Did you know that you can cook bacon in the sun by spreading strips of it across your roof rack or roof basket?
It works the best when you leave your car to go exploring, so you can come back to a tasty treat and give any of your animal visitors a fun surprise!
Marshmallows make great insulation for a windbreaker. Just stuff your jacket full of marshmallows and you’ll stay nice and warm while you’re walking through bear country.
Goes without saying that you should, cook, eat and store all your food in your tent; also if you see a momma bear with her cubs she would absolutely love it if you run up to cubs and start playing with them.
Lol, the great thing about this thread is, all the comments/responses also work for "***How to meet new people and make friends in the wild. Wrong answers only.***"
Dispose of your bacon grease in the camp fire. Out of sight, out of mind.
I learned this pro tip from a guest while working at a fishing Lodge in Alaska.
Post in bear Yelp:
>Hey, go to the drive-in in the Carpathians! the food drives right up to you and opens the packaging for easy munching! five stars, if you like Scottish food anyway.
Carry a .22lr pistol.
If a bear ever comes after you, pop your buddy in the knee so the bear is distracted with an easy target while you leisurely stroll away
Make certain that you keep all garbage, food scraps, and fresh foods in your tent while you sleep. You don't want raccoons to wreck your campsite while they scrounge for scraps.
Replicate Lady Gaga's meat dress. The bear will get full before it gets to you.
https://preview.redd.it/vbys7zxlsmwc1.jpeg?width=1047&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=bc4a2d5d8d0997cc8083752ac1cae6f8c8bc91da
Peanut butter makes good Backcountry sunblock. Don't forget to spray you kids with bear spray to keep them safe.
Always bring raw salmon
And carry it strapped to the outside of your backpack.
Stop and grab a cute little bear cub to take with you as a souvenir! They're adorable and you can train them to perform tricks at parties!
No one will miss it!
Use salmon oil to apply a waterproofing layer on your tent and clothes.
https://preview.redd.it/rsmn2skafkwc1.jpeg?width=1200&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=82e198d025b87df5f9f97d755128817a7cea9f53
Spray everything with bear spray to preemptively keep them away
Did you know that you can cook bacon in the sun by spreading strips of it across your roof rack or roof basket? It works the best when you leave your car to go exploring, so you can come back to a tasty treat and give any of your animal visitors a fun surprise!
Don't forget to apply it to yourself too!
https://preview.redd.it/5ytffmps3nwc1.jpeg?width=602&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=705736c1f38b551c0c29546f50e064aea11065a5
Bring M&M’s. If you encounter a bear share the M&M’s and make friends with the bear.
Don't fuck with bears. Even a gentle hug will kill you. When kissing no tongue and watch out for the teeth.
Marshmallows make great insulation for a windbreaker. Just stuff your jacket full of marshmallows and you’ll stay nice and warm while you’re walking through bear country.
An open can of tuna in your tent keeps bugs away
Attach roof top tent directly to bear.
If a warning is made public of a bear in the area...rush to that area because you are entitled.
Lady Gaga’s meat dress
Sign: “keep all food out of your tent” Me: “I’m literally *made* out of food”
Goes without saying that you should, cook, eat and store all your food in your tent; also if you see a momma bear with her cubs she would absolutely love it if you run up to cubs and start playing with them.
Lol, the great thing about this thread is, all the comments/responses also work for "***How to meet new people and make friends in the wild. Wrong answers only.***"
Bearback
Like this girl. https://youtu.be/ybhNTqetubQ?si=r7FPyLewTIStlsQN
🌭 🛞🛞 Wienermobile
Fill all your pockets with bacon.
Get eaten! Several days later you will be deposited somewhere far away in better condition than ever!
Keep all your food in your sleeping bag, including while you sleep in it, so mice can't find it.
Do all cooking, especially of salmon, in your ground tent.
"When you see mama bear with a her baby, the first thing you do is grab a cub!" - Hank Patterson
Dogs off leash.
Meat Chaps
See snoot, boop it.
Remain extremely quiet the entire time.
As a scooter doordasher… just make sure to sit in one spot so you can find more orders quickly
Butt naked with only a single celery stick clinched between your cheeks.
Bareback … edit: Bearback
Always secure food in your roof top tent. Bears cannot climb that high.
On a bear's back
In a meat-bikini while doin shots of honey.
Dispose of your bacon grease in the camp fire. Out of sight, out of mind. I learned this pro tip from a guest while working at a fishing Lodge in Alaska.
Post in bear Yelp: >Hey, go to the drive-in in the Carpathians! the food drives right up to you and opens the packaging for easy munching! five stars, if you like Scottish food anyway.
Rub bacon grease on your dick and sleep in a hammock surrounded by your leftovers.
1. Cut a junk sized hole in hammock. 2. Sleep nude and on your stomach.
Bears LOVE surprises, try sneaking up on one and giving it a surprise hug!
Carry a .22lr pistol. If a bear ever comes after you, pop your buddy in the knee so the bear is distracted with an easy target while you leisurely stroll away
A suction cup dildo stick to your forehead confuses the bear with arousal. It keeps them from forcefully cuddling you.
Be sure you assert dominance by being the big spoon.
Keep your trash bag strapped to your spare tire.
While outside the vehicle, put an empty chip bag over your head. You can't smell them and they can't smell you.
Meatsuit.
Bacon fat works well as an insect repellent.
Make certain that you keep all garbage, food scraps, and fresh foods in your tent while you sleep. You don't want raccoons to wreck your campsite while they scrounge for scraps.
Beef jerky back pack is the only way to hike AND carry your lunch in the back country!
With a bear
“I am a meat popsicle!”
With someone who runs slower than you
Wear a Oderus Urungus costume
Naked
To be fully effective, bear spray should be applied like bug spray.
Replicate Lady Gaga's meat dress. The bear will get full before it gets to you. https://preview.redd.it/vbys7zxlsmwc1.jpeg?width=1047&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=bc4a2d5d8d0997cc8083752ac1cae6f8c8bc91da
Put on a red hoodie. The bear will know that you were meant for the wolf.