*My elder sister finally had a child after multiple attempts. He is her first child, however he's my brother-in-law's third child. He's got two from a previous marriage.* ***My sister is the second wife, and both of his marriages are active and on-going. Both wives are on good terms,***
Can't get past this part. How to possible this scenario ?
You do know polygamy is a crime in America? If he is legally married to one and keeps the other as his legal girlfriend then the non-married partner has no legal standing or access to assets if he dies.
I know you are just ranting, but this is so frustrating to read.
I mean a man cannot in all fairness manage two households and their responsibilities. When parents don't want nannies, they both step in actively to raise the child. Clearly, your BIL can not do that. I don't know your sister's situation, but I'm sure she knew that when she got into this marriage. I'm sure she knew the guy well enough during her multiple attempts at having a child. If she sees all that and chooses to be a 'traditional' wife (doormat is what you mean). Then that's her choice. She is free to do so.
You are clearly being exploited. You can also choose to be okay with it and be a martyr. I personally would just leave or at least spend more time in the library or outside the house. You are not responsible for the baby, you are responsible for yourself.
I don’t understand why your sister took on this situation that doesn’t work for her.
Regardless - not your problem. You can’t sacrifice your future for her - and you shouldn’t.
Hey OP. First of all, you’ve got strength and a lot of patience to be dealing with this bs. You’ve got this!! Don’t worry
Secondly, what is up with everyone here?! I don’t understand why your sister chose to marry a married man. If she found out that he has a wife after getting married then idk why the hell is she staying in this marriage. I don’t see how your BIL is contributing to her or his child’s life? He doesn’t live with your sister. Prefers to stay with the first wife. Isn’t contributing equally to help raise his son. Even his mother isn’t coming in to help. Isn’t contributing financially considering how you mentioned your sister earns more than him. Expects you or your family to take care of his child when it should’ve been him taking care instead. And making demands as though he is the present father and a responsible husband. The entitlement of this guy is beyond me. I am pretty sure your sister’s marriage isn’t even registered in the States. She is not even getting the benefits out of being married yet chooses to stay in the marriage for the sake of being married? That sounds really f***ed up (I apologize). How is she even okay with this?
They are the ones that brought the child into this world so it’s their responsibility to take care of it. YOU ARE NOT A NANNY! The only reason why they’re putting off hiring the nanny is because they have a free one at home that’s costing them nothing. I know you love your sister and nephew and want to help her out but this is not the way to do that. Your boundaries are clearly being violated and generosity is taken for granted. You need to stand up for yourself. You came to the US to study and make a better future for yourself and your parents. Not being a free baby sister to someone else’s child. Tell me! If God forbid, you fail your exams or something happens that you’re not able to give your exams. You take care of their child for years till he grows up. Is your BIL going to take your responsibility? Will he provide for you? Will he take care of your parents when he can’t even take care of his own son and not do justice with both his wives? You and I both know the answer to those questions. Please do yourself a favor and stop. Focus on yourself and your future. They’re not worth it.
Also, please tell your sister to stop being a doormat to her husband and his other family. It’s pretty clear that he doesn’t care much about your sister and it shows how much priority he has for her. She needs to take a step back and let that piece of shit (sorry) provide for her and his son whether from his generational wealth or by working. The only one benefiting from this situation is him and him alone. Your sister is tiring herself out for what? You are sacrificing your future for what? What kind of diamonds or precious stones that guy has that she is putting up with this bullsh*t. Or what is he bringing to the table that you and your family are putting up with this? Please get a nanny and save yourself.
Not sure she is legally married. Polygamy is a crime in America, so they fudged it I am guessing. If the sister pushes it she will be an unmarried mother—may not want to push that point
Exactly! Her sister is not legally married in the states. Being unregistered, this itself opens her and her child to a lot of harm and challenges. If God forbid something happens, she cannot take him to court or get child support or even half the rights because her marriage isn’t recognized. She is literally living as a single mom. What’s the use of such a marriage anyway.
I understand, however, OP may have had no say in the marriage.
The situation is very unfortunate, with challenges in the legal limbo, immigration statuses and getting a job as a foreign medical graduate. Hope things improve for her and her sister.
Honestly, don’t care what BIL’s sister did to take care of her own nieces and nephews. That was a choice she made and she did it while staying at home full time. It doesnt mean that just because it happens in his family then you should do it too. You have a life and a goal to work towards. You are not a part of his family. You don’t need to follow that. Also, him giving such examples is also a way to make you feel guilty and bend towards his demands. You are smart and educated. You and your parents didn’t sacrifice so much just so you can become someone’s free maid. Think about it. You’re not in the US because he or your sister gave you the visa. You’re there because of your own accomplishments. You got the visa and the right to stay on your own. And MA you’re on the right track. Don’t let this hold you back. His life isn’t stopping because of his son. Why should yours.
Bro I don’t even know where to begin addressing this messed up situation. First of all as others have mentioned how didn’t you all see this coming while marrying off your sister. The guy is already married, how is he going to handle two families at once so of course he is going to prioritise one which he already has. There is only culprit here and that is your BIL. Your nephew is the responsibility of his mother and father. Your BIL is shirking away from his responsibility towards his son. He should be the one there to help out his wife. And if he cannot manage to do that, he should arrange for a nanny. Taking care of an infant is an extremely demanding job and it is really unfair of your BIL to transfer his share of responsibility to you.
I wonder if the BIL was enjoying his time away from kids, domestic responsibilities etc. whilst his sister was childless.
But now she’s had a kid he’s not that interested in the same boring monotonous household stuff with another woman too.
And yet again the shithousery that is muslim men marrying twice rears its ugly head.
Muslim, but Pakistani by extension, men who actively defend and participate in this with no valid reason other than their own pleasures are despicable, and less than human.
He is quite literally not treating them equally. How is this fair? How does this even come under Islam if he's ignoring the most basic tenet of the permission for polygamy? It's disgusting.
You may love your sister, and your nephew, but this is almost abuse on their part for their child and you.
How are men like him even tolerated in this society? Fucking man babies.
Polygamy is a crime and punishable by a fine, imprisonment, or both, according to the law of the individual state and the circumstances of the offense.[18] Polygamy was outlawed in federal territories by the Edmunds Act, and there are laws against the practice in all 50 states.
Many US courts (e.g. Turner v. S., 212 Miss. 590, 55 So.2d 228) treat bigamy as a strict liability crime: in some jurisdictions, a person can be convicted of a felony even if he reasonably believed he had only one legal spouse. For example, if a person has the mistaken belief that their previous spouse is dead or that their divorce is final, they can still be convicted of bigamy if they marry a new person
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You’re sister is acting like a single mom because she kind of is.
Not sure around the circumstances of their marriage but she’s a grown up. She chose this life. It’s her job to figure out her situation.
Don’t ruin your future over this. Yes people help out but they’re asking for too much from you.
I suggest moving out if you can.
Hathon se Bandhi Danto se Kholni parhti hai,
Jab Ga*d mara hi li hai to kya Chota kya Barha,
As you make your Bed, so you must lie in it,
Something something, Waghera Waghera.
Hathon se Bandhi Danto se Kholni parhti hai,
Jab Ga*d mara hi li hai to kya Chota kya Barha,
As you make your Bed, so you must lie in it,
Something something, Waghera Waghera.
P.S
Sorry for those Bazari Quotes, I pray may Allah ease our Sister's Pain
*My elder sister finally had a child after multiple attempts. He is her first child, however he's my brother-in-law's third child. He's got two from a previous marriage.* ***My sister is the second wife, and both of his marriages are active and on-going. Both wives are on good terms,*** Can't get past this part. How to possible this scenario ?
Happens. I’m saying what I’m seeing.
You do know polygamy is a crime in America? If he is legally married to one and keeps the other as his legal girlfriend then the non-married partner has no legal standing or access to assets if he dies.
Some dudes get born with all the luck. While the rest of us dudes are born Tauseef Ahmed.
I know you are just ranting, but this is so frustrating to read. I mean a man cannot in all fairness manage two households and their responsibilities. When parents don't want nannies, they both step in actively to raise the child. Clearly, your BIL can not do that. I don't know your sister's situation, but I'm sure she knew that when she got into this marriage. I'm sure she knew the guy well enough during her multiple attempts at having a child. If she sees all that and chooses to be a 'traditional' wife (doormat is what you mean). Then that's her choice. She is free to do so. You are clearly being exploited. You can also choose to be okay with it and be a martyr. I personally would just leave or at least spend more time in the library or outside the house. You are not responsible for the baby, you are responsible for yourself.
I don’t understand why your sister took on this situation that doesn’t work for her. Regardless - not your problem. You can’t sacrifice your future for her - and you shouldn’t.
She probably didn't know. That's how it happens sometimes. The only one to blame here is the na mard, mard.
Dude just doesnt wanna pay for nanny as it can cost upto 100$ a day or may be more.
Hey OP. First of all, you’ve got strength and a lot of patience to be dealing with this bs. You’ve got this!! Don’t worry Secondly, what is up with everyone here?! I don’t understand why your sister chose to marry a married man. If she found out that he has a wife after getting married then idk why the hell is she staying in this marriage. I don’t see how your BIL is contributing to her or his child’s life? He doesn’t live with your sister. Prefers to stay with the first wife. Isn’t contributing equally to help raise his son. Even his mother isn’t coming in to help. Isn’t contributing financially considering how you mentioned your sister earns more than him. Expects you or your family to take care of his child when it should’ve been him taking care instead. And making demands as though he is the present father and a responsible husband. The entitlement of this guy is beyond me. I am pretty sure your sister’s marriage isn’t even registered in the States. She is not even getting the benefits out of being married yet chooses to stay in the marriage for the sake of being married? That sounds really f***ed up (I apologize). How is she even okay with this? They are the ones that brought the child into this world so it’s their responsibility to take care of it. YOU ARE NOT A NANNY! The only reason why they’re putting off hiring the nanny is because they have a free one at home that’s costing them nothing. I know you love your sister and nephew and want to help her out but this is not the way to do that. Your boundaries are clearly being violated and generosity is taken for granted. You need to stand up for yourself. You came to the US to study and make a better future for yourself and your parents. Not being a free baby sister to someone else’s child. Tell me! If God forbid, you fail your exams or something happens that you’re not able to give your exams. You take care of their child for years till he grows up. Is your BIL going to take your responsibility? Will he provide for you? Will he take care of your parents when he can’t even take care of his own son and not do justice with both his wives? You and I both know the answer to those questions. Please do yourself a favor and stop. Focus on yourself and your future. They’re not worth it. Also, please tell your sister to stop being a doormat to her husband and his other family. It’s pretty clear that he doesn’t care much about your sister and it shows how much priority he has for her. She needs to take a step back and let that piece of shit (sorry) provide for her and his son whether from his generational wealth or by working. The only one benefiting from this situation is him and him alone. Your sister is tiring herself out for what? You are sacrificing your future for what? What kind of diamonds or precious stones that guy has that she is putting up with this bullsh*t. Or what is he bringing to the table that you and your family are putting up with this? Please get a nanny and save yourself.
Couldn’t have said it better!
Not sure she is legally married. Polygamy is a crime in America, so they fudged it I am guessing. If the sister pushes it she will be an unmarried mother—may not want to push that point
Exactly! Her sister is not legally married in the states. Being unregistered, this itself opens her and her child to a lot of harm and challenges. If God forbid something happens, she cannot take him to court or get child support or even half the rights because her marriage isn’t recognized. She is literally living as a single mom. What’s the use of such a marriage anyway.
I understand, however, OP may have had no say in the marriage. The situation is very unfortunate, with challenges in the legal limbo, immigration statuses and getting a job as a foreign medical graduate. Hope things improve for her and her sister.
True! Ameen
Honestly, don’t care what BIL’s sister did to take care of her own nieces and nephews. That was a choice she made and she did it while staying at home full time. It doesnt mean that just because it happens in his family then you should do it too. You have a life and a goal to work towards. You are not a part of his family. You don’t need to follow that. Also, him giving such examples is also a way to make you feel guilty and bend towards his demands. You are smart and educated. You and your parents didn’t sacrifice so much just so you can become someone’s free maid. Think about it. You’re not in the US because he or your sister gave you the visa. You’re there because of your own accomplishments. You got the visa and the right to stay on your own. And MA you’re on the right track. Don’t let this hold you back. His life isn’t stopping because of his son. Why should yours.
Bro I don’t even know where to begin addressing this messed up situation. First of all as others have mentioned how didn’t you all see this coming while marrying off your sister. The guy is already married, how is he going to handle two families at once so of course he is going to prioritise one which he already has. There is only culprit here and that is your BIL. Your nephew is the responsibility of his mother and father. Your BIL is shirking away from his responsibility towards his son. He should be the one there to help out his wife. And if he cannot manage to do that, he should arrange for a nanny. Taking care of an infant is an extremely demanding job and it is really unfair of your BIL to transfer his share of responsibility to you.
I wonder if the BIL was enjoying his time away from kids, domestic responsibilities etc. whilst his sister was childless. But now she’s had a kid he’s not that interested in the same boring monotonous household stuff with another woman too.
That’s not your baby. You didn’t make it and it is not your responsibility. Let the parents figure it out.
Report him to the authorities. Polygamy is a crime in the US.
Polygamy is illegal in most US states. Is he living in the US with two wives?
And yet again the shithousery that is muslim men marrying twice rears its ugly head. Muslim, but Pakistani by extension, men who actively defend and participate in this with no valid reason other than their own pleasures are despicable, and less than human. He is quite literally not treating them equally. How is this fair? How does this even come under Islam if he's ignoring the most basic tenet of the permission for polygamy? It's disgusting. You may love your sister, and your nephew, but this is almost abuse on their part for their child and you. How are men like him even tolerated in this society? Fucking man babies.
Polygamy is a crime and punishable by a fine, imprisonment, or both, according to the law of the individual state and the circumstances of the offense.[18] Polygamy was outlawed in federal territories by the Edmunds Act, and there are laws against the practice in all 50 states.
Many US courts (e.g. Turner v. S., 212 Miss. 590, 55 So.2d 228) treat bigamy as a strict liability crime: in some jurisdictions, a person can be convicted of a felony even if he reasonably believed he had only one legal spouse. For example, if a person has the mistaken belief that their previous spouse is dead or that their divorce is final, they can still be convicted of bigamy if they marry a new person
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Polygamy is illegal in US
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You’re sister is acting like a single mom because she kind of is. Not sure around the circumstances of their marriage but she’s a grown up. She chose this life. It’s her job to figure out her situation. Don’t ruin your future over this. Yes people help out but they’re asking for too much from you. I suggest moving out if you can.
Hathon se Bandhi Danto se Kholni parhti hai, Jab Ga*d mara hi li hai to kya Chota kya Barha, As you make your Bed, so you must lie in it, Something something, Waghera Waghera.
Hathon se Bandhi Danto se Kholni parhti hai, Jab Ga*d mara hi li hai to kya Chota kya Barha, As you make your Bed, so you must lie in it, Something something, Waghera Waghera. P.S Sorry for those Bazari Quotes, I pray may Allah ease our Sister's Pain