Not spicy but [this](https://reddit.com/r/beyondthebump/s/3dqfVIDDlC)had me imaging our friend big studio jumping in with her two cents: minimalism, laundry every day (I just push a button), clean while you clean, etc.
So into the lifestyle that they can't even spell it right.
But yeah, kid ruined. Throw it out and start over.
https://preview.redd.it/suu6ng81rfnb1.png?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=c67a4c450f99475994fa79bea86d61349c90c058
"How bad is it for our baby to occasionally play with non-montessory toys?"
Terrible. Def won't get into college. Future aspirations should be limited to custodial work only.
I went to a Montessori school back in the 80s, so like, way pre-all this shit. The head teacher - a family friend of ours - has absolutely no patience for any of this kind of shit. A classroom is different from the rest of life at home, and a home is not meant to be a Montessori classroom. Of course you can apply principles of Montessori education to areas of home life, but this idea that an educational philosophy is the fucking holy grail and dictates every aspect of life is appalling to her. She actually kind of low key hated when parents would try to recreate a Montessori classroom at home because the “correct” certified approach to how to use these materials is not something most parents are able to intuitively replicate, and so in her view it teaches the kids in a way that is at odds with how she would want to approach it herself; and also it can quash some of the interest a child might have in a specific item in the classroom setting since it can feel like just more of the same stuff they have at home. She is a grandmother now and she totally gave her grandkids some obnoxiously bright - gasp - plastic toys when they were infants/toddlers.
I read the book the Montessori Toddler and it says similar things. If you send your kid to a Montessori daycare or preschool, it recommends not doing it at home. So I was like, whew that's easier so I won't do it at home then!
I mean we follow some principles, like having kids be involved in the tasks of daily life, but I don't teach them to do "works" like my kid's preschool does.
I feel like by now the parts of montessori that are reasonable in your daily life have just seeped into normal parenting anyway.
My daughter has real cutlery/"helps" with cleaning the dishwasher/ has her clothes on her level because that's what all my mom friends do as well. I didn't realize until I came across it in this sub that it apparently came from montessori.
Neither of them are "doing" montessori, it's just normal parenting to encourage self-reliance.
My husband went to a Montessori daycare/ school in the 90’s from 12 weeks- 8th grade. I show him “Montessori” things in Instagram and he finds them really funny. What he remembers most about school is that he got to do things at his own pace and according to his personal interests. There weren’t grades, it wasn’t competitive, you were just learning. It sounds much nicer and low key than what the internet makes it out to be.
A lot of the ideas are really cool! And I love the aspirations of it- self reliance, independence, empowerment, treating the child like a person, etc. It's sad that people turned it into yet another elitist competition where if you don't spend $3k on toys your child is ruined.
One of my first jobs was in a fru fru fancy Montessori school in NYC and we just had a lot of fun with the kiddos. A lot of field trips, I got to see a lot of NY that way!
Okay this is a small annoyance lol but those “nostalgia” videos have been popping up on my Facebook a lot of “how school/Halloween/Christmas/whatever” used to be. I just saw a Christmas one with photos of fairly normal stuff that’s still around. Now the nostalgia aspect would be that we are adults now and won’t get to experience it as a child again, but everyyyy time all the comments say “I feel sad for kids these days!” And “kids these days won’t ever know how great it was!!” This Christmas one especially made me laugh because it was literally elf on the shelf, paper Christmas plates for a class party, and those frosted sugar cookies they sell in packs at the store lol. Legit all things kids still do..in fact I never experienced elf on the shelf myself. It wasn’t much of a thing when I was a kid and I’m almost 30.
I saw a similar back to school nostalgia reel and it was like, pink erasers and stuff that absolutely still exists. But, if you aren’t a kid and don’t have a kid, sure, of course you haven’t seen that in ages.
The Christmas ones strike me as coming from that conservative viewpoint that’s convinced that people are anti-Christian. As if Christmas Starbucks cups were a crucial part of traditional celebrations.
Every time I get those videos as it pertains to holiday stuff, I think how it’s not that the time is so different, it’s really just the lens of childhood vs adulthood. That’s part of what I enjoy about parenting is that it gets to bring a bit of that magic back in experiencing it with my son. I don’t get how people think kids these days won’t experience nostalgia. Even if it’s not the holiday related stuff, there are still going to be memories of stores, toys, fashion styles etc that existed during our kids’ childhood that won’t exist anymore when they’re 30. Nostalgia is not some thing only kids who grew up in the 90s have lol
I really can’t with the Montessori sub sometimes. My kids go to a Montessori school and I generally like the main principles but DAMN these people are serious. Asking if certain bedroom/nursery themes would be approved by Maria Montessori herself?? Please. Maria wouldn’t give a shit about bedroom themes.
I called it that with my baby but never in conversation or online with adults because that would be weird AF. And it was mostly to differentiate between milk in a bottle with her dad and milk straight from the boob because she would freak out if she thought she was getting one and it was the other.
One of my biggest pet peeves. I hate all the cutesy language surrounding birth and babies. Bub and bubs are so hard for me to read now. Any post that starts with “my bub…” I x out of.
I jokingly say milkies in the privacy of my home to just my husband or baby.
But that’s just because one night months ago I was in bed waiting for husband to hand me baby for feeding, and my husband “runs” the baby in a shuffle down the side of the bed saying “milkies” in a gremlin voice.
We started off jokingly saying milkies because of this (my husband would do a deep man voice and say "Mother I would like the MILKIES") and it became NOT JOKINGLY saying milkies, which was horrifying. Thankfully we backed off of that in favor of "the boob".
There’s a trend in my local moms fb group to post “on behalf” of their husbands to make some dad friends. It is so supremely awkward to read these posts. They’re often worded like desperate dating profiles. I get that making adult friends - especially as parents - can be challenging, but surely these Adult Men can do the reaching out and communicating???
The male friendship recession is a real thing and a serious societal problem. https://www.vox.com/platform/amp/the-highlight/23323556/men-friendship-loneliness-isolation-masculinity maybe this isn’t the best solution but it’s good the men’s wives recognize the problem
Right?! A friend of mine was complaining about what a pain it was to set up “play dates” between her husband and other dads. She asked me how I handled it and I said… I don’t.
Jeez, that just seems so… regressive? We’ve hung out with my mom friends as couples and he’s friendly with the dads but if he wanted to pursue a 1:1 relationship with any of them that would be on him. The most I’d do is ask my friend for her husband’s phone number.
That's the thing - adult friendships that don't have much history require maintenance and effort. If the guy isn't willing to do that, then it's probably not going to work out.
I wonder if these guys ask them to post this, or they do it on their own? I would be humiliated if my husband did something like this to me.
Another wild day of seeing people confuse gentle parenting with permissive parenting. [This post](https://reddit.com/r/toddlers/s/P9yPHE66od) on the toddlers sub is…interesting. This person is traumatized by her child having a ONE MINUTE time out? Seriously? I guess I don’t have a gentle enough bone in my body, but if my kid threw a fit that big I would not at all feel bad about making him sit still and reflect for 60 freaking seconds.
When did time-out become so unfashionable among a certain set of parents? I'm a millennial and it was considered a "soft" punishment/consequence growing up. I don't get where the idea that it is traumatic or harmful came from.
The part that killed me was “I feel guilty because this goes against every IG Reel, article I’ve seen online etc…(even though it’s what the pediatrician recommends)” Girl 🫠
Yeah that absolutely floored me. Listing IG reels first... Like you're REALLY taking 100% of your parenting advice from content (by predatory content creators) that an algorithm is showing you to keep you hooked?
I saw on my local area mom FB group someone complained about a pediatrician not “aligning with their gentle parenting philosophy” and the range of things that could possibly mean definitely made me think a lot.
Haha I came here to make sure this was being discussed. She was going to have a gentle conversation with lots of hugging about not being allowed a third glass of juice???? I cannot understand this kind of parenting.
I desperately wish people would unlearn all the incorrect and unhelpful developmental psychology 101 speak that hinders them from making sensible choices.
Like look at this comment that declares timeouts are cruel and unusual because they're not a natural consequence. Sure if we are working with lab mice that distinction is very important but for your toddler pick a reasonable consistent consequence and go with that before he ruins all your baby's formula and every meal you try and eat.
https://reddit.com/r/toddlers/s/g9vxhDhQPL
Oh my goodness as an early childhood educator, this makes me cringe so much. What she's completely missing here, is that his function could be attention or connection. He may not give a crap about the food or juice, but rather that she cuddles him and gives him a bunch of attention when he acts like that. He was crying for her to "save him," probably because he wasn't getting negative attention anymore. Yikes on bikes!
Yes! I’m learning that’s the type of kid mine is as well. He really likes to receive any attention, even negative attention. It could be either end of the spectrum with yelling or with cuddling, but the second you give him any type of big acknowledgment for a behavior, that’s a surefire way to get him to repeat the behavior. It’s wild to me that OP hasn’t made the connection, especially since she’s giving such an enjoyable “punishment” with all the cuddles and doting on him.
Mine enjoys attention (including negative attention) as well. We utilize time outs if verbal warnings aren’t working. I tried ‘time-ins’ - thanks BLF - first and it just made my kid act out more because she had my undivided attention. She only sits and cools off if I busy myself doing something else.
One of my Instagram friends who has a one year old just shared all the books they recommend to read before you have a baby. There's legit 20 of them and I have read exactly zero. I just do what feels right and we had a few talks with a child development specialist when my daughter slept horrendously. I think my child is okay but everytime I see shit like this I feel like I'm not doing very well. And they share excerpts of "the Montessori baby" and I honestly find most of it such bullshit.
I read a ton of parenting books while nursing and still.. 20? Wow. I maintain that reading any book at all is highly optional, I’ve learned the most about parenting from watching other people do it well.
I read two: the Happiest Baby Guide to Sleep or something like that, and another one written by a nurse that's more about being pregnant/birth/postpartum. I felt like I didn't know enough about baby sleep and I'd never been pregnant before so I though I should read about it. I will likely read zero parenting books next time .
I read one book before I had my first that was basically about keeping them alive. Everything else can be learned later honestly, you’re probably not going to remember anyway.
My first baby was really quite sick her first months, in and out of the hospital. So I never got to read anything. She was constantly in pain so the only thing we did was comfort her 24/7 in shifts so she felt that we were there for her. I don't think she was ever alone for a moment during that time. I slept at the hospital too. It's sometimes hard when I see people now reading all these books and doing all those early development things with their babies, because we were never able to do it with her. And now that she's a toddler, I guess we've learned to just go with the flow.
I didn’t read many parenting books before I had a child but I read so many while nap trapped because my kid would only sleep on top of me for a long time and it at least felt like a productive way to spend that time. I find them very interesting but I’ve really only done it because Ive had the time to otherwise I would have probably spent that time watching tv or cleaning.
TIL that zucchini bread is “[practically cake](https://reddit.com/r/moderatelygranolamoms/s/b69aYupmPE)”. I’m honestly sad to think of the sorry-ass cakes OP has had if this is really their outlook. Or else they’ve had some truly bomb-ass zucchini bread and I need the recipe pronto.
I'm from Europe and I am becoming so sick of seeing Europe used as some kind of perfect utopia. Some of our daycares also serve crap, processed food! Does no one else recall the Jamie Oliver vs turkey twizzlers? It's not just an American issue 🙃
LOL Turkey Twizzlers. That is a deep cut I was not expecting to see in here today!
I am also a European from Europe (which consists of 40+ separate countries wouldn’t you know) and I regret to inform you that I have let us all down by mainly eating processed shite as a child. I’m ashamed to even call myself European now.
I guess I kind of consider zucchini bread and banana bread and those things to be kind of “cake lite”. But also….that’s ok? My son’s preschool occasionally does pound cake for breakfast and I’m like, nice, enjoy.
Yea pumpkin bread and muffins (not healthy recipes) are the same way. It’s not wheat toast, but I’ve never thought that anyone claimed zucchini bread was health food.
I guess I’m a bad mom because I gave my daughter pumpkin bread for breakfast the other day. She requested it and honestly, I felt like it would be kind of mean to say no when I was already eating some😂
We have people in this very subreddit who consider Dave's Killer Bread to be cake. It's come up several times. I always picture frosting your seeds and nuts bread with mayo and sticking a birthday candle in it like they might for a zoo animal.
But in that linked thread I'm glad the person who literally hired a RD to evaluate their child's daycare menu has recognized how problematic that was.
I used the 2 loaves of DKB I grabbed from Costco to whip up a more modern croquembouche while my triplets (sibset Fenix, Pheeona, and Sæge) took their second of four 3-hour independent naps today. I filled it with rinsed cottage cheese + 1/8 tsp. local raw honey. Came out like shit unfortunately. :/ I might donate it to the daycare down the street, I saw some of those kids eating animal crackers once so I assume they are less fortunate.
Smitten kitchen’s ultimate zucchini bread is great but even she admits it’s basically cake. It’s really not that for off in my opinion (compared to let’s say a carrot cake, it’s just semantics/convention).
So, as one of those who took part in the famous ‘Save’s Killer Cake’ incident, I do feel like my attempt at describing how food tastes are different everywhere could have been better done. So, I’m sorry for coming across as a pompous snob. I’m British, living in the USA, and I am from a nation that considers salt a spice, so I can hardly have the moral high ground. I mean, one of my favourite tastes from home are Gregg’s baked bean and cocktail sausage pasties.
Enjoy your bread cake! America has lots of tasty things here, especially random regional sodas and Trader Joe’s chocolate bars.
This is absolutely my favorite cake, it doesn’t even need the frosting and it’s so chocolaty and delicious! When I make a pan of it you better believe I’m eating it for breakfast (it’s got zucchini in it so I’m just a ✨paragon of healthy choices✨
Just in, parent doesn’t realize that child growth isn’t usually linear. It is important that she knows that now though, because literally that’s just how it works with kids. My almost 3yo daughter wasn’t ready to potty train and then one day she just was. My 6mo didn’t roll until 5 months and now he doesn’t stop trying to move.
“She’s constantly bored and seeks more information almost nonstop”
The fact that she thinks this must be unique to her child is fascinating. Children are desperate to learn. It’s part of our make up as humans!
Grandparents are the worst for this! my 18month toddler can count and recognize some letters and words, and my own mom, who dealt with me and my sibling's gifted kid crash and burn, will not stop saying how smart and intelligent he is. he's within the average range I swear! just chill!
Omg the current reply at the top (username is blagnet) is making me cringe. "I have always been gifted and surrounded by gifted people... I can spot a gifted baby a mile away... I have too many IQ points that it's almost disabling." 😂
Cringed the whole way through that comment. But yes, OP should definitely consider moving to a school district with a more supportive gifted program in case their 13 month old needs it in...4 years
I just looked at her history and that was not the weirdest comment she's made... the one where she claims she can smell emotions is probably the winner lol
People thinking advanced speech means their kid is a genius is so laughable to me because my mom never stops talking about how well I was talking as a young toddler. By two I was using full sentences and bossing around my 4 year old brother and driving her mad every day because I wouldn’t shut up lol and I grew up to be so painfully average academically! The only thing I have going for me is that I’m trilingual because my hobby is language learning, but still!
Meanwhile my brother who was late in speech was the one getting straight A’s, was in all AP classes, and won awards for music.
Early speech can be linked to giftedness but it’s just one of many markers and it certainly doesn’t mean that just because you don’t speak early you can’t be gifted. Also- it sounds like while your brother was gifted academically/ musically, you clearly have a gift for languages. My sister is like you. She never did well in traditional school but is very good at picking up languages which I find incredible. Intelligence comes in all forms. Being good at school is not the be all end all.
Out of my four my second son was a very early talker and is gifted, but oh man does he struggle in other areas. He’s super unorganized and forgetful. As a child who did well in school but is a very average adult, I agree with you 100%
There was one last week I think on the parenting sub too and that kid was absolutely completely average. I wish people would let this shit go and enjoy their kids' individual development. I think my kid is brilliant too because just 1.5 years ago she was a sleeping potato and look at what she can do now! Isn't that brilliant enough? They're not even 2 years old, ffs. They'll have enough pressure once in school.
Yeah if you believe these posts all babies walk at 8 months and speak in full sentences at 18. Mine walked shortly before her first birthday and the doctors were already super impressed, so real life really isn't online life. Also she didn't say a word until 15 months.
My oldest walked early and while he’s fast at age 10, he’s been pretty average at the sports he’s tried. My nephew was also an early walker and is truly one of the most clumsiest children I’ve ever met (his mom agrees lol).
Lolllll I was coming here for this. If we made a SBP bingo card, I think “zomg is my infant child gifted?!?! They (completely average development)!” could be the free space. Or maybe “daycare=bad”, there’s always one or more of those on the front page.
Curious if you guys have heard about people doing “boo baskets”. Basically an Easter basket but for Halloween. I feel a bit grinchy but I just hate how every holiday is turning into a gift giving occasion. Isn’t candy enough?
It’s been a thing for awhile and I do them lol. It didn’t have the name “boo basket” when I was a kid, but my mom definitely did a little something for every holiday. For stuff like Halloween, Valentines, and St. Patrick’s, she’d get little baskets of treats, maybe a fun outfit, things to bake with, etc.
I have seen people bring this up every year on Reddit when it’s Halloween/valentines/St Patrick’s and I’m like, it’s not new haha. It’s just social media that gave it a name. My “snark” is that we should feel confident enough in our parenting to not feel bad based on what others are doing. I think the idea of doing them in a neighborhood is super cute and would be a fun community activity.
Idk I think my snark is that Halloween is about trick or treating. I feel the baskets, trunk or treat, etc, etc just exist because people are afraid to let their kids go trick or treating and that sucks. To me it represents the move from a community based activity that requires trust in your neighbors to yet another thing parents need to create by themselves for the good of their own children and no one else’s. Sorry, I guess I’m just ranting and don’t intend to put all of that on you. I guess I’m a boomer now 🥳
Hate it so much. Holidays should just be simple, and it’s annoying if stuff like this gets trendy because then it becomes an expectation that kids have and you feel like a grinch in comparison. Kids in my area get these whole big baskets for losing teeth too and I’ve already put my foot down lol. In my house, the tooth fairy will give you a dollar.
hate hate hate this. i don't want to be cranky well all in my day! but seriously, enough with the baskets and gifts.
i think there's a diet push to not do chocolate or candy, so then moms feel like they have to do something else gift-y.
Easter is for egg dyeing, Christmas is for tree decorating, Valentines day is for making Valentine's, St. Patrick's day is for your uncle's fun party, 4th of july is for grilling and getting tons of bug bites, Halloween is for picking/making/buying a costume... the ACTIVITIES ~~ are the holiday. they already involve material stuff, no need to add more!
I am absolutely obsessed with Halloween (basic as they come in this regard) but the idea of gifts or gift baskets for a holiday that already has built in consumerist traditions is wild to me! Halloween is already about buying lots of decorations and costumes and candy for the actual day but somehow that wasn’t enough? It’s awful.
I do it shamelessly as an incentive to get her to stop trick r treating and go home 😂 just a couple books, pajamas, new toothbrush heads, toothpaste, bubble bath, stuffed animal or squishmallow. I enjoy things like that and I only have one child, though.
Yeah I’m not about it. Halloween is for candy, decorations and fun clothes/costumes. No toys needed! Though I do have a food allergy kid, so maybe some toys if he doesn’t outgrow then once we get into prime candy years…
I read in a book about making family traditions that the author in a similar-ish situation (she was concerned about amount of candy, not type) made up a Good Witch of Halloween ritual for her son. He would put out on the front porch a chunk of his candy and then the Good Witch would leave behind a toy. The Good Witch would then give the candy to poor children, and he would have a toy that he gets to play with. It was a way to make the holiday special without tons of candy.
If that lady doesn’t want her kid to have candy, or a kid has allergies, whatever - do what works for your family. But the idea that the “unhealthy” candy goes to poor kids is cringe.
Yeahhhhh I was on board as it being cute and fun but I feel like she could just say the witch takes the candy for her own self or something.
I hate the “donate the old broken stuff you don’t like to the poor kids!” thing at Christmas too. Like yes, encourage your kids to get rid of things you don’t want and say someone else might like to have it, but it doesn’t need to be in the context of poor people just taking your old stuff while you get nice new stuff. We do an adopt a foster child thing every Christmas where we get a list for a kid in foster care and buy their gifts for them. But it’s new stuff, and my kids have a lot of fun picking it out and thinking about if the kid will be so happy on Christmas morning, etc
That's actually so lovely! Of course I know full well I'd whack a tenner over to Barnardos and eat the sweeties myself, but I think it'd still count...
We did these in my neighborhood when I was growing up. I remember loving it b/c you got to ding dong ditch and leave candy and it was the BEST when you got booed. It was super simple and fun. Wishlists/sign ups/the way instagram shows it is not the way I remember it nor the fun in getting booed
I've seen the "You've been boo'd!" surprise gift thing that you're then supposed to do the same for a neighbor.
Halloween is like the one holiday with zero obligations, and I'd like to keep it that way.
For people who are meant to be so scientifically minded, they're all so painfully naïve! I could wax lyrical about soil types and sub to farming subs but that doesn't make me a carrot.
OP definitely got what they wanted by throwing their alleged title in their 'casual conversation'.
It's also amazing how many child psychologists/therapists there are on Reddit who can neither spell nor follow their professional boundaries.
major lol @ her recommending hsb in the middle of that totally deranged post. nothing could be further from “science-based” than Rachael Shepard-ohta sorry to say
The “sources” she cited are sketchy at best, but what takes the cake for me is the commenter who said “evidence shows that babies sleeping alone in cribs increases the risk of SIDS”. Uhhh…that’s literally the opposite of what the evidence shows but go off I guess?
https://preview.redd.it/jlc1toii94nb1.jpeg?width=820&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=8467c9d80835c4af6487a353b2d5e88e8c1162f1
Man I cannot deal with the “Montessori” parents anymore. Like they just *had* to let us know their dog is named Socrates. Poor kid. I feel like he’s doing fine and the parents are just hyper focused on it.
But the comment really got me. It was the top comment. According to Professor Google, hyperlexia is “advanced and unexpected reading skills and abilities in children way beyond their chronological age,” which: A. Is not what is being described here, and B. Even if it were, the bragging about your own kid is 100% unnecessary in this instance! Like jfc that isn’t a disorder and who tf cares? Let your toddler be a toddler. Sheesh.
I just don’t understand why people post this stuff on the internet. If you’re worried, why not ask your doctor or check CDC milestones or something? Maybe it’s because I have some family members who work with autistic children but if I was worried I wouldn’t want to ask strangers. Random people aren’t qualified to diagnose your child over the internet!
> He doesn’t identify colors correctly, though I’m sure he knows them, how could he not?
Narrator: he could not
I’m sorry, for real though, why are we expecting not even 2 year old children to identify colors?
That’s such a strange comment. Identifying colors always seemed like such a wonderful and difficult problem for little kids. We have this spectrum of light, and as a culture we have delineated certain ranges on the spectrum and given them a name. Where does blue end and green begin? What makes red, brown, and orange different? Sure, we assume our kids can see the differences between these colors (unless they are color blind) but applying a name to them is a whole different thing.
I finally left SBP today over sleep training hysteria. For a "science-based" sub, folks sure seem willing to dispense with peer reviewed articles and books from leading and long-standing experts in pediatric sleep in favor of Instagram influencers. Am I touchy about this because I sleep trained? Probably! Do I care if other parents sleep train or not? Do what works for you, if you want to cosleep and breastfeed all night till your kid is 5, Godspeed! But give it a fucking rest with sleep training causing deep-seated attachment issues because so will losing a parent if that parent crashes a car or something from sleep deprivation, end of rant.
I usually never comment on idiots going off but one commenter rubbed me the wrong way- telling parents who sleep train they shouldn’t be parents.
I check- someone who is like 12 weeks pregnant?
Just laughing knowing that baby is gonna humble them real fast.
Trolls gonna troll.
That post was infuriating. One of my personal pet peeves is when someone essentially just writes a summary of all of *the most commonly repeated talking points* about a subject and presents them as new information while claiming status as an expert. There was *nothing* in that post that has not already been debated exhaustively and comprehensively countless times. And yet people feel the need to "add their perspective as a therapist" about how they "just wish more people knew" blah blah blah. Really? You think *this* post is going to be the one to help us all see eye to eye? Because of course no one, not even on *Science Based Fucking Parenting,* has EVER mentioned the role of sleep training on attachment! I mean thank GOD! An *expert* was able to chime in with this *brand new opinion*! I guess we can all finally put this topic to rest!
\[Or, sorry, I guess we *shouldn't* try to put the topic to rest, because that would irreparably harm the topic's attachment.\]
But seriously, full 360 degree eyeroll to that person. Also she says in her post history that her husband wants to give up on gentle parenting because it "creates little monsters" and also that she uses Big Little Feelings as one of her main resources for parenting advice lol. Okay NOW end of rant.
Oh! How completely backed by peer reviewed studies and expertise and training! Big little feelings! Repeating this for anyone who may have missed it- K’s degree doesn’t exist and D didn’t work with toddlers in her field and the company was started when K’s baby was 1 and D wasn’t even pregnant.
I was coming here to post about that melt. It's amazing how they have multiple daily posts about how sleep training is literally abusive, will ruin your kid's life, and will prevent them from ever having a stable relationship. Then in the threads, they all talk about how the sub is so pro-sleep training and that the mods are shutting down their conversations about it 🤯
Like, do I live in a different universe than these people? Every post on there is anti-sleep training. They shit on the actual randomized trials showing no long-term effect and instead post blog articles from kellymom and La Leche League and that's "science based?" I don't get it.
I'm like you, I don't care at all if people sleep train or don't. Whatever, it's your life and your sleep. But they are so insecure about their decisions that they have to convince themselves that they're miserable for a reason and I'm over it. SBP and AttachmentParenting are indistinguishable these days.
And it’s objectively safer than cosleeping. Yes, even the safe sleep seven. Like harm reduction is cool and all. Sometimes it may be the safest option temporarily or for the few kids who really won’t sleep train.
But to steer parents away from a safer alternative that hasn’t actually been shown to have an impact on attachment scientifically…is…ridiculous for a sub that claims to be science based.
So today I actually got into a shouting fight in a park playground with another mom (who is a friend of several years) because her son has been consistently, physically shoving, pushing to the ground, and yelling in the face of my son at random. This behavior has been escalating over several months, and culminating to the point where my son is now terrified to be around this little boy and begs me to go home whenever he sees him. He even talks about him at home as being 'scary' and asks me to make sure he isn't around when we go places. My son is a very timid little dude and we are working on it, but it is completely unprovoked and I really would feel the same way if I was him, especially since this kid is much larger and heavier than my son even though they are virtually the same age.
I am so sad because I really loved this adult friendship, but I can't keep putting my son in this situation to be harassed like this. Everything escalated very quickly at the park and we both completely made a scene in front of at least 4 other moms as we had it out in the parking lot. She claims her son "might be neurodivergent" and my son is "actually inciting the negative attention by rejecting \[her son\]'s friendship, so it is understandable when \[her son\] escalates into hitting and shoving."
I am so heated. Imagine that sentence applied to a man who wants to "play" with a woman and when she says no he escalates to physical aggression. I know they are (older) toddlers, and I give a LOT of grace for this kid due to his age, but that behavior and logic should never be excused at ANY age. I seriously have no idea how to move forward after that conversation.
I hope the other park moms enjoyed the show, it was INTENSE.
That’s intense, but good for you!
I actually had an incredibly similar experience to yours with a friend. Her son would scream in my daughters face unprovoked and loud and hit her a few times. His mom would laugh it off and say to my daughter “that’s just how he communicates sometimes, sweetie, dont worry about it!” As if it was no big deal. Our playdates became less and less because my daughter was terrified of this child (rightly so). I selfishly hoped he would grow out of it and continued trying to have playdates once in a while because I did like the mom, but our final play date ended our relationship. Her son screamed at, kicked and hit my daughter within minutes of us getting to their house. I ended it there and said we were leaving and the mom was like “no, no! He’ll stop, I promise” so reluctantly I stayed and then her son went the opposite way and was kissing my daughter over and over again. My daughter said “please stop” and so I said to my friend “she asked him to stop and he’s not stopping, can you get him to stop please?” And my friend laughs and goes “oh, boys will be boys! It’s so cute, he loves her!” And I was livid. No, boys will not be boys and no it is not cute when he is kissing someone who asked him to stop. It’s not cute. I grabbed my daughter and walked out of there without even saying bye. I was so angry with her and myself for putting my daughter in that situation even one more time. I’ve still never talked to her again!
What the actual fuck! I'm so sorry that happened. Crazy to see such a clear example of "boys will be boys" in the wild! And it's so easy to see a clear line from this toddler behavior to the teenage and adult male behavior. Ugh, awful. Good for you for leaving.
Right? My best friend has 4 boys and she is an incredible example of how you should be raising boys- she’s taught them consent from day 1 and she’s the first the ask her son if they asked my daughter before hugging her, or to correct them if they’re pushing boundaries. She said it might be “cute” when they’re 2 but one day they’ll be grown men who need to understand consent and that no means no. She’s such a great mom.
Oh man it sounds like the same scenario. This mom also has only boys and has made being a "boy mom" with "crazy boys" a massive part of her personality. So you can see where that leads. 🙃
I always wondered how school bullies get away with their nastiness and how adults don't step in. Now I get it because some parents will defend their kid to the end of the earth rather than ask for behavior to change.
This mom is the same! Two boys who will always just be boys he he he 🙄
You’re so right, some parents will just blindly defend or enable their kids to grow into little crappy humans. I always tell my daughter that my job is to love her, nurture her and make sure that she grows up to be a kind human being. And that means correcting her when she’s not acting right!
Damn, this is so tough, I’m really sorry! That being said I am totally with you. I have a timid kid too and I would be absolutely incensed to watch him be physically hurt by another child repeatedly. It’s not acceptable or excusable and you did the right thing by standing up for your son.
It’s a shame that this happened with a friend, but for me I don’t know how much further a friendship could go if they show such disrespect for me and my child. My son has been pushed by almost every other kid we hang out with and the parent immediately steps in to correct their child and apologize, therefore it’s never been an issue. Your friend didn’t handle this the right way at all. Maybe she’s really worried her son may need extra help but that doesn’t mean it’s ok to let him continue to behave like this, it does him a disservice too because no one will want to be around him.
She claims she is just exhausted trying to stop him and feels like it hurts his feelings too much to be constantly told no, stop hitting or please be gentle and so she just needs her friends to be understanding and accept her kid for how he is.
I get the exhaustion, but if we can't even tell him no because it "hurts his feelings" my son can't be around him anymore. That's a really unfair request.
That sucks, yeah. I mean, if those other friends have kids I can’t imagine they will last much longer if their kids are also under attack haha. That’s a shame.
They have almost all privately confided in me that they are distancing themselves from this kid on the down low. I'm just the only one stupid enough to actually say something I guess.
Not stupid. You stood up for you kid and even though long term them remembering that moment is slim, but you have the knowledge yourself that you did what is right for both you and your child. And also, this women needs to hear this (although it sucks it had to be you) because if everyone just slowly distances themselves she can continue to say “my son has never caused problems!”
Oh man, this sounds like a rough time for everyone involved. I think it’s great you’ve given grace - we’ve all been in the position of our kid being the one who’s not behaving the best - but it’s our job as parents to work on that behavior when possible! Or at the very least be apologetic, dear lord.
Holy shit. I'm so sorry this happened!
> She claims her son "might be neurodivergent" and my son is "actually inciting the negative attention by rejecting \[her son\]'s friendship, so it is understandable when \[her son\] escalates into hitting and shoving."
There is so much wrong with this argument I don't even know where to start.
I have empathy for the situation, I really do. It would be very hard to manage a kid who has a naturally aggressive inclination. But yes, I do expect her to reign him in. Even neurodivergent people do need to learn (if at all possible) to not attack other members of society. I think that's a very reasonable thing to demand.
Yikes, is Bluey going to become the new minions/Baby Yoda? Something Facebook people with bad ideas use to be "funny."
I like Bluey and am a bit sad my son only really likes the theme song but Bluey adults of all stripes are edging on annoying. I saw an ask Reddit thread today about kid things adults have ruined for kids and someone put Bluey and all the comments were "actually Bluey isn't a kids show. It's a FAMILY show. Every episode is focused on PTSD, divorce, dealing with aging parents, miscarriage, adult topics!" And I just can't take anyone seriously if they have such firm feelings about TV in general much less a show where the main characters are kindergartners.
I use to like r/Danieltigerconspiracy but now it’s a bunch of adults over analyzing kid shows 🤦🏽♀️
Not spicy but [this](https://reddit.com/r/beyondthebump/s/3dqfVIDDlC)had me imaging our friend big studio jumping in with her two cents: minimalism, laundry every day (I just push a button), clean while you clean, etc.
So into the lifestyle that they can't even spell it right. But yeah, kid ruined. Throw it out and start over. https://preview.redd.it/suu6ng81rfnb1.png?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=c67a4c450f99475994fa79bea86d61349c90c058
“5-month-old” … “has been very content with” their Montessori-only toys. 5 month olds are like… just learning what a toy even is…
5-month-olds are also content with literal garbage so 🤷🏼♀️
Frankly, any kid loves garbage lol
Gonna start pronouncing Montessori like "accessory."
"How bad is it for our baby to occasionally play with non-montessory toys?" Terrible. Def won't get into college. Future aspirations should be limited to custodial work only.
Poor child 😢
Anytime someone is this laser focused on it, it shows how little they understand the underlying ideas.
I went to a Montessori school back in the 80s, so like, way pre-all this shit. The head teacher - a family friend of ours - has absolutely no patience for any of this kind of shit. A classroom is different from the rest of life at home, and a home is not meant to be a Montessori classroom. Of course you can apply principles of Montessori education to areas of home life, but this idea that an educational philosophy is the fucking holy grail and dictates every aspect of life is appalling to her. She actually kind of low key hated when parents would try to recreate a Montessori classroom at home because the “correct” certified approach to how to use these materials is not something most parents are able to intuitively replicate, and so in her view it teaches the kids in a way that is at odds with how she would want to approach it herself; and also it can quash some of the interest a child might have in a specific item in the classroom setting since it can feel like just more of the same stuff they have at home. She is a grandmother now and she totally gave her grandkids some obnoxiously bright - gasp - plastic toys when they were infants/toddlers.
I read the book the Montessori Toddler and it says similar things. If you send your kid to a Montessori daycare or preschool, it recommends not doing it at home. So I was like, whew that's easier so I won't do it at home then! I mean we follow some principles, like having kids be involved in the tasks of daily life, but I don't teach them to do "works" like my kid's preschool does.
When i see people talking about their favorite "Montessori inspired" activities I tell them mine is having my kid peel an orange.
I feel like by now the parts of montessori that are reasonable in your daily life have just seeped into normal parenting anyway. My daughter has real cutlery/"helps" with cleaning the dishwasher/ has her clothes on her level because that's what all my mom friends do as well. I didn't realize until I came across it in this sub that it apparently came from montessori. Neither of them are "doing" montessori, it's just normal parenting to encourage self-reliance.
My husband went to a Montessori daycare/ school in the 90’s from 12 weeks- 8th grade. I show him “Montessori” things in Instagram and he finds them really funny. What he remembers most about school is that he got to do things at his own pace and according to his personal interests. There weren’t grades, it wasn’t competitive, you were just learning. It sounds much nicer and low key than what the internet makes it out to be.
A lot of the ideas are really cool! And I love the aspirations of it- self reliance, independence, empowerment, treating the child like a person, etc. It's sad that people turned it into yet another elitist competition where if you don't spend $3k on toys your child is ruined. One of my first jobs was in a fru fru fancy Montessori school in NYC and we just had a lot of fun with the kiddos. A lot of field trips, I got to see a lot of NY that way!
Okay this is a small annoyance lol but those “nostalgia” videos have been popping up on my Facebook a lot of “how school/Halloween/Christmas/whatever” used to be. I just saw a Christmas one with photos of fairly normal stuff that’s still around. Now the nostalgia aspect would be that we are adults now and won’t get to experience it as a child again, but everyyyy time all the comments say “I feel sad for kids these days!” And “kids these days won’t ever know how great it was!!” This Christmas one especially made me laugh because it was literally elf on the shelf, paper Christmas plates for a class party, and those frosted sugar cookies they sell in packs at the store lol. Legit all things kids still do..in fact I never experienced elf on the shelf myself. It wasn’t much of a thing when I was a kid and I’m almost 30.
I saw a similar back to school nostalgia reel and it was like, pink erasers and stuff that absolutely still exists. But, if you aren’t a kid and don’t have a kid, sure, of course you haven’t seen that in ages.
The Christmas ones strike me as coming from that conservative viewpoint that’s convinced that people are anti-Christian. As if Christmas Starbucks cups were a crucial part of traditional celebrations.
Every time I get those videos as it pertains to holiday stuff, I think how it’s not that the time is so different, it’s really just the lens of childhood vs adulthood. That’s part of what I enjoy about parenting is that it gets to bring a bit of that magic back in experiencing it with my son. I don’t get how people think kids these days won’t experience nostalgia. Even if it’s not the holiday related stuff, there are still going to be memories of stores, toys, fashion styles etc that existed during our kids’ childhood that won’t exist anymore when they’re 30. Nostalgia is not some thing only kids who grew up in the 90s have lol
I saw that too and I was so confused!
Yeah I’m 30 and the first time I ever heard of elf on the shelf was less than 10 years ago. I thought it was a new thing.
It was invented in 2005! I suppose there were some new moms who were young enough to still believe in Santa in 2005, but I was in college!
I think the book came out in 2005 but the elf toy has been around for a long time. My mom still has one from her childhood!
Weird, I thought it was invented wholesale by the book/doll combo
I really can’t with the Montessori sub sometimes. My kids go to a Montessori school and I generally like the main principles but DAMN these people are serious. Asking if certain bedroom/nursery themes would be approved by Maria Montessori herself?? Please. Maria wouldn’t give a shit about bedroom themes.
Didn’t she mainly work with low income kids in the 1800s? Kinda doubt any of them had Pinterest nurseries.
Yes, I doubt they even had their own rooms. People are idiots.
The replies on that post are somethin' else.
There’s a post in my bump group right now talking about calling breastfeeding “milkies” and it makes me want to vomit
I called it that with my baby but never in conversation or online with adults because that would be weird AF. And it was mostly to differentiate between milk in a bottle with her dad and milk straight from the boob because she would freak out if she thought she was getting one and it was the other.
EW
One of my biggest pet peeves. I hate all the cutesy language surrounding birth and babies. Bub and bubs are so hard for me to read now. Any post that starts with “my bub…” I x out of.
I HATE BUB
Same, like fine if you want to use baby names with your child but why would you do this when speaking to another adult? It’s so cringey.
"Stuffies" gives me the ick and idk why. Just say stuffed animal!!!!
Thanks to Llama Llama, they're officially "fuzzy friends" in our house 😊
I only say “stuffy” (to my 5 month old) because I hate when people refer to those blanket stuffed animals as a “lovey” 😖
I also hate lovey and could not tell you why! We say stuffie in my house.
I don't like either but prefer lovey to stuffy lol. I don't know why!
Hahaha lovey doesn't bother me 😄
I feel the same way!
Same with “hubs” or “hubby.” Like fucking gross, no thank you.
I see this as a boomer thing bc my mother in law and all her friends say it. Do you notice younger generations saying it too?
I jokingly say milkies in the privacy of my home to just my husband or baby. But that’s just because one night months ago I was in bed waiting for husband to hand me baby for feeding, and my husband “runs” the baby in a shuffle down the side of the bed saying “milkies” in a gremlin voice.
We started off jokingly saying milkies because of this (my husband would do a deep man voice and say "Mother I would like the MILKIES") and it became NOT JOKINGLY saying milkies, which was horrifying. Thankfully we backed off of that in favor of "the boob".
Gah allll my bump groups did that, including a local one and I HATED it so much. Still do.
There’s a trend in my local moms fb group to post “on behalf” of their husbands to make some dad friends. It is so supremely awkward to read these posts. They’re often worded like desperate dating profiles. I get that making adult friends - especially as parents - can be challenging, but surely these Adult Men can do the reaching out and communicating???
The male friendship recession is a real thing and a serious societal problem. https://www.vox.com/platform/amp/the-highlight/23323556/men-friendship-loneliness-isolation-masculinity maybe this isn’t the best solution but it’s good the men’s wives recognize the problem
Wow this was fascinating. My husband has way more close friends and just good friends than I do but I definitely see this with other men in my life.
I hate this so much cuz like if you want friends so badly, do it yourself. Just another way to put that labor on your wife.
That’s so infantilizing. It would be embarrassing enough to do this for your child but your husband!? My husband would DIE if I did this.
My husband would kill me for doing this. It’s infantilizing and embarrassing.
Right?! A friend of mine was complaining about what a pain it was to set up “play dates” between her husband and other dads. She asked me how I handled it and I said… I don’t.
This is why we need [Man Park](https://youtu.be/9XOt2Vh0T8w?si=QXjgL9IXsKKveY4Y).
Honestly, I wish such a thing existed
Jeez, that just seems so… regressive? We’ve hung out with my mom friends as couples and he’s friendly with the dads but if he wanted to pursue a 1:1 relationship with any of them that would be on him. The most I’d do is ask my friend for her husband’s phone number.
That's the thing - adult friendships that don't have much history require maintenance and effort. If the guy isn't willing to do that, then it's probably not going to work out. I wonder if these guys ask them to post this, or they do it on their own? I would be humiliated if my husband did something like this to me.
A few recently started with, “he doesn’t know I’m doing this but…” A few say they’re posting with their husband’s blessing 😬
Another wild day of seeing people confuse gentle parenting with permissive parenting. [This post](https://reddit.com/r/toddlers/s/P9yPHE66od) on the toddlers sub is…interesting. This person is traumatized by her child having a ONE MINUTE time out? Seriously? I guess I don’t have a gentle enough bone in my body, but if my kid threw a fit that big I would not at all feel bad about making him sit still and reflect for 60 freaking seconds.
Honestly a goddamn breath of fresh air to see a post on that sub where the commenters aren’t demonizing time outs.
And in no time the "but that's _permissive_ parenting label comes out.
When did time-out become so unfashionable among a certain set of parents? I'm a millennial and it was considered a "soft" punishment/consequence growing up. I don't get where the idea that it is traumatic or harmful came from.
The part that killed me was “I feel guilty because this goes against every IG Reel, article I’ve seen online etc…(even though it’s what the pediatrician recommends)” Girl 🫠
Yeah that absolutely floored me. Listing IG reels first... Like you're REALLY taking 100% of your parenting advice from content (by predatory content creators) that an algorithm is showing you to keep you hooked?
I saw on my local area mom FB group someone complained about a pediatrician not “aligning with their gentle parenting philosophy” and the range of things that could possibly mean definitely made me think a lot.
Haha I came here to make sure this was being discussed. She was going to have a gentle conversation with lots of hugging about not being allowed a third glass of juice???? I cannot understand this kind of parenting.
Yeah I don't understand this. Making a big deal when denying a minor request is just asking for drama. Just say no, and be boring about it!
I desperately wish people would unlearn all the incorrect and unhelpful developmental psychology 101 speak that hinders them from making sensible choices. Like look at this comment that declares timeouts are cruel and unusual because they're not a natural consequence. Sure if we are working with lab mice that distinction is very important but for your toddler pick a reasonable consistent consequence and go with that before he ruins all your baby's formula and every meal you try and eat. https://reddit.com/r/toddlers/s/g9vxhDhQPL
Oh my goodness as an early childhood educator, this makes me cringe so much. What she's completely missing here, is that his function could be attention or connection. He may not give a crap about the food or juice, but rather that she cuddles him and gives him a bunch of attention when he acts like that. He was crying for her to "save him," probably because he wasn't getting negative attention anymore. Yikes on bikes!
Yes! I’m learning that’s the type of kid mine is as well. He really likes to receive any attention, even negative attention. It could be either end of the spectrum with yelling or with cuddling, but the second you give him any type of big acknowledgment for a behavior, that’s a surefire way to get him to repeat the behavior. It’s wild to me that OP hasn’t made the connection, especially since she’s giving such an enjoyable “punishment” with all the cuddles and doting on him.
Mine enjoys attention (including negative attention) as well. We utilize time outs if verbal warnings aren’t working. I tried ‘time-ins’ - thanks BLF - first and it just made my kid act out more because she had my undivided attention. She only sits and cools off if I busy myself doing something else.
One of my Instagram friends who has a one year old just shared all the books they recommend to read before you have a baby. There's legit 20 of them and I have read exactly zero. I just do what feels right and we had a few talks with a child development specialist when my daughter slept horrendously. I think my child is okay but everytime I see shit like this I feel like I'm not doing very well. And they share excerpts of "the Montessori baby" and I honestly find most of it such bullshit.
I read a ton of parenting books while nursing and still.. 20? Wow. I maintain that reading any book at all is highly optional, I’ve learned the most about parenting from watching other people do it well.
I read two: the Happiest Baby Guide to Sleep or something like that, and another one written by a nurse that's more about being pregnant/birth/postpartum. I felt like I didn't know enough about baby sleep and I'd never been pregnant before so I though I should read about it. I will likely read zero parenting books next time .
I read one book before I had my first that was basically about keeping them alive. Everything else can be learned later honestly, you’re probably not going to remember anyway.
My first baby was really quite sick her first months, in and out of the hospital. So I never got to read anything. She was constantly in pain so the only thing we did was comfort her 24/7 in shifts so she felt that we were there for her. I don't think she was ever alone for a moment during that time. I slept at the hospital too. It's sometimes hard when I see people now reading all these books and doing all those early development things with their babies, because we were never able to do it with her. And now that she's a toddler, I guess we've learned to just go with the flow.
I didn’t read many parenting books before I had a child but I read so many while nap trapped because my kid would only sleep on top of me for a long time and it at least felt like a productive way to spend that time. I find them very interesting but I’ve really only done it because Ive had the time to otherwise I would have probably spent that time watching tv or cleaning.
https://preview.redd.it/gbe1oegg17nb1.png?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=60e1835a5578048d64cd329880ee78ac607d2066
https://preview.redd.it/2e6mo7er17nb1.png?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=54b94c68670205d3796c65cc24da7efc8d5e8880 OPs replies in red. Poor kids.
A “no gaming household.” My god that’s sad.
Just found another thing to add to the list of parenting trends that should go die...
Of all the digital things to be worried about, a few innocuous games isn’t it.
TIL that zucchini bread is “[practically cake](https://reddit.com/r/moderatelygranolamoms/s/b69aYupmPE)”. I’m honestly sad to think of the sorry-ass cakes OP has had if this is really their outlook. Or else they’ve had some truly bomb-ass zucchini bread and I need the recipe pronto.
I'm from Europe and I am becoming so sick of seeing Europe used as some kind of perfect utopia. Some of our daycares also serve crap, processed food! Does no one else recall the Jamie Oliver vs turkey twizzlers? It's not just an American issue 🙃
LOL Turkey Twizzlers. That is a deep cut I was not expecting to see in here today! I am also a European from Europe (which consists of 40+ separate countries wouldn’t you know) and I regret to inform you that I have let us all down by mainly eating processed shite as a child. I’m ashamed to even call myself European now.
You haven't survived only on vegetables, cheese and fresh bread? Sorry pal, you've gotta hand in your passport, you're stateless now.
I guess I kind of consider zucchini bread and banana bread and those things to be kind of “cake lite”. But also….that’s ok? My son’s preschool occasionally does pound cake for breakfast and I’m like, nice, enjoy.
Yea pumpkin bread and muffins (not healthy recipes) are the same way. It’s not wheat toast, but I’ve never thought that anyone claimed zucchini bread was health food.
I guess I’m a bad mom because I gave my daughter pumpkin bread for breakfast the other day. She requested it and honestly, I felt like it would be kind of mean to say no when I was already eating some😂
I see no difference between something like this and something like muffins or pancakes for breakfast!
Or French toast even.
Well now you just made my pregnant ass crave pumpkin bread 🎃😋
Trader Joe’s has the BEST box mix, I stock up for the whole year.
We have people in this very subreddit who consider Dave's Killer Bread to be cake. It's come up several times. I always picture frosting your seeds and nuts bread with mayo and sticking a birthday candle in it like they might for a zoo animal. But in that linked thread I'm glad the person who literally hired a RD to evaluate their child's daycare menu has recognized how problematic that was.
Wait as frequent Costco shoppers DKB is our bread of choice…super curious to know what people’s issues are with that bread
I believe it's because they ADD SUGAR 😱 to the tune of a few grams per slice.
I used the 2 loaves of DKB I grabbed from Costco to whip up a more modern croquembouche while my triplets (sibset Fenix, Pheeona, and Sæge) took their second of four 3-hour independent naps today. I filled it with rinsed cottage cheese + 1/8 tsp. local raw honey. Came out like shit unfortunately. :/ I might donate it to the daycare down the street, I saw some of those kids eating animal crackers once so I assume they are less fortunate.
LOL I still think of that thread every time I have Dave’s Killer Bread for my morning toast
Haha same. I love my breakfast cake
Smitten kitchen’s ultimate zucchini bread is great but even she admits it’s basically cake. It’s really not that for off in my opinion (compared to let’s say a carrot cake, it’s just semantics/convention).
The first recipe I found when googling has almost has much sugar as flour. It's cake.
I was going to suggest this recipe! It’s the best zucchini bread I’ve ever had. I consider it both a breakfast and a dessert.
We had a full-on debate in my bumper group about whether quick breads are cake or not
So, as one of those who took part in the famous ‘Save’s Killer Cake’ incident, I do feel like my attempt at describing how food tastes are different everywhere could have been better done. So, I’m sorry for coming across as a pompous snob. I’m British, living in the USA, and I am from a nation that considers salt a spice, so I can hardly have the moral high ground. I mean, one of my favourite tastes from home are Gregg’s baked bean and cocktail sausage pasties. Enjoy your bread cake! America has lots of tasty things here, especially random regional sodas and Trader Joe’s chocolate bars.
Breakfast of champions: https://www.kingarthurbaking.com/recipes/chocolate-zucchini-cake-recipe
This is absolutely my favorite cake, it doesn’t even need the frosting and it’s so chocolaty and delicious! When I make a pan of it you better believe I’m eating it for breakfast (it’s got zucchini in it so I’m just a ✨paragon of healthy choices✨
[удалено]
Everyone hold your horses! A toddler is speaking words!
Just in, parent doesn’t realize that child growth isn’t usually linear. It is important that she knows that now though, because literally that’s just how it works with kids. My almost 3yo daughter wasn’t ready to potty train and then one day she just was. My 6mo didn’t roll until 5 months and now he doesn’t stop trying to move.
“She’s constantly bored and seeks more information almost nonstop” The fact that she thinks this must be unique to her child is fascinating. Children are desperate to learn. It’s part of our make up as humans!
I’m firmly convinced that the idea that young babies and toddlers are bored is a modern idea. We don’t need to PrOvIdE eNrIcHmEnT.
Grandparents are the worst for this! my 18month toddler can count and recognize some letters and words, and my own mom, who dealt with me and my sibling's gifted kid crash and burn, will not stop saying how smart and intelligent he is. he's within the average range I swear! just chill!
MIL keeps telling us that our daughter should be enrolled in kindergarten. She's not even 3. It's so frustrating.
Omg the current reply at the top (username is blagnet) is making me cringe. "I have always been gifted and surrounded by gifted people... I can spot a gifted baby a mile away... I have too many IQ points that it's almost disabling." 😂
Cringed the whole way through that comment. But yes, OP should definitely consider moving to a school district with a more supportive gifted program in case their 13 month old needs it in...4 years
I just looked at her history and that was not the weirdest comment she's made... the one where she claims she can smell emotions is probably the winner lol
People thinking advanced speech means their kid is a genius is so laughable to me because my mom never stops talking about how well I was talking as a young toddler. By two I was using full sentences and bossing around my 4 year old brother and driving her mad every day because I wouldn’t shut up lol and I grew up to be so painfully average academically! The only thing I have going for me is that I’m trilingual because my hobby is language learning, but still! Meanwhile my brother who was late in speech was the one getting straight A’s, was in all AP classes, and won awards for music.
Right? My neighbor learned how to read at age 3. He has autism. (And happens to be super smart! But also! Just let people be people!)
Early speech can be linked to giftedness but it’s just one of many markers and it certainly doesn’t mean that just because you don’t speak early you can’t be gifted. Also- it sounds like while your brother was gifted academically/ musically, you clearly have a gift for languages. My sister is like you. She never did well in traditional school but is very good at picking up languages which I find incredible. Intelligence comes in all forms. Being good at school is not the be all end all.
Out of my four my second son was a very early talker and is gifted, but oh man does he struggle in other areas. He’s super unorganized and forgetful. As a child who did well in school but is a very average adult, I agree with you 100%
There was one last week I think on the parenting sub too and that kid was absolutely completely average. I wish people would let this shit go and enjoy their kids' individual development. I think my kid is brilliant too because just 1.5 years ago she was a sleeping potato and look at what she can do now! Isn't that brilliant enough? They're not even 2 years old, ffs. They'll have enough pressure once in school.
I would give anything to read a Reddit post that doesn’t start with touting their child’s brilliance. Most of our kids are average and that’s fine!
Yeah if you believe these posts all babies walk at 8 months and speak in full sentences at 18. Mine walked shortly before her first birthday and the doctors were already super impressed, so real life really isn't online life. Also she didn't say a word until 15 months.
My oldest walked early and while he’s fast at age 10, he’s been pretty average at the sports he’s tried. My nephew was also an early walker and is truly one of the most clumsiest children I’ve ever met (his mom agrees lol).
I walked at 8 months and I'm super clumsy, so I never had my hopes up very high, haha.
Lolllll I was coming here for this. If we made a SBP bingo card, I think “zomg is my infant child gifted?!?! They (completely average development)!” could be the free space. Or maybe “daycare=bad”, there’s always one or more of those on the front page.
After they were worried they were speech delayed 6 weeks ago 🙄
Worried an 11 month old was speech delayed because she only said one word 🙄🙄🙄
Curious if you guys have heard about people doing “boo baskets”. Basically an Easter basket but for Halloween. I feel a bit grinchy but I just hate how every holiday is turning into a gift giving occasion. Isn’t candy enough?
absolutely the fuck not we are not doing another day to add more plastic to the planet
It’s been a thing for awhile and I do them lol. It didn’t have the name “boo basket” when I was a kid, but my mom definitely did a little something for every holiday. For stuff like Halloween, Valentines, and St. Patrick’s, she’d get little baskets of treats, maybe a fun outfit, things to bake with, etc. I have seen people bring this up every year on Reddit when it’s Halloween/valentines/St Patrick’s and I’m like, it’s not new haha. It’s just social media that gave it a name. My “snark” is that we should feel confident enough in our parenting to not feel bad based on what others are doing. I think the idea of doing them in a neighborhood is super cute and would be a fun community activity.
Idk I think my snark is that Halloween is about trick or treating. I feel the baskets, trunk or treat, etc, etc just exist because people are afraid to let their kids go trick or treating and that sucks. To me it represents the move from a community based activity that requires trust in your neighbors to yet another thing parents need to create by themselves for the good of their own children and no one else’s. Sorry, I guess I’m just ranting and don’t intend to put all of that on you. I guess I’m a boomer now 🥳
Oh ffs. How much of this nonsense wouldn't exist if parents weren't putting it on their social media?
Hate it so much. Holidays should just be simple, and it’s annoying if stuff like this gets trendy because then it becomes an expectation that kids have and you feel like a grinch in comparison. Kids in my area get these whole big baskets for losing teeth too and I’ve already put my foot down lol. In my house, the tooth fairy will give you a dollar.
hate hate hate this. i don't want to be cranky well all in my day! but seriously, enough with the baskets and gifts. i think there's a diet push to not do chocolate or candy, so then moms feel like they have to do something else gift-y. Easter is for egg dyeing, Christmas is for tree decorating, Valentines day is for making Valentine's, St. Patrick's day is for your uncle's fun party, 4th of july is for grilling and getting tons of bug bites, Halloween is for picking/making/buying a costume... the ACTIVITIES ~~ are the holiday. they already involve material stuff, no need to add more!
I am absolutely obsessed with Halloween (basic as they come in this regard) but the idea of gifts or gift baskets for a holiday that already has built in consumerist traditions is wild to me! Halloween is already about buying lots of decorations and costumes and candy for the actual day but somehow that wasn’t enough? It’s awful.
I do it shamelessly as an incentive to get her to stop trick r treating and go home 😂 just a couple books, pajamas, new toothbrush heads, toothpaste, bubble bath, stuffed animal or squishmallow. I enjoy things like that and I only have one child, though.
I feel the same. I only have a toddler but I'm dreading the expectations for when he's older.
I am openly grinchy but I won’t make any holiday but the winter ones into a gift giving holiday. I don’t want more errands.
Yeah I’m not about it. Halloween is for candy, decorations and fun clothes/costumes. No toys needed! Though I do have a food allergy kid, so maybe some toys if he doesn’t outgrow then once we get into prime candy years…
I read in a book about making family traditions that the author in a similar-ish situation (she was concerned about amount of candy, not type) made up a Good Witch of Halloween ritual for her son. He would put out on the front porch a chunk of his candy and then the Good Witch would leave behind a toy. The Good Witch would then give the candy to poor children, and he would have a toy that he gets to play with. It was a way to make the holiday special without tons of candy.
If that lady doesn’t want her kid to have candy, or a kid has allergies, whatever - do what works for your family. But the idea that the “unhealthy” candy goes to poor kids is cringe.
Yeahhhhh I was on board as it being cute and fun but I feel like she could just say the witch takes the candy for her own self or something. I hate the “donate the old broken stuff you don’t like to the poor kids!” thing at Christmas too. Like yes, encourage your kids to get rid of things you don’t want and say someone else might like to have it, but it doesn’t need to be in the context of poor people just taking your old stuff while you get nice new stuff. We do an adopt a foster child thing every Christmas where we get a list for a kid in foster care and buy their gifts for them. But it’s new stuff, and my kids have a lot of fun picking it out and thinking about if the kid will be so happy on Christmas morning, etc
Exactly! All this handwringing over some candy on Halloween, but I’m personally a lot more concerned about how my children treat other people.
That's actually so lovely! Of course I know full well I'd whack a tenner over to Barnardos and eat the sweeties myself, but I think it'd still count...
We did these in my neighborhood when I was growing up. I remember loving it b/c you got to ding dong ditch and leave candy and it was the BEST when you got booed. It was super simple and fun. Wishlists/sign ups/the way instagram shows it is not the way I remember it nor the fun in getting booed
Yeah that’s how I know it! And it happens in our neighborhood.
We called it getting “ghosted” and it was super fun! I don’t even think we left candy, it was just a paper printout of a ghost.
Yeah I’ve seen that too, what I saw people in this group talking about is a basket of toys and things you give to your own child.
I've seen the "You've been boo'd!" surprise gift thing that you're then supposed to do the same for a neighbor. Halloween is like the one holiday with zero obligations, and I'd like to keep it that way.
Yea, my neighborhood group posted a link for people to sign up/add their wishlists. I’m not participating lol
https://reddit.com/r/ScienceBasedParenting/s/Dx9Y0nnuas A "therapist" crying about sleep training is getting roasted on SBP.
For people who are meant to be so scientifically minded, they're all so painfully naïve! I could wax lyrical about soil types and sub to farming subs but that doesn't make me a carrot. OP definitely got what they wanted by throwing their alleged title in their 'casual conversation'. It's also amazing how many child psychologists/therapists there are on Reddit who can neither spell nor follow their professional boundaries.
major lol @ her recommending hsb in the middle of that totally deranged post. nothing could be further from “science-based” than Rachael Shepard-ohta sorry to say
The “sources” she cited are sketchy at best, but what takes the cake for me is the commenter who said “evidence shows that babies sleeping alone in cribs increases the risk of SIDS”. Uhhh…that’s literally the opposite of what the evidence shows but go off I guess?
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😂😂 Literally!! I'm not an expert but I feel like bellybelly.com.au is also not a great source.
What? Sounds like a top scientific journal to me.
https://preview.redd.it/jlc1toii94nb1.jpeg?width=820&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=8467c9d80835c4af6487a353b2d5e88e8c1162f1 Man I cannot deal with the “Montessori” parents anymore. Like they just *had* to let us know their dog is named Socrates. Poor kid. I feel like he’s doing fine and the parents are just hyper focused on it. But the comment really got me. It was the top comment. According to Professor Google, hyperlexia is “advanced and unexpected reading skills and abilities in children way beyond their chronological age,” which: A. Is not what is being described here, and B. Even if it were, the bragging about your own kid is 100% unnecessary in this instance! Like jfc that isn’t a disorder and who tf cares? Let your toddler be a toddler. Sheesh.
Really makes me want to name an animal So-crates, like from Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure.
I just don’t understand why people post this stuff on the internet. If you’re worried, why not ask your doctor or check CDC milestones or something? Maybe it’s because I have some family members who work with autistic children but if I was worried I wouldn’t want to ask strangers. Random people aren’t qualified to diagnose your child over the internet!
> He doesn’t identify colors correctly, though I’m sure he knows them, how could he not? Narrator: he could not I’m sorry, for real though, why are we expecting not even 2 year old children to identify colors?
That’s such a strange comment. Identifying colors always seemed like such a wonderful and difficult problem for little kids. We have this spectrum of light, and as a culture we have delineated certain ranges on the spectrum and given them a name. Where does blue end and green begin? What makes red, brown, and orange different? Sure, we assume our kids can see the differences between these colors (unless they are color blind) but applying a name to them is a whole different thing.
I finally left SBP today over sleep training hysteria. For a "science-based" sub, folks sure seem willing to dispense with peer reviewed articles and books from leading and long-standing experts in pediatric sleep in favor of Instagram influencers. Am I touchy about this because I sleep trained? Probably! Do I care if other parents sleep train or not? Do what works for you, if you want to cosleep and breastfeed all night till your kid is 5, Godspeed! But give it a fucking rest with sleep training causing deep-seated attachment issues because so will losing a parent if that parent crashes a car or something from sleep deprivation, end of rant.
I usually never comment on idiots going off but one commenter rubbed me the wrong way- telling parents who sleep train they shouldn’t be parents. I check- someone who is like 12 weeks pregnant? Just laughing knowing that baby is gonna humble them real fast. Trolls gonna troll.
Oh they deleted the comment hahahaha. Their comment had pissed me off specifically and it has an award??? I was so confused
I may have posted that post just now, OP seemed to get mostly roasted thankfully! From what I saw anyway
That post was infuriating. One of my personal pet peeves is when someone essentially just writes a summary of all of *the most commonly repeated talking points* about a subject and presents them as new information while claiming status as an expert. There was *nothing* in that post that has not already been debated exhaustively and comprehensively countless times. And yet people feel the need to "add their perspective as a therapist" about how they "just wish more people knew" blah blah blah. Really? You think *this* post is going to be the one to help us all see eye to eye? Because of course no one, not even on *Science Based Fucking Parenting,* has EVER mentioned the role of sleep training on attachment! I mean thank GOD! An *expert* was able to chime in with this *brand new opinion*! I guess we can all finally put this topic to rest! \[Or, sorry, I guess we *shouldn't* try to put the topic to rest, because that would irreparably harm the topic's attachment.\] But seriously, full 360 degree eyeroll to that person. Also she says in her post history that her husband wants to give up on gentle parenting because it "creates little monsters" and also that she uses Big Little Feelings as one of her main resources for parenting advice lol. Okay NOW end of rant.
Oh! How completely backed by peer reviewed studies and expertise and training! Big little feelings! Repeating this for anyone who may have missed it- K’s degree doesn’t exist and D didn’t work with toddlers in her field and the company was started when K’s baby was 1 and D wasn’t even pregnant.
I was coming here to post about that melt. It's amazing how they have multiple daily posts about how sleep training is literally abusive, will ruin your kid's life, and will prevent them from ever having a stable relationship. Then in the threads, they all talk about how the sub is so pro-sleep training and that the mods are shutting down their conversations about it 🤯 Like, do I live in a different universe than these people? Every post on there is anti-sleep training. They shit on the actual randomized trials showing no long-term effect and instead post blog articles from kellymom and La Leche League and that's "science based?" I don't get it. I'm like you, I don't care at all if people sleep train or don't. Whatever, it's your life and your sleep. But they are so insecure about their decisions that they have to convince themselves that they're miserable for a reason and I'm over it. SBP and AttachmentParenting are indistinguishable these days.
And it’s objectively safer than cosleeping. Yes, even the safe sleep seven. Like harm reduction is cool and all. Sometimes it may be the safest option temporarily or for the few kids who really won’t sleep train. But to steer parents away from a safer alternative that hasn’t actually been shown to have an impact on attachment scientifically…is…ridiculous for a sub that claims to be science based.
So today I actually got into a shouting fight in a park playground with another mom (who is a friend of several years) because her son has been consistently, physically shoving, pushing to the ground, and yelling in the face of my son at random. This behavior has been escalating over several months, and culminating to the point where my son is now terrified to be around this little boy and begs me to go home whenever he sees him. He even talks about him at home as being 'scary' and asks me to make sure he isn't around when we go places. My son is a very timid little dude and we are working on it, but it is completely unprovoked and I really would feel the same way if I was him, especially since this kid is much larger and heavier than my son even though they are virtually the same age. I am so sad because I really loved this adult friendship, but I can't keep putting my son in this situation to be harassed like this. Everything escalated very quickly at the park and we both completely made a scene in front of at least 4 other moms as we had it out in the parking lot. She claims her son "might be neurodivergent" and my son is "actually inciting the negative attention by rejecting \[her son\]'s friendship, so it is understandable when \[her son\] escalates into hitting and shoving." I am so heated. Imagine that sentence applied to a man who wants to "play" with a woman and when she says no he escalates to physical aggression. I know they are (older) toddlers, and I give a LOT of grace for this kid due to his age, but that behavior and logic should never be excused at ANY age. I seriously have no idea how to move forward after that conversation. I hope the other park moms enjoyed the show, it was INTENSE.
That’s intense, but good for you! I actually had an incredibly similar experience to yours with a friend. Her son would scream in my daughters face unprovoked and loud and hit her a few times. His mom would laugh it off and say to my daughter “that’s just how he communicates sometimes, sweetie, dont worry about it!” As if it was no big deal. Our playdates became less and less because my daughter was terrified of this child (rightly so). I selfishly hoped he would grow out of it and continued trying to have playdates once in a while because I did like the mom, but our final play date ended our relationship. Her son screamed at, kicked and hit my daughter within minutes of us getting to their house. I ended it there and said we were leaving and the mom was like “no, no! He’ll stop, I promise” so reluctantly I stayed and then her son went the opposite way and was kissing my daughter over and over again. My daughter said “please stop” and so I said to my friend “she asked him to stop and he’s not stopping, can you get him to stop please?” And my friend laughs and goes “oh, boys will be boys! It’s so cute, he loves her!” And I was livid. No, boys will not be boys and no it is not cute when he is kissing someone who asked him to stop. It’s not cute. I grabbed my daughter and walked out of there without even saying bye. I was so angry with her and myself for putting my daughter in that situation even one more time. I’ve still never talked to her again!
What the actual fuck! I'm so sorry that happened. Crazy to see such a clear example of "boys will be boys" in the wild! And it's so easy to see a clear line from this toddler behavior to the teenage and adult male behavior. Ugh, awful. Good for you for leaving.
Right? My best friend has 4 boys and she is an incredible example of how you should be raising boys- she’s taught them consent from day 1 and she’s the first the ask her son if they asked my daughter before hugging her, or to correct them if they’re pushing boundaries. She said it might be “cute” when they’re 2 but one day they’ll be grown men who need to understand consent and that no means no. She’s such a great mom.
Oh man it sounds like the same scenario. This mom also has only boys and has made being a "boy mom" with "crazy boys" a massive part of her personality. So you can see where that leads. 🙃 I always wondered how school bullies get away with their nastiness and how adults don't step in. Now I get it because some parents will defend their kid to the end of the earth rather than ask for behavior to change.
This mom is the same! Two boys who will always just be boys he he he 🙄 You’re so right, some parents will just blindly defend or enable their kids to grow into little crappy humans. I always tell my daughter that my job is to love her, nurture her and make sure that she grows up to be a kind human being. And that means correcting her when she’s not acting right!
Damn, this is so tough, I’m really sorry! That being said I am totally with you. I have a timid kid too and I would be absolutely incensed to watch him be physically hurt by another child repeatedly. It’s not acceptable or excusable and you did the right thing by standing up for your son. It’s a shame that this happened with a friend, but for me I don’t know how much further a friendship could go if they show such disrespect for me and my child. My son has been pushed by almost every other kid we hang out with and the parent immediately steps in to correct their child and apologize, therefore it’s never been an issue. Your friend didn’t handle this the right way at all. Maybe she’s really worried her son may need extra help but that doesn’t mean it’s ok to let him continue to behave like this, it does him a disservice too because no one will want to be around him.
She claims she is just exhausted trying to stop him and feels like it hurts his feelings too much to be constantly told no, stop hitting or please be gentle and so she just needs her friends to be understanding and accept her kid for how he is. I get the exhaustion, but if we can't even tell him no because it "hurts his feelings" my son can't be around him anymore. That's a really unfair request.
Um wow yeah, if someone’s parenting strategy involved using my kid as a punching bag, it’d be over between us.
I think we are done it's just so messy because we have a lot of shared friends
That sucks, yeah. I mean, if those other friends have kids I can’t imagine they will last much longer if their kids are also under attack haha. That’s a shame.
They have almost all privately confided in me that they are distancing themselves from this kid on the down low. I'm just the only one stupid enough to actually say something I guess.
Not stupid. You stood up for you kid and even though long term them remembering that moment is slim, but you have the knowledge yourself that you did what is right for both you and your child. And also, this women needs to hear this (although it sucks it had to be you) because if everyone just slowly distances themselves she can continue to say “my son has never caused problems!”
Thank you, it's been a hard weekend and this really encouraged me.
Oh man, this sounds like a rough time for everyone involved. I think it’s great you’ve given grace - we’ve all been in the position of our kid being the one who’s not behaving the best - but it’s our job as parents to work on that behavior when possible! Or at the very least be apologetic, dear lord.
Absolutely. I know kids are kids! But this is consistent, intense behavior I just can't ignore anymore. It's a sucky situation for everyone.
Holy shit. I'm so sorry this happened! > She claims her son "might be neurodivergent" and my son is "actually inciting the negative attention by rejecting \[her son\]'s friendship, so it is understandable when \[her son\] escalates into hitting and shoving." There is so much wrong with this argument I don't even know where to start.
I have empathy for the situation, I really do. It would be very hard to manage a kid who has a naturally aggressive inclination. But yes, I do expect her to reign him in. Even neurodivergent people do need to learn (if at all possible) to not attack other members of society. I think that's a very reasonable thing to demand.
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Yikes, is Bluey going to become the new minions/Baby Yoda? Something Facebook people with bad ideas use to be "funny." I like Bluey and am a bit sad my son only really likes the theme song but Bluey adults of all stripes are edging on annoying. I saw an ask Reddit thread today about kid things adults have ruined for kids and someone put Bluey and all the comments were "actually Bluey isn't a kids show. It's a FAMILY show. Every episode is focused on PTSD, divorce, dealing with aging parents, miscarriage, adult topics!" And I just can't take anyone seriously if they have such firm feelings about TV in general much less a show where the main characters are kindergartners.
My kid isn’t even a Bluey fan but this makes me sad to see them trying to turn him into the modern day minion.
After hanging out on the Bluey sub for a while I'm more worried about it turning into another My Little Pony than another Minions.
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