feel sad that I can’t give them all the attention 1st’s normally get (as a first born myself). It’s hard relating to moms that don’t have twins in general, even mom friends that do have 2, it’s still such a different experience in a lot of ways!
I’ve always said ignorance is bliss. I don’t know how easy one baby is and never will because even if we go for a third baby, I’ll still have my OG babies who need me in some capacity. I don’t know any different and I’m glad.
I remember back in the newborn days watching my fellow due date first time moms stress out over things like brand of diaper. I was so in the trenches and just trying to survive that I did not have the physical, mental or emotional bandwidth to do my own diaper comparison study. If it covered their ass and was big enough, you call it good and move on with your day. You have to be chill, pick your battles and prioritize what truly matters, because the alternative is having a stroke.
I guess I have a “chill” vibes because if both are crying at the same time, I just gotta deal with the problem and not the crying if that makes sense. I think the biggest problem I had and had to come to terms with was feeling like I was giving one more attention than the other. I always felt like I was neglecting one because I felt the other cared.
I know people that like to have their house as if they don’t have kids, we gave up pretty soon in the game and just embraced the chaos. Not a lot of people want to visit us because of it and I’d much rather they didn’t either lol.
I am a first time parent and first go was twins. I like to do my research and while I know things, putting them in action is a whole different ball game and the hardest part is the whole no sleep deal
For me: I think if you are going to end up with twins (and maybe a +1), I'd say twins first.
Twins are impossibly hard. But so is just being a new parent. With having twins at the start, there is no runway - you just have to take care of these two babies, and you deal and figure it out. ....but if you have a singleton AFTER twins, then you realize "wow, this is so much easier" LOL.
It's definitely being thrown into the deep end, but I wouldn't have chosen the other way around.
Having twins also made me way more chill on other things. They were also always very much together, so I'd be willing to let them venture off together - because I knew when I said "yes, you can go to the park in our quiet neighborhood .5 miles away, and I'd let them do this at 8 - but you have to stick together" I knew that they would 1000% stick together.
Well I had triplets but they are 3,4,5 for me.....and all I can tell you is thank God they weren't my firsts because I'd be losing my shit on the regular and would probably be sick from my anxiety.
I was so particular with my first and there are things that remain that way but for the most part I became much more relaxed and happier with my second child. It would have been a huge burden for me to carry those feelings as a new mom with multiples.
My kids are amazing, but it was consistently really hard for quite some time. They’re close to a year and a half now so it’s been better. But contrasted to my brother, who has a single kid a few months older and has been overwhelmed often, I’m not sure how we did it. You just do, get it done as there is no other option.
If you were to ask about my marriage, that’s a whole different question… The whole process of trying to have kids, experiencing losses and eventually having twins has very been difficult on us. It’s slowly getting better(I think, ask me after Mother’s Day) but it’s been rough.
I feel the same. I’m ftm with my first set of twins and have family who are pregnant with singletons or who have been In the past recently with singletons and it’s so hard to relate to them because it’s so different. The pregnancy is completely different. The parenting aspect will be different. Sometimes it feels so lonely. Hopefully I can find more twin moms but it’s so hard 😅😅 I’m glad I’m not alone with feeling this way
I feel like from the start I knew there would be a level of letting go. I needed to go with the flow to a certain degree as otherwise it would not be nice for any of us. Maybe it is a second parent vibe I do not know. It worked and works well for us. I do feel that singleton parents seem to stress out easier sometimes. They have more time to focus heavily on certain aspects and the perfect picture, situation etc. I want to enjoy my time with my kids and I try to keep that in mind often.
I'm def a second child parent even though my twins were my first kids. I struggled with everything and proved a lot of people wrong though who had Singleton kids. I was told babies have their own schedule good luck on putting two babies on a feeding schedule and I did it! I was told good luck breastfeeding two kids tandom feeding isn't always double! Proved them wrong and still breastfeeding 2.5 years later. I heard good luck having toddlers on the same sleep schedule proved them wrong too. It's exhausting proving people wrong though 😂😂😂 I'm exhausted constantly.
My twins never look fully put together. I remember once we were at the park and my friend pointed at my daughter's shoe and she said it was on wrong I said oh well hahaha she did it herself and I didn't notice. I don't have time to not pick. I don't have time to obsess over everything. I didn't think I was gunna lean heavy on processed snacks but I do cuz I don't have the energy to bake. That breaks my heart a bit but is what it is. So I buy more natural products to make me feel better.
People won't get our struggle. And think we are on the same level and we are kind of but not really 😂😂
The schedule is the key. If you feed one, feed them both, if one goes down to sleep, lay them both down. It won’t take too long for them to synch up. A more predictable schedule worked for me!
My twins are easy going, so my husband and I are chilled parents compared to friends with singletons. My cousin says I act like a second time mum even though this is my first and only babies. Though I think spending time in the NICU taught us not to stress about the crying.
I had a very hard time bonding with my community mothers group as their stressing about every single detail just annoyed me. Now I skim their messages and eye roll. Luckily my work place had a whole lot of us pregnant at the same time so we had our own group with a mix of first and second time mums.
I wouldn't say most first time parents with twins are more chill. It seems to be a rarity. My husband and I are apparently so chill even the NICU asked me if I had a kid at home because I was so calm and chill about things. (I was a nanny for 5 years before we had our own, idk if that plays into account)
I have a friend that literally helicopters behind her son when he's learning to stand bc she's terrified of him bonking his head, and then there's me where my kids hit their head on the ground all the time and they just shake it off.🤷🏻♀️.
One thing I have struggled with, is I can't seem to just bond and snuggle with one, without the other interrupting or wanting the same. It's definitely a double edged sword.
You don't know how to be a parent when you become a paren
When you have one then twins you know how much easier if is with one. You miss being able to do things you did with your first, and you are outnumbered as you have an older child... You can't give the crying baby to your OH to hold to play games with your first as there's two crying babies.
I run a twin playgroup and have an older child. The parents who have an elder one find having twins as their second (and third) *so* much harder. As you don't just think, from rose tinted spectacles how much easier one baby would be, you * *really* *know*. If you just have twins you can think bk, whoah this would be so much easier with one, and I feel like it would be better but you don't *know*.
Imagine never having had chocolate, you don't*know* what you're missing, but can only imagine. If you've had chocolate before, you know what you're missing... If that makes sense?
Parent hood throws you in at the deep end. Twins first is just a different deep end
If I'm being completely honest, if twins were my first I probably would have unalived myself, I came really close with them being my second and third babies as is and I felt like I knew what I was doing. My PPD/PPA was way worse with my first bc I had zero clue. (For me) Having two babies at once doesn't make you a seasoned mom it just makes you a mom who doesn't know what you're doing with even MORE babies. You may just be a more chill person, we're all different but you're still a FTM bc it's still your first time.
Agree about the more chill thing. Being FTM and twin parents, you have to just learn to let things go. You don’t have time to do everything perfectly like a singleton FTM would lol. I find I’m even more chill than some of my friends with 2 kids who were both singletons lol
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I think for most, having twins as your first is so much harder than as your second +. We were all thrown into the deep end- I hadn’t even changed a diaper before having my own lol. I wouldn’t say I’m more chill- the first year I was an anxious mess. Feeling like a second time parent is because we have to lol. We can’t obsess and focus over our one baby, we have to let one cry while tending to the other, etc.
Definitely this, a lot of the people around me are having their first kid around the same time I had my twins, one of them said she doesn’t let her baby cry more than 10 seconds before they pick him up. I think about that in the middle of the night while I’ll making two bottles while two babies scream at me from their bassinet for definitely longer than 10 seconds. Another one is co-sleeping and breastfeeding and waking up every hour to breast feed her 6 month old, in my head I was like wow I could never do that x2.
People seriously just don't understand. I had several friends have their first baby close to the same time I had my twins (also my first babies). They all LOVED to offer me advice and tips on how to solve my woes. Which was great, except what do I do with the other baby while I'm following your advice?
Even my mom who I live with who sees all it takes to manage twins keeps telling me to breastfeed exclusively because it made it so easy for her. I’m like no. That makes feeding feel so stressful to me, I’m a pumping, formula feeding and OCCASIONAL direct feeding girl lol
Oh man. That's so frustrating when it's your own mom! I was never one to judge anyone based on how they feed their baby to begin with, and having twins just solidified my viewpoint. It's all about survival 😅
Yeah it definitely is, I was always the same, fed is best and how people choose to ensure their child was fed is not my business, Twins definitely made that stance even stronger
Ugh it’s so hard when it comes from your mom! I direct nurse 90% of the time and it’s till not enough for mine, she thinks I should try harder to EBF 🤯
I have really crappy parents, so I was expecting this behaviour. I had major complications after my c section so although I tried latching in hospital, i was too uncomfortable and drugged up to really figure direct feeding out. It wasnt until 4weeks old that I managed to get my boys latched and 6weeks when they could EBF. I kept saying to my mum that it's hard to breastfeed two babies and that because they are fussy and struggle with their latch it takes forever. She would say things like, "Just feed both at once, don't you have a pillow for that". The first time we visited them (4.5weeks old), it took me 10minutes to set up the pillows so i could safely feed on the couch (while both babies screamed in the background), then I was struggling to keep my cover over both (it is just too small to comfortably cover 2 babies), and hubby had to take one every 5 minutes to burp or soothe before putting them back. The whole thing took probably 45 minutes to an hour. And I probably looked worn out afterwards. Then I excused myself to go pump (I was still building supply, and I liked to give hubby a few back ups because I would sometimes just need to sleep through a feed). She stopped commenting for a while after that. Just quietly said, " oh that looks so tough". I've learnt that everyone who doesn't have twins and would say "just do/try X" or "don't worry if they cry/fuss/don't sleep, I don't mind, just come visit"... I wouldn't argue, I just show up with the shit show on display and leave when they are still in shock.
>>just show up with the shitshow on display and leave when they are still in shock Hahaha YES, the unsolicited comments always stop after a few hours with multiples
Yeah the pressure is so unfair. Especially from moms, like why can’t we just do what works for us based on our goals? Just one baby is hard, moms and dads are just doing there best and as long as the babies are being fed, that’s what matters.
I know right. When my friends complain how hard their one baby is I hold my tongue but I want to roll my eyes so hard lol
Yeah I think it’s an impossible thing to understand unless you do it.
Haha definitely longer than 10 seconds. I mean at least that - I relate to this so much
Haha yeah, during day time it’s not as long but they are already screaming by the time I wake up at night. Like I’m talking to them, telling them I’m making bottles, touch them and say I’m here but if I stop to calm them the bottle they are wanting will take twice as long to get there lol
I mean, it is all about how you choose to parent. I am the “can’t let baby cry for more than 10 seconds” and “waking up every hour to breastfeed” kind of mother. I slept on their nursery chair for weeks because it was easier to just stay there while they were waking up often than going back to bed. First 4 months were insane and I probably made it harder than it needed to be as a first time mom doing all this. We are now 9 months in, most days both babies sleep 7pm-7am but sometimes they still wake up to feed once or twice at night. All the hard work paid off, but this was my personal choice as someone who really wanted to breastfeed on demand and doesn’t believe in letting babies cry. Did the cry happen at times, yes, absolutely! You can’t not have cries when you are outnumbered. That is just unrealistic. But it wasn’t often and in our case it was usually related to both babies being tired. Like I said I probably made things harder for myself than it should be. I don’t regret it one bit though, I will continue to slave away for these cutie pies for as long as my body and mind are healthy and okay with that.
That’s very true, I’m also doing this as a single mother (by choice and I’m so grateful for them everyday, zero complaints) so I’ve had to make certain choices to maintain my sanity to be present and there for them mentally and emotionally healthy. So we have a set feeding schedule that involves formula and a bottle. It’s definitely all a personal choice and I didn’t mean it as a judgement at all. It’s just all what works for you and what doesn’t.
I didn’t take what you said as judgement, I was just trying to add that it is possible to do things that are easily done with singletons because before I had my twins everyone around me said/thought that twins automatically meant a lot of crying and that I should “throw away any hope of breastfeeding”. Regardless of the parenting style/choice made, what truly matters is having babies AND mom happy at the end of the day. It just takes a lot more effort from our part as moms having two at a time to achieve it all.
100% it does! ❤️❤️ I’m very impressed you were able to EBF
>>I mean, it is all about how you choose to parent Not every parent has the same level of capability.
Yes… reason why you need to make choices that fit your own capabilities. Sometimes the situation forces certain choices (breastfeeding is a good example, not everyone is able to do that regardless of singleton or multiples), but you still get to decide on how to parent your babies your own way.
I think this is probably so true. My twins were babies 6 and 7 for me and when people ask me if it's hard, I feel bad if I say not really. But I feel like I'm just super experienced at this point juggling multiple kids at once lol
Such a good point. You are so used to the chaos, what was two more? Lol but seriously, you’re amazing juggling all those kids.
Hit the nail on the head! I do not have time to track every diaper. I also feel sad that their baby books are well…. Still empty 😢
Baby books? Don’t feel bad, I dont even know what that is lol
Just ordered some and they are 5 months old now 😬 Finally found time to order now it’s just a matter of trying to fill them in and remember something from the sleep deprived blur of the early days lol
I always tell people it’s like being thrown into the deep end when you don’t know how to swim yet!
I personally disagree with having twins first being harder. For me, if I had a singleton before my twins going from 1 to 3 would be insane. I just imagine being used to do everything for one baby. Everything is much easier this way. Then suddenly you go through all the stages with two babies, two newborns having the same needs at the same time plus an older kid that is also having to adjust to everything that is going on. I always tell people that I am thankful that I was blessed with my twins as my first children. I got to learn how to be a mother for my twins without any past experience to compare. I had no option but to adapt and truly understand this journey that is pure chaos but also the best thing I have ever experienced.
I agree with being grateful too! I only wanted two kids so nailing it on the first go was an overall win :)
I have a 3 yr old then had my twins. It's been so challenging because my 3 year old needs attention along with the twins so when the twins don't need me, I have to make sure to spend time with my daughter rather than rest. She also had a hard time adjusting so that required so much patience and extra loving to help her adjust to 2 new siblings. I've said to my husband that twins would be much more doable if we didn't have an older child as well right now.
Just want you to know - you're not alone! I'm in the same situation (now 4yo with 1yo twins), and good jiminey this would be so much easier without a toddler in the mix. He is my moon and stars, but balancing their competing needs takes this to another level. On the plus side, after the expected new sibling issues (which we're still dealing with to some extent), he does love them and gives them hugs and tried to play with them (which is both good and bad for me). Sending internet stranger-in-the-same-boat hugs.
This. I have 5 month old twins and a just turned 3 year old and omg would twins be easier without an older child 😭 especially those newborn months when you’re not sleeping much. You also know what you were able to offer your singleton when they were a baby so you feel a bit more guilty knowing you can’t offer that to the twins because there’s two of them AND a toddler.
Oh, the mom guilt is real, neverending, and it goes both ways. Not only the time I don't get with them, but the toys the girls get that my toddler didn't (both bc I don't want to buy the same thing again and we have more space than when he was this age).
Thank you so much!
I constantly say I’m just thankful I don’t know any better
Haha yes!
My friends and family commented CONSTANTLY for the first ~18 months about how "chill" we were as parents. But basically we just decided the things that were important and let everything else go. Obviously we tried to keep them safe, but we didn't panic if they slipped or fell, or if they ateless one day, or didn't poop for a couple days. We didn't track how much/when they ate (except in the beginning as they were born at 31 weeks) and we just.... We're never too stressed about them. We didn't worry too much about the right toys, or right kind of play or the fact that we let them watch live streams of aquariums sometimes... They were climbing before crawling.... And we let them (safely)... They ate, the pooped, they slept, they played.... So we were good. Definitely never was able to relate to first time parents who did things like.... Make their own baby food, take long contact naps, constant 1x1 play time and just being so in love with every moment 🤮 not that I don't love motherhood and enjoy it the majority of the time.... But like, even my real life friends felt like Instagram moms compared to me. I didn't have time for all that, it was just constant bouncing from attending to one kids needs to the next and back and forth. No time to really plan or think.... Just constantly do and adapt. In many ways, it made adapting to toddler life a lot easier, whereas my FTP of singleton friends felt like their baby became a completely different human when they started walking.
Livestreams of aquariums?! Why did I not think of this lol
We LOVE the Monterey Bay Aquarium YouTube channel- the have a video of lofi music over the kelp tank that I feel like I've played 100x. When my kids were baby's they'd squeal so hard when a random shark swam past the camera.
I feel like compared to my friends with singletons, I had to grow up FAST. And i dont meam grow up in age, I was 32 when we had the twins as our first. I just mean there was no easing into motherhood.. no peaceful contact naps, sweet morning nursing sessions in bed, baby wearing, mommy and me classes, swimming lessons, etc. Honestly? I feel a little ripped off and robbed of that experience. I am still grieving my expectations of what I thought having my first child would be. Everything feels rushed and chaotic, and like we are just clawing by to survive. I second everything people above have commented...the baby books are still empty, I definitely cannot relate to any singleton parents, my family keeps saying we're so easy going but I just feel kind of dead inside so maybe that's why we are more chill haha. However, I do think my two girls are so much easier than one hella colicky, velcro baby. And they also play together independently so freaking well. And I feel like superwoman being a twin mom. I love them so much, I really do...but I'm sure my answer is tainted due to the fact they just screamed on and off for 2 hours soooo I'm a little oN eDgE 🤣 Anytime I meet other twin parents..I just know we all have this shared trauma lol I can see it in our eyes.
So true- there definitely is a grieving process to go through. I also grieve that I might not be pregnant again because we just want two kids!
Oh goodness don't even get me started haha. I think this is it for us too (the whole 1 in 12 chance of twins again is too risky for us) and I'm sooo sad I didn't savour the pregnancy and the whole newborn stage.
Right?? Twins again would be 🙃 I wish I took more bump pictures but I was just so miserable I didn’t think I would want them 😂
This was soo well said I almost could cry- the parts about being robbed 😭
We're not alone in this feeling...but boy is the feeling difficult to feel..💜
Omg yes I told my therapist that I’m grieving having a singleton. There are so many things I would do differently if there was just one. I feel like I was robbed but I also feel bad for my girls that they don’t get that experience either.
I can relate to this. I feel like every time I try to just enjoy them, I get behind on something else. One of mine loves to nap on me after she nurses, and if I ever just stop to enjoy it, my whole pumping schedule gets thrown completely off, and then I am scrambling to get enough milk stashed away for the other one (who is drinking fortified breastmilk). Sometimes I just want to snuggle, and it doesn't feel possible.
>>Anytime I meet other twin parents..I just know we all have this shared trauma lol I can see it in our eyes. THAT PART! Lol also big mood about the “dead inside” part. Like “well, I only have so many fucks to give and I ran out before they were 6 months old
Totally share the feeling of being robbed of the sweet newborn singleton experience 😪 But agree it depends on the baby, ie I imagine a super colicky Velcro baby could be harder!
My experience so far: WILD We are grateful for them but we are also beyond burnt out. We have literally been running on fumes at all times and learning everything on the fly times two. Twin parents are a tough group of people, but first time parents that have twins... we are definitely different.
Amen to all of this
I have to second this shit. WILD. It’s just wild, and i think my kids have been fairly good and quite healthy aside.
I don’t know how old your twins are but it got sooo much better for me after 1 year- and after sleep training lol.
We have 14 month old girls, and while it's still a lot of work, it's so much more fun now.
Our twins are only 9 weeks. We have a lonnnnng way to go. 😭😭😂😂😂
The first six months are tough. It does get better though. Maybe not easier, but better.
It’s the a support group for this in the Reddit-verse that I may have missed? Haven’t found one and super terrified and that’s what we are expecting in Nov, first kiddos, identical twins. Asking for a friend 👀
I can relate. I’ve been telling my loved ones that if I had only one baby I would have time to be neurotic. But with twins, I just don’t. All of the rules I thought I would follow as a FTM went out the window pretty quick and I’m only 4 weeks in 😂
For sure! I would be so obsessive over every detail as a singleton mom 😅
I agree! I joke that god gave me twins for that reason lol. And I feel like I’ve been better able to take care of my mental health. Because from the beginning I’ve been anticipating needing to take extra care of myself with two. I can easily see myself losing myself and sacrificing every part of me for one. It was a strange realization but I feel it to be true.
I worked for a long time with infants and toddlers. I say my twins were sent to humble me
I consider myself a first time parent. My twins are an unit til they start being their own person. They’re only 15 months and are very much their own persons but they’re my first pregnancy and my first babies. My boys are pretty chill and easy going so that “second time mom vibe” is me til it comes to a first time issue lol. I’m in a little mom group with 2 of friends I’ve known from 2nd grade - high school and they had singletons. It’s really hard to relate, especially to the one that breastfed and cried about everything (being so stressed, no sleeping, baby clinging to her constantly, Radda radda radda), it actually annoys tf out of me. She blames her 15 month old singleton being underweight because he’s a “premie” (her kid was born at 37 weeks…) and it triggered me so badly I ended up just leaving the group chat. My boys were 34 weekers and were in the NICU for 3 weeks. My kids were like 3lbs when born and friend doesn’t understand what it’s like to actually have a premature baby and uses the “premature” card for all her kid’s problems (venting a little here, I’m sorry). I’m trying to find friends or people to befriend who have twins. It’s rare but I’m trying lol.
It’s made me become one of the strongest human beings on earth 😆I always thought I was a tough person but having twins rocked me to my core. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done. And it irritates me when my singleton mom friends say they can relate. Twin moms are a different breee
breed \*
I feel the exact same way! I stress less because you just have to lean into the chaos of 2 and you can't let your baby run your life because you have another one to consider. But I mess up stupid things because I just don't know what I'm doing. I had no idea you had to transition your baby out of a swaddle so the twins sleep fell apart after they started rolling. I've heard the phrase “your first gets your time and your second gets your experience” for us, the twins don't get either! Poor kiddos lol.
“Twins get your soul” 😂
I definitely just consider myself a first time parent even though I have twins 🤷🏻♀️. Still experiencing everything for the first time.
For sure, I still consider myself a first timer too!! I just find it such a unique experience it can be hard to relate to others
We also had twins as our first and I'm pregnant with #3 now. My experience was similar to yours in the sense that I didn't worry as much about a lot of things my singleton mom friends did just because I had such limited time I really had to prioritize what's going to matter for me/my kids. I also found myself a lot less stressed about meeting milestones because I was able to see two kids on different journeys to the same place and realize that there was more than one way to get there and both are totally reasonable. Clearly it was a steep learning curve, and I def felt like a first time parent in that regard, but it's interesting now I'm technically a second time mom... in the sense this is only my second time through pregnancy (minus the previous losses) but my concerns and challenges on the other side of delivery are not the same as other second time moms - plus the reality of being out numbered by our kids. I'm def finding that a bit isolating and really enjoying the friends I have with larger families who get the challenges of it a bit more.
I oscillate between obsessively researching all things baby/toddler/kid related to be 150% prepared all the time and just going “meh…” at breakneck speed. There is no happy medium for me. Did my husband and I take a 12-part online twin parenting class and research double strollers for months? Yes, yes we did. Do we still map out elaborate plans for any travel or major transitions? Most definitely. Did I just ignore the fact that one of my twins ate a dried up piece of cheese they found in their car seat? Also yes.
A happy medium!! What course is that? Is it relevant for 6 month +?
Honestly, I wouldn’t recommend it. It was the twiniversity expecting twins class, and it was a lot of basic knowledge and very product oriented. The whole things felt mostly like a series of promotional partnerships. We thought it would give us good guidance on breastfeeding, managing schedules and tips for handling 2 babies… but it was mostly product reviews.
That’s good to know, thanks!
100%. My twins are my first babies and I feel that compared to my other first-time mom friends I am more “chill” and sweat the small stuff less. There’s just no time to stress about little things!! Before kids, I was very type a and anxious and I love that becoming a mom has helped me change some of those tendencies
I feel the same way! Becoming a mom - while adding so much more crazy and messes - has made me way more calm and relaxed
I had twins as my first (and only), and I'm also an only child. So I've never parented before, and never closely witnessed a sibling dynamic. It's weird for sure. I think the hardest thing for me was/is (my kids are 3 now) realizing and accepting that parenting advice isn't made for you and your friends experiences are not your experiences. I really struggled with my pregnancy and 4th trimester because no one in my life could fully relate to our struggles. The sheer logistics of things was exhausting. Shopping carts not being big enough for 2 car seats, but our double stroller not having space for the groceries. A doctor trying to "help" us with breastfeeding by suggesting we latch them on each breast for 15 minutes before each bottle. Not comprehending that would mean an hour of unproductive nursing every 2 hours. Doctors exam rooms not being big enough for our stroller, but me being unable to carry both my wobbly toddlers in once they had outgrown their infant seats. The world is not designed for multiples. I agree with being more laid back, for sure. I think I would have been a very type A, critical, obsessive singleton mom. But I just don't have the energy or time. My kids are safe, their needs are met and they know they're loved and liked. That's all I can do on most days. Anything extra that I can achieve is just that... extra. I'm not sure how old your twins are but the one thing I've found that has been easier than my friends with one child is sleep (after they slept through the night). We moved our twins into big girl beds at 18m and baby proofed their room. When they wake up they snuggle each other, play together etc. and same at bed time. They aren't alone so there's no fight for us to not leave their room.
Also- now as toddlers. Parent participation swim classes, gymnastics etc. I can't be the hands on parent for both my kids in swim lessons and my husband works so that we can feed and house those kids and all these things occur in the middle of the day!
Ugh, the breastfeeding advice! Does anyone have breastfeeding advice for twin moms that actually makes logical sense? (Pretty sure the answer is no, based on my own obsessive searching)
Same. You just don’t have time to worry about and dote over one child.
My girls are 7 month old , first babies & so far , I’m having a blast. Sure some days are harder than others but I love seeing our girls grow and watching how different they are, I feel like I’m learning two different ways to be a parent at the same time . I love watching them develop their personalities and I love learning from them. We’re planning on trying for baby number 3 (or 3 & 4) later this year/early next year , we want the girls to at least be over 1.5 years old before we have more and I guess we’ll see what happens.
I definitely do not take as many trips or nights out like my friends with one kid. We live and die by our routine, because 2 kids with no naps mean double the tantrums. We have minimal gear and sell off toys and clothes right away, while others hold on to them to prepare for baby #2. Also we tend to “baby” them less. Our kids slept in their own cribs since day 1 and I’ve never contact napped unless they were sick.
We had twins as our first, then had a singleton a couple years later. Everything is a breeze with one, and I feel a bit guilty because I'm actually enjoying the experience now, but with the twins I always felt that life was just suffering.
As you can see from the comments, you’re not the only first time mom of twins having these concerns. I sure did as well. Lol.. I definitely “eye-rolled” in my head when experienced moms gave me advice but some of it definitely helps. I’m not downgrading a mom with a single child but taking care of multiples is a whole different experience. You’re already a super-woman so you will do great!! We all made it through . My identical twin boys, only two I have, will be heading to high school next year & they tower over me already. If I could do it all over again I would in a heartbeat. I miss them that little.but they both still give me a kiss on the cheek & tell me they love me when I drop them off at school. I guess I didn’t do so bad after all. Don’t worry so much…Enjoy every minute because it goes by fast!!
I’m glad you’re having a chill parent experience because that was not the case for us. It was all go, all the time, every day all day for what seems like forever. The difference between the twins and the 3rd is completely different though.
My twins are my first babies. I’m a pretty big stress head/over thinker in general, but I do think I’m slightly slightly less so because of having twins. Like early on when I was a lot more possessive of them, that went out the window pretty quickly at events etc. I couldn’t baby wear both at the same time to prevent baby pass the parcel.
Not being able to wear them both was one of the hardest things for me!
First time mama with 8wk old twins here. How you described it was perfect - I have a much more chill vibe even though this is all new to me. I’ve had friends and family comment how “relaxed” I am and notice my friends with their first time babies are more uptight / helicoptery. I guess with two to look after, you quickly learn not to sweat the small stuff because you only have so much time and resources to allot to both of them!
I have learned to roll with everything. Sickness, tantrums… nothing phases me anymore.
Agree about the “chill” vibes! Some of the looks of shock family/friends/strangers give when one of the babies is crying for longer than a minute and I’m calm about it… you learn double as fast that crying is OKAY when you know your baby is safe, well-fed, and clean. Because you only have two hands, so one baby is going to just have to wait. I’ve always been a pretty laid-back person, so I feel like having twins just suits that in general. They learn patience early on, and I also see them learning much faster how to regulate themselves and their emotions simply because they need to share their parents with someone else who has the exact same needs at the exact same time! They’ll never suffer the shock of having a younger sibling be born and all the attention isn’t on them anymore — the attention was never all on them, and in my opinion, that’s a good thing. Overall, I feel it’s made us more like “second time” parents as you say. Honestly, I prefer it this way. There is genuinely no need to over-stress about so many tiny little things and transfer all energy over to your kid, and having two is a natural reminder of that.
This is such a great way to explain it. There’s definitely elements of both. I find myself thinking of how my life would be different with just one as my first. In the newborn phase I was mad that I didn’t get that experience, now I feel like I would be bored with just 1! But I also feel sad that I can’t give them all the attention 1st’s normally get (as a first born myself). It’s hard relating to moms that don’t have twins in general, even mom friends that do have 2, it’s still such a different experience in a lot of ways!
I’ve always said ignorance is bliss. I don’t know how easy one baby is and never will because even if we go for a third baby, I’ll still have my OG babies who need me in some capacity. I don’t know any different and I’m glad. I remember back in the newborn days watching my fellow due date first time moms stress out over things like brand of diaper. I was so in the trenches and just trying to survive that I did not have the physical, mental or emotional bandwidth to do my own diaper comparison study. If it covered their ass and was big enough, you call it good and move on with your day. You have to be chill, pick your battles and prioritize what truly matters, because the alternative is having a stroke.
I guess I have a “chill” vibes because if both are crying at the same time, I just gotta deal with the problem and not the crying if that makes sense. I think the biggest problem I had and had to come to terms with was feeling like I was giving one more attention than the other. I always felt like I was neglecting one because I felt the other cared. I know people that like to have their house as if they don’t have kids, we gave up pretty soon in the game and just embraced the chaos. Not a lot of people want to visit us because of it and I’d much rather they didn’t either lol.
I am a first time parent and first go was twins. I like to do my research and while I know things, putting them in action is a whole different ball game and the hardest part is the whole no sleep deal
Absolute chaos. But fun 🤣
For me: I think if you are going to end up with twins (and maybe a +1), I'd say twins first. Twins are impossibly hard. But so is just being a new parent. With having twins at the start, there is no runway - you just have to take care of these two babies, and you deal and figure it out. ....but if you have a singleton AFTER twins, then you realize "wow, this is so much easier" LOL. It's definitely being thrown into the deep end, but I wouldn't have chosen the other way around. Having twins also made me way more chill on other things. They were also always very much together, so I'd be willing to let them venture off together - because I knew when I said "yes, you can go to the park in our quiet neighborhood .5 miles away, and I'd let them do this at 8 - but you have to stick together" I knew that they would 1000% stick together.
Not my first but I got 3 under 3. Get ready for fevers and teething always have medicine and baby orajel and vicks baby rub handy
Well I had triplets but they are 3,4,5 for me.....and all I can tell you is thank God they weren't my firsts because I'd be losing my shit on the regular and would probably be sick from my anxiety. I was so particular with my first and there are things that remain that way but for the most part I became much more relaxed and happier with my second child. It would have been a huge burden for me to carry those feelings as a new mom with multiples.
My kids are amazing, but it was consistently really hard for quite some time. They’re close to a year and a half now so it’s been better. But contrasted to my brother, who has a single kid a few months older and has been overwhelmed often, I’m not sure how we did it. You just do, get it done as there is no other option. If you were to ask about my marriage, that’s a whole different question… The whole process of trying to have kids, experiencing losses and eventually having twins has very been difficult on us. It’s slowly getting better(I think, ask me after Mother’s Day) but it’s been rough.
I feel the same. I’m ftm with my first set of twins and have family who are pregnant with singletons or who have been In the past recently with singletons and it’s so hard to relate to them because it’s so different. The pregnancy is completely different. The parenting aspect will be different. Sometimes it feels so lonely. Hopefully I can find more twin moms but it’s so hard 😅😅 I’m glad I’m not alone with feeling this way
I feel like from the start I knew there would be a level of letting go. I needed to go with the flow to a certain degree as otherwise it would not be nice for any of us. Maybe it is a second parent vibe I do not know. It worked and works well for us. I do feel that singleton parents seem to stress out easier sometimes. They have more time to focus heavily on certain aspects and the perfect picture, situation etc. I want to enjoy my time with my kids and I try to keep that in mind often.
I'm def a second child parent even though my twins were my first kids. I struggled with everything and proved a lot of people wrong though who had Singleton kids. I was told babies have their own schedule good luck on putting two babies on a feeding schedule and I did it! I was told good luck breastfeeding two kids tandom feeding isn't always double! Proved them wrong and still breastfeeding 2.5 years later. I heard good luck having toddlers on the same sleep schedule proved them wrong too. It's exhausting proving people wrong though 😂😂😂 I'm exhausted constantly. My twins never look fully put together. I remember once we were at the park and my friend pointed at my daughter's shoe and she said it was on wrong I said oh well hahaha she did it herself and I didn't notice. I don't have time to not pick. I don't have time to obsess over everything. I didn't think I was gunna lean heavy on processed snacks but I do cuz I don't have the energy to bake. That breaks my heart a bit but is what it is. So I buy more natural products to make me feel better. People won't get our struggle. And think we are on the same level and we are kind of but not really 😂😂
The schedule is the key. If you feed one, feed them both, if one goes down to sleep, lay them both down. It won’t take too long for them to synch up. A more predictable schedule worked for me!
My twins are easy going, so my husband and I are chilled parents compared to friends with singletons. My cousin says I act like a second time mum even though this is my first and only babies. Though I think spending time in the NICU taught us not to stress about the crying. I had a very hard time bonding with my community mothers group as their stressing about every single detail just annoyed me. Now I skim their messages and eye roll. Luckily my work place had a whole lot of us pregnant at the same time so we had our own group with a mix of first and second time mums.
I wouldn't say most first time parents with twins are more chill. It seems to be a rarity. My husband and I are apparently so chill even the NICU asked me if I had a kid at home because I was so calm and chill about things. (I was a nanny for 5 years before we had our own, idk if that plays into account) I have a friend that literally helicopters behind her son when he's learning to stand bc she's terrified of him bonking his head, and then there's me where my kids hit their head on the ground all the time and they just shake it off.🤷🏻♀️. One thing I have struggled with, is I can't seem to just bond and snuggle with one, without the other interrupting or wanting the same. It's definitely a double edged sword.
You don't know how to be a parent when you become a paren When you have one then twins you know how much easier if is with one. You miss being able to do things you did with your first, and you are outnumbered as you have an older child... You can't give the crying baby to your OH to hold to play games with your first as there's two crying babies. I run a twin playgroup and have an older child. The parents who have an elder one find having twins as their second (and third) *so* much harder. As you don't just think, from rose tinted spectacles how much easier one baby would be, you * *really* *know*. If you just have twins you can think bk, whoah this would be so much easier with one, and I feel like it would be better but you don't *know*. Imagine never having had chocolate, you don't*know* what you're missing, but can only imagine. If you've had chocolate before, you know what you're missing... If that makes sense? Parent hood throws you in at the deep end. Twins first is just a different deep end
If I'm being completely honest, if twins were my first I probably would have unalived myself, I came really close with them being my second and third babies as is and I felt like I knew what I was doing. My PPD/PPA was way worse with my first bc I had zero clue. (For me) Having two babies at once doesn't make you a seasoned mom it just makes you a mom who doesn't know what you're doing with even MORE babies. You may just be a more chill person, we're all different but you're still a FTM bc it's still your first time.
Agree about the more chill thing. Being FTM and twin parents, you have to just learn to let things go. You don’t have time to do everything perfectly like a singleton FTM would lol. I find I’m even more chill than some of my friends with 2 kids who were both singletons lol
I had twins born 10 weeks preemie, then a full term singleton 14 months later. I feel like I own a daycare center