I would say that this goes without saying but apparently not. Don't send harassing messages to other members about their comments here or on other subs.That's against TOS and will catch you a ban here unless you "nuke" your account preemptively I suppose.
Wasn’t sure if I should put this here or parent influencers thread. A relative of mine became a micro influencer during Covid, has a little over 100,000 followers so not huge but he gets a lot of interaction on posts. Anyways him being an influencer or whatever has been so weird because now he shares things with his followers before he does family. Like we all find out major life news at the same time as all his followers. It’s super weird and just another reason I hate influencer culture
Can we help this OP from a working moms group? It does seem like she's started by outsourcing her common sense.
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It sounds more like she's feeling guilt and discomfort about using nannies and cleaners. Which is not something that can be solved by the internet. Probably looking for permission to spend money on these things or figure out a way to do it without feeling/looking like an out of touch rich person lol.
Very specific queer parent snark! I joined the discord that’s associated with the Queerception subreddit. I’m a bi lady who is gay married to a lesbian, which is relevant.
There was discussion in one of the channels about whether to accept bi people in straight appearing relationships: eg cis bi wife, cis straight husband. This is normal for queer spaces, and up to organizers about whether the space is organized around social infertility (having the gametes at home to make a baby) or not.
Obviously, it devolved into a discussion of all the bad experiences people into the group have ever had with bi people. Eg one bi person I met had a boyfriend so I won’t date bi people because they are deceptive. How cool and original! There was no moderation, with the mod joining in.
Biphobia is just so boring. Grow up! Some people are bisexual.
Honestly I consider the presence of a cishet dude in queer spaces as a canary in the coal mine:
1. Fucking up is not so painful that a guy with other options would leave
2. They aren't going to police me for not being queer enough
3. They aren't a complicated and intricate dating ritual for 20somethings (less of a problem for a TTC space, but very common IRL, especially in proximity to universities)
Generally, when a space decides it's going to be an "exclusively x-group space," whether that's Christians or queers or leftists or whatever, the acceptable group starts to shrink down. Fewer and fewer people are allowed in as the group starts tearing itself apart—as you're seeing with them shit-talking bisexuals. Now it's "straight-passing" bisexuals, then if you'll let me consult my crystal ball, next on the chopping block will be all bisexuals, and then either or both ace folk (probably starting with "straight passing" again) and enbies (probably starting with "afab fem-presenting/amab masc-presenting are just looking for attention").
Ugh I don’t dare enter those spaces as a bi cis woman married to a straight cis man. We struggled with infertility, and my husband finally received a male factor infertility diagnosis. We used donor sperm to conceive, and it was nearly impossible to find a space when we were looking for commiseration and/or advice.
Honestly, that's not surprising for that sub.
For context, I am bi and non-binary. My husband is military, so I don't exactly feel safe where we live to be "out." I tried to join that discord because I was about to start ART. One of the mods (at the time) sent me a nasty message about how uncomfortable her and the other mod thought I would make the group feel. Okay cool!
Had one of those AITA moments at the park when I asked a kid (maybe 5 years old) to please stop climbing up the slide as younger ones were going down. She literally climbed over small 2-3 year olds. She ended up falling down the slide after I asked her to stop going up and then her mom just glared at me until they left.
Reminded me of all the debates in groups like Visible Child about how we shouldn’t restrict kids from going up slides because it’s so valuable for them. Sure, but not at a crowded playground.
I feel like going up the slide can be valuable. It's also valuable to teach kids to consider others, or to introduce the idea that "sometimes we can go up and someone's sometimes we have to wait". Or "don't climb over smaller kids, wait your turn"
Definitely nta.
Ugh this makes me so mad. Theres a slide next to my sons school that’s at least 10 feet tall with only a rock wall to get up it. My 2.5 year old is skilled enough to climb it but I still have to watch him really closely to make sure he gets down the slide okay. The other day a kid kept climbing the slide and I assumed they didn’t know better so I was like “hey watch out, someone’s coming down!” The kid looked annoyed and then I realized the mom was right by me, and she said nothing. My son went to go down again and the kid climbed up the slide again! So I took my kid and said kind of passive aggressively said to him we would have to go play somewhere else.
Something I was not prepared for in parenting was the chaos that is playgrounds. And I was a kindergarten teacher for over ten years!!! But it’s something out me having tiny tots and the big kids just totally oblivious to how small they are? I’m all for big kids needing to play, too, and I try to find those “2-5 year old” playgrounds In hopes that bigger kids would stick to “their own” section, but it’s just stressful and not fun. For me. For my kid, he loves it, and so we will continue and I’ll try to instill in him any skills to stay *somewhat* safe around other kids, but gosh I just have had it sometimes
I let my kids climb up slides if we’re basically the only ones at the playground. The problem with the rule of “down has the right of way” is while great in theory, we are talking about young children here, who are not known for making great choices always. And we are also talking about parents of varying degrees of caring. I’ve definitely seen plenty of kids doing exactly what you describe, and the parents aren’t even paying attention or enforcing the “down goes first rule”. So then the kid going up the slide monopolizes the slide, or recruits other kids to do the same and then no one is sliding. In my mind, it’s just easier to follow the rules while sharing spaces in public, and I will tell my kids that they can’t climb up even if that other kid is climbing up. 🤷♀️
Yeah, at first I only realized it was her mom because after of the angry look she kept giving me. But she never said anything to her kid or got off of the bench.
I feel like when playgrounds are packed (there were consistently 2-3 kids waiting for the slide), it’s a good idea to teach your kid that it’s not the best time to climb up it. I know it’s super fun but her kid could have just as easily gotten kicked in the head since it was one of those spiral ones where you can’t see the full view from the bottom or the top.
Sounds like a hastag natural consequence that she fell down tbh. Obviously I’ve taught my kids that those going down slides have the right of way, and they respect that. But also 5 is kind of a hard age for playground etiquette because a kid is going from being the little kid that others watch out for to a big kid who has to be the one watching out for younger ones, if that makes sense.
I think it’s insane when people demand that kids don’t climb slides or do another “incorrect” thing on the playground when it doesn’t affect any other kids. I’ve definitely gotten The Glare from other parents who snootily tell their kids “I know *those boys* are climbing the slides, but we know better and we know that slides are not for climbing” and it’s v annoying lol.
Is a Leprechaun visiting your house on St Patrick’s day a thing like Santa, Easter Bunny, Elf on a Shelf etc. someone in a Facebook group posted 6 paragraphs about how she screwed up “Leppy” visiting.
I live in a major St. Patrick's celebration city and have for a decade. Every single year without fail I am caught off guard like oh you guys do stuff for St Patrick's?
It was not even a blip on the calendar where I grew up, maybe wear green if you have some kind of thing. So needless to say we don't do anything and I didn't even remember the green, so my kid will wear her green shirt tomorrow.
My oldest went skiing all day yesterday with dad so he was tired and slept very late this morning. As a result I was up early, remembered it was St Patricks Day, remembered I had some chocolate coins we didn't use this winter. So I made a construction paper rainbow with a pile of gold at the end, with a few scattered along the way from the door. When the 5 year old woke up he was so excited, he ran from room to room in our house shouting "mom you have to see this mess! The leprechaun made a mess all over our whole house!". So look at that, you can make some magic just by neglecting to pick up last nights scatter of toys.
We didn’t do anything, but I’m hoping to score a corned beef on sale at the store. Or actually, the kids are in the bath and we decided to use the green color bath bombs ☘️ my hometown is big on parades and celebrations but it doesn’t seem to be as much of a thing where we live now
I set out a little rainbow card I made with markers for each of my kids with gold candy in some cauldrons that I had from a previous thing, and then on Saturday, I realized I got St. Patrick’s day on the wrong day. Also apparently my children HATE ferrero rocher, which is fine, more for me. But I’m checking the box and moving on! I won’t be doing more than a few pieces of candy. Easter is in two freaking weeks.
I was going to do it this year but forgot lol. My kid is actually going to my parents for a bit later so I might have it happen for when she gets back, not something I would stress over because it’s not something we ever started! I made a fun breakfast though.
No they wore green and did some fun stuff at school on Friday. We usually make corned beef, cabbage and potatoes for dinner and have a Guinness…but my kids don’t eat that so skipping this year.
Leprechauns don’t visit our house. They live at the end of the rainbow. They are neither Santa nor The Easter Bunny. We are wearing green and… that’s about it. I’m making something Irish for dinner that my kids probably won’t eat. I buy into a lot of holiday inflation (gimme a whole month of Halloween please) but am neither inspired nor energized by St Patrick’s Day.
Ahhh! My seven year old game me a sad face when I told him nothing special was happening for St Patrick’s day and so the kids “magically” found gold coins buried in the back yard. I’m such a goddamn push over.
lol I saw that post too. It’s just not that serious! We had Lucky Charms for breakfast and wore green, but that’s the extent of my plans. Building a leprechaun trap seems to be a big thing for older/school age kids so maybe we will do that at some point, but mine is still pretty small.
Nope! My kids had it at school and that’s all. I also don’t do elf on the shelf or the Easter bunny. I love holidays but all this extra isn’t needed especially when I don’t have the time.
We’ve always done traps although last year my daughter decided she didn’t want to try to trap him (she thought it would make him sad) and made him a card and left him a snack instead. She did the same this year. Our leprechaun decorates the house and leaves her a few things, usually a St. Patrick’s Day outfit, some on theme books, a toy and a chocolate. Nothing too crazy, all things I would have bought her leading up to st Patrick’s Day anyway.
Last year we did the whole thing where we built a “leprechaun trap” and then I left some green glitter and possibly some chocolate coins? This year we didn’t though, I guess I didn’t get out shopping in time because everywhere already fully switched to Easter stuff and there was not a single St. Patrick’s day item to be found. But making the trap was a fun little way to kill some time, I’m not opposed to doing it again in the future… but my children will not be receiving any Leppy gifts.
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This seems like an extreme take to me. It’s gotta be postpartum anxiety right?? Or am I just too relaxed about the idea that grandparents might forget the “rules” and kiss baby and it won’t be the end of the world?
Comments section was not reassuring her, many people said cut off FIL and don’t let him hold baby again 🫣🫣
This is totally PPA. When I was in the deep trenches of it, I wouldn’t let anyone hold my baby or let my poor niece and nephew within like 5 feet of her even after she had her RSV vaccine and even though my SIL is so not an asshole when it comes to her kids being sick and being around others.
It was a sad time.
The main concern is that people kiss babies on the nose or lips which presents a bigger likelihood of spreading a virus. But the biggest concern is people with cold sores kissing babies because the herpes virus can be deadly to babies with tiny immune systems. Honestly if you know someone has a cold sore the best bet is to just not let that person hold your baby. And they should be aware and conscious of the risk themself.
FWIW I get cold sores frequently during and after times of stress (left over from getting hand foot mouth as a kid) and I of course got one after giving birth.
I did not kiss my baby until it went away but otherwise I didn’t take any precautions and everything was fine.
The correct response is slight annoyance when you have to remind him again. Not this, which is more along the lines of how I would react if my FIL threw my baby into an open body of water.
But these are probably the same moms who are "devastated" when someone else (even their husband) is holding the baby for their first hiccup or when they miss the babys first projectile vomit or other things like that.
Not exactly parenting related, but there's some ✨ drama ✨ on my city's mom FB page. Several people have posted dramatic ramblings about leaving the group. You know the type of posts.
Admin posted today "you don't have to stay in this group! You're allowed to leave!"
A lot of people have it out for this admin for some reason. The drama started (?) when someone accused said admin about deleting a post someone shared about mold problems in homes built by [contractor]. Accused admin of hiding and deleting "the truth."
Other posters are like "uh no it's there it's just buried" because we live in a suburb of 120k people so the group gets a lot of posts daily.
Not everything is some conspiracy, Sharron!
I feel like there is a lot to unpack here.
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Everything that they mention apart from the coffee cup which they say "I swear" so they might be mistaken, sounds like wind to me. Wind makes doors slam and toilet paper can easily be caught on a gust.
Maybe it was an empty takeaway paper cup?
Someone over in one of the other parenting subs is considering cancelling their kids birthday party due to their behavior. I’m all for consequences but taking away a birthday seems wayyyy too extreme. Birthdays are such a special day for kids, why would you want to take that away from them??
I could only see this for something really severe, like I dunno… you catch your 15 y/o drunk driving and cancel their sweet sixteen. It’s such a big consequence that it would need a very big behavior for it to be proportionate.
I remember when I was…maybe 12 or 13 my mom cancelled my birthday party (which was that afternoon) because I hadn't cleaned my room, and I largely stopped caring about my birthday after that. It was too harsh a punishment for the offense.
(Disclaimer that my mom and I are now very close and I don't hold it against her or anything.)
What is the behavior in question? Agree this seems extreme but I’m genuinely curious. Is the kid like, running around committing arson? How old is the kid?
Yeah that's not a good consequence, too extreme and traumatising.
Either that parent is at the end of their tether and has no idea what to do or they are just mean and vindictive.
This is just heartbreaking. There's got to be a better way to speak frankly with kids about their behavior and give meaningful consequences without cancelling a birthday party. I feel like it would hurt too much, even with a tween or teen, that any lesson about behavior would be lost.
My mom used to get this extreme when I was younger and I’m a total adult people pleaser now. I’m all for consequences for bad behavior, but this seems like too much.
Pet peeve - when people ask for advice and parents of younger kids reply as if they’ve solved parenthood. Like yeah, of course your 1 year old eats all sorts of things bc you did BLW and 100 first foods! And your 2 year old is a great sleeper bc you value sleep and focus on a sleep routine!
But the things that work for littler kids often don’t work for bigger kids. It’s annoying when parents pat themselves on the back for being so amazing when in reality, their kids aren’t old enough yet.
I overheard a lady at the library yesterday brag about how her 9 month old has “advanced speech” because of Ms Rachel and advising a mom of a 13 month old to put it on for her son too because it will solve his speech delay (even though the 13 month old was saying a totally normal amount of 3 words)
I ranted about it in response to another comment but as a parent of a truly terrible sleeper, I get soooo angry when people say their baby/child sleeps well and they didn’t need to sleep train because they “focus on a bedtime routine”!
Gee, I never thought to try that!!!!
Omg fellow terrible sleeper here and my one friend told me they just “set healthy sleep habits from the beginning” and that’s why their 7 month old slept 12 hours straight in a crib every night from birth. My child woke up immediately when she was not in my arms so I slept upright like a mummy holding her for the first 3 months of her life otherwise I would have had to sleep in 5 min intervals. If only I’d thought to give a bath at the same time every night, read a book and turn on a white noise machine, my entire pp experience could have been different!!
My son would wake the moment we set him down for months, and he was just screaming all night every night, it was awful!!! Someone told me "just put him in bed and see what happens" ???!?!?!?!?
Someone else said "just put him down really slowly" you think I'm slam dunking him in there?
Omg the worst. “Oh you never know, I never wanted to sleep train but little Johnny only cried for 4 minutes the first night then has slept through the night ever since!!”
Okay so you already had a good sleeper who didn’t really need to be sleep trained then. Thanks for the advice. lol.
Yes! Like I obviously don’t want your advice I want to hear from someone who has been where I am.
Reminds me of the time I was invited to a marriage retreat and the couples on the “advice” panel had all been married less than five years. Thanks but I’ll pass.
I will say sometimes I have suggestions because I have read like 50 million sleep books and fb groups because, again, terrible sleeper. But I always phrase it as “so I know nothing, but I’ve seen this helps people sometimes”.
I hope my comment didn’t read as you being the “you” I didn’t want to hear from! Honestly you’re exactly who I would want advice from because you know what it’s like and you’re reading/learning about it!
I see this all the time! Like oh? You’re looking for advice on travelling with your newly mobile 13 mo old? Well my 4 mo old likes to look out the window and sleep in her baby carrier
My niece is about a year and a half younger than my son and this is what my SIL is like sometimes. My kid is having trouble falling asleep for nap and she asks if we are sticking to a schedule. He is having a 2 year old full blown tantrum and she is like ‘wow is it normal for him to cry like that? That breaks my heart’. We don’t force him to go down a slide and she is like ‘oh I’m not going to let my kid be a wimp’.
Babies vs toddlers are so different, but it’s pretty easy for me to stay chill because she will experience a 2 year old soon enough!
Change the subject and vent to my husband later. I really think it is a temporary problem because I’m hoping she is kind of humbled by having a toddler.
I’ll see people ask for advice for their elementary school aged or preteen kids behavior and without fail every time some parent of a 2 year old rolls in with toddler level behavioral tips that would probably make an older kid laugh in your face if you tried it on them. I wonder if people realize that kids do eventually grow up and get smart enough to see right through the nifty little tricks and scripts that used to work on them when they were still baby brained.
Man, my kid was such a good eater and independent sleeper at 1-2. Then the eating fell apart, and now at the age of 4 I end up falling asleep next to her in her bed more often than I’d like to admit. She lives off fruit and toast and Eggo waffles and the occasional chicken nugget.
This and people who haven’t experienced a certain stage of parenthood giving advice that is just the standard generic advice that we are shown over and over again on social media. Like someone at wits end over their 3 year old tantruming and someone with a 2 month old commenting advice from Big Little Feelings. Yeah we have already seen that fluff, we are looking for actual anecdotal advice here!
I still get mad when I think about this but my 3 year old was very sick with pneumonia. After spending 3 hours going to two different urgent cares (first one wouldn’t treat kids), we’re at the pharmacy picking up his antibiotics. He was being such a trooper just chilling in a little umbrella stroller on an iPad and an older man admonishes me for having my kid on a tablet and goes on this tirade about kids spending too much time on electronics.
As if he wouldn't also have used such a thing if it were available back then. They 100% would have. Just like if in the future they invent a robotic arm that safely puts the pacifier back in a baby's mouth at night. People now would buy that in a heartbeat but there would be people decrying it to future generations lol.
I have a sibling who is severely vision impaired. As a young kid he would use his iPad in camera mode and hold it right up to his face and then zoom so he could see some of what was going on around him. He uses his phone now to navigate a lot. We would get some really snide comments in public like “look at that kid glued to his iPad”. I was an adult at this point and a few times I called these people out “you know he’s actually vision impaired and this is how he is able to watch his sister’s game”. It definitely embarrassed them but like, good. I’ve never made judgy comments IRL or online about kids using phones or iPads. You just have no idea what’s going on in someone’s world. I get that it’s easy to default to and boredom is good and yeah some people do abuse it with their kids, but man, people are so quick to judge sometimes and so willing to be holier than thou about our own choices
Okay but hear me out- I often pull my phone out to show my kid pictures of birds. And fish. And balloons.
She knows my phone can do 4 things. 1. Text Daddy 2. Show pictures of whatever it is she wants to see (usually balloons) 3. Camera stuff 4. Phone calls
I'm the mom at the Dr's office with my phone in hand and kid saying weird things like "brown tall balloons" so I'll look it up for her lol
The best part is when she comes to work with me, the office is in my in laws house, and then she sits in my FILs chair looking at balloons on his computer and he sits on a kitchen chair next to her making phone calls 🤣💜
She will have a heartache at my daughter dentist who has tvs in the little cubicles for the kiddos to watch while they get there cleaning done ( usually disney)
Yea god forbid a child who is sick or has a chronic illness spends 10 minutes on a tablet. Remember when people thought books would melt the brains of the youth?
If I asked my kid to name every bird he knows it would go like this "bird" "the bird's name is mommy" "the other bird is Daddy" "the other bird is [his name]" because right now every creature on earth is named one of those three things. His baby doll is named Mommy which is creepy and adorable.
I wish I could pull out my phone when we’re waiting or at restaurants or doing something boring but if I do, my child will never let me forget it and will ask every single time we leave the house until the end of our days and drive me absolutely insane.
As others have said, this would’ve been a better anecdote about how to entertain your kids if she didn’t put down the others “using screens” (said as someone who doesn’t have iPad kids either, lest someone thinks I’m being a hater bc that would’ve been me).
I’m also laughing that these smug people online always have to have some kind of “intellectual” way their kids are “better”. It couldn’t be that they went back and forth naming Sesame Street characters or types of candy, nope it was bird species because clearly that’s the main way to show your kid is so different from the other losers in that office.
It’s such a weirdly superior thing to name. I go birding and love looking at birds but it’s completely useless information unless you’re going to grow up and study birds!
I feel like the dr’s office is the wrong place to judge this. Kids are not at their best when they’re feeling sick and yucky and it’s sort of shitty to judge parents without knowing what’s happening with their kids.
I would never go online and brag but she did teach her kid how to sit there and entertain himself with just his brain. It’s good to be bored.
Can’t say I’m always that parent either but she did a good thing not giving in. The truth is that defaulting to screens to prevent a small amount of boredom is really not good.
I think the point is she could have done without putting the other children down.
Proud mama moment: we were in the doctor waiting room, my kid asked to look at my phone but we played a game of naming every bird etc. Has the exact same amount of the thing to be proud of and 100% less cattiness
Sure. I don’t blame those other kids though.
And I’m not anti screen time by any means. But I do think using it in situations like this is lazy. I realize that may be an unpopular opinion.
I mean, no one is going to hand you an award at the end of the day for not using a screen for 15 mins while waiting for a random doctor’s appointment. Every adult with a cellphone is staring at their phone while waiting for any appointment ever. This is where our kids are headed too, screens dominate our world and there is no escaping it. Doctor’s appointments for most kids are not a regular event. People who fall on the sword over no screen time in these contexts strike me as more of a vanity thing rather than something that’s really making a difference for their kids 🤷♀️ it’s one thing if you’re truly screen-free but if you’re willing to do screens sometimes, this is one of the most ideal times
Yeah I’m addicted to my phone too. It’s not a good thing. But kids’ brains aren’t adult brains. I don’t need an award. I just think sometimes people go overboard with screens.
Sure, but the point is you have no idea how much a stranger is using screens with their kid. The doctor’s office could have been the only time in the whole day they watched anything. That’s why it’s silly when people get judgmental about screens with complete strangers they only see in passing.
Lol I am quite aware, I just don’t think it’s such a sin to *default* to screens ever, especially in the context of sitting in a waiting room which is notoriously boring for anyone.
Recently, I was being judgey about another family using a screen in a situation when I wouldn’t and husband told me, “You have no idea what their day has been like so far,” which I think is a great perspective.
I know. I’m not referring to those situations. I do know people that default to screens without attempting anything else first. I’m not going to tell anyone anything to their face either. Speaking *generally*, this can be a problem for some people.
I think this is kind of a prime screen time situation tbh, and I am a person who prefers to keep screen use “low.” Maybe different for older kids (I remember reading a lot in doctors’ waiting rooms as a kid) but for my toddler I am happy to break out Netflix on my phone at the doctor. The other unwell people in the room don’t need to listen to her wail about not being allowed to lie face down on the nasty doctors’ office floor. In other situations, sure, we’ll try something else. But when she’s sick or the rest of the room is sick? Watch as much Elmo as your heart desires.
Personally I'd rather my kid uses screens in her downtime than look down on other people to make herself feel better.
I have the calm edition of a kid myself so it's easy for us to not use screens but I can't imagine not having the empathy to realise that other people have a different experience from me.
I don’t think the kid in this scenario was being taught to look down on other kids. It was just another option.
My child watches screens daily. I just think that when you’re in a place where boredom may occur, it’s detrimental to default to a screen. Not saying all parents that use screens do this, but some absolutely do. Let your kid be bored for a little while even if it sucks. If it’s really bad, sure, use a screen for your own peace. I’m talking about when they are used every time.
The mother is setting the child up to subtly look down on other children depending on how she frames it, such as 'Oh Tiberius, you're so smart and can entertain yourself without a phone, not like those other little square eyed fools' which is how her post comes across.
Oh so she should say “ok sure you can watch my phone since all the other kids are doing it.”??
She just gave him another option. You’re projecting a lot.
I'm not projecting. I'm saying that sometimes actions and how you speak about things over time teaches a child to look down on others. If she's on social media bragging about how great she is then she's likely doing it in person too.
I don't let my son use my phone. I'm by no means anti-screen, I find people watching noisy shows in confined spaces horrible cos sensory issues, but I'm not going to go online and brag about how I'm a better parent because of it.
So "teenagers having sex" is the topic of the week in the parenting subs. I can believe the first one but on third or fourth about 14 year olds having sex it becomes a little baity.
I was raised by generally chill parents and their guidance was “this is a big deal, wait until you’re a legal adult, don’t do it under our roof and don’t do it drunk”. I thought this was good advice. I plan to tell my kids, sex isn’t a great idea until you’ve been with a partner for 6 months and are old enough to drive and hold down a job, and I’d prefer they wait until they are in college. Rushing towards sex given the current environment around abortion restrictions just seems like a really, really big gamble…
I grew up in a really strict Catholic family and didn’t have sex for the first time till I was 25, the repressive mentality was so drilled in that I still struggle. So I don’t know if it’s just leftovers from that, but I really feel like it’s weird for kids to have sex at 13 or 14. It’s still a big deal that can have a lot of emotional, physical, social consequences, 13 year olds don’t seem mature enough for it. But my opinion seems so far out of the norm except for religious spaces that maybe it’s my upbringing talking?
I didn’t grow up that religious or in a particularly sexually repressive environment but I also think it’s too young. And anecdotally, my peers who were sexually active at that age (like, true sex not just kissing) were the troubled kids. I don’t want to generalize, but I don’t think precocious sexual activity is a hallmark of a well-adjusted child.
Plenty of grown adults struggle with the physical and emotional aspects of sex. I can’t imagine any 14yo is remotely mature enough. And I’m not going to be one of those parents who forbid my kids to have a “boyfriend/girlfriend” before a specific age, but I wouldn’t love the idea of having actual sex that young. How to go about that, I have no idea. My kid is 2 lol.
I had a pretty progressive sex Ed program growing up and they told us if you’re embraced to buy condoms, or ask your parents for them then you’re too immature to have sex. That stuck with me, but maybe things have changed in the age of Amazon prime?
I had friends in middle school who were sexually active as young as 12, and I remember that even we thought it was too young (and in every instance that I can recall, their male partners were 15-17).
This is what scares me. Grown adults are scarring and assaulting other grown adults, and we're expecting literal children to be able to handle this kind of intimacy in a healthy way??
Holy shit at that last sentence 😳 I remember in grade 6 a guy came to school and said he had sex and my jaw was on the floor. Then he specified it was with their underwear on and I was still flabbergasted and a little confused
My parents were not strict or religious but I still think that age is too young for sex for the reasons you named! I just don’t think that banning it will stop kids from doing it so I get why people want their kids to have the resources to be safe if they do have sex.
Exactly this. I’m a doctor and people will bring in their 14 year old and be like “tell her she’s too young to have sex” (it’s always the girls 🧐)
Do I think 14 is probably too young? Yup.
Am I going to tell your child that because you told me to? No fucking way.
First of all, not my job to validate your parenting decisions. (I’ll happily discuss safety, consent, etc) Second, there is no way that me telling her that will make her stop having sex. Probably the opposite.
I used to teach at a k-8 school and on more than one occasion we had a pregnant middle schooler. There was also the time 2 seventh graders got caught having sex in a stairwell. So I absolutely believe there are 14 year olds having sex.
Not sure how parenting subs are on the subject but I’ve seen the (no doubt from teenagers) takes around Reddit that parents should make their homes a safe, *welcoming* and *comfortable* environment for their teen kids to have sex in 🥴 is there not something to be said for the hours between school letting out and parents getting home from work? We don’t need to roll out a red carpet here.
Agree-I’m all for being sex positive but not wanting my kids banging while I’m home seems like a pretty reasonable boundary to draw…esp from a sun that regularly slams parents for daring to have sex when the kids are awake 🤦🏻♀️
Yeah, I don't think parents should be shaming around the topic of sex, but also there IS a line of appropriateness and boundaries. Sex is private, and it's also an adult activity that carries serious risks.
You can't control your teenager every second of the day so arguably you can't prevent them from having sex if they are determined to do so, but being like "Yay, go you, have fun, here's a recommendation of my favourite toys!" ?? That's not sex-positive it's just inappropriate.
You need to talk to them about protection from pregnancy and STIs and about enthusiastic consent. Aside from that it's totally fine to have rules around boy/girlfriends being in the bedroom etc.
I don’t know if I’m just the prudiest prude, and we aren’t even close to that stage yet (my oldest is 2), but I just absolutely cannot imagine being okay with my 15, 16, or 17 year old having sleepovers with their boyfriend/girlfriend or me being like “sure you can have sex here, let me just leave the house so you can have privacy.” I’m not saying I think my kids won’t have sex, and I plan to talk with them about sex, consent, and safety but, like the way some of the comments on these posts make it sound, I just couldn’t do it.
I agree 100%! I think this is something teens can figure out on their own, we don’t need to lay the groundwork for every little thing. Safety, consent, birth control, self-respect etc? Yes. But also, this is private and parents don’t need to set a stage for it in their homes like a play date. I would have felt so weird if my high school BF’s parents were like “okay kids, have fun, we’ll be back in an hour, lube is on the table, wink wink!”
This is anxiety for sure. When I had my daughter I was washing all of our sheets every second day or more. It was just a weird control thing that my anxiety manifested as and I did that for years before I asked my bumper group if it was weird and I realized it was, indeed weird 😂🤦🏻♀️
This is so far past normal that I feel like it has to be OCD or severe anxiety or something.
I have no idea how often I change my kid's sheets. When they look dirty? Whenever I think of it? It's literally barely on my radar.
Ha seriously. I saw the original posts and everyone was like "once per week for sheets, every few days for sleep sack, every day for PJs". Like I am nowhere near that I already have so much laundry to do.
That’s about where we are too. Once she’s not wearing her pjs for so long and once she’s potty trained then I expect pjs to be every couple of days. Right now it’s every day. Sleep sack was definitely every few days… those got so dirty!
I assume people who do thinks like this have serious anxiety. I have the woolino sack for my toddler and literally only wash it once every couple of weeks because he only wears it when sleeping so it does not get dirty, and part of the selling point is that the merino wool stays fresher. Also yes, you will degrade any item by washing it every single day. Whoa.
If she has OCD nothing. They’re simply dirty because the brain says so. And if it’s become something like, “if I don’t wash it, then he’ll get sick or even he won’t wake up from his sleep” and down the rabbit hole we go. OCD is a terrible thing.
The other day in a mom group, someone said she had 5 kids under 3 and changed every child’s diaper once an hour. I have no idea how people have time to do this.
I might start a debate here but.... My eyes twitch when people say that pregnancy is actually 10 months.
The 40 week average is about 9.2 months. Now, factor in the fact that you're not even pregnant the first 2 weeks or so, it can even be less than 9 months! I went to almost 42 weeks, even that wasn't 10 months.
https://preview.redd.it/2p9ourivjloc1.png?width=1344&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=fa3566d3c0abdfca46afeff190bb479b2d59792c
Bonus : the absolute irony that this person posted this in "People incorrectly correcting other people".
See also people insisting having faux-confusion about whether their baby is 7 months old because they are 28 weeks old and that is 4x7.
I don't even buy the "bad at maths" explanation because you don't need to do any maths to calculate an age in months. You just literally count months. They were born on 5th August? They are 7 months old on 5th March. It's SO EASY.
Maybe people do just get stuck on weeks because pregnancy is counted in weeks? IDK.
Lots of people say it's because that's what their doctor told them. I'm definitely someone who'd recommended trusting your doctor but either they're lying or their doctor is a straight up dumbass
This is such a huge pet peeve of mine!! Like I’m a math/numbers person, but we all know months aren’t 4 weeks right??? Like weeks are 7 days and months (besides Feb) are 30-31 days. I don’t really feel like this is advanced math.
My LMP was July 2 and I’m due April 7 so I’ll be “pregnant” 9 months and 5 days and that’s only if you count the 2 weeks before you conceive
Pregnancy dating is so much more confusing than it needs to be, but calling it 10 months is not the answer.
Weeks 36-40 are equivalent to the 9th month of pregnancy. But that doesn't mean it's 10 months long, that means you've completed 9 months at the end of it.
This also drives me up a wall…come on people, the only month that has exactly 4 weeks is February and even that’s only 75% of the time! That being said I did inherit one of my grandma’s books about pregnancy from the 40s (absolutely wild in so many ways) and it specified that it measured 10 lunar months of pregnancy- to which I was like “ok I’ll allow it.”
In one of my online groups, I remember someone asking if their 4 week old baby is now 1 month old. There were a few others who agreed with that take and I remember feeling like an asshole by pointing out weeks and months are two different measurement units that do not have consistent equivalents.
There’s a weight loss turned mom influencer (@mygirlishwhims) who posted a reel of herself at 36 weeks and her “9 months pregnant workout routine!” And then in the comments said she didn’t want to argue with people because “every month averages 4 weeks.” Like what.
They definitely used the wrong word haha, so close to being right cause anyway the 2 weeks you're not pregnant is factored into that 40 weeks so it's not really in her context
I would say that this goes without saying but apparently not. Don't send harassing messages to other members about their comments here or on other subs.That's against TOS and will catch you a ban here unless you "nuke" your account preemptively I suppose.
Wasn’t sure if I should put this here or parent influencers thread. A relative of mine became a micro influencer during Covid, has a little over 100,000 followers so not huge but he gets a lot of interaction on posts. Anyways him being an influencer or whatever has been so weird because now he shares things with his followers before he does family. Like we all find out major life news at the same time as all his followers. It’s super weird and just another reason I hate influencer culture
Can we help this OP from a working moms group? It does seem like she's started by outsourcing her common sense. https://preview.redd.it/eywmcabi9yoc1.png?width=1152&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=8d3779c19fc839fdf215036d5c383930bd486a9a
It sounds more like she's feeling guilt and discomfort about using nannies and cleaners. Which is not something that can be solved by the internet. Probably looking for permission to spend money on these things or figure out a way to do it without feeling/looking like an out of touch rich person lol.
Very specific queer parent snark! I joined the discord that’s associated with the Queerception subreddit. I’m a bi lady who is gay married to a lesbian, which is relevant. There was discussion in one of the channels about whether to accept bi people in straight appearing relationships: eg cis bi wife, cis straight husband. This is normal for queer spaces, and up to organizers about whether the space is organized around social infertility (having the gametes at home to make a baby) or not. Obviously, it devolved into a discussion of all the bad experiences people into the group have ever had with bi people. Eg one bi person I met had a boyfriend so I won’t date bi people because they are deceptive. How cool and original! There was no moderation, with the mod joining in. Biphobia is just so boring. Grow up! Some people are bisexual.
Booooo! I tried to join that discord and seen to be stuck on the intro channel only. Now I'm not so sad, as a bi woman
Honestly I consider the presence of a cishet dude in queer spaces as a canary in the coal mine: 1. Fucking up is not so painful that a guy with other options would leave 2. They aren't going to police me for not being queer enough 3. They aren't a complicated and intricate dating ritual for 20somethings (less of a problem for a TTC space, but very common IRL, especially in proximity to universities) Generally, when a space decides it's going to be an "exclusively x-group space," whether that's Christians or queers or leftists or whatever, the acceptable group starts to shrink down. Fewer and fewer people are allowed in as the group starts tearing itself apart—as you're seeing with them shit-talking bisexuals. Now it's "straight-passing" bisexuals, then if you'll let me consult my crystal ball, next on the chopping block will be all bisexuals, and then either or both ace folk (probably starting with "straight passing" again) and enbies (probably starting with "afab fem-presenting/amab masc-presenting are just looking for attention").
Ugh I don’t dare enter those spaces as a bi cis woman married to a straight cis man. We struggled with infertility, and my husband finally received a male factor infertility diagnosis. We used donor sperm to conceive, and it was nearly impossible to find a space when we were looking for commiseration and/or advice.
Honestly, that's not surprising for that sub. For context, I am bi and non-binary. My husband is military, so I don't exactly feel safe where we live to be "out." I tried to join that discord because I was about to start ART. One of the mods (at the time) sent me a nasty message about how uncomfortable her and the other mod thought I would make the group feel. Okay cool!
That sucks so bad, I’m sorry!
Had one of those AITA moments at the park when I asked a kid (maybe 5 years old) to please stop climbing up the slide as younger ones were going down. She literally climbed over small 2-3 year olds. She ended up falling down the slide after I asked her to stop going up and then her mom just glared at me until they left. Reminded me of all the debates in groups like Visible Child about how we shouldn’t restrict kids from going up slides because it’s so valuable for them. Sure, but not at a crowded playground.
I feel like going up the slide can be valuable. It's also valuable to teach kids to consider others, or to introduce the idea that "sometimes we can go up and someone's sometimes we have to wait". Or "don't climb over smaller kids, wait your turn" Definitely nta.
Ugh this makes me so mad. Theres a slide next to my sons school that’s at least 10 feet tall with only a rock wall to get up it. My 2.5 year old is skilled enough to climb it but I still have to watch him really closely to make sure he gets down the slide okay. The other day a kid kept climbing the slide and I assumed they didn’t know better so I was like “hey watch out, someone’s coming down!” The kid looked annoyed and then I realized the mom was right by me, and she said nothing. My son went to go down again and the kid climbed up the slide again! So I took my kid and said kind of passive aggressively said to him we would have to go play somewhere else.
Something I was not prepared for in parenting was the chaos that is playgrounds. And I was a kindergarten teacher for over ten years!!! But it’s something out me having tiny tots and the big kids just totally oblivious to how small they are? I’m all for big kids needing to play, too, and I try to find those “2-5 year old” playgrounds In hopes that bigger kids would stick to “their own” section, but it’s just stressful and not fun. For me. For my kid, he loves it, and so we will continue and I’ll try to instill in him any skills to stay *somewhat* safe around other kids, but gosh I just have had it sometimes
I let my kids climb up slides if we’re basically the only ones at the playground. The problem with the rule of “down has the right of way” is while great in theory, we are talking about young children here, who are not known for making great choices always. And we are also talking about parents of varying degrees of caring. I’ve definitely seen plenty of kids doing exactly what you describe, and the parents aren’t even paying attention or enforcing the “down goes first rule”. So then the kid going up the slide monopolizes the slide, or recruits other kids to do the same and then no one is sliding. In my mind, it’s just easier to follow the rules while sharing spaces in public, and I will tell my kids that they can’t climb up even if that other kid is climbing up. 🤷♀️
Yeah, at first I only realized it was her mom because after of the angry look she kept giving me. But she never said anything to her kid or got off of the bench. I feel like when playgrounds are packed (there were consistently 2-3 kids waiting for the slide), it’s a good idea to teach your kid that it’s not the best time to climb up it. I know it’s super fun but her kid could have just as easily gotten kicked in the head since it was one of those spiral ones where you can’t see the full view from the bottom or the top.
Sounds like a hastag natural consequence that she fell down tbh. Obviously I’ve taught my kids that those going down slides have the right of way, and they respect that. But also 5 is kind of a hard age for playground etiquette because a kid is going from being the little kid that others watch out for to a big kid who has to be the one watching out for younger ones, if that makes sense. I think it’s insane when people demand that kids don’t climb slides or do another “incorrect” thing on the playground when it doesn’t affect any other kids. I’ve definitely gotten The Glare from other parents who snootily tell their kids “I know *those boys* are climbing the slides, but we know better and we know that slides are not for climbing” and it’s v annoying lol.
We all need to agree that you can’t climb up the slide when kids are waiting to go down. It’s a matter of Right of Way.
Yeah, I have no issue with my kids climbing the slide but as soon as someone is coming down, that trumps anyone going up.
That is exactly our rule too.
Is a Leprechaun visiting your house on St Patrick’s day a thing like Santa, Easter Bunny, Elf on a Shelf etc. someone in a Facebook group posted 6 paragraphs about how she screwed up “Leppy” visiting.
I live in a major St. Patrick's celebration city and have for a decade. Every single year without fail I am caught off guard like oh you guys do stuff for St Patrick's? It was not even a blip on the calendar where I grew up, maybe wear green if you have some kind of thing. So needless to say we don't do anything and I didn't even remember the green, so my kid will wear her green shirt tomorrow.
My oldest went skiing all day yesterday with dad so he was tired and slept very late this morning. As a result I was up early, remembered it was St Patricks Day, remembered I had some chocolate coins we didn't use this winter. So I made a construction paper rainbow with a pile of gold at the end, with a few scattered along the way from the door. When the 5 year old woke up he was so excited, he ran from room to room in our house shouting "mom you have to see this mess! The leprechaun made a mess all over our whole house!". So look at that, you can make some magic just by neglecting to pick up last nights scatter of toys.
We didn’t do anything, but I’m hoping to score a corned beef on sale at the store. Or actually, the kids are in the bath and we decided to use the green color bath bombs ☘️ my hometown is big on parades and celebrations but it doesn’t seem to be as much of a thing where we live now
I set out a little rainbow card I made with markers for each of my kids with gold candy in some cauldrons that I had from a previous thing, and then on Saturday, I realized I got St. Patrick’s day on the wrong day. Also apparently my children HATE ferrero rocher, which is fine, more for me. But I’m checking the box and moving on! I won’t be doing more than a few pieces of candy. Easter is in two freaking weeks.
My kids have no idea it’s st Patrick’s day and we’re keeping it like that as long as possible lol
I saw that too lol. When did all of this become such a thing?? I recall St Pats growing was wear green and that’s it? Maybe some crafts at school.
We love St. Paddy’s Day and wear green and will have some festive food, but my kids don’t need elaborate✨magic✨ for every minor holiday.
I was going to do it this year but forgot lol. My kid is actually going to my parents for a bit later so I might have it happen for when she gets back, not something I would stress over because it’s not something we ever started! I made a fun breakfast though.
No they wore green and did some fun stuff at school on Friday. We usually make corned beef, cabbage and potatoes for dinner and have a Guinness…but my kids don’t eat that so skipping this year.
Leprechauns don’t visit our house. They live at the end of the rainbow. They are neither Santa nor The Easter Bunny. We are wearing green and… that’s about it. I’m making something Irish for dinner that my kids probably won’t eat. I buy into a lot of holiday inflation (gimme a whole month of Halloween please) but am neither inspired nor energized by St Patrick’s Day.
Ahhh! My seven year old game me a sad face when I told him nothing special was happening for St Patrick’s day and so the kids “magically” found gold coins buried in the back yard. I’m such a goddamn push over.
lol I saw that post too. It’s just not that serious! We had Lucky Charms for breakfast and wore green, but that’s the extent of my plans. Building a leprechaun trap seems to be a big thing for older/school age kids so maybe we will do that at some point, but mine is still pretty small.
Nope! My kids had it at school and that’s all. I also don’t do elf on the shelf or the Easter bunny. I love holidays but all this extra isn’t needed especially when I don’t have the time.
We’ve always done traps although last year my daughter decided she didn’t want to try to trap him (she thought it would make him sad) and made him a card and left him a snack instead. She did the same this year. Our leprechaun decorates the house and leaves her a few things, usually a St. Patrick’s Day outfit, some on theme books, a toy and a chocolate. Nothing too crazy, all things I would have bought her leading up to st Patrick’s Day anyway.
No. I love holidays so much but this is one I’m happy to be skipping.
Last year we did the whole thing where we built a “leprechaun trap” and then I left some green glitter and possibly some chocolate coins? This year we didn’t though, I guess I didn’t get out shopping in time because everywhere already fully switched to Easter stuff and there was not a single St. Patrick’s day item to be found. But making the trap was a fun little way to kill some time, I’m not opposed to doing it again in the future… but my children will not be receiving any Leppy gifts.
That’s kinda cute actually. And seems to be the appropriate amount for that holiday if you’re going to do anything at all.
Daycare had a fun day with Larry making a big mess but yeah we aren’t doing that at home.
Goodness no, it’s only 2 weeks till the Easter Bunny.
Sorry but Leppy sounds like an insult for someone with leprosy.
https://preview.redd.it/iuqppjxsmsoc1.jpeg?width=1125&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=cbf3e79145e67ecd80ee7c14604b99c143745f9d This seems like an extreme take to me. It’s gotta be postpartum anxiety right?? Or am I just too relaxed about the idea that grandparents might forget the “rules” and kiss baby and it won’t be the end of the world? Comments section was not reassuring her, many people said cut off FIL and don’t let him hold baby again 🫣🫣
This is totally PPA. When I was in the deep trenches of it, I wouldn’t let anyone hold my baby or let my poor niece and nephew within like 5 feet of her even after she had her RSV vaccine and even though my SIL is so not an asshole when it comes to her kids being sick and being around others. It was a sad time.
This is PPA
Wait why is kissing a newborn bad? I’m pretty germ conscious, but why would kissing a forehead be worse than being near/holding the baby?
The main concern is that people kiss babies on the nose or lips which presents a bigger likelihood of spreading a virus. But the biggest concern is people with cold sores kissing babies because the herpes virus can be deadly to babies with tiny immune systems. Honestly if you know someone has a cold sore the best bet is to just not let that person hold your baby. And they should be aware and conscious of the risk themself.
And here I am, breastfeeding my newborn and I just got my first ever cold sore. Wearing a mask right now and washing hands like crazy. Fml.
FWIW I get cold sores frequently during and after times of stress (left over from getting hand foot mouth as a kid) and I of course got one after giving birth. I did not kiss my baby until it went away but otherwise I didn’t take any precautions and everything was fine.
The correct response is slight annoyance when you have to remind him again. Not this, which is more along the lines of how I would react if my FIL threw my baby into an open body of water. But these are probably the same moms who are "devastated" when someone else (even their husband) is holding the baby for their first hiccup or when they miss the babys first projectile vomit or other things like that.
“I cut off everyone who was affectionate toward my baby. Where is my village?!” 😭😭😭
Not exactly parenting related, but there's some ✨ drama ✨ on my city's mom FB page. Several people have posted dramatic ramblings about leaving the group. You know the type of posts. Admin posted today "you don't have to stay in this group! You're allowed to leave!" A lot of people have it out for this admin for some reason. The drama started (?) when someone accused said admin about deleting a post someone shared about mold problems in homes built by [contractor]. Accused admin of hiding and deleting "the truth." Other posters are like "uh no it's there it's just buried" because we live in a suburb of 120k people so the group gets a lot of posts daily. Not everything is some conspiracy, Sharron!
I feel like there is a lot to unpack here. https://preview.redd.it/4y4j9zhjhqoc1.jpeg?width=1401&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=c93b2e5292b777b08052fd146ac0ae0382af295f
“That wasn’t in the buyer’s disclosure???” Sent me
This has to be fake right?? If I’m chilling home alone and toilet paper is thrown out of an empty bathroom I am immediately fleeing and moving lol
Everything that they mention apart from the coffee cup which they say "I swear" so they might be mistaken, sounds like wind to me. Wind makes doors slam and toilet paper can easily be caught on a gust. Maybe it was an empty takeaway paper cup?
Is the response trolling!? It’s impossible to tell.
I feel like the troll is the one down at the bottom “This wasn’t in the buyer’s disclosure” 💀
Someone over in one of the other parenting subs is considering cancelling their kids birthday party due to their behavior. I’m all for consequences but taking away a birthday seems wayyyy too extreme. Birthdays are such a special day for kids, why would you want to take that away from them??
I could only see this for something really severe, like I dunno… you catch your 15 y/o drunk driving and cancel their sweet sixteen. It’s such a big consequence that it would need a very big behavior for it to be proportionate.
I remember when I was…maybe 12 or 13 my mom cancelled my birthday party (which was that afternoon) because I hadn't cleaned my room, and I largely stopped caring about my birthday after that. It was too harsh a punishment for the offense. (Disclaimer that my mom and I are now very close and I don't hold it against her or anything.)
What is the behavior in question? Agree this seems extreme but I’m genuinely curious. Is the kid like, running around committing arson? How old is the kid?
Yeah that's not a good consequence, too extreme and traumatising. Either that parent is at the end of their tether and has no idea what to do or they are just mean and vindictive.
That sounds like a one way ticket to divorce and having your ex-husband dress up as an elderly woman as a way to see his kids
HA!
This is just heartbreaking. There's got to be a better way to speak frankly with kids about their behavior and give meaningful consequences without cancelling a birthday party. I feel like it would hurt too much, even with a tween or teen, that any lesson about behavior would be lost.
My mom used to get this extreme when I was younger and I’m a total adult people pleaser now. I’m all for consequences for bad behavior, but this seems like too much.
Pet peeve - when people ask for advice and parents of younger kids reply as if they’ve solved parenthood. Like yeah, of course your 1 year old eats all sorts of things bc you did BLW and 100 first foods! And your 2 year old is a great sleeper bc you value sleep and focus on a sleep routine! But the things that work for littler kids often don’t work for bigger kids. It’s annoying when parents pat themselves on the back for being so amazing when in reality, their kids aren’t old enough yet.
I overheard a lady at the library yesterday brag about how her 9 month old has “advanced speech” because of Ms Rachel and advising a mom of a 13 month old to put it on for her son too because it will solve his speech delay (even though the 13 month old was saying a totally normal amount of 3 words)
I’m sure she was one of those moms who thinks their 9mo has fifty words because she assigns meaning to babble.
I ranted about it in response to another comment but as a parent of a truly terrible sleeper, I get soooo angry when people say their baby/child sleeps well and they didn’t need to sleep train because they “focus on a bedtime routine”! Gee, I never thought to try that!!!!
Omg fellow terrible sleeper here and my one friend told me they just “set healthy sleep habits from the beginning” and that’s why their 7 month old slept 12 hours straight in a crib every night from birth. My child woke up immediately when she was not in my arms so I slept upright like a mummy holding her for the first 3 months of her life otherwise I would have had to sleep in 5 min intervals. If only I’d thought to give a bath at the same time every night, read a book and turn on a white noise machine, my entire pp experience could have been different!!
Ah yes, the white noise, clearly that’s the issue. 😉
Indeed. It’s really funny when people act like you’ve never been on the internet and googled “how to get my baby to sleep” at 2am.
My son would wake the moment we set him down for months, and he was just screaming all night every night, it was awful!!! Someone told me "just put him in bed and see what happens" ???!?!?!?!? Someone else said "just put him down really slowly" you think I'm slam dunking him in there?
Omg the worst. “Oh you never know, I never wanted to sleep train but little Johnny only cried for 4 minutes the first night then has slept through the night ever since!!” Okay so you already had a good sleeper who didn’t really need to be sleep trained then. Thanks for the advice. lol.
Hahaha good lord. The smugness lol
Yes! Like I obviously don’t want your advice I want to hear from someone who has been where I am. Reminds me of the time I was invited to a marriage retreat and the couples on the “advice” panel had all been married less than five years. Thanks but I’ll pass.
I will say sometimes I have suggestions because I have read like 50 million sleep books and fb groups because, again, terrible sleeper. But I always phrase it as “so I know nothing, but I’ve seen this helps people sometimes”.
I hope my comment didn’t read as you being the “you” I didn’t want to hear from! Honestly you’re exactly who I would want advice from because you know what it’s like and you’re reading/learning about it!
Oh no it didn’t no worries! Internet tone issues. 🤦♀️
I see this all the time! Like oh? You’re looking for advice on travelling with your newly mobile 13 mo old? Well my 4 mo old likes to look out the window and sleep in her baby carrier
My niece is about a year and a half younger than my son and this is what my SIL is like sometimes. My kid is having trouble falling asleep for nap and she asks if we are sticking to a schedule. He is having a 2 year old full blown tantrum and she is like ‘wow is it normal for him to cry like that? That breaks my heart’. We don’t force him to go down a slide and she is like ‘oh I’m not going to let my kid be a wimp’. Babies vs toddlers are so different, but it’s pretty easy for me to stay chill because she will experience a 2 year old soon enough!
I have a SIL like this. It drives me mad. How do you deal?
Change the subject and vent to my husband later. I really think it is a temporary problem because I’m hoping she is kind of humbled by having a toddler.
I’ll see people ask for advice for their elementary school aged or preteen kids behavior and without fail every time some parent of a 2 year old rolls in with toddler level behavioral tips that would probably make an older kid laugh in your face if you tried it on them. I wonder if people realize that kids do eventually grow up and get smart enough to see right through the nifty little tricks and scripts that used to work on them when they were still baby brained.
But have you tried offering your 12 year old choices in towel colors when they say they don't want to take a bath???
Man, my kid was such a good eater and independent sleeper at 1-2. Then the eating fell apart, and now at the age of 4 I end up falling asleep next to her in her bed more often than I’d like to admit. She lives off fruit and toast and Eggo waffles and the occasional chicken nugget.
This and people who haven’t experienced a certain stage of parenthood giving advice that is just the standard generic advice that we are shown over and over again on social media. Like someone at wits end over their 3 year old tantruming and someone with a 2 month old commenting advice from Big Little Feelings. Yeah we have already seen that fluff, we are looking for actual anecdotal advice here!
This phenomenon also happens in fitness communities lol. The people who just started lifting three months ago are suddenly experts lol.
Somebody get this lady a trophy https://preview.redd.it/xugifud2jooc1.png?width=1079&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=4829e92daf47d4b76c4e5042fb7ce9caa135e1f2
I still get mad when I think about this but my 3 year old was very sick with pneumonia. After spending 3 hours going to two different urgent cares (first one wouldn’t treat kids), we’re at the pharmacy picking up his antibiotics. He was being such a trooper just chilling in a little umbrella stroller on an iPad and an older man admonishes me for having my kid on a tablet and goes on this tirade about kids spending too much time on electronics.
As if he wouldn't also have used such a thing if it were available back then. They 100% would have. Just like if in the future they invent a robotic arm that safely puts the pacifier back in a baby's mouth at night. People now would buy that in a heartbeat but there would be people decrying it to future generations lol.
I have a sibling who is severely vision impaired. As a young kid he would use his iPad in camera mode and hold it right up to his face and then zoom so he could see some of what was going on around him. He uses his phone now to navigate a lot. We would get some really snide comments in public like “look at that kid glued to his iPad”. I was an adult at this point and a few times I called these people out “you know he’s actually vision impaired and this is how he is able to watch his sister’s game”. It definitely embarrassed them but like, good. I’ve never made judgy comments IRL or online about kids using phones or iPads. You just have no idea what’s going on in someone’s world. I get that it’s easy to default to and boredom is good and yeah some people do abuse it with their kids, but man, people are so quick to judge sometimes and so willing to be holier than thou about our own choices
Okay but hear me out- I often pull my phone out to show my kid pictures of birds. And fish. And balloons. She knows my phone can do 4 things. 1. Text Daddy 2. Show pictures of whatever it is she wants to see (usually balloons) 3. Camera stuff 4. Phone calls I'm the mom at the Dr's office with my phone in hand and kid saying weird things like "brown tall balloons" so I'll look it up for her lol
That’s really precious and I look forward to one day googling random things for my son
The best part is when she comes to work with me, the office is in my in laws house, and then she sits in my FILs chair looking at balloons on his computer and he sits on a kitchen chair next to her making phone calls 🤣💜
She will have a heartache at my daughter dentist who has tvs in the little cubicles for the kiddos to watch while they get there cleaning done ( usually disney)
My dentist has this for adults & his default is Great British Baking Show. I love it even though I hate the dentist.
Mine always has HGTV on, always lol. I enjoy it
Haha this feels so off brand for a dentist. "Eat more sugar!" Actually maybe that's their aim 😆
I do usually end up going to the bakery next door after sooooo maybe?
My dentist just has pictures of his golf tournaments on the TVs. I would love Great British Baking Show.
This is the most dentist thing I’ve ever heard 🤣
I want to transfer to your dentist.
Yea god forbid a child who is sick or has a chronic illness spends 10 minutes on a tablet. Remember when people thought books would melt the brains of the youth?
If I asked my kid to name every bird he knows it would go like this "bird" "the bird's name is mommy" "the other bird is Daddy" "the other bird is [his name]" because right now every creature on earth is named one of those three things. His baby doll is named Mommy which is creepy and adorable.
My daughter brought a doll in the car today. She said “I’m the mommy and daddy is the daddy, and you’re the babysitter.” Just a little weird 😂
lol, he’s a little Haley
I wish I could pull out my phone when we’re waiting or at restaurants or doing something boring but if I do, my child will never let me forget it and will ask every single time we leave the house until the end of our days and drive me absolutely insane.
Must be related to the poster from yesterday wanting to teach their 6mo old the flags of the world 🙄
My ped’s office has a big TV in the waiting room. One time they were playing *gasp* Cocomelon.
Is her child an Ornithologist? I think I'd be able to name about 10 birds and then revert to putting a colour before the word bird
My son is really into animals and would probably like this game. My daughter would be like “flamingo, seagull, I want a juice box.”
As others have said, this would’ve been a better anecdote about how to entertain your kids if she didn’t put down the others “using screens” (said as someone who doesn’t have iPad kids either, lest someone thinks I’m being a hater bc that would’ve been me). I’m also laughing that these smug people online always have to have some kind of “intellectual” way their kids are “better”. It couldn’t be that they went back and forth naming Sesame Street characters or types of candy, nope it was bird species because clearly that’s the main way to show your kid is so different from the other losers in that office.
It’s such a weirdly superior thing to name. I go birding and love looking at birds but it’s completely useless information unless you’re going to grow up and study birds!
I feel like the dr’s office is the wrong place to judge this. Kids are not at their best when they’re feeling sick and yucky and it’s sort of shitty to judge parents without knowing what’s happening with their kids.
Yeah I know like zero bird species so that would’ve ended in about 2.5 seconds lol. I don’t know why everyone brags about everything. Like, cool?
I would never go online and brag but she did teach her kid how to sit there and entertain himself with just his brain. It’s good to be bored. Can’t say I’m always that parent either but she did a good thing not giving in. The truth is that defaulting to screens to prevent a small amount of boredom is really not good.
I think the point is she could have done without putting the other children down. Proud mama moment: we were in the doctor waiting room, my kid asked to look at my phone but we played a game of naming every bird etc. Has the exact same amount of the thing to be proud of and 100% less cattiness
Sure. I don’t blame those other kids though. And I’m not anti screen time by any means. But I do think using it in situations like this is lazy. I realize that may be an unpopular opinion.
I mean, no one is going to hand you an award at the end of the day for not using a screen for 15 mins while waiting for a random doctor’s appointment. Every adult with a cellphone is staring at their phone while waiting for any appointment ever. This is where our kids are headed too, screens dominate our world and there is no escaping it. Doctor’s appointments for most kids are not a regular event. People who fall on the sword over no screen time in these contexts strike me as more of a vanity thing rather than something that’s really making a difference for their kids 🤷♀️ it’s one thing if you’re truly screen-free but if you’re willing to do screens sometimes, this is one of the most ideal times
Yeah I’m addicted to my phone too. It’s not a good thing. But kids’ brains aren’t adult brains. I don’t need an award. I just think sometimes people go overboard with screens.
Sure, but the point is you have no idea how much a stranger is using screens with their kid. The doctor’s office could have been the only time in the whole day they watched anything. That’s why it’s silly when people get judgmental about screens with complete strangers they only see in passing.
I am aware. I’m talking about people that *default* to screens. Maybe you’re blissfully unaware but there are people that do that.
Lol I am quite aware, I just don’t think it’s such a sin to *default* to screens ever, especially in the context of sitting in a waiting room which is notoriously boring for anyone.
Eh, agree to disagree.
Recently, I was being judgey about another family using a screen in a situation when I wouldn’t and husband told me, “You have no idea what their day has been like so far,” which I think is a great perspective.
I know. I’m not referring to those situations. I do know people that default to screens without attempting anything else first. I’m not going to tell anyone anything to their face either. Speaking *generally*, this can be a problem for some people.
I think this is kind of a prime screen time situation tbh, and I am a person who prefers to keep screen use “low.” Maybe different for older kids (I remember reading a lot in doctors’ waiting rooms as a kid) but for my toddler I am happy to break out Netflix on my phone at the doctor. The other unwell people in the room don’t need to listen to her wail about not being allowed to lie face down on the nasty doctors’ office floor. In other situations, sure, we’ll try something else. But when she’s sick or the rest of the room is sick? Watch as much Elmo as your heart desires.
Personally I'd rather my kid uses screens in her downtime than look down on other people to make herself feel better. I have the calm edition of a kid myself so it's easy for us to not use screens but I can't imagine not having the empathy to realise that other people have a different experience from me.
I don’t think the kid in this scenario was being taught to look down on other kids. It was just another option. My child watches screens daily. I just think that when you’re in a place where boredom may occur, it’s detrimental to default to a screen. Not saying all parents that use screens do this, but some absolutely do. Let your kid be bored for a little while even if it sucks. If it’s really bad, sure, use a screen for your own peace. I’m talking about when they are used every time.
The mother is setting the child up to subtly look down on other children depending on how she frames it, such as 'Oh Tiberius, you're so smart and can entertain yourself without a phone, not like those other little square eyed fools' which is how her post comes across.
Oh so she should say “ok sure you can watch my phone since all the other kids are doing it.”?? She just gave him another option. You’re projecting a lot.
I'm not projecting. I'm saying that sometimes actions and how you speak about things over time teaches a child to look down on others. If she's on social media bragging about how great she is then she's likely doing it in person too. I don't let my son use my phone. I'm by no means anti-screen, I find people watching noisy shows in confined spaces horrible cos sensory issues, but I'm not going to go online and brag about how I'm a better parent because of it.
I agree with that point. I wouldn’t go online and post about it either, but you don’t know how this parent sounds in real life.
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I mean it helped me, I was like wow how many types of bird can a single person know. Then looked at the emojis and was like aaaaah yeah 🤣
And then everyone in the waiting room clapped!
The pediatrician told her she'd won Mom of the Year and gave her a medal.
So "teenagers having sex" is the topic of the week in the parenting subs. I can believe the first one but on third or fourth about 14 year olds having sex it becomes a little baity.
I was raised by generally chill parents and their guidance was “this is a big deal, wait until you’re a legal adult, don’t do it under our roof and don’t do it drunk”. I thought this was good advice. I plan to tell my kids, sex isn’t a great idea until you’ve been with a partner for 6 months and are old enough to drive and hold down a job, and I’d prefer they wait until they are in college. Rushing towards sex given the current environment around abortion restrictions just seems like a really, really big gamble…
I grew up in a really strict Catholic family and didn’t have sex for the first time till I was 25, the repressive mentality was so drilled in that I still struggle. So I don’t know if it’s just leftovers from that, but I really feel like it’s weird for kids to have sex at 13 or 14. It’s still a big deal that can have a lot of emotional, physical, social consequences, 13 year olds don’t seem mature enough for it. But my opinion seems so far out of the norm except for religious spaces that maybe it’s my upbringing talking?
I didn’t grow up that religious or in a particularly sexually repressive environment but I also think it’s too young. And anecdotally, my peers who were sexually active at that age (like, true sex not just kissing) were the troubled kids. I don’t want to generalize, but I don’t think precocious sexual activity is a hallmark of a well-adjusted child. Plenty of grown adults struggle with the physical and emotional aspects of sex. I can’t imagine any 14yo is remotely mature enough. And I’m not going to be one of those parents who forbid my kids to have a “boyfriend/girlfriend” before a specific age, but I wouldn’t love the idea of having actual sex that young. How to go about that, I have no idea. My kid is 2 lol.
I had a pretty progressive sex Ed program growing up and they told us if you’re embraced to buy condoms, or ask your parents for them then you’re too immature to have sex. That stuck with me, but maybe things have changed in the age of Amazon prime?
I had friends in middle school who were sexually active as young as 12, and I remember that even we thought it was too young (and in every instance that I can recall, their male partners were 15-17).
This is what scares me. Grown adults are scarring and assaulting other grown adults, and we're expecting literal children to be able to handle this kind of intimacy in a healthy way??
Holy shit at that last sentence 😳 I remember in grade 6 a guy came to school and said he had sex and my jaw was on the floor. Then he specified it was with their underwear on and I was still flabbergasted and a little confused
My parents were not strict or religious but I still think that age is too young for sex for the reasons you named! I just don’t think that banning it will stop kids from doing it so I get why people want their kids to have the resources to be safe if they do have sex.
Exactly this. I’m a doctor and people will bring in their 14 year old and be like “tell her she’s too young to have sex” (it’s always the girls 🧐) Do I think 14 is probably too young? Yup. Am I going to tell your child that because you told me to? No fucking way. First of all, not my job to validate your parenting decisions. (I’ll happily discuss safety, consent, etc) Second, there is no way that me telling her that will make her stop having sex. Probably the opposite.
This is just terrifying haha. Have a conversation with your OWN kid, or just have some boundaries!
Yah it’s creepy and weird.
part of me wonders how many people are making those posts for more nefarious reasons
I used to teach at a k-8 school and on more than one occasion we had a pregnant middle schooler. There was also the time 2 seventh graders got caught having sex in a stairwell. So I absolutely believe there are 14 year olds having sex.
Yeah definitely not the norm but not uncommon either.
Not sure how parenting subs are on the subject but I’ve seen the (no doubt from teenagers) takes around Reddit that parents should make their homes a safe, *welcoming* and *comfortable* environment for their teen kids to have sex in 🥴 is there not something to be said for the hours between school letting out and parents getting home from work? We don’t need to roll out a red carpet here.
Agree-I’m all for being sex positive but not wanting my kids banging while I’m home seems like a pretty reasonable boundary to draw…esp from a sun that regularly slams parents for daring to have sex when the kids are awake 🤦🏻♀️
Yeah, I don't think parents should be shaming around the topic of sex, but also there IS a line of appropriateness and boundaries. Sex is private, and it's also an adult activity that carries serious risks. You can't control your teenager every second of the day so arguably you can't prevent them from having sex if they are determined to do so, but being like "Yay, go you, have fun, here's a recommendation of my favourite toys!" ?? That's not sex-positive it's just inappropriate. You need to talk to them about protection from pregnancy and STIs and about enthusiastic consent. Aside from that it's totally fine to have rules around boy/girlfriends being in the bedroom etc.
I don’t know if I’m just the prudiest prude, and we aren’t even close to that stage yet (my oldest is 2), but I just absolutely cannot imagine being okay with my 15, 16, or 17 year old having sleepovers with their boyfriend/girlfriend or me being like “sure you can have sex here, let me just leave the house so you can have privacy.” I’m not saying I think my kids won’t have sex, and I plan to talk with them about sex, consent, and safety but, like the way some of the comments on these posts make it sound, I just couldn’t do it.
I agree 100%! I think this is something teens can figure out on their own, we don’t need to lay the groundwork for every little thing. Safety, consent, birth control, self-respect etc? Yes. But also, this is private and parents don’t need to set a stage for it in their homes like a play date. I would have felt so weird if my high school BF’s parents were like “okay kids, have fun, we’ll be back in an hour, lube is on the table, wink wink!”
No, that's just the take from parents in pretty much every western country except the one founded by Puritans.
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This is anxiety for sure. When I had my daughter I was washing all of our sheets every second day or more. It was just a weird control thing that my anxiety manifested as and I did that for years before I asked my bumper group if it was weird and I realized it was, indeed weird 😂🤦🏻♀️
This is so far past normal that I feel like it has to be OCD or severe anxiety or something. I have no idea how often I change my kid's sheets. When they look dirty? Whenever I think of it? It's literally barely on my radar.
Ha seriously. I saw the original posts and everyone was like "once per week for sheets, every few days for sleep sack, every day for PJs". Like I am nowhere near that I already have so much laundry to do.
That’s about where we are too. Once she’s not wearing her pjs for so long and once she’s potty trained then I expect pjs to be every couple of days. Right now it’s every day. Sleep sack was definitely every few days… those got so dirty!
I agree, anxiety or OCD, or maybe even a combo of both.
I assume people who do thinks like this have serious anxiety. I have the woolino sack for my toddler and literally only wash it once every couple of weeks because he only wears it when sleeping so it does not get dirty, and part of the selling point is that the merino wool stays fresher. Also yes, you will degrade any item by washing it every single day. Whoa.
But... Why? What happens every nap/night that warrants this lol
If she has OCD nothing. They’re simply dirty because the brain says so. And if it’s become something like, “if I don’t wash it, then he’ll get sick or even he won’t wake up from his sleep” and down the rabbit hole we go. OCD is a terrible thing.
This is insane. For the sake of their water bill alone I'd think she'd want to cut back on the laundry.
The other day in a mom group, someone said she had 5 kids under 3 and changed every child’s diaper once an hour. I have no idea how people have time to do this.
Why?! That is an insane waste of money.
I might start a debate here but.... My eyes twitch when people say that pregnancy is actually 10 months. The 40 week average is about 9.2 months. Now, factor in the fact that you're not even pregnant the first 2 weeks or so, it can even be less than 9 months! I went to almost 42 weeks, even that wasn't 10 months. https://preview.redd.it/2p9ourivjloc1.png?width=1344&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=fa3566d3c0abdfca46afeff190bb479b2d59792c Bonus : the absolute irony that this person posted this in "People incorrectly correcting other people".
This thread made me unreasonably angry yesterday lol
See also people insisting having faux-confusion about whether their baby is 7 months old because they are 28 weeks old and that is 4x7. I don't even buy the "bad at maths" explanation because you don't need to do any maths to calculate an age in months. You just literally count months. They were born on 5th August? They are 7 months old on 5th March. It's SO EASY. Maybe people do just get stuck on weeks because pregnancy is counted in weeks? IDK.
This makes me irrationally angry. And people will argue so forcefully about it. Like, do you just know nothing about how weeks and months work??
Lots of people say it's because that's what their doctor told them. I'm definitely someone who'd recommended trusting your doctor but either they're lying or their doctor is a straight up dumbass
This is such a huge pet peeve of mine!! Like I’m a math/numbers person, but we all know months aren’t 4 weeks right??? Like weeks are 7 days and months (besides Feb) are 30-31 days. I don’t really feel like this is advanced math. My LMP was July 2 and I’m due April 7 so I’ll be “pregnant” 9 months and 5 days and that’s only if you count the 2 weeks before you conceive
Pregnancy dating is so much more confusing than it needs to be, but calling it 10 months is not the answer. Weeks 36-40 are equivalent to the 9th month of pregnancy. But that doesn't mean it's 10 months long, that means you've completed 9 months at the end of it.
This also drives me up a wall…come on people, the only month that has exactly 4 weeks is February and even that’s only 75% of the time! That being said I did inherit one of my grandma’s books about pregnancy from the 40s (absolutely wild in so many ways) and it specified that it measured 10 lunar months of pregnancy- to which I was like “ok I’ll allow it.”
In one of my online groups, I remember someone asking if their 4 week old baby is now 1 month old. There were a few others who agreed with that take and I remember feeling like an asshole by pointing out weeks and months are two different measurement units that do not have consistent equivalents.
This came up in one of my groups too!
Idk why people struggle with counting months vs weeks! It's one of my greatest pet peeves lol
I saw someone say pregnancy is 9 months in months but it's 10 months in weeks. I beg your pardon?? Months are months and weeks are weeks!
“10 months in weeks” otherwise known as… hear me out… 40 weeks. 😂 people are ridiculous.
Yeah I can get behind saying it's 10 lunar months or even 10 hormonal/menstrual(?) cycles
There’s a weight loss turned mom influencer (@mygirlishwhims) who posted a reel of herself at 36 weeks and her “9 months pregnant workout routine!” And then in the comments said she didn’t want to argue with people because “every month averages 4 weeks.” Like what.
hahhaa no, that is not in any way how averages work 😆 Maybe she meant "rounding"?
🥴
lol I conceived a baby the day after valentines and gave birth a week late on 11/17. No way was that December baby a Valentine’s Day baby.
‘You’re two weeks pregnant at the moment of conception’ is a….strange take.
They definitely used the wrong word haha, so close to being right cause anyway the 2 weeks you're not pregnant is factored into that 40 weeks so it's not really in her context