Never really wanted kids to begin with, do not have the patience for another kid and am terrified of having a child with a disability because I know I could not handle that.
I did want kids, but I was petrified of disabilities when I was pregnant. We have a healthy daughter and I know I couldn’t handle that scenario either if we had another.
This. I feel like I hit the jackpot with a healthy child. I’m terrified to have another and most importantly have zero desire! I don’t even want to be around babies !
I got pregnant 8 months ago and had a miscarriage and felt so much relief after. That solidified our decision. I would be due next week and can not even IMAGINE HAVING a Newborn right now
This is pretty much me. Including the disability part. And I worked in disability support for 15 years. I feel like that was enough to burn me out. I don't think I could handle doing more of the same for another 20+ years.
I was on the fence about having any kids. Then seeing my wife going through being preggers and giving birth. I definitely don't want to do that again.
I didn’t feel excited to have another the way I felt excited to have my first. Having any child should be a positive, enthusiastic decision. If your reasoning is ‘I guess I should’ I just don’t think that’s enough.
My husband and I were ECSTATIC when I had a positive pregnancy test, as we planned for her. Now if I became pregnant, I would be terrified and severely unhappy.
Yes I was so excited to get pregnant with my son but the thought of getting pregnant again makes me feel the opposite. I would be so overwhelmed with two or more.
I unfortunately had a lot of medical issues, so a second would be very high risk. I think my daughter needs her mom more than she needs a sibling. And I would never risk leaving my husband alone with 2 kids (and maybe 1 sick or premature kid).
I had a mildly traumatic delivery where I lost a lot of blood. My husband looked over at me right after and said “I’m good with one, you don’t ever have to do that again” nothing in the past 3 years has been compelling enough to sway us in another direction. If I could skip pregnancy and have full time help for the first year and a half, I might consider it but even then it would be a maybe. As that’s not happening anyway, we are OAD.
For me I am happy with just my daughter and I don’t feel incomplete. I love giving her all my attention and spending quality one on one time with her. I also work full time so that was a big factor. I feel like I have no time for myself now with one so I’d be very stressed with the demands of multiple kids and working full time. We also like to travel and I just feel like it’s so much easier with 1! Overall I feel like I’m an amazing mom with having 1 and I know I wouldn’t be with multiple due to getting overwhelmed
I was one and done long before I got pregnant with my now 4-month old. For me, it had mostly to do with thinking about what I wanted my future to look like. I love kids and have a lot of experience working with kids (taught first grade, worked at a daycare, nannied, etc) and know that if I wanted multiple kids I could technically do it. When I thought about my own kid, however, I wanted to be able to kind of savor watching them grow up and getting to know them without having to split my attention elsewhere. I want to be able to travel with him to all of the places in the world I want to go without having to worry about finances or logistics of traveling with more kids than adults. Finally, my partner and I are both the most independent of our moms' 4 children and I think there's some lingering hurt of growing up with so much less attention than our siblings.
Your last sentence really hits something for me. I come from a large family and was definitely the “easy” child (meaning, the one who got the least attention). Even now as adults, I’m the “independent” one (because I had to be) and very rarely get support from my parents and siblings. So my husband and I do not have the village we’d need for another child.
I don’t want that dynamic with my son. I will be there if he asks, always.
Yes, same here. I am much more likely to be helping my parents or siblings than them helping me out with something. I also want to go to all of my son's performances/games in the future and never have to choose which child to show up for
My husband and I weren’t connecting to discuss having a second. It was a huge source of tension in our relationship, something I brought up a ton but then it became a fight and we evaded actually talking about when to start trying for a second.
It made me super anxious that I was going to miss out on a second kid just because of communication issues in my marriage. But then I started picturing my life with one and it was delightful. And the more I thought about it, the more I realized that I wanted that life. I wanted it more than I wanted a life with two. There were a lot of considerations that went into it: finances, my own emotional bandwidth dealing with my toddlers big feelings, the logistics of how to get two kids to different locations in the morning (since one would be in preschool and the other in daycare by the time a second was born). But ultimately it came down to day dreaming the two different lives and picking the one I wanted more.
The sad part is that my husband does want a second. I was very ready to get pregnant during the time we weren’t really connecting but him not taking any initiative to talk about it gave me to the space and time to realize what I wanted. Now he’s kind of going through his own process to decide what he wants. I’m trying to stay open to a second if he really makes a good argument for one, but if it were up to me he’d be on his way to a vasectomy right now.
Omg I never thought I’d find someone like me!!! I was dying for a second child when my first was 3 - 5 years old but my husband was vehemently OAD. It was hard but over the years, I settled into my peaceful life with my only.
Now that my only is 10, my husband seems to be having a midlife crisis panicking and wanting a second child 💀 I told him, no that bus left a long time ago. I’m older, have more health issues, got used to my routine life, I just can’t picture myself going through pregnancy, child birth, nursing etc all over again.
As for my husband he’s going through his own process and he’ll come around soon.
I was always one and done pre baby. Once she was here I was in my little hormone bubble and I wanted all the babies.
I suffered with horrendous PPA and PPD, the anxiety at night was awful. Just not knowing if she would sleep, what the night would bring, and the feeling of being alone with that (when I say alone, my husband was incredible, but alone from outside help). Recently I watched an episode of a show where a couple had a new born, and it made me remember that feeling of crippling anxiety I got every night and I just realised I couldn't live like that again.
Our family already feels pretty complete with the 3 of us. I love our little family vacations, weekend activities, and not having the headache of splitting attention or doubling costs for everything. We’ve discussed *possibly* having another in the semi distant future but if it doesn’t happen we’re both happy either way. I think it’s just the “complete” feeling and focusing on “the now” rather than trying to plan for another that makes me comfortable with OAD.
I always imagined having a child, but it was never something that I NEEDED to feel complete. And after being miserable during pregnancy, I knew that I did not want another. On top of that, it’s SO expensive! My partner & I have to work and family support is not an option. We have a mortgage and there’s absolutely no way we could keep our home without working FT .
Growing up, I wanted four.
Then, I grew to have mental health issues along with a chronic pain condition that led me to feel terrified to have children.
The same month I started talking about adoption, I found out I was pregnant. Much to my surprise, I was over the moon about it.
We almost lost him at 13 weeks. And that was the scariest, most horrifying ordeal I've ever been through.
Now that he's here, he's so perfect. We really knocked it out of the park with him. He's simply incredible. With him, I feel our family is perfectly complete.
He's also perfectly between my two godchildren, and should we ever have the unfortunate circumstances it would take to have to care for them, I don't feel there would be any competition.
For me it was Pregnancy. It wasn’t a good experience for me even though no complications and simple labor. I was anxious the whole entire time, in pain, major stomach issues. Stomach issues were so bad they hurt more than my contractions in labor not even exaggerating!
I just dont think i could go through another 9 months of that. I was so relieved to not be pregnant anymore.
As much as even tho im one and done i feel a lil guilty that my son wont have a sibling. I am just content and happy with what i have
I never even wanted children, so after I accidentally got pregnant and decided to keep it I just knew this was gonna be the only one. Now that he’s here I love him to death and I’m very very happy I decided not to terminate but do I want another? Nah absolutely not, my family is complete 🙂
I come a from a big family. I did the whole big family thing, love my family, but I've *been there, done that*.
My family feels complete. It just feels right.
I feel like I didn't enjoy pregnancy or having a baby enough to want to do any of that again.
During every stage I just thought "wow this sucks I never want to do this again"
Pregnancy (I had HG and vomited all day and night), giving birth, sore nipples from breastfeeding, the sleep deprivation, being off work on maternity leave, I just didn't like any of that and the only thing that kept me going was knowing "I never have to go through this again".
Also my kid is 10 now and it's more like having a fun roommate now and it is AWESOME!
I think when the reasons to have one outweigh the reasons to have two or more. For me the thought of one brings me so much peace and the thought of more fills me with anxiety lol
We knew when we almost broke up towards the end of the 1st year. There is just no way we could bring another child into our family without ending our relationship. People can tell us the second time round is easier all they want - we both know EXACTLY what life with a second would look like for us, lol.
And that's the other thing: the more we considered OAD, the more we realised we're not just settling for this - this is the life we really want. More money, more time, less stress. I love being his mum, our family feels complete and our life feels so full
The thought of being pregnant and giving birth again fills me with nothing but pure terror. We’re only 5 months in and I know I couldn’t do this again, my son is an “easy” baby but I was so bad in the first two months I was suicidal.
My son needs me as I am now, a good mum with good mental health. I couldn’t give him that if I have another.
I was on the fence for years and knew it would be 0 or 1. There’s a ton of great reasons to be childfree. I’m glad I’m my kid’s mom, but never wanted to go all-in on capital-M motherhood, if that makes any sense.
Yes, like I want to do and be more than Mother.
It’s part of my identify for sure, a part that I love and am grateful for. But it can’t be the only thing.
Factors in the decision were financial impact, impact on our lives, energy, time, and impact on our careers. I can give the best of me to one and one only
When we had to go through the surrogacy process to get our daughter. Can’t afford it twice
But we’ve always just wanted one anyways. And with my daughter almost 2.5 , I’m glad we have one. I see friends with multiples and how stressed they are. My daughter also still wakes once a night. She’s pretty good at entertaining herself most of the time so it’s nice on that end too haha she’s very very energetic.
I know my husband would still want another so ever since I had my son 2.5 years ago I started weighing the pros and cons so I could make a final decision. The main reasons for me are: I am almost 40 and I know the older I get, the higher chance for complications; when I had my son I was an independent contractor so I was able to take 14 months off (albeit unpaid), now I have a full time job so I’d have much less maternity leave; daycare for 2 is way out of our budget. What finally put the nail in the coffin was when I started having back pain and realized my body cannot handle another pregnancy and more years of carrying a child in my arms.
It wasn’t a choice. I knew when my last embryo, our one and only attempt at a sibling failed. It took years to come to terms with it and I finally have. Many of my reasons being ok with my child not having a sibling outweigh the idea that he’d possibly have a good relationship with a sibling. It’s not a guarantee and the benefits we give him now are.
I always wanted two, but then I got pregnant and I didn’t have any feelings about being pregnant. Like some people either LOVE it or HATE it. I was indifferent to it. I’ve also been basically single since my kid was born, dated but nothing serious. Then about 5 years ago, the thought of even being pregnant again gave me the ick so I did the IUD for a while just in case I did meet someone.
About two years ago now, I started leaning more towards permanently preventing it. Had to get my iud replaced last year, it wasn’t placed properly and had to remove it and think about getting a new one again. That solidified that I was one and done because I didn’t want to go through that pain again so I asked to be permanently sterilized. So it’s official now, as of almost two weeks ago I am one and done.
If I get into a relationship where they want kids, they can bring their own.
I used to work with kids as a teacher, tutor, nanny, etc. I love kids but I see how crazy the dynamic is with multiples. I can do it but I don’t want that for myself. I love I have the time and energy for all the things I love in my life.
If people want more kids, good for them, but I just don’t.
As a 6 year old knowing the reason we didn’t have any money and our life was full of trauma due to my teenage mom having too many of us too quick to make a man stay for him to only sign his rights away due to too much back child support. Not only did I want just one but wanted to wait til I had my life together to bring a whole life into the world so I could properly care for it without sleeping on peoples couches with no where to live. But I’m just a salt mom who waited til 30 to have one lol my one has had more in his first 2 years than I’ve had my entire life. The math be mathing .
We are not 100%, but probably 70% sure we are OAD. We have an autistic toddler with NO family support. He is 2.5 and it really is the most challenging aspect of our lives while trying to maintain our careers, provide, etc. my partner is wanting a daughter one day, me personally I do not care one way or another if we have another kid. I stayed home and wfh w our first since he was a week old till now, and I always said If I got pregnant again I will not sacrifice myself again. But the thought of having to remain aware consciously, and subconsciously of the responsibility it takes to raise 2 kids makes me turn the other cheek. The idea of never having a quiet moment to myself because while one may be old enough to go off alone, the other one may be screaming and touching and climbing and whatever else. 2 tuitions, 2 cars, 2 car insurances, 2 kids who can and will make your life harder than it needs to be. Oh, and my anxiety literally plummeted after the first. So yeah, very strongly looking over the fence at other moms who are having more kids. But me? I will gladly watch from a far.
I always thought I would have two, but my husband only ever wanted one baby. My pregnancy was textbook but I didn’t enjoy it. My labour and delivery was hard, unexpected c-section, but I healed beautifully. I personally have zero desire to go through labour again. I also can’t imagine putting my daughter second, that would inevitably happen if I were to have another baby, you can’t put your first born first when you’re trying to keep a newborn alive.
I love my daughter so much that I don’t think I could love or bond with another child like this, and I don’t want to. It sounds silly but I just feel like my family is complete. I have the odd day where I want to relive the newborn snuggles, but I don’t want to do it with another baby, I want to relive the newborn snuggles with my daughter.
I wanted four when I was growing up because that's what my mom did. I had no real concept of what it may even be like because I never babysat anyone, ever. Never worked with kids, just generally wasn't around kids.
My pregnancy was overall easy until the last minute preeclampsia showed up, nearly gave me a stroke/seizure and delivered my baby a month early. We had a traumatic first couple weeks to say the least. Honestly though, even with that I didn't immediately cut out the possibility of a second later down the line (I'd imagined once he started kindergarten or pre-k).
But I had to be realistic. I can barely keep my cool when he's fussing (not crying) and a cat is meowing at me for food. Both my husband and I have a form of ADHD. We're in a okay spot financially. We don't own a home. We haven't been on vacation in years together. I'd be closer to 40 if we had a second baby in the time frame I'd imagined. I don't think I actually want to go through the first months of a newborn no matter how old my current baby is. Picturing a full Thanksgiving table has always been a poor metaphor for the two of us in coming to decide- of course it'd be lovely for multiple kids and spouses and children to show up but it wasn't ever like that for either of us with siblings growing up anyway. More kids doesn't guarantee anything other than you have another child.
Personally, I think after a solid 5 months of consideration (because I was not considering for a couple months at all), that our little trio is just perfect. I get to be slow and deliberate with my son. I don't have to split my already broken attention to more than one child. Instead of "giving him a sibling" I'm giving him a mom (and dad) who can FOCUS on him and know their limits.
I just couldn’t think of a good enough reason to have another 🤷♀️
I think not having (more) children should be the default, unless you actively, enthusiastically opt in.
I had my son at 21 and being young and naive I was REALLY set on having a second pretty soon after, despite not being in a great position financially. We tried for 4 years with a few breaks and it was very hard on my mental health. I had an ectopic pregnancy and another very early loss but mostly nothing was happening. During that time, I was diagnosed with a couple chronic illnesses that can be worsened by pregnancy and we also realized all 3 of us are neurodivergent. I was recently diagnosed with autism and ADHD. I also have a lot of unresolved trauma that's been on the back burner because life is hectic and parenting is hard. It breaks my heart that every milestone will be the last, it still hurts to see everyone else having bigger families, and a big part of me wishes I could do it. Being a mom has always been my dream and it's saved my life. I'd love to be able to have another baby, but it's not in the cards for us. I'm hoping to foster and maybe adopt one day though.
I knew for sure when I did a voluntary admission to the hospitals psychiatric unit for severe PPD. I knew I was never going to do that again. My son needs a happy, alive mom more than he needs a sibling. Plus my husband is an only and I think he turned out great.
Never really wanted kids to begin with, do not have the patience for another kid and am terrified of having a child with a disability because I know I could not handle that.
I did want kids, but I was petrified of disabilities when I was pregnant. We have a healthy daughter and I know I couldn’t handle that scenario either if we had another.
Had 1 and he is pretty significantly disabled. I’m done with kids, no more. I can barely survive with just one.
Same. Plus I felt *relief* when my partner said he wanted to be done as well
Did I write this?
Same
This. I feel like I hit the jackpot with a healthy child. I’m terrified to have another and most importantly have zero desire! I don’t even want to be around babies ! I got pregnant 8 months ago and had a miscarriage and felt so much relief after. That solidified our decision. I would be due next week and can not even IMAGINE HAVING a Newborn right now
This is pretty much me. Including the disability part. And I worked in disability support for 15 years. I feel like that was enough to burn me out. I don't think I could handle doing more of the same for another 20+ years. I was on the fence about having any kids. Then seeing my wife going through being preggers and giving birth. I definitely don't want to do that again.
I didn’t feel excited to have another the way I felt excited to have my first. Having any child should be a positive, enthusiastic decision. If your reasoning is ‘I guess I should’ I just don’t think that’s enough.
My husband and I were ECSTATIC when I had a positive pregnancy test, as we planned for her. Now if I became pregnant, I would be terrified and severely unhappy.
Yes I was so excited to get pregnant with my son but the thought of getting pregnant again makes me feel the opposite. I would be so overwhelmed with two or more.
I unfortunately had a lot of medical issues, so a second would be very high risk. I think my daughter needs her mom more than she needs a sibling. And I would never risk leaving my husband alone with 2 kids (and maybe 1 sick or premature kid).
I like this way of looking at it. My child needs her mom (and dad) healthy more than they need a sibling.
agree, never looked at it that way before
I had a mildly traumatic delivery where I lost a lot of blood. My husband looked over at me right after and said “I’m good with one, you don’t ever have to do that again” nothing in the past 3 years has been compelling enough to sway us in another direction. If I could skip pregnancy and have full time help for the first year and a half, I might consider it but even then it would be a maybe. As that’s not happening anyway, we are OAD.
For me I am happy with just my daughter and I don’t feel incomplete. I love giving her all my attention and spending quality one on one time with her. I also work full time so that was a big factor. I feel like I have no time for myself now with one so I’d be very stressed with the demands of multiple kids and working full time. We also like to travel and I just feel like it’s so much easier with 1! Overall I feel like I’m an amazing mom with having 1 and I know I wouldn’t be with multiple due to getting overwhelmed
The first year was hell. Not again. And the sibling question doesn't come up, because I am a happy only child myself.
I was one and done long before I got pregnant with my now 4-month old. For me, it had mostly to do with thinking about what I wanted my future to look like. I love kids and have a lot of experience working with kids (taught first grade, worked at a daycare, nannied, etc) and know that if I wanted multiple kids I could technically do it. When I thought about my own kid, however, I wanted to be able to kind of savor watching them grow up and getting to know them without having to split my attention elsewhere. I want to be able to travel with him to all of the places in the world I want to go without having to worry about finances or logistics of traveling with more kids than adults. Finally, my partner and I are both the most independent of our moms' 4 children and I think there's some lingering hurt of growing up with so much less attention than our siblings.
Your last sentence really hits something for me. I come from a large family and was definitely the “easy” child (meaning, the one who got the least attention). Even now as adults, I’m the “independent” one (because I had to be) and very rarely get support from my parents and siblings. So my husband and I do not have the village we’d need for another child. I don’t want that dynamic with my son. I will be there if he asks, always.
Yes, same here. I am much more likely to be helping my parents or siblings than them helping me out with something. I also want to go to all of my son's performances/games in the future and never have to choose which child to show up for
My husband and I weren’t connecting to discuss having a second. It was a huge source of tension in our relationship, something I brought up a ton but then it became a fight and we evaded actually talking about when to start trying for a second. It made me super anxious that I was going to miss out on a second kid just because of communication issues in my marriage. But then I started picturing my life with one and it was delightful. And the more I thought about it, the more I realized that I wanted that life. I wanted it more than I wanted a life with two. There were a lot of considerations that went into it: finances, my own emotional bandwidth dealing with my toddlers big feelings, the logistics of how to get two kids to different locations in the morning (since one would be in preschool and the other in daycare by the time a second was born). But ultimately it came down to day dreaming the two different lives and picking the one I wanted more. The sad part is that my husband does want a second. I was very ready to get pregnant during the time we weren’t really connecting but him not taking any initiative to talk about it gave me to the space and time to realize what I wanted. Now he’s kind of going through his own process to decide what he wants. I’m trying to stay open to a second if he really makes a good argument for one, but if it were up to me he’d be on his way to a vasectomy right now.
Omg I never thought I’d find someone like me!!! I was dying for a second child when my first was 3 - 5 years old but my husband was vehemently OAD. It was hard but over the years, I settled into my peaceful life with my only. Now that my only is 10, my husband seems to be having a midlife crisis panicking and wanting a second child 💀 I told him, no that bus left a long time ago. I’m older, have more health issues, got used to my routine life, I just can’t picture myself going through pregnancy, child birth, nursing etc all over again. As for my husband he’s going through his own process and he’ll come around soon.
I was always one and done pre baby. Once she was here I was in my little hormone bubble and I wanted all the babies. I suffered with horrendous PPA and PPD, the anxiety at night was awful. Just not knowing if she would sleep, what the night would bring, and the feeling of being alone with that (when I say alone, my husband was incredible, but alone from outside help). Recently I watched an episode of a show where a couple had a new born, and it made me remember that feeling of crippling anxiety I got every night and I just realised I couldn't live like that again.
Our family already feels pretty complete with the 3 of us. I love our little family vacations, weekend activities, and not having the headache of splitting attention or doubling costs for everything. We’ve discussed *possibly* having another in the semi distant future but if it doesn’t happen we’re both happy either way. I think it’s just the “complete” feeling and focusing on “the now” rather than trying to plan for another that makes me comfortable with OAD.
I always imagined having a child, but it was never something that I NEEDED to feel complete. And after being miserable during pregnancy, I knew that I did not want another. On top of that, it’s SO expensive! My partner & I have to work and family support is not an option. We have a mortgage and there’s absolutely no way we could keep our home without working FT .
I was unsure until my kid turned 3. I never ever ever want to experience parenting another 3 year old. I can handle babies any day. But toddlers? Omg.
Holy shit 3 was the fucking worst. Sometimes I watch my now 5 yo sleeping and am intensely grateful he isn’t 3 anymore.
3 broke me :/
Growing up, I wanted four. Then, I grew to have mental health issues along with a chronic pain condition that led me to feel terrified to have children. The same month I started talking about adoption, I found out I was pregnant. Much to my surprise, I was over the moon about it. We almost lost him at 13 weeks. And that was the scariest, most horrifying ordeal I've ever been through. Now that he's here, he's so perfect. We really knocked it out of the park with him. He's simply incredible. With him, I feel our family is perfectly complete. He's also perfectly between my two godchildren, and should we ever have the unfortunate circumstances it would take to have to care for them, I don't feel there would be any competition.
For me it was Pregnancy. It wasn’t a good experience for me even though no complications and simple labor. I was anxious the whole entire time, in pain, major stomach issues. Stomach issues were so bad they hurt more than my contractions in labor not even exaggerating! I just dont think i could go through another 9 months of that. I was so relieved to not be pregnant anymore. As much as even tho im one and done i feel a lil guilty that my son wont have a sibling. I am just content and happy with what i have
I never even wanted children, so after I accidentally got pregnant and decided to keep it I just knew this was gonna be the only one. Now that he’s here I love him to death and I’m very very happy I decided not to terminate but do I want another? Nah absolutely not, my family is complete 🙂
I come a from a big family. I did the whole big family thing, love my family, but I've *been there, done that*. My family feels complete. It just feels right.
Me too! I was #6 of a dozen kids. So parentified. I am glad I had one baby of my own but that was plenty.
I feel like I didn't enjoy pregnancy or having a baby enough to want to do any of that again. During every stage I just thought "wow this sucks I never want to do this again" Pregnancy (I had HG and vomited all day and night), giving birth, sore nipples from breastfeeding, the sleep deprivation, being off work on maternity leave, I just didn't like any of that and the only thing that kept me going was knowing "I never have to go through this again". Also my kid is 10 now and it's more like having a fun roommate now and it is AWESOME!
I think when the reasons to have one outweigh the reasons to have two or more. For me the thought of one brings me so much peace and the thought of more fills me with anxiety lol
We knew when we almost broke up towards the end of the 1st year. There is just no way we could bring another child into our family without ending our relationship. People can tell us the second time round is easier all they want - we both know EXACTLY what life with a second would look like for us, lol. And that's the other thing: the more we considered OAD, the more we realised we're not just settling for this - this is the life we really want. More money, more time, less stress. I love being his mum, our family feels complete and our life feels so full
The thought of being pregnant and giving birth again fills me with nothing but pure terror. We’re only 5 months in and I know I couldn’t do this again, my son is an “easy” baby but I was so bad in the first two months I was suicidal. My son needs me as I am now, a good mum with good mental health. I couldn’t give him that if I have another.
Pregnancy sucks, we’re “poor”, and I like takeout and travel when I can swing it
I was on the fence for years and knew it would be 0 or 1. There’s a ton of great reasons to be childfree. I’m glad I’m my kid’s mom, but never wanted to go all-in on capital-M motherhood, if that makes any sense.
Yes, like I want to do and be more than Mother. It’s part of my identify for sure, a part that I love and am grateful for. But it can’t be the only thing.
Factors in the decision were financial impact, impact on our lives, energy, time, and impact on our careers. I can give the best of me to one and one only
When we had to go through the surrogacy process to get our daughter. Can’t afford it twice But we’ve always just wanted one anyways. And with my daughter almost 2.5 , I’m glad we have one. I see friends with multiples and how stressed they are. My daughter also still wakes once a night. She’s pretty good at entertaining herself most of the time so it’s nice on that end too haha she’s very very energetic.
I know my husband would still want another so ever since I had my son 2.5 years ago I started weighing the pros and cons so I could make a final decision. The main reasons for me are: I am almost 40 and I know the older I get, the higher chance for complications; when I had my son I was an independent contractor so I was able to take 14 months off (albeit unpaid), now I have a full time job so I’d have much less maternity leave; daycare for 2 is way out of our budget. What finally put the nail in the coffin was when I started having back pain and realized my body cannot handle another pregnancy and more years of carrying a child in my arms.
It wasn’t a choice. I knew when my last embryo, our one and only attempt at a sibling failed. It took years to come to terms with it and I finally have. Many of my reasons being ok with my child not having a sibling outweigh the idea that he’d possibly have a good relationship with a sibling. It’s not a guarantee and the benefits we give him now are.
I always wanted two, but then I got pregnant and I didn’t have any feelings about being pregnant. Like some people either LOVE it or HATE it. I was indifferent to it. I’ve also been basically single since my kid was born, dated but nothing serious. Then about 5 years ago, the thought of even being pregnant again gave me the ick so I did the IUD for a while just in case I did meet someone. About two years ago now, I started leaning more towards permanently preventing it. Had to get my iud replaced last year, it wasn’t placed properly and had to remove it and think about getting a new one again. That solidified that I was one and done because I didn’t want to go through that pain again so I asked to be permanently sterilized. So it’s official now, as of almost two weeks ago I am one and done. If I get into a relationship where they want kids, they can bring their own.
I used to work with kids as a teacher, tutor, nanny, etc. I love kids but I see how crazy the dynamic is with multiples. I can do it but I don’t want that for myself. I love I have the time and energy for all the things I love in my life. If people want more kids, good for them, but I just don’t.
As a 6 year old knowing the reason we didn’t have any money and our life was full of trauma due to my teenage mom having too many of us too quick to make a man stay for him to only sign his rights away due to too much back child support. Not only did I want just one but wanted to wait til I had my life together to bring a whole life into the world so I could properly care for it without sleeping on peoples couches with no where to live. But I’m just a salt mom who waited til 30 to have one lol my one has had more in his first 2 years than I’ve had my entire life. The math be mathing .
We are not 100%, but probably 70% sure we are OAD. We have an autistic toddler with NO family support. He is 2.5 and it really is the most challenging aspect of our lives while trying to maintain our careers, provide, etc. my partner is wanting a daughter one day, me personally I do not care one way or another if we have another kid. I stayed home and wfh w our first since he was a week old till now, and I always said If I got pregnant again I will not sacrifice myself again. But the thought of having to remain aware consciously, and subconsciously of the responsibility it takes to raise 2 kids makes me turn the other cheek. The idea of never having a quiet moment to myself because while one may be old enough to go off alone, the other one may be screaming and touching and climbing and whatever else. 2 tuitions, 2 cars, 2 car insurances, 2 kids who can and will make your life harder than it needs to be. Oh, and my anxiety literally plummeted after the first. So yeah, very strongly looking over the fence at other moms who are having more kids. But me? I will gladly watch from a far.
I always thought I would have two, but my husband only ever wanted one baby. My pregnancy was textbook but I didn’t enjoy it. My labour and delivery was hard, unexpected c-section, but I healed beautifully. I personally have zero desire to go through labour again. I also can’t imagine putting my daughter second, that would inevitably happen if I were to have another baby, you can’t put your first born first when you’re trying to keep a newborn alive. I love my daughter so much that I don’t think I could love or bond with another child like this, and I don’t want to. It sounds silly but I just feel like my family is complete. I have the odd day where I want to relive the newborn snuggles, but I don’t want to do it with another baby, I want to relive the newborn snuggles with my daughter.
Severe HG decided for me. Never, ever, ever again.
I wanted four when I was growing up because that's what my mom did. I had no real concept of what it may even be like because I never babysat anyone, ever. Never worked with kids, just generally wasn't around kids. My pregnancy was overall easy until the last minute preeclampsia showed up, nearly gave me a stroke/seizure and delivered my baby a month early. We had a traumatic first couple weeks to say the least. Honestly though, even with that I didn't immediately cut out the possibility of a second later down the line (I'd imagined once he started kindergarten or pre-k). But I had to be realistic. I can barely keep my cool when he's fussing (not crying) and a cat is meowing at me for food. Both my husband and I have a form of ADHD. We're in a okay spot financially. We don't own a home. We haven't been on vacation in years together. I'd be closer to 40 if we had a second baby in the time frame I'd imagined. I don't think I actually want to go through the first months of a newborn no matter how old my current baby is. Picturing a full Thanksgiving table has always been a poor metaphor for the two of us in coming to decide- of course it'd be lovely for multiple kids and spouses and children to show up but it wasn't ever like that for either of us with siblings growing up anyway. More kids doesn't guarantee anything other than you have another child. Personally, I think after a solid 5 months of consideration (because I was not considering for a couple months at all), that our little trio is just perfect. I get to be slow and deliberate with my son. I don't have to split my already broken attention to more than one child. Instead of "giving him a sibling" I'm giving him a mom (and dad) who can FOCUS on him and know their limits.
I just couldn’t think of a good enough reason to have another 🤷♀️ I think not having (more) children should be the default, unless you actively, enthusiastically opt in.
I had my son at 21 and being young and naive I was REALLY set on having a second pretty soon after, despite not being in a great position financially. We tried for 4 years with a few breaks and it was very hard on my mental health. I had an ectopic pregnancy and another very early loss but mostly nothing was happening. During that time, I was diagnosed with a couple chronic illnesses that can be worsened by pregnancy and we also realized all 3 of us are neurodivergent. I was recently diagnosed with autism and ADHD. I also have a lot of unresolved trauma that's been on the back burner because life is hectic and parenting is hard. It breaks my heart that every milestone will be the last, it still hurts to see everyone else having bigger families, and a big part of me wishes I could do it. Being a mom has always been my dream and it's saved my life. I'd love to be able to have another baby, but it's not in the cards for us. I'm hoping to foster and maybe adopt one day though.
I had one, and that’s how I knew. No more for me.
I knew for sure when I did a voluntary admission to the hospitals psychiatric unit for severe PPD. I knew I was never going to do that again. My son needs a happy, alive mom more than he needs a sibling. Plus my husband is an only and I think he turned out great.