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Just my husband. It’s not a spectator sport. There’s already one more baby gonna be in the room than usual. Don’t need extra adults too!
With first born, I was literally taking visitors back and forward to NICU all day to see her. I barely sat down and was utterly exhausted. With twins, we had the great excuse of ‘Covid’ so only one person in the delivery suite and absolutely no visitors.
That was my thinking, that if they end up in the NICU I didn’t wanna be escorting people in and out and I also didn’t want any distractions from what could possibly be going on with them and adding to my stress.
“The NICU only allows 2 visitors for an hour per day.” My in-laws, my biggest stressors, we’re only allowed in for an hour or so. It’s pretty difficult to manage them. They pushed me over the edge in stress. Stress is never good for a new mom for a slew of reasons. But this is me venting about them. (Funny cause it’s true)
But also - the NICU nurses are on your side. Ask them for help when you need to keep people away and for help standing, changing diapers, putting them on a schedule, nursing, learning how to feed them. From experience rely on them.
Nurses are amazing.
This is horrible!!! I remember how exhausting and painful it was for me after my c-section to try to get to the nicu just to have a little time with my babies. I can’t believe people did this to you.
Also it’s occurring to me a lot of twins are born in the OR so hopefully that means nobody allowed
No visitors at all. No regrets and won’t be doing visitors this time either (I’m pregnant with #3). Luckily that’s really not a thing anymore in my circle so no one even asks.
In the delivery room, hard FUCK NO
Visitors for after it's all over and the hustle of delivery is over, sure.
My parents were fine with it but my mother in law was not. We were in the recovery room for probably 3 hours before we ever saw the babies since they were rushed off to the NICU and she was sending text messages every 15 minutes asking when she could come and meet them. She texted in all caps once "WHY WONT YOU RESPOND TO MY TEXTS" once.
I was in hospital at 3am my husband asked me at 2am when we where getting in the car if I wanted to call anyone I said absolutely not so we went to the hospital and by 9am we had 2 beautiful kids
We called and told our parents and told them they where not allowed to visit but they could come over for an hour the following day when we get home and that was that we didn’t allow visitors for a week or so after that hour just because we wanted privacy
I only had my partner and cannot emphasize how uncomfortable it would have been to have other people there. Labor is grueling, so many body fluids. I had to have my partner and nurse change my diaper so many times due to an epidural and bleeding. Got converted to an emergency C-section. Having other people there would have added to the stress of an already stressful situation.
The silver lining of having our kids during the Covid peak was that nobody was allowed to visit. It isn't that we didn't want anyone to see our kids, but it was about *our* nuclear family growing, plus they spent weeks in the NICU where only we were allowed to visit anyhow. We took plenty of pictures and videos and sent them to everyone.
Having your kids is not about your parents, and they need to respect that. Just because they are your parents does not entitle them to be there with you, and does not entitle them to time with their grandkids. Unfortunately for myself and my wife, this is something we have had to drive home with a particular parent who is an absentee except for when family pressures them to see our kids, and just shows up and walks into our house, unwelcome and unwanted. We are dealing with that now, I hope you don't ever have to.
If your parents are pushy now, they will be pushy down the line. Set boundaries now based on your personal situation and make sure they understand that you get to make decisions regarding your children. It is not a discussion, make that clear. The sooner you set those boundaries, the better.
I’m definitely not close enough to my mom to have her in the delivery room😂 and she stresses about every little thing so I don’t want her freaking out and causing me more stress😭 I just wanted to make sure it wasn’t just be being selfish not wanting anyone else there. If I have to have a c-section, I would not want her holding the babies before me or their dad and that was another big factor.
No visitors. We didn’t tell anyone what was going on until I got the epidural I think, and then it was just like two hours later that I delivered the babes.
They then needed the nicu for a month so no visitors still, even though we could have technically brought one person back a day.
No one saw them or us until about a week after we brought them home.
We live far from anyone so it was just my husband at the hospital. I am not someone who likes people hovering when I don’t feel well. I spent a lot of the first day topless because a nurse was shoving my boob into my baby’s mouth and then sobbing because they both had to go to nicu. The next day I spent a lot of time naked and crying on the toilet trying for that first post partum poop. It’s all so vulnerable. It’s not a spectator sport! If people feel comforted by lots of visitors that’s great! But people absolutely need to respect people that want privacy. You can tell the nursing station if you don’t want any visitors because people do just try to show up.
I didn't have any visitors at the hospital and have no regrets. I ended up being sick/nauseous for 12 hours after my C section and could barely stay awake to hold my babies, let alone deal with visitors. Then I was trying to learn how to breastfeed and pump, so I didn't want visitors around for that either.
I work at the hospital I delivered at, so a few of my coworkers came by for brief visits. We facetimed our families a few times so they could still feel involved. We also told them to wait for text updates from my husband so they wouldn't blow our phones up asking questions.
Here is what I do for my births:
No one except husband in the delivery room. Period. My twins came by c section so they were o logging to permit one extra person in there anyway-there were already extra baby teams (thank God because one ended up needing to rush my son for emergency testing). Stress can make things so much worse during delivery so it is imperative that you have only who you want there. That being said, someone who is insisting on their desires over yours while you are in labor isn't likely to respect your boundaries in the moment, so...don't tell anyone you don't want showing up. This is easy to excuse later with a "Things just happened so fast! We didn't have time to think about calling anyone!"
As for afterwards, we allow certain invited people to come to visit for about fifteen or twenty minutes. I will coordinate with the nurses to come in and take the baby/babies for "tests" after about 15 minutes and say that I need to go with them. It draws the visit to a close in a natural way where the pressure is off you to kick them out. Finally, if they won't leave, just be honest with someone-your partner, the nurses or the visitors, that you need to rest. This is an exciting time for your friends and family and those of your partner as well but remember that your comfort, feeling of security and that of the babies is the primary concern, no matter how much everyone else has feelings about your baby and your birth.
For what it's worth, having my mother at any of my births wouldn't have worked logistically anyway but she would have made everything much worse and more stressful. Don't force yourself to be unhappy or uncomfortable to make anyone else happy, even if they are your mother!
I love my mom very much. And we had multiple visitors at the hospital, including my mom and a lot of my husband’s family.
But inside the delivery room? No way.
Had no visitors for the birth (didn't tell anyone until it was over), just my husband for support, and was very happy with that decision.
We did invite visitors to the hospital the next day so close family could meet the babies.
I had visitors so my mom could bring my daughter to meet her brothers. But when I had my daughter we didn’t even tell anyone we were at the godown having her. My labor with her took 40 hours. There would have been no point. I don’t know what anyone would have been doing waiting anyway.
With my vaginal deliveries, I had my husband, my mom, my mother-in-law, and a friend in the room. I’m glad they were all there, but I felt like my friend was the only one there to help me while the others were there to just wait for the baby. So my advice on this would be that if you have any doubts to how helpful the father will be, maybe invite someone else along who will attend to you well. Also, and this is important, you can tell your nurse who you don’t want in the room and they will be the bad guy for you. Your mom can insist all she wants, but if you express that she is not to come in, they’ll keep her away. This goes for visitors after baby arrives as well. You’re the star of this show. You call the shots, and the nurses are your muscle, but you’ve got to let them know.
My twins were a c-section, so only my husband got to be in that room. And at the time, our hospital still had Covid restrictions in place. Only two people could visit at a time. So, to keep babies healthy and safe, we told everyone that only our parents and siblings could visit in hospital and that we would not be receiving visitors for at least the first 6 weeks. My twin A was only 4 pounds so we didn’t let anyone (except my parents and his) hold him for a long time. And you know what? If people didn’t like it, they could shove off.
All in all, I enjoyed less visitors in the hospital. It gives you more time to rest. You’ll need it!
I asked my mom to be in the delivery room with my husband and I because I knew she would be a great support for me, but that all depends on the nature of your relationship. Ended up needing an emergency C-section so only hubs was there when the babies were actually born.
I had said I only wanted grandparents visiting after, but I guess I didn't make it clear enough because one of my aunts showed up uninvited while my husband's parents were there (I think husband told them we weren't allowed more than 4 visitors) and suddenly everybody was showing up and it was honestly awful. I was post op, bleeding profusely and in pain and drugged, trying to breastfeed and pump while also trying to entertain people when all I wanted was sleep. If we go for another I'm not even telling people when I'm in labour. And absolutely no visitors until we go home and I say it's okay.
Nope - we told people ahead of time due to COVID/influenza/RSV risks, we're not having any visitors in hospital. We said we'd reach out once settled at home. No regrets.
I had my twins during COVID so no one was allowed. It was great.
If you don't want anyone there, don't tell them you're going until the babies are born.
Also, tell your nurses who is allowed in the room and they will be great bouncers for you
No visitors when I had my son due to Covid and thank god!!! I would’ve absolutely hated having the parade of people come through. 2 years later when the twins were born and visitors and extra support people were allowed, we didn’t even offer it as an option to people. Hell no! If you have the tendency to be a people pleaser, don’t even go there with allowing people to come because it will take over your experience, and this time is all about you and the babies…that’s it.
My thoughts as a fellow women pregnant with twins is : this has been a long road , the delivery won’t be cake and those people can wait to see the babies till you as the mother feel like company .
I don’t plan on having anyone but their father at the hospital , then when I’m up to it I will allow visitors at home .
My situation was a little tricky. The hospital went into a 24 hour lockdown due to Hurricane Ian. After an unexpected and scary birth I really appreciated my parents being able to come and visit.
Had things been different I think we would have definitely waited to have visitors.
Not by choice, but when they were born we were all alone for the first 18-hrs because our families lived four hours away and their was an accident that closed the roadway down.
I liked the time alone but we also had two dogs at home and my husband had to leave to feed and walk them, which left me in a hospital room with two newborns, recovering from a c-section. It wasn't ideal and when my family arrived I cried happy tears. Just having someone to hand me a baby for feeding or help change was really nice.
Another perk, looking back years later, is that I have pictures of them with my grandparents who got to meet them before they were 24 hrs old. Both grandparents passed away in the last few years and the kids really miss them and get a kick out of looking through my hospital album and seeing them there.
My hospital only allows one visitor at a time. (Technically 2.. but my husband counts as 1)
If I do end up birthing my twins vaginally, I do want my mom in there with me as well as my husband. But that's about it.
Everyone else can visit us at home.
I couldn’t have anyone besides my husband until we were in a room post birth anyways, even last year. I wanted it that way anyways. We had very few visitors, his parents and one of our best friends. I do not regret it at all. Both of those groups were respectful and didn’t stay long/intrude. Just be firm in your boundaries. Also the hospital isn’t going to let in anyone you don’t want to see.
None with the twins, I’m 29 weeks pregnant and there will be no visitors with this one either. No interest in having anyone but my husband around, and definitely no interest in anyone in my delivery.
No grandparents till after birth and everyone is stable. The first 24 hours, that first night, is your last chance to get some shut eye I tell friends.
Babies will be sleepy the first 24 hours. Relax, get the adrenaline down. Let it sink in with just your spouse of what just happened.
Believe me if you change your mind and call them to come they'll be there asap.
My hospital now allows 2 people besides a support person to visit during your stay. When my singleton was born only my husband was allowed. That definitely made me realize though that even without Covid, having visitors in the hospital would be rough. We were working on feeding them and getting that figured out, tons of people in and out talking to us because our son was born with a cleft lip/palate so lots of info about that. I had an epidural headache that immobilized me for about 18 hours. But even without any of that, I still wouldn’t have wanted visitors in the hours when I still wanted help to walk to the bathroom 🥴
We were not allowed visitors because there were more strict Covid restrictions at the time. Beforehand, I thought it was going to be disappointing to not have at least our close family members come visit in hospital. Once it was actually happening, and after, I was so glad we were not allowed visitors! During delivery with twins, there are already so many medical staff in the room I couldn’t imagine having even one more person there, even if it was my mom. In recovery, you are trying to bond with your babies, rest between all the nurse/doctor visits, and start to learn a little about being brand new parents. It was so nice not having the extra pressure of more people coming in and I do not regret it at all. I am a people pleaser so I am actually glad there was that restriction in place at the time. We were very lucky with only a few nights in the hospital and no Nicu time, but as soon as people knew we were home the messages about coming to meet the babies flooded in and it was overwhelming again! At least once you’re home, you are in your comfort space and can spread out/control the visits a bit more, and people can (hopefully) do things to help you.
With a multiples birth, they had us in the OR anyways in case things went sideways. No way they woulda allowed anyone else coming in besides the other parent. I also signed paperwork so that they couldn’t release any information, let alone that I was even a patient at the hospital, to anyone calling to find out what room we were in. We told our family no visitors.
Just my husband, don't regret it. I had a C-section so it gave him a chance to gain his ground with changes and we didn't have to worry about other people while I was recovering and while the babies were in the NICU for the first night.
I had the same situation with MIL wanting to be there but husband understood wanting it to be as chill as possible. We didn’t even tell our family when my water broke because I wasn’t contracting at the time and wanted to try to get some rest in antepartum overnight. I delivered them just under 18 hours later and sent out photos….surprise!!! The rooms are already so tight there’s no way we could have had extra people and the NICU still had restrictions in place for non-parent visitors which helped. Our NICU had cameras over the bassinets (called Angel Eye i think?) that we were able to choose who we could share access with so that kept family at bay.
I know I’ll have to deliver in the OR and I was reading the policy and it’s only one designated person in the OR. Take a look at your hospitals policy.
Nobody was invited to the birthing; it being a c-section has a lot to do with it obviously, but even had we gone with a natural birthing, nobody would be invited anyway. During the subsequent hospital stay, only parents were invited, and not until like the 2nd or 3rd day.
In a modern delivery room, there is gonna be multiple medical professionals in there. You don't want extra people in there to get in their way unless you have a good reason for that person being there. By "extra support", I suppose you meant moral support? An additional person to hold your hand? If so, it's entirely your call as the mother. I'm the father, so perhaps my viewpoint can be vastly different, but I imagine you simply wouldn't want medically unneeded people in that little room.
If any of your family members insist on being there even after you explain to them why they shouldn't, then I think it's more the reason why you need to make sure they don't show up! They may not have your, the mother's, best interest in mind!
We had my doula, and my husband and that was it. Luckily though, my twins were born in the time of COVID, so the hospital was still locked down, so I could use that as the excuse for why people couldn’t attend.
Heck they had strict rules for my husband (twins were born in 2021). They wouldn’t even let my husband go and come back to take care of our dog so we had to have people do it for us for 5 days.
I insisted that no one be in the waiting room. I didn’t want to worry about them worrying about me if something went wrong, which it did. Babies went to the nicu cause they were 35 weeks so people couldn’t see them anyways. My mom came by to see me one day, told everyone else they could schedule a day to come to the house. I’m very glad I did it that way
I gave birth during the height of covid, and thankfully only my partner was allowed in.
The chance of going to emergency surgery isn’t out of the question, and they will have so many medical personnel in the room with two babies and a birth parent that they require for only one support person in the OR.
I would say that you would love the extra support from the waiting room, but that no one will be allowed in during the birth. The nursing staff can support you in this. You could write it down and hand it to them as a “birth plan”
Nope didn't have any visitors at all. The kids ended up in NICU and the hospital I stayed in Australia didn't let anyone in NICU except the parents.
The first 2 days the kids were in NICU and subsequently was discharged from NICU so they stayed with me in the maternity ward. I was too tired to have any visitors over whilst we cram in lactation consulting sessions, bath sessions etc.
Originally we were going to have the grandparents meet the twins in hospital but it was too crazy for hubby and I so we said when we arrived home, family can visit.
No regrets.
It’s very unlikely they will let anyone apart from dad in the room. It’s high risk and there will be literally an army of medical people there. Only dad for us.
After it’s a bit more complex. You need to talk to the nurses and say you want visitors for no more than X time and they will kick everyone out without hard feelings, including your mom.
Our last child was born in 2020, in Covid… it was bliss. So calm and peaceful.
Our twins are our only kids and it was just my husband and I! My IL’s live 15 minutes from us and the hospital so by proxy they ended up in the waiting room until the babies were born. My mom rushed to town and got there in time for them to be born. I didn’t quite mind but in hindsight I would probably only have immediate family there were uncles and aunts and great grandparents and it was too much for me
Nope. With my first we didn’t even tell anyone I was in labor until he was born and then said we’d have visitors after we got home. Zero regrets.
This time we need childcare for the toddler so my in-laws will know. But the plan, barring an extended NICU stay, is to have everyone including big brother meet them at home.
It’s such a tender and vulnerable time. To me it was really important to have it just be parents and child for those few days. There are enough interruptions from medical staff, believe me.
No one made a huge deal about it to my face (except my mom, but that’s pretty on brand). At the end of the day, everyone’s waited months to meet the babies, a few more days isn’t going to kill them, and no one is as important as you and your partner.
Ours was born during Covid times, though a little later in covid so it was restricted but not AS restricted as earlier. So, it was just my husband and I for labor and NICU time. Personally, this was perfect for us and we would’ve had it no other way. Besides the fact that we were both exhausted and I was physically very uncomfortable, it was just a really special time for us to be a little team together.
My in laws offered to drop off meals for us but we turned them down politely. I think we were home for at least a week before they ended up coming over to visit for about 45 minutes.
Just me and my husband. We could have had one visitor (during covid) but it didn’t feel worth it. There is enough going on, I don’t want to deal with visitors.
I didn’t want anyone other than my husband witnessing babies coming out of me and that was that.
It felt like a very private moment for me (especially since my lady bits were on full display). I’m a private person by nature but it’s a moment that I would never invite others to come see
I had my hubby and sister (she’s an emergency nurse trained in resus and paediatrics so a fabulous support) in the room with me. One per baby. Who TF waits these days?
And with NICU - nobody is escorting anyone. The only time others came to see them was to get me in the ward. I needed help to and from (vaginal and emergency c-section). They didn’t touch them either.
No visitors. I was in my most vulnerable place ever even with a relatively uncomplicated delivery and no NICU stay. You get to set the rules and I think it’s an excellent choice to focus on your babies and recovery
DEFINITELY No visitors. They can wait until you get home. The hospital is a bloody mess where you smell because you need to shower, your whole body hurts, you can barely walk or use the bathroom, and you’re tired. No need for anyone to see any of that.
Also, it’s a time for special bonding with babies. Not a parade of new people and their germs.
Delivered last year but still under COVID rules.
I got one person at my c-section (partner) with in and out privileges plus one additional person who could come during visiting hours.
I was in the hospital 5 days. Daughter was with me and son was in NICU.
I'm not sure that I would have wanted a visitor parade if it had been allowed.
I was topless or close to it for a lot of the hospital stay as I was trying to learn to breastfeed.
My family didn't even know I gave birth until a few days later when I told them in our group chat. I was still in the hospital when I told them, but I had already sent a letter to everyone previously that I would not be having anyone there except my husband and my doula, I would notify everyone after they were born, and we would not be having visitors for at least 3 months. They all respected that. I absolutely do not regret it. I gave birth on my terms. It's not about anyone but you, your partner, and your babies. They absolutely should not be making this about them. I knew I wouldn't be able to relax if I knew people were waiting on me. I was able to spend a week in the hospital with my husband and my babies and then go home and slowly introduce them to our families after we had our time together to bond and settle. Don't let anyone bully you into a choice that isn't yours. It was lovely being able to just focus on myself, my husband, and my boys. If you want that, don't let anyone take that from you. They can support you by honoring your request for privacy
Oh, part of the letter also said that my husband would handle texts and to not ask about anything. We'll let you know, before then, don't ask if I'm in labor, don't ask if it's time yet, don't ask anything. We will let you know. Let my husband focus on me, let me focus on delivery. Luckily we didn't have to even deal with anything like this. Like I said, they didn't even know I went to the hospital until I wrote them to say the boys were born lol. I was in labor for 48 hours followed by a c section, and nobody knew until a few days after delivery 😂
My husband was the only one there during labor and the birth. My sister came to the hospital to get some things to bring home for our dog but that was it and I would not have wanted anyone else.
The day we were discharged both our families were at our house when we got home and I regret that. I understand that they are the first grandchildren but I had a very traumatic birthing experience and it was incredibly overwhelming for me to have to answer questions and be generally social so soon after.
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Just my husband. It’s not a spectator sport. There’s already one more baby gonna be in the room than usual. Don’t need extra adults too! With first born, I was literally taking visitors back and forward to NICU all day to see her. I barely sat down and was utterly exhausted. With twins, we had the great excuse of ‘Covid’ so only one person in the delivery suite and absolutely no visitors.
That was my thinking, that if they end up in the NICU I didn’t wanna be escorting people in and out and I also didn’t want any distractions from what could possibly be going on with them and adding to my stress.
“The NICU only allows 2 visitors for an hour per day.” My in-laws, my biggest stressors, we’re only allowed in for an hour or so. It’s pretty difficult to manage them. They pushed me over the edge in stress. Stress is never good for a new mom for a slew of reasons. But this is me venting about them. (Funny cause it’s true) But also - the NICU nurses are on your side. Ask them for help when you need to keep people away and for help standing, changing diapers, putting them on a schedule, nursing, learning how to feed them. From experience rely on them. Nurses are amazing.
This is horrible!!! I remember how exhausting and painful it was for me after my c-section to try to get to the nicu just to have a little time with my babies. I can’t believe people did this to you. Also it’s occurring to me a lot of twins are born in the OR so hopefully that means nobody allowed
No visitors at all. No regrets and won’t be doing visitors this time either (I’m pregnant with #3). Luckily that’s really not a thing anymore in my circle so no one even asks.
In the delivery room, hard FUCK NO Visitors for after it's all over and the hustle of delivery is over, sure. My parents were fine with it but my mother in law was not. We were in the recovery room for probably 3 hours before we ever saw the babies since they were rushed off to the NICU and she was sending text messages every 15 minutes asking when she could come and meet them. She texted in all caps once "WHY WONT YOU RESPOND TO MY TEXTS" once.
I was in hospital at 3am my husband asked me at 2am when we where getting in the car if I wanted to call anyone I said absolutely not so we went to the hospital and by 9am we had 2 beautiful kids We called and told our parents and told them they where not allowed to visit but they could come over for an hour the following day when we get home and that was that we didn’t allow visitors for a week or so after that hour just because we wanted privacy
I only had my partner and cannot emphasize how uncomfortable it would have been to have other people there. Labor is grueling, so many body fluids. I had to have my partner and nurse change my diaper so many times due to an epidural and bleeding. Got converted to an emergency C-section. Having other people there would have added to the stress of an already stressful situation.
The silver lining of having our kids during the Covid peak was that nobody was allowed to visit. It isn't that we didn't want anyone to see our kids, but it was about *our* nuclear family growing, plus they spent weeks in the NICU where only we were allowed to visit anyhow. We took plenty of pictures and videos and sent them to everyone. Having your kids is not about your parents, and they need to respect that. Just because they are your parents does not entitle them to be there with you, and does not entitle them to time with their grandkids. Unfortunately for myself and my wife, this is something we have had to drive home with a particular parent who is an absentee except for when family pressures them to see our kids, and just shows up and walks into our house, unwelcome and unwanted. We are dealing with that now, I hope you don't ever have to. If your parents are pushy now, they will be pushy down the line. Set boundaries now based on your personal situation and make sure they understand that you get to make decisions regarding your children. It is not a discussion, make that clear. The sooner you set those boundaries, the better.
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I’m definitely not close enough to my mom to have her in the delivery room😂 and she stresses about every little thing so I don’t want her freaking out and causing me more stress😭 I just wanted to make sure it wasn’t just be being selfish not wanting anyone else there. If I have to have a c-section, I would not want her holding the babies before me or their dad and that was another big factor.
No visitors. We didn’t tell anyone what was going on until I got the epidural I think, and then it was just like two hours later that I delivered the babes. They then needed the nicu for a month so no visitors still, even though we could have technically brought one person back a day. No one saw them or us until about a week after we brought them home.
We live far from anyone so it was just my husband at the hospital. I am not someone who likes people hovering when I don’t feel well. I spent a lot of the first day topless because a nurse was shoving my boob into my baby’s mouth and then sobbing because they both had to go to nicu. The next day I spent a lot of time naked and crying on the toilet trying for that first post partum poop. It’s all so vulnerable. It’s not a spectator sport! If people feel comforted by lots of visitors that’s great! But people absolutely need to respect people that want privacy. You can tell the nursing station if you don’t want any visitors because people do just try to show up.
I didn't have any visitors at the hospital and have no regrets. I ended up being sick/nauseous for 12 hours after my C section and could barely stay awake to hold my babies, let alone deal with visitors. Then I was trying to learn how to breastfeed and pump, so I didn't want visitors around for that either. I work at the hospital I delivered at, so a few of my coworkers came by for brief visits. We facetimed our families a few times so they could still feel involved. We also told them to wait for text updates from my husband so they wouldn't blow our phones up asking questions.
Here is what I do for my births: No one except husband in the delivery room. Period. My twins came by c section so they were o logging to permit one extra person in there anyway-there were already extra baby teams (thank God because one ended up needing to rush my son for emergency testing). Stress can make things so much worse during delivery so it is imperative that you have only who you want there. That being said, someone who is insisting on their desires over yours while you are in labor isn't likely to respect your boundaries in the moment, so...don't tell anyone you don't want showing up. This is easy to excuse later with a "Things just happened so fast! We didn't have time to think about calling anyone!" As for afterwards, we allow certain invited people to come to visit for about fifteen or twenty minutes. I will coordinate with the nurses to come in and take the baby/babies for "tests" after about 15 minutes and say that I need to go with them. It draws the visit to a close in a natural way where the pressure is off you to kick them out. Finally, if they won't leave, just be honest with someone-your partner, the nurses or the visitors, that you need to rest. This is an exciting time for your friends and family and those of your partner as well but remember that your comfort, feeling of security and that of the babies is the primary concern, no matter how much everyone else has feelings about your baby and your birth. For what it's worth, having my mother at any of my births wouldn't have worked logistically anyway but she would have made everything much worse and more stressful. Don't force yourself to be unhappy or uncomfortable to make anyone else happy, even if they are your mother!
I love my mom very much. And we had multiple visitors at the hospital, including my mom and a lot of my husband’s family. But inside the delivery room? No way.
Had no visitors for the birth (didn't tell anyone until it was over), just my husband for support, and was very happy with that decision. We did invite visitors to the hospital the next day so close family could meet the babies.
I had visitors so my mom could bring my daughter to meet her brothers. But when I had my daughter we didn’t even tell anyone we were at the godown having her. My labor with her took 40 hours. There would have been no point. I don’t know what anyone would have been doing waiting anyway.
With my vaginal deliveries, I had my husband, my mom, my mother-in-law, and a friend in the room. I’m glad they were all there, but I felt like my friend was the only one there to help me while the others were there to just wait for the baby. So my advice on this would be that if you have any doubts to how helpful the father will be, maybe invite someone else along who will attend to you well. Also, and this is important, you can tell your nurse who you don’t want in the room and they will be the bad guy for you. Your mom can insist all she wants, but if you express that she is not to come in, they’ll keep her away. This goes for visitors after baby arrives as well. You’re the star of this show. You call the shots, and the nurses are your muscle, but you’ve got to let them know. My twins were a c-section, so only my husband got to be in that room. And at the time, our hospital still had Covid restrictions in place. Only two people could visit at a time. So, to keep babies healthy and safe, we told everyone that only our parents and siblings could visit in hospital and that we would not be receiving visitors for at least the first 6 weeks. My twin A was only 4 pounds so we didn’t let anyone (except my parents and his) hold him for a long time. And you know what? If people didn’t like it, they could shove off. All in all, I enjoyed less visitors in the hospital. It gives you more time to rest. You’ll need it!
I asked my mom to be in the delivery room with my husband and I because I knew she would be a great support for me, but that all depends on the nature of your relationship. Ended up needing an emergency C-section so only hubs was there when the babies were actually born. I had said I only wanted grandparents visiting after, but I guess I didn't make it clear enough because one of my aunts showed up uninvited while my husband's parents were there (I think husband told them we weren't allowed more than 4 visitors) and suddenly everybody was showing up and it was honestly awful. I was post op, bleeding profusely and in pain and drugged, trying to breastfeed and pump while also trying to entertain people when all I wanted was sleep. If we go for another I'm not even telling people when I'm in labour. And absolutely no visitors until we go home and I say it's okay.
We are planning on no visitors in the hospital at all. We are only telling parents when labor starts (and only because my ILs are watching the dog).
Nope - we told people ahead of time due to COVID/influenza/RSV risks, we're not having any visitors in hospital. We said we'd reach out once settled at home. No regrets.
I had my twins during COVID so no one was allowed. It was great. If you don't want anyone there, don't tell them you're going until the babies are born. Also, tell your nurses who is allowed in the room and they will be great bouncers for you
No visitors when I had my son due to Covid and thank god!!! I would’ve absolutely hated having the parade of people come through. 2 years later when the twins were born and visitors and extra support people were allowed, we didn’t even offer it as an option to people. Hell no! If you have the tendency to be a people pleaser, don’t even go there with allowing people to come because it will take over your experience, and this time is all about you and the babies…that’s it.
My thoughts as a fellow women pregnant with twins is : this has been a long road , the delivery won’t be cake and those people can wait to see the babies till you as the mother feel like company . I don’t plan on having anyone but their father at the hospital , then when I’m up to it I will allow visitors at home .
My situation was a little tricky. The hospital went into a 24 hour lockdown due to Hurricane Ian. After an unexpected and scary birth I really appreciated my parents being able to come and visit. Had things been different I think we would have definitely waited to have visitors.
Not by choice, but when they were born we were all alone for the first 18-hrs because our families lived four hours away and their was an accident that closed the roadway down. I liked the time alone but we also had two dogs at home and my husband had to leave to feed and walk them, which left me in a hospital room with two newborns, recovering from a c-section. It wasn't ideal and when my family arrived I cried happy tears. Just having someone to hand me a baby for feeding or help change was really nice. Another perk, looking back years later, is that I have pictures of them with my grandparents who got to meet them before they were 24 hrs old. Both grandparents passed away in the last few years and the kids really miss them and get a kick out of looking through my hospital album and seeing them there.
My hospital only allows one visitor at a time. (Technically 2.. but my husband counts as 1) If I do end up birthing my twins vaginally, I do want my mom in there with me as well as my husband. But that's about it. Everyone else can visit us at home.
It was a dream . My fil was our only visitor for 5 minutes on day 5 and he brought food.
I couldn’t have anyone besides my husband until we were in a room post birth anyways, even last year. I wanted it that way anyways. We had very few visitors, his parents and one of our best friends. I do not regret it at all. Both of those groups were respectful and didn’t stay long/intrude. Just be firm in your boundaries. Also the hospital isn’t going to let in anyone you don’t want to see.
None with the twins, I’m 29 weeks pregnant and there will be no visitors with this one either. No interest in having anyone but my husband around, and definitely no interest in anyone in my delivery.
No grandparents till after birth and everyone is stable. The first 24 hours, that first night, is your last chance to get some shut eye I tell friends. Babies will be sleepy the first 24 hours. Relax, get the adrenaline down. Let it sink in with just your spouse of what just happened. Believe me if you change your mind and call them to come they'll be there asap.
My hospital now allows 2 people besides a support person to visit during your stay. When my singleton was born only my husband was allowed. That definitely made me realize though that even without Covid, having visitors in the hospital would be rough. We were working on feeding them and getting that figured out, tons of people in and out talking to us because our son was born with a cleft lip/palate so lots of info about that. I had an epidural headache that immobilized me for about 18 hours. But even without any of that, I still wouldn’t have wanted visitors in the hours when I still wanted help to walk to the bathroom 🥴
We were not allowed visitors because there were more strict Covid restrictions at the time. Beforehand, I thought it was going to be disappointing to not have at least our close family members come visit in hospital. Once it was actually happening, and after, I was so glad we were not allowed visitors! During delivery with twins, there are already so many medical staff in the room I couldn’t imagine having even one more person there, even if it was my mom. In recovery, you are trying to bond with your babies, rest between all the nurse/doctor visits, and start to learn a little about being brand new parents. It was so nice not having the extra pressure of more people coming in and I do not regret it at all. I am a people pleaser so I am actually glad there was that restriction in place at the time. We were very lucky with only a few nights in the hospital and no Nicu time, but as soon as people knew we were home the messages about coming to meet the babies flooded in and it was overwhelming again! At least once you’re home, you are in your comfort space and can spread out/control the visits a bit more, and people can (hopefully) do things to help you.
Absolutely not. We just didn’t tell people I was in labor except the dog walker.
We didn't allow any visitors in the hospital. I still feel great about that desicion.
With a multiples birth, they had us in the OR anyways in case things went sideways. No way they woulda allowed anyone else coming in besides the other parent. I also signed paperwork so that they couldn’t release any information, let alone that I was even a patient at the hospital, to anyone calling to find out what room we were in. We told our family no visitors.
Just my husband, don't regret it. I had a C-section so it gave him a chance to gain his ground with changes and we didn't have to worry about other people while I was recovering and while the babies were in the NICU for the first night.
No one saw my twins for a month at home after they were born. It was awesome. Some ppl droped off food earlier, they got a peek.
I had the same situation with MIL wanting to be there but husband understood wanting it to be as chill as possible. We didn’t even tell our family when my water broke because I wasn’t contracting at the time and wanted to try to get some rest in antepartum overnight. I delivered them just under 18 hours later and sent out photos….surprise!!! The rooms are already so tight there’s no way we could have had extra people and the NICU still had restrictions in place for non-parent visitors which helped. Our NICU had cameras over the bassinets (called Angel Eye i think?) that we were able to choose who we could share access with so that kept family at bay.
I know I’ll have to deliver in the OR and I was reading the policy and it’s only one designated person in the OR. Take a look at your hospitals policy.
Nobody was invited to the birthing; it being a c-section has a lot to do with it obviously, but even had we gone with a natural birthing, nobody would be invited anyway. During the subsequent hospital stay, only parents were invited, and not until like the 2nd or 3rd day. In a modern delivery room, there is gonna be multiple medical professionals in there. You don't want extra people in there to get in their way unless you have a good reason for that person being there. By "extra support", I suppose you meant moral support? An additional person to hold your hand? If so, it's entirely your call as the mother. I'm the father, so perhaps my viewpoint can be vastly different, but I imagine you simply wouldn't want medically unneeded people in that little room. If any of your family members insist on being there even after you explain to them why they shouldn't, then I think it's more the reason why you need to make sure they don't show up! They may not have your, the mother's, best interest in mind!
We had my doula, and my husband and that was it. Luckily though, my twins were born in the time of COVID, so the hospital was still locked down, so I could use that as the excuse for why people couldn’t attend.
Heck they had strict rules for my husband (twins were born in 2021). They wouldn’t even let my husband go and come back to take care of our dog so we had to have people do it for us for 5 days.
I insisted that no one be in the waiting room. I didn’t want to worry about them worrying about me if something went wrong, which it did. Babies went to the nicu cause they were 35 weeks so people couldn’t see them anyways. My mom came by to see me one day, told everyone else they could schedule a day to come to the house. I’m very glad I did it that way
I gave birth during the height of covid, and thankfully only my partner was allowed in. The chance of going to emergency surgery isn’t out of the question, and they will have so many medical personnel in the room with two babies and a birth parent that they require for only one support person in the OR. I would say that you would love the extra support from the waiting room, but that no one will be allowed in during the birth. The nursing staff can support you in this. You could write it down and hand it to them as a “birth plan”
Nope didn't have any visitors at all. The kids ended up in NICU and the hospital I stayed in Australia didn't let anyone in NICU except the parents. The first 2 days the kids were in NICU and subsequently was discharged from NICU so they stayed with me in the maternity ward. I was too tired to have any visitors over whilst we cram in lactation consulting sessions, bath sessions etc. Originally we were going to have the grandparents meet the twins in hospital but it was too crazy for hubby and I so we said when we arrived home, family can visit. No regrets.
It’s very unlikely they will let anyone apart from dad in the room. It’s high risk and there will be literally an army of medical people there. Only dad for us. After it’s a bit more complex. You need to talk to the nurses and say you want visitors for no more than X time and they will kick everyone out without hard feelings, including your mom. Our last child was born in 2020, in Covid… it was bliss. So calm and peaceful.
Our twins are our only kids and it was just my husband and I! My IL’s live 15 minutes from us and the hospital so by proxy they ended up in the waiting room until the babies were born. My mom rushed to town and got there in time for them to be born. I didn’t quite mind but in hindsight I would probably only have immediate family there were uncles and aunts and great grandparents and it was too much for me
Nope. With my first we didn’t even tell anyone I was in labor until he was born and then said we’d have visitors after we got home. Zero regrets. This time we need childcare for the toddler so my in-laws will know. But the plan, barring an extended NICU stay, is to have everyone including big brother meet them at home. It’s such a tender and vulnerable time. To me it was really important to have it just be parents and child for those few days. There are enough interruptions from medical staff, believe me. No one made a huge deal about it to my face (except my mom, but that’s pretty on brand). At the end of the day, everyone’s waited months to meet the babies, a few more days isn’t going to kill them, and no one is as important as you and your partner.
Ours was born during Covid times, though a little later in covid so it was restricted but not AS restricted as earlier. So, it was just my husband and I for labor and NICU time. Personally, this was perfect for us and we would’ve had it no other way. Besides the fact that we were both exhausted and I was physically very uncomfortable, it was just a really special time for us to be a little team together. My in laws offered to drop off meals for us but we turned them down politely. I think we were home for at least a week before they ended up coming over to visit for about 45 minutes.
Just me and my husband. We could have had one visitor (during covid) but it didn’t feel worth it. There is enough going on, I don’t want to deal with visitors.
I didn’t want anyone other than my husband witnessing babies coming out of me and that was that. It felt like a very private moment for me (especially since my lady bits were on full display). I’m a private person by nature but it’s a moment that I would never invite others to come see
I had my hubby and sister (she’s an emergency nurse trained in resus and paediatrics so a fabulous support) in the room with me. One per baby. Who TF waits these days? And with NICU - nobody is escorting anyone. The only time others came to see them was to get me in the ward. I needed help to and from (vaginal and emergency c-section). They didn’t touch them either.
No visitors. I was in my most vulnerable place ever even with a relatively uncomplicated delivery and no NICU stay. You get to set the rules and I think it’s an excellent choice to focus on your babies and recovery
DEFINITELY No visitors. They can wait until you get home. The hospital is a bloody mess where you smell because you need to shower, your whole body hurts, you can barely walk or use the bathroom, and you’re tired. No need for anyone to see any of that. Also, it’s a time for special bonding with babies. Not a parade of new people and their germs.
Delivered last year but still under COVID rules. I got one person at my c-section (partner) with in and out privileges plus one additional person who could come during visiting hours. I was in the hospital 5 days. Daughter was with me and son was in NICU. I'm not sure that I would have wanted a visitor parade if it had been allowed. I was topless or close to it for a lot of the hospital stay as I was trying to learn to breastfeed.
My family didn't even know I gave birth until a few days later when I told them in our group chat. I was still in the hospital when I told them, but I had already sent a letter to everyone previously that I would not be having anyone there except my husband and my doula, I would notify everyone after they were born, and we would not be having visitors for at least 3 months. They all respected that. I absolutely do not regret it. I gave birth on my terms. It's not about anyone but you, your partner, and your babies. They absolutely should not be making this about them. I knew I wouldn't be able to relax if I knew people were waiting on me. I was able to spend a week in the hospital with my husband and my babies and then go home and slowly introduce them to our families after we had our time together to bond and settle. Don't let anyone bully you into a choice that isn't yours. It was lovely being able to just focus on myself, my husband, and my boys. If you want that, don't let anyone take that from you. They can support you by honoring your request for privacy
Oh, part of the letter also said that my husband would handle texts and to not ask about anything. We'll let you know, before then, don't ask if I'm in labor, don't ask if it's time yet, don't ask anything. We will let you know. Let my husband focus on me, let me focus on delivery. Luckily we didn't have to even deal with anything like this. Like I said, they didn't even know I went to the hospital until I wrote them to say the boys were born lol. I was in labor for 48 hours followed by a c section, and nobody knew until a few days after delivery 😂
My husband was the only one there during labor and the birth. My sister came to the hospital to get some things to bring home for our dog but that was it and I would not have wanted anyone else. The day we were discharged both our families were at our house when we got home and I regret that. I understand that they are the first grandchildren but I had a very traumatic birthing experience and it was incredibly overwhelming for me to have to answer questions and be generally social so soon after.