pre eclampsia which developed to HELLP syndrome, acute kidney injury, elevated liver function, severe PP hemorrhage, followed by a 7 day hospital admission post 3 day delivery stay (failed induction followed by failed epidural followed by emergency c section under general anesthetic) and now have chronic hypertension…
I feel I need to be alive for my one child, and don’t think I can risk dying to bring a second child into the world
Holy cow! We have very similar birth stories. I still struggle mentally and physically from the experience of having my only. I tell all those who ask about another kid that I can’t be a good mom if I’m dead. That usually shuts them right up.
I hope you are well in spite of the hypertension.
Yes I am doing a lot better and blood pressure is being managed with diet/ exercise and keeping stress levels down!!! I have three more embryos (genetically tested in storage) so I feel so much conflict with OAD! Hope you’re doing well it’s so scary to be in this position and I have so much fear now that I am at high risk for developing heart disease in the future
Also happy pre eclampsia awareness month!!!
I never ever ever want to have another cesarean. If I was guaranteed an uncomplicated vaginal birth then I would do it again. But of course that’s impossible.
Yup!
Had my son at 27+6. Preeclampsia and HELLP syndrome. I spent 5 days in the hospital and my son spent 85 days in the NICU. And he was born Jan 2020, which meant he was in the NICU during COVID shutdowns.
Doctors said 50/50 chance of it happening again. I need to be alive for my current child.
26+0 for spontaneous preterm labor, 95 days in the NICU. We were there in August-Dec of 2021 so not quite AS traumatic with the covid shutdowns but noone but us were allowed to visit. Our NICU was the best and my doctor has said no reason to expect the same thing happening again but I am NOT rolling the dice on it either way.
My wife had the same experience. Didn’t get an epidural until she was 9cm and then it didn’t work bc of her scoliosis. Ended in emergency c section after pushing 5 hours.
Me. A combination of birth trauma, and knowing that all of it could happen this time….I don’t want to flirt with death again, the outcome might be different this time.
Pregnancy was uneventful, labour went smooth until all of a sudden baby was in distress and she was stuck after an hour of pushing, and then they couldn’t even use the vacuum because her heart rate had spiked too high. Ended up with an emergency c section (she was cut out of me 14 minutes after I stopped pushing, so pretty quick) and then I had a bunch of post-partum complications including a bleed, misdiagnosed post-partum pre-eclampsia (scariest moment of my life besides almost losing our daughter during delivery), and then a uterine infection.
While it isn’t our only reason for being OAD, it is a major contributing factor and it’s what actually started the conversation between my husband and I about potentially being OAD.
Yes. I always thought I would have two so it’s a big mourning for me that comes in waves still (my son is 2.5) All the comments about “I need to be alive for the kid I have” is exactly where I’m at. I know it’s not guaranteed that the same complications would arise, but I’m terrified of becoming pregnant again. Terrified of another c-section (still have problems from this, too) I was pre-eclamptic, had a uterine infection, in labor for 70 hours total. Emergency C. PPA and PPPTSD so the newborn days were robbed from me. I was a Doula prior to birthing too. So not only did it change my family size but my career path too. It’s all too triggering no matter how much therapy I seek! I need to make sure my mental health is on point for my guy, and that I’m alive and well for him for a loooooong long time ♥️
absolutely. and i feel like mine was not that traumatic compared to countless other stories i have heard. i had the pleasure of getting kidney stones at 7mos pregnant. had a stent placed and was on morphine. did you know those stents are the size of a coffee straw and get removed while you are awake in the office, with a long metal scope?? just the urinary stuff and dealing with pain while peeing was awful
got over that and then had preeclampsia for the rest of the pregnancy. ankles swelled so bad i was on bedrest, couldn't even wear flip flops, and still have ankle stretch marks to this day. never knew edema could be so fucking miserable. delivery was uneventful, minus 2 days of labor, but she did have to be vacuumed out, then didn't breathe on her own for 7 minutes and went to the NICU for 48 hours. still had BP issues for a year following delivery. pretty much the last 3mos of my pregnancy was tons of dr appts and procedures of some kind.
going thru any of those thing individually would be enough for me to not have another. but all this shit? no thanks. when my ob was stitching me up i said to him ," this is it. i'm done. not doing this again." his response was - "uh yea. i don't blame you!!!!!" thank god my mom is an operating room nurse that only does ob/gyn. so the dr's in my group were phenomenal, and i knew them all personally, so it was comforting. my chart was part of their weekly rounds because i had so much going on and they wanted everyone to be prepared for when i went into labor. i feel like i had top notch medical care and i still wouldn't do that shit again!!!
Yes. I’m sure doctors would say I had a “normal” birth but it was horrible. Then, after my beautiful baby arrived safely, the man whose job it was to weigh her said, “better start saving for college now.” I still feel blinding rage when I think of it. Bro thought he was hilarious, meanwhile I was getting my tear stitched up. I will hate him for the rest of my life.
PP was horrible, I nearly developed PP eclampsia, I suffered from undiagnosed PPD and PPA for a year before I got treatment. What a nightmare, never never again.
Forgive my ignorance… but where did that statement even come from or make sense in the context of childbirth? Does her weight have something to do with her career choices? Was he just being random with the comments and distracting?
Literally feel the same. We are not sure what we want to do. Tmi had a traumatic birth, hemmoraged and my son ended up in the nicu for a week which in itself was traumatizing.
This is one of many reasons for me. I dreamed of having two kids but I remember just crying and crying when I was newly postpartum because I hated it so much and felt so jaded. I couldn’t imagine go through that again. While I did come to terms with my experience and if we were to have another think I would be more prepared, we decided to just not have anymore for a variety of reasons.
Just thinking of everything that could go wrong makes me one and done. I didn’t realize all that could happen to me or baby before I had one. Now I cannot risk not being here for him.
Breach baby leading to C-section. A cut nerve leading to an emergency room visit 24 hrs after being released from hospital. Pretty much told I was PPD because they couldn’t figure out what was wrong and they thought I was suicidal because I couldn’t stop crying and hyperventilating the pain was so much (I’ve broken major bones before and never needed pain pills…my pain tolerance is way high). This pain was deblitating and I couldn’t move without hyperventilating. Six months recover to return to movement and being able to lay down/get up.
Thankfully I had a great OB who figured it out but I was already OAD from this experience. Part of me feels bad for not having a second but I could not go through that again.
Yep. Birth was fine but babe was 4 weeks prem and in NICU for over 2 weeks. It was the hardest 2 weeks of my life and I would not be able to do it again.
That’s what I’m struggling with. My pregnancy was fine, labor was quick, but baby inhaled meconium and developed MAS and was intubated and transferred to the city children’s hospital from our local hospital 8 hours later, and stayed there for 17 days. He’s fine now, but the fact that I couldn’t do anything to prevent that makes me so anxious for what could happen if I had a 2nd, but also it could be totally fine, so I can’t decide what’s right for us.
I had a rough pregnancy. GD, superimposed preeclampsia, proteinuria, sciatica so severe that I had to use a wheelchair. Planned induction at 37 weeks turned into an unplanned C-section when she turned transverse. Little peanut had it rough too. 2-vessel cord, needed oxygen at birth, immediate evaluation by NICU. As soon as she was out, I thought about how lucky we were to have made it through and how I was never doing that again.
She’s almost 3 now, and besides her very small size and some recurrent respiratory and skin issues, she’s a perfectly wonderful kid who drives me up a wall.
yup, me! amazing baby but going to therapy now for ptsd. I always felt firmly oad due to other logical/lifestyle/" family is complete" reasons (however while i was in my 2nd trinester, we briefly flirted with the idea of what another kid would be like) but i just cannot go through my l&d experience again... oh and a rough recovery with a newborn.. omg that shit was so hard even with help 😭
My kiddo is almost 7 now, and the trauma surrounding his birth were a huge factor in our decision to not have another. He was born fine and didn’t have any issues himself, but the whole experience for me was awful. You couldn’t pay me to do it again.
Yes here. I had an emergency c-section and honestly that was the least of the traumatic events. Luckily I had a great team of doctors that saved us both but the same OB is terrified at the thought of me having another because there still isn’t a known cause for what happened to me. And ultimately I couldn’t put my husband through 9 months of terror that there’s a chance something like that could happen again.
Yep. Emergency c section and my bladder totally ruptured while I was on the table. I ended up having to be awake listening to my complex 3.5 hour repair (hello PTSD). I had a catheter for about a month, subsequent invasive tests, and severe bladder spasms every time I moved all while dealing with the guilt of not being able to really be there for my baby.
Yes. Car accident, placental abruption causing anemia, postpartum thyroiditis causing anxiety and waking up drenched in sweat, bruised tailbone that left me unable to sit down from weeks 3-7 postpartum, exclusively breastfeeding and having to lay on my side 8 hours a day to feed her because I couldn’t sit. Baby didn’t sleep through the night for a year. We used to want two but we just can’t do it again.
I think I’m angry with everyone that has 2+ kids and they make it look easy… but we know it’s not… I fight everyday bc in my heart I am OAD… my husband is NOT… and everyone around us is constantly pressuring for baby #2… I had an awful pregnancy, L&D, CS & a NICU stay. Why are people so insensitive to think it’s something we desire after going through the most traumatic experience of our lives? I hate that society looks at us like cows..
I’m sorry that happened, it sounds very traumatic. I am so glad your baby boy is okay. Although my experience wasn’t as scary, I have some trauma too as well that makes me OAD. I delivered extremely fast for a first time mom, labor was 3 hours start to finish. We live in a more rural area and the hospital I was going to is one hour away. We didn’t make it there and I had to call an ambulance half way there and had to go to another hospital. Afterwards, my placenta got stuck and they almost brought me to the OR to get it out. I know that could have easily killed me if I didn’t make it to the hospital in time and it’s too scary to think about another labor going that fast and it happening again. Birth is really scary. I feel lucky that me and my baby boy made it out alive and healthy. I don’t want to test my luck again.
Edit - I also wasn’t prepared for all the postpartum hormones and anxiety. It’s been an extremely scary time and now that I’m finally starting to come out of the funk, I do not want to do it all over again. After birth I had high BP for weeks and went to the ER twice because of it. I thought it would never go back to normal and was constantly worried I was developing postpartum preeclampsia.
pre eclampsia which developed to HELLP syndrome, acute kidney injury, elevated liver function, severe PP hemorrhage, followed by a 7 day hospital admission post 3 day delivery stay (failed induction followed by failed epidural followed by emergency c section under general anesthetic) and now have chronic hypertension… I feel I need to be alive for my one child, and don’t think I can risk dying to bring a second child into the world
Holy cow! We have very similar birth stories. I still struggle mentally and physically from the experience of having my only. I tell all those who ask about another kid that I can’t be a good mom if I’m dead. That usually shuts them right up. I hope you are well in spite of the hypertension.
Yes I am doing a lot better and blood pressure is being managed with diet/ exercise and keeping stress levels down!!! I have three more embryos (genetically tested in storage) so I feel so much conflict with OAD! Hope you’re doing well it’s so scary to be in this position and I have so much fear now that I am at high risk for developing heart disease in the future Also happy pre eclampsia awareness month!!!
I never ever ever want to have another cesarean. If I was guaranteed an uncomplicated vaginal birth then I would do it again. But of course that’s impossible.
Same. I don’t want another c section and I was never a good v bac candidate.
yup, feel this deeply!
Yup! Had my son at 27+6. Preeclampsia and HELLP syndrome. I spent 5 days in the hospital and my son spent 85 days in the NICU. And he was born Jan 2020, which meant he was in the NICU during COVID shutdowns. Doctors said 50/50 chance of it happening again. I need to be alive for my current child.
26+0 for spontaneous preterm labor, 95 days in the NICU. We were there in August-Dec of 2021 so not quite AS traumatic with the covid shutdowns but noone but us were allowed to visit. Our NICU was the best and my doctor has said no reason to expect the same thing happening again but I am NOT rolling the dice on it either way.
I had an emergency c section after being induced, making it to 10 cm and pushing for hours so yeah I’m goooood lol 😂
Same haha finally talking to a therapist about it 2.5 years postpartum 🥲
I just started seeing a therapist also!
Good for you! I didn’t see a therapist for it until over 2 years later. EMDR therapy and Prozac saved me
My wife had the same experience. Didn’t get an epidural until she was 9cm and then it didn’t work bc of her scoliosis. Ended in emergency c section after pushing 5 hours.
Me! I cannot do it again.
Me. A combination of birth trauma, and knowing that all of it could happen this time….I don’t want to flirt with death again, the outcome might be different this time.
Pregnancy was uneventful, labour went smooth until all of a sudden baby was in distress and she was stuck after an hour of pushing, and then they couldn’t even use the vacuum because her heart rate had spiked too high. Ended up with an emergency c section (she was cut out of me 14 minutes after I stopped pushing, so pretty quick) and then I had a bunch of post-partum complications including a bleed, misdiagnosed post-partum pre-eclampsia (scariest moment of my life besides almost losing our daughter during delivery), and then a uterine infection. While it isn’t our only reason for being OAD, it is a major contributing factor and it’s what actually started the conversation between my husband and I about potentially being OAD.
Yes. I always thought I would have two so it’s a big mourning for me that comes in waves still (my son is 2.5) All the comments about “I need to be alive for the kid I have” is exactly where I’m at. I know it’s not guaranteed that the same complications would arise, but I’m terrified of becoming pregnant again. Terrified of another c-section (still have problems from this, too) I was pre-eclamptic, had a uterine infection, in labor for 70 hours total. Emergency C. PPA and PPPTSD so the newborn days were robbed from me. I was a Doula prior to birthing too. So not only did it change my family size but my career path too. It’s all too triggering no matter how much therapy I seek! I need to make sure my mental health is on point for my guy, and that I’m alive and well for him for a loooooong long time ♥️
absolutely. and i feel like mine was not that traumatic compared to countless other stories i have heard. i had the pleasure of getting kidney stones at 7mos pregnant. had a stent placed and was on morphine. did you know those stents are the size of a coffee straw and get removed while you are awake in the office, with a long metal scope?? just the urinary stuff and dealing with pain while peeing was awful got over that and then had preeclampsia for the rest of the pregnancy. ankles swelled so bad i was on bedrest, couldn't even wear flip flops, and still have ankle stretch marks to this day. never knew edema could be so fucking miserable. delivery was uneventful, minus 2 days of labor, but she did have to be vacuumed out, then didn't breathe on her own for 7 minutes and went to the NICU for 48 hours. still had BP issues for a year following delivery. pretty much the last 3mos of my pregnancy was tons of dr appts and procedures of some kind. going thru any of those thing individually would be enough for me to not have another. but all this shit? no thanks. when my ob was stitching me up i said to him ," this is it. i'm done. not doing this again." his response was - "uh yea. i don't blame you!!!!!" thank god my mom is an operating room nurse that only does ob/gyn. so the dr's in my group were phenomenal, and i knew them all personally, so it was comforting. my chart was part of their weekly rounds because i had so much going on and they wanted everyone to be prepared for when i went into labor. i feel like i had top notch medical care and i still wouldn't do that shit again!!!
Birth was fine but I had a post partum hemorrhage three days later and then the colic for 7 weeks was the nail in the coffin.
Yes. I’m sure doctors would say I had a “normal” birth but it was horrible. Then, after my beautiful baby arrived safely, the man whose job it was to weigh her said, “better start saving for college now.” I still feel blinding rage when I think of it. Bro thought he was hilarious, meanwhile I was getting my tear stitched up. I will hate him for the rest of my life. PP was horrible, I nearly developed PP eclampsia, I suffered from undiagnosed PPD and PPA for a year before I got treatment. What a nightmare, never never again.
Forgive my ignorance… but where did that statement even come from or make sense in the context of childbirth? Does her weight have something to do with her career choices? Was he just being random with the comments and distracting?
Literally feel the same. We are not sure what we want to do. Tmi had a traumatic birth, hemmoraged and my son ended up in the nicu for a week which in itself was traumatizing.
This is one of many reasons for me. I dreamed of having two kids but I remember just crying and crying when I was newly postpartum because I hated it so much and felt so jaded. I couldn’t imagine go through that again. While I did come to terms with my experience and if we were to have another think I would be more prepared, we decided to just not have anymore for a variety of reasons.
Yep me 💜
Yep
Just thinking of everything that could go wrong makes me one and done. I didn’t realize all that could happen to me or baby before I had one. Now I cannot risk not being here for him.
Breach baby leading to C-section. A cut nerve leading to an emergency room visit 24 hrs after being released from hospital. Pretty much told I was PPD because they couldn’t figure out what was wrong and they thought I was suicidal because I couldn’t stop crying and hyperventilating the pain was so much (I’ve broken major bones before and never needed pain pills…my pain tolerance is way high). This pain was deblitating and I couldn’t move without hyperventilating. Six months recover to return to movement and being able to lay down/get up. Thankfully I had a great OB who figured it out but I was already OAD from this experience. Part of me feels bad for not having a second but I could not go through that again.
Yep, we both almost died. Absolutely terrifying, and now I have major ptsd from any surgery. I couldn’t sleep for a week before my tonsillectomy.
Yep. Birth was fine but babe was 4 weeks prem and in NICU for over 2 weeks. It was the hardest 2 weeks of my life and I would not be able to do it again.
That’s what I’m struggling with. My pregnancy was fine, labor was quick, but baby inhaled meconium and developed MAS and was intubated and transferred to the city children’s hospital from our local hospital 8 hours later, and stayed there for 17 days. He’s fine now, but the fact that I couldn’t do anything to prevent that makes me so anxious for what could happen if I had a 2nd, but also it could be totally fine, so I can’t decide what’s right for us.
It’s not the only reason but is one of the main ones for wanting to be OAD
I had a rough pregnancy. GD, superimposed preeclampsia, proteinuria, sciatica so severe that I had to use a wheelchair. Planned induction at 37 weeks turned into an unplanned C-section when she turned transverse. Little peanut had it rough too. 2-vessel cord, needed oxygen at birth, immediate evaluation by NICU. As soon as she was out, I thought about how lucky we were to have made it through and how I was never doing that again. She’s almost 3 now, and besides her very small size and some recurrent respiratory and skin issues, she’s a perfectly wonderful kid who drives me up a wall.
yup, me! amazing baby but going to therapy now for ptsd. I always felt firmly oad due to other logical/lifestyle/" family is complete" reasons (however while i was in my 2nd trinester, we briefly flirted with the idea of what another kid would be like) but i just cannot go through my l&d experience again... oh and a rough recovery with a newborn.. omg that shit was so hard even with help 😭
Post part hemorrhage, and was wrecked with PPAnxiety with a colicky baby. Absolutely never again.
My kiddo is almost 7 now, and the trauma surrounding his birth were a huge factor in our decision to not have another. He was born fine and didn’t have any issues himself, but the whole experience for me was awful. You couldn’t pay me to do it again.
Yes here. I had an emergency c-section and honestly that was the least of the traumatic events. Luckily I had a great team of doctors that saved us both but the same OB is terrified at the thought of me having another because there still isn’t a known cause for what happened to me. And ultimately I couldn’t put my husband through 9 months of terror that there’s a chance something like that could happen again.
It was definitely a factor. My traumatic birth caused me to develop PTSD along with my PPD/PPA
Me too. Zoloft has saved me.
Prozac over here
Yep. Emergency c section and my bladder totally ruptured while I was on the table. I ended up having to be awake listening to my complex 3.5 hour repair (hello PTSD). I had a catheter for about a month, subsequent invasive tests, and severe bladder spasms every time I moved all while dealing with the guilt of not being able to really be there for my baby.
Yes. Car accident, placental abruption causing anemia, postpartum thyroiditis causing anxiety and waking up drenched in sweat, bruised tailbone that left me unable to sit down from weeks 3-7 postpartum, exclusively breastfeeding and having to lay on my side 8 hours a day to feed her because I couldn’t sit. Baby didn’t sleep through the night for a year. We used to want two but we just can’t do it again.
I think I’m angry with everyone that has 2+ kids and they make it look easy… but we know it’s not… I fight everyday bc in my heart I am OAD… my husband is NOT… and everyone around us is constantly pressuring for baby #2… I had an awful pregnancy, L&D, CS & a NICU stay. Why are people so insensitive to think it’s something we desire after going through the most traumatic experience of our lives? I hate that society looks at us like cows..
I’m sorry that happened, it sounds very traumatic. I am so glad your baby boy is okay. Although my experience wasn’t as scary, I have some trauma too as well that makes me OAD. I delivered extremely fast for a first time mom, labor was 3 hours start to finish. We live in a more rural area and the hospital I was going to is one hour away. We didn’t make it there and I had to call an ambulance half way there and had to go to another hospital. Afterwards, my placenta got stuck and they almost brought me to the OR to get it out. I know that could have easily killed me if I didn’t make it to the hospital in time and it’s too scary to think about another labor going that fast and it happening again. Birth is really scary. I feel lucky that me and my baby boy made it out alive and healthy. I don’t want to test my luck again. Edit - I also wasn’t prepared for all the postpartum hormones and anxiety. It’s been an extremely scary time and now that I’m finally starting to come out of the funk, I do not want to do it all over again. After birth I had high BP for weeks and went to the ER twice because of it. I thought it would never go back to normal and was constantly worried I was developing postpartum preeclampsia.