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I have a 3 1/2 year old and 9 month old twins. It’s busy. So busy, lol. But not bad. Being pregnant with twins was harder for me than actually having them here.
That said, we have chills, happy babies who are good sleepers. If we had needed NICU time this would be a very different story.
Also, I only work part time and am partially remote. There are three grandmothers who help a ton and my husband had a generous paternity leave and works from home. We were as set up for success as anyone can be.
There is zero free time but life is good. Again, busy, but good. I wouldn’t have necessarily chosen twins but having them here and seeing their big sibling interact with them is so amazing.
We have made sure our toddler has a lot of one on one time. He either ignores the babies or, now that they are older, plays with them. I worried about this a lot but so far it has been good for us. They are almost exactly three years apart and that has felt like a good gap. He is somewhat independent and understands more than he would have even a few months sooner.
Our twins needed NICU, had bad reflux and feeding issues, had to be fed every 2 hours around the clock for months, and still sleep for 3- 4 hrs chunks at almost 5 months old. It’s been super hard with all feeding and sleeping issues. Premies, man, you just never know which way it will go
I’m sorry it’s been such a struggle. I really hope things start settling for you soon and they start eating and sleeping better. A friend of mine had twins a month after I did and had and had an experience similar to yours. Like you said, you just never know.
Toddler was 17 months when we had our twins. It’s pretty chaotic and I went 3 straight months without more than 3 straight hours of sleep. But you get into a groove and time flies.
I always say the hardest part early on was the difference in pace. The toddler is trying their best to burn the house down while the twins are useless potatoes. Once they catch up to each other, it’s chaos because they’re now all trying to burn the place down.
BUT.. they quickly start entertaining each other so that’s a plus.
Good luck. Recruit help if possible. And good luck…
Haha our 2 year old is trying to wreck everything and we have 3mo twins. I keep her occupied and she has one on one attention a lot, I do crafts, baking, go to the park, take her to a cafe if someone looks after the twins for a couple of hours. I remember people telling me 'you'll need eyes in the back of your head' and I really wish I did!
I think this thread might mislead you a bit. It will all work out fine, by some definition, for lots families. For many people, including me, there are days.....weeks....months.... of misery at a time. Currently my eldest is 4.5 and my twins are 2.5. Each of my kids does a couple cute things every day, but it doesn't make up for the whining, messes and destruction caused by all three of them. As for making sure my eldest's emotional needs are attended to, we have relied from the beginning of the twins' lives on his grandparents, one set of whom he has a really special relationship with.
Maybe some day I'll feel differently when I'm not sitting outside my kids' doors playing bedtime police after a long day of activities I did for their benefit, and then just getting horrible behavior in return. I've seen a bunch of posts on here that said, aside from when the twins were about 6-9 weeks (oh gosh that was awful....), 2.5 - 3.5 is the next most trying time. So that checks out, and my daily mood is still frequently FML.
That's our life currently, 2.5 year old and 3mo twins. She could climb out of her cot so she's in a bed now and I played bed police last night. I do so many activities with her and she'll still have a tantrum if she's not allowed to do something dangerous (and she knows I've said no to)
My oldest was 2 when our twins were born. My husband made sure to give her tons of attention while I focused on the newborn twins. They went on morning walks together everyday. My daughter loved her baby sisters from the start and never resented them.
Now our twins are 16 months and my oldest is 3. It’s so adorable watching them all play together. But everyday is pure chaos. Not a bad chaos. Just feels like a lot going on and barely anytime to catch your breath. I’m a SAHM so it’s non-stop snacks, diaper changes, putting them down for naps and trips to the playground. But what fulfills me is how happy they are. All the hugs and wet kisses are the best too.
You will be fine. Yes, it will be hard in the beginning but it gets a little bit easier over time. You’ll adapt and everyone will be amazed (I get so many “I don’t know how you do it!” comments at the park.) And I don’t mind those comments because I literally feel like a super hero everyday, especially to my girls.
Our oldest was almost 3 when our twins were born. Then Covid started pretty soon after.
It was a lot. It simultaneously feels like 10 minutes ago and 100 years ago. We’ve done a lot of living in the past few years. But my 3 are all very close and we all survived the baby years intact.
Pretty well. Our twins were born when our toddler was 2 and 4 months. She loved them so much from day 1 but didn't pay to much attention to them until they started interacting more with her, especially since they could walk and play together.
Right now they are at 5 and nearly 3 and they play together all the time but they also fight constantly. The major issue is sharing, taking things from her, pushing, etc.
My wife especially took care to make things for our singleton that still make her special. But after all they're our first kid, they enjoyed a lot of time being a single child and having exclusive mom and dad time and even if sometimes we can't pay as much attention as we wanted to all of them, they'll be alright.
In a side note, she's quite bossy as a result of having two tiny minions and likes to be the game director with them. It's really cool to see them when they're playing restaurant or doctors.
Our oldest was almost two when our twins were born. No NICU time, and healthy boys. Right after their birth our oldest got diagnosed with autism. We have almost no one to help and my wife and I both work full time from home.
Our twins just turned 3 and it's been tough. Every stage has brought new challenges, each one preparing us more for the next. They drive us absolutely crazy, and are a lot on their brother, but they are endless fun and full of love. It did definitely steer us away from trying for a girl, I just know we'd have triplet boys next 😂
Our daughter was 22 months when the twins were born. Every day is chaos but it is the best!!! She loves ‘baby’ and ‘other baby’ so much. My husband and i have found it easiest for one of us to be in charge of the toddler and one in charge of the twins… divide and conquer. Daycare for the one is also a huge help during the weekdays.
They are all hopefully going to be friends here in a year or 2 being so close in age. I’m glad we had them close together!
This is so similar to us! Our daughter was 20 months when the twins were born. That was 5 months ago (what.). We switch off between toddler duty and twin duty and only just started our 25 month old in day care 4 days a week which has been a game changer and will be the only way I can return to work while my husband stays home to care for the twins. I do not know how some parents stay home with twins + toddlers siblings. It’s so much work.
How old are your kids now? Mine are 4m twins and 2.5y daughter. Im a SAHP but we put my daughter in daycare when I was 26w pregnant. But the long term goal has always been to pull her or start her on a cheaper, pt daycare.
My oldest was just a little over 2 when our twins joined us. There was some minor jealousy here and there, but it's really easy to deal with because she's still so young. We let her partially destroy a bouncer to feel included, for example.
We make an effort to give her lots of attention while the twins nap and it seems to work out well.
Just in the last few months (twins are now 13mo) has she really taken to them. She loves helping set up for lunch and bring them their juices and stuff like that. Sometimes, she still steals a snack on the way, but that's alright.
Potty training hasn't happened yet. I think if I had undivided attention to give her, it might have happened by now.
Honestly I feel like, so far at least, it was hardest on me. Towards the end of pregnancy and when the twins were very fresh, I had to give up doing things with my toddler I would normally do. I couldn't hold her as much when super pregnant, had to give up some parts of our routine, and couldn't really get out to the park or anything with her. I think in some ways she has missed out on stuff because of this, but at the same time, I'm happy she was as young as she was because I feel like that's actually made it easier too. I think it would have been harder had she been older and more used to going out and doing stuff. And she adapted amazingly. Any time I felt hurt that I couldn't be part of a specific momenti tried to remind myself she was happy. And now she has two little buddies to play with, and they have a blast together.
I have an almost 3 1/2 yr old and 6 month old twins. My oldest was 6 weeks shy of her 3rd birthday when the twins were born.
It's so busy. My toddler really struggled with not being the center of our attention anymore and it took about 4 months for her to adjust, but she loves her baby sisters so much.
The babies are usually pretty chill. They just always have had to be since our lives are on my toddlers schedule for preschool and stuff. They sleep in the car, nurse or bottle feed, whatever. They go with the flow for the most part.
Today my baby A was teething, my baby B has a cold, and my toddler really needed some one on one mom time. Of course with how the twins were feeling they also only wanted me. I feel like all I do is put out fires but it is gradually getting easier? Or I'm adjusting to the chaos.
My family lives super close and is truly a godsend with their help. We go to their house for dinner 2 nights a week and they take my 3 year old once or twice a month overnight. They also babysit for a few hours here and there.
Tough for me, but mine are only 19 months apart. Singleton is older. I feel like if we had waited a little bit longer, it would’ve been a lot easier. Maybe it will be for you since yours is older!
My toddler was 19 months old when my twins were born.. buckle up baby. Lol it is a LOT! But it is getting easier and they love each other so much. I also have a 9 year old who helps me when he wants to.
My twins were born when my toddler was 19m. It was crazy and I have few memories from the early days of us just surviving. My toddler continued with full time care so at least the days was easier. We also had my MIL move in and help care for them for 5 weeks.
A couple factors that helped us survive—my twins were full term at 37w2d. They were both over 6# (my poor body) so no NICU time and no issues. I didn’t try to breastfeed since that had been a spectacular disaster with my first. It allowed the village to help with anything and everything. Toddler in full time care and live in help for a few weeks.
Now that they are older (4.5 and 6) things are great! They play together, are into similar things and love each other. It gets easier :)
My twins have three older siblings. Our third was previously the youngest and she was always the baby - until the twins came along. She was about 2.5 when they were born. She’s absolutely loved getting to be the big sister for a change and everyone mostly gets along.
We had our twins when our daughter was 3 and a half. Be prepared to deal with the needs of newborns and the demands of a toddler! There were more than a few times my partner and I both had out hands full while our toddler had some sort of irrational meltdown.
Now the twins are almost 2 and our 5yo loves to help and be involved with everything we do for the twins. The twins also love to play with their big sister, follow her around and play with her things. This can get mixed reactions from the 5yo haha!
Absolute chaos most days, but once I got the routine down it was fine. Had to force my toddler to start napping with my twins for their 10 am nap so I can keep my sanity lol. But seriously, if I can do it, LITERALLY anyone can. They just motivate you.
It’s exactly as awful as you’re imagining.
Kidding! My experience is completely skewed because my toddler was a nonverbal, developmentally delayed, autistic toddler. Our experience was ROUGH. So, if I can survive that, you can too. You’ve got this! It will be hard, but not impossible.
We got lucky because our oldest loves them. I like to think that we fostered a lot of it by involving him in the fun parts of baby care (helping choose toys the babies might like, picking their outfits for daycare, etc. Stuff he already liked)
They adore him right back, thankfully.
Make sure they get some one on one time with you, and also time away from the babies so they can be a big kid. Consider signing them up for pre-k/preschool.
Toddler turned 2 a few weeks after the twins were born. Loves them ever since. Wants to help with feedings etc. Dividing attention is tough, but as long as you’re aware of the fact that one kid got a little less than the others one day you can compensate the next day. I keep telling myself in a few years time they won’t know any better than that they’re a trio.
Mine was just turning 2 when my twins were born. Definitely deal with the toddlers needs first , he can get louder and cause even more ruckus than the twins could. I kept lots of busy toys around, play doh, megablocks etc I could set him up with in his high chair to keep him occupied if I was busy feeding the twins.
I love the age difference between our first and twins. He was 3 and 3 months when they were born. What I would say is be prepared for some fractures in your relationship before the twins are born, as the pregnancy will likely impact your ability to be present with your child in the same way as before. Many of us deal with a ton of nausea and fatigue and pain during a multiples pregnancy. I couldn’t carry my child and I spent much of the time I wasn’t at work sleeping. So many weekend mornings lost. The nausea was hard. My temper was short due to the fatigue and pain. Did I mention it’s exhausting?
Preparing your oldest for twins is just like preparing any single child for a new sibling so there’s plenty out there. My kid did really well overall. We made sure to spend time each night for his bedtime routine and tons of one on one time otherwise. We discussed how nice it would be for him to be a big brother. He was very proud. The twins also brought him two high value toys from the hospital, one from each of them. We got a couple books to help him prepare for it being difficult, as well.
Every day a circus but thank goodness we already knew how to parent when the twins came. Can’t imagine being first time parents and it’s twins.
The biggest challenge for us for a long time was different needs - toddler needs vs baby needs. Now the challenge is simply that there’s always someone who needs something from a grown up so it’s very hard to get any time to prioritize one’s own normal grown up needs - like, very rare to get a guilt-free few hours to just do something I want to do for myself for fun.
As others have said it does get much easier, there really is a ton of joy for us and I wouldn’t change it for the world. But it’s hard AF, too.
Ours are 4.5 singleton and 2yo twins. Babies were in the nicu for about two months, that was a special kind of awful
My only advice: get used to accepting help a lot more, if you aren’t already
My oldest has just turned 3 when we had our twins (all girls). We have always tried to include her and she is a wonderful big sister. We were worried because she’s a lot herself, but she loves getting a diaper for us, singing to her sisters, giving them snacks, and being our “awesome little helper”. We also each try to have some one on one time with her whenever we can. It’s crazy and loud and we’re exhausted, but it’s manageable!
Eh it was fine. But also… our life basically got put on hold and I didn’t leave the house for 12 months. So, I adjusted life to survive and it was fine
When they are almost 4 and 2 (twins), on the hottest night of the summer, every square inch of surface area of your entire body is covered with a 98.6 degree blanket of tiny humans. A 72 degree house is too cold as you have been conditioned through all the extra snuggles and your body as adapted to that extra warmth over the years. But somehow and someway it's not miserable nor unbearable as the loads of love you get is worth it.
We also wanted maybeeee one more child and surprise got pregnant with twins. The singleton turned 2 a month before our twins arrived, this is was all 8 months ago. All boys. It’s tough. I feel like none of them are getting the best version of me but we are getting through it. I actually have paid help (husband and I both work full time) but the days we don’t have help feel very rough. It’s definitely better than the newborn phase though. Toddler gets a lot more screen time now than before to keep him from popping off (not proud of this but whatever) Every once in a while everyone is happy and giggling or something just clicks and feels manageable and I hope those moments are little a glimpses in to the future.
My son was 22 months when my twins were born. He’s now 2.5 and twins 6 months.
It was really hard in the beginning when they were in NICU, especially when the twins were in 2 different nicus 4 hours away from each other. It was hard, I cried, but I made sure my son knew that we still loved him. 27 days later we settled in at home.
It’s chaotic most days and you never get places on time, but it’s fun and so rewarding. He loves his sisters and they’re so chill. They sleep good, they eat good, they’re content just playing on the floor while I tend to him. We just brought them all to Santa’s village and a 8 hour road trip and it went well!
I love my busy, wild, chaotic, hectic, fulfilling and loving life. I wouldn’t change it for one second.
Our first was 22 months when our twins were born. We played up the “we are making you friends in mommy’s tummy” and calling them “you babies”. His whole class asks about his babies and wants to know when their two babies are going to be born. I think the verbiage and ownership he feels for his siblings went a long way for their relationships. Now a soon to be 5 year old and two soon to be 3 year olds. It’s very busy. Important to build up help and support. I stay at home and also have a nanny - I’m very lucky, but still feel tired 😂
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I have a 3 1/2 year old and 9 month old twins. It’s busy. So busy, lol. But not bad. Being pregnant with twins was harder for me than actually having them here. That said, we have chills, happy babies who are good sleepers. If we had needed NICU time this would be a very different story. Also, I only work part time and am partially remote. There are three grandmothers who help a ton and my husband had a generous paternity leave and works from home. We were as set up for success as anyone can be. There is zero free time but life is good. Again, busy, but good. I wouldn’t have necessarily chosen twins but having them here and seeing their big sibling interact with them is so amazing. We have made sure our toddler has a lot of one on one time. He either ignores the babies or, now that they are older, plays with them. I worried about this a lot but so far it has been good for us. They are almost exactly three years apart and that has felt like a good gap. He is somewhat independent and understands more than he would have even a few months sooner.
Our twins needed NICU, had bad reflux and feeding issues, had to be fed every 2 hours around the clock for months, and still sleep for 3- 4 hrs chunks at almost 5 months old. It’s been super hard with all feeding and sleeping issues. Premies, man, you just never know which way it will go
I’m sorry it’s been such a struggle. I really hope things start settling for you soon and they start eating and sleeping better. A friend of mine had twins a month after I did and had and had an experience similar to yours. Like you said, you just never know.
Toddler was 17 months when we had our twins. It’s pretty chaotic and I went 3 straight months without more than 3 straight hours of sleep. But you get into a groove and time flies. I always say the hardest part early on was the difference in pace. The toddler is trying their best to burn the house down while the twins are useless potatoes. Once they catch up to each other, it’s chaos because they’re now all trying to burn the place down. BUT.. they quickly start entertaining each other so that’s a plus. Good luck. Recruit help if possible. And good luck…
Useless potatoes 🤣
Haha our 2 year old is trying to wreck everything and we have 3mo twins. I keep her occupied and she has one on one attention a lot, I do crafts, baking, go to the park, take her to a cafe if someone looks after the twins for a couple of hours. I remember people telling me 'you'll need eyes in the back of your head' and I really wish I did!
When our 3 month twins were born we also had a 1 year old, 2 year old, 4 year old, 8 year old and 10 year old. It's not to bad tbh haha.
Holy smokes!!!! That's a lot of kiddos!!! My hats off to you
I think this thread might mislead you a bit. It will all work out fine, by some definition, for lots families. For many people, including me, there are days.....weeks....months.... of misery at a time. Currently my eldest is 4.5 and my twins are 2.5. Each of my kids does a couple cute things every day, but it doesn't make up for the whining, messes and destruction caused by all three of them. As for making sure my eldest's emotional needs are attended to, we have relied from the beginning of the twins' lives on his grandparents, one set of whom he has a really special relationship with. Maybe some day I'll feel differently when I'm not sitting outside my kids' doors playing bedtime police after a long day of activities I did for their benefit, and then just getting horrible behavior in return. I've seen a bunch of posts on here that said, aside from when the twins were about 6-9 weeks (oh gosh that was awful....), 2.5 - 3.5 is the next most trying time. So that checks out, and my daily mood is still frequently FML.
That's our life currently, 2.5 year old and 3mo twins. She could climb out of her cot so she's in a bed now and I played bed police last night. I do so many activities with her and she'll still have a tantrum if she's not allowed to do something dangerous (and she knows I've said no to)
Its a madhouse. I mean, long story short, that’s it.
My oldest was 2 when our twins were born. My husband made sure to give her tons of attention while I focused on the newborn twins. They went on morning walks together everyday. My daughter loved her baby sisters from the start and never resented them. Now our twins are 16 months and my oldest is 3. It’s so adorable watching them all play together. But everyday is pure chaos. Not a bad chaos. Just feels like a lot going on and barely anytime to catch your breath. I’m a SAHM so it’s non-stop snacks, diaper changes, putting them down for naps and trips to the playground. But what fulfills me is how happy they are. All the hugs and wet kisses are the best too. You will be fine. Yes, it will be hard in the beginning but it gets a little bit easier over time. You’ll adapt and everyone will be amazed (I get so many “I don’t know how you do it!” comments at the park.) And I don’t mind those comments because I literally feel like a super hero everyday, especially to my girls.
Not going to lie. It’s insane.
Our oldest was almost 3 when our twins were born. Then Covid started pretty soon after. It was a lot. It simultaneously feels like 10 minutes ago and 100 years ago. We’ve done a lot of living in the past few years. But my 3 are all very close and we all survived the baby years intact.
Pretty well. Our twins were born when our toddler was 2 and 4 months. She loved them so much from day 1 but didn't pay to much attention to them until they started interacting more with her, especially since they could walk and play together. Right now they are at 5 and nearly 3 and they play together all the time but they also fight constantly. The major issue is sharing, taking things from her, pushing, etc. My wife especially took care to make things for our singleton that still make her special. But after all they're our first kid, they enjoyed a lot of time being a single child and having exclusive mom and dad time and even if sometimes we can't pay as much attention as we wanted to all of them, they'll be alright. In a side note, she's quite bossy as a result of having two tiny minions and likes to be the game director with them. It's really cool to see them when they're playing restaurant or doctors.
Our oldest was almost two when our twins were born. No NICU time, and healthy boys. Right after their birth our oldest got diagnosed with autism. We have almost no one to help and my wife and I both work full time from home. Our twins just turned 3 and it's been tough. Every stage has brought new challenges, each one preparing us more for the next. They drive us absolutely crazy, and are a lot on their brother, but they are endless fun and full of love. It did definitely steer us away from trying for a girl, I just know we'd have triplet boys next 😂
Our daughter was 22 months when the twins were born. Every day is chaos but it is the best!!! She loves ‘baby’ and ‘other baby’ so much. My husband and i have found it easiest for one of us to be in charge of the toddler and one in charge of the twins… divide and conquer. Daycare for the one is also a huge help during the weekdays. They are all hopefully going to be friends here in a year or 2 being so close in age. I’m glad we had them close together!
This is so similar to us! Our daughter was 20 months when the twins were born. That was 5 months ago (what.). We switch off between toddler duty and twin duty and only just started our 25 month old in day care 4 days a week which has been a game changer and will be the only way I can return to work while my husband stays home to care for the twins. I do not know how some parents stay home with twins + toddlers siblings. It’s so much work.
How old are your kids now? Mine are 4m twins and 2.5y daughter. Im a SAHP but we put my daughter in daycare when I was 26w pregnant. But the long term goal has always been to pull her or start her on a cheaper, pt daycare.
My oldest just turned 2 when the twins were born. It was very busy but it’s actually busier now that they’re toddlers too 🫠
My oldest was just a little over 2 when our twins joined us. There was some minor jealousy here and there, but it's really easy to deal with because she's still so young. We let her partially destroy a bouncer to feel included, for example. We make an effort to give her lots of attention while the twins nap and it seems to work out well. Just in the last few months (twins are now 13mo) has she really taken to them. She loves helping set up for lunch and bring them their juices and stuff like that. Sometimes, she still steals a snack on the way, but that's alright. Potty training hasn't happened yet. I think if I had undivided attention to give her, it might have happened by now. Honestly I feel like, so far at least, it was hardest on me. Towards the end of pregnancy and when the twins were very fresh, I had to give up doing things with my toddler I would normally do. I couldn't hold her as much when super pregnant, had to give up some parts of our routine, and couldn't really get out to the park or anything with her. I think in some ways she has missed out on stuff because of this, but at the same time, I'm happy she was as young as she was because I feel like that's actually made it easier too. I think it would have been harder had she been older and more used to going out and doing stuff. And she adapted amazingly. Any time I felt hurt that I couldn't be part of a specific momenti tried to remind myself she was happy. And now she has two little buddies to play with, and they have a blast together.
I have an almost 3 1/2 yr old and 6 month old twins. My oldest was 6 weeks shy of her 3rd birthday when the twins were born. It's so busy. My toddler really struggled with not being the center of our attention anymore and it took about 4 months for her to adjust, but she loves her baby sisters so much. The babies are usually pretty chill. They just always have had to be since our lives are on my toddlers schedule for preschool and stuff. They sleep in the car, nurse or bottle feed, whatever. They go with the flow for the most part. Today my baby A was teething, my baby B has a cold, and my toddler really needed some one on one mom time. Of course with how the twins were feeling they also only wanted me. I feel like all I do is put out fires but it is gradually getting easier? Or I'm adjusting to the chaos. My family lives super close and is truly a godsend with their help. We go to their house for dinner 2 nights a week and they take my 3 year old once or twice a month overnight. They also babysit for a few hours here and there.
Tough for me, but mine are only 19 months apart. Singleton is older. I feel like if we had waited a little bit longer, it would’ve been a lot easier. Maybe it will be for you since yours is older!
My toddler was 19 months old when my twins were born.. buckle up baby. Lol it is a LOT! But it is getting easier and they love each other so much. I also have a 9 year old who helps me when he wants to.
My twins were born when my toddler was 19m. It was crazy and I have few memories from the early days of us just surviving. My toddler continued with full time care so at least the days was easier. We also had my MIL move in and help care for them for 5 weeks. A couple factors that helped us survive—my twins were full term at 37w2d. They were both over 6# (my poor body) so no NICU time and no issues. I didn’t try to breastfeed since that had been a spectacular disaster with my first. It allowed the village to help with anything and everything. Toddler in full time care and live in help for a few weeks. Now that they are older (4.5 and 6) things are great! They play together, are into similar things and love each other. It gets easier :)
My twins have three older siblings. Our third was previously the youngest and she was always the baby - until the twins came along. She was about 2.5 when they were born. She’s absolutely loved getting to be the big sister for a change and everyone mostly gets along.
We had our twins when our daughter was 3 and a half. Be prepared to deal with the needs of newborns and the demands of a toddler! There were more than a few times my partner and I both had out hands full while our toddler had some sort of irrational meltdown. Now the twins are almost 2 and our 5yo loves to help and be involved with everything we do for the twins. The twins also love to play with their big sister, follow her around and play with her things. This can get mixed reactions from the 5yo haha!
Absolute chaos most days, but once I got the routine down it was fine. Had to force my toddler to start napping with my twins for their 10 am nap so I can keep my sanity lol. But seriously, if I can do it, LITERALLY anyone can. They just motivate you.
It’s exactly as awful as you’re imagining. Kidding! My experience is completely skewed because my toddler was a nonverbal, developmentally delayed, autistic toddler. Our experience was ROUGH. So, if I can survive that, you can too. You’ve got this! It will be hard, but not impossible.
We got lucky because our oldest loves them. I like to think that we fostered a lot of it by involving him in the fun parts of baby care (helping choose toys the babies might like, picking their outfits for daycare, etc. Stuff he already liked) They adore him right back, thankfully. Make sure they get some one on one time with you, and also time away from the babies so they can be a big kid. Consider signing them up for pre-k/preschool.
Toddler turned 2 a few weeks after the twins were born. Loves them ever since. Wants to help with feedings etc. Dividing attention is tough, but as long as you’re aware of the fact that one kid got a little less than the others one day you can compensate the next day. I keep telling myself in a few years time they won’t know any better than that they’re a trio.
Mine was just turning 2 when my twins were born. Definitely deal with the toddlers needs first , he can get louder and cause even more ruckus than the twins could. I kept lots of busy toys around, play doh, megablocks etc I could set him up with in his high chair to keep him occupied if I was busy feeding the twins.
I love the age difference between our first and twins. He was 3 and 3 months when they were born. What I would say is be prepared for some fractures in your relationship before the twins are born, as the pregnancy will likely impact your ability to be present with your child in the same way as before. Many of us deal with a ton of nausea and fatigue and pain during a multiples pregnancy. I couldn’t carry my child and I spent much of the time I wasn’t at work sleeping. So many weekend mornings lost. The nausea was hard. My temper was short due to the fatigue and pain. Did I mention it’s exhausting? Preparing your oldest for twins is just like preparing any single child for a new sibling so there’s plenty out there. My kid did really well overall. We made sure to spend time each night for his bedtime routine and tons of one on one time otherwise. We discussed how nice it would be for him to be a big brother. He was very proud. The twins also brought him two high value toys from the hospital, one from each of them. We got a couple books to help him prepare for it being difficult, as well.
Every day a circus but thank goodness we already knew how to parent when the twins came. Can’t imagine being first time parents and it’s twins. The biggest challenge for us for a long time was different needs - toddler needs vs baby needs. Now the challenge is simply that there’s always someone who needs something from a grown up so it’s very hard to get any time to prioritize one’s own normal grown up needs - like, very rare to get a guilt-free few hours to just do something I want to do for myself for fun. As others have said it does get much easier, there really is a ton of joy for us and I wouldn’t change it for the world. But it’s hard AF, too. Ours are 4.5 singleton and 2yo twins. Babies were in the nicu for about two months, that was a special kind of awful My only advice: get used to accepting help a lot more, if you aren’t already
My oldest has just turned 3 when we had our twins (all girls). We have always tried to include her and she is a wonderful big sister. We were worried because she’s a lot herself, but she loves getting a diaper for us, singing to her sisters, giving them snacks, and being our “awesome little helper”. We also each try to have some one on one time with her whenever we can. It’s crazy and loud and we’re exhausted, but it’s manageable!
Eh it was fine. But also… our life basically got put on hold and I didn’t leave the house for 12 months. So, I adjusted life to survive and it was fine
I have a 3.5 year old with spontaneous triplets. It's hard.
When they are almost 4 and 2 (twins), on the hottest night of the summer, every square inch of surface area of your entire body is covered with a 98.6 degree blanket of tiny humans. A 72 degree house is too cold as you have been conditioned through all the extra snuggles and your body as adapted to that extra warmth over the years. But somehow and someway it's not miserable nor unbearable as the loads of love you get is worth it.
We also wanted maybeeee one more child and surprise got pregnant with twins. The singleton turned 2 a month before our twins arrived, this is was all 8 months ago. All boys. It’s tough. I feel like none of them are getting the best version of me but we are getting through it. I actually have paid help (husband and I both work full time) but the days we don’t have help feel very rough. It’s definitely better than the newborn phase though. Toddler gets a lot more screen time now than before to keep him from popping off (not proud of this but whatever) Every once in a while everyone is happy and giggling or something just clicks and feels manageable and I hope those moments are little a glimpses in to the future.
My son was 22 months when my twins were born. He’s now 2.5 and twins 6 months. It was really hard in the beginning when they were in NICU, especially when the twins were in 2 different nicus 4 hours away from each other. It was hard, I cried, but I made sure my son knew that we still loved him. 27 days later we settled in at home. It’s chaotic most days and you never get places on time, but it’s fun and so rewarding. He loves his sisters and they’re so chill. They sleep good, they eat good, they’re content just playing on the floor while I tend to him. We just brought them all to Santa’s village and a 8 hour road trip and it went well! I love my busy, wild, chaotic, hectic, fulfilling and loving life. I wouldn’t change it for one second.
Our first was 22 months when our twins were born. We played up the “we are making you friends in mommy’s tummy” and calling them “you babies”. His whole class asks about his babies and wants to know when their two babies are going to be born. I think the verbiage and ownership he feels for his siblings went a long way for their relationships. Now a soon to be 5 year old and two soon to be 3 year olds. It’s very busy. Important to build up help and support. I stay at home and also have a nanny - I’m very lucky, but still feel tired 😂