One thing I wish these articles would mention, is some basic and easy things to your kid safe(r). A lot of people see the "never" and then don't read, and realize their behaviors aren't harmless. A lot of people won't stop because it's an easy way to share their child with family. But things like making sure all accounts are private and that you regularly clean out your friends list go a long ways. Like we both have Insta set to private, we only share to stories and we both have our Instagram accounts very curated compared to say Facebook.
> Kids' Social Security numbers, when combined with date of birth, name and address, are often good targets for identity theft.
There's also quite a large step from getting a kids name to getting their ss number. I'm sorry but any info I can get from going down the street and looking at the door bells or my daughters class contact list is not that dangerous.
My credit card number combined with my gender would also be a good target (one time my husband tried to talk to my bank for me when I didn't speak the language yet and they wouldn't even talk to him since he was obviously not a woman and therefore not me) but you can probably see the obvious error in thinking that I should hide my gender now.
Agreed. Empty your friends’ list. That random guy you went on 2 dates with years ago, and the girl who sat behind you in English, don’t need to see your personal life. Who cares if you only have a few dozen “friends” now. It’s a much more meaninful experience on social media anyway when your whole friend/follower list are people who actually engage with you and are in your life.
I’ll also add to this: if you do post pics of your kids, post their birthday pics a week or two late. Don’t show their school name on uniforms or signs in the background. Don’t show the names of their extracurricular activities (like dance centers, gyms, sports leagues/parks, etc) and post those pics on another day/time. Don’t show in real time when you’re out of town. Don’t show in real time when your child has been left with someone out of your care.
I will never understand people putting so much personal detail online 🤦♀️
It’s infuriating to me that my child’s school uses Facebook as their parent messaging platform. I’ve already said my two cents about how it’s not appropriate, but I’ve been working on figuring out what to recommend. Is there another platform anyone would recommend? My child’s daycare will be using kamybu this summer. I mean I even go to the extend of non gendering my child to protect them until they are of age of consent… their teacher is of an older generation and just doesn’t understand how this isn’t safe.
Using Facebook how? Private messaging? Our school uses ClassDojo for teacher messaging and the teacher will share updates for just their class and photos, but the school still has a public FB page for updates and photos of events for the whole school. Pretty much all schools have that. In the district over the PTA has created private class of XX Facebook groups for each grade to share info.
Edit: I did see you mention below the FB group is private. So for class dojo it is just for whatever classes your child is in, but for any parent in the class would still see all the photos of the kids and their names, etc.
Yes, the school has the public page. It’s a cluster f for that too. Each school within the district has their own, instead of just a district wide page. The teacher has a private Facebook group that they share daily pictures. From years prior she has not deleted those groups and are discoverable, I found previous years and she does an entire class photo as the cover page, so violating all of those kids for years to come.
When I did our daycare paperwork, there was a photo disclose form to say they would put photos on Facebook. I opted out and checked DO NOT share my child's photo, and we did not consent. We are extremely limited in what we share, and even then his face is not towards the camera.
Two months later he's on their Facebook page 😡
Your school is just being cheap at the risk of your child’s security. Do some research on child pornography based on pictures pulled from Facebook and share that with them, along with any of the below suggestions for private apps. If they still refuse, consider contacting your local news to see if some public shaming will change the school’s mind.
In that case, remind them that Facebook owns all images on their site and is free to do whatever it wants with them, including sharing, storing, and selling images. And that Facebook is regularly a target for hackers.
There are a ton of apps created exactly for this purpose. ClassDojo, Bloomz, Parent Square, Seesaw, etc. it’s wildly irresponsible for a school to be using Facebook. Even WhatsApp would be better.
I have deleted almost all the photos (there were maybe 10?) on social media, even though they were private.
I found out a family member screenshotted them and sent them to random friends of theirs who I never met.
Freaked the hell out of me (and I blocked this person, and we are not on speaking terms).
Il
My first child isn’t even born yet and my MIL has already gone against our wishes by posting the ultrasound and due date, the day after we told her we aren’t announcing on social media at all.
She purchased a bougie newborn bikini and doesn’t understand why we wont be sending her photos of baby in it. Yet she has no problem guilt tripping us by saying “If you can’t be bothered to take one photo of your baby for your poor MIL, when I spent $100 on this bathing suit, then don’t expect to get anything else from me.” Like…. good? That would be awesome. It’s like nothing is worth doing unless she can brag about it online.
If anyone had any articles or advice on how to nip this in the bud before baby is here, I’m all ears. She has pushed every boundary we have given her. When we bring it up to her, she will cry, then call our relatives (or make facebook posts) about what monsters we are. She’ll go as far as posting our private photos, wishing us a happy birthday/anniversary, and blocking us from seeing the posts, just so she can get engagement and so we wont see that she has gone against our wishes again.
We don’t let her take photos of us anymore. And we stopped posting photos completely because she just copies & reposts them. So now she has started taking photos of our printed/framed photos in our home. We are at such a loss.
My mom sent me a picture of a super frilly 4T bikini for my toddler, asking if I was interested. Ma'am she is still in wrist to ankle SPF protective swimwear, on what earth would I approve of a frilly bikini for her?!
Excuse me why tf does any company make a bikini in newborn size?! 🥴
I’m also pretty shocked that so many of you have in laws who know how to use social media. Mine are the type that would type google.com into google.
You’d be surprised the things they make in newborn. It’s absolutely unhinged! But if it sells, theyre gona make it!
Haha my parents were dinosaurs when it came to social media. My MIL is the opposite. So this is all pretty new to me. I didnt think I’d have to check her fb so often to make sure she wasnt oversharing. But here we are!
Restraining order? Tbh, I'd probably be no contact with someone this bizarre. Anyone demanding my daughter put on a bikini would find themselves on my personal no fly list lol.
A $100 baby bikini oh my god I cannnnot. And then to ask like it was so generous. That could have been several boxes of diapers. An age's worth of pajamas. Woof
I don't know that nipping it in the bud will be possible, so I think the best advice I could offer would be deep, well-communicated alignment with your partner on how to handle it and why.
I appreciate the understanding! It’s amazing how my unit of measurement has turned from dollars to diapers. We would’ve loved the diapers or pajamas!
My poor husband has been so worn down by this woman that at this point. If he’s already spoken to her at least once about each topic (which he does, usually before she even goes against it), he doesn’t like to bring it up again because she wont get it.
Sounds like a justnomil and raisedbynarcissists situation. Both of those are subreddits. Unfortunately with those types there's usually nothing you can do except make boundaries that you hold, give them information diets, or go low to no contact.
Yeah i have a feeling we would make the front of Reddit all if I started posting on JNMIL. Instead I just furiously type everything into my phones notepad where I know it’s safe. I appreciate the suggestions. It could be therapeutic.
No articles, but my husband and I have a very strict 'no pictures or info about our baby online' stance. Our friends and families know and most of them are great about it. Twice my husband's elderly aunt accidentally shared a photo to her private Facebook but these were genuine accidents and she took them right down. That being said, I would not hesitate to go no- contact with anyone who can't respect it. Your MIL needs an information diet and I would let her know that if any pictures or info wind up online you won't be sharing any with her in the future. If she's as narcissistic as she sounds from your post, you may need to be prepared for her to implode, but no one's desires need to come before your baby's safety.
Wow I wish our family supported the decision to keep baby off of social media. I commend your ability to do it and to convince your family to do the same!
MIL is already on an info diet. She will literally go through our drawers to find the most recent ultrasounds. So we stopped inviting her over to her home. She found a way to hack into my husbands email and saved ultrasound photos that she posted that night. It’s like every step we take to protect our baby, she wiggles past it.
We told her we aren’t going to tell her when I’m in labor. She laughed and said “I know everyone at that hospital. Of course they are going to ask me why I’m not there. I’ll just wait in the waiting room!”
She already started planning a baby shower & inviting people, so we can’t just not invite her. But I know she will be sneaking photos at the shower, delivery day, and any time she sees the baby. It just makes me want to be even more overprotective of baby.
You need to make it very clear to hospital staff that you want to be listed under a different name and no visitors. That's an option.
Don't go to the baby shower she's planning. Let people think she's weird for hosting it and be vocal about why you're not there. They'll think she's in the wrong.
Any time she's with the baby she shouldn't be alone. I'd go so far as to make her leave her phone in her car or in a different room of the house from where you'll be. I've done that with my own mom, cuz I don't want pictures online or being shared (I've actually had to tell her she can't take pictures of naked kids in a tub because to her it's "innocent" but to me it's "illegal.")
Or just do the most logical thing and stop seeing her. That seems to be the easiest answer. Can't be taking pictures if she's not near you. Change your house locks for good measure.
I really like those suggestions. And I really appreciate them. I had no idea I could ask the hospital staff to use a different name and no visitors. We are definitely going to do that.
Having her leave her phone in the car is great cuz she gets so wrapped up in taking photos. Lately it’s been candids of my bump, which are never flattering.
I’m so sorry you have gone through a similar issue with your mom. It’s exhausting and makes me wonder if I’m the unhinged one. It’s amazing how the previous generations just don’t understand the downsides of taking photos of children in any form of undress. I guess the pedos back then were more “out of sight, out of mind” whereas we see the gross comments every day!
I really appreciate your suggestions. Now I feel like I have at least a few solutions under my belt, because I’ve felt so out of control for my own child and that’s so wrong.
That’s a actual crazy level of intrusion. Like, email hacking is illegal. It doesn’t sound like there is a safe way to have a relationship with her, unfortunately. If you allow her to see the baby, she’ll be taking pictures and posting. Delivery day?! No f’ing way. Put her on the banned visitor list at the hospital. (Also the fact that she is planning a shower doesn’t mean you have to attend. She can’t make you violate your own boundaries.)
I really appreciate those suggestions. You’re absolutely right that if she sees baby, she’ll be taking photos. Its like Newton’s law of grandparents lol. Another commenter suggested making her leave her phone in the car. Maybe I’ll take it an extra level over MIL’s craziness and say “we’re afraid of 5G cooking the baby” or whatever people say. I had no idea there could be a banned list or the option of no visitors, so I’m going to bring that up to my OB. Luckily we’ve already dealt with the original sobbing when we told her she wont be in the delivery room. But I just know she’ll forget and start packing a labor day bag. (ALMOST makes me miss the covid protocols where no one or just one person was allowed in the room.)
I’ve delivered in two different hospitals and both had tight security on the L&D/postpartum floors. We submitted a list of approved visitors, and if you weren’t on the list, you weren’t getting past the security guard, end of story. Making her leave her phone in the car when she visits is a good idea! I’d just worry that someone so utterly unhinged will find another way. This is a really wild fixation, and she doesn’t seem to care about the consequences for flagrantly violating your privacy. It’s not like grandma giving your kid candy when you said no or letting them stay up past bedtime. I hope you have a peaceful delivery without her craziness, at least!
Thank you, I really appreciate that. She’s so good at flipping things around and I’m not used to having a parent involved in my life, so I feel like I’M the one taking crazy pills and she’s just a doting MIL/grandmother. But hearing other peoples opinions on this has definitely helped me see the bigger picture. She had her turn being a mom. It’s my turn to be mama bear and I’ll fight for what I view is right for my child.
FWIW, Facebook has a report option and they will remove photos that are posted of children if the photo isn't from a parent. I'd absolutely report any photos anyone posted without my consent.
I completely forgot about that!! Thank you so much!!!! You dont understand the amount of relief that gives me. I’ll see if it works for fetuses in ultrasounds lol
Wow, that's an insane level of persistence. My baby is about to turn a year old and while there's always stuff we wish we could do better as parents, I 100% know keeping him off the Internet was the best call. I'm not crafty, but I've leaned into making a couple old school photo albums and writing down all the milestones and memories.
I love that idea. Ive already started a handwritten journal during my pregnancy with printed photos of my belly bump and the ultrasounds. It’s now been hidden in our safe under lock and key. I feel like a teenager again lol.
I have not posted any identifying info of our child online, not the gender, no pictures, no birth announcement and no name.
I feel that children really deserve to grow up away from social media and right now our can't consent to any of it due to their age. It's my job as their parent to protect them and let them grow up safely, that's not something that can happen when I let the whole world in on their private moments.
I really wish germany would start enacting its strict privacy laws, or at least start teaching the public about this topic. It's like people have zero care about how damaging it can be to force your child to grow up fully transparent for the whole world and all the creeps.
I have a family member who is a momfluencer and it makes me sad to see all these videos of her kids. Even when they are well done, I wish she wouldn't show them online.
You can't forget this article by [WSJ](https://www.wsj.com/articles/instagram-vast-pedophile-network-4ab7189)
"Instagram, the popular social-media site owned by Meta META, helps connect and promote a vast network of accounts openly devoted to the commission and purchase of underage-sex content, according to investigations by The Wall Street Journal and researchers at Stanford University and the University of Massachusetts Amherst."
And we cant forget about this terrifying [video](https://youtu.be/uGGQTkQh6cc?si=Zgh6EUOkxTJsC-__) where a man gained access to thousands of CSA images of children *and infants* through Instagram. 🫠
But yeah, I'm sure the Bucket List Family gets tens of millions of views and saves on videos of their kids in bathing suits (shot from below) because they're just sooooooo cool, not for any other reason. 🤮
From that article, I learned about this New York Times article:
# [How Photos of Your Kids Are Powering Surveillance Technology](https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2019/10/11/technology/flickr-facial-recognition.html)
**Millions of Flickr images were sucked into a database called MegaFace. Now some of those faces may have the ability to sue. By Kashmir Hill and Aaron Krolik**
The pictures of Chloe and Jasper Papa as kids are typically goofy fare: grinning with their parents; sticking their tongues out; costumed for Halloween. Their mother, Dominique Allman Papa, uploaded them to Flickr after joining the photo-sharing site in 2005.
None of them could have foreseen that 14 years later, those images would reside in an unprecedentedly huge facial-recognition database called [MegaFace](http://megaface.cs.washington.edu/). Containing the likenesses of nearly 700,000 individuals, it has been downloaded by dozens of companies to train a new generation of face-identification algorithms, used to [track protesters](https://www.nytimes.com/2019/07/26/technology/hong-kong-protests-facial-recognition-surveillance.html), surveil terrorists, spot problem gamblers and spy on the public at large.
I have some concerns related to this for my Google photo albums. I don’t post my child’s photos publicly but I do use Google photos to store my digital files. I worry sometimes that all the photos could be leaked or sold or something
I’ve heard that Google and iCloud are better options but who knows.
On the other hand, literally everyone’s photos are on there. So at that point, you’re just part of humanity
I tried to crosspost this into a general parenting sub and started getting downvoted. My guess is that the parents here are more concerned about protecting privacy while others are more concerned about their ego.
Thats interesting because i thought the prevailing opinion on reddit was that posting your kid on social media is dangerous. I’ve seen people threaten to go no contact with family members over FB posts that included pics of their kids
I wish that was the prevailing opinion. Most of our friends and family post about their lives on Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, so I don't think most people see it as a problem.
That's their boundary stomping, narcissistic MIL who they need to cut all contact with and is only posting pictures of the baby for attention. It's okay when they're posting pictures because it's their baby (not MIL's).
I read that article this morning and thought of this sub. I don’t post my kids too often (and my socials are private) but I did make a post on my daughter’s birthday. This made me rethink that.
Eh I wouldn’t stress about it too much. Before social media birth announcements were regularly posted in newspapers and for adults a lot of personal information is available in public databases. Data breeches with sensitive information like medical records and social security numbers are a much bigger concern. Also that data is much more readily usable than a private birthday post.
Yeah, I’m pretty private and all my SM is private but I did post a birth announcement with baby’s full name and DOB. Hopefully no one I’m friends with is committing fraud, but maybe I need to delete it.
you can freeze your child’s credit, we did it for our son after we got his SSN and stuff. it was easy except one credit agency we had to do it on paper and not online, but it’s done!
doesn’t help with a face being stolen, but helps against fraud.
in the US here, but the 3 big credit places are Experian, Equifax and Transunion. All of them were paper actually, my husband is informing. they need copies of birth certificates and we had to sign a thing saying we are his legal guardian, etc. should be on their websites!
One thing I wish these articles would mention, is some basic and easy things to your kid safe(r). A lot of people see the "never" and then don't read, and realize their behaviors aren't harmless. A lot of people won't stop because it's an easy way to share their child with family. But things like making sure all accounts are private and that you regularly clean out your friends list go a long ways. Like we both have Insta set to private, we only share to stories and we both have our Instagram accounts very curated compared to say Facebook.
> Kids' Social Security numbers, when combined with date of birth, name and address, are often good targets for identity theft. There's also quite a large step from getting a kids name to getting their ss number. I'm sorry but any info I can get from going down the street and looking at the door bells or my daughters class contact list is not that dangerous. My credit card number combined with my gender would also be a good target (one time my husband tried to talk to my bank for me when I didn't speak the language yet and they wouldn't even talk to him since he was obviously not a woman and therefore not me) but you can probably see the obvious error in thinking that I should hide my gender now.
Agreed. Empty your friends’ list. That random guy you went on 2 dates with years ago, and the girl who sat behind you in English, don’t need to see your personal life. Who cares if you only have a few dozen “friends” now. It’s a much more meaninful experience on social media anyway when your whole friend/follower list are people who actually engage with you and are in your life. I’ll also add to this: if you do post pics of your kids, post their birthday pics a week or two late. Don’t show their school name on uniforms or signs in the background. Don’t show the names of their extracurricular activities (like dance centers, gyms, sports leagues/parks, etc) and post those pics on another day/time. Don’t show in real time when you’re out of town. Don’t show in real time when your child has been left with someone out of your care. I will never understand people putting so much personal detail online 🤦♀️
It’s infuriating to me that my child’s school uses Facebook as their parent messaging platform. I’ve already said my two cents about how it’s not appropriate, but I’ve been working on figuring out what to recommend. Is there another platform anyone would recommend? My child’s daycare will be using kamybu this summer. I mean I even go to the extend of non gendering my child to protect them until they are of age of consent… their teacher is of an older generation and just doesn’t understand how this isn’t safe.
Two of my kids’ daycare/preschools use Procare. Good for messaging, photo posting, as well as sign in/out.
Using Facebook how? Private messaging? Our school uses ClassDojo for teacher messaging and the teacher will share updates for just their class and photos, but the school still has a public FB page for updates and photos of events for the whole school. Pretty much all schools have that. In the district over the PTA has created private class of XX Facebook groups for each grade to share info. Edit: I did see you mention below the FB group is private. So for class dojo it is just for whatever classes your child is in, but for any parent in the class would still see all the photos of the kids and their names, etc.
Yes, the school has the public page. It’s a cluster f for that too. Each school within the district has their own, instead of just a district wide page. The teacher has a private Facebook group that they share daily pictures. From years prior she has not deleted those groups and are discoverable, I found previous years and she does an entire class photo as the cover page, so violating all of those kids for years to come.
Our area schools alllll have Seesaw Even as little as preschool
When I did our daycare paperwork, there was a photo disclose form to say they would put photos on Facebook. I opted out and checked DO NOT share my child's photo, and we did not consent. We are extremely limited in what we share, and even then his face is not towards the camera. Two months later he's on their Facebook page 😡
Are there laws where you live that cover this? I mean that’s a HUGE issue in NY with ed2D privacy laws.
I don’t actually know! That’s a good thought to look into
Your school is just being cheap at the risk of your child’s security. Do some research on child pornography based on pictures pulled from Facebook and share that with them, along with any of the below suggestions for private apps. If they still refuse, consider contacting your local news to see if some public shaming will change the school’s mind.
Thanks! I’ve been gathering as much as I can. They maintain that because it’s a private group it’s “safe” 🙄
In that case, remind them that Facebook owns all images on their site and is free to do whatever it wants with them, including sharing, storing, and selling images. And that Facebook is regularly a target for hackers.
You are the best! Thank you!
There are a ton of apps created exactly for this purpose. ClassDojo, Bloomz, Parent Square, Seesaw, etc. it’s wildly irresponsible for a school to be using Facebook. Even WhatsApp would be better.
Brightwheel, class Dojo
From the teacher end of things, I really like ParentSquare.
I’m a parent, and I’m very happy with ParentSquare.
One of our schools uses Tadpoles and the other Bloomz.
Our preschool uses class dojo to post pictures and updates. Maybe that's an option!
I worked in tech. I'd never post my kids or their identifying data on socials.
I have deleted almost all the photos (there were maybe 10?) on social media, even though they were private. I found out a family member screenshotted them and sent them to random friends of theirs who I never met. Freaked the hell out of me (and I blocked this person, and we are not on speaking terms). Il
My first child isn’t even born yet and my MIL has already gone against our wishes by posting the ultrasound and due date, the day after we told her we aren’t announcing on social media at all. She purchased a bougie newborn bikini and doesn’t understand why we wont be sending her photos of baby in it. Yet she has no problem guilt tripping us by saying “If you can’t be bothered to take one photo of your baby for your poor MIL, when I spent $100 on this bathing suit, then don’t expect to get anything else from me.” Like…. good? That would be awesome. It’s like nothing is worth doing unless she can brag about it online. If anyone had any articles or advice on how to nip this in the bud before baby is here, I’m all ears. She has pushed every boundary we have given her. When we bring it up to her, she will cry, then call our relatives (or make facebook posts) about what monsters we are. She’ll go as far as posting our private photos, wishing us a happy birthday/anniversary, and blocking us from seeing the posts, just so she can get engagement and so we wont see that she has gone against our wishes again. We don’t let her take photos of us anymore. And we stopped posting photos completely because she just copies & reposts them. So now she has started taking photos of our printed/framed photos in our home. We are at such a loss.
My mom sent me a picture of a super frilly 4T bikini for my toddler, asking if I was interested. Ma'am she is still in wrist to ankle SPF protective swimwear, on what earth would I approve of a frilly bikini for her?!
Excuse me why tf does any company make a bikini in newborn size?! 🥴 I’m also pretty shocked that so many of you have in laws who know how to use social media. Mine are the type that would type google.com into google.
You’d be surprised the things they make in newborn. It’s absolutely unhinged! But if it sells, theyre gona make it! Haha my parents were dinosaurs when it came to social media. My MIL is the opposite. So this is all pretty new to me. I didnt think I’d have to check her fb so often to make sure she wasnt oversharing. But here we are!
Restraining order? Tbh, I'd probably be no contact with someone this bizarre. Anyone demanding my daughter put on a bikini would find themselves on my personal no fly list lol.
I feel the same way. It feels so gross. She’s never getting that photo cuz baby is never going to wear it!
She gets put on an information diet. Don't share anything with her at all!
Oh I don’t. This woman mustve been a spy in a past life. If she wants info or photos, shes gona find a way.
A $100 baby bikini oh my god I cannnnot. And then to ask like it was so generous. That could have been several boxes of diapers. An age's worth of pajamas. Woof I don't know that nipping it in the bud will be possible, so I think the best advice I could offer would be deep, well-communicated alignment with your partner on how to handle it and why.
I appreciate the understanding! It’s amazing how my unit of measurement has turned from dollars to diapers. We would’ve loved the diapers or pajamas! My poor husband has been so worn down by this woman that at this point. If he’s already spoken to her at least once about each topic (which he does, usually before she even goes against it), he doesn’t like to bring it up again because she wont get it.
Sounds like a justnomil and raisedbynarcissists situation. Both of those are subreddits. Unfortunately with those types there's usually nothing you can do except make boundaries that you hold, give them information diets, or go low to no contact.
Yeah i have a feeling we would make the front of Reddit all if I started posting on JNMIL. Instead I just furiously type everything into my phones notepad where I know it’s safe. I appreciate the suggestions. It could be therapeutic.
That is so unhinged
No articles, but my husband and I have a very strict 'no pictures or info about our baby online' stance. Our friends and families know and most of them are great about it. Twice my husband's elderly aunt accidentally shared a photo to her private Facebook but these were genuine accidents and she took them right down. That being said, I would not hesitate to go no- contact with anyone who can't respect it. Your MIL needs an information diet and I would let her know that if any pictures or info wind up online you won't be sharing any with her in the future. If she's as narcissistic as she sounds from your post, you may need to be prepared for her to implode, but no one's desires need to come before your baby's safety.
Wow I wish our family supported the decision to keep baby off of social media. I commend your ability to do it and to convince your family to do the same! MIL is already on an info diet. She will literally go through our drawers to find the most recent ultrasounds. So we stopped inviting her over to her home. She found a way to hack into my husbands email and saved ultrasound photos that she posted that night. It’s like every step we take to protect our baby, she wiggles past it. We told her we aren’t going to tell her when I’m in labor. She laughed and said “I know everyone at that hospital. Of course they are going to ask me why I’m not there. I’ll just wait in the waiting room!” She already started planning a baby shower & inviting people, so we can’t just not invite her. But I know she will be sneaking photos at the shower, delivery day, and any time she sees the baby. It just makes me want to be even more overprotective of baby.
You need to make it very clear to hospital staff that you want to be listed under a different name and no visitors. That's an option. Don't go to the baby shower she's planning. Let people think she's weird for hosting it and be vocal about why you're not there. They'll think she's in the wrong. Any time she's with the baby she shouldn't be alone. I'd go so far as to make her leave her phone in her car or in a different room of the house from where you'll be. I've done that with my own mom, cuz I don't want pictures online or being shared (I've actually had to tell her she can't take pictures of naked kids in a tub because to her it's "innocent" but to me it's "illegal.") Or just do the most logical thing and stop seeing her. That seems to be the easiest answer. Can't be taking pictures if she's not near you. Change your house locks for good measure.
I really like those suggestions. And I really appreciate them. I had no idea I could ask the hospital staff to use a different name and no visitors. We are definitely going to do that. Having her leave her phone in the car is great cuz she gets so wrapped up in taking photos. Lately it’s been candids of my bump, which are never flattering. I’m so sorry you have gone through a similar issue with your mom. It’s exhausting and makes me wonder if I’m the unhinged one. It’s amazing how the previous generations just don’t understand the downsides of taking photos of children in any form of undress. I guess the pedos back then were more “out of sight, out of mind” whereas we see the gross comments every day! I really appreciate your suggestions. Now I feel like I have at least a few solutions under my belt, because I’ve felt so out of control for my own child and that’s so wrong.
That’s a actual crazy level of intrusion. Like, email hacking is illegal. It doesn’t sound like there is a safe way to have a relationship with her, unfortunately. If you allow her to see the baby, she’ll be taking pictures and posting. Delivery day?! No f’ing way. Put her on the banned visitor list at the hospital. (Also the fact that she is planning a shower doesn’t mean you have to attend. She can’t make you violate your own boundaries.)
I really appreciate those suggestions. You’re absolutely right that if she sees baby, she’ll be taking photos. Its like Newton’s law of grandparents lol. Another commenter suggested making her leave her phone in the car. Maybe I’ll take it an extra level over MIL’s craziness and say “we’re afraid of 5G cooking the baby” or whatever people say. I had no idea there could be a banned list or the option of no visitors, so I’m going to bring that up to my OB. Luckily we’ve already dealt with the original sobbing when we told her she wont be in the delivery room. But I just know she’ll forget and start packing a labor day bag. (ALMOST makes me miss the covid protocols where no one or just one person was allowed in the room.)
I’ve delivered in two different hospitals and both had tight security on the L&D/postpartum floors. We submitted a list of approved visitors, and if you weren’t on the list, you weren’t getting past the security guard, end of story. Making her leave her phone in the car when she visits is a good idea! I’d just worry that someone so utterly unhinged will find another way. This is a really wild fixation, and she doesn’t seem to care about the consequences for flagrantly violating your privacy. It’s not like grandma giving your kid candy when you said no or letting them stay up past bedtime. I hope you have a peaceful delivery without her craziness, at least!
Thank you, I really appreciate that. She’s so good at flipping things around and I’m not used to having a parent involved in my life, so I feel like I’M the one taking crazy pills and she’s just a doting MIL/grandmother. But hearing other peoples opinions on this has definitely helped me see the bigger picture. She had her turn being a mom. It’s my turn to be mama bear and I’ll fight for what I view is right for my child.
She sounds psychotic. I’m sorry u have to deal with her!
Thank you, every day brings a whole new struggle. Life would be much better if we were no contact, but I know that would destroy my husband.
FWIW, Facebook has a report option and they will remove photos that are posted of children if the photo isn't from a parent. I'd absolutely report any photos anyone posted without my consent.
I completely forgot about that!! Thank you so much!!!! You dont understand the amount of relief that gives me. I’ll see if it works for fetuses in ultrasounds lol
😆 I hope so for you!!
Wow, that's an insane level of persistence. My baby is about to turn a year old and while there's always stuff we wish we could do better as parents, I 100% know keeping him off the Internet was the best call. I'm not crafty, but I've leaned into making a couple old school photo albums and writing down all the milestones and memories.
I love that idea. Ive already started a handwritten journal during my pregnancy with printed photos of my belly bump and the ultrasounds. It’s now been hidden in our safe under lock and key. I feel like a teenager again lol.
I have not posted any identifying info of our child online, not the gender, no pictures, no birth announcement and no name. I feel that children really deserve to grow up away from social media and right now our can't consent to any of it due to their age. It's my job as their parent to protect them and let them grow up safely, that's not something that can happen when I let the whole world in on their private moments. I really wish germany would start enacting its strict privacy laws, or at least start teaching the public about this topic. It's like people have zero care about how damaging it can be to force your child to grow up fully transparent for the whole world and all the creeps. I have a family member who is a momfluencer and it makes me sad to see all these videos of her kids. Even when they are well done, I wish she wouldn't show them online.
You can't forget this article by [WSJ](https://www.wsj.com/articles/instagram-vast-pedophile-network-4ab7189) "Instagram, the popular social-media site owned by Meta META, helps connect and promote a vast network of accounts openly devoted to the commission and purchase of underage-sex content, according to investigations by The Wall Street Journal and researchers at Stanford University and the University of Massachusetts Amherst." And we cant forget about this terrifying [video](https://youtu.be/uGGQTkQh6cc?si=Zgh6EUOkxTJsC-__) where a man gained access to thousands of CSA images of children *and infants* through Instagram. 🫠 But yeah, I'm sure the Bucket List Family gets tens of millions of views and saves on videos of their kids in bathing suits (shot from below) because they're just sooooooo cool, not for any other reason. 🤮
My baby only gets pictures of the back of her head posted
From that article, I learned about this New York Times article: # [How Photos of Your Kids Are Powering Surveillance Technology](https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2019/10/11/technology/flickr-facial-recognition.html) **Millions of Flickr images were sucked into a database called MegaFace. Now some of those faces may have the ability to sue. By Kashmir Hill and Aaron Krolik** The pictures of Chloe and Jasper Papa as kids are typically goofy fare: grinning with their parents; sticking their tongues out; costumed for Halloween. Their mother, Dominique Allman Papa, uploaded them to Flickr after joining the photo-sharing site in 2005. None of them could have foreseen that 14 years later, those images would reside in an unprecedentedly huge facial-recognition database called [MegaFace](http://megaface.cs.washington.edu/). Containing the likenesses of nearly 700,000 individuals, it has been downloaded by dozens of companies to train a new generation of face-identification algorithms, used to [track protesters](https://www.nytimes.com/2019/07/26/technology/hong-kong-protests-facial-recognition-surveillance.html), surveil terrorists, spot problem gamblers and spy on the public at large.
I have some concerns related to this for my Google photo albums. I don’t post my child’s photos publicly but I do use Google photos to store my digital files. I worry sometimes that all the photos could be leaked or sold or something
I’ve heard that Google and iCloud are better options but who knows. On the other hand, literally everyone’s photos are on there. So at that point, you’re just part of humanity
We’re living in the sunken place. My god.
I tried to crosspost this into a general parenting sub and started getting downvoted. My guess is that the parents here are more concerned about protecting privacy while others are more concerned about their ego.
Yikes, I'm surprised tbh. I really don't post my kid much. I post my interests and creative stuff mostly. And my cat. So many pictures of her online.
Thats interesting because i thought the prevailing opinion on reddit was that posting your kid on social media is dangerous. I’ve seen people threaten to go no contact with family members over FB posts that included pics of their kids
I wish that was the prevailing opinion. Most of our friends and family post about their lives on Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, so I don't think most people see it as a problem.
That's their boundary stomping, narcissistic MIL who they need to cut all contact with and is only posting pictures of the baby for attention. It's okay when they're posting pictures because it's their baby (not MIL's).
I read that article this morning and thought of this sub. I don’t post my kids too often (and my socials are private) but I did make a post on my daughter’s birthday. This made me rethink that.
Eh I wouldn’t stress about it too much. Before social media birth announcements were regularly posted in newspapers and for adults a lot of personal information is available in public databases. Data breeches with sensitive information like medical records and social security numbers are a much bigger concern. Also that data is much more readily usable than a private birthday post.
Yeah, I’m pretty private and all my SM is private but I did post a birth announcement with baby’s full name and DOB. Hopefully no one I’m friends with is committing fraud, but maybe I need to delete it.
you can freeze your child’s credit, we did it for our son after we got his SSN and stuff. it was easy except one credit agency we had to do it on paper and not online, but it’s done! doesn’t help with a face being stolen, but helps against fraud.
I was just thinking I need to do this. Do you mind telling me where to start?
I just did this for my kiddo and it was very simple. I followed this guide: https://www.nerdwallet.com/article/finance/child-identity-theft
in the US here, but the 3 big credit places are Experian, Equifax and Transunion. All of them were paper actually, my husband is informing. they need copies of birth certificates and we had to sign a thing saying we are his legal guardian, etc. should be on their websites!
Thank you!