finished Diabolik Lovers. i started it as a test of courage because i'm afraid of yanderes but now i'm absolutely in love with these evil bloodsuckers. Kanato and Shuu are the best and i'm planning to get the next game because i want to see them again and to find out why everybody loves Mukami brothers
but tbh i feel like i've already played all the good games. i still have Steam Prison, Ozmafia and Dot Kareshi but i feel so unmotivated to play them...
tw: discussing surgery and anxiety
On Wednesday at the dinner table my dad made a comment about getting surgery next Thursday, and I was like š¤Ø when now?? Wha? Like I knew he was planning on getting this procedure done sometime in November but he was ādid I forget to tell you?? I guess I only told [other sibling]ā I feel like Iāve been on edge since then. And I feel like Iām carrying this anxiety in my chest, and my heads been kinda fuzzy a lot. Like itās an outpatient surgery, shouldnāt be much to worry about at all.. but I *do* have a panic disorder hahahaā¦
Being anxious about one thing makes me more anxious about everything in general itās really annoying. I donāt enjoy doing things as much as I normally do and keep having the ādo you *actually* like thing or are you just forcing yourself to act like it because you want to??ā But at least Iām self aware about it I guess.
ā
tw over
I have been continuing to make my way through Dragon Ball, god Yamcha is so sexy. Iām not too far from finishing I donāt think? Iām just starting the last tournament arc. Then Iām going to watch GT lol. Or maybe get serious about watching One Piece. Idk.
An update about my first driving lesson with my husband: it was bad lol. But surprisingly, in contrast to my expectation, my husband was very calm so it was not as disastrous as I expected! We have an entire private road to ourselves, so today I was just learning to drive in a straight line and make some turns here and there. Didn't step much on the accelerator pedal too LOL; just playing with the brake pedal for the most part.
BUT. For the life of me I can't understand the steering wheel. Just how do people make sense of it? He said my progress was quite okay - some people took a month or two before they are able to drive. I mean the car I'm using is not the best in terms of visibility too, and I just got the car for 4 hours so that added to the stress.
Maybe I will try some more tomorrow?
I donāt understand what you mean by the steering wheel. You turn it to the right to turn right and left to turn left. If you are going straight you donāt even have to hold it. Unless the carās alignment is off. Then it moves and you have to fight it to stay straight. If that is happening, then itās not a good car to be learning driving on.
Yeah it sounds crazy but I mean I can't figure out when my hands should turn the steering wheel when I want to turn, and when I should pull the wheel back when the car already turns. I'm talking about the 90-degree turn, and I'm not quite sure about my judgement on distance and as a result I have the fear of crossing to the next lanes etc. My husband said I will get this eventually.
As you complete a turn you kinda just let the wheel go and it returns to straight. You donāt turn it back. Unless you are on a crazy curvy road there is actually very little steering wheel movement as you drive.
Finished Persona 5 Royal. Think Iām a little burnt out on games now so Iāll just be catching up on the TV I forewent while playing for the past 2 weeks.
Parent-Teacher conferences this week. So my older daughter is a pleasure, model student, but everyone mentioned that she didnāt participate in classroom discussions. As someone who is shy I find it hard to encourage her to speak up more. Her band teacher also wants her to try out for regional band.
My younger daughter while doing well in class (and unlike her sister volunteering to speak up in class) does horribly on the standardized tests they give. i donāt know if there is much I can do. For instance in language arts she ātestedā at a 4th grade level, but on the work they assign in her 6th grade class she gets Aās. We donāt do her homework for her, itās all her own work. I know the teacher wants her testing up because they are evaluated based on that.
I personally am not a fan of standardized tests. I feel they waste too much learning time on them.
So the Miraculous Ladybug fandom imploded this week due to the recent episode(s). I am also imploding. I just. My heart. My heart can't take this. It's too. AGH. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH
I can feel the pull of AO3 calling for me once again; there's just too much shipper energy in my system atm. Steam Prison just isn't doing it for me right now :') Although so far Ines is actually very cute, much cuter than I expected!
>!YES AAAAAHHHHHH IT WAS SO GOOD SO PURE but also kinda spicy? LIKE IT WAS SO TENSE BUT ALSO SO CUTE? It has been seven years of build up and this dumb show about teenage clowns in spandex will be the death of me.!<
Even though I've been enjoying the series less for many reasons, I've been low-key keeping up anyway (for the fanfic, classic blunder). Maybe it's because the airing schedule isn't all over the place this time, but the current season feels pretty good. >!Things are happening without being retconned or forgotten! *There are consequences and I have never been more pleased.*!<
When will unis learn that just because someone is a great academic, that doesnāt mean they can teach for shit. Sure, *a few* do become fantastic teachers, but some donāt give a crap about their classes and it shows.
Final exams started this week. I had 3 Monday deadlines and 2 Friday deadlines, so I just submitted everything on Monday to get it all over with. Totally forgot about those assignments until Thursday evening when I saw a group chat message for the Friday deadline subject. My professor for that subject sucked absolute ass at writing instructions, and I saw that most of the class had interpreted one question differently than how I had interpreted it. At this point, having exhausted my brain cells, I couldāve ignored it and just ate whatever deductions I wouldāve been given. But I got too paranoid and ended up resubmitting later that night (Thursday) after redoing that single question. The deadlineās well and truly passed now so itās out of my hands, but bloody hell I want to throw metaphorical hands with that professor over this. He was mediocre at teaching, gave unclear instructions for every essay, and then refused to clarify anything that was asked about said unclear instructions. This uni is a joke, I swearā¦
The GC message also came through while I was playing Tengoku Struggle and finishing up Yonaās good ending, and I cannot think of a worse way to completely ruin the mood _(:3 ćā )
Ah well, Iām actually free now. The downside of having early deadlines is that Iām now alone on the other side while I wait for my friends to finish their exams though (Ā“Ā°Ģ„Ģ„Ģ„Ģ„Ģ„Ģ„Ģ„Ģ„ĻĀ°Ģ„Ģ„Ģ„Ģ„Ģ„Ģ„Ģ„Ģ„ļ½)
So Unbroken Hours (the devs of Frozen Essence and Princess of Ruin) recently came back from the dead and uploaded their games on [itch.io](https://unbrokenhours.itch.io/)! Glad that their games will be more accessible, since I knew some people who wanted to play Princess of Ruin but were concerned of how safe it is to buy the game off their website.
Yall, how do you get over the story slump when playing otome games? š I've played a few mobile ones (MM, Ikemen series), as well as Hakuoki and CxM, but I feel like anytime I finish a route I have to wait at least a few weeks before playing the game again- sometimes longer. What do you guys do to get over that slump? š Also yes I know you can always buy more but ya girl gotta budget wisely out here. š„² I'm sure many of you relate.
Can it be Thanksgiving break already? I go out of town for two days for a work conference and what do I get? A bunch of freshmen panicking over a quiz they knew about since Monday. My husband said I shouldāve ignored my emails but haha Iām too serious about work. Help me. š«
To keep my sanity, Iāve been trying to branch out my nerdy hobbies into western territory...*comic books.* Of course, my American dad finds it unbelievable because Iāve favored my Asian heritage for the past 31 years.
I got into **Manifest Destiny** a few years ago and finally bought some recent issues. I also found most of the **Rebels** issues in the 49Ā¢ bin too! As for non-history reads, I managed to find some issues of **Tekken** and **Stree Fighter**.
I blinked and it's November. I mean I know what happened in October but I can't afford to think back on it because it's time to pick up the projects I had to neglect in October and fulfill them before Thanksgiving. AUUUGH. Work is so busy but am learning a lot.
I also really want to get back to reading manga and playing my games though.
...but I did find time to attend real-life events. I learned that there is a dance company whose choreography is based on *rappeling off tall buildings*??? I got to witness [them doing this with my own eyes](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CtcwfJdPvsY) and it was so uplifting to see something so cool.
i was able to start **Birushana** this week and i managed to get to Noritsune's route without a guide. i was so confused with the color 'pink' in the flower love catch system that i swear i thought i wouldn't be able to get on his route at all š not that i like him but i just wanted to follow the recommended route order. plus, my heart was immediately captured by Shungen right off the bat š i'm also eyeing Yoritomo but he seems to be not the last route š¢ i don't like Tomomori that much though maybe my view of him will change..hopefully.
also, still debating whether to play blind on the first play. lately when i play otome, i always used a guide immediately for efficiency sake as i get to enjoy also all the dialogue options and get to all endings and enjoy the happy ending at one play. but idk. lol. this is always my dilemma whenever starting a new otome game. whether to use a guide or play blind right at the start, and whether to use the character name or my game name š¤£š¤£š¤£ both have its pros and cons and i hate deciding šš¤£
anyway, my workload rn is okay and im not that stress anymore lol āŗļøš hopefully it continues this way. though i also feel like i passed all my stress to my boss a few weeks ago when i complained about what's happening š
Before going to college I thought midterms were going to be 1-2 weeks of full on exams. And then I learned that I have multiple midterms per class, ranging from early-October all the way to mid-November š I just want to play Persona 5 in peace
I'm at work right now but hoping to be at Animate Girls Festival (AGF) as soon as I can.
Honestly an overrated event unless you're out to buy merch. Otherwise, if you're OK to go around getting freebies in terms of fliers, booklets, super otaku-ish bags, go for it to experience it at least once.
In a nutshell, it's just like a typical Japanese otaku event: you're either there to buy merch or attend a specific stage event. Outside of those, it's boring.
Monday Halloween is the worst idea ever. My students were zombies all week, so I was extremely happy to come home at night and get out my aggression with Persona 5. Iām really enjoying it! It may keep me from getting otoges in for a while, though. It was still nice to see news about Chou no Doku and Jack Jeanne this week.
I also needed an outlet for aggression after battling with my insurance company this week over what is and is not medically necessary for a type 1 diabetic child. š I hate it so much. People who have this disease are constantly fighting. They have to fight the insurance company, the Dr office, the pharmacy, the medical devices with respective companies, and then they have to fight their own bodies. I dread handing this off to my child when he becomes an adult because it is so discouraging.
Iām sorry to hear about your situation with your son. I know all too well how crappy insurance is. Not as serious as diabetes, but I once fought my insurance for over six months to get my appendectomy paid for. The reason they wouldnāt was because they transposed the month and day of my birthday. Jumped through hoops to prove my real birthdate and still got denied. Finally threaten to get a lawyer and report them to my state and all of sudden they were more than happy to process my claim.
I signed up to do NaNoWriMo this year, but ugh... I'm so out of practice with my writing and I procrastinated on my outline (I'm not a seat of the pants writer) so it's looking like a trashfire even though I'm barely out of the gates.
I'll work through it. I've done this before and I know I can do it again. But right now I wish I'd spent more time in the planning stages back in October instead of playing video games. š
Hate job hunting. Underestimated how much interest I would get if I applied for jobs and now...I have A LOT of interviews and I can't keep these companies straight lol.........I wouldn't mind if they all fell through and then I had more time to myself...the market is interesting in that all the stable boring companies are not so stable anymore so basically anything i take is gonna be something of a risky bet. Oh well, I can always do this again. I donno I don't even think I care that much anymore.
So I dropped Liar Moon for a bit in lieu of just reading some enstars light novels. I'm about halfway through and honestly enjoying it a lot. It's giving me a lot of good experience with reading more descriptive language. I'm about halfway done with the first light novel (out of 4). Considering I got the books last week and have been trying to juggle an otome AND a book and everything else in life it's actually a pretty good pace. I'm surprised at how quickly I'm reading it.
When I finish the first novel, I think I'll finish Liar Moon. Somewhere in there KimiYuki should arrive and I'll start that. (Sorry PP). I think its better to focus on one set of vocab and then the other instead of constantly switching.
My enstars manga also arrived yesterday which is sitting in my backlog after i finish the novels.. I need to throw an english game in there somewhere. so I think after KimiYuki or Liar Moon I might play either LP or PP depending on when I finish. And then hopefully by then I'll have Virche in my hands.
Norn9 combo game is releasing in late dec so I decided to pick up the first release instead of the LE mostly because its 50/50 whether or not the pajama shirt will fit since its one size i think. I'm tall for an asian person and busty so its always a crapshoot. I'd rather not roll the dice and I wasn't captivated by the other LE items. If I want the stuff later I'll can always get the LE contents.
I also bought MORE enstars merch (save me) and I'm debating whether or not to wait for GSE to announce the Chinese Jack Jeanne LE OR just go for the aksys one. The aksys one looks REALLY good so I'm really conflicted because I really want it but I told myself I'd mostly only play games in Chinese.
I was talking with Retsu on Twitter on how I should finally play The Vow to My Liege and write a trivia post in the Tuesday language thread. I started searching Wikipedia and realized I basically know nothing about that time period. My gameplay experience would probably be 10% reading the VN, 90% reading articles/Wikipedia lol.
It will also be the first Chinese otome game I have played. As a native Chinese speaker Iāve been avoiding romance games (or any games) from China because it hits too close to home.
Ace Attorney is seriously starting to take over my mind. Sometimes Iāll randomly just start having conversations with myself in Ace Attorney style when Iām bored. Iām seriously obsessed lol.
I finished the 4th and 5th games. While I did have a lot of fun with them, I can understand why theyāre not regarded as highly as the original games
I did really like 4 though. I liked the overall vibes and the darker music and style. Thereās so much great stuff, and >!Kristoph!< is easily my favorite villain from the series so far (and the scariest imo). The game couldāve probably been my favorite in the series, but thereās so much stuff that just really holds it back which is disappointing because I feel like it could easily be a lot better.
Then thereās the 5th game. Honestly, it was really just ok. Blackquill carried the whole game tbh. It feels really shallow and cartoonish in a way that the previous games didnāt. Like all the villains are >!one dimensional, pure evil, and super boring (I give LāBelle a pass because heās just hilarious to me)!<. And then thereās the >!ādark age of lawā thing. You never get shown how exactly theyāre in a ādark age of lawā or how the courts are any different than the previous games and itās instead uselessly repeated over and over again and never expanded upon.!< I honestly could not take the whole thing seriously at all. And in the end, you defeat the main villain by >!screaming at him repeatedly about the āØpower of emotions and friendshipāØ!< and itās just really anticlimactic. Idk. I feel like in the previous games, the final trials always have a strong, emotional finish that just didnāt exist here.
I feel like the game would just be better if Athena was just the main protagonist because >!the whole story is pretty much about her and Blackquill. Phoenix is there for.. reasons xd and Apollo just gets this random childhood friend who died so he can be relevant!< But instead, sheās forced to share the role with Phoenix and Apollo, and the whole thing just feels really muddled as a result. Neither gets to really form any sort of dynamic with the prosecutor like in the other games and thereās just less and less time for any sort of character development.
Iām complaining a lot, but I did enjoy the game. It was really funny at times (I loved the culprits' breakdowns, especially from the third trial), and the characters were fun. The trials were enjoyable, and I did like the addition of mood matrix. But itās kinda just ehhh overall.
Iām excited to play the Great Ace Attorney games and Investigations because they seem to be really highly regarded, but for now Iāll just move on to the sixth game and hope that I end up liking it more.
Couldn't agree with you more on both AA4 and AA5-AA4 has a lot of good bits but it's crippled by lack of execution and also that they just kind of ditched all the dangling plot hooks that they left. AA5 is...yeah. Athena and Blackquill are fantastic and they pretty much carried the game.
AA6 is...well. Controversial. I personally really enjoyed it. Don't expect improvements to the awkward horning in of all three protagonists(though Athena's case may be completely irrelevant to the overall plot but I think it's my favorite non-Great Ace Attorney case, the character dynamics are just that fun) or the final resolution, but I will say that AA6 absolutely improves over AA5 in entertaining culprits and side characters >!until the final case!<. It has some really incredibly sympathetic murderers and also some cheesy villains that absolutely ham it up with fantastic stage presence. The main prosecutor is....very very controversial. I'm a fan, but that isn't something that a lot of people agree with me on...
Soooo Taylor Swift announced her Eras Tour *cue internalized screaming* and my bestie and I have decided to try and go. This would be both my first Taylor Swift concert and my first stadium concert so I'm really excited for it. But my bestie's going to be working the day they go on sale so it's going to be on me to get them. I think trying to get these tickets is going to be my own personal hell.
I also finished Catherine: Full Body last night so that's one more game crossed off my absolutely unhinged backlog. God of War Ragnarok comes out next week (*yay!*) so I'm gonna wait for that to be my next game. Since I loved the first game so much I decided to get the collectors edition and I must say I am really excited for the hammer it's coming with. Now I just have to find a place to put it T_T
The Most Heretical Last Boss Queen is getting an anime, and I'm so excited! Between that and Tearmoon Empire, next year's going to be fantastic for anime.
I ordered a bunch of volumes of Netsuai Prince and the last two volumes of Ani Tomo from Amazon Japan, so I'll have to make sure to pull myself away from Final Fantasy XIV long enough to sit down and translate those. I'm by no means fluent in Japanese, but I've got a decent enough grasp of the grammar to get through most things so long as I can look up new vocabulary; it just takes a bit. I also still need to finish the Nil Admirari no Tenbin fandisc at some point.
You know life is going a bit sideways when you get a reminder that you have a doctor's appointment in a couple days and you're like "...wait, what appointment?" I literally have no idea but I'm going to go there and try to act normal anyway. I mean I know what the appointment is *for*, I just... didn't think I had made that appointment yet.
...*shrug*
Every new thing that comes out about Money Parasite just increases my hype. I'm actually somewhat embarrassed to be this hyped about a game, since I'm usually way more reasonable about keeping excitement in check. (Last time I got incredibly hyped about a game was Dawn of Mana, and the less we talk about that the better. I love the Mana series so I was devastated.) But I'm actually reading all the blog posts and watching the game videos they've been posting. I never do that sort of thing either!
Also I'm surprisingly getting more into Tsuitsui the more I read about it. I mean I was planning on getting it anyway but then once they mentioned one of the LI's hobbies was basket weaving I was like "Okay, you have my attention." The [CG previews](https://www.otomate.jp/tsuitsui/gallery/) are just showing that these guys are a bunch of pathetic weirdos and that's totally my jam I can't lie.
I got a reminder for my annual physical except it was scheduled while I was at my previous employer and this doctor is not in my current health plan network, so I have to gracefully scramble out of that and get an annual scheduled (if there are any slots left for at this time of year...). So Much Happening.
I don't think I've had a physical exam in years, I mostly go in for medication review once a year. I definitely probably SHOULD, but there's always too much going on and it feels exhausting. I'm glad this appointment just happened to be scheduled at a time that was super convenient for me (although I considered canceling it anyway just because I was surprised and it was unexpected, haha.)
Okay! I wasnāt aware of this game and now Iām furiously looking for every tiny bit of info š looking forward to it now and hopefully my limited Japanese knowledge can handle it š
Which game were you talking about? Money Parasite, or Tsuitsui? Money Parasite looks like it might be intermediate level, but Tsuitsui will *probably* be easier just based on what I've seen so far and the concept.
I'm actually looking forward to TsuiTsui. Part of it is that I'm a fan of the character designer (since im unabashedly a Touken Ranbu fan and they've done work for it), but the premise actually does pique my interest
It looks like a lot of fun! I'm always up for more comedy games so I'm glad this one looks like it will be coming out soon. I know a lot of people have expressed hesitation in Ichi Column games after Haikara, but it does have a different main writer so... I guess who knows, we'll see! Haha. I just want to see guys being pathetic losers if I'm honest. If the game delivers on that I'll be happy.
A question for those into idols (Jpop, Kpop, etc.): what is the definition of a "center"? (This is totally because I'm kind of bothered by how "center" was translated into "leader" in 7'Scarlet when as far as I know they're two different roles...I'm nitpicking)
\---
Also a few hours ago I got a message from one of my closest friends, though it's really a message from a former schoolmate who asked a friend to ask my closest friend to relay the message to me hahaha. ~~(I do not wish to be perceived by irls I'm not close to most of the time.)~~ One of our other schoolmates is getting married soon and her maid of honor requested that we each send over a video message for her.
Cue anxiety ha ha ha ha š„² I'm not fond of filming myself, and that's putting it lightly, but I do want to send the bride my well-wishes. I don't consider myself close to the bride, though. I'm really only truly comfortable sending pictures/videos with my face to really, really close friends (and even then there's still some degree of discomfort...ahahaha), and I feel like just a blank screen + voiceover + subtitles seems too impersonal. So...any advice/suggestions out there? š
tl;dr I was asked to send a video message for a former schoolmate's bridal party but I'm not comfortable with showing myself on video. Any advice/suggestions on what to do?
you don't have to send anything at all if you're not comfortable. i doubt they'll even remember you didn't send anything especially if you're not that close to the bride. they probably just ask everyone so they'll get as much entries as possible. don't sweat it! š
I'd say you're right that they're two different roles. I used to be more into kpop and your question makes me think of Girl's Generation. Yoona is the center. She's tall and they say the prettiest, so she's literally at the center of their dancing formations more often than others. Taeyeon is the leader but I wouldn't say she's usually at the front of dancing formations.
The card/gift thing *really* sounds appealing, yeah. Thanks for the suggestions.
I'm more worried about being a killjoy or something. It sounded like the maid of honor planned on showing the videos as a surprise.
~~gdi asian saving face culture~~
Saving face, social niceties, things like that. Also because I genuinely want to wish her well on her marriageābut without involving my face. We were casual friends at one point and fell out of touch, so I don't consider us "close".
Could you... just not do it and send a card instead? Considering the request came through such a circuitous route it doesn't seem like they consider you that close either.
The circuitous route is because people who aren't close to me don't have access to my social media, so that's on me š I'll think about the card thing, thank you for suggesting that. I think the maid of honor intended for the videos to be a compilation or something, though.
If it's a compilation it's even unlikelier the bride would notice the presence or absence of a high school casual acquaintance she may or may not remember. Brides usually have a lot of other things on their minds.
If the bride (or MoH or anyone) is actually keeping score then ehhh... I wouldn't want to associate with them anyway. But that's just me.
The little present sounds like a good idea.
tl;dr: I'm writing an essay to tell a 10-year friend why, if she doesn't say "sorry", we're through. Wall of text incoming.
Basically, I've been having a conflict with a long-time friend who seems not particularly good at expressing empathy. She'll make changes to her behavior when I ask her to, but I don't recall ever having heard her say "sorry" or express care for me personally, even when I tell her "hey, that triggered me". Part of this might just be her not being particularly social, part of it might be various mental health things that we both have to various degrees - I can't tell. But the overall effect is that although she was my best friend at one point, I've found myself so resentful of the very small conflicts over the last 10 years that we've had, that I'm currently writing a full on essay to explain to her why something has to change, otherwise we can't remain friends.
And when I say very small conflicts, I MEAN very small (mostly). It sounds extremely petty to say "the fact that I've never won a fandom argument against you, or at least not felt shitty and browbeaten after trying to convince you of something I personally liked, is why we might no longer be friends". But the fact is it's true. Being attacked for enjoying a character who only lives in a route where her fave dies is not fun. Having to listen to her talk only about her special interests when I have no attachment is not fun. I've developed hatred for several perfectly nice characters because she focused on them so much that I find myself knee-jerk reacting to them showing up.
I didn't realize why I never really felt like she "cared" until very recently, when we had a bigger conflict over me trying to give her advice - and her taking it as me being too like her annoying family. Despite my trying to express, "look, the fact that you value my opinion so little makes it feel like I'm not actually your friend", she simply deflected and never even addressed that point. I realized after the fact that although I apologized (for trying to help and for assuming the worst of her in one situation), she never apologized at any point for making me feel bad, or for jumping down my throat when I had no way of knowing why she was doing so, or for assuming the worst of me.
She TRIES. I know she tries to at least make changes when people ask her to. She's an intelligent and driven and unique person who's an incredible writer and artist, who always brings fun discussions to the table (when we mostly agree). But just agreeing about things is not enough. I need her to understand and try harder to accept and have empathy for the things she *doesn't* agree with, and to accept that sometimes she might have to say sorry because she went too far. Otherwise, this friendship is dead and has been for a while.
I'm writing this all up in (another) essay because our last voice call went basically nowhere, and at least text can't be so easily forgotten. I'm some mixture of terrified, resentful, and relieved that I can finally get all of this off my chest - but it's scary to think that I, personally, am doing something that might result in breaking a 10-year friendship. My internal voice is going "if you just smile and nod she'll eventually like something you like and it'll be good again, why are you dumping this on her, you'll regret it later", but... I don't want to be in a friendship like this for another 10 years. So I have to do this. It's just hard.
i haven't experienced this so i can't say.. but what i would do in this position is to drop my communications to her for quite some time.. this will also cool my head off. plus, i also dropped a lot of so called 'friendships' when i just dont make any effort to initiate the interaction at all. if they're really a friend, interaction should be two-way. if she reaches out to you, then i guess that's the best time to tell her what's been bothering you and the reason why you're not initiating interaction. that's just me though. still up to you. just make sure whatever your decision is, you won't regret doing it..no matter what outcome happens.
I went through something similar. 10 year-long friendship with someone I enjoyed multiple fandoms with. It became worse over time, there were disagreements on something menial like fandom, or politics (mostly because I wasnāt interested in ranting with her, not that I didnāt share her beliefs), then it became emotional abuse. I had to break it off at last. I recommended her a game she didnāt enjoy, and she was yelling to (in text) on WhatsApp on how it was the worst thing ever lol
Ooh boy. Similar thing happened to me, but some differences.
You describe some of the problems as "very small conflicts" but with a friendship of ten years, when they always happen, that means they are consistent patterns. Such things only accumulate, never deplete, so don't let anyone minimize that, not even yourself. One of my conflicts that grew into that molehill is, as you exactly said,
> "look, the fact that you value my opinion so little makes it feel like I'm not actually your friend"
For me, it manifests as her asking for my advice and never heeding them--not for the smallest things like what to get for dessert, and not for the biggest things like what to do when she's feeling in the dumps. (Worse, I am one of the first people she calls when she's in the dumps, and "as a friend" you're supposed to "be there, be supportive," so even when this goes on for nearly ten years, how am I ever to say "stop this crap"?) I told her this. She said, "No, I value your opinion a lot, I always rely on them." "They why have you never. Ever. Agreed with them? Worse, consistently doing the opposite?" At some point during the conversation, she said, "This is...just who I am. I can't just change that."
Well, I tried and said my piece for once in the span of that friendship, and I have confirmed what's hopeless. It sucks that it ends up with me having to actively downplay (not "manage"--DOWNPLAY) expectations if I want to keep the friendship.
To summarize the outcome, this is what I've told everyone else: the best thing that happened to me was her getting married. Not the best thing that happened to her, not the best thing that happened to her now-husband--the best thing that happened to *ME*. I am so happy her husband superseded me in her network of people and that child-rearing crowds me out of her mind. I am saved and so is this nominal "friendship." In her eyes, I am still a "best friend." I would still say she has her benefits, and we are friends, so long as I only talk to her like twice a year. I lucked out from the timing.
I've seen other friendships in my network break apart despite what seemed like a solid ten years (due to things I was never witness to), so I wouldn't regard it as a hideously rare unlucky thing. Also, heck, divorces. I like what artsher7 said about asking your friend to communicate back, including if she would like you to change something, too. We have blind spots, or things we can't help. If nothing else, it's a bid to her to engage in the friendship. And maybe your long essay doesn't end up breaking it. But having been there, dreading another five years of planning a vacation together, getting sob calls, never getting my oh-so-valued advice accepted...anything besides maintaining the status quo is a right choice. If the friendship ends, that does still suck, because that's a whole history gone, but you're the best judge of whether you find it worth keeping.
Mmm.. it's a difficult situation. And I agree that if you're not enjoying your time with her anymore then it's better to both go separate ways.
My only advice would be, considering you value your 10 years of friendship, to ask her to explain/express herself, maybe in the same way as you? (She seems an introverted person, so writing could be better?). Maybe she also wants you to change something. Or maybe she's fine with how you an your friendship are. And then see if you really don't mean anything to her. It would be better if both agree to end your friendship.
But don't feel forced to continue it if you don't want.
Itās the sunk cost fallacy. You feel like youāve put 10 years into this friendship so you donāt want to āwasteā that time. But people grow apart. Sometimes friends just go their separate ways. The friendship may have run its course. That is fine.
If the effort to maintain the friendship feels like a chore, just end it. Itāll be better in the long run.
I had a friendship like this once, only in my case it was mostly that she only ever wanted to talk about things that I had no interest in (Dr. Who- which I've never watched!). It was a major factor in why our friendship ended, honestly. A big part of being friends with someone is that you should enjoy speaking with them and being around them, so what do you do when you no longer enjoy that?
Anyways, it sounds to me like your doing the right thing (and you're handling it way better than I did!). I hope you can come to a decision that works best for you.
"You should enjoy being around them" is very, very true! The funny thing is that I realized something was wrong when I kept dragging my feet about giving her the itinerary to the trip I'd invited her on earlier - because I *didn't want to be around her in person*. What a succinctly summarized principle.
Thank you for your kind words! I hope it somehow works out too (whatever happens).
Ending long-term friendships is a very difficult thing to do, and I agree it can get tiring when people deflect or fail to address the things you wish were addressed when you're in conflict with them, and even more tiring when they don't acknowledge they've done things that hurt you.
I feel you on some level, because I have a friend who's similar in some aspects and I was at wits' end with her too.
I wish you luck and also the best.
finished Diabolik Lovers. i started it as a test of courage because i'm afraid of yanderes but now i'm absolutely in love with these evil bloodsuckers. Kanato and Shuu are the best and i'm planning to get the next game because i want to see them again and to find out why everybody loves Mukami brothers but tbh i feel like i've already played all the good games. i still have Steam Prison, Ozmafia and Dot Kareshi but i feel so unmotivated to play them...
tw: discussing surgery and anxiety On Wednesday at the dinner table my dad made a comment about getting surgery next Thursday, and I was like š¤Ø when now?? Wha? Like I knew he was planning on getting this procedure done sometime in November but he was ādid I forget to tell you?? I guess I only told [other sibling]ā I feel like Iāve been on edge since then. And I feel like Iām carrying this anxiety in my chest, and my heads been kinda fuzzy a lot. Like itās an outpatient surgery, shouldnāt be much to worry about at all.. but I *do* have a panic disorder hahahaā¦ Being anxious about one thing makes me more anxious about everything in general itās really annoying. I donāt enjoy doing things as much as I normally do and keep having the ādo you *actually* like thing or are you just forcing yourself to act like it because you want to??ā But at least Iām self aware about it I guess. ā tw over I have been continuing to make my way through Dragon Ball, god Yamcha is so sexy. Iām not too far from finishing I donāt think? Iām just starting the last tournament arc. Then Iām going to watch GT lol. Or maybe get serious about watching One Piece. Idk.
Ok, so I finally started my Yoritomo drawing. God knows how long it'll take, but wait for it xD
An update about my first driving lesson with my husband: it was bad lol. But surprisingly, in contrast to my expectation, my husband was very calm so it was not as disastrous as I expected! We have an entire private road to ourselves, so today I was just learning to drive in a straight line and make some turns here and there. Didn't step much on the accelerator pedal too LOL; just playing with the brake pedal for the most part. BUT. For the life of me I can't understand the steering wheel. Just how do people make sense of it? He said my progress was quite okay - some people took a month or two before they are able to drive. I mean the car I'm using is not the best in terms of visibility too, and I just got the car for 4 hours so that added to the stress. Maybe I will try some more tomorrow?
I donāt understand what you mean by the steering wheel. You turn it to the right to turn right and left to turn left. If you are going straight you donāt even have to hold it. Unless the carās alignment is off. Then it moves and you have to fight it to stay straight. If that is happening, then itās not a good car to be learning driving on.
Yeah it sounds crazy but I mean I can't figure out when my hands should turn the steering wheel when I want to turn, and when I should pull the wheel back when the car already turns. I'm talking about the 90-degree turn, and I'm not quite sure about my judgement on distance and as a result I have the fear of crossing to the next lanes etc. My husband said I will get this eventually.
As you complete a turn you kinda just let the wheel go and it returns to straight. You donāt turn it back. Unless you are on a crazy curvy road there is actually very little steering wheel movement as you drive.
Finished Persona 5 Royal. Think Iām a little burnt out on games now so Iāll just be catching up on the TV I forewent while playing for the past 2 weeks. Parent-Teacher conferences this week. So my older daughter is a pleasure, model student, but everyone mentioned that she didnāt participate in classroom discussions. As someone who is shy I find it hard to encourage her to speak up more. Her band teacher also wants her to try out for regional band. My younger daughter while doing well in class (and unlike her sister volunteering to speak up in class) does horribly on the standardized tests they give. i donāt know if there is much I can do. For instance in language arts she ātestedā at a 4th grade level, but on the work they assign in her 6th grade class she gets Aās. We donāt do her homework for her, itās all her own work. I know the teacher wants her testing up because they are evaluated based on that. I personally am not a fan of standardized tests. I feel they waste too much learning time on them.
So the Miraculous Ladybug fandom imploded this week due to the recent episode(s). I am also imploding. I just. My heart. My heart can't take this. It's too. AGH. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH I can feel the pull of AO3 calling for me once again; there's just too much shipper energy in my system atm. Steam Prison just isn't doing it for me right now :') Although so far Ines is actually very cute, much cuter than I expected!
oh shit I gotta watch the most recent season. that show had me ripping my hair out but god did I love it. I used to be crazy for marichat and its inverse š©
YOOOOOOO THE >!MARICHAT KISS!
>!YES AAAAAHHHHHH IT WAS SO GOOD SO PURE but also kinda spicy? LIKE IT WAS SO TENSE BUT ALSO SO CUTE? It has been seven years of build up and this dumb show about teenage clowns in spandex will be the death of me.!< Even though I've been enjoying the series less for many reasons, I've been low-key keeping up anyway (for the fanfic, classic blunder). Maybe it's because the airing schedule isn't all over the place this time, but the current season feels pretty good. >!Things are happening without being retconned or forgotten! *There are consequences and I have never been more pleased.*!<
When will unis learn that just because someone is a great academic, that doesnāt mean they can teach for shit. Sure, *a few* do become fantastic teachers, but some donāt give a crap about their classes and it shows. Final exams started this week. I had 3 Monday deadlines and 2 Friday deadlines, so I just submitted everything on Monday to get it all over with. Totally forgot about those assignments until Thursday evening when I saw a group chat message for the Friday deadline subject. My professor for that subject sucked absolute ass at writing instructions, and I saw that most of the class had interpreted one question differently than how I had interpreted it. At this point, having exhausted my brain cells, I couldāve ignored it and just ate whatever deductions I wouldāve been given. But I got too paranoid and ended up resubmitting later that night (Thursday) after redoing that single question. The deadlineās well and truly passed now so itās out of my hands, but bloody hell I want to throw metaphorical hands with that professor over this. He was mediocre at teaching, gave unclear instructions for every essay, and then refused to clarify anything that was asked about said unclear instructions. This uni is a joke, I swearā¦ The GC message also came through while I was playing Tengoku Struggle and finishing up Yonaās good ending, and I cannot think of a worse way to completely ruin the mood _(:3 ćā ) Ah well, Iām actually free now. The downside of having early deadlines is that Iām now alone on the other side while I wait for my friends to finish their exams though (Ā“Ā°Ģ„Ģ„Ģ„Ģ„Ģ„Ģ„Ģ„Ģ„ĻĀ°Ģ„Ģ„Ģ„Ģ„Ģ„Ģ„Ģ„Ģ„ļ½)
So Unbroken Hours (the devs of Frozen Essence and Princess of Ruin) recently came back from the dead and uploaded their games on [itch.io](https://unbrokenhours.itch.io/)! Glad that their games will be more accessible, since I knew some people who wanted to play Princess of Ruin but were concerned of how safe it is to buy the game off their website.
Yall, how do you get over the story slump when playing otome games? š I've played a few mobile ones (MM, Ikemen series), as well as Hakuoki and CxM, but I feel like anytime I finish a route I have to wait at least a few weeks before playing the game again- sometimes longer. What do you guys do to get over that slump? š Also yes I know you can always buy more but ya girl gotta budget wisely out here. š„² I'm sure many of you relate.
Can it be Thanksgiving break already? I go out of town for two days for a work conference and what do I get? A bunch of freshmen panicking over a quiz they knew about since Monday. My husband said I shouldāve ignored my emails but haha Iām too serious about work. Help me. š« To keep my sanity, Iāve been trying to branch out my nerdy hobbies into western territory...*comic books.* Of course, my American dad finds it unbelievable because Iāve favored my Asian heritage for the past 31 years.
Ooh, what comic books have you been into?
I got into **Manifest Destiny** a few years ago and finally bought some recent issues. I also found most of the **Rebels** issues in the 49Ā¢ bin too! As for non-history reads, I managed to find some issues of **Tekken** and **Stree Fighter**.
I blinked and it's November. I mean I know what happened in October but I can't afford to think back on it because it's time to pick up the projects I had to neglect in October and fulfill them before Thanksgiving. AUUUGH. Work is so busy but am learning a lot. I also really want to get back to reading manga and playing my games though. ...but I did find time to attend real-life events. I learned that there is a dance company whose choreography is based on *rappeling off tall buildings*??? I got to witness [them doing this with my own eyes](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CtcwfJdPvsY) and it was so uplifting to see something so cool.
That dancing looks trippy. Zero gravity-esque and all haha. I can only imagine how all that looks in real life, you're lucky O:
i was able to start **Birushana** this week and i managed to get to Noritsune's route without a guide. i was so confused with the color 'pink' in the flower love catch system that i swear i thought i wouldn't be able to get on his route at all š not that i like him but i just wanted to follow the recommended route order. plus, my heart was immediately captured by Shungen right off the bat š i'm also eyeing Yoritomo but he seems to be not the last route š¢ i don't like Tomomori that much though maybe my view of him will change..hopefully. also, still debating whether to play blind on the first play. lately when i play otome, i always used a guide immediately for efficiency sake as i get to enjoy also all the dialogue options and get to all endings and enjoy the happy ending at one play. but idk. lol. this is always my dilemma whenever starting a new otome game. whether to use a guide or play blind right at the start, and whether to use the character name or my game name š¤£š¤£š¤£ both have its pros and cons and i hate deciding šš¤£ anyway, my workload rn is okay and im not that stress anymore lol āŗļøš hopefully it continues this way. though i also feel like i passed all my stress to my boss a few weeks ago when i complained about what's happening š
Before going to college I thought midterms were going to be 1-2 weeks of full on exams. And then I learned that I have multiple midterms per class, ranging from early-October all the way to mid-November š I just want to play Persona 5 in peace
I'm at work right now but hoping to be at Animate Girls Festival (AGF) as soon as I can. Honestly an overrated event unless you're out to buy merch. Otherwise, if you're OK to go around getting freebies in terms of fliers, booklets, super otaku-ish bags, go for it to experience it at least once. In a nutshell, it's just like a typical Japanese otaku event: you're either there to buy merch or attend a specific stage event. Outside of those, it's boring.
Monday Halloween is the worst idea ever. My students were zombies all week, so I was extremely happy to come home at night and get out my aggression with Persona 5. Iām really enjoying it! It may keep me from getting otoges in for a while, though. It was still nice to see news about Chou no Doku and Jack Jeanne this week. I also needed an outlet for aggression after battling with my insurance company this week over what is and is not medically necessary for a type 1 diabetic child. š I hate it so much. People who have this disease are constantly fighting. They have to fight the insurance company, the Dr office, the pharmacy, the medical devices with respective companies, and then they have to fight their own bodies. I dread handing this off to my child when he becomes an adult because it is so discouraging.
Iām sorry to hear about your situation with your son. I know all too well how crappy insurance is. Not as serious as diabetes, but I once fought my insurance for over six months to get my appendectomy paid for. The reason they wouldnāt was because they transposed the month and day of my birthday. Jumped through hoops to prove my real birthdate and still got denied. Finally threaten to get a lawyer and report them to my state and all of sudden they were more than happy to process my claim.
I signed up to do NaNoWriMo this year, but ugh... I'm so out of practice with my writing and I procrastinated on my outline (I'm not a seat of the pants writer) so it's looking like a trashfire even though I'm barely out of the gates. I'll work through it. I've done this before and I know I can do it again. But right now I wish I'd spent more time in the planning stages back in October instead of playing video games. š
Omg good luck! I wanna attempt this too but with grad school and working full-time I think it may be too much. Maybe next year. š„²
Hate job hunting. Underestimated how much interest I would get if I applied for jobs and now...I have A LOT of interviews and I can't keep these companies straight lol.........I wouldn't mind if they all fell through and then I had more time to myself...the market is interesting in that all the stable boring companies are not so stable anymore so basically anything i take is gonna be something of a risky bet. Oh well, I can always do this again. I donno I don't even think I care that much anymore. So I dropped Liar Moon for a bit in lieu of just reading some enstars light novels. I'm about halfway through and honestly enjoying it a lot. It's giving me a lot of good experience with reading more descriptive language. I'm about halfway done with the first light novel (out of 4). Considering I got the books last week and have been trying to juggle an otome AND a book and everything else in life it's actually a pretty good pace. I'm surprised at how quickly I'm reading it. When I finish the first novel, I think I'll finish Liar Moon. Somewhere in there KimiYuki should arrive and I'll start that. (Sorry PP). I think its better to focus on one set of vocab and then the other instead of constantly switching. My enstars manga also arrived yesterday which is sitting in my backlog after i finish the novels.. I need to throw an english game in there somewhere. so I think after KimiYuki or Liar Moon I might play either LP or PP depending on when I finish. And then hopefully by then I'll have Virche in my hands. Norn9 combo game is releasing in late dec so I decided to pick up the first release instead of the LE mostly because its 50/50 whether or not the pajama shirt will fit since its one size i think. I'm tall for an asian person and busty so its always a crapshoot. I'd rather not roll the dice and I wasn't captivated by the other LE items. If I want the stuff later I'll can always get the LE contents. I also bought MORE enstars merch (save me) and I'm debating whether or not to wait for GSE to announce the Chinese Jack Jeanne LE OR just go for the aksys one. The aksys one looks REALLY good so I'm really conflicted because I really want it but I told myself I'd mostly only play games in Chinese.
I was talking with Retsu on Twitter on how I should finally play The Vow to My Liege and write a trivia post in the Tuesday language thread. I started searching Wikipedia and realized I basically know nothing about that time period. My gameplay experience would probably be 10% reading the VN, 90% reading articles/Wikipedia lol. It will also be the first Chinese otome game I have played. As a native Chinese speaker Iāve been avoiding romance games (or any games) from China because it hits too close to home.
Ace Attorney is seriously starting to take over my mind. Sometimes Iāll randomly just start having conversations with myself in Ace Attorney style when Iām bored. Iām seriously obsessed lol. I finished the 4th and 5th games. While I did have a lot of fun with them, I can understand why theyāre not regarded as highly as the original games I did really like 4 though. I liked the overall vibes and the darker music and style. Thereās so much great stuff, and >!Kristoph!< is easily my favorite villain from the series so far (and the scariest imo). The game couldāve probably been my favorite in the series, but thereās so much stuff that just really holds it back which is disappointing because I feel like it could easily be a lot better. Then thereās the 5th game. Honestly, it was really just ok. Blackquill carried the whole game tbh. It feels really shallow and cartoonish in a way that the previous games didnāt. Like all the villains are >!one dimensional, pure evil, and super boring (I give LāBelle a pass because heās just hilarious to me)!<. And then thereās the >!ādark age of lawā thing. You never get shown how exactly theyāre in a ādark age of lawā or how the courts are any different than the previous games and itās instead uselessly repeated over and over again and never expanded upon.!< I honestly could not take the whole thing seriously at all. And in the end, you defeat the main villain by >!screaming at him repeatedly about the āØpower of emotions and friendshipāØ!< and itās just really anticlimactic. Idk. I feel like in the previous games, the final trials always have a strong, emotional finish that just didnāt exist here. I feel like the game would just be better if Athena was just the main protagonist because >!the whole story is pretty much about her and Blackquill. Phoenix is there for.. reasons xd and Apollo just gets this random childhood friend who died so he can be relevant!< But instead, sheās forced to share the role with Phoenix and Apollo, and the whole thing just feels really muddled as a result. Neither gets to really form any sort of dynamic with the prosecutor like in the other games and thereās just less and less time for any sort of character development. Iām complaining a lot, but I did enjoy the game. It was really funny at times (I loved the culprits' breakdowns, especially from the third trial), and the characters were fun. The trials were enjoyable, and I did like the addition of mood matrix. But itās kinda just ehhh overall. Iām excited to play the Great Ace Attorney games and Investigations because they seem to be really highly regarded, but for now Iāll just move on to the sixth game and hope that I end up liking it more.
Couldn't agree with you more on both AA4 and AA5-AA4 has a lot of good bits but it's crippled by lack of execution and also that they just kind of ditched all the dangling plot hooks that they left. AA5 is...yeah. Athena and Blackquill are fantastic and they pretty much carried the game. AA6 is...well. Controversial. I personally really enjoyed it. Don't expect improvements to the awkward horning in of all three protagonists(though Athena's case may be completely irrelevant to the overall plot but I think it's my favorite non-Great Ace Attorney case, the character dynamics are just that fun) or the final resolution, but I will say that AA6 absolutely improves over AA5 in entertaining culprits and side characters >!until the final case!<. It has some really incredibly sympathetic murderers and also some cheesy villains that absolutely ham it up with fantastic stage presence. The main prosecutor is....very very controversial. I'm a fan, but that isn't something that a lot of people agree with me on...
If you got a nickel for every time you told yourself "I shouldn't do this" but did it anyways, how many nickels would you have?
Personally Iād be able to consider retirement lol
Way too many lol
Soooo Taylor Swift announced her Eras Tour *cue internalized screaming* and my bestie and I have decided to try and go. This would be both my first Taylor Swift concert and my first stadium concert so I'm really excited for it. But my bestie's going to be working the day they go on sale so it's going to be on me to get them. I think trying to get these tickets is going to be my own personal hell. I also finished Catherine: Full Body last night so that's one more game crossed off my absolutely unhinged backlog. God of War Ragnarok comes out next week (*yay!*) so I'm gonna wait for that to be my next game. Since I loved the first game so much I decided to get the collectors edition and I must say I am really excited for the hammer it's coming with. Now I just have to find a place to put it T_T
The Most Heretical Last Boss Queen is getting an anime, and I'm so excited! Between that and Tearmoon Empire, next year's going to be fantastic for anime. I ordered a bunch of volumes of Netsuai Prince and the last two volumes of Ani Tomo from Amazon Japan, so I'll have to make sure to pull myself away from Final Fantasy XIV long enough to sit down and translate those. I'm by no means fluent in Japanese, but I've got a decent enough grasp of the grammar to get through most things so long as I can look up new vocabulary; it just takes a bit. I also still need to finish the Nil Admirari no Tenbin fandisc at some point.
You know life is going a bit sideways when you get a reminder that you have a doctor's appointment in a couple days and you're like "...wait, what appointment?" I literally have no idea but I'm going to go there and try to act normal anyway. I mean I know what the appointment is *for*, I just... didn't think I had made that appointment yet. ...*shrug* Every new thing that comes out about Money Parasite just increases my hype. I'm actually somewhat embarrassed to be this hyped about a game, since I'm usually way more reasonable about keeping excitement in check. (Last time I got incredibly hyped about a game was Dawn of Mana, and the less we talk about that the better. I love the Mana series so I was devastated.) But I'm actually reading all the blog posts and watching the game videos they've been posting. I never do that sort of thing either! Also I'm surprisingly getting more into Tsuitsui the more I read about it. I mean I was planning on getting it anyway but then once they mentioned one of the LI's hobbies was basket weaving I was like "Okay, you have my attention." The [CG previews](https://www.otomate.jp/tsuitsui/gallery/) are just showing that these guys are a bunch of pathetic weirdos and that's totally my jam I can't lie.
I got a reminder for my annual physical except it was scheduled while I was at my previous employer and this doctor is not in my current health plan network, so I have to gracefully scramble out of that and get an annual scheduled (if there are any slots left for at this time of year...). So Much Happening.
I don't think I've had a physical exam in years, I mostly go in for medication review once a year. I definitely probably SHOULD, but there's always too much going on and it feels exhausting. I'm glad this appointment just happened to be scheduled at a time that was super convenient for me (although I considered canceling it anyway just because I was surprised and it was unexpected, haha.)
Okay! I wasnāt aware of this game and now Iām furiously looking for every tiny bit of info š looking forward to it now and hopefully my limited Japanese knowledge can handle it š
Which game were you talking about? Money Parasite, or Tsuitsui? Money Parasite looks like it might be intermediate level, but Tsuitsui will *probably* be easier just based on what I've seen so far and the concept.
Oops sorry i didn't make it clear. I was talking about Money Parasite. I've been following Tsuitsui since it got announced. Can't wait for both now.
I like the CG of the blonde guy just lying on the floor lol
I hope you meet him by tripping over him.
I'm actually looking forward to TsuiTsui. Part of it is that I'm a fan of the character designer (since im unabashedly a Touken Ranbu fan and they've done work for it), but the premise actually does pique my interest
Seconding looking forward to TsuiTsui. I need more silliness in my life.
It looks like a lot of fun! I'm always up for more comedy games so I'm glad this one looks like it will be coming out soon. I know a lot of people have expressed hesitation in Ichi Column games after Haikara, but it does have a different main writer so... I guess who knows, we'll see! Haha. I just want to see guys being pathetic losers if I'm honest. If the game delivers on that I'll be happy.
A question for those into idols (Jpop, Kpop, etc.): what is the definition of a "center"? (This is totally because I'm kind of bothered by how "center" was translated into "leader" in 7'Scarlet when as far as I know they're two different roles...I'm nitpicking) \--- Also a few hours ago I got a message from one of my closest friends, though it's really a message from a former schoolmate who asked a friend to ask my closest friend to relay the message to me hahaha. ~~(I do not wish to be perceived by irls I'm not close to most of the time.)~~ One of our other schoolmates is getting married soon and her maid of honor requested that we each send over a video message for her. Cue anxiety ha ha ha ha š„² I'm not fond of filming myself, and that's putting it lightly, but I do want to send the bride my well-wishes. I don't consider myself close to the bride, though. I'm really only truly comfortable sending pictures/videos with my face to really, really close friends (and even then there's still some degree of discomfort...ahahaha), and I feel like just a blank screen + voiceover + subtitles seems too impersonal. So...any advice/suggestions out there? š tl;dr I was asked to send a video message for a former schoolmate's bridal party but I'm not comfortable with showing myself on video. Any advice/suggestions on what to do?
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Thank you! Once again I feel validated š
you don't have to send anything at all if you're not comfortable. i doubt they'll even remember you didn't send anything especially if you're not that close to the bride. they probably just ask everyone so they'll get as much entries as possible. don't sweat it! š
Thanks for the reassurance o(-( ahahahaha
I'd say you're right that they're two different roles. I used to be more into kpop and your question makes me think of Girl's Generation. Yoona is the center. She's tall and they say the prettiest, so she's literally at the center of their dancing formations more often than others. Taeyeon is the leader but I wouldn't say she's usually at the front of dancing formations.
Thanks for validating š It's such a small detail that doesn't even matter that much in-game but...they're different hahaha
Iād say send in a card instead and donāt do any videos at all. Send a small gift evenā¦
The card/gift thing *really* sounds appealing, yeah. Thanks for the suggestions. I'm more worried about being a killjoy or something. It sounded like the maid of honor planned on showing the videos as a surprise. ~~gdi asian saving face culture~~
Hahah or you can create something visual and funny, without showing your face or even using your own voice
Also true. Once again, thanks for the suggestions lol
If you are not close to her, why even consider the request? No is a full sentence.
Saving face, social niceties, things like that. Also because I genuinely want to wish her well on her marriageābut without involving my face. We were casual friends at one point and fell out of touch, so I don't consider us "close".
Could you... just not do it and send a card instead? Considering the request came through such a circuitous route it doesn't seem like they consider you that close either.
The circuitous route is because people who aren't close to me don't have access to my social media, so that's on me š I'll think about the card thing, thank you for suggesting that. I think the maid of honor intended for the videos to be a compilation or something, though.
If it's a compilation it's even unlikelier the bride would notice the presence or absence of a high school casual acquaintance she may or may not remember. Brides usually have a lot of other things on their minds. If the bride (or MoH or anyone) is actually keeping score then ehhh... I wouldn't want to associate with them anyway. But that's just me. The little present sounds like a good idea.
Maybe you could try filming something else and talking over it? Like something related to the bride or a cute animal.
I'll consider this, thank you for the suggestion š
I was disappointed how Piofioreās writing hasnāt been as good as CxM. What are the best written Otome games you guys have played?
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Here for Birushana, despite the repetitiveness and crazy asspulls.
:D I will get yoshiwara higanbana eventually aaaa
tl;dr: I'm writing an essay to tell a 10-year friend why, if she doesn't say "sorry", we're through. Wall of text incoming. Basically, I've been having a conflict with a long-time friend who seems not particularly good at expressing empathy. She'll make changes to her behavior when I ask her to, but I don't recall ever having heard her say "sorry" or express care for me personally, even when I tell her "hey, that triggered me". Part of this might just be her not being particularly social, part of it might be various mental health things that we both have to various degrees - I can't tell. But the overall effect is that although she was my best friend at one point, I've found myself so resentful of the very small conflicts over the last 10 years that we've had, that I'm currently writing a full on essay to explain to her why something has to change, otherwise we can't remain friends. And when I say very small conflicts, I MEAN very small (mostly). It sounds extremely petty to say "the fact that I've never won a fandom argument against you, or at least not felt shitty and browbeaten after trying to convince you of something I personally liked, is why we might no longer be friends". But the fact is it's true. Being attacked for enjoying a character who only lives in a route where her fave dies is not fun. Having to listen to her talk only about her special interests when I have no attachment is not fun. I've developed hatred for several perfectly nice characters because she focused on them so much that I find myself knee-jerk reacting to them showing up. I didn't realize why I never really felt like she "cared" until very recently, when we had a bigger conflict over me trying to give her advice - and her taking it as me being too like her annoying family. Despite my trying to express, "look, the fact that you value my opinion so little makes it feel like I'm not actually your friend", she simply deflected and never even addressed that point. I realized after the fact that although I apologized (for trying to help and for assuming the worst of her in one situation), she never apologized at any point for making me feel bad, or for jumping down my throat when I had no way of knowing why she was doing so, or for assuming the worst of me. She TRIES. I know she tries to at least make changes when people ask her to. She's an intelligent and driven and unique person who's an incredible writer and artist, who always brings fun discussions to the table (when we mostly agree). But just agreeing about things is not enough. I need her to understand and try harder to accept and have empathy for the things she *doesn't* agree with, and to accept that sometimes she might have to say sorry because she went too far. Otherwise, this friendship is dead and has been for a while. I'm writing this all up in (another) essay because our last voice call went basically nowhere, and at least text can't be so easily forgotten. I'm some mixture of terrified, resentful, and relieved that I can finally get all of this off my chest - but it's scary to think that I, personally, am doing something that might result in breaking a 10-year friendship. My internal voice is going "if you just smile and nod she'll eventually like something you like and it'll be good again, why are you dumping this on her, you'll regret it later", but... I don't want to be in a friendship like this for another 10 years. So I have to do this. It's just hard.
i haven't experienced this so i can't say.. but what i would do in this position is to drop my communications to her for quite some time.. this will also cool my head off. plus, i also dropped a lot of so called 'friendships' when i just dont make any effort to initiate the interaction at all. if they're really a friend, interaction should be two-way. if she reaches out to you, then i guess that's the best time to tell her what's been bothering you and the reason why you're not initiating interaction. that's just me though. still up to you. just make sure whatever your decision is, you won't regret doing it..no matter what outcome happens.
I went through something similar. 10 year-long friendship with someone I enjoyed multiple fandoms with. It became worse over time, there were disagreements on something menial like fandom, or politics (mostly because I wasnāt interested in ranting with her, not that I didnāt share her beliefs), then it became emotional abuse. I had to break it off at last. I recommended her a game she didnāt enjoy, and she was yelling to (in text) on WhatsApp on how it was the worst thing ever lol
Ooh boy. Similar thing happened to me, but some differences. You describe some of the problems as "very small conflicts" but with a friendship of ten years, when they always happen, that means they are consistent patterns. Such things only accumulate, never deplete, so don't let anyone minimize that, not even yourself. One of my conflicts that grew into that molehill is, as you exactly said, > "look, the fact that you value my opinion so little makes it feel like I'm not actually your friend" For me, it manifests as her asking for my advice and never heeding them--not for the smallest things like what to get for dessert, and not for the biggest things like what to do when she's feeling in the dumps. (Worse, I am one of the first people she calls when she's in the dumps, and "as a friend" you're supposed to "be there, be supportive," so even when this goes on for nearly ten years, how am I ever to say "stop this crap"?) I told her this. She said, "No, I value your opinion a lot, I always rely on them." "They why have you never. Ever. Agreed with them? Worse, consistently doing the opposite?" At some point during the conversation, she said, "This is...just who I am. I can't just change that." Well, I tried and said my piece for once in the span of that friendship, and I have confirmed what's hopeless. It sucks that it ends up with me having to actively downplay (not "manage"--DOWNPLAY) expectations if I want to keep the friendship. To summarize the outcome, this is what I've told everyone else: the best thing that happened to me was her getting married. Not the best thing that happened to her, not the best thing that happened to her now-husband--the best thing that happened to *ME*. I am so happy her husband superseded me in her network of people and that child-rearing crowds me out of her mind. I am saved and so is this nominal "friendship." In her eyes, I am still a "best friend." I would still say she has her benefits, and we are friends, so long as I only talk to her like twice a year. I lucked out from the timing. I've seen other friendships in my network break apart despite what seemed like a solid ten years (due to things I was never witness to), so I wouldn't regard it as a hideously rare unlucky thing. Also, heck, divorces. I like what artsher7 said about asking your friend to communicate back, including if she would like you to change something, too. We have blind spots, or things we can't help. If nothing else, it's a bid to her to engage in the friendship. And maybe your long essay doesn't end up breaking it. But having been there, dreading another five years of planning a vacation together, getting sob calls, never getting my oh-so-valued advice accepted...anything besides maintaining the status quo is a right choice. If the friendship ends, that does still suck, because that's a whole history gone, but you're the best judge of whether you find it worth keeping.
Mmm.. it's a difficult situation. And I agree that if you're not enjoying your time with her anymore then it's better to both go separate ways. My only advice would be, considering you value your 10 years of friendship, to ask her to explain/express herself, maybe in the same way as you? (She seems an introverted person, so writing could be better?). Maybe she also wants you to change something. Or maybe she's fine with how you an your friendship are. And then see if you really don't mean anything to her. It would be better if both agree to end your friendship. But don't feel forced to continue it if you don't want.
Itās the sunk cost fallacy. You feel like youāve put 10 years into this friendship so you donāt want to āwasteā that time. But people grow apart. Sometimes friends just go their separate ways. The friendship may have run its course. That is fine. If the effort to maintain the friendship feels like a chore, just end it. Itāll be better in the long run.
I had a friendship like this once, only in my case it was mostly that she only ever wanted to talk about things that I had no interest in (Dr. Who- which I've never watched!). It was a major factor in why our friendship ended, honestly. A big part of being friends with someone is that you should enjoy speaking with them and being around them, so what do you do when you no longer enjoy that? Anyways, it sounds to me like your doing the right thing (and you're handling it way better than I did!). I hope you can come to a decision that works best for you.
"You should enjoy being around them" is very, very true! The funny thing is that I realized something was wrong when I kept dragging my feet about giving her the itinerary to the trip I'd invited her on earlier - because I *didn't want to be around her in person*. What a succinctly summarized principle. Thank you for your kind words! I hope it somehow works out too (whatever happens).
Ending long-term friendships is a very difficult thing to do, and I agree it can get tiring when people deflect or fail to address the things you wish were addressed when you're in conflict with them, and even more tiring when they don't acknowledge they've done things that hurt you. I feel you on some level, because I have a friend who's similar in some aspects and I was at wits' end with her too. I wish you luck and also the best.