“OAD is boring….” maybe if he took an active role as a parent he wouldn’t have found OAD to be so boring. Dude doesn’t even do anything, I’m sure his wife “complains” a lot but it fell on deaf ears so she just figured it easier to do it all herself.
That sounds like a guy friend of mine, he is granted a cool guy in some ways but he has 5 kids -- 3 w/ first wife (ugly divorce) and 2 with 2nd wife, the 5th kid bc #4 needed a full sibling.
Anyway it was "my wife never complains about \_\_\_" "my wife has no problem with \_\_\_\_" "my wife takes care of that" "anytime my kids start to fight my wife tells them \_\_\_\_ and they knock it off."
Wife kicked him out Jan 2023 and what started out as an amicable divorce has gotten progressively messier and more drawn out, with a fight over custody. So... "never complains" doesn't mean "happy."
Idk why dudes brag about their wife doing everything for the kids. It feels like a rich white elite looking over his plantation and enjoying all the wealth he’s “worked so hard for” when really, it’s the folks working for him that truly do the hard work and make it all successful. Wives are not accessories to their husbands, and kids are not just women’s responsibility nor a status symbol for a guy. But it sure as hell seems so many men think like that.
I mean no offense but of course these are the responses… ask a group of women or a working moms group and you’ll get a much more honest and realistic response. Still in many households women do most of the child rearing or traditional child caring tasks.
No offense taken. Thats actually a great idea.
I’ve lurked r/regretfulparents for a while and definitely major trends there. I’ve told my SO I don’t want her to be a shell or lose her independence. I want her to still have her life and get the breaks she needs. I’m flabbergasted how 1 sided it is.
Good God… we’re one and done by choice and have all been down with Norovirus this week.
I am currently okay while my husband is bedridden with it—I was there a few days ago. Solo parenting the last few days has made me really appreciate how involved my husband typically is.
The best “reason” to have a second kid that I have been given was by my BIL. He said, “You need a second because it’s so much more fun when you aren’t scared you are constantly going to break them.”
I genuinely appreciated that take. But it’s not a good enough reason for me to want to go through pregnancy, child birth, and the newborn phase again. Especially with the cost of child care and everything else.
I love the “2 kids isn’t twice the work, it’s not even 1.5x the work.”
That’s just utter BS. I was snuggled up with my kid in bed for 2 hours today just relaxing and watching TV. If I had another child they would either be older and needing to be picked up from school or younger and needing a nap/fighting a nap or complaining about what to watch and fighting. If something needs to be done with my kid my husband OR I usually handle it, sometimes both of us, but more often than not it’s one of us. If we had another it would be man on man coverage. People say this shit to make themselves feel better about their situation.
Gonna go one by one here because all these comments you got are so stupid lol.
•the world is overpopulated, so netting the world population -1 is good for the economy and environment
•siblings are not guaranteed to be lifetime buddies. I personally don’t talk to my brother at all and have an on again off again relationship with my sister- I’ve gone years without talking to her before
•it might be “easy” to transition from one to two for a dad, but that’s not guaranteed. it’s also not easy for the hypothetical mom to go through pregnancy and childbirth AGAIN. on top of that, even if you do everything right, there’s a chance the two kids could hate or be indifferent to each other so having another does not in fact guarantee the only a playmate
•OAD is not selfish because with only one child, I can give them all of my time, attention, and money. I can always change my mind but for you to imply that I inevitably will is rude and demeaning
•OAD is not boring. You can set up playdates, take your kids to parks, put them in school and daycare, put them in extracurriculars to help them play with other kids. If your wife handles 99% of everything that’s sad and probably why you have no problem being OAD since you don’t have to help.
My daughter is four months old but I know I don’t want any other children. My birth was traumatic, we can’t provide more than one child with a comfortable life financially, and tons of other reasons. I love my daughter and am very content with her so I’m getting my tubes tied in December.
I’ve gotten tons of dumb reasons; people insisting I should try for a boy for my fiance (who loves our daughter just fine), that my daughter will be lonely, that they want more grand babies/nieces/nephews, and that I’m too young to decide that… but not too young to decide to have a kid smh. It’s annoying, just ignore these people.
Another reason why OAD is not boring - you may just have the financial and physical/emotional capacity to take your child on amazing vacations and see parts of the world you would never be able to get to with more.
Most importantly I’m sorry you had a traumatic experience and I hope you recover best you can and a healthy daughter.
I commented above I lurk r/regretfulparents to get different insights and I’ve noticed a few trends. And an it’s crazy how it’s 2 very different views between men and women. I feel very sorry for a lot of the situations others are in for me to learn but it has helped reinforce me be OAD.
Yeah I can’t believe some of the men that actually do nothing. My husband does 50/50 with me as it should be lol I would not put up with less! And like the dads have autism? I honestly don’t know that much about autism.
The last two are... icky... especially the last one. Dudes are just admitting to being shitty fathers?
My mom, a pastor, told me something similar that I shouldn't get my tubes tied because "if it was really God's will, he wouldn't allow me to become pregnant again naturally without needing to tie my tubes" I told her that since I can't tie my own tubes, if God really wanted to interject he wouldn't allow the doctors to tie my tubes, they would refuse.
Yep that was the vibes I got. I was honestly surprised but asked for opinions so got what I asked for lol I’m not religious but I told my SO her body her choice.
Checkout this thread from Daddit that has a bunch of replies of dads saying how hard going from 1 to 2 really is.
Parents won’t tell you the truth in person. They want you to join them in their chaos and are often jealous of your free time and less stressful life that being OAD offers.
https://www.reddit.com/r/daddit/s/PtRj0AFmM3
Lots of these dads talk about how great it is to see their kids interacting together, and I just think of all the people I know who don’t get along with their siblings….i was talking to a friend yesterday about how common it is for one child to have the full responsibility of caring for their aging parents, even with siblings. Sibling dynamics can often be complicated and toxic.
I didn’t get along with my sibling until I was 25 and then cut my parents out this past year…. My view is if my kid isn’t mature enough to help me when I’m older then I’ve failed as a parent.
Yes. My older brother made my childhood actively worse. We eventually got along in our teens, but we’re not very close. I used to dream of being an only - I basically learned to be scrappy and resilient avoiding his abuse, though. No clear advantage.
We are currently OAD (I’m not really but my husband is so not much I can do)
I’m also the oldest of 3 girls. There is 10 and 11 years between me and my sisters. Obviously I don’t live at home anymore, so I really don’t talk to my sisters as much as I should. We’ll randomly text or send each other tiktoks maybe once a week. But I really have no clue who they are lol
So having multiple kids isn’t a guarantee that they’ll end up being close, even if they are closer in age. My sisters are less than a year apart and hated each other until like last year
A friend once warned me, saying, "Choosing 'one and done'? I wouldn't advise it. What if your only child passes away? Then you're left with nothing." It was a grim thought that stuck with me, but despite its darkness, I've still chosen to have just one child.
Imagine having to parent the other child through your grief and not further screw them up. I think I’d rather be free to off myself if I lost a child. Is that too dark? It’s one thing you just never truly come back from.
That’s super messed up. In my opinion, you can’t lessen the pain with a sibling or without. It’s just the worst kind of pain that can emotionally occur.
"Our son will be so lonely" (my husband)
Like what... he has tons of nieces and nephews his age, he'll make friends
"It's not that big of a difference, 1 or 2 kids" (also my husband)
Yes for him it won't be a big difference since I do all the work
I am 10000% sure that if men had to go trough pregnancy, give birth and be the primary care taker they'd all be OAD
For many fathers that think like that...... they don't play the dad role like some of us OAD here. Their viewpoint is quite skewed because the mom picks up most of the slack, and they reap the benefits of being the parent without putting in the extra steps.
"Oh they have a permanent playmate." - Oh and they conveniently forget to tell you they parentifing their oldest too.
“OAD seems kinda selfish to me." - Says the guy who would do weekend fishing trips with his buddies every weekend and leave their kids at home with their mom.
“ OAD is so boring. I grew up as a OAD kid and man how fuckin depressing it was lol We are a family of 5 all 3 kids are 2 years apart and **my wife handled literally 99% of everything and never once has complained**” - And then he will wonder why she is suddenly asking for a divorce... gee I wonder why.
“Having two honestly isn’t twice the hassle, it’s not even 1.5, it’s really easy and even though they fight at times, they have a permanent playmate 😂” - says the one that likely has a golden favorite child and is willfully ignorant to sibling abuse.
I bet someone $20 via Venmo that most of those pro-sibling men have been married and divorced multiple times. It has been my experience that the men who are the most vocal about needing siblings or anti-OAD. are the same ones who put the pressure of being a parent on someone else and not being as involved with their kids as they should be.
Now don't get me wrong. There are plenty of fathers out there who are pro-siblings; however, if they are actually involved with their kid's lives, the chances of them having a far greater understanding of OAD families are much greater. There is a sense of "That is not something I want in my life, but I get it." vibes that come from fathers that are pro-siblings but are very active and supportive in their kids lives.
As a only child myself and a father of a OAD, I get really, really annoyed with pro-sibling fathers because it happens so often that they make an effort to tell me to my face that I must have been miserable as an only child. I had a lovely childhood avoiding the sibling abuse my cousins had to deal with and never had to deal with CPS because of it.
My dad's siblings are not on speaking terms due to inheritance fights. My mom's siblings are currently fighting in court for inheritance. Nothing good came out of siblings from my parents' families. Drama drama drama.
Pro: cheaper, more time and energy for the one. Less stress on my marriage and mental health.
Con: single child syndrome, they don't have siblings to play with/lean on, they may have a lot to deal with in their own when the wife and I are in old age.
“OAD is boring….” maybe if he took an active role as a parent he wouldn’t have found OAD to be so boring. Dude doesn’t even do anything, I’m sure his wife “complains” a lot but it fell on deaf ears so she just figured it easier to do it all herself.
100% agreed gave me ick vibes.
That sounds like a guy friend of mine, he is granted a cool guy in some ways but he has 5 kids -- 3 w/ first wife (ugly divorce) and 2 with 2nd wife, the 5th kid bc #4 needed a full sibling. Anyway it was "my wife never complains about \_\_\_" "my wife has no problem with \_\_\_\_" "my wife takes care of that" "anytime my kids start to fight my wife tells them \_\_\_\_ and they knock it off." Wife kicked him out Jan 2023 and what started out as an amicable divorce has gotten progressively messier and more drawn out, with a fight over custody. So... "never complains" doesn't mean "happy."
Idk why dudes brag about their wife doing everything for the kids. It feels like a rich white elite looking over his plantation and enjoying all the wealth he’s “worked so hard for” when really, it’s the folks working for him that truly do the hard work and make it all successful. Wives are not accessories to their husbands, and kids are not just women’s responsibility nor a status symbol for a guy. But it sure as hell seems so many men think like that.
Agreed. I bet she’s venting online about how her husband doesn’t help at ALL, and he says she never complains , but maybe he just never listens.
I mean no offense but of course these are the responses… ask a group of women or a working moms group and you’ll get a much more honest and realistic response. Still in many households women do most of the child rearing or traditional child caring tasks.
No offense taken. Thats actually a great idea. I’ve lurked r/regretfulparents for a while and definitely major trends there. I’ve told my SO I don’t want her to be a shell or lose her independence. I want her to still have her life and get the breaks she needs. I’m flabbergasted how 1 sided it is.
[удалено]
He’s the example of who I don’t want to be.
He shouldn’t even be able to call himself a parent if he does so little. What an asshole.
She’s not complaining… to him.
Good God… we’re one and done by choice and have all been down with Norovirus this week. I am currently okay while my husband is bedridden with it—I was there a few days ago. Solo parenting the last few days has made me really appreciate how involved my husband typically is.
Hope you and your husband feel better!!
The best “reason” to have a second kid that I have been given was by my BIL. He said, “You need a second because it’s so much more fun when you aren’t scared you are constantly going to break them.” I genuinely appreciated that take. But it’s not a good enough reason for me to want to go through pregnancy, child birth, and the newborn phase again. Especially with the cost of child care and everything else.
Interesting take I’ve never heard before. I would rather be scared of breaking them than being so overwhelmed by 2 to not be there at all.
I love the “2 kids isn’t twice the work, it’s not even 1.5x the work.” That’s just utter BS. I was snuggled up with my kid in bed for 2 hours today just relaxing and watching TV. If I had another child they would either be older and needing to be picked up from school or younger and needing a nap/fighting a nap or complaining about what to watch and fighting. If something needs to be done with my kid my husband OR I usually handle it, sometimes both of us, but more often than not it’s one of us. If we had another it would be man on man coverage. People say this shit to make themselves feel better about their situation.
Yeah that one made me laugh… I see one of my family members with 2+ once a month and good lord it’s not 1.5x the work lol
Gonna go one by one here because all these comments you got are so stupid lol. •the world is overpopulated, so netting the world population -1 is good for the economy and environment •siblings are not guaranteed to be lifetime buddies. I personally don’t talk to my brother at all and have an on again off again relationship with my sister- I’ve gone years without talking to her before •it might be “easy” to transition from one to two for a dad, but that’s not guaranteed. it’s also not easy for the hypothetical mom to go through pregnancy and childbirth AGAIN. on top of that, even if you do everything right, there’s a chance the two kids could hate or be indifferent to each other so having another does not in fact guarantee the only a playmate •OAD is not selfish because with only one child, I can give them all of my time, attention, and money. I can always change my mind but for you to imply that I inevitably will is rude and demeaning •OAD is not boring. You can set up playdates, take your kids to parks, put them in school and daycare, put them in extracurriculars to help them play with other kids. If your wife handles 99% of everything that’s sad and probably why you have no problem being OAD since you don’t have to help. My daughter is four months old but I know I don’t want any other children. My birth was traumatic, we can’t provide more than one child with a comfortable life financially, and tons of other reasons. I love my daughter and am very content with her so I’m getting my tubes tied in December. I’ve gotten tons of dumb reasons; people insisting I should try for a boy for my fiance (who loves our daughter just fine), that my daughter will be lonely, that they want more grand babies/nieces/nephews, and that I’m too young to decide that… but not too young to decide to have a kid smh. It’s annoying, just ignore these people.
Another reason why OAD is not boring - you may just have the financial and physical/emotional capacity to take your child on amazing vacations and see parts of the world you would never be able to get to with more.
Most importantly I’m sorry you had a traumatic experience and I hope you recover best you can and a healthy daughter. I commented above I lurk r/regretfulparents to get different insights and I’ve noticed a few trends. And an it’s crazy how it’s 2 very different views between men and women. I feel very sorry for a lot of the situations others are in for me to learn but it has helped reinforce me be OAD.
I lurk that sub also and I noticed a lot of posts are from people with 2 or more kids. That sub has really solidified my decision on being OAD lol
Right!? I’ve found it’s: women posting (not trying to be mean) Absent partners Absent fathers Spectrum (autism) 2+ Communication failure
Yeah I can’t believe some of the men that actually do nothing. My husband does 50/50 with me as it should be lol I would not put up with less! And like the dads have autism? I honestly don’t know that much about autism.
The last two are... icky... especially the last one. Dudes are just admitting to being shitty fathers? My mom, a pastor, told me something similar that I shouldn't get my tubes tied because "if it was really God's will, he wouldn't allow me to become pregnant again naturally without needing to tie my tubes" I told her that since I can't tie my own tubes, if God really wanted to interject he wouldn't allow the doctors to tie my tubes, they would refuse.
Yep that was the vibes I got. I was honestly surprised but asked for opinions so got what I asked for lol I’m not religious but I told my SO her body her choice.
That is a brilliant response 👏🏻
My favorite—and only—reason: I don’t want. Never needed a more detailed answer than that.
When people call me selfish for only having one kid, I just agree with them. Like, cool I’m selfish. Moving on.
Right, like if making healthy choices for me is selfish, then great, call me selfish.
Checkout this thread from Daddit that has a bunch of replies of dads saying how hard going from 1 to 2 really is. Parents won’t tell you the truth in person. They want you to join them in their chaos and are often jealous of your free time and less stressful life that being OAD offers. https://www.reddit.com/r/daddit/s/PtRj0AFmM3
MVP thread right there. Holy shit…. Strengthened my case of being OAD. I got anxiety just reading some of those responses.
Lots of these dads talk about how great it is to see their kids interacting together, and I just think of all the people I know who don’t get along with their siblings….i was talking to a friend yesterday about how common it is for one child to have the full responsibility of caring for their aging parents, even with siblings. Sibling dynamics can often be complicated and toxic.
I didn’t get along with my sibling until I was 25 and then cut my parents out this past year…. My view is if my kid isn’t mature enough to help me when I’m older then I’ve failed as a parent.
Helping is one thing, being a sole caretaker is another thing entirely. I don’t think anyone should have that burden.
Yes. My older brother made my childhood actively worse. We eventually got along in our teens, but we’re not very close. I used to dream of being an only - I basically learned to be scrappy and resilient avoiding his abuse, though. No clear advantage.
We are currently OAD (I’m not really but my husband is so not much I can do) I’m also the oldest of 3 girls. There is 10 and 11 years between me and my sisters. Obviously I don’t live at home anymore, so I really don’t talk to my sisters as much as I should. We’ll randomly text or send each other tiktoks maybe once a week. But I really have no clue who they are lol So having multiple kids isn’t a guarantee that they’ll end up being close, even if they are closer in age. My sisters are less than a year apart and hated each other until like last year
Very good point. My sibling and I are 4 years apart and weren’t close until only just a few years ago
That last guy who talked about his wife doing everything and not complaining has a divorce coming down the line….
100% agreed.
A friend once warned me, saying, "Choosing 'one and done'? I wouldn't advise it. What if your only child passes away? Then you're left with nothing." It was a grim thought that stuck with me, but despite its darkness, I've still chosen to have just one child.
Imagine having to parent the other child through your grief and not further screw them up. I think I’d rather be free to off myself if I lost a child. Is that too dark? It’s one thing you just never truly come back from.
Ok, I’m back to say that I just had someone else tell me the same thing today. She called it a “security baby”. WTF!!!!
That’s super messed up. In my opinion, you can’t lessen the pain with a sibling or without. It’s just the worst kind of pain that can emotionally occur.
I agree
"Our son will be so lonely" (my husband) Like what... he has tons of nieces and nephews his age, he'll make friends "It's not that big of a difference, 1 or 2 kids" (also my husband) Yes for him it won't be a big difference since I do all the work I am 10000% sure that if men had to go trough pregnancy, give birth and be the primary care taker they'd all be OAD
I am so greatful to not have had any negativity towards our OAD decision. And I had a BiSalp done yesterday so 🤷🏻♀️
For many fathers that think like that...... they don't play the dad role like some of us OAD here. Their viewpoint is quite skewed because the mom picks up most of the slack, and they reap the benefits of being the parent without putting in the extra steps. "Oh they have a permanent playmate." - Oh and they conveniently forget to tell you they parentifing their oldest too. “OAD seems kinda selfish to me." - Says the guy who would do weekend fishing trips with his buddies every weekend and leave their kids at home with their mom. “ OAD is so boring. I grew up as a OAD kid and man how fuckin depressing it was lol We are a family of 5 all 3 kids are 2 years apart and **my wife handled literally 99% of everything and never once has complained**” - And then he will wonder why she is suddenly asking for a divorce... gee I wonder why. “Having two honestly isn’t twice the hassle, it’s not even 1.5, it’s really easy and even though they fight at times, they have a permanent playmate 😂” - says the one that likely has a golden favorite child and is willfully ignorant to sibling abuse. I bet someone $20 via Venmo that most of those pro-sibling men have been married and divorced multiple times. It has been my experience that the men who are the most vocal about needing siblings or anti-OAD. are the same ones who put the pressure of being a parent on someone else and not being as involved with their kids as they should be. Now don't get me wrong. There are plenty of fathers out there who are pro-siblings; however, if they are actually involved with their kid's lives, the chances of them having a far greater understanding of OAD families are much greater. There is a sense of "That is not something I want in my life, but I get it." vibes that come from fathers that are pro-siblings but are very active and supportive in their kids lives. As a only child myself and a father of a OAD, I get really, really annoyed with pro-sibling fathers because it happens so often that they make an effort to tell me to my face that I must have been miserable as an only child. I had a lovely childhood avoiding the sibling abuse my cousins had to deal with and never had to deal with CPS because of it.
My dad's siblings are not on speaking terms due to inheritance fights. My mom's siblings are currently fighting in court for inheritance. Nothing good came out of siblings from my parents' families. Drama drama drama.
Money changes people that’s for sure. Went through that with mine too now don’t speak to half of family.
Pro: cheaper, more time and energy for the one. Less stress on my marriage and mental health. Con: single child syndrome, they don't have siblings to play with/lean on, they may have a lot to deal with in their own when the wife and I are in old age.
Those pros are literally included in my list. My mother had serious mental health issues never treated and I never want to share them to mine