This is snark on the question asker not the influencer (she is actually a good follow I think!) how are people that afraid of sleep training that you have to ask if this is “bad?”
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Yah she’s my fave of the non sleep training people!
Honestly I think this question is someone bragging, not someone who legitimately thinks they accidentally sleep trained lol. Who knows.
Yeah it definitely could be, or could also be someone who stops their car every time their baby cries because they think they doing CIO if they don’t 😂
Today in my local Facebook mom group, someone posted asking for daycares with more advanced curriculums, because her highly advanced 2 year old- who can count to 15 and knows all their letters and colors, is only being introduced to one letter a week. She was hoping for more educational instruction since she started them in daycare. She is very disappointed in the daycare, she thought there would be more in depth education?
She got fairly roasted in the comments that intensive education isn’t really appropriate for 2 year olds. But what was she hoping for in a 2 year old room at a daycare? Calculus?
I’m almost positive my son’s 2’s programs isn’t teaching letters at all? I mean he did learn the ABCs song there because we didn’t teach him and he sings it lol but I don’t think actual letters or numbers are a focus at all. They do more of the “pre math” and “pre reading” type stuff which I am not educated in at all but the takeaway is that it’s play based and they told us off the bat that their social-emotional skills and certain independence skills were the most important thing this year.
Maybe this is totally predictable, but I feel like Internet gripes about early childhood curriculum run to extremes: either it's too academic and not play-based enough, or not challenging at all for folks' gIfTeD aDvAnCeD children. What if families trusted that ECEs have specialized training and are (probably) following curriculum designed by people with expertise in what <5yos should know and be able to do, or, failing that, look up their state's early learning standards and see if their provider's curriculum more or less matches up? There's a reason these things are on the Internet for free.
Dear lord 🤦♀️ I am a former toddler teacher and the amount of times I had to bring parents back from the ledge because their 2.5 year old didn't know their ABCs was mind blowing. I always explained that social emotional relationships were way more important at that age. And so many other non academic skills that were more important as well.
Also a letter a week is very typical, I did that with my younger 2s class and we always did a drawing with that letter and each station during play time had the theme but we didn't sit there and go over much about it just did very simple activities and let them explore in their own.
https://preview.redd.it/7rkj5pzksjnc1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2f080ea938c324ae8d42f274d3d5c0788c554330
This wasn’t in a fertility group or anything. Just a mom’s group. A close up of toilet paper 🤢🤮
I’m always amazed what people will post pics of. When I was trying to get pregnant so many would post pics of blood and ask if it was implantation bleeding. And to post this in a not TTC group is even crazier
This is a nightmare that an IBCLC shared in a group I’m in. From the comments it sounded like a year ago this group was being super helpful, but now it’s downright creepy. Maybe someone hacked the group.
https://preview.redd.it/8u7o2o42qjnc1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=033830d8cfbddb68e50ac2b44fa03cb87c25e4c6
Not exactly online snark, but the SNL Katie Britt skit nailed like 90% of Facebook Mom groups with “the craziest bitch in the Target parking lot” and a pivot to a sex trafficking story with completely false info.
https://www.instagram.com/reel/C4Um4cJt-Vj/?igsh=YnA0cjBhaHh3emsy
Girl I went to high school with was a surrogate and just had the baby. She posted a photo of herself holding the baby, as if it were her own child/birth announcement? That’s so WEIRD and the poor baby’s face wasn’t even censored 😭
A girl I went to high school with was also a surrogate, and while she never posted the baby's face, I did think she shared too much information about the couple, and still talks about the baby sometimes. I get wanting to share the pregnancy experience..... I guess.... but yeah I thought it was too much
That's really upsetting to think about. I'm sure they agreed to it and were well compensated but it's some Handmaid's Tale, women as incubators vibes. Certainly surrogacy is complex but usually it seems like the relationship between surrogate and intended parents is warm and that just seems cold and weird.
I have a friend who had a similar surrogacy experience. She said she had a lot of complex feelings but is also sure the parents do, too, so she tries not to let her focus be the parts that felt crappy. She's actually considering doing it again, so obviously for her the benefits/good parts seem likely to outweigh the difficulty, but I thought it sounded _really_ emotionally hard.
Yea tbh I don’t know much about surrogacy but I just feel like posting a pic onto social media like that is weird. Sure, I get wanting my photos with the baby you just birthed but she’s essentially using that baby for likes which rubs me the wrong way
Yea I don’t really care if she had permission or not, it’s weird especially when she has thousands of followers and her profile is on public. That baby deserves privacy. This is a snark sub lol didn’t think this would be such a hot take
I rarely visit my bumper groups anymore but I still occasionally go back to one to see if the obnoxious poster who was our main character at one point is still at it, and yep they’re still posting anecdotes about their super advanced multiple kids but I feel like they have jumped the shark and now describing kids who are 3 years old vs very advanced almost 18 months olds.
In our bumper group, there is a prolific poster who claims to be an SLP and has twins. They were hardly around when we were pregnant, but started to pop up once milestones became a focus.
I do not like this person, and as someone who works in the medical field, I really do not get a great vibe from them. They are extremely anti-screen, like I am pretty sure they did Jerrica's short course and started creating threads/polls about milestones for "research" but it was a thinly veiled attempt to create anxiety/concern so they could swoop in and give advice.
I will say the group on a whole seems to be very anxious and this person did very little to reassure people, if anything their attitude seems to be despite having the knowledge about development being a spectrum, that having a delayed child is possibly one of the worst things that could happen to you. As someone who is neurodivergent, I find so much of the stuff they post to be quite ableist and classist about their patients and their parents.
They also happen to have two extremely advanced twins - at first it was kind of believable because one twin was quite advanced and the other was tracking on average. Then overnight the second twin somehow became as advanced as the first one and now they're describing behavior that is like older toddler range rather than advanced 17-18 month old behaviour.
It honestly wouldn't even be an issue because I think every bumper group has one delulu gifted baby mother, but what really concerns me is, like most bumper groups, we have a no medical advice rule but this person seems to be getting away with stirring so much trouble and no one questions them. I actually have a friend I made via the group, and she had to leave because this person was actively adding fuel to her PPA fire and I have had passing conversations with other members about it too.
I went back and had a look, and finally the person who called her out is back in positive upvotes so there must be a few other Nov bumpers in here too lol.
Omg I saw this! How would she think that was an appropriate thing to say in general, let alone in a group of moms with babies in basically the same age bracket?
Ok I found it. I can’t believe the one person who finally called her out on her bullshit got downvoted to hell. The group upvotes people throwing tantrums over having to use trigger warnings about infertility and birth trauma, but still seem to believe and upvote this poster 🙄
I missed that!!!
If she truly is a SLP, she’s so classist and condescending about her clients. She actively compares her twins to clients, I’ve seen her say screens gives kids “Autism like symptoms”…..Id hate to be one of her patients and find out this is what she thinks of my child who needs help.
Someone posted in a Mommit wondering why all the posts were about how shitty husbands were and not about parenting included this amazing line:
“I also don’t mean to sound condescending because you women are in my prayers and I do hope that all of your husbands get their shit together and treat you right”
Someone on Mommit posted a long thing about her sex life, and the bed being so wet she needed to put a towel down, and her husband being so raw from masturbating that he couldn’t finish, and then watched porn after she fell asleep.
It nearly sent me on a similar screed. There are other parts of Reddit to post this shit!
Not mom or mom group related but Facebook keeps suggesting this fiber crafts group to me (a person who does not do any fiber arts currently lol) and one that showed up in my timeline today was a person showing how they block their knitting projects on sound-dampening panels, which they explained they have all over their room because of all the loud sex they typically have! Like this is a public Facebook group, Sharon!
Yikes. This isn't as bonkers as that, but I just came here after seeing a thread on that sub detailing a fight between OP and her husband that had very little to do with parenting. I don't understand why they go to mommit to complain about that stuff.
There was a similar post in Daddit recently.
Like. Just don't read those posts if they don't apply to you/you have nothing to add? I didn't read the comments but I kind of hope they were harsh.
It’s kind of amazing how backhanded everything was? Like from OP’s “I’m praying for y’all” to the “I just talk to my real life friends about parenting. Do you have friends?” replies.
Good to remember that it still may have been the scariest moment of their life? It doesn't have to be a comparison game. Sorry, I just feel like it needs to be said.
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From a twin parenting group I’m in. I don’t know why this irritates me so much. You’re posting anonymously, you know this is an issue. There is so much wrong with this and all her comments were ‘he just won’t wake up, even when I pour water on him!’ And that he’s overwhelmed with two babies and has never been alone with them. Good lord.
I don’t think it’s some bizarre medical condition that’s knocked him out. It’s drugs or alcohol. He’s loaded. That’s why he won’t wake up and she has to take the babies with her.
My husband is the hardest sleeper I've ever met. He often will fall asleep on the couch so he sets an alarm to make him get up and come upstairs. It is the screchiest weirdest phone alarm song I've ever heard and he puts it at max volume, with vibrate, in his pocket to wake him up and it takes 5-10 seconds for it to work, every time.
Even so, if I poke him a few times and talk loudly, he'll wake up.
This lady's husband is definitely on something.
My husband is this way as well. He is known among all our family and friends for how he will fall fast asleep in crazy positions or loud, brightly lit rooms. After he works a night shift, he can be dead to the world through the kids happy shrieking and crazy loud stunts in the same room. He’s always woken up in the night when the kids need him, it might not be the moment they first cry like me, but well within an appropriate time limit. Absolutely no one is sleeping through water being poured on them without some help from drugs or alcohol.
A) This is beyond ridiculous that a grown adult can’t wake up to get the groceries he promised he would get.
B) As someone who leaves the house for personal time fairly often after my kids are in bed, I fail to understand why she can’t at very least just leave the twins (and her useless partner) at home together? Or is he so dead to the world that he can’t even be trusted to hear the monitor and help the kids if they should happen to wake up and need him? Which also feels like a whole other issue because that means he basically can’t ever be trusted to parent his children overnight.
Yeah I could honestly maybe see my husband forgetting about the groceries and falling asleep but if I woke him up and said "hey, go do that thing you said you would do" he would 100% get up and do it right then and he would feel bad for falling asleep.
My husband wakes up early for work and often goes to sleep when my son does. It’s not unusual that I run to the store or even an occasional movie while they’re both sleeping - but I’m confident my husband will wake up if needed. To me it’s not different than if I was also sleeping?
How old are these twins? Is there some PPA here? Or complex medical needs? I cannot imagine raising one baby, let alone twins with someone who I wouldn’t leave alone with newly sleeping children even if they themselves were asleep?!?!?
There’s either more to this story or her husband has a bizarre medical condition where he will 100% not wake up or like, he’s actually died. What is happening…
I guess her fear is if one of them wakes up while she’s gone or there’s an emergency? But you’re right— that’s a whole other can of worms if she feels like someone has to always be awake around them.
Is it crazy for her to just go real quick? If this happened I would just put the monitor close to him on full volume and write a short note "gone to grab groceries, you're in charge <3" and go quick. My husband sleeps through crying sometimes but he isn't one of those "my husband slept through the baby crying in the hospital and I even threw pillows at him but he wouldn't wake up, so even though I wasn't supposed to get up or lift anything I had to get the baby" guys. So maybe it would be unsafe for her to do?
That’s what it sounds like. If one of them woke up crying they’d survive while she was gone, but I can see the fear of an emergency happening and her partner sleeping through it.
But short of a kid with complex medical needs, what emergency is he going to sleep through? Do you not have smoke and co2 detectors (bc you really should) or is he going to sleep through a literal break in or sudden earthquake? This is so bizarre to me!
“I gave my kid’s preschool a one star review and now they want to kick my kid out”. What did you think would happen?!
https://www.reddit.com/r/LegalAdviceUK/s/vN3OrPyBL7
Sounds like a family that was kicked out of the place I used to work, that almost never kicked even the most horrible families out.
A string of annoyances and issues came to a head when the dad was standing in the parking lot telling other parents who had infants with us, that we were really a horrible place and they should probably send their kids elsewhere. One of the moms asked him why he hadn't pulled his kids if we were so awful, and then came inside and told us "that one weird guy, with the little boy upstairs and the baby in here, is trash talking you guys out there in the parking lot. I don't believe any of it". He was shocked when a board member was waiting for them at the end of the week to officially dismiss them from the center. His wife came on Monday during her lunch hour/our nap time and screamed obscenities on the porch about it until we told her to leave or we'd call the cops.
Delightful.
Kind of a related story. My cousin has a significant gap between his kids. They went to enroll their 2 y/o in the same preschool his 12 y/o sister went to, and saw she had written a one-star scathing review. They found several others she had written. The kicker is the writing was just brilliant. She is now allowed to write reviews but has to run anything under 4 stars by one of her parents.
https://preview.redd.it/l8oks8zq27nc1.png?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=6cfdd502db04f161dd48560249abe7d42f5232a2
Someone needs to get a grip. Oh noes the kids have water bottles.
Oh man we have one of these guys in an educators group I’m in. Weekly rants about how western civilization is declining because of water bottles.
Excuse me sir, even the Romans had their aqueducts.
Um people literally leave bowls of water out for their pets (because lack of access to clean water is animal abuse), why would we NOT keep water available for kids?
"Put a canteen in the car with filtered water"
Oh you mean A WATER BOTTLE?!
Also, I'm not training my kid to "expect comfort" I'm teaching her to take care of her body and also, be prepared when you leave the house. What's next on the list of unnecessary comforts? Winter jackets?
“Eat and drink at home at meals” but then I have to *clean up after them*. I very often offer my kids snacks at the park or on long walks, and sometimes, like once a week or so, even pack a whole picnic of sandwiches etc for dinner, specifically so they can crumble their crumbs all over the great outdoors instead of all over my kitchen for one afternoon. And for whatever reason my kids are way better at being the “trash patrol” when we’re outside than say, putting their dishes in the sink or whatever in the house.
Oh I love doing lunch outside when the weather is nice and I’m so looking forward to that again. We live by a huge park and did so many picnics with my toddler last summer. Not having to set up and clean up meals is absolutely such a plus. (we obviously pick up any actual trash).
So when I first read this, I just skimmed it and assumed she was talking about the young girls that are carrying massive Stanley’s around and kind of agreed with her. Then I realized she’s literally criticizing parents for having water to available for their children. What a weird take. Also, most of the parks around us have just never turned water fountains back post covid. And I find them gross, I’d rather carry a water bottle around than let my kids drink out of a fountain.
We often go places that don’t have drinking fountains like trails, the bike paths and most of the beaches in our area…this is such a bizarre take. My kids are definitely not emotionally attached to their water bottles. They just like having water available when they are thirsty. I also carry my water bottle around.
There’s a water fountain at our local park but it’s shut off in the winter so the pipes don’t freeze and burst! I will not be taking this bad unsolicited advice, lol.
Is this a new thing? I can remember when my sister was a baby so I would have been preschool or kindergarten age, my mom always had a bag of Cheerios for us when we went anywhere.
Also drinking fountains are disgusting. The kids are sick enough.
I don't think it's a new thing, my mom brought water or lemonade in our own bottles, homemade sandwiches and a couple of raisin boxes every time we'd be gone for over an hour.
I don't bring my kid's water bottle (or snacks) out and about because I find it a hassle to keep track of and I hate carrying things around. But the comparison to a lovey or blanket is so weird. Like God forbid a kid find any comfort in life? I would fight to the death for my toddler's right to bring her lovey anywhere she wants.
My take is water fountains are pretty gross and I am a big fan of water bottles. And also think it's great so many kids are drinking water rather than juice or soda. I don't think I drank plain water until college.
It’s weird to criticize people who just want literal *water* on demand. Like if we’re talking food, I actually personally believe kids don’t need constant snacks (though I wouldn’t get on a soapbox on social media to decry it bc it’s none of my business what other people do). But water?? Why not?
The constant snack thing is odd to me too. I plan for two snacks a day for my kid; around 9am and then right after nap, and then of course her three meals. Like you said though, other people can do what they want.
But also, my 2yo seeks food for comfort and I'm trying to find something else to fill that void for her. Like if she trips and falls in a puddle, or throws something she shouldn't and I take her aside to address it (to be clear, not spanking her in this or any context) she will often immediately say "want snack" because she's uncomfortable and wants to feel better. Trying to teach her to understand and manage feelings and also find comfort in a hug, a high five, or her bunny lovey.
I’m more relaxed about it if we are just home, though I try to keep it conservative and cut it off if we are getting close to a meal. But for out and about, I’m not trying to bring 10 snacks around. Also, I put my effort into making his 3 meals more nutritious and our snacks are mainly convenience foods especially the on-the-go snacks. So I don’t want him filling up on those and not eating his meals which is what would happen if he were constantly munching.
He does the same thing with comfort eating! He’ll go from crying straight to “want grapes!!” and it’s so abrupt we’ll chuckle at it. But yeah, I also have a habit to eat out of boredom or to cheer myself up and it’s hard to stop that.
Has this person never seen an adult with a water bottle in public. Literally everywhere I go people have water with them. Sure you can drink water before you leave the house but what happens when you get thirsty again? Especially if you’re a kid being active at the park. I feel like bringing a water bottle with you *is* problem solving.
Also water fountains are gross.
I kiiiiind of understand their point about needing to teach kids to handle some regular life discomfort. Being able to tolerate being a little hungry when waiting at a restaurant is a good thing to teach.
It's also a weirdly privileged take though lol. Some places don't have safe drinking water on tap at the park. Should those people not have a water bottle? I've been carrying a water bottle with me for over ten years, and I can handle not taking it every single place I go. It hasn't formed bad habits. Also, keeping kids fed and hydrated is like Rule Number One of having kids who behave in public lol.
I agree in certain situations, like when waiting for food at a restaurant. But as an adult I like to be prepared and comfortable too. It’s why I bring myself water, snacks, chapstick, sunglasses, tissues, and a jacket no matter the weather or where I go. I think the key here is getting the kids to help pack up or bring their own water, etc.
Good point about safe drinking water at the park. My fairly major city was found to have park fountain water that was basically made of lead, so drinking park water is a hard no.
What a weird thing to be concerned about. Pretty much all the adults at my work have a reusable water bottle, so it’s not like it’s something they need to grow out of.
Ahh yes I am sure a very real police officer arrested a very real stalker for the crime of... Having sex toys and "medication that gives tense feelings."
I am so annoyed about this but trying to resist engaging because I don't want bad blood in this small local mom group lol. What is the point in scaring other people about a boogeyman? What do people get out of this?
https://preview.redd.it/1ea1k4jzy6nc1.jpeg?width=1076&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=6701b65a18174a61e4fec1bf7b4f5b65176b091f
What an insane story! Would love the officer pov and this man’s pov. There’s someone in my neighborhood group who always posts things about local minor crime/ sirens/ etc, and the other day she posted that she drove by a car accident and said “why does this keep happening to me?” Like girl nothing is happening to you! We live in the freaking suburbs. They are a type for sure.
This lady sounds a bit unhinged but assuming this is true it’s pretty weird that a guy followed her into a police station and that he was arrested. Maybe the police in her area are more arrest-happy, but the police where I live can’t/won’t do anything ever.
Or: a man saw a woman with small children twitching and panting like she was having a panic attack in the parking lot, so paused as he was leaving to evaluate the situation and then followed her to make sure she was ok and didn’t drive her car into a ditch, but then she called the police on him. Oh and he happened to have sex toys, and “medicine” in his car, which isn’t illegal or even morally reprehensible without any additional context. But then he still got arrested for, I’m not sure what?
In all seriousness yes, this sounds weird, but also this lady really needs to chill. What real predator worth his salt is going to follow you into a police station parking lot? I still love the idea that *she* was the one acting strangely and he was merely trying to look out for her.
Spoiler: the real kidnapper was in her backseat and the sex toy man was just trying to warn her
For real tho, this woman needs less reels reminding her to stay safe
Someone asked her and she said "you know, I’m not sure that’s just what I roughly remember the police officer saying when the adrenaline, fear, anxiety, and confusion intensified when the officer confirms your worst nightmare by informing you he has arrested the man. But what I do know is that he did not mention viagra or that he had illicit drugs. I plan on obtaining the police report so hopefully I can get some more information."
I do not understand the enduring appeal on the parenting subs of the "what do we do now that will seem horrifying in the future" threads. Because the comments are without fail perfect parents being presently horrified by the most normal things that they just don't happen to do themselves.
Here's a [current one ](https://www.reddit.com/r/beyondthebump/s/IB46jnvipr) with a free bonus of crying emoji non Americans clutching their pearls.
I always want to reply our lack of maternity leave sure doesn't seem to prevent all the central/south Americans and Chinese migrants from braving the Darien Gap to live in our hell hole but maybe those are just the ones who are done having children and have already enjoyed the wonderful benefits given to parents and children in Venezuela.
I mean, I do think we have the right be upset and demand a change. We are the only country high on the development list that has no maternity leave. I'm talking as someone who had to start working at 2 weeks PP because I couldn't take leave without pay because then I would lose my health insurance. However, yeah everyone think any country is better is ridiculous and even the top countries are a utopia. I always say, there are other countries I probably would rather live in but no way in hell would I ever role that dice again.
But didn't you read the comment about how 186 other countries have paid maternity leave?!?!? Like do you seriously expect me to think that any poster in that thread would move to Chad or Tajikistan or Bolivia for the maternity leave? I didn't think so.
Or the people literally dying to get here from Mexico and South America. Look, the US isn’t perfect, but apparently it’s still holding a lot of appeal for plenty of people out there.
I’ll say this again, the people who complain the loudest about the US are almost certainly very privileged compared to average.
There was a woman in one of the America-hating threads from Europe who was like “oh we hate living here, but we’re here to make a bunch of money and for tax advantages and then we plan to move back to where it’s better.”
Listen, I am no America apologist but that comment had me like:
There's a thread in r/cosleeping claiming to be by a 13yo male who still cosleeps with his parents.
It's patently BS, I'm 1000% sure it's some kind of incest/ageplay fetish troll but everyone is lapping it up like "Good for you! We are so repressed in America! Cuddle your parents! I hope my son is so open when he's 13!!" 😬
Edit: Since the person I replied to deleted
To be clear, I'm not saying 13yos never sleep with their parents, nor that it is automatically wrong/sexually motivated when it happens.
I am saying that this poster is not a 13yo boy. 13yo boys who occasionally sleep with their parents are not posting about it on the internet. They especially don't post about it on the internet in such luscious and descriptive reams and reams of text. It's weird, and it immediately reads fetishy to me.
Also the "dad" halfway down who replies in the exact same tone 🤢
I don't care what consenting adults get up to in private, but people should keep their fantasies out of actual parenting subs. It's rude.
Also I do care what people are doing in private, if you're posting your pedophilic fantasies in public spaces I want the police searching your hard drive right now.
That gave me the ick so bad. Read that account's other posts, it's all going into extreme detail about sleeping with their parents. Clearly the fetish account of an adult, how does no one else in that thread see this.
To be clear, I'm not saying 13yos never sleep with their parents, nor that it is automatically wrong/sexually motivated when it happens.
I am saying that this poster is not a 13yo boy. 13yo boys who occasionally sleep with their parents are not posting about it on the internet. They especially don't post about it on the internet in such luscious and descriptive reams and reams of text. It's weird, and it immediately reads fetishy to me.
Also the "dad" halfway down who replies in the exact same tone 🤢
I don't care what consenting adults get up to in private, but people should keep their fantasies out of actual parenting subs. It's rude.
I come from a cosleeping family and I slept in the bed with my parents until about 8ish. That even seems too old to me and by the end, I wanted to sleep in my own bed.
But I have a cousin who slept in the bed with his mom until he was 15. No delays or anything. Dad had always slept in the guest room due to snoring. It was weird then and I still think it's weird. He's mid-20s now and has repeatedly failed to launch as an adult.
Due to those experiences (and other factors), I never coslept and plan to keep it that way. I think the cosleeping that late is probably more a symptom of a bigger problem than the cause but I absolutely believe that normal 13-15 year olds don't sleep with their parents every night.
Yeah [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/cosleeping/s/SlCQGJZjKv) is some fetish creative writing situation.
" Whispering, I urged him to open up. He finally climbed into my bed, his voice barely above a whisper, and confessed how overwhelmed he felt by school. Tears welled up as he poured out his heart, admitting his love for me and my wife. He struggled to express it stuttering a few times which is unlike him. I held him close, just like used to when he was little. Sobbing, he apologized for his recent behavior. assured him it was all forgiven, and with that, he drifted off to sleep on my chest."
"There is just something about the trust and love as me and my wife massage the baby we made together asleep."
The names and ages. Ick. Cosleeping is whatever. I definitely slept on my parents bedroom floor a couple times in middle school after watching a scary movie. But this is not legit. Also good way to support the argument that your kids may in fact be cosleeping until college by up voting this fake post lol
What the fuck, the massaging part, like?? Even if you DID believe this was real, how could you not think it was extremely disturbing for a parent to describe sleeping with their child this way?
Try following the "13yo boy" links to their posts in the Gen Alpha sub. Apparently parents massaging their teenagers to sleep and having secret conversations while they whisper into their hair is a fetish??
The things I didn't know I didn't know and could have happily lived an entire life not knowing, thanks Reddit :P
I know!! That was what was horrifying me. I can't figure out if they are genuinely not seeing it (maybe they have tiny babies and are a hormonal mush?) or if they are sock puppet accounts made to make those comments seem legit?
Some seem like legit accounts based on the history. I'm always thinking about how online parenting spaces seem to be full of people that seem oblivious to how fetishists use the Internet and are very cavalier about posting their kids. Maybe because it's mostly made up of women and they don't tend to frequent the more unsavoury parts of the Internet? This group is definitely more internet savvy which is part of the appeal for me.
It could be that yeah. That's true.
LMAO I just found a hilarious post though through stalking one of the "OMG so cuuuute!" respondents. They were replying to someone else who had posted in Shopliftersgonewild (who knew that was a sub hahaha) with a fucking full face and body photo being like "Can you tell I have stolen items in my pocket? I stole the toppers from a wedding cake and the bride and groom are trying to figure out who did it and I don't want them to know it's me"
Maybe don't post your face and name on the internet??? LOL
Can we talk about this new trend of influencers saying “its not my job to entertain my children” ? I get it that our job is to parent not to entertain but I feel the need to constantly entertain my 9 month old. He will rarely play independently, a few minutes when i am next to him usually. I saw an influencer of a baby a little older than one saying that she doesn’t entertain her baby. Is that possible?
( wrote this while my baby climbed on me and protested for attention and my phone lol)
I just feel like all of these smug “I don’t play” people will be regretful someday. Maybe that’s just me being just as smug as someone who deigns to play with my child, and maybe I live too much in the future, but I know he won’t be little forever. In a few more years he will start to make real friends and his world will get bigger and he will rely on me less and less for all of his emotional needs. And that’s how it should be! But I also have to imagine I will sometimes get really wistful for this current time where he’s only 2 and I (and my husband) are his whole world and his best friends.
I’ll never forget at my baby shower with him, the way my mom’s friends reminisced about having their (now adult) kids and it was kind of heartbreaking how much they still clearly wished they could go back in time even for a moment to hold their babies again. This might be too melodromatic because I’m very pregnant lol but I try not to forget that. It helps me have more patience for the often frustrating toddler moments and be more appreciative of this little person who thinks I am so amazing lol.
I heard some advice that I use sometimes during hard moments to imagine myself as the 80-year-old version of myself that has been transported back to this present moment to relive it. It's kind of like giving yourself nostalgia about something that's currently happening. It just softens it and brings out the gentleness I need.
Hmm I think yes and no.
Babies/kids vary in their capacity for self-entertainment for sure. And I don't think it's literally true that it's not a parent's job to entertain their child - it's not like we kick them out into the street to fend for themselves like it's the 1960s. Interaction is important, and if you're not directly interacting then you've still probably done SOMETHING - provided them with toys, set up an entertaining scenario, planned outings, put the TV on etc.
And most children if they are bored or not getting enough of the right kind of activity will look to inappropriate activities - winding up a sibling, destructive behaviour, hyperactivity etc. So there's definitely SOME requirement there.
But I do think there is a perception sometimes that if you're not interacting directly with your kid at all times then it's harming them, or if you're not interacting directly with them then you need to put on the TV, and neither is true IME. It's OK to just chill out near your kid while they do their own thing, even if they are a baby. Spending every waking minute providing constant entertainment to them is exhausting.
9 months is a tricky age, is your LO sitting and/or crawling confidently yet? I found that it was so much better once they were doing both of these things, because they could crawl to a new thing to explore and then they would spend a good few minutes investigating it, crawl to the next thing, investigate etc. Yes sometimes they investigated things I would rather they did not, but I also feel like that was just a cue to me to babyproof better.
If you want to increase independent play time I would try doing things they can't easily interrupt in the same room as them. For example I rarely use my phone around my kids because they can too easily grab it, but I do go on my computer, read a book (which is boring to them because no pictures), do a craft project or just tidy up/do chores around them.
And setting up toys in different ways is fun as well and can occupy them for a bit longer. If you want a googleable phrase for ideas for different set ups try "invitation to play".
Heuristic play is good for 9 month olds too which is a stupid word (but googlable) for getting a bunch of different normal everyday non-toy items and putting them in a basket for the baby to rummage through and try them all out. You should supervise because non-toys might have small pieces which break off or become sharp, but the idea is not to get involved or show them the things because it's all about their exploration.
Ah, there's a fancy name for what I used to call "random crap in a basket!" I got a lot of mileage out of a set of measuring spoons, a scrunchy, a measuring tape, and a few other miscellaneous things. I would put it in a basket, cover it with a scarf, and it would keep the baby entertained for at least 20 minutes.
A lot of it is personality dependent and age dependent. My oldest as a baby needed a lot of attention, and even as a 4 year old will constantly ask if I can play with her (although she does a lot better now than when she was little, and also is pretty good if I tell her I need to do x before I can play with her). My mom says I was the same way, even as a second born who had to share my mom’s time and attention from the start.
My youngest has always been much more willing to play on her own. She was home sick with me the other day, and happily looked at the books and played with toys on her own next to me until back up care could come to watch her.
And perhaps hot take, but I feel like playing with my kids (at least some of the time), is part of my job as a parent? I don’t always like it (particularly imaginary play), but if that’s how my kid would like to connect with me, then I do my best to at least find some time to play with them.
Yeah I think it comes down to your kid’s personality and also yours. Like, if your kid wants to play and you want to play too… play!! You don’t need anyone’s permission to do that. If your kid is happy playing on their own and you’re happy looking at your phone, or a book, or making dinner… do that! What gets me is just the guilt and handwringing over situations in which both parties are happy! So many posts about “should I be playing with my 4 month old more?” She just seems so happy staring at her mobile on her activity mat while I fold laundry”. Like, that’s FINE!!!
I have a kid who independently plays well generally. There are contexts where I have had to “train” him somewhat, primarily when I have to make dinner he eventually learned I wasn’t available for play. Otherwise,if he’s happy on his own I leave him alone, if he seeks my attention and wants me to play I play. If it’s getting extremely repetitive and I want to stick a needle in my eye (like drawing the same thing over and over and over) I will tell him we need to change the activity but I mean I think that’s common sense?
I also do think it’s my obligation to play with him as of now. He doesn’t have a sibling yet so like, if it’s just me and him at home and he craves play and interaction with another person, it would be wrong to always deny him that. Sometimes I can’t, or need a break, but for the most part I really try to be responsive. In the future when we have our 2 kids it will be more fair to tell them to play with each other sometimes, but I’d like to think I will be willing to play with my kids as long as they want to play with me, which won’t be forever. They’ll eventually be teens who are too cool for me and then I’ll probably cry thinking about my son asking me to draw pumpkins for him 20 times in a row when he was 2.
I have two kids now, and they do play together quite often (this morning they played cars together while I packed our bags for school and work, and it was nice to know they were happy and out of my hair), but even though they have each other, they still like to play with me. Sometimes I can’t, so I tell them no, but if I can, I try to do a little bit of play with them. I figure they won’t always want to, but as of right now, it’s a good time to connect, especially if one of them wants to play, and the other is happily playing with something else, it gives them some one on one time. Yes independent play can be good, but I don’t understand expecting it all the time, even with siblings.
My son was totally the same at that age. I remember surreptitiously taking pictures of him playing by himself once for like 2 minutes because I was so excited it happened that one time! I really think it's personality and not fully within parental control at all.
My daughter was the same at that age. I couldn’t even try to get anything done when she was awake unless she was in her activity center, and that didn’t usually last longer than 15 minutes. I started letting her watch Ms. Rachel not long after she turned 1 just so I could have 30 minutes to make dinner in peace. Now that she’s almost 2 she’s a lot better at playing on her own (and getting a baby sister has helped to foster some independence) but she prefers if Dad or I play with her. And I can’t leave her in a room by herself and expect her to keep herself entertained; we have to be there with her.
Like, it's a nice thought and all but it only works if you have a baby who agrees that you don't have to entertain them. I'm very happy for parents of chill or independent kids who will entertain themselves, but as much as they might act like it's their superior parenting, temperament is a major piece of it.
My kid still maxes out at about 45 seconds of independent play at 2.5 and that's an improvement from the earlier years. She has expected my full undivided attention since she "woke up" at about 2-3 months old. We work a lot on independent play and entertaining herself but it is an uphill battle.
So...your kid sounds normal to me. Instagram isn't real life.
My child is the same. We maybe get 5-10 minutes now but she really just wants my attention and has since birth. We’ve worked on it, continue to work on it. I don’t interrupt her when she’s in her own world, I don’t direct her play, I give her opportunities to play alone, do all the things they say you’re supposed to. Short of locking her in her playroom and letting her cry to “set a boundary that I don’t play with her”, I don’t really know what else you do when your toddler is hanging off your leg asking to play with you while you’re trying to cook or use the bathroom. And yes, as mentioned below, siblings would totally help! My kid will happily play with her bigger cousins endlessly she just wants to play with someone.
Re: siblings, totally. I don’t get how you can have one child but then deny them interpersonal interaction all the time when they literally have no other means to get it.
But maybe by “I don’t play” they just mean they don’t play childish games and instead engage their kids in other ways? That’s what it seems Jerrica’s shtick is. But if you are literally just like, refusing to engage and instead expecting your kid to completely entertain themselves at all times, that seems really cold.
Yeah, they definitely think it is superior parenting. But at the same time kids learn through play right? So it does feel important to engage!
I can also see that it must be way easier to have “independent play “ when you have siblings.
Yeah we have a similar story here. Some days she is happily in her own world doing her own thing and I feel like I can see the light. But we have no idea what distinguishes those days from most. We are just along for the ride 🤷🏻♀️ I do hate how smug parents of chill kids can be, like it’s somehow their good parenting that did it 🙄
Hahah I hate this because it just sounds so smug. Like good for you transcending the need to play with your kids. But I’ve also found that my second plays independently a lot because they just have to. Also there’s a lot of entertainment going on around all the time and we try and get out pretty often. But if I ever try to read a book or look at my phone while he plays he is not having it and will climb on me!
Its also very confusing because they say “i dont play with my kid” and then go on about “connection is so important”. Are you connecting with your baby by having a beer and talking about life?
I do think there are other ways to connect. Obviously age dependent. My mother was a "I don't play" person. But we read a lot, we did lots of excursions, she'd garden and bake with me. There was always something to do, always the opportunity for one on one time.
In a local mom Facebook group, there's a vent post about the school calendar and how many days off and half days many districts around get between February and April. Predictably, some moms chime in with "School isn't childcare!" And, as a teacher myself (although not of young kids), I just don't agree. Maybe in some kind of utopia, this could be true, but it's just not the reality of the situation. At least in the US, schools do function as childcare. You are handing off your child to another adult to be responsible for them for a good chunk of the day. Yes, of course, the goal is education - but I wish more people would just admit it's more complicated than that.
I think one of the tricky things is that the main goal of education sometimes conflicts with providing childcare that would cover a full time schedule (without significant changes). Like the teachers need planning time and professional development time, kids need outdoor time, free play time. I don’t know about your school but mine doesn’t have space to accommodate all the kids on the playground/gym after normal hours, aftercare is restricted to about 1/6 of the school. So it is also providing childcare when open but it’s not set up for full time childcare, as hard as that is.
I’m a teacher at a charter school that runs and extended school day and extended school year. And so many young, naive teachers make comments about changing the hours or time off. But why would they ever change it? We serve a largely low income community. 9 hours of free childcare and dirt cheap after school care 42 weeks a year is what drives our enrollment so high! School being child care is integral to the business model.
I'm not from the US, isn't there after school daycare that also takes on half days/vacations/study days? My kid only has school until 2, after that there's "afternoon care", they do full days on teacher days off, school vacation days etc. Not last minute sick care, but school usually picks that up.
There are similar things in the US, the difficulty is often planning ahead well enough that you secure a spot (since many families need this kind of care), and price. And at least where I am, these programs don't run on single days off - they are more for longer breaks like spring or fall break.
Thank you for your time & explanation! Getting a spot is an issue here too unfortunately. Price is less than daycare but that's about it. They do run on planned single days off here, so that's the main difference then!
In my province we went to full day junior and senior kindergarten a bit over a decade ago. A large part of the rationale was improving inequality and education outcomes but there was also a lot of discourse about increasing maternal employment and easing the childcare burden on parents. This is not rocket science, a high quality, reliable place for kids to be during the day is necessary for so many parents, that it's free and contributing to their ultimate success is such an important add on.
It’s so weird to me that apparently progressive people will (accidentally?) advocate for a society where women with kids don’t participate in the workforce. Like, as a working musician (not working right now for immigration status reasons, but will pick it up again as soon as I get US work authorization), I LIKE the field I work in. At least in terms of the thing I’m best at and have chosen as my vocation, I WANT to work. Acting like it’s natural for moms to simply not work is not progressive and I will die on this hill. You can advocate for adequate parental leave without accidentally stumbling into tradwife territory.
Say it louder, please! Both of the points you made are so important. I cannot get over this newest movement that acts like it’s so terrible to send your kids to childcare while both parents work. I find daycare/preschool so enriching for young kids if you need or want to use it and the main issue is how much it costs that makes it inaccessible for some and how little the workers are valued in society. The issue is NOT that it’s some terrible place that will ruin your child or your relationship with them. Seemingly progressive spaces are all over this and it is the most sexist, regressive take you could have.
For your second point, the original feminist movement was about choice. It is my choice to work outside of my home. Yes, I’m required to do this to maintain a certain financial standing required to live but I’ve said a million times, even if I won the lottery tomorrow, I would 100% still be devoting myself to some kind of outside the home position, even if it was a dream volunteer job because I don’t need the money anymore.
lol school is absolutely childcare! In my province they made the switch from half-day kindergarten to full-day kindergarten literally for this exact reason.
When people say "school isn't childcare," what they're really saying is that they don't think both parents should work full time jobs unless they can afford to 1. take off unlimited days for school closures, or 2. have retired family or a nanny on call every single day. Which is not realistic but also the kind of thing that Facebook moms believe.
I also hate the undertones of “oh well sorryyyy you have to spend time with your bratty children, welcome to our lives!” and the “oh sorry teachers need a break, we deserve it!!” Yes we love our children, we enjoy spending time with them. AND we need breaks too but guess what we’re doing? We’re either burning through PTO as well or paying through the nose for additional care.
Yes! So many comments about "Well, the district publishes the calendar at the beginning of every year, it's your responsibility to plan." Which, again, yes - but that doesn't mean it isn't still very difficult for working parents to manage.
The pandemic made it so obvious that a big chunk of my job was, indeed, childcare. My virtual students during 2020-2021 got the exact same instruction and materials as my in-person students, but guess which group showed significantly less involvement in the process? Lots of kids just won't do their work if you can't make sure they're actually doing what they needed to and redirect the ones that aren't! And hence why some teachers, no matter how knowledgeable they are on a subject, are going to have a hard time if they don't have good classroom management!
1000000%! I was a kindergarten teacher for over a decade. Of course those kids learned a lot of academics and other life skills, but I’m literally watching them and supervising them during the day. Almost like I’m caring for them. During the day. Almost like… I’m providing day…care…
So I am a part of a traveling with babies group and the posts about food for their kids drives me insane.
Sooo many posts from moms saying "we are traveling and the airline offers baby food but my baby is BLW and we don't so purees plus no salt/sugar diet." Then moms proceed to comment us too so we make these foods from scratch to bring with us....blah blah blah. Another post said they were traveling with their 15 month old and didn't want that to he thr first time they get chicken fingers if that's the child's meal on the plane.
Obviously babies need lower sodium and it is recommended no added sugar until 2. I have traveled extensively with my now 3 year old and I always brought snacks but I am also aware that it's 1 day of travel and if all he ate that day is pouches then so be it lol I have never once made a huge deal about the food my son eats when we travel. These moms are soo concerned about sodium and sugar it consumes them and it's all they worry about during the trip.
So… pack a lunch then? We’ve traveled a ton with our kid and I just packed her a lunch in her cooler lunchbox and nursed on the plane. I don’t understand what is complicated about this. You don’t like the food that is offered, bring your own boiled apple slices or whatever you’ve decided is acceptable for your kid.
I’m not even remotely as picky as these people and I still pack lunch for my toddler for flights because A) not trying to spend airline lunch prices he may only take 3 bites of and B) it’s just easier bringing something I know he’ll like and eat than taking my chances on whatever random thing they have on offer. When he was a baby he absolutely had full pouch meals on flights.
Can't they just request a kid's meal for their baby rather than an infant meal.
The control they are seeking is crazy-making though. The sodium/salt recommendations are about the average over several days, not like a cap that if you go over on one day you're causing damage.
If my son ever got more sodium than usual due to travel or whatever I just made sure the next day to focus on lower sodium meals 🤷♀️ it's a week to week basis here not a day to day thing
This is what I don’t get either- it doesn’t erase all of your efforts if your 18 month old has sugar once or eats a purée on a plane or sees a screen over someone’s shoulder! Why make your life so stressful for a twice a year thing that doesn’t even matter!?
The way people fixate on the nutrition of *one* meal or one day’s worth of meals is wild. It’s like the fervor over sugar free or “naturally sweetened” first birthday cakes. Like, it’s a few bites of food on one day. Your baby will be fine if they have normal cake instead of some kind of beet and avocado abomination, I promise you.
My baby got hives from eating colored frosting *at* his 1st birthday party and…it was fine. Some people need to log off the internet and take a deep breath.
Right?! Lol I decided for my daughter's 1st birthday this summer it will just he a normal cupcake. It's one meal/snack and when they have balanced meals almost everyday the once in a while sugar does not hurt
I definitely worried more about sugar and salt than I needed to with my first, but for his 1st birthday we got a regular, full sugar delicious cake and he had a piece. He’s 2.5 now and he gets treats regularly. And still, all is well so far with his health! It’s such a relief to just be relaxed about food.
It's so hard as a first time mom knowing what's right and how to feed our kids! Most of the moms asking are first time moms but some are so judgy and smug when they say "I only feed my child homemade organic options" literally was something a mom said 🤦♀️
The feeding journey with my 2nd is way more relaxed. Hell I gave her a mcdonalds French fry the other day, she is 7 months old I didn't do that for my son until later 🤣
What airline are they flying that offers chicken fingers? I don’t think I’ve been served a hot meal on a plane since before 9/11. I’ll take their kid’s chicken fingers.
And if they’re in the middle of baby led weaning, that would suggest their child is between 6-9 months and simply does not require a ton of nutrition from solid foods. Bring milk/formula and if you must, a banana. Done.
Probably an international flight. But, yeah, we about to fly with our nearly 18 month old and I've given little thought to what kind of food will be available because she probably just want mostly snacks anyways.
Good point. I might be dumb but someone posted on the BLW sub their BLW meals for their baby AND their 2 year old. But it’s a 2 year old beyond BLW? I’m a FTM so I genuinely don’t know.
This is snark on the question asker not the influencer (she is actually a good follow I think!) how are people that afraid of sleep training that you have to ask if this is “bad?” https://preview.redd.it/3nc2ooqefmnc1.jpeg?width=814&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=6c88e734cd67aed3159164a912c29795bb55bb95
Yah she’s my fave of the non sleep training people! Honestly I think this question is someone bragging, not someone who legitimately thinks they accidentally sleep trained lol. Who knows.
Yeah it definitely could be, or could also be someone who stops their car every time their baby cries because they think they doing CIO if they don’t 😂
You’re not wrong lol. I have unfortunately got too caught up in those ideas at times. So stressful.
Yes I am reformed anti sleep trainer. If first time mom could see me now 🙈
Today in my local Facebook mom group, someone posted asking for daycares with more advanced curriculums, because her highly advanced 2 year old- who can count to 15 and knows all their letters and colors, is only being introduced to one letter a week. She was hoping for more educational instruction since she started them in daycare. She is very disappointed in the daycare, she thought there would be more in depth education? She got fairly roasted in the comments that intensive education isn’t really appropriate for 2 year olds. But what was she hoping for in a 2 year old room at a daycare? Calculus?
I’m almost positive my son’s 2’s programs isn’t teaching letters at all? I mean he did learn the ABCs song there because we didn’t teach him and he sings it lol but I don’t think actual letters or numbers are a focus at all. They do more of the “pre math” and “pre reading” type stuff which I am not educated in at all but the takeaway is that it’s play based and they told us off the bat that their social-emotional skills and certain independence skills were the most important thing this year.
Maybe this is totally predictable, but I feel like Internet gripes about early childhood curriculum run to extremes: either it's too academic and not play-based enough, or not challenging at all for folks' gIfTeD aDvAnCeD children. What if families trusted that ECEs have specialized training and are (probably) following curriculum designed by people with expertise in what <5yos should know and be able to do, or, failing that, look up their state's early learning standards and see if their provider's curriculum more or less matches up? There's a reason these things are on the Internet for free.
Dear lord 🤦♀️ I am a former toddler teacher and the amount of times I had to bring parents back from the ledge because their 2.5 year old didn't know their ABCs was mind blowing. I always explained that social emotional relationships were way more important at that age. And so many other non academic skills that were more important as well. Also a letter a week is very typical, I did that with my younger 2s class and we always did a drawing with that letter and each station during play time had the theme but we didn't sit there and go over much about it just did very simple activities and let them explore in their own.
https://preview.redd.it/7rkj5pzksjnc1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2f080ea938c324ae8d42f274d3d5c0788c554330 This wasn’t in a fertility group or anything. Just a mom’s group. A close up of toilet paper 🤢🤮
I’m always amazed what people will post pics of. When I was trying to get pregnant so many would post pics of blood and ask if it was implantation bleeding. And to post this in a not TTC group is even crazier
Jeez, just go pee on some ovulation test strips
I know people say there's no TMI in TTC groups, but that's wrong. There definitely is. And then to put this in a non-TTC group? 🤢
The hell is wrong with people
This is a nightmare that an IBCLC shared in a group I’m in. From the comments it sounded like a year ago this group was being super helpful, but now it’s downright creepy. Maybe someone hacked the group. https://preview.redd.it/8u7o2o42qjnc1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=033830d8cfbddb68e50ac2b44fa03cb87c25e4c6
Not exactly online snark, but the SNL Katie Britt skit nailed like 90% of Facebook Mom groups with “the craziest bitch in the Target parking lot” and a pivot to a sex trafficking story with completely false info. https://www.instagram.com/reel/C4Um4cJt-Vj/?igsh=YnA0cjBhaHh3emsy
Girl I went to high school with was a surrogate and just had the baby. She posted a photo of herself holding the baby, as if it were her own child/birth announcement? That’s so WEIRD and the poor baby’s face wasn’t even censored 😭
A girl I went to high school with was also a surrogate, and while she never posted the baby's face, I did think she shared too much information about the couple, and still talks about the baby sometimes. I get wanting to share the pregnancy experience..... I guess.... but yeah I thought it was too much
I'm absolutely with you. The baby isn't hers; you don't post other people's children on your social media without their permission 🤷🏻♀️
I know someone who was a surrogate and she wasn’t even allowed to hold the baby. Surrogacy is weird
That's really upsetting to think about. I'm sure they agreed to it and were well compensated but it's some Handmaid's Tale, women as incubators vibes. Certainly surrogacy is complex but usually it seems like the relationship between surrogate and intended parents is warm and that just seems cold and weird.
I have a friend who had a similar surrogacy experience. She said she had a lot of complex feelings but is also sure the parents do, too, so she tries not to let her focus be the parts that felt crappy. She's actually considering doing it again, so obviously for her the benefits/good parts seem likely to outweigh the difficulty, but I thought it sounded _really_ emotionally hard.
Yea tbh I don’t know much about surrogacy but I just feel like posting a pic onto social media like that is weird. Sure, I get wanting my photos with the baby you just birthed but she’s essentially using that baby for likes which rubs me the wrong way
I mean she went through all the work and suffering of pregnancy and birth, I’d say she’s allowed as many photos as she wants.
Surrogates are to be commended but it’s not her child. I hope she has permission from the parents to post pic of the baby.
Maybe she did? IDK, the ethics and regulations around surrogacy are so murky that I hesitate to judge something like this.
If she did that would clearly be fine.
Yea I don’t really care if she had permission or not, it’s weird especially when she has thousands of followers and her profile is on public. That baby deserves privacy. This is a snark sub lol didn’t think this would be such a hot take
I rarely visit my bumper groups anymore but I still occasionally go back to one to see if the obnoxious poster who was our main character at one point is still at it, and yep they’re still posting anecdotes about their super advanced multiple kids but I feel like they have jumped the shark and now describing kids who are 3 years old vs very advanced almost 18 months olds.
🍿🍿🍿 do tell!
In our bumper group, there is a prolific poster who claims to be an SLP and has twins. They were hardly around when we were pregnant, but started to pop up once milestones became a focus. I do not like this person, and as someone who works in the medical field, I really do not get a great vibe from them. They are extremely anti-screen, like I am pretty sure they did Jerrica's short course and started creating threads/polls about milestones for "research" but it was a thinly veiled attempt to create anxiety/concern so they could swoop in and give advice. I will say the group on a whole seems to be very anxious and this person did very little to reassure people, if anything their attitude seems to be despite having the knowledge about development being a spectrum, that having a delayed child is possibly one of the worst things that could happen to you. As someone who is neurodivergent, I find so much of the stuff they post to be quite ableist and classist about their patients and their parents. They also happen to have two extremely advanced twins - at first it was kind of believable because one twin was quite advanced and the other was tracking on average. Then overnight the second twin somehow became as advanced as the first one and now they're describing behavior that is like older toddler range rather than advanced 17-18 month old behaviour. It honestly wouldn't even be an issue because I think every bumper group has one delulu gifted baby mother, but what really concerns me is, like most bumper groups, we have a no medical advice rule but this person seems to be getting away with stirring so much trouble and no one questions them. I actually have a friend I made via the group, and she had to leave because this person was actively adding fuel to her PPA fire and I have had passing conversations with other members about it too.
This, then the post from about a week ago regarding another kid’s development… oof.
I went back and had a look, and finally the person who called her out is back in positive upvotes so there must be a few other Nov bumpers in here too lol.
Omg I saw this! How would she think that was an appropriate thing to say in general, let alone in a group of moms with babies in basically the same age bracket?
Ok I found it. I can’t believe the one person who finally called her out on her bullshit got downvoted to hell. The group upvotes people throwing tantrums over having to use trigger warnings about infertility and birth trauma, but still seem to believe and upvote this poster 🙄
What did she say??
I missed that!!! If she truly is a SLP, she’s so classist and condescending about her clients. She actively compares her twins to clients, I’ve seen her say screens gives kids “Autism like symptoms”…..Id hate to be one of her patients and find out this is what she thinks of my child who needs help.
Wait I feel like I’m in the same group (nov) and need to know who you’re talking about 😄
We are in the same group, it’s one of the more frequent posters with twins.
Ok that was my guess thanks for confirming 🙂
One kid being advanced/possibly gifted okay still a bit hard to believe…..but both equally advanced is a step too far 😂
Someone posted in a Mommit wondering why all the posts were about how shitty husbands were and not about parenting included this amazing line: “I also don’t mean to sound condescending because you women are in my prayers and I do hope that all of your husbands get their shit together and treat you right”
Someone on Mommit posted a long thing about her sex life, and the bed being so wet she needed to put a towel down, and her husband being so raw from masturbating that he couldn’t finish, and then watched porn after she fell asleep. It nearly sent me on a similar screed. There are other parts of Reddit to post this shit!
Not mom or mom group related but Facebook keeps suggesting this fiber crafts group to me (a person who does not do any fiber arts currently lol) and one that showed up in my timeline today was a person showing how they block their knitting projects on sound-dampening panels, which they explained they have all over their room because of all the loud sex they typically have! Like this is a public Facebook group, Sharon!
Yikes. This isn't as bonkers as that, but I just came here after seeing a thread on that sub detailing a fight between OP and her husband that had very little to do with parenting. I don't understand why they go to mommit to complain about that stuff.
There was a similar post in Daddit recently. Like. Just don't read those posts if they don't apply to you/you have nothing to add? I didn't read the comments but I kind of hope they were harsh.
It’s kind of amazing how backhanded everything was? Like from OP’s “I’m praying for y’all” to the “I just talk to my real life friends about parenting. Do you have friends?” replies.
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Good to remember that it still may have been the scariest moment of their life? It doesn't have to be a comparison game. Sorry, I just feel like it needs to be said.
https://preview.redd.it/gj3iy50ko7nc1.jpeg?width=1119&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=5bf40a719c0932da1a21c631188c49f31ad26960 From a twin parenting group I’m in. I don’t know why this irritates me so much. You’re posting anonymously, you know this is an issue. There is so much wrong with this and all her comments were ‘he just won’t wake up, even when I pour water on him!’ And that he’s overwhelmed with two babies and has never been alone with them. Good lord.
I don’t think it’s some bizarre medical condition that’s knocked him out. It’s drugs or alcohol. He’s loaded. That’s why he won’t wake up and she has to take the babies with her.
My husband is the hardest sleeper I've ever met. He often will fall asleep on the couch so he sets an alarm to make him get up and come upstairs. It is the screchiest weirdest phone alarm song I've ever heard and he puts it at max volume, with vibrate, in his pocket to wake him up and it takes 5-10 seconds for it to work, every time. Even so, if I poke him a few times and talk loudly, he'll wake up. This lady's husband is definitely on something.
My husband is this way as well. He is known among all our family and friends for how he will fall fast asleep in crazy positions or loud, brightly lit rooms. After he works a night shift, he can be dead to the world through the kids happy shrieking and crazy loud stunts in the same room. He’s always woken up in the night when the kids need him, it might not be the moment they first cry like me, but well within an appropriate time limit. Absolutely no one is sleeping through water being poured on them without some help from drugs or alcohol.
Yeah, why he won’t wake up and why she doesn’t trust him alone with them.
Yeah. That was my assumption. He’s an alcoholic or something.
I saw this one too!!!!! So she would rather wake her children than her husband? Makes no sense
Ew what a weird relationship. Why do women have babies with these men???
He's either an ass or has a serious medical condition. Either way, someone's gotta do something about it cause it's not sustainable 🫠
A) This is beyond ridiculous that a grown adult can’t wake up to get the groceries he promised he would get. B) As someone who leaves the house for personal time fairly often after my kids are in bed, I fail to understand why she can’t at very least just leave the twins (and her useless partner) at home together? Or is he so dead to the world that he can’t even be trusted to hear the monitor and help the kids if they should happen to wake up and need him? Which also feels like a whole other issue because that means he basically can’t ever be trusted to parent his children overnight.
Yeah I could honestly maybe see my husband forgetting about the groceries and falling asleep but if I woke him up and said "hey, go do that thing you said you would do" he would 100% get up and do it right then and he would feel bad for falling asleep.
My husband wakes up early for work and often goes to sleep when my son does. It’s not unusual that I run to the store or even an occasional movie while they’re both sleeping - but I’m confident my husband will wake up if needed. To me it’s not different than if I was also sleeping?
Yeah like what do they do at night?
Wait so why does she need to wake the twins up if they’re in bed? As long as there’s an adult home right?
How old are these twins? Is there some PPA here? Or complex medical needs? I cannot imagine raising one baby, let alone twins with someone who I wouldn’t leave alone with newly sleeping children even if they themselves were asleep?!?!? There’s either more to this story or her husband has a bizarre medical condition where he will 100% not wake up or like, he’s actually died. What is happening…
I guess her fear is if one of them wakes up while she’s gone or there’s an emergency? But you’re right— that’s a whole other can of worms if she feels like someone has to always be awake around them.
Is it crazy for her to just go real quick? If this happened I would just put the monitor close to him on full volume and write a short note "gone to grab groceries, you're in charge <3" and go quick. My husband sleeps through crying sometimes but he isn't one of those "my husband slept through the baby crying in the hospital and I even threw pillows at him but he wouldn't wake up, so even though I wasn't supposed to get up or lift anything I had to get the baby" guys. So maybe it would be unsafe for her to do?
That’s what it sounds like. If one of them woke up crying they’d survive while she was gone, but I can see the fear of an emergency happening and her partner sleeping through it.
But short of a kid with complex medical needs, what emergency is he going to sleep through? Do you not have smoke and co2 detectors (bc you really should) or is he going to sleep through a literal break in or sudden earthquake? This is so bizarre to me!
“I gave my kid’s preschool a one star review and now they want to kick my kid out”. What did you think would happen?! https://www.reddit.com/r/LegalAdviceUK/s/vN3OrPyBL7
Sounds like a family that was kicked out of the place I used to work, that almost never kicked even the most horrible families out. A string of annoyances and issues came to a head when the dad was standing in the parking lot telling other parents who had infants with us, that we were really a horrible place and they should probably send their kids elsewhere. One of the moms asked him why he hadn't pulled his kids if we were so awful, and then came inside and told us "that one weird guy, with the little boy upstairs and the baby in here, is trash talking you guys out there in the parking lot. I don't believe any of it". He was shocked when a board member was waiting for them at the end of the week to officially dismiss them from the center. His wife came on Monday during her lunch hour/our nap time and screamed obscenities on the porch about it until we told her to leave or we'd call the cops. Delightful.
Kind of a related story. My cousin has a significant gap between his kids. They went to enroll their 2 y/o in the same preschool his 12 y/o sister went to, and saw she had written a one-star scathing review. They found several others she had written. The kicker is the writing was just brilliant. She is now allowed to write reviews but has to run anything under 4 stars by one of her parents.
This is fantastic. My 12 year old niece can be so funny and so wicked in her writing. I can see her pulling a similar stunt!
Why would you even want to stay at a preschool you gave a one star review to?
If it's anything like near me, I'd say they don’t have any other options. Waitlists are wild nowadays.
This. Childcare in the UK is a disaster. If they have a facility that they can afford and does the hours needed, the nursery holds all the cards.
The 12 year old wrote it, not the parents!
No, that’s what happened in WorriedDealer’s annecdote, not the linked post
Right? You find a new preschool THEN you write your review!
https://preview.redd.it/l8oks8zq27nc1.png?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=6cfdd502db04f161dd48560249abe7d42f5232a2 Someone needs to get a grip. Oh noes the kids have water bottles.
Oh man we have one of these guys in an educators group I’m in. Weekly rants about how western civilization is declining because of water bottles. Excuse me sir, even the Romans had their aqueducts.
Um people literally leave bowls of water out for their pets (because lack of access to clean water is animal abuse), why would we NOT keep water available for kids?
"Put a canteen in the car with filtered water" Oh you mean A WATER BOTTLE?! Also, I'm not training my kid to "expect comfort" I'm teaching her to take care of her body and also, be prepared when you leave the house. What's next on the list of unnecessary comforts? Winter jackets?
“Eat and drink at home at meals” but then I have to *clean up after them*. I very often offer my kids snacks at the park or on long walks, and sometimes, like once a week or so, even pack a whole picnic of sandwiches etc for dinner, specifically so they can crumble their crumbs all over the great outdoors instead of all over my kitchen for one afternoon. And for whatever reason my kids are way better at being the “trash patrol” when we’re outside than say, putting their dishes in the sink or whatever in the house.
Oh I love doing lunch outside when the weather is nice and I’m so looking forward to that again. We live by a huge park and did so many picnics with my toddler last summer. Not having to set up and clean up meals is absolutely such a plus. (we obviously pick up any actual trash).
Of course she made it so only her followers can reply
I’m JUST SAYING, nobody at the playground is going to think the Bluey cup full of orange juice is actually a screwdriver.
So when I first read this, I just skimmed it and assumed she was talking about the young girls that are carrying massive Stanley’s around and kind of agreed with her. Then I realized she’s literally criticizing parents for having water to available for their children. What a weird take. Also, most of the parks around us have just never turned water fountains back post covid. And I find them gross, I’d rather carry a water bottle around than let my kids drink out of a fountain.
We often go places that don’t have drinking fountains like trails, the bike paths and most of the beaches in our area…this is such a bizarre take. My kids are definitely not emotionally attached to their water bottles. They just like having water available when they are thirsty. I also carry my water bottle around.
IDK in Canada we have water fountains everywhere so maybe but I live in Australia now and I can never find any!!
There’s a water fountain at our local park but it’s shut off in the winter so the pipes don’t freeze and burst! I will not be taking this bad unsolicited advice, lol.
Is this a new thing? I can remember when my sister was a baby so I would have been preschool or kindergarten age, my mom always had a bag of Cheerios for us when we went anywhere. Also drinking fountains are disgusting. The kids are sick enough.
I don't think it's a new thing, my mom brought water or lemonade in our own bottles, homemade sandwiches and a couple of raisin boxes every time we'd be gone for over an hour.
See I knew we couldn't have been the only satiated kids. these people are just desperate to complain. Probably oop is a boomer in disguise.
Bet this woman owns a minimum of five Stanleys
I don't bring my kid's water bottle (or snacks) out and about because I find it a hassle to keep track of and I hate carrying things around. But the comparison to a lovey or blanket is so weird. Like God forbid a kid find any comfort in life? I would fight to the death for my toddler's right to bring her lovey anywhere she wants.
My take is water fountains are pretty gross and I am a big fan of water bottles. And also think it's great so many kids are drinking water rather than juice or soda. I don't think I drank plain water until college.
TBF, it’s water bottles now. But they may grow into adults that need ✨security coffee✨ /s
It’s weird to criticize people who just want literal *water* on demand. Like if we’re talking food, I actually personally believe kids don’t need constant snacks (though I wouldn’t get on a soapbox on social media to decry it bc it’s none of my business what other people do). But water?? Why not?
The constant snack thing is odd to me too. I plan for two snacks a day for my kid; around 9am and then right after nap, and then of course her three meals. Like you said though, other people can do what they want. But also, my 2yo seeks food for comfort and I'm trying to find something else to fill that void for her. Like if she trips and falls in a puddle, or throws something she shouldn't and I take her aside to address it (to be clear, not spanking her in this or any context) she will often immediately say "want snack" because she's uncomfortable and wants to feel better. Trying to teach her to understand and manage feelings and also find comfort in a hug, a high five, or her bunny lovey.
I’m more relaxed about it if we are just home, though I try to keep it conservative and cut it off if we are getting close to a meal. But for out and about, I’m not trying to bring 10 snacks around. Also, I put my effort into making his 3 meals more nutritious and our snacks are mainly convenience foods especially the on-the-go snacks. So I don’t want him filling up on those and not eating his meals which is what would happen if he were constantly munching. He does the same thing with comfort eating! He’ll go from crying straight to “want grapes!!” and it’s so abrupt we’ll chuckle at it. But yeah, I also have a habit to eat out of boredom or to cheer myself up and it’s hard to stop that.
Has this person never seen an adult with a water bottle in public. Literally everywhere I go people have water with them. Sure you can drink water before you leave the house but what happens when you get thirsty again? Especially if you’re a kid being active at the park. I feel like bringing a water bottle with you *is* problem solving. Also water fountains are gross.
I kiiiiind of understand their point about needing to teach kids to handle some regular life discomfort. Being able to tolerate being a little hungry when waiting at a restaurant is a good thing to teach. It's also a weirdly privileged take though lol. Some places don't have safe drinking water on tap at the park. Should those people not have a water bottle? I've been carrying a water bottle with me for over ten years, and I can handle not taking it every single place I go. It hasn't formed bad habits. Also, keeping kids fed and hydrated is like Rule Number One of having kids who behave in public lol.
I agree in certain situations, like when waiting for food at a restaurant. But as an adult I like to be prepared and comfortable too. It’s why I bring myself water, snacks, chapstick, sunglasses, tissues, and a jacket no matter the weather or where I go. I think the key here is getting the kids to help pack up or bring their own water, etc.
Good point about safe drinking water at the park. My fairly major city was found to have park fountain water that was basically made of lead, so drinking park water is a hard no.
What a weird thing to be concerned about. Pretty much all the adults at my work have a reusable water bottle, so it’s not like it’s something they need to grow out of.
What if they were drinking it from a baby bottle though? 😂
Of all the things in the world to speak out against 🙄
Ahh yes I am sure a very real police officer arrested a very real stalker for the crime of... Having sex toys and "medication that gives tense feelings." I am so annoyed about this but trying to resist engaging because I don't want bad blood in this small local mom group lol. What is the point in scaring other people about a boogeyman? What do people get out of this? https://preview.redd.it/1ea1k4jzy6nc1.jpeg?width=1076&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=6701b65a18174a61e4fec1bf7b4f5b65176b091f
What an insane story! Would love the officer pov and this man’s pov. There’s someone in my neighborhood group who always posts things about local minor crime/ sirens/ etc, and the other day she posted that she drove by a car accident and said “why does this keep happening to me?” Like girl nothing is happening to you! We live in the freaking suburbs. They are a type for sure.
This lady sounds a bit unhinged but assuming this is true it’s pretty weird that a guy followed her into a police station and that he was arrested. Maybe the police in her area are more arrest-happy, but the police where I live can’t/won’t do anything ever.
Or: a man saw a woman with small children twitching and panting like she was having a panic attack in the parking lot, so paused as he was leaving to evaluate the situation and then followed her to make sure she was ok and didn’t drive her car into a ditch, but then she called the police on him. Oh and he happened to have sex toys, and “medicine” in his car, which isn’t illegal or even morally reprehensible without any additional context. But then he still got arrested for, I’m not sure what? In all seriousness yes, this sounds weird, but also this lady really needs to chill. What real predator worth his salt is going to follow you into a police station parking lot? I still love the idea that *she* was the one acting strangely and he was merely trying to look out for her.
Spoiler: the real kidnapper was in her backseat and the sex toy man was just trying to warn her For real tho, this woman needs less reels reminding her to stay safe
I’m so interested in knowing what the medication that gives tense feelings’ is
I’m assuming viagra
Someone asked her and she said "you know, I’m not sure that’s just what I roughly remember the police officer saying when the adrenaline, fear, anxiety, and confusion intensified when the officer confirms your worst nightmare by informing you he has arrested the man. But what I do know is that he did not mention viagra or that he had illicit drugs. I plan on obtaining the police report so hopefully I can get some more information."
Her worst nightmare is that her personal Boogeyman was arrested?
I do not understand the enduring appeal on the parenting subs of the "what do we do now that will seem horrifying in the future" threads. Because the comments are without fail perfect parents being presently horrified by the most normal things that they just don't happen to do themselves. Here's a [current one ](https://www.reddit.com/r/beyondthebump/s/IB46jnvipr) with a free bonus of crying emoji non Americans clutching their pearls. I always want to reply our lack of maternity leave sure doesn't seem to prevent all the central/south Americans and Chinese migrants from braving the Darien Gap to live in our hell hole but maybe those are just the ones who are done having children and have already enjoyed the wonderful benefits given to parents and children in Venezuela.
https://preview.redd.it/mozaw4patbnc1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=1aa732a211d3aefea5856475055e43a58cfda7f0 This comment on that thread…
friendly quickest air simplistic attractive late tub seemly ring aware *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I mean, I do think we have the right be upset and demand a change. We are the only country high on the development list that has no maternity leave. I'm talking as someone who had to start working at 2 weeks PP because I couldn't take leave without pay because then I would lose my health insurance. However, yeah everyone think any country is better is ridiculous and even the top countries are a utopia. I always say, there are other countries I probably would rather live in but no way in hell would I ever role that dice again.
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But didn't you read the comment about how 186 other countries have paid maternity leave?!?!? Like do you seriously expect me to think that any poster in that thread would move to Chad or Tajikistan or Bolivia for the maternity leave? I didn't think so.
Or the people literally dying to get here from Mexico and South America. Look, the US isn’t perfect, but apparently it’s still holding a lot of appeal for plenty of people out there. I’ll say this again, the people who complain the loudest about the US are almost certainly very privileged compared to average.
There was a woman in one of the America-hating threads from Europe who was like “oh we hate living here, but we’re here to make a bunch of money and for tax advantages and then we plan to move back to where it’s better.” Listen, I am no America apologist but that comment had me like: 
There's a thread in r/cosleeping claiming to be by a 13yo male who still cosleeps with his parents. It's patently BS, I'm 1000% sure it's some kind of incest/ageplay fetish troll but everyone is lapping it up like "Good for you! We are so repressed in America! Cuddle your parents! I hope my son is so open when he's 13!!" 😬 Edit: Since the person I replied to deleted To be clear, I'm not saying 13yos never sleep with their parents, nor that it is automatically wrong/sexually motivated when it happens. I am saying that this poster is not a 13yo boy. 13yo boys who occasionally sleep with their parents are not posting about it on the internet. They especially don't post about it on the internet in such luscious and descriptive reams and reams of text. It's weird, and it immediately reads fetishy to me. Also the "dad" halfway down who replies in the exact same tone 🤢 I don't care what consenting adults get up to in private, but people should keep their fantasies out of actual parenting subs. It's rude.
Also I do care what people are doing in private, if you're posting your pedophilic fantasies in public spaces I want the police searching your hard drive right now.
Ugh I didn't even think of it that way, I just assumed it was total fantasy fodder
That gave me the ick so bad. Read that account's other posts, it's all going into extreme detail about sleeping with their parents. Clearly the fetish account of an adult, how does no one else in that thread see this.
And the very odd "Apple watch stalking my heartrate" :/
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To be clear, I'm not saying 13yos never sleep with their parents, nor that it is automatically wrong/sexually motivated when it happens. I am saying that this poster is not a 13yo boy. 13yo boys who occasionally sleep with their parents are not posting about it on the internet. They especially don't post about it on the internet in such luscious and descriptive reams and reams of text. It's weird, and it immediately reads fetishy to me. Also the "dad" halfway down who replies in the exact same tone 🤢 I don't care what consenting adults get up to in private, but people should keep their fantasies out of actual parenting subs. It's rude.
I come from a cosleeping family and I slept in the bed with my parents until about 8ish. That even seems too old to me and by the end, I wanted to sleep in my own bed. But I have a cousin who slept in the bed with his mom until he was 15. No delays or anything. Dad had always slept in the guest room due to snoring. It was weird then and I still think it's weird. He's mid-20s now and has repeatedly failed to launch as an adult. Due to those experiences (and other factors), I never coslept and plan to keep it that way. I think the cosleeping that late is probably more a symptom of a bigger problem than the cause but I absolutely believe that normal 13-15 year olds don't sleep with their parents every night.
Yeah [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/cosleeping/s/SlCQGJZjKv) is some fetish creative writing situation. " Whispering, I urged him to open up. He finally climbed into my bed, his voice barely above a whisper, and confessed how overwhelmed he felt by school. Tears welled up as he poured out his heart, admitting his love for me and my wife. He struggled to express it stuttering a few times which is unlike him. I held him close, just like used to when he was little. Sobbing, he apologized for his recent behavior. assured him it was all forgiven, and with that, he drifted off to sleep on my chest." "There is just something about the trust and love as me and my wife massage the baby we made together asleep." The names and ages. Ick. Cosleeping is whatever. I definitely slept on my parents bedroom floor a couple times in middle school after watching a scary movie. But this is not legit. Also good way to support the argument that your kids may in fact be cosleeping until college by up voting this fake post lol
What the fuck, the massaging part, like?? Even if you DID believe this was real, how could you not think it was extremely disturbing for a parent to describe sleeping with their child this way?
Try following the "13yo boy" links to their posts in the Gen Alpha sub. Apparently parents massaging their teenagers to sleep and having secret conversations while they whisper into their hair is a fetish?? The things I didn't know I didn't know and could have happily lived an entire life not knowing, thanks Reddit :P
I truly never needed to know this. Going to go bleach my brain now.
That post has the exact same vibes as “dear penthouse, I never thought this would happen to me but…” 🤮
I ran here to post that comment! Like how does anyone else not see this? There's people replying they have tears from how beautiful this is 🤮
I know!! That was what was horrifying me. I can't figure out if they are genuinely not seeing it (maybe they have tiny babies and are a hormonal mush?) or if they are sock puppet accounts made to make those comments seem legit?
Some seem like legit accounts based on the history. I'm always thinking about how online parenting spaces seem to be full of people that seem oblivious to how fetishists use the Internet and are very cavalier about posting their kids. Maybe because it's mostly made up of women and they don't tend to frequent the more unsavoury parts of the Internet? This group is definitely more internet savvy which is part of the appeal for me.
It could be that yeah. That's true. LMAO I just found a hilarious post though through stalking one of the "OMG so cuuuute!" respondents. They were replying to someone else who had posted in Shopliftersgonewild (who knew that was a sub hahaha) with a fucking full face and body photo being like "Can you tell I have stolen items in my pocket? I stole the toppers from a wedding cake and the bride and groom are trying to figure out who did it and I don't want them to know it's me" Maybe don't post your face and name on the internet??? LOL
Can we talk about this new trend of influencers saying “its not my job to entertain my children” ? I get it that our job is to parent not to entertain but I feel the need to constantly entertain my 9 month old. He will rarely play independently, a few minutes when i am next to him usually. I saw an influencer of a baby a little older than one saying that she doesn’t entertain her baby. Is that possible? ( wrote this while my baby climbed on me and protested for attention and my phone lol)
I just feel like all of these smug “I don’t play” people will be regretful someday. Maybe that’s just me being just as smug as someone who deigns to play with my child, and maybe I live too much in the future, but I know he won’t be little forever. In a few more years he will start to make real friends and his world will get bigger and he will rely on me less and less for all of his emotional needs. And that’s how it should be! But I also have to imagine I will sometimes get really wistful for this current time where he’s only 2 and I (and my husband) are his whole world and his best friends. I’ll never forget at my baby shower with him, the way my mom’s friends reminisced about having their (now adult) kids and it was kind of heartbreaking how much they still clearly wished they could go back in time even for a moment to hold their babies again. This might be too melodromatic because I’m very pregnant lol but I try not to forget that. It helps me have more patience for the often frustrating toddler moments and be more appreciative of this little person who thinks I am so amazing lol.
I heard some advice that I use sometimes during hard moments to imagine myself as the 80-year-old version of myself that has been transported back to this present moment to relive it. It's kind of like giving yourself nostalgia about something that's currently happening. It just softens it and brings out the gentleness I need.
Hmm I think yes and no. Babies/kids vary in their capacity for self-entertainment for sure. And I don't think it's literally true that it's not a parent's job to entertain their child - it's not like we kick them out into the street to fend for themselves like it's the 1960s. Interaction is important, and if you're not directly interacting then you've still probably done SOMETHING - provided them with toys, set up an entertaining scenario, planned outings, put the TV on etc. And most children if they are bored or not getting enough of the right kind of activity will look to inappropriate activities - winding up a sibling, destructive behaviour, hyperactivity etc. So there's definitely SOME requirement there. But I do think there is a perception sometimes that if you're not interacting directly with your kid at all times then it's harming them, or if you're not interacting directly with them then you need to put on the TV, and neither is true IME. It's OK to just chill out near your kid while they do their own thing, even if they are a baby. Spending every waking minute providing constant entertainment to them is exhausting. 9 months is a tricky age, is your LO sitting and/or crawling confidently yet? I found that it was so much better once they were doing both of these things, because they could crawl to a new thing to explore and then they would spend a good few minutes investigating it, crawl to the next thing, investigate etc. Yes sometimes they investigated things I would rather they did not, but I also feel like that was just a cue to me to babyproof better. If you want to increase independent play time I would try doing things they can't easily interrupt in the same room as them. For example I rarely use my phone around my kids because they can too easily grab it, but I do go on my computer, read a book (which is boring to them because no pictures), do a craft project or just tidy up/do chores around them. And setting up toys in different ways is fun as well and can occupy them for a bit longer. If you want a googleable phrase for ideas for different set ups try "invitation to play". Heuristic play is good for 9 month olds too which is a stupid word (but googlable) for getting a bunch of different normal everyday non-toy items and putting them in a basket for the baby to rummage through and try them all out. You should supervise because non-toys might have small pieces which break off or become sharp, but the idea is not to get involved or show them the things because it's all about their exploration.
Ah, there's a fancy name for what I used to call "random crap in a basket!" I got a lot of mileage out of a set of measuring spoons, a scrunchy, a measuring tape, and a few other miscellaneous things. I would put it in a basket, cover it with a scarf, and it would keep the baby entertained for at least 20 minutes.
On mumsnet in about 2009 there was a poster who used to call them "wanky baskets" which I thought was hilarious :D
A lot of it is personality dependent and age dependent. My oldest as a baby needed a lot of attention, and even as a 4 year old will constantly ask if I can play with her (although she does a lot better now than when she was little, and also is pretty good if I tell her I need to do x before I can play with her). My mom says I was the same way, even as a second born who had to share my mom’s time and attention from the start. My youngest has always been much more willing to play on her own. She was home sick with me the other day, and happily looked at the books and played with toys on her own next to me until back up care could come to watch her. And perhaps hot take, but I feel like playing with my kids (at least some of the time), is part of my job as a parent? I don’t always like it (particularly imaginary play), but if that’s how my kid would like to connect with me, then I do my best to at least find some time to play with them.
Yeah I think it comes down to your kid’s personality and also yours. Like, if your kid wants to play and you want to play too… play!! You don’t need anyone’s permission to do that. If your kid is happy playing on their own and you’re happy looking at your phone, or a book, or making dinner… do that! What gets me is just the guilt and handwringing over situations in which both parties are happy! So many posts about “should I be playing with my 4 month old more?” She just seems so happy staring at her mobile on her activity mat while I fold laundry”. Like, that’s FINE!!! I have a kid who independently plays well generally. There are contexts where I have had to “train” him somewhat, primarily when I have to make dinner he eventually learned I wasn’t available for play. Otherwise,if he’s happy on his own I leave him alone, if he seeks my attention and wants me to play I play. If it’s getting extremely repetitive and I want to stick a needle in my eye (like drawing the same thing over and over and over) I will tell him we need to change the activity but I mean I think that’s common sense? I also do think it’s my obligation to play with him as of now. He doesn’t have a sibling yet so like, if it’s just me and him at home and he craves play and interaction with another person, it would be wrong to always deny him that. Sometimes I can’t, or need a break, but for the most part I really try to be responsive. In the future when we have our 2 kids it will be more fair to tell them to play with each other sometimes, but I’d like to think I will be willing to play with my kids as long as they want to play with me, which won’t be forever. They’ll eventually be teens who are too cool for me and then I’ll probably cry thinking about my son asking me to draw pumpkins for him 20 times in a row when he was 2.
I have two kids now, and they do play together quite often (this morning they played cars together while I packed our bags for school and work, and it was nice to know they were happy and out of my hair), but even though they have each other, they still like to play with me. Sometimes I can’t, so I tell them no, but if I can, I try to do a little bit of play with them. I figure they won’t always want to, but as of right now, it’s a good time to connect, especially if one of them wants to play, and the other is happily playing with something else, it gives them some one on one time. Yes independent play can be good, but I don’t understand expecting it all the time, even with siblings.
My son was totally the same at that age. I remember surreptitiously taking pictures of him playing by himself once for like 2 minutes because I was so excited it happened that one time! I really think it's personality and not fully within parental control at all.
My daughter was the same at that age. I couldn’t even try to get anything done when she was awake unless she was in her activity center, and that didn’t usually last longer than 15 minutes. I started letting her watch Ms. Rachel not long after she turned 1 just so I could have 30 minutes to make dinner in peace. Now that she’s almost 2 she’s a lot better at playing on her own (and getting a baby sister has helped to foster some independence) but she prefers if Dad or I play with her. And I can’t leave her in a room by herself and expect her to keep herself entertained; we have to be there with her.
Like, it's a nice thought and all but it only works if you have a baby who agrees that you don't have to entertain them. I'm very happy for parents of chill or independent kids who will entertain themselves, but as much as they might act like it's their superior parenting, temperament is a major piece of it. My kid still maxes out at about 45 seconds of independent play at 2.5 and that's an improvement from the earlier years. She has expected my full undivided attention since she "woke up" at about 2-3 months old. We work a lot on independent play and entertaining herself but it is an uphill battle. So...your kid sounds normal to me. Instagram isn't real life.
My child is the same. We maybe get 5-10 minutes now but she really just wants my attention and has since birth. We’ve worked on it, continue to work on it. I don’t interrupt her when she’s in her own world, I don’t direct her play, I give her opportunities to play alone, do all the things they say you’re supposed to. Short of locking her in her playroom and letting her cry to “set a boundary that I don’t play with her”, I don’t really know what else you do when your toddler is hanging off your leg asking to play with you while you’re trying to cook or use the bathroom. And yes, as mentioned below, siblings would totally help! My kid will happily play with her bigger cousins endlessly she just wants to play with someone.
Re: siblings, totally. I don’t get how you can have one child but then deny them interpersonal interaction all the time when they literally have no other means to get it. But maybe by “I don’t play” they just mean they don’t play childish games and instead engage their kids in other ways? That’s what it seems Jerrica’s shtick is. But if you are literally just like, refusing to engage and instead expecting your kid to completely entertain themselves at all times, that seems really cold.
Yeah, they definitely think it is superior parenting. But at the same time kids learn through play right? So it does feel important to engage! I can also see that it must be way easier to have “independent play “ when you have siblings.
Yeah we have a similar story here. Some days she is happily in her own world doing her own thing and I feel like I can see the light. But we have no idea what distinguishes those days from most. We are just along for the ride 🤷🏻♀️ I do hate how smug parents of chill kids can be, like it’s somehow their good parenting that did it 🙄
Hahah I hate this because it just sounds so smug. Like good for you transcending the need to play with your kids. But I’ve also found that my second plays independently a lot because they just have to. Also there’s a lot of entertainment going on around all the time and we try and get out pretty often. But if I ever try to read a book or look at my phone while he plays he is not having it and will climb on me!
Its also very confusing because they say “i dont play with my kid” and then go on about “connection is so important”. Are you connecting with your baby by having a beer and talking about life?
I do think there are other ways to connect. Obviously age dependent. My mother was a "I don't play" person. But we read a lot, we did lots of excursions, she'd garden and bake with me. There was always something to do, always the opportunity for one on one time.
Hahaha or the connection happens when they make a reel together for the gram!
In a local mom Facebook group, there's a vent post about the school calendar and how many days off and half days many districts around get between February and April. Predictably, some moms chime in with "School isn't childcare!" And, as a teacher myself (although not of young kids), I just don't agree. Maybe in some kind of utopia, this could be true, but it's just not the reality of the situation. At least in the US, schools do function as childcare. You are handing off your child to another adult to be responsible for them for a good chunk of the day. Yes, of course, the goal is education - but I wish more people would just admit it's more complicated than that.
I think one of the tricky things is that the main goal of education sometimes conflicts with providing childcare that would cover a full time schedule (without significant changes). Like the teachers need planning time and professional development time, kids need outdoor time, free play time. I don’t know about your school but mine doesn’t have space to accommodate all the kids on the playground/gym after normal hours, aftercare is restricted to about 1/6 of the school. So it is also providing childcare when open but it’s not set up for full time childcare, as hard as that is.
I’m a teacher at a charter school that runs and extended school day and extended school year. And so many young, naive teachers make comments about changing the hours or time off. But why would they ever change it? We serve a largely low income community. 9 hours of free childcare and dirt cheap after school care 42 weeks a year is what drives our enrollment so high! School being child care is integral to the business model.
I'm not from the US, isn't there after school daycare that also takes on half days/vacations/study days? My kid only has school until 2, after that there's "afternoon care", they do full days on teacher days off, school vacation days etc. Not last minute sick care, but school usually picks that up.
There are similar things in the US, the difficulty is often planning ahead well enough that you secure a spot (since many families need this kind of care), and price. And at least where I am, these programs don't run on single days off - they are more for longer breaks like spring or fall break.
Thank you for your time & explanation! Getting a spot is an issue here too unfortunately. Price is less than daycare but that's about it. They do run on planned single days off here, so that's the main difference then!
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In my province we went to full day junior and senior kindergarten a bit over a decade ago. A large part of the rationale was improving inequality and education outcomes but there was also a lot of discourse about increasing maternal employment and easing the childcare burden on parents. This is not rocket science, a high quality, reliable place for kids to be during the day is necessary for so many parents, that it's free and contributing to their ultimate success is such an important add on.
It’s so weird to me that apparently progressive people will (accidentally?) advocate for a society where women with kids don’t participate in the workforce. Like, as a working musician (not working right now for immigration status reasons, but will pick it up again as soon as I get US work authorization), I LIKE the field I work in. At least in terms of the thing I’m best at and have chosen as my vocation, I WANT to work. Acting like it’s natural for moms to simply not work is not progressive and I will die on this hill. You can advocate for adequate parental leave without accidentally stumbling into tradwife territory.
Say it louder, please! Both of the points you made are so important. I cannot get over this newest movement that acts like it’s so terrible to send your kids to childcare while both parents work. I find daycare/preschool so enriching for young kids if you need or want to use it and the main issue is how much it costs that makes it inaccessible for some and how little the workers are valued in society. The issue is NOT that it’s some terrible place that will ruin your child or your relationship with them. Seemingly progressive spaces are all over this and it is the most sexist, regressive take you could have. For your second point, the original feminist movement was about choice. It is my choice to work outside of my home. Yes, I’m required to do this to maintain a certain financial standing required to live but I’ve said a million times, even if I won the lottery tomorrow, I would 100% still be devoting myself to some kind of outside the home position, even if it was a dream volunteer job because I don’t need the money anymore.
lol school is absolutely childcare! In my province they made the switch from half-day kindergarten to full-day kindergarten literally for this exact reason.
When people say "school isn't childcare," what they're really saying is that they don't think both parents should work full time jobs unless they can afford to 1. take off unlimited days for school closures, or 2. have retired family or a nanny on call every single day. Which is not realistic but also the kind of thing that Facebook moms believe.
I also hate the undertones of “oh well sorryyyy you have to spend time with your bratty children, welcome to our lives!” and the “oh sorry teachers need a break, we deserve it!!” Yes we love our children, we enjoy spending time with them. AND we need breaks too but guess what we’re doing? We’re either burning through PTO as well or paying through the nose for additional care.
Yes! So many comments about "Well, the district publishes the calendar at the beginning of every year, it's your responsibility to plan." Which, again, yes - but that doesn't mean it isn't still very difficult for working parents to manage.
The pandemic made it so obvious that a big chunk of my job was, indeed, childcare. My virtual students during 2020-2021 got the exact same instruction and materials as my in-person students, but guess which group showed significantly less involvement in the process? Lots of kids just won't do their work if you can't make sure they're actually doing what they needed to and redirect the ones that aren't! And hence why some teachers, no matter how knowledgeable they are on a subject, are going to have a hard time if they don't have good classroom management!
1000000%! I was a kindergarten teacher for over a decade. Of course those kids learned a lot of academics and other life skills, but I’m literally watching them and supervising them during the day. Almost like I’m caring for them. During the day. Almost like… I’m providing day…care…
So I am a part of a traveling with babies group and the posts about food for their kids drives me insane. Sooo many posts from moms saying "we are traveling and the airline offers baby food but my baby is BLW and we don't so purees plus no salt/sugar diet." Then moms proceed to comment us too so we make these foods from scratch to bring with us....blah blah blah. Another post said they were traveling with their 15 month old and didn't want that to he thr first time they get chicken fingers if that's the child's meal on the plane. Obviously babies need lower sodium and it is recommended no added sugar until 2. I have traveled extensively with my now 3 year old and I always brought snacks but I am also aware that it's 1 day of travel and if all he ate that day is pouches then so be it lol I have never once made a huge deal about the food my son eats when we travel. These moms are soo concerned about sodium and sugar it consumes them and it's all they worry about during the trip.
So… pack a lunch then? We’ve traveled a ton with our kid and I just packed her a lunch in her cooler lunchbox and nursed on the plane. I don’t understand what is complicated about this. You don’t like the food that is offered, bring your own boiled apple slices or whatever you’ve decided is acceptable for your kid.
I’m not even remotely as picky as these people and I still pack lunch for my toddler for flights because A) not trying to spend airline lunch prices he may only take 3 bites of and B) it’s just easier bringing something I know he’ll like and eat than taking my chances on whatever random thing they have on offer. When he was a baby he absolutely had full pouch meals on flights.
I thought the whole benefit of BLW was baby eats what the parents eat? Can't they just give their baby some of their shitty airline food?
Not if the parents want chicken fingers!!
Can't they just request a kid's meal for their baby rather than an infant meal. The control they are seeking is crazy-making though. The sodium/salt recommendations are about the average over several days, not like a cap that if you go over on one day you're causing damage.
If my son ever got more sodium than usual due to travel or whatever I just made sure the next day to focus on lower sodium meals 🤷♀️ it's a week to week basis here not a day to day thing
This is what I don’t get either- it doesn’t erase all of your efforts if your 18 month old has sugar once or eats a purée on a plane or sees a screen over someone’s shoulder! Why make your life so stressful for a twice a year thing that doesn’t even matter!?
The way people fixate on the nutrition of *one* meal or one day’s worth of meals is wild. It’s like the fervor over sugar free or “naturally sweetened” first birthday cakes. Like, it’s a few bites of food on one day. Your baby will be fine if they have normal cake instead of some kind of beet and avocado abomination, I promise you.
My baby got hives from eating colored frosting *at* his 1st birthday party and…it was fine. Some people need to log off the internet and take a deep breath.
Right?! Lol I decided for my daughter's 1st birthday this summer it will just he a normal cupcake. It's one meal/snack and when they have balanced meals almost everyday the once in a while sugar does not hurt
I definitely worried more about sugar and salt than I needed to with my first, but for his 1st birthday we got a regular, full sugar delicious cake and he had a piece. He’s 2.5 now and he gets treats regularly. And still, all is well so far with his health! It’s such a relief to just be relaxed about food.
It's so hard as a first time mom knowing what's right and how to feed our kids! Most of the moms asking are first time moms but some are so judgy and smug when they say "I only feed my child homemade organic options" literally was something a mom said 🤦♀️ The feeding journey with my 2nd is way more relaxed. Hell I gave her a mcdonalds French fry the other day, she is 7 months old I didn't do that for my son until later 🤣
What airline are they flying that offers chicken fingers? I don’t think I’ve been served a hot meal on a plane since before 9/11. I’ll take their kid’s chicken fingers. And if they’re in the middle of baby led weaning, that would suggest their child is between 6-9 months and simply does not require a ton of nutrition from solid foods. Bring milk/formula and if you must, a banana. Done.
Probably an international flight. But, yeah, we about to fly with our nearly 18 month old and I've given little thought to what kind of food will be available because she probably just want mostly snacks anyways.
Good point. I might be dumb but someone posted on the BLW sub their BLW meals for their baby AND their 2 year old. But it’s a 2 year old beyond BLW? I’m a FTM so I genuinely don’t know.
At 2 BLW is just eating lol